Final Fantasy VIII Review: Part 09 – Jailhouse Crock

I wonder if I'm just being stupid, which I usually get jarred for my speculation based on the info I get from Spoony's review of FF8, but doesn't the bartender from the town Laguna and Kiros meet up at look like the girl Laguna hug at the end? I'm not sure what to call her, since Spoony said he got her name from in the commentary, but she's got the same sweater and yellow headband. If you don't know who I'm talking about, she's on screen at 4:24 minutes in in Part 9.
If someone else knows this already, or I'm a retard and that's her clone or something, don't yell at me too bad. o~o

Poor lonely Dr. Insano. :(

Oh! FREE DONGLY THING!

Kiros also has an Adam's apple in the head concept image, but I got confused too

Oddly enough, the most amusing thing in this video to me is that Dr. Insano apparently thinks we'll be fooled into thinking one of those $5 BookLight things is a "neuralizer".

I have never played a game so unprofessional in its plot that takes itself so seriously at the same time. It's not even like it is that hard to come up with a decent video game plot. The standards are so incredibly low, especially when you compare plots of "classic" video games to those of classic fictional novels.

It's so ironic that the final fantasy series which brags on having deep meaningful plots and characters have some of the worst and most cliche one dimensional characters and the most nonsensical plots.

That said, I actually enjoyed watching my brother play XII, if only because Balthier and Cid were awesome characters. The game still had a few issues plotwise, like how that one guard fell a hundred floors and survive (Gabranth) but when its far and few between, it can be forgiven quite easily.

As for fantasy works, there is a reason many literary critics laugh at fantasy and sci-fi and that is because so many authors just throw realism totally out of the window and make up the rules as they go. It's stories like these that plague the franchise, and final fantasy 8 is just one more added to the list.

The way I see RPGs, all the items and spells these characters have are practically non-canon since they ALMOST NEVER use them in cutscenes... when it matters. Aeris death theme being a prime example. Phoenix Downs don't actually revive people, casting cure on a mortally injured person doesn't actually heal them, it's all basically non-canon.

**Looks above**
Well, that was quite the RPG rant! No wonder I like Mario RPGs so much; cute, simple, humorous and fun to play. Whatever happened to RPGs like that?

As always, excelllent review Spoony. It's amazing that your generic FF game can get such high scores and yet games of masterpiece storytelling, like the Silent Hill series (2 and 3 specifically) can't get higher than 85%

This line in 8:57 will hunt me:
"A whore: I'm A whore" sooo ROTFLed xD

Quote:mightysamurai-FF8 is the video game equivalent of Eragon.
And that's no good.

Maybe it's just me, but there should have been a "Day After" or "Threads" reference during the whole "mess with the nuke launch" sequence. Just all the missles Selphie launches miss Balamb Garden and hitting Shepfield, England and Lawerence, Kansas and all the death and destruction and cut back to Selphie doing that little jumping happy dance of hers because she blew shit up.

But like I said, that's just me.

no you don't cody no you dont


"Because porr litaracy is kewl" Linkara

changing party members, AGAIN! LOL

jimmyjoejohn #234 Your logic take such a leap it can easily pass the grand canyon. The FF8 prison is with drill on the bottom to dig underground. Creative yes, cool yes, practical no. According to you in order keep the prison hidden all they need to do is built the prison underground and keep the location a secret.

As for that guy with two jobs theory, nice try, but here 3 reason why it does not work.
1. Why would he need two jobs? To have that high level of clearance in the missle silos or work in maxium prison I would imagine he get enough money.

2. Would he even be allowed to have 2 jobs? I doubt the government would allow someone with that much access to a missles base can get a 2nd job, where s/he surround by dangerous inmates. Imagine someone broke out and attack that person search his wallet. Commuting would be hell if both his jobs are full-time.

3. Could anyone handle two high stress jobs like those? People have broken down in one of them, but your saying he can handle two.

That still miss the point that of all trucks that the gang stole it be the one where he left his keycard. That kind hard to shallow.

Spoony great review this my favorite out of your fantasy 8 segments

Hey Cody Spoony finish the game a long time ago he just going back by each segment at a time.

Zell was hugging Squall while on his knee where Squall crotch was. When I first played that thought ran across my head too. That a was joke don't take too seriously.

About mutated cater"chi"pillars that just nitpicking on things no care about. 1. It a still joke try to keep up 2. werewolf or orcs would still been cooler.

PS. Spoony gave his reason why he thought Kiros was woman for a second, but he guess was a boy. Besides those are not dreadlock they look more like bead hair that a woman would have.

Why do they even have an "Error Ratio"? What's the point? Seriously... Stupid game :(

Erm, are you sure that's "Laying Pipe" and not "Special Delivery"? XD

Great Video. ;)

wow.
And to think only I once had the thought that Star Wars Geeks and Trekies only fought and insulted each other (Go Star Wars!) but my god.
I'm a fan of FF but you fanboys. You fanboys make our Wars vs Trek seem tame and now thats an acomplishment.
Not just these comments here (god no, this is nothing) but to see and read the length some people go here, on youtube, during conventions, on fansites.
My god. The only other time I see this much work put into anything like debate if a game is good or if VIII is better then VII are Zelda fans trying to put the Zelda games in chronological order.

I'd actually assumed the prison was using its inmates for free labor - converting raw materials or something, so the drill design was on big mining/construction site. ::shrug:: Back when I played it, I found the glaring holes to be in the orphanage back story and didn't take the rest too seriously.

Very funny, and nice Clue references.

Maybe they just drill into the ground so it would be harder for the prisoners to escape?

Then again, why didn't they just build the prison underground and not drill-shaped? DOYYYYYYYYY.

Spoony, I love you. You are hilarious. Your ranting on the whole "Anti-magic field" was spot on. Seriously, that's a load of crap. Keep it up please!

Well done Spoony. Don't listen to some of these other guys, Insano is awesome.
...And yes, you must ALWAYS trust the lack of porn with that kind of game.

It just hit me - you know who Kiros looks like? Grace Jones. Grace Jones with long braids.

"Slaaaaaaaaaaaave...to the rhythm! Slaaaaaaaaaaaaave...to the rhythm!"

Why did you not say anything about being able to set the ICBM error ratio? What kind of moron would want to set the error ratio to max? Well maybe.......

Gard 1:Set our nukes to hit this ____, but set the error ratio to max.
Gard 2: why...?
Gard 1: Because we can!

Actually, the Laguna flash backs tell you a lot if you took the time to pay attention. This one in particular, since Raine just so happens to be Squalls mom.

Also, some of the comments on here are just stupid. The prison is built to keep people from the outside breaking out those on the inside. If people can't find the prison, they can't break any one out can they?

Also, about the truck, did it ever occur to you that maybe whoever owned the truck had TWO jobs? Hence why he doesn't have the card key to the missile silo on him, as well as what the truck was doing at the prison.

Most of you are bitching about missing logic, when here I solved two of the arguments on here with common sense!

P.S. Are you guys actually calling the anti magic field Deus Ex? You guys are aware that a lot of RPG's had anti-magic levels, right?

Coincidently, i named garnet in nine "you slut"

WAIT, wait... If they don't have radar, sonar, or radio, THEN WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE WIRELESS COMMUNICATION!?
When I played through the game, I'm pretty sure that I saw a few NPC's (enemies most likely) use wireless transceivers and walkie-talkies. How in the holy mother of lord dang mother fucking shit does that work!?Oh, and if they don't have any of the three things I mentioned earlier, then they shouldn't have wi-fi either! Though Noah, it could be worse. You could have gotten a lobotomy and have had the procedure done by Selphie (actually, that's not a bad idea if you want death to be sentenced upon yourself or another).

P.S. BLACK LISTED (To Quittis, Selphie, and that air headed ass sucking cunt that will eventually become Squall's girl friend

Could you make a playtrought of Broken Sword? I think it would be a funny review ^^

Edit: Also, at the electrical torture scene, the way squal was hanging there reminded me of how Jesus was crucified.

Sacrilegious, no?

heh, when I saw kiros here I immediately thought: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, IT'S JOHNNY, THE HOMICIDAL MANIAC! RUN, OR HE WILL KILL US AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!" ... Hey, anyone who's read the comic series OR use to have a subscription to some sort of goth magazine knows who Johnny the Homicidal Maniac is and what he does.

P.S. The body count he has racked up is in the dozens if not the hundreds.

I want to go with my gut on this one...

...but I have to trust the lack of porn.

You should have a junctioning count like the fusebox count

One little nitpick I'd like to make: the garage they take refuge in is actually part of the giant drill prison. Once the jail finishes tunneling down to ground level they just get out and take the trucks with them. It makes sense that there'd be military trucks there as well, since it is a high-level government prison for dissenters and political prisoners and so forth.

Of course, they still just happened to pick a truck that had access to a nuclear silo, with spare uniforms in the back, and the previous driver was shit stupid enough to just leave his access card in the glove box. But the garage itself made sense at least!