The Spoony Experiment

Star Trek review (5-9-09)

by Spoony on May 9, 2009 · View Comments

Should you go where every other Trekkie has gone this weekend? Find out, after learning my geeky opinion!

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{ 236 comments }

zenithl January 7, 2010 at 10:13 am

The only Voyager episode you claim to have seen is called Threshold. Yes, it doesn't get any worse than that. The writer of that garbage (Brannon Braga) actually openly disowned that episode. I wouldn't say that Voyager isn't still crap, but you had some amazingly tough luck that you picked one episode to see, and you saw the absolutely worst one.

As far as I know, while that episode is never explicitly stated to be non-canon (unlike ST5: Final Frontier, which was declared non-canon by Roddenberry himself), anything happened in it (lizard babies, warp 10 etc.) is never to be mentioned again anywhere else, ever.

psychokitty February 15, 2010 at 8:16 am

This movie is actually what made me curious to go watch the original series and I was surprised by how good it is, cheesy like you said, but good. I mean before this movie I had only seen one episode of the original series and that was tribble trouble. But beyond that and some well known quotes from the show I had absolutely no knowledge of anything. So I think this is actually a good thing, it invites younger generations to take a look at a classic show. Just like the new transformers movie, despite how bad that was, got me into watching the cartoons again. Or how the new Batman, Spider-man, and X-men movies made me want to go find the cartoons again and watch the series that I grew up with. I know I'm not an 70's/80's child so I don't have the same series as you might have had. I was a 90's kid, I grew up with Batman Beyond and X-men Evolution and Transformers Armada, not the originals. But that's kind of the point isn't it. All of these series get reinvented all the time and sometimes they don't always connect. But they invite more people in and possibly make them curious to watch the originals especially when they are done well and do the original justice. I mean just last night I watch the second Star Trek movie, Wrath of Khan, with my little brother who is thirteen and he liked it. Why? Because he saw the new movie first and it gave he basic knowledge of the series it was based off of. Enough to let him in enjoy the old movie.

Oh and a scenes where there is no lens flare off the top of my head:
1.Kirk and McCoy on the Starfleet campus talking about Kirk taking the test a third time.
2.Inside the Starfleet base on Delta Vega while talking with Scotty.
3.On Vulcan when Spock is saving the elders.
4.When young Kirk is driving the car down the dirt road and over the cliff.
5.Basically any scene that happens outside on a planet.

dennett316 March 3, 2010 at 12:45 am

Thing is though….why is there any lens flare in the first place? Most film makers go to great lengths to avoid it, yet there were shots in this film on the bridge and there was lens flare obscuring the view. What could possibly be bright enough on the bridge to create a lens flare? It was ridiculous and stuck out like a sore thumb whenever it was used.

I quite enjoyed the flick, it wasn't Wrath of Khan standard, but it wasn't Star Trek V bad either.

psychokitty March 4, 2010 at 2:42 am

True, I don't know the director so I wouldn't know if it's a style thing or not. Who knows. -shrug-

pawcanada84 March 6, 2010 at 7:33 pm

As a comic fan I've always been fond of the Alternative/”What If” universes. I like the concept behind Ultimate even if the majority of the comics aren't above meh and i feel the one DECENT series has wasted some of the potential (I LIKED Peter and Kitty as a couple. It offered something DIFFERENT than de-aged Peter and villains with slightly altered origins!).

Anyway tangent aside, I'm indifferent on Trek. I'm neither a huge fan nor anti it. I remember watching some of Next Generation as a kid and liked what I saw, but never got into it enough to become a Trekkie. However I really enjoyed the film. I felt making a “Star Trek Earth-B” opened the door to some possibly great new ideas for plotlines, which I hope to see more of in the future.

As for the film itself, I agree a lot with the nitpicks you mentioned, and hadn't considered others until now. However I was still entertained. I loved the fact the crew came together because they could each offer a unique skill to the team and I felt the acting was good. I hope we'll see a sequal and more soon.

Jorda75 March 15, 2010 at 3:16 am

I love when Spock gives that big speech on the bridge and is like “THIS IS A DIFFERENT TIME LINE! THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT!” Loved this movie, thought it was really fun, exciting and well paced :)

mckaysproductions March 16, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Imagine if that's how it worked, you go to your series dvd's and their all blank lol

brundel March 20, 2010 at 11:42 pm

bunf [Moderator] 06/03/2009 07:05 PM: “Thanks for wasting my time with a sanctimonious rant against nerds instead of….you know, reviewing the fucking movie.
No wonder you cant keep a job, you never get to the point.
And penultimate means second to last, it is not a synonym for ultimate”

Wow!
I'm all for making bunf a synonym for asshole.
Who's with me?

zenithl March 27, 2010 at 11:42 am

With the way DRM is heading, it's certainly possible! (Self-erasing DVDs do exist, I believe one of them is called Divx (not the codec). )

bastafari March 30, 2010 at 12:06 am

Yeah I stopped after TNG. I tried picking it up again with enterprise, the Scott Bacula prequel series. Its really good but Im never home when its on. Picard to the world!!!!!

Gunarm Dyne April 12, 2010 at 11:20 am

Apparently there's a deleted scene that reveals Nero and his crew being prisoners on the Klingon planet Rura Penthe for 20 years, so they didn't just sit around doing nothing. However, this in no way improves upon Nero's image as a villain. He was the one thing I HATED about this movie. Otherwise I liked it, and I was never a big fan of the original series, just TNG.

Vincent Kresse April 12, 2010 at 10:09 pm

As a startrek fan, and a guy that just watched this movie, THIS MOVIE SUCKS!!!

JJABRAMS REKILLED GENE RODENBERRY
and abrams make something without timetravel, fuck your divergent timeline bullshit

I'm a second generation ST fan, my dad has every ep. of the originial series on VHS

The casting was good though

Sorry Spoony, Star Trek isn't suppose to be simple. I really thought this plot was simple as crap bc i could pic out seens that were just completely bullshit. Yes, Nero is a dumbass and his ship is retardedly planned. All the Romulans look like Russian mafia.

I really agree with the second half of the video

JapanAlex May 6, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Star Trek: The Next Generation was the only good Star Trek. Nerds generally don’t know what makes a good TV show.

JapanAlex May 6, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Oh, plus, Highlander sucked.

captainx May 12, 2010 at 1:02 am

This movie sucks as just a movie – get over it.

Okay, I generally find your reviews entertaining, and hey, everything is opinion, but the majority of the arguments you make here were hyperbolic. I don;t worship TOS at all, in fact, I really only like DS9. But really, that doesn't have that much to do with why I hate this movie. Does it bum me out that there probably is never going to be any Star Trek like DS9? Yeah, definitely. But it isn't about that. I could have even lived with a decent reboot, but this movie wasn't that. And don't fool yourself, this movie is entirely a reboot. They try to have it both ways with the time travel plot device, but really there's nothing in the movie that would be consistent with the old universe/franchise/whatever-you-want-to-call-it, from old Spock's end or from the Kelvin's end. Honestly the movie would have been much better had they never bothered with time travel or any pretense at all of connecting to the old franchise.

Honestly, I could probably write an essay on why this movie sucks, and to be fair, you even cover a lot of it in your review. Some of it also has to do with how bad this movie wants to be Star Wars, which includes things like the huge abysses on the huge spaceship. And at one point you brought up Nemesis, which is another movie I compare this new movie to. Now, you defend all this by saying, “it's Star Trek”, but to me, that should mean that it should be deeper in both the story and the characters, and while it's true that there are plenty of instances of stupidity in Star Trek, I've seen it at its best, and IMO, that should be what the franchise should strive for. If I want to see mindless sci-fi action, there are movies like Starship Troopers.

Anyway, I could go on a lot more about this subject, and in some ways I'd be happy to have a conversation about this with you, but I'm just going to stop typing and call it good for now.

bloodhowl May 13, 2010 at 4:42 pm

I thought it was a nice reboot of the series. And at least now we don't have to endure acters in green rubber lizardmen suits fighting William Shatner who is wearing a corset to keep his beerbelly in.

SisyphusFalls May 14, 2010 at 10:16 pm

I never liked Deep Space 9, so I have to agree with you there. If you didn't follow from the start, you were lost.

The coolest part is that this movie opened up a whole new future of possibilities for the series rather than having this be the re-imagined nostalgiafest that might have buried the franchise for good. The casting was brilliant (ESPECIALLY Carl Urban) and the effects were great. I'll still enjoy the original series and Next Generation, and sometimes I'll even love Voyager. I did love this movie, flaws and all. It could have been butchered much worse, and they salvaged a lot of what could have been ruined by another director or another studio.

Great review, Spoony. Way to call out the gaps and way to call out the panicked Trekkies. I've been raised on this wonderfully cheesy space quest and I'll love it for its success and its flaws. And I CAN say that the original series was the hammiest thing I've ever seen. That's what makes it all the more lovable.

SisyphusFalls May 14, 2010 at 10:20 pm

I doubt Matt Damon would ever be the choice for Picard. I know you're being silly, but to even dare think of spitting on Picard's good name is just abominable. It was a movie made for the purpose of re-imagining the series and allowing them to branch off without the burden of the past franchise. Hard to deal with a little, but a very bright move rather than getting bogged down in the past (cough cough STAR WARS EPISODES 1-3 cough cough)

ClownGoombazzz June 12, 2010 at 11:49 pm

I know this will seem like nitpicking but I couldn't let it go. When Kirk is shall we say banished Spock puts him in a pod and Kirk is rocketed to some awful ice planet, because all planets have only one biome right. (On a side it did seem un-Spock like but this is “OMFG I have no homeworld” Spock not the Orginal “Wise Old Guy” Spock, very suprising and dramatic though) So anyway Kirk being Kirk decides to leave said pod and is soon chased by some preadatory polar bear creature which is then eaten (destroyed w.e) by some giant insect creature. Let's ignore the fact that such a creature could never exist (except in an oxygen rich enviorment maybe) but focus its placement in this harsh cold ecosystem that could be compared to the barren wastes of the north pole. Go stick some ants in a freezer for an hour and see for yourself what happens.

Emerson Simmons June 29, 2010 at 12:19 pm

jj abrams actually apologized for the lens flare.

i actually liked this movie and i dont get angry over contradictions between star trek movies because the original show was almost pure contradiction and silliness but thats what i liked about it.

mihr July 9, 2010 at 8:13 pm

I agree that the movie was entertaining, the ship fights looked great. as a trek fan though I felt it was a bit of a slap in the face, a trek jar jar if you will. im all for taking another look at it and adding onto a story, continuing the adventure. I feel it is just lazy writing to just take a well developed universe and through it all out but keep the names. they could have changed the names and it would have been a great movie. it is just like high lander 2, lets throw out everything you knew and run with it. I saw it in theaters, and from there I let it go. and honestly i dont consider it part of the series.

mihr July 9, 2010 at 8:23 pm

btw, the kelvin was in empty space. my thought is that the black hole takes you back in time but leaves you in the same spot. since everything in the galaxy orbits the galactic core, the romulan system wouldn't be in the same spot. though, then the galaxy would be rotating the wrong way. pong far is once every seven years. oh, and im still upset that scotty, chekov, sulu had such small roles and parts of the story

Matrim July 13, 2010 at 7:42 pm

“my thought is that the black hole takes you back in time but leaves you in the same spot. since everything in the galaxy orbits the galactic core, the romulan system wouldn't be in the same spot.”

The problem with that is that if they stayed in the same space and only traveled through time, they'd be in intergalactic space seeing as how the universe is expanding at a ridiculous rate of speed. They'd be billions and billions and billions of miles away from our galaxy, and more than likely billions and billions and billions of miles away from anything.

mihr July 13, 2010 at 11:40 pm

yea, you are right. it was just the best thing I could think of to figure out that scene. kudos on the catch

13secondspastmidnight July 17, 2010 at 4:50 am

There was a whole sloth of story arc about Nero in that after he destroys the kelvin he gets put in klingon prison for 22 years. It was obviously a pretty damn important character development AND SOMEONE CUT IT! What, they just didn't think that was important?

Ultimately I thought it was a good movie and it did what all Trek movies should do IT WAS ENTERTAINING! You want a diatribe on the nature of humanity? Read friggin Dostoyevsky. I thought this was probably one of the best Trek movies ever (and I've seen them all). There were plot holes yeah, but they did handwave them and make plausible explanations for them, even if they weren't exactly believable and y'know… that's what trek does best. The characterisations were really good and any inconsistencies on Spock's part can probably be rationalised by the fact that TOS was when they were much older and he must have taken a while to get that controlled, and I actually liked the whole Spock/Uhura subplot (what can I say?). But seriously, they cut out HEAPS of stuff on Nero and there were maybe a few too many lens flares.

However, considering this is coming from J.J Abrhams, I'm just happy the movie didn't end with a multitude of unanswered questions and a smoke monster lurking in the corner of the enterprise's brig.

Dan Raynor July 20, 2010 at 5:03 am

People complain about the timeline… its DIVERGENT. Meaning that the timeline of TOS and Next Gen and so forth, HAPPEN. It's just not happening in the same continuity, the new gen Star Trek is a separate time line that ignores the events on the continuity we grew up with. There's also a seperate timeline where TNG, Voyager and the like happen which is the one we know.

If I'm making any sense AT ALL.

Anyway, I'm going to go on what Spoony said about Spock, notably about Spock and Uhura.

Spock and Uhura in several episodes of TOS had quite a “Romantic” experience, it was subtle but there. There was one episode, I believe it was Charlie X where Spock plays his little vulcan lute and Uhura sings vocal, they share a few “looks” which could be construed as being romantic looks.

Alright and back to Spock's emotional outbursts. Well, Spock still hasn't learned to control his emotions as well as he should, given the first episode that never was, under the command of Christopher Pike in TOS Spock would often smile, yell and even laugh here and there silent as he may be, you see him laugh. I think it was trying to go back to that. But many people never saw Menagerie except in the episode “The Cage” which used clips from the Star Trek pilot.

OH and… McCoy … Mr. Urban … he DOES need to stop that. It's creepy. DeForest is busy looking down on us from Heaven and going, “Ok, am I supposed to be reincarnated or something, did I miss a meeting? “

Coregoth88 July 27, 2010 at 3:09 pm

I loved the undiscovered country! IT was awesome! If you only mean that it was the end of the classic trek movies then okay.

Coregoth88 July 27, 2010 at 3:40 pm

The red matter was a terri-bad idea.

IZero Gravityi July 28, 2010 at 11:48 pm

“If you misjudge the jump, your f*cked!” lol

Testsubject909 August 8, 2010 at 10:48 pm

A little tip about Deep Space Nine.

Feel free to skip to said third or fourth season. Seriously, feel free.

Anyhow, TNG episodes tends to play around randomly on TV, not always in a very linear manner. So… Go ahead, it's not like you'll spoil yourself to death.

Testsubject909 August 8, 2010 at 10:51 pm

Oh and, the typical complaints I've heard about the Star Trek movie isn't the fact that it wrecks the canon. Actually I've never heard that complaint.

What I heard was that comparatively to most/all other Star Trek movies. It sacrifices intellect for action, as opposed to balancing both.

TMT1986 August 12, 2010 at 12:40 am

I really liked this movie. It was a really good, solid movie. I didn't think it was the best movie ever made, but when you think that it was a Star Trek movie, it could have been much, much worse. Casting was superb and I laughed at the short Shatner impersonation at the simulation. Only thing that I didn't like that much was the Spock/Uhura thing, but even that could have been made in way that was worse than what is shown there.

While the timetravel plot was a bit cheesy, it did give this series a good reboot, by keeping the original timeline intact and explaining that this movie takes place in a different timeline. Now the new timeline doesn't have problems with the multiple series + multiple movies + multiple books. One must remember that this is Star Trek and timetraveling seems to happen every other week in this universe.

But you can't never please these fanboys. They will always complain about pretty much anything. Only way they could (maybe) be happy if they resurrected Roddenberry to make a new script and brought back all of the original cast (resurrected/de-aged them while they were at it) and used the sets used in the original series. And still someone would complain that Spock didn't have the exactly same plastic ears he used in the Episode 6 of the first season…

TMT1986 August 12, 2010 at 12:41 am

I really liked this movie. It was a really good, solid movie. I didn't think it was the best movie ever made, but when you think that it was a Star Trek movie, it could have been much, much worse. Casting was superb and I laughed at the short Shatner impersonation at the simulation. Only thing that I didn't like that much was the Spock/Uhura thing, but even that could have been made in way that was worse than what is shown there.

While the timetravel plot was a bit cheesy, it did give this series a good reboot, by keeping the original timeline intact and explaining that this movie takes place in a different timeline. Now the new timeline doesn't have problems with the multiple series + multiple movies + multiple books. One must remember that this is Star Trek and timetraveling seems to happen every other week in this universe.

But you can't never please these fanboys. They will always complain about pretty much anything. Only way they could (maybe) be happy if they resurrected Roddenberry to make a new script and brought back all of the original cast (resurrected/de-aged them while they were at it) and used the sets used in the original series. And still someone would complain that Spock didn't have the exactly same plastic ears he used in the Episode 6 of the first season…

Anonymous August 12, 2010 at 7:40 am

I really liked this movie. It was a really good, solid movie. I didn’t think it was the best movie ever made, but when you think that it was a Star Trek movie, it could have been much, much worse. Casting was superb and I laughed at the short Shatner impersonation at the simulation. Only thing that I didn’t like that much was the Spock/Uhura thing, but even that could have been made in way that was worse than what is shown there.

While the timetravel plot was a bit cheesy, it did give this series a good reboot, by keeping the original timeline intact and explaining that this movie takes place in a different timeline. Now the new timeline doesn’t have problems with the multiple series + multiple movies + multiple books. One must remember that this is Star Trek and timetraveling seems to happen every other week in this universe.

But you can’t never please these fanboys. They will always complain about pretty much anything. Only way they could (maybe) be happy if they resurrected Roddenberry to make a new script and brought back all of the original cast (resurrected/de-aged them while they were at it) and used the sets used in the original series. And still someone would complain that Spock didn’t have the exactly same plastic ears he used in the Episode 6 of the first season…

Anonymous August 12, 2010 at 7:41 am

I really liked this movie. It was a really good, solid movie. I didn’t think it was the best movie ever made, but when you think that it was a Star Trek movie, it could have been much, much worse. Casting was superb and I laughed at the short Shatner impersonation at the simulation. Only thing that I didn’t like that much was the Spock/Uhura thing, but even that could have been made in way that was worse than what is shown there.

While the timetravel plot was a bit cheesy, it did give this series a good reboot, by keeping the original timeline intact and explaining that this movie takes place in a different timeline. Now the new timeline doesn’t have problems with the multiple series + multiple movies + multiple books. One must remember that this is Star Trek and timetraveling seems to happen every other week in this universe.

But you can’t never please these fanboys. They will always complain about pretty much anything. Only way they could (maybe) be happy if they resurrected Roddenberry to make a new script and brought back all of the original cast (resurrected/de-aged them while they were at it) and used the sets used in the original series. And still someone would complain that Spock didn’t have the exactly same plastic ears he used in the Episode 6 of the first season…

Anonymous August 20, 2010 at 9:36 pm

Okay, let me preface this by saying that I am actually a HUGE fan of the new Star Trek movie. In fact, I never cared for the original series at all until I saw the 2009 Trek, and now, having gone back to watch the series with a fresh perspective, I’m an avowed fan- so this film was like my gateway drug.

Now, having said that, I agree that it did have some serious plot holes. The black hole device, as you mentioned, really doesn’t make sense, nor does it seem logical that Spock actually used the red matter AFTER Romulus was already gone. Why bother at that point? The answer to both problems, it seems, comes down to really ambiguous wording and even more questionable science: Spock intimates that the star that explodes in the future threatens not just Romulus, but the entire GALAXY. While this is quite literally impossible (one star explodes and it destroys the entire galaxy? That’s like a single bullet killing an entire stadium full of people!), if we assumed that it was true, it would justify turning the star into a black hole, because it wouldn’t necessarily have to be the star that Romulus orbits (so Romulus would still have a sun), and it would explain why Spock felt the need to implode the supernova after all of Romulus had already been obliterated. Then again, it’s all just a device to explain why Nero and Spock are in the past to begin with, so I guess the writers felt that specifics weren’t important.

As for Nero and co. just hanging around and doing nothing for 25 years, there’s at least a decent explanation for the plot hole. In the original cut, Nero and his ship (the Narada) were captured by the Klingons after the Kelvin disabled it in battle, and all the Romulans were sent to Rura Penthe until, 25 years later, Nero managed to escape, break out his crew, recapture their ship, destroy an entire armada of Klingon cruisers (a plot point that stayed in the movie- it’s the message that Uhura translated at the Academy, the one that helps convince Pike that Kirk was right about Vulcan being under attack), and lie in wait for Spock for something more like a day or two. Of course, this explanation opens up a whole other can of worms- How did Nero know exactly when to break out to intercept Spock? How did they find and recapture their ship when they were stuck on a prison planet, and the ship was probably being held in a shipyard somewhere? For that matter, shouldn’t the Klingons have reverse-engineered the Narada years ago and conquered the Federation with a fleet of enormous superpowered warships by now? Abrams decided after an early cut to eliminate this explanation for their absence and simply leave it up to the viewer’s imagination- maybe they were repairing the ship? They are stuck in the past, and it can’t be easy to patch up a ship that big with no tech support- but remnants of the Klingon prisoner sub-plot linger in the film (like Nero’s missing left ear, which was intact when we see him murder the Kelvin’s captain).

But I don’t understand why any Trekkies would feel like this film invalidates any of the other films in the series, or any of the TV shows- any sci-fi geek of sufficient status should understand the concept of parallel worlds! Hell, that’s what Sliders was all about: worlds that diverged in some way from the one we’re familiar with, all existing simultaneously on different planes of reality. Just because Nero and Spock’s interference created a new, separate timeline doesn’t mean the old one doesn’t exist anymore! If Quinn Mallory were there, he could easily punch a wormhole into the adjacent dimension and end up in a world where Kirk’s father lived, Vulcan is still intact, and Christopher Pike still ended up in that beeping electronic chair. Frankly, I think Pike should be happy that someone screwed around with space-time…

This is science fiction, after all. Who says we can’t have TWO canons?

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