This special movie review brings my brother Miles in front of the camera, as we discuss the newest cinematic abomination created by the shit-flinging monkeychild Michael Bay.
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I went to go see the new Transformers movie one week after it came out, and it was awful! When it was over, my whole family and me came out of the theater as they were talking about how much they loved it. I didn’t want to ruin there day telling them how much it sucked, because I was feeling so left out. But I knew I wasn’t the only one =). Literally, that movie made me feel so uncomfortable. Sam’s roommate Leo, made me so aggravated that I actually whispered, “Shut the fuck up”, deliberately. I even felt like leaving my seat during the whole college scenes. I don’t understand why some people think that that movie is so good.
i’ve seen battle field earth! it was rubbish!
Are you the worst reviewer ever? It’s even 2 parts long. Why is transformers 2 so bad? Can you instead of talking so much shit, tell why the hell the movie is so bad?
But I do agree with you. It’s a shitty movie. It’s shallow. Yeah that’s the word that’s wraps up the whole movie.
But come on…this review sucked so bad.
“Are you the worst reviewer ever? It’s even 2 parts long. Why is transformers 2 so bad? Can you instead of talking so much shit, tell why the hell the movie is so bad?”
Have you tried maybe, you know, listening to what they actually say? It would give you the answer to your question. But if you think a one word review “shallow” is better, then don’t watch the review. Explanations and long sentences may not be your thing anyway.
The review was very entertaining and I laughed a lot. Keep up the good work! I’d like to see you review more stuff with your brother.
“Can you instead of talking so much shit, tell why the hell the movie is so bad?”
I don’t see how you can watch this and not see them explaining why the movie was so bad.
Giant robots biting each other and kicking seems like a good idea to most but I would like to hear of a single movie that it comes off well. Transformers: The Movie was pretty good in terms of animated 80s films but there are so many reasons to dislike it in terms of plot and action. What good robot smashing movies exist? Why does this concept in our minds exist that this is a good idea?
Would of loved to hear about what you thought about when Mudflap (at least I think it was him) was suposed to be destroyed… but no. Fucker somehow manages to survive being swolloed into a GIANT RAZOR VORTEX OF DEATH! I mean, what the fuck?!
I like how people that watch this movie are like
“What were you expecting, Citizen Kane?!”
No, we expect something better than a bunch of incoherent, juvenile shit on the screen for so much money.
You’re the champ Spoony. Although you spent just as much time reviewing the movie as the movie itself, I had a lot more fun watching your review.
Plain and simple, this movie is an insult to human intelligence. I don’t mind watching action movies for the sake of having fun, but if you think that watching countless fart jokes, racist jokes, dick jokes, and other dumb jokes is funny then you’ve got issues.
Nice review! I thought the first Transformers movie was pretty good, not amazing but still decent to start off the franchise. Though, I really didn’t think Michael Bay would hear all the bad comments from that film and amp it up so much in this sequel. . . . it was just insulting to think we’d find the jokes funny. I mean, two dogs humping each other twice?! Did I have a list of what I wanted to see in a Transformers movie? No! But I didn’t expect to see two dogs humping, see John Turturro’s hairy ass, a bunch of insensitive racist jokes (people laughed from those jokes, does that explain something?) and a pair of giant wrecking balls serving as testicles (as it would be called, Decepticles).
Even Michael Bay has made action movies that had an okay plot and was entertaining (The Rock and even The Island, wrong director for it but was pretty good for what it was), but this was no exception. And I suppose it’s our fault for talking about the first film a lot. Megan Fox was so dull and her “acting” was non-existent. The plot was a mess, so in-coherent that it made me feel annoyed that they paid a lot of money to these writers to come up with this. This should have been called “The Humans: Co-starring Transformers”. Okay, that was a slight problem in the first film but it was starting out. With a sequel, they could’ve given the Transformers more screen-time. They have voices!!! They can bring emotion!!! They could’ve easily just taken every scene, but no!!! Apparently the human characters were so much better to focus on!? How could they fuck up a premise of Autobots vs. Decepticons, from the planet Cybertron and have an all out robot war?!
I can’t even accept people saying “it was okay” or “it was slightly entertaining” and trying to make me admit it. I’m sorry but this is amongst one of Bay’s worst films with Armageddon and Pearl Harbour. 2hrs and 30mins of Megan Fox being such a useless character, Autobot twins being portrayed so racially stereotypical and just an all out god-awful movie.
Oh yeah, they also applauded at the end of the film when I watched it. I was both shocked and disgusted, I wanted to burn my cinema down. I went up to my friends after the film finished (I sat near the back, didn’t want to sit near the front), and I just shouted out “my god that was shit!?”. I later on said it was okay, cuz I didn’t want people to bitch about my opinion. But now I don’t care anymore, you thought Terminator Salvation was bad? Go watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and be prepared to be insulted.
In response to your comment on how the all spark only made decepticons, this is only a theory, they stated in the first movie that all technological advances were reverse engineered from studying the frozen Megatron. That could be the reason why every all spark spawned transformer is a little hell spawn. This still doesn’t save the movie.
Don’t worry, Spoony. I didn’t go see that pile. I fucking refused to spend time, money, and braincells on what I knew would be trash.
I might.. MIGHT watch it if a Mike and the gang do a Riftrax version of it. Until that time, no fucking way.
Love the site, keep up the good work. I’m glad to see we’re not all dead.
When i watched it they had a sewer leak. Coincidence or symbolism?
Hey I own caligula too, the Emperial edition! What’s wrong with that?
Yasuomi Umetsu actually also does similar stuff in his movies when it comes to promoting his own movies. Of course, his films actually have merit, and they aren’t nearly as obvious.
I listened from start til the end. I know why he didn’t liked it. My opinion is that he cover it with all that babbling.
The review could have been 1 part short.
i agree with some things, first of all i was also wishing that skid and or mudflap would get pulverized, also there is to much comedic relief, and the action is poorly executed but if you can decipher what is going on that the action is actually kind of exciting, shia-la whatever his name is does put together a weak character(dumbass)
I loved “Bad Boys” and was infuriated when I saw “Bad Boys II” because of all the overblown, immature, pointless stuff that was going on. The two rats “making love” were one of the worst things I’ve EVER seen in a movie…
But I wanted to say something about the two “Transformer”movies… hmmmmm I forgot…
I think I’ll have a sip from the water cooler and think about déjà vus… *drifts off*
Yup after seeing the first one in theaters I said “I will Never Pay movie Price for a Micheal Bay or a Transformers Movie ever again” So I haven’t seen it yet. But I agree with him fully when he Blames the people for this movie. It only got made because of the idiots who don’t like quality in Movies. I’m super stoked to hear someone else say it online. That being said I’m gunna go Watch the 1986 Transformer Movie/Toy Commercial Cause its one of my fav movies of all time and the only Transformer Movie worth a Damn.
Great review! I laughed so much because Spoony you really were in pain everytime your brother mentioned some dumb scenes.
But I have to say: Im totally ashamed, im from Germany and there are many great german films. Mostly these ones which have something to do with german history, but there are many other good movies too…..but we gave the world Uwe Boll…..and Til Schweiger (that guy from Driven and the henchman from King Arthur) hes such a bad actor and such a stupid wannabe but he is celebrated in Germany like he’s a big star just because he played in some shitty Hollywood movies a minor role. And Boll, well you know hes an idiot.
Thanks for your reviews.
Haven’t seen the movie, and I never plan on feeding the Michael Bay machine again.
But my 13-year old brother did see it, and even he said that the jokes were juvinile. When my brother (someone who like the Love Guru) said something was unfunny, that’s real low!
I really got into your reviews lately though TGWTG and love your work, got to be honest don’t always agree, but thats the joy of us being people ( could go to defend ff VIII honour but won’t). As regards to transformers you are on the money ( the only thing that this movie was created for (megan draws 18+ crowd)). I find it sad that people allow it to be this bad and not go ape shit. I can understand as people (myself included) where in love with this show being a key part of my childhood, and as these money grabbers are learn DON’T MESS WITH FANBOY CHILDHOOD as they are crazied. i understand that people don’t want this to fail as we hope that the next film mite/could/will be better learning from mistake, but they never have and never will. i’ll leave you with a nice little post that sums up fallen. but hold out hope. micheal bay will never be able to make it work!! /www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/502975
loved the review man. I never saw transformers 2, didnt think it was going to be anything at all and i was right. this was the first review i watched after its release and i can say im not surprised that its bad but THAT bad?! yeash Michael Bay really makes me wanna scream sometimes. anyway completely agree with saying its shallow idiots like most of america that are responsible for this shitstorm, really glad someone else see’s that. keep up the reviews they rock, here’s hoping g.i. joe doesnt completely blow.
Ok let me just start by saying I love your reviews Spoony and you and your brother are just awesome. As well as the fact that you could probably shove a Monkey in front of a typewriter after feeding it all sorts of drugs and it could probably come up with a better movie than this piece of shit, but I do need to stress a few things out:
Yes the blonde chick who turns out to be a Decepticon is nothing compared to Megan Fox but hey no one ever said Shia(sp) was smart. Alice as she is called in the movie is a Decepticon Pretender, they have a special systems that most other Transformers don’t called Pretender Shells which allow them to take the appearance of a foreign worlds native appearance due to the way the Pretender Shells are made. I’d explain further but I kind of made the point already.
To answer the teleporting thing well Jetfire actually doesn’t really need to make an attempt to explain it since his story on who he is(or at least his mission) and the history of the “Space Bridge” from the other Transformers series’ kind of already explain it. From what he explains it’s just an ancient transportation system that is set up to link to pretty much any place in the universe but because of how old it is, by the time of the Cybertronian Wars(the war before the first movie) the Transformers had probably lost most to all knowledge on it.
Now the All Spark, I doubt there basically just Decepticons once there shot out from it, I have two explanations really the first being because the All Spark is just making contact with shit at random it causes raw energy to be shot off which creates screwed-up-in-the-head Transformers that just attack everything they see, or it creates them similar to someone who needs to learn everything as in basically making them brainless and forcing them to follow there primal instincts.
Ok finally the brithing process, yes it seems stupid but simply it’s like some messed up garden or some shit that creates Transformers, and plunges them into little Energon filled pods/egg sacks where they’re time absorbing the Energon since it’s basically there version of blood(well in the movies), without the Energon they die and with the Energon they grow up to be healthy Megatron Clones… why am I defending this bullshit?
in ‘das boot’ the ‘oo’ is pronounced as a long ‘o’
OK Eragon wasn’t really a rip off of the LOTR or SW movies. It was a real bad movie of a equally bad book. Eragon was a book that rips off Dragon Riders. Which has almost the same exact plot except the Dragons had been wiped out so there is none left but their society remains sort of bull shit cliche.
ToketsuKitsune…
I want you to sit down in your sofa or whatever and watch Star Wars and afterwards Eragon.
A young boy(skywalker,eragon) living with his uncle in his farm since his parents are dead(Skywalker, Eragon).
One day some villains burn down his uncle’s farm(star wars, Eragon).
One day he meets this strange man talking about the old war(Obi-Wan, Brom).
He travel with his new friend and rescue’s this lovely female that is important in this dawn of war(Leia,Arya).
His new friend dies when they rescue this lovely lady.
Later he meets a group of rebels that are planning to down the evil emperor.
After a while he gets a message telephatically that he needs more training to become so powerful so he can take down the evil empire.
And yada yada, you get my point now?
as bad as the movie is i think the orginal comic (marvel) is worse
1. thing
rat bat leader of the decpticons…ratbat
the leader of the decpticons is ratbat…….only for a short while
don’t know what ratbat is ratbat is one of soundwaves cassette deals
the true thing that kinda getys to me
is that the decision to kick the autobots off of earth is left to the american officials
(un-elect people but the look of it)…….on something some massive
one would think you get the world invold
also in that regard how can they kick them off earth
would it just be the country…go somewhere else
why are the soilders even needed or usefull why are the carry assult rifles
we already know based on the last movie that they are useless
i just saw this peace of shit thanks to my friends in the army. now i want to go and see what a main gun round from a m1a2 tank can do to a human.
Don’t worry, Transformers 2 is only the second highest grossing movie of the year behind Harry Potter.
the reason the fallen could only be defeated by a prime was because he was an original prime.
Before i actually started looking for reviews of this movie my only problems were the bastard 2 black robots and the family scenes as well as all the dick jokes, but i let it slide. Summer family blockbuster and all that. I came out and felt satisfied that id seen good cgi and decent battles. Being a fucking attrocious 3d modeller and post effect hobbyist i just have admiration to the animators of this film. id say even one, 5 second scene of this film would have taken me days to render . . even if i modelled to the detail. i remember a 30 second scene of 100000 total, ratracing and some cool effects polys taking 43 hours to render. 2 seconds and i have a kick ass pc which takes me back in time . . thats what i suspect the decepticons have in their core . . .MY PC . . .anyway. I agree that there was too many comic relieft chars AND it was about an hours worth of pointless padding with about 30 minutes on story dev . . if you like. The film was ok, lets be fair and compared to those films you compared it to . . .yes they are shit but why mock troll 2. Its tounge in cheek. it knows its had no budget, it knows its messing with you and not making any sense. . . .god now ive got to write something about crystal skull as you were way too harsh man!
I saw the second movie only so i had no idea these dont have much story just raw fighting between the good guys and bad but they didnt applaud at my theatre they were just impressed i was a bit to but my big bro didnt like the movie and i dont blame him cause he likes to watch movies wit story.
Ahem, dear Mr. Spoony sir. Something you didn’t mention about the movie which is one of the most stupid scenes in it is when Optimus Prime shrugs off the equipment he gets from…. annoying old guy plane robot. I mean wow.
Annoying old guy plane robot: “OPTIMUS, TAKE MY PARTS AND YOU WILL HAVE POWER YOU HAVE NEVER FELT BEFORE!”
Optimu: *TRANSOFMRATION!!!* (You found a JETPACK!)
me: cool! flying optimus!
5 min later.
Optimus: *shrugs* (off goes equipment)
me: thats it… i dont care how it ends (walks out.)
Not for nothing, but Pretenders that can transform into humans goes way back to the comics.
You know as horrible as it sounds, after hearing your guys’s review of this, I kinda wanna see (not pay for it mind you) just for the lulz. But I was busting a gut through the whole review.I can’t believe this shit that people were applauding it. Fucking applause? Jesus Christ.
But I love these reviews with your brother. I hope there will be more in the future.
When this movie comes out on DVD, and I’m absolutely serious, I want you to do a scene by scene rip down of this movie. There is literally something awful in every frame and I’m astonished.
and as far as Battlefield Earth is concerned…
Bullshit! this movie is worse… much worse
and I’m usually a funny guy when it comes to critiquing shit this movie just got me irate there is nothing salvagable.
I wanna see a review of Battlefield Earth, I want to know how bad that movie is.
i like you
I didn’t go and see it.
Does that mean you still hate me?
you guys are fucking losers! What are you broadcasting from your mom’s house you dickless pieces of shits. It’s meant to be a pop corn senseless movie, get over yourselves, and when you do, kill yourselves!
I think you take it far, far, far too emotional.
The movie had plot-holes you could drive a truck through and the humour was worse and more annoying than in the first movie (The robot humping Megan’s legs was even below the level of a 10-year-old).
But, hell, it was still giant robots beating the shit out of each other (with a lot of annoying nonsense in between).
Maybe I am just too much of a special-effects fan. I really love how they redesigned the transformes and made them look more complex and less blocky than the originals.
So…it was surely a bad movie with a terrible anti-climactic ending but I could still take some joy from the few action-scenes.
BTW: The audiences applauded? Is that normal in the USA? I’ve never, never, NEVER saw the audience applaud after a movie here in Germany (No matter if the movie was good or bad).
The Joe Peshe robot’s name was Wheelie. He was voiced by Tom Kenny a.k.a. SpongeBob SquarePants
WHAT THE TRANSFORMERS CREW REALLY THINKS OF MEGAN FOX . http://www.deadline.com/hollywood/transformers-crew-talk-back-to-megan-fox/
The crew hates MEGAN FOX.
http://www.deadline.com/hollywood/transformers-crew-talk-back-to-megan-fox/
Shaddap, bob!(692)
Wow you should watch Amazing Atheist’s Review of this movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNtkoaLa9Zw&feature=player_embedded i mean wow dogs fucking TWICE??? i mean i am a retarded obnouxious teenager and i find that idiotic!
Fuck yo shit, Bob!
I am Glad I never saw it….
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