Charlie72 from the forums has found something even more astounding then killing a giant bat, hoisting it over your head, and using it to hang-glide into the mouth of a cave to attack an entire race of purple cavemen.
Don’t get me wrong, if you could weaponize those levels of awesomeness you could kill millions. That was pretty goddamn badass, but during a particularly heated debate on who is the manliest man in the Final Fantasy series– a debate that had really narrowed down to two people: Cyan from Final Fantasy VI and Auron from Final Fantasy X…
I’m derailing that previous train of thought to simply say that Auron is immediately disqualified because if there is a series of games that is somehow ass-stupider and more painful to play than Final Fantasy VIII, it’s Final Fucking Fantasy X. Sure, there is something to be said about a dude for whom dying only served to piss him off, and decides to fight one-handed with his absurdly huge fucking sword because using both just wouldn’t be sporting, but if he really wanted to win me over he would have gutted that grinning little blond punkstain Tidus within five minutes of meeting him and killed that fuckmelon Wakka by feeding him his own blitzball.
Sorry. I think you know by now that I have some…well, let’s call them rage issues with the Final Fantasy series. Where was I?
Oh, right. Trains. Well, Cyan is a badass, no doubt about it. He overcomes a ton of adversity, but even so, you’re forgetting Sabin Figaro, a man whose kung-fu is so strong that he can kill you with the wind from his punches alone. Dude can lift a fucking house for six minutes.
But even more badass than that?
MOTHERFUCKER SUPLEXED A TRAIN.
Chuck Norris can choke on DEEZ NUTS.
I need a towel.
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“Why would anyone look for signs of manliness in the Final Fantasy series? That’s like panning for gold in a litterbox. Hell, CLOUD is probably in the top 5 biggest badasses of those games, and he dressed up like a girl at one point.”
Know how I can tell you started playing the series with VII?
Spoony you gotta review FFX after 8 man that would be so funny!
Spoony, it’d better be the epic review you’re working on that doesn’t give you time for updates or else we’re all going to PUNCH you in the SOUL !
The guy has health problems and all you fucktards care about is your free entertainment :/
health problems?
Will you guys shut the fuck up and let him work at his own pace? Goddamn ingrates.
Spoony has health problems? i had no idea!
OK guys, I think we’ve exhausted the ‘he’s un-fucking believable’ joke, and it wasn’t that funny in the first place.
Can we please move on to some more jokes?
Sabin is *THE* *MAN*
That is all.
Sabin is the best, one of my favourite character from the game. I never used Cyan, I don’t know why is he supposed to be badass. Anyway, to prove that Sabin is the man, I quote from him:
“You think a minor thing like the end of the world was gonna do me in?”
I just hope that hate doesn’t extend to Final Fantasy VI. That’s the best of them all, I feel and I’m sure most sane people would agree.
Auron and Sabin are damned manly, but neither are as ballsy as Wakka. I mean, come on, when Wakka sees ‘the ultimate evil’ what does he do? HE THROWS A BEACHBALL AT IT! I mean, that’s like going to a hard-nose biker bar and throwing a rubber duck at someone.
But as far as the most badass Final Fantasy character, it goes to Barret. When you take Mr T and attach a friggin’ mini-gun on his arm, even Chuck Norris feels ‘inadequate’. Suplex a train, nothing. A FF character that looks, talks, and acts like Mr T would just turn to DoomTrain and say, “Quit clownin’, foo!” and DoomTrain would be like “… Okay, we’ll call it a draw.”
But seriously, FF6 is still the best FF of all time. If Square-Enix is going to keep remaking FF games, they need to get on FF6.
I hope I will suplex a train one day…
There is only one single thing I can think of which really comes close to suplexing a train.
Ace Rimmer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXYfnWRp1Q0
To summarise, he leapt out of an exploding airplane while using an alligator as a skyboard. Then manages to avoid a freefalling Nazi’s attempts to shoot him, guides said alligator into the Nazi, steals his parachute and lets both Nazi and alligator drop to the Earth. And only then commences on his daring rescue of a Princess from a firing squad.
What. A. Guy.
Hahaha, I thought it was crazy enough to suplex a giant dragon in Bayanetta or elbow dropping tanks in Prototype was crazy enoughI I forgot about FF6!
Well, atleast ffx was better than THE THING, and yes I was enough of a masochist to play through that pos. At any rate, yay for multiple crashes on my comp and being outdated I can’t watch the movie :*(
I wish I had seen this awhile ago. It is true that Final Fantasy VIII and X both suck ass, but I still hold true to Final Fantasy VI is the greatest fucking game EVER made. Also, Sabin Figaro is the manliest motherfucker to ever walk the….ummm….we’ll call it earth. He also has the greatest line in the entire game, a line that proves his nuts to be the size of grapefruits: “What? Did you think a little thing like the end of the world was gonna do me in?”
lol, I rather liked 10 actually, but I’d still love to see you tear it a new asshole. :3
Kill a giant bat and hang-glide it into a cave to deliver a missle dropkick to cavemen? Pfft. That’s nothing. Suplex a train? f**k that sh*t. You wanna know tough? You wanna know balls? You wanna know insanity with no bounds? DO a back-to-back 72 hour game session full completeing FFX-2. Yeah. That’s right. You read it. FFX-2. A game so terrible, they didn’t even bother giving it a real name. A game so terrible it’s considered the WORST f***king RPG (which says ALOT) ever to be produced. And I f**king survived with my brain (more or less) intact. Let’s see somebody do better then THAT shit. Somebody please roll “Princes of the Unvierse” by Queen, because after that sh*t, I am immortal.
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