i actaully liked the first destintation a good bit. it was interesting, yeh some of the characters were just annoying, but it was interesting to see a killer who is so melovalent ya know? Rather than just dude in a mask whos strong, its a force that will not stop until you’ve died. but then number two just kinda wasn’t as good and three blew hard. 4 (wich IS WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT!) will probably suck to.
but yeh how do you screw up a slasher flick this bad? but what ever good reveiw spoony, i doubt i’ll be paying to see it anytime soon!

i actaully liked the first destintation a good bit. it was interesting, yeh some of the characters were just annoying, but it was interesting to see a killer who is so melovalent ya know? Rather than just dude in a mask whos strong, its a force that will not stop until you’ve died. but then number two just kinda wasn’t as good and three blew hard. 4 (wich IS WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT!) will probably suck to.
but yeh how do you screw up a slasher flick this bad? but what ever good reveiw spoony, i doubt i’ll be paying to see it anytime soon!

You were better than the movie. By far.

yeh i agree agentken that was hilaruous when he was doing the crying thing lmfao. oh and malcome mcdowell rocks a clockwork orange is ana amzing movie, but uh judging by what you said in this movie he probaly either relized he was ina crappy movie and was messign around, or he didnt have the oppertunity to be a good charcter so he just said screw it.

yeh i agree agentken that was hilaruous when he was doing the crying thing lmfao. oh and malcome mcdowell rocks a clockwork orange is ana amzing movie, but uh judging by what you said in this movie he probaly either relized he was ina crappy movie and was messign around, or he didnt have the oppertunity to be a good charcter so he just said screw it.

i didnt even know there was a new halloween by rob zombie O____O shows how much i was paying attention. I really agree with the whole “jumpy bits” not being horror, cheap scares just mildly annoy me more than anything.

i really didn’t think to much for the first remake that came out last year cos it was a crappy “modern” horror film, which in my opinion are all shite… people don’t know how to make movies anymore. the seventies and the eighties were the best decades for horror and sci-fi, i wish they would stop remaking classic films, take the Andromeda Strain for instance, the original was a tense, sci-fi epic that would keep my eyes glued to the screen throughout, they went and remade it and it was sooo bad… it’s just capitalistic morons in Hollywood thinking, “d’uuh, people liked that, lets make it again and get some more cash”. They should give it a rest.

i really didn’t think to much for the first remake that came out last year cos it was a crappy “modern” horror film, which in my opinion are all shite… people don’t know how to make movies anymore. the seventies and the eighties were the best decades for horror and sci-fi, i wish they would stop remaking classic films, take the Andromeda Strain for instance, the original was a tense, sci-fi epic that would keep my eyes glued to the screen throughout, they went and remade it and it was sooo bad… it’s just capitalistic morons in Hollywood thinking, “d’uuh, people liked that, lets make it again and get some more cash”. They should give it a rest.

Oh great review as always spoony :P

Man, the only thing I ever remember Brad Dourif doing, was Myst 3 Exile… and he’s terrifying in that. It’s amazing that he actually seems to care that much about his acting, regardless of what he’s role he’s doing.

Man, the only thing I ever remember Brad Dourif doing, was Myst 3 Exile… and he’s terrifying in that. It’s amazing that he actually seems to care that much about his acting, regardless of what he’s role he’s doing.

Hooray! More updates! I’m gonna enjoy this.

Has anyone told you Spoony, that you do an incredible Malcolm McDowell impersonation? That was awesome. This movie however, you are right on the money, it was total fucking bullshit. Now, I hate Rob Zombie as a filmmaker, he can point a camera correctly, but he cannot write a good script to save his life. For FOUR films, he has inserted hillbillies and really unnecessary scenes in his films, and it is just mind bogglingly terrible. The first Halloween remake, was….alright I suppose, enough to make me want to see the sequel, but this was just horrible. I sat there, mouth agape at how bad it was. I was watching this with a die hard Rob Zombie fan, and after the film was over, I literally ranted for 40 straight minutes about how terrible it was. He kept saying “Well, I 60 percent agree with you, but I liked the other 40%, so i thought it was decent.” and I was like “Man, 40% good and 60% bullshit is still bullshit!” I’m surprised you didn’t mention the franchise rape known as the last 15 minutes of the movie. Oh man, I was PISSED. I love the first two original Halloween movies, and I found some enjoyment out of 4 and H20, so watching this film as a Halloween fan was just crushing. Now I hear Rob Zombie is remaking The Blob…..WITHOUT THE FUCKING BLOB! Rob Zombie, just go back to making music.

Legitimately frightening horror tends to be more about what isn’t happening, or what you aren’t seeing; palpable tension and all the steam pressure building up. Also definitely feeling this AZ horseshit heat. Our AC costs $200+/mo. to run and might as well be goat powered for how well it works. Count your blessings, uncle spoonbottom.

Has anyone told you Spoony, that you do an incredible Malcolm McDowell impersonation? That was awesome. This movie however, you are right on the money, it was total fucking bullshit. Now, I hate Rob Zombie as a filmmaker, he can point a camera correctly, but he cannot write a good script to save his life. For FOUR films, he has inserted hillbillies and really unnecessary scenes in his films, and it is just mind bogglingly terrible. The first Halloween remake, was….alright I suppose, enough to make me want to see the sequel, but this was just horrible. I sat there, mouth agape at how bad it was. I was watching this with a die hard Rob Zombie fan, and after the film was over, I literally ranted for 40 straight minutes about how terrible it was. He kept saying “Well, I 60 percent agree with you, but I liked the other 40%, so i thought it was decent.” and I was like “Man, 40% good and 60% bullshit is still bullshit!” I’m surprised you didn’t mention the franchise rape known as the last 15 minutes of the movie. Oh man, I was PISSED. I love the first two original Halloween movies, and I found some enjoyment out of 4 and H20, so watching this film as a Halloween fan was just crushing. Now I hear Rob Zombie is remaking The Blob…..WITHOUT THE FUCKING BLOB! Rob Zombie, just go back to making music.

you should do that, running around punching people in the nuts I mean.

I mean… I’d watch it.

you should do that, running around punching people in the nuts I mean.

I mean… I’d watch it.

Wow, I was just checking Spoony’s site. And just randomly refreshed and found a new update.

I would watch Spoony Halloween 3

and that was the best whiny heroine impression ever. I would buy a CD of that. It was just hilarious. Make more incoherent updates.

So only one question remains. Halloween 2, or Transformers 2?

That might have been your best vlog yet. You are correct, the worst movies do bring the best out of you. “I can just run into a room and punch you in the balls, that’s not scary.” I may have to use that line this week!

That might have been your best vlog yet. You are correct, the worst movies do bring the best out of you. “I can just run into a room and punch you in the balls, that’s not scary.” I may have to use that line this week!

I have to disagree with you Spoony… You running into a room and punching someone in the balls would be very entertaining

I don’t know, I’m still thinking you broke your garage door on purpose. Come on, buddy, you deserve it; you put up with all of this shit for the sake of your fans. We definitely appreciate it.

I’ve also never really understood the people who cheer for hapless teenagers to get killed.

Anyway, on to the story, I’m really not liking the seeming heel-turn they’ve done with Loomis, because he was always the stalwart hero in the other films, to have him be represented like that kind of pisses me off.

I’m totally with you on the difference between “horror” and “scaring.” The first two Silent Hill games captured what I would consider horror perfectly. In SH2, for instance, I was walking up this dark staircase and I heard a door creak open, that nearly caused me to jump out of my skin. And I’m not really the type to scare easily. THAT’S what true horror should be about, not just focusing on gore and startles.

Also with you on the rattling off of profanities just for the sake of sounding “mature.” It is completely the opposite. And that brings up another point. Why does Michael Myers look like Kane from the WWF? Is that Kane from the WWF?

Basically, Rob Zombie couldn’t have missed the point of this franchise more “if they were firing in the wrong direction while standing in a different country.” To quote Yahtzee.

As for the hillbillies in Illinois, there are some hayseeds, but not in the sense of the Deliverance crowd. They’re in Missouri. Oh, I kid.

I don’t know, I’m still thinking you broke your garage door on purpose. Come on, buddy, you deserve it; you put up with all of this shit for the sake of your fans. We definitely appreciate it.

I’ve also never really understood the people who cheer for hapless teenagers to get killed.

Anyway, on to the story, I’m really not liking the seeming heel-turn they’ve done with Loomis, because he was always the stalwart hero in the other films, to have him be represented like that kind of pisses me off.

I’m totally with you on the difference between “horror” and “scaring.” The first two Silent Hill games captured what I would consider horror perfectly. In SH2, for instance, I was walking up this dark staircase and I heard a door creak open, that nearly caused me to jump out of my skin. And I’m not really the type to scare easily. THAT’S what true horror should be about, not just focusing on gore and startles.

Also with you on the rattling off of profanities just for the sake of sounding “mature.” It is completely the opposite. And that brings up another point. Why does Michael Myers look like Kane from the WWF? Is that Kane from the WWF?

Basically, Rob Zombie couldn’t have missed the point of this franchise more “if they were firing in the wrong direction while standing in a different country.” To quote Yahtzee.

As for the hillbillies in Illinois, there are some hayseeds, but not in the sense of the Deliverance crowd. They’re in Missouri. Oh, I kid.

“He’s gonna fuck you with his knife like you owe him money.” should be in the quote generator.

good stuff spoony, as always. *ducks back into shadows*

I can see the heat is getting to ya; the way you impersonate Laurie crying hilarious, the way you say Malcolm McDowell & Brad Dourif were gonna take you away from the movie, Epic. This video is also twice as long as your reviews on movies, almost 40min to 20min.

I can see the heat is getting to ya; the way you impersonate Laurie crying hilarious, the way you say Malcolm McDowell & Brad Dourif were gonna take you away from the movie, Epic. This video is also twice as long as your reviews on movies, almost 40min to 20min.

I think it would have been a good idea if there was a scene if Michael Myers had killed a guy with the book that revealed Laurie Strode and Michael Myers were related and Mike happen to pick it up. That would have been a good idea.

The only excuse I can think of of having Hillbillies is the fact the movie was filmed outside of Atlanta. I have some friends who were extras. But even that’s not legit enough.

The only excuse I can think of of having Hillbillies is the fact the movie was filmed outside of Atlanta. I have some friends who were extras. But even that’s not legit enough.

Spoiler for EVERY FINAL DESTINATION FILM:
They all die.

This was HILARIOUS, and I wasn’t really expecting much because I don’t really care about Halloween, let alone Rob fucking Zombie’s crappy remakes. I expect a YouTube Poop to be made soon of your impersonation of that whiny woman in the movie. I’ll take your advice and avoid this piece of trash.

This was HILARIOUS, and I wasn’t really expecting much because I don’t really care about Halloween, let alone Rob fucking Zombie’s crappy remakes. I expect a YouTube Poop to be made soon of your impersonation of that whiny woman in the movie. I’ll take your advice and avoid this piece of trash.

While I understand what you are saying about horror, I would truly be entertained if you were to run into the room and punch someone in the balls.

The crying and whimpering part was awesome.

But yeah, a lot of the “horror” movies these days are filled with unlikable characters. I saw the Friday the 13th remake, and nearly every character didn’t leave any impressions. You could tell when everyone was going to die when they all just stupidly wandered off in the middle of the night. The omnipotent villains didn’t really add any suspense either.

I don’t plan to see Halloween 2, horrors these days don’t really appeal to me.

The crying and whimpering part was awesome.

But yeah, a lot of the “horror” movies these days are filled with unlikable characters. I saw the Friday the 13th remake, and nearly every character didn’t leave any impressions. You could tell when everyone was going to die when they all just stupidly wandered off in the middle of the night. The omnipotent villains didn’t really add any suspense either.

I don’t plan to see Halloween 2, horrors these days don’t really appeal to me.

Hey, this was a great review. I loved what you said at the end of the review. I, too, hope to make movies in the future, and I’ve seen a lot of crap. You’re absolutely right. Watching bad movies is good because they show you what not to do when making a movie.

Also, I’m happy that someone besides me has an appreciation for Brad Dourif.

“Destrucity, my ass!” I’d pay a lot of money to anyone who’s got the sack to go up to the Ultimate Warrior and say that to his face.

Oh lord Spoony. My mind wont be made up until I see the movie myself. I will admit, I only watched the first few mins of the review (because I want to see the movie first) but I have to bring up your comment on Halloween 3. Now I personally liked the Rob Zombie remake of Halloween, I mean, to me the origin story was interesting, but it will NEVER replace the originals in any way. Honestly though? Halloween 3? Well, I wont give you too much crap for it, but personally I thought it was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I hated it. I DO understand they were trying to make the Halloween franchise a different story with each new movie, or so that was the original plan when 3 was made (I assume) and I would also assume it bombed since it wasnt about Michael. When I watched it, I knew that and didnt think of it as a Halloween movie, but I did think of it as another horror movie, and even in that since, I was severely let down. I dunno what it was……the mask idea maybe…..I assume Goosebumps got the idea for “The Haunted Mask” books and movies from H3, and to be honest, I would rather read/watch those than Halloween 3 again. Thats all I will say about it, off to see the new movie, then I will watch the rest of the review!

Oh lord Spoony. My mind wont be made up until I see the movie myself. I will admit, I only watched the first few mins of the review (because I want to see the movie first) but I have to bring up your comment on Halloween 3. Now I personally liked the Rob Zombie remake of Halloween, I mean, to me the origin story was interesting, but it will NEVER replace the originals in any way. Honestly though? Halloween 3? Well, I wont give you too much crap for it, but personally I thought it was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I hated it. I DO understand they were trying to make the Halloween franchise a different story with each new movie, or so that was the original plan when 3 was made (I assume) and I would also assume it bombed since it wasnt about Michael. When I watched it, I knew that and didnt think of it as a Halloween movie, but I did think of it as another horror movie, and even in that since, I was severely let down. I dunno what it was……the mask idea maybe…..I assume Goosebumps got the idea for “The Haunted Mask” books and movies from H3, and to be honest, I would rather read/watch those than Halloween 3 again. Thats all I will say about it, off to see the new movie, then I will watch the rest of the review!

(“Destrucity, my ass!” I’d pay a lot of money to anyone who’s got the sack to go up to the Ultimate Warrior and say that to his face.)

I should add that the money given to whoever would do that would probably go to the coffin for his/her funeral.

Totally agree with you.

I had a headache that lasted the entire night due to the loud sounds/flashing light scenes.

Ugh…

So, what movie are you going to see next? 9? I kind of hope so. I wanna see it myself, actually.

So, what movie are you going to see next? 9? I kind of hope so. I wanna see it myself, actually.

I’ve been watching your vids for ages Spoony, another great one as always, but this is the first time i’ve felt compelled to write a comment because this is the first time I’ve disagreed with your opinion. I was never a fan of the original Halloween films, I found them dated and dull when I discovered them about 6 years back. Thus when I heard Rob Zombie was remaking the first one, I was excited to say the least. I was thrilled that his remake was so different and removed from the original, because as far as I’m concerned a remake should be that, different. Had I been given the same Michael Myers just transported to a different time period, I would not at all have enjoyed it. Rob Zombie’s Halloween is one of my favourite horror movies because I don’t make the mistake of comparing it to an older film which I have no love for. I look forward to seeing this movie now. Keep up the great work Spoony, regardless of my opinions, your review was hilarious. The Laurie Strode impersonation had me in stitches.

Absolutely fantastic review. However, I sense you miss the point of Final Destination. After the first film any subsequent movie would fall into the trap of predictability. That is why from 2 onwards there has been an air of fun surrounding the films. I admit to loving the series not as horror films but as the ridiculous goofball death flicks they are. I paid good money to watch The Final Destination on Friday and walked out with a grin and a giggle. My friends and I loved it for what it was – and in 3D could they really sell this film as anything but pure escapism? A film like Halloween IS at it’s core a “slasher horror” film and as such should stick to or deviate around an established formula – Final Destination is not and shouldn’t (although it does have it’s own formula that becomes the only frustrating part of each new film having new people repeat what we know).

Now TFD has it’s fair share of problems. It never builds character the way the other films do e.g. in 2 when the drug guy asks the girl to clean all his drug stuff and porn from his house if he dies and then saves a kid before meeting his end. Heck the oft complained about FD3 contained the characters played by Ryan Merriman and Mary Elizabeth Winstead who I fucking LOVED and their death was a bit too depressing at the end. TFD clips along like a horse without a driver which is funny as with the previous films on repeat viewing I tend to skip the character stuff and move into the kills.

I got so much crap going on at the moment that TFD was THE perfect piece of escapist fantasy I needed. If I had wanted horror I’d have rewatched Elm Street at home and saved myself £6.

Trust me I am a total snob when it comes to film. I wrote a huge rant regarding the Halloween remake for my blog that sums up a lot of what you say here. Although I hated the 3 female characters in it as they talked utter nonsense for the entire back end of the film and sounded like a 45 year old man’s perverse vision of what teen girls were like. Pathetic. However, I know the difference between a film and a movie – Halloween should have been a film, The Final Destination is a movie and thank god it is.

See also Snakes On A Plane. We now return you to your scheduled Spoony.

Absolutely fantastic review. However, I sense you miss the point of Final Destination. After the first film any subsequent movie would fall into the trap of predictability. That is why from 2 onwards there has been an air of fun surrounding the films. I admit to loving the series not as horror films but as the ridiculous goofball death flicks they are. I paid good money to watch The Final Destination on Friday and walked out with a grin and a giggle. My friends and I loved it for what it was – and in 3D could they really sell this film as anything but pure escapism? A film like Halloween IS at it’s core a “slasher horror” film and as such should stick to or deviate around an established formula – Final Destination is not and shouldn’t (although it does have it’s own formula that becomes the only frustrating part of each new film having new people repeat what we know).

Now TFD has it’s fair share of problems. It never builds character the way the other films do e.g. in 2 when the drug guy asks the girl to clean all his drug stuff and porn from his house if he dies and then saves a kid before meeting his end. Heck the oft complained about FD3 contained the characters played by Ryan Merriman and Mary Elizabeth Winstead who I fucking LOVED and their death was a bit too depressing at the end. TFD clips along like a horse without a driver which is funny as with the previous films on repeat viewing I tend to skip the character stuff and move into the kills.

I got so much crap going on at the moment that TFD was THE perfect piece of escapist fantasy I needed. If I had wanted horror I’d have rewatched Elm Street at home and saved myself £6.

Trust me I am a total snob when it comes to film. I wrote a huge rant regarding the Halloween remake for my blog that sums up a lot of what you say here. Although I hated the 3 female characters in it as they talked utter nonsense for the entire back end of the film and sounded like a 45 year old man’s perverse vision of what teen girls were like. Pathetic. However, I know the difference between a film and a movie – Halloween should have been a film, The Final Destination is a movie and thank god it is.

See also Snakes On A Plane. We now return you to your scheduled Spoony.

Is the video kinda loading funky for anyone else? I’ve tried to whole stop-n-wait trick so it can load up a bit more, but it’s not even doing that.

Great review as always, Spoony. I died at that Laurie Strode impersonation; reminded me of Barry Gibb.

Great review as always, Spoony. I died at that Laurie Strode impersonation; reminded me of Barry Gibb.

Nights in White Satin by the Moody Blues

Halloween (originals) were frikin awsome it was my first real experience with horror. i was in a friends house and needed to ask her mum something, as we walked into the livingroom they were watching halloween. the part i saw before being pushed out the room was the guy getting impaled on the door and michael just staring at his handy work (that head tilt still gives me shivers lol) wow. i was hooked ever since. i have to say spoony you hit the nail on the head with this review, all the films after 3 were shit but Rob Zombie has made the worst by far so, to you Rob Zombie i’d like to say, (cough) – FUCK YOU!!!!!!!! lol sorry had to get it outta my system lol. oh i also didnt mind year of the witch lol woohoo I’m not alone.

Halloween (originals) were frikin awsome it was my first real experience with horror. i was in a friends house and needed to ask her mum something, as we walked into the livingroom they were watching halloween. the part i saw before being pushed out the room was the guy getting impaled on the door and michael just staring at his handy work (that head tilt still gives me shivers lol) wow. i was hooked ever since. i have to say spoony you hit the nail on the head with this review, all the films after 3 were shit but Rob Zombie has made the worst by far so, to you Rob Zombie i’d like to say, (cough) – FUCK YOU!!!!!!!! lol sorry had to get it outta my system lol. oh i also didnt mind year of the witch lol woohoo I’m not alone.

“He’s a shark, and he wants to fucking kill you!” Radical, Spoony, great review.

“It’s Not HORROR if Your Laughing at it”…..

Someone ingrave that in a stone slab and throw it through the window of every Hollywood exec and actor until they figure it out.

I remeber laughing my ass off at AVP2…..just laughing my ass off at it.

I have not been scared at the movies since the early 80′s…..maybe real life has gotten so scarey (at the core of life, ya know 9/11 and all that shit) but movies just don’t envoke the emotion of fear in me, sometimes they are gross, and bloody, and loud, and disturbing, but not scarey.

“It’s Not HORROR if Your Laughing at it”…..

Someone ingrave that in a stone slab and throw it through the window of every Hollywood exec and actor until they figure it out.

I remeber laughing my ass off at AVP2…..just laughing my ass off at it.

I have not been scared at the movies since the early 80′s…..maybe real life has gotten so scarey (at the core of life, ya know 9/11 and all that shit) but movies just don’t envoke the emotion of fear in me, sometimes they are gross, and bloody, and loud, and disturbing, but not scarey.

So it sounds like Ripper and Phantasmagoria 2 are better then this movie.

Rob Zombie is still alive!…clearly my snipers have been telling me fibs.

Great review Spoony, as usual. I never go to the movies to see movie remakes anyway. My friends telling me how bad the two Halloween remakes are only reinforces my belief that remakes should never be done. Horror movies have never been the same anymore. I don’t like gore and cheap scares, I prefer psychological horror. It would be funny if you punched people in the nuts. I would love to see that. Anyway, great review and Rob Zombie should stop making movies.

Music and TV from the 70′s is probably alot cheaper to license than newer stuff. One of the reasons most horror movies make money is that they have small budgets. I imagine a large chunk of it went to Malcom “I’ll do any movie” MacDowell.

At least they didn’t just have public-domain music. Battle Hymn of the Republic, anyone?

That Rob Zombie somehow doesn’t understand what made the original Halloween one of the greatest horror movies of all time….is really really sad, given his apparent love of horror……
A local radio DJ interviewed Zombie a while back …..and it just illustrates how “not there” he is nowadays:

“So…Mr. Zombie….you’re a successful rock star, more or less?”

“Yes.”

“So…it’s fair to say you make a fair amount of money as a result? More than most people, at least?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s been lucrative.”

“So….answer me this: Why do you smell like pee?”

Rob apparently threw a tantrum and stormed out of the studio…..he’s become an idiot.

The Loomis comments you make are interesting (I have not intention of ever seeing this remake, if only to preserve my reverance for the original John Carpenter masterpiece,) but….Loomis and Myers are supposed to have this Ahab/Moby Dick style relationship…..I think revamping that kind of does a disservice to the original, and is even more evidence for Zombie’s no longer residing in the same universe that you and I do. Admittedy, no one will ever replace Donald Pleasance in that role.

What made the original Halloween work so well was that….other than the prologue…not one dies until the last 15 minutes of the movie…up until then it’s just a sparse, creepy buildup…and more or less a _real_ day in the life of an average teenager….and that’s what made it scary….it drives home the idea that it could be _you_ that the personification of evil pays a visit to.

at 5:33. man, spoony SPOOGES out his mouth! hilarious. i love these reviews.

at 5:33. man, spoony SPOOGES out his mouth! hilarious. i love these reviews.

OH you should see final destination 4…..oh wait i mean THE final destination. its so bad they didnt want to make it part of the series.

I went to go see ponyo around 3 on a friday and i was the only one in the theater.

I went to go see ponyo around 3 on a friday and i was the only one in the theater.

sad, i have a story close to yours. went to se halloween H2O on a saturday at noon, and i was ALL ALONE in the theatre. noone!! that was the only scary part of the whole experience.

Right before H2 was released, Rob Zombie was allowed to make a “The Blob” remake. F*** you hollywood.

Right before H2 was released, Rob Zombie was allowed to make a “The Blob” remake. F*** you hollywood.

I just walked out on the first one. I can’t imagine even having dignity after asking, “Can I have 1 ticket to Halloween II?”

Yeah, but…. did you like it?

Yeah, but…. did you like it?

Glad I decided to see “Ponyo” instead of checking this out (not that I was tempted for very long, mind you). Never have been a slasher film fan; I go more for the psychological horror, myself. Also, this is the first I’ve heard of this Rob Zombie guy – what is he, exactly?

I have to admit, I haven’t watched any of the Halloween movies… that I’m aware of. Despite me and my mother’s fondness of slasher flicks when I was young (I mean 5 – 8ish… maybe that’s why I’m so flarged up? =P) So Spoony, you’re telling me to go spend the state’s money on tickets for this instead of my much needed rent? =P

And yea, I’d like to see you try and burst in the room and punch me in the nuts. I’ll provide directions if that’s the only way your lazy o’kole will return an e-mail after 6 years =P. That and it’d be funny to see you get cloths-lined by my wife =p.

Keep up the good work, and don’t let the grade E celebrity thing keep you from catching up with old friends ;-P

I have to admit, I haven’t watched any of the Halloween movies… that I’m aware of. Despite me and my mother’s fondness of slasher flicks when I was young (I mean 5 – 8ish… maybe that’s why I’m so flarged up? =P) So Spoony, you’re telling me to go spend the state’s money on tickets for this instead of my much needed rent? =P

And yea, I’d like to see you try and burst in the room and punch me in the nuts. I’ll provide directions if that’s the only way your lazy o’kole will return an e-mail after 6 years =P. That and it’d be funny to see you get cloths-lined by my wife =p.

Keep up the good work, and don’t let the grade E celebrity thing keep you from catching up with old friends ;-P

good lord i hated the first remake, just terrible on every level

thanks for the heads up, ill be sure to stay away

great work as always

I watched Plan 9 for the first time the other week. And you know what? It wasn’t all that bad. It wasn’t brilliant, but it was watchable and it was enjoyable in its own kind of way. Sure the sets were cheap and so on – but it was enjoyable, and that to me is the test of a “good” movie. Halloween 2? Get me the hell out of there. Uwe Boll is in the same camp – his films verge on point blank unwatchable.

Just briefly on the “fuck” scene and scriptwriting – this was one of the biggest turn-offs of the Penny Arcade game they released. In episode one, the very first NPC you can talk to has “fuck” in their dialogue. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t clever. It was just bad writing – and it’s why I never bothered with that game much beyond that and the plodding gameplay.

I don’t really get Rob Zombie, to be honest. His films aren’t that great, and neither is his music. Why is he still around again?

I watched Plan 9 for the first time the other week. And you know what? It wasn’t all that bad. It wasn’t brilliant, but it was watchable and it was enjoyable in its own kind of way. Sure the sets were cheap and so on – but it was enjoyable, and that to me is the test of a “good” movie. Halloween 2? Get me the hell out of there. Uwe Boll is in the same camp – his films verge on point blank unwatchable.

Just briefly on the “fuck” scene and scriptwriting – this was one of the biggest turn-offs of the Penny Arcade game they released. In episode one, the very first NPC you can talk to has “fuck” in their dialogue. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t clever. It was just bad writing – and it’s why I never bothered with that game much beyond that and the plodding gameplay.

I don’t really get Rob Zombie, to be honest. His films aren’t that great, and neither is his music. Why is he still around again?

you were spot on with your impression of scout taylor compton. she made me violent with her constant whining throughout the film. spoony you once again hit the nail on the head. this and transformers 2..i cant figure out which is worse.

@ Justin
YES! Ripper and Phantasmagoria II are WAAAAY better than this movie.

Spoony, the Laurie impersonation was spot on man! Its EXACTLY word…..well……sound-for-sound from the movie! God I wanna kill myself for sitting through this now. What a great night its been! ^_^

Next movie: Noah Antwiler as Laurie Strode.

Great impression, Spoony!

So is it worse than Transformers 2?

Hahaha, BO-hemoth…

No, it’s not worse than Transformers 2. This movie was just weird.

I didn’t watch the video, bust I’m just waiting the video to load while I type all of this. I must say that it is another gore fest by Rob Zombie. I absolutely hated those loud screamers that made me cover my ears for the last hour of it, even when the scene looked normal. I also didn’t watch the first one, but only like thirty minutes into the movie and I knew that it was riddled with sex. But for this one it tones that down, but there still some tits around it that sorta ruins it. I really would say that Halloween II was a bad movie but it is better than Zombie’s other movies. I do must say that he’s sorta getting better movie after movie, but the concept of what he’s doing isn’t really gonna go for it. He should really take a break from film directing and go back to music. I really want another Zombie album.

I would love to see you taking about your movie ideas! and I know that you wrote a bunch on it, and I really liked the x-com idea by the way. but still I would love to see a video like that.

Hah, great review! :D Only thing…how could you turn your back on District 9? It was the best movie this year! D: Oh well…I now know to stay away from this movie. Then again I planned to keep far away from it anyway.

Apparently Rob is not done with the remakes yet. He’s gonna do The Blob next….. http://www.joblo.com/arrow/index.php?id=18081

Cthulhu07: Oh wow…well it could be worse…like Micheal Bay might produce the next Nightmare on Elm St. movie and Freddy will be more serious than making jokes. Now that COULD be worse.

Anyway, after watching your review I do agree mostly on your stuff. The swearing was out of hand and unnecessary, the child Myers going around wasn’t good at all, there’s only some characters that are good who aren’t hillbillies or vegan rockers and I agree more that the movie should be resolving around that doctor. Weird Al was the diffident shining light in that movie.
“Wait I’m confused, are we talking about the Micheal Myers who did those Austin Powers movies?”

Cthulhu07: Oh wow…well it could be worse…like Micheal Bay might produce the next Nightmare on Elm St. movie and Freddy will be more serious than making jokes. Now that COULD be worse.

Anyway, after watching your review I do agree mostly on your stuff. The swearing was out of hand and unnecessary, the child Myers going around wasn’t good at all, there’s only some characters that are good who aren’t hillbillies or vegan rockers and I agree more that the movie should be resolving around that doctor. Weird Al was the diffident shining light in that movie.
“Wait I’m confused, are we talking about the Micheal Myers who did those Austin Powers movies?”

For those wondering, the whining voice of Laurie in this video goes on for 31 seconds.

Great review, awful movie. The entire point of Micheal Myers was that he didn’t need a reason to kill. He was just evil incarnated.
What made the original so scary is that it was júst real enough to be real. You had a pretty young lady, like the one that leaves in your town, babysitting that kid that might live down your road. In a house that looks like it could be in your street. And it features a large-built man like THE ONE THAT LIVES NEXT TO YOU!

Well I am a fan of the series, but I kinda liked the first part of the remake. That is I liked that part where they were telling all the back-story, like Michael being little kid, going crazy and so on, but I agree, when Rob tries to copy cat the original story – he fails pretty much in every part of it.

How the hell would you go about remaking Halloween and making the setting modern? I don’t think there is a formula of getting it right. The worse modern adaptation is the remake of Black Christmas. The only thing I remember is the killer being some inbreed hillbilly. What is it with modern horror directors and hillbillies? The best part about Black Christmas was that you did not know who the killer was. Thats what made it so horrifying. I’m sick to death of horror remakes and the amount that Michael Bay contributes to them. Can someone please do something orginal? Every time a new horror comes out then I go see it, sort of enjoy it or think the idea was somewhat refreshing I find out that its a remake. The only horror I’ve enjoyed recently in the cinema is Drag me to Hell. I can mind my friends came back from watching it and starting talking shite about it. I was laughing and cowering the whole way through it. I don’t think I’ve been as entertained by any other movie alongside the Evil Dead trilogy. I think they had been so desensitised with all those crap horror movie that they lost complete prespective on what horror is meant to be like. Then I told them it was Sam Raimi directed it and their complete opinon just seemed to change. I bet you all have friend who just didn’t get Raimi’s style seeing as no one is able to accomplish what he can with a horror movie. Anyway I going to grab my friend and go see this because it sounds ridiculous.

Great view as allways Spoony.

I watch you so i dont have to watch this crap lol. Heres my 2 cents…

What really scares me about the original Halloween is the simple fact that Myers kills for no reason other than the fact hes insane. Yes you can argue that later on they bolt on the mission statement of him killing off his family to end a curse and blah blah blah but im talking bout Halloween one so fuck off.

The kids a nut. Theirs nothing going on behind the eyes other than a murderous intent. How mind fucking is it that you can not offer any reason for his actions or motives. Thats some scary shit right their!

To add a back story and give him a motive is to totaly ruin the character.

Face it people the only reason movies like this exist is to rake in the money. Thats all remakes are for now . No merit, no art, just ring the fucking tills and sell the toys.

Halloween 2… I didn’t even like the original sequel.

What I want to see is Halloween 3 Remake. That would be awesome! I love Halloween 3, it’s so underrated!

I’m seriously getting tired of hillbillies in every one of Rob Zombie’s movies.At this point,he’s but a one trick pony…Pass!

There’s only one way to hit rock bottom on the next Halloween, and that would be Halloween X in space and Mike Myers gets “upgrades”. It may seem impossible but history tends to repeat itself…

Oh, man – I can’t stop laughing at your very comedic reenactments of the movie. This movie seems like a great waste of time, even if it contains a glorious Malcom McDowell =D

Listening to hysterical crying Spoony made me laugh so goddamn much. I love these v-logs man; you’re so genuine and awesome. And yes, I’m a huge Spoony fan-boy :3

I agree Spoony, there are no true horror movies anymore, none.

oh well… I’ll just go read a horror book, at least those keep me on the edge of my sit…

please don’t hate me, but I saw the Original Halloween before watching the remake and I thought the remake was a thousand times better, you say spoony that nobody cares about Michael Myers’ story, well guess what? I did, I always wanted to know his childhood, you said yourself that a remake is often made to play out from another perspective to the original, you can’t expect a shot for shot remake , no alterations made, I know you said the remake shouldn’t have been made but why? If you don’t like it don’t watch it the original is still there innit?

p.s. I thought the asylum scenes in the remake were the best scenes in the movie

I think Ultimate Warrior would actually deserve it. I mean, the guy does suck. He was good in the day but now he’s just…gah. Anywho, good review as always.

God damn, do you really go out with that shirt in public? Have you no shame?

Maybe for his Blob remake, Zombie can give us the backstory on the Blob when he was a just young pile of goo. =

I can’t fucking believe you wasted you time on this shite.
Hate the original remake? Yes? Then how does this NOT look like more of the same redneck laced stupidity.
I love Carpenter’s “Halloween.” Classic slasher fare, and I’m sad that you would even feed this machine.
I hope you feel guilty.

I noticed someone above said there aren’t real horror movies anymore.
Did you see “Inside,” “Strange Circus,” or “Let the Right One In?”
Thought not.

damn dude you mocking her crying had me in fucking tears laughing great vid

I lol’d at the “Weird Al” cameo and white horse moments you mentioned. You definitely made my Sunday morning.

Plus, I’m sure it was Rob’s intention to make a really bad Halloween II because he didn’t want to do it in the first place. If he made a bad H2, then he did his job.

Still, I would rent it for Dourif and McDowell alone.

Lol@5:34

SPOONYONE uses HATESPIT

wow you coming out of no where is scarry i’ll yous that for my next transformors movie, thanks spoony

Well, there’s VH1 Classic.

I had to watch a tampon ad before this!! Nights in White Satins a pretty good song.

Unabashedly?

Hatefucks me?

Someone else has the new Patton Oswalt album.

you hit the nail on the head with the “its not horror; its a cartoon” analogy. couldnt have said it better myself in relation to the state of “horror” movies in this generation.

and yet this movie is still better than transformers 2… lol

Your impersonation of the woman crying was hilarious u shud work it into more of your videos. >< :D

This review had a distinct lack of Miles. Would love to see some more reviews featuring the both of you.

I see you are sponsoring Pepsi now :P

Wow, I nearly was in this movie. No kidding. It was filmed four hours away from me. I was supposed to be an extra that said a one liner when Loomis nearly gets shot at his book signing, which was something about ultra-violence but I can’t remember… Luckily that part got cut, and I managed to not be associated with this pile of crap. Feel like I dodged a bullet.

Someone above said they hated the original Halloween but loved the remake….the 2nd half of the remake IS the first movie, just faster, poorly directed/cast/written/acted, and with none of Carpenter’s knack for suspense.
Zombie is pretty poor – though I haven’t seen Devil’s Rejects – so I knew this would be terrible. He’s also a sell-out and a hypocrite as he stated in interviews he would never direct remakes of others work or sequels…..lo and behold, remake, sequel to remake and remake of the Blob to come….without the “big red blobby thing”.
His vision will be a fat redneck cannibal running around and eating other rednecks, with flashbacks to his redneck childhood with his redneck stepdad calling him a faggot and threatening to skull-fuck him.
The Blob was successfully remade in the 80′s…..let’s leave it at that.

So it was good/

I was a fan of the original Halloween series, the remake of the first one was okay at best. Thank you Spoony for warning me. I have two questions: Is Rob Zombie the new Uwe Boll? Was H2 better or worse than Transformers 2?

I was a fan of the original Halloween series, the remake of the first one was okay at best. Thank you Spoony for warning me. I have two questions: Is Rob Zombie the new Uwe Boll? Was H2 better or worse than Transformers 2?

SPOONY, Who is the worst film director: Rob Zombie, Uwe Boll, or Michael Bay?

Wow, Spoony, you were as mad at this as I was at the first movie. You hit the nail right on the head too. He tried to make a backstory to a slasher killer! The whole point of this one was NO ONE KNOWS! Hes a mythological creature, he doesnt need the bullshit backstory. I was shocked at how bad the first one was. It was sooo wrong. I like rob zombies take on the slasher film genre with House of 1k Corpses. It was different, it was interesting, and with devils rejects it was kind of interesting to see these monsters as people with fears; as well as weird and scary at the same time how he could make you feel for them when they were the prey and no longer the predators, but this doesnt work with every movie and it definitely doesnt work with Halloween. Why in the fuck did he just try and use the same idea for Devil’s Rejects in a pre-established film franchise? Its rediculous!

I could go on and on about how bad the first one was, as I wouldve thought Rob Zombie would get it, but he didnt and I never planned on seeing this one. I just cant believe the first one was popular enough to spawn a sequel. If Rob is really going down this spiral into terrible remake history I will have no part of it, hes not good at it, and hes fucking up a franchise even more. I dont need to see anymore of his films if hes not going to even try to do something good again and just rehash with other peoples characters the same stuff hes already done.

BTW, you laid out Hollywood’s justification for remake; a remake SHOULD be for a movie that has the potential to be better then it was but was messed up but by bad directing or some other force of the movie industry that screwed it up. Remakes should not be done to already successful franchises, its just stupid.

Thanks for the warning, I try to spend the money for a cinema ticket only on movies worth seeing. It’s good to weed the terrible ones out.

your vision of Halloween 2 strangely reminds me of Oliver Stone’s Natural Born Killers.

Great review nonetheless! I Completely agree with everything you said.

Spoony, your McDowell impression is spot on.

@ BeastWars78: Uwe Boll is the worst from a trade craft perspective. But if you were to judge the worst by how much damage they inflict to cinema in its entirety, then Michael Bay takes the cake. There’s no question that Rob Zombie is more technically competent than Uwe Boll, and Rob will never achieve enough mainstream popularity to deform cinema in the way that Michael Bay has.

ill just stick with House of 1000 Corpses. that was his only good movie.

He Hate-Fucks you with his knife!

You look really funny if you freeze the video when you’re mocking the whinny, blubbering girl. Your mouth his all hanging open, your teeth are all exposed and your face is just silly.

These days, there seems to be two strands of horror cinema. There’s Type One, which tries to convey horror by creating (or attempting to create) empathetic characters that may or may not be intelligent enough to live so that we might feel, I don’t know, HORROR!. Then you have Type Two, which is a movie designed to line up victims for the kill. Not only are the kills the most creative part of the movie, but the vicitims are often bland, dismal, or even evil in their own right so that we WANT them to die.

I don’t hate Type Two horror movies in particular, but I do hate the fact that they are the far more common type of horror movie these days. The Saw series, the Hostel duet, the Final Destination movies, the Friday the 13th, Nightmare, and Halloween series; even the Alien series morphed into Type Two during the third movie. What’s worse is that most of these series actually tried the Type One approach in the beginning, but Hollywood producers keep thinking Type Two is the more marketable approach. It’s truly sad that, much like how I can’t laugh at American comedies these days, I can’t get scared by American horror either.

oh yeah, you might get a kick from knowing that Rob Zombie is now remaking the blob. Let the train wreak begin… :)

Go Weird Al!!!

Tell me you’ve seen Inland Empire Spoony? Damn that movie is scary in a way no other movie is. (Except possibly other David Lynch films!)

Cheers for another entertaining and great review!

you said that you thought it would be a good idea to have doctor lumas as the villan.

i would have taken that one step further i would have had mickle dead and have lumas dawn the mask and become mickle so he could right more books and continue to make money

The only time I think Brad Dourif has ever dissapointed me was his role in Myst III, but I attribute that more to bad storytelling than bad acting.

Great review, didn’t even bother to see the first Halloween remake, so like before wasn’t interested in this one. However really, Weird Al is it? That’s random…I guess not like the fucks they keep repeating anyway, but still.

I’ve never seen a R. Zombie film. Ever. I knew he’d be a one-trick pony filmmaker because he was a one-trick pony musician. He’d write an album, find that one song that was popular and then produce ten to twenty alternate versions and remixes and cram that song into every movie he could find that would take it. Is it any wonder that he’s stuck on the redneck massacre Xploitation wannabe shit? Never liked the guy artistically. His paintings are better than anything else he’s done. He should stick with that.

But that last bit about how watching bad movies will make you a better film maker: It’s true. You have to watch both the best and the worst and compare them. Look at something that really scared the shit out of you and affected you… some flick that gave you nightmares and shit, and then compare that to something like this and look at the differences. Modern horror films are stuck on the new wave of torture porn shit that grew out of the slasher movie, and they suck hard. Even the slasher movies were more frightening because you had some kind of plot and at least a couple of characters that weren’t retarded. But these new films are just nothing but violence. “Torture Porn” is a good term for it.

What’s porn? It’s a sort of film where you don’t need a plot or character development or anything like that. All you need is some chick with big tits who gets fucked. Everything serves as some sort of excuse to show more sex.

What’s torture porn? It’s a sort of film where you don’t need plot or character development or anything like that. All you need is someone to cut into bits and scream. Everything serves as some excuse to show more death and pain.

These new films are exactly that. No decent characters, no plot, nothing to say. The whole point of these films is to show the most violent shit you can come up with. It is exactly what the term “Torture Porn” describes, and I think that not only should people use that term “torture porn”, I think it should be said out loud with as much contempt and disgust as you can muster. Torture porn is truly the absolute rock bottom of film making. I consider it even lower than porn, because porn can at least be useful. Torture porn has absolutely nothing to offer anyone, unless you’re sick enough to enjoy watching people be mutilated. I know it’s fake, and that’s probably why I can’t understand the fascination. Even if you WERE the sort of person who got off on watching people die horribly, wouldn’t you rather see something like Faces of Death or the Taliban beheading videos or something more realistic like that? Why are these movies so popular? I find the existence of the entire genre to be a disturbing comment on modern culture.

You could probably edit the hysterical overacting stuff in this vlog to be really wrong …

Squiggly_P, you took the words right out of my mouth.

You earn an internets.

Man, if your going to make a Halloween movie, follow one of two things:
1. Make Mike a unstoppable force. Make it so that all he does is kill. Nothing more, nothing less. Have charaters that you can like, so that you don’t want them to get killed. Make Mike voiceless; make him almost unknown, with only bit and peices of information.
2. Pull a Halloween 3. Don’t make Mike the killer, make it someone else. I totally agree with Spoony, it would have made a shitty movie at least somewhat watchable if the Docter was the killer. A good twist, if somewhat predictible.

Your hysterical over-acting parody was the funniest thing I have seen in weeks. Bravo Spoony, bravo!

Biggest problem with the “final destination” series: They apparently don’t know what “final” means.

i have to wait till february next year to watch it…not good

I’m not really a fan of horror movies, but it’s sad to hear that Rob’s pulling down a series even lower than it’s already, supposedly, gone.

For me, I’d love to see a horror movie where a serial killer goes around murdering serial killers.
But hey, I like to cheer for nice guys.

I agree…After the first 2 halloweens the whole series went into the trash. But I imdb’d Dourif and I immediately facepalmed. Why? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1134807/ THAT is why. A remake of Child’s Play with Dourif playing Chucky.

I’m a huge movie buff, hell I love B movies, but this movie had no semblance of anything good
(there were a few visually cool looking scenes but it didn’t help). I saw it opening night and expected to be arm to arm with people but no, apparently people could smell the shit before they walked in the ticket line. I actually almost walked out of the theater and I’ve seen White Chicks in theater.

Michael Myers is a faceless killer. Once I saw him without the white William Shatner mask, I was pissed and knew this is going to be bad. Michael is the mask! He has no mercy for you or anyone. Once you see him, YOU ARE DEAD!

In the first remake you didn’t even really see his face, because in the John Carpenter original you only see his face for a split second.

There are talks of Zombie doing a remake of The Blob. Why? But whatever. He should do a remake of Deliverance. That would make sense for his style of directing.

However on this movie, I’d rather watch my own parents having sex then watch this abortion again.

Go see Moon or The Hurt Locker. They are so much better than anything else that came out this summer, save Basterds.

I loved the review, but I have to really disagree with you, Spoony. No, not about this film, I haven’t seen it, hated the first one, and have no intention of seeing another Rob Zombie film (I’ve hated every single one of his movies). I mean about Michael Myers.

Someone else on here made the same mistake you have, saying that Myers doesn’t have a back story. YES HE DOES. Go back and watch the original film again. The only thing Rob Zombie did was elaborate a little on it. Michael Myers was NOT meant to be a force of nature, or anything other than a person. A creepy killing machine person, but still a person. He’s a kid in the first one to start out with, you see him in the mental institute… and the idea that he just kills is ludicrous. Why go after Laurie Strode? Why not just kill anyone? Maybe the later films made him into something inhuman, but not the original film.

I get, and agree, that Michael Myers is supposed to be silent. HE’S MUTE. He spent the entire time in the mental ward CATATONIC. That = human being, albeit fuckin psycho, not “Great White that eats you and shits you out” and that’s it. Yeah, sounds like Rob Zombie royally fucked up Michael Myers, but I actually like the idea of him being a hobo. I think it’s a pretty creepy idea, actually. I really didn’t like the other Halloween films besides the first one, so maybe that’s why. They really do turn him into a mindless, unstoppable killing machine. I always found that to be stupid, quite frankly. He’s NOT undead, he’s not a monster. He’s NOT Jason Vorhees. He’s a human being. The films after the first one fucked that up. I looked forward to Rob Zombie’s remake because he talked about digging into the character of Michael Myers and… basically what he had to say sounded like a good expansion on the original Halloween film. Unfortunately, he ruined the atmosphere. There wasn’t any subtlety. Films like this live and die by subtlety. It’s a real shame because I still think the ideas were good ones, they were just poorly executed.

HELL YEAH, house of 1000 corpses was AWESOME! I loved that movie.

I would certainly would’ve made this movie diferently. Michael Myers wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t have visions, he would mostly be in the dark most of the time, he wouldn’t appear most of the time, also there should be a scene where someone plunges a knife deep into Myers chest, but it wouldn’t have any effect on him and he would just bash the guys head into the wall, then take the knife out, just to give that idea that Myers is like unkillable (ofc he is not, but you’d deep down after seeing that, you wouldn’t really believe that xD)
damn with some weeks of writing i could make a better Halloween movie!

If spoony ever made/ directed a movie, I would be glorious :)
And I am now going to save my money for other things instead of this movie

If spoony ever made/ directed a movie, I would be glorious :)
And I am now going to save my money for other things instead of this movie

*it

“Me my ass!”

Wait…

I loved your hysterical actress impression.

I was weened on Halloween I &II. I stood in awe in watching Michael Myers as this unstoppable juggernaught would brutalizingly destroy anyone or anythingthing that got in his way. You knew nothing about about what went on inside his head. He was a mysterious and powerful shade of evil. Gave me a few nightmares. Gotta love it for that alone.

If you were going to capitilize on what made those first few films great it had to have been the force behind him. I don’t need to know how he got that way, but exploring what possesses him to become this monster- THAT would have made one hell of a flick. The psychology is just too surfacey, especially if it isn’t sold well. Pleasance made you feel that force behind him a reality. He sold Michael to the audience. That’s why he was great in those films, IMO.

man when i frist heard rob zombie was doing movies i was like man this is gonna suck

Michael Myers has one thing about him, one, that makes him far more frightening than Jason, and that is that he watches. What made Halloween 1 scary is that it took him almost an hour for the first kill, but there were so many moments where you thought it was coming, it scared the pants off of you with a horrifying tension… sudden boom kill, oh look at that is just not as frightening.

It was the horse!!
(Mr. Ed voice) “Kill them all Michael!”

Absolutely hilarious. Especially the impersonations.

Spoony, if you don’t know about him already, you should watch some of the Movie Preview Critics video’s. http://www.youtube.com/user/moviepreviewcritic He knows and agrees with EXACTLY what you’re talking about, about everything.

Oh so plan on seeing it in the way me and my friends used to watch movies. Be the annoying fucks in the theater mst3k style. This movie so deserves it and I don’t think the “big” crowd at the theater will mind either. Unless they like trash like this? Come on what’s happened to the Vincent Price Horror movies, House on Haunted Hill, House of Wax, or even the Anthony Hopkins Hannibal Lector Trilogy; Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon. Or even Manhunter, the one before they casted Sir Anthony Hopkins. Hell even the Cell was a better mind fuck then what I hear the new Halloween movies (especially 2) are now. Which is a question I want answered; what happened to my mind fuck horror movies?

thank you for saving my money spoony…i knew this one was going to suck but I wanted to see it because I’m a halloween fan…now I think I’ll just wait for it to be on HBO or Showtime…and Weird Al in the movie??? That’s just fucked up

I don’t mind if the movies aren’t that good, the fact that rob zombie made it, just that solid fact, lets me know I will be entertained. I will still go see it, and will probably like it, but will still know its a bad movie and criticize it like a mofo. The zombie has brain washed me.

I saw that Pepsi advertising thar spoony! I smell a lawsuit! ;D

funny review

I lol’d at “5 people were in the movie theater including me”

horror movies in general have fallen apart

The Halloween series was originally intended to be a Halloween specific horror anthology by John Carpenter hence why Halloween 3 had no Micheal Myers (not to mention that the ending to the original 1978 film originally intended to have Micheal actually die but it was cut out and replaced what we know of today just to start a franchise out of it or something).

If he really wanted to expand on a background for a mass murdering psycho. Anything would have been better than the cliche “I had horrible parents” excuse. I think it would be more effective to find out (not through dumb ass visions, maybe a detective trying to find out as much as he can.) that his childhood was perfect. “Why, if everything was so great did he become a killer? Is he just mental? Is he really taken by some demon?” And even then still leave most the details out, or at least merely hint at them. I know its not a great idea, but that’s my 2 cents.

This is the funniest vid I’ve seen with you, only because of your talk about Brad Dorf(?) or whatever his name, riding in on a white horse and what followed. I even recorded it and put it on repeat. It’s still funny.

Nice rewiew spoony, :D

To tell you the truth YOU were more frigtening here rewiewng this movie (that angy maybe?) than this movie! XD

Liked the review… prolly wouldnt have gone to see it anyway, but good to know im not missing anything. BTW i think the last horror movie that honestly scared me was Event Horizon, though i dont know why…

I did see an interview with rob zombie about this movie the other day, and i guess its not intended to be a remake like the last one. He said he decided to just make it his own movie, and also said something about how he planned to humanize myers. But, i guess that was a poor plan on both counts.

More of spoony doing impressions of women please!!! :D

I loved your Malcolm Mcdowell impersonation. If I was a casting director, I would definitely have you play “the crying girl”, because that was just awesome.
I also loved how you just complete “lost it”, when talking about the great white shark. Just don’t mentally break down in front of the camera too often, though.

Atleast you took a bullet for us Spoony. ;)

Modern horro films being like cartoons is an understatement, I’ve been saying for awhile that modern films are like cartoons! Ever since the 90′s cars’ll blow up after being shot ANYWHERE!

Thank you! I was waiting for someone to point out the utter stupidity of the Final Destination movies. I don’t like horror movies in general, mostly because I’m too squeamish for the kind of literally visceral (or is that viscera?) cinematography needed to make it work, but I saw no real point to either those movies or the Saw movies. You’re right; shock deaths without context or motivation is pointless and needlessly gratuitous. I’m sure I’m not the only one scratching their head over why Death is so gung-ho over killing the kids in the movie after they were saved by a vision obviously sent to ensure they survived, and I’ve heard a ton of people complaining about how utterly stupid the death traps in Saw were, either because they were inescapable regardless or because there were so many flaws to them you should be able to escape fairly easily. They’re just there to provide over the top gore and death, and frankly, I can’t agree with that; it’s a shock when the trap goes off and the murder happens, sure, but you don’t get anything from it other than a quick, cheap thrill. It’s just death for death’s sake, and you shouldn’t be wanting to see how elaborately the next guy is going to get his in the end; maybe this time Death will have the victim’s beer bottle shoved down his throat and then explode from the pressure, or make her vibrator spaz out so it ruptures her internal organs as she’s using it. Yeah, that makes for a great film experience, doesn’t it?

My god spoony your voice can go high.

I sounded like Laurie Strode after watching Transformers 2: RotF

(sob)…Mudflap, Skids (whimper)….robot heaven (sob)

I’ve seen all the old ones (as a horror loving teenager [85 baby]) but I only recently even heard that H2 existed, and I didn’t even realize a remake of H1 was made. Way out of it recently.

I liked your description of Kobras’s [PUMA MAN!] double in the new movie, I’m almost ready to bite just on your description.

Anyway another great review, loving the more frequent content recently.

I noticed that your review of the first Rob Zombie Halloween was almost the opposite of The Cinema Snob’s review, so here comes my probably futile pitch. It’s one thing to see one review saying a movie is good and another saying it’s a giant turd, but put those two reviewers in the same room and you got a show. It may be impossible from a practical standpoint but if it can work, I think it will pretty interesting to see you two side to side on reviews.

spoony I have never seen one of the halloween movies.

I think I’ve come up with a new quote because of that last line, “A good movie will inspire you to make a good movie. A bad movie will teach you how to MAKE that good movie.”

So in this movie, Michael Myers is just a really strong crazy guy with a big knife who had a crappy childhood and kills people because his mommy tells him to?

Sounds like another villain I know:

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/4586/sephiroth8jy.jpg

i think they should have cut out Michael Myers tong when he was little it would give him a more reasonable reason to be a killer and explain why he doesn’t talk

Spoony, you should definitely make movies! I think you’d be great at it!

Did anyone else correct you on the “BEhemoth” thing, Noah? Noticed you said “BOhemoth”. Minor detail I know, but, I’m a pedantic jerk, I literally can’t help it.

It’s gonna be sad(well, not really, more like hilarious haha) when Rob Zombie’s 30 million dollar Blob remake doesn’t even begin to compare to the INCREDIBLE, campy, badass, gruesome 80s version.

This guy is a horrid director. And can he pick more played out horror movies/series to remake? Halloween had like 8 sequels. And now The Blob? THere’s already been a remake not too long ago(well, doesn’t seem too long to me at least). Then again he says he’s gonna do something COMPLETELY different with it, like it won’t even feature an actual “blob” haha. What a hack.

VH1 classic still plays older videos btw. However, it’s rare to see stuff as old as the 70s. Most of it is 80s, and a lot of it is crappy pop music, not classic rock or anything which I assume is what Zombie used here.

Didn’t like District 9 that much? Bah, dammit Spoony.

Glad to see someone rip this shit movie apart like it deserves though.

Well, Spoony… you asked for it:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/entertainmentnewsbuzz/2009/08/halloween-3d-coming-in-summer-2010.html

Zombie is out though.

please spoony dont imitate hysterical girls ever again, PLEASE!

I wouldn’t call what Loomis was doing “Capitalism”. :\ Capitalism does have it’s ethics too, Spoony.

Otherwise, thanks for the warning, won’t be wasting money on it.

I had forgotten that Halloween was supposed to have taken place in Haddonfield. For those who do not know Haddonfield is a ritzy, posh, historic area in south-west New Jersey. High priced stores in old, restored stone buildings type of place.

Noah,

Man you must have the tolerance & patience of a saint to sit through another Rob Zombie flick. I don’t see why they keep letting him make movies. They’re all the same stereotypical white trash inbred redneck rampages. Rob Zombie needs to give up his horror movie directing dream, and get back to making music.

Keep up the good fight. BTW, love your t-shirt. lol

To: #159 DingusStudley

“Then again he says he’s gonna do something COMPLETELY different with it, like it won’t even feature an actual “blob” haha. What a hack.”

I have a prediction. Rob Zombie’s BLOB will not be a gelatinous goo alien, but it will be a 500 lbs. hillbilly who fucks his sister and eats her boyfriends to please their abusive mother who likes to use the word “fuck” a lot.

You can quote me. :)

“Jump scares don’t equal a horror movie”, yet you gave “Drag Me to Hell” the most glowing review I’ve ever seen on this site. That movie is *defined* by jump scares. That’s really all there is to the whole thing (beyond the Raimiesque humorror).

So which is it?

Simply want to say…. I never ever have seen any Halloween movies yeah i’m strange…
Think i’m just not into slasher movie

@ #168 The D

Drag Me To Hell defined by jump scares? Yeah not really. When I think of this movie I definitely don’t think of the jump scares, let alone think they *defined* the movie. I mean it had it’s fair share, but I’m inclined to say that half the time the movie was making fun of the jump scare thing, because a lot of the jump scares were over stupid stuff (like the handkerchief).

For me (operative term, there) Drag Me To Hell was defined first by Raimi’s blend of occult and humor (which you mentioned) Beyond that, the plot is simple but effective (a little predicable at times though), with characters that actually matter (in a plot-driving sense, not necessarily in a “matters to the audience” sense). Basically, it’s put together nicely. And like Spoony said, horror is more of an atmospheric thing, and this movie did really well at establishing creepy and uneasy situations/environments/atmospheres. Like the scene at the bank with the finger tapping, or visiting Ganush’s home, the summoning…it’s all done well and with reason. Also, perhaps most importantly, the movie is just fun, plain and simple.

Anyway, I know this was directed at Spoony. Just thought I’d add in my two cents.

PS. nice review, Spoony :P

They have a channel with old 50-60′s stuff, black and white stuff like flipper and whatnot, mostly movies.

But I have never seen a 70′s channel

Well, I tend to wont to check out the original films when there is a remake but that’s becouse I like to see the originals so I can compare. However some people refuse to watch films over a certin age, like there past there used by date or something. I don’t really get it ether.

Also, about the back story thing, I think that Mickle Myers dose not need a back story becouse it ultimatly dose not matter why he’s doing what he’s doing. He just needs to be stopped. I feel the same about almost every villin though.

About your comment toward the Final Destination movies, that’s why I stopped at the second one. Same with Saw, I could see that they were just going to carry in on, with jigsaw somehow surviving and his plan going perfectly every time, murphys law be-damed! H.P Lovecraft is another prime culprit. I liked his stories but they all end in the same way. Every one get’s screwed and the bad guys get away with it. So I stopped watching or reading as the case may be.

One of my best friends would be scaired by this movie by the sounds of it. He was really scared of Drage Me to Hell….I’m not going to ask him to any more horror movies.

About your thing that Haloween 2 is not a horror movie, that’s why I make a distinction between horror and shock-horror. What your talking about with the “people jumping out” is what I call shock-horror. I thought it was a pretty old term but I don’t seem to hear it very offten these days.

Actually, there are TV stations devoted to old stuff on cable. I don’t know about radio.

You know, I think that sometimes they should just re-open old movies on the cinima unaltered for people to watch. Like the Indiana Johns movies or Star Trek or even stuff like Conan. Just so people who weren’t old enough back in the day can go see it on the big screen.

Anyway, I loved your impresions. This review was hilarius. Though it makes me wont to see this movie. If only for the two good performanses and all the laughably bad parts.

I don’t know if this movie falls into the “slasher” category, but check out “The Burning Moon” it’s a German film and I was unable to find it dubbed (or even subtitled) in english. You may have better luck though. I know why this director isn’t doing too well. He’s an amateur. I saw “House of 1000 corpses” and “Devils Rejects” and I was quite disappointed in both. after seeing those (glad I didn’t pay for it) I decided to not go and see his films. They’re dry, uninspired, and I personally find them boring. I saw District 9 twice. Noah, it’s good science fiction. I rarely go and see films, but if I go, I go to see either scifi or horror. I stopped going to the movies for quite some time (late 90′s until recently) and the reason why is that I more often than not would feel ripped off, sometimes angry that the time was wasted and so was the money. I was exposed to crap, and it’s in my head now. Anyways, I thought you would like D9, man. judging in your taste. Moon was OK. I felt a bit ripped off because I had to drive an hour to see it. I saw District 9 twice. It wasn’t as good as the first time, but I still felt entertained and satisfied after watching it. Bobbie Zombie makes some bland entry level horror. I’ve always enjoyed a fine horror/splatter flick, and I’ve not seen one for a long time… I did enjoy “Drag me to Hell” that was worth the time and money… the last good horror/splatter flick I saw was Planet Terror/Death Proof (I got to see the double feature, For nostalgia’s sake I remember the last of those types of films in theaters) I don’t know Noah… Perhaps you’re spoiled with movies? I wish I could see your movie collection to see which one’s we both have.

Maybe I’ll make a forum account.

@ #170 Aenubis

I could see the movie having a better style (and better director in Raimi), but really: the only horror I saw in that movie is just LOUD NOISE and QUICK FLASHES. Yes, there was a sense of foreboding and build up, but it inevitably lead to a jump scare. Every single time. I got tired of it before the halfway mark. That’s the only scary thing I saw in the whole movie.

When I say the movie was defined by jump scares, I might have misspoke. I meant that the *horror* in it was defined by jump scares. I happen to loathe them as a horror movie technique, for the same reasons Spoony mentioned. They’re cheap, anyone can do them, there’s no trick to them and it’s basically the lowest form of horror there is. It’s like tickling people to make them laugh. It makes me uncomfortable, personally, because you are bypassing my conscious thoughts and going straight for the primal pathways. And that’s cheap in my mind.

I’d like to be scared because of my own realisations and a foreboding atmosphere. Not because they music becomes tensely drawn out and a psychic seance ends in a LOUD NOISE and a FLASHING PICTURE.

So that’s basically what I was asking about. Why is it A-OK in Drag Me To Hell, but Halloween 2 is scolded for it? (I haven’t seen the latter, but I trust it’s not a masterpiece otherwise)

09:25 LOL!

I just wanted to say that I agree with you 100% that the new Halloween movie made no damn sense to the real storyline of Michael Meyers. I’m a huge fan of the old one’s because I always say that He was the most realistic Killer you can find out of movie’s. He was pure Evil, not like the Jason and Fredy bullshit that I don’t know how there coming back. Makes no sense. With Mike he was unstopable like he wasn’t even human and at one point in the movie. Lumous says that he’s not human like a demon lurking in him, but when it came to the new one. What the fuck is up with the white Horse that come’s into picture. I was about to walk out the door because of that sence. It didn’t feel like Micheal Meyers. So I stayed tried to watch this shitty storyline and hope it could turn out better. I was wrong it got worse. All I got to say is. WTF Rob!!!!!! Maybe you should of made it more Holloween then your fucking style and your wife shouldn’t even been in it.

I agree with what you say Spoony, mainstream cinema has lost touch completely with the horror genre, the only horror movies i watch now are 70′s and 80′s horror classics like Nightmare on elm street and Halloween and so on OR terrible B movies that no one knows about because at least they are made by people who have an idea about what a decent horror movie should consist of. I myself have been in many B movies and i love it, it don’t matter about the story line as long as it scares the shite out of you (That being said i am a fan of a great story line =D)

But overall, I do find myself wanting all these charecters in modern day horror films to be killing in the most horrific way because no one relates to them, they are ither, as you say, whiny cringe worthy people who you just know are gona get it in the ass or they just swear their heads off to make it look all macho and grown up, I just hope that one day mainstream cinema can start turning to some of the great talent out there who can really make goood horror movies, then maybe one day i might actually go to the cinema again ¬_¬

Rant over lols =D Love you Spoony xxx

@ #141, The D

“I’d like to be scared because of my own realisations and a foreboding atmosphere.”
Totally agree with you there, and in my opinion Drag Me To Hell fit into that criteria. But that’s just me. I don’t think it ended with a jump scare EVERY time though. Like when she goes to Ganush’s house, and suddenly it’s a party (is that a correct term for that? I mean the woman was dead, afterall, lol). Or the summoning sequence. Or in the beginning with the little boy, which is probably one of my favorite parts of the whole thing.

I actually like that at one point in the film, when you REALLY expect a jump scare, you don’t get one. Remember when she’s in the car and Ganush is outside, then she ducks under the window? Everyone in the theater got tense. But instead of a jump scare, she slowly comes back up with a huge ass rock to bust through the window. Of course, I might be leaving out like 15 jump scares in that scene though, haha. But that kind of goes back to my initial point that when I think of the movie, the jump scares just don’t pop in there.

Pretty much everything else I agree with you on too. Jump scares are just easy, cheap tricks. I think why it didn’t work in Halloween 2 (which I haven’t seen, and am purely going on what Spoony said) is that that’s ALL the movie had to offer. With Drag Me To Hell, jump scares were definitely part of it, but there was a lot more there as a whole. And because of the sometimes humorous tone of the movie, the jump scares just added to the fun of watching it.

But that’s just me. I appreciate seeing a different viewpoint and discussing it, so thanks for the response :)

Wow…his dead mother come back as a spirit to tell Micheal to kill people? Like with Jason and his mother? Adding that white horse just makes it random and stupid.

It’s funny how people think this is a ‘remake’ of the original Halloween 2 when it’s not. It nothing more than a follow up to Zombies’ first Halloween, which WAS a remake…I actually really liked the first one. The second, however, was a little dry. There was nothing scary about it at all and the focus wasn’t on Micheal but his sister. I did like the fact that Micheal Myers was portrayed as a REAL PERSON not this douche in a mask that never talks and has no depth to him. The original movies were lame IMO..I mean, the character is so bland, boring and impossible to believe. The new Myers is at least believable………..

Great review! And very funny. Not been on your website for a while, good to see you’re still on top form.

i like you

i feel it woudl of been better had it not been tied to the Halloween name, and yeah i think it woudla worked beeeter wiht jason..

it would be funny to have like a ms paint animation to show a funny but dramatic re-enactment
of your garage door breaking down …

rob zombies and his Halloween movies are Jason “he doesn’t know what death is”

Today as I watched the Discovery Channel I saw a special on Great White Sharks that was narrated by Malcolm McDowel. I flashed back to this review and had myself a good laugh.

Something about “Destrucity my ass!” makes me laugh every single time I watch this.

@Kefka

Lmao. So true.

Anyway. I saw the Halloween 1 remake. Wasn’t that impressed by it. All it showed us really was that he had fucked up daddy and mommy enjoyed giving blow jobs for a quarter problems. XD We all have some sort of issue with mommy and daddy, but that doesn’t make us killers!!…Or does it?

I admit that it had SOME good parts (like where he beat the shit out of that bully. Guess he won’t be bothering Michael anymore ^.^) but overall it was, in my opinion, WORSE than the original. This just sounds bad; thanks for telling us about it!

You know, I think I just realized the perfect example for what you say about horror being atmospheric. The Man-Hunt games. In the first game, you were in this foreign situation, you were in this game that this crazy guy has set up, your only way out is to kill and to listen to the advice of the person that put you in this horrible situation and you always feel that your just a rat in a cage until near the end and even then, you have that fear of the fact that you’re going into the belly of the beast in order to get revenge.

But in the second game…. there isn’t a feeling of fear at your surroundings, you’re always in the so called “real world” there is too much a feeling of freedom to go anywhere that you don’t feel scared, which in turn also makes you screw up more because you take bigger risks that get you killed. Course added to that is the crap storyline and the obvious so called “plot twist” of your buddy being a figment of your imagination. It’s just not scary! It’s exactly like what you’re describing with Halloween.

Well said spoony! You had me at “Michael Myer’s mom dressed in white riding a white horse!”

PS: very glad to see you working with Linkara and That Guy.

I understand why tacking a bad childhood on Michael Myers would ruin him. I’ve never seen the Halloween movies (I’m a pathetic coward who can barely handle scares at all sometimes), but I’ve heard bits about them and I saw the AVGN review of the NES game.

Anyway, I still get it because the unknown is a lot scarier than anything any person can show on a screen. Horror works better, in my opinion, when there’s that element of not knowing things. From what I can tell, in the original Halloween movies, you have absolutely no idea why Michael Myers is killing people, he just is, no justification for it or anything, which is what makes it terrifying. You tack on something like a back story, and you know why he’s doing what he’s doing, meaning there’s less of an effect, because you can see some humanity in him. Some of the most intimidating killers are the ones with no morals or voice, they just kill. Like you and Weird Al said, Spoony, like a shark.

I could be talking total bullshit since I know very little about horror movies, but that’s my thoughts on the matter, make of them what you will.

This comment is directed at Disthron and anyone else who stopped at SAW II,

If you saw the first two SAW movies, you need to watch the third. The first movie was a crazy idea with an entertaining twist, and the second did seem like much of the same. You know, the idea of “I like it, but how is it any different from the first?” Watch the third movie. It ties itself with the first two in ways that will make your head hurt and actually wraps them all up in what I thought was one impressively cohesive and well told story. The fourth movie is fun to watch as well, though not as important as the third. Don’t waste your time with the fifth.

i go to this site because it’s funny as hell, but this review in particular I really enjoyed because it also had a ton of insight. very well wrapped up at the end. i’ve always been involved in creative pursuits, either art or music, and terrible shit has taught me as much if not more than good songs or paintings. great job, great rant.

I’m almost always a stickler for the originals when it comes to remakes

Oh man, when you started talking about how you get more enjoyment from bad movies because they’re examples of what NOT to do, this song just popped in my head xD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCQGQ5qBQTA&feature=related

How does no one notice that Margot Kidder is the therapist?

Michael Myers’ mom was played by Rob Zombie’s wife. I hope this act of nepotism describes the blatant stupidity of his mom riding in on a white horse.

I could literally match your half hour rant. I HATED THIS MOVIE!! It was so mind-boggingly stupid!! You cover everything that I hated about it. The only slight redeeming feature is its not as long as the first, and “Weird Al” Yankovic’s, out-of-left field cameo.

Also, LL Cool J was in HALLOWEEN H20, and was shot by Adam Arkin (whoops.). Busta Rhymes was the guy who dominated Michael in the fist fight (it also had a little bit of kung fu in it) in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION.

I know what you mean about real horror being atmosphere. Of all the movies I’ve watched, of all the games I’ve played, the only thing that’s ever managed to actually scare me is a game called STALKER. The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a bayonet, and man oh man does it do a good job of making you feel unwelcome and scared.

Actually there is a movie were every other word was fuck the movie was called Big Money Hustlas

Never watched The Wire, Spoony? Season 1 there was an awesome scene where Bunk and McNulty are investigating a murder scene and say nothing but the word “Fuck” for about 2 minutes straight – and it’s a brilliant scene!

You know, I would LOVE to see that in a horror movie once. The lead girl that’s in a jittery mess just suddenly snaps and slaps someone and lays the situation to them as straight as can be.

I haven’t seen it, but you seem to have a strong hate for what you call teleportation in movies. Isn’t the routine to just imagine that the characters walked to wherever from where they were and we presume some time has gone by? I don’t see why they need to be shown going from point A to B, or that we need to see the minute hand of a clock keeping acurate time and so on. If a movie goes out of its way to take care of these details, then some would complain that there is too much footage that should be edited out. Oh well, maybe I’m wrong because I haven’t seen it. The only place teleportation is REALLY bad is in Diablo2.

You’re a pretty funny guy, Spoon, and while I agree with most of what you said, I have to disagree with the ‘hallucinations’ and what not with ‘Michael’.

If you pay attention, the story builds a strong case for Laurie Strode actually being the killer, Michael being the representation of her in ‘killer mode’. This would also explain why the men rough Michael up in a cornfield, not to mention many other ‘plot holes’ you talked about.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it though, so I could be wrong. That said, yeah, H2 was pretty bad.

I’ve never seen the Rob Zombie Halloween series and i really have no intention to. Usually I’ll see a movie for myself and not really mind what other people say to make my own judgment of it. Granted I loved the original Halooween series, I grew up with it, and it scared me shitless, but as i got older it just became more interesting how invincible he became as they progressed. Just seeing the previews for the newer Halloween, the only thing that caught my focus was the “666″ and that kind of shit. I expected , Rob Zombie + Classic Halloween movie = FREAKING AWESOME or I’m going to make this as demonic and stupid as i know how….great review, and even thought it was August there at the time, I’m sorry for the terribly heat, you look really uncomfortable. :/ lots of humidity?

So if the word Fuck is like a seasoning, is saying 60 times like eating 60 teaspoons of basil? Hmm.

To # 168
The D September 1, 2009 at 1:04 pm

“Jump scares don’t equal a horror movie”, yet you gave “Drag Me to Hell” the most glowing review I’ve ever seen on this site. That movie is *defined* by jump scares. That’s really all there is to the whole thing (beyond the Raimiesque humorror).

So which is it?

Since Sam Raimi actually did direct Drag Me To Hell. And that was supposed to be amusing. Its like Army of Darkness. Thats kinda the same way, mostly jump scares in that yet it is praised as one of the best horror movies. In reality, Raimi’s horror movies are more like dark comedies with horror elements. On a side note, In reference to not being horrified when characters die, The Crucible is more horrific. Seriously, all the good guys die and the bad guys win. And you are pissed. And you should also be horrified at the fact that it all really did happen.

Let’s start with a little history, Halloween was a film made by John Carpenter back in the year of 1979 which I believe to be the best year for horror movies ever. Back then we Alien, The Shining, Halloween, The Changeling and a bunch of other movies that I’m not mentioning.

Halloween was pretty much the catylist for all the horror movie franchise in which serial killers were immortal Gods that could survive anything from a shotgun blast to the head down to a swift kick to the balls. Yup, John Carpenter invented that the moment he had Michael get up and walk away after he’d been stabbed in the neck with a knitting needle, poked in the eye with a coat hanger, stabbed in the chest with his own knife, shot six times in the torso and fallen from a fucking balcony to the ground below. Michael wasn’t even phased, and since then we’ve had sequels galore, some of them good, some of them bad and some of them not even featuring Michael Myers (“cough” Season of the Witch “cough”).

But since then the horror genre has simply gone down hill and now all we get are constant remakes. Not all of them are bad, in fact “The Hills Have Eyes” remake in my opinion managed to surpass the original.

Rob Zombie came along and directed the first of the “Halloween” remakes. He actually did a good job despite the lack of suspense in the “slasher” part of the movie and that rape scene that was completely unnecessary, it had a lot of cool violence, it looked great and there was lots of nudity which I commend in a horror film these days. Naturally of course the sequel was up for a remake, so Rob Zombie returned and what did we get?

This….

First of all, how did old Mike survive getting shot in the head? I know he’s Michael Myers but he got shot in “HEAD” with a 44. Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off!

I guess I’ll start off with what I liked about the movie. The best sequence in the entire film in my opinion the hospital chase sequence at the beginning which had a genuine air of dread around it (Yes it did just turn out to be a dream but bear with me). Brad Dourif was awesome as usual and so was Malcolm MacDowell (despite the fact that his character has almost no bearing on the central storyline whatsoever, but bear with me). Here are my problems however.

First of all we have Michael killing people who pretty much deserve to be killed. They had it coming, I don’t care who the fuck you are, you do not hassle a 7ft tall 200lb hobo, you are not Tony Jaa. Second why is Michael’s mother guiding him and riding a white horse? I know “White Horse” is some kind of psychological term but you did not need to take a 6ft fucking horse on to the set, apart from the fact that this was basically just an excuse to get Sherri Moon Zombie into the film. We get it Rob, your wife it hot, leave it.

Speaking of Michaels visions and Laurie’s dream sequences, WARNING: Epileptic people, stay the fuck away from this movie. You will die.

One of the bigger problems I had with this movie however was how the plot basically had not consistency whatsoever. I’ll just get past the fact that everyone seems to be able to teleport at will in this movie and get right to my favourite example.

Laurie is running away from the house after Danielle Harris is attacked (and ends up lying on the floor, bleeding and naked…. again) and ends up at a small stretch of road where she comes across a driver who says that he will take her to the hospital. Immediately I was excited, “Allright!” I thought, “This guy’s going to take her to the hospital and Michael’s going to turn up there and we’re going to have a hospital showdown, fantasy to reality and all that shit”.

So there I was, all prepped up for the ultimate showdown, girl versus killer, good versus evil, a battle to the death. Laurie would face her fears, and she would either overcome them or die in a heroic attempt to end the horror once and for all. Suspense mounting, tension rising, who will triumph?

Nope….

Michael shows up, kills the stupid fucker and takes Laurie to some random shack in the woods where the police surround them and Laurie has some spazzed out visions about her biological mother.

I’M HYPED…!

Seriously, what is this? The best part about this film was the hospital sequence, partly because it reminded me so much of the original. Which begs the question. Why didn’t Rob just try to remake the original Halloween 2? As much as I liked that film there was still a lot of room for improvement. For example, in the original all Laurie Strode did was limp around screaming. What did Rob do? Yes he gave Laurie more lines and more to do, but all she does is bitch and moan about everything. She’s like Chris O’donnel in the Joel Schumacher Batman films. Congratulations Rob, you took the most annoying thing about the original and gave it a voice. Thank you.

Seriously, I was really looking forward to seeing an update of the hospital horror of the original but instead we get whining emo chicks, teleporting killers and ghostly bitches on horses! Why?

The thing is I actually like Rob Zombie, but I think he’s way better when he’s doing a project that fully his own. Rob actually said at one point that he wouldn’t be doing Halloween 2 so I think that he was roped into it somehow, because the whole thing just comes off as a bit half arsed. It actually reminds me of John Carpenter when he was writing the original. He didn’t really didn’t want to do a sequel so he knocked out a script in a couple of weeks. But even John Carpenter’s half arsed attempt at horror was better than Rob Zombie’s.

Though hopfully Rob will have made enough money from this movie to go about doing something that “he” wants to do. Hopefully something better than this.

But say what you want about this movie, it’s still way better than “Halloween: Resurrection”, (shudder).

I tell ya, Spoony, I know *exactly* what you mean about what’s “scary” and what isn’t. I don’t get what is so appealing about jump scares and stuff. I’ve seen various “scary” games and movies, but then look at something else (usually older) that’s significantly scarier. Good review, man.

you should get an oscar for that whining you made… (that girl who’s always crying or w/e) :D

to Baron Von Banhappy

Your arguement would be valid IF we weren’t talking about Rob Zombie. I think that idea is too out of Zombie’s reach to pull off well. or even to pull off at all

Honestly they could have ended the series at 2 for me. (The Myers part at least. I loved 3 for totally separate reasons.) 4 and beyond just took it too far. I don’t care about Michael’s past outside of what you see in the original film’s opening. I don’t even want to know that he’s Laurie’s brother. It’s scarier if he’s not! It’s scarier if he’s a faceless, voiceless, reasonless psychopath. That’s why the original film was so effective, I think. Like you said, once you make him human, then you can kill him. He’s human.

I want a base of characters that are people who I could see myself knowing and liking. I want to know they are close to the main character. Then I want my killer to kill them. Horrify me god damn it.

Anyway Spoony as always you hit the nail on the head with this review. Keep it up, I’ll keep coming back.

@11:24
I consider Spoony randomly leaping into the room and punching someone in the balls entertainment…especially if he yells “SHORYUKEN!”

i thought the same thing about using bad movies as examples of what not to do guidelines in film making! :D

i thought the same thing about using bad movies as examples of what not to do guidelines in film making! :D

Aw come on. I liked Halloween Ressurection. It wasn't that bad

The massive “fuck” clip, I have to admit, it's not Shakespeare, but having just recently been in a bad car wreck, you do tend to talk like that. At least I did, up until when someone got there. But I digress.

The director's cut is what pissed me off way more than the theatrical version. At least the theatrical cut, there were glimpses of Laurie TRYING to be a normal girl again. She was TRYING to piece her life back together. But in the DC, all that is replaced with her bitching more and more and more. And even worse than that, Michael – grown up Tyler Mane version of Michael – talks!! WTF!!! I can forgive kid Michael talking to Mommy, but NOT grown up Michael!

brad dorf this was a complete from his most famous film series as chucky from child's play, also as for the character of michael myers, actually it seemed like rob zombie turned the myers character into rob zombie in a michaek myers' mask.

Halloween 2 is awesome. It's the after horror movie, movie. I don't know about anyone else but I've always kinda wondered what happened the victims of a horror movie after the movie had actually finish. I know Sally from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre is meant to go into a mental hospital but you never get to actually see it. Halloween 2 shifts from focusing on Myers (who is the protagonist of the first) to Laurie (the victim from the first), which works really well for it. In this movie you get to see just how fuck up an experience of surviving a mass murdering rampage makes you. Scout Taylor-Compton does a great job of this think. Normally I hate a load emo shit but this is not what's going on in the movie. Laurie does a lot of whinnying and of lot of angry lashing out at poeple she cares deeply for but she is genuinely trying to stop this behaviour, it's just that everything that she's been through keeps replaying in her head, everything is a constant reminder and she can't cope with it.

The stuff with Michael Myers and his mum is showing that there is actually something supernatural or paranormal going on. This is supported with Laurie who knows something is wrong throughout the whole movie and can't feel it growing but can't quite place it. In the end the end she sees her mum as well. The paranormal stuff however is really downplayed and subtle which makes it far more creepy and effective.

Ok the majority of the deaths are the fairly standard slasher deaths and pretty much what you'd expect. This is actually what I didn't like about the second half of the first movie but I think they fit in much better here. It also has in it one of the creepiest deaths scenes that I have ever seen and that's the one of Annie. Annie is a instantly likable character. She is a survivor too but has got her shit together far more than Laurie but there is still something there that suggests that she might crack at any moment, kudos to Danielle Harris for that great acting. Annie try's to support Laurie as best she can and takes far more crap from her than she really has to or deserves and whilst she does lose it a couple of times she always push quickly back giving us an intensely human support character that is a great mirror for Laurie our protagonist. These traits endeared her to me as the audience a great deal. When Michael Myers comes to the house I was rooting for her to get away but knowing that she wouldn't. This truly had me on the edge of my seat and having her killed off screen to let my imagination do the work, with the fast whispered “help, help, help,” and the sounds of struggle made the whole thing truly horrific. Laurie's reaction is great. Such pain in her voice as she apologies for being such a bitch and admits that she needs Annie to cope with everything that's happened. Then her father the Sheriff (Brad Dourif) find her and the pain in his voice as he hold her is almost unbearable. Never in a slashed movie have I cared so much for a character who's been killed or the pain inflicted on those who loved them, as I have in the case of Annie. It's without a doubt the best death scene in a slasher movie that I've ever seen and I think one of the best death scenes ever.

I suppose one of the reason why I might have liked this movie more than other people is because I haven't seen many of the other Halloween films and the ones I have seen I watched in no particular order. I never really liked Michael Myers or Jason for that matter. I preferred Freddy and Chucky and Pinhead for the reason that they had loads of personality and that all of that personality was driven on killing you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I came into these remakes with no preconceptions of what I thought Michael Myers should be but with an idea of what I thought a good horror/slasher movie should be. Halloween 2 surpassed my expectations and then some. It had some good death scenes where I was glad to see the victim get taken a part, it had some death scenes where I was rooting for the victim and it had one horrific death scene which will forever stick in my mind, probably because it was mostly my mind doing the work. It had fantastic character development with believable and emotional humanising of these characters, which made me root for them even more and did what a good horror movie is supposed to do, scare me.

I think the problem with this movie, which is one that I think faces a lot of remakes; is that people have a certain ideas about the way certain characters should act or behave and are upset when they don't. If you're going to watch a remake you have let go of your preconceptions and be prepared to embrace someone else's new ideas and imaginings. This is exactly what Rob Zombie's Halloween films are; a reimagining. It's not meant to be like the originals, the characters in them are not the same characters in this. I think this film would have been received much better if the title of the film was something different and the characters names where all changed but the plot and the cast remained the same. This is probably why remakes in general are a bad idea and film makers should start making new things whilst only taking inspiration from old movies rather than entire plot premises. For now though I'll just say that Rob Zombies Halloween 2 is what it is, an underrated masterpiece of slasher horror.

hey Spoony, as for being disconnected from horror movies because of rooting for the slasher, try When A Stranger Calls and its sequel

Glad you watched this movie so I didn’t have to, damn remakes.

Albeit.. Thought that was pronounced like the german ARBEIT!!
sry, that’s all I had to say

I didn’t see the movie, but all I needed to know was in the trailer. I was actually interested when the woman was in the hospital. It looked exciting, but I wish It could have just been that. All the people in the hospital disappeared, and Michal is lurking in the dark for the right moment to strike. He would torture her mentally, and in the end would just kill her. I think that sounds more interesting than him just killing EVERYBODY. After the short scene of the hospital, my hopes went down the drain when I saw the woman in white (his mom). She’s a ghost was my reaction. And ghost and Michal just . . . just don’t work together at all.

Ghost seriously? His is Mom trying to scare us? Trying to freak us out? You could have him vision some ugly, tall Mom because from what I got out of Spoony’s review, she was a bad parent. Your parents are tall, and leaning over you. She would be tall, and she was a bad parent. If my mom was a bad parent, I would imagine her in a scary way. But Michal, he loved his Mom, I guess, and thought she was pretty. But she just doesn’t scare us. In the trailer when she said something about a trail of blood, that didn’t scare me.

But again in the hosptail when everyone was killed, that brought suspense to me. I was acutally worried about her dying. But then some lady shuts her mirror door thing, and Michal’s face is in the mirror. Hell, if I saw that face, I wouldn’t turn around slowly. I scream like hell, and ran as fast as I can. I would get in my car, and drive as fast as I could. I would try to get out of the state, because it only seems he’s going after people in the town.

When I went to see Devil’s Rejects, me and my girlfriend were the only two in the theater, which surprised me.