Rob Zombie’s back with another psychobilly freakout! We barely survived the last Halloween; will this year be any better? It’s the only horror movie you’ll see in this lifetime involving a killer cow, Dr. Frank N. Furter, Weird Al Yankovic, and what could be the longest running chain of the word “fuck” being repeated in any movie in history.
Edit: Yes, I know it’s “Nights in White Satin” by the Moody Blues. I’m blaming heat stroke and dizziness from the pain of the shitty movie for my mental schizm. “Whites in Night Satin” indeed. I think that’s a Klan anthem.
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I’ve seen all the old ones (as a horror loving teenager [85 baby]) but I only recently even heard that H2 existed, and I didn’t even realize a remake of H1 was made. Way out of it recently.
I liked your description of Kobras’s [PUMA MAN!] double in the new movie, I’m almost ready to bite just on your description.
Anyway another great review, loving the more frequent content recently.
I noticed that your review of the first Rob Zombie Halloween was almost the opposite of The Cinema Snob’s review, so here comes my probably futile pitch. It’s one thing to see one review saying a movie is good and another saying it’s a giant turd, but put those two reviewers in the same room and you got a show. It may be impossible from a practical standpoint but if it can work, I think it will pretty interesting to see you two side to side on reviews.
spoony I have never seen one of the halloween movies.
I think I’ve come up with a new quote because of that last line, “A good movie will inspire you to make a good movie. A bad movie will teach you how to MAKE that good movie.”
So in this movie, Michael Myers is just a really strong crazy guy with a big knife who had a crappy childhood and kills people because his mommy tells him to?
Sounds like another villain I know:
http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/4586/sephiroth8jy.jpg
i think they should have cut out Michael Myers tong when he was little it would give him a more reasonable reason to be a killer and explain why he doesn’t talk
Spoony, you should definitely make movies! I think you’d be great at it!
Did anyone else correct you on the “BEhemoth” thing, Noah? Noticed you said “BOhemoth”. Minor detail I know, but, I’m a pedantic jerk, I literally can’t help it.
It’s gonna be sad(well, not really, more like hilarious haha) when Rob Zombie’s 30 million dollar Blob remake doesn’t even begin to compare to the INCREDIBLE, campy, badass, gruesome 80s version.
This guy is a horrid director. And can he pick more played out horror movies/series to remake? Halloween had like 8 sequels. And now The Blob? THere’s already been a remake not too long ago(well, doesn’t seem too long to me at least). Then again he says he’s gonna do something COMPLETELY different with it, like it won’t even feature an actual “blob” haha. What a hack.
VH1 classic still plays older videos btw. However, it’s rare to see stuff as old as the 70s. Most of it is 80s, and a lot of it is crappy pop music, not classic rock or anything which I assume is what Zombie used here.
Didn’t like District 9 that much? Bah, dammit Spoony.
Glad to see someone rip this shit movie apart like it deserves though.
Well, Spoony… you asked for it:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/entertainmentnewsbuzz/2009/08/halloween-3d-coming-in-summer-2010.html
Zombie is out though.
please spoony dont imitate hysterical girls ever again, PLEASE!
I wouldn’t call what Loomis was doing “Capitalism”. :\ Capitalism does have it’s ethics too, Spoony.
Otherwise, thanks for the warning, won’t be wasting money on it.
I had forgotten that Halloween was supposed to have taken place in Haddonfield. For those who do not know Haddonfield is a ritzy, posh, historic area in south-west New Jersey. High priced stores in old, restored stone buildings type of place.
Noah,
Man you must have the tolerance & patience of a saint to sit through another Rob Zombie flick. I don’t see why they keep letting him make movies. They’re all the same stereotypical white trash inbred redneck rampages. Rob Zombie needs to give up his horror movie directing dream, and get back to making music.
Keep up the good fight. BTW, love your t-shirt. lol
To: #159 DingusStudley
“Then again he says he’s gonna do something COMPLETELY different with it, like it won’t even feature an actual “blob” haha. What a hack.”
I have a prediction. Rob Zombie’s BLOB will not be a gelatinous goo alien, but it will be a 500 lbs. hillbilly who fucks his sister and eats her boyfriends to please their abusive mother who likes to use the word “fuck” a lot.
You can quote me. :)
“Jump scares don’t equal a horror movie”, yet you gave “Drag Me to Hell” the most glowing review I’ve ever seen on this site. That movie is *defined* by jump scares. That’s really all there is to the whole thing (beyond the Raimiesque humorror).
So which is it?
Simply want to say…. I never ever have seen any Halloween movies yeah i’m strange…
Think i’m just not into slasher movie
@ #168 The D
Drag Me To Hell defined by jump scares? Yeah not really. When I think of this movie I definitely don’t think of the jump scares, let alone think they *defined* the movie. I mean it had it’s fair share, but I’m inclined to say that half the time the movie was making fun of the jump scare thing, because a lot of the jump scares were over stupid stuff (like the handkerchief).
For me (operative term, there) Drag Me To Hell was defined first by Raimi’s blend of occult and humor (which you mentioned) Beyond that, the plot is simple but effective (a little predicable at times though), with characters that actually matter (in a plot-driving sense, not necessarily in a “matters to the audience” sense). Basically, it’s put together nicely. And like Spoony said, horror is more of an atmospheric thing, and this movie did really well at establishing creepy and uneasy situations/environments/atmospheres. Like the scene at the bank with the finger tapping, or visiting Ganush’s home, the summoning…it’s all done well and with reason. Also, perhaps most importantly, the movie is just fun, plain and simple.
Anyway, I know this was directed at Spoony. Just thought I’d add in my two cents.
PS. nice review, Spoony :P
They have a channel with old 50-60’s stuff, black and white stuff like flipper and whatnot, mostly movies.
But I have never seen a 70’s channel
Well, I tend to wont to check out the original films when there is a remake but that’s becouse I like to see the originals so I can compare. However some people refuse to watch films over a certin age, like there past there used by date or something. I don’t really get it ether.
Also, about the back story thing, I think that Mickle Myers dose not need a back story becouse it ultimatly dose not matter why he’s doing what he’s doing. He just needs to be stopped. I feel the same about almost every villin though.
About your comment toward the Final Destination movies, that’s why I stopped at the second one. Same with Saw, I could see that they were just going to carry in on, with jigsaw somehow surviving and his plan going perfectly every time, murphys law be-damed! H.P Lovecraft is another prime culprit. I liked his stories but they all end in the same way. Every one get’s screwed and the bad guys get away with it. So I stopped watching or reading as the case may be.
One of my best friends would be scaired by this movie by the sounds of it. He was really scared of Drage Me to Hell….I’m not going to ask him to any more horror movies.
About your thing that Haloween 2 is not a horror movie, that’s why I make a distinction between horror and shock-horror. What your talking about with the “people jumping out” is what I call shock-horror. I thought it was a pretty old term but I don’t seem to hear it very offten these days.
Actually, there are TV stations devoted to old stuff on cable. I don’t know about radio.
You know, I think that sometimes they should just re-open old movies on the cinima unaltered for people to watch. Like the Indiana Johns movies or Star Trek or even stuff like Conan. Just so people who weren’t old enough back in the day can go see it on the big screen.
Anyway, I loved your impresions. This review was hilarius. Though it makes me wont to see this movie. If only for the two good performanses and all the laughably bad parts.
I don’t know if this movie falls into the “slasher” category, but check out “The Burning Moon” it’s a German film and I was unable to find it dubbed (or even subtitled) in english. You may have better luck though. I know why this director isn’t doing too well. He’s an amateur. I saw “House of 1000 corpses” and “Devils Rejects” and I was quite disappointed in both. after seeing those (glad I didn’t pay for it) I decided to not go and see his films. They’re dry, uninspired, and I personally find them boring. I saw District 9 twice. Noah, it’s good science fiction. I rarely go and see films, but if I go, I go to see either scifi or horror. I stopped going to the movies for quite some time (late 90’s until recently) and the reason why is that I more often than not would feel ripped off, sometimes angry that the time was wasted and so was the money. I was exposed to crap, and it’s in my head now. Anyways, I thought you would like D9, man. judging in your taste. Moon was OK. I felt a bit ripped off because I had to drive an hour to see it. I saw District 9 twice. It wasn’t as good as the first time, but I still felt entertained and satisfied after watching it. Bobbie Zombie makes some bland entry level horror. I’ve always enjoyed a fine horror/splatter flick, and I’ve not seen one for a long time… I did enjoy “Drag me to Hell” that was worth the time and money… the last good horror/splatter flick I saw was Planet Terror/Death Proof (I got to see the double feature, For nostalgia’s sake I remember the last of those types of films in theaters) I don’t know Noah… Perhaps you’re spoiled with movies? I wish I could see your movie collection to see which one’s we both have.
Maybe I’ll make a forum account.
@ #170 Aenubis
I could see the movie having a better style (and better director in Raimi), but really: the only horror I saw in that movie is just LOUD NOISE and QUICK FLASHES. Yes, there was a sense of foreboding and build up, but it inevitably lead to a jump scare. Every single time. I got tired of it before the halfway mark. That’s the only scary thing I saw in the whole movie.
When I say the movie was defined by jump scares, I might have misspoke. I meant that the *horror* in it was defined by jump scares. I happen to loathe them as a horror movie technique, for the same reasons Spoony mentioned. They’re cheap, anyone can do them, there’s no trick to them and it’s basically the lowest form of horror there is. It’s like tickling people to make them laugh. It makes me uncomfortable, personally, because you are bypassing my conscious thoughts and going straight for the primal pathways. And that’s cheap in my mind.
I’d like to be scared because of my own realisations and a foreboding atmosphere. Not because they music becomes tensely drawn out and a psychic seance ends in a LOUD NOISE and a FLASHING PICTURE.
So that’s basically what I was asking about. Why is it A-OK in Drag Me To Hell, but Halloween 2 is scolded for it? (I haven’t seen the latter, but I trust it’s not a masterpiece otherwise)
09:25 LOL!
I just wanted to say that I agree with you 100% that the new Halloween movie made no damn sense to the real storyline of Michael Meyers. I’m a huge fan of the old one’s because I always say that He was the most realistic Killer you can find out of movie’s. He was pure Evil, not like the Jason and Fredy bullshit that I don’t know how there coming back. Makes no sense. With Mike he was unstopable like he wasn’t even human and at one point in the movie. Lumous says that he’s not human like a demon lurking in him, but when it came to the new one. What the fuck is up with the white Horse that come’s into picture. I was about to walk out the door because of that sence. It didn’t feel like Micheal Meyers. So I stayed tried to watch this shitty storyline and hope it could turn out better. I was wrong it got worse. All I got to say is. WTF Rob!!!!!! Maybe you should of made it more Holloween then your fucking style and your wife shouldn’t even been in it.
I agree with what you say Spoony, mainstream cinema has lost touch completely with the horror genre, the only horror movies i watch now are 70’s and 80’s horror classics like Nightmare on elm street and Halloween and so on OR terrible B movies that no one knows about because at least they are made by people who have an idea about what a decent horror movie should consist of. I myself have been in many B movies and i love it, it don’t matter about the story line as long as it scares the shite out of you (That being said i am a fan of a great story line =D)
But overall, I do find myself wanting all these charecters in modern day horror films to be killing in the most horrific way because no one relates to them, they are ither, as you say, whiny cringe worthy people who you just know are gona get it in the ass or they just swear their heads off to make it look all macho and grown up, I just hope that one day mainstream cinema can start turning to some of the great talent out there who can really make goood horror movies, then maybe one day i might actually go to the cinema again ¬_¬
Rant over lols =D Love you Spoony xxx
@ #141, The D
“I’d like to be scared because of my own realisations and a foreboding atmosphere.”
Totally agree with you there, and in my opinion Drag Me To Hell fit into that criteria. But that’s just me. I don’t think it ended with a jump scare EVERY time though. Like when she goes to Ganush’s house, and suddenly it’s a party (is that a correct term for that? I mean the woman was dead, afterall, lol). Or the summoning sequence. Or in the beginning with the little boy, which is probably one of my favorite parts of the whole thing.
I actually like that at one point in the film, when you REALLY expect a jump scare, you don’t get one. Remember when she’s in the car and Ganush is outside, then she ducks under the window? Everyone in the theater got tense. But instead of a jump scare, she slowly comes back up with a huge ass rock to bust through the window. Of course, I might be leaving out like 15 jump scares in that scene though, haha. But that kind of goes back to my initial point that when I think of the movie, the jump scares just don’t pop in there.
Pretty much everything else I agree with you on too. Jump scares are just easy, cheap tricks. I think why it didn’t work in Halloween 2 (which I haven’t seen, and am purely going on what Spoony said) is that that’s ALL the movie had to offer. With Drag Me To Hell, jump scares were definitely part of it, but there was a lot more there as a whole. And because of the sometimes humorous tone of the movie, the jump scares just added to the fun of watching it.
But that’s just me. I appreciate seeing a different viewpoint and discussing it, so thanks for the response :)
Wow…his dead mother come back as a spirit to tell Micheal to kill people? Like with Jason and his mother? Adding that white horse just makes it random and stupid.
It’s funny how people think this is a ‘remake’ of the original Halloween 2 when it’s not. It nothing more than a follow up to Zombies’ first Halloween, which WAS a remake…I actually really liked the first one. The second, however, was a little dry. There was nothing scary about it at all and the focus wasn’t on Micheal but his sister. I did like the fact that Micheal Myers was portrayed as a REAL PERSON not this douche in a mask that never talks and has no depth to him. The original movies were lame IMO..I mean, the character is so bland, boring and impossible to believe. The new Myers is at least believable………..
Great review! And very funny. Not been on your website for a while, good to see you’re still on top form.
i like you
i feel it woudl of been better had it not been tied to the Halloween name, and yeah i think it woudla worked beeeter wiht jason..
it would be funny to have like a ms paint animation to show a funny but dramatic re-enactment
of your garage door breaking down …
rob zombies and his Halloween movies are Jason “he doesn’t know what death is”
Today as I watched the Discovery Channel I saw a special on Great White Sharks that was narrated by Malcolm McDowel. I flashed back to this review and had myself a good laugh.
Something about “Destrucity my ass!” makes me laugh every single time I watch this.
@Kefka
Lmao. So true.
Anyway. I saw the Halloween 1 remake. Wasn’t that impressed by it. All it showed us really was that he had fucked up daddy and mommy enjoyed giving blow jobs for a quarter problems. XD We all have some sort of issue with mommy and daddy, but that doesn’t make us killers!!…Or does it?
I admit that it had SOME good parts (like where he beat the shit out of that bully. Guess he won’t be bothering Michael anymore ^.^) but overall it was, in my opinion, WORSE than the original. This just sounds bad; thanks for telling us about it!
You know, I think I just realized the perfect example for what you say about horror being atmospheric. The Man-Hunt games. In the first game, you were in this foreign situation, you were in this game that this crazy guy has set up, your only way out is to kill and to listen to the advice of the person that put you in this horrible situation and you always feel that your just a rat in a cage until near the end and even then, you have that fear of the fact that you’re going into the belly of the beast in order to get revenge.
But in the second game…. there isn’t a feeling of fear at your surroundings, you’re always in the so called “real world” there is too much a feeling of freedom to go anywhere that you don’t feel scared, which in turn also makes you screw up more because you take bigger risks that get you killed. Course added to that is the crap storyline and the obvious so called “plot twist” of your buddy being a figment of your imagination. It’s just not scary! It’s exactly like what you’re describing with Halloween.
Well said spoony! You had me at “Michael Myer’s mom dressed in white riding a white horse!”
PS: very glad to see you working with Linkara and That Guy.
I understand why tacking a bad childhood on Michael Myers would ruin him. I’ve never seen the Halloween movies (I’m a pathetic coward who can barely handle scares at all sometimes), but I’ve heard bits about them and I saw the AVGN review of the NES game.
Anyway, I still get it because the unknown is a lot scarier than anything any person can show on a screen. Horror works better, in my opinion, when there’s that element of not knowing things. From what I can tell, in the original Halloween movies, you have absolutely no idea why Michael Myers is killing people, he just is, no justification for it or anything, which is what makes it terrifying. You tack on something like a back story, and you know why he’s doing what he’s doing, meaning there’s less of an effect, because you can see some humanity in him. Some of the most intimidating killers are the ones with no morals or voice, they just kill. Like you and Weird Al said, Spoony, like a shark.
I could be talking total bullshit since I know very little about horror movies, but that’s my thoughts on the matter, make of them what you will.
This comment is directed at Disthron and anyone else who stopped at SAW II,
If you saw the first two SAW movies, you need to watch the third. The first movie was a crazy idea with an entertaining twist, and the second did seem like much of the same. You know, the idea of “I like it, but how is it any different from the first?” Watch the third movie. It ties itself with the first two in ways that will make your head hurt and actually wraps them all up in what I thought was one impressively cohesive and well told story. The fourth movie is fun to watch as well, though not as important as the third. Don’t waste your time with the fifth.
i go to this site because it’s funny as hell, but this review in particular I really enjoyed because it also had a ton of insight. very well wrapped up at the end. i’ve always been involved in creative pursuits, either art or music, and terrible shit has taught me as much if not more than good songs or paintings. great job, great rant.
I’m almost always a stickler for the originals when it comes to remakes
Oh man, when you started talking about how you get more enjoyment from bad movies because they’re examples of what NOT to do, this song just popped in my head xD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCQGQ5qBQTA&feature=related
How does no one notice that Margot Kidder is the therapist?
Michael Myers’ mom was played by Rob Zombie’s wife. I hope this act of nepotism describes the blatant stupidity of his mom riding in on a white horse.
I could literally match your half hour rant. I HATED THIS MOVIE!! It was so mind-boggingly stupid!! You cover everything that I hated about it. The only slight redeeming feature is its not as long as the first, and “Weird Al” Yankovic’s, out-of-left field cameo.
Also, LL Cool J was in HALLOWEEN H20, and was shot by Adam Arkin (whoops.). Busta Rhymes was the guy who dominated Michael in the fist fight (it also had a little bit of kung fu in it) in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION.
I know what you mean about real horror being atmosphere. Of all the movies I’ve watched, of all the games I’ve played, the only thing that’s ever managed to actually scare me is a game called STALKER. The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a bayonet, and man oh man does it do a good job of making you feel unwelcome and scared.
Actually there is a movie were every other word was fuck the movie was called Big Money Hustlas
Never watched The Wire, Spoony? Season 1 there was an awesome scene where Bunk and McNulty are investigating a murder scene and say nothing but the word “Fuck” for about 2 minutes straight – and it’s a brilliant scene!
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