The Nostalgia Signal is lit! The world is held in the grip of mediocrity, and only the reviewing megapowers united together can battle Boll’s reign of incompetence.


The Nostalgia Signal is lit! The world is held in the grip of mediocrity, and only the reviewing megapowers united together can battle Boll’s reign of incompetence.
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Hey Linkara, why the hell were you talking about Black Lantern when the topic was getting there live and you are dead, or something stupid like that xD
You guys are the new,improved and powerless Fantastic 4, and yes I’m counting Ma-Ti, HEART!
17:50 – Listen to Linkara real carefully, you’ll hear him say: “I NEED SCISSORS!! Sixty-One!!!” Metal Gear Solid Reference, FTW!!! XD
Dude spoony, in the title screen (“The three shmuckheads”) you perfectly look like of Michael Mittermeir, a german comedian. awesome
@Golden Christian: No he doesn’t not at all.
i now have a reason to live. must watch every uwe boll movie and make fun of it.
Spacetheater 4000 :D
“I brought science!” ::DDD
These guys rock! <3
Easily one of my favorite Nostalgia Critic segments. Bravo!
Someone (read: spoony ) should write a review of an Uwe movie (or use an old text one) and find an exceptionally strong movie critic to review it, so when Uwe pulls another critic boxing match the critics will have an ace in the hole :D
Words and logic seem to have no effect on this man. We must apply sweet satisfying violence, and preferably film it.
@ pokeylope
They have tried, he runs away. Seanbaby used to write for EGM, and he frequently called Uwe Boll out for the turds he calls movies. Uwe wanted to fight someone on G4 to promote the event, G4 called Seanbaby, and Uwe called in sick. This is because Seanbaby is a big fucker who knows Muay Thai, and Uwe prefers to fight people who haven’t set foot in a ring before.
It’s a shame, Seanbaby probably would have DQ’d himself by “forgetting” about it being a boxing match and breaking Uwe’s face with his knee, and it would have been both awesome and worth it.
I can't believe I watched this twice before I noticed the Castleton T-shirt!
whoa the old guy sounds like the gatekeeper
bloody hilarious!
I try to watch Uwe's movies, I honestly do, but whenever I get anymore past the half way point in any of them I need to either go break something or hurt someone.
I'm acting……… I like to wear women's clothing I like to wear….
LOL!!!
I'm acting……… I like to wear women's clothing I like to wear….
LOL… Oh yeah, this movie has nothing to do with the games.
Of course, the difference between Boll and Ed Wood is that as inept as he was, Ed Wood seemed to believe in what he was doing. So, a doofus, but an HONEST one. Uwe Boll is nothing but a cynical, mercenary, douchebag with no talent OR interest in developing talent.
I once heard that Germany subsidizes it's film industry and that's how Uwe Boll can make flops and still profit.
This review is awesome especially the reason for Nostalgia Critics's loss of voice and the Stephen Hawking-like voice effect XD.
How didn't they make fun of the ultra-efficient city evacuation without mentioning Dragon Ball Z's edited dub where a reporter pretty much tells the audience:
“Oh no, that guy has thrown a gigantic fireball at the highly populated big city! It exploded like 1000 Hiroshimas!!! But its alright, the city evacuated safely in the 2 seconds it took for the fireball to reach it, kids.”
Well not everyone has seen that episode… And finding a clip of it is nigh impossible… :/
I love how Uwe thinks if he physically beats up his critics, it makes him a better filmmaker.
So, according to the Boll Theorem if I kick my old Theory I professor in the balls, does that mean I didn't fail the course back in 2005.
Where's MY tax credit?!?
I need to point out, that the movie is filmed in British Columbia, in areas that i've lived in before “Vancouver” and the area i live in currently “Surrey” I find it fucking HILARIOUS that the “airport” that Slayter is picked up from, is the fucking Central City Mall, that I live literally 2 blocks from! LOL!
about the “impaling thing” in the legacy of kain games one of the only ways to kill a vampire was to impale him, and projectiles did little to hurt enemies just a though….
Spoony, I prefer your written review of alone in the dark. It's funny, easily understandable and well, it's just better than all the others; just like Cool Site Maker.
Once again Spoony, please, please make your written review a real one!
Or the one I like better, when Nappa destroys the aircraft that was the 'robot' one, to make the reporters flee.
…
it's sad, this is one of the most quoted things in my house
the MST 3K comments not the actual comment
nothing like yelling the ZUL MF Zul! when attacking people in D&D
I just watched the Ed Wood movie by Tim Burton last night and I finally get the “I like to wear women's clothing” joke. This eps is twice as awesome now. Please do more reviews with the Nostalgia Critic.
On another note I'm planning a marathon/ drinking game where we watch Uwe Boll movies, I'll let you know how that works (and possibly film it).
I've heard that Uwe Boll has blamed the failure of the movie on Tara Reid not getting naked for the sex scene. REALLY. In an alternate reality somewhere Erika Elaniak didn't bare her big twins in Under Siege and the movie grossed negative dollars.
Is it just me, or had Christian Slater spent the majority of his career attempting to emulate Jack Nicholson in every conceivable way–all the way down to the use of eyebrows?
I have this movie :/
You know what's even worse. There's a sequel to this. And here's a shocker, the whole cast is different.
The reels for this print were built out of order by my fellow projectionists and no one noticed. Dear god, what a shitty movie
And here's the kicker. Even though each Alone in the Dark movie shared a similar writer, the only thing each one shares is a similar main character. And btw, if you have to ask which Edward is better, Christian Slater wins. .
Did you know that there is alone in the dark 2.
To be honest, by now ive watched movies far worse than this and you missed out on the best part of it: The fucking Soundtrack! Seriously just read the names of the bands who contributed to this. Inflames, Fear Factory, All Shall Perish, Mnemic, Heaven Shall Burn, Lacuna Coil, Cradle of Filth, Soilwork….
I actually enjoyed the whole “shooting in the dark room” scene just because of the music that was played :X
The crap cinematography of the film, combined with the text at the bottom, makes the clips in the review look like an infomercial or cheap advertisement.
BUY HAPPINESS?!?! In game money? FUCK YOU MADDEN!
is it bad i just got a phone call after watching this movie saying i will die in three days ?
Ohay, what does this have to do with the video games? XDDD
This is the first vid i actually saw u and Link in, and is by far maybe my favorite NC video ever! Fucking hilarious, iv only had the balls to watch one Uwe Boll movie, and that was, “The house of the dead.” a friend of mine and i rented it as part of our Halloween party, along with, '”The thing.”15 minutes into the movie, my friend said, “Turn this shit off.”
and we decided to watch a good movie. God it was horrible.
thank you guys.
alone in the dark is a video game, and uwe boll makes 90% of his profits from turning good games into total shit fests.
One of my favourite reviews ever. Possibly the BEST review I've ever seen. I mean, it has Spoony, Linkara, and NC riffing on an Uwe Boll movie. What more could you possibly ask for?
There needs to be more of these crossover reviews cause they're just brilliant.
… no, really, there NEED to be more made.
… if no more are made, I have access to a hydrogen fusion bomb aimed at a major city in America. MWAHAHAHAHA! (insert evil villain orchestral sting here).
One of my favourite reviews ever. Possibly the BEST review I’ve ever seen. I mean, it has Spoony, Linkara, and NC riffing on an Uwe Boll movie. What more could you possibly ask for?
There needs to be more of these crossover reviews cause they’re just brilliant.
… no, really, there NEED to be more made.
… if no more are made, I have access to a hydrogen fusion bomb aimed at a major city in America. MWAHAHAHAHA! (insert evil villain orchestral sting here).
Please PLEASE tell me there’s going to be more “The Three Schmuckheads” reviews in the future!
Poor Alone in the Dark. You were once one of the most innovative action/horror games in PC history, now it’s come to this…
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