Review Like a Pirate – Part the Thirde

by Spoony on September 19, 2009 · View Comments

Time for a list of the greatest pirate movies! And they’re all rated ARRR!

{ 97 comments }

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fick dich September 19, 2009 at 10:30 pm: Poll for all Brits: how’s Spoony’s accent?
diggerjohn111 September 19, 2009 at 10:40 pm: ’twas an accent from the late Elizabethan/ early Georgian period, arrrrrrr (also a Hollywood construct). Don’t yer let the Blightysiders sway yer opinions…….rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. And Yellowbeard was great.
Ashenge September 19, 2009 at 11:40 pm: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, yeah?
Cthulhu07 September 19, 2009 at 11:59 pm: How about Cutthroat Island? No? Well, tell you the truth that movie sank faster than Titanic ever did.
maciek September 20, 2009 at 12:43 am: What about Treasure Island?
Reginald September 20, 2009 at 1:30 am: Blackbeard’s Ghost, although not the traditional sort of pirate flick, was a pretty enjoyable and memorable film.
DrKeun September 20, 2009 at 4:36 am: How dare you forget about the Hook!!! that counts… doesn’t it?…
Chaosdada September 20, 2009 at 4:37 am: “Congratulations, you looked up “Errol Flynn” on the IMDB and listed two movies you’ve never seen.

They weren’t that good.”

I have seen them – and I didn’t mean The Sea Hawk with Errol Flynn, but the silent movie. They are both great.
Anyway you don’t need to be “that good” to be the best pirate movie of all time
Aphotic Lucent September 20, 2009 at 5:00 am: No, no no no and no for Ice Pirates. Just because of space herpes… well that and the movie suck.
PontifexPrimus September 20, 2009 at 6:14 am: What about The Pirate Movie???
A very young and cuddly Kristy McNichol, an elderly pirate king with a ruby-studded codpiece and some of the worst songs ever to feature on the silver screen? It’s got light saber duels, British bobbies, horrible animated scenes and terrible, terrible innuendo:

If you’re treading water
and romance is on the slide,
Don’t you know you have to swallow something more than water
It’s your pride

Ah-huh, I huff and puff
Just to keep love going.
I’m done, I’ve had enough
Of pumpin’ and of blowin’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdlKXRReqNA
Aradiel September 20, 2009 at 6:36 am: What about some Errol Flynn films? He buckled some swashes. Sure, I can’t name any of them, but they exist.
xite September 20, 2009 at 6:46 am: Blackbeard the Pirate kinda rules. Robert Newton is an amazing Blackbeard and the protagonist looks suspiciously like Guybrush from MI1.
nick3889 September 20, 2009 at 7:47 am: HOOK !!!!! was a good one !@!!
mike September 20, 2009 at 7:54 am: sound like your from cornwall now lol
AJalias September 20, 2009 at 8:08 am: MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the Random Ninja 5 September 20, 2009 at 8:15 am: Against All Flags with Errol Flynn and Anthony Quinn.

Also Yellowbeard is one of my favorites.
Jabrwock September 20, 2009 at 8:30 am: Argh, know about Ice Pirates makes me old? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr….
pvtcaboose September 20, 2009 at 9:06 am: ARRRRRRRRG YELLUH BEARD!!!!!! I love that one, Its like monty python, but not by monty python ish amazin also, check this out MY ANNIVERSARRY IS ON INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PYRATE DAY, arrrg Viktry
JuztynKredible September 20, 2009 at 9:35 am: I gotta throw in Cabin Boy with Chris Elliot, not because the movie was particularly good, but solely because of David Letterman’s stunning performance as Old Salt.
AirforceOne September 20, 2009 at 11:30 am: You forgot a lot of movies mate.

Anne of the Indies
Black Pirate, The
Blackbeard the Pirate
Buccaneer, The
Sinbad, the Sailor
Rain September 20, 2009 at 1:35 pm: Muppet Treasure Island!
xplay3r September 20, 2009 at 2:47 pm: the pirate bit in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou is pretty badass. bill murray kicks some pirate ass in that one. also the episode of south park where the kids go to samilia is hilarious….thats all i can think of really…hmmm
Isolder74 September 20, 2009 at 2:56 pm: No mention of Blackbeard’s Ghost!

You need to see that one if you haven’t.
Myst September 20, 2009 at 4:45 pm: Hell Yeah on Ice Pirates. That movie was kick ass awesome. oh and i want more smiling jack.
CapnG September 20, 2009 at 8:11 pm: Does Time Bandits count?
Adam The Great September 20, 2009 at 8:14 pm: The Pirates of Penzance or however its spelled! Who doesn’t love a good gilbert and sullivan musical? I loved that movie as a kid. Muppet Treasure Island! It had Tim Currey and Gonzo! AND WHAT ABOUT HOOK?!?! or peter pan for that matter. Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman were great in that movie. You should give more credit to pirate movies.
Rmaggedyn September 21, 2009 at 6:44 am: Treasure Planet
ragingdevi September 21, 2009 at 9:13 am: I am SO glad you said Yellowbeard. Amongst my friends I am the only person who has ever heard of that movie.
Which is a pity because Madeline Kahn and Graham Chapman are brilliant in it lol.
Painkiller September 21, 2009 at 9:23 am: ICE PIRATES ROCKED!!! Came out the same time as Android came out on Superchannel! Both great movies :)
Squiggly_P September 21, 2009 at 1:15 pm: Serenity? Well, the TV show Firefly was pirates. Sorta. Western Pirates. In space. Kinda.

They were pirates!
TheBest! September 21, 2009 at 6:03 pm: Ice Pirates was AWESOME! I just watched that the other day. Was getting my nostalgia on!
TheBest! September 21, 2009 at 6:04 pm: The ship just got “hepres” I mean that funny! Space Hepres is still a scene in that movie that makes me snicker to this day.
Adam Cuerden September 21, 2009 at 9:04 pm: Has anyone mentioned the various Treasure Islands or the 1930s era swashbucklers like Captain Blood? Though, to be fair, almost all the best ones ARE from the 1930s.
The UnFuckingBelievable Guy September 22, 2009 at 12:52 am: Muppet Treasure Island is still the best pirate/childrens/anything movie ever made. Unlike every other movie I enjoyed as a kid, where I pulled back the nostalgia filter to reveal a piece of shit, MTI is still great fun.
It’s also the best musical movie ever made. Bar none.
Chief September 22, 2009 at 4:22 am: Oh shit dude! Yellowbeard was the first one I thought of after the Pirates of the Carribean ones! Hooray for me! Fucked if I can remember any of it though. All I have is this vague memory of some pirate type character, most likely a pirate, saying “Yellowbeard!” It was awesome.
Rawley September 22, 2009 at 7:58 am: I love “Ice Pirates”!
Disthron September 22, 2009 at 9:35 am: What about Time Bandats?
TheGodEmperor September 22, 2009 at 10:39 am: What about Swiss Family Robinson? Or Robinson Crusoe? I think it was made into a movie lol

I’m sure you coulda done Pirate books (lots of them, many of them romance I bet cause women are fucked up and like being treated like objects apparently.. or get off to women being treated like objects in said books). How about Pirate songs?! There are tons of those! How about top Pirate Cartoons? Pirates of the Dark water bitches! Come now Spoony! You can do more than just this!

Next Pirate’s Day I guess…
Duke September 22, 2009 at 11:13 am: My favorite is Treasure Island (1950).
Gonchi September 22, 2009 at 4:53 pm: No one liked any of the Sinbad films? I thought 7th Voyage or Golden Voyage were pretty good.

I personally always enjoyed The Crimson Pirate.
Matteus September 22, 2009 at 6:01 pm: oh god! Ice Pirates! (*you* feel old)
Raif September 23, 2009 at 5:44 am: Yellowbeard was the best, “Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we’re dead!” :D

“I’m gonna make you eat both your own buttocks!”
C-chuck September 24, 2009 at 12:27 pm: YES ICE PIRATES!

I just saw it the other day. So hilarious, even though it was cheesy and filled with bad innuendo.
Thomas September 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm: Would Hook count as a pirate film? If so, that was pretty dang good.
Raith September 28, 2009 at 9:22 am: Never heard of Yellow Beard, so it was off to youtube. Wow, I can’t believe I missed that one…John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Cheech and Chong, Peter Cook, Eric Idle, Madeline Kahn (KAHHHNNNN!!!). Holy crap what a cast, and it came out in 83. How did I miss this?

Well, turns out that someone in the youtube trailer comments section mentioned that you can watch it free on hulu.com! So, I head over there and watched it and it was great! Isn’t the internet amazing?
Zack Dolan October 6, 2009 at 11:26 pm: ice pirates totally counts. and is totally more awesome than the latter two pirates of the carribean films (I was surprised by how much i liked the first one, but was even more surprised by how much i DIDN’T like the other two…yeesh, talk about squandering the good will gained from new fans of a series REALLY fast) hell, i’d rather watch ice pirates than the prequel trilogy. it was a silly little sci fi romp and a blatent ripoff but it captured what made star wars so endearing so much better than the prequels or (shudder) the ewok movies…oh yeah, who remembers those atrocities?

and side note, there may be something to “The UnFuckingBelievable Guy”s point (and a few others i’m sure) to mentioning muppet treasure island. it wasn’t the best movie or anything, but i was both in stitches and honestly impressed by kermit buckling some serious swash in that movie. i mean, holy shit, how do you make a muppet sword fight? and sword fight SKILLFULLY? i really don’t think it was CGI either, though i could be wrong…
Straker November 14, 2009 at 7:24 pm: You totally forgot about the Princess and the Pirate. OK, it was an OLD film starring Bob Hope but it still counts! :/