Terror T.R.A.X. – Track of the Vampire (PC), Part 1

by Spoony on October 20, 2009 · View Comments

It’s time for Spoony’s final showdown with the things that suck in the night!

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raff October 21, 2009 at 4:58 am: malibu was all over the place back in those FMV days
itemse7en October 21, 2009 at 5:05 am: Alright Spoony. You get high praise for the Escape from New York theme alone. Thank you.
Mikoo October 21, 2009 at 5:51 am: Such a terrible game..it was like having a seizure..Awesome review
Latexpoultry October 21, 2009 at 5:51 am: Escape from NY theme ftw.
Hayato October 21, 2009 at 5:57 am: that was ,, not funny lul
Amethystrose October 21, 2009 at 6:02 am: This is, hands down, one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. Spoony, you are in TOP FORM. Keep it up man, get well soon.
johnnyfog October 21, 2009 at 6:10 am: Chef Ramsay! XD “Those stupid donkays!”
Headshot October 21, 2009 at 6:15 am: That was funny…but where is the rest of The Ripper? I demand more Walken!
Fusso October 21, 2009 at 6:21 am: Malibu was also Motaro from that bad Mortal Kombat movie… Annihilation

yes… and Dr. Hemos is the narrator from dragons strike
i’ll be not amused if one of the women turn to be the Thief
gadaboutgirl October 21, 2009 at 6:30 am: “They make an oath to only play baseball in thunderstorms.”

WIN.
Malthazar October 21, 2009 at 6:32 am: I thought that face was closer to being the demented sister of CABAL instead of Cortana, but eh. It’s still creepy.
Dag October 21, 2009 at 6:48 am: loved it. super funny
Tim Graves October 21, 2009 at 6:58 am: Heh, I am seriously considering becoming a police officer now, just because my name would be Officer Graves.
Hallucinogen October 21, 2009 at 7:06 am: Hey, the late date service secretary… was that miss lippy from billy madison?
Viper6390 October 21, 2009 at 7:19 am: I love the logic in this game! Arresting the guy outside of the building away from the other vampire girls leads to death, but arresting him inside a confined building where you’re outnumbered leads to you killing the vampire girls and Hemos escaping. HOW DOES THAT WORK? He wasn’t even able to take one vampire before, so why can he all of a sudden start killing vampires. Also, loved the reference to Twilight! Epic Win! Keep it up Spoony! I want to see more!
garble October 21, 2009 at 7:31 am: Hey, isn’t that TRAX officer the Warrior from the Dragonstrike video?
RobberBaron October 21, 2009 at 7:53 am: LOL, a Degeneration X reference. Win.
Rob October 21, 2009 at 8:00 am: Loved it, but would be great to know which option Spoony is choosing as he does it. Usually its obvious but the camerawork is so shoddy its sometimes difficult to know which he’s chosen.
mikon October 21, 2009 at 8:22 am: Wow, wasn’t expecting this to be a multi-parter. I figured it’d just be like the audio ones, but with worse acting – you know, short, sweet, and to the point. I was right about the worse acting though. Geez.
Sertar October 21, 2009 at 8:29 am: Lol, great video. It seems that you only die when Dr. Emos feels like killing you, otherwise he just runs away to let get rid of the female vampires that are giving him problems.
BatOtaku13 October 21, 2009 at 8:35 am: buying a girl flowers and having a romantic date that is so gay!
classic.
BatOtaku13 October 21, 2009 at 8:41 am: why does the guy talk like a wannabe solid snake?
Matt October 21, 2009 at 8:45 am: I’m not sure but… do these vamps have right or something? Since it seems like Graves needs to be authorized or self defence to kill them
Steve October 21, 2009 at 8:50 am: the computer chick looks kinda like Angalina Jolie
HypnoticGenes October 21, 2009 at 9:06 am: At first I thought Agent Graves was played by TNA’s Steven Richards.
Hermod October 21, 2009 at 9:14 am: Is anyone else worried that T.R.A.X. takes all of it’s orders from Hexadecimal?
Rory B October 21, 2009 at 9:41 am: I loved the Red Dwarf Reference/Homage thing. With the whole ‘Downside being it abbreviates to L.A.B.I.A’. Top drawer.
Darwinikis October 21, 2009 at 9:44 am: Dude sounds more like Rorschach from Watchmen than Solid Snake, but maybe that’s just me.

Either way, it’s hilarious!
ThePotatoKing October 21, 2009 at 9:48 am: Why are the creators of FMV games so insistent on making the host a floating head? (Or a grizzled Aaron Eckhart lookalike with a bad French accent wearing a cloak…)

Anyway, great video Spoony, especially your take on the “the downside is the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S” gag.
PastaLibre October 21, 2009 at 10:11 am: “That’s why I never pay ‘em in advance.”
What is it with you and prostitutes, Spoony? Do I really need to know that or is it some kind of ingenious joke that slips past me?
Anyways, can’t wait for part 2.
Hadzu October 21, 2009 at 10:12 am: @Darwinikis

Yeah, you almost expect him to start having a random monologue “I’m stepping off the elevator and I’m making entry. And then all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “save us!” and I’ll whisper “no”.
Odin the small October 21, 2009 at 10:18 am: fuck me!

the doctors the head thingy guy from Dragon Strike!!!!

christ this game hurts my head and really how the fuck can you call this a game????

looking forward to part 2 :]
Benjamin October 21, 2009 at 10:19 am: Lol, back to your FMV best Spoony.

The officer Graves v/o was hilarious!
Artimus October 21, 2009 at 10:20 am: You know, the track of the vampire is pretty cool, but I prefer the Moon Beast. Let’s track that!

I gotta admit, the video looks pretty okay, like Youtube quality, really. Call me a fool, but I’m wanting to get that silly little game!
Rmaggedyn October 21, 2009 at 10:29 am: Now they make sunglasses that go PING! Awesome.
PontifexPrimus October 21, 2009 at 10:49 am: Great first part, I can’t wait to see how this continues! Man, they really managed to carry all their ridiculousness over from the voice-only version…

Oh, and just because it makes me mad in that can’t-scratch-an-itch-way: look at the rendering of the TRAX computer face. Look closer at those pixelated black parts at the top where the image is supposedly breaking up to hammer the point home that that is A COMPUTER.
It is clear that those pixels are supposed to be transparent, seeing as they’re the same color as the background; the problem is, whoever created that rendering was too stupid to turn on transparency, leaving those pixels opaque (really, just watch her head when it turns and you should be able to catch a glimpse of the back side of the mask). That really bugs me, since it is so obvious what they tried to do, equally obvious how they utterly failed to do it, and then that they didn’t care enough to re-do it.
Joe R October 21, 2009 at 10:58 am: They totally stole the Quake 1 sound samples.
Solid Iguana October 21, 2009 at 10:59 am: Will you look at that!!! You used my joke from the last terror trax, what an Honor!!! ^^
Yes, capital H
I was pretty disappointed to find out that a guy with suck a snake-y voice had such Elton John-y fighting skills -_-
JT1 October 21, 2009 at 11:16 am: I blame the ineffectiveness of Agent Graves on the fact that he wears the darkest sunglasses I have ever seen AT NIGHT. How does T.R.A.X. expect him to see anything with those on? I really wish you had pointed that out Spoony.
Isaacian27 October 21, 2009 at 11:21 am: “Handsome Tom!”

XD It looks exactly like him hahaha.
Marcus October 21, 2009 at 11:27 am: I think the camera work is not bad at all for this type of game. Always in focus and with a nice flow it sets the mood quite right for this rather silly encounter.
SenorPwnage October 21, 2009 at 11:34 am: You know, it’s pretty obvious that you’re doing something wrong when the computer assistant is creepier than the vampires. Seriously, if that thing was the villain, they might actually be on the right track. Of course, the last thing I want Terror T.R.A.X. to do is start ripping off System Shock, so maybe it’s for the best.
BlackMist October 21, 2009 at 11:38 am: I liked how the videogame is exactly like the audio CD. WHat i love more is that you went to late date this time instead of going to the hospital. Awesome video keep up the good work!
Ivan Druzhkov October 21, 2009 at 11:45 am: Man, SHODAN is surprisingly unhelpful in this game.

Excellent work as always, Spoony.
richter October 21, 2009 at 11:50 am: ok that one girl all the way on the left during the lat date infomercial is miss lippy from billy madison. That explains so much.
DairunCates October 21, 2009 at 11:57 am: God dammit! I knew I should’ve picked the Rogue or the CLARIC. This fighter just isn’t working out.
Rocking_in_the_boxers_Seppo October 21, 2009 at 12:28 pm: Hey, was the Dr. Fetus Hemos or what ever also in the Dragon Strike?!
Dominic October 21, 2009 at 12:37 pm: Spoony is not just a web critic, he is an artist…
Strelnikov October 21, 2009 at 12:48 pm: Yes he was the floating head from that video. I think I’ve seen the other TRAX officer in something else but I can’t remember where.

BTW, the escort service ad wasn’t cheesy enough; it needed worse acting and a tinny sax in the background.
Marina October 21, 2009 at 1:05 pm: “Hmmmm, bacon cigarettes…” XD Now that’s something I’d expect Homer Simpson to say. ;)

Great one, can’t wait for part two.

btw… Am I the only one whom that Graves-guy somehow reminds of nWo’s Scott Hall? Yuck!!! He’s only missing that oily strand of hair dangling in his face…