Great video. Keep on Spoony :D

I cracked up at the malibu clip, ur awesome.

MALIBU NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Seriously these guys are the most incompetent vampire hunters ever.

Man, I wish I could run around with a home video camera, occasionally looking around $5 worth of sets, and make a game out of it.

Welcome to Terror Trax where logic and common sense make no sense.

What if this game didn’t suck? xD

My god.. I wanted to smack that stupid computer lady who kept jumping in your face. Ive gotta kinda give Malibu props. At least he tries when he acts in this cheesy crap.

“You’ve Got Mail!”

This is so awesome.

wait? on the title screen! what did kyle gass from tenacious D do?

Good review spoony, loved how quickly the parts came out as well, excellent work

Were those references to Day Break or were the What If’s coincidental?

I loved these videos, it’s nice to see that turning into a vampire didn’t affect Malibu’s career at all.

When you shoot him and he lives, it may just be Dr. Hemos that tries to make them believe Graves -really- wasn’t a vampire.

But we all know the game is just lying to itself, now. XD

I remember owning this game myself. Funny thing is, I remember getting to an ending that wasn’t covered here.

The guy had no more reason to pursue the doctor for some reason, and the woman went to the heart patient first.
There she doused Suggs, got the fire-hose and finished him off. Case closed, no more leads, success.
I don’t exactly remember how I got there, though.

@norway202
Kage was a part of the Actor’s Gang(also thanked here), an LA based theater production company formed in the early 80′s, which wouldn’t you know, was where he first met Black before they formed the D. I’ve no idea what he did here to be deserving of a “special thanks” though. My guess would be he provided the ample supplies of chronic required of the writers to come up with the most mind bogglingly dull story ever conceived. That reminds me, he never did pay me back for the half ounce we all lit up after that Trainwreck show, the bastard…

…Well, It’s just a shame the Actor’s Gang wasn’t in this instead. Can’t you just imagine how much better this ridiculous farce would’ve been with the equally ridiculous KG and JB in the lead officer’s roles? Rampaging through hospitals, double-teaming skanky prostitutes all while fighting evil vampires by the holy power of ROCK-&-ROLL!!!

…I could watch that. Err…wait, wasn’t that just turned into a game?

So are there any more Terror Trax besides Track of the Vampire and Track of the Werewolf?

So, that was ALL the footage from the game?
Damn, that was short.

Suggs was Edgar Allen Poe III???? Please tell me it’s just some pretentious stage name and NOT a relative of the writer, it’s so sad that in just two generations we went from legendary writer to actor in shitty FMV game.

I like how you constantly reference who Dr. Hemos actually is but never actually come out and say that he was a giant floating head in a previous life. I wonder if he’s ready… for a DRAGONSTRIKE!

Rocket From The Crypt! Hell yeah!

Okay first of all Suggs is the name of the lead singer of Madness! I’d wiki it if I had the time The thought of the guy who sung House of Fun ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsTKfquKQQE ) as a murder who’s organs are donated to recycled plotlines has me in stitches (pun intended).

Also I have to say I loved the Clue reference. Is the a single film I though only I remember you won’t celebrate? What’s next? Biggles adventures in time? Starchaser:- legend of Orin? What about Robotix?

Great review!

Your original trailer for this review made this shitty game look so awesome. Seriously, you need to make that sort of thing your job, Spoony.

Is it me or did Spoony start to lose his funny since he moved into his new house? :-O

I’m just amazed at how bad these vampire hunters are! The vampire hunters actually have to be told by the computer when to draw their weapons and when to exterminate! Also, I agree with Spoony when Malibu gets locked in Hemos’s lab. HE CAN”T JUST GET OUT SOME HOLY WATER AND POUR IT ON THE GUY, OR TAKE SOME GARLIC OUT! Also, all these deaths seem to be caused by the character’s pointless ramblings instead of taking immeadiate action. How did these hunters even get hired? Did all of the TRAX money go into equipment instead of combat training? I agree with Mistah that Spoony’s original trailer for this game made the game look awesome.

got to love the work you do Spoony! And even if we cringe every time we hear them, You wouldn’t be you without the puns.

Dragon strike and Clue references. Awesome!

hey, maybe you could make a choose your own path thing with your videos… never mind.. just rambling

Ah, more Terror C.R.A.P.X.

Good videos, Spoony.
Hope you get to watch something a little better than this in the future… in the future.

Wait, you mean to say that the first two videos contained the ENTIRE game? I’ve played Candyland longer then that!

Still, great review. Nice to see that you’ve outgrown your puns stage. And if it comes to a rescue mission from the ‘blagole’ to get you back, sign me up.

So the length of the game is about 50 minutes… lal

When I was about 10 years old I tried to play this game against my dad’s warnings and it scared the hell out of me. It remained one of those childhood traumas for years… but now I see just how silly, crazy and absolutely shitty it is.
Thanks!

I just noticed something. If you watch the credits to both of them you can pretty clearly see that the same guy who wrote and directed Terror T.R.A.X. ALSO WROTE AND DIRECTED THE VIDEO FROM DRAGON STRIKE! FLINT DILLE!

Did anybody else notice this? I’ve never posted a comment before.

So, that’s why everyone kept dying before! They need the floating CG head to tell them to draw their weapons (nevermind actually using them).

Good job, as always!

I love the credit for “bat wrangler” during the closing. There was what, one bat in the whole game? And I thought that one was fake. Did he wrangle the CGI or something?

Wow. that was as long as a good game of Pong. Did they really expect people to shell out $50 for this? Awesome review BTW.

I fucking loved the dragonstrike references. Especially since John Boyle and Deron McBee were in both!

Wha…? Was that all of the game – go kill doctor Homos and his lightning friend? Oh well, awesome as allways, Spoony!

Wow… this game is pathetic. I like how they show off all the equipment in the beginning and then never use it, despite being in multiple situations where their use would keep the officer alive.

I hate monologue-ing, whether by the good guys or bad, and I hate stupidity. too bad this game has both, mostly at the same time.

“DefCut October 22, 2009 at 8:54 am

Is it me or did Spoony start to lose his funny since he moved into his new house? :-O”

Just you on that one I think. His last few vidoes have been some of the best yet.

Wait, Buzz Dixon one of the writers at G.I.Joe and Transformers the original animated series worked on this one. Wow, I wonder how a Transformers or G.I. Joe version of this would work.

Agent Flint is chasing Cobra Commander. (You could either throw a shoe or shot gun. Player choices gun.) Cobra Commander throws snake that eat gun.

On second thought, that concept doesn’t work.

Okay, a bit of research…

This was produced and largely written/created by Flint Dille.

…who was the writer and director on Dragonstrike…which starred Deron “Malibu” McBee and John Boyle as The Dragonmaster…

Man, it’s like they just got together to celebrate Dragonstrike and decided to have another party.

lol, bring us bullets was used in crank, I can see the comparison.

part 1 was boring as shit but part 2 and 3 are teh ossum, keep it up

I told you, Spoony. Agent Snake is Stevie Richards :P

Is it just me or does there seem to be no gameplay in these? I know it’s bascially a video version of a “Choose your own adventure” book, but how often did Spoony have to make a choice? Hardly ever. In fact, reading a Fighting Fantasy book would be more fun than playing this.

Great work Spoony!

Made me want to see more on the Ripper. xD

And to elaborate on Tea Man, has anyone ever read a choose your own adventure book that tried to rewarded logical decisions?

Choice A- try to call the police (result: Rock falls, you die of aids)
Choice B- follow the burglar yourself to dark isolated place (result: discover the secret of El Dorado)

Is that “Move bitch, get out the way” line gonna become the next “I heard that, Curtis”?

Cuz I cracked up both times.

Wait, that was it? That was some terrible game right there. Press A not to die.

Rofl spoony, your Walken is spot on, cracked me up haha

Ah alas Spoony’s stuck in the blagole and can’t read his beloved comments. And that damn CG head keeps reminding me of a Robocop 2. Just looks like a half-a$$ed female version.

As for the rescue op, sign me up too. I’ve got some 5lb test rope, some glowy bracelets and enough delusion to go around =P

This review often refered to your previous reviews. I hope that new people will still find it funny.

I dunno, compared to so many FMV games this is actually entertaining. Multiple paths/endings, amusing cheesyness, yeah some bullshit such as wonky cameras and deathtraps (like Agent Snake dying every time he tried to investigate or arrest Hemos except that one time where HE WAS SURROUNDED JUST LIKE MOST OF THE OTHER TIMES). Definitely wouldn’t pay full retail, but you have to wonder what kind of profit you’d make mass-producing these with a items-around-the-house and $1000 budget each.

Maybe this game made all my brain cells die. I dunno.

What is it with you and the Twilight refences anyway?

holy jesus god..I believe these guys are in some way affiliated with TSR which is why like the whole gang from dragonstrike is back doing this. for all i can tell, officer walken was the thief. probably the other baffoons are lurking in the background somewhwere but you just can’t tell cause of the “blair witch on crystal meth and pop rocks” camera angles. i swear these dudes are like the video game equivelant of full moon productions or the asylum…guarenteed to be the shoddiest, worst, poor, badly acted, cliche ridden, bad image comic plotted mess that you just can’t help but watch mess imagineable…

and again, LOGIC NEVER FACTORS IN. I swear walken says she was “not a psycho” like graves but she is shooting shit left and right while the big tough tv’s renengade vampire killer draws his weapon…what? once? maybe? if you kill him, turns out he was not infected, if you don’t, he bobbity cams you to death (ya know, mugging and shaking the camera going “bobbity bobbity bobbity”…like any dr. who monster would) so if i read this right, you couldn’t get the …heh, let’s call it “good” ending based on a decision all the way back to before the investigation STARTED!!!??? THE HELL???!!

oh and I almost forgot

@Thomas from #22…I remember Starchaser the legend of Orin…you’re not alone, watersnake hahah :)
“will you be paying in starbacks? credits? or Goooooold?”
“…what’s a starback?”

I kind of agree with what TWF said about this being entertaining (compared to most FMV games) I mean, at least the core material is kind of kool and I think the make-up/costume design was pretty decent. This game definitely looks better than anything on the Sega CD and completely poops on the other FMV games you’ve covered…Kool videos…can’t wait to see more.

“Your interfering with my plan!”

“Yeah, DragonStrike” LOL.

Loved the little clip of Malibu from American Gladiators even though it’s a recycled joke from the DragonStrike review (Then again, this game recycled actors from DragonStrike….)

Seeing this makes me cringe at the thought of if they ever decided to make a FMV of Track of the Werewolf. Thank god they didn’t.

Jael the twilight references were because the thing is about vampires and such. his mentioning twilight just further explains how twilight is worse even than a simple fmv game.

Ohhh, now this makes me want to watch Clue again….

3rd rock from the sun reference I haven’t seen that show in years.In the first part where you were doing the Snake voice it sounded more like Joseph from King of the Hill.

Regarding the “Damned if you shoot, damned if you don’t” situation, it seemed… familiar for some reason.
“Either these blood tests don’t actually work, or this game is bugged up the ass!”
Except a scripted game like this can’t be ‘bugged’ per se, so I guess it was the WRITER who is glitched and requires termination.

I really liked your commentary for this one. I don’t think I would have been able to watch this without it. You can barely see anything most of the time. I loved that line at the beginning of part 2 about the lightning monster and the shrubberies. Though it is kind of cool how there are quite a few multiple paths in the story. You don’t seem to see that very often in these kinds of games. Hell in much of any kind of game really. If there is any it’s usually just one or two choices right at the end.

@Zack Dolan Have Starchaser on dvd.

Eeehhh…. It would have been better if you hadn’t referenced your old reviews the whole way… I don’t know, it felt like you couldn’t come up with anything for this one…

It’s funny how much that guy does sound like Snake. Thought his conversations on the phone are not nearly long enough to be Snake. An yeah you might as well flip a coin because man those officers are clueless. As always the random nostalgic quotes are funny.

Thanks for showing us the alternate versions of the endings, Spoony. Like I said before, If I had purchased this game, especially at the full price then I would have been pissed by the lack of other features and short gameplay. Listening to you commentating was the only entertaining thing about this FMV from hell. By the way, have you made your way out of the blackhoe yet?

Hold on a second. Did one of those credits say COWBOY SURGEON?

Damn… How the hell did I miss that in the review??

Anyone know who sang that song in the end credits?

It’s a shame you didnt instil the “game over” theme from Metal Gear Solid when you said “Snake?! Snake?!?! SNAAAAAKE!!!!!” after hemos kills Graves at the gate.

That would have been pure gold!

Here is the tune for you to use for the above comment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffBow9gTyOY&feature=related

But with three Twilight references, it seems like Spoony knows more about the series than he lets on.
Spoony, if it turns out that you like to read Eclipse before bed, we will still love you and watch you videos anyways.

No wait… his brother owns a copy of Twilight. He might has seen it at his place at one point of time. Never mind.

I liked all the jokes that threw back to his older videos especially the Dragon Strike ones. Spoony is freakin’ hilarious when he does commentary/riff tracks. The game looks pretty frustrating to play, but Spoony made watching it really fun.

Wait, so you’re telling me that no matter what you do, you can’t win the game and become a full member of TRAX? So basically there is no winning scenario, there’s only scenarios where less people die so you don’t lose as badly.
Wow. This game gives depression out like candy. No matter what, you’re not good enough for it.

Ahh this brings back memories. Awesome review as usual. I have no idea why but the surfer dude impression cracks me up every time.

I know you have your own schedule but I’d love to know your take on “A Fork in the Tale”. Despite, higher production values than your average FMV, it was still a failure. Not to mention, Rob “annoys-the-hell-outta-me” Schneider. Also may be “Tender Loving Care”. (Although admittedly a fairly good adventure game. And John frigging Hurt!)

Cheers.

PS. the sign at the start of video ain’t Arabic. It’s Persian.
PSS. What’s your problem with Journeyman Project Series? They’re awesome!

Honestly, if a giant creepy head popped up in my glasses while I was driving I would probably crash and die.

Why pixel face is so happy to tell us that officer’s vital signs are terminated? She’s smiling, guess she found him annoying and remembers his sexist remarks.