Critical Marine: Batman will flat-out bomb your shit.

Spoony | Mar 28 2010 | more | 
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Seriously, don’t fuck with Batman. He will end you.

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  • cronambs

    Batman is a terrorist :D

  • melissia

    Ohshi–!

    You don't fuck with Batman.

    Batman fucks with you.

  • Booloo

    Eh thats comic book movies for ya

  • Critical Marine

    Holy Flaptastic Crap! I'm on the Spoony Experiment!

  • They Call Me The Fizz

    In retrospect, it's painfully obvious Burton never read a single issue of Batman

    • Anonymous

      Or he just read very early Batman comic, where he machine-gunned the crap out of the bunch of monsters, broke criminals’ necks, kicked criminals into baths of acid, etc.

      True, the whole no-killing thing has been part of Batman’s character for a long time, but I’ve always been incredulous about claims that killing criminals is somehow unprecedented and unBatman-like

  • http://www.facebook.com/joe.kerr1 Joe Kerr

    lemme say that burton never read anything of batman, he claimed he SAW the killing joke but not readed it…..

    • SenorPwnage

      He once said something along the lines of, “Anyone who knows me knows I would never read a comic.”

      So yeah, the guy who made Batman (the movie) doesn’t think comics are worth reading. Go figure.

  • Shepzilla

    If it wasn't for Burton tho, we wouldn't have had the new batman movies. Everyone thinks that the public just knew about The Dark Knight Returns, Year One, and The Killing joke. In reality the only batman related thing that ever got publicity was A Death In the Family. Which was in the same year the Batman the movie was released, just because Tim Burton sucks now, don't hate on his good movies. Plus Bob was at the factory, and he got alive to only get shot by the joker later on. Who is to say how many of the other thugs actually made it out?

    Also if you want to complain, complain about the explosive gel in Batman Arkham Asylum, he may only knock them unconscious. Come on every thug doesn't die? He needs to blow the hell outta of someone to make his point.

  • SignNinja

    See, Burton flat out admits he doesn't read comics, so him writing something with the marginal knowledge from the TV series and maybe the screenplay based on Death in the Family is also just flat out dumb. But he did the best with what little he knew of the character and set the standard for Batman as we know him in popular media today. But just because he made movies that were awesome before doesn't make up for him making crap. Hence the term “past his prime.” Ok that was just random.

  • Critical Marine

    You know Shepzilla, I wasn't bashing the movie. I love Tim Burton's Batman, I just posted this vid for the sake of laughs. I wasn't trying to be serious, not that I can make a convincing joke out of a serious voice type.

  • Quicksilver_the_Archangel

    He heard that, Critical Marine. ;3

  • Lowcifur

    Why would that even be a feature on the Batmobile? When on Earth did he think he'd need to drop an explosive powerful enough to level a building– directly in front of the fucking car? I think he just likes to ruin folks' day.

  • rudy023

    Don't you know who he is? He's the goddam Batman!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vincent-Kresse/100000039787473 Vincent Kresse

    Batman WILL kill you

  • http://www.facebook.com/jared.davidson1 Jared Davidson

    Batman use to kill people all the time back in the old comics before killing became bad in comics, then he turned into Adam West.

    • Anonymous

      It took him several years to turn into Adam West, considering he stopped killing in the very early 40s, and it wasn’t really until the early to mid 50s, when the Batman and ‘Tec stories tried to ape the Mort Weisinger-era Superman stories, that he became parody.

  • MetalNick

    I couldn't give a shit less if Burton never read the comics – Batman and Batman Returns are two of my favorite movies.

  • warxepb

    But wait, if Batman was in that car… does that mean he gets 72 virgins?

  • pvtcaboose

    Actually if any of you had ever read a Batman comic… In the Old Detective Comics, Batman killed people all the time, he even had a special Blue Bat Pistol :P so, all the BS about batman not killing, is just that, I mean pick up a golden age comic, why don't yuh and see Batman's True colors

  • pvtcaboose

    I apologize for the rudeness of my previouse comment, I'm just a Major Comic book geek, and I didn't read all the comments before posting, srry guys…

    • Anonymous

      I don’t get it. Since when is “original work only” required for someone to be considered a great director?
      If that’s so, Coppola is also a hack, what with The Godfather, Apocalypse Now and Dracula being all based on novels…
      And I’m not comparing Burton to Coppola before anyone calls bullshit on that, ok?

      Edit: lol sorry quoted the wrong guy, it was supposed to be the guy below this one :P

  • r4zi3l

    like any other Vigilante

  • aaronbourque

    Well, he only ever used that pistol to kill a werewolf, and THAT guy returned from the dead . . .

  • dheadtv

    Tim B is an hack! There I said it… He's overrated and over glorified… And failing to see he is in the movie making for money is hypocritical… He's a studio director, that's it!

    Pee-wee's Big Adventure = Based on an already successful TV Show
    Batman & Batman return = Franchise
    Ed Wood = based on a book
    Mars Attacks! = Comic book
    Sleepy Hollow = Popular Story
    Planet of the Apes = Remake
    Charlie and the Chocolate Factory = Remake
    Big Fish = successful book
    Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street = Based on an already popular Broadway show
    Alice in Wonderland = Remake of a franchise

    So what's left?? Edward Scissorhands and Corpse Bride??? Excluding short film, only 2 feature were original work?

  • MrZer0

    man, Bat-murder is really becoming a hot button topic here
    of course, if you really want to see a bat-death toll, watch Batman Beyond and keep count of how many people either die, get maimed or suffer eternities of pain thanks to Will Friedle in a black gimp suit

  • TomeOne

    Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is based off the book of the same name, dude. I wish people would stop calling it a remake.

  • tiggerpete

    yeeah, Burton's Batman was a psycho with a cape, I prefer Nolan's take and the comics, since they are actually in character (though Frank Miller's Batman has lost a lot of shine over the years (awesome 20 years ago, sucks now))

  • Shepzilla

    I get the humor of it, just defending Batman, against the wave of Dark Knight fanboys. They don't realize how much this movie changed batman. Love your vids Marine.

  • joluoto

    Worst security guards ever

  • http://twitter.com/KatKaleen KatKaleen

    Word.
    “We´ll just keep shooting the car, although our bullets obviously aren´t doing anything… hey, what´s that?” KABOOM!

  • Poipoi

    lol thats kinda funny. Batman don't play!

  • Strelnikov

    They were the Joker's flunkies….and each as expendable as the bullets coming out of their guns.

    He's the Goddamned Batman, alright.

  • Booze Zombie

    It does seem like he's a terrorist…

    Also, bat-nipples!
    Joking.

  • Anonymous

    So the lesson here is you mess with Batman , he fucks your shit up

    Nuff said

  • Anonymous

    So the lesson here is you mess with Batman , he fucks your shit up

    Nuff said

  • Anonymous

    So the lesson here you mess with Batman…he fucks your shit up

    Well it good lesson to know

  • Anonymous

    So the lesson here you mess with Batman…he fucks your shit up

    Well it good lesson to know

  • Cthulhu07

    You've probably already seen this, but I'll post the link anyway. It fits perfectly on the topic of your posting….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dyGpCrFdX4

  • TheRetroFox

    They were all 2 days from retirement, too.

  • andreas9000

    Well… so much for “SWAT”, Batman does it the easy way ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Kailuweit/1523114809 Martin Kailuweit

    Wait, you mean… Tim Burton makes movies FOR MONEY?
    Oh no – stop the presses! (Actually, that was sarcastic, in case you didn't notice.)

    BTW: How could you forget one of his most famous works and completely original stories? (I'm not telling you, which one so maybe you get curious enough to do some research yourself.)

    @topic: Very nice add, Marine. Can't wait for your next review. ;-)

  • Rhesus

    Yeah, I remember you from the charity drive. You rang them up and asked if there was an opening =)

    Heard anything from Doug? Also, made any other videos?

  • Jaebird88

    Damnit, Tim Burton; why did you have to make Batman a mass-murderer?

  • http://celluloidandsilicon.blogspot.com/ Avenging_Mike

    Except that there was already a movie version of the book. So do we call it two separate adaptations, or do we call the second movie a remake? There's no functional difference, except that one way, we acknowledge that if the first movie hadn't been made, it'd be *incredibly* unlikely that Burton would have made his version.

  • TomeOne

    A number of works of literature have had more than one movie adaptation. Do we call each new adaptation a remake of the last?

  • joeengland

    Spoony didn't say it was the FIRST time, just that there was this ONE time.

  • Cthulhu07

    I have a feeling the Joker's ideas of retirement may somewhat differ with the rest of us. :D

  • dheadtv

    Ahaha, no I never saw that one… Thank you for that! I really liked the Danny Elfman guy LMAO

  • Cthulhu07

    Hey no problem. Glad I could help :D Yeah, Elfman was my favorite character as well.

  • dheadtv

    No need to be trolling lil emo kid ; )

    BTW: I never saw any TB's short film and I know you're not talking about The Nightmare Before Christmas since he didn't direct it… Granted it was is short poem but that poem got re-written into a long story by someone else and then someone else made it into a screenplay. Yes he also produced it, but I'm talking about TB as a director. So, what movie are you talking about because, i don't know???

  • dheadtv

    Then let's call it a franchise too… idk

  • http://celluloidandsilicon.blogspot.com/ Avenging_Mike

    If they're so similar, yeah. If it takes the material in a new direction, then it can be a new adaptation. But Charlie doesn't do anything but cash in on those who have seen the original. In fact, a lot of the people I know who have seen it say that it's only good *if you've seen the original.* Otherwise it's just a mess. Frankly, it has a lot more in common with being a remake than a new adaptation of the source material. I might meet you half-way at “reimagining/reboot” a la “Battlestar Galactica” or “Batman Begins.”

    • TomeOne

      It’s neither a reboot nor a re-imagining

      It’s an adaptation from source material, simple as that. Were the 1971 film the only thing around, without a novel to base it on, then yes, you could call Burton’s movie a “remake.”

  • Anonymous

    I can’t believe all the people here saying that Batman is a wuss for not killing people. Yes, Batman has his roots in pulp action heroes, which is why he used a gun/killed people in the Golden Age, but at that point they hadn’t quite figured out who they wanted him to be. Contrary to popular belief the no guns/no killing rule was in place well before the Comics Code Authority crackdown.

    Since then it’s become an important and in my opinion essential part of the character. It’s the central dynamic that drives the comic: Batman can’t kill Joker no matter how many people get killed as a result, Joker wants Batman to break his one rule so he can prove to everybody that Batman is fallible. Frank Miller got it (before he went insane), Bruce Timm got it and Chris Nolan got it. Burton didn’t.

    If you want a dark, gritty vigilante hero who murders criminals then there are dozens, maybe hundreds to choose from (start with Punisher: MAX because it’s frickin’ awesome) but until then (cue Chris Crocker gif) LEAVE BATMAN ALONE!

  • Spokojasne

    Beetle Juice?

  • kenori

    Does anyone not remember the original Batman from the comics? The one that'd break a man's goddamn neck just for looking at him funny?

    Burton's Batman isn't psycho, he's just OOOOOLD School.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jelle-Winne/549840053 Jelle Winne

    Batman just watched too much anime, because as we all know explosions never kill anything.

  • J_Alfred

    Not on Tim Burton's watch! The bat-nipples only showed up once Joel Shumacher got involved and decided the best direction to take Batman was back to the Adam West show.

  • J_Alfred

    He wrote The Nightmare Before Christmas. And what was Beetlejuice ripping off again? And your logic could be applied to the Disney studios as well, since nearly every animated film they've ever made has been based on a “popular story”. Does that make Disney a hack?

  • J_Alfred

    Except the first film version was disowned by Roald Dahl, the book's author, and Tim Burton's was the one Roald's family said was 'the right one'. So, what can we take from that?

  • J_Alfred

    I call bullshit. See my previous comment. Roald Dahl, upon seeing the movie, was so pissed off that he disowned the thing and refused to allow any more movies of “charlie” to be made. Many people before Tim have petitioned Dahl's family for permission to film a new version, but Dahl's family always refused. Tim Burton was the first one to “treat Roald's work with the proper respect”, according to Dahl's daughter. So if you want to look at it that way, Tim's is the real adaptation and the previous one is a bastard abomination.

    • http://celluloidandsilicon.blogspot.com/ Avenging_Mike

      “According to his daughter.” I’m sorry, but THAT is bullshit. Tim Burton’s a mediocre director, no better or worse than any other (and I find your arguing in Burton’s favour deliciously ironic since the entire point of the original video is “Hey, Burton destroys source material.”) However, Burton’s hailed as a “visionary,” some kind of directorial GOD, but I bet you dollars to doughnuts that Dahl would have spit on Burton same as any other director. It’s only because it was Dahl’s daughter, not Dahl himself, and because it was Burton’s surrounding mythos, that it was approved.

      So, Charlie’s still shit, but simply “author’s daughter approved” shit. You’re not making any good arguments here.

      • Anonymous

        Meh. My argument made sense to me. I’m one of those people who probably care a little too much about what the author thought of the adaptation of their work. So in my head the approval of Dahl’s family is much more important then it is to anyone else.

  • Shepzilla

    Isn't the real crime here that Tim Burton made a Batman movie without calling Adam West or Burt Ward?

    “Someday's you just cant get rid of a bomb”

  • Nihilus

    I find myself using that line a lot more often… Couldn't find a safe place to throw a bomb recently in marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2… well… Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb…

  • http://celluloidandsilicon.blogspot.com/ Avenging_Mike

    So what? Remakes can be better (though this one isn't) than the original, and movies can be closer or further to the originator's vision. Remember, what works in print doesn't work always in film. Just because it's “truer” to the author's book (according to his family) doesn't make it a better movie. It also doesn't make it “not a remake.”

    So, what we can take from that is when someone tried to make an adaptation of something, the original author disliked it. That's it.

  • dheadtv

    Yes! I forgot to write down Beetlejuice because I had in mind of telling that this one is actually among my top film of all time… And BTW, Mars Attack also is part of my fav films ever and I know a lot of people don't enjoy that one so much.

    I'm not a fan or TB bu I' not an hater either. He got talents for sure. But I still believe, IMO, that he is over-hyped. TB's fans believe he is so wierd and creative and cutting edge and dark… No, he's mainstream! And Commercial (yes with capital C)!

    And he didn't write The Nightmare Before Christmas screenplay. He wrote a one page poem that you can find right here : http://www.timburtoncollective.com/nmbcpoem.html (see I did a little Googleling for you, I'm not a bad person.) Michael McDowell (RIP) one of the Beetlejuice screenwriter adapted the poem into a long story and Caroline Thompson wrote the screen play. A screenplay is not the same as a story and far from being a poem!

    I don't know much about Disney but I don't think Disney ever pretended to be anything else that a business trying to appeal to a mass public… Nothing wrong with that, I have bills to pay and mouth to feed too! But would you honestly say Disney rules!!!!! or more something like : John Lasseter is a genius and a groundbreaking animator?

    I know b*tching about ye old Burton is like complaining about Jesus or something like that. It will raise passion ahah! but I still believe he is overrated.

    Maybe SPOONY could rule on that one?!?

  • dheadtv

    Yes! EPIC FAIL on my part there…. I wanted to say in my first post that Beetlejuice was (sill is) one of my all time favorite movie… I thought i wrote it down but I see now that i didn't. My Bad…

  • http://twitter.com/EpicCardboard Epic Cardboard

    It's a shame that Batman Returns is such a terrible movie, because the 1989 Batman is my favorite Batman movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Filipe-Isabelinho/100000173498272 Filipe Isabelinho

    someone set up us the bomb!!

  • http://twitter.com/V8_Ninja V8 Ninja

    The last line seals the deal;

    “Yeah, Batman's a terrorist.”

    But logically, why would anyone want a baseball-sized bomb that slowly comes out of your super-high-tech race car? I understand if the bomb comes out in a flash (like most other handy-dandy Batman essentials), but why the speed of a bullet that's stuck in bullet-time? (Wow, would that be awkward to say in real life.) Maybe I don't fully understand the awesome that is Batman.

  • http://www.holycowconsulting.com/ Holy Cow

    I'd like to personally attest to Burton's Batman being a terrible role model for young children. Why it wasn't long after watching this in the theater that I strung tennis balls to the spokes of my bmx, crashed into my brother's room, unloaded my cargo and proceeded to lay waste to my environment. In the ensuing aftermath, Darth Vader was found decapitated by his own lightsaber, the Copper Kid had to be sent off to recycling and many of the brave men and women of the Lego Galaxy Patrol required amputations after a horrifying collision with Castle Grayskull.

    Such senseless violence that may have been avoided had I not been so enamored with the ruthless brutality of a childhood icon. Shame on you Tim Burton. Shame! On! You!

  • Ashenge

    What I drew from this is that Critical Marine is one handsome fella.

    o_o

    Yeah.

  • Strannik01

    “Does anyone not remember the original Batman from the comics?”

    No one ever does.

  • Movie_Theater_Lad

    OH MY GOD!

    When did Jason Mewes join the army! Dude, I love your voice! I think I'm gonna read Deadpool in your voice from now on!

  • TheFeydakin

    At least hes not a TERRIFYING, terrorist… SHUT UP! i keel you!

  • Critical Marine

    Just so you know, the Marine Corps isn't part of the Army. The Marine Corps is it's own branch of service.
    The More You Know

  • AggsOfSpades

    I remember the machine-gun through the door being an awesome scene from both the Nintendo game and the movie, but the explosion caught me completely off guard.

  • http://bwmedia.wordpress.com/ ShadowWing Tronix

    Am I the only one who watched cartoons as a kid (and still does today)? Obviously all the guards got out through the secret tunnel between shots. Where's your sense of reality, people!

    (By the way, I don't know if it's IE, Open ID, or Disqus, but do you know how long it took me to sign in? I hate trying to get in through Disqus.)

  • CPBacon

    Now that's something you will never have to explain to an enemy of the Marines.

  • Critical Marine

    You certainly know your stuff, bravo.

  • Dasyati

    Nah, the guards stagger out the front door coughing up smoke rings and covered in soot. Nothing a shower can't fix.

  • groupthinker1984

    Strictly speaking, Batman killed in his very first story (assuming you count shooting a vampire as a kill, and I won't argue with you if you don't).

    But yes, not killing has been a part of his character for approx six decades.

    Sidenote, as compelling as the Punisher is, his existence serves to highlight how awesome Batman is. They had arguably similar origins but Batman chose to take the high road.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-David-Douglas-Marshall/508186747 John David Douglas Marshall

    What, you mean Tim Burton ignored a major character element in a film adaptation? I just won't believe it!

  • StealthKnight

    I realy need to see these old batman movies. I forgot about that one. I think at least 9 were killed.

  • dramagirl99

    Don't know if this has been brought up yet… but…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8LcKev4k1Q

  • StealthKnight

    She is actually one of ivy's plant monsters so that's why he punched her but it still is funny.

  • neon6

    ಠ_ಠ Damn…

  • sifer2

    Also if your just in the same building as someone who messed with Batman…he fucks your shit up

  • Drach

    lmao “Yeah… Batman's a Terrorist.”

  • theshamster

    What about Robin?

    He killed The Joker by shooting him with his own gun.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QPGqqLYSjg&feat…

    Well, of course he was tortured and mutated into a mini-me version of the Joker, but even so…he KILLED The Joker!

    Awesome!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lou.nolastnamegiven Lou Nolastnamegiven

    So…why isn't this guy a regular feature at TGWTG? Seriously, he is ahead of the curve with his combo of charisma and badassery, so why not?

    I'd watch!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lou.nolastnamegiven Lou Nolastnamegiven

    So…why isn’t this guy a regular feature at TGWTG? Seriously, he is ahead of the curve with his combo of charisma and badassery, so why not?

    I’d watch!

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