Oh wow. Pretty epic shit.

Just wanted to let you know Spoony that Avatar The Last Airbender (the cartoon) really shouldn't be considered much of an anime. I myself am not big on anime and likely hold very similar views as you do with it. I was skeptical about this show when my brother got it on DVD and wanted me to watch it with him, he insisted it's great.

As it turned out, it is great, this show has almost NOTHING in common with any anime I'm aware of. It to my knowledge doesn't even have any cliches normally found in that medium. It's also American made, not from Japan, which makes it even less of an anime. I think the only reason people say that is because it's art style is like Miyazaki's films. So seriously, give it a fair chance and check some of it out. It will surprise you.

Yes Bella and Edward get very annoying… but if you want to get it you will just have to read the books bc just watching the movies doesn't really explain anything…

Dude… you just did an hour rant about a Twilight movie. Think about it.

Edward likes music. In the first movie he plays the piano for Bella and shows her his HUGE music collection.

This sounds so sickeningly bad. As a mormon myself I look at her book with pride beecause of one simple reason: If that shit managed to get “popular”, well then, I should be able to do way better than she does.

Dear god, I don't know why you force yourself to sit through this ongoing train wreck. I've only seen Twilight once. I forced myself to sit through it for research of a prank.. Suffice to say it took me a whole day to get through it. I had to pause it constantly and walk away quite often. Hell, it shames me that most of my gender and people in general are eating this crap up. It seems to either stem from some ludicrous idea wish fulfillment dream. Or maybe it's just because the majority of this audience is drinking the funny Kool-Aid.

Honestly though I'm still not sure how anything of value is deemed from this series, movie or book. None of the leads are likable or have any common sense. The characters with a hint of potential or of interest are glossed over or pushed aside for more wanking. In the end I can take comfort only in the fact that this will be one of those forgotten fads and not some “Epic Saga” like they claim.

That being said, if they can pull off the crap in Breaking Dawn in film? I will totally see it just to see it. lol.

Adding this little fact here. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart HATE their roles and the books. The ONLY thing that keeps them in these movies is the money (I think).

Breaking Dawn is going to be 2 movies…..part 1 and 2…..Harry Potter? That is weird….But i know one……The Goldfish Crackers coming to life and killing people…..yeah….i went there…

Just throwing it out there, but, Last Air Bender isn't an anime. It's actually an American made cartoon. It's really good all things considered. I mean it wasn't awe inspiring, but it's an enjoyable waste of time.

Spoony, I really think you are trying to give the Twilight series too much credit. You're looking for something that just isn't there. It will never be explained.

the ability of progection is a big one. as for balle bell is the worlds largest clutz to the point its a plot point that she can't dance even enough a school dance were all you really have to do is bob your head. so dancing balle probably didn't not last long.

as for the buy in even my most devoded friends gave up on this book or cursed the existance of the last book. becasue i think people were waiting for that twist and not just a happy ending we keep getting.

i know where not suppose to point to the books but i half to. agin my friends were 1/2 ready waiting for the promised 5th book witch was the first book from edwards point of view. why is this becasue accorring to the auther the books are written to the limit of a teen age girls mind. and sadly intrest do tend to get tossed out other then guys for some of them. so that just getting the boy is a valid intrest. most grow out of this and i think thats what people were looking for (her growing up) and when they didnt get it they were not happy. the last book was suppose to be edward and was suppose to see these things from a more adult point of view. intrest that belle mind doesnt deem important and everything else your looking for.

lastly this is a little more tolerable in the books. why? because your in belle's pov 90% of the time and the time jumps are obivous you feel like your reading a journal of a love sick girl whos just not writting anything else. in the moves were forced out to the god eye view and this no longer works because we are never put into that mind set solidly.

personaly halaquine is above where this book has grown from. this a long story that would be found on livejournal or even in the older days of quizilla. this story fits in perfect with them and this one just got puplished. and the readish this is aimed at is the same readership that clings to these online orginals. the problem with this is there an off shot of fan fiction charaters that were written for the author doesnt have to it and for the most part cant. witch would explain why it takes till book/movie 3 to get any charater backing.

I haven't seen or read any of the Twilight material, so take this all with a grain of salt…but I can guess why it's so popular. You point out that the characters are bland and have no personality as a flaw. For the fans, it's not a flaw, it's a bonus. As long as the characters are completely bland and have no personalities, the readers can imagine their own. Jo Orwell made a good point: Bella is the average, everyday girl with nothing special about her…that the readers can imagine themselves as. Edward is the hot guy totally devoted to her. What interests does he have? We don't know…so there's nothing saying that he doesn't love the same things that the readers love! I can almost promise you that if Bella and Edward were given more concrete personalities and genuine interests and such, her readership would actually go down. The girls reading this can imagine themselves as the ordinary girl that manages to secure the hot guy who is totally devoted to her and will never leave her and always provide for her.

And the fact that he's a vampire (a glittery, sparkly one, no less!) is probably what cinches it over any number of other trashy romance novels. It means he'll never turn into a middle-aged guy with thinning hair and love handles and problems getting an erection, sitting on the couch with his pit-stained T-shirt with a beer in hand, watching football. He'll always be young and pretty, and he can make her always young and pretty, so she'll never have to worry about menopause and sagging tits and greying hair and wrinkles. They can be young and pretty together forever.

Yes, it's completely vapid. It's basically a masturbation fantasy. But that's also why girls like it. Like Samantha H points out, it's basically porn for girls that they can read without being viewed as skanks. Trying to figure out why girls would like something with so little cinematic or literary value is like trying to figure out why guys would watch late-night Cinemax or read Playboy despite a lack of cinematic or literary value.

“But!” I hear many of you saying. “The Twilight series seems to be genuinely viewed by its fanbase as romance, whereas Cinemax and Playboy are clearly just porn!” True…but I think what we have here is something mentioned in the review happening in real life. Spoony mentioned that this series would be much better if it was about the characters mistaking their youthful lust and high-school crush as genuine love and devotion, rather than it being sold as genuine true love. I think that's part of what's happening with the fanbase: they're mistaking “lust” for “love.” And, since the characters are so bland, they imagine Edward or Jacob as people they actually *can* love, instead of just pieces of meat.

But I'm basing this off of observations of other fandoms, as opposed to reading the books and watching the movies myself and then interviewing fans about what they like, so it's entirely possible that my whole theory is completely wrong and stupid. Take from it what you will.

I'm guessing the use of the word “saga” bugs you because a saga is a story of heroic deeds, and like you said there's nobody even remotely heroic in the Twilight universe.

Seriously tho, don't try looking for depth in Twilight. It's porn for women. The entire point of its popularity is that Edward is a surrogate for the perfect man, and that Bella is a reader surrogate. You observed yourself that their personalities are practically non-existent, which is the point; the better for readers to project their fantasies onto, and to complete the mental picture. (And yes, there kind of is a double standard, but stop and imagine what the reaction would be if the series were gender-flipped; the author would be crucified by the feminists.)

It's kind of funny, the deconstruction you mentioned in your rant around the 9-minute mark actually comes up in the Dresden Files novels, a series that blows Twilight out of the damn water. If you're into the genre, I definitely recommend it; it's a combination of detective novel and urban fantasy, with a hero who's clever and snarky. There was a Sci-Fi TV series based off of it, but it wasn't quite as good as the novels.

Also, it's good to know someone else paces when they have a lot to think about. I do it too, and everyone I know (family, girlfriend, co-workers) says I look like a mental patient when I do it. It just helps me think, you know?

How about mushrooms? Would mushrooms be a stupider movie monster than the wind? Or maybe head lice.

Yes, Breaking Dawn is going to be fucking hilarious. So many little girls are going to be traumatized by the birth scene that it might actually cause a population depression. In all fairness, I understand that even the fans hate this one. Which, considering we're talking about Twilight, is saying a fucking lot.

Speaking of, if you haven't already heard of her, you definitely need to look up Cleolinda Jones. She's witty and snarky and loves sporking Twilight. Her summaries are a thing of glory.

Spoony I know what the have in common! They're both shallow, boring, emo teenagers with high school drama problems and have the personalty of mud! Also both are ugly, stupid selfish people. Bella is a succubus since she feeds on the souls of shallow men like Jacob with her “good looks” BUT she is sadistic since she just likes breaking them. My ex is more evil then Bella. Other then her I can't think of anybody more evil…

How about trying to outrun your cold breath?

Also, just watch an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender. You will be laughing at least 10 times in a episode but in the movie…it is crap, humorless, dull, rushed, sucking the life out of you. I mean Uwe Boll makes bad movies, but at least it's funny. M Night's latest movie is…terrible. Horribafuckus

also avitar is an american cartoon not anime.

why is called the twilight saga. don't saga's come in 6 films or 6 books, theres 4 books and theres going to be 5 movies or am I just wrong with the whole 6 parts

“Saga” was the name for the old Viking tales of heroism and great deeds. It has nothing to do with the number of parts in a story.

It also has nothing to do with romance and vampires. This is not a saga, it is an atrocity.

Poor Spoony he doesn't realize the point of the series.

Its starts as series objectifying women and then it turns into female sexual fantasy, were Bella becomes the insensitive dushe that manipulates the two guys. She becomes those guys that prey on girls insecurities and manipulates them so she can fuck them and discard them. Women rarely do this so women are living out this power fantasy through Bella.

I don't understand why they even try with these movies. It could be a film that some kids filmed in their backyard with a 12 dollar budget and it would still probably make 6 million dollars on opening weekend. It's not a good movie and it's a worse story and yet it makes an unreasonable amount of money, so why even bother trying to portray it even remotely artistically? It could be pure profit if only they put as much effort into filming it as Stephanie Meyer put into writing it.

Well, on the subject of Bella being the most evil character in history, you make many good points, but I've come up with 2 who may be able to challenge her:
Chad from “In the Company of Men”, just like Bella, manipulates people for no other purpose than to make them miserable, and he just states he does it “Because {He} could”. Not sure if you've ever seen that.
Eric Cartman, from South Park, also manipulates people for his own amusement and his own gain, has killed like 4 people (including in the infamous episode “Scott Tenorman Must Die”), attempted genocide (twice!), horrifically abuses everyone around him regardless of how nice they are to him (especially his mom and Butters), he's the most anti-semetic character in the history of television, and hes not even 10 yet. True, he may not be as evil as Bella due to him actually thinking that jews are evil and that he's good, but give him some time, he's got like 8 years left (well, he'll never age obviously, but hes 9 and Bellas like 17).

Avatar: The last airbender TV show….. not Anime (like, at all) created and written by two white guys. It does have a few anime-style animation tropes… but we're talking less than 10%.
Nothing about the story or characters fits the Anime mold.

Borrow the first disc from someone, watch those four episodes with an open mind, and I promise you will be a believer.
Avatar is probably the best animated series in the past 20 years. (if not, it's definitely top 5)

as the 500th person to tell you

Avatar is not an “anime” while it is an animation, it's just Japanese styled.

but whatever.

Like you said at the beginning, with Twilight fans calling you out by saying things like “you like wrestling”, all these films, games, music and any other form of entertainment media come down to nothing more then personal opinion. HOWEVER, what for me as made Twilight so unbearable is the agonising fans that will defend the films and books and refuse to admit any flaw about them.To be fair though, all things with a fanbase will have these kinds of narrow minded stubborn fans that think something is far superior to anything else then it actually is.

In short, I would not be nearly as bothered by Twilight if it wasnt for the head strong fans insisting to me that its better then anything I ever liked

I'll also add my voice to the “Avatar: The Last Airbender is a good show” crowd. Thing to keep in mind is, it gets better as it goes on. It starts out very much as a kid's show, with a lot of obvious kid's show elements (each episode has a moral, you can tell when they decide to have Aang – the lead character – fly around just because that's his gimmick, etc.) but it actually develops into an excellent series, with a lot of moral complexity and character depth. And when I say “moral complexity and character depth,” I don't mean “complex and deep *for a kid's show.*” I mean there is a degree of complexity and depth that not much else in recent media has achieved.

Also, it has Toph, who is one of the greatest characters ever and the epitome of manly awesomeness. And Toph is a 12-year-old girl.

I won't pretend that it's flawless or so totally brilliant that it will change your life or the greatest thing ever to be on television or anything of the sort. But Avatar: The Last Airbender is genuinely quality material, especially as it goes on.

If you were a monster which is despised by most of humanity, either a sparkling weird vampire rip off, or a werewolf with allergies towards T-shirts, too bland that no one would even bother to look at you, wouldn't you be grateful for the first chick to get a girl-boner at the sheer sight of you?
Granted, she's boring, butt-ugly and annoying, but so are Edward and Jacob.
You know, they can't really have common traits, other than being pretentious and boring, because that's all they are.
They have no characteristics. Jacob, Bella and Edward are basically the same cut-out character, painted in three different colors: Boring fakepire, boring wolfman and boring bitch.

M Night Shamsies does not equivelate this series.

At best, the cartoon thats not an anime as I'm sure your viewers have corrected you on, is fantastic. The characters don't fall into cliches other animes or kid-friendly shows do because they fall into their own trope, carrying out a phenominal job with this interesting oriental styled blend. I'll tell you this now, its NOT japanese whatsoever until you meet a tiny region that has early Japanese remnants that literally seperated their landmass from this giant analogy of China during the ruling of the first emperor of China. It has development far superior to regular cartoons because it aims to be fun, it aims to be diagnostic on social situations when it needs to, it has in-depth characters that you will feel emotional connections to by the end of this. It also adds in the element of responsibility and war that grips you in a way so uncommon to the world of kids television nowadays. People are suffering because the fire nation's ambitious militant leader's will keep expanding and their wide-spread cataclysmic destruction is seen throughout the various colonies to massive countries. Like the story of prison encampments of POWs, Earth nation refugees, the cultural diffusion and prejuduice between these warring nations. I tell you this, though Mako has been in bad movies *cough cough Conan the Destroyer Cough Cough Cough* his performance as Uncle Iroh was simply magical. Which made his death all the more heart-wrenching because this was his last participation in anything relating to cinema, which the movie could not even muster for obvious reasons. Again, if the magnum opus of Avatar the Last Airbender could be summed up in the animation as being innovative to the cartoon industry, M. Night's movie was a mere interpretation of what HE saw from the final product and never more then that. Though one could say the generalization is there since its a movie that sums up the animated seasons, it isn't. It actually trivializes a underdogish show, that really had my lowest expectations as if it was trying to copy anime in a sense. But I was dead wrong, and I love it eachday it proved me wrong.

As for character development, their are some extroadinarily hilarious personas there that are funny when they don't try to be… Like Sokka whom basically the entire show, I think, goes completely against him in the first run. And its just hilarious to see these comedic reactions blended in with nice touches of natural humor. Like when the group needed more money in their sac-wallet, so as the self-proclaimed, manhooded leader of the pack, he takes it upon himself to help fish with an old man when the old man's wife explained how her senile bones were shaking meaning a implausible storm is coming up. What happens? A storm! Ofcoarse this one storyline had almost several background stories melded with the storm's occurence, but it just shows that bad luck and him run together like mop-water and clutsy Steve Urkles. Or how his skepticism is basically almost everywhere unfounded because of the mysticism always proves him wrong. Which turns him into a cynic at times, often being proven wrong by the spiritual sleements surrounding him with leagues of followers that hound after theology like bacon bits to a dog, like in that one episode of the Fortune Teller.

Damn, that ending with the whole need to deconstruct sounds almost like an Insano origin story. If you cackled at the end, it would've been perfect. As for the riffability, I still have my hopes high. We're not talking amateurs here, no offense Spoony.

You know I tried to compare stuff like this and Sex and the City and the tasteless tweenage girl movies as like the female version of our crazy action guy movies in the 80's. Only thing is NO ONE TOOK THOSE SERIOUSLY! They were silly and stupid and that's why we enjoyed them so much. Fans of this wave, if that's what you wanna call it, are following this hardcore as really good story telling. It. Is. Not. I just don't fucking get it.

What is so hard to understand about Twilight? It caters to the lowest common denominator of dumb teenage girls and their fantasies of having a bunch of buffed brooding men fighting for their affection even though they have little to offer.

You see, up till now there really hasn't been a lot of material in Hollywood to cater to teenage girls. Most of it up till now has been made for teenage boys with all the mindless action movies (everything Micheal Bay). It's an untapped resource that really hasn't been exploited up till now, and with Stephenie Mayer came the right person for the job.

The key words here are “dumb teenage girls.” If you ask me a series like “Sex in the City” is a thousand times worse because something like that caters to dumb 30-40 something women. A demographic you'd expect a lot more from….=/

Elfen Lied is brilliant! *backs up recommendation*

Behold, the terrifying premise of…

MILDLY UNPLEASANT CHEESE SMELL.

It's everywhere…

It's in the streets…

It's in your house…

It's in your *body*…

And soon…

It will be in your NOSE.

Coming Soon.

Hey I am super curious, being a huge poster/graphic arts fan, what is that at the head of Spoony’s bed? “2001 A Space Odyssey”? (the tunnel scene seems vaguely familiar. Anyways its super awesome, any leads of what it is would be greatly appreciated!

Ministry of Silly Walks… that's what that little figure is — John Cleese! I thought it was Jackie Chan trying to kick a pile of blocks at first.

Twilight is so utterly preposterous and brutally contrived in many, many ways, like you mentioned. I wondered the same things: why is Bella up in the mountain of all places, freezing her tits?, why isn't she wearing warmer clothes?, or have more blankets? ..why not bring those snappy chemical packs that heat up? ..I wondered that too.. And the whole, vampires-are-strongest-when-newborn, I didn't really buy either. Seems to me that should be your weakest time, when you're still learning your abilities and you'd have your ass handed to you in a fight with an older vampire. The idea of using weapons or setting up traps, didn't occur to me, but you're right, now that I think about it (why not use swords or bats at least)… I also questioned at one point why it appeared that Edward was in daylight and wasn't sparkling, but I guess that's a nitpick.

However, I will say, I think with more intelligent direction, more comic relief and better/more action scenes this could've been an epic movie that might've even appealed to all the boyfriends who got dragged to see it.

The reason why it's such a hit is simply this: young girls relate to the school girl Bella character (the quieter, somewhat bookish/dark type girl), and they fantasize about having this dreamy, tall, dark, brooding guy falling for her… and of course, they fantasy isn't complete without having some competition in the form of Jacob, the bad-ass type, chiseled muscley man ala Harlequin romance covers. Mix that with the edgy vampire/werewolf theme and put it in a contemporary highschool setting and you have something that sells really well to it's target market. I personally commend the author for sending the message to young girls about abstinence and waiting till your married etc. as I think we live in a world now where, what with media and the internet, kids are more exposed to sex and probably have sex at much younger ages then in the past (I could be wrong).. Sadly, the story doesn't withstand close scrutiny, especially from a male perspective and as you say, when these girls grow up, they will probably look back and laugh at themselves for being having been twihards. I'm of the minority though spoony, where I fall into that grey area of just reacting to it as “meh” ..neither hate it nor love it, 'cuz I realise it's not marketed towards me. Still fun to make fun of though.

I think he would appreciate Death Note too… especially considering it made it to live action versions (which he might like even more, seeing as he likes Japanese horror movies, and although it's not horror, it has similar qualities). The whole chess game between L and Kira is excellent stuff.

Spoony, if you're reading this, just watch the first 3 episodes of Death Note and tell us what you think, please!

This summer…

A PHENOMENON IS HAPPENING…

THE ENTIRE EARTH INFECTED…

WITH ARTHRITIS!

Well in your quest to understand Twilight you can always take a look at what the Oatmeal explained in his part “How Twilight Works” on his site. It explained a lot to me.

Worse villians than the wind:

Slight drizzle
Regular sunlight
Two week old kittens
Rickets

I admit I'm not a fan of Avatar. It just seemed very stale when I watched the first DVD. I know people say it gets better later on but unless a show hooks me with it's early material I don't see the point of investing my time in it hoping it gets better.

As for Eclipse. Well what can you say spoony. It's a festering pile and no mistake. I've been trying to work out what the hell Twilights about since I first heard of it, my girlfriends no help she bursts into flame at the mere mention of it.

Twilight is cancer.

I think Moviebob put it best when he described the Twilight franchise as “Mormon Vampire Abstinence Porn”

As for the Last Airbender, it's not just bad… It's BORING BAD. If your brother was familiar with any aspect of the original show, I suggest it's time for another dual review so we can see it from both perspectives

As someone who has had a parent die from cancer, let me say…. cancer does not deserve to be insulted like that.

Has anyone here seen the Vampire Hunter D anime movie? (having not seen or read twilight) The film sounds like it deals with a pretty similar vampiric romance. It just does it well. Worth watching

This is delicious!
I may disagree with you on TF2, but you are still full of win.
Breaking Dawn will be two separate movies (creative, ain't it?), and the first is scheduled for release on November 28th of next year. Alas, David Cronenberg is not the director.
(When you talked about action in 'The Last Airbender', I actually giggled a bit, probably at your expense. I am so sorry…)

Spoony, you need the cast of Persona 4. REACH OUT TO THE TRUTH!

i think the reason that the twi fans seem to like it is because, like so many demotivational posters have said, it's a choice between necrophelia and bestality. two of the more taboo fetishes out there and its as close as any of these women are gonna get to feeling that for themselves.

that's my take on it anyways.

YES. XD I was alone in the theater when this scene rolled by, so I was able to just die laughing at it. Absolutely awesome.

That was probably the best review of anything Twilight-related I've ever seen. (Granted, I don't bother to watch many.) I think you put more effort into it than what's been put into the series.

I hate Twilight, not for what it is, but for what it's done to me and my peers. I'm a sixteen-year-old girl. We really didn't need another stereotype added to our collective reputation. One of the first things I'm asked by people I've just met when the subject of books comes up is “So, you're probably a Twilight fan, right?” NO.

yeah man…when you see the penis hair you will giggle your ass off.

I was like “wtf are they trying to display??” …its like an hour in…and you just wanna laugh hard as fuck when you see the boy salivating, getting wood, and staring at it. But obviously its really over the chick.

too funny

Just wanted to add to the comments recommending the Avatar cartoon.

It's Western created, and that makes all the difference if you're averse to anime, as I tend to be too. Many have called it anime, because it has the artistic quality of one, compared to most modern American cartoons, but the storytelling and treatment of the characters is very akin to, say, Gargoyles.

I'm actually surprised so many of the TGWTG crew haven't seen or heard of the Avatar cartoon show. It's the best produced and well written story-focused cartoons since, say, Justice League Unlimited. I hope, if the terrible, boring movie does anything, it's to lead you guys to the show, if just to see just how much life was sucked out of it, or to really get the whole picture of how much Shyamalan destroyed it. It's just mind boggling.

Loved the even-handed Eclipse review! I'll only be watching Twilight with Rifftrax, if that. Like the Last Airbender movie, it seems so much more fun to hear others talk about them or mock them.

I realized after the second movie what the appeal is of the twilight series, and I think you're on the right track with the romance novel idea. The problem with a romance novel is that it has a stigma – so much so that it's embarrassing for a girl to be caught reading it. Romance novels are associated with female masturbation, and many tween girls would prefer a more innocuous appearing form of entertainment. However, the Twilight series offers the smokescreen of vampires and werewolves so that it may appear as low fantasy, rather than the obvious shallow romance that it is.

On the other hand, I am a die-hard Shyamalan fan. I am afraid that I may find The Last Airbender to be unbearably bad story-telling, but I stand by all of his movies until now, with the possible exception of The Happening. The Village was not about the twist; none of his movies are. The Village is a love story, and a story about the futile attempt of a group of traumatized people to escape the wicked world by creating their own innocent refuge. This movie is so chock-full of symbolism, you'll have to watch it several times to catch it all.

The Happening tried to be about a man who didn't wear the pants in the relationship, learning to be a man, and showing his wife the he could step up and lead a family even in a time of desperation. However, he didn't tell that story well, and instead what we see are silly death scenes, and an environmentalist message about as subtle as Fern Gully.

That's absolute rubbish, and as wide of the mark in terms of gender values as anything Meyer has written.

What's more to the point is that teenagers tend to be driven by emotion, or rather hormones. Social norms lead them towards different sorts of emotional fulfilment- a lot of teenage girls like the supposed romance and passion of Twilight, a lot of teenage boys like the supposed excitement and tension of Transformers. And they both like the eye candy in these films.

Generalisations suck, especially when they're used to justify why you're better than someone else (reason has always been considered a higher intellectual function than emotion).

wasn't the ugly protagonist girl saved by the vampire guy in the first one…thus having a Superman Complex where she is an Emo dumb-ed down version of Lois Lane…isn't that the relationship “mortar” that everyone's looking for?

YES, the other vampires are FAR more developed than Edward and Bella. It's why, as loathsome as all the books are, I kind of dig the Cullen clan, minus Edward.

It's like, in those parts, Stephanie Meyer is TRYING to be a good writer, and it sort of oozes through for a bit, before it falls back into the abyss.

I agree with everything you said in this Vlog. It's spot on.

Uhh… I'm pretty sure they like the same kind of music in the first one. I think that they like camping… And… I got nothing.

They did mention they they like classic music in the 1st book…but its only there for like 5 secs.

I must admit, I listened to all of the Twilight Audio books, and I didn't really dislike them or like them, it's the fanbase that really brings it down.
(I was a community gardener last year, what do you expect?)

Anyway, today I'm a game journalist, I work for an Icelandic annual magazine, and I write all the games articles and so on, including an interview with Jeremy Bulloch, and such.

Anyway, there's two girls who work with me who are fanatics when it comes to twilight, one girl knows everything about it, read the books and so on, and the other watched the three movies, and didn't know a thing about Breaking dawn, they write the fashion articles.

Anyway, we go to a lecture about internet magazines, and the guy who's talking works for an Icelandic subtitling company, and he's, well, the head-subtitler. If that's a title, I ask him what the worst movie he ever had to subtitle was, and he said “Still Alive” or something, and I asked him if he'd subtitled Twilight, he said no, but he asked me quite loudly “Does Edward really bite Bella's heart when she's giving birth to an overgrown child?”, the girl who'd only seen the movies was stunned, she pretty much shut up for the rest of that lecture, and then the guy goes away.

Anyway, an hour later I'm translating an interview, and I hear open weeping, imagine the weeping in Left 4 Dead times 5. I see it's the girl, and she cried like there was no tomorrow due to the spoilers.

She also admitted to crying when she saw Eclipse in theaters, and she waited in line for 3 hours to see it.

This pretty much summed up my opinion of the franchise. What really irritates me is that the makers tout is as “pro-abstinence”, when, as you said, quite clearly the two leads want to fuck.

*rofl* The cinema snobs description did not do it justice. It looks way more penisy than I would have imagined in my wildest dreams. thanks for making my day with this picture!

One has to wonder if the movies are intended to subtly throw a new light on the bella from the books, which I didn't read but heard of. Maybe the director intends to do that but has to do so carefully as it's not entirly his decision on what to do.

Bah. Japanese, American. It's all made in Korea!

The worst thing about Twilight is that it ruins werewolves and vampires.

Well, maybee if the author read Shiller or Goethe maybee we would have get something with more thought

Oh, you want reasons? Sure, I'll give you reasons.

For Bella:

Immortality. Never growing old and wrinkled. Remember the dream from NM?
Money. The Cullens are filthily rich and Bella is after them. You can understand this by reading the first book: she belittles anything that is poor and not “in”.
Beauty. She loves Edward for his looks. She values looks above anything.

For Edward:
Control. Bella is someone he can control. He, a century-old vampire wants a teen. Why? Because he can manipulate her. Because an adult woman would be too much for him.
Her blood smells yummy. You know he'll nom her after the end.

Reasons enough?

My grandmother was killed by a flock of stampeding dust.

I actually like these movie reviews a little bit more than your game reviews… i really would like to see you interview some one like you described about twighlight. that would be awesome!

they might just use the books to show the students how horrible books are like?… there still is hope!

You know what you need Spoony? Twilight for Guys. You should check it out on Youtube XD Not only is it far better than any Twilight movie in a theater, it may emphasize why girls worship Twilight. I believe there's also a Vampires Suck movie too with Twilight being it's main target. Which I guess writes itself since Twilight seems to be such an easy series to rip apart.

This….it all makes sense. And I am more disturbed for it.

BTW anyone who hate Twilight should read Terry Pratchett's “Carpe Jugular.” There is a beautiful subplot that plays out the “Vampire like her because he can't read her mind” manipulative, idea. 20 years previous and written by a genius.

OMG! So it isn't just me who hates Twilight being called a Saga in me New Moon review (and I believe in me Breaking Dawn review, I think) I made sure to stay away from calling it a saga.

According to what I've read about the series, Bella's essential lack of personality is part of the success–because young girls can inject themselves into the fantasy, “become” Bella and have Edward for themselves, because they can superimpose their own interests and personality onto her. This was said in regard to the books, but it applies to the movies too. And I agree that that is a terrible, terrible way to write a so-called “character.” It's kind of an insult to all of the good writers out there who have worked so hard to build complex, interesting, relatable characters that audiences can connect to.

“Anna Kendrick is right across the table…slumming being in this movie. Did you see her in “Up in the Air”?” Thank you! I haven’t seen “Up in the Air” yet, but I’m looking forward to it. I’m actually glad Anna Kendrick is in these movies, even though she’s better than this—she’s a lovely breath of fresh air (both to look at, and to enjoy as an actress).

Ashley Greene is the hottest chick in these movies, and she actually makes me interested in her character. Her and the General Patton vampire need their own movie.

I know there's a smart British guy in the Flagstaff area. He's not a cinema guy by any means — he's actually big into AI and neuroscience — but he exists. Steve Grand.

Well, Spoony, if you want to get inside the head of a Twilight fan, I suggest consulting the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit.

Unrelated to this but I am amzed this seems to have passed you by, Uwe Boll has made a “good” movie called Rampage. It sure as hell aint fantastic but it was entertaining and not in the “so bad its good” way but actually enjoyable to watch.

For the love of God, watch the Avatar series first then that piece of shit movie. Please if only to understand why everyone is so pissed at this movie.

Speaking on the subject of Vampire politics and how interesting they are can be, you should play Vampire: The Requiem at some point, it's part of whit wolfs world of darkness pen/paper games and are pretty much just made for that kind of game

In the interest of fairness, love doesn't need to have a reason in all situations, nor does it need to be based on common interests. The lack of an obvious reason for their relationship (aside from, you know, screwing) isn't really enough to say that it has no meaning. By which I suppose I mean that, if it was handled by someone who knew what they were doing, I think the basic relationship (without the stalking, maybe) could actually be somewhat believable. But really, neither the movies nor the books give anything further than that, which bothers me, because I do believe someone could pull it off well if they really tried. I don't know why I feel compelled to defend the premise, and I in no way consider myself a fan, but I just think in better hands it could have been halfway decent. And hell, even wanting to be a vampire so she'll stay attractive to him could have been chalked up to low self-esteem and fear of being abandoned, if we had been given some insight into her past/mind/fears/something. Because I think a low self image could explain a feeling of not being good enough for someone you care for, and a desire to try and be 'good enough'. However, we could have been given a reason to think she has some sort of self image problems (let's say… bullying when she was younger? I'd be willing to buy that), but without that background it really does come across as very petty. It really would have worked better if the character was actually recognized as having some serious mental health issues that lead to her being a bitch, and who knows, maybe that could have actually been interesting to see how the people around her coped.

In terms of feeling for the characters, I guess I can say I've always liked Jacob's character to an extent (originally because he reminded me of my best friend ^^; and then because I can related to that whole 'hopeless crush on a moron who just doesn't get it' thing), but he really sounds like an ass in this one. Great, the movies have messed up the one character who I even began to like. Pah.

Is it just me, or does the spooning scene seem like something out of a fanfic? No disrespect to fanfic writers (I've written one or two in my time), but those sort of situations aren't exactly uncommon among the pairing fics. ;P

Really though, you hit the nail on the head about the harlequin romance style story. Really, people, go watch a soap opera. And in terms of Edward's appearance? From my perspective as a female, I'll say… He's not really all that bad looking, but he is indeed funny looking with the makeup. And not even charmingly funny looking, just… weird.

I'll tell you the reason why Twilight is so popular: kids these days are stupid as hell. That's all there is to it.

I was going to write a whole big thing but i leave you with a warning, Jacob gets far more creepy in the next book. you thought it was bad here, this is tame compared to who creepy he gets later

Dud Battery Man. He throws dud batteries at you.

Wasn't that already villianized in Heavy Rain?

I always think she's on the verge of nausea.

Bella Swan is a Mary Sue. She is a self-insert of the author and by extension the audience. We are supposed to want to be her. Have an attractive immortal, wealthy, indestructable lover who is devoted to us and can and will give us everything we want, and we even get to become immortal and beautiful ourselves! Hooray!

It's about vampire politics…so it's boring, dull and pointless? Seriously, vampire, not a good game.

That's the whole deal. Can't be stated often enough for how right it is.

Just adding my name to the list of people who would love to watch a documentary (especially one by you) on why the fuck people like Twilight. I know, I know, Bella's a Mary Sue, but there has to be more to it than that! I was recommended the books before I knew a thing about them by an ex-girlfriend. I made it up to vampire baseball before giving up. I also watched the first movie. I made it to vampire baseball before exploding and going out for a cigarette, and I quit smoking prior to that God damn movie!

Also, and this is something that drives me fucking INSANE with the movies – liking “music” is not something you can bond over. That's like liking “things that smell good” or “yummy food”. MAYBE if there's a specific band you can mutually obsess over you could form some sort of relationship around it. It certain wouldn't be a healthy relationship, but you could at least have something. Liking “music” has got to be the vaguest, most bass-akwards thing to unite over EVER. Oh, and sorry to say it, but yes, you do need SOME common ground in a relationship and shared interests. At least if you want something to last, and since Bella and Eddie get married, I assume that's their end game. I mean honestly, what are they even going to talk about post-Breaking Dawn? Their entire well of topics for debate/discussion is gone- marriage, sex, vampirism, although I suppose they could talk about how much they enjoy vague MUSIC.

PS: Avatar isn't an anime, in case you missed it the first 50 times someone said it, but it is heavily inspired by the East, what with the art style, the anime emotes, and fighting (which is all based on real martial arts), etc. Take some time, watch the toon, then watch the movie, if you want to do a unique and good review of it. It'd be cool to see a reviewer with real insight into the source material tackle this abomination. Hell, if you wait long enough the DVD'll be out and you can even splice in some clips from it vs. clips from the show (note: all three seasons are now available through Netflix for streaming).

I know, I know, this has been said 100+ times by now, but Avatar: TLA isn't an anime, it's a fully American cartoon with an Asian influenced art style, and seriously, dude, it is SO GOOD.

I'm not going to go all pleading fanboy on you, but I swear to you as a loyal fan, the show is awesome and you are really denying yourself a great experience by not watching it.

(I'll admit that the first several episodes are kinda iffy, but it picks up big time towards the end of season one and never stops getting better.)

I dont think its surprising at all that both Bella and Edward are bland and non-characterized. You ask for things they have in common or for things Bella is interested in. There is no such thing – By design.
I personally think the appeal of these characters and the whole series to so many fans is that they can project themselves onto them. The vaguer Bella is, the more a female onlooker can project her own crap onto her, the vaguer Edward is the more she can glue the foto of a guy she fancies on him. The supporting cast is fleshed out, they are not supposed to be canvases for the watcher, but the main characters most definitaly are.
I think that is a very cheap way of character design, almost like cheating. Instead of carving an interesting, likeable character with definite proportions you make these faceless mannequins, just to appeal to the lowest denominator. It does work obviously for a lot of people, others see through that or just feel it without taking expressed note – building the vast amounts of people being annoyed with this series.

British guy with an A-level in English literature to the rescue (One new arsehole coming right up):
Twilight's appeal is that of a conformity hub.
It's written by a 36 year old version of the rabid teenaged slash-fic writer, the sort who writes in horrible cookie cutter characters with overblown attributes.
Meyer has admitted that she'd leave her husband for these characters were they real.
What Meyer did was get all those rabid slash-fic fans and give them a socially established monolith to worship, like if the cult of Dagon worshipped “My Immortal.”
The characters that make up the Twilight love trio are mary sues of varying degrees, with Edward as the bishonen sex object with a dark past and Bella as the shameless self-insertion author avatar for the sex object to try and slip the bone to.
Jacob is more of an ego stroker character to put across supposedly how appealing Bella, and by proxy Meyer, is.
Thus why Jacob is treated as little more than a pseudo-rapist, as to broadcast just how sexually compelling this character is to us, in this author's head at least.

Periphery characters such as the rest of the Cullens and the school pupils are present as a scene setting device and to pad the books out because chances are Meyer has a lot of quotas to fill to get her paycheck.
The cullens are a pacing tool to make us forget how bloody repetitive the leads are, particularly with Meyer's unquestionable one true couple of Edward and Bella, who as mentioned have had the same conversation somewhere in the region of 2 dozen times.
The school pupils are used to denote Bella's apparent appeal to men and the adversity she faces from the women due to her piss-thin character. The female extras are themselves a shallow hivemind of wannabe trophy wives in training that would be used as a piss take of the Twilight fandom in any credible work, but as we all know Meyer probably thinks Ironic is a synonym of ferrous.
The voltari are likely a gimmick to create marketing suspense to sell more books and movie tickets, as well as expys of Anne Rice's vampires, a sort of manifestation of the masquerade, the beat sticks of the vampiric status quo, which would likely be used to parody those who mark themselves amongst the anti-fandom, a sort of creativity crusher clan, or at least it would in a more intelligent work.
The new borns exist purely to supply antagonists because every literary plot and indeed every instinct outside of biological utopia revolves around conflict, and somebody must have drilled it into Meyer's head that no one wants to read about two idiots arguing over who loves the other more for hours on end.

In short, twilight exists because Meyer is having a mid-life crisis and is trying to live her fantasies and make a living off a book series denoting her avatar's sexual conquests.
The fandom exists because they're just as shallow as she is and they've finally found a socially acceptable bastion to rally around, causing a memetic fandom that is popular because it is socially acceptable and acceptable because it's popular.
I'm Bill Newman,
The Illustrated Misanthrope,
Wishing the rest of you poor bastards all the best.

That's not stopping anyone else.

Good lord. It's not that hard to figure out. It's about that magic of falling in love with someone out of the blue. You folks act like that does not happen but it has happened and will continue to happen, and that's what Twilight is all about. Seriously, Twilight seems to confound people who just do not get… love. Who knew it was that difficult to figure out?

The wind?
I call your wind and raise you an O-zone layer!
May you tremble with fear as increasing amounts of UAV radiation melt the ice cubes in your soda,
turning it flat and unappealing!
Only the giving of all your money to Al Gore with bring you salvation!

At least the Star Wars prequels had the excuse of being a cheesy space opera, Anakin and Padme's love was “destined,” and really only served as a vehicle to make Anakin flip out and murder some children.

As for the OP: I haven't read the books or seen the movies, but I will eventually (and dear God do I dread it), but look, I believe in True Love and Love At First Sight and all that other crap, but I also know that unless there's something THERE, something deeper than “Wow, you're beautiful, let's run away together and fuck a lot,” it's not gonna last, and it's stupid to try to build a relationship based on nothing but mutual lust. Unless there are shared interests, passions, hobbies, experiences, whatever…it's just a flash in the pan.

If Spoony's observations are as in-depth as they appear to be, I'd say the movies aren't showing any real connection between the two idiots. Maybe the books do, I dunno. So what we have is a series of movies that glorifies this childish and ultimately doomed form of “love” that, in real life, would just end up hurting everyone involved.

Spoony, I have been thinking since my last comment below….I think I have a few reasons why so many women like Twilight….Now bare with me, as this will sound insulting to women….so bare with me here.

Reason 1 : women love men who are mysterious and 'dark' but will always be there for them, no matter what time of day it is, no matter what the problem, they want the man to be there 100% of the time so if there is danger or problems, instead of sorting out the problem themselves, they want the man to do it, like hes some guardian angel or something.

Reason 2 : women want men to do things for them…they dont do anything, its the men who will do the stuff for them.

I think this is womens revenge for being treated like crap by men all these eons, being blamed for so-called 'sin' being killed as witches and so on…but not EVERY man was like those who hurt them, just like not all women act like bella…in fact many hate bella with a fiery passion.

I remember back in the 90s a talkshow called Riki Lake…one segment had a lazy bitch who had both a husband AND a boyfriend who did things for her…if one of them didnt have the money or the time, she'd go to the other one.

She was an obnoxious (and unattractive) slag: she was rude to the audience, telling people to 'sit down' dismissively; She never had a job in her life, she expects both her husband and boyfriend to work for her..and both of the morons did exactally what she said because she 'has the pussy'..if they dont do what she wants, they dont get any.

Bella is exactally like that 'woman'…she's manipulative, selfish, rude, cruel, nasty and egosentric…and whats frightening is that this is the 'role model' for all the girls out there today, and if where not careful, our future wives or childrens wives will be just like that bitch from Riki-Lake.

I thought that women are meant to stand up for themselves and work to acheive their goals using courage and willpower and not let fuckers push them around….but Bella's role model is the exact reversal, she wants others to do things for her and let her 'man' protect her rather then defend herself.

Bella….I hate you!

I loved when Stephanie Meyer stated on Oprah the she had never wrote a short story before writing these book… No Shit!!!!

Good review Spoony, you are the best

Here is the best explanation why twlight is succeful and Bella is so empty as a character:

http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

(really, is worth the time)

Yeah the reason Bella seems to have no personality or interests outside of Edward was the movie followed the books too closely. See IMHO Twilight is the ultimate self-insert book “saga”. All the teenagers reading Twilight just want to imagine themselves in Bella's place, two hots guy fighting over her whatev. and since Bella has no personality they can just slip into the story better because the main character may as well be them. Which worked when you want to sell books….i guess, but the movie could have at least given Bella some likes, dislikes, personality traits, character development, anything outside of “OMG!!!111 Edward is the smex!!!

And i think the whole movie would have been better if they focused on Rosalie or Jasper or….fucking anyone else. Oh and am i the only one you wanted jacob to put a damn shirt on? Yes dude we know you have nice abs….but still put some clothes on. Isn't wherever the fuck they are in the movie supposed to be cold, so wouldn't Jacob's nips be hard all the time??? *coughs* kind of got off point there…my bad.

You know what Twilight is? It's Tsukihime (the visual novel, not the mediocre anime) dummed down for a horny teenage American audience. If you don't know what Tsuk is, it's a VN made by the same people that wrote Fate/Stay Night. Think about it. It's supposedly a about a human schoolkid that falls in love with a vampire and experiences all kinds of supernatural shiz. The main difference is that Tsukihime was actually decently written with lots of mindscrew and the characters were actually fleshed out, if a bit overdramatic. The main 'human' protagonist in Tsuk actually could literally kill anything and everything (even objects, HE COULD KILL OBJECTS) with a stab from any knife, due to his unusual supernatural ability to see things called 'lines of death.' The VAMPIRE interest was quirky and playful, and kind of likable if annoying at time. Bella is a rock and Edward is a brick.

Pardon me for my geekiness. I know you're not an anime fan, Spoony, and that means that you're CERTAINLY not a VN enthusiast. I just wanted to compare it to something I know about that I found to be actually good. To me, at least.

Well, if you wont a “guy thing” that a lot of people love but is stupid/evil I would hold up the character of Kratos from the God of War games. Now unlike the twilight movies the God of War games are good I guess but the character is a complete psycho asshole with basically no redeeming qualities. The story for those games basically ruined them for me.

I went and saw this a few days after it came out and it was still packed in the theatre. The thing is, everyone else in there seemed utterly rivited by the movie. You say not to point at the books but could the extra knowledge of the books make the movies more interesting? Kind of like the fans are filling in what's missing from the movie with for knowledge from the books making it seem better that it is? I know that a lot of people liked the second Final Fantasy movie but I, not having played through FF7, basically didn't know what was going on and thought the movie was not that grate.

Every time you say Bella I keep getting flashbacks of Johnny Depp in Ed Wood.

About the girl from “Up in the Air” I'm not sure who your talking about because I don't know any of the actors names. I have to say I did think the Asian chick was hot.

You know, the vampires in the Anita Blake series also seldom use weapons. Though they do sometimes use swards and such. It's explained that a lot of vamps are sort of stuck in the time they lived in and find it hard to keep up with the times after a point. I seem to recall one time where she was surprised to see a vamp with a gun.

At the part where Bella sais “I give you permission to kiss me”. I kept thinking of Edwood saying “…I'm right here!”

Wasn't the problem in “the happening” actually poisonous chemicals that travelled on the wind? You know, in “on the beach” it's kind of the same thing but it's radiation that is blown in the wind and it doesn't kill you instantly but over time.

When I looked down at the clock and saw that this video went for an hour I couldn't believe it. The time just flew buy. Grate video. I look forward to your Last Air Bander rant. Oh, and grate work on the Ultima episode too.

Spoony you really need to see the movie “Vampires Suck”…The movie may suck but at least someone was awake to tell us, by film, how stupid Twilight is

I think patterson himself once said somthing to the effect that girls dident even find him attractive untill he started playing Edward since hes now what they think Edward looks like.

I am really interested in seeing what will go down in theaters when Vampire's Suck comes out. Sure it's made by the same craptastic duo that brought us Epic Movie and Disaster Movie, but it will hopefully spark some Twatlight fans into a idiot rage, thus giving me my afternoon entertainment.
Only time will tell. In the meantime Spoony, you should get some rest. Any man willing to subject himself to Twilight once more for us deserves a long rest.

It tells me that the 15th agent needs to be dragged out into the street and shot…

No, I'm sorry; comparing Harry Potter to Twilight is like comparing The Godfather to Epic Movie.

Harry Potter is not a great work of literature. But they are a series of good books for children and teenagers. They are reasonably well-written, with some modestly interesting character that have *legitimate* character faults (Harry's headstrongness and anger management issues get him in trouble over and over again), and have a mildly decent, if somewhat hackney'd plot. Oh, and it has a real fucking *theme*, which far too many works don't bother with these days.

Twilight is bullshit. The writing is bad, the characters are shit, the plot is non-existent, and the only theme is “don't have sex before marriage”, which is less an theme and more an Aesop.

The Harry Potter books are much like The Chronicles of Narnia: these are good, quality, well-written books for pre-adults that are going to last for a while and be read by multiple generations. But if these books were removed from history, the world wouldn't be measurably worse off for it. These aren't books that *need* to exist, but you can be glad that they do.

Twilight is simply bullshit, on the order of Disaster Movie and Uwe Boll crap. The world would only be better off for their removal, and measurably so.

And Spoony, on the Avatar: The Last Airbender TV show, check it out. However, if you do, you need to watch the *entire* first season. The first 8 episodes or so are really, *really* going to push your anti-anime buttons. Being something of a non-anime fan, I really found Aang to be fucking insufferable: pretty much a condensed version of everything I hate about stereotypical anime characters.

But it does get measurably and substantially better as it goes on. The show doesn't make a good first impression, but it gets a lot less conventional as time goes on. I'm *very* glad I stuck with it.

Alternatively, you can skip many of the first few episodes; they won't tell you anything that you won't figure out on your own.

well I think most women can relate to Bella because she is so bland and has no character development that as reader you are forced to fill in the gaps with your own experience. and everyone can have a fun little adventure with the sparkly vampire known as Edward Cullen.

I hate these series too…

When I saw the “Vampires Suck” trailer, I realize how easy was to pick on these crappy books and movies; so easy that even the guys who made Epic movie and all those Scary movie crappy spin off, could pull off with relatively wittery

” Edward has lived for 100 years then he should have been taught how to control his strength.”

In the tradition of channel awesome: “If you point out every plot hole, we're gonna be here all day” xD

twilight sage is to 2000 as cross colors was to 90s

Love the amount of times you have to say “roll with it”. Meyer has ruined, in this order, Vampires, Werewolves, Aliens and humanity.

Twilight does well for a few reasons. Firstly, the character of Bella has no description. Bella is created as a blank slate, the tabula rasa of terrible vampire-esque literature. Whomever reads her and is not looking for a character, will project their own personality onto her. Bella is loved because the reader(s) see themselves in the character. They don't identify with the character, they see themselves as the character. Conversely, Edward is portrayed as perfect. Not very well described other than perfect. The word perfect is used more than any other adjective to describe him in the books. The word perfect is a subjective adjective when describing looks and personality.So we have a protagonist (the reader) and the love interest (the reader's idea of male perfection) coming together. It's like if when you read Romeo and Juliet, it was really Spoony and Juliet. Wouldn't you care more if you were reading about yourself? And, finally, Twilight has been referred to as an inexplicable cultural phenomenon. This is not entirely true. My counter point to that argument is the Heavy Metal cartoon film. Violence, exploitation, nudity, wonderful for guys. Everything we want in a quick simple movie, but its not strong artistically, at least compared to award winning films. The female equivalent of male exploitation and powerful love instead of powerful lust was not a strong contender in the market before twilight. The only comparable piece of literature would be those harlequin romances with Fabio on the cover.

The Volturi(sp?) are there because Mormons don't like Catholics.

Spoony, I have to say please watch the Avatar cartoon. That's right, cartoon, as it's not an anime, but rather influenced by anime. Comparing Avatar to an anime series is like comparing Jade Empire to any of the Final Fantasy games, it's that different. The characters are interesting and surprisingly vomplex for a kids' cartoon, the story while lighthearted can turn dark, and the acting is mostly good (George Takei even voices a one off villain). It does have a couple of annoying fillers, but you can skip those. Oh yeah, another reason you may want to watch this, in season 2 they have an episode where they spoof wrestling.

well out of those, grass is possible, it would be stupid but it would be something, the rest you are right about but grass… it could be really F-ing sharp (like kinfe-sharp) and you'd be in an open field with only grass… or something, i dunno

acid rain :D

or BP world: OIL RAIN!!!

Oh god, you said Avatar The Last Airbender was an anime. Hope you like a full inbox of people saying OMG IT'S NOT ANIME!

Aside from that, the reason this is so popular? I don't know, but for some reason people just lap this shit UP. Teenage girls think Romeo and Juliet is the greatest love story ever, completely missing the fact that the play was about the FOLLY of headstrong love. They write disturbing and crap fanfics that make Twilight look artistic and then cream themselves over how 'hawt' it is. Whatever this phenomenon is, it's much deeper than just Twilight, and I fear for your mortal soul if you go down the rabbit hole of this sort of crazy demented fantasy to find the answer.

I didn't really check the comments to see if anyone has said this yet so if someone has then just skip this.

I've read the first 3 books, and I'm a little ashamed to admit that I did kind of enjoy them for a time. Granted, I was probably about 13-14, and I am a chick, and I had a raging fever and was forced into bed with nothing to do. But after I got older, I started to ask myself why I liked them. Why other people even liked them. Because really, they're not good. At all.

Eventually I think I figured it out. Reading the books, you can especially tell that the characters have extremely little personality. And that's exactly how they're supposed to be. Bella is such an empty shell of a character because girls are supposed to be able to put themselves in her spot and make her a copy of themselves. In the books, half the time the things she did show an interest in were left blank. Her favorite music was your favorite music. Her favorite books were your favorite books. Same with her dislikes. She was annoyed by her parents, school, and didn't like sports. Like most teenage girls.

And in a way, it's the same with Edward. You were basically given his hair and eye color and told he was extremely attractive, and the details were left up to you. Your mental image of him was based on what you find attractive. Oh, and he likes everything Bella likes. Which is what you like.

It's just madlibs. Fill-In-The-Blanks. It's so easy for girls to turn it into what they want to see, and that's probably why I cannot find a single guy, gay or straight, that likes it because they just can't fill in those mental blanks. The movies are just eye candy for the people who read the books and a huge money making scheme, because no matter how bad the acting is and how basic the plotline is, all they really had to do was follow the book EXACTLY and take lines DIRECTLY from the book in order to make it a hit. There's no point in analyzing it because you're looking for something that purposely wasn't put there to begin with.

And another thing, you seen the Burger King commercals? Ones where they brought Real fans of Twilight in to help the people choose a side? That is both funny and a little bit scary watching fans argue who's side is better.

Edward because they are destines to be. Choose Jacob because he has a pulse and Edward is dead. Edward isn't dead, he just lives forever and jacob has fleas.

lol Okay so not those exact words but I know I wouldn't want some crazy fangirls telling me what side to scratch for some lousy prize I may not win.

Now seeing all the negative comments exteremely conflicts with my impression of the series. By no means do i enjoy the movies or the books (even though i have read them), but i see this whole saga as a very good thing. It shows that no matter how wierd or embarassingly fucked-to-hell-retarded something is, there are people who like and defend it. But more importantly the “saga” days that when push comes to shove anything, no matter how stupid, can be made into a best-selling book series and that anything, no matter how piss-drinkingly-awful, can be made into a hit movie series. I wanna be a famous writer and if a socially retarded, mentally unstable, mormon chick can then hell yes i will!

…but my stuff will be readable.

There is only one monster dumber in concept then the wind and that is…the Nothing, in The Neverending Story.

With over 550 comments thus far, most has been covered except one thing…EDWARD VS BLADE–WHO IS DEADLIEST?
Spoony's scientists will analyze each warrior and their weapons (sparkles, angst, and superhuman strength, vs Custom made Ninja to, High volocity handgun with exploding silver tipped garlic filled hollow point rounds, and spiny chakrum of death). Using super computers and advanced Windows Vista, we will determine once and for all the winner of this eternal question. WHO IS DEADLIEST? Coming soon! :P (hopefully!)

I heard that Meyer once said she's going to write all the books AGAIN from Edward's POV this time. If she suddenly became the greatest author in the world those could be like Edward just going on about how easy it all is and how he's done this with dozens of teenage girls over the last 100 years for kicks. But sadly that is not to be.

Why? Why are they in love? Because this is Stephanie Meyer's creepy wish-fulfillment fantasy.

Also got some other “worst movie villian” idea since the rain as a villian isn't that much of a “worst villian”. I got some:

Pubes, bread, silicon, linen.

Super. Now I'm confused -and- depressed.

I went to high school so nobody would catch on that I was a bloodthirsty creature of the night! It's genius, because nobody ever suspects teenagers of wrong-doing!

….wait.

I can answer everything you want to know about the sex issue easy: Stephanie Meyer is Mormon as shit. So she was raised in and environment where they pretend sex doesn't exist, and when they can't, missionary position is the only possible way it can be done, and even then they try to touch each other as little as possible. So Meyer is struggling between her desire to do a hot steamy romance and the fact that she's not supposed to even admit you can combine the organs of a man and a woman for a pleasurable experience.

I mean that was probably really bigoted and has almost nothing to do with actual Mormons, but it's literally the only explanation I can come up with that gives Meyer anything even remotely resembling an excuse.

My Mom only likes the film for the action
She only likes the 1st film because of the baseball scene.

How you defended wrestling in the beginning is EXACTLY how I defend my liking Twilight. I know it's stupid. I know it's basically a published fanfiction. I know that Edward is creepy and stalkerish and Bella only has a few moments where she seems human. I like manipulative Bella as she teeters between Jacob and Edward. That made her seem human to me! You know like the whole do I like him or don't I feeling. But I still really like it. I like sitting around with my friends making inappropriate jokes while we watch the movies because, aside from Bella and Edward, the supporting characters can be really interesting and even worth of their own stories. I mean a vampire who has fought his own bloodlust and became a doctor so he could even live with himself is interesting. A woman who is gangraped and kills off each of them in a wedding dress?! Hell yeah!

The series is completely stupid and I really liked it. The Twihards though…ug they ruin everything!!! Why is this series so popular? Because moms won't let their daughter's buy the harliquen romance novels. I've defended Twilight and I have the same reaction to when you defend signs.

I would explain in depth why this is so appealing to teenagers (especially girls) but this comment has gone on way too long. I think it's because when reading the books through Bella's eyes it's a bit easier to buy Edward. For a lot of people the first read through is awww and then some people realize that Edward is creepy (and some don't mind that he's creepy and embrace it) and most of them are stuck on the sweet side of him. The side that isn't all “I will die for you” but rather jealously overprotective and obsessive with crazy eyes. It's a guilty pleasure. I know what I'm reading is absolute crap. You get the people who read it in the beginning, like when it was still underground, and we've moved on to better vampire books. But now it's the teenage girls and parents are just glad they're reading. I was honestly told that by a parent. “At least my daughter is reading a book.” and they're happy because there is no sex in it, just the build up with a cut to black. Not to mention some of those moms love the books too. My friend's mom has a crush on Edward.

Bottom line (way to go Spoony you got me on a bit of a rant!) the books would have faded away into obscurity if the fanbase wasn't so young and vocal. The movies are just absolute crap. While the books are entertaining to say the least and there is a bit more development with the characters, the movies are just wooden and a joy to make fun of.

I have heard a lot people commenting that the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon / anime (Heck I will call it animation) is not an anime because it is made in the US and produced in South Korea. Maybe being made in the US disqualifies the animation series as anime, but just to let you know, a lot of anime is produced in South Korea (though no doubt they are conceptualised by the Japanese). Watch the credits of Code Geass and you will see Korean names, does that not make Code Geass an anime?

Enough of this rant though, I must admit after listening to Spoony's 2 vlogs about the Twilight Series, I feel shocked and horrified that someone could actually like it (or at least like the characters who share the moral depravity of Hitler or some Japanese militarist from the WWII era). Burn Harry Potter Books? I may as well toss the Twilight books into the incinerator if half of what Spoony says about the series is true. I also really like to know why the Twilight series are so absurdly appealing as well.

Great review. I haven't seen the movie, but I read 3 of the books (no, I don't know why either. I read the first one, because my friend gave it to me without saying what it is, and the other two… pure masochism, maybe?) and it seriously couldn't be more clear that Bella and Edward do not have anything in common. She loves his (insert many over – the – top adjectives) beauty and he loves himself, too. OK, he also likes controlling Bella's life and that is just creepy. EXTREMELY creepy. I just hope there weren't any men who left the cinema after the movie thinking “ah, so that's what women really want”.
And they are obsessed with each other for no good reason. Seriously, Edward doesn't even want to have sex! Sure, he says he “can't” (tee hee *immature thoughts*) but he's so wooden and dry and… God, it looks just like he doesn't want to have anything to do with that nasty stuff. He is immature, posessive and creepy, creepy, CREEPY.
There isn't much I can say about Bella, because really, she's more of a stick figure than an actual character.

PS. Do I see a Monty Python shirt? It's awesome :D
PS2. I just read the comment under Brad Jones' review of Eclipse which said (the comment, not the review, ofc) that the most of “wives and girlfriends” are going to like it no matter what the smart men say. Classy. I just happen to be a woman and it seriously makes me hate Twilight even more: it's not only sexist itself, it also make some (emphasis on “some”) women act completely ridiculous (in a way that can be even harmful to them) and some men to believe that women in general are just less intelligent than men. Thanks, Twilight.

I have the exact same shirt that you're wearing! The Ministry of Silly Walks shirt!

Anyway, I really want to see your Last Airbender review. I'm a huge fan of the show (and I'm not much of a fan of anime, either, it's one of maybe four anime shows I can tolerate), and I saw the movie and I'm currently writing a review of it. It was terrible.

You're on the wrong track comparing them to bodice-rippers. Like you said, those involve the ripping of bodices, which occurs nowhere in the Twilight Saga. No, no – the endless talking about sex without any actual sex occuring, the numerous unnecessary details about inconsequential things; these are much more like Victorian novels. Think Emma or Jane Eyre (which are also terrible books, by the way). A young girl falls in love with an eligible bachelor, who is eligible despite the fact that he should totally be married by then, then then run off and get married. Why do they do it? Because that's just what young ladies do. You don't need a real reason when you're just putting characters into arbitrary pre-defined societal roles. Bella loves Edward because he's the most eligible vampire in all of Staffordshire.

I now want to read a book along the lines of “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” wherein a young lady in Victorian society does, in fact, court the most eligible vampire in all of Staffordshire.

The thing about Bella/Edward is that Edward is designed to be a highly desirable fantasy. Bella is designed to be an empty vessel in which the reader can insert themselves as her. It's less Bella/Edward as it is You/Edward and your True Love. Seriously. Bella is made to be as flat and empty as possible so that it's easier to step into her shoes. The character Bella doesn't really exist, outside of the cosmetic differences from whoever You are.

Now, why Edward is supposed to be desirable, I can't tell you. Matter of taste, I guess. Some girls like stalkers, the rest of us are really goddamn creeped out by them. Well, and the whole vampire thing, if you're into that. (Not that they're real vampires anyway, but whatever.)

Thankyou for putting words and substance to my homicidal annoyance at this series. Your a king among men…

Spoony, I too have been told many times about the popularity of Twilight coming from the combination of the incredibly elaborate fantasy of Edward and the bland, open character of Bella. To me, however, that has never quite been enough for me to understand. I have a younger sister who ended up reading the first three books (before everyone else was a fan, and actually her junior high school basically started reading them after seeing her with them, and she was introduced to them by a cousin from L.A. who did the same thing at her junior high — and neither like the books anymore). My sister tells me that while it is easy to see the manipulative side of Bella when we are looking at her strictly behaviorally, when we look at her cognitively in the books it is easier to believe she is selfless. Every dumb, heartless action she makes is surrounded by feelings of guilt and self-hatred, whether real or false. This, to me, makes much more sense than Bella just being a blank slate. To me, Bella has never been anything I could remotely relate to. But when my sister pointed out the way the books are written, more defensively around the Bella character with nothing like pesky objectivity to get in the way, she seems much less manipulative. Much more “okay”. She says, also, that you don't have to like Bella to read them, because she hated Bella. She used to rant about her; I know.

Considering the word anime is shorthand for Animeshon, a direct English loanword, there is actually no such thing. It's all animation, the use of the Japanese shorthand by any English speaker is honestly silly. So yes, I suppose you could call Avatar: The Last Airbender Anime the same way you could call the Simpsons Anime; since you're litterally just saying the forign shorthand for an english loan word that means the same thing.

These novels/movies are bad and they make me feel bad. Thank the deities for Rifftrax because this is a painful endeavor to go into soberly.
My opinion probably isn't valid because I quit reading after the 100 page mark in the first collection of printed words on paper bound by covers (I will not call it a book) but when you know that a character is an irredeemable piece of shit after page 4 it's not just EPIC FAIL, it's Ascend to a Higher Plane of Fail. I've read the arguments for the “Audience as Blank Slate Bella” theory, and while I believe that theory is valid for a lot of people, I'm going with my 100 page first impression: Bella is a Lovecraft-inspired abomination.
She inspires maddening love and devotion from her followers whilst doing nothing more than sowing above-mentioned madness. She assembles a cult of followers at her school, keeping them at arm's length so they're compelled to appease her every whim as she longs to discard them like human sacrifices. She commands the attention of universe's mythological monsters because they know she is above them in terms of monstrousness. She is their god. Edward won't read her mind because it would drive him insane. She makes Haruhi Suzumiya look like Shirley Temple.
Twilight isn't a nominal romance with twinges of supernatural war; it's the tragedy of a vampire family drowning under the ego of an actual Eldritch Abomination. That's what I got after reading the first 100 pages, however, I could be TOTALLY wrong.

I got the same impression at first. And it would actually be a far more interesting series of novels were that the case. I'd have stuck with the novel were that the case. Unfortunately, as the book goes on, it becomes more clear that it's not so much that Bella is a sociopath who cares nothing for these people; later on, she does show some vague semblance of human connection to them, shallow thought it may be. It's just that Stephanie Meyer can't write for shit.

Or, you know, it's just a self-insert of the author.

I can't the believe the balls you have if you have ACTUALLY watched all the Twilight movies. I could not watch the first one, more than 30 minutes….and that was pure torture all the way. The hatered started at 10 minutes in!
I just cant figure out why people are loving this bulls**t. …..I'm not even going to waste my energy ranting about, how awful the first movie was, it's just not worth it.
Thank God, we have better vampire movies like “Blade” or “Interview with the Vampire”.

I may be overthinking this, but in the first twilight movie, when Bella got her truck, she was excited and started going OMG!!!

yea i do realize this is my THIRD comment but it will be short….
u kno how in the end bella gives this long speech about how it's not about the choice between edward and jacob, it's about breaking away from her human life. which for me the choice wouldnt have been so difficult. and saying this is meaningless, but the point is eclipse centered around bella and her ability to leave her human life. well more over how jacob was her sun but he's 'eclipsed' by edward cuz he's cooler…..anyways,yeah. :)

It's a Hungarian poster of 2001: A Space Oddysey. That's what baffles me. How did Spoony get his hands on a Hungarian poster that even I would have a problem finding, and I live in Hungary!

Hey Zeikfried! Thanks for the clarification where the books are concerned. You know, I truly feel bad for Kristen Stewart in a way. I know I shouldn't because she's making BANK off this shit but when the girl can be credible as a actress (if a little twitchy), her name is forever tied to Stephenie Meyer and both she and Pattinson have gone on record saying they hate her and the series. I'm a struggling writer and literary critic and the reason I hate this series is because its shallowness panders to the lowest common denominator. I should love anything that gets people holding and reading novels but this . . . ugh. It makes idiots look even more idiotic for worshiping the mess and intelligent people crazy trying to decipher its puddle-like depth.

I'm kinda crazy. Forgive me ><

Thanks for talking to me :D.

Hope to talk you again,
Kristina

OK, finally got the video player to finish and you did go over the plot, so ignore that paragraph.

Cleolinda is generally considered a Twilight expert. Try reading her blogs on it.

Then read Mark Reads Twilight to see how the madness sets in, especially the last review for the last book.

I have a special vendetta here, since SMeyer and I share a name, and she has tarnished any aspirations I've had of being an author.

Probably already been mentioned, but moviebob

Though I don't hate Twilight THAT much, the skanky whorish attitude of Bella (Kristen Stewart, what have you) is what I truly hate the most. She's an ignorant bitch who has no reason to love Edward other than the reason of just “because.” And it's because of her that makes this series such a contrived and completely idiotic love story.

Shit, Tenchi Universe is by and large a better love story than Twilight.

I know you only talked about it for a minute or so, but after you watch The Last Airbender, you have to watch the anime. Even after a couple of episodes (at least the first 3), you'll see that the anime is really funny and really well done, but the movie is just a disgrace to both the anime and to movies in general. The effects range from mediocre to just horrible, the plot is just a summary of the first 20 episodes of the anime, the characters have no motives, the actors are horrible; it's just all around awful. It's not even bad in a funny way, it's just awful. The dialog is painful to sit through, the acting is even worse, and the entire thing is way too serious and dramatic. When the show was still running, there was even an episode that served only to parady the show itself as being overdramatic and unrealistic.

I don't care about twilight. I never cared. I just wanted to see how you could fill an hour talking about 1 movie. It's one of the rare cultural phenomena where people hate it with a passion. Twilight is a disease; a spreading disease of unthinkable horror. We need to purify the land and cleanse the world of this horrendous monstrosity. I know it sounds like a horrible thing to do, but remember: if I find you defending a twilight fan, I will not hesitate to do something unspeakably horrible to you and your loved ones. Have a nice day!

P.S. The Avatar TV series is a better love story than Twilight. I don't care how many tries it takes, it develops a more thoroughly thought out love story in the first 10 minutes than Twilight does in all its movies.

If you asked me to rate this series or “saga”, I would give it a suck out of 10. Wait one second… is suck a rating?

I am going to be an author, so I recommend that you do so as well.

I know its bad taste to rip on another author, but Meyers has caused significant damage to litterature so we MUST try and repair the damage done by her otherwise future generations will think that reading sucks.

By any chance is it because of the delivery of the scenes in Twilight that makes it appealing to women? When I mean delivery, I mean the music, ambiance or the acting. (Judging from Spoony, I don't think it is none of the examples I have raised but it may work differently for women.)

My knowledge of the Twilight series is only through reviews, hearsay and watching a Twilight parody. Nonetheless, even by looking at movie posters advertising the series I know it is bad already. The faces of the characters in these posters, especially those of Edward, Bella and Jacob are so vacant and expressionless. And it does not help that I hear reviews like Spoony's thrashing the series.

Oh boy, wait until the last movie. bestiality, necrophilia, pedophilia, you name it. It's gonna be the worst.

Ok the movie sucks (I still havent seen it but I watched the last two of them) but I disagree about your opinion of Kristen Stewart, I think she is hot, I like her since The Messengers and I really like her bunny/rat teeths.

By the way, great review and great videos overall, Im your fan.

Spoony, you need to go to Youtube and look up “YAB: You Are Bella”. It's a series done by a girl whom I think is in college. She's got very well constructed thoughts and ideas on the subject, and even good rationalities for why it exists and why it has a huge fanbase. Trust me, you will understand this one so much better if you watch her stuff.

i too read the whole plot summary off of wiki and i gotta say….wow!!! and i agree with spoony about having a director like david lynch to do a film like breaking dawn..with all the stuff that goes on in that book i dont think the next director for twilight 4 will be able to pull it off….and even if they did the film would have to be rated r or something…it would be very interesting to see how the next director would harry potterized breaking dawn…

In the book she didn't have really any emotion for it, and the writer clearly talked about how run down and ugly it was. Bella has no emotion to anything.

You can actually find this series a bit more intellectual if you dig deep in many ways. It has a slight Mormon religious analogy throughout the entire thing, the characters are made to be able to insert yourself into the characters hence the fact they are so bland. But that is digging deep and finding things that might in fact not be there.
If you are a teenager, a female, you will love this fandom.

I read the books in middle school, I dislike Edward for his non vampire prickness, I hated Bella for being bland, the secondary characters are ten times more interesting then the main characters. I have had teachers, TEACHERS say that the plot line is amazing, and is a great book within that, even though it written badly. What the–

I have that same shirt XD

Amen though amen. You and every other critic is still making awesome reviews of these movies even if they such.

I always figured Bella didn't have any interests so that the readers could impose their own hobbies on her. She's a blank slate and people relate to her BECAUSE she's never given any individuality. She could be anyone. Though why you'd want to relate to her is beyond me because of her extreme codependency.

The only way I can find to rationalize the idiotic craze with the series is that the target audience does relate to it. They really ARE so naive as to call teen lust 'love'. They don't understand the nuances and true weight of 'love'.

Women on the other hand are probably just suffering from a crisis of age and a desire to return to the days of teen passion. To relive their own days of naivety. Why they tolerate it for 500 pages a piece even I cannot rationalize.

i can name one thing theyre mutually interested in

themselves =D

Yes! Another recognizes the greatness of Kenyon!

There is middle ground… there really is, I know these people 3 in fact and they are all GUYS. And their movie tastes aren't bad! I guess they were just go too easy on movies or something…
When I saw Twilight I went nuts and started asking everybody to say what they think of Twilight. 3 thought it was okay. And only ONE person said it was horse shit… Oh yeah and by the way that person didn't even SEE Twilight! The rest just giggled and said it was great (I asked all my classmates and a few of my friends)
After that I started thinking I was wrong and missed out on something… But I recovered after seing Doug's review. So thank you guys for getting me out of my confusion)
P.S. I live in Russia and the people here hate Romero's zombie movies. In fact, they like the remake of the Dawn more than the original. And don't gaet the wrong picture we are normal people but we didn't have a good movie made since the fall of communism.

It’s been awhile since I watched this but there was one glaringly obvious point I still want to point out. I know you said not to mention the books when talking about why you would like this movie but have you ever actually met someone who wanted to go to this movie (wanted meaning they aren’t a review like yourself and not a boyfriend or parent) that didn’t either read the books or have some giggly teenage crush on one of the actors? People like it because one of the actors make them think of kissing and sex and all the other happy/giggly emotions that you get with your first crush. Your cheeks go all red, you smile uncontrollably and you can’t help but laugh because you are overflowing with giddiness. Personally, I think it’s odd if you go because of an actor as a grown adult because the actors are so close to the legal age to make me think “ewwww….perv” but people do. People who go because of the books KNOW the movies can’t dream of ever measuring up to the books but they go because they either felt more passionately turned on than they thought they could after years of being used to sex (meaning a LOT of older women rediscovered that giggly sexual antici…pation they thought they were too old for) or they were feeling first physical desire of their young lives. And the whole point is one the Harlequin novels should really take to heart. In the books and the movies you get drug on as LONG as possible without having sex. THAT is what makes you turn the pages so fast. THAT is what makes you become so invested in the stories. THAT is what makes you all tingly when you read no matter who you are SO consequently THAT is why we get so excited over the movies. It’s all about trying to recapture that sexual tingly passionate feeling even though we know it can’t possibly measure up.
Women know that Bella is a blank slate (kind of the point since a LOT of people imagine their own face when they read the books) and that there are so many things that Edward and Jacob do that are just creepy or gross. But again it has to do with how they are written. They could do something completely and fully disturbing like falling passionately in love with a newborn infant and wanting to have sex with it and get married but as long as it’s written the right way you read it you laugh literally out loud. People want to see that in the movies without even a though to how creepy it is until you explain it out loud. So many people claim that Stephainie Meyer is a bad writer because of the holes in the story BUT if she were a bad writer she wouldn’t have people the world over falling over themselves to get the next book or get tickets to the movies. Even though people don’t like it she’s great, awesome even, at writing sex for women which is to say that once you get it all that antici…pation is gone the story is over. People want those lusty emotions but actually getting the sex would end those tingly giddy emotions so at the same time they WANT to be strung along between Edward and Jacob as long as possible and she as a writer delivers that very well. The fact that other writers like Stephen King (whom I adore btw) get so mad at her is proof that she’s good at her craft. Who else could make these well-known people angry because they never had that kind of success? Who else could create this cult following for what most people will admit is a pretty disturbing or at least creepy love story?

Dude. You have to make such a documentary. Get literary analysts to analyze the books, sociologists and psychologists, get fans and antis. Also Twimoms. Because there are mothers who love Twilight. They're pretty fucking scary. Teenage girls? They'll forget this shit. Middle aged women will be all over this shit for a long time. They're just…. Ugh. But seriously, I want this explained too.

Yeah well, it's all teenage angst tacking itself too seriously. The worse thing about it is that it wasn't even written by a teenager. So this mormon women brainwashed on how pure and wholy love is, she discovers something dark in her, ragging silently since adolenscence, and she can't identify it. Lust? Maybe, but she wasn't brought up to understand the ID pulsions, and how connected sex is with another pulsion toward death and violence. For her love is happy clappy and she won't admit otherwise. So writting this book for her was about expressing something she can't figure out – but that is just so obvious for the rest of the world. Yes, it's the desire to be enslaved, to be rid of one's overwealming freedom. It's the macabre desire to disappear in the other, to forget the pain of being in one's mind. Tormented poeple that already feel empty find another one like them to cling on for dear life. In the background of this movie is just two suicidal young people that won't get oven themselves. It isn't about love for one second. And you are right. it is about sex. But not like on porn, or in a love relationship, where it is open and admitted, it's all this “hide it away and burry it” christianity that leads to real pathological dreariness.

Arguably my ass; that *is* what Romeo and Juliet is saying. The last line: “Never has there been a tale of more *woe* than that of Juliet and her Romeo.” This was a tale of “woe”. Not something to be emulated, but something to be *avoided*.

And you're right; many romances in fiction are hollow. But you also explain why: because the romance is a background; it isn't the reason why the story is *there*. Which means that, when your story *is* romance, you have to actually put some effort into it.

How long is Twilight going to last?
Why the heck do you think they've been churning out movies like the world is going to end in two years?

P.S. Twilight = One girl that's easy to put your own personality over + one guy who is willing to do anything for the girl, yet retain a backbone (if you say so) + fantasy elements + guys fighting over you.
The end.

I don't agree that there is no middle ground to liking or disliking Twilight. I've read all four of the books, seen the movies and, I admit, enjoyed them all, to some extent (and I'm a girl, if that matters). That being said, I am fully aware that the books are of a literary quality that really should not be encouraged; the characters are badly done and without depth, the plots are half-hearted or non-existent and the language used is just plain bad. All of that in mind, I still enjoy it, for reasons I can’t really explain, even though a lot of the things about it brings me infinite annoyance. I know that probably doesn't make any sense, but meh. So it is possible to be a fan and still have a critical view of the “saga”; I guess you just have to be able to put all the badness aside, or something.
One more thing. What's striking about Twilight, to me, is that there is so much potential, so much that Meyer could have done with it but didn't, which is kind of sad. I honestly think that in the hands of a more suited author, the Twilight books could've been really great. It’s just too bad, you know?

I'm sure it's already been mentioned by now, but in answer to your question in the text-bit, it's been theorized that Bella sees Edward as a chance to get what she's always wanted: perfect, beautiful immortality. Any of her “love” is just her manipulating everyone around her to get what she wants, and with Edward and his family, she wants some of that glamorous vampire-ness. She literally wants to be better than human. Her narcissism and single-mindedness manifests in what appears to be a love story but is really a dark plot to burn away the only flaw she thinks she has–humanity. And don't get me started on the baby. That's just a take that at human women who couldn't possibly birth and raise a child as perfect and exquisite as hers. (for a brilliant blow-by-blow commentary that deals quite a bit with these ideas, look up “das_sporking” on livejournal and hit up the twilight reviews. they are a work of art, and they go in-depth about a lot of the things mentioned in this review, by virtue of having no time/word limit.)

I got a stupider monster. Skin flakes.

Hey Spoony One. I’ve been watching your reviews since your first Final Fantasy rampage a few years back. You prove that viewers don’t have to be gamers to enjoy your witticisms. Kudos.

So. I’m here to answer a few questions. Before Twilight became the obvious trainwreck it is today, I was a Twilight, preteen fan. The only way I can really explain why it became so popular is because I really think the first book was intended for preteens. It was more or less innocent because all they really did was talk. Also, when it comes to fantasy, it was a tad more romantic than anything girls my age were used to reading. I mean girls are generally romantic and Edward had the dialogue that most girls fantasize having. Stephenie Meyers tries to portray him as dark and mysterious and sensitive, and, in the book, Edward and Bella have some obscure things in common. They like some Victorian-aged stuff, Clair de Lune and, well, talking to each other (But it’s not like they talk about philosophy or anything of substance, just favorite colors and protecting each other).

It works in the first couple of books that Bella has no personality so that any girl could pick up the book and pretend that they were the one who was being swept off her feet. I read it. I liked it.

I mean I liked it until the FOURTH BOOK. Spoony One, you don’t know the meaning of fallacy until you read the Twilight Saga. Meyers built this great plot and completely obliterates it in the fourth book. I swear, she must’ve been held hostage at gun point with her manuscript in her hands and told to burn what could’ve been way better than this piece o’ crap. It was as if deluded, screaming fangirls wrote this in hopes of destroying innocence, logic, and anything that could’ve been called romantic. Actually, I was so frustrated with it, I read it halfway and then returned it for my money back.

SO SPOONY ONE I DARE YOU TO READ IT. I dare you to count like you did with your fuse boxes and see how this story keeps degrading what could’ve been meaningful and insightful. One more thing, MORALIZE IT.

WOW……….you need a life some people like (I liked them) and you didn’t have to wasted an hour and a half on that stupid video because they are enjoyable for some people

With regards to your opinion of Pattinson’s performance, I give you this.

“The more I read about this guy the more I hated him, so that’s how I played him—as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus he’s a hundred-year-old virgin, so he’s obviously got some issues there.” – Robert Pattinson.

Yes. That’s EXACTLY how he’s playing the character :D

And no I don’t care if someone else posted this already. It’s awesome enough to post repeatedly ;)

I doubt you’ll ever read this, but in case you do-and no one else has said this already-I think I have an answer as to why this series is so unpleasantly popular.

The series is absolutely *horribly* written by a woman who makes an author avatar-Bella Swan.  Bella looks almost much like the author, Stephanie Meyer, and yet is hardly ever described physically.  At LEAST Edward and Bella are forms of Mary Sue/Gary Stu(overly perfect or unrealistic characters(every world has to have rules to it), usually who are justified in what they do in everything and loved by all, but actually such awful people/flawed(even if excused by the writer) that they’re hated by readers), if not everyone.  Bella is described as plain or bad in most everything, but then gets her way in everything and is adored by all, and is supposedly extremely intelligent/deep(though the author did poorly at actually portraying this). 

I could go on, but I’ll get on focus.  The author wrote this, basically, as her dream high school romance and later life-and isn’t all that great of a writer herself, to say the least.  Thus why *some*, like yourself, hate it with a passion.  However, she managed to write it in such a way where not only she could place herself as the character Bella, and therefore dream of being this “awesome” character in this supposedly great, deep, and intense romance(s) and have this supposedly great life, but so could other girls who could ignore any standards for writing and put themselves as Bella.  It’s basically that the book promises sex and the chance to be in an “awesome” life in the reader’s imagination, by replacing themselves in Bella’s position, which is pretty easy since she’s described little-that’s all there is to it, really.  A poorly veiled sex/life fantasy.  And I’ve had plenty of friends, smart friends, like it for that reason.  They’d deny it if I said so, but then they obsess over how hot the men are and how dreamy and romantic everything is(including things that I find as horrible values dissonance.)

TV Tropes explains Mary Sues/Gary Stus better than I do, for anyone who has the time/interest to read into it: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue

When you were doing that bit with Edward telling Bella it’s dangerous to be a vampire, you were a better actor than Patterson.

Vampires suck. watch it its hilarious it actually makes fun of all the stuff you said was stupid 

I believe that the Twilight films are a good example that a movie targeted towards women can be just as well primitive as a guy’s movie.
 
I think of them as some female correspondent to Transformers:
 
In Transformers you get robots fighting, then Megan Fox in slow motion, and then more robots.
 
And in Twilight you get basically the same only translated for girls: A schmaltzy scene with Bella and Edward, then shirtless guys, and then more slushy conversation.

Eh, Last Airbender (the cartoon) tends to be less Anime-like than most
similar shows.  I mean, yeah, there is a lot of martial arts stuff, but
the world is pretty well developed and there is more social realism and
character development.  It isn’t mindless power and combat like
Dragonball Z or Bleach.  It isn’t really an anime in the normal sense
either (First of all, it’s American, and secondly it is very Chinese in
culture (there is a significant difference).  The writers really, really
did a lot of work to bring the culture across effectively).  I definitely recommend watching it, at least through book 2 if not all three books, even if you don’t really like anime.

Might i just say all your points on the battle at the end is so right. Get a freaking katana in there to slice people up. Get some bombs in the ground. or just oil the field, lure the newborns (doesnt the existance of newborns make the Voltori pointless if the elder vampires dont have the power to defend against younger vampires?) there and set it allight from above. No casualties at all from that.

Bella wants to be a vampire because she doesn’t trust that Edward will love her once she’s old and haggard, which is probably true because their relationship is purely physical despite everything the books and movies tell us. However I just realized that there’s a movie out there that tells us the same story, in less time, with a more positive, more loving and devoted couple. It’s Highlander. Connor and Heather have the exact same situation, only this time there’s no way Heather can become an Immortal like Connor. And what happens? They love each other so much that Heather stays by Connor her whole life, literally only parting with him on her death bed, and Connor stays devoted to her for 500 years, only finding another love after he’s gained the Prize and can live and normal mortal life (except with the whole infinite power and knowledge thing.) In short, girls if you like Twilight, you’ll love Highlander.