Truly a hard time has befallen the most Holy of Holys’ the Avatar. Sorry the headless wookies and jelly cheeseburgers were too formidable a force to handle. But just tell yourself that sewer dwelling rogue was on of those human Cylons. But once again, old school rpgs send one man to do the job the entire armed forces of the kingdom would have a hard time dealing with. And how the fuck do you loose a key and it wind up in the sewers? What, is Laguna Captain of the Guards? At least you didn’t have to rescue the princess.

But I digress, awesome review Spoony one. Can’t wait to see the nest one on the plate.

Welcome back SpoonyOne we really missed you. Your still at the top of your game despite everything. Remember we’ll always be rooting for one.

This review was awesome. It reminds me an awful lot of the first two Elder Scrolls games, and that they were ridiculously difficult too. I remember I had to rest after EVERY creature I killed, since something as simple as rat could take me down to a quarter of health.

spoony don’t listen to the haters. i don’t care if you are being unfair to a game when there are so many games that are unfair to us. keep up the good work.

Loved the bit between you and your brother as, “The headless.”
Do you guys really have a single room devoted to your dvd and game collection?!
I would love to your entire collection sometime, thanks again Spoony.

your reviews are always worth the wait. keep up the good work Spoony!

“I fight like a dirty bastard.” LOL

“I fight like a dirty bastard.” LOL

He he, “The Geek” reverence. classic.

He he, “The Geek” reverence. classic.

Glad to see you back in the saddle Spoonster, i know you had a hard month but silver lining and all that, keep your chin up mate.

Good to see you back Spoony. That ending made my day, really.

Kick that headless freak right in the nuts, and don’t stop stompin’ ’til you see a mudhole!

I seriously chuckled like a fucking jester when I saw that headless wookie jump through that door! I just love being treated to the sudden, over-the-top costume comedy bits…like Chuckles the Fucking Jester!

And I love Spoony’s style; I fight like a dirty bastard too! If the game can cheat, so can I!

I think Spoony has similar logical rage-rants as I do; if I were playing this game, I would likely say similar things about all that crazy crap in that obscenely gargantuan sewer system (how DOES a damn rat get that tough?!).

And I really do love that “I’m the Goddamn Avatar!”. It’s not just a comedic catchphrase, it’s a logical point! Seriously, you want your damn dome busted, OPEN THE DAMN ARMORY and give the friggin’ messiah the best you have to offer! What, did the guard swallow the key, forget about it and crap it out and THAT is how it ended up in the sewer? This is the problem with using a recurring character in sequels; as a game, it makes sense you’re weak from the start, but as a story, it makes no sense at all…my mind just broke.

And I loved the Eddie Deezan reference in the follow up! You were even taken out by a laser blast (and it saddens me how few are even going to catch that reference)

Thanks for all the Ultima reviews, Spoony. I’ve played a grand total of one of the Ultimas out of the entire franchise and the only reason was because it was on the NES. Never got into PC games until the late 90s, so I didn’t get to experience most of these games. These reviews really help me understand the PC side of gaming when I was kid in stead of only the console, especially with your perspective and thoughts.

I personally like the fact that you can’t kill enemies straight away. It gives you something to work towards and you can always try a little earlier than the optimum level if you think what they’re guarding is worth the risk.

There aren’t five levels of Sewers, there are three levels and the third is really small, holding the Gem chamber and a shortcut back to the castle so you don’t have to go through the sewers again.

I’m a bit suprised that you didn’t remark upon the dimensional travel. I mean the games called “Labyrinth of Worlds”. It’s pretty central to the games plot.

The secret door in your room was put there as a kind of copy protection. The game was shipped with a paper map of the castle that marked its location, but the in-game map doesn’t show it.

The rat that gave you a hard time was special. It’s the rat king! Fuckers got a crown and everything. He can only be found after navigating a maze filled with lesser rats, so he’s kind of a boss. You can take it down when you’re low level but it’ll hurt you back, so I think it’s pretty well balanced overall.

My one big critism is that I found it really hard to figure out what to do with the Gem to advance. You have to walk into the lit up face of the Gem to travel, but nowhere does anyone tell you this and since there are 8 sides or so you probably aren’t going to do it by accident.

pissed my pants with laughter when you said you were gonna put anti personnel mines in front of the door, that shit happens every other review

Yeah, this one is ridiculously frustrating at first, but rewarding once you get into it.

Another classic review. Am I a dirty bastard as well because I think some of Spoony’s best reviews are the ones where he goes apeshit on the game/movie/show/whatever for almost the entire duration of the video?

I agree that the leveling system is fucked up, going through 20 keys to open a door is pointless frustration, and trying to do precise jumps in an early 3D game with the mouse and the J key would be insane (granted there’s no way to remap controls, but I assume Spoony was smart enough to check that before).

All of you people complaining are acting like any of this really matters. Spoony has never ever said to take his word as gospel. Quite the contrary he has always maintained its just mindless bullshit entertainment. it’s not like Origin systems are going to fire bomb his house and piss on his cat because he didn’t like a few Ultima games. Relax people, try some decaf.

Hate really generates more comments. Just look at the difference this review has than the UU1 review. And this one is “younger”.

Go Spoony, the metatroll

Aw man, you didn’t even get to the kilrathi revolt on the floating fortress. If you ever get the chance to replay it, you’ve got to see the freaky stuff in the other dimensions, it’s just plain weird.

I support the Anti-personal mines in front of the doors, maybe it’ll keep Chuckles from coming back. (yes I’m aware he’s got a yellow lantern ring).

Whoa, an ending TNA wishes it could pull off half the time, nice chair hit.

I saw you beat that thing with your fists in the gameplay channel, what a glorious victory.

So Then you don’t fight like men, locked in honorable combat?

Saw a few comments that told spoony to be careful when he explored. I’m sorry but is he supposed to be able to tell when he’s about to wander into an area with things that are far more powerful then him? Are there signs? Perhaps a warning on the wall from Lord British? No? This isn’t WoW guys where its pretty godamn easy to tell when you took a few steps too many in the wrong direction.

Saw a few comments that told spoony to be careful when he explored. I’m sorry but is he supposed to be able to tell when he’s about to wander into an area with things that are far more powerful then him? Are there signs? Perhaps a warning on the wall from Lord British? No? This isn’t WoW guys where its pretty godamn easy to tell when you took a few steps too many in the wrong direction.

Just wanted to chime in with a few things…

Yes, other games have the concept of revisiting old areas at later levels, except in games like, say, Metroid (at least the classics, haven’t played anything since Super Metroid) they almost NEVER put you up against something you just could not handle. They’d block off the places with enemies that would ice you in one hit until you had the proper weapon/ability, and would thus be more powerful. Letting you just randomly walk into stuff that will flat out end your shit is bad level design, plain and simple.

And yes, it’s common to start any sequel game at the equivalent of “Level 1″, but there are creative ways to do this. In the Metal Gear games, your entire job was to be dropped into a combat zone with absolutely NOTHING (for… some… reason). The Xenosaga series was one of my favorites on this, because you started the 2nd game at about the same power level you ended the 1st one with (aside from spells and whatnot), but the plot of the games forces you to fight increasingly difficult enemies, so it made sense that you were relatively weak compared to what you were facing. By the end of that game, you’re practically a God compared to the 1st one. It gives a sense of progression, even across sequels.

Even in the other Ultima games, as has been pointed out, you returned to Earth and your life as a slack-jawed yokel between romps. Why break from that formula? Why specifically premise this game as being shortly after Ultima VII and give NO REASON why you have discarded all of your worldly possessions except your bag of runes, which is kept in a hidden chamber in your room at the castle which would be a FANTASTIC storage space for… I dunno… YOUR DEMON-SLAYING SUPERWEAPONS???

Either way, sure, you start a new sequel at “Level 1″. But this could have been done at least somewhat creatively. I think it would have been easier to accept that the sewers below the castle just happened to contain a monster apocalypse that they never bothered to clean out before, and now’s as good a time as any. Or maybe the Guardian had released all manner of hellspawn (which I’m sure actually DOES factor into the plot), but even then they should be a decent challenge, not IMPOSSIBLE. Instead, we get household vermin that can rip you to shreds because you stopped hitting the gym? The very last thing you did storyline-wise was banish an inter-dimensional demon and thwart his plan to take over the friggin’ planet, fighting dragons, lesser demons, and all sorts of horrific abominations along the way! And as part of that plot, Lord British magically… I stress, MAGICALLY… enhanced your strength. Now rats and slugs are formidable challenges? That’s like saying a grade-schooler would beat Randy Couture in a street fight two months after he retired! Except that’s a bad analogy because he would have to cut off his arms and legs and give himself a lobotomy to be as weak and defenseless as the Avatar decides to become just after the Guardian threatened his home world and trapped him in Britania!

So we have bad storytelling on top of bad level design, with clunky mechanics and a learning curve that would have been kinder if it just kicked you in the nuts every few minutes. If those aren’t the key ingredients of a bad game, then this entire industry has been going in the exact wrong direction for the past three decades. I don’t care how good the story gets, having to slough through hours of pointless, badly-premised bullshit before you get to “TEH BESTEST GAME EVAR!!!!” is the reason Final Fantasy XIII damn near killed an entire franchise… again. Why in the hell should anyone be more forgiving of this game?

Wow… I ranted a lot… lol

If that really was “The Geek,” it’s probably for the best that you fought dirty. Failing to do so would have only left you with, and I quote Cracked, ‘a sore ass and memories that would haunt you for a lifetime.’ Sasquach fights dirtier than you’ll ever know.

Since I don’t give a fart about Ultima and feel no need to defend it, I fully enjoyed both of these reviews. Loved the magic mushrooms, your bunny pjs (footlong boner? Yeah, not buying it, Spoony), “You don’t know me? I’m the Goddamn AVATAR!”, your fight with the headless, and of course, the Brad Jones reference – one that I’m glad I got, as I usually avoid Brad’s porn reviews. They have a tendency to make me feel like divorcing my species.

Gleefully awaiting the next vid!

Everytime I watch one of these retrospectives I dig around my house hoping to find my old ‘Ultima Collection’ CD but I never can I can only find my Complete Ultima 7 one, and that makes me sad.

Hmm, a very entertaining review, but let’s get a few facts straight so that the younger gamers don’t get the wtong impression:

1. You didn’t show the other levels apart from the sewers
2. You’re not supposed to fight the headless
3. The secret room where your runes are can be seen in the map shipped with the game, it’s sorta like copy protection measure
4. The armory key was stolen by a thief who lost it in a fight with the tree-thing, that’s why they can’t open the armory
5. The rat that killed you was a rat king, a sorta miniboss
6. You can jump using the mouse, you don’t have to use the J-key

What disappointed me about this review was that it simply doesn’t show you much of the game. The Pits of Carnage? The Goblin Tower? The Ethereal Void? Nah, it’s all just one big sewer level… right? C’mon, Spoony, I’m sure you could have found something to make fun of in those levels, too. Instead we have to watch Spoony manufacture something to complain about by spending hours trying to kill an optional monster that he wasn’t a high enough level to handle.

It’s scant comfort to learn that Spoony “played through Underworld 2″ if that isn’t reflected in the video.

Personally I like explorer games which have higher level monsters than the player would be; it gives a sense of danger and excitement, as well as making levelling worth it. Yeah, it’s bad when you stumble in an area and get owned; but when you finally level up enough, get some kick-ass weapons, and then go back and finally get that monster back – man, that’s a great feeling. It makes levelling up feel really worthwhile and satisfying. Which is what is missing from recent RPGs where the monsters level up with you. If you are always able to deal with what’s being thrown at you (even if it’s just about deal with it) I find it gets less satisfying. If I level up, sure I might get to throw better spells and have more hit points, but if it’s just going to make nastier monsters appear then I don’t find it worth it.

Though, this is really a style question which depends on the individual.

I also think the UU2 was kinda designed to be played by people who got through UU1, and so it isn’t designed to let you in gently. The story really needs you to know what happened in Ultima VII and so is really for big-time fans more than casual folks; so that probably explains why it’s unforgiving. Was it the right decision? That’s a good question!

Story-wise, yeah the idea of being weak and weaponless is kinda silly. At least in UU1 they could say you came from Earth and was imprisioned. But there are a lot of silly continuity problems in Ultima and they definitely get sillier in the next couple of games. I think the key is either just try to ignore it (never a great sign I admit!) or treat this as a kinda side-game.. Or meta-it — maybe the destruction of the Black Gate has eroded the Avatars abilities. And, erm, the Black Sword was loaned out to the local butcher to deal with a big steak order. The magic being dodgy could be explained as the black-rock dome breaking magic inside (actually that might be the real reason – it’s been a while since I’ve played through). Though obviously you shouldn’t need to work around the plot-holes, but for an early 1st person rpg it did pretty well.

Oh my science. Spoony this was an excellent review. Honestly I have to say your best to date.

And I think why is because you were so obviously angry and it amused me. If you tone your skills, dare I say, you could replace the Angry Video Game Nerd.

That ending also had me laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

There’s no excuse for not having an end-game save transfer. Crap, Wizardry 6:Bane of the Cosmic Forge enabled you to do it for Wizardry 7, both games that were released around the same time that UU1/UU2 were out.

And apologies, but I had to spontaneously yell “ECW! ECW! ECW!” when you got chair shot. Good sell.

Underworld 2 is by far one of my favorite games of all time!

You cant have the avatar just starting all powered up, how fun would that be if you could just kill everything from scratch?

So, im sorry spoony – for once you’re wrong. This game rocks.

I think the thing is, In Ultima Underworld it paced it’s enemies so you never really encountered anything you couldn’t handle. Ultima Underworld 2 on the other hand, mixes it up enough that you never really know what to expect, but the main path is still relatively clear. A rule of thumb is, if you see bones, be careful. I think though the actual enemies are exactly the same. In general, I think the more unpredictable pacing is actually rather nice, because it keeps you on your toes, and all of the harder enemies are in side areas anyway.

I have to say though I never had quite as many problems as spoony did even so early in the game. Maybe it’s because I used slash rather then stab attacks on the headless, I don’t know. But breaking all your weapons on them?

I also have to say, as sewer levels go, Ultima Underworld 2 has probably the least boring ones I can think of.

Just started hearing the reviews, Spoony. I’m in the middle of Ultima 5 and looking forward to your reviews on Serpeant Isle, 8 and 9. I’m curious about your U9 review. How do you review just the game without including the non-game problems within the review (EA meddling, Garroitt leaving, UO being the bigger money maker, etc.)? FF10 can be ripped apart because of odd design and plot choices; U9…it’s almost sad to rip it apart because Garriott was forced to leave, some of the leftover designers were moved to UO, and the guys remaining had to do what they could with a limited window to develop (at that point anyway). It sucks all the way around for everyone.

Keep up the good work.

Spoony, do you seriously have to say “GD” every 10 seconds? It is SO annoying to listen to

With all due respect, some arguments are simply invalid. I’ve never been a fa of Ultima series, particularly the idea of ‘Bag of Spilling’[1] (although I give Garriott credit for allowing the player to play in different eras while controlling theoretically one and the same character). But let’s get to the point.

Ultima series were known for their semi-linear design and wide open world (as far as it is possible in dungeons, at least), so it is only to be expected that you won’t be able to do everything right from the start. If you find an enemy that is too hard for now, fall back and return later. It is as simple as that. It is explained in the manual (both in general description and in the bestiary) and repeated in the hintbook. You know – the game hails from the era when in-game informations were scarce (no tutorials and pop-up hints, sorry).

The game system is not complicated. On the contrary, it is relatively simple, especially when compared to the Might&Magic or Wizardry series. And you can learn who teaches what (at least in the Castle of Lord British) from the manual.

And the secret door in Avatar’s room? Well, it is explicitly mentioned in the manual, right in the beginning, where the controls are described. And if you miss that, Nystul gives you a rather straightforward hint.

And here we come to the controls that are, in fact, awkward. On one hand, the interface is cumbersome, on the other, ‘Ultima Underworld II’ was one of the first games allowing real-time action in 3D so it lacks the refinement of modern games. Thankfully, some functions are handled by keyboard shortcuts. The main drawback is the lack of reconfiguration but hey, it was 1992!

[1] Once? Sure thing. Twice? Well, misery loves company. Ten times in a row? Surely, authors cannot be serious.

The orkin man is a hero.

I am a MAN!!! But, I fight like a dirty bastard!

I k

You ever going to finish this video series? There’s still VIII and IX.

For all of you people arguing how hard the headless is, including you Spoony, I read the instruction manual to Ultima VII, the game before this, and even that said the headless were nigh-invincible to all metal weaponry. So yeah, they really aren’t THAT hard when you know how to beat them, but you have no excuse Spoony, considering you had Ultima VII with the manual AND a strategy guide. If you somehow beat a headless in that game with a sword, then it must’ve been the Black Sword, because the manual itself states otherwise.

Ever notice how Spoony doesnt mention the ending of EITHER ultima underworld game? What hapens after you go into Action 52 for the pc in the 1st game? Does the avitar ever blow the dome. Who will teach him how to bend Fire, Air, Water, & earth?! (XD yeah, I did just make that reference.) Also, WHAT THE FUCK IS AN R.O.U.S.?

If you play as a fighter instead of a shepherd, you can easily slaughter both headlesses, and beat down the thief. (Though you can also avoid the thief fight by simply asking him about the triad of evil.) The gazers are not meant to be fought right away, nor are the dread spiders. The reaper can be killed if you train heavily in attack and focus on a specific weapon class.