Vlog 6-29-11: Transformers: Bark at the Moon

Spoony | Jun 29 2011 | more | 
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Deep wang. You will have to excuse my anger and dismissal of…the entirety of humanity. I had a headache and was in rather a surly mood.

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  • TomeOne

    …and you still drink soda.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=59504418 Andrew Christianson

      You try and give it up. Addiction is cruel.

  • Anonymous

    You take medicine with a coke? I tried that once and it almost made me throw up.

  • Anonymous

    Wow, over 1 hour. Something to look forward to watching when I come home from the gym. :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1368039681 Pascal Vdv

    Spoony, regarding your comments around the 4 minute mark: I’ve seriously been surprised about this in the past, but i’ve discovered simply by talking to a lot of friends/colleagues, that women are actually more likely to go see a movie because they’re hot for an actor then men would go for an actress. This still blows my mind to this day, but apparently that’s the way it is?

  • http://www.facebook.com/fatmaster2002 Mattias Ekberg

    I always love your vlogs, you’re so easy to listen to.

  • Anonymous

    The line that killed Spoony, lifted whole sale from one of the greatest sic-fi films of all time. You know why that was a good film. Because it was written by people that had read a book. In fact they had read more than one classic novel and understood them.
    Bay wouldn’t know what to do with a book other than blow it up. 

  • Anonymous

    Spoony has no friends? Somebody needs a hug.

  • Andrew Nisargand

    My general opinion…it’s going to suck. God its going to suck…but I’m going to see it anyway. Because I’m a sucker for anything involving robot violence. Feel free to hate me now. Because I already hate myself lol

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YGDRCQX4OI67OSS2KCY4PH4HCI JG

    I want your Dead Space T-Shirt. Where did you find it?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YGDRCQX4OI67OSS2KCY4PH4HCI JG

    I want your Dead Space T-Shirt. Where did you find it?

  • Anonymous

    Yur computer rebooted because it was being controlled by a disgruntled Transformer. Be careful else it may teabag you.

  • Anonymous

    Didn’t Shadow Warrior make Wang jokes?

    When you’re sinking to Shadow Warrior/Duke Nukem levels of immaturity…

  • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

    we’re your friends spoony!! not just fans but friends!!!

    • Anonymous

       Friends do not do this to other friends!!!

  • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

    we’re your friends spoony!! not just fans but friends!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/bearses Eric McFadden

    i’ll be your friend :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Spencer-Kulani/100000502005247 Spencer Kulani

    You can’t think of a movie you went to see because of a hot actress? 1 word: Catwoman. How many men do you think went to see that purely for Halle Berry fap material?

  • http://twitter.com/BigPuppy_Stuart Stuart Phip

    I think we need to go Clock-work Orange on Bay and program him to avoid annoying and racist characters.

  • TomeOne

    Also, I’m glad we share a disdain for LaBeouf’s NONONONONONONONO

  • http://www.facebook.com/michelle.brydon Michelle Brydon

    Oh dear. You seem like you need a cuddle. Badly.

    You know, the sooner you realize that the majority of humanity is made up of idiots, the sooner you will find inner peace. *hug*

  • Anonymous

    Every time you review/talk about a Transformers movie, you have a headache.

    Connection?

  • http://twitter.com/SonikGav Gavin Leaf

    Before i start i wanna say, i Liked this movie. I wasn’t one of those fanboys pissing his pants waiting for it to start, and i’m aware its by no means a good movie but its a decent summer blockbuster. Brain off, shit blows up etc.

    The problem this movie has, in fact the whole series is that they hired a director that is on record as saying He hated Transformers as a kid and never really had any interest in them. The only reason he took the job is cos they gave him permission to do it his way, which of course means making it about America, pointless charachters and using the Transformers themselves as plot devices in their own movie.

    Admittedly hes toned down the childish humour but as Spoony has pointed out its still full of it. It also suffers from Bays ‘USA! USA! USA!’ mentality. 
    *The Autobots go off doing the US military’s dirty work all over the world,
    *Any and all mention of threat (other than passing shots) is to the US despite them going on and on about all of humanity. At no point does anyone but the US government handle any of this global threat.
    *In the scene where the Autobots are exiled, the exact words of the order are “The Autobots are exiled from US Soil.” This, in Bays mind means exiled from the planet and they’re blasted off into space.

    The whole scene with the skydive was included in the movie for the sole reason that Bay once saw a Wingsuit in action and thought it looked cool. It didn’t add, and as Spoony has said was completely superfluous other than being another action scene. All it did was let Bay include his typical ‘You may not come home but your country (again, country, not planet or race) needs you’ speech.

    Without just repeating whats been said in the review the only other problem i had was that it didn’t seem to have an ending. It just stopped after the climactic battle. There was no resolution. Did Sam get that position he wanted, did he Matter now? Or will he just go back to being a jobless twat with an incredibly hot girlfriend like in the last 2 movies? Are the Autobots still exiled? Will the US government admit they were wrong (not in a Michael Bay movie is my guess)? And what happened to all the other decepticons that were clearly shown all around the world and not just in Chicago?

  • http://www.facebook.com/jbhaslach John Barton Haslach

    Im definitely not seeing this movie, mostly because I am not that big a transformers fan. Great review. Also, Im sending a mental hug your way man. I know what it is like to feel like you don’t have any friends. I guess you don’t count your coworkers as go to movie friends. There are a lot of idiots in this world who like these movies. I have a friend at college who hates Inception, haven’t seen it myself, but doesn’t understand why the second movie is such a pile of crap. I asked him if he was deaf because of the Explosions. Anyhoo, mental hug, you ain’t alone. You probably have more friends then you know. I am not among them, big fan, just don’t know you personally. You do have friends though, man. You just have to look at them to know.

  • jagheter_1

    Spoony, start eating healthier food and take a walk or cycle 20 minutes a few times a week.

    Seriously. You’ll hate the first week and love the rest.

  • http://twitter.com/ToruMiyagishi Toru Miyagishi 徹 宮岸

    Also, a very stupid thing that occurred to me while watching the movie.
    The grappling hooks… Wouldn’t they be really useful during the whole collapsing building part?

    Also there are lots of just weird cuts. One scene “Tyrez giving a gun to Shia” bumped out of nowhere.

    Oh and I actually liked Sucker Punch…

    • Anonymous

      They dig in when they connect, so it would end up shattering the glass, and they keep falling,

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

    Isn’t that the definition of insanity? To repeat the same experiment (or in this case Experience) and expect a different result?

    We know Bays’ movies are gonna be the same cookie cutter plot and lots of booms but we go to see it expecting them to get better so.. Yeah I guess that does a shit load about us as movie goers.

    I didnt mind the movies before because it’s much easier if you just dont give a fuck but as movies but they blow.. still I am going to go see this just to have something to rage about.

    • Geoffrey Walter

      No, that was Einstein’s opinion as to what insanity was.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

        It was just a saying I heard and it actually does make sense. It’s like dropping a penny down the grate on the street and expecting the penny to do anything but fall down into the water below. All the transformers movies have been about the humans because Bay cannot fathom we can relate to anything that is not Human or American.

        • Anonymous

          So, there’s no chance of the penny landing on the grate itself? I disagree.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

            Would have replied sooner but was actually at the movie and the walk there is a pain. And No I said throwing it down the grate… not at the grate.. that metaphor was basically set up as you have the penny an inch or less over the slot of the grate and dropping it.

        • Anonymous

          So, there’s no chance of the penny landing on the grate itself? I disagree.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

        It was just a saying I heard and it actually does make sense. It’s like dropping a penny down the grate on the street and expecting the penny to do anything but fall down into the water below. All the transformers movies have been about the humans because Bay cannot fathom we can relate to anything that is not Human or American.

  • Geoffrey Walter

    Jesus, they did the “move Cybertron to Earth” thing again? Seriously?

    They did that like THREE TIMES in the original show. At LEAST twice.

    • Anonymous

      Only once, actually. It was a 2part episode, though.

    • Anonymous

      Only once, actually. It was a 2part episode, though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeff-Gwinnup/524674866 Jeff Gwinnup

    You kinda went Miz for a second with the whole “Really? Really. Really?” schtick.

  • Anonymous

    Well, Spoon, you definitely verified everything I expected of this film ever since I found out that MICHAEL BAY APOLOGIZED PUBLICLY FOR TRANSFORMERS 2!

    Specifically, that it was not going to be as bad. But I somehow had a feeling it wasn’t going to be as good as the first film, which I liked. But I always knew it was never going to be any good after that. I fucking HATED Revenge of the Fallen. I’m probably going to hate this one, too, just less so.

    I still have the first one to enjoy, though.

    • http://twitter.com/SonikGav Gavin Leaf

      To be honest mate if you liked the first you should enjoy this too. Its really evident that Bay has gone through a learning experience to rectify the mistakes of the past. Or at least it is up to the limitations of what hes able to admit he does wrong.

      • Anonymous

        The problem is that Bay only learned from the mistakes he made in the second movie. It’s more than a little clear(as I’ve been informed by friends who have seen it, not just Spoony) he’s made a whole new set of mistakes with this one.

        My friends have basically confirmed, “better than the second one, still nowhere near as good as the first.”

  • http://twitter.com/yamina_chan Miriam Percival

    One thing always stunned when you make a Vlog about a movie you saw in the movie theatre and describe the reactions of the audience. (It happens with other peoples Vlogs about this as well, but I only reguarly watch yours, so…)
    If you go to a movie here, as soon as the movie starts people get quiet. Unless there’s a “moment of hilarity” when everyone laughs. There’s an ocasional hushed conversation sometimes, because, well, it’s normal I suppose, but that’s about it. Applauding in the middle of the movie? People yelling famous lines at the screen as they come up? Other stuff like that?
    That would never happen over here! Or what about…what’s the word…hecklers? In a Movie? No way.
    I realy wonder on how diffrent the american audience seems to be. That’s to be expected, being a diffrent contry and all that, but still…

  • http://twitter.com/yamina_chan Miriam Percival

    One thing always stunned when you make a Vlog about a movie you saw in the movie theatre and describe the reactions of the audience. (It happens with other peoples Vlogs about this as well, but I only reguarly watch yours, so…)
    If you go to a movie here, as soon as the movie starts people get quiet. Unless there’s a “moment of hilarity” when everyone laughs. There’s an ocasional hushed conversation sometimes, because, well, it’s normal I suppose, but that’s about it. Applauding in the middle of the movie? People yelling famous lines at the screen as they come up? Other stuff like that?
    That would never happen over here! Or what about…what’s the word…hecklers? In a Movie? No way.
    I realy wonder on how diffrent the american audience seems to be. That’s to be expected, being a diffrent contry and all that, but still…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Gaia-Safa-Lintschinger/1652762167 Matthew Gaia Safa Lintschinger

    Could any sort of “fan edit” version of these 3 movies be possible to mend these crappy films?

  • http://twitter.com/Okanehira Okanehira

    Here’s my thoughts:-

    -The Clapping: This must be an American thing, in the UK i have NEVER seen this happen, even for outstanding films. I have also been to cinema in Australia/Germany and Japan and it does not happen, just seems really weird to me.

    -Humans: I agree about the human characters, they as with the whole film were better than the first 2 but still not needed.

    -That girls ass: oh my! I know Michael bay has all the 1080p IMAX HD ou-ttakes of that at home for a lonely evening, she is way prettier than Fox though.

    -Military stuff: Yeah its a Bay film so it feels like an American Army recruitment film but didn’t you find the SEAL bit too obvious? It stood out so much that they just appear out of the water and the NEST team go “Oh boy the SEALs are here” Bay put that scene in after Osama’s death FOR SURE.

    -Executions: I thought the Decepticons executing prisoners was a bit much for a kids film, but didn’t Optimus executing the downed Prime at the end feel really out of character? He is like a “paragon of justice” he should of let him go once he “beat” him.

    So final thoughts it was better than 1 and 2 but is still only a 6/10.

    p.s If that girls puffy lips bothered you so much you are going to LOVE Suckerpunch, Emiliy Browning spends the ENTIRE film doing that puckered lips/innocent as snow face.

    Thanks for the video, and Bay – thanks for the Deep Wang.

  • Anonymous

    At least it wasn’t Dick Wang….

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, my good sir…

    I’m not exactly a fan of these movies, but if they were “all Transformers all the time”, in a LIVE ACTION movie, wouldn’t that skyrocket the budget beyond the $195 million the Wikipedia page claims it cost?  I mean, in a Pixar movie you don’t have to make things hyper-realistic, because the whole movie is blatantly cartoonish CGI most of the time.  But in a movie where things are supposed to look real, this would cost an even bigger fortune than $195 million.

    It’d also significantly lengthen the amount of time it takes to animate the movie.

    Though, maybe it’d give them a reason to not go all epic-length on the films.

    And nice, as always, to see Miles back in action.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F6DCTUY6RUMWXJKGOICRNIAXCM André Norell

      The issue that most people seem to have is that the Transformers, the people that the franchise is built around, have been reduced to second-stringers, b-characters, in their own movie.

      It’s like… what to use as an example… Let’s say that someone makes a movie named “Christopher Walken”, based on the franchise “Christopher Walken” starring Christopher Walken… as a bitpart, 5 minute one-scene-wonder, in a 1 hour and 28 minute movie that’s otherwise completely made up of scenes with Shaquille O’Neal talking about how crappy his life is because he hasn’t got a different mercedes for every day of the week.

      Bad example, but the gist of most complaints I’ve read is that there isn’t enough Transformers in the Transformers movies.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F6DCTUY6RUMWXJKGOICRNIAXCM André Norell

      The issue that most people seem to have is that the Transformers, the people that the franchise is built around, have been reduced to second-stringers, b-characters, in their own movie.

      It’s like… what to use as an example… Let’s say that someone makes a movie named “Christopher Walken”, based on the franchise “Christopher Walken” starring Christopher Walken… as a bitpart, 5 minute one-scene-wonder, in a 1 hour and 28 minute movie that’s otherwise completely made up of scenes with Shaquille O’Neal talking about how crappy his life is because he hasn’t got a different mercedes for every day of the week.

      Bad example, but the gist of most complaints I’ve read is that there isn’t enough Transformers in the Transformers movies.

  • Dante Volkmire

    I’d heard the Transformers becoming like secondary characters was the ORIGINAL PLAN…Bay wanted to “focus more on the human characters”. The minute, the FUCKING MINUTE I heard this, my Cynicism Alarm went off and I was like “Nope, fuck this movie out of the gate.” And this was MONTHS before its release.

    The woman is there for the sake of creating nerdboners, that’s all. Juuust as Megan Fox was there in the first film. I didn’t even care about her name. I don’t even know or care the ACTRESS’ name. I payed ZERO attention to this character.

    I’ll agree, the lack of Roboscrotum, Decepti-rape and GODDAMN SKIPS AND MUDFLAP makes it a little more tolerable, but…Fuck, it ain’t by much. I want at least 5 of my 10 dollars back, movie theatre.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

    Bay has this issue where he cannot empathize with the Robots. So The transformers are just robots just tools in his films. If you want to see action and killing the robots are there for that, want to see emotions you go to the humans. Bay needs to rewatch Avatar because in that film we feel for the blue cat people because Cameron made us feel for them by setting up the people as someone we could feel for and relate too.

    So he believes all we can do is relate to humans, because his limited imagination can only relate to humans.

    • Anonymous

      “So The transformers are just robots just tools in his films.” No. That was “Transmorphers”.

      Bumblebee’s constant emotional reactions w/Sam, Ironhide and Prime’s sheer SHOCK at Sentinel’s betrayal. The mourning over the loss of Jazz in the 1st film. Prime’s undying loyalty to preservation of freedom, and the Autobots who will fight and die to protect the ones around them, and an undying friendship = no empathy?

      I’m not sure what film series you watched.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

        Ok first off I have not seen the 3rd yet and I have posted that before. I was rating the series off 1 and 2. And yes while there where scenes of the Autbots being emotional Bay seems to but any big impactful emotional scenes with the humans. I would love to see a scene with Prime doing his best to come to grips with him sending in Autobots to situations where they could die, show his connection to the group. They always seemed to just follow orders without a reason other then this is their Prime and they obey. I want to see connections between them..

        And as for as Jazz.. “Oh Jazz” and the4 you will surely be missed-eque lines following where not a really impactful scene. Now if it had been Bumblebee that got ripped in half it would have been a great impactful scene.

        I simply meant Bay assumes that we cannot or will not relate or feel as strongly for these CGI characters as we do the humans, that is why the humans get the emotional scenes and the Autobots get the fighting scenes. If you cut the humans out of either first films they are not nearly as bad as they where with them in it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

        Ok first off I have not seen the 3rd yet and I have posted that before. I was rating the series off 1 and 2. And yes while there where scenes of the Autbots being emotional Bay seems to but any big impactful emotional scenes with the humans. I would love to see a scene with Prime doing his best to come to grips with him sending in Autobots to situations where they could die, show his connection to the group. They always seemed to just follow orders without a reason other then this is their Prime and they obey. I want to see connections between them..

        And as for as Jazz.. “Oh Jazz” and the4 you will surely be missed-eque lines following where not a really impactful scene. Now if it had been Bumblebee that got ripped in half it would have been a great impactful scene.

        I simply meant Bay assumes that we cannot or will not relate or feel as strongly for these CGI characters as we do the humans, that is why the humans get the emotional scenes and the Autobots get the fighting scenes. If you cut the humans out of either first films they are not nearly as bad as they where with them in it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Francesca-Boville/699452921 Francesca Boville

    I totally agree Spoony, Shia LeBouf is a dweeb. And I definitely think you’re better looking than him. :]

  • Anonymous

    Transformers 3: Bark at the Moon?

    Makes me wonder what other sorts of horrible derivative names you could call the film.

    Transformers 3: Wang in the Moon. Uuuggh. Nevermind, that sounds a bit… Michael Bay-ish.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

    I am going to see the 6:30 showing.. this should be fun! lol

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F6DCTUY6RUMWXJKGOICRNIAXCM André Norell

    “The needs of the many, exceed the needs of the few.” Bam! Video dies. Not even the internet could put up with that kind of incredibly unsubtle shout-out.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F6DCTUY6RUMWXJKGOICRNIAXCM André Norell

    “The needs of the many, exceed the needs of the few.” Bam! Video dies. Not even the internet could put up with that kind of incredibly unsubtle shout-out.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F6DCTUY6RUMWXJKGOICRNIAXCM André Norell

    “The needs of the many, exceed the needs of the few.” Bam! Video dies. Not even the internet could put up with that kind of incredibly unsubtle shout-out.

  • dennett316

    I respectfully disagree with Spoony here – this was a good, fun movie.  The first 30 minutes after the moon landing opening gave me a sinking feeling, it felt like the Shia whining stuff was getting in the way of the beginnings of the Transformers plot with the way they cut them together…after Shia’s plot joined with the main one though, this film was good.

    The story was simple (it’s Bay, so it’s never going to be complex), the plot was good and had much, much fewer holes than the 2nd abomination of a movie, the crappy comic relief was scaled WAY back, the action was better and it was shot much better too.

    The Transformers had more screen time (still not enough, I agree with Spoony there) and the designs were much more distinct.  The Decepticons had less colour and were either silver or black, but I found it easy to tell apart those who had names.  They had their nameless ones for the battle scenes, but it was nowhere near as bad as the second in this regard.

    Deep Wang was horrible, truly horrible, but it was only 2 minutes in the film and he was killed immediately after, I didn’t find it that big of a deal.  Sam’s parents were barely there too, it was more like a cameo than anything else.  I even got a chuckle out of a line the Mother said about his car looking like Bumblebee if Bumblebee was a broken down piece of shit.

    The humans were used far better in this film than the second, particularly the N.E.S.T guys, they had a mission they had to accomplish and set about doing it as opposed to just randomly showing up to fire in all directions a la the final battle in the 2nd movie.  They weren’t useless at all.  Even the scene in the building that Shockwave demolished came about because they had a clear objective and were stopped, it wasn’t pointless, it set up the action set piece and made sense in the plot.  Could it have been removed?  Yes, but you could remove the action scenes from all action films and make them a drama instead….at least the scene was connected with the plot.

    I must also disagree about the use of evocative images.  The Challenger scene I can sort of agree with as the thought did cross my mind, but the 9/11 stuff was way off base IMO.  Buildings collapsed, but not in the way they did during 9/11…there were no people wandering through dust clouds or anything like that.  Are we never supposed to have buildings collapse on film any more because of 9/11?  That’s ridiculous.  And ships crashing into the buildings is NOT the same as someone deliberately flying a jet into a skyscraper – it was alien ships hitting buildings and falling to the ground, no building came down because of that impact.  I don’t even see how this evokes 9/11 in any way.  I really see that as stretching for things to criticise

    And the Nimoy line…I call overreaction here in a HUGE way.  It was a reference, nothing more, a wink to the audience.  Your videos are full of such references, Suburban Knights is chock full of them…to claim that Nimoy is prostituting himself is ridiculous hyperbole to the extreme. 

    In short, I think you went in with a bad attitude (you admitted as such) and stuff that wouldn’t normally have seemed so bad were suddenly terrible.  You made some great points regarding the tonal whiplash though.

  • Anonymous

    Anyone who applauds in a movie theater (without the presence of the production crew or cast) needs to get an electric shock..or at least a slap on the head…NO!!  This may not replace your amazing v-log for the 2nd film, but it comes damn close. 

    • Anonymous

      How fascist of you to say so…

      You should probably just stay at home and watch it on your TV if you can’t deal with audience reaction.

      • dennett316

        It’s just weird to applaud a movie screen.  I understand applauding if the cast or director are there and you want to show appreciation, but who exactly are they applauding?  The projectionist?

        “Wooo yeah, good job in changing that reel!!! WOOOOO!”

      • Anonymous

        I went on a double date to the “Last Airbender” and people clapped at the end of it..nuff said!  *slaps strangers head* “No!! That was a bad movie!! Bad! Bad! Movie!!”

    • Anonymous

      How fascist of you to say so…

      You should probably just stay at home and watch it on your TV if you can’t deal with audience reaction.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Mireles/100002180743543 Zach Mireles

      I…may have applauded at the end of Cloverfield, but then again I was a part of the long, horrendous back and fourth flamings and discussions of the movie on IMDB. Those were legendary times. I clapped only because it was not in fact Voltron or a giant lion.

  • Anonymous

    Prime did seek justice when he killed Sentinel. Sentinel was so out of touch with the bigger picture, not only betraying the Autobots (which is treason), but leading a Decepticon army to Earth, resulting in the muder of THOUSANDS of people.

    It seems “The Fallen” isn’t the only fallen Prime anymore. killing Sentinel was exactly what Sentinel meant by the

  • http://twitter.com/SpiralAeon Spiral Aeon

    Could be worse Spoony, you could be watching Impact?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alex-Jennings/508741443 Alex Jennings

    I can’t believe you even went to see this, I gave up after the first piece of crap movie, then after your review of the second I avoided it like the plague. 

    I see any downturn of your health is most definitely die to Transformers movies and Final Fantasy. 

    On anothewr point, I’ll be your friend *Jumps on car bonnet” INTERNET FRIEND (Piss poor inbetweeners reference)

    Miles with the quote of the review this time “That’s what porn’s for”.

    Great Review as always though,

    Tatty

  • http://www.facebook.com/sebastian.sorbo Sebastian Daniel Sørbø

    Its my birthday today. THANK you SOOOO much for making this review SPOONY!!!

    Greetings from Norway!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sebastian.sorbo Sebastian Daniel Sørbø

    Its my birthday today. THANK you SOOOO much for making this review SPOONY!!!

    Greetings from Norway!

  • http://twitter.com/DigitalWarriors James Drover

    “Deep wang. You will have to excuse my anger and dismissal of…the entirety of humanity. I had a headache and was in rather a surly mood.”
    Its ok spoony if their is anything that will make people loose hope in humanity “or at the very least intelligence”  its a Michael Bay movie

  • http://twitter.com/DigitalWarriors James Drover

    “Deep wang. You will have to excuse my anger and dismissal of…the entirety of humanity. I had a headache and was in rather a surly mood.”
    Its ok spoony if their is anything that will make people loose hope in humanity “or at the very least intelligence”  its a Michael Bay movie

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mia-Stewart/100000671311111 Mia Stewart

    I never did like the Transformers movies. I just watch your reviews. :P I love how you go on a tirade, and Miles just sits quietly; it makes me chuckle.

    I’m with you on the no friends thing – just moved to a new place. (not that I had many friends back home, either.) I’d want to be your friend, even when you’re surly. :) 
    And I totes’ think you’re better looking than Shia. (though I’ve been a long time lurker and have always had the hugest crush on you, heh!) You need to come to WESTERN Canada, man! 

    About women seeing movies because they like an actor… It happens a lot, actually. (Like Pascal commented) I know, in my case, movies that I wouldn’t usually watch I might pick up because I like an actor in it. Though that’s not always the case … I wouldn’t watch My Bloody Valentine or something like that just because Jensen Ackles is in it ….

  • http://twitter.com/raduloket Christopher Carrig

    I haven’t watched the vlog yet(does that say one hour? wow, that’s a lot of pent-up rage), but I did see the movie last night and I wanted to add my voice to the few others who were bothered by what these movies have turned Optimus Prime into.  He was a heroic paragon in the cartoon and even in the first movie, where he was willing to sacrifice himself to destroy the cube and even felt regret at Megatron’s apparent death.

    Which is a stark contrast to ripping off his effing head AFTER Megatron saves his life and asks for a truce.  Which he then followed up with another gunshot to the head execution of a fallen enemy. I noticed him do that back in the beginning of Revenge of the Fallen and it bothered me then.  Even Jack Effing Bauer doesn’t typically blow people’s brains out AFTER they’ve already been disarmed.

    “Freedom to be summarily executed without due process is the right of every sentient being.”

    It’s just an ugly revision of a noble character, never mind that this is a trend in modern action movies I really don’t like. No more having the villain do something treacherous at the last minute to justify killing them–just skip straight to the killing and tarnish what we used to expect of heroes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1597502176 Maddie Paige Davies

    Aww Spoony, I’ll be your friend and I’ll give you a hug for your anguish *big hug*
     
    I’ll probably still have to see this film for my mate’s birthday over the next couple of weeks – I suddenly fear for my sanity and my faith in the basics of reality :(
     
    By the way, how do you upload a profile image? I’m seriously struggling…

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, you have a heart condition. The hell you drinking diet coke for?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

      I believe it’s his choice, let him do what he wants.

      • Anonymous

        It’s not that, I’m saying that he probably shouldn’t be drinking something as terrible for you as diet soda. Trust me. I’m a doctor.

        Not really. But it isn’t good for you. Spoony can indeed drink whatever the dickens he wants.

    • Anonymous

      I think it was Caffeine-free Diet Coke. Not my personal choice :P But when you have a heart condition you probably have few soft drink choices.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

    Well when you think about it, nobody went to see Tomb Raider because they were anticipating the gripping story. They went ’cause a small team of happy men squeezed Angelina into a bust-hugging shirt.

    *Laugh* You think Joe has awkward moments with Spoony at cons? Poor Miles has to put up with Noah’s dramatic, passionate outbursts on a daily basis. Waking up to him screaming in the dead of night about Xcom and forced to go out and explain to the cops why his naked, sugar-high brother is digging a six-foot trench full of fresh tar around the apartment complex.

    • Anonymous

      Good thing Miles is a cop himself so subduing our little rage-encrusted buttercup should be no problem!

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

        Spoony’s lying in a flash-banged stupor: “You fool… Betrayal! …Betrayed…”

        Miles: “Yeah, I know bro. Get your pants on and… hey, bro?”

        Spoony: “Yeah?”

        Miles: “You’re standing in my spot.”

        Spoony: “UWAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

    Well when you think about it, nobody went to see Tomb Raider because they were anticipating the gripping story. They went ’cause a small team of happy men squeezed Angelina into a bust-hugging shirt.

    *Laugh* You think Joe has awkward moments with Spoony at cons? Poor Miles has to put up with Noah’s dramatic, passionate outbursts on a daily basis. Waking up to him screaming in the dead of night about Xcom and forced to go out and explain to the cops why his naked, sugar-high brother is digging a six-foot trench full of fresh tar around the apartment complex.

  • Anonymous

    Haven’t seen the new movie yet but have to say that I loved, yes LOVED the first Transformer movie. That was just regular mindless fun with big fighting bots and it didn’t pretend to be more than it was. I really liked it.
    Fallen was pretty damn bad. But the first movie did give me some good flashbacks to my youth which is why I liked it so much. Although I might be forgiving on that movie. For me it’s just some brainless fun.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      It’s kind of like what Spoony said about the Doom movie – it needed to be mindless to work, and the mindless parts where robots are ripping each other apart and blowing shit up are the best moments of that film. Honestly you could have stolen the script from the first few episodes of the original Cartoons, jammed in as much mechanical violence as possible between one or two lines, and you’d have had a blockbuster. It would have been bad, but it would have been bad for good reasons.

  • Anonymous

    I guess I’ll do what I did with the previous movies in that I will see them but I won’t pay for seeing them and I advice everyone else to do the same. I’m a peace loving guy but it’s times like these that I wish we lived in a little more anarchy-ridden world where pulling shit like Mr. Bay has pulled would get you shot in both knees… Or at least Deep Wanged with that building-devouring worm thingy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lenne-Shuyin/100002432893015 Lenne Shuyin

    Nice shoes Miles, really you can wear them to a wedding, then turn around and jog to your honeymoon, No seriosly I love you and spoonyone, this is a great review you two did, I like you all fiesty spoonyone

  • http://twitter.com/MindOST MindOST

    I’ve only seen the first transformers and thought it was absolutely horrendous.

    People have told me that it’s a a fun movie about giant robots fighting, and I want to know what fucking movie they saw because the Transformers movie that I saw was about Shia LaBeouf being the most annoying and painfully unfunny protagonist I’ve ever seen in a big budget film.

    And then there was a bit of action at the end that was decent but really nothing worth sitting through the awfulness that preceded it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Miika-Aarnio/1104857914 Miika Aarnio

    i belive those are the extended editions. Theatre release was under 3 hour n return of the king 201min

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1441642492 JoeCB91

    And I thought Brad Jones tore the hell out of this movie. Great review Spoony.

  • Anonymous

    You’re complaining about headaches, and then in the same breath you drink a diet soda. D: When I was regularly drinking those, I had headaches all the time. ALL. THE TIME.

    Miles seems a lot less nervous on camera now.

    And I like your shoes, Spoony. They’re good shoes.

  • Anonymous

    You’re complaining about headaches, and then in the same breath you drink a diet soda. D: When I was regularly drinking those, I had headaches all the time. ALL. THE TIME.

    Miles seems a lot less nervous on camera now.

    And I like your shoes, Spoony. They’re good shoes.

  • Anonymous

    You’re really surprised some females went to see a movie just because of some guy, Spoony? I mean… you did go see Twilight in the theater and the same thing happened there. Now why these girls can’t get porn from the Internet like any decent human being, I don’t know.

  • http://www.facebook.com/EternalSonata2010 Anthony Valunas

    Honest to god, I’m 55 seconds into this review, and I already know it’s going to be epic. Any Spoony video where he’s face-palming at the very beginning is going to be awesome. This is fact.

    Hope your headache gets better soon, man. =)

  • http://twitter.com/ihaveno_life Katrin H.

    Okay, okay, so I got dragged to that movie and the more I think about it, the more I want to deck every person in the fucking theater I was in.

    We got there 2 HOURS early. You know what they talked about? They talked about how horrible Twilight was. Then about how pussy Harry Potter is. REALLY, REALLY, WTF IS WHITFUCK THEN!?

    And then it started. I was hoping, well at least there has got to be some cool explosions and I can study the CG. 15 minutes in, I gave up on it as an action film. I did. The last movie I got dragged to was Hangover 2, and I was convinced now that this was just going to a low brow comedy. Fine. Slapstick has some entertainment value, not a lot, but some. So, the rest of the movie I took as a comedy.

    I saw Ken, and I didn’t care his name was Wang. I laughed at his silly faces. I was blissfully reminded of Community, and then he died. 

    The rest of the movie I sat bored and outraged. There are so many other better movies and shows to watch. There are better action movies to watch. 

    You know if I wanted to watch explosions and cars, I could go to the truck derbies and monster truck rallies, which I have been to before. If I wanted to stare at a women’s ass, it’s one search away on the internet.

    You can’t tell most of the robots apart, and what I found more annoying, is I can’t even tell what the robot’s expression is most of the time without a voice. Optimus is killing his teacher robot, and I don’t know if he’s sad, or angry, or if he even gives a fuck. 

    And I know this is suppose to be marketed to men, but the women characters… FUCK YOU. There are 3. There is the annoying, inappropriate mother, the eye-candy girlfriend whose acting isn’t good, and the bitch government women, who apparently slept with fanatic guy. I cannot think of a time when a women actually does some sort of fight move or aims a gun at anything. Don’t tell me that eye-candy wouldn’t have been any less hot, if she tried to shoot a Decepticon. 

    Also, minor argument, but correct me if I’m wrong that the museum hot gf is working at is the art museum in Milwaukee. And their apartment is in DC…. what? I mean the museum is a pretty recognizable building.

    This movie isn’t salvageable. There are too many problems. There are too many plots, too many characters, the only characters that aren’t flat are pointless, the effects aren’t their strongest, the references to the US, are almost all insulting or make us look bad, the mood is A.D.D., the believability is none, the messages don’t make sense, and there are a bunch of plot holes and plots just dropped halfway through. You would have to change so much to make a good movie out of this, that it would be unrecognizable from this.

    This movie is a waste. I’m not mad at Bay even. I’m made at everyone in that theater and in every other theater that applauded and or praised this crap. Because they only make this shit because we pay for it.

    Sorry, I really needed to rant about this.

  • http://twitter.com/ihaveno_life Katrin H.

    They don’t watch porn because they feel it is morally unacceptable and distasteful. Twilight has a thin wrapper of innocence. They can pretend they have other motives to see it. The reasons for this have a lot to do with cultural views. 

    Many girls see movies because of a certain actor. That’s why so many romantic comedies exist.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Bark at the Moon?

    No really, Bark at the Moon. What in the fucking world does barking at the moon have to do with a war between transforming robots?

    • Andyman Messiah

      Because Dark of the Moon. Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon. Dark, bark.

  • http://twitter.com/ihaveno_life Katrin H.

    They don’t watch porn because they feel it is morally unacceptable and distasteful. Twilight has a thin wrapper of innocence. They can pretend they have other motives to see it. The reasons for this have a lot to do with cultural views. 

    Many girls see movies because of a certain actor. That’s why so many romantic comedies exist.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve only seen one Transformers movie* and that was the original animated one….the only reason these Bayformers movies exist is because Steven Spielberg finds producing easier than directing and Bay probably has a coke habit. Or a Masarati habit. Or he pays alimony to women he never married because he is dumb.

    Spoony, after the first one you didn’t need to sit though the sequels (and the sequels of sequels)….these movies are Flaming Bags of Shit left on the Doorstop of Humanity; they make people stupider for watching them. If they make a fourth one, watch “The Hunt for Red October” again instead, because you are just putting money in Michael Bay’s bank account, which he probably wastes by buying old steam locomotives and crashing them into each other at high speed.

    _________

    * I watched the hell out of the original show, no matter how dumb it got (Grimlock did not help.) I was sad to see Optimus Prime bite it, but I was expecting that because the movie was full of new robots, the show was a 30-minute ad, and children’s animated movies are full of wise old heroes dying so the protagonist can complete a quest either to avenge the saintly old fart, or take the old guy’s position. Killing off Jazz and Ironhide in the first ten minutes of the movie gave me fair warning; this thing is going to get all Wagnerian.

    • Anonymous

      Addendum: I think Bay originally wanted it called “Dark Side of the Moon”, but Pink Floyd’s lawyers made pudding out of that.

      Other joke titles:

      Transformers: Dork of the Moon

      Transformers: We’ve been Mooned!

      Transformers: We’ve Got Nothing Better to Do

      Transformers: Your Money is MINE Now, Bitch!

  • Anonymous

    Deep wang.

  • https://profiles.google.com/dan.doel/ dolio

    The Wrestler.

    That was actually a good movie, though.

  • https://profiles.google.com/dan.doel/ dolio

    The Wrestler.

    That was actually a good movie, though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Ellis/100002419726549 Nathan Ellis

    YES! a review! your twilight and transformers vlogs are two of the best things to watch on the internet.

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry deep wang, your anger and dismissal of the entirety of humanity is a good compliment to my own.

    The fact that Michael Bay gets rich off of raping our souls is enough of an excuse… there have been three of these plague-sacs… three… Shia LeBeouf… Disney… three… Bay… money *head explodes*

  • http://twitter.com/pressb2jump nick crawford

    dont be so down on yourself spoony, if i lived in arizona i’d totally be your best friend ^_^

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OU7Z4DKACDRDJNH4E42XNZUJYI Calbeck

    Beavis.

    That’s definitely Beavis you’re channeling there, Spoony.

  • http://bluehighwind.blogspot.com/ BlueHighwind

    Awww, Spoony I’ll be your friend!  Next time there’s a shitty movie you need to go to I’ll go with you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mandie-Graham/518585122 Mandie Graham

    Stop drinking diet soda Spoony! Artificial sweeteners can give people migraines!

  • Anonymous

     I was thinking about seeing the movie before, but after seeing this video, I know I need to see this shit!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mario-Prosted/100000880528684 Mario Prosted

    45:25 nice ” oops breaking the 4th wall ” CMpunk talk there :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mario-Prosted/100000880528684 Mario Prosted

    45:25 nice ” oops breaking the 4th wall ” CMpunk talk there :)

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, you’re cutting off Miles again. You promised you’d put a stop to that.

    • Anonymous

       That is okay, Miles will just beat his ass off camera like any good big brother would.

    • Anonymous

       That is okay, Miles will just beat his ass off camera like any good big brother would.

  • Anonymous

    The only good transformer movie is the one made in 1985. You know the one about transformers… and not about humans with transformers as sidekicks.

    • Anonymous

      I get why they might not include more Transformers in the series, the CGI composition between real life and the robots must be enormous… but if that’s the case, just switch to an all CG movie! That’s what they should do! Make a Transformers prequel, that actually explores the whole war dynamic, and that dispenses with the annoying humans! The robots will be fighting a war that predates humanity by 7 million years! No more annoying humans that should be sidekicks!

  • Anonymous

    The only good transformer movie is the one made in 1985. You know the one about transformers… and not about humans with transformers as sidekicks.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AL6ADN5J3UXVHHOSRGNDM7XBCI realslimshadowen

    Someone should have told Michael Bay that after the first film, the suspense is done. Finito. So have the human characters exeunt left and SHOW THE FUCKING ROBOTS.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Evan-Elkins/682275173 Evan Elkins

      The Latin made my day.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AL6ADN5J3UXVHHOSRGNDM7XBCI realslimshadowen

    Someone should have told Michael Bay that after the first film, the suspense is done. Finito. So have the human characters exeunt left and SHOW THE FUCKING ROBOTS.

  • http://twitter.com/the_real_TRR Taylor Reitz

    Thank you for the laughs. I do enjoy your pain very much.
    I never expected anything good out of this movie, so it’s odd to me that you have any praise for it.  After the second one I had basically given up all hope that these movies could be even slightly not terrible.
    I’m probably going to watch this after it comes out on DVD.  Hopefully I will be able to stand it better than the second, which I had to watch in portions.

  • http://twitter.com/the_real_TRR Taylor Reitz

    Thank you for the laughs. I do enjoy your pain very much.
    I never expected anything good out of this movie, so it’s odd to me that you have any praise for it.  After the second one I had basically given up all hope that these movies could be even slightly not terrible.
    I’m probably going to watch this after it comes out on DVD.  Hopefully I will be able to stand it better than the second, which I had to watch in portions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/SeijinDinger Tom Allmendinger

    so basically part of the movie was the plot of the 80s cartoon episode Transport to Oblivion?

  • Anonymous

    Now I don’t doubt that the movie is bad, (Haven’t seen it) but it doesn’t seem like you were going into this impartial to say the least.(Not that you have to, it’s funny to see the negative reviews) Who goes into a movie with a notepad? 

    • Anonymous

      Saying he wasn’t impartial isn’t really a good complaint. How could anyone seeing a sequel be impartial unless it is their first entry into the series? In sequels you go in with a back story and a sense of the style from the previous movies and that style left a lot to be desired, in this reviewers opinion anyways.

      • Anonymous

        I understand that, but going in with a “this movie is going to suck” approach isn’t fair. Anything negatives seem to be magnified and positives skimmed over.   

        • Anonymous

           That isn’t entirely true. In this case his enjoyment seemed clear which speaks volumes, I think, of Michael Bay’s growth as a director.

          • Anonymous

            I should have clarified 
            Whenever I go into something (movie,music,tv ect) with a preconception of it, whether good or bad, I don’t judge it on its true merit. Not a shot at Spoony, but at the the idea of going into something with a bias

          • Anonymous

            That makes sense, but then it is human nature to categorize and judge from past experience and nerd logic multiplies this effect to the power of ten. I will openly admit that when I went to see the movie Alien vs Predator I went in there already hating it based off hearsay. Fair? Not a bit but I am an Alien and Predator nerd who loves these creatures and this match up in the books and comics so when I heard it would have no space marines and take place in the past (modern day) I instantly disliked it. Out the door, it had taken a shit on established canon. I feel this is the same beast with Transformers.

          • Anonymous

            ok i agree on the nerd logic multiplication 

          • Anonymous

            That makes sense, but then it is human nature to categorize and judge from past experience and nerd logic multiplies this effect to the power of ten. I will openly admit that when I went to see the movie Alien vs Predator I went in there already hating it based off hearsay. Fair? Not a bit but I am an Alien and Predator nerd who loves these creatures and this match up in the books and comics so when I heard it would have no space marines and take place in the past (modern day) I instantly disliked it. Out the door, it had taken a shit on established canon. I feel this is the same beast with Transformers.

          • Anonymous

            I should have clarified 
            Whenever I go into something (movie,music,tv ect) with a preconception of it, whether good or bad, I don’t judge it on its true merit. Not a shot at Spoony, but at the the idea of going into something with a bias

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Evan-Elkins/682275173 Evan Elkins

      Who goes in into a movie with a notepad?  Someone whose going to review it.

      • Anonymous

        more like knitpick

      • Anonymous

        more like knitpick

  • http://twitter.com/SwedishBallsack Jonathan Andersson

    Hey, Spoony, you forgot the flamethrower.

    Seriously, though. I agree that the movies should be more bout the Transformers and less about the one dimensional human characters that have been done to death in the past two movies.

  • http://twitter.com/random_ninja5 Eric Hesselberg

    Spoony and Captain M! I love it when the two of you get together for videos.

    Truthfully, I didn’t even know that Transformers3 was in theaters yet. It’s not in my home town. I wasn’t planning on seeing it anyway. So no loss there really.

    Let me feel your rage, Spoony! A few things:
    Wrath of Khan is my favorite sci fi movie as well. No one messes with it and gets away scott free–we’ll make ‘em pay, Spoony.
    From your description, I think the emotional response the girl had was “dull surprise”
    I completely agree that these movies have been more about the humans than the giant robots, and that is ass-backward from how it should be. I wouldn’t have minded a few human characters that the audience could relate to (again I’m showing how I’m a much better writer than Hollywood can offer) but they wouldn’t be the main focus. The cartoon and the comics had the transformers actually doing stuff; going on missions/adventures; fighting each other; having character development. I get the feeling that Micheal Bay has never seen any of the old (or even newer) Transformers stories.

    The thing about the Lord of the Rings is that there is no wasted time. in the combined time (nearly 12 hours) stuff is always happening. We get a full scope of the grandeur of the land and the story, and we get to know all of the characters and share in their plight. On the other hand we have the Transformers movies. I have no idea who any of the characters are apart from Optimus and Megatron (and a few others), and I only know them from the cartoons–the movies didn’t tell me dick about them. And I think that’s what Micheal Bay’s problem is. He thinks that we should already know these characters from pop culture so he doesn’t have to explain anything. Well how about that? I just figured it out. The reason he spends so much time with the humans is that (he thinks) we should already know what the beef is between the autobots and the deceptacons. Well la-de-frickin-da!

    Finally you can rest without a further Micheal Bay raping of cherished childhood memories looming in the distance–unless they decide to make a 4th one–It’s becoming a trend to have 4 movies lately….Jesus Christ, they aren’t thinking of it are they?  I hope not. Unless someone other than Micheal Bay is at the helm. Spoony should direct it, and make it right.

    I can’t wait for the return of Spoony and Captain M! What more mischief will they make?

  • Anonymous

    this movie fucking sucks. I don’t michael bay gives a shit about the series at all, when he made those movies. He just uses the transformer name and does his own shit, which is quite disrespectful.

  • http://twitter.com/Drewder Andrew Murray

    Maybe if everyone loves the movie but you it’s not everyone else who has the problem.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Mireles/100002180743543 Zach Mireles

      It’s probably because they’re all idiots. Have you considered that?

      • dennett316

        There’s no absolutes in life, I enjoyed this film and I’m far from an idiot.  I recognize the bad but for me, the good far outweighed it.  After the opening about the moon landing, the next half an hour is badly structured as the plot that ties into the opening is cut with the Shia character whining about his life and how he doesn’t matter.  That was really poor scripting as it was dragged out far too long at the expense of moving the main plot of the film forward when it could have been summed up in one scene at the hands of a better director. 
        Once Shia gets involved in the main plot the film feels much better for it.

        Spoony focused on a lot of pretty minor things – Malcovich and McDormond being wasted, Deep Wang, Sam’s parents (they’re in the film for roughly 2 minutes over 3 scenes) – and blew them out of all proportion.  His criticism of the tonal shifts was dead on though, and it really shows Bay’s weaknesses as a director.  The Challenger thing I could see, but the 9/11 thing I really didn’t get.  His complaints about the human characters have a certain element of personal taste to them, but the human characters had solid motivations throughout, had purpose beyond showing up to shoot wildly at stuff, and were not as annoying as in the second film.

  • http://twitter.com/eareimaj Joseph Hall

    I will defend the first Transformers movie to just being o.k. I am surprised that Unicron was not in it. I suppose I was not entirely right about the trilogy being a drawn out version of the animated Transformers movie. Provided that if the Transformers were secondary characters in the fucking movie that has their name in the title. Much like the fucking Tom and Jerry movie.

  • http://twitter.com/eareimaj Joseph Hall

    I will defend the first Transformers movie to just being o.k. I am surprised that Unicron was not in it. I suppose I was not entirely right about the trilogy being a drawn out version of the animated Transformers movie. Provided that if the Transformers were secondary characters in the fucking movie that has their name in the title. Much like the fucking Tom and Jerry movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

    I find it funny that Spoony is planning to watch “Sucker Punch” soon. I know that he’s probably not going to like it, but I’ve been trying to do a long written review on that movie myself and I have come to a conclusion of out all the many bad movies that I’ve been following and seeing, it’s a bad movie that I can actually watch. Nothing to do with the sexual innuendo in it or all the pretty special effects that deliver all the fan-fiction-y-ish scenarios that some geek-style people could go nuts over. I did think about the content while watching this movie and I do admit it was confusing, but I’ve honestly have seen worst movies than “Sucker Punch” (I watched “Legion” and “Jonah Hex” for the first times myself not too long ago and suffered through both of them). It’s really not a movie where I don’t see multiple holes in it. I think it’s mostly a movie where Zack Snyder wrote it, but it was a script where it only mostly made sense to him or he made it too complex in his own way for people to understand and he wanted to try focusing on style most of all. It was his first original material that he wrote, so I guess that can explain some things. I know the thing that people will find mostly annoying about it is the anachronisms and possibly Carla Gugino’s Polish dominatrix-ish stereotype, but there was stuff in it like some of the acting that didn’t seem as bothersome considering how flat it was being delivered and to really care about it. There is of course the thing where you can’t try to kill two birds with one stone by saying you’re delivering a feminist statement, but have women dressed up like whores and have a titillating elements in the movie and I agree to that. Yet that did fell like something Zack Snyder wanted to try, but it didn’t come out right. The soundtrack is also very random as well because we go from Bjork to a hardcore gangsta-style song that has a portion of Queen in it to a remix of “Where Is My Mind” (a.k.a the song at the end of “Fight Club”) sung by Yvon and Emily Browning herself (which I have to admit, sounds pretty decent and hope she’ll do other stuff where she sings also). I also find it very humorous that Noah and Miles brought up that thing about a person going to see a movie because there’s a certain person in it. That is kind of what happened with Sucker Punch and me because I actually wanted to see Emily Browning act in it. I was familiar with her being in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events which was a movie I liked as a kid and found it funny of her being in a role she took on as a blonde, skimpy Catholic schoolgirl dress-wearing woman wielding a samurai sword and a pistol. I also found it very comical to me because I saw the movie also as a representation of a lot of stuff in geek culture that I like to make satirical fun of. Whenever I scan the science fiction/fantasy section at the bookstore or the shelves at the game store or whenever I go to a convention like Comic Con or something, a lot of it has always been about shooting stuff and hot women and battling against monsters and so on. I liked seeing the movie as taking all that and capturing it saying “Yeah, this is what it’s all ridiculously about these days” and that’s why I was sort of laughing on the inside while watching it. In a way, I guess you could see it as a high budget non-sensical art house piece done by one of those guys who is into geek culture, but doesn’t know how to try being original and displays all the stuff he loves being a geek (did I possibly just describe Zack Snyder himself? Lol). So, all in all, it was a movie that I know isn’t good, but I guess you could say I had personal tools and knowledge to watch it and back me up to find it somewhat watchable. I don’t see it as bad as how Transformers 3 sounds and I definitaly didn’t see it as bad as Green Lantern considering what has been released lately. And it does feel like a movie with its imagery that will gain some sort of cult following over time. So, yeah. Those are some of my present thoughts and I still need to check out the extended version for my review to compare with what was released. Either way, hope Spoony doesn’t get to flabbergasted while watching it. Lol.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      I do actually want to add one more thing about how I do know that the movie does have somewhat of a mean spirit to it. There’s (WARNING:SPOILERS) the Emily Browning’s character being reserved as a booty call for a man coming to the whorehouse. There’s also the character receiving a lobotomy and the one who wanted it to happen getting away with it. There’s the girls slicing the throat of an innocent baby dragon. Etc. Etc. That stuff does add on to it being a bad movie because of how it appears to be both hurtful towards the image of female and male figures, even though I don’t think that was the intent. I guess those are the results when it comes to somebody trying to make a feminist film who doesn’t seem like he really understands it. It was said that the movie was about “women breaking free,” but putting them in a harsh environment like the brothel and having men just look like bad guys while some of the women are having hurtful stuff happen to them and doing some bad stuff just as bad as the men is a display where nobody really looks good in the end. I also really don’t get why in society so many people think the image of a woman being sexually dominant and has the ability to kick ass are the only two biggest traits considered highly feministic. I do believe that a woman can fight and defend herself and can be independent and so on. Yes. Women are equal to men just as any other human being is. But what about the female figures who are everyday and do very successful things. I mean, I was mostly raised by my mother and she made a documentary about me and my life with autism and people see her as very feministic. I also see Sandra Bullock’s character in “The Blind Side” to be highly feministic. I just find it very odd. Aside from that, I still have to admit that the movie didn’t have low-brow humor. It had only one annoying stereotype. I guess that’s why I did find it more tolerable than other stuff I’ve seen, considering how much of an unintentional dark side it has. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

    I find it funny that Spoony is planning to watch “Sucker Punch” soon. I know that he’s probably not going to like it, but I’ve been trying to do a long written review on that movie myself and I have come to a conclusion of out all the many bad movies that I’ve been following and seeing, it’s a bad movie that I can actually watch. Nothing to do with the sexual innuendo in it or all the pretty special effects that deliver all the fan-fiction-y-ish scenarios that some geek-style people could go nuts over. I did think about the content while watching this movie and I do admit it was confusing, but I’ve honestly have seen worst movies than “Sucker Punch” (I watched “Legion” and “Jonah Hex” for the first times myself not too long ago and suffered through both of them). It’s really not a movie where I don’t see multiple holes in it. I think it’s mostly a movie where Zack Snyder wrote it, but it was a script where it only mostly made sense to him or he made it too complex in his own way for people to understand and he wanted to try focusing on style most of all. It was his first original material that he wrote, so I guess that can explain some things. I know the thing that people will find mostly annoying about it is the anachronisms and possibly Carla Gugino’s Polish dominatrix-ish stereotype, but there was stuff in it like some of the acting that didn’t seem as bothersome considering how flat it was being delivered and to really care about it. There is of course the thing where you can’t try to kill two birds with one stone by saying you’re delivering a feminist statement, but have women dressed up like whores and have a titillating elements in the movie and I agree to that. Yet that did fell like something Zack Snyder wanted to try, but it didn’t come out right. The soundtrack is also very random as well because we go from Bjork to a hardcore gangsta-style song that has a portion of Queen in it to a remix of “Where Is My Mind” (a.k.a the song at the end of “Fight Club”) sung by Yvon and Emily Browning herself (which I have to admit, sounds pretty decent and hope she’ll do other stuff where she sings also). I also find it very humorous that Noah and Miles brought up that thing about a person going to see a movie because there’s a certain person in it. That is kind of what happened with Sucker Punch and me because I actually wanted to see Emily Browning act in it. I was familiar with her being in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events which was a movie I liked as a kid and found it funny of her being in a role she took on as a blonde, skimpy Catholic schoolgirl dress-wearing woman wielding a samurai sword and a pistol. I also found it very comical to me because I saw the movie also as a representation of a lot of stuff in geek culture that I like to make satirical fun of. Whenever I scan the science fiction/fantasy section at the bookstore or the shelves at the game store or whenever I go to a convention like Comic Con or something, a lot of it has always been about shooting stuff and hot women and battling against monsters and so on. I liked seeing the movie as taking all that and capturing it saying “Yeah, this is what it’s all ridiculously about these days” and that’s why I was sort of laughing on the inside while watching it. In a way, I guess you could see it as a high budget non-sensical art house piece done by one of those guys who is into geek culture, but doesn’t know how to try being original and displays all the stuff he loves being a geek (did I possibly just describe Zack Snyder himself? Lol). So, all in all, it was a movie that I know isn’t good, but I guess you could say I had personal tools and knowledge to watch it and back me up to find it somewhat watchable. I don’t see it as bad as how Transformers 3 sounds and I definitaly didn’t see it as bad as Green Lantern considering what has been released lately. And it does feel like a movie with its imagery that will gain some sort of cult following over time. So, yeah. Those are some of my present thoughts and I still need to check out the extended version for my review to compare with what was released. Either way, hope Spoony doesn’t get to flabbergasted while watching it. Lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughan-MacDonald/100000473507885 Vaughan MacDonald

    I feel good about myself for buying illegal pirate copies of these movies. ^_^

  • Anonymous

    Having watched the first two movies but otherwise not being much of a Bay fan, I really find it hard to believe that the guy just hasn’t been ass raping the franchise and its fanbase this whole time. Laughing in our face as he did it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Ellis/100002419726549 Nathan Ellis

    that terrible scream shia lebaeouf does started in his disney channel show. Also, yeah, i don’t know why but i was so looking forward to sucker punch and it was…

    it was mainly hollywood crap.

    that bjork song was awesome, and the action choreography was great but i thought we were going to get a pro female escapism story and instead we got an anti-men but still overly masogynistic towards women action film with paper thin acting that masqueraded as an escapism story.

    I’m sad about not liking it because i loved 300 and watchmen.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      Yeah. I did see that as well. I do think that lipstick feminism and extreme feminism are forms of radicalism that end up making people look silly in the end. But again, I didn’t get mad at it probably because I knew what to expect when I watched it and actually what I wanted to see in it so I could laugh at it. If I were to choose to watch a bad movie, I would rather watch Sucker Punch rather than any of the other garbage I’ve seen. Lol.  

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Ellis/100002419726549 Nathan Ellis

        feminism is fine, women are still treated like shit and they deserve to stand up for their rights. but zack snyder advertised sucker punch as having strong female characters, and what did he do?  threw them in short skirts (they wear short skirts in baby doll’s imagination too… why?) and gave them no character exposition besides baby doll’s music video montage. so the message we got was, oh, yeah women are so empowered they can look sexy and stab you in the shoulder when you aren’t looking. Carla Gugino and Jon Hamm were two of the only actors/actresses i liked in it

        and Jon was the fucking lobotomist!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

        Wait, no. I just remember. There is the possibility that Zack Snyder could do worse than Sucker Punch. He’s making a sequel to 300 about Xerxes. That I really don’t see really taking of well.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      Yeah. I did see that as well. I do think that lipstick feminism and extreme feminism are forms of radicalism that end up making people look silly in the end. But again, I didn’t get mad at it probably because I knew what to expect when I watched it and actually what I wanted to see in it so I could laugh at it. If I were to choose to watch a bad movie, I would rather watch Sucker Punch rather than any of the other garbage I’ve seen. Lol.  

  • http://twitter.com/JDHypnotic Justin Delima

    Spoony how could you forget the Highlander quote at the end! I was waiting for you to talk about that.

  • ORCACommander

    *gives spoony a heavy sedative* *Looks at side effects label: May cause permanent memory loss* Hmm I think we can only hope for spoony’s dwindling sanity.

  • ORCACommander

    *gives spoony a heavy sedative* *Looks at side effects label: May cause permanent memory loss* Hmm I think we can only hope for spoony’s dwindling sanity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Gacula/100000350486881 Zach Gacula

    Did spoony notice that Sentinel Prime said “There can be only one.” in like the last scene of the movie?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Gacula/100000350486881 Zach Gacula

    Did spoony notice that Sentinel Prime said “There can be only one.” in like the last scene of the movie?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juha-Keranen/1004118273 Juha Keränen
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juha-Keranen/1004118273 Juha Keränen
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juha-Keranen/1004118273 Juha Keränen
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juha-Keranen/1004118273 Juha Keränen
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juha-Keranen/1004118273 Juha Keränen
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kim-Butler/100001877654196 Kim Butler

    Miles, your impression of Rosie Huntington-Whitely’s “durrrr” face had me in tears. It was perfect. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kim-Butler/100001877654196 Kim Butler

    Miles, your impression of Rosie Huntington-Whitely’s “durrrr” face had me in tears. It was perfect. 

  • Anonymous

    I actually think Bay and producer Spielberg had the right idea making the human characters… well, maybe not the focus of the WHOLE movie, but from a budgetary and storytelling standpoint it was definitely smart to tell the story through their eyes. The only problem with this strategy is, if you’re going to make the human characters the focus of you movie, you have to be able to make them INTERESTING.

    Michael Bay has not, can not, and never will be able to develop likable, interesting characters. He can do the “holy shit!” action stuff, sure, but all his characters are soulless stereotypes or total assholes. If J.J. Abrams had directed the Transformers movies, you can bet your ASS those human characters would have been more engaging, ’cause he’s good at that kind of stuff (lens flare fetish notwithstanding). But Michael Bay? All he gives a shit about is fireballs, shrapnel, and military hardware.

  • Anonymous

    I actually think Bay and producer Spielberg had the right idea making the human characters… well, maybe not the focus of the WHOLE movie, but from a budgetary and storytelling standpoint it was definitely smart to tell the story through their eyes. The only problem with this strategy is, if you’re going to make the human characters the focus of you movie, you have to be able to make them INTERESTING.

    Michael Bay has not, can not, and never will be able to develop likable, interesting characters. He can do the “holy shit!” action stuff, sure, but all his characters are soulless stereotypes or total assholes. If J.J. Abrams had directed the Transformers movies, you can bet your ASS those human characters would have been more engaging, ’cause he’s good at that kind of stuff (lens flare fetish notwithstanding). But Michael Bay? All he gives a shit about is fireballs, shrapnel, and military hardware.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tyrone-Salters/100000536336295 Tyrone Salters

    Am I the only one that’s more than a little concerned that Bay is doing the next Ninja Turtle movie…just asking?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juha-Keranen/1004118273 Juha Keränen

      I don’t think Bay is a bad director. At least he tries different kinda stuff. I loved Armageddon and I know there are people who don’t agree with me on that one but I did love that movie. Even Tarantino’s got his better movies and shittier movies.

  • Anonymous

    you know what, I´m going to write a better transformers movie RIGTH NOW because this is fucking unbelivable.

    Ok, the decepticons raid a random energy producing station in the world and the autobots deploy to stop them. Optimus singles out Megatron and they start duking it out. Megatron goes “Optimus, why thw fuck do you defend humans when Cybertron is fucking dieing” and Optimus goes “because its the noble thing to do”. The decepticons retreat and optimus ponders if he really is doing the rigth thing.

    thats the first act, was there any humans? any slapstick? Shia Lebuff? NOOOO!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

    I am relunctant to go see this movie. Let me be blunt and ask the other people here: Does Soundwave die?

    • dennett316

      No he doesn’t, but two other big name Decepticons do.

      • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

        Hm? Apparently he is killed by Bumblebee.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504229626 Andrew Brody Stapleton

    Where did you get that shirt Spoony looks pretty cool

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kim-Smith/100000682553835 Kim Smith

    My thoughts of the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV6xa6WmC08

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Quinn/606326465 Robert Quinn

    Aren’t those LOTR movies longer on bluray because it includes bonus scenes?

    • http://twitter.com/Shantalfigueroa Shantal Figueroa

      yeah I think they’re the extended editions.

  • Nicole emenhiser

    Okay, so.. I’m a girl. And I guess I should prove… something?

    I dunno, I’ll sound like a creeper, but literally the only reason I’m watching this review on this site is because I find you attractive. In all honesty (oh, wonderful anonymous honesty lol).

    So. yeah. Women do that.

  • Nicole emenhiser

    woooo logins. Opposing admitting things anonymously since 2011 *THUMBS UP*

  • Nicole emenhiser

    mwerp

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nagneto-Lives/100002330956610 Nagneto Lives

    Don’t apologize Spoony. Transformers will ruin everyone’s day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kim-Smith/100000682553835 Kim Smith

    poor spoon i feel your pain! saw it in 3D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nate-Conarroe/100000062876218 Nate Conarroe

    haha your rants are the best as always If I watch this I’m gonna torrent it.. Ain’t giving M Bay a cent anymore

  • http://twitter.com/Shantalfigueroa Shantal Figueroa

    Spoony, you do look a million times better than Shia Lebouf. 

    I wish someone would cut out everything in the movie except the action sequences. It would probably be the greatest 40(?) or so minutes of action EVER. 

    Also, I don’t go into a Michael Bay movie expecting respectful treatment of female characters or anything, but damn can we get some Shirtless Tyrese Gibson or something to even it out? It’s kind of fucked 

  • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

    You know, now that I think of it, there’s no way I’m giving this movie a chance. The second movie sucked ass but even with good action, I have a feeling that the third movie is worst. Think about it, the autobots are protected by the plot and Transformers 2 proved it by keeping the Autobots alive and killing off 16 billion decepticons.

    This is the last movie of this abominable trilogy, so this means Decepticons will die which I bet will include A-listers such as Megatron, Soundwave, Shockwave and lower rank ones. You know, I’d be fine with this if it wasn’t from the fact that ALL fucking A-lister autobots will surely survive.

    *Claps* congratulation Mr. Bay & the people in charge of the plot, you do not know how to make a villain and you make me feel like a competent writer.

    • dennett316

      The third movie is in no way worse than the second, it is better by every conceivable measurement.
      The bad guys get killed and the good guys don’t???  No way!!!  This is revolutionary thinking.

      • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

        Have you ever seen the Transformers cartoon? If no then perhaps it would be good for you to know that some of the good guys actually got killed along with the villains as well. Yes, they were killed because the producers wanted to make more characters so they could make more money but at least, stuff was happening. It seems like you’re fine with a movie that has boring invincible heroes that fights villains that are supposed to be taken seriously but gives shitty-ass predictable results.

        That’s not how someone makes a good story. If someone goes to see a movie, they shouldn’t know what is happening before the movie is even out. Let’s not mention that…

        *Spoilers*

        … killing Megatron, Shockwave, Soundwave and pratically every decepticons while the Autobots pratically loses nearly no one, is just taking a shit all over the fans of the Transformers franchise.

        • dennett316

          Yes I did see the original animated film, and it traumatised the fuck out of me (in the way that kids get, not really).

          *spoilers*

          Ironhide is killed by Sentinel prime and that nerdy scientist one whose name escapes me also got executed.  Humans were getting murdered, Chicago got taken over and destroyed……I’m sorry, I just don’t see the problem.  Not every movie has to pull a Predator and kill off 6 or 7 of the team leaving the lead actor behind to kick ass on his own when he couldn’t with a group of other guys.  Predator was awesome, but not every movie has to follow that template.  That template is fairly formulaic as well, I might add.
          It’s not taking a shit on anyone, stop being so dramatic and selective.

          • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

            I’m not really speaking of pulling a predator but I’m pointing out that this is Transformers and that by extension, these movies are meant for the fans of the Transformers media. Yes, its clear that some younger people will go see it even if they’re not familiar with it but here, we have a movie that doesn’t even try. I fully understand that they do not need to kill a bunch of good guys to give a good result but the thing is that there’s no real tension in this movie.

            We all go to this movie and we know what will happen, this is a Michael Bay movie after all which puts too much emphasis on the humans and the fucking U.S. military. Again, yes, the humans were there in the cartoon and heck, some were very likeable but this goes way too far. Fans of the transformers doesn’t only like the Autobots but the Decepticon has well and they’re part of their childhood as well. In this movie, they’re annihilated without much tension or suspense. Sure, they can die and the good guys can nearly all survive but it needs to be done in a way that makes it thrilling. It might seem like I’m being too picky but I’m not. I’m paying money to go see a movie and I simply want to see a good story, good action or whatever but its disappointing when a movie like this that has extremely high potential gets treated horribly like this.

            Let’s use Star Wars as a example. By the end of Return of the Jedi, the heroes all survive, the bad guys dies (Yes, there’s a lot of books in the expanded universe but I’m talking about the movies) but some of the battles were great. The first battle with Luke Vs. Vader is great because we have a hero fighting who we identify as a powerful force of evil and we don’t know what will happen. The second fight between them works just as much because now we know who Vader is and there’s some emotion in the fight and it gets even more thrilling when the emperor gets involved and Vader redeems himself.

            Its just like Spoony, I go see a movie with the hope of enjoying it but when there’s so much problems in in, I can’t really praise it. Yes, the action sequence was good but that didn’t do it for me because I already knew what was going to happen because Revenge of the Fallen made it clear that they worked really hard to avoid any autobot casualities.

  • Anonymous

    Of all Michael Bay movies The Rock is the only movie I’d sit down and watch, I’d probably never buy it but its good to watch when its on tv. Maybe Armageddon simply because Steve Buscemi is awesome in it and maybe the last 10 minutes of pearl harbor but really Michael Bay just can’t tell a story well. In The Rock he kept a consistent tone, and didn’t have any three stooges slap stick. I didn’t really like the Bad boys movies all that much just cause I felt I had seen them before only much better and they had slap stick. I love three stooges but they don’t juxtapose nicely with SAVING THE WORLD from total destruction! Unless it is a comedy it just doesn’t work. Pearl Harbor and The Rock are the only movies of his I’ve seen where he doesn’t do it. I never saw the Island I doubt he did it there but I gave up on his movies after Pearl Harbor. You couldn’t drag me to see any of his movies now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Paul-Morley/1370576920 Jason Paul Morley

    Seeing popular movies in America seems like a horrible experience. In England you go see a movie, you sit in silence aside from the rare and usually sarcastic comment to your friends, then when the credits come up you file out and start talking to your friends. None of this applauding crap 0_o

    I think the most I’ve seen is once during Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Lost Skull, when Indiana’s son started swinging with monkeys one of my friends had had enough, shouted “And that’s how he became king of the monkeys”, stood up and walked out of the theatre.

    • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

      Never happened when I went to see a movie in Canada either. I’m wondering if its only in U.S.A.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

        Same goes here in Belgium.
        I actually saw a few folk facepalm during the film. Oh yes, facepalms. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

        Same goes here in Belgium.
        I actually saw a few folk facepalm during the film. Oh yes, facepalms. 

    • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

      Never happened when I went to see a movie in Canada either. I’m wondering if its only in U.S.A.

    • http://twitter.com/Shantalfigueroa Shantal Figueroa

      To be fair, these movies are very much geared towards American audiences. Also, people usually don’t clap and shit unless it’s a midnight premiere when people who have been looking forward to the movie anyway go.

    • Anonymous

      American reporting in. I never see it happen. I dunno what the hell it is about Michael Bay films.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Konstantin-Akhmetov/100000303416185 Konstantin Akhmetov

    Based on what you said about Alan Tudyk’s character, it’s Alpha.

  • http://twitter.com/DaniUmana Dani Pollack-Umana

    (Deep wang  Shia Lebouf )

    Noah,you are more handsome then he’ll ever be. ^o^

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ULUK3HNFCHM6ZAJOVACZ3YQDZA Hathor Liderc

    Fuck you! Hail Megatron!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFYSCA32EI53EW5UJGU7XQ675I Daniel

    Hey Spoony, where did you get that cool shirt?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/João-Monteiro/100000372094634 João Monteiro

    Spoony, you forgot about the part where the Autobots fake they´re own deaths and come back only after Chicago has been torn to the ground, it´s citizens slaughtered in graphic detail, just so Optimus could PROVE A POINT!
    Great plot. Truly!

    JMonteiro

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

    You know, is this a bad time to mention that they’re constructing a Transformer attraction at Universal Studios? I think it has something to do with the NEST organization or something.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

    You know, is this a bad time to mention that they’re constructing a Transformer attraction at Universal Studios? I think it has something to do with the NEST organization or something.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

    Personally I liked the 3th Act and the Climax, but that’s it really.
    The first two acts were…well Bay to put it lightly. The human story still sucked, the Transformer’s plot was…well better then Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
    But Megatron shoudl’ve been in there more and should have had a longer fight with Optimus.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

      Say, when we all saw the Chicago bit..anyone else had Terminator flashbacks?

  • Anonymous

    How could you NOT think of Dark Side of the Moon?

  • Anonymous

    How could you NOT think of Dark Side of the Moon?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

    Say, when we all saw the Chicago bit..anyone else had Terminator flashbacks? 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1597363408 Taylor Shedden

    This is why I waited for a fan edit to see the second one

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Luke-Rees/100000239794052 Luke Rees

    I saw this movie in 3D and was surprised that it worked well. Bay didn’t have shit flying at you all the time was actually reserved when it came to the use of 3D. Which is a shocker.

    Still, the crux of the problem in these films is the humans. We don’t need or want them. They should be their to facilitate the Transformers interactions with Earth as a whole and be side characters who occasionally have moments of importance rather than being pivotal to the events. Just like they are in all other TF media (comics, cartoons, games. Bay could learn a lot from the game War for Cybtertron) DotM at least settled on Sam ‘being the messenger’ and not the hero, even if it didn’t put that into practice. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Rodoy/775323495 David Rodoy

       Well, it’s more that the human characters are our window onto an alien world. Sort of the conduit that lets us get involved and empathize with the goings on. They’re our proxies.

      And in fairness, I don’t think the human characters are necessarily the problem… it’s that they’re so godawful they make you want to purge all of this ‘humanity’ these characters are apparently based upon, only to shriek in horror when you discover you yourself are one of these accursed creatures.

  • http://twitter.com/GeneralyWiggles General Wiggles

    Never seen a worse movie? watch salt.

    • Anonymous

      Salt was not that bad of a movie. 

    • http://twitter.com/Tony7wsfk Tony

      Salt is great compared to the Transformers series.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grzegorz-Wojtczyk/100000046280578 Grzegorz Wojtczyk

    I’m so tired of 3D…so tired. I actually stopped going to cinemas bacause of this. I have only two big “multi cinemas” in my city and BOTH of them show movies only in 3D no “normal” 2D versions :-( I don’t want to spend twice as much money as normaly just to see some things thrown at me. F*ck you Hollywood ! I rather spend that money buying two or three cheap DVDs.  

  • Anonymous

    I think about it this way: my generation and beyond doesn’t NEED these kind of films anymore. Why? Because we have videogames. If I wanna watch crap getting destroyed or visceral action I’ll go play DMC, Vanquish, Bulletstorm, Resident Evil 4/5, or any of the many, many, many, MANY titles I have that have action I can control and understand. Stuff like Transformers, Sucker Punch, and The Expendables can’t justify their own existence due to the fact that the gaming industry can provide action more creative and interesting.

    Seriously Spoony, take a day off and watch one of those movies you wanted to watch instead, you’ve earned it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

       The Expensables Is awesome! you take that back! Or turn in your man card, one or the other.

      • Anonymous

        I think you mean turn in my insecure, macho douchebag card which everyone with a brain turns in after they get over puberty. If I wanna see a movie with REAL men I’ll watch something with Eastwood, John Wayne, Steve McQueen, Lee van Cleef, Pacino, de Niro, or Sean Connery. Now THOSE guys show what it means to be a man

  • http://twitter.com/KennethTanRZ Kenneth Tan

    What happened to standing in front of the movie theatre on opening day with a flamethrower, Spoony?

  • Anonymous

    I saw Sucker Punch in the theater. It was terrible. It was almost good, then it got worse, then the ending just killed the entire thing. An that Dragon baby the ladies killed? Yeah I felt more sympathy for the mother than I did for any of the girls.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones

      Sucker punch just struck me as being another shit movie with a great soundtrack

      • http://profiles.google.com/rtogio Ryan Togioka

        Only if you like terrible covers of great classic rock and pop singles.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

          Dragons have taken quite the abuse in Hollywood during the past decade. Putting up with Matthew McConaughey’s acting. Crashing while chasing Daniel Radcliff on a broom. At least How to Train Your Dragon at least gave  some dignity. Soon we’re going to have to see Smaug get screwed as well. Lol.

          But anyhow, like I stated in my previous comments, I do know that the soundtrack is very sporadic. Though I do have to admit I did like listening to Emily Browning sing a little bit. Her voice I don’t think is anything special, but it is somewhat pleasing with its creamy, mermaid-ish tone to it. I know there are people who really didn’t like the remixes of their favorite songs were terrible, but I didn’t see them as all that bad when she was singing. The remix of “Sweet Dreams” was only fine, but I wouldn’t really get into it. Neither the other one of “Asleep” which sounds kind of depressing. But I did think that the remix of “Where Is My Mind?” was pretty soothing and alright. I kind of saw it as something one might want to try playing if you want to try having a slow dance with your girlfriend when your both alone and are spending the evening together, but then again, maybe not. 

          As for the the remix of “Search and Destroy” by Skunk Anansie, nah. Carla Gugino & Oscar Isaac singing “Love Is The Drug” was only slightly okay, even though them singing that song in a club kind of gave me Super Mario Bros. movie flashbacks (Ugh…) And for the mash-up of “I Want It All” with a portion of Queen in it, that was just weird. Lol. -_-

  • Anonymous

    I ranted pretty hard at this movie, linky here. http://joegamesaga.com/v/2011/06/1309404615

    I actually had to switch to bullet points, it annoyed me so much.

  • http://twitter.com/gelidalex Alex Matthews

    It’s painful just hearing you talk about this movie. And then I’m reminded I promised my friend that I would accompany her to the movies because she loves this fucking franchise (I never claimed my friends were of very distinguished tastes) and I’m not even going to be allowed to tear this movie apart because she was so angry last time when I started talking about how bad the second one was. We’re talking about a woman who cried during Revenge of the Fallen. I’m in pain already.

    And seriously, I might be the one to cry this time. Though I am calmed with the knowledge that at least my best friend will let me bitch about this piece of crap and he’ll probably agree with me.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sebastian.sorbo Sebastian Daniel Sørbø

      Thats nothing. A girl I was together with once, broke up with me because I hated Stephenie Meyer.

      Though I DO feel your pain…

  • http://twitter.com/gelidalex Alex Matthews

    It’s painful just hearing you talk about this movie. And then I’m reminded I promised my friend that I would accompany her to the movies because she loves this fucking franchise (I never claimed my friends were of very distinguished tastes) and I’m not even going to be allowed to tear this movie apart because she was so angry last time when I started talking about how bad the second one was. We’re talking about a woman who cried during Revenge of the Fallen. I’m in pain already.

    And seriously, I might be the one to cry this time. Though I am calmed with the knowledge that at least my best friend will let me bitch about this piece of crap and he’ll probably agree with me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones

    I do have friends just none of them will go see movies with me (thank (bleeping) god!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/waseem.akram1 Waseem Akram

    Will you be doing a review on the Lord of the Rings box set??

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kåre-Kristensson/100002528300869 Kåre Kristensson

    I laughed out loud at your idea of the Decepticons allying themselves with Al-Qaida and the thing with Osama Bin Laden and Megatron.
    Megatron: All hail Megatron!
    Osama Bin Laden: Praise be to Allah!
    Megatron: The fuck you said?
    Osama Bin Laden: Praise be to Allah!
    Megatron: Fuck you! Hail Megatron! *Bin Laden is splattered by Megatron’s fist*
    That’d be so damned funny. XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Gebhardt/42107605 Nathan Gebhardt

    The title of this movie always makes me think of Darkside of the Moon.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kei.loerop Kei Æ Loerop

    is there a reason this is named after an OZZY OSBOURNE song?

  • http://www.facebook.com/Flashburn117 Austin Wombo Combo Chin

    not to be a dick, but the movie title is Transformers: Dark of the Moon not bark at the moon.  However, a great review as always. 1000x funnier and more entertaining than the actual movie.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

      I think that’s the idea, dude.

  • Oseis

    Ugh! Screw this entire series.  It’s kind of a terrible consequence that Spoony ends up contributing to the pockets of the morons who produced/wrote, and directed this shit just to state the obvious…

  • http://twitter.com/Toastopia Toastopia

    transformers turns spoony into the Miz……..”Really?….Really?…..Really?”

  • http://twitter.com/izixs Izixs O’Isto

    I’ve managed to avoid this series so far. And your review will be a good reason to continue doing so.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-T-McHenry/20925881 Matthew T McHenry

    Deep Wang? More like Deep Hurting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=629096586 Daoud Barbour

    If I had to generalize this movie I’d call it a remake of the second one, just not as annoying.

  • Anonymous

    Contrary to what you said at 1:03:42, lord of the rings did INDEED “feel that long”. Man, I hate those movies so much.

  • Anonymous

    my favourite Spoony-video finally got a followup

  • http://itsumademo.livejournal.com Tri

    Hilariously enough, here in Seattle there were midnight showings, which began immediately after the re-screening of Return of the King (extended, remastered edition yadda yadda).  I was not aware of this, so when I exited my theatre with my ass asleep from being in one of those chairs for four hours, this conversation occurred;

    “What the fuck is going on — there are hundreds of people here, lined up.”
    “Must be a midnight showing.”
    “Of what?”
    “Transformers.”
    “… Well, it’s a good thing they’re lined up, then — makes it easier for them all to be shot in the head.”

    • http://twitter.com/Shantalfigueroa Shantal Figueroa

      I saw ROTK and then I saw the Transformers Midnight premiere. I was in the theaters from 7-2.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Beverley-Sherratt/100000733272346 Beverley Sherratt

    3D is a total scam. I have only ever seen three movies in 3D (Toy Story 3, Tron Legacy and Pirates 4) and the last two were only one-third 3D tops. I don’t know how much more ticket prices are in the US but I am not willing to shell out the extra £4 ever again for a few cheap gimmicky effects. Toy Story was pretty cool in 3D, I guess because it was animation, and it is also the only movie I have ever been to that got a standing ovation at the end.
         Shia LeButtfuck fangirls? That is just creepy. I will go and see a movie just because one of my favourite actors (eg Kurt Russell) is in it but that is because they bring something whether it is just screen presence, comedic timing etc, not just because they are hot. You two are sexy beasts compared to many of the so-called hot guys in movies today lol. Shia can’t act for shit and he just drains the energy out of a scene.
         I only ever saw the first movie and I think I will leave the other two movies. The first Transformers was brainless entertainment to me, apart from the scenes with the human characters that were, like you say, painful to watch. Noah, I don’t understand people were calling you a hypocrite. Critics go and see movies all the time they know they are not going to enjoy but they watch them because that’s their job. You see how many movies the likes of Roger Ebert, Mark Kermode etc go and see, and they hate them with a passion, possibly even knowing they are not going to enjoy them beforehand. Are they all hypocrites too?
         Thank you Noah and Miles for saving three hours of my life xoxo     

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think 3D in general is necessarily a scam. What is a scam are the many films that are shot in 2D and converted to 3D in post by greedy studios. The conversion degrades picture quality. One of the biggest complaints I’ve heard is that the movies end up being too dark, which I believe actually causes problems with the 3D effect. These movies also tend to cause more eye strain than ones actually filmed in 3D from what I hear.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1160123556 Silence Will Fall

    Love transformers, love G1, love beast wars, love tf1, love tf2….
    TF3 was utter bullshit, I ETERNALLY HATE MICHAEL BAY FOR LETTING THIS MOVIE SERIES OF TRANSFORMERS END IN SUCH A DISAPPOINTING SHIT WAY THAT WAS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE ENTIRE TRANSFORMERS FRANCHISE!!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ron-Moore/817077660 Ron Moore

      Dude, the entire Transformers trilogy is an embarrassment, not just to the franchise, but the entire movie industry.

  • zip.ding

    Well Spoony, you would probably have an absolutely hilarious conversation with Brad Jones about this movie. He also violently hates this movie and thinks the writers should stop writing movies forever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/justin.campbell2 Justin Campbell

    People
    are telling me that the new Transformers isn’t as bad as the last one.
    To me that’s like saying that total dismemberment isn’t as bad as
    decapitation.

  • Jordyn Cheslock

    Trust me Spoony, there are women out there that watch movies just because a “hot guy” (me wanting to throw up about Shia-whatever-the-fuck his last name being considered hot) is in it. Why do you think those retarded Twilight Movies are popular? Women(including my own sister) watch those for shirtless guys, regardless if the plot is good or not. I know there are many girls out there that would like “to do the naughty” with them. Thank God I’m not one of them.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=584567268 Hagbard Celine

      Have to say I know guys who only go to movies because they hope to see some particular hot actress naked. Seems like the same thing to me…

      • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

        For instance. Was there any reason to go see Beowulf other than to see Angelina Jolie sorta naked? I don’t think so.

  • Anonymous

    I know it’s just me, but when anyone says “Bark At the Moon” this immediately comes to my mind:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXko2YCuZa8

    And if you don’t like the artist in question, the whole thing is over in less than 5 minutes. A vast improvement. Instead of Michael Bay’s borefest for almost three hours. I suppose Bay just wants to give his viewing audience a very deep wang.

  • http://twitter.com/SolidGoldCEO SolidGoldCEO

    As Ive blocked every live action Transformer from my mind I have to say I disagree I thought Nimoy did a great job as Galvatron. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

    Dude, the part where Megatron sat in Lincoln’s throne nearly made me fall out of my chair laughing.  Why?  Because that totally fucking happened in the old cartoon.  Megatron took over D.C., yanked Giant Abe out of his chair, and made the Memorial his new throne room.  Then, at the end of the episode, a couple of Autobots just dumped Abe back in his seat and everything was cool.  (There were also some fish men?  Or something?)

    Actually, the whole “bring Cybertron to Earth” plot was taken from the cartoon, too.  Hrm.

  • Marcus Quinn

    I just saw this movie and I walked away wanting to cry. You could see where Bay looked back at Revenge of the Fallen and tried to make some amends. For me, the CGI was a lot clearer.  I could make out what was actually happening in most of the big fight scenes, though some did still devolve into fuzzy, blurry CGI blobs that nobody could figure out.

    What gets to me is that this movie had potential. If Bay had trimmed down the beginning, all that job-hunting crap, leave the parents out of the film, and focused on the conspiracy angle until the shit hit the fan, and then tightened and trimmed the 3rd act and the finale, it would’ve been amazing… Except that this film’s plot retroactively rendered the other two film’s plots pointless or impossible. Maybe that’s a good thing, though.

    Also, WTF was up with Cybertron? It just looked like a mess of diagonal surfaces around enormous hexagon-shaped pits. And none of the Autobots blinked an eye at it’s self-destruction?

    And wouldn’t having a planet that size so close to Earth orbit cause catastrophic damage, tidal changes, and all sorts of stresses that would basically tear our planet apart? It’s sad that this film went back to the Generation 1 episode “Countdown to Extinction”. At least the cartoon addressed what having another planetary body in close proximity would do.

    I take back what I said. It wouldn’t have been amazing. But it would’ve been a bit easier to watch, and maybe enjoyable simply as mechanized mayhem and good action scenes.

  • Anonymous

    This reminds me of when i came back from Iraq.  Just me and my friends, sitting around, drinking, miserable and shell shocked, rambling about how much that sucked.

  • Anonymous

    Revenge of the Fallen I think was Michael Bay let off the leash. For this one it sounds like they managed to reign him in again and spared viewers from his juvenile sense of humor. I still have no plans to see it.

  • Anonymous

    So the only good one was the first one.

  • Anonymous

    You are sexy Noah.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=584567268 Hagbard Celine

      I am so right there with ya!

  • Anonymous

    I would like a 3d CGI movie of War Within or Stormbringer, they were awesome.

  • Anonymous

    Sam’s apartment is not in DC, they say it is, but that is most definitely not DC. I guess I shouldn’t complain since movies do it all the time, but I’m from the DC area and it sticks out like a sore thumb to me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=809108947 Sam Bartlett

    Hey Spoony and anyone else who gets headaches from 3D movies you’re not alone, and there is a solution to your problem! There is a blogger on Youtube named Hank Green of the Vlogbrothers  and he created 2D glasses. They have the same polarization in each lens so it turns 3d movies into a crisp clear 2d image. Anyone who’s interested check them out, I think they’re a really good idea. 

    Here is a link to his video explaining them: http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers#p/u/32/SsJHbw5iRds

    And here’s where you can buy them: http://www.2d-glasses.com/ 

    • http://twitter.com/OniYouji Patrick Willett

      Or, you know…I could just pay less and go to the 2D screening. WHAT AN INNOVATIVE IDEA!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=809108947 Sam Bartlett

        The guy who made them thought they’d be a good idea because a lot of people like 3d movies and you can get these so you can go see them with your friends =)

      • Cameron Brannan

        Apparently some theaters only play 3D now, so good luck with that innovative idea.

  • http://www.cuteoverload.com Jacob Barnes

    Not even a minute in and already I can’t stop laughing at the fact that you brought a notepad…  Oh, you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Archer/1107621163 Adam Archer

    You guys saved me some money….thank you….

    • http://www.facebook.com/sebastian.sorbo Sebastian Daniel Sørbø

      Me too! THX

  • http://www.facebook.com/Slothboyadvance Matt Bahr

    “…because I’m not a fucking pussy!”

    Spoony looked so mad, lol!

  • http://womanlymind-tricks.tumblr.com/ Skippy Kay Jay

    So about the “going to see a movie because an actor is hot” thing:

    1) That is the only reason I went to see Green Hornet; because of Seth Rogen. I’m not even sort of joking about that. As it turned out I liked the whole movie quite a bit.

    2) Although I do see certain movies specifically because I think certain actors are hot, I avoid movies that have Shia Labeouf. Just sayin’. He ain’t sexy, he ain’t talented, and he drives me away from theaters.

  • http://twitter.com/the_real_TRR Taylor Reitz

    Here are some examples of praise for this movie that I’m hearing on the radio:

    best summer movie in years
    terrific storytelling
    biggest action movie ever
    sets a new standard for 3D

    • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

      Humanity is lost and there is nothing to save it at this point. I shall weep for “good taste” has been hanged and incinerated.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

        It’s easy to criticize. It’s another thing entirely to find a solution.

  • http://twitter.com/OniYouji Patrick Willett

    You make a ton of good points, but a couple things that I highly disagree.

    First, the “Shia LeBouf is a dweeb, he sucks”. I actually really like dweeby characters. I hate seeing “cool, suave, jackass” characters, I hate “unbelievably smart, amazing” characters…I like seeing socially awkward, pathetic, but still kinda likable characters. He wasn’t all THAT much of a likable character, but it’s a lot better than most.

    The “Butthead” voice is Beavis. 

    As much as you hate them, the human characters are still basically required in a Transformers show, movie, etc. Say what you will about “War For Cybertron”, as that was basically a prequel. And sometimes that works, other times, you are going to have to get them on Earth, you need to have them interact with a handful of people, and they will have to contribute something. Were there too many humans? Yes. Should they have focused more on the Transformers? Yes. Would I have, as you put it “tore out EVERY page with the humans in them?” No. I would trim down the amount of human players to, at most, 5 (preferably 2 or 3), and have them actually contribute something. At least he’s TRYING to make you care about the humans. They are important too, otherwise the audience has little to no one to connect with, and it all just feels like a bunch of strangers. The human element is, for the most part, a requirement of Transformers fiction. Again, did he do that well? That’s up to you. But you can’t just eliminate the human characters like that. It just doesn’t work that way. Could they have developed the characters, human and Transformers alike, a lot more? Yes. But you still need humans. War For Cybertron is the exception, not the rule. Honestly.

    “How do Cybertronian robots know what a Mexican standoff is?” You apparently missed the part in the first movie where they explained that they can speak English, know the geography of the world, know plenty already about human life, by studying the internet. Not to mention, they’ve been on Earth for quite a few years at this point. You don’t think that maybe they get bored sometimes, pop in a movie, and see a Mexican standoff onscreen and look it up? Even Transformers have their lazy days. Is it a good explanation? No, but it’s still there.

    Starscream is red–making him blue would turn him into Thundercracker. Again, you can’t tell the difference, but whatever.
    And once again, we see that you hate anyone who likes something you don’t like. Great job. I’m very endeared to someone who hates something I didn’t mind.

    So, buildings being destroyed, that’s offensive. Megatron teaming up with Taliban? TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.

    Again, see my above comment on “humans in Transformers” thing. It makes perfect sense.

    I am NOT saying this was a good movie. But I do think it was fairly enjoyable. I personally think the first was the best, IMO, but hey, you apparently hate me for liking what I like. Sometimes, Spoony…you can be really, really dickish and venomous. 

    • Anonymous

      Yeah I have to agree, I feel Spoony goes way too hard on certain games/movies. Yeah it’s him speaking his opinion and there is nothing wrong with that but I think he let’s his emotions get the better of him sometimes which is not a good thing for any reviewer no matter who they are.

      Though that still does not change the fact that we all knew this movie was going to suck anyway simply because of Micheal Bay

    • MissAshley

      The human element is, for the most part, a requirement of Transformers fiction.

      Then either the humans need to be more likable or the Transformers need to be more human.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=584567268 Hagbard Celine

    Wow, I thought I was the only one who did the “quick mental snapshot of the hot chick to ponder at leisure” trick…

  • Anonymous

     This movie’s ending was AWFUL.  Who are the primary antagonists of Transformers?  Decepticons.  Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, etc.  These characters who were established as “tough characters” basically go down in one hit.  Soundwave is killed in one shot, Starscream is killed by Shia FUCKING LaBouf, and Megatron goes down in one punch at the end.  ONE HIT.  Granted, it was a cool action, but Megatron was basically a pussy in this film.  Then Optimus gives a short speech and it’s over.  WTF?  The third act was AWESOME until this stuff happened.  And btw, Prime spends 10 minutes tangled in wires?  Seriously?

    • Anonymous

      They were NEVER tough characters.  Remember in the G1 cartoon how they were EASILY thwarted by even the most minor thing?  That’s how it is…they’re the badguys.  All of this “toughness” is from the fan characterizations or IDW or Marvel Comics.  Even in the comics, there was always worse.  Destrons in the Japanese continuity, Deathsaurus…those guys made Megatron and Galvatron look huggable baby animals in comparison.

      • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

        Yeah but it went far beyond G1 and even if they were not tough, they still managed to be very competent at times. The fact that they’re not “tough” doesn’t excuse the movie from giving a shitty predictable plot. If the villains are to be killing so easily, the movie might as well not even exist. It would nearly be the same of starting the movie with a bomb falling on Earth, doing damage to a city and the decepticons are all together but the autobots shows up with a rocket launcher and annihilate them immediately. See? I just made the same movie in less than 15 minutes and without any humans. Having a movie without any good villains is boring for people who expects a good story along with the action.

        • Anonymous

          I will cede that the characters could’ve been written better, but look at the first movie.  Megatron had Prime on the ropes practically the entire fight.  In the second one the ‘Cons went on a human killing spree, and the main ‘Cons were able to wreck havoc.  Prime fought well but a three on one wasn’t in his favor.  In DOTM the ‘Cons go on a wholesale shooting spree, and do a lot of damage until the very end where a few of them get cheap kills sure, but look at the fight between Sentinel and Prime.  My only real gripe is the Megatron “fight.”

          But really.  Plot?  Are you HONESTLY surprised that the plot was….bad?  What were you expecting?  A Criterion Collection classic?  I pose this question to you and others….What were you honestly expecting in the plot?  It felt as cheesy and bad as any other Transformers episode.  Need I remind you that the whole teleporting Cybertron to Earth orbit is the ENTIRE plot of the two part episode “The Ultimate Doom” from Season 1 of the cartoon?  The plot was predictably bad because in reality it borrowed from an already badly written cartoon.

          I’m not surprised.  If anyone has actually seen the original cartoon, neither should they.

          • http://twitter.com/catboyjeremie CBJ

            To answer your question, no, I did not expect a good plot but to be honest, I still hoped for a good movie. When I go to see a movie, I want to have fun and have good memories from what I saw. Its true that the decepticons does some damage but (this is my personal opinion) I felt very disappointed to see all the A-lister decepticons go down while the Autobots gets away with no real tension in the fights. Yes, I will be the first to admit my bias due to the fact that I always prefered the decepticons. However, like I mentioned before, I’m fine with them dying because they’re the bad guys, thats perfectly understandable. Its just very disappointing that they didn’t manage to do a good job to portrait a good fight in the final movie of the trilogy.

            As for the plot, I went to the movie without knowing what it was about and I was… surprised that they followed this plot. Its a plot that could be improved but sadly, that wasn’t the case.  Honestly, I am conflicted about which movie is better between the first and the third because when I went to see the first one, I managed to enjoy it to a certain degree. The third one just left a bad taste in my mouth even though I will admit that some of the action was fun.

          • Anonymous

            I actually liked the third one the most, because out of the other two, I felt it did Transformers in a way better than the other two movies failed.  The first one didn’t have robot on robot action until the very end, and the second one focused on too much human, and bad pacing that left me actually bored.  In short the 2007 movie was just barely OK, while I hated ROTF to the deepest core of hatred.  Coming into DOTM I knew what to expect, hardened by two other movies…and I LOVED DOTM.  It isn’t good movie by any stretch of the term, but as a Transformers movie and an action flick?  I thought it was great.

            Basically, for the third time, I went in hoping to see Transformers, and that’s what I felt I got.  It could have been better, yes, but I honestly felt I got my money’s worth.  Critics slash this film, but I just don’t get all the nerd rage.  It truly was better than the second film in every way possible, and it was an enjoyable movie with just the right balance of humor and seriousness.  When the movie got dark, it got dark, with only one attempt at humor!  A commendable effort by Bay…and it just upsets me as someone who respects analysis that it just falls victim to nerd rage.

            It was a better movie than the second one.  I thought that’s what people asked for, right?  In that case, the movie passed with flying colors.  If anyone was asking for a timeless classic, then what are they doing watching ANY Transformers movies anyways?

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Rodoy/775323495 David Rodoy

            Well… what can you say about it other than ‘it’s better than the last one’ which isn’t actually much in the way of praise?

            As for megatron bad-assness, he was maybe not the greatest warrior in history, but he was Prime’s equal. In the good transformers movie their final fight is a brutal slog that ends with both of them near-death and includes a moment where Megatron tries to tear out Optimus’ eyes with his bare hands.

            Those aren’t the actions of ‘a pussy’. Megatron in the movies has the personality of a bad ass and the skills of a wimp. This makes him look really terrible. 

          • Anonymous

            I’ll be honest, Revenge of the Fallen is probably my favorite of the 3.  Not the movie as a whole, as I agree that the story is ass, but the fight scenes.  The battles between the autobots and decepticons, especially in the end of the 1st act where Prime is killed.  I LOVED the interactions between Megatron and Starscream (felt alot like G1) and whenever the final battle in the desert  was really fun )minus the devastator debacle).  Now, is it a good movie?  No.  But these scenes made it my favorite, just fast forward the rest.

            As for DOTM, I really enjoyed it up until the end.  The lack of character development was frustrating, Wheeljack, Shockwave, and a few others felt just thrown in randomly, but it was the finale of the film that just fell flat.  No fight with Megatron, no real ending.  It just ends.  That left a bad taste in my mouth.  First 2 hrs and 20 mins = alright.  Last 20 mins = fail.

      • Anonymous

        While I agree with your point, I will point out that while the bad guys always lose to the good guys, Megatron has always been a formidable opponent to Prime.  Say what you will about circumstances, but Megatron kills Prime in the 1985 film.  And Bay has already established in the first 2 films that Megatron is stronger than Prime, or at least his equal.  In the first film Prime cannot beat Megatron.  In the second, Megs KILLS Prime again, and it’s only because prime merges with another Transformer (Jetfire) that he is able to stomp megatron in the end of that film.  I’m  not saying megatron shouldn’t have been killed.  I was expecting that and looked forward to the fight, but it should have been a FIGHT.  You don’t put the main good guy against the main bad guy and have it over in 2 seconds in the final movie of your franchise.  That was the time for one final epic showdown of “One shall stand, one shall fall.”  let Prime kill Megatron for once.

        Luke vs Vader does not take a back seat to Luke vs Emperor.  James Bond vs Spectre does not take a back seat to James Bond vs Scaramanga.  But for some reason, the primary villain of this film was Sentinel Prime and they wanted HIM to be the final battle, basically giving Megatron the shaft.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1217767934 Elizabeth HororPulp

    Don’t give up Spoony! Thanks to your very insightful review I shall avoid this movie as much as I can!

  • Anonymous

    I keep hearing that Shockwave is the main villain of the movie, but unless the movie says so, I wouldn’t know either.

    Bay claims that this is his last one.  I hope they reboot.  As much as I would love to see more Transformers in the movie, something tells me that the humans are cheaper to film and don’t need as many special effects as the humans do and that is why they get focus, but you would hope to get some humans you could care about.

    Harry Knowles said he’d like to see Speilburg direct the next one.  I hope not.  I don’t want SCHMALTZFormers.

    • Anonymous

      SPOILERS……

      Shockwave is NOT the main villain.  Though he is given more screen time and scenes than either Megatron or Starscream,  he has no lines (Except for some Cybertron language gibberish) and may only be in it for 10 min spread over the whole movie.

      • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

        Instead, the main villain has like three lines and gets freaking one-shotted by Optimus Prime.

        So pissed.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Rodoy/775323495 David Rodoy

          At least that’s consistent. Optimus Prime completely owned The Fallen and Megatron in Transformers 2 as well. 

        • Anonymous

          That would be true if Megatron would have actually been the MAIN VILLAIN, which he was clearly NOT. That role was pretty much on Sentinel, i thought that was quite clear from the movie.

  • Anonymous

    I keep hearing that Shockwave is the main villain of the movie, but unless the movie says so, I wouldn’t know either.

    Bay claims that this is his last one.  I hope they reboot.  As much as I would love to see more Transformers in the movie, something tells me that the humans are cheaper to film and don’t need as many special effects as the humans do and that is why they get focus, but you would hope to get some humans you could care about.

    Harry Knowles said he’d like to see Speilburg direct the next one.  I hope not.  I don’t want SCHMALTZFormers.

  • https://profiles.google.com/110236142334866944840/about/edit/d?np=1&hl=en CSDragon

    “To squander talent of this level.”

    Ok, Spoony you’re not THAT good. >.>

    “Lenord Nemoy”

    Ah. My bad. Carry on. XD

  • Anonymous

    ***SPOILERS***

    Upon further reflection I figured out what bothers me the most about the ending.  Megatron’s completely underwhelming, anticlimactic death.  The big bad villain of the entire series goes down with one hit, no back and forth between he and Prime, no epic showdown, nothing.  He shows up, Prime kills him, done.  Imagine if in Return of the Jedi Darth Vader is killed by Luke in the Lightsaber fight right away then Luke finishes the emperor on his own.  Or in Harry Potter 7 Pt 2 Voldemort just gets offed in some random fashion.  You don’t establish characters over a series of movies just to end them randomly.  It’s bad story telling.  But I guess that’s Michael Bay.

  • http://twitter.com/WenisTV Alec Shiflett

    Ground Zero is a pretty common term for disaster areas and such. So I guess you could say Bay was exploiting EVERY disaster? Only thing I thought you were stretching with your points.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Neville-Bamshoot/820497626 Neville Bamshoot

    i hear pirates aren’t able to sit through the whole movie, so they wait outside till its over before getting the camera out. torrent-zing!

  • Anonymous

    Ok ok ok….how the hell did Star Trek get raped?  I won’t put my thoughts here…but HOW did the line get raped?  I’m sorry?  The line was PERFECT in the context of the plot and scene in question.

     ”The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”  He’s talking about the few thousand Cybertronians left from the civil war who need this more than the 6 billion something human lives.  The line, in this context, was perfect.  It showed off Sentinel’s true colors.  First he was a traitor, but then he was a Cybertronian supremacist.  It really made him into a total badguy, and I don’t know about anyone else, but I actually appreciated having a badbuy that you really wanted to hate.

    Please.  Step back from your nerd rage for a moment and take it in context of the film.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Markus-Melander/511156243 Markus Melander

    Am I the only one who noticed that Michael Bay reused an old Transformers G1 episode for the script? Bringing Cybertron to Earth through the space bridge?

    REALLY?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Duncan/1395490109 Dan Duncan

      You’re absolutely right, Mark.  From what Spoony said about the movie, it was reminscent of not only that episode, but several others as well.  There was also an episode where the Decepticons tricked the world into thinking the Autobots were evil by dressing up as Autobots, stealing energy and getting a politician to catch it on tape (Sorry to nerd it up like that.).  It resulted in the Autobots being put on trial and exiled into deep space with the idiot humans worshipping the Decepticons!  There was another episode where, during an attack, Megatron lifted Lincoln off the Memorial and sat down in the chair.  I think that episode was called “Atlantis Arise.”

      Suffice to say, this movie is just a bunch of rehashed Transformers episodes.  I only saw the first Transformers movie, and like everyone else, the only thing I liked were the special effects and the awesomeness of the Transformers themselves (though, I hated what they did to Megatron, making him an aircraft instead of a gun/cannon/tank).

      Aside from that, these movies are total shit.  I will only watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen if it’s on Rifftrax.  Come to think of it, Rifftrax also has “The Room” lol.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, you’re confused about women seeing a movie just cause they find some guy hot in it? They’re women.. they’re shallow creatures that would see and do things for shallow reasons. They don’t work on logic at all.
    P.S. Michael Bay sucks a dick, Transformers sucks, everyone who likes his movies and transformers is an idiot. Clearly showing off how small minded they are.

    • http://twitter.com/Tony7wsfk Tony

      I’m surprised Spoony didn’t understand this either. Not only is he failing to realize they’re not using logic when making that decision, like you said, but he already knows women flock to the Twilight series, and for similar reasons.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      Look here, that is a major insult, just because someone has a different opinion a movie than you doesn’t mean they are an idiot or anything. That shows how small minded you are. A fool who insults others taste in movies. But why should you be no different from Spoony, that’s the major problem I have with Noah Antwiler, he’s funny and a good reviewer. But he is a judgemental asshole when it comes to movies and a hypocrite at that, a man who likes Reb fucking Brown, and then turns around and hates on others for their love of supposed bad movies. Some people have their reasons. And by the way godemperor you have also zero understanding of how women work, zip. Which makes you in the same league as Michael Bay.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Melat/1331583316 Jesse Melat

    Miles should have his own show.    I’d watch it.

  • Anonymous

    I am overwhelmingly apathetic about this movie. I actually did see the first movie, and I enjoyed it despite its many flaws. It wasn’t good, just okay, but it didn’t make me leave the theater wanting to kill things, and I thought the bits with the Transformers were really good. But I expected the sequel to ditch the human characters to a large degree; OK, they’re needed (well, somewhat) for setup in the first movie. I get that. Give the slow folks in the audience a human anchor to ease them into a war between two races of shapeshifting robots. Address how the government deals with an alien robot invasion. And I can see why you’d want to keep Sam and his current love interest around. Hell, the TV show always had 2 or 3 human sidekicks for the Autobots. Keep that formula; it works. But between the military masturbation and the obsession with annoying comic relief characters, the humans still took up the bulk of the second film. As soon as I heard that, I knew I didn’t need to go see it, because they ignored the one thing they absolutely needed to change from the first movie. If the title characters are barely in their own movie, YOU FAIL, BAY. And now, the third movie is…more of the same. If you handed this franchise to any director OTHER than Michael Bay, it would automatically be better. But because Bay is incapable of doing anything other than remaking The Rock and Armageddon with different titles, he Deep Wangs the franchise with his signature “style.” We get it, Bay! Rah, Rah, USA! CAN WE MOVE ON?!

    On another note, Spoony, I actually liked Sucker Punch, and I went into it with a horrible attitude. I really don’t get why that movie got all the critical flak that it did. I can understand not liking it if you don’t like Zack Snyder’s work; it’s basically him running amok and turning his usual filmmaking style up to 11, so if you hated his earlier stuff, I can see why you’d hate this. But objectively it’s not a bad movie, and it’s not like Snyder is one of those directors everyone loathes (like Michael Bay!). There are much worse films out there (Transformers, for instance!). Can’t speak to Season of the Witch, though. I plan to rent that one, because Nic Cage films are all nuts, and I absolutely love Ron Perlman, but I haven’t seen it. So, good luck with that!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      I agree with the Zack Snyder thing. I’ve been posting comments on this forum about analyzing it and after watching him talk about the movie on the extended version of the movie, you can tell his is a pretty smart guy. He does have that sort of dorky flare to him, but still a pretty smart guy. What just came forth from making the film was a script that didn’t make much sense. And I do feel like cutting down the film and giving it a PG-13 rating didn’t help it that much. It’s a little bit better as an R film. There was some flat and hoaky acting, but I didn’t find it that bothersome. So, “Sucker Punch” is a movie that I didn’t find as bad as much as just oddly written that the audience got frustrated with. And there was some stuff Snyder wanted to do, but it all came out in a way with a reception that wasn’t very intentional. All in all, I do think the delivery of the film is hard on an audience, but I do think it’s well made and I had personal tools to have fun with it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Price/100001499641004 Ian Price

    I’m sure you have noticed this by now Spoony, but you were comparing the extended editions of the Lord of the Rings movies.The theatrical cut versions were about as long as the transformers movies.

  • cangowar

    Speaking as someone who has seen the LOTR extended editions back to back, they do feel like 12 hours long. Also like an ad foe New zealand country side.

    So Shia Labeouf got the Hookshot and bomb bag at the same time? lucky so’m bich

  • Cameron Brannan

    The new LOTR films are supposed to be extended and have pretty much everything that was shot in it, which is why they’re longer than you thought.

    Chris Gore said on AOTS you could probably read the books in a shorter amount of time than watch the movies.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charlie-Angisson/100002430721959 Charlie Angisson

    Deep wang. Sounds like a joke Penny Arcade would make on an off day. In 1998. F this movie, seriously.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anders-Adrielsson/100000825371945 Anders Adrielsson

    “Starscream… Eurrrhh”

  • http://twitter.com/PofB Process bel

    Careful Spoony, you say deep wang enough, youll make it a meme :/

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

      That’s a bad thing?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

    Alright, for those of you who have been reading my comments about “Sucker Punch” and so on, I just watched the extended blu-ray version with the special features of Zack Snyder and behind the scene footage included as the movie plays. First off, I do have to admit that the extended R-rated version feels, I’m going to use the term, “more appropriate” than the cut down PG-13 version. It still is a script that doesn’t make much sense and has the somewhat unusual vibe to it, but it does feel more “appropriate” with it being for a more adult audience, even considering the elements in it. 

    Second, I don’t think there are many people who understand what kind of things go on when it comes to the process of making a movie. Michael Bay does feel like a director who can just throw a movie out there without much planning towards it. Yet that doesn’t mean that it takes a lot of different people with different mindsets and a lot of time to make a movie, not just being Bay himself. And people don’t seem to get that stuff happens that interfer with the process of the project. Producers, editing, etc.

    When people bash a movie, it is sort of like one person putting down a whole small nation of people who I have to admit still know more about handling elements to making a film more than I’ll probably ever know. And I know it doesn’t mean everybody is an idiot within that group. I still at least try hard enough to see what I could like and I think it’s easier for me because I’m a person who is interested in the field of art and writing. And not everybody in the film industry is glamorously rich and so on. People still want to do the jobs they want to do and continue to do so to stay alive and enjoy their careers like everybody else. I do have a friend who won a daytime Emmy who lives out in Burbank and I’ve been backstage to some of this stuff and the people do work very hard. 

    As for some of the people saying that people like Michael Bay deserve to die or anything like that, I’m appalled. Shame on you for actually wishing death on another human being. And over what? A movie. You don’t have to like the movie, but why waste your energy on actually wish something like that? Same thing for wanting harm to come to people who don’t agree with your opinion about it. I have a friend whose a university professor of writing and he knows he didn’t like the second one or the first one, but this one was a least bit better than the other two and he had fun watching it. Let I make note that not everybody on the face of the Earth was interested and went to go see it. Only a large group of people went to watch it. The world is made up of billions of people and only thousands went to go see it. Some of them probably didn’t want to go like the embarassed girlfriends Spoony mentioned or parents with kids who wanted to go see it. It doesn’t mean all of humanity is doomed.
    Like what I’m doing trying to do a review for “Sucker Punch,” I’m at least trying to do a little homework and to figure out some things with an open mind and be reasonable and logical as I can. I thinks that’s the problem that comes to going to see a movie, but not really understanding other things that were included to go along with it until it comes out on DVD. Nobody is perfect. And imperfection is mostly in the specifically-developed mindset eye of the beholder. Just some food for thought and sharing my personal opinion. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

      I read your whole post (which is pretty dense, next time leave it on a need to know basis).

      I think your entire opinion can be summarized in the phrase ‘making movies is hard, and these people are professionals, and I know people who have credibility, and people who criticize movies are mean’. That’s not a good sign, in the face of the opposing argument that ‘teams of similar size with similar resources have made much better movies, therefore this movie sucks by comparison, and Michael Bay should be ashamed of himself’.

      You demonize your target (everyone who hates this movie) in the second to last paragraph by painting them as a murderous crowd of cynical haters, ignoring all legitimate complaints while defending yourself with a weak excuse to take the moral high road. You basically try to argue that some undetermined number of people who hate Transformers apparently want to burn Michael Bay at the stake. That may be true in some individuals (read: crazy people), but a lot of people exaggerate their feelings for comic effect. This is the Internet after all.

      At the end of the last paragraph, you pull numbers out of your ass: ‘The world is made up of billions of people and only thousands went to go see it’. This movie made a global revenue of 101.3 MILLION dollars (source: Wikipedia), so that is not even close to being true. Assuming that cost of admission is 10 dollars per person, about TEN MILLION people have seen this movie, not considering that some people saw the movie more than once. That’s not ‘thousands’. That’s MILLIONS of people.

      I find that your post reeks of ‘everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how illogical’. Yes, you are entitled to believe whatever you want. But if you don’t want to look stupid or be embarrassed, make sure YOUR BELIEFS ARE LOGICAL AND DEFENDABLE. I really don’t like telling people that because everyone’s heard it before and it makes me sound preachy.

      You also seem to reinforce you credibility by name dropping instead of using logic and reason to form an argument. You constantly say that you know other people, as if that helps legitimizes your opinion (EXAMPLE: The university professor and the Emmy winning friend). This doesn’t work, and it makes you look intellectually insecure. If you are going to state your opinion, do so by making a good argument rather than endorsing yourself by saying that ‘you know a smart guy, so obviously you are right’.

      Learn to make an argument. It will help your writing style, and your ability to hold an intellectual conversation with someone else.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

        If that’s the tone you got, man, than I’m sorry.
        That wasn’t the intent whatsoever. I tried to back up my argument as much as I
        could. I wasn’t demonizing anybody and I know everybody is entitled to their
        own opinion when it comes to a movie. I haven’t even seen the movie and I do
        get the impression that it isn’t very great and that’s why I won’t go see. But,
        I did want to point out that there are some people who say crazy things and
        that was a way of saying “Hey, come on, guys…,” as well as it might
        be for the best to at least try and keep an open mind a bit more. There were
        some comments sayign harsh stuff about the targeted audience. It was something
        I wanted to share, but that doesn’t mean everybody has to follow it.

         

        For the amount of people who went to see the
        movie, I just meant that lot of people went to go see it, but not everybody in
        the world. That was my point. Either way, I’m glad my friend had fun
        considering what made up the movie. 

         

        Hey, like I mentioned at the end, nobody is
        perfect. And I wasn’t trying to prove to say I was right. Just what I thought.
        Nothing meant to harm anybody. And if you were offended, I’m sorry then and I
        know there’s nothing I can do if that’s how you it.  

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

          And if that’d be the case, I could at least try and remove the comment.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=831520450 Nathan Briggs

    i completely agree, Bay is a shitty film maker and this almost 3 hour grind of movie had me wanting to leave after 20 minutes i don’t care about the humans I want to see the transformer and i want too see the Decepticons bicker between each other that was 1/2 the fun of the show, the transformers movies suck hell Asylum did a better job than Bay

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      Uh, I have seen Asylum movies that dragged longer than Bay’s movies and there only about 90 freaking minutes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Oliver-Meyer/1288596186 Oliver Meyer

    Ok, I saw it tonight. It was terrible, mostly. Despite being not as obnoxiously bottom-of-the-barrel as Revenge of the Fallen was, it still was pretty bad.

    Well, that was it, I saw all of Michael Bay’s terrible take on Transformers. I will do my best to purge my memory of these movies, and I maintain that the only actual Transformers movie (for me at least) is the cheesy-as-hell animated movie.

    If anyone ever decides to reboot this, be sure to actually concentrate on the Transformers, for a change. 3 movies about Shia Le Bitch accidentally hanging out with the Autobots were more than enough.

  • http://www.cuteoverload.com Jacob Barnes
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    DEEEEEEP WANGING! DEEEEEP WANGING!

    -Dr Forester.

  • http://twitter.com/SwizzlestickJ Sven Lopez

    The gay guy deep down inside me says that Spoony is one sexy motherfucker

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_V2KXWFYMQIUXCVGZS4FD62E32Q CHRISTINE

    2hours and 40minutes for a 10 second battle of Optimus vs Megatron.  And they applauded?  ALL OF MY HATE.

  • http://www.facebook.com/holman.richard Richard Holman

    Couldnt stop laughing at the flying special forces guys. And also the line “Shorten the kill chain”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Wells/519519675 Michael Wells

    RotF was 150 mins
    DotM was 157 mins… so not really and Bay has said he is done with Transformers but Hasbro wants more movies made with or without Bay.

  • Anonymous

    That part where Spoony got up and left Miles alone on camera,
    I thought of Garth from Wayne’s World.

    “Ever see that scene from Scanners where that guy’s head blew up?”

  • http://twitter.com/DigitalWarriors James Drover

    My “friends” dragged me to this movie, the only thing i thought afterward was “can i get the last 3 hours of my life back”. this movie sucks so hard. The comedy hurt and couldn’t understand why everyone was laughing. And don’t do the usual “but i just want to see robots fight” argument cause it even fails their. In a 3 hour movie called Transformers less than half an hour was dedicated to robots fighting, instead we follow a army group that we know little about and couldn’t care less about.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Duncan/1395490109 Dan Duncan

      Yeah, if you want to see action and explosions, you could see it in a movie that’s much better done.  There are so many more options.  I’m a big transformers fan of the original 1980′s cartoons and movie and I cannot stand these movies.  I pretend like they don’t even exist.  That’s how badly it rapes my childhood.  I cannot stand the slapsticky, asinine humor that’s thrown throughout the entire debacle.  Hate it, hate it, hate it.  It’s pretty clear to me that Michael Bay just does not care about making a movie about Transformers since they’re barely in it and there’s little to no character development whatsoever … Just stereotypes that are supposed to act as a substitute for character development.  What a load.

  • Joel Rodriguez

    When Spoony said just because Optamus Prime is in it doesn’t make it a good movie, wouldn’t  somebody say or already said the same thing but about Nicolas Cage?

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      Or Reb Brown.

  • http://www.droppingpenny.de DPPalbert

    Spoony, I’ll be honest. I think you should let Miles do the next Vlog alone, simply because I personally find it distracting to hear you scream at the camera. Normally I enjoy when you are suffering from a bad movie. This not only just makes me really uncomfortable, but I am seriously worried about your health. O_O

    On the other hand, the way you present yourself here undermines your points, because to be honest, I cannot think of a way taking someones opinion of Shia LaBeouf being a whiny bitch seriously, while the one presenting this opinion is whining himself. I know you do this to please us, so we hear your opinon, but I think it would be much better for all of us if you just wit one day or two before makeing a Vlog or made a written review instead, when it comes to something like Transformers.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      Screaming out a put down at somebody you don’t like and even sort of sounding conceited saying you’re sexier and better-looking doesn’t really make you look like the better person in the end. Even if there are a lot of people who kind of agree with you.

      • http://www.droppingpenny.de DPPalbert

        But I didn’t say that! O_O

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

          LOL. I know you didn’t. I’m referring to what Spoony said and did. Sorry about that, man.

          • http://www.droppingpenny.de DPPalbert

            Oh, no then I’m sorry, I just forgot he said this part. :-)

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

            Naw, it’s okay. Everything is cool. Lol. :)

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

          LOL. I know you didn’t. I’m referring to what Spoony said and did. Sorry about that, man.

      • http://www.droppingpenny.de DPPalbert

        But I didn’t say that! O_O

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      Screaming out a put down at somebody you don’t like and even sort of sounding conceited saying you’re sexier and better-looking doesn’t really make you look like the better person in the end. Even if there are a lot of people who kind of agree with you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tcurns Markus Hurdiss

    Spoony good sir! I’m totally jelly of your blu-ray lotr ee & Vengeance trilogy box sets! oldboy is one damn fine film! 

    Regarding what you’ve said about Transformers, can’t abide the first two anyway… thought they were boring and embarrassing to watch, once was enough for each… and I can’t remember much about ‘teh fallen’ except robot *snigger* heaven *gfaw*

    Sounds like this film suffered from Star Wars ep 2 & 3 syndrome; harrowing emotion badly cut with more goofy light hearted humor. Directors trying to cover too many bases for the audience and create something jarring and messy.
    Also can’t see 3d either cos of my deerrrp eyes too mate  >.< 
    (Hope yer headaches subside as well!…. Lest madness completely take you :/)

  • Anonymous

    I’m glad I didn’t go see Transformers: Brokeback Saloon

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Samuel-Cox/100000232380099 Samuel Cox

    Best.  Rant.  EVER!!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Discordius-Erisianus/100000352364153 Discordius Erisianus

    On the plus side, you get to play a lot of Final Fantasy X-2.

  • Anonymous

    This has an audience rating of 90% on Rotten Tomatoes…if I had any faith in humanity, it’s gone now

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      Just wait ten years from now. We’ll see how things are going then. ;)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1045530038 Jeremy Brooks

      Just wait ten years from now. We’ll see how things are going then. ;)

    • Anonymous

      Look now! Some faith might be regained.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      Dumbass

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Casarez/100000378004549 Ryan Casarez

    I got thrown out of the theater because I started shouting that the movie was retarded and that anyone who was over the age of 12 who was enjoying this P.O.S was fucking brain dead. I also got a ticket for being a public nuisance.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      And the theater was right to , you act like your 12 by doing that anyway. Just keep your personal opinion to yourself, asshole. You are a public nuisance.

  • Anonymous
  • http://twitter.com/Kashadoo Kashadoo

    You could have watcher Park’s Vengeance trilogy at night right before you sleeps, so you could imagine your enemies being tortured in disgusting tormenting unhuman ways and that could have gave you a good sleep. Park says it helps him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jc-Campaign/100001390557091 Jc Campaign

    …I will comment only because I am in whole hearted agreement with this film. Especially Nimoy Quoting his famous line from Wrath of Kahn.
    P.S. I gave the film a double bird at that too.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      oh so Leonard Nimoy isn’t allowed to quote his prior work in a movie, get the fuck over it you stupid assholes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/João-Monteiro/100000372094634 João Monteiro

    I took great pains to avoid seeing this movie in 3d, and in the end it just wasn´t worth it. I just went to see it because I´m a huge sci-fi nerd, and need this crap every once in a while like a drug to satisfy the whole robots-and-guns craze. It´s sad, though, that Michael Bay´s the only supplier…

    I´d like to leave a couple of thoughts about the movie:

    1- 3d is the current movie bane. It´s over-hyped, it barely adds anything good to the movie, it gives me headaches and it´s expensive to boot.

    2- Michael Bay isn´t completely oblivious to comments about the previous movies, for it´s clear he made some changes in accordance with them, but it´s always little things. Big things he keeps, only to add bigger thigs.

    3- If the movie is for kids, why are there brutally explicit death scenes in it?

    4- “Alas, poor Ironhide! We barely knew him, now that we lay him to rest, somehow less awesome now he´s been shot in the ass…” Of all the no-name Autobots we barely get to know, why kill off Ironhide? Shoot Sidewinder, who we don´t care about, or that new red Autobot (Dino?) we see glimpses of. Ironhide wasn´t given any depth either, but he survived 3 Michael Bay movies (an achievment, in and off itself) only to die an inglorious death at the hands of Leonard Nimoy. So, not only we loose a recurring character, the good guys loose a great deal of firepower as well.

    5- Shoot Shia out a cannon!

    6- Shoot Michael Bay out a cannon! And make a movie out of it!

    7- Hell, let´s shoot the whole cast out a cannon! The movie is called “Transformers”! “Transformers”! Is that such a difficult concept to understand?

    8- Exposition, exposition, exposition…Remember the scene where Shia and Turturo are talking with the russina astronauts and Shia is just blurting out what he figured about the Decepticons plan? What possible good could come out of just telling this guys that little theory? Were they going to pick up their AK47´s and join the party?

    9- When Sentinel Prime opens the first portal and 200 Decepticons march out guns blazing, why did they felt the need to hide after that and not go straight to the whole invasion business? Was it out of shame?

    10- I saw the cartoon episode where Megatron tricks Optimus into pulling Cyberton into Earth´s orbit too, Michael. And it didn´t end well.
    Physics 1-0-1; two solid objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Remember what was happening in that episode while Cybertron drew ever closer? I´ll give you a hint: the sun wasn´t shining…

    11- Kuddos for getting rid of Skids and Muddflap, even though you replaced them with Wheelie and Whats-is-face. So, back to square one.

    12- Why should intergalatic robots develop accents?

    13- I held out hope throughout the movie (the whole length of it) that at least one internet rumor came through, but it didn´t. No Superion!

    14- 154min is a LONG running time!

    15- If all it took to infiltrate Decepticon-occupied Chicago was a couple Seal guys swimming up a sewer, why did they think the para-gliding thing was a good idea?

    16- Essencially what you´re telling me is that Optimus is the only bad-ass in the Autobot group. It´s the Dragon Ball Z Son Goku syndrome all over again. The good guys can huff and puff, but they can´t do anything by themselves until the main protagonist flies to the rescue!

    17- Megatron does absolutely nothing the entire movie! It took a blond bimbo with bottoxed lips and a few 2-cents psychology lines to get him off his ass.

    18- Shockwave says one line the entire movie. Now that´s eloquence for you!

    19- Any of you guys want to go fishing? We got worms to spare…

    20- Why couldn´t the Wreckers combine to make a larger bot? To make up for the fact that 3 wreckers can´t replace one Ironhide, you know… Just a thought…

    21- Alas poor Megatron! After having been whooped in the previous movie finale by a pumped-up Optimus, you got your head and freaking SPINAL COLUMN torn off by him again, only this time Optimus was completely beat up and had lost an arm at that point. What´s your excuse now?

    22- How many weapons can Optimus pull out of his ass before it becomes (more) ridiculous?

    23- Is there a form I can fill out to pick a new director and a new writer? I can think a couple of name at the top of my head to replace the Bay-Kruger tag team that not only would go over quite well, but could pull probably pull off an award-winng movie or three…

    Well, sorry for the rambling! Comment in whenever!

    • Jamal Prewitt

      Your comment’s awesome! So I’ll reply to a few of your statements.

      3 – That’s a good point. In fact, all three movies have some brutal deaths in them. Jazz being torn in half in the first movie, Optimus ripping the face off the Fallen (as well as his heart) in the second, and the executions in the third as well as the spine-ripping.

      16 – Lol, so true. All three movies are testimony to this, but it was expecially clear in the second and third movie. Optimus fought and whooped three heavy-hitter decepticons by himself and to die from a distraction, but came back to save everyone from Megatron and the Fallen in the end. Don’t get me started on the third movie. Where was everyone when Optimus was fighting Sentinal and Megatron?!

      17 - I agree with that, but Megatron is usually swayed easily when his dominance is questioned, especially in the cartoons.

      21 – No excuse. He had the largest of handicaps with Optimus losing his arm beforehand. But maybe that was Michael Bay’s way of apologizing to Optimus since he was dominated in the first movie? Nah, Bay doesn’t think. So nevermind. Lol

      22 – Lemme see… a sword in each hand, blaster rifles, jetpack, wings, a battle axe, a shield… all he needs now is laser vision.

         

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/João-Monteiro/100000372094634 João Monteiro

        Thanks for commenting! There are tons of stuff to say about this movie (and store-houses more about the previous two), but these were he points that just sprung on a short notice.

        3- About the brutality. Don´t get me wrong, I´m not squeamish, but Bay needs to decide who the target auddience is and stick with it! All I´m saying is that, for a kids movie, you get to see people getting vaporized, their clothes left on the ruins of a now-wrecked town, you see mutilations (robotic ones, but very graphic, almost to a point it reminded me of some scenes of District 9 – a much better, less expensive, and considerable shorter movie, with an engaging plot Bay has yet to macth), you get to see people dying in droves everytime the transformers duke it out on a highway, you see cold-blooded executions…the list goes on!

        16- If by the finale of the second movie Optimu has reached such a level he can trounce the movie´s big bosses, then handing Megatron his head is almost beneath him at this point…

        17- Sadly, this ain´t no cartoon..

        21- Michael´s already dreaming up a way to revive Megatron…again…for another three movies!

        23- Don´t forget the scythes he used in the second movie, or the spiked glove he wore on this one.

        My absolute favorite is the one I mentioned before, when the Autobots fake their deaths only to come back to turn the tables on the Decepticons, but only after said Decepticons have pillaged and murdered their way global-wide, so Optimus could teach a harsh lesson to the humans, and then give a little inspirational speech! I was surprised nobody told him where he could shove it!
        Talk about a douchbag!

        • Jamal Prewitt

          3. Yep, yep. I agree. In fact, I think Optimus made a few of the Mortal Kombat characters flinch when he ripped out Megatron’s head and spine.

          4. Why did he disintegrate btw?

          17. True, true. Its a cliche move altogether.

          21. If he does, it can be by Unicron, much like in the animated movie when Megatron was killed but was revived as Galvatron.

          23- I forgot about those!! So thats nearly ten weapons and items he has. That reminds me, the final fight with Sentinal, he fough with an ax and sword, right? Where’d the ax come from?!

          That part… made me think. That was really OOC for Optimus, I think. “Millions died, so I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson.”

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/João-Monteiro/100000372094634 João Monteiro

            3- BRUTALITY!!!

            4- Cheaper burial detail…

            17- I didn´t buy her character for a second. She´s even less believable than Megan Fox as the token girlfriend because she´s “too pretty to be true”. There are lots of beautiful and talented actresses who could not only do the part but also look the part.

            21- If Bay goes through the whole Transformers mithology, we will all be Deep Wanged!

            23- It´s was a large ass…

            It was more like “SEE? SEE WHAT I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT? But, nooooo, you know best how to deal with them! Now, take THAT in you pants, and don´t EVER question me again!”
            Douch!

    • Anonymous

      3- If the movie is for kids, why are there brutally explicit death scenes in it?

      simple, because kids love that stuff, where you born an adult or something?

      So ‘Ground Zero’ is referencing 9/11? because ‘Ground Zero’ has never been used for anything else before?

      I haven’t seen it because I don’t go to the pictures any more so can’t really comment, it’s just too expensive for me these days,(8 quid fuck that) last movie I saw was Avatar Special Edition in 3D, which I thought was actually pretty good, I’m one of those who could watch 3D all day and not get a headache.

      • CoHScrapper

        “So ‘Ground Zero’ is referencing 9/11? because ‘Ground Zero’ has never been used for anything else before?”
        Don’t be dismissive. If you went outside and shouted: “Ground Zero is being attacked!” You tell me what’s the first place people will think of? I seriously doubt your neighbors will go: “Wait! ‘Ground Zero’? Are they referring to the 9/11 location or the sight where the new mini mall is suppose to be built?”

        Don’t get me wrong, I get what you’re saying. I remember how, once upon a time, “Ground Zero” was used in reference to the images of the atomic bomb blasts done back in 1945 (I think ’45, right?), but after Sept. 11,  a more recent (so to speak) incident that “changed the face of America”, had journalist consistently using that term as shorthand in referencing the ruins of where the Towers stood. So yeah, I can see how that works.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KFC7BM6Q225AJZFJHQQ4UHFNYQ Constantine Statiou

    ugh shoot me
    My girlfriends dragged me to this  and MY DEAR LORD WAS THIS BAD(but hey the post movie sex was good so that mellowed me out)

    Ehren Kruger needs to be ashamed of himself for writing this piece of shit and bassically everyone who agreed on this script

    My god
    Deep Wang
    DEEP WANG
    DDDDDEEEEEEEEPPPP WWWWWAAAAAAANNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG
    fuck me this was bad

  • http://www.facebook.com/rodrigo.hernandezgonzalez Rodrigo Hernández González

    I cannot fathom the whole applause thing. Even when that does not happen in Mexico, I can’t even imagine people doing that for THIS movie.

    BTW: I truly believe this is the worst movie I have ever seen.

  • http://twitter.com/tpayne8888 tpayne8888

    i want that dead space shirt

  • http://www.facebook.com/epicfish Jessica Ball

    Oh Spoony you poor bastard. That really has to suck seeing that movie, and you looked like shit after. Perhaps you should have gotten sleep before the Vlog. But anyway, entertaining as usual. Although I think Miles gets a bit of enjoyment seeing you rant and be tormented. Especially at the end when he again makes the wang = phallic reference with a big shit eating grin on his face.

  • http://www.facebook.com/epicfish Jessica Ball

    Oh Spoony you poor bastard. That really has to suck seeing that movie, and you looked like shit after. Perhaps you should have gotten sleep before the Vlog. But anyway, entertaining as usual. Although I think Miles gets a bit of enjoyment seeing you rant and be tormented. Especially at the end when he again makes the wang = phallic reference with a big shit eating grin on his face.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Roman-Monaghan/100000507912679 Roman Monaghan

    Dick move Spock… dick move.

  • Anonymous

    When me and my friends went to see this, because there was literally nothing else to see at the theatre, people were really excited at the beginning, and at the end no one in the theater applauded. It was pretty embarrassing for the movie. 

  • http://twitter.com/MaroBot Marek Wodziński

    There was a lot of stupid shit in this movie…just like in other two movies, but people who really enjoy it, enjoy it not for a deep storyline or unfunny jokes, but that moments of “Fuck Yeah” and Michael Bay movies are full of them…and being a Reb Brown and Wrestling fan you should understand audience who gets excited bout movies that are JUST fun to watch.

    • David Arseneau

      Little problem: the Transformers movies are NOT fun to watch.

  • http://twitter.com/PofB Process bel

    Deep wang: all part of a program Dr F and TVs frank like to call: DEEP. HURTING. DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP HURTIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

    • Anonymous

      SAAAAAANNNNDD SSSTTTTOOOOOOOOORRRMMMM!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lou-C-Fher/100001714235794 Lou C. Fher

    Saw this… Still laughing!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buavdahxGfI

    ENJOY!

  • Anonymous

    Is it a purely American thing to applaud a movie? I’ve been to dozens of movie’s and I’ve never seen an audience applaud. Seriously, what is there to applaud? Are you applauding the screen? It makes no sense!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Famicom-Wars/100001046150018 Famicom Wars

      I’ve never seen that either and I live in america

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Famicom-Wars/100001046150018 Famicom Wars

      I’ve never seen that either and I live in america

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Famicom-Wars/100001046150018 Famicom Wars

      I’ve never seen that either and I live in america

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Björn-Schröder/100002304664259 Björn Schröder

    Wow, watchin’ this movie must be a hard sufferin’^^

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones

    I saw this movie………………Mr. Bay can deep wang any concept no matter how simple.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tomas-Rivarola/100001412305452 Tomas Rivarola

    Earth to Spoony: the good guys are the Autobots! ALL the robots are Transformers! Does anger make you stupid or something?!

    • http://twitter.com/xxDrCrackbone Matt

      I haven’t seen this movie, but what I’ve been hearing is Optimus does some pretty cold stuff like kill an unarmed guy in cold blood. So it’s pretty easy to miss that he’s a good guy.

  • http://twitter.com/MoonDinosaur Benny

    The first movie looked horrible, so I avoided it. The second movie looked horrible, so I avoided it. This movie comes off just like the other two. “Bad shit’s going down…..*EXPLODE!*”  No different from any other stupid, cgi-filled “epic adventure” trailer of recent times.

    How many times can people pay to walk into an experience based off the same marketing/ad?

    What am I saying, we live in a time where millions tune in to a tv show, not for the writing and characters, but to watch two idiots bitch and fight for an hour. It’s inevitable for such tragedies as a Michael Bay film to succeed so tremendously in this mindless/brainwashed time we live in.

  • http://twitter.com/xxDrCrackbone Matt

    I’m surprised nobody’s come to this conclusion. Do you know why Shia acts the way he does, why the plot must revolve around him? Because he IS Michael Bay! He’s Bay’s avatar in all the films! It’s the reason he has such an offensive personality!

  • http://twitter.com/SwizzlestickJ Sven Lopez

    Its even worse for me, since I’m an actual big fan of the original transformers. fucking Michael bay.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=693961847 Jimmy Cassady

    michael bay is a fucking bitch ruined transformers for me

  • Ralf van Goch

    dont drag Shirley into this please

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XOD7O2HP4ES6DJ2O4R6FCCPB2M Thomas

    Just a little correction, Megatron blew up the Lincoln Memorial and sat on it because it was a callback to an original episode, in which he does the same thing. I don’t know if that makes it more offensive, actually.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony stop being annoying and come up with new material… get some vacations to straight up your creativity.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dewboy-Saxon/100000614113892 Dewboy Saxon

      Oh shut the fuck up you twat. This is a VLOG. This is him giving his opinions, with his brother. It’s organic, it’s how he feels. This is all non scripted. He makes new material, they’re called reviews. Learn the goddamn difference. This man is very creative, entertaining, and funny on a level you could never hope to achieve, even if you could muster the effort to try. 

  • Elizabeth Wait

    Oh Spoony, you have no idea how many girls will go see movies simply because there is a hot guy in it.  Never question what girls will do for a hot guy.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with him questioning.  Sounds pathetic.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

      Sound’s like a good explanation for the existence of “Twilight”.

  • Anonymous

    Best part?

    Miles: The line?

    Spoony: The line. *double facepalm*

    • http://twitter.com/acekilla202 James Cassady

      the needs of the many outway the needs of the few” WHY CAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001359033124 Kalu Shakti Kundalini

    I love the Spoony One. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001359033124 Kalu Shakti Kundalini

    I love the Spoony One. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-McEwen/100001460656676 Christopher McEwen

    I liked the film not for the story but because Nimoy fucking voiced sentinal prime and it wasnt bad i do agree i will watch it again and it was good better then two but…not as good as the first one

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-McEwen/100001460656676 Christopher McEwen

    I liked the film not for the story but because Nimoy fucking voiced sentinal prime and it wasnt bad i do agree i will watch it again and it was good better then two but…not as good as the first one

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DBM2ALKS5N7JNOKBBVRKDG6JDA Daam

    It’s a Bay movie….seriously, what did you guys expect? Just enjoy it for what it is…mindless action and good visuals. :-)

    • Anonymous

      It’s not jsut mindless action.  It’s insulting.

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

        Yeah, to you. That’s your personal opinion, others like me it didn’t bother much, life goes on, see something more intelligent after it

  • Anonymous

    Not a bad movie in my opinion.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brad-Bierlich/100002666220390 Brad Bierlich

    If you want to see a REALLY long, but good movie, watch the uncut version of Das Boot.  It’s runtime is 5 hours.

    You took notes?  So did I.  I was in there with a crowd of boys who only wanted to see the girlfriend.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brad-Bierlich/100002666220390 Brad Bierlich

    If you want to see a REALLY long, but good movie, watch the uncut version of Das Boot.  It’s runtime is 5 hours.

    You took notes?  So did I.  I was in there with a crowd of boys who only wanted to see the girlfriend.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandter Erik Brandt

    Dude, your buming me out ;). But I agree, this movie hurts. And for people who says, “enjoy it for what it is” ITS A FUCKING AWEFUL MOVIE! Its not even good action! 30min action and 2h shit! Make it a short movie with just the transformers and hell I buy it!

  • Ruiner

    After watching this review several times I still have a strong urge to explain to Spoony that he is looking at the run times for the extended versions of the Lord of the Ring films. Thankfully I am still sane enough to keep myself from trying to have a conversation with a computer screen.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SXIAQHM3BCIN2HIYKOVABM3G6U Donald

    Spoiler ahead. Shia killed Starscream. That is wrong on so many levels. Megatron should be the one to kill Starscream. This is the total fanboy in me writing.  Being a fan of the original cartoon and 1986 movie, Starscream dying by the hands of Lebu**fu** is just so weeeeaaaaaak.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      Yeah its weak, but what do you expect, starcream’s always kind of been a weak character to begin with. I mean in the original series all he does is mess up and whine about Megatron being in charge and how he will one day lead the decepticons. Yeah, he should be killed by Megatron, in keeping with the animated movie, but instead he’s killed by an equally whiny, pathetic weak creature called Shia Ledouche.

  • justin.coolidge

    you know spoony most of the twilight fan base would go see the movie if taylor lautner is in it.

    • http://twitter.com/MichaelCWells Michael Wells

      The women.. yes they would but to them he is hot.. as I would watch anything with Ashley Green (The girl who plays Alice) is in because she is too damn Cute!

  • David Arseneau

    I think it would be nice to hear what you thought of Sucker Punch ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/ChusterMerino Chuster M. Merino

    I slept the 2nd part of the film [about 2 hours] so… yeah.
    This movie sucks.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RF23HZFGSTVID5YPFEJ5BMSKZU Thomas

    This movie pissed me off when it came to the villain. It was supposed to be Shockwave, my favorite decepticon. Then it went to Sentinel, which was awesome but still disappointed me. But then they take Shockwave and make him just another killable enemy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    So this is the first appearance of ‘Spoony’s Notepad’, the fun little message keeper full of pain, misery, and insane ramblings!

    ENJOY the succession of impossible nonsense written in it’s pages. THRILL at the death threats aimed at the cast and crew.

    I swear, Spoony, you could sell a signed copy of your movie notes. I would love to read them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Transitioning to a GIANT ASS IN 3-D! Only Michael Bay would be enough of an untalented douche to entertain his audience by rubbing his giant ass into their collective faces.

    At least they could comprehend that this scene was stupid. Sort of a drop in the bucket, though.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      I wouldn’t exactly say Bay is untalented, I mean The Rock was a good movie, it showed some talent. His movies even though mostly bad, have some talent in the way the are shot, not much, but more than you give the man credit.

  • Anonymous

    What the FUCK is all this SHIT I’m seeing on this STUPID, AWEFUL, & PATHETIC ASS site??!! Get a life, to whoever the HELL made this to offend the TRUE fans!!!! HOW DARE??!! Michael Bay is probably as good as James Cameron, if anything!! & NO damn it the “needs” of the MANY most certainly do **NOT** outweigh the actual needs of the FEW!!! WHY, u ASK??!! I’LL YOU WAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! IT’S BECAUSE THE FEW ARE LIKE THE MARINES: THE FEW, THE PROUD!! NOT TO MENTION THE RIGHTEOUS, INTELLIGENT, AND COURAGEOUS PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD!!! THE MANY, ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE NOTHING OTHER THAN FUCKING PHONIES (SLUTS, GOLDDIGGERS, PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN INSULT DIRECTORS SUCH AS MICHAEL BAY WHO WORKS SO FUCKING HARD, ETC.) BASICALLY THE MANY ARE IGNORANT DUMB ASSES FILLED WITH COWARDICE!! & THAT’S WHY THE AUTOBOTS ARE THE COURAGEOUS WHILE THE DECEPTICONS ARE THE COWARDS!! SO IF I WERE TO IDENTIFY THE MAJORITY OF THE FUCKIN’ FOLKS ON THIS PAGE, THEY WOULD BE **DECEPTICONS**, WITHOUT A SINGLE DOUBT!! SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO BE HATING MAY AS WELL KISS MICHAEL BAY’S ASS, & MINE FOR TAKING THE TIME TO EDUCATE YOU THICK-HEADED MORONS!!! DIPSHITS.

    • Matthew Harris

      dude seriously calm down. If you can’t be constructive or rational in your comment, the please don’t post. I understand you LOVE Micheal Bay-he does work hard at what he does. But Spoony works harder on this, in your words, “STUPID AWEFUL & PATHETIC ASS site”. If you don’t like this site, then go away.

      • Anonymous

        ha! & you think that this site is constructive or rational bro??! Oh please give me a break! I don’t give a flying f*ck how hard “Spoony” (like what kind of silly ass name is that anyway??!! WTF??!) works, what he does to make a living, is just *such* a waste of a time! For example, trying to encourage “barking at the moon”. I mean are you effing kidding me??! Dude, get a life!! & to whoever is/those who are STUPID enough to “follow in his footsteps” with their own unique & crafty opinions (to each his/her own), well, it will all backfire on them someday, eventually. & that’s when they’ll ultimately realize just how much their ignorance has had a profound setback on them because of their “ultra-silly” opinions, refusing to accept the truth, pretty much. Need I say more, f*ckers?? So I say dude, seriously think before you talk, & tell that guy “Spoony” (if you can) who runs this site to calm down by putting a STOP to getting so high due to the drugs he’s (likely) on. & if not, well, he must have some type of mental problem. Or maybe he’s just hatin’ & just has nothing better to do in his life. THAT is what I mean by *pathetic*! + it’s strange though because like me, he loves the Star Wars Original Trilogy, as well as the Indiana Jones Trilogy & yet, this guy’s hating on such an awesome franchise created by Marvel Comics, who was partners with both Paramount & Dreamworks for the first two films, and then just Paramount in the third film (don’t know why, but they still got by!).

        • Jayden Reynolds

          God damn man, what the fuck is wrong with you? Chill the hell out, it’s a movie!

          • http://twitter.com/MichaelCWells Michael Wells

            Looks like Michael Bay has found this site lol.

          • Jayden Reynolds

            Nah, the weird thing about Michael Bay is he makes utter shlock but isn’t a terrible guy, at least online and in interviews. He’s a bit like modern Frank Miller, except without having a glorious past in the 80s. This is more along the lines of Uwe Boll behavior (you know, inviting negative critics to boxing matches or whoever it was he invited to box).

        • http://twitter.com/MichaelCWells Michael Wells

          A vast amount of their complaints are valid. Plain and simple The Transformers (Autobot and Decepticons) are bit players in their own f*cking Series. This is not the Sam Witwiki Chronicles or the Tales of Earth the Transformers Era or something lame and stupid. This series needs to be more about the damn Robot War.

        • Anonymous

          your comments are some of the most hilariously bad and incoherent I’ve seen in awhile. But still, go sulk in your corner you pathetic, thin-skinned crybaby

    • Anonymous

      Your an idiot. Please, shut up, and get off of this planet.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4RQZDXZBVEHG3VC6XIDYVG4DJQ Edge Eblan

    To the wonderful Darth-Revan,

    First off,Damn you for being such a biotch and useing the name of one of the gratest Sith Lords,next to Bane of course.

    Second, Michale Bay has only ever done one good film EVER, Bad Boys II, other then that the mans a no talent hack, Who realy sould have sat down and maybe just watched one..thats right,even just one episode of the old Transformers cartoons,and maybe we would have a deent movie,instead of a movie ware the true main characters are made secondary.

    Oh,and Fuck Michal Bay for Raping the Line,I mean, just sit and rotate you prick.

    • phoenixrider100

      I really liked the Rock, even if it was stupid

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6EVM3F2U7HDWHYC7LO7TETE2KA MichaelT

    I was actually considering seeing this movie…until I saw Spoony’s review and heard about all the horrible things my senses would be subjected to if I did.

    The great thing about Spoony (and any other quality critic) is that he doesn’t just give a synopsis of his opinion, he describes the movies in detail. Any dumbass with a camera can tell you whether they liked a movie or not; the beauty of a good critique is that it articulates on why.

    I often disagree with Spoony’s opinions on movies and games, but even in those cases I can understand where he’s coming from. And because of his ability to articulate his feelings on these movies, he can be helpful in deciding whether a movie is for me.

    So I thank you, Mr. Antwiler, and I wish you much luck and happiness in your career. Live long and prosper.

    BTW, my lazy use of a Star Trek quote is still way better than the one in Transformers. ;)

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

      Don’t let Noah Antwiler tell you what movies, you should or shouldn’t see. Develop your own opinion, that’s like if someone didn’t go see a movie, because Roger Ebert said it sucked.

  • http://twitter.com/mysterycycle Devin Parker

    I will always remain aware that there is a perhaps unbridgeable gap – a gulf – that exists between me and some other human beings that I may never be able to reach across, because they look forward to and, indeed, enjoy the Transformers movies. I do not wish them ill, but their brains are obviously operating on a frequency incompatible with mine.

    • MasterSeijin

      So you’re a racist, a sexist, and a Jingoist Xenophobe?

  • Brett Ball

    Worse than even the second movie.  The aggravating stuff from RotF may have been dialed back a bit, but any movie that goes to CHERNOBYL and includes it in its setup needs to hold itself to higher standards than the team of Micheal Bay and Ehren Kruger can provide.

    The only memorable scene that I found enjoyable was when Optimus was fighting Sentinel on the bridge.  Not even the fight up to that point.  Just Optimus vs. Sentinel on the bridge, Megatron interrupting, getting owned by Prime, then Prime killing Sentinel and tossing the gun aside.  That’s about… a minute total.  Oh, and the hilarious bit where Optimus got tangled up in the cables when trying to rescue the humans in the falling building.  Seemed like it was supposed to be really dramatic yet it just came off as comical.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Dunn/147900507 Patrick Dunn

    I have seen this a while ago and I have watched Noah & Miles here, Lindsey’s video with Todd and Lisa, and even Brad’s video.  I have come to conclusion that all of you had the exact same theater experience me and my brother had.  My god, how do people love this….words can not describe what this abomination to cinema is.  You even mention this franchise to my brother and he will start raging…bad.  Actually I start raging something fierce as well.  At the end of the film I actually sat there in shock and actually said out loud, “What the Hell was that?!”  Me, my brother, and my cousin (who was with us) left that theater and before we ever reached the car I started going off, then my brother let loose, and we went on for about an hour about how bad, how terrible, how inexusible that film was.  Uh…I think I wrote a small note about it or something on facebook about it.  What drives me crazy is how people love this film and their arguement about my strong critiques are “Oh you don’t like it because it isn’t like the old show.”  Fuck you.  The old show, as I looked back on it, was corney and stupid.  It was made to sell toys and that is what it did.  I loved it as an innocent child but now….not so much.  I want to go on but it would take up a fifth of this page.  Have a good night/morning fellow fans of Spoony.  :p

  • http://profiles.google.com/likalaruku Allaiyah Weyn

    “This is a movie called “Transformers” & the Transformers are secondary characters” reminds me of when I said ”This movie is called “Zombieland” & the zombies are just a macguffin in this movie.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000362348124 Christian Sibbitt

    He likes Oldboy? YAAAAH!

  • http://twitter.com/Elijah_Day Elijah Justus Day

    I remember when i watched this in the theater with my Dad’s girlfriend’s kids. I hated the hell out of it, but at least I got to listen to a child with encyclopedic knowledge of transformers trying to figure out which transformer was which. His mom kept telling him to be quiet, but i just laughed at how much more he apparently knew about transformers than the people who made this movie.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/MIDFOK7XTF5AYPNAOAZQ5JQX7E Chris Conley

    First things, first everybody chill out about this movie, I have watched it and have found it not to be as bad as Brad Jones, or Noah or Lindsey feel about it. I mean what’s going on, I watch it and really there’s nothing that makes me cringe in fright or scream in terror. I mean for the love of god, what’s freaking going on. And as far as the I can’t make sense of who’s the good guys or the bad guys, bullshit, how then can I FREAKING TELL WHICH SIDE IS WHICH WITH NO FREAKING PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER. I mean I know this film series isn’t any good, not at all, its not even Iron Man good. And as far as the allusions to Challenger and 9/11, I see it somewhat, but to me it seems concidential to large degree, either that or vague. Look, I hated the casting of Shia Ledouche from the first movie on, I had to just settle for it. Yeah, him whining about his job and his life is stupid as all hell, but somehow this movie seem to try to rectify the major mistakes of the trainwreck sequel, and it almost succeeds. Look, I have never understood  the venomous hate drived on this series, you people are blowing  these movies way out of proportion, so they make a lot of money. A lot of movies are stupid make a lot of money, look at Hangover II, the Twilight series. But on the other hand some smart things make a lot of money, just look at The Hunger Games. Now maybe its just that, the first I kind of enjoyed save for the urination gag and  Shia Lebouf’s acting. The second, I know huge fucking trainwreck from beginning to end, its a bad sign when the only characters I care for are the autobots (Skids and mudflap exception), Josh Duhammel’s, Tyrese Gibson’s, and John Tuturro’s. The rest I wouldn’t care if they fell into a fucking lava pit and burned, especially Leo Spitz and those twins especially. But to me it wasn’t the worst movie to be thrown on us in 2009, there were plenty of other contenders. It was just another typically really terminally stupid Michael Bay sequel/movie in the vein of Bad Boys II, yeah there’s some racial stereotypes mabye some homophobic attitudes, and a lot of jingonism, but that’s what I expect from a freaking Michael Bay movie. I’m sorry these reviewers act like this is the first time they have seen this director do a movie, when they haven’t and if they have such a venomous bile of hate for these movies and their director, then don’t fucking watch it. I mean not even for the review for the site. I mean all that happens are rants like this one by the nadir of overeactive, smug internet reviewers Noah Antwiler, a man who proved in his review for Tron: Legacy that he basically never watched the movie and fell asleep. Its also stupid that people are called morons and drones for going  to see these movies, I for one, a man who goes sees movies both smart and stupid, artistic and mainstream, am angered by your insuinating that people are stupid or are a race apart from you or something like that. Or that we are aliens or something, and that you are something evolved beyond humanity or something. I mean I realize there are many other better brainless action movies out there, many I could go see a Die Hard movie and get a better movie out of it than Transformers 3, hell I could go see Armageddon and get a better movie out of it. But I love the Transformers series for one reason and that it is because  through all the racism, the callousness, the bad characters, the jumpy action scenes, the messing with history, the painful allusions to disasters. I at least feel that at the end of 2hours and something minutes, that I watched an unintentional comedy of sorts, it isn’t Transformers but its enjoyable just to watch the pure abject WTF attitude to everything in these movies, the gaping plot holes, the over the top acting of Shia Ledouche who can’t go a movie without his trademark yelling or repeating of a word like GO OR RUN (In a way Spoony, this guy to me is almost a modern day Reb Brown in this regard, minus the heroic quality). I mean I laugh at this film series for all the wrong reasons and I also say to myself in no way do I think this movie series is any good(the first almost reaches it, it is merely ok). So to you Spoony/Noah and the rest of the guy with the glasses reviewers who feel this way about this movie series also have to learn another thing here. Hating these movies, doesn’t work, they just continue to make more money anyway,. There is a reason why these movies are called critic proof. It is instead a better thing to laugh these movies off, they are nothing but the drivel that Michael Bay makes and nothing more. The kind of drivel I expect out of him, and other summer action movies, and I simply just laugh as I put up my feet and laugh, in the face of the pure awfulness of Bay’s direction and the writing of his movies.  If someone happens to like it, to me its more power to them, personal opinion, there opinion I might not always respect but respect it I do. I say the anger you show to these movies, is giving more power to them. I laugh at your anger and torment at watching these movies. When these movies don’t bother me a bit.

    • Cure Light

      tl;dr

      Would it kill you to put in a break every now and again? Or, you know, any coherence what-so-ever?

  • Gregory Bronson

    Dude, I don’t know what it’s like where you live, because people in my theater didn’t even applaud for The Dark Knight. And I live in Tennessee, which I always thought of as one of the more expressive areas of the country. Hm…

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/Z4A5DX4GHNQGFL2SHG3DAI57FY quincyj

    I myself had 3 problems.  The Mikela, character derailment was so petty (throwaway lines and all) and so highly unrealistic one could only roll their eyes.

    The unrealistic love/romance that had no chemistry because it relied on telling us and not showing through good writing.

    Deep Wang.  

    Oh and I suppose how fast the Optimus v. Megatron fight was. Other that I enjoyed it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Danimaltl Dan Cochran

    lol LOTR, the amount of times I’ve watched those extended cuts would probably add to more than everything else I’ve watched in my life. And I can still watch them anytime!

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