The Spoony Experiment - Because bad movies and games deserve to be hurt back!

GreenGear

When Spoony uploads a new video, that is the time when a human makes the call of a dolphin.

Also I love von Hindman’s title cards. He’s tops.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Isaac-Stidham/663465390 Isaac Stidham

Hooray its here! Thank you Spoony :D!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Isaac-Stidham/663465390 Isaac Stidham

43 minute video. My day just got better.

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Mine to! :)

BoboTheClown1987

Spoony looks like shit. Dude needs to get outside and in the gym.

BoboTheClown1987

Hilarious video, though!
SkeletonGuy

Just needs to cut his hair and take more showers, seriously
- http://profile.yahoo.com/Q5LPDAOKRZO7QL3WODHEAVSUOU John
  
  ‘Cut your hair’ is the type of thing butt fucking rednecks like to suggest.
  - GreenGear
    
    lol. No need to be that rude, but yeah. It’s a matter of personal preference nobody should be imposing.
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
    
    Butt fucking rednecks? Odd choice of insult, but okay.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Calvin-Jarchow/1131125364 Calvin Jarchow

I’m glad somebody is keeping track of that. I’ll just go ahead and pay attention to the video. It’s so hard for me to tell these days who is trolling and who is being considerate
Unmourned

Oh look. It’s Rick Derris.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

He has a heart condition that prevents him from heavy workouts. And he recently just got severe food poisoning (or some kind of nasty flu)
- http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon
  
  Well, it’s not like he WANTS to improve his condition; otherwise, he
  wouldn’t consume so many carbs (particularly sugar) that it probably contributes to arterial inflammation over time, which then stresses his
  heart and circulation even more. If he eats a little bit of lipids and red
  meat, he’ll think he’s screwing his health, but eating a butt-load of
  carbs, THAT he’s totally fine with (I used to have heart problems and a
  weak heart myself to deal with until I reduced my carbs and increased my
  saturated lipids and red-meat intake).
  
  I may not admire his approach to his health, but at least he enjoys his
  life his way and deals with his problems like a adult. I do admire the
  way he does his satirical reviews though.

notyoursavior78

This is going to be good! Firing it up now.

SkeletonGuy

Wait, am I the only one seeing a pattern here?

Beloved RPG company (Bioware) makes a game most fans like (DA:O), then they get bought out by EA and rush the next game to that series(DA2) with huge marketing campaign and good reviews only to receive horrible fan feedback, the they start making the next game only to have half the dev sliced to work on EA’s current big MMO, and having old team members leave left and right. Then DA3…..

http://www.facebook.com/people/Lee-Roberts/1343822522 Lee Roberts

This day just got better.

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

Let me add to your pleasure: TGWTG just got updated. With a review of Southland Tales.
- http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza
  
  …Does it have Spoony in it? o.O?

SkeletonGuy

Wait, am I the only one seeing a pattern here?
Beloved RPG company (Bioware) makes a game most fans like (DA:O), then they get bought out by EA and rush the next game to that series(DA2) with huge marketing campaign and good reviews only to receive horrible fan feedback, the they start making the next game only to have half the dev sliced to work on EA’s current big MMO, and having old team members leave left and right. Then DA3…..

http://twitter.com/KRBlackRX BlackRX

Aside from the fact that it’s a completely different studio making TOR and that they’ve listened to the feedback about DA2 (which wasn’t awful, just mediocre). Besides, EA’d bought them almost two years before the release of DA:O..
JonathanPelikan

I was drawing a lot of mental comparisons here to Mass Effect, yeah. Shit, that game was good at the sort of dialogue options you needed to put in to explain stuff, but yet not make Shepard sound like a complete babe-in-the-woods. So even in the very first game of the franchise, when Shepard asks about something, they usually phrase it with the implication that they already know about, say, the Normandy’s stealth drive technology or the history of the geth, but is just looking for deeper insight. It has the same effect of being a cipher to let the players learn more, but it also doesn’t make the character look like an idiot.

I remember particularly praising a conversation you could have with the Normandy’s chief engineer because both parties sounded like they had at least a basic grasp on what is science and reality in the ME universe, and sounded like professionals.

Anderson: “Move it, soldier!”
Shepard: “What’s a soldier?”

Remember when we see the quarians in Mass Effect 3; they stride into the war room and announce that they’ve just begun their brilliantly planned and timed offensive to retake the Homeworld, and, because a player might have started the series at number 3 (for some gods-forsaken reason), Shepard could ask for a little more info, but I’m positive there is no option to have them go “Excuse me, who- what are the geth?”

Oh, you wouldn’t know them, Shepard, you only spent the entirety of the first game fighting them as the main evil army and part of the second until you meet and ultimately befriend one of their most advanced and interesting platforms, learning that Geth are People Too (mostly) and finally deciding the fate of a good chunk of their entire civilization.

Hell, even the premise can be compared to ME: A big evil force, beyond the ability of mere mortals to comprehend, is coming, and over several games you desperately try to prepare, but in the end, they invade your beloved world and now “we fight, or we die.”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Griffin/612104973 Robert Griffin

Glad this finally has come.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Calvin-Jarchow/1131125364 Calvin Jarchow

I have a friend who also used a phrase similar to “And then EA happened” for the same reason

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

The into…my god THE INTRO! :D

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

I know right? ^.^

:D

notyoursavior78

I want a “Betrayed me!” Sound drop. I didn’t really need another counter but that remark always makes me laugh. Actually EA in the early 90′s published some pretty cool games for the Genesis. I definitely wished they never got ahold of Origin though as they did destroy the Ultima series. It’s much like how 3D0 destroyed New World Computing.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000516767968 Matt McCoy

This is Spoony back in top form in my opinion!

BillalH

I have to agree with you. For a while I was wondering when the next review was going to be But now I see it was well worth the wait. A lot of effort went into this review and Spoony did not disappoint.
Tom Jervis

Definitely one of the best videos in a while.

Tristan Pendergrass

Fantastic, love new reviews Spoony.

http://www.facebook.com/michael.jacquart.9 Michael Jacquart

My great grandmother Lois Newton, the woman who raised me, died today and this made me feel so much better by helping me laugh and get my minds off of things. Thank you Spoony for all that you’ve done.

PeaTearGryfin

Sorry for your loss man. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one. Keep your head up high and remember that she is in a better place.

xerath

Hey Spoony, did you still want to interview Richard Garriott? Try his contact info page:

http://richardgarriott.com/contact/

You may be able to arrange an interview with his people there.

http://twitter.com/ATLCatKaminski Ian Michael Kaminski

You know, something tells me that if he is trying to do that. Going to the guy’s own website is probably the 1st thing he tried

http://www.facebook.com/jacob.w.brody Jacob Wilson Brody

*fan girl scream* yesssss!! (perhaps I should go outside more)

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Nahhh, your fine! :P

Simulated Scholar

What IS a paladin?

http://twitter.com/ThatBeardguy Guillaume P.

If you are being serious: A Paladin is a “knight” of sort chosen by a divinity to wield blade and virtue in it’s name who usually follow a strict code. (it might not be a perfect definition of it, but you should get the big knight in shining armor with divine powers)
- notyoursavior78
  
  I was hoping he was being sarcastic otherwise I wouldn’t have liked that comment. Anyhow, I’m done.
  - Simulated Scholar
    
    Fear not, for I am not an idiot. Besides, if I really didn’t know I could’ve gone to a search engine or flip through the v3.5 D&D Player’s Handbook on my bookshelf instead of asking a stupid question in a comment section. (Glares at any one who has ever done this)
- Simulated Scholar
  
  No, I’m not being serious. The emphasis on “is” was an attempt to make it sound more abstract that it should be.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

What is a man?
- Kendotuxedo
  
  A miserable little pile of SECRETS!
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Timo-Takalo/503889411 Timo Takalo
    
    What can change the nature of man?
    - CoreDuo08
      
      Bacon?
    - Janco Unorus
      
      What can change the nature of a paladin?
  - Jayden Reynolds
    
    But enough talk!
    - Kendotuxedo
      
      HAVE AT YOU
    - jagarcia0705
      
      Have at you!
      No it can not be! AAAHHH!!!!!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1212337457 Dyler Eriksson

I hope you explain how the gameplay is in the second part. Is it decent? Is it awfull? I’m talking of course about the combat system.

http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh

The combat is awful unless you think people use a straight ahead stabbing motion to use a club that causes piercing damage isn’t awful. One of many examples; everything about this game is awful and not just the middle fingers to the long-time fans.

PeaTearGryfin

There. Part 1 is up. Can we please end the constant bitching please.

On topic though, Great review Spoony. Glad to see that you tore the Museum of the Avatar a new asshole. I haven’t been so mad at a game in my whole life. I can say as somebody who also grew up with Ultima as one of my favorite games that Ultima 9 is the worst game ever made.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Flohre/538885031 Matt Flohre

Why does he look like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo in the intro cartoon?

http://www.facebook.com/people/John-MedievalMassacre-DAmbrosio/792560269 John MedievalMassacre D’Ambros

Holy shitballs and asssauce, 93 BETRAYALS in the first part? I guessed 55 when he told us to guess :S Spoony is gonna choke a bitch.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Freddy-Duran/100000817426762 Freddy Duran

Just…beautiful…thanks for getting rid of my depression for the day spoony :D

nice hair btw you could pass for jessie from full house.

screamqueen3110

i have never played an ultima game as i never had a pc that could let me play it. so just going by the reviews you have done, oh my sweet jesus what the hell did they do to ultima?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!?! EA can go f(**&^^ themselves. first the destroy any chances of anyone getting Thrill Kill, and then i hear that they have done this to a beloved franchise. what a bunch of money grabbing ba&^&^&%&ds. my final guess for the betrayal counter is about 170, but i feel that is still wishful thinking.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Calvin-Jarchow/1131125364 Calvin Jarchow

I haven’t played ultima either. I liken it to my relationship with Final Fantasy. At first things were great. We were in love and things made sense. We had many happy years together. Then we started growing apart when poor decisions were made but I forgave Final Fantasy and we were still going to be together forever. We started to fight a lot over X-2 but we moved on. Then FF started dabbling in online multiplayer and I wasn’t really into that. 12 I don’t know much about, which means thing’s weren’t the same anymore. 13 and 13-2 don’t need me and I have accepted that and we will move on with our lives. I remember the good times. Maybe FF and I can get back together someday.

Now the punchline

Spoony and Ultima had a loving deep relationship and then one day Ultima stared into the sun too long and went insane, broke all the windows in the house, threw Cherios everywhere and took a dump on your car.

Random45

The only issue I had with this video was that Spoony was really nit-picking this thing to death, especially near the end. A lot of those things had to be told so new players could be filled in, but I do agree that the game should have done it in some other way.

RicksWriting

Well yes, which is why in most other Ultima games the protagonist is silent except for Name Job Bye dialogue. It’s so the player can ask stupid questions without having to listen to the Avatar ask the stupid question.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Calvin-Jarchow/1131125364 Calvin Jarchow
  
  There are other ways to educate the player on things they need to know. Like inquiring more information. I suppose its good that we don’t have a plucky sidekick to be the proxy for the audience but having the Avatar be dumb a brick isn’t ok.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YPHOREYUQFBLDBZ55JHJ2CVBXQ Drain Blut

EA strikes again! This game further proves how they:
A) Barely even glance at the source material or previous games on what they are funding.
B) Put in very little efort.
C) Rush things out the door every way possible and every chance possible.
D) Don’t give a fuk about the fans of the game series or genre.

saibot216

For your viewing pleasure, my impressions of the Avatar:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4tg90SfmO1qjfabpo1_500.png
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4tg3wNuNI1qjfabpo1_500.png

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

31:35 Mmmmm, Hair is Good To Eat :P

ScutigeraColeoptrata

Hurray, it’s finally here! I’ve really enjoyed all of the Ultima reviews you’ve done Spoony, and I see your point about having to be familiar with the series in order to see what is wrong with this game. I haven’t played any of the Ultima games myself, but after this retrospective I might track some down and give them a try.

Looking at the painful number of plot inconsistencies, it seems like whoever wrote the game didn’t have time to go back and check facts or revise the script to remove contradictions. That is pretty sad, because it’s apparent that at some point in the game’s development there was an attempt to tie things together with the series, but due to the game’s development hell that idea got slashed and burned into a mess of plot holes.

Add to that the dubious decision to make this game a ‘jumping on’ point for new fans, even though it seems like it was supposed to be the last game in the series, means that the avatar is a know-nothing blank slate. This tactic is seldom well received by fans (Tidus), and there are so many better ways to present important information to new players. For example, you could have had a new companion who wants to take on The Guardian who Lord British entrusts the tutelage of to the Avatar, which would have made the player feel like a cool smart guy when information about Britannia was being exchanged, and left the possibility open for a sequel starring the Avatar’s apprentice after the Avatar’s final battle, and that’s just one idea off the top of my head.

So yeah, I can understand why you’re so mad at this game. Hell, I’M actually mad at this game just from watching your earlier reviews! It looks like the series would have been better off if it just ended with a cliffhanger at the end of Pagan.

http://profile.yahoo.com/Q5LPDAOKRZO7QL3WODHEAVSUOU John

20 minutes in and the betrayal counter is really fucking grating on my nerves.

clmedic25

The betrayel counter is effin hilarious

CronoT

I randomly come to Spoony’s site, and WHAM! Ultima IX! Thank you for making my shitty day a little less shitty, Spoony!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Brian-Zimmerman/507877292 Brian Zimmerman

My guess for the counter was 50. Hooboy.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Alex-Thew/1608575208 Alex Thew

What’s the song playing during the ending credits? It’s sounds epic and bad-ass.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Flohre/538885031 Matt Flohre

”Sacred Worlds” by Blind Guardian

Jared Fullyfisted

In this game Avatar becomes Ralph Wiggum…

http://www.facebook.com/anthony.dipaola.3 Anthony Di Paola

Love the video but that betryal counter got really annoying really fast.

GreenGear

Yeah..
- NightStarX
  
  Disagree. I thought it was epic everytime it counted off.
  - GreenGear
    
    I disagree with your disagreement.
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

There were a lot of miscounts, but the rest of the video was so great I didn’t care.

“What’s a paladin?” I knew what a fucking paladin was, and I didn’t even need to play the goddamn game. This game fails upon even basic, uninformed analysis.

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

I’m really liking the Guardian. Yeah, the animation uses a few loops for the speaking parts, but you don’t often see something like that from an internet critic.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Calvin-Jarchow/1131125364 Calvin Jarchow

I’m impressed at how close he got the voice.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001218463429 Tim House

I like how it even has the out of sync voice acting from the start of Ultima VII.
PeaTearGryfin

Big ups to Dickman for the animation on this one.

http://oshunanat.livejournal.com/ Carrie

Very excited to see this pop up! I never played the Ultima games myself (though man do I remember the drama that occured when IX finally came out) but I’m starting to understand why fans got so frothy at the mouth. I’d definitely say it was deserved!

Renaissance_nerd

nice animations Noah, no wonder this one took so long.

http://www.facebook.com/trevor.shmidt Trevor Shmidt

I guessed 100 and at the rate of betrayal, I think I’ve guessed too low.
And truly your rage due to this game is boundless.

newyy1

“What’s a paladin?” Uh… what’s a Nubian?

http://twitter.com/mattdawidowicz Matt Dawidowicz

I can understand why you feel betrayed. You grew up with Ultima, and now the creators ruined it. But I feel that at times you were a little hard on it. Don’t get me wrong, the game looks like shit (although you haven’t discussed the gameplay yet). But the game was clearly designed with new players in mind.

However, there are ways to introduce game mechanics without using shitty voice acting and questions that undermine the canon. A simple journal like in the Witcher or Assassin’s Creed would have worked fine. I know, it’s an insult to even mention those games in the same sentence as this…at least for me. But if they had taken that out and used a nonspeaking tutorial, a lot of your complaints would have been taken care of.

http://www.facebook.com/daniel.barbour.52 Daniel Barbour

Woot! Good choice using Blind Guardian there at the end, by far my favourite band m/

Princess Stabbity

Good lord, I was nowhere near guessing the amount of Betrayals by the end of that…

http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen

Haven’t watched it yet but…Fucking Finally.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

No, it is another guy named Jared von Hindman. Look at 42:51 in the credits. It also has a link to his website.

Renaissance_nerd

Usually RPG’s get a “sophmore slump” usually in the middle game the developers try something new that doesn’t quite work and the overall game suffers for it, only to be redeemed in the 3rd game.

Ultima however had 7 straight awesome games, peaked at about 4 and 5… then slid down the shit mountain harshly for 8 and 9.

come to think of it.. so did Final Fantasy, anything after 7 sucked hardcore.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Lauderdale/100000047693553 Chris Lauderdale

I do protest sir.

Final Fantasy 9 is my favorite.
- Renaissance_nerd
  
  I knew someone was going to say that. I liked nine but it to me doesn’t come anywhere close to 6 or 7.

http://profile.yahoo.com/DDLSBWC4MWRSDRE67MXYBEBB54 Chris

Further to earlier remarks, I agree, the hamfisted way in which they tried to convey information to new players not invested in the series is particularly grating. However, I do hope that the next review will address some of the broader problems which are even more egregious, and in fact were so bad this game is still the worst game of all time even if you had never heard of Ultima, Paladins or anything remotely connected to fantasy. I refer of course, to the insane, metric s***load of bugs, including some that either rendered the game unplayable, allowed you to cheat insanely, or both.

lucaschad

Poor Oreo in the title card. He needs a better collar than a piece of toast like a metal spiked collar. Makes him look more badass!

Big applause to Andrew Dickman for the Guardian animation. His tireless effort pays off.

Can’t wait for more Deep Wang in Part 2! I bet by the end of it, the Betrayal Counter will be OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

I think the bread is poisoned. Remember the poison loaf used to kill Lord British?
Renaissance_nerd

Oreo is a she…
- lucaschad
  
  Sorry! Forget I said that!

Gabe Marble

Another great review man!

Tim Kormos

Excellent video, Spoony. One of your best. Can’t wait for part two.

I agree with everything you have to say in this video. This game SUCKED. It basically sank one of the most beloved RPG series of all time. No amount of bile can be enough. Pour it on!

Also got to give props to Dickman. I already adored your new intro, but the animation on the Guardian is frigging sweet.

Only downside is that the “Betrayal” thing got a little old. It’s funny, but anything repeated a hundred times is bound to be a little annoying.

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

BEHOLD, Ultima 9!!!

FEAR the Texas park of giant rats and roaming spiders! THRILL at the Museum of Misinformation, and the Tapestry of Lies!

http://profile.yahoo.com/Q5LPDAOKRZO7QL3WODHEAVSUOU John

Just finished the review. See you guys in 5-8 months when part 2 is up.

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

It will be about 1 month. They always take about one month. Go ahead and look.

Still too long, but don’t exaggerate.
- http://profile.yahoo.com/Q5LPDAOKRZO7QL3WODHEAVSUOU John
  
  Ultima 8 was January 31st
  Sure, it’s a review a month but that usually means
  
  Game Review
  Boring, unfunny movie review
  Boring, unfunny movie review
  Painful Crossover review
  Game Review
  - Aurini
    
    Yeah, I just hate the sort of service we’re getting here. I want my money back! Oh wait-
    
    You try being a content creator without a regular paycheque from the establishment. It’s not easy, pal.
    - http://profile.yahoo.com/Q5LPDAOKRZO7QL3WODHEAVSUOU John
      
      I’ll do better than that. I’m an indie iOS game programmer.
      
      It’s much harder to build a fan base when you’re not piggybacking on famous IP
    - Aurini
      
      Try political blogger; that’s not too sexy either.
      
      I just think your criticism could be more constructive, rather than insulting. Spoony’s entertaining as all hell, and the following he’s built up is proof of that. Now granted, he’s had certain bombs in his past – and if I were so inclined, I might inform him of that – but I wouldn’t be so mean about it.
      
      Doing this sort of stuff, with so little recognition, can take a toll on somebody. When is fans yell at him it can be pretty damned hurtful. And that only serves to kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
    
    The movie reviews are okay…not as good as the game reviews, but still pretty good.
  - GreenGear
    
    –Could you kindly fuck off? I mean. Wow.

Kendotuxedo

I’ve never played the Ultima games but I’ve learned so much from your Ultima Retrospective

… I literally put both hands on my head with my mouth gaped open when
the “Imposter Avatar” asked a gargoyle who the Gargoyles were… THEN,
when he followed up on that by asking what the Codex was; I felt a
loathsome, indescribable sense of shock, like I had just been horribly insulted as
Spoony described AND I’VE NEVER PLAYED THE GAMES!

When the “What’s a Paladin” question was said. I turned my computer chair around with my hands on my face. That’s … incredible… This game literally is “Betrayal in a Can”

professorb

Electronic Arts! Helping to ensure that climaxes to epic game series are ruined since 1999!

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

Maybe that’s why he discounted the Mass Effect 3 ending. Noah was comparing it to this. :D
- http://twitter.com/AlexStritar Alex Stritar
  
  I guess that actually does put things in perspective. ME3 was only ruined in the last 10 minutes, this was a full game full of ruination.
  
  … Does that mean EA actually is LEARNING from it’s mistakes?
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
    
    Perhaps so, but slowly, and leaving a trail of corpses in it’s wake.
    
    Should we allow EA to learn it’s lesson at the cost of all these great IP’s? Or just put it out of our misery *loads shotgun*?
    - professorb
      
      You know, I just noticed but…did the Gayvatar remind anyone else of Conrad Verner? Anyone? I mean, yeah Conrad Verner did have a wife but he also had a serious boner for Commander Shepard. Just a weird coincidence I guess.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      “When you shoved a gun in my face, you showed me what it meant to be truly extreme.”
    - professorb
      
      EXTREEEEEEEEEEME GUN SHOVING! Sorry, couldn’t resist…it just sounded so ridiculous.
  - http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms
    
    I woulnd’t say that it ruined the last 10 minutes. All of games 1, 2 and 3 were leading up to this big final battle with the Reapers. And instead of a final battle, we get three choices that are stupid and insult everything we know and care about in the series.

http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/PG5F4OSEWLGOVPEHK44ZWDRI4Y Sean

Wow… just wow, you dumped on this game for 40+ minutes and yet… and
yet you didn’t even get that far into this…Just wow, EA just ugh….I
see their hate for RPG games has long been in existince before Dragon
Age 2. Good lord.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Bertram/100000047597967 Christopher Bertram

You released a new video on my birthday!

http://twitter.com/AlexStritar Alex Stritar

So? He did the same for me just last month.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Dustin-Smith/100001487648807 Dustin Smith

Darn I thought the Betrayal counter would be in the 69s. oh well got that wrong

Kendotuxedo

“What’s an Avatar?”
[universe collapses on itself]

K B

Nice animation whoever did it. Both for the red guy’s intro and the new title sequence. It’s an improvement on the old one.

Don’t hate the game developers Spoony. They wanted to make a better game. EA wouldn’t let them. They have to eat sp they keep working.

Atleast other publisher’s learned from EA’s mistakes, Activision postponing the games fans wanted to make WoW and Bethesda purchasing a new studio to make TES online. Don’t know offhand who Sony tapped for Everquest (Sony Online) and what if anything was disrupted/delayed on its’ account.

Aspurgers must be a bitch. It’s clear all these quetions are to orient new players. They do need to give a reason why his memory’s missing, like other games.

The gay fanboy’s not a plot hole, just something repulsive. Your betrayal meter goes up over everything.

Spoony, the items in the museum are meant to be throwbacks to the previous games for old fans. You do understand this fact, right?

Brandon Rice

You do understand that old fans would actually have knowledge of the plot, and therefore would be offended by the horrible plotholes of having those items in the museum? Normally if you do something “for the fans”, you should make sense, since fans will know this stuff.

And yeah, the questions are to orient new players, but they also make the Avatar look like a complete idiot. There’s MUCH better ways to explain things to new players without making the established hero of several games seem like he forgot things he did!
http://twitter.com/JackKonEl Jack Connell

“It’s clear all these quetions are to orient new players.”

There are better ways of doing this than having the Avatar going “derp wahts da codex????”

“…the items in the museum are meant to be throwbacks to the previous games for old fans. You do understand this fact, right?”

The throwbacks don’t really work as throwbacks since they don’t make any sense – we have an item from Pagan, which was destroyed. We have Mondain’s Skull, which was destroyed. We have the Cards of Exodus which were – you guessed it! – destroyed. There’s throwbacks and then there’s desperately pandering to the fans in an attempt to make them forget about how bad the writing is. Hell, the pandering doesn’t even work since the fans are going to know something’s up.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Bertram/100000047597967 Christopher Bertram

Seriously, cut your damn hair, it’s started to bend.

It’s so awful

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

Check out 31:30. While Noah is talking, some of his hair drifts into his mouth, and he can’t brush it out.

Rather than just re-doing that take, I guess he though chewing on his own hair looked natural. Or something.

Great review otherwise.
- MediaGold
  
  I have a theory that Spoony is the Anti-Samson. The longer his hair is, the weaker he gets. Once he gets a haircut, he’s going to instantly gain 25 pounds of muscle. You out there, Spoony? Of course not! But on the nochance that you are, go ahead and kill those Lifeforce vampire ferrets that are nesting on your crown and find out for yourself. If it doesn’t happen, you can sue me.
PeaTearGryfin

Don’t listen to them Spoony! I love your long mane of hair (primarily because it looks exactly like my hair).

http://www.facebook.com/Moatz007 Jason Moatz

Winged flight can allow you to fly in place, see humming birds. Just saying. :p

http://www.facebook.com/franman781 Kevin Franzen

At the size a humming bird is and the pace it’s flapping its wings, sure. But that gargoyle is huge and pretty lazily moving its wings. Oh, brain, ow why am I over-thinking Ultima 9? That’s Spoony’s job.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Hutcheson/100001172877407 Alexander Hutcheson

What’s a paladin? is a question that can only be asked in real life by someone who doesn’t know. No self respecting rpg gamer does not know the class.

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

*picks-up “Paladins for Dumbies”*
Paladins, simplified: fighter class + healer class = paladin

Omfg, it’s all clear to me now!
Wait… What’s a fighter class and a healer class?

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

Oh my god, this game is so stupid I feel like my brain is getting fucked by a Great Unclean One wearing a condom made of rusty barbed wire.

http://twitter.com/joshualavery101 Joshua

Now just a two month wait till part two.

Soviet_Missile

Love Andrew’s art for the Guardian’s laughing.

KamatsuKyoto

OMG! Best episode of all the Avatar reviews. XD I wonder how many parts Ultima IX will have. 4, maybe? XD

http://www.facebook.com/franman781 Kevin Franzen

Only 20 Minutes into the game and we’ve seen a 43 minute review! How many more glorious parts do we get to sit through?

Soviet_Missile

Also, great review so far. <_<

Soviet_Missile

Andrew Dickman did both animations you mentioned. You can find him credited during the credits.

http://andrewdickman.deviantart.com/

http://profile.yahoo.com/WPZXYDGA4HBTE44FTX7U2WTNOU Scott

Oh ye Gods. This is sooooooooooo bad… Whats a paladin * facepalms*

Renaissance_nerd

something tells me this is a 3 parter

http://twitter.com/lurkeriatipsos Mary Sulkowski

I kind of want him to go all out and make, like, a 3-hour video of screaming fanboy rage in 5 parts. I could watch this all day.

http://twitter.com/Satoarma Satosuke

The outright batshit madness of the plot holes and contradictions was starting to get to me until I heard Blind Guardian over the credits. Thanks for giving us something awesome at the end to snap us out of the insanity.

FrankieDeth

WAIT…. Spoony is a fan of Blind Guardian? He is now the greatest reviewer EVER

Hazard_82

I think that Ultima Underworld would count as the 7th trip to Britiana thus making a total of 8 trips. I doubt the writers realized that though, just ended up getting lucky with the count of Previous games…

http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughan-MacDonald/100000473507885 Vaughan MacDonald

No, the Avatar was still in Britannia since Ultima 7 when Ultima Underworld took place. He was trapped in Britannia after he destroyed the Black Gate because he basically destroyed all the Moon Gates to stop the Guardian.
PeaTearGryfin

The games that the Avatar traveled to Britania in are:
Ultima
Ultima III
Ultima IV
Ultima V
Ultima VI
Ultima VII
Ultima Underworld I

Ultima II took place on earth. Ultima VII Part 2 took place on the Serpent Isle. Ultima VIII took place on Pagan. In Ultima Underworld II, the Avatar was already in Britania.
- Hazard_82
  
  I admit I never played Ultima II as by the time I was old enough to appreciate the games they were already into ultima VI. I was basing what I said off of the Fellowship manual that I still have from Ultima VII which states that the avatar traveled to Britiana to defeat Minax. Must have been a retcon on their part.

Hazard_82

I think that Ultima Underworld would count as the 7th trip to Britiana thus making a total of 8 trips. I doubt the writers realized that though, just ended up getting lucky with the count of Previous games…

http://twitter.com/ivirj ivirj

i made lots of thro ups and icky poops wich iz bad

http://www.facebook.com/Wade.Wilson4 Wade Seewald

crap i think i’ve been to that park

Aurini

I only ever played the 8th and 9th games – so I should have been the target demograhpic for the background information – but they way they presented the information wasn’t only hamfisted, it was downright confusing. Paladins? Yes I know what a bloody Paladin is. Who the hell is this Lord British guy?

Never explained.

http://www.facebook.com/gregory.mcintyre.31 Gregory McIntyre

purple moongates in ultima underworld 2 in the ethereal void…

The magic not working thing is really weird, because I remember playing this game a bit and giving up when a 10 year old asks me for money and then when I say no starts shooting fireballs at me. That’s the moment I quit the game for good.

Brandon Rice

Wow. Just… wooooow.

I’ve never played an Ultima game in my life, but I was captivated by the story from some of the earlier games from your reviews. It seemed like it had created an awesome world, with some very unique ideas…
… and this. I’d compare it to bad fanfiction, but even the worst fanfiction can usually get basic plot details correct.This is just… amazingly bad. It’s like all the writer of this game knew about the franchise as a whole is what he read on Wikipedia; except I’m sure any halfway decent writer could do a lot better with just that.

My gosh… what an amazing betrayal of the franchise. What an amazing black eye to the fans. I’ve never even played the games and I feel offended, I can’t imagine how you must feel.Woow.

Kaihedgie

“but even the worst fanfiction can usually get basic plot details correct” My Immortal got that right?
- http://twitter.com/lurkeriatipsos Mary Sulkowski
  
  Oh, man, now I reeeeeeeeally want to see a terrible fanfic where some random teenage “goff” goes to high school with the Avatar, who inexplicably changes his name to “Vampire,” starts wearing red contacts, and takes this chick with him to have adventures (and sex) in Britannia.
  
  (Lord British: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?!?!?!
  
  *1 scene later*
  “sry 4 swerin i had a haedach”
  AN: SEE I FIXED IT STFU FLAMMERS)
  - Kaihedgie
    
    Great, now he has an excuse to kill us all thinkin’ about that D:
  - http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon
    
    It would certainly be a better love-story than Twilight at least. ;-)

http://twitter.com/ChazAdder Charles Noland

Your anger for this game reminds me of the anger I had for Max Payne 3 after I beat it. They mentioned Mona Sax only once in the game and….fuck it.

This was the only Ultima game I played until checking out Ultima 4 recently. I enjoyed it but it was years ago. EA really fucked over Origin with this game but Origin didn’t do much better.

http://www.facebook.com/andrew.coleman.79 Andrew Coleman

The whole game is crap because they didn’t reference Mona Sax? Fantastic.
- http://twitter.com/ChazAdder Charles Noland
  
  No it sucked because rockstar changing everything good in Max Payne but the Mona Sax thing is fairly annoying since her relationship with max was so important to the 2nd game to the point that her at her death, Max admits he loved her. And then in 3, he said it was a mistake. Also, Max is left with a bittersweet ending with 2 since he finally lets good of his demons just to be picked up again in four years? Not to mention the lack of symbolism in the 3rd game. The first 2 where rich in mythotic connections while the 3rd one puts an annoying filter over everything. Also, FUCK AUTO AIM and that horrid combat system. SHIT!

http://www.facebook.com/roberto.m.chunga Roberto Moran Chunga

Best review until now Spoony, i love it. Really waiting for part 2

http://dilbert719.livejournal.com/ dilbert719

I’m still in the running! I had it pegged at 250 BETRAYAL!s.

My only exposure to Ultima was on the NES and Game Boy, but I loved the console port of Ultima IV (I know it controls completely differently, and Ultima purists would scoff, but the story was mostly the same, and that was really the point), and just from this part, I’m torn between convulsing with laughter at you and convulsing with rage right along with you, Spoony. You get this a lot, I know, but this may well be your best review of all time.

Brandon Rice

But there are ways to explain things to new players without making the hero of the game look like he forgot his own life. I mean, just have some books laying around that talk about that stuff.

TCBLB

Wow…….I had no idea that this was going to be THIS BAD. Looks good on the surface but dig a little and it gets bad. Kinda like a shit burger. Looks like a burger, tastes like shit.

Spoony, you did a great job on this. Stay healthy, keep busy and have fun man.

Jean Baudrillard

EA Sports advertisment shoehorned in… doesn’t get a betrayal counter?

capthavic

I think this video was really funny…but I’m not entirely sure. XD

Great to finally see just how bad that game is. I never played any of the Ultima games before so this whole retrospective was very interesting and funny to an outsider like me.

And apparently there really is nothing that EA can’t completely butt-fuck. C&C4 was a pile of shit and a betrayal for fans too, but dear god this is far worse. Not only is continuity from previous games completely fubar, but it can’t stay consistent within their own damn game.

EA go fuck yourself.

Jean Baudrillard

No betrayal for making a park the only exit and entrance to a texas suburban home?

http://twitter.com/CMDBawb Martyn Mees

Ultima 9 is the best looking game they’d seen EVER in any genre? Really? Because I can list off a tonne of games (released around the same time, give or take one year either way) that look sooo much better. Like… Unreal (and UT), Quake 3, Freespace, Descent 3, Homeworld, System Shock 2, Silent Hill 1, Everquest, Metal Gear Solid and just 6 months after, one of the best FPS/RPG games ever made, DEUS FUCKING EX (headed by our ol’ chum Warren Spector, who jumped ship off… ULTIMA 9!)
Do ya get my point? That turd looked dated when it was released! Urgh, this game blows chunks.

athan brown

i bet 137 at the beginning….I’m screwed.

http://twitter.com/UnitOmega Chris Parker

Wow, it seems a lot like this game was designed with people who had played NONE of the previous games, as opposed to an epic conclusion to a long running franchise. I suspect EA fucked that one up.

http://twitter.com/GoucheGizmo CBirds

EA? this better end with some kind of mass effect 3 ending parody

http://www.facebook.com/people/Roman-Monaghan/100000507912679 Roman Monaghan

In before the douchebags asking “well how would you have done it better?” I for one would have had it so some different, new hero from earth was summoned to save Britania in the Avatars absence, out of desperation since he was dicking around in pegan and all, and then have him join the party and have that dude ask all the exposition questions about the codex and stuff and have you, the fucking Avatar, explain it to them.

Also GOG seems to be releasing the Ultima games shortly after Spoony reviews them, like fucking clockwork, so be prepared for IX to pop up pretty soon.

http://www.facebook.com/malice936 Malcomb Bell

I hate to say this Spoony, but that is the SECOND worst game you’ve played in your life, or have you completely suppressed the terrible memories of playing ET for the Atari 2600.

With that said this game sucks balls like a cheep hooker on prom night and I pity anyone that has ever played it.

Kaihedgie

To him, unlike ET, Ultima IX offended every fiber of his being since the series was basically his childhood
PeaTearGryfin

Dude ET is the Citizen Kane of video games compared to Ultima IX. Seriously, this game has not yet begun to suck!

Jean Baudrillard

@31:36 Get your goddamn hair out of your goddamn trap wannabe mouth and get a haircut NOW.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Benjamin-Wiederaenders/100001508003093 Benjamin Wiederaenders

What the fuck is people’s problem with men having long hair? Are you a sexist? It’s goddamn 2012, chill the fuck out. Either get mad at EVERYONE for having long hair or shut the FUCK up.

Rodrigo Ibarra

Paladin:
1
medieval champion: a
champion or hero, especially in medieval legend or history
2.
champion of cause:
somebody known for championing a cause
3.
one of Charlemagne’s
companions: any one of the 12 legendary companions of Charlemagne

JenxRodwell

…Holy. Fucking. Shit. Seriously, I’ve never played any single Ultima game, since they were kinda before my childhood, but from what I’ve read, from what I’ve seen in your reviews…How could this game even exist? It is fundamentally wrong on it’s very basic level.

I…Man I can’t wait to see the rest of this, because I honestly can’t imagine how worse this could get.

P.S.: Loved the Blind Guardian song at the end. Makes you wish they had a song about the Avatar, doesn’t it? Seems like the kinda thing they’d do.

Gregg Friedman

Even never played the games just watched your reviews and I know what the Codex is. Also EA not only insults Ultima fans with the paladin comment it insults EVERY fan who has ever played a medieval game before

http://twitter.com/CaptAlbatross Reid

Holy hell…your rage was completely justified. What the fuck were they THINKING?!

http://www.facebook.com/Fugitive.Unknown Marc Thompson

EA has a real simple way of operating.

1) Buy a unique company with their bottomless pile of sports license profits
2) Executive Meddling/Fire Everyone/Cut Development Time in half
3) Release incredibly shitty product
4) Profit on the game’s previous reputation and the work of the remaining studio, now working 100 hour weeks
5) Repeat till license/studio is killed, then goto 1.

They did it with Bullfrog, Maxis, Westwood and Origin. Am I missing any?
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001259383945 Magnus Hellman
  
  is uppose you can claim that’s what’s happening to bioware, but it hasn’t happned yet.
  so, no i don’t think you missed any.

http://www.facebook.com/pedroex444 Pedro Uriel Pedrotti Vieira

i don’t get it. in ultima 8 the guardian destroyed britannia and ruled everyhing while u was in pagan, but some parts of britannia are still safe. HOW???????

http://www.facebook.com/pedroex444 Pedro Uriel Pedrotti Vieira

cuz, if he invaded britannia, he should rule ALL britannia, not just a piece of it :l .

http://twitter.com/NeroAngelus Nero Angelus

Spoony does the tapestry ignore the serpant gods? because I didn’t see it on the tapestry.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Amanda-Low/100000931121608 Amanda Low

First guess on betrayal counter: 42. *looks at time and notices there are 21 at 16min*
… 72…
*at 37 in 21min*… 114….
*ends with 93* … Freaking crap.

http://www.facebook.com/JCW91 Jake Willson

Wait…FUCKING EA DID THIS?!?!?!?
DOES THEIR SACRILEGE EVER END?!??!?

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

This is a really good review and a fitting end to the Ultima reviews. I like how it is really long and gives us all the context we need.

When I watch this review I keep substituting the words “Ultima 9″ with “ME3 ending”. It fits shockingly well. Where everything before that was great but then it was all ruined in the last entry (5 minutes).
The “what’s a paladin?” line specifically reminds me about how when the god child destroys the Mass Relays. In so doing Tali and the other Quarians cannot go home, which is bad by itself, but also insults Legion who was willing to risk everything to save the very people who wanted to kill him. And it also nullifies Mordin’s final action as his death resulted in hope for the Krogans and ended the hostilities between Krogan and Turians, which is not pointless since they will never have contact with each other ever again.

Anyway:
Damn, this really is one of the biggest ruinations of a franchise I have ever seen. It goes up there with ME3′s ending, Spider Man’s One Last Day, the Highlander sequels and Metroid Other M as one of the biggest franchise destroyers ever. So bad that even people who are not invested in the franchise are offended by it.

It seems painfully obvious that this was supposed to be the first game for new players. Which doesn’t make sense since this was the last game in the franchise. Why not end on a high note and then reboot the franchise?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Ton/100002392636755 Richard Ton

Same here I keep getting ME3 in mind, the moment he started mentioning EA this I start to remember Pagan review and in this, I was like wait…EA forced origin to release a sequel within a year, hmm Dragon Age 2, EA forced a company they own to focus on multiplayer as a cash-in TOR/ME3 multiplayer, dumbing down the game to appeal to a general audience, and over all the betrayal meter breaking, ME3 ending…seriously F EA.I guess history really does rhyme…
- http://twitter.com/KRBlackRX BlackRX
  
  The funny thing here is that the multiplayer wasn’t even developed by the guys doing the SP side of ME3. It’s a completely separate batch of people doing the MP, so the usual “they pulled guys away to make the MP” doesn’t apply. I also love how the last FIVE MINUTES of a game being bad is somehow comparable to the entirety of Ultima 9 being awful.
Vismutti

“It seems painfully obvious that this was supposed to be the first game for new players. Which doesn’t make sense since this was the last game in the franchise. Why not end on a high note and then reboot the franchise? ”

This.

http://twitter.com/IanHaverkamp Ian Haverkamp

EA = SATAN

in my opinion 75% of the ea games are completely bullshit

MediaGold

I like how the reviews from the so-called experts are all based on appearances and possibilities. To paraphrase, they were all like ”It LOOKS awesome!” “We fully expect this game to be breathtaking!” and my fav ”There’s a CHANCE it’s GOING TO BE a classic!” which could just as well say “There’s also a POSSIBILITY it MIGHT suck giant troll cock!” Never trusted video game reviewers in print. They helped to make me the jaded skepticpath I am today.

I’ve bitched a lot lately, but this is good stuff right here. I like the personal rage juxtaposed with the background info on the making of the game. The Betrayal! Counter make be literally LOL for the first few dozen times, but eventually became a little tiresome. That’s not Spoony’s fault though, the game was just that bad. Maybe some new “Betrayal!” comments can be pulled from that Angry Joe co video or perhaps new ones produced?

BTW Spoony, the hair. The hair, man! Screw you to Ginnungapap, Tom Hiddleston!! Spoony, you’re turning into the Halo version of Howard Hughes. Please, for the love of Reb, do not fight the Flowbee!

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

Screw mainstream reviewers. They aren’t critics, they’re advertisers.

http://twitter.com/mmorpgssuck Miguelito

Wait, what’s a paladin? :D

http://www.facebook.com/people/Phillip-Jonathan-Brown/609074211 Phillip Jonathan Brown

Huh, didn’t know you were a fan of Blind Guardian, awesome!
Also, these paladins you speak of…what are they?

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZLSYFJYO6LQWVKOLAMDM3QHIRQ Daniel

Looks like the same garbage as all previous games.

Grendle1853

Did they at least try and claim that he had amnesia? That would have been a shitty excuse and not have addressed nearly half of the plot holes…but it would have been something! I’ve never even played one of these games before in my life, hell I had no idea this series even existed until I saw your first review, and this offends the shit out of me! I can’t wait to see part to and see you rip this piece of fuck a new ass! This review is awesome and I feel your rage man! Also the way you did the Guardian’s lip movements is hilarious and exactly like they were in the intro for 7, great job man!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000880406038 Ct St

50 other people may have said this but you forgot Ultima underword the Stygian abyss in the counts of going to Britannia 1 3 4 5 6 7 9 and underworld. 2 takes place in earth and you are already in Britannia in underworld 2.Just saying

http://www.awesomesaucegames.me/ Shaolin Dave

Welcome back, Spoony. Hope things start looking up for you

http://profile.yahoo.com/BVXNXNUUJ5WQZHTCZN4DVRRPFM Παύλος Αλτίνης-στεφανίδης

-=delete this please=-

Salculd

I guessed 55 for a first part, but I was only guessing based on previous-installment contradiction as opposed to internal contradiction/dumbness. Not that that makes much sense in retrospect.

Vortemeer

I think the bandits, spiders and rats in the park can only be explained by the Avatar tripping balls, wandering off and murdering a group of hapless LARPers.

somerussianguy

It’s my Birthday today, I wake up, check the site, and there a new review. BEST GIFT EWARR!

phoenix7786

Hey Spoony! We missed your Ultima reviews! By the way, you missed a Betrayal at 20. You showed the blue Moongates, yelled BETRAYAL! but it still stayed at 20.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Lauderdale/100000047693553 Chris Lauderdale

Hey Spoony, I know why the avatar sounds so horrible to you.

Imagine his voice saying this: “You’re in my way sir.” or “You’re standing in my spot.”

http://twitter.com/IanHaverkamp Ian Haverkamp

the episode was absolutely worth the wait

http://www.facebook.com/Manyeyes Mathew Mount

Oh Spoony, your anger sustains me.

http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

Not knowing what a Paladin is? That’s a paddlin’!

This is easily one of the best works Spoony has done and well worth the wait, and a very generous 40+ minutes of aggressive hilarity, and you know what the sad thing is? We are quickly going to have more “get off your ass and make some new real content!” whining, I’m sure.

The Pagan review was something that held me over for a long time, I literally watched that one over and over again and still enjoy it! THIS one will certainly be no different (“BETRAYAL!” didn’t get boring to me, a pleasant surprise!). I’m content! I’m thankful and I’m grateful. This was gold!

And it is heartbreaking seeing how this game just pisses on everything from before it, but it’s also uplifting listening someone speak so passionately against it (a story like this deserves to be nitpicked to High Hell). I just enjoy listening to all the psychotic ramblings. This review touched me in a place I can’t show you, heh heh (…probably shouldn’t have mentioned that).

Oh, also, “The Gayvatar” sent my humor into overdrive! Is it bad that I actually want to see more of him? It’s the least they could do for taking out Fucking Chuckles, my FAVORITE! May a desert scorpion seek shelter in this game’s underpants for that.

*EDIT* After scrolling down to read more comments (always a risk), I see we already have some “make new stuff, dammit!” comments. Excuse me, I think I need to immediately watch this video again. Suddenly, the Absent-minded Avatar’s phrases don’t seem as idiotic to me anymore.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jovan-Stipic/1520802005 Jovan Stipic

MADE MY FUCKING DAY

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-McGriff/100000128886484 Kenneth McGriff

I’m pretty sure the reason for the Avatar waking up on earth is a nasty case of rape.
The time lord must have raped him in the shower, that explains how he new where his clothes were.

Michael McCrea

Damn, Spoony.

Just…damn.

Given how long you’ve been building up to this…it’s been worth the wait. This is already The Avengers of internet reviews. I was actually glad for the ad break so I could stop wheezing from laughter.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Ellis/100002419726549 Nathan Ellis

This is hands down his best review since Final Fantasy VIII and Yor. The animations on the guardian are fucking stellar.

The quality of the reviews lately should make it obvious why it takes a month to put out a scripted, shot, and edited video like this.

http://www.facebook.com/Fugitive.Unknown Marc Thompson

Hey, Spoony, great review, but I have just one question – What’s a Paladin?

But seriously, fuck this game. It’s great you are reviewing it. Like you, I loved Ultima, and owned 4-7(II). After Ultima 8, I totally gave up on the franchise, though I did play UO for a while. Maybe you should do a Quest for Glory/Hero Quest retrospective with Paw some time?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Lauderdale/100000047693553 Chris Lauderdale

Wait a minute, the bread was poisoned…food poisoning…the avatar sounds like fucking Reynolds telling Spoony to get out of his spot…

This game is going beyond it’s own UNIVERSE to creep into Spoony’s life to make him miserable.

Dear Odin, this is like Inception level crap happening.

J.G. te Molder

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

I guessed 90, I guessed that would be mighty high, dang; about right… FOR THE FIRST PART!

Stephen Robert Spiteri

I cant begin to imagine the immense amount of effort gone into adressing virtually every retcon, plot hole and BETRAYAL in this game. O_O

http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-Mc-Devitt/100002626261475 Stephen Mc Devitt

I never realized how shit Ultima IX REALLY is. I bet your review on Final Fantasy XIII won’t have you as angry Ultima IX because the main games are not connected to each other story-wise so XIII can’t be a betrayal.

Here’s a suggestion for a “What’s a paladin?” t-shirt, have IX’s Avatar(d) with a retarded face saying the line in a speech bubble.

Higaki Rinne

Oh my god Soviet Star Wars poster

GreenGear

Hey Spoony? Spoony. I want you to know this.

When I need to get to work on drawing something, and for some reason I don’t feel like it, and my ritalin isn’t helping or I’m really sleepy, playing one of your videos in the background perks me right up. It’s like a magic spell.

So thank you. For being ______.

… I’ll fill that blank when I know what goes there.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Grzegorz-Wojtczyk/100000046280578 Grzegorz Wojtczyk

Before this review was posted I got curious about how bad Ultima 9 can be. I found the game and bought it (yes I’m stupid that way). Not only this game is an insult to the RPG genre itself but it’s also BORING ! Horribly boring ! I can’t wait when Spoony mentions how stupid the enemies are, how easy it is to earn lots of gold without any effort whatsoever and what’s worst the gold is almost fucking useless, how the most of the enemies respawn and the ending…my god THE ENDING !! Mass Effect’s 3 ending is NOTHING compared to this. NOTHING !

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1120763133 John Lindgren

You are amping up my expectations on his raging, I expect a “betrayal!” tribute at the ending of this review now.^^
- Grzegorz Wojtczyk
  
  This is just a beginning of one of the biggest clusterfucks in gaming.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Landon-Mcmillan/100002530239252 Landon Mcmillan

EA Games are ture face of evil in world of Gameing They kill there games I can’t wait when star wars old repbuliic gonna die soon =w=

http://profile.yahoo.com/ONJQSK3FK7MUQCXLUK7JDMZLKQ Jon

Whats a paladin?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Randolph-Sparks/1158049612 Randolph Sparks

The mention of Ion Storm got me thinking of how awesome it would be if you reviewed Daikatana. Not only is it one of the worst FPS’s ever made, its also a great real life story about the dangers of hubris.

This review was epic. Can’t wait for the rest.

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

This was to incredible and very funny! I am on the edge of my seat for part 2!!!!!

http://danielj.se MaTachi

Really fun review!

http://profile.yahoo.com/Z7Y7PQQ35EAPIBQHBOGL6ILVXI yahoo-Z7Y7PQQ35EAPIBQHBOGL6ILVXI

Thank you !

Thank you so much for finishing this.

Of all the reviews you’ve done on this site, this is one is by far your biggest and best.

A fitting Magnum Opus for the series you obviously love above all others.

ScreamingDoom

Huzzah, it’s here!

Damn funny review, Spoony. The counting gag still has some legs (especially with the amusing “betrayal!” sound effects added).

Just a couple of criticisms:
The reverb on the Guardian’s voice really makes him difficult to hear. You might wanna consider toning it down for the next part.

Some of the points you bring up seem really petty, too. Like the crystal thing on the tapestry of ages. Most of that stuff is from the box art on the previous games. It seems kinda nitpicky to complain about it, especially since you DIDN’T complain when you were reviewing those games.

Still, very amusing review so far.

… What’s a paladin?

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_E67AFJJD24BH7AVTOIAFX5GWGQ Christopher

Audio engineer nitpick: that sounded more like a phaser or flanger than a reverb.

Meghan Heath

I watched all of them since VII and I watched the old ones. And omg…… I watched the opening on youtube to Ultima IX. After seeing your reviews, I was confused as hell. I already saw the ending. (You haven’t seen shit yet) And read the original ideas for the IX and thought it was really good. It showed actually a great ending to the Avatar and Lord British. This… Omg… This is terrible in every way possible. I see totally where you’re coming from. Sort of my reaction to Micheal Bay doing Teenage Mutant (sorry, aliens) Ninja Turtles.

Dear hollywood: Stop raping people’s childhoods.

http://twitter.com/JagarTharn Artemiy Andreyev

Geez, where did you get a Soviet Star Wars poster?

Man, I love the “Betrayal!” counter, especially the “BETRAAAAYAL!” and “Betrayed me!” yells.

Carteeg_Struve

I’m getting the feeling that you’re just playing some random schlubb and Lord British summoned the wrong guy.

Vismutti

That would actually explain a lot…
ScreamingDoom

Heh, that would be pretty funny. The dude is just some guy who moved in to the Avatar’s house when he mysteriously disappeared and the narrator guy just assumed that after the Avatar vanished in Serpent’s Isle that he went back home.

“What? Oh, y-yeah! I’m, like, totally this Avatar guy, yup. So, like… where does he — I mean, do I — score some chicks?”

“Avatar, my inexplicable aging has also ruined my eyesight, but I will trust you are the same person.”

I bet the scene from the end of Ultima 8 is when the REAL Avatar gets back after Doofus Avatar had royally screwed the pooch. Time works differently on Pagan relative to both Earth and Britannia, so the Avatar returns to Britannia after Ultima 9 and that’s why the Guardian has conquered everything.
- http://www.facebook.com/Tanakh0101 Brian Daege
  
  Best plot, EVER

http://twitter.com/plastikloeffel El K

wait….
so they had time to place a fucking skeleton in your flat as an easter egg, but they can’t get the lore right…slowclap EA slowclap

Scirocco

:D I love Blind Guardian!

Vismutti

Wow… just wow, this game IS stupid. So… time for alternate ending fanfics? Or maybe even fangames.

Actually, bats apparently can hover… Not exactly like that but then the graphics of this game probably aren’t good enough to simulate bat wing motions, since they are significantly more complex than a bird’s. (Btw, bats are AWESOME!)

Anyway. It’s awesome to finally see this. Can’t wait for the next part.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff

I think they got the wrong guy; this isn’t the Avatar, this is the AvaTard

Farhad German

Oooh, reconstruction of Ultima IX (bottom upgrade). Maybe you should check it out, Spoony:
http://reconstruction.voyd.net/index.php?event=project&typeKeyword=upgrades

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Sounds to good to be true!
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

I don’t know. Unless they had Richard Garriot to help make new dialog (so we can hear the story HE wanted to tell), I don’t know how much this will fix.

What if, for example, they tried to preserve as much as they could while fixing all of the obvious flaws, and that this was left in the hands of people who knew nothing about Ultima. You may have better balanced gameplay, but the story will still suck.

I say fly in Richard Garriot and start over from scratch.
- Tovi Almozlino
  
  I’ve played with that mod, and it’s definitely an improvement. Although the game still sucks.

Vismutti

Oh and I love the Betrayal-counter. I want one! For real life!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1120763133 John Lindgren

This is awesome!^^

PeaTearGryfin

I think with the whole, “What’s a paladin?” thing we may have found a new “You’re standing in my spot, sir.”

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

What’s a spot?…

jordon1993

Man sounds like Electronic Arts earned their reputation of the worst company in America even back in Ultima’s days. Can’t imagine how traumatic Ultima 9 must’ve been for Spoony when he first played it.

Charles McFarlin

What the hell is this game? I mean, I have seen some huge plot holes in games, and I have also seen entire games retroactively removed from the story, but this is just sad. The Legend of Zelda has better continuity than this game. And the line “What’s a paladin” is so stupid, that even somebody who has never played any of the Ultima games had to just stop watching for a minute. EA, you are the worst thing that happened to gaming and I swear that you are run by the biggest group of morons that world has ever seen.

Anyway, great start of the review of this game, and the animation of the Guardian is hilarious. Also, I think the Betrayal counter is a nice touch.

http://twitter.com/geddyb geddyb

What’s a paladin? …. Oh, nothing… only a fairy-tale…

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

LoL!

SOMETHINGMAN

OH MY GOD!!! You are 100% right Spoony! This game SUUUUUCKS!!!!! And EA sucks just as hard!
Spoony, I know that you did all these Ultima reviews just to prepare us for this shitfest, but at least one good thing came out of all this, you introduced us to an awesome franchise that many of us didn’t even know about. So thank you Spoony, and good luck with the abomination.

JonFM

Why does it feel like at one point in development they planned to make it into a fantasy game that didn’t involve anything from ultima?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kostantine-Paradias/601861994 Kostantine Paradias

Blind Guardian end credits song FUCK YEAH!

Kepa140

Finally got to see the 1st part and oh boy was it worth waiting for
this… this. I don’t know how say it. Epic Awesome Video maybe.
I don’t think I have ever smiled this big when I’ve klicked on your sites logo on my bookmarks. But this time when I saw the title I smiled so weid I think I strained my cheek muscels. GREAT JOB SPOONY!!! :)

http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen

I do think Spoony gets a little too angry about things in this game. Don’t get me wrong this sucks but in context with the betrayal counter why does glass on the floor equal one betrayal and so does the line “Whats a Paladin?” when that is so much more of a betrayal? Also if small details like the glass on the floor were the only issues in the game would he have cared? I do really like this review I just thing some of the things he bitches about are a little inconsequential and pointless to get upset about.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Harald-Pol/100003734296488 Harald Pol

There had always been small inconsistencies in the ultima games. For example Ultima VII, which I personally consider to be the best in the series, has a lot of Nitpicks carefully listed in their wiki: http://ultima.wikia.com/wiki/Ultima_VII_Nitpicks

As you yourself have pointed out: If there were only small nitpicks like these and the overall product were great, there would be no rage about them. But mistakes like those can be seen as reciprocally getting worse. One acts as a catalyst to make the next mistake even worse, and as soon as something is fucked up as much as this, you begin to notice even the smallest nitpicks as huge things, because they are elevated by all the other wrong stuff surrounding them.

So, why I agree that sometimes in the review it is unclear why some things get a betrayal counter and others don’t, you better believe that even the smaller nitpicks in IX are infuriating to fans of the series.
- http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen
  
  I’m not a big fan. the last one came out when I was six so I never got a chance to play it. In fact my first real RPG was Morrowind. But yeah things like the EA Sports on the TV seemed far more infuriating than glass so I don’t know why that didn’t get a betrayal counter. But since I’m not a fan it is nice to get some things cleared up.
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Rodoy/775323495 David Rodoy
    
    EA on the TV isn’t a ‘betrayal’ really because it’s meant to be ‘our world’ in which – to some, unfortunately – EA exists. The betrayal counter is counting up all the different ways that 9 contradicts established lore.
    
    I’d be surprised if Spoony wasn’t pissed off about EA Sports on the TV as a separate thing, though.
LotusPrince

Maybe the glass on the floor wouldn’t be such a big betrayal by itself, but all of this stuff really does add up, and it shows that the developers got almost every single thing wrong that they could get wrong. They didn’t know ANYTHING about the previous games, and boy, does it show.

“What’s a paladin?” – Betrayal because it’s inexcusable.

Broken glass – betrayal because they clearly don’t know how Britannia and Earth time work, when they really should, if they’re making a damn Ultima game, where stuff like this matters.

Etc.

TheShakan

I must admit:
The story of this game is sh*t.
But:
The game engine was great. Remember this was 2 years before Gothic and 3 years before Morrowind.
If this hadn’t been connected to the Ultima series it would have been a great Zelda-style RPG in 3D in an open world sandbox. I can understand that it wasn’t possible to recreate the whole Britannia on the available PCs at that time.

@Spoony: Have you forgotten that every year on Earth is hundreds of years in Britannia. That could explain some of the changes there..

http://www.facebook.com/people/Harald-Pol/100003734296488 Harald Pol

>@Spoony: Have you forgotten that every year on Earth is hundreds of
years in Britannia. That could explain some of the changes there..

20 years here are in Brittannia time.

If they were earth-time, imagine how much worse it makes the basic premise.

Basically centuries in which the Guardian was just sitting there, doing nothing. “Well I got a fortress here now, and raised some columns. Now to wait for a hundred years until the avatar can arrive and fuck me in the ass.”

Centuries in which Lord British was all like: “Oh, I’m getting really old for a reason now, even though centuries of aging never did that before. Wait, there are some strange evil columns, and there may be reports of the Guardian building a giant fortress, if only the Avatar was here… Well, better summon him in a hundred years or so.”

Also: twenty years in which the Avatar basically forgot about the urgency of the situation, and fondled his balls back in Texas…

marabackman

Looking at the game from the viewpoint of never having played any of the Ultima-games (except for about a week of UO back in 2001 or so), I’m left wondering whether this game could have worked if they hadn’t tried to connect it to the Ultima franchise at all? I like some of the designs, particularly the wyrmguard.

John Haslach

So much stupid. So much dumb.

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

I hope your talking about the game and not the review… Because otherwise, I dont have very many nice things to say to you sir… >:(

http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Mark-Maczynski/100001459257449 Michael Mark Maczynski

The “Betrayal Counter” has to be one of the funniest gags you’ve ever come up with. Bravo on this episode, for sure.

http://www.facebook.com/iwpoe Matthew M Perry

Many of the complaints Noah has (cf. “What’s a paladin?”) could have been avoided had they just put all lore in in-game books- a la the Elder Scrolls -rather than making the avatar ask blatantly stupid questions about his own past to learn about the game world. It’s strange to me that they didn’t since the beginning of the game has a book interface that Noah showed us.

ORCACommander

or treat people like adults and give us a nice brief summery in the manual but wait that would not have mattered because they took a butcher knife to continuity

Baschy

Blind Guardian at the End! How fitting: The Guardian and Blind Guardian and bleeding realms ^^ Powermetal FTW ^^ Awesome review, Spoony!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Harald-Pol/100003734296488 Harald Pol

Damn, it had to be a two-parter… Or maybe even more than that? I hope it won’t stretch itself over weeks, I already feel like a junkie on withdrawal here…

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

This review is so good I had to watch it 3 times in the same day so far! Best thing on the internet right now! Good job Spoony!

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

So…who IS the Gayvatar? Is he some sore of admirer/stalker? Is he trying to compete with the real Avatar?

My money is that he’s Curtis in a full suit of armor: “I heard that, Avatar!”

http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen

You mean Curtis’s friend right?
- http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
  
  Dammit, that’s right…better change my post.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Tor-Nordmark/1278870363 Tor Nordmark

By Azura, by Azura, It’s the Avatar standing right next to me!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000523571584 Vincent van As

look, they don’t really take Continuatie al that serious like some other people
HINT HINT!!!

LotusPrince

Screwing up some continuity might happen by accident, but anyone would rage after seeing the last ten seconds of Pagan, and the first ten seconds of Ultima 9. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to accidentally screw something like that up. The developers are just assholes, here.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nash-Knight/740228999 Nash Knight

I can see that the main flaw of this game is the inconsistency of the story, and since the Ultima games rely heavily on the story, it is a major flaw. But what’s even worse is that all of that could be easily remedied.. but it seem like no one even tried. Hell if you ditched the voice overs and give me a note pad editor to alter the text I could make it twice as better in 10 minutes.
I can see how they made more effort to make the graphics look good in order to please the younger gaming population, but what’s the point?? Kids who haven’t played earlier Ultima games won’t play this one either. And the older fans found themselves just insulted.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Borean/100000041163314 Michael Borean

Fantastic start to the Ultima 9 review. My brother and I watched it, and when you mentioned the betrayal count I said 74, then learned maybe I was just a TAD low. I look forward to this continuing. These reviews really make me wish I’d played the Ultima games when I was younger – when I got into gaming (when I was like, 3-4) it was the Apogee dos games and BBS’s with LOTR, Usurper, Trade wars and the like.

I also look forward to FF13, because that game to me was the betrayal of my child hood memories, as I love me some Final Fantasy games. 1-7, 9 and 10 (Minus the fact that Tidus apparently lived because no fuck that he died I don’t care if there is a video of that at the end of 10, he fucking died or it ruins the whole story), Tactics, and FF13 took me who was already becoming disillusioned (From FF 10-2 and 12) and ground me into the floor with its stupid story and BORING combat system. I spent the first 4-5 hours of that game holding the controller to the side of my head and hitting X because I didn’t really have to do anything else. I finally gave up 20 hours in because I honestly wasn’t interested in it any more. Why is it that turn based combat makes people angry and hate games? I really want to know. What’s wrong with it? Is the idea of things waiting for turns that terrible? Let me tell you, turn based combat (ala 1-10 and Tactics) is better then the alternative that FF 13 used. A lot of people I hear bitch about turn based combat I KNOW play or played DnD as well, which just hurts my head.

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Well in the games defense this WAS made before the flawless law and guard system of Oblivion and Skyrim!
Oblivion’s imperial guards: “STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!!!”
Skyrim’s nord guards: “Where here to teach you a lesson law breaker…”

TheShakan

Have you read the manual?
In the intro it it states:
“… you remember neither your past journeys nor our struggles together”
Could explain the lack of knowledge.

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Well according to that logic he should be freaked out by the disembodied voice and ask what an avatar is and be cautious about going to another world and will have a hard time caring about saving an alien world he doesn’t ever remember being in. But no… He is all for saving the world and fixing everyone’s problem in Britannia… So long story short the manual is bull shit and your logic is flawed!
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughan-MacDonald/100000473507885 Vaughan MacDonald
  
  Also he wouldn’t have a clue who Lord British was.
LotusPrince

1. Good point. However…

2. What Jesse said.

3. Your poor memory has nothing to do with why Pagan apparently never happened, as Britannia is in perfect working order. The point is, the developers of this game simply didn’t give a flying fuck.
ORCACommander

what are these manuals? are these little books that are supposed to explain how to play a game and give it back story? No such mythical things exist unless you mean those scraps of paper that little more than advertisements.
- http://www.facebook.com/martin.feindor Martin Feindor
  
  It would seem you never owned an Origin game…
  
  Oh man, I remember the mercenary magazine that was part of Strike Commander. Now _that_ was how you publish a game!
  - ORCACommander
    
    wish i had when growing up but did not get into pc games until 2001. I missed out on a lot of good stuff. still am damn how little pocket money i have. closest thing to what your saying i ever got was with baldur’s gate 2 short of a collector’s edition.
http://www.facebook.com/martin.feindor Martin Feindor

This is actually nonsense. The paragraph you are refering to reads as follows:
“Good tidings, old friend. It has been many moons. Perhaps you do not recollect my name. Perhaps you remember neither your past journeys nor our struggles together.”
and a little later on the same page:
“You and I know the reason, old friend. When the eight sacred Runes of Virtue disappeared from the Museum of Britannia, the cloak of their guidance over the people began to shrink.”

So all the text implies is that the Avatar might not remember the person writing to him, but he knows exactly who he is, what virtues are and what he did during his last 7 visits to Britannia.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_INLM62MNYIOI5D2GQ22ZF3GILM ecwsandman13

The guardian grew so powerful he corrupted the game itself, and like with the pillars, it became the opposite of what it represents. The guardian already won and your just going through the worst torment of all because you fought him… your childhood is getting torn apart infront of you and you just have to sit back and watch. oh wait… mabey im thinking of mass effect 3?

spoony, what are you doing in my house??? put down the gunblade and we can…

DONT HURT ME!!!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Timo-Takalo/503889411 Timo Takalo

I forgive you, Noah.

http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Miller/501708118 James Miller

Worth.
The.
Wait.

http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen

Spoony thank you for finally posting this. It was hilarious and worth the wait. Just next time if you are doing an episode that will take a month to make just keep us posted so that we can sort of countdown to the release. The posts don’t even have to be here, they can just be twitter posts saying what portion you have written. Just an update once a week would be nice the next time around. And yes I know he talked about it on twitter but the majority was when he finished a part of the process like writing or filming and they were infrequent. Just a scheduled update would be nice.

LotusPrince

1. It’s likely a betrayal because it very obviously goes against multiple Virtues. Freaking killing a guy and storing him in your freaking fridge?

2. Countdowns until release are nice, but things happen, and they’re delayed. Spoony made an update once regarding his FFX2 review being released “next week,” and it took over a month for it to happen. In my opinion, it’s better to not know at all, as opposed to being told something, and having something make that notification false. I don’t know if you’ve ever edited a video before, but it’s pretty time consuming, and the editing for this review must have been a complete fucking nightmare. Not to mention that Spoony had said on Twitter that even playing the game again made him rage and stop what he was doing for awhile. Also, 30+ hours of footage to sift through. There’s no telling exactly when a release will happen, so it’s best not to guess, and only let people know when you are absolutely, positively sure when you can release the finished product (ie, VERY shortly before you’re finished).
- http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen
  
  My thing with the fridge is that it doesn’t seem canonical since you have to incite it by opening the fridge a set number of times. We also never see him kill the guy so there is that. Also when I say update I just mean like were any certain project is approximately, I don’t expect exact dates but it just seems alienating to be left in the dark. Maybe I was spoiled by the other three of the big four on Channel Awesome (Cinema Snob, Linkara, The Critic). I know a lot of people hate them here but I enjoy their videos. They are very punctual about schedules and communicating with the fans about schedules and updates on their projects were as Spoony is a bit disconnected from the fans on the site. I’m not going to bitch and moan about it and insult Spoony but I have been saying for a while that it would be nice if he would just say if things had to be delayed. Even if he were to say that he wanted to take a year off from reviewing that wouldn’t piss me off unless he just abandoned the site without warning. He doesn’t owe anybody on here anything in terms of his reviews because the reviews are free entertainment. All in all I’m not saying the updates are required or even necessary, it’s just a courtesy to the fans. And in return the fans should be understanding of Spoony and understand his scheduling and the fact that this isn’t his life but a job and hopefully still a passion.
  - LotusPrince
    
    Fair enough about the fridge. :-D
    
    Updates would indeed be nice, but they’d be nearly impossible to keep. I’m cool with just knowing WHAT he plans on doing in the future, as it’d be very difficult to say when it would be released. Though yeah, an update saying “Whoops, might be late” would be fine.
ORCACommander

ummm spoony has a rather checkered paste in series including the brutal murders of more than a dozen whores.

http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/05/14/lords-of-magick/
- http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen
  
  Oh. Forgot about that review.
  - ORCACommander
    
    I am sure there are a lot more references to stuff like that in his other stuff but i have not watched it all yet lol.

meltdown2insanity

The Gayvatar: how EA thinks of its fanbase since 1999!

True story: it took place at a game store I used to work. Two kids come in, about 10 to 12 years old. They head over to the counter where the row of various different dice were displayed. They get my attention to ask me how much a particular brand of dice cost. I tell them that it would be 40 cents for a pair of dice. They immediately replied, without hesitation, “What’s a pair?”

My head shut down for a few seconds; I refused to believe there were people that could be dumber than Tidus. I was hoping that they were messing with me, so I asked them if I heard what they said correctly.

“Yes, we don’t know what that means,” was among the lines that the kids had said, straightforwardly. In order to avoid saying something sarcastic, to their faces, I had to tell them, right away, it’s a set of two. Trust me, I wanted to point at them as an example of a ‘pair of dumbasses,’ but I liked working at the game shop.

ORCACommander

I’ve noticed that people aren’t really taut the meaning of quantifiers any more. brace means a set of 2 identical items, few is supposed to mean exactly three but but can be as nebulous as three to five thousand at least couple still is by and large still known as two
Vismutti

”
The Gayvatar: how EA thinks of its fanbase since 1999! ”
My thoughts exactly.

Oh my god, those kids! That’s… wow… I’m really sad all of the sudden.
http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

To be fair, maybe those particular kids never heard of, or read about, that particular word.

I’ve had similar things happen with me for certain simple English words. What drove me crazy wasn’t the fact that everyone laughed and/or made fun of me about that; it was actually when no-one would ever tell me what those simple words meant, whatever those words were.

Leomann

I really should know better at this point, but I continue to be amazed at the skill and consistency with which EA finds ways to twist beloved franchises into unrecognizable husks of their former self in their effort to ‘appeal to a wider audience.’ Its a shame really. They have occasionally produced/published some interesting stuff, like C&C generals and Mirrors Edge, but personally I can’t forgive them for taking the Tiberium series and smashing it into a wall.

Awesome review Spoony, I feel your pain.

Adrian Janda

I once installed Ultime IX, played like 30 minutes, got a blue screen of death… and found out that data on my hard drive is now completely destroyed. True story. I had to format the hard drive and reinstall Windows. Even my PC completely rejected this crap I guess.

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

It seems to me that EA went Microsoft on you. *chuckle*

urupomias

awesome. yea i can now see where youre coming from saying that this was a complete failure of a game sequel. you didnt mention much about the controls or any other gameplay so i assume they were decent on ultima scale. correct me if im wrong

Patrick Høiseth

Awsome review. I only played Ultima 4 when I was younger and didn’t really get caught into the game series. Fallout was the game that got me really into RPG’s. Although your Ultima reviews have given me many flashbacks of my early gaming years on PC.
Oh, and thanks for putting Blind Guardian at your end credits. One of my favorite Power Metal bands.

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

Excuse me, Spoony, but… What’s an adult human being? O_O
I really don’t know, even though I’ve lived on this planet for 32 years…
*BETRAYAL!*

And OMFG that game looks so fucking dull! :-P

http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Milne/100000585006326 Andrew Milne

“Ah! I’m bilocating and the game hasn’t even started! WHERE AM I!?”

I was almost crying with laughter by that point. 43 minutes dedicated just to the start of the game… how much worse can it possibly get?

I hope you’ll indulge me in a little fanboy anal-rettentiveness myself though – the Blind Guardian song in the credits is called “Sacred Worlds.” I mention this only because I saw Sacred 2 on Unskippable recently, and Blind Guardian deserve better than to be forever identified with that piece of shit.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=623351445 Akshay Venkatesh

Really worth the wait! Glad I waited!

And I know no one is really going to say this, but the graphics in that game look a lot like Morrowind.

Carteeg_Struve

I think Spoony’s history with Ultima mirrors my tracking with Final Fantasy. I literally abandoned Nintendo for almost a decade simply because the series jumped from Nintendo to PlayStation.

And then 8 happened.

Then 10.

Then 11…. and 10-2…. and 13… and 14… and I walked away before 13-2 at least.

Rehab is hard.

http://countzeroor.wordpress.com Alexander Case

You know, I can vaguely understand why all that info-dump stuff was put in the game in the first place – the writers wanted to explain all this very important stuff about Britannia for new audiences, since they’d need it to understand the game’s plot. The problem is, they did it in what is quite possibly the most ham-handed way possible, in the process undermining the character of the Avatar, and all of the earlier 8 games of back-story.

As far as the box quotes go, I do kind of wonder how many of those box quotes are from earlier versions of the game, like before the mass exodus to Ion Storm, or even further back, when most/all of the programmers were yanked off of Ultima IX and put on Ultima Online. I’d probably need to hunt down some old issues of CGW and PC Gamer (either physical or as scans) to find out.

LotusPrince

Not to mention that people who buy Ultima 9 will almost certainly have played at least some earlier games in the series, so they don’t need those idiotic questions. And seriously, explaining how food works is not necessary for any game, anywhere, ever.

FinalFantasy13

um final fantasy gets better with each installment… FFxIII and FFXIII-2 have the best battle systems and some of the best characters in the entire series.. You cant go back to boring turn based after playing those games.. Can’t wait for XIII-3..

as for ultima yikes.. this game looks terrible.

LotusPrince

The gameplay might get better, but the story, and sometimes the design, get worse. Notice that Spoony never said anything (yet?) about the core gameplay, but OH BOY, did this game shit all over the story.

Hell, Final Fantasy X2 had the best battle system of its time, but look at Spoony’s review of it. It’s mainly story.
http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Your joking right? Or just being sarcastic? Those games made me feel physically sick. There is no gameplay there. They play them selves. They are NOT final fantasy games. There just garbage. GARBAGE! I would rather play Ultima 9 until the end of time than ever ever EVER play a final fantasy 13+ game ever again. Eh~*shivers*, *cringes* , *shakes head*, *walks away*

Final Fantasy: R.I.P. 1987-2007 Final Fantasy 12 was the last Final Fantasy game ever released. I will beat the living shit out of any one who disagrees! So fuck you, and have a nice day. :)

Ya god damn moron~! :P

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

I cant believe I guess so low the first time I watched this. I guessed over 20, but specifically 27 for part 1… Wow was I wrong! I liked this game, despite its many flaws… I’m not sure if I still do after seeing this… This review is to funny and to awesome to stop watching. I am on my 4th time now today, 4 in a half actually… :3 It would be 5 times today but one time I just had this video running in the background while I was doing other stuff on the internet.

This review is great and your great to Spoony! I love your screaming in the background, it seems to be catching on with everybody! ^^ “Betrayal!!!!” Hahaha LOL! Good stuff, still cant wait for the next one!

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

guessed*

Benjamin Giordano

Wow. I even felt kind of offended by this game,a I’ve never played a single one in the series.

LotusPrince

Ditto. Those “I don’t know anything about anything” tutorial questions hurt A LOT.

Xikar

That was awesome.
I love the Guardian’s animation. I don’t know if you ever mentioned it but do you have an actual animation guy now? If you do that’s awesome. I only wonder if this means the possibility of Borg Vs Daleks in Deadilist character.

http://www.facebook.com/bassario Mike Duda

You are a legend. I have been drinking BUT!!! After being with you every step of the way and reaching this POINT in the ultima series, the passionate way, Spoony that you have expressed… NEY! Expelled your emotions about the series have made me just feel and sympathise to no end. I have recently been feeling BETRAYAL!!!!! ‘d by blizzard as Diablo 1 was one of the first games I grew up with as a child!! and the way they have BUTCHERED its memory with the lastest, 12 year anticipated sequel diabla 3 (I call it Diabla because in this instalment Diablo has breasts[FUCKIN SHOCK HORROR{AND BETRAYAAALLLLL}]) Has hurt me… in so many ways I can barely even begin to express… but you… you sat down and you expressed and fuckin braved all those emotions, something that next to my experience was probably half a lifetime of betrayal… anyway… I am just trying to say that I feel you and I feel better about myself and I love you…. so much… I really do <3 Oh and it was some of the funniest 40 minuyes I have ever watched in my life after sitting down and watching all your Ultima reviews from 1 to 8, to this moment… Know that you had a fan, ney fans (my friends) that have listened intently EVEY STEP OF THE WAY!

http://profile.yahoo.com/BLVXCVZCUBCZIAWIC3K5UCOXRM Colonel

Finally Spoony is back. And now keep up the good fucking work dammit!

http://www.vgboxart.com/author/alldreamsfalldown/ alldreamsfalldown

There’s a missing Betrayal at 16:15.

http://www.vgboxart.com/author/alldreamsfalldown/ alldreamsfalldown

Great review btw. I shouldn’t start with a nit pick :)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000520943957 Noah Goodman

I relized while watching the first couple of gameplay parts…
I played this game a long LONG time ago, when I was a small child. I was at a friend’s house playing it on his computer, completely confused on what to do and didn’t get anywhere until someone else started playing. I don’t remember if he started a different save or not but the only other thing I remember after me getting off was the other guy quitting after getting lost and attacked by evil monsters. Knowing what a catastrophe this was and the fact that I played it, oblivious to what it truly was is shocking on so many levels, and now knowing what heights this game came from is even more horrific. I only recently started playing the ultima games after watching your retrospective and a large number of them I’m still looking for a copy of all over the internet. Even with that tiny amount of interaction with the series I feel personally offended by this game’s mere existence.
This game stained my mind and marked my childhood without my knowing from such a young age… this is true BETRAYAL!!! A freaking prophecy to get me even more mad and horrified as a grew to love spoony over the about 3 years that I’ve watched him and having the entire retrospective setup the rebirth and reframing of an odd now terrible meory. THE CELESTIAL FORCES SET THIS ALL UP FROM MY CHILDHOOD!!!! It’s all a setup, it’s all BETRAYAL of my senses and well being. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

man… I sound like spoony all of a sudden…. which is hilarious given my name… anyway, can’t wait for part II…

http://twitter.com/EpicNinjaShiro Patryk Halaczkiewicz

would not be surprised if it turns out Sage is the Guardian

ZsarHora

Hey there!
The betrayal counter had a strange effect on me: First I laughed, then it annoyed me and then I couldn’t stop giggeling. At the end I decided that I like it. It only works because you used it so mercilessly and consistently.
Anyway, thanks for the funny review. Its frame – as with a lot of your other reviews – makes it special.
Don’t you cut your hair!
Take care!
P.S. Andrew, you really did a hell of a job with the intro.

http://www.geekjuicemedia.com/ Tom Badguy

This could possibly be my favorite video you have ever done. Betrayal Counter is THE SHIT. My friends and I at work have been going off on BETRAYAL! and BETRAYED ME!! all day. Good shit, Spoony.

Qoler Killen Jahn

What’s a “Spoony?”

NightStarX

WHAT’S A FUCKING PALADIN?

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

It’s a heroic and chivalrous knight who can give a woman some sexual healing. LOL
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. ;-)

NightStarX

Seriously, I saw that and I just… ugh.

gruskek

Ugh, left a spammy comment by accident, sorry!

Good review and yay for more parts :) Man, I’ve grown sort of attached to the series through your reviews, so I can imagine how much more mad would I have been as a long time fan.

The ridiculous amount of exposition makes me think that EA wanted the game to be accessible to everyone – even non-fans of the franchise and non-RPG players. In itself wanting to attract a new audience is not a bad thing but when you alienate your faithful fanbase you should rethink your priorities. Plus the explanations could have been so much more subtle, in this form they’re offensive even to new players. It’s just that clear EA thinks they are too stupid to understand things based on context and logic.

Adam Haase

The Ascension review at last! Glad to see it will be in multiple parts too…

I played it back in the day, when I had a 3DFX card to run it. The game engine was a mess of bugs; I remember opening the side doors of the tavern in Britain and it caused fatal crashes every time you got close enough to render it. There was also a bug with Mariah in Deceit which prevented me from ever leaving the dungeon. In both cases, reloading to a prior save fixed the issue, but the fact that saved games corrupted SO EASILY was a nightmare… maybe the columns are affecting your PC as well?

I also actually completed and wrote up a walk-through for the complete sewer dungeon of Hythloth as well… Right before shipping, they decided it was too long and rather than block it off, they just dropped a teleporter in at the half-way point so you could leave. There was no added reward for doing the whole thing either, no significant treasure to be found.

What’s sad is that the bones of a better game can be seen underneath the banality. The worst atrocity of the cuts and rewrites was that it completely invalidated Ultima 8; the original intent was that Lord British would not trust the Avatar, having been shown his crimes on Pagan by the Guardian. By taking that out, what was the point of Pagan at all?

And just to really make the bile rise, there’s a rumor that EA is planning to reboot the series starting with Quest of the Avatar… potentially done by Bioware. Oh the humanity!

Unless you wanted to get that achievement of sleeping with all eight companions…

peteman

Why couldn’t they have the Avatar suffer a head injury, so we could assume that he’s still a little disoriented when he asks for plot exposition he should already know!!

http://www.geekjuicemedia.com/ Tom Badguy

What’s a head injury? (this is the only time I will do this, I promise, lol)
- http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon
  
  I heard it’s something that can cause amnesia. I’d explain what that is, but I forgot it’s definition… ;-)

Der Neger

FUCK YEAH BLIND GUARDIAN!

Too bad such an awesome band lend their talents to Sacred 2. Ah well, guess even bad exposure is exposure, and if somebody decided to check out their work because of that game, its all good. Funny though, the Lyrics of “Sacred” fit the Ultima series pretty well.

akisohida

Here’s better writing to allow the Avatar to be as stupid as he is, for plot expo and introducing new players: The Guardian knew the Avatar would come someday and set a trap. When the Avatar stepped through the Black Portal, the trap triggered, the Guardian hoping to kill/capture the Avatar. However, the Timelord was protecting him and managed to keep him from becoming a trophy on Big Reds wall.
The downside? The magical backlash scrambled the Avatars mind a bit, thrashed his gear, and left him pretty much dead. It took him 20 years of rest, protected by the Timelord and sustained on the Timelords power, to wake, and now Britannia is a desolate hellhole, with people disillusioned by the Avatar being a no-show for 20 years.
They have forgone the Virtues and anything to do with the Avatar since he did not show when they needed him, and only those in Lord B’s castle still hold hope he would one day show.
Now the Avatar needs to show Britannia that he is back and ready to kick some red-skinned arse. To do so requires finding the runes and also restoring peoples belief in the Virtues and the Avatar himself. After all, what’s he an Avatar of if no one believes in him?

See? I write better than anyone at EA.

Hell, rather than the Avatar being so stupid, HE could provide back history for new players. Example:
Gargoyle: We are the gargoyles, blah blah.
Avatar: Gargoy-Ah, yes! I recall now!

Grzegorz Wojtczyk

You give them to much credit. All EA saw back then was (and still is) $$$$$$$. Stupid gamer fanboys give us more $$$$ !!! You want the Ultima 9 game to be fixed ? Give us more $$$. You want a new ending ? No, we won’t change the ending because it would hurt the “artistic integrity of the game”.
http://twitter.com/Shade_the_Wolf Christian Marshall

Actually, that’s pretty much how the Ultima wiki explains it: At the end of Pagan, a dragon was about to gobble up the Avatar, so Hawkwind used his powers of Deus ex Machina to pull the Avatar back to earth. And the rest happens exactly as you described.

http://www.facebook.com/TopherBlair Topher Glenn

I take it then no Ultima Online review? Well, I’m requesting…humbly, that you do a short vlog at least.

http://profile.yahoo.com/7OXEVHEC5JFCSTOFQ64S3V5GJA Edward

Wtf, old Lord British? Doesn’t Lord British himself explain at some point in the series that he is from another dimension (I think he’s also from earth, but can’t remember specifically) and that while in Britannia he is effectively immortal? You know. Like. Immortal n’ shit.

Sergeant_Shrapnel

Why does EA still even exist? Whenever people talk about how terrible they are these days, someone always argues that they used to be better. But no. They’re ALWAYS been shit.

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

There a trillion dollar company that makes billions of dollars off of there sports games alone each and every year. They can do whatever the hell they want. All we can do is cross our fingers and hope for the best. There piles of money are like thick walls that block out the voices and crys of the fanboys of there actual games like “the lord of the rings the 3rd age”, “Need for speed most wanted”, and “Ultima 9″, and NOT any of there repetitively released sports simulations. Which I do like a few, just saying. There biggest money makers are there simulations. So to people like you, me, and Spoony, all they have to say to us is a BIG “FUCK YOU!”.

Personally I love Lord of the Rings the 3rd age, its a well made game and wouldnt mind another game much like it!
- Qoler Killen Jahn
  
  Nope. It’s magic. Evil magic. And a dragon, because fuck you, i like dragons.

James Clicquennoi

Amidst all of the other inaccuracies and inconsistencies in Ultima IX, one has always stood out above the rest for me.

It’s not the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom. It’s the Codex of Infinite Wisdom.

They got the name of their own central-to-the-setting magical McGuffin wrong.

http://twitter.com/SwedishBallsack Jonathan Andersson

Fuck you, Electronic Arts! You keep ruining good games.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicolas-Schüller/100000123767434 Nicolas Schüller

So you didn’t play Mass Effect 2? Because most of the plot of that game didn’T make any sense. Haven’t played Mass Effect 3 though so i can’t compare.

Kaltzor

Ya know… I think Chuckles the fucking Jester not being present should count as -1 betrayals.

matt.bass

Great review, looking forward to part 2!
By the way, what was the credit music?

http://profile.yahoo.com/ZNRIGQJ4BN4ZKQML357B2SR43E Josip

Blind Guardian - Sacred

Scott Stark

OH YES. HERE WE GO. Been waiting for this review for a long, long time, and now it’s here. FUCK YEAR.

Akim Vasiliev

Holy shit, I just noticed the poster in Russian behind you, Noah. Gotta love the completely unrelated movie posters they made for Star Wars when it was first getting screened in theaters during the last few years of the Soviet Union.

castchaos

As Ultima IX was my very first Ultima game and it became my favourite game right that instant, it was a colourful experience to find that it actually contradicts earlier games and many fans of the series hated it.
So I tried to imagine how I felt if I played all Ultima games upon their very first release, then Ultima IX. Well, I can totally understand the hate, since IX not only doesn’t develop, but downright destroy everything that other Ultimas built.
For me, all the “what is this? what is that?” questions were completely fitting, as a new player of the series, and probably this is how it was. There were so much time between Ultima VIII and IX, and there was the graphics set change, that EA probably thought new entry players will be bigger in number than veterans…
Even after all this, Ultima IX is my 2nd favourite game, ever. I just can’t help it. It is beaten only by Ultima VII-2 at me.

The VIII and ending and IX intro: I heard IX was originally gonna take place in the Guardian’s world, then Richard Garriot “realized” that fans wanted to see Britannia again.
Gray hair LB: I heard it would have been so in the original version, too, explained by the columns draining his life force.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicolas-Schüller/100000123767434 Nicolas Schüller

I really hope you give Skyrim the same treatment one day.
And now you made me listen to Blind Guardian again.

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

If he does, then I’d love for him to rant about how senseless it is to have various standing and fully-armored guards/travelers complain about not being able to adventure because of an arrow to the knee. Hell, they don’t even have a limp or anything. What the fuck?!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicolas-Schüller/100000123767434 Nicolas Schüller

Blind Guardians – Sacred Worlds

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Ok, I have literally seen this review over 5 times today… How the heck did you make this so incredible Spoony? You incredible magician you! :D Best review ever dude! I am so pumped for part 2! Wooo!

http://www.facebook.com/kenneth.watkins.10 Kenneth Watkins

I think I have an answer for all the stupid things the Avatar says and does in this game. In Ultma 8 he fell down on his back a unreal number of time.

Brain damage. Explains everything…. well everything that the Avatar says.

Gregory Bogosian

Flawless logic, except how did he get back to earth from Guardian ruled Britannia, with severe brain damage?
- http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
  
  Well, what if the pillars that the Guardian summons causes the brain damage? So of course Red Ugly would also have brain damage, and decide to send the Avatar home to his bed.
  
  He probably even read him a bedtime story…very slowly or course.
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

The giant pillar cock things create brain damage. How’s that?

clmedic25

The betrayal counter in this video makes me want a spoony soundboard, with all his catchphrases and review related quotes

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000328686584 Samantha Spiga

Ironically and much to a friend’s amusement, I had just geared up my Paladin in Final Fantasy XI when he told me this vid was up XD It’s going to be a long running joke with us now. This part 1 was great. Love the animated collaboration!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Konstantin-Akhmetov/100000303416185 Konstantin Akhmetov

So… It’s as if the whole Mass Effect 3 was as bad as the ending and the beginning.

http://robrand.pip.verisignlabs.com/ Robrand

Well, we went from Ultima IX, where EA ruined a great franchise, to ME3, where EA let the lead designer ruin a great franchise. Baby steps, people.

jordon1993

I’d hesitate to say that the entire ME franchise is ruined. And to their credit an Extended cut DLC is happening. Which will hopefully fix the ending to some degree. Or maybe I’m just way too optimistic and lenient on Bioware

Gildedtongue

Skipping the Runes of Virtue games for the Game Boy? Probably not a bad omission, but, they are kind of canon (and show that the Companions do actually do shit while the Avatar is away…)

Shawdawg

Spoony, I know your betrayal thing came from the new X-Com game. But you might have heard that there are 2 X-Com games coming out now. One is the 1950-60′s looking investigation fps type game (which I will admit looks interesting to me) and one by Firaxis games which is going to be a modern remake (for the most part) of the original game. It’s going to be called X-Com: Enemy Unknown. Of course that is taken from the European name of the game.

Garvin Anders

You know, if they wanted an ignorant character to help new players learn the world… Why not a new avatar? Wait! Wait! Before I’m burned at the stake let me explain! The old Avatar had corrupted himself in Ultima VIII right? I mean he murdered, trafficked with darkness, stole, and worse right? Let’s say that his actions in Pagan, which he thought elevated him to godhood, actually put him right in the guardian’s hands. The Avatar is now enslaved/dead/imprisoned whatever.

Britannia needs a hero. A new hero must rise to the challenge of becoming the Avatar in a world tore apart by invasion and confusion. Lord British’s Castle, the place where the original Avatar’s weapons and items were stored is under siege. Towns have been burnt, conquered or worse. Somehow you have to restore the virtues and prove that they are still relevant and worthwhile and at the same time push back the forces of guardian and find a way to help the old Avatar.

Bet some would have liked to played that game.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1442290943 Derek Thomas

That. Sounds. AWESOME.
http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

Well, it’s either that or do a whole Zelda thing: Have an avatar in a parallel world fulfill a legend that’s very similar to what has already happened in that other world.

It would at least make more sense than what EA did. :-P
http://www.facebook.com/people/Gareth-Williams/1043431357 Gareth Williams

The best part is that the player would be really willing to bring back the old ways because well you did kinda help enact the whole messing up of the world thing by being the Avatar.

It’s lovely when the plot and gameplay decide to go hand in hand like that.
http://www.facebook.com/aron.marczylo Aron Marczylo

I was actually thinking that it would’ve been better if it started off with The Avatar fighting The Guardian and then getting his ass kicked so badly and kicked down to the mortal realm of Britania that he has amnesia and has lost his abilities, soft of like Spoony’s bard and Kratos in God of War 2 where he basically gets killed and claws his way out of Hades and loses a lot of power.

This way there is a reason as to why the Avatar would ask questions and have no memory of lost friends, then again I would’ve written it to where he would’ve had a flashback when “paladin” is mentioned and if explained what one is he gets bombarded with emotion concerning Dupre.

Might not be the best suggestion, but hell, it’s better than having completely re-written the game and have you fighting things in the moral realms that shouldn’t exist like huge rats, pirates and spiders the size of footballs that live in the park.
- http://www.facebook.com/erik.olvera.33 Erik Olvera
  
  I was thinking exactly the same thing! That could have worked.
  - http://www.facebook.com/aron.marczylo Aron Marczylo
    
    This is why I was thinking of going into computer game development, but as a story-writer or even a backup writer who can add various ideas. I often see myself more as a ideas person than anything concrete. Eitherway, it would’ve worked. If I were making a sequal to a game series I’d never heard of, I would’ve gone back, played the old games and look on forums to see why people love/hate the games of the past and try to work on a way of tying the stories together without messing up the storyline entirely. Though i’m sure something might happen that’d force me to take a few liberties.
- http://twitter.com/epsilon246 Anthony moynagh
  
  I had an Idea the avatar cannot enter britania in his true form because there is not enough magic to sustain his form (by extention neither can the Gurdian, the black gate was just a way of getting around the problem) thus he sends a human “avatar” (something the guardian is too pridefull to do) to act in his stead ,the “avatar” has the right personality programmed in but the Avatar messed up adding the memories, allowing for new players to ask questions and old players to simply continue.
  - http://www.facebook.com/aron.marczylo Aron Marczylo
    
    Thought it said at the end of Ultima 8 that you constructed your own black gate and entered that way? eitherway, it’s a shame they got royally buggered by EA.
    - Jose Buenrostro
      
      well maybe the reason you lose your power because that power only exists in pagan maybe each time you jump worlds you lose all power you gained because there different planes of existence
http://www.facebook.com/MichaelSundberg Michael Sundberg

Hell, they could have started the game in Britania with an elder explaining things to a child, and you as the child could ask questions. Then it goes on to the Avatar after you are brought up to speed.
http://www.facebook.com/taylor.w.hardy Taylor William Hardy

oh yeah that’s a clever idea and could have been a good game. but even if they fixed the story the game would still be basically unplayable.

Patrick Høiseth

Oh, and forgot to mention. I love the titlecard! Absolutly awsome :D

Josh Hahn

My God… EA Games strikes again… I was already planning a boycott over ME3, this solidifies it!

Gregory Bogosian

Its like the design team could not decide whether they were making a sequel or a remake of the first game, so they ended up with a hybrid. But that still doesn’t explain the Gayvatar.

nrrork

You should be more obscure with your “I’d rather ______” statements, dude. I think most of us could rustle up a staple gun and a log. And let’s face it, a lot of internet folk a bit. . . unhinged.

http://www.facebook.com/vkarthaus Vincent Karthaus

Loved the review, good to see you back and raving! By the way, what ís a paladin?

C T

Well spoony I do see your issues but that twenty year thing I think is due to Britannia time being way faster then our own.

http://www.facebook.com/Airus Michal ‘Prken’ Hubka

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I cant wait for part 2 ^_^

http://www.facebook.com/dirk.torensma Dirk Torensma

To be honest Ea has a way of ruining fancices, i used to be a HUGE fan of the C&C Francine but thene EA happened with RA2 And it became more aboute the cut-sence thane he RTS, BTW i dint play any of the ultima series but GJ on the reviewes i rly enjoyed evry one of them, keep up the good work, i dont cal myself a fan of anyting that easely but im a fan of yours.
(BTW srry about the bas spelling am a dislectic, i just hope you can properly read it ^^)

Merost

Is “dislectic” politically correct for “retarted”? For fucks sake you are on the internet. If you are to dumb to press the buttons on your keyboard correctly copy it into google and re-copy the correct form.
- http://www.facebook.com/kristina.golec Kristina Golec
  
  Because EVERYONE knows the internet is the paragon of perfect spelling. >.>
  - http://profile.yahoo.com/ZLMCGSECUP2NAKZ2CRN4LXBPAE Sam
    
    What’s a paragon?
    - http://www.facebook.com/kristina.golec Kristina Golec
      
      A person or thing viewed as a model of excellence.
    - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=817506911 Daniel Kong
      
      What’s a paragon?
    - atypicaloracle
      
      I’m told that paladins are paragons.
    - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff
      
      I’m told that Gaston is a pure paragon.
    - atypicaloracle
      
      As a specimen I am told he is rather intimidating.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      “Your knowledge of the land shall be great.”
    - atypicaloracle
      
      What evil afflicts this land?
    - http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan
      
      Oh god, what has Spoony unleashed this time?
      
      This is catching quicker than Counter-Song!
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      “I’m…not entirely sure…”

spoonybardol

My last Ultima game was Pagan, and I only barely made it through that. I never played Ascension because my PC couldn’t run it at the time.

I heard it was bad, but I had no idea it got as bad as this. This is downright heartbreaking.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Nagneto-Lives/100002330956610 Nagneto Lives

EA games. Short for Evil Ass Games. CURSE YOU EA!!! CURSE YOU!!!!

Good to see ya again Spoony!

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OU7Z4DKACDRDJNH4E42XNZUJYI Calbeck

Damn, son, that’s some ass-kickin’ animation to start off with!

That game — THAT GAME — God, I remember that game. Sent the entire Ultima line out with such a goddamn whimper.

“You have to see the glory, before you can truly see the ruin.”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephanie-Paredes/100002471823133 Stephanie Paredes

Oh Wow! Spoony was so mad! I don’t think I understand how much of a betrayal this game really is to him, even though he showed us the other games, because I didn’t grow up with them. I’ve never seen Spoony so angry at any other game before. Poor Spoony! Maybe someone can make a real ending for the Ultima games. One that follows the other games!

Testsubject909

It really wouldn’t be the same though. Any fan can create something to try and appease, but it’s never official work, it’s never what the original author intends to create and intends to finish, and as such will never fulfill the soul in the same manner. As such… this is pretty freaking tragic.

goodguya

Yeesh… I guessed 36 to be the counter, and we’re not even done with Part 1.

Glad to see you’re a Blind Guardian fan! Can’t wait to see more.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Sewell/100003109630229 Patrick Sewell

Wow,spooney is from Good-Crap-To Cheesy because of that 3D Animation.Lol,Not

http://twitter.com/TychoShiel Tycho Shiel

Half of those betrayals are of a sort that modern triple-A games have conditioned me to overlook…if I was reviewing this I wouldn’t have thought twice about them. That is truly frightening to me…anyway, hilarious review as always. I laugh at your pain. Keep up the agony and whatnot.

http://twitter.com/ilkarin ilkarin skyblaze

I know I possibly could not go into the immense details of rewriting the whole entire game to make sense and whatnot but a few of my own “fixes” came to mind from this video.

Spoony has constantly stated if he’s the “Avatar”, he shouldn’t just start start as some low-level guy who needs to get better equipment, etc.

Well, one thing that came to my mind was that the Avatar does become very powerful from Pagan, but the pillars the Guardian set up could “lock” or drain his powers and freeing the runes and the specific towns could “unlock” abilities and boost his stats (also with level building).

I also agree with many that I understand the “new player” approach to the Avatar’s line of questions, but at the same time I do see the issue that he SHOULD know this stuff. Like Gargoyles, Paladins, the Codex, etc.

Like the whole Paladin thing. He could say something like: “How do the Paladins fare?” / and then they guy could explain it, like: “Not well Avatar. Like our city, once great and full of honour, now it has become full of disloyalty.”

One interesting idea that came to mind was how the Guardian has continuously stated he will try to “conquer Earth”. What if in Ultima IX, Britannia had fallen already, but the Guardian plans to try and rule Earth itself. The Avatar would then have to move back and forth from Britannia and Earth to stop the Guardian.

That’s just some of the ideas coming to mind for me. You really do point out the concept of a good and bad way to tell a story in a videogame.

Great stuff and I cannot wait for part 2.

Testsubject909

It wouldn’t fix the initial problem though that the Avatar didn’t initially warp back home and came into Britannia from Pagan as the titan of ether…

Meaning that it would just continue not making sense and remain, no sound bytes, sorry, a betrayal.

Steve Rheaume

Epic! Best review I’ve seen from a TGWTG reviewer to date. Pacing is simply fantastic. I NEVER openly laugh at reviews even when I find them funny and I was rolling on the floor at this one. Can’t wait for part two!

I played U3-U8 but never played U9. Aside from trying the demo, I’ve never even seen footage from the game. When it was released, I knew my computer couldn’t handle the requirements and it was stupid expensive new for a poor college student.

So I never played it. After not bothering to finish U8 due to how bad it was and hearing U9 was worse, I skipped it and never thought twice about it. I still hold U7 up as the best video game ever made and was sad to see it decline. While the video is extremely funny, and is quite painful as well.

Been looking forward to the retrospective conclusion for a while now and it does not disappoint! Well done!

http://profile.yahoo.com/KITQ4LETDKQYSMSQYSJEUMSIUA Brandon

Awesome review Spoony. I love hearing about the Ultima series, a series you introduced me to. Plus it’s one of the oldest RPGs in videogame history and I can’t get enough of these Ultima videos. It’s sad that such a inspired and enjoyable series could go downhill so fast. I get the feeling that it was EA’s fault. Also, I really like the art and animation of the Guardian you talk to. It looks awesome and voice sonds close to the game as well. Out of curiosity, who did the artwork for the Guardian? Anyway, great job Spoony, and I can’t wait for part 2. I’m curious about where Burton’s been.

sifer2

Funny those betrayal sound bytes are a little dated since they were about the X-Com FPS. Which is probably never going to actually be released its been pushed back so many times. Instead were getting a more faithful X-Com game later this year. I would be interested to hear Spoony’s thoughts on that.

The Avatar being so clueless was obviously aimed at newcomers to the series. In the fact the whole game looks like it is. One of those games that just say screw the existing fanbase lets try to focus on attracting a new audience. I wonder if the game itself it terrible beyond the plot though. Maybe he will get into other reasons its bad in later parts.

CheezeFox

Oh! Let me see if I can guess what hapens:

The Guardian’s plan is to have Spoony review Ultima IX, going over all the ways in which it has made the Avatar look like a joke (“fallen idol of a pathetic ideal”), until, at last, the very concept of the Avatar is essentially ruined forever, allowing the Guardian to take over the world unchallenged.

…Usually I’m wrong, so that’s probably not what happens… But, if it does, I totally called it!

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

Considering that Spoony’s failure would be similar to the failure of Ultima 9, it would make narrative sense for the Guardian to do that.

http://twitter.com/DarkArfs Dennis Crosby

Not often the kind of guy who complains about free entertainment, but that counting thing yelling in the corner got old…kinda fast. And I wouldn’t even care, if it didn’t have your voice. It’s distracting. I loved it otherwise, dude!

Specter Von Baren

Blind Guardian! Hell yeah!

http://twitter.com/MichaelCWells Michael Wells

I thought it was called the Codex of INFINITE Wisdom? Not Ultimate Wisdom

http://twitter.com/endirasae Laura SoL Campbell

No, it’s Ultimate.
James Clicquennoi

That’s what I thought, too, but the Ultima wiki (itself called the ‘Codex of Ultimate Wisdom’) and a friend who enjoys the series far more than I assures me it really always was Ultimate Wisdom.

David Mc Grath

I understand how he feels. Never played Ultima. This retrospective has made me wish I have, until Pagan and This one… I too get invested in games. In story and characters. To see this happen, this blatant disregard for long standing fans and obvious obliviousness to past plots just points to…

EA being the bunch of Money grubbing assholes that they always have been.

No seriously I cannot think of a single franchise that EA got their grubby mits on and ruined.

Thank you Spoony.

Cá bhfuil mo phionta?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Landon-Mcmillan/100002530239252 Landon Mcmillan

Ummm I don’t need to nit pick as well but… in Ultima 8 Pegan execution the executioner… that a girl if I not wrong, The Tapestry of Ages (or of lies and Bull shit) show the Executioner is a faceless mask male while in Ultima 8 Pegan The Execution was a blonde and wearing BDSM gear not cloth and Not wearing a mask. so that make it a total 91 of Betrayal ^_^;

http://twitter.com/endirasae Laura SoL Campbell

More than 91, if you could the number of times the Avatar appears as a male in the tapestry when your character was female.

I’m actually a little surprised Spoony didn’t mention anything about the utter lack of character creation in U8 and U9. Even if it was done for budget reasons, *that* was a betrayal.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1442290943 Derek Thomas

It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a review from you this much Spoony. I find myself feeling fan-love towards you all over again.

But one question. What’s with the emo look?

MediaGold

Emo? I though it’s more like 1982 stoner look with the part in the middle, the pale, gaunt face, and the long, stringy locks.
http://www.deviantart.com/chibigingi ChibiGingi

So, long hair on a guy = Emo?
Testsubject909

How old are you?
http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Emo look? I thought he looked more like a mage or a warlock in my opinion… :3

Dont Emo people usually use colored highlights in there hair and where useless metal objects in there clothes from like hot topic or something?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=817506911 Daniel Kong

Gotta say Spoony this is awesome.

Love the “BETRAYAL!” counter in the corner though having it there all the time seems distracting.

The sound bytes I recognize from older vids and thats good too. XD

Also the bones in the refridgerator bit? Nice to see the Crazy Pills reappear.

Codex of Wisdom: You just lose it and its like you start crying. XD

Also love the animation. Looking forward to part 2 Spoony!

JamesHaswell

I demand MORE!

Testsubject909

Well, it’s obviously on it’s way, what with this being Part 1.

M. P.

Another great Ultima review, Spoony. I’m glad to see that you’ve found uses with one of my Ultima V videos in your Ultima V and IX reviews:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnHv5KGROIQ

I do wonder why you haven’t credited me for it, though (not that it matters much, since the name MP83 shows up in the game footage itself). Just wanted to let you know. (:

http://www.facebook.com/Caelnias Otto Rosenlund

For someone so adamant about old school Ultima and going through this whole review pointing out continuity errors I’m surprised you went with Dickman’s animation for the Guardian. It’s good animation, sure, but looks extremely out of place compared to similar footage from the games. If you wanted to have someone reanimate the stuff (and not for an example use game footage), you could’ve just gotten someone to do it in the style of the games.

http://twitter.com/Sandgolem Sandgolem

thats extra time and money to find someone to do it. Where as Dickman probably had this ready quickly and efficiently.

http://twitter.com/Aqluro alex minor

43 minutes and it’s part one?
…
I guess i will watch it when my wife goes to sleep.

areoborg

I know that its probably been brought up already, but who wants to bet that the remains in the fridge are what’s left of the real Avatar.

Testsubject909

How would that work?
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

Brilliant. The Avatar (somehow) got back to Earth for, um, some reason, and his brother (maybe his twin) killed him and stuffed him in the fridge. And then everyone just thinks this new guy is the avatar. It would explain how he is so damn stupid and surprised by everything.

http://www.facebook.com/Norgavue Michael Galczynski

Damn that was epic… and it’s not done yet. It’s odd though I was just listening to that Blind Guardian song earlier today.

Sam Phoenix

Awesome song, btw.
- Testsubject909
  
  And used in a good game. Not the best of games but nonetheless, Sacred 2 is a great fun game.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Hutcheson/100001172877407 Alexander Hutcheson

More importantly did the avatar ever get his xbox back after he was robbed?

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

It turns out that he got back his XBox 360 and his Kinect; however, he was only able to get back 3 Kinect games out of his entire game collection:
Kinect Star Wars
Sonic Free Riders
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Ironically, he still had more fun playing those than he had when going on “Ultima 9″ adventures and quests. :-P
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Hutcheson/100001172877407 Alexander Hutcheson
  
  OH SNAP!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jamie-Sheil/594748387 Jamie Sheil

I’m guessing next pathfinder stream will have people spamming “whats a paladin?” in the chat

http://www.facebook.com/izzak.woodford Izzak Woodford

it is nice to see someone as passionate about what they love as i am

http://twitter.com/Aqluro alex minor

Wait, i know it’s fun to bash EA and everything, but you said they took the development staff and put them on Online, and then gave this game a deadline it couldn’t meet.
If that was why the gameplay sucked, but you said the story was the worst part, why was the story that affected by this?
You said the game was already being worked on in another game engines years and years before this came out, so how is EA to blame for the story sucking? They had years and years to work on that.

http://twitter.com/Sandgolem Sandgolem

because they had to cut out chunks of the story. If you don’t have time to make all the parts the story has to become simpler and simpler. As teams changed the story had to modified by people with less and less knowledge of Ultima.

Testsubject909

Lost my job so that sucks… But the Ultima 9 review is out so YES! YES! YES! *clicks play*

Sorry, just had to announce my jubilation over this…

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=17606302 Noah Symynkywicz

I always found the beginning of Ultima 9 annoying when the Time Lord is like
“Avatar, you wouldn’t want to leave the house without your pants.”

Yeah the game is silly.

Awesome review! Love the Blind Guardian music by the
way.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryder-McCarthy/1600028574 Ryder McCarthy

so…the avatar has become dumber than TIDUS?
is that even possible?

Testsubject909

And now I feel like singing the bard’s song by the Blind Guardian.

http://www.facebook.com/CharlieBiggs Charlie Biggs

Your knowledge of the land shall be great!

http://jefferykrit.wordpress.com/ jefferykrit

Wondering if anyone’s brought up this theory yet:

http://hacki.bootstrike.com/english/fun_stories_headinjury.htm

Due to the horrible controls and one too many missed jumps in Ultima VIII, the Avatar suffered a head injury, which is why he remembers nothing.

Makes sense?

http://www.facebook.com/TimMalear Tim Malear

What’s a paladin. I lol’d.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=661037953 James Enri

10/10

Classic Spoony.

Stuart Waugh

Okay, I really did enjoy the review, but I have to wonder if you aren’t being a little bit disingenuous in your response to the Avatar’s boneheaded questions. From what I can tell from the video, it looks like it’s usually an OPTION to ask those questions–is that the case? If that’s so, then there’s no reason to get upset–experienced players can skip over the dumb questions entirely, and newbies can get this crazy complicated world explained to them as they go. It really sounds like the ideal solution to a game with this much backstory, so the fact that you act so upset about it really kept bugging me throughout the review. However, I haven’t played the game, so if it turns out that you CAN’T avoid asking the stupid questions, then I guess your point stands.

http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen

Unless you are a perfectionist RPGer, like a lot of players are. There are people who try to get everything in a game and Spoony has hinted that he is like this in his FF X-2 reviews. I think the point he was trying to make was making him ask the question is a bad way to start off newbies and not offend veterans. Even if they did something like a dictionary at the beginning it would have still been stupid but it wouldn’t have been offensive to veterans. Personally I’m not a fan but I know people who started on the fourth or fifth game and they were fine starting in those. Therefore Origin developed ways of bringing in newbies later without insulting the veterans. Just my two cents, I do see your point though.

Sara Jean

Ugh, the Gayvatar reminds me of the Adoring Fan in Elder Scrolls: Oblivion.

When he came on screen, all I heard in my head was “By Azura! By Azura! By Azura!”

Joseph Catalano

Wait…

The Gayvatar is in almost the same Robes the Avatar is wearing at the end of Ultima 8.

Does that mean… the Gayvatar was the Avatar in Ultima 8?

By the gods. It all makes sense!

http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

You know what? That would probably get rid of most of the dumb-ass plot-holes from this damn game.

http://www.facebook.com/marcus.w.fridley Marcus Wayne Fridley

“And then Electronic Arts happened.” Voted worst company in the us for 2012, but this blight on gaming has been festering for some time now hasn’t it?

Sara Jean

The writers of Ultima 9: “What’s a plot?”

adamfox

amazing new vid spoons.

seems loads of pps love the betrayal counter. i just found it crazy distracting visually and audibly. everyone else amazing tho.

http://profile.yahoo.com/MYG4QQ7NLHAIO2JK2VQQJR4VXY Anon

Fascinating to hear that EA has a legacy when it comes to destroying properties to focus on MMOs and crippling development.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Marco-Gracia/100000122473973 Marco Gracia

Same general idea, but ME3 wasn’t NEARLY as bad about it. You didn’t have Shepard making confused faces and asking “What the hell are Reapers?” five minutes after Earth got attacked by them. Plus, at least one scene establishes that Shepard does in fact both remember and still mourn whoever died on Virmire in ME1, which already puts him leagues ahead of the Avatar-In-Name-Only. In fact, the number of call-backs and references to the previous two games is actually pretty gratifying to fans who played the previous two games. The ending, though, THAT was suck on a level comparable to this game. So basically, imagine the BETRAYAL! we all felt about that ending, and stretch it to an ENTIRE GAME, and you have what Spoony have felt about this apocalypse of a game.

Chaoswolf

Wow…EA really REALLY fd up…hell as annoyed as I was with a lot of the games they published and basically screwed with…and how some of the titles luckily still manage to be great or enjoyable (Red Alert 3 for example was not as insanely bad as I had feared) this just…oh god Spoony I feel sorry you even have to go through this. I have never played any of these games myself but having watched your videos on the series I can see why you love these games so much. EA can go right to hell for this one…cannot wait for part 2 will probably rewatch the previous videos to fuel my rage meter.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Paizs/1068134059 Peter Paizs

A really, REALLY nice touch at the end with Blind Guardian :) Kudos for that. And the review was top notch, as always =)

Vortemeer

“…All of the graphics are spectacular…”- CD Mag Online. ALL OF THE GRAPHICS!

http://twitter.com/imanerd000 Rui Leite

I would think that anyone interested in fantasy stories knows what a paladin is. EA thinks we are all idiots!

http://profile.yahoo.com/DKPUNUNEFZOC65CPOHI2OHXZZU John

I’ve waited for this review so long, and you did not disappoint. Hilarious. I love your ultima retrospective. can’t wait for part 2, think ill watch em all in order again too :D

cajaquarius

Considering the Avatar is supposed to be a paragon of all the seven good attributes, I could see the pillars retarding him to the point of putting him in a weakened, muddled, ignorant state like he seems to be in the game. Speculation aside, they never said as much so why am I making excuses for it?

xorinite

Keep in mind, he just returned from Pagan; a world in which the primary food source is psychedelic mushrooms, and where he spent most of the time bashing his head against the roof of various caves, and this is after he washed up on a beach with a tin bucket on his head.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Landon-Mcmillan/100002530239252 Landon Mcmillan

Oh very ture but Yeah it way way up there even if you Avatar was human sic back in 1-3 you can be diffent races that it would allow

xorinite

Hmm. I should perhaps mention. The world the avatar returned to at the end of ultima 8, wasn’t Britannia or earth. It was supposed to be the guardians homeworld. the original plot had the avatar go there to disrupt the guardians forces and the source of his power so that he could eventually confront him in Britannia.
Of course the excuse we always gave for the avatars terrible memory was that during pagan he would often bash his head on the roof of caves while jumping, so he has brain damage now.

Jared Fullyfisted

…how cool would that have been? Being up against The Guardian and his forces would even give you a need for godlike powers to be in the running to defeat them, so they wouldn’t have had to knock you down to Level 1 for no reason.

And… if you wanted to excuse the terrible plot of this game via retcon could maybe there have been a missing adventure? Avatar totally wrecks the Guardian’s world, believes he has defeated the Guardian forever and then returns to Earth – but after a few months he gets the message that the Guardian has returned?

(Sorry, I just love retcons to explain weird continuity)
- xorinite
  
  It would have been the story Ultima was trying to tell, so pretty good. Actually usurping the guardians own homeworld, and finding out something about the guardians character, determining his origin, who he was and what he was.. that would have been great. Much better than the “hes your evil twin” nonsense that ultima 9 delivers.
  Frankly, inserting new content between 8 and 9 wouldn’t fix the problems, nine is the problem. To fix it, I think you would have to throw nine in the bin and start again after eight. Some people even tried to do that. Check out stuff like the ‘titans of ether’s ultima 9 redemption’ a complete rewrite and retcon thats is designed to be more in line with the originals.
  Oh and just for fun, check this out http://hacki.bootstrike.com/english/nitpicks_u9.htm a list of problems with nine, made at the time very very funny stuff.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Dunlop/600725541 Kenneth Dunlop

Awesome stuff, Spoony! I’ve been looking foward to this one for a long time. Though I never played most of the Ultima games, I did play Ultima Underworld I and II, and even from those I can see what a betrayal this game is.

Still, you should add some lip-sync to the Guardian.

As for the Avatar’s amnesia, why couldn’t they have him explain stuff in internal monologue or something? They say that his knowledge of the land would be great, so why not use it?

http://twitter.com/Gerudon Gerudon

Yeah, Blind Guardian at the end… :)

The only thing I remember form U9 was, that I gave up the game the moment, I fell into a lake or the sea with my last torch in my hand during the night and after that I would have to wander around in the dark…no thank you…

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000058786450 Fbn Dnl Schlr

Wow Spoony. Just WOW. You’re freaking INSANE! Talking over 43 minutes about this piece of junk and only gotten half way through it by part 1 with a hell of a LOT of obscure cross references to ultima 1-8 (and everything in between) and pointing out every mistake Origin/EA made here in detail. I fucking love watching you ranting and fanboy-ing!

Keep it up!

Senna4ever

So even though it was asked several times, we never got an answer….

What’s a Paladin?

Professor_Q

It’s when you make people named Aladdin your pal.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003840070334 Eero Kokkala

You know I think I have a theory why this game’s plot seems so bad:
Time Lord made a mistake by getting some random guy instead of the real Avatar. Naturally everybody noticed this mistake and are laughing behind the “Avatar”‘s back and honestly trolling him all the time. I mean like Spoony pointed out Lord British has a freaking crystal ball to the Guadian’s fortress and doesn’t know what evil threatens the Britannia. Of course the Guardian also noticed that but in his arrogance he was destroyed because he did not believe that guy would be able to pull it off.

Leena Hölttä

“What’s a Paladin?”

EA: You suck.
Fantastic review! I wonder how high that Betrayal counter is gonna go… :D

AceOfShades

Wow, Activision and Capcom are bad too, but EA just doesn’t give a shit.

Dragdar

Epic review! GJ !

EA ruins a game? Sounds familiar

The betrayal sound effect was used a bit too much IMO

Senna4ever

Just to think.
This epic journey started 2 years ago…and it’s still only half done.

Mangraa

“What’s a paladin” sounds like some small town in Oklahoma named after a Native American tribe – Whatsapaladin, OK.

atypicaloracle

It’ll never be okay.

Aiddon

Man, EA back then was ruthless and crooked. They have cleaned up their act in recent years though. I dread the meltdown Spoony is going to have when he gets to the end of this series.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Konstantin-Akhmetov/100000303416185 Konstantin Akhmetov

>>They have cleaned up their act in recent years though.

Um… Right, because fucking the Commmand & Conquer and Mass Effect fans in the ass is a good thing.
- Aiddon
  
  It’s been MONTHS since ME3, quite sulking about it. Plus considering that Retakers were stupid enough to vote EA the Worst Company in America over THE FUCKING BANK OF AMERICA, really shows that gamers are the stupid ones in that equation.
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Konstantin-Akhmetov/100000303416185 Konstantin Akhmetov
    
    >> It’s been MONTHS since ME3
    
    So the hell what? ME isn’t any less ruined from that, and neither is CnC. And CnC4 was even worse off, being just low-quality through and through.
    - Aiddon
      
      Advice: get a counselor, because you obviously have issues.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      Insulting people is not a substitute for an opinion.
  - Jared Fullyfisted
    
    Hanging up a sign that says “No franchises destroyed in [86] days!” seems like a pretty poor defense of EA. :P
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      And then after EA has squeezed the life out of it’s development team with it’s awful deadlines, it will absorb the dead company’s power.
      
      So basically, EA’s business strategy is comparable to be Borg. Except the Borg treat dissent with compassion.
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

Name one publisher that doesn’t suck huge donkey balls.
- Aiddon
  
  Nintendo
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
    
    Reggie Fils-Amie. That is all.
    - Aiddon
      
      Translation: “uh, uh, I couldn’t actually think of a REAL retort so I resorted to a bullshit lowblow.” Congratulations, you’ve humiliated yourself in public, here’s a dunce cap while you sit in the corner.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      Translation: “Uh oh, He actually found a legitimate complaint that prevented great games from being imported into America. I better discredit him by calling it a ‘bullshit lowblow’. That’ll shut him up.”
      
      U mad, bro?
    - zarrotsu
      
      Steve Jobbs didn’t get the job.

Zejex

Mainstream critics… gotta love them

http://www.facebook.com/iwpoe Matthew M Perry

Do they get paid for good reviews, or what? Film companies have generally seemed to avoid this obvious pandering from critics, why does it occur with gaming critics?
- http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
  
  A lot of stuff happens under the table. Occasionally they get caught in some kind of scandal where reviewers get fired for an “unfavorable” review.
  
  Back when video gaming was a niche market, there really wan’t a lot of coverage when EA or Activision (companies no one has ever heard of) did something awful.
  
  But now that gaming is becoming a wider market, more people are paying attention to the business practices of these huge companies. So the corruption that was always there is just now getting exposed.
  - Michael Cutler
    
    In addition, there’s a small conflict-of-interest issue when you’re advertising the games which you’re reviewing. A poor review may mean the loss of an advertising account.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      Mathew M Perry made the point of saying that mainstream film critics are somehow less corrupt than game journalists.
      
      This is not really true. If you were to look at a newspaper to read a critique that isn’t from Roger Ebert, it reads just like an advertisement. Especially if the newspaper anticipates that the movie will do well.
    - http://countzeroor.wordpress.com Alexander Case
      
      To be fair though, not all mainstream members of the games press had this problem. I remember several occasions where EGM back in the day gave popular games poor reviews, and got blacklisted for it.
      
      In particular, they refused to give Super Street Fighter II Turbo for the SNES the higher scores they’d given to the first couple of installments, saying that the time had come to make a proper sequel. Capcom threatned to blacklist them if they changed their score. EGM not only refused, but EIC Steve Harris called Capcom out publicly in the Editorial column for their actions (which I’d describe as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome for the Mainstream Game Press).
      
      Again, I’d like to see the articles that those box quotes were from before I accuse the mainstream game press of giving EA a rim and tongue job – as both game publishers and movie studios have a long tradition of taking review quotes out of context just to get some “Critics Are Raving” quotes.
Grzegorz Wojtczyk

Thanks to mainstream critics like those shitty movie games have better sales.

http://www.facebook.com/iwpoe Matthew M Perry

“Ahh, I passed out! Never mind, I’m okay.”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Sanny-Folkesson/100000746899577 Sanny Folkesson

Actually here is my 5 cent of the plot, the avatar did return to britania but the Guardian change him to a gay idiot (if that is posible but lets say he can), and lord brittish into a senile numnut, so in desperation the timelord decided to fix it and pick some random yahoo to take the place of the avatar.

Now the character is dumber then a sack of potato we se how this will go.

The museum feels as broken and stupid as those simiarl games doing same as they mean its there for retro winks to the fans, maybe they arent even the real one either but replicas.

as for the painting spoling the plot… that may hint on why he see pirates and monsters in the park, he is dreaming this and never enterd britania and was a psycopath that is locked in a asylum, and all he meets in the game are patients.

http://twitter.com/TBennett247 Troy Bennett

ah, the ‘it was all a dream’ plot twist. Kinda like the Indoctrination Theory of ME3. Heyoooooh!!!!
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

I still retain my theory that the pillars not only make people evil, they also cause memory loss and retardation.

The Avatar must stop this…as soon as he finds his pants.

Tom Jervis

The Betrayal counter was BRILLIANT!

Zac Finley

That’s some delicious hate right there.

SunOvaGun

Spoony you poor tortured person why why why!!! This game made me cry inside cause of how it sucked and its complete change in game play and story fuck ups all around.
also BETRAYAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Britannia: The entire land has the best of memory don’t they. XD
Behold the Avatar most likely going to be the worst god ever now cause of this games story will probably destroy the universe.

http://twitter.com/Strospiteri Stephen.R.S

Even though the avatar’s potential ignorance may be mildly justified by the fact that new players may need to have their memory jogged to understand the premise. Every OTHER aspect of the game makes it fall apart anyway.

Michael Cutler

That’s no excuse. New players can do what we all did going through Ultimas past, and read the supplemental material. (No, really! Read ‘The History Of Britannia’) EA’s abject doltifying of the Avatar to turn him in to an exposition monkey really says a lot about what they think of their players.
- http://twitter.com/Strospiteri Stephen.R.S
  
  I guess so. I should mention however that the Ultima series had a niche appeal and from what I can gather, they (EA) were trying to expose the game to non-players. But yeah, It’s still inexcusable.

koldstare

Hey Spoony, I got a gift for ya! :)
http://oi50.tinypic.com/e99rpv.jpg

Grzegorz Wojtczyk

Another meme is born :-)
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

I love how stupid this face looks, with the jutting brow and confused expression.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Rafi-Mankassirain/708048956 Rafi Mankassirain

It seems that EA’s drive for better representations for different minorities didn’t start with the LGBT community, as they have recently stated, but seems to have started way back in Ultima 9 with the mentally handicapped. Seriously I am racking my brain to try and think of a recurring video game character who is as dense as the Avatar. It would be the equivalent of Solid Snake asking who is Liquid Snake, or Commander Shepard asking what are biotics, or hell Mario asking what are goombas.

Anyway great first half; and for the plot hole counter my money is on the final total being around 150ish but that is me being generous. Thanks for the retrospective, I feel its made the actual pay off for Ultima 9 way funnier.

Also I think that “fuck-pocalypse” is the funniest, most satisfying of Spoony’s made up swear words. Going to try and use that more in my regular vocabulary. XD

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001754457858 Jan Lappöhn

Nah, I think the Betrayal-Counter will explode when the perfectly uninjured and alive Sir Dupre steps into the game ;)

Grzegorz Wojtczyk

Can’t wait for part 2.

Ninett Aarmo

Wait wait wait!!! *gets a cider* If there’s gonna be a counter in this video, I am turning it into a drinking game. Let’s go!

http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

oh god, you’ll get drunk off of WATER doing that!

Don’t do it, man! Just stab yourself in the liver, save yourself the time!
- Aiddon
  
  One second while I write the eulogy. He’ll be dead before the video even STARTS
  - http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan
    
    Come to think of it, “BETRAYED ME!” would make an interesting inscription on a tombstone!

Ninett Aarmo

Crap. I’m already drunk.

William Brust

One thing I still don’t understand. If he’s some evil space god Darkseid-clone, why is his name “The Guardian?” What is he the guardian of? Evil? Does he guard a prison for good guys?

http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

Judging from his appearances, I think he’s guarding the blag’ole.

Which would explain the horrific cruelty and punishment that is this game.
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

I think the name “Guardian” is a little tongue-in-cheek. Rather than being an obvious oppressor, the Guardian seeks to defeat the Avatar and become the new God. His name is supposed to be a gentle facade, masking his true ambitions to deceive the world into accepting his evil doctrine.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Konstantin-Akhmetov/100000303416185 Konstantin Akhmetov

Of The Source.

http://www.shutindating.com/ David

Why is Oreo breadfacing in the title card

atypicaloracle

Because the bread is indestructible and can protect her from harm, maybe?
- http://www.facebook.com/frauen1 Frank Rauen
  
  Or Oreo is poison?
  - Patrick Coyle
    
    Oreo is a marauding beast fearless enough to savage a headless. The poison bread is a weapon on par with the Black Sword.
    
    Combined, Poison Breadface Oreo is a self-guided force of absolute destruction.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
  
  The Candwitch says otherwise. That thing will dissolve into tasteless crumbles the moment it enters your mouth.
  - atypicaloracle
    
    That’s because the Candwitch is not made of bread. It’s made of the crumbs left over from making bread, which then got dumped into a mold, compressed into a hot dog bun shape and toasted on the outside.

http://twitter.com/Zachrid ZachSeinBlog

Point of advice: The sound effects of the betrayal-counter are really REALLY annoying. You are raging most of the time anyway, so you really don’t need to bring a “Betrayal!” each time you raise it…. unless you want to bury that catchphrase of yours until the end of eternity.

http://twitter.com/BillHiers Bill Hiers

I found it amusing, myself.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F6DCTUY6RUMWXJKGOICRNIAXCM André Norell

Funny, I love the shouts of “betrayal!” in the background. It gets surprisingly silly and awesome the longer it keeps poping up.

YMMW.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Landon-Mcmillan/100002530239252 Landon Mcmillan

Nah I like it, It like the new Meme ^_^
http://twitter.com/Zachrid ZachSeinBlog

…I still would bet my money, that it will ‘get old’ in the second part for quite a few of you guys. ;) And it is the only thing in this review I really disliked, I can’t wait for the second part. :) … mhh in fact hearing other reviewers doing the “Betrayal!” sounds for the counter could be very funny.

Jerrod Marshall

I love the betrayal counter!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-Martin/1596700226 Stephen Martin

agreed. should definitely be whipped out in events like this. Just… never use it for the Star Wars prequels. Pretty sure that will start a fire.

Klarden

Please, don’t insult soviet union by comparing it to EA :D

http://twitter.com/BenOnABed Benjamin Hodges

That actually comes from Command & Conquer Red Alert 3, C&C being one of the franchises EA has only half-destroyed. But that version of the logo is just so appropriate.
- capthavic
  
  Oh C&C is thoroughly dead after the atrocity that was C&C 4. There is nothing that EA can’t fuck up anymore. I just know that the upcoming Sim City game is going to be ruined somehow, probably because it will require Origin to run.
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Konstantin-Akhmetov/100000303416185 Konstantin Akhmetov
    
    I still don’t understand what the hell happened there.
    I mean, who would ever have thought that taking a “multiplayer-only RTS for the eastern market” (translation: a pile of garbage) and making it into a CnC sequel, while also hiring 1 (one) real actor for the FMVs with the rest of the roles being filled by random people, would be a good idea? Who would ever be so stupid to do something like this?
    - http://twitter.com/BenOnABed Benjamin Hodges
      
      Actually, take a look at C&C Generals 2.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6bg6yhyTK4
      This gives me hope, if only a little.

http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr

Okay, this is obviously not the Avatar. This is Bob, brother to the Avatar. The Avatar was killed by the Guardian twenty years ago, and Lord British has only now discovered a replacement. Rest in Peace, Avatar, being a god is obviously not enough.

capthavic

The Avatar was smart and didn’t want anything to do with 8 and 9, he packs his bags and jumped ship the moment EA took over.

This guy is the Brah-vatar, some idiot collage frat guy pretending to be the Avatar.
- http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr
  
  He has obviously killed the true Avatar, that was his corpse we saw in the fridge. We must find this imposter and bring him to justice!

Arthemis Mishima

Oh my gods… i realise it now… Ultima is the prophecy of Mass Effect.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=696559890 Jimmy Vestberg

Ultima 9 ASScension. Someone or probably several already put this in the commentaries but just in case;)

http://www.facebook.com/Dr.Fisto Kevyn Galli

It seemed strange to me that you used Kikoskia’s footage!

Great work as always Noah, can’t wait for the second part!

Radosław Hołdys

“AND THEN THE ELECTRONIC ARTS HAPPENED”

Fuck, you can attest that to almost every situation in life
“I wanted to go out to go drinking today…AND THEN THE ELECTRONIC ARTS HAPPENED”
“Bioware was putting out great games out…AND THEN THE ELECTRONIC ARTS HAPPENED”
>.<

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

“I was helping an elderly woman across the sidewalk…AND THEN ELECTRONIC ARTS HAPPENED!”
“I was taking a large shit…AND THEN ELECTRONIC ARTS HAPPENED!”
“My wife was having a baby…AND THEN ELECTRONIC ARTS HAPPENED!”

Your right, this is fun! :D
- http://www.facebook.com/luke.noel.71 Luke Noel
  
  Electronic Arts happened…AND THEN ELECTRONIC ARTS HAPPENED!

http://twitter.com/beargrueti beargrueti

Ultima 9 is the only Ultima i ever played. I never played any ultima before this one and i didn’t know anything about the Storys of the other games. I like Ultima 9. I like the Story.

Radosław Hołdys

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore >.>…Actually
I don’t want *you* to live on this planet anymore.
- castchaos
  
  This is how the ones playing IX first are. We didn’t know about the other games’ plot, so we couldn’t see the inconsistencies and guess what, we didn’t even have the chance to judge if those “what is this, what is that” questions are stupid or not.
  I played all other mainstream games by now, even beaten some, and yes, while playing for first time, I felt they were better than IX by a landslide, but after playing IX again and again later, only VII-2 beats it for me.
  I know that I would probably feel the exact opposite if I was a fan from the beginning, for many many decades already… but this is how things happened. As I explained in my post about 20 or so hours ago.
  - xorinite
    
    Oh come on, bad writing is bad no matter what. The story was awful no matter where you come from. You can imagine them explaining things without having the avatar coming across like he developed a mushroom addiction from his time on pagan.
    Furthermore, the game was barely functional. It crashed all the time, quests would break if you tried to explore, they used gated paths excessively, hell they made trolls by stretching goblins out. Its like picking up a copy of twilight as the next book in the fire and ice series and thinking its good.
    Oh and since nine is the only one you played, my advice, go to google and type in Exult. download it, and play it. Thats ultima 7, the best Ultima remade for modern computers.
    - castchaos
      
      I played VII and VII-2 on Exult, I’m glad for the existence of that program, even more so than of DOSBox.
      I’m interested in that list, I don’t know what could be on it, maybe except for sidequest plot and area plot inconsistencies that I can agree on, and for things like a teleporter leading into LB’s castle, which contribute to the “feeling” for me.
      I’m sure it also counts if you played a pre-NES system as first console in your life or you started only with N64/PS or even later, because I noticed new players (new = born after 1989) nitpick games anywhere.So, I’m still interested.
    - xorinite
      
      Okay, well sorry about the delay but since you asked I’ll spit out a few things that were wrong with it for a first time player.
      First and probably most important for a first time player, it didn’t work for most people. Most graphics cards weren’t supported, and even if you didn’t have that problem the game had serious issues with crashing, game breaking bugs, and incredibly poor optimization which would make the game chug like a slide show, even on a good system of the day. This is bad for a first time player.
      The story, its bad. Stupid characters with poor development, including an extremely unconvincing love interest, continunity issues (remember teleporting daggers for instance?) the overall plots philosophical message is muddled and seems to suggest a universal moral apathy. Since all good actions result in an evil action elsewhere and vice versa. Internal inconsistencies, like people claiming not to know anything about the evil in the land, while also giving you complex instructions about it, also how exactly has there been a 20 year war, yet no signs of it exist. Everyone seems to be happy sitting on their backsides, seriously. Now you may say well, its a different time you can’t expect great writing, however look at the competing products of the same year; Baulders gate, Planescape Torment, System shock 2, its not up to their level in writing.
      Gameplay, the engine had issues. Big issues, the render distance was so close you could literally have walls and cities appear a few feet away from you. There were engines at the day which could do this better, system shock 2 came out the same year for instance, and also game breaking bugs. I know I mentioned those before, but they were such a big problem they deserved mentioning twice. Seriously if you tried to explore the dungeons, caves etc, you would break quest arcs immediately and the game would stop working. I locked myself in the beginning area by meeting iolo early by exploring the nearby cave, annoying.
      Anyway, these to me are the things a first time player would find most of a problem, bugs and lack of functionality being the foremost.
http://twitter.com/GamesSaveLives Games Save Lives

To be honest, I can see why. This is definitely one of those games that looks like a terrible ending to a series but a decent standalone game. While there are clearly a few other flaws in this game, the plot inconsistencies with previous games seem like the primary ones.

http://www.facebook.com/bender1990 Mateusz Marcin Trejman

I’ve wanted to play a good game… AND THEN THE EA HAPPENED!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Galen-Sage/1571631645 Galen Sage

So…Why the hell is a corpse in the hero’s closet in the beginning of the game? Seriously wtf?

Radosław Hołdys

Probably an easter egg.
He opened that fridge a lot :P
- http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk
  
  Creepy easter egg XD

Alex Golembeski

Whats a Spoony?

Patrick Coyle

I’m a little surprised the Avatar never asks “I’m the Avatar? What does that mean?”

Sara Magalhães

Omg Blind Guardian at the end! I like even more now Spoony XD oh and whats a paladin? (Gr8 job on this cant wait to see the rest)

Patrick Coyle

So worth the wait! If any game deserved to be hit one last time with the “Betrayal!” clip and counter gag combined, this one is it.

I have to wonder if the hopscotch in the Avatar’s driveway was meant to be a dig at Pagan’s platform jumping…

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

It would be hilarious if it was.

If I had to make a gutted, abysmal excuse of a game, I would pepper that motherfucker with passive aggressive insults at management too.

rowdycmoore

So apparently EA must have assumed that this game was going to be bought by a ton of people that not only never played any of the previous Ultima games, but had never played A SINGLE RPG IN THEIR LIVES to justify why the “goddam avatar” (to steal one of Spoony’s lines) has to be reminded of everything like what the Codex and a freaking paladin is. Oh and even though my knowledge of the series extends mostly to this retrospective, even I know it’s the Codex of INFINTE Wisdom, not ULTIMATE Wisdom.

This is definitely the biggest case of They Just Didn’t Care ever, and I am going love every moment of this review. This is destined to be your magnum opus, Mr. Antwiler.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Dunn/147900507 Patrick Dunn

Anyone read the original plot for this game? If you have please comment. I will say that it made a Hell of a lot more sense than whatever this horrid peice of shit is.

PeaTearGryfin

I’ve read it. Yeah, that would have been a much better idea for a game than the one they came up with in the end.
castchaos

I read the original plot and I read terribly many things about this whole Ultima universe. That true plot would have been da bomb… except it ended with destroying Britannia as “the only way to destroy the Guardian” which would have been stupid, for that way Britannia is not saved, all work is lost.
- PeaTearGryfin
  
  Oh boy, another the game sucks because the world is lost type. I have a feeling that if the original plot had been used, we’d be having the ME3 ending discussion 13 years early.
  - http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr
    
    Please oh please let a disgruntled Bioware employee quit soon so we can get our actual ending leaked for our enjoyment.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F6DCTUY6RUMWXJKGOICRNIAXCM André Norell

http://hacki.bootstrike.com/english/articles_orig.htm

This should provide some small answers.

rewind83709

You know, I really have to admit that a lot of your complaints about this game are nitpicks, and explainable. In that the bad dialog can be chosen by the player.
But it is understood why this game is bad.
And this is still entertaining as hell.
Thanks anyway Spoony. I can’t wait for part 2.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patricium-Thomam-Kiessling/73500598 Patricium Thomam Kiessling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-LE0ycgkBQ

ill just leave this here….

ea in a nutshell,
personally my beef with them is the destruction of westwood studios, they get the fuck you forever because of that

http://profile.yahoo.com/NRSVLZHGMBQUPV6A2S4IRQQTYI Crainy

Whatst the song used in the credits? I like it.

Renaissance_nerd

Whats a credit?
- http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
  
  Your knowledge of the credits shall be great.
sonatafanatica

It’s from the band Blind Guardian and was used as a song for the game “Sacred II”. The complete extended version of the song is called “Sacred Worlds” and is the first song on their latest album “At The Edge Of Time” (from 2010). ;)
- http://profile.yahoo.com/NRSVLZHGMBQUPV6A2S4IRQQTYI Crainy
  
  Great stuff, thanks :)

Ertzi

I’m overjoyed to get a proper Spoony review again. It has been too long. But what’s a paladin?

sillyphysics

ea killed ultima and mass effect i think a trend might be developing

gwobblewopkins

At 16:15 the betrayal counter calls it for purple moon-gates, but doesn’t increase. Anyone taking bets on the # of betrayals, add 1 to the total

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

Been checking this website every 20 seconds for part 2 since you posted this. Not trying to rush you or anything… Just saying… Your beyond awesome dude!

Renaissance_nerd

Spoony said part 2 wont be until after E3
- Merost
  
  And part 3 not until Conbravo, but hey we sure will get a ton of HILARIOUS crossovers and TGWTG-cameos instead!!!!
  
  Be sture to tune in….In like 5 months or so.
  - http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza
    
    Sounds good to me. As long as we get our daily dose of Spoony in the mean time its all good! :)
MediaGold

The naiveté and innocence displayed by this comment is just so adorable! Do you prance through the tulips whilst sipping on honeydew from a pink paisley teacup as well? I hope you have the patience to survive your seemingly eternal wait, my little Tootsiecheeks.
- PeaTearGryfin
  
  Do you just have to be there to dash everybody’s hopes. Yes, Spoony won’t have Part 2 out for a while, but that doesn’t give you the right to be a dick to everybody who is anxiously awaiting it.
  - MediaGold
    
    So, no one even dare to joke about Spoony without you pouncing on them like a paparazzi on a Katy Perry side boob shot, hmmm? Sorry, I just found it cute that some poor soul is F5′ing the crap out of his keyboard in anticipation for a video that is at least a month to two years away. If anything, I was simply trying to save the poor guy some time and a fingertip. I’m the last person who should type these next nine words, but you seriously need to get a fucking life. BTW, it’s rare that I bust out the profanity, but I think it was necessary in this case. Seriously, it’s beyond pathetic. You make a Dittohead look like a freethinking polymath.
    - http://profile.yahoo.com/ESIXWOUUCOCRIJWTCBJ3F2SLM4 Jacob
      
      Long have I awaited the one who would be known as The Douche – and lo, I have found him.
      P.S: Yes, people still use that word. Like how I use your mom every night. BOOSH
    - Merost
      
      Yeah sure. Listen when even other nerds have the urge to dump you in a toilet head first theres something wrong with you.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      “when even other nerds” Your telling me your not a nerd?
      
      Why the hell are you here?
    - PeaTearGryfin
      
      Then why are you here? You’ve never said anything positive about any of the videos. All you do is come here and insult those who actually like the video. And please, you’ve never broken out in profanity, I’ve seen pleanty of comments that would disagree with that.
    - Merost
      
      Oh look its Looser McDogfucker and the gang of eternal virgins.
    - PeaTearGryfin
      
      Oh look Jackass McMediaGoldfucker and the eternal blow job. Seriously, get a room you two. In case you didn’t notice, you’re the ones being judged here, not me.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      I don’t think that even MediaGold would go as far as:
      
      “DUH, YOUR A LOOSER VIRGIN AND NOBODY LIKES YOU. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:”
      
      Good thing I flagged his ass. I wonder how many times you have to be flagged in order to have your account banned…
    - PeaTearGryfin
      
      Well, it took GozerisaGod about 20 flags before he finally got banned. So I’m guessing we haven’t seen the last of Merost.
    - http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza
      
      Whoa… What the heck did I miss out on while I was asleep today? O_O’
      -LoL!
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      I enjoyed that. Screw off, MeatRoast.
    - Bunnionion
      
      Aw, look at you trying to be just jaded enough to be interesting. It’s not working, but it sure is cute… and annoying. Like watching a puppy drag it’s ass on the carpet.
      
      Keep trying though!
    - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000065433429 Sam Pagano
      
      You know trying to seem jaded isnt cool, no matter how much you think it is. That and its pretty clear the guys being facetious.
- Renaissance_nerd
  
  the douche is strong with this one.
  - MediaGold
    
    People still use that word? Huh, how unoriginal. You must go to community college? Anyways, please keep it down. You’ll scare away the precious fawnboy.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Hutcheson/100001172877407 Alexander Hutcheson
      
      didn’t figure you were this much of a jackass.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum
      
      You don’t like to swear? Huh, that’s kind of sheltered. You must go to high school? Anyways, please keep it down. You might bum out the new fan.
      
      ;D
Atmos_Duality

Well, according to Twitter, part 2 won’t be coming until after E3 at the earliest…so expect to see it maybe some time in August, July if Spoony gets his shit together.

And I see now that Spoony is back, the trolls are also back acting like needlessly condescending fuckheads.

AlexanderChoi

Love the Phoenix Wright esque word balloons for the betrayal counter

chaosmaster

Electronic Arts: Shitting all over your favorite gaming franchises since 1994. Because fuck you.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WONVMESWEFHTUZYWD4XADOSWDY Allaiyah Weyn

& Ubisoft too.
- Radosław Hołdys
  
  & CAPCOM
  - http://twitter.com/Shade_the_Wolf Christian Marshall
    
    Ehh, the last two Battle Networks were okay. Didn’t care much for 4, though.

Arthur Salt

http://www.humblebundle.com/

http://profile.yahoo.com/OCLJELGKLDFYI6T76NMWV7FBNM Adam

“What’s a Paladin?” Jesus fucking Christ, I’ve only played the first Ultima game and even if I had never played any of the series, never saw any of these reviews and just picked up this game, I would have been severely insulted if I played the NINETH entry in an RPG series and the main character asked what a Paladin was. Fuck this game, and FUCK YOU EA. You’re the man Spoony

sonatafanatica

I don’t know if any of you knew this already – but the original plot by Bob White (which actually would have been AWESOME and very true to the series) is still to be found here: http://www.ultimaaiera.com/blog/ultima-9-the-bob-white-plot/ – it’s such a frickin’ shame that EA chose to re-write the whole thing and thus completely ruined a whole franchise. Thanks again, EA. You sück balls.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003065760352 John Sco

*laughs* I loved it. As always, Spoony sets the bar when it comes to online entertainment.

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

Has anyone noticed the new artwork on the title cards?

It’s kinda got this gritty, ugly look to it. I guess it fits with the TSE banner with a picture of Burton on it.

Renaissance_nerd

i think it was done by the same person

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WONVMESWEFHTUZYWD4XADOSWDY Allaiyah Weyn

Last year I was totally thinking of getting this game (despite previous reviews I’ve read, because I have a high tolerance for crap), then forgot about it. Now I can SEE that I shouldn’t get this.

Your hair is looking mighty stallion-like ^_~

When Lewis’s robot is finally finished, you two should totally do a robot crossover.

“Their graphics were outdated & they had to completely start over from scratch.” Toss in Duke Nukem Forever & Daikatana & you have 3 reasons games stuck in development hell aren’t worth finishing.

What’s a paladin? What’s magic? What’s food for? What purpose does this “continuity” thing serve?

Sir_D

Why do I have the feeling that this could not end well?

Jared Fullyfisted

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y25/THX113805/SherlockPaladin.png

http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

I wish someone would make a Doctor Who parody of that picture.

Amy Pond: “Doctor, what’s a Doctor?”

Lunam_Kardas

Oh sweet mother of god that Guardian laugh animation is frightening.
It looks like he’s humping the black gate! …And I remind you that we have seen no indication of him wearing anything that covers his lower half.

Patrick Coyle

Spoiler: He DOESN’T wear anything. And now I can’t avoid thinking about what he’s doing off-frame while exuberantly mocking everyone.
- Lunam_Kardas
  
  It doesn’t help matters how he kind of sounds rather…. rape-y towards Spoony…that and their dialogue is a bit hate flirty
  Example-
  Guardian: Now Now, is that any way to greet your better half?
  Spoony: Yeah, come on through Big Red, I got a nice hard goodbye right here for ya.

valereth

Fuck yeah Blind Guardian.

http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

I… I lack words…
I’ve never played these games but have enjoyed your retrospective
and…
wow…
I’ve played with brain dead stoners who knew who Paladins were…

Let’s see.. Betrayal counter guess…
666?

Have fun at E3, Spoony One.

http://twitter.com/Turbo_Puns Turbo Puns

I kinda wanna point out Spoony you actually save Britannia 7 times if you include the expansion packs for Ultima VII, as you saved Britannia from Castle Oblivion, AND in Serpant Isle you restored the great Earth Serpent of Balance to his place, which in just Ultima 7 is about three different ways you’ve saved Britannia all in one game if you also count Ultima 7′s main story.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Sam-Hart/100001898545739 Sam Hart

The more I look into it, I start to wonder if Ultima IX came out the way it did as an attempt to try and screw over EA, which seemed to be just as bad then as they are now. It kind of makes sense. The insulting plot, the bad gameplay, the voice acting worse than a grade school play…

http://profile.yahoo.com/ILASDJNSOXS7KCANJNOO7SQZUU Jean-Rene' W

Electronic Arts at first seemed like just screw-up artists; a publisher that does more harm the more it meddles an IP. Then I thought they were just jerks: A bunch of jag-offs that would do anything for money, even if it didn’t make sense. But ever since what happened with Mass Effect 3, I know that they’re pure evil. I gave up entirely on trying to enjoy or get invested in their games (or, you know, buying them) because it’s become clear to me that they can and will, at a moments notice, prove that they don’t care about the consumer, their property, or human decency. And now I see… the evidence for that callousness has been right here all along.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Bryan-John-Sauriol/711670364 Bryan John Sauriol

Thank you Spoony for adding the term “Pineapple dicked demons” to my lexicon.

Patrick Coyle

Dante’s probably kicking himself that he didn’t think of them first.

theshamster

The game could have stated that the Avatar suffered amnesia when he escaped Pagan, indicating why he is so clueless, but that would be using logic in EA’s part, and we can’t have that, can we?

Renaissance_nerd

Anytime the fans need to come up with an excuse to make the story make any kind of sense, the storytellers failed.

Solstafir

Great first part. The beginning story bit was maybe a bit overdone for my taste, though nice animation for the Guardian. Aside from that really enjoying it and hoping it’s gonna be more than a 2-parter.

theshamster

Can you name the Avatar in U9?

If so, (re)name him “Ralf Wiggum”

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=629096586 Daoud Barbour

Great review but I’m not sure I understand the Betrayal meter. Does it go off when stupid stuff happens or just stuff that contradicts information from previous installments?

Renaissance_nerd

whenever Ultima IX contradicts every other game in the series.

Luffy .

Hilarious

Damian Wielk

43 minutes ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! ok I’m going for popcorn

Shilag

God! I cannot wait for part 2! Most of all I do hope you explain what a Paladin is. The suspense and no knowing is killing me!

Skelemelon

“The Avatar is too stupid to eat!”
So, the Avatar is Tidus? Huh. Makes sense, actually.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Morgan/551257347 Matt Morgan

Oh geez. There was a pike shoved inside the skeleton in the fridge. XD

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=14826834 Ericka Skinner

Oh…oh, gods. I could laugh at how bad this was if I didn’t know about the rest of the series. But having played some of the better Ultima games in my childhood… this HURTS.

sprode

Ah. It is ironic that EA (and Activision) will destroy the world as they did Ultima.

Avatar, we need you again!

Also, I love the Betrayal Counter. It was a necessity. Suuuuuuucks.

Also, what’s a Paladin?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Rafi-Mankassirain/708048956 Rafi Mankassirain

Maybe that pirate was Live action role player who got separated from his group, saw the Avatar approaching and thought he was one of an other LARPer and thus drew his sword. Unknowingly he was in fact the god damn avatar and was struck down accidentally. If that is the case I now feel really sad for him. :(

http://www.facebook.com/people/Lewis-Barclay/100001311420952 Lewis Barclay

…….The Avatar no! A grown god damn man no! A mildly sentient living being needs to be to know that its good to eat food?!

I’m shocked he he isn’t at home giggling at static while some poor guy has to clean the s&^t out of his pants!

Why does EA hate their consumers?

http://www.facebook.com/adam.rust.7 Adam Rust

Honestly this game wouldn’t be so bad if you just inserted one small plot point at the beginning: You’re not the Avatar. You really play the Avatar’s house sitter named Jeb, a man too stupid to eat.

Christopher Arnold

Watching this over a few times I could see a few ways to make this story work.

Have the Guardian give the Avatar amnesia and then send him back to Earth, all while subtly manipulating the wills of the Brittanians against the Avatar, both via Giant Evil Columns and by illustrating the horrible things the Avatar did on Pagan (such as via the Tapestry). It would give the Avatar a whole new arc of not only re-learning the history of Brittania and assuming the role of the Avatar, but justifying to himself all the terrible things he had to do on Pagan, culminating in his redemption in the eyes of the people. It would put the player in the same shoes as the Avatar, trying to come to terms with a world that’s both familiar and alien at the same time, all while trying to stop the Guardian.

Soul_Saint

You still then have the issue of how the land went from being destroyed by the Guardian in Ultima 8, only to return to a normal-ish state with a decreased population. Then you have many of the other points made on items destroyed in previous games, this tapestry only now appearing, the change of age of the Lord of Brittania when he shouldn’t really age due to how the world of Brittania’s time-line is, and the Gargoyal inside the castle not being enraged by the Avatars presence for what originally happened in Ultima 6. In order to fix the story, they need to take out a lot of what they did. The amnesia would work but they would still have to change the lines for the scripts to not sound dull and make the conversations somewhat intelligent at the least.

But in all honesty, the idea of amnesia would be better. EA fucked up this game badly. I’d love for them to re-make it the way it should be done or with the amnesia idea thrown in. Upon returning from Pagan, it’d have been better to get wtfpwned by the Guardian, as the powers from Pagan turned out to only strengthen him, and wake up in some place like a prison you have to escape from or are saved by the companions – Only to find out you have amnesia. Then they’d give more of a reason behind making you have to restore magic in Britannia and restore the seven virtues to their full state before you can face the Guardian and overcome him.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Elliott/894775044 Steven Elliott

So glad this was linked on a forum. I have never played an Ultima game but this was amazing.

Atmos_Duality

I think I see the biggest problem with Ultima 9: *Electronic Arts*

This game is now the earliest example of how their meddling completely assraped a good series and quality game developer.
I grew up primarily on consoles, and then started playing PC in 1995. So I missed most of the Ultima series. (yes, I was living “under a rock”. I grew up in the middle of fucking nowhere)

By far, most of the discontinuity that Spoony has brought up is just exposition for new players. Why so much exposition? Because knowing how EA works, they were banking on this game to appeal to new players, brought in via hype.

It’s rather jarring how fragmented and disorganized the game is in hindsight.
On one hand, this is the final journey of the Avatar; the closing chapter in a long running series. Obviously it makes sense to design the game for the fans who had played up to that point.

On the other hand…the game is designed for new players who didn’t know any of the existing continuity.
The retarded “What’s a Paladin?” line? Yeah, I could totally see little Timmy sitting in his crib still in diapers while his older brother was playing, watching Sir Dupre’s noble sacrifice.

So how is it they got conceivably EVERYTHING wrong, right down to the smallest details?
Rush job. This is how EA ruins developers; (how they’ve ruined MANY MANY developers, mind you), and how they eliminate quality products from competing with their market share. It’s how they’ve run their business for nearly 15 years.

They swallow your company, establish goals that don’t coincide with your development team’s vision (you know, what probably put you on the map to begin with), put you on an equally gruelling timetable, and then the churn and burn begins.

With each passing project, your quality slips further and further due to mismanagement, marketing-driven design changes, and tighter deadlines to appease the suits who have no real investment in your project apart from its potential to sucker customers for a quick buck. If they can meet performance expectations, regardless of quality or the merit of the games they produce, fine. They stay. Otherwise, ere swings the headsmans axe.

It’s because of that practice that I see very few truly memorable games made today, and why so much of gaming is now formulaic and overdone. Either you find a winning formula and make millions by remaking the same fucking game over and over again, or you fail to meet expectations by setting goals that don’t fit the mold.

Nyaore

And this here is why EA was recently voted ‘Worst Company in America’, beating out the big banks and other higher profile targets to snatch the gold. It says a lot about the animosity and reputation you’ve created for yourself, when you as a gaming company (which is still fairly niche comparatively), beat out everyone else for the top prize.
http://consumerist.com/2012/04/congratulations-ea-you-are-the-worst-company-in-america-for-2012.html
- Atmos_Duality
  
  Yeah, I saw that poll when it was active.
  It blew my mind that EA beat out Bank of America.
  As cathartic as watching EA get the public thrashing it deserves was, I don’t think EA’s antics even begin to compare with the relentless greed and economic damage BoA has done.
  
  There’s a difference between torpedoing a promising developer, and bulldozing homes that you technically don’t have the deed to…while their rightful owners are still living in them.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jose-Batista/100000952184779 Jose Batista

I hope angry joe borrows the betrayal counter for his Diablo 3 review.

http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

Speaking of which, I pulled a Counter-Betrayal and pre-ordered Torchlight 2, and not just for reasons of budget convenience.

If Blizzard pisses on what Blizzard North created, then I’m just going to go with the original team’s new product instead.

Malidictus

Wow, this was epic and amazing. There were quite a few moments that felt like Spoony channeling his “No! NO! There’s a sign in the crowd that says ‘Hall rules!’ Hall rules!?!” I know this game hurts, but that just makes the review all the more awesome :)

The one thing I didn’t get, though, is what’s a paladin? I hope Part 2 will explain this.

http://profile.yahoo.com/STBUGZYAFQXYWN3BNBFGN2JB3Q John McGill

Spoony… this review was awful. I’m sorry. It wasn’t funny, and you overreacted. Things you would have overlooked in previous games you start shouting and screaming about.

weckar

OKay, I don’t want to disrespect your opinion here, but I’ve never laughed this much at a video IN MY LIFE!

http://twitter.com/Skellman98 Brian Skelly

Another thing, that makes the What’s a Paladin line even dumber.
The Avatar can be a Paladin. It’s one of the class choices…

http://twitter.com/TheAbridgenator Steve O.

Silly Avatar, food is what gets you through the night! Food is alright! John Lennon was singing about food the whole time!

http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/HY6GR34KYMUL6LUDUKS24U5TF4 Jonny

Hey just a question…
What is a paladin, anyway?

theshamster

A paladin is a Knight who fights for honor. They have special abilities that help them, such has sensing danger, sensing aura, honor shield, peace, healing and other divine skills.

A paladin always fights for what is right, rather than what is lawful. They are willing to risk being arrested by helping uncover a political plot that snslaves the land rather than go along with the lies being told by those in charge. They also will help starving beggers, even if the laws said ‘never help beggers’

They also don’t judge others by their appearances or from what others said about them.

For example, lets say that a paladin, in their travels, comes to a kingdom that has been terrorised by a dragon, after gathering clues, they track down the dragon, and find it perched at the edge of a cliff, staring off into the wilderness below. The paladin senses danger, but also sadness…great sadness; the dragon, it turns out, ONLY attacked the kingdom because its mate and hatchlings were slaughtered by drunken soldiers who didn’t understand dragons and just wanted to kill them…this dragon is not evil, but rather seeking justice in the only way it can.

The paladin can not kill the dragon, because it is dishonorable to kill something who is greiving over the deaths of its loved ones, so the paladin seeks to help the dragon by first gaining its trust and then by locating the murderers and bring them to justice, at the risk of being chased out of the kingdom.

A paladin also is willing to unquestionably sacrifice their own life to protect others. They dont fear death as it’s only a journey through the cosmos.

That is what a paladin is: a holy knight who fights for the absolute truth, honor and justice and what is right in the end.

and this idiot “avatar” asks ‘what’s a paladin?’, someone bring me my cricket bat!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Raymond/1795857123 Travis Raymond

I’ll not defend this piece of shit, but I have to say…making the back story of a world like Ultima accessible to all players is tricky….many of them may not have played these things before. How do you bring them up to speed?

Mind you this isn’t how I’d recommend doing it…

PeaTearGryfin

What I thought would work is to have a hall in the Museum of the Avatar what has paintings dedicated to all of his journeys. This gives the fans a chance for a quick refresher and teaches new players what they need to know.
- atypicaloracle
  
  The same way that Elder Scrolls tries to (I say “tries to” because Bethesda freely admits that they can’t keep track of the history) – by putting books in the game that you can pick up and read. Say you pick up a historical account of the Avatar, read it, and while you do, the Avatar comments on it – like “That’s not how *I* remember it. I seem to recall that I threw that skull into a lake of lava to open the Stygian Abyss…” or “One of my best friends was a Paladin. They’re the most noble of knights, willing to undergo any sacrifice or hardship to preserve the Virtues, even die for the good of Britannia.”
  
  See? Exposition dump, handled in a way that doesn’t result in “What’s a Paladin?”
Patrick Coyle

Been a while since I’ve played any of the other Ultima games, but I’m pretty sure they just included all their backstory stuff in the manuals, along with the other incredibly elaborate world-building. After all, it’s not like RPG players are averse to reading or anything.

Then EA happened.

http://twitter.com/IndustryFuckwit Industry Fwit

Funny thing is, when i played this for the first time years ago – it was my favorite of the series – mainly because it DID explain stuff going on around me (I’ve never been much of a d&d type…).

You dont HAVE to ask the questions provided, you dont have to ask “what’s a paladin?”, but for people like me who’d only played 7, 8 and underworld 2 before – it was nice to select it to find out about it.

And I always thought the graphics were stunning – hell, in my humble opinion they hold up fairly well even today… If you look back at other games from that time period – they dont look half as good.

KennethJohnTaylor

Yes, Ascension was a god damn bucket of fail, but I didn’t really dislike it as much as Pagan. Both games had terrible mechanics, storylines and plot, but the one thing I appreciated about both was the music. And for Ascension, I really enjoyed the graphics.

The landscape of Britannia — the first time in 3d — was something to behold, and I remember my first time playing the game reaching the destroyed city of New Magincia, with a panflute rendition of the game’s leitmotif softly playing. I actually stopped for a moment at the Magincian shoreline and sat and watched the sun set while the music played, with seagulls chirping and waves crashing… for about a half hour, as the sun dipped below the horizon in real time, I actually forgot I was playing a video game.

It was a beautiful, somber moment where I reflected that this would be it, the last Ultima game, which lent a bittersweet ambiance to the rest of the quest. So I took my time, savored the sights and sounds, and appreciated Britannia as much as I could because it would all be gone soon.

So yeah, that was the only redeeming moment of the game. New Magincia. Setting sun. Panflute melody.

Rest of the game was balls.

Bob Long

It looks like they made a pretty nice patch that addresses a lot of ultima 8s problems such as the floating platforms, targeted jumping etc.

It doesn’t seem like there is a patch that could fix this one though.

http://www.facebook.com/dudemeister.mcgee Dudemeister McGee

I’m a third of the way through and I’m liking it so far, but the sounds for the betrayal counter are a bit distracting. For part 2, could you use the ding from the fusebox counter?

Patrick Coyle

I know I’d feel the same way, if this game didn’t so richly deserve the constant outcries of dismay. I’d suspect that part 2 will have sound clips of Spoony doing his shrill “I’m utterly fucking speechless” wailing, and part 3 might borrow bits from Highlander: The Source (“NOT THIS WAY!”)

Ludicrum

When you announced the betrayal counter I originally guessed it would top out at 40. When you gave us the “hint” I increased it to 90, thinking it couldn’t possibly go that high, especially in the first half of the review.

Boy was I wrong. My God, even after watching the review I’m having trouble believing that it truly is that horrible.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000065433429 Sam Pagano

First third, he has said more is coming.

Mason Matlock

Disclaimer: OK, so I went down the page for about a hundred comments or so, and have read a good amount of the comments over on tgwtg in an attempt to make sure someone hadn’t already mentioned this, and it seems like nobody has. I also am not a games reviewer, writer, or in any way affiliated with anyone who is, and never have been

Spoony, the review is amusing as hell, and you put a hell of a lot of work into it, but there’s one bit that stuck out to me as being a bit of a low-blow, and pretty off-the-cuff t’boot. The back of the box quotes and your utter savaging of the outlets and people quoted on them. Not only are most of them NOT mainstream gaming sites (and of the actual mainstream gaming sites featured, only ONE gave higher than a 66%…by the by finding ANY reviews of this game was difficult, and I had to resort to aggregate sites like gamerankings and metacritic), but back of the box quotes are almost ALWAYS out of context, and can often times be taken from things that aren’t reviews. Which seems to be the case here. The vast majority of those quotes are talking about either the looks/graphics, and are speaking in terms indicating the future. It sounds like stuff taken from hopeful PREVIEWS, not reviews. Previews are structured in such a way as to present the game in the best possible light, and even if those quotes were taken from reviews, it is very easy to see how they could have been taken out of context to sound good when the intent was to either showcase the failed potential of the game, or the hope the reviewer had going in.

Ludicrum

Just noticed: In the review of Serpent Isle, Spoony says that Lord British’s second greatest fear is eating a loaf of bread laced with rat poison … which is exactly what Spoony feeds him in this review.

http://twitter.com/yamina_chan yamina-chan

Holy…crap…
I have never played Ultima myself, but I can still see how bad this is butchered up. I feel sorry foru you and every Ultima Fan out there.
The fact that you made the counter a “Betrayal!” counter was the right decision because of so many reasos that I won’t list them all.
Your review however is great and I enjoyed it a lot.

http://www.facebook.com/ravenwoodwitch Angela Headley

My god, the failure is so massive! I wager that counter may break 200.
Speaking of, there was a little goof Spoony. When you mentioned the moon gate I heard the sound effect but the counter didn’t go up.
Ah but enough nit-picking. This was funny as hell, cannot wait for part 2. Have fun at Conbravo!

Aiddon

Fittingly, gog.com is having a 50% off sale for the Ultima and Wing Commander series (including Ultima Underworld and Wing Commander: Privateer)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1355837188 Andrew Epic Aitcheson

yay Blind Guardian for the end :-) May I also recommend, Falconer, Demons and wizards (same lead singer as BG) Fairyland (score to a new begining album), Dragonland, Stratvairous and pretty much any power metal :-)

http://twitter.com/nnecron Necro

I still have to question why Oreo sticks his head through a toast in the art work.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Cassave-Cleynghelt/100001308454801 Cassave Cleynghelt

I’ve always very fond of the Ultima games, especially the Underworld ones. I’m SOOO glad I never bothered with Ascension.

Travis Mallary

I’m not usually one to go into fanfiction, but I’m kind of wondering what would happen if I tried rewriting the story and plot elements for Ultima 9: Ascension. It was kind of before my time, but thanks to the above rants, I have a working knowledge of the series. At least I think I could do a better job than they did. If anyone’s interested in seeing it, I can start working on it. I usually use the pseudonym xwiry for stuff, so try looking for that.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F2OLJLCMKVKZT63GMJJJEKXPQI RogerS

“Whats a Paladin?”

…

Go look in a mirror, YOU’RE ESSENTIALLY A PALADIN AVATAR. Y’know, you follow all the virtues and essentially become the icon of the local faith, literally a holy champion for the people? You’re like a Paladin to the second power! You’re an epic tier paladin being treated like a level 1 newb! AND ACTING LIKE ONE TOO HERE.

On a more positive note, Ultima 1~3 and 4~6 are all 3 bucks for the bundles…and technically Ultima 4 is free here. Ultima 9 is not here, I wonder whyyyyyyy.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=514668507 Cory Damean Closen

I could not stop laughing as I watched this.. the only real thing I’m sad about is that.. this is pretty much the end of the Ultima Reviews and I loved them all D:

http://www.facebook.com/Manofmanycoats Robert Cousineau

http://i49.tinypic.com/2cp4apj.jpg

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

When the farmer died when the pillar showed up it was a PRIME opportunity to make a “rock falls and player dies” D&D joke.

I am most displeased.

http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

Oh I didn’t think about that but you’re right, would have been funny.

http://www.facebook.com/timm3r Timmer Ratajczyk

I hope you talk about the Ultima X beta.

theshamster

I think Spoony missed a “betrayal” point.

At the end of Ultima 7 part 1, you destroy the black gate, which damages the moongates.

This means that the Avatar can no longer return to Earth so he/she finds a place to live on Britania. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultima_7

However, in 9, you start off on earth even though you’re meant to start off on britanina and go through a working moongate….BETRAYAL!!!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=623351445 Akshay Venkatesh

Really looks a bit like Morrowind. Good thing that game was epic and this game is garbage lol!

http://twitter.com/ben10mad Benjamin Ethridge

I guessed by the end of this vid there would be 92 betrayals :P
so close

http://www.facebook.com/fatenabu1 Dustin Gibbons

Yea it is a horrible game, I tried top lay it again the other day after watching the video and man is it bad…The game literally froze for a few secs when I would bring up the journal LOL. Anyways I did find some mods for it though that change the plot/script/almost everything and adds alternate endings… I haven’t played it yet because the game in generally still suffers from bad programing and is almost too buggy to be playable

Jorambo

Stonegate thats the village in the game dungeon siege. What pladurism.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Gabriel-Langevin/100000921051043 Gabriel Langevin

The quality of your video keeps going up everyday :D
Really enjoy that you desided to use the counter again. The added voice just made my day, to make you realise how much I love your work. I arrived late at work because I had to watch the video and I came back to comment.

Good Work.

Gabriel Langevin

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5W26L2W4J5OK3ZA6U327RG73LA Blaed

Fuck Yeah, Blind Guardian for the credits, now I wanna here a concept album based on the Ultima mythos (excluding 9 of course)! Awesome Video Spoony!

http://www.facebook.com/cgarbor Catherine Garbor

Evidence of the rEApers first strike…God, and I thought ME3 was EA’s worst.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000065433429 Sam Pagano

How is ME3 EAs worst? It was one of the best things EA ever did until the last ten minutes, on the other hand this is probably worse than Origin but I really cant decide on that competition.

http://twitter.com/Cristiona Cristiona

…isn’t the gem in the tapestry yellow because they just copy/pasted the box art?

http://www.facebook.com/tcurns Markus Hurdiss

Fuck yhea! Another Ultima Retrospective!! Keep up the good work Spoony One :D! My delight at blind guardian for the end credits… was infinite! n_n

doresh

And here are my random ramblings about this abomination of a sequel:

- Texas sure is a weird place Oo

- I guess they added the swirly effects to the moongate because that looks more “kewl”…

- How does Ultima IX manage to make the Guardian’s head monument look way less impressive than the one from Ultima VII Oo ?

- Now I gett it! This moongate didn’t look like one because it was a roguegate XD !

- Those wyrmdudes don’t use their dragons because they are bound by a code of honor to give you a fair fighting chance. Either that, or they realized that their dragon’s breath weapon doesn’t burn stuff so much as teleport it around.

- Okay, fuck it, this dipshit is NOT the avatar. The REAL avatar was the corpse in the fridge.
(To be honest, it’S only natural for the game to explain you stuff from the previous entries, but why did they have to do it THIS way? Ever heard about inner monologues or dairies Oo ? )

- A GAY AVATAR COSPLAYER Oo ?!

- Only leather armor? Is it just the character model, or does the Avatar look like he already starts the damn game with chain armor?

- What IS a paladin indeed.

On a lighter note, I know own Ultima 4 through 7 (thanks, GoG). This will be awesome ^^ !

http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh

Just picking your comment out of many (including Spoony’s vid) to point out that the Gayvatar was Lord British’s idea after being accosted by one too many neckbeards at conventions.
- doresh
  
  Lol. But I’d still prefer having the Jester in this game. That’s at least some form of madness we’ve come to expect form the series ^^

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

Great review Spoony. I will miss this Ultima Retrospective series when you’re done. Hope you will fill that void with another epic series of some sort.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Joseph-Johnston/1829664647 Joseph Johnston

I foretell of a “What’s a Paladin?” T-shirt being created.
Hell, if the AVGN can inspire the “Link has found the child” T-shirt from his Legend of Zelda 2 review I promise you there will be a shirt with the Avatar shrugging with a slack-jaw expression asking, “What’s a Paladin?”

Make it so.

uncanny474

Since Likes APPARENTLY DO NOTHING, I’m going to toss down a comment.

Seconded. I would TOTALLY buy that shirt.
- Senna4ever
  
  I had a “What’s a Paladin?” T-shirt made up.
  
  There are plenty of custom T-shirt makers around, it’s not that hard to get one yourself.

malcior

much like Crazy Steve stole Batman’s identity in Allstar Batman and Robin, it appears a man who is most certainly NOT the Avatar has taken his identity!
“Whats a paladin?” o_O

http://twitter.com/LancellAE Lancell

You overused the counter, if you actually used the counter when it actually was betrayal, it would have been funny, now it was, wolf in the park: BETRAYAL!!! pirate in the park: BETRAAAAYAL!! spider… in the park:… EFFING BETRAYAL. Now, that there is all of these weird shit in the park, I have no idea whatsoever. Also anything new was betrayal according to you, some things change, and some minor things change like the clothing he had in the previous game and the current, also new things can be made in 20 years, even in medieval time. And his stats and armor being reset isn’t anything new is it?
The counter haven’t overstayed its welcome, your current use of it has.
Other than the counter the review was good, but not really as entertaining as the reviews use to be. Oh the game is bad, no arguing about that.

doresh

Spiders, pirates and ROUS are a betrayal to our own reality. Then again, I was never in a park in Texas, so who knows…

And whether you like it or not, the changed clothing is certainly a continuity error. But the developers sorta forgot the whole ending of Ultima VII, so I’d cut them some slack too – but they’ll still get a massive BETRAYAL for kinda FORGETTING THE CLIFFHANGER ENDING OF THE LAST GAME.

About the 20 years: You’ve seem to forgot that several hundred years have passed since the Avatar first entered Britannia – and yet everything is roughly on the same technological level (probably because people there get so damn old, and you need fresh, innovative ideas for progress). Heck, considering the space shuttles and evil computers of doom (and the apparent disappearance of the crossbow), they’ve somehow regressed over time…
- http://twitter.com/LancellAE Lancell
  
  But can’t a hedge maze or some changes to the castle occur in 20 years? And sure, weird things in the park might be considered as a betrayal (especially the pirate) but my point was, anything that was slight out of the ordinary was considered as a betrayal. The weird things in the park was counted as: 3 betrayals. So really I thing the counter could have summed down to like 30-40 of the more important betrayals (and merged some) and it could have stayed funny. Also one thing I forgot to mention, it felt like anything new and any new plot points was a betrayal. Also, the game story is still unbelievable bad, I’m not defending Ultima 9, I just think the use of the counter in this review was unfunny to me due to the overuse.
  - Soul_Saint
    
    According the ending of Ultima 8, no. It could not happen. Items that were destroyed with no way of ever reappearing are in a museum, there is a “magical tapestry” that now shows the Avatar’s past. Apparently having filled itself with his accomplishments from past games, along with his overall destiny in the end. The changes in this game were more suitable for a little kid(Thus far as shown), or someone new to this game entirely. There are also crystal balls that show you different places on-top of Castle Brittin. Magic is supposed to be un-useable. You can teleport around, when magic is supposed to be un-useable. There’s a lot of things wrong with this game that I don’t have to point out. The story for this game itself is a piece of shit that was hastily thrown together by a group of people with no idea of how the series truly was.
    
    There is very little from the past 8 games of this series, that shows has made it to this one. Gargoyal inside the castle, that does not wish to kill the Avatar after Ultima 6? That is actually helping you? They changed how the book, which is the basis of everything the Avatar had known to be true, works and even took it out of the one place it should never have left? They don’t explain anything as to why these things have changed. They were in a rush with a deadline after Ultima Online 2 came out, as Spoony even pointed out, as their graphics were all outdated. They had to throw out what the original design team had made and start from scratch. The design team of the original version ended up quitting and people left, complaining of poor management once EA took over the project.
    
    I see where you’re coming from, but I think you concentrated way too much on the Betrayal Counter. All of these “new” things, go against everything you learn about in the past games of the series, and make it seem like Ultima 8′s ending meant absolutely nothing. That the entire game meant nothing. There are a lot of plot-holes in this game which is the finale to the whole series. If I were playing a series like this one and learned that everything was changed in the last game to the series I had invested hours of my time on being engrossed by the tale and game-play, to find out the last game pretty much says everything I learned about or that happened pretty much meant nothing in the end, I’d feel betrayed.
    - doresh
      
      Mmmh, I guess most of the people wondering about why ME-fans whine about the ending of ME3 are Ultima Fans – cause they themselves basically experienced something far worse: An ENTIRE game like the ME3 ending, cranked up to eleven.
    - Soul_Saint
      
      Personally, I think they’re going to make like a saga for ME. To show the fallout that occurs in the end, and why the ending of ME3 was the way it was. The ending wasn’t that bad IMHO. They never said it was the true end of the story, just the final game of that specific series. Giving room to fill-in why what happened, happened. And expanding their story even further.
      
      But you’re right – It’s just exactly that in terms of feelings.
    - doresh
      
      Just hope that EA has learned a thing or two from Ultima IX…
http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr

It wasn’t a “Betrayal” counter, beyond the funny icon and sound. It was a “plot-hole” counter, and was justifiably used.
http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

When was the last time you seen wolfs and pirates just walking around a park in texas?

Well?

http://www.facebook.com/ChusterMerino Chuster M. Merino

And the “Betrayal-counter” rises… and rises… and rises… and rises!

http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

7 times in… What is it about this review thats so good? I have brand new movies to watch and instead I come here and watch this review again for the 7th or 8th time! Its like visual poetry or something. Its really well made and animated! Cant say this enough: “I can NOT WAIT for part 2 of this!!!!”

Wow! Great job all around Spoony! Your the best man!

labeth

You know, you should release the Betrayal Counter sound files so people can use them as error sounds for Windows. Or very angry cell phone notifications.

http://www.facebook.com/Goldstarenterprises Andrew Petty

please, please, please release the new one soon. I have not laughed this hard at one of your reviews in a long time. Don’t get me wrong your always a funny dude and one of my favorite reviewers, but this is you not just on your a game but on your Super S game. Love the reviews. Hope to see part two soon.

http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

Part 2 will be after E3 at some point

http://www.facebook.com/people/Terra-Silverspar/100002064673161 Terra Silverspar

I played this game, and I think I made it to New Magicia before I just gave up because the bugs made it just completely unplayable. Now while I know that people will lay blame on EA, and they rightfully deserve it, I think a huge part of the blame lies with Garriot to, a man who sold the company to EA to start the UO project (and I won’t lie, I loved old UO) because Garriot is a man that I am not sure he lives squarely in this reality.

Now while I know some people will cite what he said about how U8 and 9 were handled in an interview yonks ago, I will point out there is always three sides to a story; side a, side b and the truth. Considering the horror stories I’ve read from various employees and NCSoft on the Tabula Rasa project, several of the comments not speaking very highly of Garriot himself or his management skills, nor the fact that the man elected to put his project aside to go into space instead, and was subsequently let go by NCSoft after having spent several years working on Tabula Rasa, that included completely gutting and changing the game at least three times during the development, and only won a case against NCSoft because of a technicality of him never having written a goodbye post they claimed he did.

I will also point to the fact that Garriot himself is actively talking to EA now to get back into his own Ultima franchise to make another game, and from the sounds of it, aiming at UO2 though the title so far from what I’ve read is called Ultimate RPG, or something like that.

And for people that don’t believe that Garriot’s lambasting post about how the U9 development went, compare what he said then, to this little gem now (published 12th of Decembr, 2011)http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2011-12-12-garriotts-ultimate-rpg-could-become-ultima-online-2;

“I have a great fondness for Electronic Arts – I still think they’re one of the best, most powerful and competent sales and marketing and distribution companies in the business.”

Honestly, as great as Ultima was I am wary of any person that will turn heel multiple times on something. He doesn’t seem to be grounded, at all, and as great as Ultima was, especially 4, 5, 6 and 7, I am wary of him starting any new projects, especially considering the debacles of Ultima 8 and 9, the catastrophe of the promising UO2 project never seeing light, and of course the disastrous launch and development of Tabula Rasa. Personally, I think Ultima was a huge success in spite of Garriot, not because of him. He had talented team members that helped create the world we all love.

RobinAdams78

Richard Garriott isn’t grounded at all, and that’s putting it mildly. That’s both the reason the early games were great, and why he was never going to cut it in the more corporate world that computer games have turned into. It’s unfair to say the early Ultimas were a success only because of his team members – he did the majority of the coding on Ultimas 4 and 5 himself.

And NCSoft putting a fake post on their forum with his name announcing his resignation from Tabula Rasa, as a way of forcing him out, is more than a technicality.

That said, I agree it turned out that he’s a bad manager, even if he’s a good coder and game designer; and he bears the responsibility of the decision to sell to EA. I hope he starts again with a brand new small company, the way Tim Schafer and Ron Gilbert did.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Terra-Silverspar/100002064673161 Terra Silverspar
  
  Oh, I am saying and was illustrating, that the problems with U9 I think lie with the person that many people have hailed as a saint, despite overwhelming contradictory evidence, as much as it lies with EA.
  
  And honestly, when your boss says we need you in office and you tell them screw you I am going to space, the fact he didn’t expect to get fired was the funny part. I consider the letter a technicality, I don’t care for NCSoft either really. But, was dumb on their part to try and avoid a media circus by making it a fake I quit thread, instead of just bluntly saying he was fired.
  - http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh
    
    Stop reading Wikis, you’re only hurting yourself. Go take your meds.
    - http://www.facebook.com/people/Terra-Silverspar/100002064673161 Terra Silverspar
      
      I’m sorry I did do research and sorry you don’t like the answers. This wasn’t from wiki this was actually from reading that interview from ages ago, and actually reading various testimonies from developers that worked on Tabula Rasa. Sorry you hate hearing that. Do some research yourself.
    - http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh
      
      Your overall complaint seems to be that Garriott is contradicting himself in regards to EA and to state it simply: he isn’t. He was happy with them after Trip Hawkins was no longer in power. I’ll also reiterate that Garriott has been involved with successful games since the collapse of OSI.
    - sinthalis
      
      You have absolutely no proof of that. Your overall complaint seems to be, this person disagrees with me, therefore they are stupid, and they don’t know what they are talking about. You’re Richard Dawkins, aren’t you?
- Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd
  
  Personally I agree with Robin and disagree with Terra concerning Richard Garriott. Anyone can get lucky once, but Garriott delivered several excellent games in a row. I tend to take designer complaints about managerial practices with a grain of salt–ultimately the designers are the ones who create the game, and they’re under a lot of pressure to shift blame if their work is poorly received. My own take on the situation is that Garriott is a brilliant writer and programmer, as evidenced by his previous work and by the masterful excuses he has given for every flaw in Ultima 9 (which do nothing to elevate the game beyond the pile of shit that it is, but do say something about the mind of the man). My guess is that Origin Systems grew to the point where Garriott became a full-time manager, which, as I think we can all agree, is not among his talents.
http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh

”I have a great fondness for Electronic Arts – I still think they’re one
of the best, most powerful and competent sales and marketing and
distribution companies in the business.” How is this untrue? He’s stating that they can sell people crap and make them eat it, which we *should* all be able to agree upon.

Also: I guess the ‘City of Heroes/Villains’ games mean nothing in your criticism? Garriot isn’t a saint, nor was he ever supposed to be. He’s a guy that got rich from making video games when he was a teenager. Nothing more, nothing less.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Terra-Silverspar/100002064673161 Terra Silverspar
  
  Because if you’ve actually read his statements in the past when he blasted EA, he pretty much stated he didn’t like EA. In short, that’s a heel turn, again. And my criticism of City of Heroes means? I don’t exactly play them anymore either. So curious what that edit attempt even is trying to portend to.
  - http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh
    
    He blasted EA when Trip Hawkins owned it; do some research that isn’t of the Wikipedia level.
    
    Edit: I also don’t know what you mean by “edit attempt” but hey, this comment comes from Kasson Dragon of UDIC.

http://jefferykrit.wordpress.com/ jefferykrit

Thanks to the sale at GOG.com, I’m playing Ultima IV for the first time.

Walked into the town of Trinsic and found all these Paladins wandering around.

And, of course, as a future Avatar, I had to ask them all, “What’s a Paladin?”

http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh

I’d just like to point out that Ultima 4 is a free standalone download, so no need to wait for a sale to play that game.

http://www.gog.com/en/gamecard/ultima_4
- http://jefferykrit.wordpress.com/ jefferykrit
  
  It came in a package deal with Ultima V and VI (all three for $2.99). Still, good to know.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1748390106 Curtis Cameron

Wow…nice

http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Speigel/1845985496 John Speigel

Another entertaining review, Spoony! Although, while I’ve never played the game myself and I’m not disputing your claims that it sucks, there are a couple things you seem excessively critical of (although I realize the point of the review is entertainment and not unbiased critique). The Avatar’s stupid questions about things he should already know seem to be mainly optional dialogue choices to give players new to the Ultima series necessary backstory; I mean, it’s reasonable to want to give players who don’t want to play through all 10 or so previous games a clue about all this stuff, and since it’s optional I’d think veteran players could ignore it as being as unimportant as the tutorial dialogue as the beginning (although admittedly the same purpose could probably have been achieved without making the Avatar look moronic). Most (but not all) of the tapestry’s inaccuracies can be excused as artistic license, and most (but not all) of the museum items could be mundane reproductions of the originals just for people to get a sense of the history.
Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t complain about this stuff, just that when you go on and on about problems that are minor and/or have a legitimate defense, it isn’t that funny (and it takes away time and effort from complaining about the more serious problems, of which I’m sure there are many).
Just my constructive criticism. Looking forward to part 2!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Terra-Silverspar/100002064673161 Terra Silverspar

Quite the contrary in many cases. As optional as it appears, in the context of the game, many of those dialog lines are actually required, and plot critical, even with the lack of an actual plot. And that’s only remembering from as far as I got in the games.
Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

Nice to see that someone shares my own feelings. Here’s hoping that Spoony is man enough to listen, and deliver a Part 2 with less pedantry and more zest. We both know he’s capable of it.

capcom1116

“What evil has attacked the land?”

”Giant evil columns.”

It wouldn’t have been that difficult to phrase the Avatar’s dialogue so that he was explaining these concepts as if he already knew him. It would be clunky, sure, but it would at least make sense.

doresh

Or just add in inner monologues, like

“The book of Ultimate Wisdom – the most sacred book of all Britannia…”

“Gargoyles – demon-like creatures from another dimension with which I’m all too familiar…”
- http://www.facebook.com/yami.amaterasu Yami Light
  
  ah, like the legacy of kain series, games should start using that more often
  - doresh
    
    Games should generally be more like Legacy of Kain XD

http://www.facebook.com/franman781 Kevin Franzen

It’s a damn shame this game turned out the way it did. There was a huge opportunity to maybe see how 10 games of backstory would take its toll on the Avatar. What is it like psychologically to have the worlds fate continually placed in your hands? Even with the enlightening ways of the Virtues, can the Avatar avoid crumbling under the pressure every single time? This could lead to an even tighter dynamic between the player and the Avatar.

Visionary70

Wow- Electronic Arts or someone really screwed up Ultima VIII and IX.

The game is obviously set up for those that are coming to the game not having played the previous ones. The questions of Who are the Gargoyles? & What’s a Paladin? are perfect examples of a questions that a newby would ask. However, I can see why this would be a slap in the face of those who had invested time in the game series.

That being said I actually tried to play Ultima VIII and didn’t get too far as it was always crashing. When Ultima IX came out I had no desire to play it.

I thought the same thing about the museum and tapestry as some others below. The museum items were just recreations of the items from the previous adventures, which I can see the people doing to honour the Avatar.

I can see if an artist was commissioned to paint the tapestry that certain liberties would be taken with the story but if it magically creates a new image every time the avatar comes through the moongate then I don’t see why it would be inaccurate.

However, this is all a moot point as didn’t the Guardian take over Britannia? Wouldn’t he destroy all trace of the Avatar including buildings and artifacts related to the Avatar. Just a thought. However, Ultima IX doesn’t make a lot of sense.

AND

If someone has mentioned this and I missed it I’m sorry but would not the Gay-vatar be Chuckles? After years of being a jester, all be it for Lord British, Chuckles leaves the castle and finding no work dresses like the Avatar to be respected. (Because as the film “The Court Jester” taught us “a jester unemployed is nobody’s fool”) This explains his absence from the game. Not that I miss him AT ALL.

Looking forward to part 2.

Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

As to Britannia’s conquest: Britannia certainly looked defeated at the end of U8, but with U9 retcon in full effect it would seem that the Guardian is still in the process, as you said. Garriot said that the opening of U9 takes place in-between what was shown at the end of U8, in other words that the Avatar returned to Earth but the final cutscene of U8 skipped over that. A squirrelly excuse, to be sure, and like Spoony I prefer consistency. This can be overcome, however, if the gameplay is solid and the new plot delivers, which unfortunately it did not.

As to destroying traces of the Avatar: I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but I will say that the Guardian might have personal reasons for not wanting to do this.

With regard to Chuckles, other posters mentioned that he was in prison at the time of the Avatar’s arrival. I have no idea if this is correct but it does seem like another one of Garriot’s clever excuses, and further evidence that the writers of U9 never played the previous games.
- Visionary70
  
  Thanks for clearing that up. Garriot strikes me as a little squirrelly anyway.
  
  I never played but watched friends of mine play U7 (as I used to do a video games program on community TV, back in the day) and I did have some investment in the characters. So to see the way the continuity got screwed ticked me off a bit.
  
  It makes sense that the opening of U9 would do that. Perhaps walking through the white plains near the end of U8 would represent that sleeping state.
  
  In any case I think I know where you are coming from in regards to the Guardian as he’s probably the Anti-Avatar.
  
  Just the idea that Chuckles would try dress like the Avatar was just my own attempt at explaining where he went. As soon as I saw that Gay-vatar character I shouted at the screen “AH…that’s what happened to Chuckles”

Simoneer

I’VE LOOKED FORWARD TO THIS FOR SO LONG! I’M SO EXCITED I CAN’T WATCH IT!

Simoneer

The betrayal counter would’ve been funnier had he only used one voice sample.

http://twitter.com/Sandgolem Sandgolem

I disagree, the different sound bites are what kept it fresh and had be continuing to laugh

giogiogio13

What if the Avatar’s time in pagan corrupted him, destroying his good nature and filling it with the corruption of the Guardian and his evil. what if, when he became the Titan of Ether, the Avatar was split into two forms? His body went back to Earth to recover from the ordeal, but his soul and mind went to Britannia, but instead of being its savior, he became its oppressor instead? What if…the Guardian is the Avatar, corrupted by evil, but sent back in space and time from his ascendance to godhood. It may explain why the Avatar remembers NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. This is a speculation because I have never played an Ultima game.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Terra-Silverspar/100002064673161 Terra Silverspar

There is actually a canon response to that, at least if you ever read the story on the now defunct Ultima X Odyssey.

http://www.facebook.com/kajowwojak Lane Burnside

Ascension drinking game: 1 drink per betrayal.

Whoever “Ascends” loses.

Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

Lol well if we don’t hear from you, we’ll know you died from severe alcohol poisoning.

sketchesofpayne

Gah! The wait for part two is killing me!

http://www.facebook.com/thatguywhohasausername Марио Мерцалди

Chuckles was in the prison, wasn’t he? He was also voiced by Lord British.

http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh

No, Garriott (The real Lord British, as he says) was in the prison and only mentions Chuckles.

Sergeant_Shrapnel

Y’know, at first I disagreed with you when you said that ME3′s ending “wasn’t that bad”, but after seeing this, I kind of see where you’re coming from

James Magne

Please make a video where we can turn off the “BETRAYAL!” sounds. They almost ruined the review for me. Now the counter, that was funny, but the incessant “BETRAYAL” “BETRAYED ME” “THIS GAME, SUUUUUUUUCKS” was really irritating.

http://twitter.com/Sandgolem Sandgolem

you sir, have no taste in comedy. Those sound bites had me rolling!
Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

I also liked the counter gag, but he should ease off of it in Part 2 or it will start to drag.

Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

I was a little disappointed with Part 1. The Spoony One committed the cardinal sin in reviewing by making this video so personal. Those of us who never played the Ultima series don’t have the emotional grounding to care about the styling of Lord Blackthorn’s hair or the precise size and shape of a horn in a display case. Even with the preparation of the other 8 reviews, the video is just too pedantic and will not be understood by non-Ultima fans.

I’m hoping that Part 2 will focus more on 9 alone–the bugs, the shitty combat system, the size of the world–9′s still a bad game, and there’s a lot of comedic material to be mined there.Good job on the whole, though, and I’m eagerly awaiting Part 2.

ralphkirstein

thats why he started the retrospective, so we get why it is so personal to him. This review CANNT stand alone, you need to see his past to understand why it is so bad.
- Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd
  
  That’s my point, though–it doesn’t matter whether Spoony made eight prep videos or eighty, ranting about minor inconsistencies just isn’t entertaining. It’s like listening to a hardcore Star Wars fan drag on about how much he hated episode one, and about how much of a betrayal midichlorians are–we may agree, but it’s not a conversation we’d want to be a part of. The whole review can’t just be about betrayal. Take Spoony’s Ultima 8 review, for example. U8 was a betrayal but the funniest parts of his review were about beating children and exploding chests–things which had no direct reference to the previous games but nevertheless illustrated the distance between U8 and the rest of the series.
  - Benuben
    
    He talked about other thing than that.
  - Malidictus
    
    Yes, the whole review very much can be about that. In this review as in all others, by far the best part is Spoony himself. I don’t care if he’s talking about a game series I’ve never gotten into, a movie I never saw or wrestling programmes I never watched because I honestly don’t care about the subject of the review so much as I do about how Spoony performs it.
    
    Besides, ranting about minor inconsistencies is fun when they are pointed out for those not in the know. I just wish we knew what a paladin is.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Samantha-Temple/581763084 Samantha Temple

We may not have been there for the series as a whole, but I think many of us can understand the irreparable fury at seeing our childhood raped and left to rot in a metal foundry. I think the personal nature of this review adds to it, and really conveys the horror of not just what IX was, but what it meant to so many people who played Ultima since the beginning. It isn’t just a bad game, its a dagger in the heart of the people who loved the series.

Its kind of like the ending to Mass Effect 3, you would need to see the whole of the series, see how amazing and thought provoking it was, and be emotionally invested in it to understand why that ending was just so WRONG. I think that’s why he went personal on this, and I think the review is better because of it. I will definitely be waiting for the next installment. Keep it up, Spoony! :)
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jose-Batista/100000952184779 Jose Batista

Um… I may not have been here since the beginning, but I thought making each review personal, was by and large the point. The tagline for the site is “Because bad movies and games deserve to be hurt back!” I would add more points to my response, but I’ve been up since 8pm EST last night, and had a rough night at work.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Kaufman/1811270839 Ryan Kaufman

The review is meticulous, and goes over a LOT, but maybe you saw a different review than I. I was laughing literally after the intro and to the end. Maybe you don’t like Spoony as much as I do, or maybe you’re a counter monkey fan, or MAYBE you’re a contrarian.
A lot of people loved this review, so you have to criticize it on points that aren’t really there. Is Spoony reviewing this so people don’t buy it? I highly doubt it. He can get as personal as he wants because he’s reviewing it just to show us his reaction of the game, and nothing else. We’re not here to hear about the game, we’re here to be entertained.
Spoony EXCELLED at that aspect, so keep your comments to yourself. If he changes anything because of bullshit like yours, then you’re doing the entire community a disservice.

Keep going strong, Spoony.

theshamster

When you find Sir Dupre ALIVE and well, you should make the betrayal meter turn red.

http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh

He isn’t found but rather resurrected by you own hand. Cheesy but that’s usually what geeks love…

http://www.facebook.com/joao.filipe.90 João Filipe

BLIND FKN GUARDIAN!
ho i love you spoony xD

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jacob-Barrens/502393286 Jacob Barrens

“My second greatest fear is eating a loaf of bread laced with rat poison, but that seems unlikely to pass!”
-Lord British Ultima 7

http://www.facebook.com/Manofmanycoats Robert Cousineau

I really hopes he keeps the betrayal counter. The sounds were HILARIOUS and kept me laughing throughout the review. I know there are some “Lesser minded” (IE: Retards) individuals who hated the sounds but it really made the review stand out as hilarious. Every single tool at spoonies disposal was used to point out how terrible the game was.

Segatron

I like it too, lets just hope the counter doesn’t break from overuse before he’s finished the game.
James Magne

Well, thanks for showing that you’re an asshat. Yes, some people differentiate on how they like ongoing gags. You have decided to label people retards because they don’t want to hear “BETRAYAL” over and over. It gets grating over time and the counter is funny, the constant sounds aren’t. They are gimmicks which destroy the novelty of the counter.

http://twitter.com/Melodious_Maya Maya Medina

Funniest review so far!
I loved the betrayal counter so much.
You are awesome Spoony, keep up the good work! :D

http://twitter.com/AdamDuffield Adam Duffield

Had to skip the opening sorry, Cardboard swords, photoshop cartoon squares; it just embaressing dude, cant you go back to basics, makes the videos about the games and films

Remember your early ff8 videos? Remember Phantasmagoria?
Good video but you made me cringe in the opening

http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Hutcheson/100001172877407 Alexander Hutcheson

He did the same kinda stuff in those reviews as well.
http://profile.yahoo.com/W5GFP5JTKDXBCZ5Z3IU2MSR7YQ Adrian

What exactly do you find so offensive? Its just a bit of theatrics to get us hyped for the review.
http://profile.yahoo.com/W5GFP5JTKDXBCZ5Z3IU2MSR7YQ Adrian

What exactly do you find so offensive? Its just a bit of theatrics to get us hyped for the review.
http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

That sword wasn’t cardboard, it was an actual replica. I think the blade is made of fiberglass or something.
MediaGold

    What’s truly embarrassing here is your grammar. ZING!

     No really, I thought the opening was pretty flipping great. The animation was well done and had a retro vibe that harkened back to the old Ultima games. I also like how the music swelled into the intro theme. Very cool.

     There is one thing I will call embarrassing and we all know what it is. It’s the white eleferret in Noah’s room resting on his head. I say we all pool our resources and offer a bounty for the beast. 1,000 gold pieces for its lice infested corpse! We WILL kill it!!!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Kaufman/1811270839 Ryan Kaufman

Remember your early FF8 videos? Where 5-10 minutes of the last part you spent performing a bit where you basically cosplay as Squall?
Lol, THINK BEFORE YOU COMMENT!

Segatron

We are going to need more counters. I think I might link the Gog.com listing for Ultima 9 to this pagein a user review.

And those quotes on the back, There is a reason the companies were buying their reviews, you couldn’t even find people stealing the magazine let alone paying physical money.

Maksymilian-Andrzej Lech

this game doesn’t look that bad as a stand-alone i mean if you don’t know shit about Ultima it looks like it’s not more wrong than Ultima 1 with SPACESHIPS and LASER GUNS was

Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

Yeah, I mean it’s just an obvious attempt to bring new fans into the series, which other reviewers complimented the game for despite giving it a low rating. I think Origin could have handled the phrasing better (“Tell me more about paladins.” as opposed to “What’s a paladin?”), but honestly most of what Spoony criticizes the game for is pedantic. I don’t care how old Lord British appears, or whether Shamino should wield a crossbow vs a longbow. I do care about magic classes getting hosed, or about the shitty combat system, and I laughed when Spoony fed rat poison to LB.

I think Spoony would be much better served in part 2 by focusing on Ultima 9 as it stands.
- Benuben
  
  1. As many people already pointed out, there are a lot of other ways how to do that. They choosed the easy and stupid one.
  
  2. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t make a a sequel to a story and ignore contiunity for the sake of lazyness. If they didn’t give a shit about their old fans so much, how about ignoring previous story and just making a remake? Nah, that would mean they wouldn’t get any money from them because of their nostalgia, and that they would actually have to try tell a good story.
- http://highlandarrow.com/ Maiyannah Lysander
  
  As Spoony pointed out, there would have be plenty of ways to do that kind of intro (and for that matter that kind of lines) without screwing the continuity up.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Moriearty/100000101880426 Matt Moriearty

Oh man, I saw that red thing pop out and my first thought was “new Gorillaz video!”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Justin-Berthiaume/621020257 Justin Berthiaume

By itself it’s an average RPG with some bad choices made. In the series, it’s a mockery of what we loved, as fans of Ultima’s universe.

BenjaminCollins

Can you PLEASE release the mp3 files of your betrayal counter? They are tooo amazing. “this game… suuuuuuucckks” has been stuck in my head for days. Amazing work Spoony.

http://profile.yahoo.com/R7W5EFQ2HGSA4J4X2YHKAGWEME Killer21334

Look up “Spoony Betrayal” on Youtube and use a sound recording program(like the one that comes with your microphone if you have one that is) to record it, if you want to separate some bits its very easy to do in programs like Windows movie maker.

rustedramblings

This was funny… however I’m sort of over the Ultima reviews, even though Spoony does always keeps the humor fresh. Being someone who never really got into this series, a few is great. Even more than a few. But 10 reviews is starting to make me long for something campy (Dirty Dancing game, Wendy’s training songs), familiar (FFVIII, Bayou Billy), or Reb-errific (Strike Commando, Yor). Between Tekken, Counter Monkey and Ultima (all great in their own right), there hasn’t been a great deal of variety in awhile. Not really complaining, just ready for some Spoony original randomness!!! Thanks for all you do, Noah!

Screwtapes_Muse

Remember when Noah used to make fun of screaming, whiney fanboys?

Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

I c what you did there :P.
Dragdar

yep, yep. he should definetly be less screamy, more collected. and not pick on details in the game that honestly dont deserve it.

it just comes of as too whiny.
- http://highlandarrow.com/ Maiyannah Lysander
  
  You lost me at “the game that honestly doesn’t deserve it.” Because Ultima Ascension is terrible.
TrollanKojima

Remember when Noah’s fans used to not be screaming, whiney fanboys?

mcgoverntt

Why didn’t the game creators just say that after the Avatar returned from Pagan, the Guardian sent him back home and erased his memory? It wouldn’t really fix all the continuity and character problems, but just one sentence would at least show the designers had the least bit of thought for the longtime fans.

Lelll

What’s a paladin?

http://www.facebook.com/sulivan.mcbride Sulivan McBride

Man, the Knights of the Nine icon you have there just really makes this one all the better

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003556495222 Zach MacColl

Spoony’s haircut is making my shaggy hair cry. No offense.

http://www.facebook.com/Victor.Xemn Jake Goad

every single time i heard “Betraaaaaayal!”, I lost it! I haven’t laughed this hard in ages

http://twitter.com/ASKristiansen Anders S Kristiansen

Those Back-of-the-box comments are pretty funny, when your crosscheck with Gamerankings: http://www.gamerankings.com/pc/53709-ultima-ix-ascension/articles.html

Game Revolution didn’t even have anything good to say, but the marketing department sure took a sentence out of context, just…’cause, apperantly. At least the game got panned by most reviewers back then too.

http://highlandarrow.com/ Maiyannah Lysander

The PCGamer quote was from their preivew, of the version before they had to scrap it the second time.

Though in my recollection they still gave it like 80% or something like that. It was basically when I stopped reading PcG (that and William Trottier leaving some time before, whom I always enjoyed reading).

http://twitter.com/ASKristiansen Anders S Kristiansen

Hilarious use of context, the full sentence from the Game Revolution review goes: “Ultima IX is the legacy of gaming companies focusing more on the dollar
than the quality of the product: an ‘A’ game murdered by an ‘F’ game’s bugs.
As this is the last single player game that Origin will ever release and the
end of the Ultima series, it should have been a swan song. In our preview,
we stated that Ultima IX was “destined to be a classic,” and if they
can ever manage to fix it… it still is.”

http://twitter.com/forgotmeeh forgotme,eh

”Hilarious…Game…review.” – Anders S Kristiansen

See how it works people?
Mason Matlock

Yup, and the fact that Spoony not only didn’t bother to mention that this may have been the case (and is, in fact, the case not only in video games, but damn near every single form of media in existence), but actively shit on the reviews places, and then told us that *he* was the one to trust…I’m sorry, it started the review off on a really bad note, and soured the review for me. Was the review still funny? Yes. Was it Spoony’s best stuff? No. (and reading the comments, I find it good to hear that I wasn’t the only one bugged by the constant betrayal shouting counter)
- http://highlandarrow.com/ Maiyannah Lysander
  
  His whole point was the technical problems weren’t the problem with the game, it was the abomination of a story, and I agree with him 100%. It was quite frankly insulting, although the clips Spoony chose are nowheres near the worst in my own opinion. Wait until you see clips of the companions!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Beal/100001149318695 Aaron Beal

Reviews are nice, but I want to know what happens next in your Pathfinder game!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1442290943 Derek Thomas

No. BAD fan. No. Nnoo.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Beal/100001149318695 Aaron Beal
  
  Haha! I was only half joking. I like both things really, and I don’t get the flamewar that has sprung up between the Counter-Monkey vs Reviews camp. Anyway, I see the next session is up, so now everyone’s happy!

Olex Melnyk

EA…. There is always EA |(

http://twitter.com/Melodious_Maya Maya Medina

I think EA should stick with just sports.
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Jose-Batista/100000952184779 Jose Batista
  
  Yeah.. but if they just stick with sports, they still need to bring back the Mutant League.

http://profile.yahoo.com/R7W5EFQ2HGSA4J4X2YHKAGWEME Killer21334

This is what the mainsteam game critics actually meant:
“A good chance this could be the greatest RPG of all time”
This will be a far more lethal replacment to the Rocket Propelled Granade.

“This game is one of the best looking tittles we’ve ever seen”
We are blind but we toched the box and its amazing!

“As Ultima 9 powers up we fully expect the richter scale to be off the charts”
This game is like electroshock therapy!

“Nothing less than breath taking”
This game will traumatise you so much you will have to be put on bypass.

“Ultima 9 is destined to become a classic”
Method of torture.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Warboss-Aohd/100003803614469 Warboss Aohd

You iz a funny humie!
http://www.facebook.com/TheGeorgiaCanuck William Williams

We’ll say whatever you want EA. After all you paid us a shitload of cash to say it.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jovan-Stipic/1520802005 Jovan Stipic

made my day

http://profile.yahoo.com/TXYX7JU72JQZSZUIGAOUJHH4FA Lan

What was the song at the credits?

julienvidalsausset

Sacred World from Bling Guardian.

Malidictus

What baffles me here, though, is how little the end product would have needed to be changed in order to make the story still make sense. So Pagan ends with the Avatar returning to Britania and staring down the Guardian’s castle. Start Ultima 9 with a CGI battle between the Avatar and “something,” have the Avatar fall into a trap, have his memory wiped and be sent back to Texas in the hopes he’ll never return.

Why would the Guardian want to send the Avatar away instead of killing him? Well, by the end of Pagan, the Avatar is a Titan of Ether, so who’s to say he can ever really be killed, or at least be killed while at full power? What if the Spoony One was right? What if the whole point was to send the Avatar back to Texas and have him huff paint or suffer some debilitating effect that takes time to manifest, which would eventually make him dumb and weak enough to either be killed or not be a threat? Oh, and get rid of that fortune teller with the “Your knowledge of the land will be great!” line.

Then you have a plausible explanation for why the Avatar is an idiot who doesn’t know what a paladin is, why he’s so weak he needs a castle guard to train him and why he needs to be told why it’s good to eat food – he got cursed and lost his memory, so he has to discover Britania all over again.

Bada bing, bada boom. The story now makes sense. OK, not entirely, there’s still the Tapestry, the teleporters, Lord British being dull as a hammer, but THEN those start turning into nit-picks. And you know what? Then you have to wonder that if the Guardian could do something to dull the mind of the Avatar – a titan of ether – then who’s to say he didn’t do something to Lord British, too. Or, hell, who’s to say he’s not clouding the minds of everyone everywhere? It’s established the evil columns can affect people’s minds and alter their behaviour. Who’s to say they can’t cloud people’s memory or judgement? Yes, the Tapestry says the columns are evil, but what if people are just incapable of grasping this? Yes, Lord British has an orb focused on the Guardian’s castle, but what if he’s just been prevented from remembering he has it, or prevented from realising what he’s seeing through it?

What I’m saying is that Ultima 9′s story could have gone almost unchanged and still be made to make considerably more sense if someone just took the time to figure out an explanation for the inconsistencies. Trouble is, I don’t think whoever was in charge of the story actually knew or cared about the previous games

rowdycmoore

Personally, I prefer to think that there should have been an “Ultima 8 Part 2,” similar to Serpent Isle. I hear the land you arrived in at the end of Ultima 8 wash’t actually a Guardian-conquered Britannia but the Guardian’s home world. So you could have had another game where you fight the Guardia in his home (which was Garriott’s original intent), only at the climactic battle at the end result in perhaps the Guardian steal the Avatar’s Titan-powers and use them to restore the moon gates and return the Avatar to Earth with his memory wiped.

Either way, the basic complaint still stands. There could have been a number of different ways they could have set this plot up and have hit be the same thing but at least make more sense SOMEWHAT. How anyone thought this method that got released would work is beyond me.
- Malidictus
  
  Well, yeah, but that would have required a whole other game, and… Well, after EA happened, that just wasn’t in the cards. I’m not sure having two games in a row end on a cliffhanger is a good idea, but more than that I just don’t see how two games could have been made when it seems like the studio barely rushed just one out of the gate.
  
  More than anything, though, I was saying that fixing a LOT of the plot holes in Ultima 9 could have been done without expending too many extra resources. Just scrap that goofy CGI movie at the start with the slow-reacting peasant and instead have it be a short clip about the Avatar getting trapped somehow, having his power drained to restore the moon gates (great idea, by the way), then sent to Texas with a curse on him that drains the life and memory from the guy. Have the gypsy lady halt the curse without undoing the damage and sent him back to Britania where he needs to rediscover his memories, become the Avatar once more and finally put down the Guardian.
  
  If someone had sat down and read the game’s synopsis or the voice acting script at pretty much any point during the development period, a LOT of those problems could have been fixed. But that’s the rub, isn’t it? The game is horrible despite the horror being so easy to avoid in places.
  
  Spoony insists that Ultima 8′s problems were technical and could be fixed, but that’s a question of time, money and development resources. You don’t need that much time and work to fix a script if you catch it early enough, but no-one seems to have cared. You can only really tell a game is shit when you’re a good way into actually making it, but you can tell a script is garbage long before you even hire voice actors to enact it. And for a game series with as in-depth and and intricate storyline, NOT having someone go through the script and make sure it fit the established universe is just inexcusable.
  
  *edit*
  And I do agree with the Spoony One’s reactions, for the most part. I was going through his Wrestle Wrestles recently, and the reaction to “What’s a Paladin” is very similar to his reaction to NXT’s Kissing Contest. Check it out :)

http://openid.yandex.ru/UnShame/ UnShame

oh my god, i laughed so hard
and all those betrayals and “this game suuuuucks” are awesome
i just can’t wait ’till the next part :D

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1641579667 Henkjan Braaksma

What’s up Halladin?

iluvOP

Waiting warmly for the next part. This game is balls.

Ken Sawyer

BETRAYED! BETRAYED ME! This game sssUUUUUUCKS! That had me rolling.

http://www.facebook.com/mastergilgamesh922 Ryan Gilmartin

Actually, Mr.Spoony, the lenses did translate the codex. It said that codex veiwed through the lenses appeared in the written native tongues of the various kings. It wasnt prominentally mentioned, but it was stated that this was the case. I just didnt want you to get so upset over a misunderstanding. btw, you actually used footage that i got that info from in the relevant review…sorry…

http://profile.yahoo.com/JDUKP22OEHQ5WN3IIV32BQHC7I Jeff

I just noticed that after you talked about the purple moongates (betrayal #21), and when you played the betrayal clip, the counter didn’t go up, it stayed at 20. Which means instead of 93 betrayals so far, there are 94 of them. Damn, this game is shit. But the Review was funny as all hell, good to see you finally made a review on Ultima 9. Can’t wait for part 2

fruckert

I like how the tapestry operates via buttons.

Radosław Hołdys

I just loved Spoony’s “What?” when “Failvatar” asked about the Codex of INFINITE wisdom
._.

Michael Bassler

How funny would it be for there to be a “Whats Britannia?” option?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-MacMurchy/100000172730878 Ian MacMurchy

Is Ultima Underworld non-canon as of Ultima 9? Because, if we count that game, then the Avatar would have been brought Britannia eight times before.

Sean Owens

Hey Spoony,
I just wanted to thank you for doing these videos. When I got an email from GoG letting me know the games were 1/2 off for a weekend, I picked up Ultima VII and Privateer, which I have fallen in love with. For a while, I thought the only RPG I would ever enjoy playing was Fallout: New Vegas, but Ultima VII has depth, complexity, subtlety, and intrigue beyond almost any modern RPG. The amount of freedom is mind boggling and the respect it has for the player refreshing. Its a damn shame to see the depths this series sank to, and I’m eagerly awaiting part 2

http://www.facebook.com/bryan.tiggelaar Bryan Tiggelaar

I can only assume that the actual Avatar went back to Britannia and sadly lost the final battle to the Guardian, who took vengeance by turning him into the Gayvatar. Then, 20 years later, the Time Lord goes senile and picks out this clown to be the replacement.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Hutcheson/100001172877407 Alexander Hutcheson

Well you could go gay in ultima 7 so that theory is highly plausible.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1641579667 Henkjan Braaksma

I’m just gonna imagine the Avatar is actually saying “What’s up, Halladin?”

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1641579667 Henkjan Braaksma

Wait a sec. Wasn’t it actually 8 times coming to Britannia, counting Ultima Underworld?

… Betcha that was a coincidence though.

GrimGekko

That isn’t the Avatar! It’s Tidus!

Nick Hartman

TO STUPID TO EAT

http://www.geekjuciemedia.com/ Alex Jowski

I am hoping there is a reason given for why the Avatar is hiding a dead body in his closet. Or is it just random betrayal for the sake of being evil?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000385767027 Robert Trautmannsberger

Yeah, Guardian m/ :D

http://www.facebook.com/Jericho32 John Bond

Awesome! I was hoping you had not forgotten about the Ultima series. Im really looking forward to the next part.

http://www.facebook.com/alchron Douglas Higgins

Paladins, how do they work?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Dave-Caspermeyer/100000845876867 Dave Caspermeyer

Spoony had the Ultima series to experience the decline of a decent series. I went thru the decline of the Might & Magic series, although signs of the inevitable whimpering end were present as early as Might & Magic 7.

Spoony might as well count to Infinity on the Betrayal Counter.

rowdycmoore

Hey Noah, the Gog.com ads finally won me over, so I just signed up, and guess what? Included in the list of games they gave me free at the start was Ultima IV! This is definitely a company I can approve of – great sponsorship.

IHeart28

Hey Spoony. I’ve been a very big fan for sometime and I created a account to use for a while just to say how much you made me laugh with your reviews, Vlogs and other things that you have done.

But to this review, I seriously consider it one of the best I’ve seen you do. From the BETRAYAL! counter, to the pure rage from the codex of ultimate wisdom to the hurt/shock/angry response to “What’s a paladin?” So before I get kinda sappy I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed this review and cannot wait to see more!!

DraculaAlucard1

Kissass XD

Mallardman

Actually the avatar does go back 8 times if you count Underworld.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Edmund-Christopher-Scrivens/542556368 Edmund Christopher Scrivens

Actually Ultima II was set on Earth and Underworld II was set between games thus the Avatar did not return to Earth.

Thus the games in which you travel to Sosaria/Britannia are as follows: 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, the first part of 7, Ultima Underworld 1. It only becomes 8 upon the travel to Britannia.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Edmund-Christopher-Scrivens/542556368 Edmund Christopher Scrivens

Oh, another important point with the “What’s a paladin?” line – wouldn’t the avatar technically be a paladin given that he’s meant to represent all virtues, much like paladins are typically meant to do?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001368538823 Tom Schroeder

Thumbs up for using Blind Guardian in the credits!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=595262743 Kevin Friel

I’m new here basically, new to Ultima and new to commenting on Spoony’s stuff so I can’t say I have a high degree of experience with Ultima. However, there is no saving this game. From a gameplay mechanic it looks buggy as hell and from a plot point of view… where do you start? It’s like someone got an early draft of a Star Wars script and tried to recreate it. The game draws many similarities from the original plot made by Bob White. That one is a LOT better than this. And as for much of the questions the Suckatar asks, you could say that this is way for new players to jump in. It’s very disconcerting for new gamers to pick up a game that has so many games before it. So it’s not too hard to believe that the questions that would seem dumb to Ultima fans, would be asked in this game, with a whole new team of developers. Now it may seem like I’m defending this game, that’s only because I kind of am. HOWEVER. Developers could have made two different modes. One mode for the more experienced players that followed the lore, and one for the new players that were diving into Ultima for the first time. That would have helped both types of players immensely.

As for the problems with the beginning, let me take a wack at fixing it. The Avatar uses his powers that he got in Pagen and used it all to get back to Brittania. Eventually he makes it through, with some of his powers left. But he looks across the landscape of the land he was supposed to protect. He looked behind him and saw a statue towering over him. The statue was in the likeness of the Guardian. Suddenly, the Avatar is ambushed by a Wyrm Warrior and his Dragon. The Avatar, used much of his power to get to Brittania, so he is very drained and cannot fight back. He uses one final gamble and before he is killed by his attacker, he teleports to safety, draining much of himself away. He arrives at Stonegate where his strength, wisdom, charisma, intelligence, and anything else he had developed over his previous journeys, disappear. He dreams back to home where he sees a much simpler life, but is contacted by the Time Lord where he familiarizes himself with his first trip to Brittania. Much of his power is restored thanks to this, but the Avatar is still weakened, and will need to recover his knowledge of the land to be able to save it.

Radosław Hołdys

And if Origin really wanted to let new players acclamate to Ultima series…Why not have the Derpvatar have an Amnesia?
Like CDProjekt did to Geralt in The Witcher so that the games unfamiliar with Sapkowski’s (Responsible for The Witcher books) work get familiar with the universe.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Marcus-Davis/714036970 Marcus Davis

I had guessed 89 on the Betrayal counter. I wonder just how off I was.

kallikanzarid

EA ruining a great RPG series… a creator promising to listen to the feedback… mainstream press sucking up to EA… some things never change :(

kallikanzarid

Avatar has become a legend by ending the Guardian threat. You can now continue to build that legend through further gameplay and downloadable content.

kallikanzarid

Wait, Avatar can be the Shepard? Fuck you, EA, fuck you so much!

Nick Shulz

5 OUT OF 5..spoony you got 8 ultimas to play around.This was new game for people who want to try out Ultima..And Origins even add soooooomuch stuff just for Funs.It was the Time.. You have your fun.And look at you now WHATA SHAME…It was my first Ultima game i bought it on first day”and it run fine from version 1.0″On my 300$ first pc.Its like a good book you comeback alweys to it.It was rushed yes.Blah big deal.They try to make story a bit better for funs But IT WAS RUSHED Ultima 9 was build for people who never played Ultima before.SHAAAAME ON YOU SPOONY SHAAAME Make part 2 As it need to be..The end

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=574195834 Adrian Izquierdo

Spoony this has to be your best review yet.
Keep up the good work man!

http://www.facebook.com/marc.grippo Marc Grippo

Your knowledge of the land shall be great. I laughed every time I heard this.

Janey Cho

so in which Spoony Video did Spoony face the Guardian other than this video?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=574195834 Adrian Izquierdo

I swear i’ve watched this episode at least 100 times.
No joke.
Cant wait to see how much worse it can possibly get, i feel like we have only scratched the surface!
GJ Spoony <3

http://www.facebook.com/wenwyvar Wenceslao Berriel Felipe

I love the review and i really love the ending with blind guardian’s song.

http://twitter.com/Das_Bass Das_Bass

Well now I get why you told fans of Mass effect to stop crying about the ending.

Erik Kowalsky

I’ve heard that TJ wants you for Not Productive. You two are the only guys I watch and having you collaborate would be amazing.

http://www.facebook.com/john.rose.921 John Rose

I hope Spoony’s douchebaggery on twitter doesnt affect the rest of the retrospective

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1442290943 Derek Thomas

lmao i love this review.

http://www.facebook.com/andrey.nickiton Andrey Nickiton

Ultima 9 is best rpg . And even spoony knows it -)Thats why this review takes part of your soul to make -)

http://twitter.com/Sheldococo ZombieGuy

WHERE’S PART TWO?!!!

DraculaAlucard1

I think stuff like Mondain’s skull, & the punch cards are replicas of the actual thing made for the museum….Or I’m giving this waaaaaay too much credit.

http://www.facebook.com/Dabura911 Mathew Farrugia

Holy shit you used this song for the credits!!!!!!! wow didnt see that coming thats kinda weird for me

http://www.facebook.com/FIGHTTHAPOWAH Patrick Walters

Spoony, I want you to know that we love you, and you’re the best at what you do. It’s just sometimes what you do ain’t pretty…..or politically correct…or……you know what, fuck it! Hail the Spoony One!

Patrick Coyle

Discussing this game with a friend made me remember about the Avatar’s mandatory love interest in this one, complete with melodramatic subplot. And I do mean “mandatory” – the Avatar falls for her whether you want him to or not.
I’m almost willing to bet that Part 2 is nothing but ranting at everything wrong with her existence and what it represents.

Now I’m imagining somebody at EA asking “What’s role-playing?” Avatar style.

http://www.facebook.com/TheGeorgiaCanuck William Williams

Personally this game to me was a Googleplex of Betrayal. I remember weeping silently in horror.

Sergeant_Shrapnel

27:20 Benzaie? What’re you doing in this game??

http://www.facebook.com/kurt.hendricks.79 Kurt Hendricks

HAHAHAHA!!! The tapestry, that magically changes and shows the destiny of the Avatar, is signed by the Hildebrandt brothers. So, the painting was signed by the painters that painted the painting that had no painter that painted it.

Mo Rahman

Is part two up yet? I couldn’t find it.

Tom Dongolo

Storyline betrayals? Oh let me tell you about storyline betrayals, Spoony. Rather, let me tell you to play C&C3 through to the end. Then go and play C&C4.

You’ll be absolutely blown away. EA strikes yet again.

http://www.facebook.com/ccleonel Cleiton Leonel

http://www.eeggs.com/tree/1071.html – Ultima 9 Easter Eggs

Ironically much, one of them is referred as “The Real Lord British” – http://www.eeggs.com/items/18139.html

Which may explain why he’s not “entirely sure” of anything.

Anyways, another great review from Spoony. :)

Necrovarium

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lI2tYVaMr_Y
This is the guy who ruined the voice of the Avatar. That reminds me. He’d have been better off as a silent protagonist, especially if they thought THIS was the appropriate voice.
Let’s add to the fact that they spelled his name incorrectly in the credits of the game.

Urabutln

Dude, after this horror you really need a bit of Martian Dreams. Savage Empire is a great game too, but you’re right to fear its interface; MD though, was more of a U6-and-a-half, and is actually my favorite Ultima of all time. I say this having been defeated by bugs near the end of both parts of VII, AND having completed an unpatched VIII. Oh, and getting near the end of IX, too…

http://twitter.com/Navuek Noam Lavi

anybody that says that all that whats a paladin is for newbies i have one thing to tell you
when laltly have you tried to go into a franchise game and said ill start from the ninth one and expect all continuity to be shatterd irrvecbly just for my stupid ass

http://www.facebook.com/xfirefly Tori Maier

“This game touched me and I can never show you where!”
…
…
…
:D

http://twitter.com/AdamMTowers Adam Towers

Quite possibly the best review you’ve ever posted! Laughed solidly throughout!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Noelle-Myers/682522006 Noelle Myers

You do realize everything you said about this game – EVERYTHING – can be applied to Mass Effect 3? Oh, and good job thinking it was Indoc. Yup, you sure called it, Spoony. Your opinion, it is god among us lesser beings. Don’t get me wrong, this review is hilarious, /you/ are hilarious, you’ve said everything I want to say about ME3 in this review. But kindly knock it off with the know-it-all bullshit. Your piss isn’t perfume.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003275833187 Tim Chambers-McAuliffe

EA I love you but have GOT to stop doing this. Thankfully you guys are starting to get better, but you helped ruin Ultima. Great review Spoony!

jagarcia0705

Ultima VII part 2, I believe was the peak of the series, after that it went down hill. How can the creators of Ultima 8 & 9 make an utter BETRAYAL of such a beloved RPG series. The Ultima series is right up there with other classic series like Final Fantasy, Castlevania, Legend of Zelda & Super Mario Bros. I know Super Mario Bros doesn’t have a stellar story line, but its gameplay is what makes it be remembered. “What’s a Paladin” completely ruins The Avatar, by making a savior of a world into an idiot.

http://www.facebook.com/rikko338 Richard Von Gladwell

What can I say? I really enjoyed playing this game. Maybe it was because I didn’t play the other games that I don’t know how bad it was. The Bob White plot looked a LOT better, i’ll hand that to him.

Radosław Hołdys

http://ultimaforever.com/
…I’m just putting that out there with another big “FUCK YOU” to EA…And a smaller one to Bioware.

S B

According to the Ultima wiki, Lord British is old because he was supposed to have been aged up by the Guardian when he corrupted the land. Pity they couldn’t be assed to create a new model when they took that plot point out.

http://twitter.com/ArtistaAF alvaro oyarte

the only excuse i could think for the Avatar’s stupidity not knowing anything would be becauce the game was also planed for peope who never played any other Ultima game …but my god it really has to act that dumb, inconsistent & memory-less?

http://twitter.com/keozeo keozeo

i hate to be “that guy” but it was 8 times youve gone to britania, because of ultima 1, ultima 2, ulima 3, ultima 4, ultima 5, ultima 6, and ultima underworld: stygian abyss.

NeroAngelo

that’s 7 . . . you also forgot 7 X3

technically, if you include both 7 & akalabeth (u0 (is implied to be the avatar)) then that’s 9 times . . . still rong

http://www.facebook.com/daniel.durham.7 Daniel Durham

i am in awe. i have such fond memories of the older ultima games. but this… damn. btw, spoony thx for all the great videos. please do keep it up. am always looking forward to the next one.

http://www.facebook.com/ryan.martin.7169 Ryan Martin

Like, I understand why they felt the need to explain this stuff to the player as a refresher, but the avatar asking the questions as a framing device is just…just so terrible. They could have just as easily just had the Avatar explaining what this stuff was and it would serve the same purpose without making your character look retarded.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Sheila-Jenkins/100000412359301 Sheila Jenkins

What a sad trainwreck to end a classic series. EA insults new and old players alike with this rubbish. Sure, new players might not know all the lore, but even a clumsy “It’s been a long time, Avatar, but just in case you forgot…” would have been better than having him know nothing at all. Executive Meddling has killed off many an excellent series, gaming and otherwise.

Hope to see more of this soon Spoony, though I understand if you’d rather not go back to it :P

Radosław Hołdys

Spoony…Mages in D&D formerly also had their main strenght completely useless for half the fucking game

http://www.facebook.com/people/Sam-Williams/600640077 Sam Williams

I agree that mainstream game critics are full of bullshit. I have never seen a game review less accurate than the ones you get in off the shelf magazines, mainly because the people who write the magazines are either under the employ of or reliant on specific companies for their income. If a game were to fail due to bad reviews and the company should suffer as a result the reviewers find themselves in a difficult position and the game covers always show reviews by people who are reliant on the game making a profit. It is a circle of bullshit reviews making bullshit profits for bullshit companies who produce bullshit games that reviewers can then write bullshit about to make a profit, market forces at work.

http://www.facebook.com/lspoulin Louis-Simon Poulin

Noah, you are one of the most talented reviewer I have the pleasure to know. Your sense of timing and sense of comedy is peerless. I’ve just listen to all the FFVII, FFX and Ultima review in a Marathon to celebrate the Ultima finale. Thank you it was SO much fun, I laugh so much!

Radosław Hołdys

This is by far your finest work Spoony.
Great job.

Hitokiri Akins

You know, because of this series of reviews, I fear for the fate of Bioware, because of what EA did to Origin Systems. Yeah, Origin systems was able to focus on their main series at first; Wing Commander 3 was considered good (never played it, so I don’t know for sure), Ultima 7 was good, but Ultima 8 and 9 and the subsequent Wing Commander games were betrayals of the highest order.

And EA is doing the same thing to Bioware; look at Dragon Age 2 and Mass Effect 3. At least Bioware fought for Mass Effect 3′s ending by releasing the Extended Cut for free. Unfortunately, I am seeing ME3 as Bioware’s swan song; the last good thing to come out before EA puts the last nail in Bioware’s coffin. They’ve done it before, and they’ll do it again until independent developers get the clue and not take EA’s money.

Radosław Hołdys

Hey, Noah? Yeah Noah Antwiler I’m talking to you again,
Good old Games just introduced Ultima IX to their website…This funny for some reason

Radosław Hołdys

Hey guys…Ultima IX is on GoG.com

subhumantorch

While I feel bad that one of Spoony’s favourite series was so messed up but I am glad Warren Spectre left for Ion Storm as Deus EX is one of the my favourite games ever.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Spencer-Beavington/100001688890891 Spencer Beavington

I found a skeleton in my closet… It wasn’t there the last time I checked.

NeroAngelo

I think we found out what happened to the avatar

http://www.facebook.com/people/Rich-Redfern/644451716 Rich Redfern

I saw this a few months ago but still found it a strong review that was backed by the “betrayal” moments. You know Spooney that things will be cool…. You’re waiting for that moment, it will happen…. it took me about 2 years but i found happiness

http://www.facebook.com/david.henshaw.547 David Henshaw

maybe this whole game was to help newcomers only reason I can think of why the avatar is such a stupid asshat

http://www.facebook.com/david.henshaw.547 David Henshaw

lol at gayvatar

jagarcia0705

Cortana: This is how the series ends.

disqus_iWJLdkKmDH

The worst thing was playing the German version: I swear they just run the manual through babelfish; this one never got in touch with a human translator! I love Ultima (6-7pt2), but the repulsive translation made me want to rip these abysmal manuals apart.
U9 so deserves to be kicked in the balls for ruining the Ultima legacy. I’m glad to have yet to watch your reviews!

Zenju

This game is so bad, it even “cures” my obsessive-compulsive disorder of having to play all Ultima games sequentially just for consistency.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1262251149 Dominic Schmidt

it’s clear that they made the character ask those question so that new player would understand the world(wich like it’s clear the makers of ultima 9 never realy understood to begin with) but there were 3 easy soulutions to that instead of just making him a fool for no reason: solution A would be to bring a new avatar B make him have amnesia, and there are lots of reasons that could be used to explain it, starting with the story that the magic never works and this makes the magic that makes him remember useless C instead of making this questions to other people, the question would represent that they are made by the player, and that the avatar himself would gives you the answer (like hi was remembering what is was).

Doctor C

Guys, i’ve figured it out. I have unlocked the mistery of this game.

It’s so simple if you know where to look. I promise, this will blow your minds.

The answer is hidden far away from Ultima itself- in another world and, indeed, another genre entirely.

The solution is found in the RTS Dungeon Keeper. In case you don’t know, it’s a sword-and-sorecery fantasy game where you play an evil villain, the Keeper, ruling over monsters and killing heroes.

Now, those of you who have played Dungeon Keeper: remember the final boss of that game? Remember what’s his name? That’s right, the AVATAR. And look at him closely. It’s not just any shmuk who calls himself Avatar- he IS the avatar from Ultima. He’s still wearing his gear and bucket-helmet from Pagan! It’s literally the same sprite!

What happened is: The Avatar, knowing Britannia had already fallen, decided that instead of going back there, he had to assault the Guardian’s homeworld directly. Now, on his homeworld, the Guardian is known with a slightly different name: the Keeper! The final battle in Dungeon Keeper rapresents the final fight between the Guardian-Keeper and the Avatar. The Avatar used use of all his titanic powers in this fight: this explains why in DK he is incredibly strong and has all kinds of magic. The Keeper eventually prevailed and captured the Avatar, who never escaped his captivity and eventually either died or turned evil.

Meanwhile, on Earth, some random blonde moron moved into the Avatar’s old house. The Time Lord, concerned because the Avatar had not yet returned to Britannia, concluded he had returned to his home on Earth instead. He then traveled there and recruited the Blonde Moron, believing him to be the true Avatar- after all, a guy whose entire vocabulary consists only of “Name” “job” and “bye” is the only kind of person who’d own a book explaining the concept of reading books.

Meanwhile, in Britannia the Guardian-Keeper enacted his most diabolical plot- a campaign of historical revisionism centering around the figure of the Avatar. By creating a fake magic tapestry and messing with people’s minds (remember, he’s telepathic) he made everyone believe that the Avatar, the shrines and the mantras were not just SYMBOLS of virtue and goodnes, but actually MAGICALLY LNKED to virtue and goodness. Consequentially, when the people saw that the symbols had been defiled, they all felt compelled to act contrary to the virtues, convinced that they had no free will and they were magically compelled to be jerks.

Thus, the new “avatar” and the brainwashed people were tricked into resurrecting Duprè, which destroyed the balance between the cosmic snakes in the Etheral Plane, and devastated all of Britannia and the multiverse as we know it.

And this is how the Guardian won in the end.

NeroAngelo

is the keeper really the guardian? personally, I’d like to think the keeper’s some other dude entirely & an enemy of the guardian too.

so, after he kills the avatar (who went to his dimension to go to a time b4 britania was conquered & get enough power to COMPLETELY pwn the guardian), he thought

“OH SH*T! Crap, I just killed the guy trying to take out that douche bag trying to take over britania. Weeeeeeeellll . . . I clone him. Let’s just take some skin cells from his ass & make a clone with that . . . what’s that? air? since when do human’s need air? he won’t need any. Now that we’ve cloned him, let’s put him in the most f*cked up house we can find in texas”

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Konikoff/1514228794 Patrick Konikoff

With everything about this game your complaining about….it seems obvious that this game wasn’t meant for people who’ve been playing this game for years….it seems to have been made as an introduction to the series.

Which is funny/stupid if this is supposed to be the finale of the game. Maybe EA wanted to continue the cash cow…and subsequently poisoned it with shit.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Justin-Atkinson/1611505507 Justin Atkinson

“Fuck you EA you killed Ultima” I’m saying the same thing today except with SimCity.

http://www.facebook.com/KoeLeos KOstantinos Piou ELeftheriadis

SimCity..(for those who doesnt know it yet its PermaOnlineDRM..diablo anyone)
Mass Effect..
Dragon Age..
Command and Conquer…
they max payned 3 Dead Space 3.(gigatons of enemies to a SURVIVAL HORROR game, reminds you of another BULLSHIT recent game with zombies and monsters)..
they craped BurnOut.
im saying FUCK YOU to that company since i started playing games
no wonder they’re awarded the worst company award (FACT) and judged as other gamedevs as a company dedicated to destroy gaming…

NeroAngelo

Honestly, there’s another plot that they should have used:

Avatar is the god of all magic, but the guardian sucker-punched him after he came out of the black-gate and imprisoned him

Avatar calls out to the blonde doofus and gets him to come to britania and become the next avatar

Lord British used too much magic trying to beat the Guardian and aged himself

Avatar & guardian BOTH being there changed the magic system in britania

After Sir Doofus von Dumbass becomes the avatar he frees the original avatar who uses all of his magic skills to distract the guardian while lord british makes all of the britanians leave for serpent isles and then he & the new Avatar use a double armageddon spell to kill all four of them, saving everything

NeroAngelo

Wait, just figured out why the avatar’s so dim. He was like: “Oh crap, too much time passed, I guess I’ll go back home” *Derp-a-derp* “YES!!! A few years ago, it worked. Before I go back, I think I’ll get this tattoo removed.” [One lobatamy later] “A-duuuuuuuuuh.”

http://www.facebook.com/togekisses Adele Utatane

I feel like the Avatar knew absolutely nothing in this game was so they could spoon feed gamers new to the franchise, instead of putting the information in, say, a book for newcomers, or having the Avatar lose his memory or something.

http://twitter.com/True_Retwerd Braxton Hudson

You know how they could have handled it? The Avatar is violently transported back to earth, hitting the ground so hard he goes into a coma. He wakes up with severe memory loss, only to be called to action by the time lord. He listens to the time lord as he’s unsure of everything due to his memory loss. It would explain the ham-handed exposition and the avatar’s general stupidities.

wizzbang

My theory? Ultima 9′s Chuckles would have been awesome and helpful!

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Ultima 9: Ascension (Part 1)