Counter Monkey – Swimming in Diarrhea is Bad

The Spoony One | Sep 5 2012 | more notation(s) | 

Your characters will never feel clean again.

  • Kieron Davies

    Is it just a 4 second clip for anyone else?

  • Drew Taylor

    Hate to comment without much to say, but the player says there is no video data after the ad, so I can’t watch the video.

  • GorbelliedPuerile
  • Pomme-Cannelle L’oryctérope Be

    Same issue.

  • Chuster M. Merino

    That´s what you think, Spoony…

  • LotusPrince

    The video works for me. It’s 14:41.

  • Ian Haas

    Where’d you get those bitchin’ FF6 cutouts?

    • Blizz3112

      I thought he said that he made them himself…

  • Logion

    Video works for me as well.

  • Adell

    I get where you’re coming from, spoony. but I feel like if my party is actively paying attention to this shit too much it can really reaaaaally slow down the actual game. Sometimes, you just want the gang to go and hand the quest in as opposed to wasting ten minutes of having their characters pretending to take a bath.

    • Kaleb Moser

      Meh. It only takes 5 seconds for a player to say that he is going to clean up a bit after a fight. If players are fussing around doing something for 10 minutes than I would assume they are having fun roleplaying or messing around. It’s only a real issue if it’s only one player who wants to go into detail about what sort of lye based soap he is using while the rest of the players are bored out of their skulls.

  • Ryan Gilmartin

    Does anyone else see the weird blue tracking whenever Spoony moves? The new player is slow for me and I keep seeing these weird blue speed lines.
    Good advice Spoony! My current campaign takes place on a swamp heavy world.

  • Kaleb Moser

    Again Warhammer FRP 2nd is really punishing towards characters in terms of diseases and such. Disease is everywhere in that game and players really have to watch their step. It makes very tough characters much more dynamic than being just meat shields. More importantly players will eventually learn to think ahead a bit more.

    My ogre got a horrible case of the Bloody flux after foolishly trying to jump a gap in the docks district.

    You know this is almost like what they are talking about with D&D Next where battles and choices will have real consequences. Less like 4.0 where small encounters and battles have almost no impact on the game.

  • Urban Sniper

    Excellent advice; I’ll certainly be keeping it in mind when it comes time for the inevitable sewer excursion in my current campaign.

  • Tung-Hin Lee

    Hah! And they told me the Monk Class was stupid! XD

  • Kobán Richárd

    what the fuck is counter monkey?? i searched it in google, and I found nothing but Spoony reviews! I am very curious now, and I like Spoony but I don’t want to watch an entire video about it…

    • marabackman

      “Counter monkey” is Spoony’s series of vlogs specifically about RPGs.

      • Kobán Richárd

        thx for the answer :)

        • marabackman

          No worries

    • Andrew Joyce

      Counter Monkey is a term Spoony came up with for people that would hang around the game store just to tell RPG stories. So, he named his video series of RPG stories after the term.

    • MFlorian

      The first video explains what it is. It’s essentially Spoony telling stories of his days playing RPGs. And other random bits of advice and so forth. They’re very good videos.

  • LordofTibera

    I can’t help but feel this is just a trolling aspect of DnD. Nobody likes being poisoned or diseased in video games–it’s only a nuisance, and if the answer is roleplaying taking a bath, then why do it at all? It makes the players just hate the DM because in the middle of a fight they suddenly realize they’re taking damage or their ATK or AC rating suffers, and all this could be avoided if the DM didn’t railroad them into going into sewers in the first place. They lose their armor, money, and time this way, and it feels like artificial difficulty or hardship for PCs to overcome. Let’s face it. Nobody in their right mind willingly goes into sewers UNLESS the plot demands it, in which case I don’t feel it’s right to force players to be infected and/or lose their armor.

    Anyone else feel this way?

    • marabackman

      It’s not just in dnd, but in most games that have rules for “realistic” consequences. I remember a GM in both Vampire: the Masquerade and Hunter: the Reckoning who always wanted the rules to reflect what would happen if it was done in real-life. For instance, he would handle a car crash or a gas explosion like the real deal, without following any movie clichés. Having people poisoned by sewer water, sounds like something up his alley, so I think it depends mostly on the GM.

    • Kaleb Moser

      I think it’s how you want to run your games and what sort of experience people are going to get out of it.

      For players to feel accomplishment that they made the right decisions you gotta somehow get across to them that they can get punished for making bad ones.

      It’s not about forcing them to get diseases and wasting their time it’s making them aware that their actions have good and bad consequences. When a player feels that everything they do in the game has some weight then generally it’s going to be a more interesting game.

      But I mean you and your players might just want to play a more streamlined game that concentrates on other things. I think there a ton of RPGs out there that will suit your tastes.

      Personally I get more enjoyment out of playing harder games where there are multiple things I gotta take into consideration.

  • sbkMulletMan

    Ah, good ol’ Freakazoid poo-gas references!

    Thanks to that show, I use the phrase “poo-gas” every time I go into a sewer in any video game.

  • unacomn

    I can not tell you how often I’ve crawled after a sewer and thought to myself, gee, I’m probably infested with every disease known to man an stink like a death died, I should go see the king. Nowhere there was an option to take a bath first.
    Video games need to take this into account more.

  • Samuli Rimpiläinen

    Thank you Spoony, you got me into Pathfinder and now I play weekly. You also gave my PFS paladin a name: Whatsa.

    • Turcano

      Please tell me his last name is Matayu.

      • Samuli Rimpiläinen

        Nope, though I haven’t thought of one yet. I have yet ot use my paladin so I didn’t feel the need to, and I still got 2 unused characters in line before him. I tend to get a lot of ideas for them.

  • Kitshton VonBast

    I just started playing a few months back. The DM has been a bit lenient since we’re doing this more for fun, but I remember recently he’s started bringing in things as they stand .Zombies with like, zombie virus were especially fun. Also status-effecting things like Ray of Exhaustion and slime stuff. Just recently there were these extraplanar demons that melted our rogue’s armor off, which was interesting.

    Unfortunately though. .. well, for me anyway .. we have a Paladin, and this paladin can use his Lay On Hands to cure a ton of things.

    I say unfortunately because I chose a Druid as my character, the whole reason being that we didn’t really have healers or magic users and Druids have good buff and cure magic. Except now we have Paladins and everyone totes around healing potions even though I built her largely around being a healer. So when she was approaching level 10 and her memory was restored (she had amnesia at the time, long story) he let me rebuild her skill ranks from the ground up so I just yanked them out of Heal. It kind of sucked.

    On the bright side though, since I knew healing was swiftly becoming useless, I got to instead build her around the religious aspect of her character, story being that her family bloodline connects to the God of Chaos (her father was the previous equivalent of the pope), so as a reward for her extreme devotion to his ideals (even holding religious services out of the back of her wagon) her powers are slowly growing (via the Prestige class) and there’s plans for her to Ascend into Divine Rank 0 at the 20th level and become a High Proselytizer at 21 (if I can get her Charisma that high. Fingers crossed!)

  • Blizz3112

    I remember there were worm-creatures that lived in poop in the earlier MM’s (1st or 2nd Edition, don’t know which) that could crawl inside adventurers and eventually start eating them from the inside out… it would be a devious trap from a DM in these situations…

    I also made a guy make a Fortitude save once after he swam in very cold water, and he failed, so he got the cold. Which was hilarious, since he was a rogue, and he had to roll a DC every 5 minutes to see if he could stop himself from sneezing, which was a very high DC… XD

    • Adam Stackenland

      HAHA! I would like to see that. :)

  • Conor Cannonball Beals

    I just started playing D&D, and I hope this never happens to my character, but thanks for giving me DM ideas Spoony. Now my half orc barbarian might get the deadly motaba virus next time I play.

  • Adam Stackenland

    I have never been a DM sow far, but this CM did give me some sadistic ideas how to fuck with other players and deal with people you need out of the way. Thanks! ;)

  • Ajax

    This is something my Pathfinder group recently had experience with. We had to go trawling through the Sundabar sewers (DM’s using the 3.5 FR setting with Pathfinder system) to figure out where an infestation of yuan-ti was coming from. So we got to deal with the unmentionable crap (no pun intended), plus an otyugh, normal rats, and were-rats before we even got to the yuan-ti.

    First time we ran into a were-rat, we did not have silver weapons on us. We did the sensible thing and ran the hell away to go procure said silver weapons, and just about all of us went to one temple or another to be cured or at least checked out for various diseases.

    Second time, we blast through everything. After clearing out the yuan-ti, it was assumed that various characters in the party would have done as before – get checked out for disease or other crap at the very least. I certainly did, but I’d gotten hit with Baleful Polymorph to begin with which made a visit to a temple a necessity to get that undone. The bard got checked out, the barbarian got checked out, the wizard got checked out.

    We found out that THE RANGER AND THE CLERIC had not when they turned into were-rats at the next full moon.

  • Martijn de Kok

    Swimming in Diarrhea is bad… NO SHIT!

  • Emil Petrunov

    One of the wisest advices ever advised u ___ u

  • Erebus_Locke

    Spoony is back! Spoony is back! Oh god finally his output his back up to pre-2010 times!

    Even more so I think. And what content, from the brilliant Ultima-Videos to the Counter-Monkeys which I absolutly love despite not being a RPG-person.

    • Spectr


      Last month was the first month when I was thinking that. And then I was a bit unsure if it just was an “one time only”. But this month again he updated his site regularly, and that despite the fact he could have easily counted the “Boldy-Flee”-videos as original content.

      I really hope that means the time of breakups, Twitter wars and health issues is a thing of the past, and he can finally concentrate on what he does best: Entertainment & Journalism.

  • Darby Bryan-Dye

    Another story from my DnD vault, same DM though this adventure took place some time prior to my last post, with different characters.

    Our group was hunting down a recently resurrected Lich named Bazuul the bloodlord. As we enter into his crypt we are assaulted by the stench of death. My character at the time was a Barbarian by the name of Damu Ramu (The great Damu Ramu as he was known), showed no fear in the face of filth or disease. In this Krypt we found piles of dead bodies, and waded through ankle high pools of blood. As well as these horrible monsters that would give you a disease called skin rot. This disease gives you a -2 to attack rolls initially, however second stage of the disease gives you a -4 to attack rolls while bloodied, and you cannot spend healing surges. For those who do not know 4th edition you require healing surges for almost all forms of healing, and being bloodied usually means your half down on life.

    After fighting our way through the monsters and several characters getting this disease we decide to try and sleep it off. prior to doing that however My character and our ranger, decide to go searching the piles of bodies to see if we can find anything of use for defeating this Lich. Well as one would expect when rummaging through dead bodies, we contracted an additional disease by the name of Cemetery rot. This disease has the initial effect of being unable to regain hit points from any powers with the healing keyword. So basically any healing powers. However you could still short or extended rest to, spend surges. Thus regaining hit points.

    You may now begin to see the problem we were facing. While bloodied we couldn’t spend any surges, meaning that we couldn’t heal hit points. And further more we couldn’t be healed by magic to regain hit points. Effectively disabling our ability to heal.

    Well The Great Damu Ramu had an endurance score of, 15 or so. As such he managed to fight off all the diseases. The Ranger on the other hand was not so lucky. She was left with both, and the Lich was about to fully regain its powers, meaning we didn’t have the time to wait another night to heal up.


    Another quick story I feel I should tell, does not involve diseases, but it does involve something you can do to your players that is like a disease, but potentially far more sinister.

    I had a group of very good characters, mostly lawful good, adventuring through my world. On their second adventure they were on their way to investigate some ruins in a swamp. In hopes of finding a new home for a Kobald tribe. While there they discovered cultists trying to resurrect a long dormant Lich. Well to make a long adventure short, They managed to get inside the inner sanctum of these ruins and find the Lichs tomb. A battle ensues as they make their way to the top of a small Ziggurat inside a massive cave.

    The groups cleric was a battle cleric, wielding a massive two handed great sword. He also had a power that often changed the course of their epic battles in their favor, called Moment of glory. Again for those unfamiliar with 4th edition, Moment of glory is a power that can be used once per day, and it allows the characters effected by it to reduce all damage by 5 points (often negating almost all damage at low levels). However it takes a minor action each round to sustain this power. The cleric had cast it upon the party at the start of the encounter.

    So as the group nears the top of the Ziggurat, the Lich begins to awaken. Set near his tomb is a massive Two handed sword. The same type which the cleric uses. Now at this point the cleric had double moved to reach the top of the stairs. When he reached the top he was gripped by a sudden desire to pick up the beautifully crafted two handed sword. Well the player immediately sensed some sort of trap. However he couldn’t tell what it was. So I put on my DM face as he tried to figure out the scenario. There wasn’t any sort of obvious trap, it wasn’t resting on any pressure plates (in fact it was resting next to the Lich’s throne). After a few moments the whole table was pondering why he would feel a compulsion to grasp a sword. They all figured it was a sentient sword, that had chosen him as its new master (which of course was the case). So I started to give him a little encouragement.

    “It’s only a minor action to pick up the sword” I said rather nonchalantly.

    Well this led to a lot of encouragement by the rest of the table. They figured a magic sword would be a great help to killing a Lich. After about a minute of consideration my player looked at me. and said “you know what I’m going to do? Sustain minor!”

    At this point I broke into a smile, my plan having been seen through. The entire table began to laugh and cheer as they realized what I had almost done. It was a good thing he remembered to do that to, because with out his daily ability they would have all died in that cave.

    Additionally that sword, which he eventually got, was a fun weapon. It could change into any weapon that you wanted as an encounter power. However if you didn’t change it back by the end of the encounter it would stay that weapon. Additionally the weapon desired to drink blood. And it made the wielder incredibly thirsty if it didn’t get to consume the blood (really it drank life force THROUGH the blood). There is a lot more about that weapon I could go into. But I think this has gotten long enough.

  • Hubbe King

    And the continuing adventures of Soul-staring Oreo… D:

  • Randall Taylor

    Noted, if the party doesn’t wear waders into the sewer they carry a permanent stink in the gear.

    • The Spoony One

      Hey pal, you dump a bucket of turd juice in your lap and tell me how long you’ll be keeping those pants.

      • Randall Taylor

        I probably wouldn’t be keeping the skin that touched the pants.

        • Sandahl192

          Always keep a change of clothes near by.

      • Adell

        That’s it, my fighter from here on will be wearing a hazmat suit.

  • L1nk1

    Oh no the sewer level!

  • Sandahl192

    We can handle the lice. One guy is an alchemist and can probably create anti-lice shampoo(or napalm, both work), another can set himself on fire and heal from it(we know OP, but he rolled it)

    We handle the sewer water by walking on the conveniently placed walkways within the sewer. though, my character, Sora, ended up swimming in chimera piss without knowing it. This was discovered upon further examination by another player. It was enchanted. XD

    This isn’t to say that our GM hasn’t tried numerous times to buttfuck us. Example; Insect god, undead dragon, an entire army, Sora, demons, a ghost ship, Steve the Large, a squid hydra, Sora, dark elves, sleeper agents, Sora, random portals, the Leviathan, undead ogre, and demi gods.

  • marabackman

    Back when I regularly played games set in oWoD, the GM made in the beginning a point of reminding us how bad we smelled whenever we had been somewhere nasty, whether it was in a sewer, a mausoleum or some other unsanitary place. But in each campaign he gradually stopped mentioning such trivial details, so that we would be forced to keep it in mind ourselves. He made it our own responsibility to remember the Masquerade if we were playing vampires, but most of us forgot every once in a while that there are more basic measures than just using Disciplines. One time a fashion-model Toreador went straight from a fight in a Giovanni mausoleum, covered in corpse-juice and other nice things, to her Sire’s mansion to report on our mission. After that her character showered every single time she was near a bathroom.

  • Justin Kirkbride

    This reminds me of the Persona series well at least Persona 3 FES where if you don’t take care of yourself you will get sick which will hinder combat capabilities and the only way to take care of this is to sleep a lot or deal with it and have terrible combat stats

  • Rares Chirita

    Really great advice, thanks :)

  • Fiddlewheel

    And suddenly, players all over the world got a bit sicker…
    Love these series Spoony, could you do one where you talk about how to handle player types?
    most notably the annoying ones?
    I have one player that is a good player, but every damned time he rolls a character, It doesn’t matter what he plays, he is always going to play him the same way, a guy that joins some army or battle group, he will want to buy a fort, and he will never be impulsive at all, if there is a big fight coming up, he will bring as many people as he possibly can, or he won’t do the quest. He just won’t do anything unless he knows he will win it, and does this in character, so it IS very well played, but he ALWAYS does this! ALWAYS! and he ALWAYS dictate and take over the story, there were even this one time where we had a very simple quest, we wanted to do something classic, save a princess from an evil blackguard who were going to sacrifice her.
    He played a priest, and what he ended up doing is making the game about his character setting up a church.
    We barely rescued her on the day of her sacrifice, and that’s true, the DM had a Death-clock going on how many days we wasted. After X amount of time, and she would be dead.
    He always makes the game go either completely different way, or he doesn’t want to do things instantly, there have been so many games where we have sat around and discussed for HOURS on what we should do, just because he doesn’t think its smart to do things quickly, and yes, it isn’t smart to just jump on to things, but this is DnD, not a debate program!
    Sorry for going of on a tangent, but he can be a real stick in the mud so to speak. which is too bad, he is a good player, he just doesn’t respect us others when it come to what we want to do. its either his way or the highway…
    So, Spoony, could you please talk about how to handle player types? You don’t even have to address my problem directly, because this is a problem that affect us all as players and DM’s, it would be nice with some general tips on the subject.
    Thanks man if you do!

    • Jim Thorpe

      uh, talk to him out of the game. and tell him, politely, that he’s being a hog for attention and derailing the campaign, and if he’s that into playing your game in his very specific way, maybe he should sit your campaigns out until you do one that fits with his style. or, alternately, he could try playing differently.

      do not have this discussion during the game, and do not try to use dm powers during the game to attempt to solve this problem in-story. those are stupid ideas.

      just talk to him like a goddamn adult.

      • Sandahl192

        This works too.

      • Guest

        Or just kill his character. Over and over again as needed :P

    • Sandahl192

      There are ways to force characters to do what you want. Sometimes players can derail the story. Heck, my group did it all the time. We actually had a player who was calculating and lawful. He was also an experienced GM, so he knew how to exploit the rules. What got him were the other players. He was lawful whereas the others were mostly chaotic. My character gave him the most grievances because she was impulsive.

      The worst thing she did was go off, on her own, to play with some artifacts. This lead her to the Underworld where she had to play a game of cards with Death. My friend’s character was stuck in the mortal realm facing down an npc, who was being possessed by Death, and had to deal with a codgery old mage trolling him as all of this was happening. The room where my character had gone into was locked and completely inaccessible to him. This also happened to occur after another player, possibly the only one who could have prevented this, managed to send himself back through time to before known history. His face got sooooo red that session, it was hilarious.

      My character did make it up to him by bringing home a shadow guardian and a treasure full of our enemy’s gold and artifacts. She of course won her game with Death. Otherwise everyone in the group would have been rolling new characters. It was one of our best games ever.

      We didn’t play our characters to be dicks to other players. We are all friends. We just played our characters as they were. My character was a chaotic neutral mage/psionic, our “leader” was a lawful good naval captain, and the time traveler was a chaotic neutral psionic/encryptor.

      My best advice is to roll with the punches. Though our GM has a storyline, our rolls and actions have a heavy influence on where the story goes. If you have a particularly difficult player, see if you can use the other players’ attributes and motivations to derail them a bit. I don’t mean by having the players turn against the hold out. For example, my character is highly tempted by shiny objects and books. If there’s the possibility of gaining knowledge or power, she’ll go for it. To hell with anyone else. However, she will also go to the ends of the earth for her friends. This included our leader during our game. However, she’d get the shiny object first because it was her priority. But what got him in trouble was that she is also very sensitive about her contribution to the group. Prior to the incident they had a meeting where she ended up feeling marginalized.

      Be creative, and have fun. You can do eet!

    • Kitshton VonBast

      I read this comment, about the “Priest opening a church’ thing and I laugh. It’s actually what my character’s long-term goal is: to use a modified, boosted version of the Mage’s Magnificent Mansion spell in order to make a giant mobile cathedral and living space, for about 250,000 gold.

    • Kristoffer Teclehaimanot Mejbo

      God he sounds like the perfect player for our group, we play Dark Ages: Vampire and we pretty much only do things to get personal power.

  • Brett Engetschwiler

    Thanks, Spoony! This actually gave me an idea for the novel I’ve been working on. My character actually does have to wade through a river of crap to get to his goal. While I thought of bathing, I never considered disease. Thanks again!

  • searanox


    Don’t leave me Spoony. Don’t ever leave me. :(

  • Mike Prentice

    the words, yeah duh come to mind after reading the title

  • Jim Thorpe

    uh, leather was traditionally cured and finished with predominantly fecal matter. a little shit on your leather armor is no big deal, just wipe that right off.

    • Renaissance_nerd

      a little shit is no big deal, waist deep in it is another matter entirely.

      • Jim Thorpe

        even so, your other stuff is going to get ruined, but there’s no possible way chilling in the sewers is going to ruin cured leather armor.

  • Garret02

    Awesome, new Counter Monkey, but I’m going to watch it tomorrow (or rather later today) because it’s 1 am here.

    I’m just writing to ask a question, if someone would be kind enough to answer. Is there a way to see full fifth session of Spoony’s Pathfinder game? Because on there is only first two hours.

  • Pontus Vall Slaktarrn Haglund

    This made my night <3 Thank god Spoony is back <3

  • Renaissance_nerd

    I love Counter Monkey but it seems like whenever Spoony needs ad money he busts out the Counter Monkey because it’s so much easier than one of his normal reviews. But hey I love hearing gaming stories so I guess the hat track works :)

    • Kendotuxedo

      Dude’s gotta eat, plus he’s talking about what he knows. Win/ Win.

  • Steve Peters

    Gosh darn it. I just want to play a few games with El Spoono.

  • seriouser

    Going full screen on a 1920×1200 monitor skews the aspect ratio, don’t remember this happening with the old player. Good video though (Y)

  • Das_Bass

    You make me want to DM more than be a PC given my love to troll my friends.

  • Sean Badten

    “Now that I’ve repeatedly and completely sabotaged dungeon masters and their attempts to controls things; i like to show them how weak the plan is”

    I was waiting for some Joker quotes from the Dark Knight

    “Ya see their morals, their codes… its all a bad joke. Dropped at the first sight of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them”

    Admittedly i may be the only one who found it hilarious to think of that but there it is.

  • Robert Cousineau

    Spoony does kind of have a point. Not that many GM’s these days bother with the disease rules. But Spoony makes a very compelling argument. If you are wading hip deep in poo-water indiscriminately then yes, you can probably expect having filth-fever.

    There’s all sorts of crazy ailments in 3.5 this has my wheels turnin’

  • Grendle Keen

    Oddly enough when I disabled hardware acceleration it made the video barely playable, but when I went back in and turned it on again it worked again. Nice video Spoony, I’ll try it next time my group goes into some place filthy.

  • wiegeabo kilijabob

    I took a shower before watching this.

    Now I need to take another one.

    I play in a superhero game, so I hope this doesn’t come up. But…then I think about how often a character like Batman has to go into the sewers to track down a villain…oh god…OH GOD!!!

  • Vortemeer

    Just looking at the title….I’m going to regret hitting “play”, aren’t I?

  • Jordan Selby

    Wohoo! Counter Monkey! Keep these coming, Spoony, they’re my favorite.

  • MFlorian

    The end result of all these videos is that nobody’s going to trust Spoony whether he’s the DM or a player. They’re going to see Spoony in the game and just throw up their hands.

    “He’s going to fuck me. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but it’s coming. And it’s going to be bad.”

    • marabackman

      Maybe, but there is always a challenge for those who like to compete in RPGs and want to outwit him :P

    • doresh

      This would just be another reason to be crazy prepared XD !

  • Jannick Hegelund Hverkeltoft

    Great video, please do keep sharing your DM experiences and advice, i would love to add more flavor to my upcoming campaign

  • Petr Matafonov

    the time to load your videos are enormous and it stucks all the time, maby u should make alternative sound-only version?

  • James Drover

    That falls apart at 3rd or 5th level (in ad&d and 3.5 anyway) because than the cleric gets remove disease and I am positive their is a cleaning spell. Magic the cause and solutions to all of fantasy’s problems.

    • Vismutti

      But if they started at level one, by that time they’ve earned it, haven’t they? And they can sigh in relief. That’s a big thing too, to feel like you’ve risen above some problem that bugged you through your early adventures.

  • doresh

    While there are spells to get around all these hygiene issues (like “Remove Disease” and whatever kind of spell can be used to clean clothes), I’m pretty sure the party’s cleric will be a bit annoyed with having to waste spell slots because the party is too lazy to go to the bathroom XD

  • Markus

    Also don’t eat pizzas you find on the john

  • Bathmatt

    Minor point about losing armor/cloths/whatever because of sewer stank, one of the powers of Prestidigitation is the abilty to clean 1 cubic foot per round perminantly (everything else the spell does fades after an hour). It’s only a cantrip too, so with a couple of spare hours your arcanist could effectively do a load of laundry, especially in Pathfinder where you can cast cantrips as often as you like.

    Actually Prestidigitation is pretty handy little spell to have around in general. I always have it memorised.

    • doresh

      Strangely enough, clerics can’t cast Prestidigitation. Guess they’re not as germophobic as bards and wizards…

  • Vismutti

    Heh, is it bad that I’m finding myself with a huge evil grin on my face after watching this? Mwahahahahaha!

    This feels a bit too poignant, though, since I’m sick right now, as it happens. With the diarrhea and all. Yaaay… And I have class tomorrow. Shit. Maybe I should write down a description for later use since I feel rather inspired at the moment. That is, if I have the energy to write which I wouldn’t be so sure of… Okay back to bed…

  • Grendle Keen

    Well that didn’t last long. I have no idea why Springboard hates my computer, but I was able to get the video to work fine last night, and when I tried to show it to my brother today it fails. Hell now its failing on the ad. I guess the only thing I can ask is for Spoony to also update his Blip page, so at least I can watch is videos on that, because I can not figure this player out.

  • lightice

    Actually, in the real Medieval times, bathing was kind of a big deal. It was a regular, communal affair that people paid good attention to. It wasn’t until the late Middle Ages, when a few disease epidemics and church propaganda (bathhouses weren’t divided by gender), that got people believing that bathing was actually unhealthy, and this attitude stayed all the way until the 19th century. So the people in the gritty dark ages actually wanted to keep themselves clean, but in the fancy Enlightenment period those fine noblemen just sprinkled some wine over themselves and used copious amounts of perfume to hide the stench.

    So if you want some serious role-playing opportunities, keep in mind what the attitudes of the setting are towards the connection between dirt and disease, and what degree of resistance people may or may not have.

  • Chris Rupp

    No shit spoony. (NPI)

  • Nalyd

    If Spoony really is picking up his productivity, I’m excited. He’s great, I’ve really been feeling his absence. I get he’s had stuff going on, and I empathize, but still. It’d be great for him to be around more.

  • IHeart28

    Love the fact we talk about sewers, disease and dirty taverns XD. This was a very gross but intriguing Counter Monkey and I loved every second of it. Also, dang it Oreo stop being so cute

  • Skolex

    Glad to see Oreo is being a calm/sleepy puppy in this video. Also, I can’t get enough Counter Monkey, please keep them coming :D

  • Rpground

    oh god…now i will be extra careful now when it comes to that crap,im a dwarf ok. i am NOT giving up my beard for anything. i will give my money away,even my trusty weapon to get rid of whatever is plaguing me. ima have to remember this. lol

  • Jeremy Andrew Zitnik

    I DM a game with some friends of mine, and always one of my characters (half orc barbarian) insists on getting a milk bath at every Inn he goes to.

  • Jonas Håkansson

    I can’t get enough of these. Keep ‘em coming!

  • Stephan Pettersen

    Moar reviews plz0r! You are my favorite reviewer. NOT favorite … Monkey Counter? Please get back in the game, Noah! :D

    • Stephan Pettersen

      Wow, negative ratings for saying he’s the best? Great community ^^

  • SunOvaGun

    Oh god this reminds me of a game of D&D I played where one of the other players with me would inject himself with poisons just to go and talk the DM into allowing him to say after subjecting himself so many times to it he has built up immunities to them. Was hilarious cause the DM let him have that only to later on say he got dwarven herpes from drinking out of a mug of ale he stole.

  • Védís Rúnarsdóttir

    I can’t help reading this title in the voice of Mr. Mackey from South Park.
    “Swimming in diarrhea is bad, mkaaay?”

  • ThomasMink

    I have no idea what it is about springboard, but my PC doesn’t like it.. at all. I have NEVER been able to watch anything on it. Sucked ass when AVGN started using it, and it sucks ass now as well.

    Oh well.

  • Anthony Michel

    I’d really like to know Spoony’s opinion when it comes the most important thing with it comes to Pen and Paper RPG’s…..THE DICE! Like what he thinks of “High Precision” Dice, ones made out of unusual material (Like Bone, Ebony, Brushed Steel), the rarely seen types (D3, D7, D30, D100) or about the use of Dice rolling programs in the Modern D&D.

  • Bobby Ladd

    One of my favorite “dirty” rulings is players ho visit the wenches in the shady taverns have a “special” disease table I role for them…. ;}}

  • Dmitry Didenko

    Dude, being a Russian Star Wars fan, I fucking LOVE shitty Russian Star Wars poster behind you. Brings me joy every time.
    Also, keep those D&D advices coming, it’s very intresting.

  • Derpin

    Good point about making spells viable if you actually use diseases and such. Unfortunately, there’s always the town Cleric that’ll handle their stuff by the time the incubation period is over and the character is sick.

    If they’re far from town or the party healer is pissed at the character for something and refuses to heal their sickness (so long as they’re not LG or what have you), then yeah, it might be something to consider.

    Every once in a while I’ll make my party members fatigued if they’re sleeping in a makeshift campsite and can’t get a whole lot of sleep, or if they opt for the cheap rooms instead. Not always, though, because sometimes this sort of roleplay can really bog down the campaign (especially if it’s constantly done). Moderation is the key, I think.

    There’s also the problem of certain races being immune to certain things. Like… Warforged, the punks who never sleep, eat, or get sick.

    Overall a good video though, DMs should definitely consider roleplaying aspects like sickness, exhaustion, armor wear and so on.

  • angela

    You have just given the DM the tools to turn every player into Shelden Cooper XD.
    “I need specifics, who blew their nose and when?!”

  • Katrin

    After watching this, I had my character buy a hammock so she could put in up in sleep in the common room at the inn to save money.The DM was amused. I also got soap.

  • draxo

    Ahahaha, I did this when my players fought zombies in a sewer. One of the players had this electrical blast power (superhero campaign) and I ruled that throwing lightning bolts at zombies would make them explode if you did more damage than they had HP. He came out covered in piss and sh** soaked zombie guts. He cought a bunch of nasty diseases and had to be hospitalised.

  • Mike Lee

    Froody shirt, Spoony! And the subject certainly makes one want to know where their towel is.

  • Patrick Coyle

    This stuff is part of the reason my wizard character in high school made it a priority to get whatever spell or magic item was needed to have a portable demiplanar mansion.

    ‘Cause to hell with powergaming – if I had that kind of godly power, the least I can do for myself is make sure I have a comfy bed and warm bath wherever I go.

    I wonder if there’s a DM out there who made a campaign subplot about some strange epidemic sweeping the land, only for the players to realize they’re the ones who carried it out of some horrid rotting tomb to begin with.

  • Gregory Steiner

    Oreo won’t stop staring at me. It’s kind of disconcerting.

  • Shadowdancer21b

    Poo gas, doodoo water, doodoo water and rats…HUGBEES!

  • Night-Fawkes

    And this is why I play Ratfolk or other poison/disease resistant races, We can do the jobs others are afraid of doing and can go places were other races won’t set foot, its also why i love playing the alchemist in pathfinder. Having access to jobs and resources that most don’t can be a life saver. but I wonder how Spoony would deal with something like Lycanthropy as a infection? I for one love to play lycanthropes both as a the GM or as a player but find it difficult to determine when to start showing symptoms or if I should inform the player at all…its fun to watch the player freak out when one of them seemingly spontaneously transforms into a bloodthirsty monster.

  • Kevin Cummings

    Someone took what you are talking about to heart (dragons flying around and using their fire/frost breath) and made a mod for skyrim that does just that. It also de-level’s them, so you can run into any dragon of varying level, meaning you could be level two and run into an elder dragon. It was one of the most intense battles I’ve ever had. It took me by surprise in the middle of the woods at night and I couldn’t see where the damn thing was, the only time it was visible was when it used its fire. I high tailed it out of there, but the bastard followed me, until I reached a town. In skyrim, even the guards can take the dragon out if you let them, but with this mod, the town lost its entire retinue of guards and then it came after me again. I finally managed to lead it to a huge forsworn camp and let them have at it. After thirty minutes they managed to bring it down (as in it lost enough health for it to be too weak to fly and crash landed) and I moved in, and I barely took it out, since it beat the shit out of me with its wings and tail, point blank fire breath and biting. I managed to kill it after depleting my entire stock of potions. It was bitter sweet though, the forsworn were coming and they would have killed me if I had stayed. Came back the next day and the skeleton was gone. Got the EXP and Dragon Soul, so it wasn’t a total lost… Good battle though

  • Daniel Thomas Stack

    Just encountered a reminder of an under-used infection vector. Splinters! In those Swamps, Bogs and even forests sure there is wood everywhere and most of it is decaying. If the fight is with something particularly nasty why not have some of its muck get on the splinters so if people say “its only a splinter” USE IT! Epsom Salts, furthers earth exist for a reason.

    • Daniel Thomas Stack

      Reason to use Splinters is because of that Clubs are Free thing. Grabbing drift wood in a toxic swamp isn’t the same as one from a sun baked beach. Grabbing a rotted plank from an old crypt isn’t the same as cutting a branch off a tree yourself. Its a way to make people pay for not having fore thought on their improvised weapons.

  • Colby Woodward

    not gonna lie i laugh my ass off at the title

  • Henri Paves

    That’s some pretty neat ideas, but… one word. Prestidigitation. It can clean almost anything and costs literally nothing. Also, remove disease is a pretty low level spell as well…

    • Tyler Baum

      That’s what I was thinking this entire video, but you’d be surprised how unresourceful players can be sometimes. I had a dungeon where there was a magic door that only opened with a specific key or something like that, and it was hidden in a room with piles waist-high of nothing but keys. Literally all they would’ve had to do was a Detect Magic spell or something (two wizards in the party!), but they instead spent hours of in-game time trying each and every individual key. Prestidigitation is probably the single most useful spell outside of combat, and easily the most useful cantrip, but once they get Fireball they all just seem to forget that it even exists.

  • Stephen Moyer

    Hehe, Oreo got herself into a much better position in the chair.

  • Aron Marczylo

    I really hate the springboard and it’s goddamn buffering.

  • Christopher Stratton Smith

    Oh god, I can’t help but laugh at the idea of a party of adventurers showing up at Lord Byron’s doorstep all covered in shit like “Whassup?”

  • Dan Schuett

    Just had a sewer expedition in a game and it had been going on a long time and my DM is big on things like eating and drinking. So every once in awhile he’d comment that our characters are getting hungry or thirsty, and we kinda stop to eat.

    Now our Bard, because he`s constantly singing or talking, would have to drink more because the DM kept saying, “Oh your mouth is feeling dry and your throat’s getting scratchy,” so he ran out of water faster (you can probably see where this is going). Time comes and DM says, “Your stomachs are begining to rumble and your mouths are bone dry,” so we do our routine, get up on somewhere dry, unpack rations, and take swigs of waterskins, but the Bard’s is empty. I offer him a swig of mine but he goes, “Nah it’s ok, my character scoops up a handful of water and drinks.”

    Needless to say we were all looking at him weird. DM asked him to roll Constitution and on a success goes, “You manage to swallow the vile tasting liquid, but your stomach audibly protests and you can’t get the taste out of your mouth.” Miraculously he managed to survive until we got out of the sewer, at which point we ran him to a priest.

  • Daniel Tilson

    If they go take a bath in the lake, that’s a perfect time for undead Nessie to show up. ^_^

  • Daniel Tilson

    Isn’t there a spell for cleaning armor? Pretty sure there is… So take it!

  • Otto Torrens

    DM is sending us into the sewer….. Knowledge is power.

  • Rakkrakk

    Wasn’t bathing commonplace? XD

  • Tab

    I do something similar when my players hit on bar wenches and decide not to use protection.

    • Daniel Tilson

      There’s a lot of sex specific diseases in the Book of Erotic Fantasy. You should definitely use them. They may need to be adjusted based on whatever edition you are playing in.

      • Tab

        Those are the ones I use, as well as some of my own design. I can’t use them too often, though, because PCs can be quick to learn.

        • Daniel Tilson

          I was surprised at how interesting the book was. Very good read overall.

          • Zefram Mann

            The explanations on possible ways for a zombie to become pregnant was worth the cover price by itself.

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