Bennett the Sage guests hosts in this special edition of Counter Monkey, in which he brings some homebrew monsters and items from his RPG past!
Just as you’re watching one counter monkey another pops up……
I refreshed the same moment you posted this! And it’s another Counter Monkey episode!! :DD
Bennett? This should be interesting.
I met Bennett at MAGfest last weekend, awesome guy, really nice, especially after I sort of busted his balls a little about Mad Bull 34 lol
was that a fart at 2:28?
mystery of the week!
Kinda reminds me of the “shit gear tank” from the Sigint’s dream codec sequence in Metal Gear Solid 3
Won’t say his name, but will show his parents name in written form?
Hey, Counter Monkey is back and this time he brought a friend. :D
You forgot the Gnomish Hook-Hammer. Also, Double Gunblade, for double the … … action.
ahhh Spoony & Sage together again, until it makes me feel nostalgic but you guys need a little more of Larz ^ ^
Related to nothing said in the video: Spoony, your shirt is the best. XD “In Mako We Trust”!
YAY! Another episode of Counter-Monkey!
I’m guessing you two are together for the FFX-2 finale which I’m sure we’re all looking forward to.
I do hope so; I’ve been looking forward to a continuation of FFX-2. His FFX videos really are my favorites. :)
Yo dog, we heard you like clubs, so we put a club on your club, so you can club while you club.
Also, historians are going to be confused. First there was the Dark Age, then the Enlightened Age, and then suddenly, the Age of Manure.
Stop making me want to play D&D Dammit!!!!!!!!!!
And I was really hoping his next video was final fantasy related. (sigh)
First it was the age of the gods, then the age of the elves, then came the age of man, now witness the age of manure.
The double poison tipped needle!
So help me, if I see any comments stating only “FIRST!” or “LOL!” or “XDDDDD!!!!!” I will reach through this computer and punch you square in the bean bag.
You laugh, but Double Club is second in deadliness only to the GunBlade.
as a Gm i almost never plan on magic versions of oddball weapons. That said, I will roll randomly for a hoard or a treasure trove, this has lead to such ridiculousness as +2 brilliant energy nunchaku and the trident of fish detection which come as remiders of how messed up random tables are.
Also, you forgot the gnomish hook-hammer and the double pick for your discussion of stupid (canonical) double weapons.
A trident of fish detection actually makes a lot of sense for fishermen.
Isn’t that Aquaman’s prefered weapon?
I love how he goes the high road with naming the golem with a nice, grandiose sounding synonym for sh*t. That, if nothing else is a sign of manurity. And the Age of Manure, now that is downright classy. I hope
Double weapons are cool even though they aren’t practical in any way. My favourite here has to be the double serrated dagger, it’s so pointless. If I ever DM, I’m going to include that one.
Also, I suspect “Hinsty” is derived from the word (pig)sty. It would make sense in this context.
I’ve got a PDF of Nymphology which is a version of the “porn sourcebook”. Its got a Porn Golem which is essentially a nude pornstar stone golem, the Creamy Ooze which is camouflaged in “areas where such fluids would be common”. Perhaps the most terrifying of the monsters are the Giant Crabs.
In the Unknown Armies RPG, Pornomancy is a regular school of magic. GRanted, Unknown Armies is a modern day, postmodern horror RPG where pornography is really among the tamest things discussed, and all magic demands a hefty price from its users, in sanity and other things.
Isn’t the double club essentially an oar?
Like in american gladiators.
Double sided toilet paper…. To defeat the shit golem….
Aryan half-elves? Isn’t a half-elf an inherently impure race of elf? Not only was this dad racist, he was stupid too.
Not in Eberron they arent..it’s entirely possible to have “pure” half-elves.
Hinsty: “Manure Golem; guard this room.”
Mr. Mockingham: “Does it work? I s he guarding it?”
Hinsty: “I don’t know… it doesn’t seem to be moving…I guess that means its guarding the room.”
Mr. Mockingham: “This sucks. Let’s make a flesh golem and ‘try that out’.”
Hinsty: “No! I need something to protect my home from random people barging in!”
As if on queue, the illustrious Joe Harvest barges in and exclaims; “Is that a golem made of manure?”
Regarding the umolested barger of rooms Hinsty declares: “Either it is a very disobedient fecal construct, or its just a man shaped pile of manure.”
I notice that even though Sage’s friend’s name is taboo, his Dad’s name is clearly visible on his character sheet.
double gunblade man, make it happen
Love it, but what about the double-ender? My favorite.
Laughed my ass off. Great stuff.
Age of Manure and pointless double-weapons made me laugh out hard.
I also kind of ran into the problem of heaving too much of a rare weapon in the DnD 4e game I’m playing, since my character is using a fullblade (for those that don’t know, its essentially a buster sword). Though theres ways around not getting such a weapon dropped. You can either let your starting weapon be enchanted by a NSC, or ask a master smith to craft one. Of course, most DMs will make you pay extra then…
A small bit of warning here, in the first scan you can see the Guys’ Dad’s name on the character sheet, you might want to blurr that out or blackbox it.
Spoony, you should do this with Bennett more often, it was funny as hell!
Fantastic, Hintsy is my hero.
I really should watch more of bennets videos, I know who he is but i had only watched one of his videos for the first time a week ago (love hina) and it was great.
Seems like a genuinely nice guy too.
Great job guys.
reminds of a character from the swedish comic named “herman hedning” (translated to herman the pagan). the character could turn anything it touched, except
porcelain into shit.
he was trapped in hell and was named the #666 beast…
Good to see this back; this was brilliant!
The weapons bit reminds me of an quirk in “Palladium Fantasy RPG”, which had weapon stats for a Frying Pan. Which made sense by itself, but the funny thing was that if you bought a superior dwarf or kobold made weapon with bonuses to attack, damage and parrying, it multiplied the cost. The frying pan did decent damage, and was cheaper than many weapons that did the same. So you’d have a mighty warrior wielding his shield and master-crafted frying pan!
The “Weapons of the Gods” RPG also had stats for a spatula, though they had the excuse that a character in the kung-fu comic it’s based on uses one in an early fight scene. And yes, you can get superior quality spatulas and even make them magical!
Well so much for that “Don’t show his name” thing… It’s on the damn paper!
I think Bennett said that was the guy’s father. Although, with enough effort, it wouldn’t be difficult to find out who it was
BLUR HIS NAME leave his name there for everyone to see
HI STEVE WHARTON
how about double dragon?
ye may not have needed to censor the guys name by saying it, but you forgot to blank it out from the scanned image.
You should start playing again on LordKat stream.
It’s kinda funny you mention everyone having those annoying, broody Mary Sue’ish characters when they first start out. I certainly had one, but through some strange miracle I managed to evolve him alongside of my roleplay as I got older, so he stopped being broody and Mary Sue’ish and actually grew into kind of a cool guy. A horrible, horrible misanthropic asshole of a guy with questionable morality, but still pretty cool. I eventually retired him after we had a colossal end-game campaign to conclude the great ‘legacy’ of our many years of roleplay.
My best homebrew weapon that my DM made up is the knife of accidental masochism. Any damage you deal with it is dealt to yourself rather than the opponent
I have read the book of erotic fantasy. Sacred Prostitute Clerics are hilarious.
I was about ten minutes into the vid when my dad called me to dinner, so I spent most of the meal trying not to snicker.
Actually, when I first saw the name Arian, I thought of the ancient Christian heresy, which is pronounced “AIR-ee-an.” In fact, I’ve seen it on etymology sites; if those sources are trustworthy then it is a Welsh given name meaning “silver.”
for your info the manure monster uses the giant sword, and the log.
One of my friends who I played D&D with had the Erotic Book of Fantasy. If I remember right, there was no splooge golem, but there was a Pleasure Golem (I think it was some kind of magical sex doll or something) . I found the book funny because of all the STD listings, both mundane and magical. It made for an interesting game when one newbie player decided to try to sleep with every female he met, regardless of race.
You know what? This is how I picture a game with those characters:
Oh no! It’s the apoocalypse!
A wild piece of shit appears!
It uses a crappy story line!
It’s very defective!
And what about the weapons? Well, check this out…
What if you don’t like the double-fan? Just buy a tryple-phan!
It puts enemies to sleep when you shove it in their mouth! ;-)
Other than that, I don’t even know what to say.
But to be fair though, I did have a period in my life where I would draw a bunch of video-game powers and weapons, just for the fun of it (and then threw them away, years later). They were pretty extreme and ridiculous, just like any other stuff most gamers make.
I’m taking a guess: the family name of the friend is Wharton!
(I’m actually writing it down to save it from reedits of the video…
Pretty amusing. I used to draw up maps and weapons, but there was no game involved whatsoever.
I just.. made maps and weapons.
Doubt I’m the first to think of this, but how about a double blitz ball?
Everything went to shit!
Thanks, you two, that had me howling.
Oh lawd. That is… beautiful. Though I will admit, I kinda wish pole weapons were more common, they just seem more logical a choice than some of the…. generic popular swords. But then, I tend to think in role play terms, not roll play.
Spoony you fool. 2 things. 1) DOUBLE GUNBLADE! 2) You left the name of “He who shall not be mentioned” on the character sheet upload.
Wait, Sage was thirteen when d20 3.5 came out?? Suddenly I feel old. I remember 3.0 and 3.5 coming out as if it was only yesterday.
Everyone goes through a phase where they play the “dark, brooding, superguy type who can do anything”. Although in my experience most people, myself included, entered this phase between 18-23 years of age, while we were college students. Back then, we mostly played World of Darkness though, and KULT, a splatterpunk horror RPG. Usually, you played normal humans in KULT, but it also had Children of Darkness characters who were usually supposed to be only NPCs but the game designers made rules for playing them as PCs, so everyone built at least one. Granted, it was the 1990s, and EVERY World of Darkness or Cyberpunk character back then was a dark, brooding, trenchcoated guy in sunglasses. So when the first Matrix movie came out, it only moved the sunglasses and trenchcoats into the mainstream popculture.
Now, I didn’t start gaming at thirteen, I started at seventeen or eighteen, in school, and my first RPG ever was Warhammer Fantasy, followed by Harnmaster RPG, both of which define characters not by their classes but by their profession or craft, so my first couple characters, among them a female dwarven engineer with a hammer and a tool belt, and a male human smith who became a mercenary fighter, were quite normal. Harnmaster is set in the low-magic, medieval World of Harn which is actually quite realistic in terms of despiting a Dark Ages medieval setting similar to Europe approximately 1000 A.D., with no large cities nor High Middle Ages knights riding around in full plate armour; which meant Harnmaster never had a change against the more exiting stuff like D&D or Midgard or even Ars Magica.
Oh, I hate people who tried to sneak in animé characters in the guise of RPG characters. Sadly, RPGs like Streetfighter, or Exalted, enable this kind of player.
Why does a level 2 wizard with a CON of 16 (+3 modifier) only have 8 hp? The CON bonus alone yields 6 hp at level 2, plus the automatic full hit dice at level 1 yields 4 hp, and he gets a second 1d4 at level 2, so the wizard should have had between 11 and 14 hp.
If you want to do a Bladerunner or Matrix RPG, why not use GURPS? GURPS has no silly character classes, no stupid levels, and you can use the modular style of point-buy character creation to built basically any species or vehicle, and depending on starting points anything from a normal modern day person (75 to 100 points) to a superhero (500+ starting points). Or a god.
The highest point setting ever were Lensmen characters from the GURPS Lensmen adaptation of the 1930s-1940s Pulp Scifi saga by E.E. “Doc” Smith, for a whopping 2000 starting points (the “Galactic Lens” template alone costs 1000 points).
Basically you’re playing a galactic policeman, part of the Galactic Patrol, with superpowers linked to the Lens. If this sounds suspiciously like the Green Lantern Corps… yes, indeed.
The world needs an “Age of Manure MMO”[tm]. :-P
The “Book of Erotic Fantasy” was for AD&D 2nd Edition, if I remember right. I downloaded it from the Net during the 1990s.
Double Anything… reminds me of the “chain-sword” from 8-bit Theater webcomic, which was basically a pair of nunchuks crossed with swords, invented by Fighter, who had found two more swords in addition to his own two swords and was too dumb to realize that such a weapon was impossible to wield. So he did.
Sorry, Sage, Darwin didn’t say anything about specialization, and certainly not about specialisation being bad from an evolutionary standpoint. Look at how many species *are* specialized for a certain ecological niche. It’s just us humans who are not, at least not physically. We specialized in having a big neocortex and behavioral strategies.
No, you’re thinking of Sword-Chucks. The Chainsword joke was the “Glorious Chainsword Technique”, which was a spoof on Exalted powers. It made Fighter’s swords function like magical chainsaws. When asked how it worked, Red Mage explained it didn’t but Fighter was too stupid to realize that.
Well, that, and chainswords are the preferred melee weapon of the famous Adeptus Astartes of Warhammer 40,000. Not magical chainsaw swords. Nah. Just powered by the magical fuel promethium for entire battle engagements despite the apparent lack of a fuel pack.
Oh well, it’s Warhammer 40k. This is the same setting where 12 guys in a cave can bring in an avatar of a dark god to tear an entire world asunder.
that darwin comment was so painful… the ones who were best in adapting survived not the ones who stayed “regular”
To be fair, most organisms that have extremes of any trait have a hard time adapting.
Adapting, not specializing though. Say a new predator got into the neighborhood that had about the same speed as a prey critter- longer legs to run quicker could come out of it, but those long legs are useful for things besides escaping that one predator.
It’s when a species gets so specialized that any change- even a minor one- would eliminate their niche that it’s a problem. Say one kind of flower is only pollinated by one certain kind of migratory insect, a species following the same migration trails as they have every year for decades. One year many small weather factors result an unusually dry, cold, windy winter that drives the insects away from their usual route – suddenly there is nobody to pollinate the flowers, and the niche supplied by these insects is gone. The species, if not extinct, is crippled because of one bad winter.
I think that is what he meant by specialization.
Dude, you left the name on the Character sheet.
The Age of Manure… bwahahaha… poor ol’ Tolkien is revolving in his grave.
maybe DOUBLE RAINBOW!
What could this mean!! :O :D
I remember my early DMing escapades. They were a series of silly campaigns. I already mentioned my Evil Campaign that invaded The Dungeons And Dragons Movie Universe that gave me Savrille’s wonderful “You honestly think if I knew, I’d be a skeleton with a meat hook up my ass?” regarding how to break his curse.
Anywho, I remember some of the gods I made. First there was MASD, the Mandatory Altruistic Sun Deity (a spoof on Apollo, Pelor, and Lathander). He embodied the generic goodness of sun gods in DND.
The second one was Gayzorz. I’m a little ashamed of him due to the insensitivity, and he’d be called Cheezorz these days. Basically he was the god of munchkins. Unabashed munchkins (my friends and I would refer to munchkinization as being gay, both as an insult for the shamelessness and as a compliment for successfully breaking the system). Nowadays I use the less offensive term “cheese”.
Thanks to Gayzorz, my gaming group came up with the term “Knowledge: Relevant” (it was a broken knowledge skill that basically meant you only needed one to identify monsters and kill them). These days it’s primarily used when characters who have all knowledge skills and huge bonuses in them want to roll for information. Another funny Gayzorz story was when the worshipper of Gayzorz (I forget if he was a Cleric specifically) wanted to gain favour with his god, so he said “I bend down and prostrate myself before Gayzorz”. This caused everyone to break out laughing except his player who was wondering what was so funny. Well… imagine a guy bending down in supplication, basically offering himself to the biggest, most manly, most flamboyant gay deity out there. We hinted at that and it dawned on him too late for him to be able to change his wording. From that point on, all male worshippers of Gayzorz customarily bowed away from statues of Gayzorz (I know, I’m ashamed).
Poop golems? Ever read Erfworld? That webcomic (which is set in a turn-based strategy universe) has Crap Golems. Made from literal crap.
Double Boomerang? Like the Glaive from Krull?
Double… double scythe? Double chakram? Double lance? Double alchemist fire?
The gnome hooked hammer. Double katana, double lajatang, double scimitar, double scythe, double staff.
No boob golem sadly. Not in Nymphology or the Book of Erotic Fantasy. The latter does include the Astral Pimp prestige class and the spell Summon Sex Partner. Also a eunuch harem guard class.
I hate to be the person to break this to you, but the double scythe actually exists… yeah… D&D has some stupid weapons.
Its shithead from the graphic novel wanted
Dude…. If you’re gonna mock someone’s DnD creation he made as a teenager you better blur they guy’s (or his father’s?) name. That was just mean spirited. Shame on you two.
No one is raging about Spoony posting something where’s he’s doing something with someone else? I’m surprised…
I don’t know whats worse, this or the fact that I probably would have made something similar when I was that age. Great vid guys!
I am SOOO integrating this into my next D&D campaign. Some merchant on the side selling various things like manure rods and drugged up squirt guns.
I once had a half-orc with natural 20 strength in Urban Arcana who specialized in manhole covers as a thrown weapons.
what about a double rainbow? of the “all the way” variety.
If you’re designing adventures for your party, and not making sure to provide opportunities for characters to upgrade their preferred equipment, you’re probably doing it wrong. At least let ‘em trade those stacks of magical longswords and footman’s maces for an enchantment on their Bohemian ear-spoon or weighted sleeves or whatever.
I laughed at the name of the guy’s father being shown :P
WHy is it that when a black kid makes a black voodoo tribal character called Zulu, then that’s perfectly ok, he’s “expressing his uniqueness” or similar marxist verbal diarrhea
But a white kid making a fair-skinned light-eyed character called “Aryan” OOOOOO shit, then it’s; “RAYSIS” ; QUICK , CALL THE MEDIA; THE COPS, SOCIAL SERVICES. WE NEED TO LOCK UP THE PARENTS AND TURN THE KID OVER TO PSYCHIATRIC WARD!!!
also, WHo is this floppy nerd, Sage? and why is he in the way of the next Spoony story-time? Seriously, i hope Spoony didn’t run out of stories.
Marxist verbal diarrhea?……
I think you’re joking. If not: its because Aryan isn’t a culture, its an ideal that only exists as an excuse to be racist. Defending someone for using the term is the same as saying you aren’t spouting Nazi-isms when you shout Heil Hitler, because you were talking about some other Hitler.
Also, you never read anything written by Marx. Don’t even pretend.
I immediately thought of a Double Sling. The half that doesn’t throw the rock gets to smack you in the face.
And the Age of Manure had me laughing my guts out. I especially got a kick out of the Shit-Staff. I imagined a corn-encrusted “log” with a magical peanut at the end of it.
And thus The Great Mighty Poo was born!
I thought of something more for shadowrun idk if it already exists but it would be cool. a double double barreled shotgun.
They had one in Phantasm 2.
Unfortunately, it only got to be fired once. Oh, those poor Jawas…
Bulletstorm had a four barrel shotty, that was pretty cool.
Double Gunblade? xD
LOL! I was going to suggest the double Gunblade but someone already beat me to it… XD
How about the Double Petrifying Blitzball? The deadliest weapon ever made… Now doubled…? XD
I’d specialize in DOUBLE BLITZBALL. Like a boss.
I love how Spoony promised to bleep Bennett’s friend’s name if it came up, and he kept that promise, but only like a minute later, he shows a scan of his father’s character sheet, with his father’s name clearly in sight for about 30 seconds. :-D
Also, I really like this story, as well as the name Arian. Man, that’s delightfully uncomfortable. :-P
how about a Double Sai? Or a Double Sling?
Ok, Here’s mine.
(Wizard holds up an amulet of Plane Shift)
Wizard:”I wish to go to the elemental plane of-”
(Wizard drops amulet)
Wizard: “shi-. Oh, god. Where am I? What’s that smell? and Why is there a giant fan over there?
DOUBLE-ORB! For wizards who want to have two balls…
Actually, you know what? The manure golem sounds like it came right out of Sigint’s nightmare from Metal Gear Solid 3.
“OK, so there’s this big pile of crap, right? It’s shaped like a giant tank, and it’s walking around on two legs, goin’ on a rampage and stompin’ on people and houses and stuff. and this giant turd is carrying the nastiest missiles you ever saw. Like, whenever it launches one of its turd missiles, whatever it hits–people, trees, buildings–turns into shit. My hometown, my old school, my family, my girlfriend, Old Man John… Everything in that turd’s path, turned into shit.”
Knife-Wrench! For kids!
My character is a weapon master specializing in large bones. He has a +2 large bone of disruption.
LOL, that’s my weapon of specialty.
Where are the “Sword-chucks” ?
Wow Sage makes spoony look cool in comparison we are talking hardcore nerd.
I love it when Spoony just geeks out but man that was one shitty story
The club has been DOUBLED! :D
in my expierence their are two breeds of homebrewer.
the person who breaks the game trying to make himself as powerful as possible, even if its within the legality of the rule set
and then there are those who generally want to create something enjoyable that is not incredibly out of balance with the rest of the system
I am trying real hard to fall into the latter category with something i am working on.
although for these manure golems i may just make an ew category of WTFFFFFF!!!!????
Honestly Bennett’s entire ‘show and tell routine’ struck as mean-spirited. I’m sure most people reading this wrote some terrible stories, abysmal poetry, drew some terrible drawings etc etc. at that age. This part struck me as Bennett sadistically enjoying making fun of his then 13-year-old friend’s D&D materials while the kinder Spoony seems a little put off but trying to play along.
I honestly sort of feel the same. Especially with the weapons. In his eye I could see that he thought some of these ideas have potential, were they not executed by a 13-year-old. I mean, having a double club with one end spiked pretty much clears 80% of all encounters on any table.
The sole fact that you can conceive the idea of a double club is astounding.
Keep in mind that his friend gave him the materials for this purpose.
The Spiked Double Club: Now with Twice the Hepetitus!
Nymphology – The book of Blue Magic, page 50: The Porn Golem.
You accidentally left the dude’s name in, when you show the character sheet.
I think Sage points out it’s his Dad’s name.
Still…you can assume from the last name.
Double arrow. To get 2 knees?
Double Sickle? Or does that already exist? If so…STOP STEALING MY IDEAS!
We drink to our youth, to days come and gone
for the Age of Manure is just about done
We’ll drive out the golems and restore what we own
With our blood and our steel we’ll take back our home
Would’ve been nice if Bennett showered or even combed his hair before coming on.
The Double Sephiroth Sword!!!
The Double Sephiroth Sword – Double The Range!!
My group and I once made a 3.5 homebrew based on Lovecraft’s works. It was complete with an in-depth insanity system whose effects ranged from mild hallucinations to turning on party members and fourth-wall breaking, and npc names such as Seymour Fishmen. Definitely ranked up there as one of my favorite campaigns
Okay. So, the internet has cheapened the concept of laughter, to where even the barest attempt at humor supposedly has people Rolling On The Floor Laughing their Ass Off. So I want you to look me in the eye, Spoony, as I tell you this. This video made me laugh. It made me laugh more than any internet video in recent memory. It. Was. Hilarious. Seriously, I’ve enjoyed all your counter monkey stories so far, but none of them had me guffawing like this one. You and the sage played off of each other very well for this review.
If you want to discuss stupid weapons, don’t forget about the spiked chain. It was a long running joke in our group about how you might actually fight with one of those. In the 3.0 PH, it shows a picture of one with this big old ring in the middle and two smaller rings to either side of it, so my first thought was that you could put the big ring over your head for leverage and swing the chain with the other two rings in either hand, making it a double weapon. We all giggled about that, but later on, I saw pictures people have drawn of characters using a spiked chain, and you know… I guess I wasn’t that far off. The big ring apparently is supposed to go behind your back and not over your head. But that makes no sense either because the weapon in the book isn’t double, and it has reach. So… I just don’t get it.
And I’ll have you know, not everyone’s first character was a Mary Sue. Mine was a female dwarf cleric named Muffin who liked to play tricks on people. Everyone but the DM thought she was hilarious.
The closest I came to Gary Stu’ing my D&D was forging the Soul Reaver from Legacy of Kain; a +5 Vorpal Sword that also prevented a slain enemy from resurrecting. After slaying 5 foes I could release a burst attack that dealt weapon damage with a 10/20 Critical Range.
Manure Golem: “Hey flies… how’s lunch today?”
the terd Golemn story was priceless. I busted out laughing as much as Sage. “hey look what I did?! I made a Golemn out of shit!….IT MOVES!”
Age of Manure – the unofficial subtitle to Dragon Age 2.
So would a Stone to Flesh spell cure a subject of poopification?
I have never played D&D yet I find these counter moneky videos very entertaining, and this one was hilarious.
The manure golem is proficient with log…
Does it crust on the sun? What is the manure golem longevity… does it receive damage when it rains? What if the magic manure dog got a stomach disease… would it made the manure golem unstable?
Still quite funny… I flashbacked to all those silly ideas I got as a kid.
Spoony, the DM can change the reward based on the items the characters use… I would usually not prepare the loot and just made it up for the characters… still, players with double sword or axe would usually have weaker weapons… and characters since the feat’s needed for wielding were so numerous…
Keep those vid’s commin’… it’s great!
Love the counter monkey stuff. Keep up the good work.
Also, I would love to see viewer submissions of stuff we all came up with when we were 13.
As bad as this stuff is it probably isn’t as bad as the days I used to roleplay on Neopets. I really want to try D&D though.
in 4th edition, they removed the problem you mentioned of specializing in weird stuff. There is actually a ritual to transfer magic abilities from one item to another. If you find a magic sword +3, you can transfer that magic bonus to your favorite weapon, be it the double quarter staff or the giant needle.
hmmm now i am gona have to see if this has a pathfinder equivelent
does modern warfare counts?
Double flashbang – generate two flashes, one after another…
Wouldn’t that make the victim permanently blind or something?
KEEP THAT AWAY FROM REYNOLDS!
Renolds! You DOUBLE fool!…
Those flash bangers are annoying.
Counter Monkey stuff is really, really funny, even though I haven’t ever played DnD myself. Love this.
Also I’d like to know what the ‘oh Spoony’s fans are so conservative, they can’t stand to see another person appear on the site’ crowd would say about the reception of this vid — everybody’s loving it. It’s all about the quality: this is good, Diamanda Hagan is not.
I couldn’t agree more. Spoony is good, Diamanda is not. It’s about giving quality content to your fans but I can also understand why Spoony wants to support less known reviewers. However, I still don’t think that’s an excuse to give us junk reviews that are close to 30 minutes long and boring as hell.
I have an idea: Why don’t we all keep our subjective opinions to ourselves if we can’t say them in a constructive way? You don’t like Diamanda Hagan, and that’s fine, but I’m getting a bit tired of seeing people taking their OPINIONS and stating them as though they are objective facts. I like Diamanda Hagan, I find her funny, and I think her reviews are perfectly fine, so clearly her work is not “bad”, you just don’t find it to your taste. I’m not trying to belittle you or your opinion, and I’m all for free speech, but just because you can say something rude about someone doesn’t mean you should, especially when the rude thing you’re saying is based entirely on an opinion, and offers nothing constructive to the world.
Yea, not sure about a spooge golem, but there is the Pleasure Golem in the Book of Erotic Fantasy. Basically a frankenstein’s monster made specifically for making with the bed rolling… not particularly icky except the picture associated with it in the manual is a woman that is clearly made up of various body parts and looking quite motionless (excellent effects job though).
I really like these RPG stories. Keep ‘em coming!
Spoony should put the scans up for download. Age of Manure campaign setting!
We can see the dude’s name on the scanned paper…
That was his dad’s character sheet. I don’t think there were any qualms about that one considering no one is going to dig any deeper into it.
Why can’t an exotic specialty player just ask the DM to keep it in mind when designing scenario? I mean, the DM’s probably your friend and would want you to have a good gaming experience, as long as it doesn’t involve explicit hand holding.
Just throw in a few different exotics, once in a while, including the ones outside of player’s specialty, so he wouldn’t be singled out as a DM’s pet.
my dm while none of us are really using truly exotic weaponry does keep what we have for weapons and play styles for handing out mission rewards and bonuses.
lol. age of manure. what a guineas.
It wasn’t Darwin, it was Heinlein.
I use my double bow to fire double arrows.
It’s worse when the DM is all about the weird weaponry.
I once found a +3 Unholy Double Axe. Fuck ME, both unholy and double? Two huge reasons I could never use it. I carried that shit around forever trying to sell it. Never did find a buyer.
Sage is boring…
tend to agree. I love his video game reviews, but he’s acting like a kid in this video. No, not the “aw, let’s laugh and enjoy like children” way, but the “hey, isn’t this funny guys? It’s funny, right? Please laugh!” way. And he’s above that, I really think.
Worst of the counter monkey vids, but still entertaining. Having started D&D only 3 years ago w/1 3.5ed game and many 4th ed games, I really don’t have any interest in poop jokes. Poop. Hehheh. Ok a little.
You guys’ comments remind of something.
Unlike Diamanda this crossover / coop is neat. Sage is pretty funny.
I just wanted to say I love this CM video. It was so great to see you kick back, laugh and have fun. It was a great viewing experience.
Come now, as if you’ve never made cracks about something silly a friend or yourself did back in the school days. It’s all a part of reflection; looking back and laughing about it. Besides, I’m sure Bennett and his friend and have joked about it before.
@ Dragdar (damn you, not-working reply button!)
Yeah, sure when a kid does it, there shouldn’t be an issue. But I think you missed the part where that character sheet was his father’s. As in a full grown man more than likely in his late 30′s early 40′s. THIS makes it a bit different.
Well, then according to you, it’s ok for a white kid to be proud of who he is but an adult should be ashamed of himself and his kind (or should hide it)
Who’s politics, Who demands such a state of mind. You? Me? Media? Other races? Leading figures?
Who benefits from imposing quilt on who we are since before we are born? I’m sure you don’t, Im sure i don’t… but someone does.
Being a self-hating animal is a dangerous self-destructive thing, the world will walk all over you and use you (therein lies the benefit).
The implications are beyond the two European wars.
To be anti-racist is to be anti-white. because we are the ONLY ones who don’t benefit from such political engineering slander words. everyone else gets to ride the gravy train (the political class included).
In 50 years, Africa will still be 99% black, Asia will still be 99% asian… they forge their own fate (rightfully so) ., where will Indo-Europeans fit into the picture. Forced into extermination ?!
There is no “race problem” or “tolerance problem” with a supposed melting pot solution.
the problem is that we want to be left alone and keep our cultural identity but aren’t allowed to do so.
I demand that right for myself and my kind. Haven’t others done so?
I’m sure this concept is a bit harder for a white American to understand you have been conditioned much more.
Damn that campaign would have being full of shit. :P
Thanks for sharing. That was so funny. XD
Oh wait, where’s the double rainbow?
If the manure can turn anything into manure, wouldn’t everything eventually turn into manure? If you turn a plant into manure, surely the earth will turn into manure, as will the farmer that stands on it.
How fast is this process?
I like to think of it as a slow, Cronenbergian transformation, where the recipient can watch the slow, steady, monsterous transition from flesh to fecal matter, slowly losing their minds as they succumb to shit for brains syndrome.
Spoony maybe you should make a vlog about your thoughts on the new D&D edition, whose playtest is coming this spring:
Dont forget about the Double Double :D….. or how about a Double dragon
Did we just discover the origin story of Masterpiece Fanfic theatre?
Now you are making me think of the webcomic Erfworld, which answers the age old question: what would a crap golem look like (its a real thing)?
The answer is Daleks, and a T-Rex. That is what Crap golems look like.
And to activate them, that is when it gets really good.
Technically, Sith lightning can be used (for good) as a fantastic anti-droid weapon. Being attacked by battle droids? Short the little bastards out, mop up any non-droid combatants with your lightsaber and head to the nearest cantina for some spice and a round of blue milk.
You HAVE to record a campaign with all this crap in it. YOU HAVE TO.
I suspect that in the FFX-X2 review will have a crossover with Bennett the Sage.
Why else would he even be in Spoony’s home? They’ve never done a video together outside of their hotel reviews. I also pretty sure they live in different states.
My question: why can’t Sage just green screen himself into the review in the editing phase? It would have saved Bennett a plane ticket and a load of inconvenience. Maybe he’s just visiting, and decided to help Spoony out while in town.
Or maybe I should just shut up.
I think sage is just there for an anime crossover episode not FF X-2 but I could be wrong as well. I just seem to recall spoony mentioning something bout him doing another anime episode on his twitter feed.
Yes, but what about the green screen theory? Would Sage’s green screen insertion into the video look too obvious with a consumer level screen? Was it worth the price of a plane ticket to avoid this?
There are three sex-based d20 books that I know of: the Book of Erotic Fantasy, the Book of Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, and Nymphology. While there are no “spooge” golems in any of them, Nymphology has a Creamy Ooze; maybe that’s what you’re thinking of.
Now that’s just crazy.
Yeah, crazy enough to work…
I have yet to decide if that means “no weapons”, or “two hands attached to one wrist”. Would that make him triple, or even QUADRUPLE handed?
it means a hand attached directly to the shoulder joint :P
I’m thinking of rangers. My God.
nonono MONK Fury of blows past the +6 bab range
Believe it or not guys, but you are not the first people to invent a manure golem. There was one in a surreal Milo Manara graphic novel that’s name I can’t remember, somewhere in the early 90′s or late 80′s.
But why would you bother controlling flies when you can turn people into shit?
Saaaaage, what are YOOOOOOU doing here?
I know, I thought that too. Maybe he’s gonna do a review with him. Sage and Spoony are always good together.
This is the only Counter Monkey I’ve watched and it was just for Sage :p
I can imagine a giant guy poking a Hydra with a rapier. It is a hilarious image.
Heh. I made a character whos specialized. He built up everything for when he entered a specific class in a dwarf only book….and then he wielded double spiked tower shields while wearing plate armor. :P He could sleep in his armor and kickstand his shields to provide cover for his allies or just wade in and shield bash his foes. Ultimately before the campaign sadly ended prematurely he was going to be able to sleep in full plate, have 4/ adamantium DR, and pretty much be untouchable to any mortal being. :P Now if only I could get a group with a DM that either could handle lawful good alignments*dm normally ran call of cthulu*, or didn’t cheat*had a character in the campaign who he let get things he shouldn’t and cheated to get the best loot from the dungeon before we could even get to the treasure room* and I’d be set.
That will be the apocalypse, not a rapture, not major flooding, it will be the AGE OF MANURE!!!!!!
Spoony and Sage oh yeah!
oh i hope more videos like this are coming soon! i love them so funny
haha magic dog shit that moves!
i call upon the! the age of the manure.
There is an age old way of destroying a manure golem…
Dig a large pit
Line the pit with a very large bag
Taunt the manure golem so that it follows you and falls into the pit
Tie the edges of the bag’s mouth together
Pull it out of the pit
Leave it outside your neighbours front door
Set fire to the bag
Ring the doorbell
Anyhoo, I invented a sh*t elemental one time who’s main attack was to enshroud it’s victim in cr*p and suffocate them. I had them infest some caverns beneath waterdeep in which the players had become lost … :D
“How do you try out a magic dog-shit golem?”
Set it on fire and place it on your neighbors doorstep?
So… where was the giant double serated poison-tipped fork?
Talk about a “Shit for brains”!
hahaha you dont have a name to bleep out, but you probably should have blocked out his father’s name on the character sheet….
I made a half dwarven thief named Runglespunken Battlemasher who specialized in a double blow gun. I choked to death in my second encounter… :(
Umm? I’ve never played a mary sue. I want to now.
Just so you know Spoony, I hold you accountable for getting me interested in D&D when I have no way of playing it.
I actually made this profile just to be able to say that.
Similar to what he inadvertently did to me. I only briefly played D&D (Dragonlance to be more specific) many years ago in Jr. High, and Counter Monkey stories bring back all the silly moments for me and now I miss it and have no way of getting back to it.
I had to settle for getting into the Dragonlance books (starting with Chronicles, moving on to the Twins Trilogy next), which I’m grateful for and I have Spoony to thank for getting me into it, but I still blame him for bringing back my interest in D&D, heh.
It’s such a conflicting feeling thanking and blaming a person for something.
I love the fact that basically every D&D player has at least one story where crazy awesome stuff went down. Seriously, I love it. I know how Spoony’s mentioned some of his, and Bennet’s got his awesome character – but I do genuinely believe that every player has a crazy story. Mine is that I managed to catch a Minotaur that was being thrown at me, throw it back at my assailant, and then killed a demon by punching it in the face, all in one battle (this does become really funny when you find that my character was a half-elf argent, who only had a strength stat of 10 at the time).
Just remembered, In borderlands, there’s a double grenade. It’s a grenade that leaves another equally strong grenade on the ground.
Spoony I would vastly enjoy it if you were to do these videos every week. Might be asking a bit too much considering the material you have for this (ie. Memory and a limited amount of sessions from “X” number of years) but these are always fascinating tales to listen to.
So much so that I finally decided to cave and just go out and gather some friends and play D&D.
Wait, did Theodore Judson steal from this guy? In Fitzpatrick’s War numerous characters refer to the 21st century as ‘the Age of Shit’.
Keep up the Counter Monkey stories, love them.
BEHOLD THE LEGENDARY DOUBLE MANURE TIP NEEDLE: |
It turns people into shit and grants the user the ability to talk to flies and smell really bad. Good luck fighting with this without poking yourself.
On this episode itself, it was alright. It wasn’t that interesting but its not like it was bad. I can say I was smiling as I watched this but I’m not fully sure what the smile was for.
SEIZE THE BONE!
double hookshots! oh wait…
It can almost sound like some kind of cringe-worthy D&D pick-up line: “Hey there. You know, I specialised in the Large Bone…”
Though given the metaphor that would probably only work in gay bars.
spoony you look a little uncomfortable,you wern”t feeling well when you did this,But I injoyed seeing you as always, still love ya
Double throwing stars.
I was screaming DOUBLE TRIDENT
Gnome hook hammer is my favorite double weapon.
also, how was there no double rainbow joke in there?
spoony spoony…you don;t need to find a magic halberd..in fact if you get the money you can make one. I had a paladin who had a +2 or +3 Halberd of Bane. He took out a minotaur in two hits, and took out a zombie ogre in two hits. Also had a Ranger/Cleric who used a heavy flail…took out an owlbear in two hits(one round).
You should know the greatness of role playing and fitting a character to a weapon man XD
Close it was called the Pleasure Golem. It was made to be able to take the form of any humanoid male or female, cosmetic only. They were possessed of just a smallest amount of intelligance and wisdom to perform sex acts. But they were made of flesh. And also made quite interesting plot hooks within a story
There was such a thing as a double flintlock! Or rather, a double matchlock. It was an early Chinese handgonne. To offset the massive reloading times and awkward design of the early gonnes, they just attached one upside down to the other. When you fired one barrel, you flipped it upside down for the next shot! It’s in GURPS Low-Tech.
This reminds me of my early days of DnD… I started playing when I was about 13 as well, and I got hooked. So hooked, in fact, that when our games started to become fewer and farther apart, I began making my own homebrew games, using nothing but my wits for the rules and basing my campaign worlds off of video game universes. My most succesfull ones being the Legend of Zelda (yeah…), Final Fantasy: Tactics (…yeah…), and one I had mostly invented on my own set in a post-apocalyptic futur. Although greatly flawed, they we’re playable, and I often put in weird creatures or items by player request and for my own evil pleasure. My campaigns never really lasted long, but they were some memorable times.
I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in a long time great job guys. You were both clearly having a ball shooting this
On the odd-weapons front, our groups DMs would generally only place a few “useful” weapon items on purpose, so if someone used a halberd, they would find them now and again. The issue of finding weird type magic weapons in games like Neverwinter Nights though… yeah.
XD Hilarious. I always get a kick out of the Counter Monkey stuff, and this one was an absolute delight. Thank you, Bennet, for exposing us to these wonderfully bizarre weapon concepts. Your friend certainly was imaginative. Or emajinitiv. I find myself liking the idea of the poison-tipped fan for some reason. Could make for a good discreet weapon.
Oh, I came up with a nonsensical double weapon: Double NEEDLE! Why? Because.
I had to know.
I am not exactly sure how to submit fan art – or if its even possible – or if i did, if noah would be able to even see it. but ill post it here in this comment~
hey! i went and made a very simple 3D version of the double spiked club! :D – picture below
“Force CHOKE…for good” XD
All this talk about double and dual weapons reminded me of my friends character who dual wielded two handed double great axes with monkey grip and the only attacks he ever used were whirlwind and bullrush. He would just fucking decimate just about any group of mobs we encountered. Good times, good times…
I’m a new(ish) player, I played a lot when I was in primary school like.. 8? with bs rules..
Now i’m 18 and playing with better rules.
I’m writing up an entire My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Grimdark level 1 – level 20 Equestrian Campaign using Pathfinder and DnD3.5 for rules and classes..
cept i’ve allowed a lot
Races – Any pony, (Earth, Pegasus, Unicorn, Alicorn(pegasus Unicorn), Anything from the Bestiary(1,2,3 or monster manuals from any edition) all classes and all class arch types(cept prestige) and even the ability to write and create their own class.
Note, i’m only a noob as DM.. i’m not the DM we have someone else whos helping me with it.. trying to get more of the Australian My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic fans into DnD with a lot of freedom. Like you said ‘Clown Shoes” kinda rules.
i’m also a player and the “designer” (that selfish git that just wants play what he wants. D<)
I'm playing an Alicorn (-3 Str, +2 Dex, -3 Con, +2 Int, +2 Wis, +2 Char to base from rolls and some abilities) Magical Girl (Custom) (With stupid shit like FFX-2 Transform for x amount of rounds of my chose and get stupid shit for that.though i've balanced it to shit(at least I tried speaking to experienced dnd players)). In an Equestria is in Civil war Between (all fan BS, no spoilers) Princess Luna who is leading the New Union of Soviet Socialist Equestrian Republics(monarch figure head leading a Socialist Union?) against the current Monarchy lead by Princess Celestia, Princess Celestia will be a level 30th 4th Edition Psionist(spelling check?) which will be the final boss (should it turn out that way i'm giving a retarded amount of campaign freedom) fighting 20th level Pathfinder/DnD 3.5 edition characters. GG?
Stupid first time players doing stupid shit, ponies fighting civil war.
Thought i'd share some stuff for your amusement seeing your stories.
Edit 1: I finally realise how big a self indulgent dick I seam with this little post.. lol i'm an artist! :DD you're never understand me!! D<
No double-scythe? Yeah, it’s been done – the S shaped one, but try with both facing out, like a caliper. Hell yeah, call it the “KILL BEAK” or “DEATH HUG” (’cause it would look like bladed arms trying to hug… okay I’ll stop now)
Course you could use this guy as a boss battle. The only thing to change is it only talking to flies. Instead it should be able to communicate to humans, and sings opera.
“I AM THE GREAT MIGHTY POO, AND I’M GOING TO THROW MY…” well you get the idea.
conker’s bad fur day isa classic. and apart from that boss most of the humor is meant for adults
The double-weapon stuff reminds me of a player who used to play in our DSA(The Black Eye)-group, who was a notorious powergamer. Now, that´s not a bad thing if someone tries to make the most out of the possibilities given by the rules.
But his problem was: He didn´t know the rules! At least not nearly enough. Or just decided to ignore them.
He played a dwarf character and the DSA-rules are very specific about dwarfs, because DSA tries to provide a rather “realistic” medi-eval setting in which dwarves and elves are quite exotic characters. Concerning the dwarves: They can only handle equipment and gear specificially designed and made for them. Anything else delivers harsh penalties on attack-rating. What did he want to start with? A shield 12inches higher than the dwarf using it and a two-handed battleaxe twice as long. Why, argued he, should he be able to do that? Because he read a fantasy novel about dwarves and they could do it!
This resulted in lots of time spent arguing rather than playing, so we kicked him out of our group
One week later he wanted to join again. So we invited him over to clarify a few things for a fresh start. First thing he says: “Know what? Recently I played Final Fantasy IX again and the main character has a really cool-looking double-sword. So I decided to dump the dwarf, spend all his remaining XP in blacksmithing skills and let him manufacture a double-sword for my next character!”
1. Manufacturing weapons doesn´t happen at a snap of your fingers in DSA. Especially personalized and magic stuff requires several campaigns worth of effort…
2. There existed a quite similar weapon (essentially a quarterstaff with blades on it), which he didn´t want, because it was too weak for his taste (which it isn´t for anyone else).
3. Why on earth would a dwarf spend all his efforts and belongings on forging this weapon for a stranger he doesn´t know, who comes from a completely different country and culture and is a wanted criminal (as far as the plans for his new char had evolved)? And how? The in-game-auction-house? or mail-system?
=>We kicked him again. For good, this time
And we´re not 8-year-olds, so there´s no apology to be found in lack of maturity or something ;-)
I never liked that bennett guy because his monotone game reviews bore me to death and his expectations for games are way to high but he seems like a much livelier person in this video.
After seeing the artwork for these weapons, the gunblade´s suddenly a f***ing masterpiece.
Great video Noah. Nice crossover Bennett.
naah, you cannot outstupid Teh Gunblade, it was close tough
What about the Dog Cannon?
At this point in a campaign that had this shit in it, i would have grabbed one of these majic manure dogs, invented a spell that causes extreeme diarriah, and then used it on the dog to create the new ultimate weapon of devestation.
So, will you just spray the unmentionable fluid everywhere?
Or will you use the propulsion factor, and fire the dog like a bottle rocket?
Hey Noah, did you see Angry Joe’s review of the new X-COM strategy game. No, not the crappy squad shooter, the OTHER ONE!!!
That’s right, this one’s a strategy game. And unlike the squad shooter version, it stays faithful to the original, with all of the old enemies back.
Are you referring to Project Xenonauts?
I really hope they do it right! They have a really good shot.
No, it isn’t that. That does look cool though. Here’s a link.
You look like you’re feeling a lot better Noah. I can hear that old gusto in your voice that’s been missing for the last couple months
I am incredulous. Magic dog shit? …I..don’t…why?! WHY?!
Well, with the double club, one thing immediately comes to mind with how it would be wielded. Think American Gladiators…
You mean the giant Q-tip? Yeah i thought the same thing…
Dear god I love this episode. This is the thought level of a middle school age kid. This was done back years ago Bennet said. Kinda reminds me of a less mature Axe Cop..
I would use a double sling.
I loved all of this! Bennetts nameless friend is some kind of amazing comedic genius, and the Age of Manure is just a great thing! And the names are amazing. There is just something about them that seems funny. Hinsty David and Mr. Mockingham are my two new favorite heroes :-)
actually the double knife does exist.
The turd monster is a lethal weapon?
I’m getting too old for this shit!
No more Counter Monkey, bring us something old-school like you used to back in the days.
Well, it’d be hard to bring us something new-school like he used to do BACK in the days…
What? No Double Dire Flail?
btw Spoony, thanks to this video I am now going to be giving my players a ton of magic Picks and Ranseurs in my next game ;P
With Sage there methinks the conclusion to FF X-2 might be in the pipeline? :)
There wasn’t a splooge golem, but there is a splooge ooze called the “Creamy Ooze”. I’m sure you can figure out how that came about.
In lieu of regular randomized loot, my DM rolled straight up randomized riches (that is, gold and gems which could be more directly sold) at the player’s discretion.
This was especially useful for specialized fighters, and I adored the Double-sided Sword (think Darth Maul’s weapon, but as a regular sword) as my main weapon in D&D.
This afforded me some leeway in creating enchantments, because each side of the sword was treated as a separate weapon for the purposes of enchanting.
So, I ended up creating a sword with an Ice Enchantment on one end, and a Fire enchantment on the other, until I later found the shard of a broken Holy Avenger, and used that as the basis for one side of a new, more personalized weapon (I took damage every time it connected because I technically wasn’t Lawful Good, nevermind a Paladin. But it was more of a weapon for special occasions, like lich and demon slaying…which were surprisingly common once I got up around level 15).
It was an Eldritch Knight character (before we had the far more effective, and unfortunately broken, Duskblade) focused on keeping his magical and martial skills balanced.
He ended up serving a dragon of some sort before the campaign ended…it’s been a long time.
someone should make a neverwinter nights module about the age of manure! XD that would be so badass. if someone does seriously let us know.
I am not the person who drew this picture of the Manure Golem VS the double club, but i thought he should be recognized on this board.
how about double bomb?
we have triple bombs. they are called thermonuclear warheads
I could see a more realistic shit golem acting like the slugs from the
movie Slither. None of that turn people to shit stuff, but just sludging
itself around and spreading dysentery would be enough. If I wanted to
get cruel, I could give it a longing to return to the colon that
excreted it in the first place.
There are very few inherently bad ideas. There’s just an assload of bad implementations.
One thing that I never liked about D&D is that they never really
explored what kind of effect living in such a world would be like for
the human population. I mean, living in a stress ridden region like this
where any biological anomaly might be capable to laying waste to the
entire countryside is bad enough, but how could humans have evolved
significantly without substantial evolutionary benefits. Maybe I’m
overthinking it a bit, but the whole scenario seems inescapably
Yes, this realization came to me as I started creating my first serious D&D setting. How is it possible to imagine how a whole population would actually be like if they lived in such a world? You would have to take so many things into consideration. The most affecting one beeing: magic. Magic would enormously affect evolution. In most common D&D campaigns, how long has magic been present. If you can find 600 or 1300 year old elves for example, did they live in a world without magic? If not, what have people done with magic all these years? If they’ve visited the pantheon of the gods, have they also been far out into space? What would stop them from inventing great machines far more advanced than any we have in our world these days?
In other words, If you have races that can live for hundreds and hundreds of years, and also assuming they have family backgrounds (ancestors), what were the differences in evolution, and if not many, what is stoping these civilizations from evolving. They seem to have evolved similarly to humans from the middle ages of our world.
The only logic conclusion I have came to is: The world my players will be playing in will be fictional (which it really is :P). The world will actually be a program created by humans from planet earth (which it is in a way).
The players will actually be intelligent alien forms, captured by humans in the future. These aliens will be trapped and put asleep into a program similar to the matrix, where they will be made to believe that they were born as humans into the world of D&D. This D&D world will be a testing ground, for humans from planet earth, to study these alien subjects (the players) whilst they are bound in a prison of their mind, but at the same time, cooperative to a certain extent.
During the campaign, in the ‘real world’, more alien forms from the same origins as those of the players will be in search of their missing kin. These newly introduced alien ‘rescuers’ will also be captured by humans from planet earth (humans seeming to be higher evolved than this alien race). These newly captured aliens will also be put into the program, where they will be forced to play their new lives as great vilains, in an attempt to make both alien teams confront each other in the end. Since the newly introduced party of aliens (the search and rescue team) are pushed into beeing vilains, and therefore, taken away from most of their mind’s freedom, they will begin to rebel, and eventually catch on with the illusion. In the end they will attempt to secretly convince the players of their true origin. This should, hopefully, lead the players into dilemmas of choosing the ‘right thing to do’.
I’m sure this story is flawed in so many ways, and am posting it here with hopes of great amounts of critisizing from any one who has actually read this.
Yes, this realization came to me as I started creating my first serious
D&D setting. How is it possible to imagine how a whole population
would actually be like if they lived in such a world? You would have to
take so many things into consideration. The most affecting one beeing:
magic. Magic would enormously affect evolution. In most common D&D
campaigns, how long has magic been present. If you can find 600 or 1300
year old elves for example, did they live in a world without magic? If
not, what have people done with magic all these years? If they’ve
visited the pantheon of the gods, have they also been far out into
space? What would stop them from inventing great machines far more
advanced than any we have in our world these days?
In other words, If you have races that can live for hundreds and
hundreds of years, and also assuming they have family backgrounds
(ancestors), what were the differences in evolution, and if not many,
what is stoping these civilizations from evolving. They seem to have
evolved similarly to humans from the middle ages of our world.
The only logic conclusion I have came to is: The world my players will
be playing in will be fictional (which it really is :P). The world will
actually be a program created by humans from planet earth (which it is
in a way).
The players will actually be intelligent alien forms, captured by humans
in the future. These aliens will be trapped and put asleep into a
program similar to the matrix, where they will be made to believe that
they were born as humans into the world of D&D. This D&D world
will be a testing ground, for humans from planet earth, to study these
alien subjects (the players) whilst they are bound in a prison of their
mind, but at the same time, cooperative to a certain extent.
During the campaign, in the ‘real world’, more alien forms from the same
origins as those of the players will be in search of their missing kin.
These newly introduced alien ‘rescuers’ will also be captured by humans
from planet earth (humans seeming to be higher evolved than this alien
race). These newly captured aliens will also be put into the program,
where they will be forced to play their new lives as great vilains, in
an attempt to make both alien teams confront each other in the end.
Since the newly introduced party of aliens (the search and rescue team)
are pushed into beeing vilains, and therefore, taken away from most of
their mind’s freedom, they will begin to rebel, and eventually catch on
with the illusion. In the end they will attempt to secretly convince the
players of their true origin. This should, hopefully, lead the players
into dilemmas of choosing the ‘right thing to do’.
I’m sure this story is flawed in so many ways, and am posting it here
with hopes of great amounts of critisizing from any one who has actually
Maybe if magic was recently introduced into the world (by a meteor or something), and over a few generations, humans began evolving into magic sensitive elves.
Was this a Shitty episode?
The Counter Monkey series is fantastic. Absolutely fills me with delight every time I see that headline pop up on your site, Spoony. Hope to see tons more of these.
Double arrow! Difficult on the fingers and the string. Also, sex magic? #Blood sugar baby, she’s maaaagic, sex magic…#
Spooge golem, ejaculamus!
Wait a second, Golems are supposed to be immune to supernatural effects!
Rolls over your Neighbor’s Dog.
It’s better than bad, it’s DOUBLE GOOD!!!
Uhm, Spoony? Think you forgot to black out the guy’s name on the character sheet… Unless that’s not his name, but there’s a name in plain view right next to the character name…
It was said to be the fathers sheet but if the last names are the same that is still enough to make others clue in to who this came from.
We’ve all done shit like that. Back when I first watched Memento, I used the idea of a man suffering from amnesia and remembers everything through tattoos for a servitor of death in Deadlands: Hell on Earth.
Little known fact: Hinsty David would go on to pen the infamous FF7 fanfiction “Cloud Mows the Lawn!”
are we really going to go there?
unless you’re implying we need a double Kim Jong Il, in which case, that would be the most disturbing thing in the history of RPG’s.
(in case you didn’t know, according to official North Korean reports (i.e. they pulled it out of their a****s) his birth coincided with a double rainbow.)
and yeah, I was being facetious.
I have seen a Magic Glaive. But it wasn’t the usual Glaive. The guy who included it was a fan of Krull and well I think you know what was used from that tidbit. The Oddest double weapon I ever saw was a double bomb. One side had an explosive charge the other implosive. It was designed to give an effect like you see from the Black Hole spell in Final Fantasy games.
where can i get that shirt spoony?
The Age of Manure. Pure gold.
On another note, I never did an overpowered jedi in the West End Star Wars. I only played a pilot with his own team of weapons specialists and a secret inpenetrable base filled with the best ships of both the alliance and the empire.
Aaaand… those weapons fit right in with my brothers parody-RPG. I´ll suggest him to add double club for the “Kobold Role Playing Game” (In some regions of Sweden a “kobold” is an RPG-newbie who´s in it just for the violence).
The “Double Club” is the “American Gladiator” weapon, if you’ve ever watched them.. so it kinda ‘does’ exist.
I’ve never played D&D but I love counter monkey. I wonder if we can get spoony to write the worst game ever, guranteed hilarity.
DUDE I WANT YOUR SHIRT SPOONY!
I am German and I’m offended about Sage thinking all of us German like poop. :C Even Spoony did a serious face there when Sage said that.
THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED!
Oh, the poomanity!
Hey there, pal! Are you bored? Why not join the Double Club?!
Double hammers, double rapiers, double sickles. All of the double fun a man can legally have. Join up with the Double Club today!
Sounds awesome. Where do I sign? :D
It’s very simple, you just have to fill in this double form.
Don’t forget to sign it twice.
Double Gun Blade…..
Spoony is going to hate that.
Dear lord the manure golem sounds like the worst enemy for a party of mostly melee. this is so funny to watch and glad to see another Counter Monkey.
*shivers* Such a horrible way to die.
You gotta give me your sheet, dude.
*Game Over! Poopality!*
Even tough the weapons are lolsy I don’t think Double weapons are dumb. It is a Fantasy RPG where magic exists and pretty much everything can happen. I hate the notion that every magic weapon needs to be a sword. I love swords but I always thought why not have a magical flail for example.
The whole attitude that “a D&D/rpg setting musst follow a certain guidelines and can’t do certain things” is very limiting on imagination. That is why I loved games like Gurps, where you could do anything, or RIFTS where crazy and imbalanced was normal. This elitist thinking is what is hurting Pen & Paper RPGing. A Shit-Golem could be a terryfying monster if done right. And some monsters are supposed to be funny! The Sexual D&D book you talked about, is Nymphology and its quite entertaining. We actually used some of the material and it was hilarious. Not all RPG-Groups are looking for a serious epic dramatic experience. Some Groups dont take it as seriously. This was a funny episode, but I feel it was on the expense of others. As you said Spoony, everyone has done lolzy material for the RPG Games, so I think it would have been fairer to look at more of your own or Benneth failures. Then again I couldnt help but find it funnyAlso you can read the name of the person on the character sheet, just so you know
At the beginning of almost all editions of (A)D&D it says that the source material and rules are a guide and by all means exceed/change them if you wish.
It’s the players and DMs who limit themselves to the material and start quoting rules about this that and the other at each other.
The only thing you need to stick with in A(D&D) – infact any RPG – is world consistency. I.e. stay within your own sensible rules that you’ve set for the world/mythos that you’re playing in.
That’s the way I’ve always DM’d and it’s worked.
I couldn’t of say it better man, amen brother! :)
final fantasy x-II?
Why would Germans like poop?
Because we produce pretty f*cked up porn that we never mention in our mainstream media because that would make our crusade against violent video games and movies a bit hypocritical :D !
Perhaps a reference to Hitler’s scat fetish as well?
He was Austrian, so I guess no XD
He wanted to bone Ella Fitzgerald?
The Age of Manure, where the proud Manure Kings ruled over the Kingdom of Manuria!
And how can you introduce bones, large bones and a bone sword as weapons without making a bone-chuck XD ?!
And what’s weird about double weapons is that you can use them like a one-handed weapon. That’s basically like swinging a halberd one-handed with additional weight on the end, not to mention that using a double mace like that would be suicide Oo
Ah, all this talk of Double Weapons reminds me of 8-bit thearter and how fighter wanted to dual weild Sword-Nun-Chucks!!! Besides that, this was pretty cool…it’s fun to see other people get in on the d&d conversations!!!!
I seriously loved this, I laughed till I cried!!
Fuck yes, new Counter Monkey!
*Spoken by the Sierra games narrator, in his golden, honeyed tongue*
“Oh my, that is one monolithic golem…PEW, that smells awful. Be careful of his touch, King Graham.”
I could totally get into this:
double glaive, double poleaxe, double chakrams (Chakras?), double machete, double teller mines, double mortar, double helmet, double dildo, double flying monkeys, double rage monkeys, double scythes, double scissors, double tanks, double plastrons (yes, plastrons are an actual piece of armor), double bazookas, double panzerfausts. double RPG’s, double Ohka bombs (it’s a real kamikaze weapon), double Hanzo Hasashi (i.e Scorpion from MK), double Kunai (scorpions weapon of choice) double spoons, double bricks, double manure gollums, double crosses (lame, I know), and so on.
ooh, and double manure sticks.
How about double nunchucks with double knifes at both ends?
Oh, and I think there actually ARE double crossbows – although they are more like two crossbows on top of each other.
no, I meant literally, two crosses (crucifixes).
and I thought both other weapons were mentioned in the episode. but yeah, totally need those :D
Okay, then how about double sword-chucks?!
yep. totally need those too. seriously we could make a business out of this :P
how about double tasers? double mace cans?
Who needs double tasers if you can bing together FOUR wands of lightning bolt XD ?!
Oh my god what is this! We should spam his ass.
Meh, not really worth the effort. I already regret looking at the first few minutes and giving this guy another view for his incoherent trolling and attention whoring.
I especially like how he responds to every comment within the same hour it is posted, apparently he is sitting in front of his computer constantly refreshing his comments page. Maybe he is trying to do a parody, but this is the internet, and I can’t even tell anymore most of the time.
Who is this weirdo and why does his recording equipment suck?
Them again, maybe he will take care of himself. The plastic bag he’s wearing as a cape is getting pretty close to his mouth…
It took me all of 11 seconds to realize that that wasn’t worth pursuing any further, and 7 of those were spent going “What the fuck is he wearing on his face?”
He looks like an emo Borg.
As funny (and somewhat shameful like I said earlier) as this counter monkey was, I think you guys should really brush up on your biology. I mean, WTF Dude?! “You specialize, you die”? Darwin never said that highly specialized species are inherently disadvantaged. In fact, specialization is one of the driving forces of evolution. Take cordyceps (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuKjBIBBAL8) for example. They’re a type of mushroom that zombify various insects. Each different cordycep species infects one specific insect species and yet cordyceps thrive. Sage, next time try not to pull a Darwin quote straight out of your ass. It might just take a life of it own and make you look foolish (teehee poo golem humor).
Guess it’s more like “You can’t adapt, you die”: If you can only infect one specific type of insect, and that insect goes extinct, you have some slight problems if you can’t become a little less picky.
The Dyslexic Manure Golem story was lololol.
here’s the answer to everyones question of why sage is filming in spooney’s house
Well, that makes MY post irrelevant…
hahaha gota be quick on the draw bud :)
Just saw Sage’s latest review. KNEW IT!
Also, this explains why the FF-X2 review was delayed again. They are currently working together on an anime called “Diatron 5″.
Wait, wouldn’t the entire world have turned to poop the first time one of those dogs took a dump?
Spoony, Pathfinder has a double crossbow
It shoots two bolts at one target.
i thought this video was pretty bad tbh.. waits for the hate comments..
The club has been doubled!
I am waiting for his vlog/review on The Devil Inside…o-o
Wow this was great! Wished I’d caught it on earlier!
Sage’s friend here he described and from these sheets sounds like the kind of person I’d been friends with in school. Well, another good place to find a monster made of living shit is the original Wanted comic and one of the many reason I hated that movie for being different than the book! Also they aren’t unusual in mythology! One of the ingredients of Humonguli is horse crap!
That is a good question! I never could wrap my head around how in a world where there is some sort of magic thing that if it touches something it either dies or turns into another substance and how come everything isn’t turned!?
I’m pretty sure at this point almost every creature or character from any fantasy or sci-fi movie as been turned into a D&D character! I’m pretty to Spoony’s horror some girl out there has turned Twilight characters into characters or a creature type! :P
I don’t know if this was mistake or not but you didn’t blur or cover up your friend’s dad’s name of his character sheet! Also, I’m find it funny that this isn’t the 1st Nazi Elf I’ve heard of… int he past Month!
It must just be because I’ve read too many manga and animes but a lot of those cheesy and badly draw over-sized I cans ee working! In the Manga version of Vampire Hunter D Vol 3 the big brothe rint hat clan of vampire hunters’s weapon wasn’t a giant hammer like in it’s anime adapt (Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust), but a giant silver stake! Basically a BIG ass silver log with a point on both ends that he swung around like it was a baseball bat and gabbed and stabbed at vampires with. This thing was shown to be about twice as big around and long as some of the other characters! Also I can say that I see it working because of Rouroni Kentin and that guy in it with the Giant Sword!
So have ya’ll filmed the next Anime Abandoned yet or was this after ya’ll were done!?
Double Volleyball :)
Ah, nothing like looking back at the old gaming folders. I’ve still got most of mine around somewhere or another, usually a binder for each new campaign or period of gaming, though the last couple of years it’s been divided mostly into D&D and Star Wars, with the smaller campaigns finding a way into the smaller of the two binders.
Never went the manure route, but I did have the Chibi golem at one point several years ago. Picture something that looked like Dejiko from Di Gi Charat (and was about the same size), that was wandering around a dungeon crying for its mommy, with real tears even! Once a hapless PC got close enough to it, they were charmed into trying to comfort it. When they hugged it, it hugged back, grappling to them and not letting go until they were crushed or somehow managed to wiggle free. If it was damaged during a hug, or if the PCs managed to resist the temptation to hug it, the golem would start screaming and crying (a tantrum, basically), that dealt sonic damage, and would cause it to berserk, pounding the nearest ‘meanie’ with its fists. May have to bring this one back someday…once wasn’t enough, lol.
Oh, and just because my buddy and I said them after watching:
Also, if you want to see the hazards of a double javelin/spear (especially when used improperly), I suggest you view Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. Great movie.
That was really funny! I died laughing!
If only Mr. Mockingham had realized Hinsty’s madness an put him down right then an there. Then maybe the Age of Manure could have been prevented.
Indeed. If only… hundreds of lives could have been saved.
You know. This reminds me of Metal Gear Solid 3.
With that one dream about these machines that shoots missiles made out of shit that turns everything into shit.
Oh and, you really should have barred out the names of the people on their character sheets.
Seriously, that’s what I thought of as soon as I heard the concept of the shit golem turning other things into shit. Thank you, Sigint.
By the way. Time for me to add a magical double morning star relic in a dungeon for players to find!
OO! OO! Anyone say double lance yet?
Why only a double club??
Why not a twenty sided club????????????????????
It could function as a giant murderous koosh ball from hell!
Next generation warfare: Double Siege Weapons.
I give thee… THE DOUBLE TREBUCHET! DOUBLE RAM! DOUBLE SIEGE TOWER!
I know it’s off topic, but PLEASE DO STAR TREK…Doug is no good at it!
Jesus Christ I’ve already seen this video five times. When Spoony starts the “I made a golem out of shit!” and Bennet starts laughing is awesome, one of the best things I’ve ever seen on the Experiment.
Long-time viewer, first-time poster. There actually was a “double spear.” It was used during the Crusades by the Syrians, I believe. Due to its clumsy nature, it was used more for intimidation purposes than actual combat.
Back in the day, my old roleplaying group (we were playing DSA or ‘the Dark Eye’ as it is known overseas; think of it as the german version of D&D) had an encounter with what our GM called a ‘trash elemental’, though ‘trash golem’ would’ve been more appropiate, although there are no golems in DSA to my knowledge.
This massive, formless mass of garbage attacked us in the middle of town and we had to retreat to a keep of the Cult of Praios (the highest god in the pantheon of twelve gods) and shut ourselves in.
Now that thing came flowing up the walls and started grabbing people from the walkway with tentacles made from refuse and crushing them. Physical attacks didn’t work, most of the clerics weren’t much help and we were short on magic (DSA is very low-powered in this regard – a wizard who can throw a fireball once in a while is already pretty impressive), so we had to think of something.
Now me and player of the swordswoman discussed this problem: How do you get rid of a garbage golem?
“Well how do you get rid of garbage” she asked, “You clean it up, of course” I replied.
What do you use to clean up? Water!
So we called up to the people on top of the walls to pour water on the garbage and went on to collect as much water as we could.
One of our dwarves interpreted this a little differently from the rest, “I’ve gots me water!” he exclaimed, pulled down his trousers and pissed on the creature below.
Despite the surprised looks of the clerical apprentices, it actually worked, though it was not nearly enough.
When the other dwarf in our group (brothers in-game, best friends out-game) saw this, he started to chant “Piss on the trash! Piss on the trash!”, which is still a running gag in our group to this day.
In the end, the countless buckets of water from the keeps’ fountain that we dumped on it were what saved the day, but peeing on it probably did help a little.
And this is how we defeated the terrible Garbage Golem.
If Bennett is trying to protect his friend’s anonymity, why didn’t Spoony black out his friend’s NAME from the CHARACTER SHEET?
Unless it’s a fake name?
I believe Bennett said it was his friends’ dad who played that character, although in that case they’d still share the same last name.
That wasn’t Bennett’s friend’s name; that was his friend’s father’s name.
Gopher-chucks. I want to specialize in gopher-chucks.
HAHA! THE CLUB HAS BEEN DOUBLED! How many points do I receive?
So, this magic dog shit turns anything it touches into more shit. Brown goo?
for Double weapons the best I have ever encountered was the Double Bloodthirster Flail which was a stick with two greater Demons of Khorne the chaos god of Blood and war tied on the end, it was both Hilarious and hyper lethal
Double Damn Fools!!!
spoony how about double gun blade :)
It smells so rotten that only by adding a ‘w’ to the front of the word could one possible capture the abject nastiness of the smell of the manure golem!
Anyone know what size shirt spoony wears?
I got to admit, these counter monkey videos are really interesting, mostly because I’m a huge western RPG fan. Even though I’ve never played D&D in my life (and I really love to play with a group of people) I know what he is talking about, except for specific rules and technical stuffs.
Sadly I’m currently living in Japan, and you know how obscure western RPGs are in
this country. I downloaded a character sheet and bought some dice for myself, just to have a glimpse of what feels like to play a tabletop RPG.
What surprise me are the fact that how these tabletop RPGs allow such diversity and
freedom to the player, and how current RPGs attempt to replicate that experience while making that experience streamlined. In my opinion, they are getting very close to it. RPGs like Skyrim and The Witcher 2 really ramped up modern RPG standards.
A lot of old school RPG players may say modern RPGs are not as deep and complex
as PC RPGs of the 80s and 90s, and I partially agree. I do think combat
mechanics haven’t been evolved much since the last decade, but in terms of storytelling
and immersion, I think they have surpassed most of old-school RPGs.
One personal question to you guys: I’m 21 years old Japanese, and my first language is also Japanese. I’ve lost interest in JRPGs in general, and I play both old and modern western RPGs regularly. Am I weird? Do you think I’m too nerdy for my nationality? Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of what I am, but I just want to know people’s impressions toward me.
actually, Necro… not that weird. I get tired of american versions of rpgs, and it works both ways , no matter where you are, what you grow up with can get boring.
You’re Japanese?! Don’t take this the wrong way, but I never would’ve guessed! Your English is very good, man.
Meh, wouldn’t say you are weird, we all go through change of tastes in our lives.
Plenty of stuff I used to enjoy when I was younger I no longer care about or much about because I either outgrew it or it no longer holds much appeal to me because of the changes done to it (Star Trek, Transformers and various other stuff)
It may be a bit unusual in your country as from what I know of Japan they aren’t very big into Western games, especially D&D and other kind of Western RPGs but I am sure you are not the only one who likes it.
Not any online group of Japanese Western RPG enthusiasts which you can gang out with and perhaps play sessions with?
Thing is and I hope you don’t take offense of what I am writing is that I never considered JRPGs to be really role playing games, yeah you level up by gaining experience, improve some skills but they are still so very limited and railroading for the player, it leaves little room for the unexpected as that would break the game.
The games on the consoles I consider stat-action/adventure games rather than real RPGs.
Story telling has improved in Western RPGs on the computer but like physical played RPGs the story still depends on how good the writer is and I feel the quality has really been dropping since the 90s as the development studios are going for ‘epic and cinematic’ rather than ‘personal and involving’, using cheap stunts like romancing other characters to give the people that personality development is really deep.
Actually, I knew an open-minded person like you would say I’m not nerdy, because people would say weird only because it is unfamiliar to them. When they know what it is or why they are accepted in certain communities, every hobbies are legitimate. Even gambling can be reasonable if done right.
How do you play table top games on the web? I can imagine using skype, but people may cheat on dice roles and such.
What do you mean by “physical played”? Also you got to give some examples if you gona prove your point. I’m guessing that you are talking about Bioware games. Am I right?
There’s a lot of RPG forums on the web where people just roleplay. I happen to belong to one myself, we have a dice roller program exactly for this kinda deal, once the dice have been rolled in the posted comment, it can’t be changed. I could give you the link if you’re interested.
Perhaps I wrote it wrong, with physical I meant non computer RPGs, you know with sheets, dices, pencils, miniatures, and so on.
The games you play with people in person and where a quest has some bigger freedom to react when an unusual situations happens (you come up for example with a solution for a quest that was not anticipated).
Well I thought more that the internet could help you find people in the neighborhood who organize sessions which you can join, not really playing the game really ‘online’
But as Tom Regev just brought up, apparently there are means to play old ‘fashioned’ RPGs through the net.
I guess it can work as long as everyone stays honest and doesn’t cheat during sessions.
I would love to see that program myself.
It’s integrated into the forum, it’s not really a downloadable thing, but here’s the link anywhozzles: http://s4.zetaboards.com/Reality_Reforged/index/
Evolution favours specialization.
Candy corn dagger, yes.
I wish I had the character sheet of my first custom made PC. It was a shit-knight, sort of like a dark paladin but with a spellbook all the way to 9th circle. He had an unholy version of lay hands that basically made you release your bowels. The more vicious of the spells were geared towards making you ill from cancer to boils to liquifying your organs. I believe my DM friend helped me with some creative things like making a living shit elemental made of feces and disease. It was as pretty shitty class, but it was my shitty class!
Saddened that there aren’t more of these. Just finished a marathon of all the Counter Monkey videos :(
A golem made from magic dog shit. It sounds like something Insano would make if he was an alchemist instead of a scientist. ROFL
Alchemy is a real science, you…!
I actually made an Insano in Pathfinder using the Artificer class…it worked a lot better than it had any right to…
Bennett look insanely uncomfortable when he’s silent.
Really? A whole episode about crap golems, and not one mention of The Great Mighty Poo? Not even as the end credits or something?
I am disappoint, Spoony. Very disappoint.
I’m surprised we didn’t have that scene from Caddyshack where the rich kid yells “DOUBLE TURDS!”
I am totally using the manure golem for a campaign! I have a person named Joe in my group so I plan on trying to turn him into manure.
Comeon dude. You missed the best weapons. Double halbeard. Double needle. Double Log. Double Bow. Double fan. Double plank of wood. Double Manure golem.
Would a double log be kind of like a longer log, or like a cross?
Umm, Spoony…it may be a little late to fix this, but the guy’s name is totally visible when you show the Half-Elf character sheet…it wasn’t blanked out or anything
Next up, you should review world of warcraft: The RPG. Yes, the one that takes after fourth edition.
I kinda got a point on the weapon specification thingy, a good dm won´t fill in the loot table completely until he knows who is going through his dungeon and why. If needed, a good dm would even make a story hook for an “improved version” of a specialist fighters weapon or perhaps just a powerup of sorts within the dungeon. In my personal opinion, the dm´s role is to challenge and entertain his players, not narrow down their choices and options for their alter ego characters :3 but hey, that´s just my 10 cents.
But wait a second, if the Manure Dogs’ poop turns everything (living OR non-living, it’s specified in there) into manure, and the resulting manure shares the same power, wouldn’t it mean every time one of those drops a deuce it would basically turn the entire planet into excrement? Like the crap turns the soil into crap, and that soil turns the next patch of soil into crap, and it keeps growing exponentially in some sort of dookie epidemic.
Nah, It only makes it into normal manure.
I’m surprised no one made the joke of a racist playing a grand wizard.
Or how he’s a half breed when they’re all about racial purity. I’m surprised that didn’t come up
I thought the way Bennett introduced it WAS the joke about the racist playing a half-breed. He put extra emphasis on “Half-elf” and “Arian” (Notice that the racist assbag couldn’t even spell Aryan correctly), before pointing out that the guy was racist.
Seriously, these rpg stories are frickin hilarious. I’ve played rpg’s off and on for 25 years and this is some of the best tabletalk i have ever encountered. Thanks Spoony!
I can’t remember if I commented on this already, but I just remembered – one of the highlights of my first campaign character was that our group killed an astral kraken (and ended up poisoning an entire town for like 50 years before of it) by throwing a giant bomb at it – maybe killing krakens is some obligatory cool thing to do?
Wizards/Mages in D&D are quite capable of manipulating objects without directly touching anything.
FYI: It’s ‘golem’, a mythical construct. Not ‘gollum’, the tragic character from Lord of the Rings.
BRB creating Head-weapon focused class.
Double Manure rod
It hurts to laugh.
Spoony you have to get Bennet to raid that guy’s D&D binder and bring it back. The spelling alone is worth it!
Those were some pretty poor and unimaginative weapon concepts.. I mean, not a single triple weapon.. its hard to believe that a single person survived the age of manure without one.
But seriously, watching this made me remember, and cringe at, my own terrible additions from when i was young. I made a damn good reworking of a magic system once but other than that it was a mass of ideas so bad the manure golem would look golden in comparison.
I guess I was more imaginative, then…not much, though.
I don’t know if anyone else ever did this, but in middle school my friends and I would spend our lunch break in the remotest area of the school and pretend we were in a console RPG like Final Fantasy. You know, standing in a line, running up to invisible enemies and attacking them one at a time. Even nerdier than D&D, most would argue.
Anyway, I somehow managed to conceive of a quadruple lightsaber, obviously influenced by Darth Maul’s double lightsaber. It looked like a glorified + sign that must have been damn-near impossible to wield in reality. I think I must’ve realized this since we had it used as a throwing weapon instead, like some kind of laser shuriken. Good times! To this day, we still enjoy playing traditional tabletop RPGs together. Long live the nerds!
P.S. Yeah I know. Shame on me for replying to an 8 month old topic. But I just discovered Counter Monkey and honestly, I can’t think of a better way to waste time. Brings up so many fond memories…
The best weapon concept is without a doubt 8-bits Theater’s SWORD CHUCKS !
As a biologist the guy’s argument that Darwin said, “You specialize you die” is so wrong that it actually sucked the funny out of the video :(.
Specialization into new niches is actually one of the BEST methods of success for a population.
I think you’re looking at things a little too narrowly. Yes, specialization is an effective survival strategy. However, overspecialization breeds in weakness. The more specialized an organism is, the less likely it will survive when a sudden change occurs in its environment. Being fit for your environment only works so long as your environment doesn’t alter drastically.
That’s not specialization you’re describing, it’s adaptation. To specialize literally means to do one thing and not adapt. Organisms adapt to their environment, but if they have too specialized a function, they’ll die out if their function is no longer useful to their environment. Or they adapt, and develop new functions, which is the opposite of specialization.
probably one of the funniest golems I’ve heard of since the sexual organ golem from CVRPG
I have to say, I haven’t laughed that hard at a DnD story since “The Head of Vecna” (see here: http://www.blindpanic.com/humor/vecna.htm
Sage’s real voice is much deeper than characters he does.
“Steve Wharton” way to respect privacy Spoony.
“Blue Magic brings whole new uses to grease and enlarge.”
A double spear could actually be pretty good. Pretty cool, at least.
As to a double flintlock… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nock_gun
In The World’s Largest Dungeon, we came into a large supply of poo (do not ask how), and the deviant, necromantic sorceress used it to make mud golems, which she called Fecaloids. It was a funny side-story until the first time they were employed in a battle.
So, we sent them into the room, and then the GM asked what they do, when we realised that mud golems have a spray attack that spreads mud everywhere. Poo mud.
Our characters closed the door, stared at the sorceress and never opened it again.
Double poison needle!
We drink to our youth, to the days come and gone.
For the age of maure is just about done.
We’ll drive out the golems, and restore what we own.
With our blood and our steel, we will take back our home.
Down with David, the animator of shit,
because of his actions everything went to shit.
We’re the children of Faerûn and we fight all our lives,
and when the outer planes beckon, every one of us dies.
Well in D&D based video games double sided weapons & dual wield weapons work out fine, especially if the loot is based off your specialization.
Laughed so hard at the Poop Golem & pronouncing the misspellings.
Double Club… What does it mean?!?!??!?!
Someone needs to make a campaign about The Age of Manure
I was yelling “Double Staff!” hoping they’d come up with it.
Double halberd would be awesome too.
Also that picture of a log totally looked like a penis 8B
I recently started up a campaign… and used the manure golem when the campaign tried to go off the rails.
Just image swinging a double-club, you would hit yourself into the jaw, when you do that!
Also a double-whip is for masochists.
I’d specialize in throwing double-halflings.
Whoa, did Sage play D&D with Tom Six?
Lol, the home-brew monsters.
Best… thing… ever XD
Ah the age of Manure. I remember it well. Not one of our proudest eras…
Hey, wait….single protractable blade? Assassin’s Creed, anyone?
And that is why the Mages guild places a two drink limit on mages.
And it’s also the result of a mage interpreting the “two drinks” as “two pints o’ vodka”.
this is really awesome i wish spoony and these guys video one of their games live as spoony as GM :D
if flies do nothing but eat shit, and the shit turns anything that touches it in to shit, then how can there be any flies left?
This was hilarious. Too hilarious. Seriously. I wasted a perfectly good cigarette because I was laughing too hard to get a single decent drag.
Secret cancer prevention specialist.
Double Quarterstaff, think about it, it’s just a super big stick
Or a big wooden cross
let’s face it–double weapons mean you’re trying too much. a quarterstaff is about as far as you can get before people start rolling their eyes at you.
A few weeks ago, a bunch of fish died in a lake about 60 miles away from where I live and the rains stirred up some bacteria on the lake bed. The smell was so powerful not only could we smell it 60 miles away, but there were reports about it over 200 miles North of me, past Los Angeles.
Those weapon concepts remind me of my childhood days when I thought “double-edged sword” means a sword that actually has two blades. I did draw that too, with two blades coming from the same end of the hilt in a V-shape.
I’m leaving an artifact weapon somewhere in a future campaign. It’s going to be a Brilliant Energy +4 Double Club with the power to double anything once per day and is baneful to shit golems.
But… Having both dark and light side powers are canonical in both Old Republic and after the movies…
See: Kyle Katarn, Revan, The Student from Jedi Academy, etc…
Haha I just have to respond to the magical halberd comment, since in my first ever game of D&D I was a Dwarven axe fighter who discovered an artifact called the Doom Halberd. It’s a +3 Halberd with a 50% chance to deal 2D3 fire damage and a 15% chance to stun the target.
Upon finding it, I immediately switched from the two-handed axe and started specializing in halberds for the rest of the game. I never found a better weapon to replace it, totally worth the cost of re-specializing.
I completely lost my shit at the part where they called Mr. mockingham to come and celebrate the creation of the manure golem. :D:D
LoI ive never played a table top rpg. But I laughed so ard at the poop-monsters backstory.
I kind of want to play, but discreetly so none of my friends find out. Is there like a website th you can play online.
Guys…guys. Guys. Guys listen. I have the best idea. Guys, listen. I have the best idea ever. Guys. I’ll get a DOUBLE…guys, double…I’ll get a DOUBLE…guys, listen here…
I’ll get a DOUBLE double club.
the double anchor
I love that the kid actually detailed the backstory for the golem… Most people don’t get into that much detail for anything but a boss monster.
There’s something really funny about a Neo-Nazi playing a game involving golems…
Best double weapon ever… The double ballista.
Hmm, actually… I did run into some magic halberds in Baldur’s Gate. :) Then again, that game had awesome “DMs” :)
Double wooden plank
I didn’t notice before… But why in hell did the level 2 wizard have a 16 strength?
luck of the dice?
The guy was a racist and he still played a half-elf…he really didn’t get what the name of the race implied, did he?
Isn’t a double club known as a quarterstaff? Just saying.
Huh. Spoony spotted that as well. Just goes to show that great minds think alike…
And mine eventually catches up to the crowd!
Just a thought about exotic weapons: Wouldn’t a good DM just alter the available loot to fit his party? I mean, realistically, when would you ever find a magic fucking megaphone, or a gun-arm, or a 6-foot great sword in a random cave? You wouldn’t (Ok, maybe the sword, but seriously, Cloud’s weapon is ridiculously huge and unwieldy, no one, realistically, would use it), but because you had characters who used them as weapons, Final Fantasy VII made sure they were available treasures. Is it really so weird a concept to, say, replace all magic staves with double-swords? (Assuming no one in the party uses a staff, obviously)
Ok… Maybe not a double-sword. Cuz, that’s a fucking stupid weapon. But why not magic nunchaku?