Counter Monkey – The Toilet Pizza

The Spoony One | Oct 24 2011 | more notation(s) | 

A story of the meanest, most depraved thing I’ve ever done to another human being. And I’m not proud of it, but it is pretty funny.

  • Magdalen O’Reilly

    Hahaha oh my God why did you guys keep going back to that Pizza place!? So wrong and yet so funny. You’re a bad man, Spoony! XD

  • Kevin Lee

    There’s nothing funny about cleaning public bathrooms. Ugghghghghh…*Sideshow Bob Shiver*

  • Totem of Low Bap

    Sometimes life drives you to become Randal Graves…

    *shrugs shoulders*

  • João Henriques

    I can’t see the whole video

  • João Henriques

    I can’t see the whole video. It stops at big mike gets up

  • Tmpp

    The way you describe those pizzas it’s no wonder you have heart problems! Goddamn. That’s the kind of fast food that you eat and then you can hear your heart’s vessels commit suicide before they’re gangraped by all the cholesterol.

    • Anonymous

      His heart problems have nothing to do with cholesterol. His problem is that his heart is quite literally too big which causes problems if it expands. He was presumably born this way, no matter what he ate.

      • Tmpp

        You go to The Spoony Experiment and can’t recognize sarcasm? How is that even possible?

        • Anonymous

          There is nothing in your post indicating that you knew the specifics of Spoony’s condition, no matter if it was written in a sarcastic tone or not.

          • Tmpp

            Except the fact that I knew he does have heart problems. In every vlog he’s described them he has also elaborated on the details. But anyway, sorry for jeering, I’ll drop it.

  • sam murden

    Yeah, the video isn’t exactly loading…

    • Anonymous

      Same here. :(

  • Anonymous

    These stories are pure gold. May I please have another?

  • Anonymous

    That was horrible. You were a bad, bad man.

  • spookydonkey03

    poke-ee-mans. fuckin funny dood. 

  • Lazar Gruev

    It would’ve been nastier if you came out shouting “pizza time!”…

  • JT Cano

    hey spoony do you ever/still hang out with these guys?

  • Barry

    disgusting, but funny as hell.

  • Anonymous

    More Counter Monkey ! the narration is so much fun.

    – lol who else but the fatass would fall for a 5 month old pizza, he didn’t even care it was dry like powder. moral of the story: don’t eat other ppl’s food.

    – the reason the pizza stayed so preserved is because of additives added to prolong food’s shelf life (though the grease could have played a factor)

  • jake

    These stories are purest win and your narration is the golden icing on the diamond cake.
    Keep ‘em up mate

  • Gildedtongue

    Though growing up in Arizona, and always seeing the commercials, I never actually had been to a Peter Piper’s Pizza.  Though, from hearing your stories of the pizza itself, I think I might have kept a few dozen years of my life because of it.

    So, was this store Hat’s?  Growing up north of Phoenix I only was there a few times, but it certainly sounds like that place.

  • Anonymous

    More counter monkey please !

    – imagine the additive in that pizza that kept it from degrading, pure junk food.


  • Anonymous

    I love when people don’t obey simple signs.

    Working in food service means I’ve put up many signs saying this soda is out of syrup or the bathroom is out of order and still people will try it. It’s amazing how dumb some people can be or how they can believe that this sign doesn’t apply for them. It’s astounding.

  • Peter Williamson

    To quote Nightmare:

    “Ooooh nasty…”

    Even if the pizza was covered in a protective film, I’d have still burnt it and sent it to hell.

    None the less an awesome story. Though I’ve never been much of a D&D fan (I do occasionally play board games with my friends) I do find these stories facinating, especally when they give me something to listen to at work. Looking forward to the next one.

  • Anony Mous

    Smilin’ Jack, huh? Don’t suppose you’ve been playing some Vampire – The Masquerade: Bloodlines, have you (though obviously not, as this takes place way before the game was released, funny coincidence at least)? Anyway, I’m loving these vids, really giving me insight into a part of gaming I was never given the chance to get into. Looking forward to the next!

  • The_Hut

    Reminds me of the time my friend’s girlfriend tricked me and another guy into eating chocolate covered dog food.  I wasn’t too pleased but I can take a joke.  I think he broke up with her shortly after that.

  • Anonymous

    That is just horrible, poor guy ate that pizza.  Some people don’t check their food before eating it when they are hungry. Putting the pizza out so anyone can eat it is just fucked up lol. It’s still pretty funny though.

  • Artificial Zero

    I’m actually reading Sherlock Holmes stuff right now, and this intriguing. I don’t think it’s probable that the Pizza was taken into the bathroom by someone other than the owner.
    Because if someone else wants to get rid of it, why not just throw it into the garbage, or eat it around the corner.
    But then: Aside from the disgusting location where it has been placed so that the owner could take a shit; would you really forget a whole pizza ? and not even get it once you’ve remembered ?
    So I would assume the pizza got into the bathroom in the owners hand, but it wasn’t the same person who placed it in such a location.
    Now, this depends on how the bathroom was actually designed, but thinking of school bathrooms, your sink comment could actually be true: The owner placed it on the sink, goes into the stall, someone else comes in / or comes from another stall, sees it, and hides it in another stall at the given location. And the owner never found it. Not sure if the toilet even had stalls. But then the location and also the angle would make sense – since this person doesn’t care.

    Btw that diarrhea on walls and ceiling, I know that from a school I have been at. And yea I always wondered how it is even physically possible to do that – let alone the fact, no matter what kind of savage you are, you don’t wanna hit yourself. Just makes no sense.
    Maybe it was chocolate milk =/

  • Unholy Fire Dragon

    Technically, all you did, Spoony, was leave a pizza on an empty table. When someone finally came in to take the pizza, you were totally honest and told him that he can have it, but also that he probably shouldn’t since it’s been left for a while. So it was totally his fault for not listening to your warnings and actually pay attention to what he was putting himself into.

    I’m sure I’ll get many people who disagree with me on this thought. I wouldn’t be surprised if I get a couple of mildly judgmental arguments or something. Either way, I did find this story kinda funny. Although, that doesn’t mean I’d actually do this sort of thing, or even advocate it.

    • Anonymous

      Step 1: Acquire Toilet Pizza
      Step 2: Place Toilet Pizza On Nearby Table
      Step 3: Inform friend that pizza may not be safe, but is welcome to try.
      Step 4:
      Step 5: PROFIT.

      • Unholy Fire Dragon


        Step 4: Sell special expensive medicine that only YOU can sell and which will cure said friend from whatever poison he just ingested.

        So SO wrong!…

  • Sabine Vecchio

    Totally reminds me of a story my dad told me about when he was in college. They had this guy who would always mooch food off of them whenever he could, without paying for it. And it got really annoying for my dad and his room mate. One day, they found a Twinkie behind their refrigerator. The expiration date was 3 years prior. So they decide to keep it for the next time their “friend” came over to mooch. So they just leave it on the counter. When the guy comes over the next day, he asked to have it, and my father and his room mate (who both have fairly good poker faces) told him it was fine. (No warning that it was waaay too old to be eaten) So the guy goes to bite into it, and it’s pretty hard to chew, and he actually swallowed it and got sick almost immediately. Needless to say, he never mooched off of my dad again.

  • Anonymous

    And I thought that the Warrior comics were the worst thing that you have ever done to humans.  I was wrong.

  • Jamie Sheil

    Another great counter monkeys entry spoony, keep em coming XD. By the way that act was awesome, you shouldn’t feel too horrible XD. you did warn him haha

  • Anonymous

    Funny story, but…. *gag* why did I choose to watch this video while eating breakfast?

  • Hampus Granberg

    I know just what you mean. On my job, in the womens room, there were many times just gulash all over the walls, the ceiling and floor, and I don’t mean meaty gulash soup, oh no, it was poop, yeah.
    It’s like some people just turn incapable of civilized manners, and don’t get me wrong here, but the room for handicapped people was practically like heaven in comparison, and I mean it was clean.
    But the other toilets, especially the womens room, was such a drag it’s insane.

    I mean, how hard is it to sit down and do it?
    People had to be like standing upside down, I mean god, is that even possible?
    It’s unimaginable to most, but really, it is FACT, and I mean real FACT.
    And get it, this was a restaurant, a restaurant with maybe not the best of reputations, but it was respectable, with many people coming there all the time, wtf?

    Anyway, the toilet pizza thing was funny though, but it really was evil :p

    Have a nice day!

    PS: I’d probably would’ve done the same with one of those ill-mannered customers, maybe not a month old because that would probably get me convicted, but maybe just two days or so :P

  • Anonymous

    Disgusting… yet funny! :D

    • Anonymous

      Secret! But fun!

  • Brendan Moeller

    Obviously Dr. Insane was trying to create a doomsday pizza out of that heart killer. Also don’t feel so bad about it. I made a spike ball out of tacks, chucked it at a friend and yelled catch.

  • Anonymous

    Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

    Question: does anybody know why the heck this video is almost a full GB in size?  I mean, I could understand if this was an hour and a half long.  But it’s less than a half hour, and it’s f*cking HUGE.  I know I don’t have the world’s most advanced computer, but I had to download this thing just to be able to see it (Blip video + something that’s not Blip’s website = faster playing video).

    Is it a high-definition thing or something?

    My thanks in advance.

  • Anonymous

    I think the better thing to say would have been
    “You may want to wash out your mouth, like, right now because I found this pizza under the toilet”

  • orlando

    Spoony….I work at Arbys and I know exactly what you are talking about. I’ve had people rip off bags from broken urinals and take shits everywhere. I once had an old lady who projectile shat all over the walls and toilet. It sucks. I feel your pain. 

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, you evil bastard.


    In a universe very much like our own, bearded alternate reality Spoony worked at a pizza store instead of a game shop. Life was not kind to Bearded Spoony, and one night his personal problems caused him to fall behind on a pizza order. Thinking quickly, Bearded Spoony searched the backroom and found a pizza that had been left there for a month, but which looked fairly fresh thanks to a coat of grease preserving it. So he gave the pizza to a kid heading to the game store next door, hoping the customers wouldn’t look too closely at the order. AND ALL THE GAMERS DIED IN HORRIBLE AGONY!

    Bearded Spoony was implicated by Grease Palace Pizza, and sentenced to life imprisonment for first degree murder. Bearded Spoony took his own life, and became a vengeful inter-dimensional spirit. Bearded Spoony Spirit watched the other Spoonys in other realities with envy, and so decided to devote his miserable supernatural existence to transporting copies of that same evil pizza to other realities, whispering into the minds of other Spoonys that the pizza would make for a good prank, hoping that they will share his fate and join him in misery.

    At least, that’s my best guess.

  • Raziel Raven

    Of course that pizza wouldn’t rot or become disgusting. It was already to begin with! The natural microbes in that disgusting oil would have fought to defend their home from all invaders.

    Well, either that or someone found it in their fridge, brought it in, then realized how long it had been around and hid it behind the toilet to pretend he never brought it.

  • orlando

    Btw. I ate Dominos pizza during the entire story. lol.

  • Anonymous

    Keep posting these RPG “War Stories” they are always classic.

  • Anonymous


  • Jordan Stone

    that is the best story ever XD

  • Terri Wanger

    My first job was Wendy’s, and drive-thru cashier and cleaning was my job.  Sympathetic nod to every one of those stories.  I had the urinal deuce once; stuck my head of the restroom and yelled ‘Not cool!!’.  ^^:: glad it wasn’t busy, or I would’ve lived to regret that moment of anger.
    I have seen many upon many bags of food behind the toilet, but that was to be expected at a restaurant.  Not so with a game store. The only one that wasn’t eaten in any way was a bag of ten nuggets.  I can only imagine why, but might have been someone like this:

  • Matthew Foweraker

    Dude, you suck at cleaning.

    • Anonymous

      I know, right?

      If Spoony was ANY kind of bathroom cleaner he would have found at least TWO pizzas in there. I mean c’mon.

  • robinhood9961

    Come on spoony i thought you played rpgs every rpg player knows that there is always something behind the toilet.

  • Ben Alsop

    This video is crazy huge.  Funny story though.  I especially like the part where you get all giddy with yourself.

  • Anonymous

    The Spoony Bard
    And the Mystery of the Toilet Pizza

    Way to ruin both eating pizza and going to the toilet for the rest of my live. But I have to admit that almost giving someone a Glasgow grin with a piece of fossilized horror-pizza sound like something the Joker would do.

  • Ramond E. Wright Jr.

    Pokey-Man?  Never heard of it.  Does it have anything to do with Pokémon?

  • imagoth2004


  • Anonymous

    Huh. I thought you actually took a shit on the pizza when I first started up the video. I’m kind of relieved now. XD

    • Renaissance_nerd

      thats what i thought too! i saw “Toilet pizza” and was like

      homeboy just dropped a duce on a pizza now hes gonna tell us about it.

      im glad i was wrong

  • Sarah Greene

    If there had been any botulism spores in that pizza, you’d be guilty of manslaughter. Not cool.

    • Sam Pagano

      If anything had survived in that pizza he wouldnt have to worry about Botulism, he’d have to worry about the germs supplexing him for messing with their home.

    • Anonymous

      It would have been deadlier and far more likely that the pepperonis were accidentally made from radium instead of meat parts than there being botulinum on an old pizza.

    • Tobbii Karlsson

      It’s not manslaughter unless he had forced it down his throat.

    • Renaissance_nerd

      the definition of manslaughter is you intended to harm the victim but you did not intend for them to die as a result. So no even if he died it would not have been manslaughter as Spoony never intended to harm anyone, just get an evil laugh.

      besides the person eating the pizza did it of his own free will.

    • Anonymous

      Botulism doesn’t grow in the presence of oxygen.  It’s typically only found in improperly processed canned goods.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like someone needs to brush up on their medical AND legal knowledge.

      Both of those things you’ve said are factually incorrect.

  • Anonymous

    Your explanation of the bathroom sounded like Roy Batty’s soliloquy:
    “I’ve SEEN things you people wouldn’t believe… chocolate dragon’s in the sink… all those memories will be gone… like piss in the urinal…”

    Your manic “deductions” whilst upon the porcelain throne were hilarious. 

  • Mikey

      i just got to say spoony i love the counter money talk and must say please keep making more.

  • Anonymous

    oh my god. that was a truly evil story, but I admit, I was crying laughing through most of it. I think just how deadpan you were telling that story, and how vividly I could imagine it was what really put it over the edge for me. Oh my god. Thank you for sharing that was so hilarious!!

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, I think most of your current health problems can be attributed to that shitty Peter Piper Pizza. You should have just gone to the Chinese restaurant. Funny story though, more Counter Monkey!

  • HigHBulleT666

    Omg so Funny Spooney :):) i Laughed my ass off. Thanks for the vid :D:D:D

  • Anonymous

    Yep. I nearly threw up.

    From the early part of the video I mean.

  • Tyler Wildman

    You know the way a poet can take the simplest thing and write about a page’s worth of intricate details about it? That is exactly what you did when describing that pizza lmao!

  • Bob Walsh

    I think that pizza survived for the same reason Twinkies can go decades in an abandoned house without being eaten by roaches.  Because it’s so pumped full of chemicals, so artificial in it’s creation, that there simply isn’t anything natural in it that can decay.

    And yes, I’m sympathetic to your bathroom horrors.  Last year, I was working as a janitor in a casino (your funny videos helped me get through that, so thank you).  If you think gamers are filthy, try regular gamblers, drunks, smoke-junkies, and everyone else who makes irresponsible decisions on a regular basis.  I picked up more human waste than I wish to remember.  I think the only reason I never saw shit in a sink is because the place was always so crowded that nobody could get away with it.  If the gamblers had some sort of privacy to indulge their sick fantasies, I probably would have even more horror stories than you.

  • wiliamsn

    I bet whoever placed that pizza was the same person who put pizzas all over the sewer in the TMNT game. I’m like 70% sure that pizza would have just refilled his health bar…

  • Anonymous

    You evil man spoony, my god dude, I mean I have some evil friends who have pulled some elaborate ass joke, I have them spend a whole weekend working on stuff to mess with me, I have had them fill a pint glass with the most evil shit they could find in the kitchen including garlic, hot sauce, chilli powder and raw eggs for drinking game penalties yet they have not reached the level of evil or genius which you managed with an accidentally discovered toilet pizza.

  • Anonymous

    You should have been like Danny McBride in Hot Rod:

    “I just found a pizza in the men’s restroom.  Would you like to share a slice with me?”

  • Anonymous

    Great story. (Although if that’s the meanest thing you’ve ever done, you must be a pretty good guy; I’ve done much worse myself.) I’d love to hear more stuff like this from you, as you seem to be awesome at telling stories and making them interesting, funny and entertaining.

  • WilliamT

    You were a Pokemon jobber?


  • Anonymous

    Hilarity abounds, taking falls for pokemon is just unbelievable.

    Just tell me Spoony that you stopped eating from the next door Pizza shop after this story. If it can last 1.5 months in a bathroom stall, that pizza must be damn near indigestible.

    About the only story I have like this was my friends Jason and Ted. Now Ted is stealing Jason’s sandwiches while they are both working at Giant Eagle. Jason decides to teach the sandwich thief a lesson. So he puts ex-lax and habanero sauce on his sandwich. Ted eats it and has the most miserable 24 hours of his life, mostly spent in the bathroom.

  • Anonymous

    I almost died laughing at this story…!

    More! I request more counter-monkey stories!  They’re the most hilarious things ever!

  • Ray Martinez

    Awesome story : ).But i agree with some of the other comments you did tell the guy it had been there awhile,Whatever happened next was his fault. 

  • Matt DiPasquale

    as a New Yorker I don’t know what bad pizza tastes like, but that was very funny.

    • George Rosenbaum

      Imagine cheese that has no flavor at all. Cheese that makes contact with your tongue, but all you get is the sensation of congealed ejaculate.

      Imagine watery tomato paste. Not pizza sauce, watered down tomato paste with no spices or other ingredients. Like biting into a somewhat salted tomato, but somehow is incredibly slick in your mouth, like a spoonful of cooking oil.

      Imagine WAY too much bread. Bread that tastes like a inch thick foam sheet. Bread that sucks all the moisture from your mouth.

      Or, if you like, imagine thin bread that has an unnatural flakiness at the bottom, with ZERO flavor. Bread that SHOULD be crisp, like the thinness suggests, but is the hardest, most flexible sheet of rubber you will ever bite into.

      Now imagine that if you tilt the pizza at any angle that isn’t parallel to the ground, the cheese will slide right off of the tasteless, slippery sauce.

      Now imagine that the whole damn thing is as greasy as shit. Spoony’s right when he says that the grease will dissolve napkins into a transparent mush like a penny dropped in a beaker of acid. You’ll end up with something that looks like clear butchers paper, only soggy.

      THAT is what truly bad pizza is like. This is below ‘Pizza Hut’ grade. Ever see those generic frozen pizzas you find in the freezer section? Not ‘DiGiorno’ pizzas you see commercials for, I mean GENERIC. That what I’m talking about.

      • Anonymous

        I’m reading this, and I’m reminded of “pizzas” that must have been failed experiments to clone a hot pocket.  I don’t even *like* hot pockets, so when I eat a pizza that feels like an abortion of an imitation of one, that’s when I know I found a truly bad one, like you just described.

        Pizza is just one of those foods that can go so, so wrong.  And so badly, it burns in your mind forever.  When was the last time someone ever bitched about a dubious potato chip?  “oh it was stale”, meh.  Now bad pizza, that sticks with you for life! 

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony, won’t you do a follow-up on the Deadliest Warrior? I just watched the episode with zombies and vampires, and holy meatballs, that was some stupid shit right there!

    One of the dudes who was an expert on zombies proclaimed that zombies had the strenght of a human, but wasn’t limited by pain. Their obvious conclusion was to compare it’s bite strenght with that of a freakin Rottweiler! Have you ever touched the head of a Rottweiler? It’s like a cinderblock of jawmuscle. But it’s totally ok, because zombies don’t feel any pain, hehu!

    I suppose the lack of pain also make human teeth as strong as that of a 100-pound dog, making zombies quite formidable. Only their teeth would break like toothpicks if they hit bone. Whatevs, i bet the experts know what they’re talking about.

  • Evan Marriott

    Wow. You are one sick guy, Spoony. That was completely fucked up, and yet funny at the same time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go recover from laughing so hard.

  • Anonymous

    I used to work in the kitchens.  I’ve heard horror stories of people being poisoned by Clostridia botulina in the most unexpected ways. 

    Essentially, you need a warm, dark/deoxygenated environment to pull it off.  One way you can do it is by cooking some onions in bacon or hamburger grease.  Then, submerge the onions into a bowl of oil.  Place a lid over the bowl and wait a few days. 

    Yeah, 2 people died from that?  3?  I forgot. 

    So what you do is take a meat pizza and wait for the oils to rise to the surface.  This will happen because of intermolecular forces seperating them from water molecules.  The oil rises to the top of the pizza; blocking oxygen from reaching the subcutaneous layer.  You put the pizza in a box, close it and leave it in the bathroom for a month in a half. 

    How many people died from that?  None.  Thank God.

  • Anonymous

    That pizza…was un-fucking believable!

  • xxDrCrackbone

    And I thought my old job sucked. You’re a magnificent bastard, Spoony. You know, these counter monkey stories would be ripe for an animated adaptation, sorta like Bargo’s Penguin stories.

  • Anonymous

    Spewwwwwww!  Nasty! 
    On to toilet stories.  :-)  Okay, on some construction sites it is necessary to get a bucket and line it with a trash bag for those times when a store or portopot is not available.  This woman shows up to her house at 8AM, unlocks the door, walks in to look at the sheet rock work my subs had done.  The whole of the house stinks.  She walks over to a covered bucket, opens the lid, and leaves the house screaming as the ‘brown snake’ looks back at her.  Stupid sub locked the house the night before and left his crap in the bucket; he got a call from someone and forgot what he was doing, so he said.  We, my company, made him go back to the house, remove the bucket, and apologize.  There is leaving your crap around the house and then there is ‘leaving your crap around the house.’                 

  • Samuel Pozaicer

    Thanks for sharing your story Spoony, I laughed the entire time, you made my day :)

  • Pete Lopeno

    That is just cold dude… but friggin’ hilarious!

  • fluke

    well what do you except. story was not fun or funny, you’re just trying to make fun of people nobody knows. i mean…you cannot diss people that no-one knows. besides, they were your so called friends, and now youre making fun of them and being above them.

    • adam b

      I guess Mike was watching this Spoony

    • Anonymous

      Judging from your whiny reaction, I am totally hypothesizing how many toilet pizza’s that your friends must have made you eat.

      Sounds like at least 27.

    • Anonymous

      *Well *expect *Story *I *no one *Besides *you’re

  • fluke

    well, it was not fun or funny.

    but what do you except. you’re just trying
    to make fun of people nobody knows. i mean…you cannot diss people that
    no-one knows. besides, they were your so called friends, and now youre
    making fun of them and being above them. i mean… backstabbing, thats the word of today. d and d does not really mean shit when real friends talk shit.

    • Renaissance_nerd

      Did you miss the part where Spoony said he totally regrets it and in fact even publicly apologized to the person.

      You are sad and pathetic, really.

    • ファウラー ピート

       You’re a fucking idiot.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah. I’ll bet you’ve never done anything you regret, either.

      ….Actually, i’m totally imagining how many toilet pizza’s that your friends have made you eat. Sounds like at least 27, judging from your whiny reaction.

    • Anonymous

      *Well *But *expect *I *no one *Besides *you’re *I *D&D

  • Dillon McDaniel

    nearly died laughing twice, and i feel like a funny shirt could be made from this, keep doin what you’re doin Spoony

  • gerald chubbuck

    Stories like that aren’t gamer stories, they’re retail stories.

    At the toy store I used to work at one year we had a grown woman pull down her pants and take a shit in the corner just so she didn’t have to get out of line for whatever furby, tickle me Elmo or the like was hot that year.

  • Akos

    Great story!
    Keep these Counter Monkey stories coming they are so funny.

    You cant die from eating old pizza. You may get some diarrhea or some stomach ache followed by puke, but if your body is more or less healthy and resilient it will throw out the diseased food.

    Grease is the best conservative although I’ve never seen real pizza live that long it must have been 70% grease.

    Keep up the good work Spoony

  • Nicholas Cook

    Your Counter Monkey stories always bring back so much Nostalgia for me when me and my friends were hardcore into D&D, from 11 to 18 years old we played D&D at least once a week, and played other games multiple times in the week :D.

  • Kuffo Knight

    You know what, if that’s the worse thing you’ve ever done, you’re probably an ok dude.

    • Anonymous

      Well, we know one thing from this story.

      Spoony is not a serial killer nor a rapist.

      Yeah, if Toilet Pizza is the most grievous offense he’s ever committed, then it’s certain that we’ll never have to watch a Court TV special about Noah Antweiler being the next BTK Killer.

  • Dart

    Long time watcher, first time commenter just to say I love these Counter Monkey stories and really hope to see more. Honestly, these are so good they should be animated or something.

    • Mikey

       i agree with that. my god I’m dieing of laughter ” diarrhea hose ” could not stop.

  • Luke

    About twenty minutes in and your horns started showing. XD
    Honestly though? That was a great prank. Looked totally normal, nobody was suspicious at first, and it all played out like planned. Sure, it might’ve not been good health-wise, but at least you got your chuckles.

  • Ana

    This story is so funny, I hypothesized that the person that originally owned the pizza held on to it for that month and just placed it behind the toilet just to see if any one would be foolishly to eat it,  just as you said it looked fine to eat, but in the end it was crusty Dorito dry pizza.

  • Tariel Corbeau

    My Grandpa actually told me a story about the bathroom he cleans… and cleans the womens bathroom no less. It is much like your story. Only nothing on the ceiling. But he did say there was…horror upon the walls and floor. He was away for a week…and that bathroom he said was so DIRTY you can see where the little kids had come in and went to the bathroom and walked out of. Him and I theorized that the girls that work there hold it in for so long that when they actually go its like an explosion. This is why I shall never go to the bathroom in that place EVER.

  • Nathan Dunn

    Damn, Spoons… You know I love ya, but shit. That’s the type of thing you get your ass kicked over. XD

  • Anonymous

    I would love to see Catholic Spoony in the confessional booth.

    “Dear father, please forgive me for I have sinned. Y’see…. there was this Pizza in the bathroom….”

    • Anonymous

      20 minutes in….

      Spoony: “So, what I began questioning is… why would someone take this pizza INTO the bathroom…”

      Priest: “Yes, go on my child.”…

      *Spoony continues to gradually lay on the whole story…*

    • Anonymous

      You’re going to Hell, my son!

  • Michelle Brydon

    You, sir, are a bad, bad man! :P And yet, after hearing this story, I still find you attractive. We both have serious problems lol.

  • Necro

    I bet Spoony is tired of hearing this from his fans but I can’t keep this in my mind any longer.

    Don’t you guys miss his game reviews?  It’s been more than 3 month since his real game review has uploaded.  Sometimes I feel like he is teasing us with these unedited videos, or being really lazy.  Well maybe he isn’t being lazy since he sounds like a workaholic person.  Maybe this is his own way to keep his show fresh, but I have no choice but to feel like this.   

    Here is my top 10 list of most anticipated Spoony Experiment of this year. 

    10. Ultima Savage Empire review

    9. Ultima Martian Dreams review

    8. Next episode of Final Fantasy 10-2 review

    7. Ultima 8 review 

    6. Final Fantasy 13-2 review

    5. Cross over review of Silent Hill comic with Linkara (I don’t know for sure, but it is hinted at his SH comic review.  I know its not a game review but I was so desperate to finish this list)

    4. Final Fantasy 13 review

    3. Minority Report review

    2. Ultima 9 review

    1. Next Let’s Play of Deadly Premonition

    • Renaissance_nerd

      Captain fucking Power and the soldiers of the future! WHERE IS IT SPOONY?

      • Reza

        And while we’re on the subject, where’s the follow-up for FFX-2?!

    • Barry

      Sounding like a workoholic and being one are two different shoes. Anyone can brag about “working 16 hours a day on my website” and get away with it for a while.

      Every convention Spoony goes to, he tells his audience about how hard and how much he works every day. Yet, the frequency of high-quality updates on the site is declining. You’d have to be blind not to have noticed this.

      Having some professional experience with podcast production, I can safely say that if Spoony were actually working as much on his stuff as he says he is (12-16 hours / day), he could finish one video every other week, maybe every 3 weeks if he takes extra time for higher quality.

      I think Spoony should try to get out some more, get a real job. This is not meant as an insult. Spoony is a great guy. It’s just that having a day job makes you a more active, happy person. Remember, the time when Spoony created his best reviews was when he was still going to work every day.

      But in the end, only talking about this stuff isn’t going to change anything.

      It is understandable that some people are getting impatient. The next thing that will happen is that they stop visiting the site. If nothing changes, TSE will be a dust-covered ghost town in 1 to 2 years.

  • Daniel vigil

    I loled so hard this video.

    Is he talking about gamers inn? I swear, every time he talks about the store he worked in it reminds me of gamers inn and I heard he used to go there.

  • Anonymous

    OK, I’ve got a Retail Bathroom Horror Story for you, Spoony.
    I work at a Lowe’s, and for a while I had a friend who was the Weekend Maintenance Person there. Her name’s Malisha. Every Sunday she’d have a new reason just to hate mankind to the core to share. The standard fare, piss and shit on the walls (never on the ceiling, though, that’s a new one to me), out of order urinals pissed in, floods, and what not. Though one day, the big one came.

    Malisha came into the break room with a look like she was trying to create lasers of pure hate from her eyes. Part of me didn’t want to ask what was wrong, but I did anyway. To which she replies that she had just spent the better part of an hour cleaning out a literal nest made out of shit and toilet paper that took up most of the space of the bowl in the Men’s Room. As if that wasn’t enough, to top it off, nestled inside the shit nest was a partially-eaten bag of Fritos.

    I tried like all hell to wrap my head around just why someone would go about constructing a shit-and-toilet-paper-mache nest, and then just placing a bag of Fritos in it of all things? I mean there’s being a dick and stuffing the toilet full of paper to clog it, there’s being a total asshole and smearing shit on the wall, and then there’s this. I can only rationalize it as complete and utter contempt for anyone who dares occupy the same planet as them. It boggled my mind. I kind of wanted to see it. It’s like how you describe the Pizza, you can only go into so much detail with just words. You need to see it to fully appreciate it.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, you sir, are one sick, twisted motherfucker and I applaud you.

  • Nathan Ellis

     I wish the big bang theory took a cue from geeks like Spoony, incorporate some cleverly written experiences at a D&D table, create intellectual conversations about the star wars movies like kevin smith did in clerks, anything but the awful constant physics jokes that make us all look like we’re socially inept chucklefucks that can’t have conversations with girls without bringing up Euclidean geometry.

  • Anonymous

    The pizza grease stained the tables yellow so you couldn’t get it off with bleach… THAT’S A SIGN TO STOP EATING IT! The fact that it DIDN’T DECOMPOSE OVER THE PERIOD OF A MONTH IN A PUBLIC TOILET RIFE WITH BACTERIA IS NOT A GOOD SIGN! EVEN THE BACTERIA AND INSECTS WEREN’T STUPID ENOUGH TO EAT IT!! That stuff probably defies the very definition of organic chemistry! I would like to hold a funeral for all the coronary arteries of the people who played D&D at that shop. You will be sorely missed. …(I’m gonna feel terrible now if it turns out someone has myocardial ischaemia…)

    However, to the point of the story: that’s disgusting. How could you…? I mean it was…? It’s just…? Fuck, man, that was just plain evil! … Yes, it was funny.

    • Anonymous

      I thought the same thing!

  • Tony

    They’ve all been funny so far, but this had my sides hurting.

  • Anonymous

    Just want to add: After hearing about your stories on pizza before the nightmare story: What you American’s eat scares me.

  • James Thomas

    …you terrible, terrible bastard…

  • Alexander Ásgeirsson

    i love these, keep it up :D

    • ObieWanCoyote

      Depends upon which side of his vengeance you’re on. Some of his earlier work was masterful =p.

  • Tyler

    I used to actually run a Pokemon League as well, but they would have to earn their victories against me. It was almost like a title of prestige to have defeated the gym leader.
    I’m sorry to hear that you had to job to little kids at pokemon :(

  • Tyler

    It sounds like you had one or two random assholes in your store that just wanted to make your life a living hell by ruining the bathroom and making you clean it. Stashing a hidden pizza was probably a practical joke on you waiting to see how long it could stay there before you noticed a rotting pizza.

  • Tyler

    Or it could have been the inspiration behind the chili dogs in Dirty Harry or the pizza boxes in TMNT for NES.

  • ObieWanCoyote

    Spoony, how is it that you can get me all nostalgic about cleaning bathrooms back at college… Maybe it’s the shared ranty nature of our experiences. Although, I believe, I had a bit more colorful experience. Much more red in the picture.. specifically around the campus pool bathrooms. It made you wonder if the women were sacrificing goats or something every month.

    Incidentally, dunno your exact local anymore, but if you’re near your folks or the Superstition Springs area, you should check out Bella’s Pizza and Pasta on Elsworth and Guadalupe. Their sauce is much more suited to ailing digestive tracts =p. Best wishes as always old frond!

    Incidentally, had it occurred to Spoonith, that his employer or a fellow employee could have found the pizza box on a shelf somewhere and planted it in the bathroom to see where it would end up next? It would explain missing the box for a month in your cleaning rituals and would explain the nature of which the pizza was found flat in the box, instead of slumped over like one would expect.

  • doresh

    Mmh, I wonder if you could use that grease to let the pizza ripen like cheese…

    • Anonymous

      Or preserve things in!?

      • doresh

        Who needs cryo-chambers for interplanetary travel if you can preserve the pilots with grease XD ?!

  • DarkBee

    I’m gonna eat pizza in a few moments… good thing I know where it’s been.

  • Adam Winters

    Please spoony. More of these. And more Friday game night stuff like your old battlestar galactica board game stuff. its always so awesome :D

  • Anonymous

    Sadistic. And priceless. This is the type of shit guys do (at least my group of friends anyway), and also why men often have a sicker sense of humor than women.

    What I love about Noah is that this entire incident probably took about 10-15 minutes to transpire, from beginning to end. And that includes all of the empty minutes where nothing significant occurred. Yet his retelling of said event takes up nearly an entire half hour. Amazing. A story that most people would sum up into a 3-sentence blurb (“Dude, I found an old ass pizza behind the toilet in the men’s room. So I brought it out and just sat it on a table. And some guy ate it!”) gets rendered into a tale that somehow runs longer than an episode of Seinfeld. The back-stories, the details (both the crucial and the superfluous) and the descriptions are what make it so damn entertaining. Likewise, that is also what makes Spoony such an engaging entertainer.

    • Anonymous

      Couldn’t agree more. What impresses me most about Spoony is his incredible skill of telling simple stories in a very entertaining way. And I mean the videos where he is alone in front of the camera with no props or acting. In caveman times Spoony would have been the guy we all gathered around to listen near a campfire.

      • Nícolas Samson

        Huh, I wonder why Spoony the Bard was such a long running character for him…

    • Anonymous

      I totally agree too!  I say this is great matteral for a series.  Like animated adult show like that short lived Clerks cartoon.  This would be an episode for something like that.

  • Paul

    Ok, I will attempt to come up with a logical reason that the pizza was put behind the toilet.

    Say there was a socially akward gamer (there had to be at least one at that store), and he wanted some pizza he did not pay for, but did not want to bother asking for it. He steals an entire pizza and takes it in the bathroom where he plans to eat it without anyone seeing him. Someone then walks into the bathroom or calls his cell or something and the pizza-stealing gamer either becomes scared or embarassed and abandons his plan of pizza-eating, putting the entire pizza behind the toilet hoping that no one would suspect he stole an entire pizza for himself.

    Hey, you have to admit it’s a little better than what’s in the video, lol. Btw, good story Spoony, would love to hear more of these.

    • Anonymous

      I could believe that! The best one I could think of was some one stole the pizza from the pizza place and decided to stash it in the store’s bathroom and just never came back for it or got caught and by the time they were released they’d figured the pizza had been found and threw away or had spoiled!  That I could see happening too.  I worked in a grocery stole and I found stolen grocies hidden in bathrooms before!

  • Shannon

    This is by far the best if not the most sadistic clip you have ever posted! It’s brilliance and projection of mental imagery is as such that would make the very muses weep. I have never posted a comment on any site before but this was the very inspiration that I needed to do so. The idea that such a heavy amount of grease would act as a natural preservative leaving a month old pizza virtually intact boggles my mind. 
    My conclusion as to why to box was left there is, in my opinion, quite simple to deduce. While you were “sitting” and facing the stall door did you find the box on your the right or on the left side of the toilet? If on the right side then you can assume that your first hypothesis is correct as most people are right handed and tend to set objects down on their right side.
    Now if the box was on your left side then the “revenge” theory would be more likely as (assuming the culprit was right handed) a person would enter the stall and while facing the toilet would stash the box on his/or her right.
    This is just my humble opinion and I hope this may shed some light on this most diabolical plot to potentially poison a fellow human being! ^_^

  • Dune Blythe


    You’re a monster.

  • Joshua Ritchie

    I have to clean bathrooms at work, i know what you went threw.

  • Jason Moatz

    Hey Spoony,

    I worked as a janitor for about 6 months. I cleaned shit off… everything. Cleaned piss off mirrors, counters, etc. Mountains of VERY used toilet paper left on the floor. Had to peel used maxi-pads off walls. Balls of toilet paper, soaked with piss and shit that were then thrown and stuck to ceilings… This was in a church by the way, a Christian church.Believe me, I fully understand what kind of things you went through.

  • Faust

    No pun intended by holy shit! Noah you said your job at that one company was bad. I had no idea. That’s utterly disgusting. Fuck dude, you deserve to get paid for what you do now. No one should ever have to clean up another man’s waste…unless they are in a bio-hazard suit. And I am guessing the Game store didn’t provide you with one.

    Just think of all those greasy shit covered hands touching dice, books, and everything else.

  • Fe Valves

    It’s something we wouldn’t expect, but grease can indeed act as a preservative: my father used to tell us about how in his hometown they didn’t have fridges, so they’d store food in pots filled with olive oil. It would last for months on end and, unlike the hellish pizza from the tale, it was kept hydrated.

    • Anonymous

      That’s why a lot of canned veggies are stored in oil too.  My dad won’t eat canned peppers unless they’re in oil! 
      I also know some places use to store foods in lard!

  • John Johnson


    Never ever stop this series, Spoony.

  • Andrew

    Smiling Jack reminds me of Vampire: The Masquerade’s Smiling jack.

  • Anonymous

    This is turning into something of a miniseries, and I am very happy about that

  • Jon Thurtell

    I’m loving this series of stories but seriously Spoony, Shit stories? I was eating dinner man!!

  • Matt Green

    A puzzling perfectly preserved peter piper’s pizza.

    • Anonymous

      Well, when it’s 90% made of non-organic matterials…

  • Anonymous

    Holy shit, that was a funny story. Thanks, I haven’t laughed this hard for a while. I was eating at the same time and I almost choked a couple of times, as I couldn’t swallow because of laughing too much. The way you described the eating process… It became a challenge to keep the food inside my mouth at that point.

    Phew… I mean, you are an evil man, Spoony :D

  • Pontus Haglund

    This series is one of my favorite of yours. MORE COUNTER MONKEY! :3

    • Anonymous

      Am I the only one that when I read that title think of both Clerks the Animated Series and Clerks II the Movie!?

  • Matthew Densmore

    I remember the time I “Hot and Stinkied” someone in one of my classes.  There was this kid I didn’t like cuz he was kind of a…. how do I put this nicely?…. a giant douche.  So I had some hot tamales I’d got at lunch, you know, the candy.  And it’s like the second to last hour of the day, and while I didn’t do anything strenuous and I shower regularly, use deoderant, etc. – at this point I’m sure I had a little funk going on with my junk (trust me, this is important). 

     So I’m down to like six or seven pieces left, and it occurs to me that this kid probably likes candy.  I mean, who doesn’t like candy?  So if I gave them to him he’d eat them of course.  I’ve got like five minutes before class starts so I run to the bathroom, find a stall, and I cup them all in one hand before i proceeded to vigorously (yes, that’s right, VIGOROUS.  If you’re doing something like this, you have to do it right) rub them all over every part of my undercarriage – balls, taint, dick, you name it, these hot Tamales touched it.  I drop them back into the box, wash my hands (like I said, I do have above average personal hygiene.  It’s other people’s i don’t care about messing with) before practically skipping back to the classroom. 

     By that point, my friend is there so I walk over and tell him to pay attention.  As douche-boy walks in, I hand the box of tamales over and say something like, “Here dude, you seem like a cool guy and I don’t want the rest of these.”  So he’s kind of surprised and perhaps a teensy bit leery, not sure what to make of this.  I walk back over to my buddy, who has no idea why I did this, and i’m a little worried my prey won’t take the bait.  But he sits down and pours them into his hand, actually holds them up to his nose and SMELLS them, before popping one into his mouth.  He chews it pensively, as if I may have hidden a razor in it or something, before going at the rest with more gusto.  I had a pretty good poker face, so about the only thing that could give me away is the sly grin on my face.  Inside, though, I’m screaming in agony it’s so hilarious.  But I hold it in, knowing if I do this right, it will pay off even better.  So I watch him eat every single one, each time bringing on a fit of psychotic laughter more powerful than the last, which miraculously I’m able to hold in.

    When he’s done, he looks over at me and is like, “Thanks bro.” (He was doing some kind of moronic hipster thing where he’d say “bro” to be ironic.  In my eyes it made him deserve it more).  “You’re welcome.”  I look over at my buddy, who is still confused as to what amused me so much about douche boy eating Hot Tamales.  I turn, look him dead in the eye, and somehow manage to say in a calm, quiet voice, with just that coy knowing smile, “I rubbed those on my balls.”  The aftermath was worth the effort, as the look on my buddy’s face, who I’m pretty sure hated this kid more than I did, as he watched the whole scene again in his head but now with the secret knowledge revealed to him, was priceless.  The two second delay before he burst into tears laughing put me over the edge.  I couldn’t manage to string two syllables together that’s how hard I was laughing.  Only three or four times in my life have I gotten side aches from laughing, and this went on for a good four or five minutes.  

    It took a couple minutes of us pointing and laughing for the kid to get the hint that something was up.  He asked what the hell was so funny.  We couldn’t answer him.  Oh, don’t get me wrong – it’s not like we felt guilty about fucking with the biggest douchebag in the school.  No, we wanted to tell him, but between the two of us we couldn’t get the words out from all the laughter.  Finally, I was able to force myself to blurt out (at a decibel level that would have gotten us detentions just from the volume of what I was saying, let alone the penalties for what I was admitting to had a teacher actually been present) “Dude, those things were on my nuts!”  And the look on HIS face almost killed me and my buddy.  To this day we call it the Hot and Stinky.

    True story.

  • RosieRoses

    I feel ill..

  • Anonymous

    So that pizza was so fucking bad that it was inmune to the combined digestive bacteria of a whole store of gamers for a month, and you ate that shit regulary. You are either inmortal or put wolverine regeneration to shame.

  • laura hannah

    lol a guy watching this is probibly like “THAT’S where i left it!”
    mean story, spoon. I’m a cleaner, know exactly what you mean :|

  • Hathor Liderc

    My theory on that pizza is close to your “stealing” theory, except I think it was stolen, but stashed in the bathroom in order to be smuggled out later. My guess is that either they forgot or couldn’t find a window of opportunity.

    This sounds worse than my two friends lending my younger brother a bed, just after another friend and his girlfriend had “used” said bed… XD

  • Anonymous

    Man, that was evil.  sounds like something I’d do and would be proud of.  I’m actually perplexed myslef now on who and why some one would bring a pizza into a public restrooma nd then hide it or drop it behind a toilet!?
    What flavor of pzza was it!?
    Fromt he sounds of it you should still have the world’s worst case of Acne to this day after eting as much of that kind of pizza!  Or at least when you die you’ll be concidered a saint when you don’t rot because there was so much of that grease still in your system it preserved you like Stalin!
    How many health hazards did that pizza play have!?
    You should really concidered having these stories of your’s animated.  Like Clerks style because I’m freaking picturing you as Dante during this story!  I’d actually like to see a DA comic of these events!
    $5-6 for a couple slices of pizza!?  Damn, was that Peter Piper’s Pizza that exspincive!?  I use to work across the streeet from a Little Cesar’s Pizza and I’d get a Hot-N-Ready and those were only like $10!  Hell, today I can order a Large Meat Lovers or Sureme pizza form Pizza hut for $10-13 after delivery fees!  Either they were ripping ya’ll off or that was just how much pizza was at the time!

  • toms

    Not the as entertaining as the other 2 episodes, but still good.

    I like the bit about the dust falling out of his mouth. Reminds me of when I bet my brother he could not chug a big pixie stick. He got about half way before sprinting outside and ‘coughing’ up dry powder and scraping pink chunks off his tongue on to the lawn.

    Reminds me of my old job.
    The toilets were backed up so I barricaded (and put up out of order signs) the god damn entrance to the hall. I tell the boss that we need to lock the bathroom door because people are dicks. He says “no” so I instead go to bathroom hall to put up even more Out of Order sign, and right there I see a guy sliding my barricaded over and then asking me of the toilets are good.

    I have a high tolerance for gross stuff and didn’t want to have the other minions (especially the squeamish girls, ya know, be nice your co-workers) clean up the (literal) crap that was spewing because the sewage pipe behind the store so I volunteered. I used a broom and a long dustbin to pick it up. After about an hour I threw the feces and the broom/dustbin in the dumpster. No big deal, at least for me. Next day: go to work, do my shift, clock out, walk out the door. See my boss sweeping the outside WITH THE EXACT SAME BROOM AND DUSTBIN. I lunge over and grab it straight out of his hand and order him to go wash his hands. He is not happy with me giving him orders and working off the clock (against union/government labor rules) but I tell him to shut up and what I did the day before. He instantly did as I said. I take the stuff dumpster in the back and look through it, and sure enough, everything BUT the broom/dustbin from the day before is there, so I knew for sure it was the same set. Someone had rummaged through the dumpster to get the broom/dustbin out and brought it back in the store.
    Another time a different boss tells me to go clean the bathroom. So I go and everything is clean, except is smells bad. Go back to my boss and tell him everything is fine, but that “someone recently took a dump”. Boss is flustered, looks at all the customers withing earshot, thinks for a few seconds and then tells me to check behind the trash bin in the restroom. Seems stupid but I do it and learn that the reason the place smelled bad was because (surprise bitch) someone had smeared shit on the wall behind the trash bin.

    • Anonymous

      …. I don’t want to know how your boss knew about that shit behind the trash bin.

  • Anonymous

    Well, after reading threw the comments I fell I mcst share my bathroom nightmare stories.  Well, not my personal ones because the worst thing I ever had to clean up or do in a public rest room was unclog the women’s room toilet onc or twice a week where some *BEEP* flushed either a pad or a pampon.  Other than that I had to mop up once where some mentally retarded guy peed in the back stock room because he didn’t want to askk where the bathrooms were.  Also, where he peed was where we kept the backstock on cereals and we had to throw away over a dozen crate(boxes of 12-16 boxes) of name brand cereals!
    Now the story that I’m thankful that I wasn’t around at the time to have to clean up.  This like 60-70 something year old man came into the store wearing coveralls and he had to goto the rest room and well he did in the bathroom and all but he didn’t aprently pull his coveralls all the way down and wound up sitting on them on the toilet and basically shit all inside the back of his coveralls and so when he pulled it back up and zipped up and left the bathroom the hit slid down the back of his pants leggs and out the bottom. Now he aprently had to go to the restroom when he 1st entered the store becaus he didn’t just leave after this.  He proceded to walk around the whole store leave a pile of shit where ever he stept!  That sounded like ome really nasty shit right there.  I’m glad none of that stuff happened while I was on duty!  PUN INTENDED!

  • Anonymous

    Excuse me while I order Papa Johns to replace the bad taste in my mouth with a good one…
    anyway, hilarious story Spoony! Looking forward to more of these :) 

  • Moritz

    Spoony, so what you are saying is:
    This Pizza was SO BAD not even Bakteria would eat it?! There is no other explaination, how it could have stayed relatively good looking, for over a month.
    Man you must have an iron stomach. The way you describe it I would have hurled after one bite.

  • squall lee rhodes

    I’ve never heard a more hilarious story about pizza

  • Baylor Bynum

    You told this story at SGC and it was this story that got me interested to see your FF review.  Keep up the good work.

  • Anonymous

    “Do you like penicillin on your pizza?”  *plays taps*

    • AJ Emerick

      Ninja turtles reference! XD

    • Anonymous

      It makes me so happy that I was not the only one who immediately thought this!

      …I even saluted and hummed it out, I’m that much of an oldschool Turtles fan.

  • Puddn

    I feel for you, Spoontok.  Having had to clean the shitter when I was back in the army..  Latrines in a basic training barracks are some of the nastiest rooms any human being can enter.  Didn’t help that one of company’s Drill sergeants was an absolute prick.

    Seriously, once when I was in, mopping piss off the floors, this fucking guy walks in, drops trou, and takes a big steamiing shit right on the floor, and then proceeded to lecture me about “missing a spot”.

  • Mattias Adebahr

    I bet it was a vegan Steve who hid the pizza behind the toilet.
    Think about it …
    He was furious after his plan with The Deck of Many Things did not go as planned, so he wanted revenge.
    he saw the pizza on the table and thought to get rid of it, but he could not eat it because he’s vegan, so he hid it behind the toilet because he obviously thought the food was crap.

  • Anonymous

    … And he never ate cold pizzas again…

    • George Rosenbaum

      Now he eats Taco Bell. What a step up.

  • Gregory

    Well I must say if that is the worst thing you have ever done to someone then you are a pretty nice guy.  And i feel your pain on cleaning toilets, I work at a grocery story and have seen true hell come forth from what people do to toilets, animals in a zoo couldn’t do the things that people do in bathrooms.

  • Piotr

    Personally, I found this story to be the funniest videos You’ve put up, for at least three months. This shit was hilarious! I haven’t laughed so hard for such a long time. Thank You.

  • Anonymous

    Worked as a housekeeper for a local college for a time, so I too feel the pain of cleaning up someone’s soul. What kills me is that the worst of it came not from the students but from the highest echelons of the college staff. Oh yea, we’ve had chocolate dragons in the urinals of the mighty. 

    This is also why it pays to have a cook or three in your gaming group, folks! We long ditched the nasty ass Pizza Plus and worse for old fashioned mac n cheese, country ribs, hawaiian hamburgers, fish tacos, and even at one decadent session, DUCK. We are far healthier for it. 

    Add: Also, having a fully stocked bar and a member of the group with a bartender’s education is nice too. Mmm, pan galactic gargleblasters…

  • Tom Williams

    Anybody else envision a sitcom where Dr. Insano works at a pizza place and discovers the secret to eternal life is to just grease everything up with bad cheese?

    In fact, there has got to be a way to recreate these stories as some sort of skit.  This stuff is just pure gold.

  • Bruno Freitas

    Spoony if you could…can you comment in a vlog or something this game release?

    I was like OH HELL NO

  • Anonymous

    Thank you spoony I have not laughed this hard in a while.

  • anonymous9692011

    this stories are hilarious …. so MORE :)

  • Deanna Jackson

    LOL!  I can has moar funny stories?  Plz?

  • JanusII

    More Counter monkey V-Logs please….your v-logs about movies are allways fun, but these made me piss myself with laugter(maybe cuz I am dnd/shadowrun/vampire the masquarade/mordheim nerd myself and these stories emind my of my own Counter Monkey tales)!!!

    love that you started uploading V-logs again (they are far better than your rewievs if you ask me)

    Pac a pusu

  • Nexus Verbal

    An episode of Counter Monkey about your first experience watching The Phantom Menace would be interesting. That is, of course, only if you really have anything to say about it.

    • Anonymous

      That’s not gaming or gaming store related, though.

  • Anonymous

    I vote for more Counter Monkey stories!  These are hilarious!

  • Nagneto Lives

     Oh spoony. NO! Go sit in the corner.

  • Anonymous

    I’m Buddhist and i have one word to say…


    Very good story Noah, you should get your own tv show.

  • davidwev

    oh god!! ahahahahaaa!!! were your other friends laughing as well?

  • Anonymous

    u ever thought ur heart problems could be related to those horribly greasy pizzas?? u shud sue the fuckers!!!

    • Anonymous

      His heart problems don’t seem the type that’d be caused by greasy food but… who knows… And who knows what else was in those pizzas.

    • Anonymous

      lol typical american, sue people for your own irresponsible choices.

      he knew damn well it’s poison and it’s not like he didnt have another option, the chinese food takeout was “30 yards away”

      • Anonymous

        It’s because of people like that bags of peanuts say “Warning: may contain traces of peanuts”.

        It’s sad.

    • Bob Walsh

      I’m not a doctor, but I thought his heart problems were more of an issue with how his nervous system intereacts with his heart, not cholesterol clogging up arteries.

      • George Rosenbaum

        Yeah, if Noah exerts himself, his heart beats harder instead of beating faster. If he exerts too hard, his circulatory system will suffer from the pounding pressure.

        Worst case senario: his arteries explode in his chest. 

  • coostercookie

    oh my god that is fucking hilarious. one time i was in a public toilet a little kid walked in with his dad and the kid went in to the cubicle. his dad was carrying a KFC krushem, but he put it on top of the dryer and went in to help the child. i saw it sat there on the dryer and i remembered that i had an unfinished subway in my bag that had been there for like 4 days and it had like olives and tuna in it, but it was wrapped in plastic and there was only half of it left so i quikly took it out and it was like dripping with manky juice and it stunk of fish. i saw the krushem and just dropped it in and it sank in to the cup so you coulden’t see it. then i just fuckin legged it out. coz the man was opening the door.  

  • Bob Walsh

    I would strongly suggest you pursue your dream of actually making a movie and selling it on DVD.  We know about your Creatures and Caverns idea, but I also remember you mentioning an idea of having a Clerks-style movie about working in a Gaming Store.  I would seriously go for the latter.  Stories like these HAVE to be acted out on camera.  I already bought the other Channel Awesome and Snob movies, I’d buy something from you in a heartbeat!

  • Igor Vinogradov

    so many people like you, Spoony, and they all want to see you sit on your couch with a human-female-spoony-princess, smiles everywhere, nirvana. not impossible.

  • Igor Vinogradov

    so many people like you, Spoony, and they all want to see you sit on your couch with a human-female-spoony-princess, smiles everywhere, nirvana

  • George Rosenbaum

    Hey Noah, I think there something wrong with the updates.

    The latest video is the ‘Toilet Pizza’ video, but when I do a Google search, there is text pertaining to content that isn’t visible or accessible. It makes me think that there SHOULD be new content on the site, but isn’t showing up for some reason.

    Please look into it if you made any updates beyond this video, because if those updates exist, no one can see them. Hopefully you will find this (we’ve met through video comments before, I was the one with the ridiculously long diatribe that I regret posting).

  • Justin

    My explanation of how the pizza got behind the toilet.

         I will go with the first idea set of “the man bought the pizza with his own money”.  So he buys this pizza, and being the greedy, paranoid person that he is(which he has every right to be, I dont want people stealing my “hard earned” pizza) and also needing to go to the bathroom, he decides to bring it with him.  He almost places it on the sink, when his paranoia kicks in and he gets the amazing idea that someone would walts in while he is on the crapper and decide to steal a slice, or ,better yet, steal the whole.  To him, the best mode of action at this point would be to bring the pizza with him into the stall.  Once he was inside and sitting down, he finds out that keeping it on his lap would be discomforting, as well as just stupid.  He decides to place behind the toilet, that way it can be kept safe, wouldnt be the hardest thing to reach when he does decide to leave, and it wouldnt be encroaching into other stalls.  He gets up,leaves the bathroom (most likely forgetting to wash his hands and not flushing), goes back to talking with the rest of them, and going on with whatever he was doing before the initia trip to the bathroom.  But the poor paranoid man completely forgot the horrible, greasy, and disgusting pizza, and left it behind.  And the pizza sat within the bathroom, waiting for a new master to come forth and claim him, sealing itself to be forever perserved. 

         As a side note, I believe the pizza was stuck in that perfect circle(guessing it was a circle) in the middle of the pizza box, because the grease on it was so horrid, that, like the incidents with the paper plates and the table, it became an adhesive and glued the pizza and the box together.  This of course was done before the bathroom incident, so this means the man was most likely keeping the pizza for later, or just never had enough time, due to uncordination or what have you, to actually take a piece out.  There could ,of course, be other explanations to what happened, but I can not think of any that are more realistic at this moment.

    • Artificial Zero

      I think you’re wrong, nobody is going to forget his own pizza permanently.
      To quote myself (one of the first comments):

      …Aside from the disgusting location where it has been placed so that the owner could take a shit; would you really forget a whole pizza ? and not even get it once you’ve remembered ?So I would assume the pizza got into the bathroom in the owners hand, but it wasn’t the same person who placed it in such a location.Now, this depends on how the bathroom was actually designed, but thinking of school bathrooms, your sink comment could actually be true: The owner placed it on the sink, goes into the stall, someone else comes in / or comes from another stall, sees it, and hides it in another stall at the given location. And the owner never found it. Not sure if the toilet even had stalls. But then the location and also the angle would make sense – since this person doesn’t care.

  • Anonymous

    I have to pause 3 minutes in just to tell how hard I’m laughing at all the immature names for “feces”.  Mud Monkey is especially cracking me up…only now I’m thinking of Final Fantasy X-2, so now my feelings are engulfed with dread.  *shudder*  Bad Monkey!

    But now to resume the rest of the video.  I can tell this is gonna be a good one! 

  • Michelle Miller

    LMAO that has to be one of the funniest things I’ve heard. xD And BTW, your horror stories about cleaning the bathroom takes me back to when I worked maintenance at Walmart. I found myself nodding at everything you described people left in public restrooms. And sadly, the women were worse.

  • Anonymous

    After the Lizzie Borden murders in 1892, someone wrote a book or article opining that the murders were so impossible…that they couldn’t actually have happened.

    And even after meditating on it, Spoony couldn’t think of a perfectly plausible explanation as to why a pizza would be under a toilet for six weeks.

    So I guess the good news for Big Mike is that the toilet pizza did not actually exist.

  • JoeCB91

    You spoony bard.

  • JoeCB91

    You spoony bard.

  • Astro Bear

    moar plz

  • George Rosenbaum

    One last post: watch the new 80’s Dan video about “Halloween III”. Guess who Brad got for a skit at the end of his video?

    The Chicago Ghostbusters. Oh yeah, they’re fine blowing off Noah Antwiler’s highly anticipated finale of a popular multi-video review, after PROMISING TO SHOW UP! But an unhyped, single video review? Count the Ghostbusters in.

    This isn’t even really a Cinema Snob review, it’s an 80’s Dan review. I don’t have anything against the quality of the 80’s Dan reviews, but most of Brad’s fans identify him as the Cinema Snob because the Snob reviews are his most prolific and popular videos. 80’s Dan is relatively obscure in comparison, so why are the Ghostbusters wasting their time with a video that people are less likely to watch?

    They probably have their reasons (Brad mentioned something about the Ghostbusters moving to the Midwest), but I bet Noah is just PISSED by this. Maybe I’m wrong in my speculations, but I’d like to see Spoony chew them out if the case is true.

    I wonder what he would say…

    Spoony: “Yeah, NOW they take TGWTG seriously. Assholes. They call themselves Ghostbusters, I wouldn’t pay them to bust the dust bunnies under my couch. These clowns can’t bust ghosts out of their own nutsacks without dildoing each other with their Proton Packs.”

    • Anonymous

      You’re misinformed. Spoony asked the Arizona Ghostbusters. We’re talking a different group of people here. Do some research next time before you make such a comment, because frankly you’re making yourself look like a moron right now.

      • George Rosenbaum

        Are you sure about that? I remember reading about Spoony talking to the Chicago Ghostbusters. Although, it wouldn’t make much sense for the Chicago Ghostbusters to be at an event in Arizona.

        You know what, even if I’m wrong, it would be funny to hear Spoony say the quip at the very end. Doesn’t it sound exactly like something he would say?

  • Anonymous

    Am I the only one that thinks “mud monkey” sounds like a racial slur?

    • Hollie Pickell


  • Michael Kz

    So that’s how you’re able to play Dr. Insano so well.  There is evil in your heart.  ;)

  • Anonymous

    I was like “oh a new spoony video! Alright! Something funny to watch while I have my lunch!” :D

    yeah….. bad idea, but hey! still funny as always. Thank you spoony (although it was super messed up but lol still hilarious)

    • Anonymous

      I really hope you weren’t eating pizza.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony just wondering, is this the notorious peter piper pizza you were talking about?

  • Anonymous

    Ew. Just eeeeew

  • Anonymous

    Anyone ever play “Home Alone” on the Super Nintendo?

    There’s a part where you open a toilet and find an entire pizza in it to eat.
    This story somehow pulled that odd parallel outta my childhood memories.

    • Flipsta Flippy

      Epic. Simply… .epic…..

  • Mary Sulkowski

    For never was there a tale of more woe
    Than of the game shop toilet and pizza below.

  • ダニ ダール

    You’re a pretty good story teller I must say, really enjoyed the part where you described the pizza. I was all ears through the whole clip. Terrible, yet intriguing.

  • Eric McFadden

    so that’s where my pizza went!

  • Justin Work

    Spoony, you sick fuck!  That was easily one of the most hilarious things I’ve heard in a long time…

  • Anonymous

    “…or shower occasionally.”

  • Anonymous

    Say what you will about the toilet habits of these people, but you can’t claim that pizza was in the wrong place.

    • George Rosenbaum

      It was bound to go there eventually, either directly or through the ass tube. Probably better this way, at least Spoony won’t have to clean up.

  • jayrus raijin

    My brother and I discussed the circumstances of the Toilet Pizza and how it came to be a Toilet Pizza for a good hour or so. For awhile we were totally stumped but eventually we puzzled out what we believe is a plausible scenario for how the Toilet Pizza came to be.

    Imagine if you will you’re in the middle of a D&D campaign with a bunch of friends at a game shop. You start getting hungry and ask around the table to see whose interested in chipping in for pizza. After taking donations a pizza is ordered and acquired, but being gamers and the campaign being in full swing everyone is too caught up in the game to stop and eat.

    Hours later the session is over and people are getting up to leave when suddenly “Oh shit that’s right we had a pizza!” So you ask around. “Does anyone still want this pizza?” but by now it’s late, everyone’s tired and wants to go home and relax. Nobody wants to stay and eat the pizza. So now the question is thrown out “Well, does anyone want to take it home? It’s a full pizza?”.

    However nobody really wants to commit. People are already heading out the door and you’re the last one left with this pizza. You’re a teenager, you have no car, you have to walk home. You don’t want to carry the pizza. The store is closing so you can’t stay and eat the pizza. So what do you do? “Well I guess I’ll throw it away…”

    So now you take the pizza to the bathroom to dispose of it. However it’s a full-sized pizza. It won’t fit in the trash can, and what do most lazy slobs do when something won’t fit in the bathroom trash can? Right, they shove it behind the toilet. “Whoever cleans the place will find it and throw it away.” and then you leave.

    however, the poor bastard who cleans the bathroom (In this case Spoony) never thinks to look behind the toilet and thus your pizza remains there for a month and a half, and thus the Toilet Pizza is born. This may not be how it happened, but that’s the theory we came up with. I thought i’d share it with you guys and see if you think it sounds plausible.

    • T.j Mc

       I dunno. I cannot recall a single situation where there wasn’t at least two or three people in my gaming group, though to be fair this would especially be me, who would not lug a full pizza home with them for an entire free pizza… Unless the toppings sucked, but he didn’t mention the toppings.

  • Anonymous

    Now I want to try Peter Piper Pizza.  They have one right by Target and Ross here.  Maybe it’s gotten better since you guys had it at the game store.

    • Anonymous

      That was three days ago. Will we ever hear from TCBLB again? I wonder….Poor guy. Someone, check the local hospital.

      • Anonymous

        I had one Friday.  Tasted just like a Safeway pizza that comes in the black boxes.  It wasn’t bad, but nothing special.  It wasn’t quite the greaseball affair that Spoony made it out to be.  If I want a greaseball pizza, I’ll stick with Rocky Rococo’s, thankyouverymuch!

        That or Spoony’s never had a Rocky’s pizza.

        • Specter Von Baren

          The quality of the food can vary from place to place even if the establishments are for the same company. I’ve had delicious cheese burgers from one Wendy’s but then gone to one across town and found horrible ones.

  • Michael Briel

    Hah! “Counter Monkeys” rings of nostalgia for me… Back in the 90s I managed the first local computer games shop “Joysoft” (c64 days – early playstation 2 days) and right on the other side of the road was the first local roleplaying games shop “Fantasywelt” (both shops don’t exist any more, so it’s not advertising ^^). Needless to say, that our experiences actually were quite like some of the stories that you are telling. :) I guess us geeks are the same all over the world… :)

    Greetings from Germany!

  • Stuart Phip

    And i thought you were wicked as Dubois.

  • George Rosenbaum

    One last post: watch the new 80’s Dan video about “Halloween III”. Guess who Brad got for a skit at the end of his video?

    The Chicago Ghostbusters. Oh yeah, they’re fine blowing off Noah Antwiler’s highly anticipated finale of a popular multi-video review, after PROMISING TO SHOW UP! But an unhyped, single video review? Count the Ghostbusters in.

    This isn’t even really a Cinema Snob review, it’s an 80’s Dan review. I don’t have anything against the quality of the 80’s Dan reviews, but most of his fans identify Brad as the Cinema Snob because the Snob reviews are his most prolific and popular videos. 80’s Dan is relatively obscure in comparison, so why are the Ghostbusters wasting their time with a video people are less likely to watch?

    They probably have their reasons (Brad mentioned something about them moving to the Midwest), but I bet Noah is just PISSED by this. Maybe I’m wrong in my speculations, but I’d like to see Spoony chew out those assholes.

    Spoony: “Yeah, NOW they take TGWTG seriously. Assholes. They call themselves Ghostbusters, I wouldn’t pay them to bust the dust bunnies under my couch.”
    EDIT: Spoony contacted the ARIZONA Ghostbusters to help him, not the CHICAGO Ghostbusters. Sorry, my bad.

    You know what, this post is so funny I’m just gonna leave this post up. The quip at the end really does sound like something that Noah would say.

    • Anonymous

      it must have been a quantum pizza. It preexisted somewhere else and had solidified, then someone put it in the trash in a vertical position, but due to a quantum bubble in the time space continuum it leapt to the position behind the toilet. Of course once spoony found it, being a quantum pizza, the pizza’s existence in THIS timeline became anchored in place. That is why he hadn’t noticed it there before, wrong time and place to behold the pizza.  ;)

  • netherwynd

    My Pokeymans, let me show you them.

  • Védís Rúnarsdóttir

    Oh Spoony, you’re such a bad boy. But seriously, how the hell did you manage to make this video so interesting? You don’t start talking about the actual prank until about 20 minutes in but I was still giggling the entire time. Mad skills, brah.

  • Chandler Corby

    You should release all of these counter monkey stories on MP3 because I want all these on my ipod, this is my 3rd time watching this episode and i’m still not bored of it

    • Brandon Greif

      I’d get iTunes just so I can listen to these in traffic.

  • Anonymous

    Somewhere someone is going man that’s what I did with my pizza.

  • Anonymous

    I had a kid eat 15 year old chicklets from the guess how many jar once. Candy was older than him. Poor Kid.

  • jake

    There was actually a time when I couldn’t physically eat or drink because I was in danger of flailing it all over myself when watching because I was almost pissing myself with laugher.

    this is my third viewing as well….

    You’re awesomeness personified Spoony

  • Tim Terrell

    Yeah, that pizza was hidden or sitting somewhere under a counter or something for a month. It would have had to have hardened before someone flipped it and put it behind the toilet like that. They probably put it behind the toilet that day, which is why you hadn’t seen it before.

    Just for the record I want to point out how foul and nasty you are to have done that. Not only do you let someone bite into a month old pizza coated in hardened grease, but you also handled said pizza with your hands while sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. Nasty.

    • Anonymous

      Really? I thought it was pretty funny, he was playing a practical joke on his friends. Get a sense of humor.

      • Tim Terrell

        You have a sense of humor after getting hepatitis from food handled by people with shit on their hands.

        • Anonymous

          your getting hepatitis the wrong way bro

        • mcninja

          You’d be getting something a lot worse than Hepatitis from toilet pizza. It is a terrible thing to do, but then again, you should notice when your pizza breaks off like a dusty lego from the rest of it.

    • Jordan Stone

      Sounds like someone got toilet pizza-ed or something like it XD what a bitch

  • jackson.aaron94

    WOW just WOW

  • Randall Taylor

     “thats when i started having the evil thoughts” and i made a new line i would not cross with my evil. Maybe.

  • Anonymous

    I now feel better about myself for something i did a few years back, and the victim said he’d forgive me under the condition that i never do it to another person again. I was hanging out at a friend’s dorm room, and he and his ROTC room mate had been chewing gum and handed me a stick. Then randomly they decided to start wrestling there in the room, WHILE they were chewing the gum. So there they were, locked in battle on the floor and i get this idea of how horrible it would be if one of them dropped their gum into the other one’s hair. Then i realize that I have gum.  So while they are struggling, i covertly drop my ABC gum into my friend’s hair and stand back an watch. After they are done wrestling one of them spots the gum. They immediately check their own mouths… “nope, i have mine…  and you have yours.. so where… YOU JERK!” Because of course by this time i can no longer contain my cruel giggling. For what it’s worth, i gave him a whole jar of peanut butter out of the deal, because that’s what he used to get the gum out with.

  • Cure Light

    My guess? Someone found it lying around and went to throw it away but the garbage was full (or something similar) and decided that it’d be easier just to stash it somewhere and make it someone else’s problem.

  • MechaVelma

    No! Bad Spoony! Bad!

  • jagarcia0705

    How can pizza (greasy as it maybe) not get noticed for a month?

  • Rachenar

      Thank you for busting the stereotype that Americans can’t recognize unhealthy food when they see it.

  • Strelnikov

    14:00 I think the idea that Spoony is going for is the grease somehow lacquered the pizza, sealing it from rot.

    The Japanese used to do that to rifle bullets destined for the jungle; they would dip them in a thin shellac to keep the moisture out of the gunpowder. But that was World War II and that pizza was F#@KING DISGUSTING.

  • OgdruJahad

    I shouldn’t have watched this during lunch…

  • mrpink92

    Oh god, I feel so bad for Big Mike….

  • Allaiyah Weyn

    So nice I listened to it twice.

  • Jáchym Kuikka


    • Laurence Phillips

      Yep. Same problem here :/

  • Mike Davis

    Unable to play this episode?


  • IHeart28

    Oh God. That is the most hilarious at the same time terrible thing I’ve ever heard of. You’re a really great storyteller Spoony. Love these story sessions of Counter Monkey

  • Das_Bass

    The comic/card/gameshop shop I go to play MTG at; has a worker that is OCD about keeping the place clean…well we have this one guy, a 350lbs man who smells and is infected with something that puts spots all over his skin and his hair is full of white crap. He somehow infected the ocd worker with a staff infection that he went to the ER for. After that he now bleach bombs the store and floors to keep it more ‘germ free.’ he has not banned the guy from the store due him spending so much on cards and the likes ( at least 400 a month) Needless to say we all don’t touch his hand for a good game shake or anything. We make jokes at his expanse on warhammer days. Never seen that bathroom have pizza in it though.

  • Kryss McNeely

    My local card/game/comic shop had to put up a sign saying “Please do not poop in the trash can.” That didn’t work. They then put it up in Spanish, too. That didn’t work either. So he put it up in Braille. It became such a thing that the owner would put it up in a new language almost every week. People would come just to see what new language he put it in, but the only ones that always stayed were the English and Braille because the one time he took the Braille down, someone pooped in the trashcan…

  • Jegsimmons

    mud monkey!
    hahaha! i could listen to spoony all day.

  • Jegsimmons

    the sad part is…every burger from McDonalads, Burger King, meat from Taco Bell, ect…..can do the same thing as that pizza.
    im not kidding, the fast food meat has so much grease, not only can they last MONTHS, but they found they can last YEARS and not even harden. the burger you get right out of the fryer, would taste the same and feel the same 5 years from now. only thing that would change would be the bun veggies and condiments. meat will be the same.

    thats why i eat grilled meat now with the grease drained from it.

  • Forte

    Great episode Spoony, and sorry about your sink. I was on PCP, and I thought I was in Japan with all the cartoony characters and strange games around. I thought it was one of their modified toilets, and I had to go really bad.

    In all seriousness though, let this be a lesson. If you do bad things to your friends, you may one day have your own web show where you repeat the story and be a smashing success.

  • ThiaTheMuse

    I created this account just so that I could leave this picture:

  • DH

    dude that’s something you do to someone you hate daamn!
    So I think I have an explanation someone was sneaking food( I am just as guilty *sigh*)
    I think maybe the guy who hid it was probably was on a strict diet from a lover to lose weight or lower cholesterol or whatever, so ever once in while he probably sneak food in places other than home. So he went to bathroom eat Pizza and I think he answered the phone and put the pizza behind the toilet to talk on his cell phone just in case his lover was calling( or his pager beeped don’t how old the story is) . So something about that call made he totally forget the pizza was there and he left as soon as possible. that’s my theory .

  • likalaruku

    You have no idea how many times I’ve relistened to Counter Monkey episodes while playing Minecraft.

    • Tony Molock

      funny thing that is exactly what im doing at this moment

  • likalaruku

    He playz duh Pokeymanz.

  • josh martyn

    played D&D with four guys each hated each other that day something about 5th player she was popular well I was in high school at the time the guys were meta-gamers you know people who bring facts from outside the game into the game Miles , Kary , J.L.K , Wes and Troy they were all in the same Village in the game I’m a D&D vet. so i knew something was gonna happened the village was under attack by twelve undead not say what kind of undead I’m a not a mean DM but I’m not friendly DM I chose to force them to work with each other these guys like acting like there characters I some time I do it to Kary told me she was gonna kill there Characters i just said its your call she was an assassin she gave all the guys drinks laced with i don’t remember what kind of poison they thought nothing of it but when the attack happen they found it odd that she was long gone and they when they were fighting the undead there characters were passing out Kary was halfway to the next village they put two and two together the undead were level 1 so they were passing out into the enemy’s blade and I couldn’t think of a way to get them out. Miles was a Barbarian and was in like a rage mode so his was basically in a drunk rage and by some unknown way he lived after that fight but outside the game he was pissed he was the only one that wasn’t laughing when she reveled that she poison them he was so mad he was talking gibberish like “shepoisonededuswhysshegonnadointhati’ll?????withachimpand????????” and he just stormed off that’s one of my story’s how you enjoy

    • CheshireBat

      Breaking it up in paragraphs really would have helped. It’s hard to get through a block of text like that.

      Sounds like a terrible group, though. Meta gamers, and a fifth player that wanted to destroy the group for no reason at all.

  • Rachel Meeks

    No no no. The only reason I can see for anyone doing that is that someone had to have pissed all over the pizza and left it there hoping someone would eat it. Gotta be.

    …just, ew.

  • Zipper Dragon

    Here is my theroy. Now keep in mind, I’m a believer in Karma, & Irony,
    Big Mike: Heh, this will really mess with Spoony. *Leaves pizza behind the toilet* Heheh Noah’s gonna look like such a shithead.
    *1 month later* All memory of the pizza prank is gone

  • Zipper Dragon

    Big mike: “I pick up the pizza”
    D.M.: “Roll to hit.”
    Big mike: “18! I hit.”
    DM: “Roll a saving throw.”
    Big mike: *rolls succsesfully*
    DM: “The pizza explodes into dust like a smoke bomb.”

  • nicolbolas

    I have a theory about how a full pizza came to find itself there. The key evidence to me is the fact that the toppings of the pizza stayed put despite it being at an angle. The only way that could happen is if the pizza wasn’t fresh by the time it got there.

    Here’s the theory. A large group of people order pizza. However, they order too much, and there’s one full pizza left over. Time passes and the pizza hardens. The group finishes whatever they’re doing, so someone has to throw it out. But the trash is full. They head to the bathroom, but perhaps the trashcan there is too small. So they chuck it behind the sink, just to get rid of it.

  • Daniel Tilson

    The pizza would have had to sit out for at least a couple hours so the cheese could harden enough to remain in place… So it’s entirely likely that whoever took it in there had no intention of eating it.

    I got nothing for why they’d put it behind the toilet… Unless it was with the intent of either getting rid of it so they wouldn’t have to deal with it… Or intending to do something like Spoony did here, but more likely a shorter time period, and then forgot that it was there.

  • Alex Stockwell

    I’m thinking Arizona is not a great place for pizza. Kinda like Mexican food in England.

  • wiimanclassic

    Wait, pissed INTO the ceiling? Did he take one of the covers on the drop down off and somehow piss through the hole?
    Was Smiling Jack’s last name Roberts?

  • Segatron

    that little shoulder devil you alluded too. Was that the birth of Doctor Insano?

  • George Plellis

    Might have been an apology pizza for you by the diarrhea guy or the piss flood guy that wished to remain anonymous and the best way was to hide it somewhere only the cleaner would find it.

  • Alis

    My God… sitting here listening I’m just going “No, No, No you didn’t! DON’T EAT THAT! OH GOD, WHY!” Like I was watching a horror movie or one of my grandma’s soap operas. That hilarious, but just awful- in both senses of the word. I am filled with awe about awful that was.

  • fireball3477

    I have the same toilet experience at work. I honestly don’t know what some of my colleagues are thinking, or how they even manage to produce this mess. How do you get your shit up so high it reaches the ceiling?! Well, I don’t want to know the answer anyway. At least I don’t have to clean this. Poor charwoman.

  • Iski Jonali

    Someone really needs to make an animated short of this thing.

  • Lpwn Wolf

    Most likely scenario you seem to be overlooking:

    Guy wants to play sick prank on the others he doesn’t really like. Guy orders pizza. Guy takes pizza into bathroom. Guy -pisses- on pizza. Guy loses nerve to go through with it. Guy hides it.

    Most likely since the guy didn’t even bother taking any…

    You fed your friends month-old piss pizza.

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