Counter Monkey – Thieves’ World, Part 1: Don’t Interrupt

The Spoony One | Mar 4 2012 | more notation(s) | 

Spoony tells the tale of his Thieves’ World campaign, in which some players get a little too…excited.

  • Nikolina

    Oh I was looking forward to this one. 

  • Joe Pierce

    First. and how the hell did facebook know my real name when it isn’t anywhere in my profile information.

    • Shadowdancer21b

      Because the Many are watching you, numberwhore.  You can only first so many more times before they strike.

      • Joe Pierce

         This was my first one…

  • HedonisteEgoiste

    Oh yes! Counter Monkey <3

  • peteman

    Oh God, the Wheel Of Time D20 game was terrible. The Magic System I remember being okay, but they used that GODAWFUL Star Wars D20 conversion. Not Revised or Saga, the original. I tried to play the fan-made Saga conversion online just to wash the taste out of my mouth.

    Oh, and non-spellcasters were nowhere near as cool as spellcasters, but that’s kind of inherent to the setting.

  • Marius Chusterus VII

    CM it´s, actually, one of the best shows I ever seen from Ze Spoony-meister.

  • Edgar

    Two extra long CM on the same day?
    Have I died and gone to heaven?

  • Efrain Ibarra

    Bandoliers of acid? That sounds worse than just someone that just carries it around and throws it.

  • Colin David Lawrence Beaupré

    I lol’d before the video even started.
    Dat shirt XD

  • detflygandespaghettimonstret

    “To the Face” was the funniest joke/story/anything I ever seen Spoony produce. The entire situation was just so brutaly hilarious in so many unmentionable ways. Just the mental imiges appearing in my head of the various characters reactions to this was absolutely gold.

    First time poster btw.

  • Me!

    Fucking ACID thrown in his FACE!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA oh facepalm

  • Alix Juarez

     “Are you ready for another long, rambling story about gaming?”
    Yes. Yes I am.

  • Shadowdancer21b

    The god is Vashanka, who is a war god and a smith god, and a rape god.  Fun portfolio, Vashanka has.

  • Diana McCleery

    I so love these videos… these are something no one else could replicate. Even if they had great stories of their own, everyone’s experiences are unique. 

  • ORCACommander

    knife to throat in bed is a coup de grace rule

    • Anyone00

      I was thinking that also.

  • jake

    Dude I gotta ask, are you the Caterpillar from dungeonland?
    because i’ve got to get up in 4 fucking hours for work yet i’m still watching this and fully intent on watching the next one.

    • goodguya


    • Adam Barnes

      I start a new job tomorrow and chances are i’ll still be watching Spoony video game reviews. Expecially the Final Fantasy videos

  • Chessd4d5bg5

    Woot Rambling story about gaming my fav

  • modtyrant

    Hahaha, spoony thinks the christian god is good. Let’s see: genocide, infanticide, animal sacrifices and many more wonderful and pleasant things.


    • Atmos_Duality

      When you think about it, going into the realm of all-powerful means the concept of “good/evil” becomes rather irrelevant.
      Just “is” and “isn’t”.

      • modtyrant

        Yeah, if you’re a completely insane person that believes that this kind of stuff is real. Just because some thing or some one can do some thing, does not make it right. You have a absence of morality in the terms of deities, if you hold those words to be true.

        • Atmos_Duality

          I find it hilarious when atheists talk about how religion is irrational (it is; any faith-based belief or philosophy is) and “eeeevill”, and then proceed to preach about their own sense of “right or wrong” when it is also irrational.

          Truth is: There is Physical Law for morality. There is no “natural” ethical code. It’s entirely arbitrary either to an individual or a collective.
          In fact, civilization and social contract is a compromise scenario for cooperation; it’s flexible and the ethics and morality of any given civilization change over time.
          If there were an explicit definition of “Right/Wrong”, it would be a universal constant found somewhere, and that simply is not the case.

          In the absence of natural law, I find it counter-intuitive, and meaningless to project and condemn theistic/atheistic philosophies; I simply have more important things to do with my limited time.

          Without going too far down the “rabbit hole”, human history and conflict is just a series of collectives vying for dominance. “Guilty” and “innocent” is simply a matter of perspective.

          In this, I can see how a hypothetical deity would be above morality if they write the laws for their existence, the universe (and they must, by definition of being “almighty”).
          Tangentially: I always found a bit of insanity interesting. A safe banal life is a stagnant hell.

          • modtyrant

            Haha, it was a joke in response to spoony because he said “God is good” and I’m defining god based by the context of the bible. I said nothing towards the religious or even the religion. Stop being a tight ass. You are also over generalizing atheists, that’s not cool.

          • Atmos_Duality

            Lets back the train up a bit here.

            “Yeah, if you’re a completely insane person that believes that this kind of stuff is real.”

            Given the previous context, I can only assume you’re talking about deities, and those who believe in them.
            Which would include everyone who believes in a theistic religion…what a coincidence!

            How could the “rational/irrational” argument be “overgeneralizing” when it is the most central belief they have against religion? I’d go so far to say that it’s the defining philosophy of an Atheist “Without God/gods” or “Without the irrational”.

            It’d be like “overgeneralizing” Christians because I claimed they all are supposed to believe in Jesus Christ.

            Whatever. Eat, drink, and be merry.

          • modtyrant

            I was talking about fucking D&D, jesus.

          • Atmos_Duality

            Mm, k.

            “Hahaha, spoony thinks the christian god is good. Let’s see: genocide, infanticide, animal sacrifices and many more wonderful …”

            That’s a joke? About D&D?
            Either you fail at humor, or you’re a really poor liar.

    • Vismutti

      Well, to be fair, the New Testament version of him is a bit more benign… But then again, the New Testament considers the Old Testament canon so… yeah.

  • Steve O.

    Crap! I was looking forward to a Babylon 5-themed Counter Monkey, esp after Iron Liz’s review of the game painting it as kind of awesome. (…Well, ok, it’d end up as “the PCs gang up on Purple-Kosh or Bester and prove the All or No Jedi rule”, but it’d still be a fun combo as my B5 fix is running on full engines lately. XD)

    Ooooh boy, I have NO idea how a guy like Tempus Thale could even REMOTELY be taken seriously in something that comes off this dark. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you did good with what you had to work with, but how many bad fanfics have we seen with exactly this kind of SUPAH SEXY POWAHFUL INVINCIBLE HEEROW plastered on Organization 13 pornsites? If he were a full-blown villain it’d be slightly more tolerable, but an immortal demigod who can kill/rape without ANY consequences save going into the Cone of Brooding as one of the protagonists? Screw that noise.

    Also, BEST ENDING BATTLE EVER. Seriously, this campaign’s ending is effing god-tier.

  • Peter Stohl

     Very good episode. I am always looking forward to Counter monkey!

  • Steve O.

    Compared to fuckers like Zeus, Loki, and Quetzacoatl? At least the Christian God is predictable. XD

    • modtyrant

      I agree he is very predictable. I prayed for world peace last night and the fucker didn’t respond for the millionth time.


      • Steve O.

        BUT he won’t impregnate you with a golden shower or troll Valhalla, which to me is a pretty big plus. XD

        • Jayden Reynolds

          Instead, he’ll just plain impregnate you :P

  • Sai

    I dunno, the idea of a thief character that insists “I’m not that kind of thief” when asked to do anything is kind of funny. Granted maybe more in a book than a game.

  • Striker Ecleis

    …Heheh, I totally lost it at the ‘Pledge Allegiance’ part.

    This show makes my day everytime.

  • Windlenot

    I really liked the story and tale of the acid to the face, but an hour in, I noticed: are those ZP imps on the bookshelf?

  • Taco Dan

    Is it just me, or is Spoony slowly morphing into Jesus?

    • Nick Bagnall

      That, or a Paulbot – he mentioned both “the golden rule” and Jerry Doyle. He must have a Pauler friend.

      • Steve O.

        Tis a sad, sad day when Jerry Doyle’s personal batshit craziness can overshadow his most awesome role ever. Happened to Christian Bale for a bit, IIRC. XD

      • ftidus12

        “Paulbot”? “Pauler”?

        Paul Giamatti is actually a cybernetic organism?! Egads!

  • Elizabeth

    Funny they called those soldiers the Sacred Band.  The real Sacred Band was a Theban elite group of hoplites that consisted of 150 couples of lovers, formed around the 4th century BCE. If I remember correctly, when Phillip II of Macedon defeated them, often with lovers dying in each others arms, he lamented having to kill them

  • ORCACommander

    I’ll repeat what i said a while back. Spoony you show up at pax east and i see you you are getting meal on me and you can’t say no

  • Kinigget

    If I may, I’d say tempus (sp?) is something akin to what in the Malazan Book of the Fallen world is known as a mortal sword.  Basically the chosen champion of a particular god.

    He also sounds a lot like Kallor from the same continuity.  Evil as all hell but still interesting.

    Helpful at all?

  • RightousMan

    very very very GOOD! Story spoony. Brings me back to the gaming days.

  • Richard Schindley

    Both Warhammer series are open world, and still going strong today. 

  • Lee Erickson

    One of the good things about Wheel of Time, is within the universe, there are multiple “mirror worlds.”  So if you don’t want to worry about upsetting canon, you can set the game in one of them, where the story won’t be ruined if you run into a major character, or maybe the main characters don’t even exist.  It also lets you tweak things slightly (maybe you want the game to take place in a world where the taint on saidin doesn’t exist).  Of course, it depends on the players, too.  They might WANT to have it take place within the main world/timeframe of the series.  The problem with a game like that is more like what you said about why you’ve never played the Song of Ice and Fire RPG…it’s really only accessible to people who have read the series.  You could theoretically get a “crash course” of the basic lore if you haven’t read it and wanted to play it, but it would probably be annoying to people who are familiar with the series, because, especially if you’re trying to do heavy RP, people probably won’t act appropriately otherwise.

  • Korey Mueller

    Woah!  More than two hours worth of new Counter Monkey?  This is the best thing I could see after a day at work!

  • warxepb

    Glorious, masterful, awesome and many other adjectives that could accurately describe this campaign. “Acid… TO THE FACE!” is a great line, as is “Skull-fucking her to death”, though I’m probably not as disturbed at that one as I should have been.

    And the ending battle sounded like a masterpiece. Seriously, if they made this into a movie, I’d watch the hell out of it. To all you movie producers out there: get the rights to Spoony’s Counter Monkey videos and make a movie about them! Nerds will love you forever!

  • Jayden Reynolds

    I propose we make Spoony Continuity a trope page on TVTropes – replace the Alternate Universe thing with that.

    Also, Tempus Thale (given that this video is the first I’ve heard of him) sounds less like Kratos and more like a Daemon Prince of Khorne. Just saying.

  • draxo

    Tempus: Skeletor! :D

  • Christina

    Counter Monkey is back, hurray! :-) I love these stories.

    There is a Thieves World RPG? I didn’t know that.

    I used to to read Thieves World anthologies in the 1980s (who didn’t?), and I think I know the novel about Tempus Thales that Spoony mentioned. I eventually stopped, because I got annoyed by the way that some authors made their ego-characters into huge Mary-Sues, so I have never read the later novels.  According to Wikipedia, there’s been a revival, and the series is still going?

    My favorite character from the Thieves World was the battlewizard Randal, who was part of the Stepsons regiment. The guys who could turn himself into a dog, and had two left feet and allergies, but had somehow managed to survive the war at the Wizardwall, so he wasn’t quite as incompetent as he appeared to be on first sight.

    Tempus Thales on the other hand… I HATED him. Not only was he boring as a character, because he was basically unbeatable, but also because he was a sadistic sociopath. I still remember a scene where Tempus raped an innocent messenger boy, a eunuch, to death, just to “send a message” to someone. Our hero, folks!

    • ORCACommander

       I take it you can not follow the tale of a villain and can only stomach a heroism and happy endings? now as a poorly made character i can agree with you as being unbeatable and brooding with only the random slaughter and torture is boring

      • Christina

         Oh, I liked most of the other Thieves World characters. But not Tempus. Because what’s the narrative point of having a sociopath character who by writer fiat can neither be reigned in, stopped, nor beaten  as the central character?

        A villain who is nothing but evil may be useful as a an opponent, but not as a main character. If you weave a tale of a “villain-hero” it must contain some element of possible redemption, or at least some constructive element, to explain why the reader should be invested in the character. Otherwise the logical narrative outcome for a complete and utter amoral sadistic monster is that is WILL be beaten, because everyone will at some point band together and stop it. However, if the writers simply define that their divine immortal monster can never be defeated ever (in a setting where even GODS can fall! what absurdity) then the sole remaining question is: Why hasn’t Tempus killed everyone already?

        Or, let me rephrase that: If Tempus can basically do what he wants because he has no conscience and no interest in anything but slaughter, and no-one can stop him, and no-one can control him, and his goddess actively wants him to create a reign of murder, what is the appeal for me (as a writer or a player) to place my own characters in such a story, when my character is only alive as long as he kisses up to Tempus Thales?

        • ORCACommander

           god points. however i said villain not villain hero. but your right there needs to be something that will make the reader invest in a villainous main character and unfortunately for most audiences that requires making him sympathetic go through a redemption otherwise you risk alienating the reader with the person’s twisted and malevolent ways.

  • Rafat Chowdhury

    “I’m not that kind of thief” must be put on a shirt and sold right now

    • Vismutti

      Me too! :D

    • sbkMulletMan

       Yeah, I have a feeling “I’m not that kind of thief” is the next “Counter-Song!” or “I’m the Goddamn Avatar!”.  Not as versatile in it’s use, but it’ll come up as a regular thing I’ll wager.

      And you know what?  I like the thought of this!  But how badly limited are you when you’re a thief character and “I’m not that kind of thief” is frequently uttered to the point where it might as well be your catch phrase? 

      “Well what the Hell kind of thief ARE you?!”

      “I plagiarize on my essay papers”

      “…Get the Hell out of here!”

    • level_control

      “I’m not that kind of thief” = I’m gonna be a total douche bag for the whole game

      “I’m not that kind of thief” t-shirt = I’m gonna be a total douche bag for my whole life

  • Sev Hajinian

    these really are the best stories ever.  seriously, if i die young, i want you to tell my eulogy at my funeral.

  • Reza

    Nothing beats relaxing on a weekend night, watching Counter Monkey over a glass of scotch whisky… until Spoony’s hilariousness makes the scotch whisky go up your nose.

  • Aschthebloody

    so tempest is kind of like the younger Toguro brother with the personality of the older.

  • MichaelT

    I truly, honestly, deeply believe that this story could be made into a really good movie!

    • sbkMulletMan

       Or even better, a weekly cartoon series! 

      Kind of like a Tales from the Crypt or Creepshow frame story, and Spoony (most likely as the Gatekeeper) can host the tales. 

  • CSDragon

    90 minutes? Try over 2 hours. :O

    Great story tho. XD

  • Matthew Guiddy

    NICE!  I love the Counter Monkey vids and was happy to see another posted… I was ecstatic to see it was a two parter, and euphoric to see it was over 2 hours total!

  • Marquel Lee

    Your Counter Monkey vids are the goddamn best!! 
    That was an enthralling story. You really got me wanting to try these kind of games out.

  • Nick Kratz


  • ScreamingDoom

    Man, I’d so play in a Babylon 5 game with you, Spoony. That’d be fucking awesome.

    Please tell us the tale of your Babylon 5 game! I MUST KNOW!

    Not that this story wasn’t suitably epic, of course. Although… why didn’t the idea of trapping Tempest in a ‘I Have No Mouth, But I Must Scream’ thing ever occur to the PCs? I mean, if they couldn’t really kill him, the next best thing would be to have him encased in stone or concrete or sunk into a volcano or the bottom of the ocean or something. Some place where he’s going to be alive and conscious, but unable to actually get free.

  • Aaron Kerr

    That paladin was NOT playing the character right. A priest of the Raven Queen would not give two shits about a plague or fire, beyond maybe sanctifying the corpses so they don’t rise as undead. One of her paladins wouldn’t have their eyes light up unless they came across a lich or wizard researching immortality, cause then he gets to bash the fucker’s head in for being arrogant. I imagine one of her priests wouldn’t be very good at healing, either.

    • Vismutti

      Weeelll…. Maybe he was just a weirdo? :D

    • EatTheHumans

      Heh I actually played a Paladin of the Raven Queen after my group switched to Fourth Ed. The guy ended up leading a fucking crusade against the undead. I also played him as a really nice, open, gregarious guy which just confused everybody.

      • Aaron Kerr

        That’s how you do it, yeah!

    • ORCACommander

      you can play a class wrong or a race wrong but you can not play a character wrong since a character is a player creation and if he has put enough backstory or thought into it it can set up plot hooks and create for interesting interactions.

  • Billy Olsson

    In my dnd game I was ignorant enough to actually give our elven seeker a modified repeating crossbow that shoots 5 grenade weapons per turn.

    Yea i know stupid.

    But then he actually got ahold of actual grenades.
    He found blastingpowerd and made bombs.

    The bombs do 1%die and 1 d10 so that a bomb can maximum make 100 damage and a minimum of 1 damage.

    But it kinda gets broken when they can open up a battle by shooting out 5 bombs at a boss, pretty much bloodying the boss with the first attack.

    • ORCACommander

       ya i have a problem with one of my friends who constantly homebrews things into the game and gm saying sure. ffs he brought in a heavy bolter in a spycraft campaign. and now he gming our sunday game and is basically turning  pathfinder into a combination of wow grind and warhammer 40k

  • Damien Allyn Eldridge

    I listen to your counter monkey stories while I work on my comic illustrations, and this has been probably the most entertaining 2 hours I have ever spent on the internet. 

    You have a great talent for telling stories in a gripping way. Keep it up Spoony.

  • Bathmatt

    I didn’t think Spoony’s Counter Monkey stories could get any
    better, but goddamn does this prove me wrong. This is
    the kind of campaign legends are told of.

  • Adam Stackenland

    wow! That was an epic start!

  • Shawn Roske

    just discovered your site today. excellent quality to your vlog. looks like you’re not on youtube for me to subscribe. do you have an rss feed? –best

    • ORCACommander

       there are rss feeds for this site check the home page should be near the facebook icon

  • Vismutti

    I squee’d out loud when I noticed the new video. I squee’d AGAIN when I noticed it was counter monkey. I squee’d for the THIRD time when I noticed there were TWO PARTS of it.

    And even with that said… this story is still better than I expected. It’s fucking AWESOME. And I still have the second video left to watch… 8D

    Btw, the alternate universe thing is a genius idea for RPGs. I’ve actually seen it used before but not for this type of games. (I usually play pretty unconventional RPGs, the kind that focus on character interaction, there may not even be an actual GM or if there is they usually have their own PCs (because there is no predetermined plot; the GM is only there to maintain the rules and solve game related conflicts) and where people actually often play existing characters from one or more different franchises. Obviously those characters are usually “taken out” of their worlds so they basically become alternative universe versions of themselves and sometimes the player might flat out change them from the start. Like someone might play like Luke Skywalker and someone else might play a female version of Harry Potter or whatever. I know, I get weird looks when I explain this to people who only play classic tapletop RPGs…)

  • Blackbot

    Now, this MIGHT be too obvious…but…it’s an Internet Video. Why didn’t you just bleep over your slip of the name? I’m honestly confused.

  • ftidus12

    Yeah, I remember a particularly bad campaign (a RIFTS adventure we were trying to re-purpose into a Dr. Who game) wherein the players damn near wiped out their party and universe every other adventure because of how absolutely munchkiney the players became. It got so bad that I had to introduce a universal reset button as an actual plot point to keep the game going.

    After that, they just LOOKED for ways to nuke the universe just to see me have to pull it together again.

  • sbkMulletMan

    The most fun I have in Counter-Monkey are the “oh, NO!” moments.  That moment where I can see where the story is going and everything unfolds in my mind shortly before Spoony fully explains it.  And the acid to the face was one of the big ones!

    To me, it sounded like the end to a 3 Stooges episode, where something happens and everyone runs like Hell to escape “the mad boss” while the theme music plays them out.  Only this poor guy got more than a simple pie to the face!  I think I need to picture every Counter-Monkey as if The Three Stooges were the characters, that might make things even funnier.

    Also, I feel kind of bad (not really!) because the moment I saw that Spoony was using pseudonyms, I knew he’d fuck up.  We all knew he would fuck up!  And he knew that we knew he would fuck it up, and that moment gave me a very satisfied laugh. 

    Well, now to watch part 2! 

  • Unholy Fire Dragon

    Oh my god, Kenny escaped being instantly killed! That magnificent bastard. :-D

  • Niko Mikael Penttilä

    My God… Your stories are just getting better and better. Hope to hear tons more in the future!

  • LordAnderzzon

    Hmm… A bit oot but: Was the swedish roleplaying game Drakar och Demoner (Dragons and Deamons) ever translated into english?

    I’ve never played D&D but I do play Dragons and Deamons a lot.

  • Princess Stabbity

    … Epic. That is all.

  • CraigAA

    I don’t give a single shit about table top games…..but this story is really entertaining. Spoony should do audio books.

  • Tor Nordmark

    Waterdeep… its quite like sanctuary

  • Logion

     Counter Monkey definitely needs it’s own intro song. And you should add some candlelights or something to brighten the mood because this is really nice to just sit and listen to.

    • ORCACommander

       brighten the mood? he skull fucked a bar wench to death!

      • sbkMulletMan

         Oddly enough, hearing that part is what lightened my mood by making me laugh.

        What the Hell does that SAY about me!?

        • chaosmaster

          … That you are probably a regular reader of Fan Fiction Friday?

          • CryoSyde


      • Logion

         You are right. Darken the mood would be more appropriate. But yeah. I think it would add to the experience. Imagine Spoony sitting in some old dungeon, with old books and telling such stories.

  • Juha Keränen
    • chaosmaster


      You threw acid in his fucking face. Your argument is invalid.

  • Patrick Høiseth

    I feel this should be a movie on its own. Counter Monkey really reached its true potential with this one. 

    • SoldierHawk

       Seconded. What an awesome story.

      Your group sounds a lot like my current gaming group, Spoony. We’re blessed with an amazing GM, great players, and an epic homebrew fantasy setting. LOVE. IT. SO.

  • rollerickus

    I´m 37 minutes in and hear the paladins of death. I once tried to play a truly neutral necromancer, who summoned skellies and zombies because he believed the souls already passed away, and remains are just lifeless stuff. I got a lot of criticism from the other players, although in moral I was the one most aligned to good.
    Is it just me, or could anyone else play a good necromancer?

    • Atmos_Duality

      I played a Lawful Good Necromancer who reanimated the dead warriors of his fallen tribe. Though for that setting (which I created as part of a conceptual contest among a few fellow GMs), it was a great honor to serve again in death so that their civilization would survive.

      Not all were brought back as undead though, due to how costly and potentially dangerous it was to use Necromancy. However, the setting was conductive towards that end: they lived in a mountainous region near a river valley; food outside of the valley was scarce, their numbers limited and the wildlife very dangerous (Wyvern territory).
      So they frequently “recycled” their strongest warriors and workers out of necessity in “un-living funerals”.

      I thought it was better than the usual “death cult” clergy/necromancers. Or worse, the brooding death-obsessed “dark knight/necromancer” (“Emo-mancers” I called them).

      • rollerickus

        Ah, a very cool idea, the tribesman! As I always thought, using the dead isn’t good or bad, it’s the way that it’s used that makes it good or bad.

        Also with my necromancer/cleric I used a neat trick where I myself was cured my negative damage (some weird feat), and with healing and hurting spells I could essentiualy suck the darkness out of companions, and either heal myself with it too, or redirect it towards other enemies. Or even cure my undead. I was the ultimate conductor for energy. :D

    • Katrin

      I think it has more to do with how the character meshes with the party. I don’t know what the other character were like. But I find a character like yours can be frustrating, because they tend to create distractions for the group frequently like bringing unwanted attention to the party, or create conflicts with the beliefs of other party characters.

      The character Spoony is talking about also sounds like one that the player took too seriously. It sound like no one really dug the character. They don’t find his character quirks amusing. They find them annoying and distracting, which usually just has to do with the tastes of the players.

      So I guess I would just say, it all depends on the group you are playing with and the type of campaign you are in. The best games I’ve seen have always been ones in which people aren’t just trying to make cool character, but rather trying to make characters that will best entertain and serve the group. It doesn’t mean you have to be a hive mind or all be really similar, but it helps when a character doesn’t clash with everyone horribly.

      • rollerickus

        I think it’s true that it depends on what the party and players is/are. And we all used our out-of-game minds to decide if resurrection was moraly ok. But I agree that every character’s goal should be to support the party a 100%. Characters should be different in their convictions (not too different though).
        And btw, I was the healer and supporter in the party, I think I was pretty helpfull.
        anyway, thanks for your comment.

    • Aaron Kerr

      I always wanted to play a good Necromancer in Rifts, because (barring one small instance in North America) the magic itself is not evil. I wanted a Ley-line Walker/Necromancer mix. Too bad no-one else ever wanted to play.

      • rollerickus

        Wanted to play with that character or wanted to play Rifts at all? I don’t know the setting, it sounds nice on Wikipedia. Although my party always wanted DnD Forgotten Realms. They played too much Baldurs Gate :D

    • Lunam_Kardas

       Man I’ve always wanted to play a necromancer like Rilian of Dominic Deegan.

  • Katrin

    You know what’s more fucked up than having a character that uses acid grenades?

    So I was once in a D&D game where some idiot decided to play an alchemist similarly and mostly just throw vials of acid and flame at our opponents, but… BUT… HE HAD SHIT STATS FOR THROWING!
    For every 3 opponents he killed, he would have gotten 4 dramatic failures in the process. And all of these encounters where in small enclosed spaces.After he accidentally killed two members of our team(and burned everyone, including himself), we managed to forcefully stop him.Worst Game Ever. 

    • Emperor_Z

      Though initially upset at having been kicked from his adventuring party, the alchemist later found work as a SWAT officer.

  • Kevin Holsinger

    Yep, I totally did the death-priest thing back in the day.  Never got THAT morbid with it, though.  Perhaps I lacked imagination.

    On an unrelated subject: am I the only person who’s not seeing Blip ads anymore?  These Thieves’ World videos must’ve crashed on me almost 10 times before I finished them, and never once did I see an ad when they restarted.  I don’t like ads, but don’t want to deprive Spoony of his cash-flow.

    • ORCACommander

       sometimes blip gives you ads soemtimes they don’t.

      I am working on a a tengu inquisitor of pharasma atm under pathfinder rules right now. not going to go with the whole brooding motif but my char is going to go berserk when he comes across undead.

    • Vismutti

      I heard something about Blip not showing the ads in some countries anymore. I have the same issue… I’d love to give Spoony revenue but… no ads.

  • Erik Kowalsky

    I actually read the whole Game of Thrones book, so I’m glad I knew what you’re talking about, hah

  • SoldierHawk


  • John McGill Jamie Conklin

    Did Spoony just say he wasn’t a big fan of WoT?


  • Skolex

    So the character Tempest is pretty much Kaim Argonar from Lost Odyssey?

  • Kale Parton

    This is the single greatest gaming story I’ve ever heard. You’ve given me so many ideas for my own D&D campaign. You sir, are the true God. Not Tempest.

  • Amy Flynn

    Yay!!!  Spoony’s back, and it’s a counter monkey?  Day= made.  Also I love that shirt.  I need to get one of those… or play DnD sometime so I can justify wearing it… Sigh my life is too busy.

  • Okanehira

    That was worth the 50minute build up for the ACID IN THE FACE!!!!!!

    Didnt see it coming and it made me laugh like fuck, on to part 2!!

  • Mandy Marie Overby

    Hilarious.  :)  I loved hearing this story!

  • Michael Mark Maczynski

    “I throw a flask of acid AT HIS FACE!”

  • rewind83709

    This was AWESOME!
    You know I thought that the thief saying, “I’m not that kind of thief,” was going to be a running gag.
    Great story Spoony, glad to have you back sir, thanks again.

  • Aron Marczylo

    That wa spretty awesome story, however I will have to disagree on you about not using a published adventures because many of the ones I’ve found are so flexable that characters can get away with most stuff, especially if you’re a good DM and can come up with what would happen in that situation.

  • Alban Berisha

    I just started playing d&d for the first time in my life, and sure enough, my first character ever is a paladin of The Raven Queen. ^^

  • Kevin Greene

    There is another open world story, it’s called Metamor City. I don’t know if it has gone to RPG but It is a podcast. I hope Spoony don’t mind me giving them a plug

  • LordBejita

    Really enjoyed both of these videos, I miss playing table top RPGs a lot.  The acid story reminded  me of a time I was DM.  The party peeked in to a room where some mages were around an orb suspended in mid air.  The fighter decided to put on a Helm of Invisibility and go into the room.  In his infinite wisdom he tackled the orb to try to take it, but the orb was actually a Sphere of Annihilation.  So not only did he instantly disintergrate to nothingness, but because he was invisble none of the party members knew what happened.

    • ftidus12

       I have to say…that’s the funniest campaign story I’ve heard in awhile. 3 Internets for you.

  • TheSlickMan

    Acid Flask to the Face: Arrow to the knee before it was cool

  • Jumpooleez

    You said “Brendan” before you caught yourself saying it

  • William “BooRat” Blackshire

    This sounds like a great episode of a TV show or a great series in itse;f of a band of new thieves in this world full of much more badass characters an only threw dumb luck do they bumble threw it!

  • Dustin Smith

    I love how you say “in the face” lol

  • Lockgar

    Make this a podcast, there is really no real reason these need to be videos.

    • Aaron Kerr

      Shut up.

      • Lockgar

        I’m serious, it would be faster to download for those of us who don’t have great connection speed, and it looks he doesn’t really need the video most of time except when he pulls up something to show to the camera which is few and far between. It probably would be easier to include other people too into it to give their feed back on these table tops as well since they wouldn’t have to be with him in front of the camera.

        Although, I guess it would make it less likely that people would download it if it was just audio, I know I do that at times.

        • Vismutti

          I get your problem because I have it too… but I do like the video version… maybe a smaller quality video?

        • ORCACommander

           you realize you can go to the blip rss feed and download mp3’s right?

          not everything is in mp3 though

          • rewind83709

             That is a great link, but to bad they don’t have Spoony and Brad’s podcast on Transformers 3.
            I have their discussion on the Rocky series, I would love to have the Transformers 3 discussion.

  • Matthew M Perry

    For anyone wondering Tempus’ 3.5e stats (like I was):


    Male Azehur cursed, godsworn 24, Hell Hound 2; CR 26; Medium outsider (human, immortal, native); HD 24d10+96 plus 2d12+8; hp 253; Mdt 24; Init +5; Spd 30 ft.; AC 26, touch 20, flat-footed 16; Base Atk +23; Grap +27; Atk +33 melee (2d6+11/19–20, +5 Enlibrite greatsword) or +31 ranged (1d8+7/×3, +3 composite (+4) longbow); Full Atk +33 melee (2d6+11/19–20, +5 Enlibrite greatsword) or +31 ranged (1d8+7/×3, +3 composite (+4) longbow); SA battle fervor (5/day), pack tactics, smite enemy; SQ aura of courage, cursed, damage reduction 10/magic, divine fortitude, divine health, divine protection, divine shield, divinely favored, fearsome reputation, spell resistance 31; Rep +8; SV Fort +21, Ref +22, Will +24; Str 18, Dex 20, Con 18, Int 18, Wis 21, Cha 13.

    Background Skills: Intimidate, Ride.

    Skills and Feats: Climb +6, Diplomacy +5, Gather Information +11, Handle Animal +30, Intimidate +34, Jump +6, Knowledge (nobility and royalty) +16, Knowledge (religion) +19, Ride +38, Sense Motive +32, Swim +6, Use Rope +7; Combat Expertise, Diehard, Dodge, Endurance, Iron Will, Mobility, Mounted CombatB, Power AttackB, Ride-By Attack, Spirited Charge, Trample, Weapon Focus (greatsword)B.

    Languages: Rankene (S/W), Ilsig (S), Cirdonian (S), Wrigglie (S), Nisi (S).

    Contacts: Information (Shadowspawn), Influence (Kadakithis), Skill (Cime, Crit, Niko, Randal).

    Cursed (Su): When he accepted service to Vashanka, he gained a curse. Tempus can no longer sleep, which makes him angry and frustrated but has no other detrimental effect. In addition, he cannot “know” a woman without violence, making him a despicable rapist and villain. In exchange for the curse, Vashanka granted Tempus the ability to change his appearance at will, allowing him to cast disguise self as a swift action. Unlike the spell, Tempus can allow individuals the ability to see through the disguise if he chooses.

    Spells: safe level 9th; ritualcasting +18; save DC 15 + spell level.

    Known Spells (7+9d): blade barrier (5th, MT 60, price 5) D, bless (1st, MT 20, price 2), convert light wounds (1st, MT 20, price 1), dispel magic (3rd, MT 40, price 3), divine power (4th, MT 50, price 4) D, doom (1st, MT 20, price 1), entropic shield (1st, MT 20, price 1), flame strike (5th, MT 60, price 5) D, geas/quest (6th, MT 70, price 6), greater command (5th, MT 60, price 5), magic vestment (3rd, MT 40, price 3) D, magic weapon (1st, MT 20, price 1) D, power word blind (7th, MT 80, price 7) D, power word kill (9th, MT 100, price 9) D, power word stun (8th, MT 90, price 8), shield of faith (1st, MT 20, price 1), shield other (2nd, MT 30, price 2), spell immunity (4th, MT 50, price 4), spiritual weapon (2nd, MT 30, price 2) D, storm of vengeance (9th, MT 100, price 9).

    D: Domain spell. Domain: War.

    Familiar Spells (10): augury (2nd, MT 30, price 2), commune (5th, MT 60, price 5), dimensional lock (8th, MT 90, price 8), divination (4th, MT 50, price 4), eagle’s splendor (2nd, MT 30, price 2), favored of the gods (9th, MT 100, price 9)*, fire storm (9th, MT 100, price 9), gate (9th, MT 100, price 9), hallow (5th, MT 60, price 5), heroes’ feast (6th, MT 70, price 6), mass bull’s strength (6th, MT 70, price 6), prayer (3rd, MT 40, price 3), restoration (4th, MT 50, price 19).

    *New spell; see Thieves’ World Player’s Manual for details.

    Possessions: +3 studded leather of heavy fortification, +5 Enlibarite greatsword, +3 composite (+4) longbow with 20 cold iron arrows.

    • ORCACommander

       could use some formatting there bud. but otherwise holy damn. this is why i love looking up the higher cr stuff.

      • Matthew M Perry

        I gave it to you basically how you get it out of the book (except I changed the line breaks). :P

  • Jason Morley

    Don’t have time to listen to these before I go to University. DAAAMN YOOOUUU SPOOONY!

  • Gregory Magoon
  • Frederick Burmer

    I actually made a Cleric of the Raven Queen as well but he were more like a cleric who promoted Fate rather than Death, and I played him as a very general cleric as well, praising all gods, the raven queen just being his patron deity. I also wanted to play him as a fairly allround cleric with decent healing magic, decent damage and decent armor, but the only thing that happened is that I sacrificed 3 feats and got none of those things.

  • Journeyman0186

    A short conversation among friends about thievery in a new Pathfinder campaign heavily influenced by certain aspects of this “Thieves’ World”

    [8:20:57 AM] Algan: I have a higher stealth check than the rogue.
    [8:21:03 AM] Algan: +18
    [8:21:42 AM] Thoice: Congrats.
    [8:22:09 AM] Thoice: You’re stealthy enough to pickpocket literally any common man in the world.
    [8:22:21 AM] Algan: Indeed.
    [8:22:29 AM] Algan: But my sleight of hand sucks, so I won’t be doing that.
    [8:27:21 AM] Thoice: You sneak stealthily up behind the slightly buzzed tavern keeper as he locks up his bar after a busy and lucrative night. After he takes a few steps away from his building you decide to strike. Jamming your hand forcefully in his trouser pocket you rip through the lining and find yourself attempting to steal a very awkward, unusual, and highly physically attached item.
    [8:26:43 AM] Algan: :c
    [8:28:33 AM] Thoice: He turns around, looks you in the eye and says, “So, you’re THAT kind of thief, eh?”

    This conversation has been slightly edited and names have been changed to protect the deviant. Hope you enjoy. Thank you very much.

  • Garrett Danger Platner

    I seriously want to game with you, lol

  • Jose Batista

    If I ever find myself playing a cleric in D&D, I’m playing a cleric of Kord. I would be a boisterous, possibly hard drinking cleric who would praise Kord before the big fights for another chance to prove to prove his worth.

    • ftidus12

       So basically like every cleric of Kord? Why not flip the script a bit?: a sullen, lazy has-been former athlete (perhaps the disgraced champion of the Kobold Toss) who only drags himself from adventure to adventure whenever Kord boots him in the ass. Imagine it, “Pete Rose: The Incredible Journeys”  

      Just saying…

      • Jose Batista

         I think if I tried that, at some point the dm would get ticked off at me, have an agent of Kord appear before me and have me stripped of my divine abilities, forcing me to pick a new domain, or worst role a new character. And as a person who hasn’t really played D&D, ( I buy rpg books primarily for story ideas and background structure for the characters I draw.) I don’t really know the popularity of playing a cleric of Kord. I myself would rather play as one as opposed to other good gods like Pelor. Sides, I get swing a great sword and that is always fun :).

        • ftidus12

          Hey, as long as you have fun. That’s priority one, after all (wouldn’t be much of a “game” otherwise).

          PS: Good idea on the artistic front, btw.

          • Jose Batista


  • akisohida

    I think Spoony would enjoy having me in a game. I once played in an evil campaign. The gods were of the DMs making, so I was indeed a ‘Paladin’ of the God of Death. I did not wear black and I did not brood. My armor was polished until it shone, and my character loved to laugh. He did not see life as futile or anything, either. He saw the beauty in life, but was loyal to his god and had a strong work ethic, so he would kill when ordered to kill. When not out a-murderin’, he would enjoy a good ale, conversation, and sparring.
    He loved to spar so much that he became known as a good-natured traveller that would spar famous warriors (in chain). Oddly, days after the spars, an unknown warrior in bright plate sporting the God of Deaths icon, never speaking, would attack and slay said warrior..but no one ever thought the good-natured man was picking up plans via friendly battles. ;) He never spoke when in his role because he knew he would be laughing, or otherwise vocal and someone might recognize his voice.

  • lightice

    Actually there is a very Judeo-Christian style of god in the Conan setting. Namely Mithra, the archenemy of Seth in Robert E. Howard’s pantheon. That religion is explicitly modelled after Christianity, minus any kind of Messiah-figure. Ironically the Hyborian world fell because a well-meaning priest of Mithra tried to convert the Picts, but only made them realize how much wealth the Hyborian nations had, and got them invade in full force. 

    • taranaich

      The problem with Mitra is that even if he does exist in the setting (it’s very unclear), he’s an extremely hands-off sort of deity.  Same with other “good gods” like Asura.  The evil and brutal gods, on the other hand, are not only definitely real, they tend to take a more direct role in earthly matters.

  • shoot_em_up101

    Are those Zero Punctuation Imps I spot back there?

  • JoustComics

    LOL! Why didn’t you just bleep his name post production?  I didn’t think you would ever top the Tandum The Spoony story but this was epic and hilarious. You could make a movie with this plot.

  • SunOvaGun

    This story is so awesome it’s games like that that make a guy happy thaat he ever got into RPGs just the stories like this.

  • Nathan Ellis

    An ” I’m Not that Kind of Thief” design NEEDS to be made so it can be a shirt in the spoony experiment store. 

  • Brendan Tucker

    *Flask of Acid explodes in his face*
    Tempus: YOU FOOOL!

  • Erik Lindahl

    i would love to have these as mp3s… to listen to on my way to work and such :) would be great

    • ORCACommander

       find one of my earlier posts down

  • gerald chubbuck

    Now I’ve done the paladin of the raven queen right. He accepted that things must die but that was a minor part of his character. He was a zombie killing SOB. When he got involved with the undead was the only time he really got “pious”.

    That said I know what you mean. I had in one game I ran an avenger of the raven queen and it was nothing but, “oh my sister is dead”, “Oh my goddess says I have to kill you”.

  • doresh

    Mmh, are those softcovers above Burton Pathfinder books? Cause they sure remind me of mine…

    Speaking of Pathfinder: In that system, spellcasters can use cantrips as often as they like. You know what that means?


  • jdreyfuss

    Sanctuary almost sounds like Casablanca or Tunis around World War II, when they were outposts controlled by various powers but essentially administered as freeports.

  • Timothy Andrew Edgren

    I love how you mentioned anhk morpork spoony… my family are big terry pratchett fans..we even did a D&D rp based off discworld once, it was good fun. I so wanna do games online with you XD

  • Aaron Shurmon

    as far as powers, tempest sounds more like kaim from Lost odyssey, personality wise like a dark version of zack fair(he was at his happiest when fighting and killing too) and origin wise sounds like something out of Ultima.

  • GreenGear

    What’s this…? Acid? In my…face…?


  • IrkenTrad

    God, I love these things.  Over 2 hour long Counter Monkey video… damn, Spoony, you deliver.

    Loved the story, I was very compelled to hear every word ’til the end.  I wish I could make myself understand how to play D&D, especially hearing about all this stuff I’m missing out on.

  • LER92

    what are those black little thingys next to Spoony?^^ I’ve been wondering that for some time now..

    • Okanehira

      Arent they the “Zero Punctuation” imps?

      • LER92

         really?^^ I had no idea…I don’t know what the Zero Punctuation is so..xD;

        • Skelemelon

          Zero Punctuation is an Australian reviewer who works for The Escapist. He mentioned Spoony as being his favorite internet reviewer. His name “Zero Punctuation” comes from how he speaks in the videos, he speaks quickly and there seems to be no punctuation. +Yes, those are the imps.

  • Josh Mc

    Every time I watch Spoony, I can’t help but notice the Planescape Torment campaign setting in the background. I would LOVE to hear him talk about that. :D

  • Esben Christiansen

    “I’m Not That Kind of Thief” and “I Throw a Flask of Acid at His Face!” needs to be a t-shirt 

  • Sir_D

    Awesome as always, Spoony.  God, now I have to listen to it again as it is just that epic.  I was playing Skyrim while listening to part 1 and had to find something with no dialog or npc interaction just so I could listen more intently to the story, lol.  Keep it up!    

  • Jerod C. Batte

    Wait… Did you just say they were “rankled” by the idea of the “Rankin Empire” taking over?

    Don’t make me call the Pun Police.

  • George Covert Jr.

    you should do a title sequence for Counter Monkey like you have for The Spoony Experiment.  it is like a separate show after all.

  • MorphineSJ
  • Groverfield

    Speaking as someone who’s had half of their body splashed by battery acid concentrate (naughty bits included,) and someone familiar with chemistry, acid’s not as painful as people make it out to be, unless used as thing to dip you in like a cartoon or bond villain would do.

    0:37:00 – As someone who’s played a cheerful (but not bubbly yandere sort of overly cheerful) Lawful Good cleric of Wee Jas, I resent that.  The only time my character took on a grim attitude was during funeral services in which Perform_(Oratory) was used to give people honorable ends.

    • Jordan Stone

      I just googled acid attack…you’re full of shit XD not to be mean but battery acid is no where near the same as sulfuric acid. I literally just saw a guy on goggle images(a real picture mind you, not hollywood makeup) who survived an acid attack and his face looked almost as bad as spoony described.

      And even though I couldn’t find a picture as bad as spoony described, he did say it wasn’t sulfuric acid, but a different kind of acid found in that game’s world. So you can easily assume that its probably much more potent than our real world acids.

      • Groverfield

        Of course if you’re bringing real world versus fantasy acids into it, but I personally assume that flasks of acid that don’t ping as magical in a somewhat realistic campaign (oh god, that’s a three hour video right there, let’s hope Spoony doesn’t read this comment – for his sake, not ours because it would be a damn entertaining three hours.)

        Anyways, the extreme pictures are from non-acidic chemical burns (such as chlorine, alkaline, etc) or severely prolonged exposure.  4.2 molar Sulfuric acid (used in lead-acid batteries still used by some construction placed, garbage trucks, etc.) is the strongest common acid – and the uncommon ones don’t go much higher, and unlike the victims of acid attacks, I had the ability to properly treat it unlike the victims of acid throwing whom were probably forced to let it burn them for minutes on end, and yes, I had scars for about three years, but it went away.  Taking a cloth and wiping the acid splashed on you off – and not keeping the cloth soaked with acid on it for your countries’ sexually bias dignity standards…
        ugh, I’m giving this more argument than I should.  If you don’t want to believe me that an acid burn is no big deal if you can wipe off the acid in a minute or two, then don’t.

        • Jordan Stone

          Well granted I have no idea about how bad acid really is, but I’m just defending Spoony’s description here, if I found a guy who looked 80% as bad as Spoony described Thales looking then I think it’s safe to say it could happen. Plus he did say it was a fantasy acid(he said it was alchemy acid) and I highly doubt in a world that has medieval medicine, that he would have properly wiped the acid off, plus he probably would of just assumed his god was going to heal him so he said fuck it and continued to let it eat away at his face.

          Still thank you for schooling me in acid, and sorry for my rude tone in the first post.

          • Groverfield

             It’s cool, my grievance wasn’t with the portrayal of acid in this as much as its portrayal in fiction in general.  I kinda personally assumed that the scarring in this was more from that rape god being pissed at Thales than anything else.  In your defense, I’m also probably overestimating medicine (simple antibiotics in case an infection happened etc.) and hygiene in Thief’s world too.

            As far as schooling you, just one of those The More You Know kinda things.  ’cause knowing’s half the battle and all…

          • Jordan Stone

             G.I. JOE! XD I’m with you lol they definitely portray acid as overly powerful in fiction

    • Devin Parker

      That segment made me think, “Sometime I should play an upbeat, compassionate Priest of Morr in a WFRP game, and buck that stereotype.” I mean, after all, priests of the deity of death should be interested in helping people to deal with death, right?

      But then that made me think of the way the Angel of Death was portrayed in “Touched By An Angel,” of all things. Kind of like Snuggles the Fabric Softener Bear in human form. Which might be a bit too far in the opposite direction…

  • UnShame

    spoony is so amazing
    i can just run this video and continue to do some work 
    just awesome :D

  • RinguPingu

    “I’m not that kind of thief” is going up there together with “You’re in my way, sir” as epic phrases from Spoony!

  • Devin Parker

    This may have already been said, but if so, I think it merits being repeated.

    Spoony, I don’t mean to cast aspersions on your original campaign plans, but by running with Brendan’s impulsive act instead of overruling it, you made that campaign ten times more awesome. Now, instead of working for this bastard and gradually earning his grudging respect, they’ve made a badass nemesis (with an awesomely cinematic burn-scarred face, no less) who half the city already hates anyway. They could turn on each other, or they could go underground, find allies they may never have expected to find (all those people who hate Tempus), and become true thorns in his side.

    Even if they’re never able to truly defeat (i.e., kill) him, I could imagine the exhiliration they might have by achieving a different campaign finale – managing to get away with it, or to broker an uneasy stalemate with him (maybe by finding a way to get him over a barrel and blackmail him into leaving them alone, or something). In any case, that sounds like it would be a fantastic campaign to play in; exciting no matter which way things went.

    Of course, I’m saying all of this before watching the second half, so I don’t know what direction you and your players went in, but by this point all I’m seeing are cool possibilities. Kudos for being willing to throw out your old campaign plans in favor of PC protagonism. I think that’s a sign of a truly great GM.

  • Jonathan Rodd

    Countermonkey… the feature film :D

  • lxs

    So Spoony, who writes Tempus Thales well?

  • Kamui Shiro

    Wow spoony your stories of D&D have gotten me really interested in it. Its gotten to the point where I’m desperate to learn to play.

  • Kamui Shiro

    Tempus Thales sounds like Guts from berserk

  • Mateusz K.

    At first  I really wanted to read those books… but after your story – I really want to read a book about those characters and your campaign. Lost any interest in the original books. Is that weird, or is Spoony’s campaign just sound much more awesome ? 

  • oeruli

    Hey Spoony, if you are looking for an idea of something you could talk about for an episode of counter monkey, I think it would be really cool if you gave some advice on how to be a good DM. I suppose that is a bit broad, but what I mean is that you could come up with a list of things that DMs either should do, or should not do.

    I know you’ve mentioned a few good things, like that a DM should not allow the players access to wishes for example, since the result tends to be catastrophic.

    While you are at it, maybe you can do the same for players. Again, another example you gave would be the one you gave this episode. Mages should not dress in a fashion that gives away their sagacity, or else the DM will most probably focus on killing them.

    You have given some good advice in the past on how to get started with roleplaying, so I just think it would be cool if you gave some points that have worked for you in the past, and maybe some that have not worked out in a fairly general manner. Perhaps in doing so, you might be able to come up with more stories for counter monkey.

    Keep up the good work.

  • Nathaniel Greene

    George R.R. Martin edits a series of books called Wild Cards or something. Same idea as Thieves World (I think) and is still being produced. Pretty good stuff, but definitely on the Sci-Fi end of things.

  • Štefan Savokena Kaleta

    Heh, Ankh-Morpork. Just reading one of the books from that series :)

  • Shilag

    Spoony, you could’ve just edited your slip-up out and restarted a second later. :P

    • Tina Marc

      how would we know then what character/person he’s talking about?:P I don’t think over-dubbing would work.

  • MrSaxon

    Spoony, you’re one of the few people I can happily watch and listen to for almost an hour and a half. Your Counter Monkey stories are damn entertaining. I came here originally for your movie reviews but I actually get more entertainment from these videos now. Keep it up, dude!

  • MrJinPengyou

    I did some fan art that would make an awesome T-shirt with from this episode!/MrJinPengyou/status/180806384957403136/photo/1

  • Nathan William Morgan

    loved the Vivisectionist story about Tempus.

  • Aaron Bandele

    How can i get into one of your online games?

  • mattanus

    Counter Monkey rocks! They are very well-told, entertaining stories. Keep it up!!!

  • CameronV

    Man, your hate-on for anime is kind of ridiculous. 

    • redrosemagic1

      You anime fans need to stop being so defensive. Some of you are coming across as cads. All he said is that anime has produced many brooding, over powered characters. Denying that is like denying that rain usually leaves you wet.

  • CameronV

    Man, your hate-on for anime is kind of ridiculous. 

    But more on-topic, this is an entertaining CM.  Agreeing with those who want “I’m not that kind of thief” on a shirt.

  • Necro

    Thieves World sounds like my kind of RPG setting, because of the adult oriented and realistic world.  In that sense it reminds me alot of the Witcher novels and games.  I know it is my kind of world setting because I love the Witcher series and I see a lot of similarities in terms of realistic harsh world with a lot of political and ratial conflicts.  I will definitely use Thieves World once I got used to role playing.

  • Xsatra

    Your description of Thales as a sympathetic but ultimately “evil” character made me think of the Hound from the A Song of Ice and Fire-series. A guy who undeniably does some pretty horrific stuff but who you still can feel some begrudging sympathy and even respect for.

  • mikedb

    hey spoony I’m an animation student at uni I was wondering if I could use some of your audio from this video and make animations to some of the actions you describe such as Brenden character  throwing acid lol  if you are ok with this please let me know if not then then I understand.

    • NotThatKindOfThief

      I think you should be able to, just make sure to credit spoony and don’t try to make the animation for profit! 

    • Kemal Thomson

      post the animatiom here so we can see it too.

  • Chris C-353

    You  made me order the thieve’s world anthology and the RPG books for it (currently I have the anthology and the players guide and am waiting on the rest to come.)

  • Kyle Rybski

    I don’t know whether to credit more your storytelling ability or your luck at having been involved in great games like this, but these stories are just fantastic. Never thought I could grin for an hour while someone talks about a campaign I wasn’t in, but god damn, man. Good times.

  • Mavros St. John

    I actually play a cleric of the god of Death…but I’m like the complete opposite of the dark brooding guy, because I’m too dumb to be depressed. My character is more of the one that goes, “Cheer up, guys! Let’s go down to the local Tavern, and get a nice Ale, and sort out our problems”.

  • Sam

    As far as the dagger to the throat of a 20th level fighter; it’s a coup de grace, and the game does have a mechanic for this. It would be an auto crit and they would have to make a fortitude of 10 + damage dealt. So it would be very likely for a 20th level fighter to survive such a thing easily.

  • Falkalore

    My right ear enjoyed this.

  • Chris Lauderdale

    “I’m not that kind of thief.”

    I love it.

  • Nick Foster

    This was, I think, the second Counter Monkey video I watched, and my GM senses perked up as you were getting to the part about what’s-his-name the avatar of war, and what was going to happen when he got hit by the acid. I was in genuine suspense.

    At first, I was like, “okay, I can see how the crit should mean something, but please tell me you didn’t just have him die.” Going back and forth about the fighter having his throat slit, I mean, yeah it’s his throat being slit, but would you really have him die?

    I think your GM instincts are top-notch. Absolutely, I’m right there with you on giving the party an unforgettable nemesis. Scare the tar out of them with the avatar of war. Put out death warrants and have the guards scour the city for them. It sounds epic.

  • Korey Mueller

    Every time he said, “I’m not that kind of thief,” it reminded me of Bartleby the Scrivener’s infamous quote: “I would prefer not to.”  Classic.

  • Christopher

    Run another Thieves World campaign, even though I’m nowhere near you. I now want to play, and have been thinking up a character this whole adventure. Sounds great, honestly.

  • saibot216

    I get distracted by Oreo’s open mouth and head moving like 6 minutes in, lol.

  • Edward Jay Harington

    I’ve actually made a character that was a Necromancer/Paladin. In 3.5 you had Wee Jas, the LN goddess of death, law, and magic. So, he was the LG paladin, studying necromancy as a “sacred art”. The funny thing is, he was nothing like what Spoony’s describing. Aside from the arcane knowledge, he basically played like a traditional paladin…and the reason for that was one of the goddess’ titles, “Death’s Guardian”. So my paladin played as more of the compassionate “bringing closure” type, and treated any disrespect for the dead as a major offence. His magic, actually, was mostly for counterspelling or he would specifically pray and ask for willing souls if he -reaaly- needed to summon any undead. Anyway…I just thought it was interesting how people can play the same concept differently.

    Oh, and that thief kind of sounds like he was meant to be a con man of some sort.

  • Bolt Vanderhuge

    Your point about the whole Paladin of the Goddess of Death has led me to create a character who is a Cleric of the Raven Queen for my first adventure. A happy, bubbly cleric who never broods or has 90’s anti-hero monologues. 

    Had loved ones taken away by illness or accident, a father who is near catatonic because of the detah of his wife and all kinds of miscellaneous drama. She was about to commit suicide, until a cleric of the Raven Queen spoke with her, explained that death wasn’t a bad thing. It was just a thing. It was painful, but suicide was probably not the best way to deal with her problems. Instead she should consider another option, given her scars related to death…

    The cleric takes her on a pilgrimage to temple for the Raven Queen and spends the whole journey explaining the afterlife and the like and converts her. Afterwards, she is no longer depressed and brooding and is a happy and cheerful follower of the Raven Queen.

    She will have a habit of praying for the souls of fallen foes after a battle to not be made undead, prayer for the undead souls to be taken by the Raven Queen and finally put to rest, etc. In a town, she will heal people of non-life threatening illnesses for a few coins (but not life threatening, as that would ‘interfere with the Raven Queen’. Wouldn’t stop anyone else from doing so, though.) She might oversee the proper preparation and burial of a body, etc. But would never have any of it break her spirit, as she sees death as a good thing.

    She views the party as a tool of the Raven Queen and will happily make sure that they (and only they) do not die. After all, she doesn’t want to have to go through the trouble of finding replacements for perfectly good walking death machines that are adventurers.Still has grim and dark aspects, but doesn’t see the point in brooding.

    You mentioned a slaughter and wanting to see the bodies. She would want to see that, but wouldn’t thank the Raven Queen for it. She’d do the same prayers as she would for a fallen foe, asking for protection of the souls as they head through the next world, then would head to the tavern with the party and play some stupid bar game (like the guessing card game in that basement bar in Inglorious Basterds) and would have a damn fun time.

    Would that be a better character, oh Spoony one?

    • redrosemagic1

      She won’t heal life threatening injuries? Bitch. 

      • Bolt Vanderhuge

        She will for the party… just not random people. After all, the party is more valuable to the Raven Queen alive, at this point.

    • Alex Stritar

      Sounds like a fun character. I hope she worls out for you and your party.

    • Alex Stritar

      Out of curiousity, what race is she?

      • Bolt Vanderhuge

        Half-Elf. I figured it would fit, being as they are pretty much stated to be natural negotiators. 

  • Dustin Smith

    In the face!

  • Ash

    I was able to buy a Thieve’s World Player Manual so i’m going to read that maybe i’ll be able to find other’s to play with.

  • James Coe

    Totally should have turned Tempus Thales into Skeletor.

  • Dragons_Dusk

    Okay, there’s a good chance I’m puting this comment in the wrong counter monkey so if I am, please forgive me.  My husband marathon-ed these while we worked on bills and I lost track of which things happened where.

    (sorry to ramble)

    I wanted to say how much I liked your idea for running Babylon 5.  I never got a chance to play the RP, and a big reason was because of trying to deal with existing characters.  (and one guy who insisted on being a Vorlon pre-war so yeah, twit)

    But having it be an AU, to a point where they were the command staff, that’s really cool and wished I’d had a chance to play that.

  • Elias Willey

    “I’m not that kind of thief.” I think I did a variation of that once when the team’s rouge asked me to do a spell I didn’t have and didn’t plan on having. “I’m not that kind of spellcaster.” And when somebody else asked me the same thing I said: “Goddamn it, I’m a healer, not a wizard!”

  • Das Brot

    Spoony, you do have a good way of talking. I forwarded your Mazes and Monsters review to my DnD online RP server, actually the most popular NWN server. Not sure you played that game, but it was an alright expansion of the BG series. If you ever feel like the need for RP online, go there.

  • Das Brot Well, forgot the address. You do very good reviews generally. So I do appreciate your work. Keep it up. Your talent for comedy and basically DnD is popular and worth listening to.

  • Ralek

    One of my favorite Counter Monkeys to date.

  • Mushtaq xan

    a GODESS of rape? XD

  • Ger.Brony

    I laughed my bucking flank off, when the guy came in and that wizard threw his acid! lol

    • Evan Davis


  • Simoneer

    Why didn’t he just bleep out the guy’s name post-production? xD

  • Khugin

    As far as I can tell, the thief was a swindler. This term isnt used for that anymore as far as I can tell, but it’s basically a person that is specialized in cutting the strings of purses, or ‘charity bags’ (cant find the right term) in market areas from people that are distracted. Usually with a dagger.

  • Adell

    God I wish I had a game to join right now. No one around me is free enough to play it and I have no idea where to go scouting on the internet to join an online game.

    • Michael Sweeney

  • Samuli Rimpiläinen

    “I’m not that kind of thief” either. Nah, I’m kidding. My Rogue steals in every way possible, he cheats in card games, he swindles people, he picks pockets, he opens locks and disables traps, he climbs or uses acrobatics to reach other routes and uses knowledge local to foind out any hidden paths, hiding places or better escape routes.
    I prefer to keep any venues for money open since my charcter, although being a good guy in the end, is greedy as hell and will steal half of hat isn’t nailed down.
    When it comes to combat, I’m profficient with longbows or two-weapon fighting and picked feats so I can change between them easily os I can start with an arrow barrage and when they get closer, grab my swords and go for backstabs.
    So yea, whatever you ask, “I’m that kind of thief”

  • Drew Taylor

    I completely agree with your dislike of Janet Morris and her chapters. I always dreaded (and still dread) any chapters written by her, because they generally SUUUCKED. Her chapters where at best not painful and at worst made me stop reading the whole damn book for a while.

  • Amanda Holland

    leech-craft! hah! that’s a great specialization!.
    one of the main problems with the concept of a “mary sue” is that it’s a concept that varies from person to person. often people will simply label a character that they don’t like as a “mary sue”. i’m not going to debate that the “mary sue” doesn’t exist, as i’ve stumbled upon several that, at least to me, seem to be very overt mary sues (including one character that’s MINE), but it’s a very speculative label.
    oh man, ya, that’s a difficult character to write. wow. in the right hands, he’d probably be a pretty interesting character. he’s like loki in the avengers.
    haha, idk, maybe he just wanted to play a ranger but there wasn’t really a good set-up for rangers.
    OMFG! A CRIT AGAINST TEMPEST?! HOLY SHIT! OH GOD, THEY’RE FUCKED! now they have an UGLY motherfucker after them!
    man, i would’ve been RIGHT WITH THEM. man, he screwed them over. you did a great job of adapting the story to their actions, though. suddenly they’ve gone from simple underdogs to FUGITIVES. that’s pretty dynamic!

  • He that knows

    Thus begins my favorite story I have heard on the internet. I would say this would make a good movie but the whole “I hurl a flask of acid at his face” part might be hard to explain. Only in an RPG would that work.

  • Cole Altmayer

    I think its cooler to play a cleric of chaos than a cleric of death.

  • Chuster M. Merino

    “You could backstabbed that Medic!
    Ey, I´m not that kind of Spy”

  • Zipper Dragon

    “I hurl a flask of acid at his face!!!”
    Spoony: Now, what was supposed to happen, was….Tempas thails…-the world facepalms-
    The most unlucky critical in history, since I killed a Arcius with a normal attack!!!

  • Bob Jones

    I don’t know anything about Thieves World or Tempus Thales so to better get an idea I imagined it would be like a bunch of SW bounty hunters working for the Empire, and then one of them accidentally shot Darth Vader in the face. Is that an apt analogy?

    • yipe

      ummmmm, yeah. Sounds pretty good to me. You basically get it, total nobodies that should never have a chance to so much as touch Vader blast him in the face through, even though they didn’t mean to, and through sheer luck and surprise he can’t dodge, deflect or anything, just take it in the face.

  • yipe

    I’m rewatching these videos to get myself in the mood to play Thieve’s World for the first time. It’ll be my first time playing a fantasy RPG and my first time playing a D20 game. All my roleplaying experience so far has been with Shadowrun. This story makes Thieve’s World sound amazing!

  • Benjamin Colecliffe

    It sounds like a variant of the chunky salsa rule: Any attack that reduces the character’s head to the consistency of chunky salsa is instantly fatal, regardless of all other rules or hitpoints.

  • Daniel Tilson

    The thing with hit points is.. You shouldn’t treat it like he can catch a cannonball and throw it back or something like that… Yes, they’re a bit tougher, but mostly, it’s meant to be skill. You’re so good, that you manage to dodge most of the hit and it glances off.

    The helpless dagger to the throat thing would use the Coup de Grace rules, which is a full round action, auto crit, and even if you survive the damage, you have to make a fort save dc 10 + the damage dealt or you die. So, in the dagger example.. Lets go minimal strength on the attacker’s part (No penalty, no bonus.) the fighter now needs to make a fort save DC 12-18

    If the assassin had a high strength, say a 16 or something… Now all of a sudden, you’ve got 18-24. It’s a very dangerous situation even with a vast difference in level. (Using this, a 1st level rogue could get lucky and murder a 20th level fighter in his sleep.)

    • Daniel Tilson

      And I forgot to factor in sneak attack damage.. So at first level, the DC would have been 13-24 for no strength bonus, and 19-30… So it’s really pretty easy to murder people tougher than you in their sleep as a rogue

  • Floris / Dutchtica

    I picked up on a very dark implication you said when you mentioned the dead guards. “Their families aren’t gonna need it.”
    Did Tempus kill their families as well?

    • Daniel Tilson

      Possibly, though I’d say it’s more likely that the guards were labeled as traitors, and the families wouldn’t want their stuff because of it.

      Or, perhaps they had no families.

  • Daniel Tilson

    I would buy that movie….


    Maybe three times if one of them came with a commentary track.

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