Counter Monkey – Vegan Steve & The Djinni of Jengai Fomogo

The Spoony One | Oct 20 2011 | more notation(s) | 

Noah tells another poorly-remembered tale of RPGs derailed and players embarrassed, this time of Vegan Steve’s moments of short-lived glory and inevitable downfall, of power corrupting, and of wishes granted.

  • Ben Ahrendt

    Yes!  Another one!  These are such fun.

  • Anonymous

    We have a guy a lot of Vegan Steve, not that he love Vegan…but that we have someone who knows NOTHING about the game even though he has been playing with up for many years now.  Very interesting story with the Deck, I remember mine….went to the void after getting a 2 really good cards.

  • Josh Bray

    Ohhh goodness, this yarn was epic.  Also makes me want to RP again….

  • Ian McIvor

    You should write that book Spoons, I’m sure game stores would be interested in it, I mean hell I’d buy it

  • kirk


  • Alan Armstrong

    Hey, Spoony. Is Crazy Mike the one guy you were talking about when tellin’ these stories on the LK stream of him throwing a cash register (or something like that) and managing to hit, but ending up doing very little damage?

  • Richard Von Hendy

    A wonderful story.  Vegan Steve came really close to being the luckiest bastard ever, but fate settled that.

    I recall reading about variant decks of many things in one of the issues of Dragon in the mid to late 90s (back when it was being published by TSR,) and the two options the presented seemed a bit more balanced.  At least, I think they were.  It’s been far too long and I have no memory of what was actually available.  I recall that there was a totem-like deck, where all the cards/tiles were animal themed, or something like that.  That issue also had cut-out for the totem deck.  However, it was a library copy, so I couldn’t just take them.

    I’m not sure if I’ve ever eaten at Peter Piper Pizza, but if I did, the experience was either so mediocre or so terrible that I’ve blocked it out.

    My story this time comes from this year’s Worldwide D&D day.  Wizards was gearing up for their Neverwinter Encounters campaign, and since Neverwinter Nights is one of my favorite D&D CRPG’s (yeah, I missed Baldur’s Gate and Torment,) I wanted to try it out.  I did some reading up on it, and there was one particular thing I was hoping for.  So I went to the FLGS, and got handed a bag with stuff in it.  There was a bookmark, a segment of R.A. Salvatore’s upcoming novel, a character sheet, and a theme card.  Theme’s are basically a bonus if you play a certain type of character, and they tend to have some restrictions.  But I did get the theme I was hoping for: Bregan D’aerth Spy.  For those who don’t know everything about Forgotten Realms, Bregan D’aerth is the drow mercenary guild.  So I made a drow ranger (Driz’zt clone, lololololol,) and the adventure began.  We were tasked with guarding an important package, and as we came into port, our ship was attacked by undead and the package stolen.  We managed to fight off the undead and started looking around town to find the culprit.  Our inquiries lead us to a graveyard, where the laziest Thayan was having zombies dig graves.  So we spring the trap and start fighting.  Partway through the battle, the laziest Thayan makes a run for it, and our cowardly rogue gives chase.  So now we’re one man down and getting our collective backsides handed to us.  As such, instead of running away, which was what we were supposed to do, we surrendered.  They let us leave, and we returned to the inn.  Meanwhile, the rogue managed to catch the laziest Thayan, and struck a deal.  He got to watch as they cursed what appeared to be the Crown of Neverwinter.  Eventually, the crown was returned to our room at the inn back in its box.

    The best part is that our DM told us that we had pretty much botched the entire story, thus derailing the plot.  Clearly, this has been a success.  It would also go on to define our approach to later encounters.

  • SoldierHawk

    What an AMAZING story! Hilarious too.

    I love these, and will happily listen to any and all you care to post!

  • Anonymous

    How cute, Spoony can spin his finger in a circle and summon a companion!  Hi, Doggy! 

    This was a very amusing story.  I only played D&D briefly in Junior High in the late 90’s, so I don’t know of a lot of things (probably knew more than Vegan Steve though; it took a freakin’ Black Dragon to eventually kill me), so I looked up the Deck of Many Things early in this video.  So I’m reading down the list of cards in the deck, and when it gets to the part where Vegan Steve wishes for it, I’m just going “oh man!  ohhhhh maaaaan!”

    And I find it goddamn hilarious that The Void got him in the end!  And I’m reading the description of it on wikipedia, “The Void – This card sends a character’s soul to some other
    desolate location, leaving his body in a catatonic state, requiring the
    adventuring party to find a way to rescue the soul.”, I can only imagine “The Adventuring Party” laughing their asses off at the “find a way to rescue the soul” part. 

    “LET HIM ROT, let’s hit the Tavern!”  After chopping him up into little meat croutons that is.  And the real lesson learned here?

    Don’t FUCK with the MEAT-Eaters!  

  • the writer

    I love peoples’ D&D stories of mayhem and madness. Oh Vegan Steve, you were so close. So very close.

    If I were in that game I’d’ve tried to kill the bastard too, though. XD

  • carlos torreblanca

    tTry using the Deck of many things with only one draw per character. Only once you can choose how many cards you’ll like to draw. Thats how I balance the deck of many things. 

  • Anonymous

    Vegan Steve is truly the greatest troll in existence… well, in the Void at least.

    • Patricia Quirk

      Thank you! I laughed so hard. “I’ll take 11 cards. Problem?”

    • Unholy Fire Dragon

      Troll: “You mad?”
      DM: “No. You dead!”

  • Anonymous

    I love these stories, Noah! Seriously, these tales are captivating, I really, really want to hear more! Keep it up!

  • Unholy Fire Dragon

    Well, I guess this proves that, just because you’re a vegan, it doesn’t mean you’re a wise person. LOL

    Meat-eaters for the fucking win! :-)

  • dramaguitar

    Spoony… dude… I haven’t actually watched the vid yet, but I gotta say: 
    That shirt is f**king AWESOME.
    Doctor Horrible for the WIN.

  • Fredrik Rastrilla

    Hahah, great story, man! “Shut the fuck up, Vegan Steve!” Priceless!

  • Tim Scott

    Damn good story dude. My brother’s fighter character got a deck of many things and pulled a card that made him shoot up several levels ahead of the rest of us.

  • Tristan Pendergrass

    Awesome video, make more like it.

  • Josh Harris

    Hilarious story but I’m really getting antsy for the new Final Fantasy X-2 review that was promised weeks ago….

    Damn you oreo, giving him a shred of happiness when he should be frying his brain playing the most awful game conceived by square enix!!!

    All kidding aside, good stuff man. I’ve used the deck of many things before myself, and like you, it happened -once- and it will stay that way. It’s a game breaker, almost guaranteed to break it :P

  • Anonymous

    My friend (who’s also named Steve) also drained grease off of pizzas like that.

    I go to the DND Encounters, I remember this idiotic kid that couldn’t play his character (he was a Strength-based paladin with a 14 STR, and didn’t write down his powers so he never remembered what his powers did), and despite being Lawful Good, was openly attacking the duly appointed government officials in the name of his delusional claim to the throne (granted, Lord Neverember came into power via supposedly less than scrupulous methods, but we were dealing with the guys who did things like stop actual crime). I haven’t seen him since that incident 3 weeks ago.

    I played an adapted Return to the Tomb of Horrors game, and one of those Deck of Many Things came up. I remember my friend (who has absurd luck), drew a bunch of cards and I think he got “Escape from any predicament card” and a “Void” (either that or Imprisonment) respectively. I believe he was like “I use it for that!” He also got a bunch of neat swag too.

  • Baron von Graves

    Vegan Steve cried when he watched this video.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah this was back in the 90s. When it wasn’t common knowledge that vegans had psychic powers. They’d just run amok on games of chance, and no one knew any better.



  • Ismo Väisänen

    I love the name of the episode.
    I love this unscripted stuff.
    I love your hair.
    I know where you live.
    I’m watching you.

    • Unholy Fire Dragon

      Omg, you’re the entity?! (LOL)

  • Anonymous

    God, this makes me miss RPG nights so bad.

  • Bob Barker

    I never post but it I’ve noticed you’re having issues with your dog biting. I don’t consider myself an expert but from my understanding you should at least tell the dog “NO” when he bites and then immediately stop interacting with the dog in order to prevent confusion about the issue. Additionally you can apply negative reinforcement, I used a water mister on my cat (not sure how that applies to dogs).

  • Anonymous

    I really enjoy these stories. I could listen to these all night long.
    It’d be neat to see animation shorts based on these..

  • Anonymous

    Think spoony got aware of the fact he was really badmouthing vegan steve, so he made up for it by complimenting his personality immensely right after the thrashing.

    Anything to get out of re-recording the log :)

  • Liz López

    I have no idea how D&D works, but that was fun to hear (:

  • Liz López

    I have absolutely no idea how D&D works, but this stories are so much fun to hear! (:

    And… d’awww, Oreo<3

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know how D&D works but these stories make it seem like you guys are having epic adventures in real life. It’s like listening to a movie.

  • Anonymous

    I want more stories Spoony :)  Love swapping DND stories.

    Also: Deck of Many Things is hilarious.  We got into an epic game, level 30 characters, and we had to play poker with a deck of many things.

    Dont ask how the Dm worked it out cause I dont know.  But I did manage to change the paladins alignment to CE :D  I was an assassin hehe.

  • Anonymous

    Really great story, and a good lesson to DMs everywhere.

    Poor crazy Mike, honestly sounds exactly like me in our last D&D campaign, (right down to the Motorhead shirt) because I could not roll to save my life (literally). I would go through entire combats missing every attack roll. I played a monk with great reflex saves, and would find ways to get hit by spells that I could have dodged by rolling like, a 5, it was unbelievable.

    You should definitely to continute putting up Counter Monkey videos though, they’re always a blast to listen to and make me wish my D&D group was still getting together.

  • Anonymous


    PLAGUE/TAROT/PLAYING CARD (The deck contains 22 cards)

    BALANCE/JUSTICE/TWO OF SPADES –> The individual changes alignment instantly.  The new alignment must be radically different from the one he/she currently has.  Failure to follow the alignment; he/she must lose a level. 

    COMET/TWO SWORDS/TWO OF DIAMONDS –> The character must singlehandedly defeat the next group of monsters, alone.  Success means the character gains the experience needed to gain the next level. 

    DONJON/FOUR SWORDS/ACE OF SPADES–> The individual is imprisoned.  All gear from the individual is stripped from him/her and all spells are instantly forgotten.  The subject is imprisoned by the spell or at DM discretion.  The individual must draw 2 additional cards. 

    EURYALE/TEN SWORDS/QUEEN OF SPADES–> The individual suffers -1 to all saving throws, forever.

    FATE/THREE CUPS/ACE OF HEARTS–> Avoid any situation the individual chooses…once.  This effect may only stop something from happening, but the effect is instantaneous.

    FLAME/THE DEVIL/QUEEN OF CLUBS–> The DM chooses a random outsider (celestial or devil) that will attack the individual within 1 to 20 days.  The only way to remove the outsider is to destroy it or have 1 member of the party be slain. 

    FOOL/FOOL/JOKER (TM) –> The individual must lose 10,000 experience points, which may cause the individual to also lose a level.  The individual must draw one additional card.

    GEM/SEVEN CUPS/TWO HEARTS–> Gain 50 gems or 25 pieces of jewelry. Each gem is worth 1000 gold pieces each, each jewel is worth 2000 gold pieces each. 

    IDIOT/TWO PENTACLES/TWO OF CLUBS–> The individual loses 1d4+1 points from intelligence, forever.
    The individual MAY draw one additional card.

    JESTER/THE HANGED MAN/JOKER(no TM)–> The individual gains 10,000 experience points or may choose to draw 2 additional cards from the deck.

    KEY/HIEROPHANT/QUEEN OF HEARTS–> The individual gains one major magic weapon, readily useable, appearing in the individual’s possession.

    KNIGHT/PAGE OF SWORDS/JACK OF HEARTS–> The individual gains the service of a 4th level fighter. 

    MOON/MOON/QUEEN OF DIAMONDS–> The individual is granted 1d4 wishes. 

    ROGUE/FIVE SWORDS/JACK OF SPADES –> Immediately, one of the individual’s friends (non-party members) turns against the individual.  The hatred is secret and is planned for the most devastating effect.  If the individual had no friends, an avatar from a religious order will be sent instead. 

    RUIN/TOWER/KING OF SPADES –> The individual immediately loses all non-magical wealth, money, estate; everything they own that is not magical. 

    SKULL/DEATH/JACK OF CLUBS–>   Death appears.  Death is is an unturnable undead that immediately fights the individual.  If any person joins in the fight, they too must fight their own death.  Death has flight (good), incorporeal touch with constitution drain, create spawn, dark vision, lifesense and unnatural aura.  Death will always fight to the death.  If the individual is slain by death; it is impossible to revive him or her.  They are gone forever.  The unnatural aura causes all animals, wild or domesticated, to flee from death at first glance. 

    STAR/STAR/JACK OF DIAMONDS–> The individual gains an inherent bonus of +2 to any ability score of his/her choice. 

    SUN/SUN/KING OF DIAMONDS–> The individual gains a medium wonderous item and 50,000 bonus experience points. 

    TALONS/QUEEN OF PENTACLES/ACE OF CLUBS–> The individual loses all magical items, permanently.

    THRONE/FOUR STAVES/KING OF HEARTS–> The individual gains a +6 bonus on all diplomacy checks and owns a small castle, which is placed anywhere chosen within the next hour. 

    VIZIER/THE HERMIT/ACE OF DIAMONDS –> The individual gains absolute knowledge about the next dilemma of his/her choice.  The request must be made within the year.  The information is exact and fully clarified. 

    THE VOID/EIGHT SWORDS/KING OF CLUBS –> The individual’s body continues to function, but remains in a comatose state.  However, his/her psyche is trapped in a prison somewhere-in an object far away through planar travel or planetary.  The soul is usually in posession of an outsider.  A wish or miracle spell will not bring the soul back, but it reveals the location.  The individual draws no more cards from the deck of many things, forever. 

    Note: In this case, VEGAN STEVE may be still alive.  Sure, his body was chopped to bits, but his soul is locked away somewhere…God knows where.

    • Anonymous

      How appropriate! Vegan Steve is now a vegetable!

      • Anonymous

        *and* Salad Toppings!  And the fact that he’s not exactly “Vegan-Friendly” croutons just adds to the sweet irony of bitter justice.

        In fact, I could go for a Stevie-Salad right now. 

    • Nathan Jacob Caudill

      question about the Death card: Wha if you slay Death?

      • Stuart

        I’d imagine you get a shit-tonne of experience, but nothing untoward happens. The card simply starts the encounter, it doesn’t have any effect from then on.

  • William Kripas

    The thing is I don’t think any item in a game can ruin the campaign you just have to be quick witted as to how to correct it.  I think that a campaign being able to be ruined by free will is something that is fun in DnD. If I were the DM I would have made it so that sense the Djinn was powerful rather than give you a regular deck of many things he gave you one that refilled itself and shuffled after you drew the amount of cards you linked to it. A ever lasting deck of many things, that way the chance of the people completing the campaign would be left to chance. As well I like wishes although they can be misused players can come up with creative things with free will, like if I was playing I would have thought of a wish to make the curse being given into a gift.  Rather than just cure the Curse I would wish for the Djinn to alter it so that all the party members had self control over the curse allowing them to become animals at any point of their choosing and revert to being human, like a werewolf with self control, an ability that could be passed down through generations making it so that the campaign could have a sequel built on descendants of the party. DnD is about imagination, like any roleplaying game and I think that the free will of some campaigns just add to the fun you can have.  

  • Anonymous

    I gave my players Wishes once by complete happenstance, surprisingly they didn’t use it to destroy each other, though. OK, here’s the story:

    I was DMing three players that night; Collin, Jeremy, and Mat. They had just infiltrated the palace of my Big Bad Evil Guy, and they had managed to hole up inside his treasure chamber. Almost in unison like your story, they all grab their D20’s and say their version of “I roll to search!”. Now I gave them one object each, but the only one I remember is I think Mat found an Efreeti Bottle. Presuming the applications of the bottle, they activate it. Now I’m paraphrasing here, but when you activate the Bottle, the DM rolls percentiles. From 0-9 there’s a chance the Janni inside goes berserk and attacks the party, from 91-100 it grants 3 wishes, and the other 80% it serves the players for ten minutes. I roll. 96. We were all shocked. They’re flipping out, slapping hands, diving through books to see what they can get. It took them a while, but they quite civilly agreed to split the wishes one each. Collin wished for a Figurine of Wondrous Power: Bronze Griffin to go with his own Griffin, Mat couldn’t find anything he really wanted, so he just had his Amulet of Protection bumped from +1 to +5, And Jeremy… Jeremy is all about abusing advantages wherever he can, so he wished for a Bag of Holding Mark V and proceeds to put all the treasure in the room inside the Bag. I’d say I was shocked by this, but the second I saw that 96, I knew this was coming from Jeremy. So they had basically just robbed the main villain of the story of every friggin precious item he had. From then on, I allowed them all one pull from the bag a day, just because if they were going to take the time to re-empty the bag just to inventory everything inside of it we were gonna be there for a week. Since then, every time I DM, one of those three will shout out “I pull from the bag!” Just to be a smart-ass.
    So yeah, I suppose not all players are assholes to each other with Wishes, so long as everyone gets their fair shake and they want to be assholes to the DM instead.

    • Anonymous

      Google search “Paragraph.”

  • Anonymous

    The pizza story is pretty funny. Must’ve been difficult in those days to find the nearest Pizza Hut. I have one that is about 10 minutes away from where I live.

  • Evan Hardin

    Spoony, I see the dog is still biting.

    A solution to that is to make a whimpering sound. Most dogs will stop biting if they think they’re hurting you.

    • AmeliaVerin

      Actually, no, don’t do that. Ever. It convices the dog that they are higher in the pack than you are and therefore the boss because of the still-there wolf instincts.

  • Tom Whytock

    I love this Counter Monkey series! I am pretty new to D&D and It’s nice to hear some wisdom!

  • ORCACommander

    there is a low frequency clicking in this vid

  • Evan Elkins

    I’m really liking this series.

  • Anonymous

    i really like these stories spoony i wish i could see the look on there faces when steve made the wish

  • Anonymous

    i wish i could be there too see the look on there faces in my opinion steve did it 4 teh Lulz 

    but good story I enjoy hearing these storys 

    you spoony bard LOL

  • Anonymous

    i enjoy these stories i wish i could see the look on those guys faces…. you spoony bard

  • Ted Nugent

    Actually, he could choose on the 10th card, NOT to pull the 11th. In fact, even if his decision TPKed the entire group, 10 different 50/50  chances said he gets away with it.

    Vegan Steve deserved to walk away with the entire parties heads or poloymorphed bodies. Giving the group the potions at the end was a cop out. Sometimes to teach your gamers to play with paranoid fear, you have to give them unbending consiquenves and equally impossible rewards for their efforts.

    Let the dice be the judge, not the consensus.

  • Michael Oswald

    Deck of Many Things? You poor bastard. *Shudders*

  • Derek B

    Admittedly none of the games I’ve ran, or any of the games my Friday DM has ran, has had any problems with wishes or the Deck of Many Things. Heck, my Friday DM has it so that the Deck’s been replicated as per Star Trek so you can give a deck to everyone in the party. One campaign he ran actually was based around rescuing a player who’d pulled a series of bad cards from the deck. It can be quite fun.
    I have to say that I really liked this story. Shows what players are capable of if they really want to amp it up, and screw over other people.

  • Dune Blythe

    am i the only one hearing popping noises in the last 2 videos?

    • Ben Alsop

      Not the only one

      • lachlandupreez

        Yep. I didn’t watch the entire thing because it really started to hurt.

  • Kevyn Dietz

    Last time we came across a Deck of Many Things in a D&D game, we ended up using it for blackjack at the local inn…

    • iceprince732

      this my friend, is the definition of win, good job
      side note: spoony funny story, i look forward to more counter monkey stuff :p

  • Renaissance_nerd

    I love Counter Monkey, awesome new segment Spoony! keep em coming.

  • Steve Mattsen

    I absolutely love your tabletop stories.

  • Anonymous

    What are you talking about? The Deck of Many things worked in the Watchers Keep in Throne of Bhaal. Of course you could always save and reload.

  • Taylor Reitz

    its stories like these that make me kick myself for not getting into DnD or other RPGs.

  • Nicholas Cook

    Oh man, love these D&D stories they remind me so much of all the great moments me and my friends had when playing AD&D and 3.0/3.5. 

  • Akasen

    Someone needs to animate these as well.

  • Anonymous

    I really enjoyed the story Spoony! And I also think that it would be so awesome if these were animated somehow. Either way, I hope you post some more stories soon!

  • Jordan Staley

    That was awesome.

  • Oskar Fekonja

    Well that was hilarious, looking forward to the next one!

    Also have you ever played the swedish tabletop game Drakar och Demoner (Swedish for Dragons and Demons). I’m going to assume no, since it’s never been translated and most likely never will be since its company RiotMind has gone under.

  • Anonymous

    I want to see a flash video of this story so bad!

    • Rui Leite

      THIS needs to be done!

  • Lazar Gruev

    Vegan Steve? More like scumbag Steve XD

  • Hayden Eddings

    Hey! Spoony actually did more!
    I haaaavvveeee theeeee pooowwwwwaaaahhhhhh.

  • Tony

    LOL Too bad, he could have escaped the predicament of drawing the 11th card, couldn’t he?

  • Anonymous

    A wish AND a deck of many things?

    Vegan Steve might not be good at mechanics but he’s a top-notch troll for sure.

  • Battle Brush Studios

    Very entertaining story (plus the prelude about the food). The whole concept of “someone just not being good at D&D” is very interesting because I actually never though of that before. Keep it up, man!

  • Anonymous

    I’d ask for the alignment of Steve’s character, but the way you describe it.. it might not really matter. But, I mean, if his character primarily only looked out for himself and just used the rest of the group to get what he needed.. that was insanely well role played!

    Could it ruin the campaign and get the party upset? Sure, but if that’s how this particular thief’s mind worked.. that is well done. Almost got away with it too!

  • André Åberg

    i just love the Counter monkey stories! Spoony more plz!this made my day! <3

  • Jordan

    Yep.  Every campaign I’ve ever seen or heard of that introduced a Deck of Many Things was completely and utterly destroyed within minutes.  I watched it happen again not 6 months ago.  A Wish is just about as bad!

    These are really fun to watch!  Always glad to hear more if you have them!

  • Anonymous

    My experience as a DM with the Deck of Many Things:
    I ran a D&D game 2 times a month at my friend, J’s house and the other 2 times we got together it was another friend’s campaign. There were just 4 to 5 of us a night total, his mom was cool with us staying up till 5 am on a Friday night/Saturday morning. So, one night before I was supposed my game my friend, R, who runs the other campaign handed me a old Dragon Magazine, it was 93 and here my friend had combed through a bargain bin of old roleplaying magazines at the local hobby shop, to find something he could use for his game. He handed me the mag and told me I should give the party that item, turning it to the page with the deck and the list of what each card did. It was missing the cardboard cut out cards, but it used the alternate playing cards conversion. I said I had to think about it and to let me borrow the magazine, to which he told me to get my f**king own. So, the next day I went down where he got his and randomly started going through the back issues of magazines. Where I found two intact copies and bought them. I did cut out cards and photocopied the deck list pages and added it to my campaign folder.

    So, the next time it was my turn to run my campaign, I had them travel through the desert to find the Lost Sphinx. They found the Sphinx and it could have easily eaten the 3 level 6 adventurers and NPC. But it demanded it tell it’s riddles and to make thing interesting it would put up a random magic item it had in a treasure chest against any magic item they wanted to bet. I had decided it was going to ask 2 riddles each of them, one semi-easy and the other really hard. The first person to get asked the questions was the Thief, he lost both questions. Next was the Fighter, who got one question right. Then the Wizard, who got both the questions right. So now it was time for the Sphinx to honor it’s side of the deal, it let the fighter put his hand in the chest and the Sphinx asked what he wanted, he said a powerful sword, so he got a +3 mithral singing long sword(it had been established early on that mithral metal was capable of hurting werewolves and vampires alike, silver didn’t exist on this world) The Wizard laughed and looked toward the thief and asked for a set of thief tools, so magic thief tools, yay. Then he put his hand in and the Sphinx tells him to take the box of ebony and ivory…to which I sang the song… And he pulled out the box. The Sphinx disappears and their mission isn’t completed they realize as they ask the Sphinx something and now is no longer there. But R, opened the box, and could tell it was cursed and if he was a cleric he would tell it was blessed.

    So the party makes it to the oasis not far from where they were, and sets up camp. R starts saying he’s drawing 7 cards, on his guard shift, and long story short fights “death” and dies. The thief, L wakes up in the morning and notices that R, isn’t around, so he searches for him, not waking up the others. R is grumbling and making a new character. L, finds R’s body and see he had been slashed to death, so L, the thief loots his buddy’s corpse. L comes back to the group saying R is dead and he got all his stuff. The Fighter J, draws his sword and demands to know why the thief has turned on his friend? The NPC, elf fighter Turg, who I was making the rational one, says have L take them to see the body of R. So they do, R finishes his new character, another magic user, and tries to catch up with the party with a NPC guide. So, again long story short the party dies playing with the deck of many things, and R’s new character gets there and starts searching for the deck, while undead crap is wandering around, you know the things that killed the last guy who played with the deck. It never said creatures that came from the deck went away. So, the whole new party kills everything there takes all the loot and R, finds the deck. They decide not to use it and wanders back to the city that sent them out in the first place. They said the other group was killed by monsters and they had to deal with them. So, what was found the city official asks, a list of all the items was giving and the King himself demands the Deck of Many things. The king explains he owns the Table of many things, allowing a better chance of getting something good, and enhancing the effects of all the cards. So the king demonstrates and the party loses the deck to the king, it saves the city. R was pissed. L and J were pissed at R. My D&D campaign ended here, cause they were all too pissed.

    My experience as a player with the Deck of Many Things:
    So, the next week, R, introduces a villain in his campaign using a Deck of Many things as a weapon. I had gotten to revise my wizard into a Wild Mage, according to the 2nd Ad&D Tome of magic a Wild Mage has a 50% chance of controlling a Deck of Many things. So, J and L and I raid this wizard’s tower. We all were level 10, and the one NPC we were given who’s been traveling with us for years, tries to kills us, after we kill the villain wizard(a ring of spell turning saved my ass..and killed the wizard), take his loot, leave the tower and on the way home he threatens us, I give him everything he asked for and still tries to kills us, we subdue him and drag him with us into the castle dungeon. I talk to L and we leave to go fool around with the deck, which I get everything I want out of the deck. I had derailed the campaign, R said. I became rich and gained levels, and because of my CN nature of the character, L was afraid I was going to kill him. So, I gave the deck to L afterwards and he started to draw from it. I thought it reset each time it’s placed in new hands and even agreed with me when I handed to L. So going against what he just had said, all that was left in the deck were the bad cards. But I brought up how that made no sense, because the guy we got it from was drawing from the deck while we were fighting him and it was a full deck that he had been using for years and years, as a weapon. I was ignored as it was “my fault” that the party started to kill themselves while drawing from the deck. So I announced my character’s retirement into the frozen north with a deck of many things, that went back to being “factory default” mysteriously. And it ened that R’s campaign, grumbling that he didn’t get to kill me…

  • Joseph Bloomquist

     I don’t often comment on your videos (I believe I’ve commented a total of 3 times prior to this), but these stories are fucking great. I myself have never played any table-top RPG or D&D type games, however I am seriously considering getting involved. Sounds like a ton of fun, thanks for your ever entertaining videos.

  • Brian Webber

    Sigh. I apologize for Vegan Steve. I swear we’re not all like that. I’m the only vegan in my gaming group, and I have NEVER bugged my fellow players about it.

    • Jordan

      Yeah, people are who they are.  You don’t have to be vegan to be a jerk and you don’t have to be a jerk to be vegan.

  • Anonymous

    Not gonna lie, these D&D stories are probably the most entertaining thing in your website and my favorite videos. You, Spoony, have the gift of a great storyteller, which is by no means commonplace in my opinion. Even when you forget something, you can make the story funny and entertaining. Actually, anytime you are yourself and not acting, you are at your funniest. So more movie and game reviews, as well as these awesome PnP anecdotes.

  • Anonymous

    Placement of Wish items and the Deck of Many Things do require some forethought, as they game altering devices.  I used a Deck of Many Things once to beat down a very arrogant and powerful group of players I was GMing for–one of the best ways to smash players is let them do it to themselves via greed. 
    I would add 1 more item though for aspiring GMs–do NOT let players buy magic items(with the possible exception of healing potions).  Magic is supposed to be MAGIC, not a commodity.  Trust me, when they work their ass off, used their wits and a bit of luck, that +1 sword is going to mean ALOT more than if they blow 1000gp for it.  That was based on a 3.0 base rules game I GM’ed a few years back.  Oh and it helps if you don’t make the campaign’s plot revolve around a player when later that player quits… ><

  • Lukas Hägg

    Very entertaining story. =)

    But, I got to disagree with you on Decks of Many Things and Wishes. You can implement both in a campaign without them derailing it. For one, the Deck of Many Things are, mostly, incredibly rare artifacts. A character should not know that they exist, unless he has gained that knowledge ingame.
    About wishes. Wishes can be really powerful, but also really dangerous. My players know this and they also know that if and when they use a wish of some form I am prepared for that. they have to carefully consider ‘how’ they speak the wish. Djinn pretty much always try to find a loophole to make the wish turn out bad. If they use the arcane version of wish then they are literally forcing the universe to bend to their will. This also carries a risk since the wish will be resolved in the most direct way possible. In both cases how you structure your wish is important. Since wishes also commonly must be spoken within a time constraint, the risk of bad wording is higher.

    As a result from a Deck of Many Things one of my players got the opportunity to speak I think three wishes. One of the things he wished for was experience. But he didn’t think that one through and asked ingame about meta concepts, and instead of gaining experience points (like he intended) his character aged about a hundred years, with the bonus that his experience gained would be double for the next hundred years.

  • Anonymous

    Odd, but I’ve never had any problems with Decks of Many Things, either as a player or a GM. It just didn’t turn out to be very affecting or useful in the campaigns I’ve played in or run.

    Mind you, when it appeared, the campaigns tended to be… odd. Like were we once fought Gigantor. Yes, it was literally Gigantor from the ancient anime.

    Though I did have a character once who had a Robe (or was it a Cloak?) of Useless Things. That was, by far, the most useful item in the game.

  • J_C

    Oh man, this video was great. When you described what happened when Steve wished a deck of many things, and the other guys wanted to murder him on the spot, I had to laugh so hard, I almost got teary eyed. That was hilarious.

  • Jerry Sosa

    Oh my God… that almost happened in my recent campaign! lol So me and my friend’s aren’t the only fools to try this lol

  • Anonymous

    This was hilarious, this story really reminded me of when I played D&D as a kid with my friends or with my brother.

    I would love to hear more, thank you Spoony.

  • Matt McLuhan

    My very first game. ever. had a deck of many things. in the first encounter.

    at level 1.

    it royally fucked the game before it even started. 2 characters instanty died, one of them got 18 charisma so his character concept was completely changed, my character got lucky and scored a level 5 henchman (should be impossible for a level 1 character, but ehh, it doesn’t really matter anyway) and about 5000gp worth of gems. 2 minutes later, the DM kills off my Henchman by having him randomly run through a mirror and fall to his death on a pit of spikes.

    I call the DM out on his Bullshit, jump into the pit myself, and commit suicide.

  • Pontus Haglund

    This was fucking awesome and hilarious to the point of ROFL. More Counter Monkey stories! I DEMANDZ IT!

  • crade.elcin

    Didnt see the vid yet.

    I can say it right now.

    DO MOAR OF THEM! I love Countermonkey, I read throuh your whole blog, its AWESOME!

  • Caio Marinho

    I want more of this.

  • Anonymous

    My old friend Alex told me about his AD&D game where the GM had a caveat that all wishes worked like the Monkey’s Paw, to the point where he would give his players wishes instead of treasure just to hear them wail in anguish. So, Alex used a wish to make his character’s teeth sparkle appealingly whenever he smiled like a fucking Mentos commercial…and, somehow, because of how Alex worded the wish, the GM couldn’t think of how to corrupt it. Not only was it a useless ability that offered no bonuses, it, in fact, could already potentially cause problems (“His teeth glow with HELL FIRE! BURN THE WITCH!”), so the GM basically just said “Fuck it. You are Sir Colgate of Retzin now. Huzzah.”

    I am still uncertain if this qualifies as awesome or ball-shrinkingly stupid, but it certainly qualifies as a defining moment for Alex.

  • Anonymous

    More “counter monkey” stories please! this was so fun.

  • Anonymous

    I remember my brother complaining about his D&D adventures in high school where someone else in the party was always trying to kill him. So it’s kind of funny to note how in these D&D stories, it so often is that players are trying to kill each other; notice how Steve doesn’t even try to reasons with anyone in Spoony’s story. He’s knows they’re serious.

  • Okanehira

    Spoony, seriously – i love ALL your videos but these counter monkey ones are my favourites since phantasmagoria!

    Such an awesome story and i never hvae played D&D in my life, i even googled “deck of many things” right after watching.

    Also maybe someone can answer me here or spoony could? What is “min-maxing” “mid-maxing” not sure what spoony said but i have heard him refer to “mid-maxing his character” a few times.

    • Anonymous

      Min-maxing is the act of customizing your character’s stats and/or traits to get the maximum amount of benefit for their chosen class.

      For example:  When you play, say, a thief, you’re going to want to maximize your dexterity.  So when you get your stat die rolls, you’ll want to put the highest one in DEX and then put your lowest rolls in stats a thief is not necessarily going to rely on too heavily.

      • Okanehira

        awesome thanks!

  • Anonymous

    When you said “11 cards” I floored myself laughing. 

    I remember a game of AD&D (2nd Ed.) where the rest of the party probably wanted to end me. The GM and I wanted to run this as “realistic medieval” feel instead of the standard “fantasy” society. Now that was explained to the other players but I don’t think they really listened or understood what we meant. I played a Paladin which most people think of them as “goody-two-shoes” types. However I ran him as a Templar or crusader, a religous zealout, intolerant of anything else and completely superstitious. I wasn’t intending to be douchebag (ok, maybe a bit), but it just ended up that from the situations we encountered, I would be the one stomping my armoured foot over their plans with my narrow-medieval mindset. If the campaign lasted more than a few sessions, they would have ganked me and danced on my grave.

    My favourite moment was we were coming to a dense evil-looking forest and one of the party members said I should detect evil. If I remember correctly, most medieval people feared or disliked forests. So I took one look at the forest and without missing a beat or asking the DM, said “it’s evil” and continued marching. The GM and I laughed our asses later about the look of total surprise and dropped jaws of the rest of the party.

  • Taylor Ratike

    I hope you keep doing these Counter Monkey videos, they’re amazing!

  • Anonymous

    Oreo loves concentric circles!

  • Anonymous

    I was thinking about this today, and I can’t believe I didn’t put this in your last roll playing game comment. It wasn’t a game killer, it was just another stupid moment performed by myself.

    Our group was sneaking into a Red mages tower, and we were stopped by one of his servants. I made a diplomacy check and succeeded. And the DM, my friend, the same guy who earlier shot my other character in the back of the head. Asked me as the servant, “Did the master send you?”
    And I answered, like a dumb ass, “No, we came on our own.”

    And immediately after I said that I wanted to punch myself, and I screamed, “Why did I just say that?!”
    Not one of my proudest moments. But pretty damn funny. At least no one died.

  • Anonymous

    roflmao. Vegan STEEVE!

    More seriously, the Deck of Many Things was always a bad call, I remember how much it derailed the longest AD&D 2nd edition quest we ever had, I think it unleashed some sort of ancient sleeper dragon (not the tarrasque, some sort of slumbering giant wyrm). It promptly woke up and ate the whole party.

  • Ray Martinez

    More counter monkey videos please.

  • Logondo

    Quickly becoming my favorite thing on your site is your Counter Monkey stories. They truly are fascinating, and listening to them makes me want to get into DnD (and other Role Playing games). I’m sure I’m not the only one.

    -Keep up the good work, and I hope to here more of your crazy stories soon!

  • Sol Skylinden

    I feel for Crazy Mike. In a game of BESM (Big Eyes Small Mouth), I was being chased down by some huge, mutant shadow crow-like bastard into an abandoned pawn shop with my cohorts. Grabbed the only gun available, loaded it, and took aim to shoot this thing as it broke in through the back door.

    First roll, my gun jams. Okay…
    Second roll, SHIT! The gun backfired! I take 1 wound.
    Third roll. The gun blows the fuck up in my character’s hands. I take two wounds, go critical, lose one hand, two fingers on the other, and my left eye, then gain a phobia of ALL forms of Winchester hunting rifles.

  • Anonymous

    I love these videos so much!  Keep it up please!

  • Shadowdancer21b

    Last time we played we got the Deck of Many Things.  Two characters served chaotic deities (one was a cleric, one was a paladin of freedom) and due to their ethos, HAD to draw.  One, the Paladin, drew four.  He got the Skull (he won the fight using bless weapon and awesome smite rolls as well as a fumble on the dread wraith’s part).  He then drew Talons and lost all his magic items, then he drew the Traitor and a merchant they had helped ratted the party out to their enemy, and finally he drew the Hierophant and got their destination marked on his map.  The cleric immediately drew Donjon and was whisked away to be imprisoned in a giant block of ice in a cave somewhere. 

  • Anonymous

    I love hearing your D&D campaigns, if you have the time out of your busy schedule please tells us more, or just any RPG’s you played the watergun wars was great as well :D. Thank you for always entertaining us Spoony, and for all your hard work you put into your videos, it really shows ^_^

  • Anonymous

    I wish for a Deck of Many THings!

    “Brodsky, you’re not the smartest…”

  • Anonymous

    The Vegan Police finally caught up to Steve.

    • Unholy Fire Dragon

      *CSI Miami theme*

  • Hathor Liderc

    Crazy Mike’s luck reminds me of my friend Kuno.

    We were playing a game with some friends. Kuno played a cleric, and had the same luck as Crazy Mike by getting the worst rolls ever. There was one point where we were in an important battle and Kuno rolls a 1. With Kuno’s horrible luck, the DM felt bad for him and let him re-roll. Kuno again rolled a 1. Again, the DM let him re-roll once more. Kuno got a 1. This repeated about 3-4 more times, where the DM would let him re-roll and Kuno would ALWAYS roll a 1. Eventually, Kuno just said “Fuck this! If I roll one more 1, my Cleric is turning atheist! Again, he rolls a 1 and his cleric turns atheist. What made it funnier is that after his character completely denounced his god, his luck progressively got better.

    • Stephanie wins

      Spoony’s story is one of the best tabletop game anecdotes I’ve ever heard, and your story is just a total cherry on top, omg. Can’t stop laughing! Turning atheist! LMFAO!!!!

  • Anonymous

    A player stealing a wish that was meant for the whole party? Well I never!

    I have to say, the image of Vegan Steve running in heels throwing cards over his shoulder while being chased by a bunch of foaming adventurers intent on skullfucking him to death is so hilarious that I really think somebody needs to draw it.
    I used a deck of many things successfully once. I actually houseruled it a little by adding additional cards with even stronger positive and negative effects, one of which would instantly kill the whole party. That led to them being very hesitant to use the thing, so they carried it around for ages before they got themselves into an almost certain-death situation and decided to give it a shot.
    What they did not know was that there was only one card in the deck they were drawing
    from (my real-life deck that is). “You are instantly imprisoned in the domain of a powerful outsider and the deck vanishes.”

    The whole thing about me adding new cards? Yeah, that was me being a dirty rotten liar. I
    also had the entire story arc of them escaping the fortress of the titan lord planed out in advance. You could say it was a cheap shot, and yes, it was cheating, but in my opinion it worked out. And I am really proud of the fact that I managed to use one of the most notorious plot-derailing artifacts as a railroading device.

  • moonknight

    Love these stories cant wait to hear more.

  • Filip Östermark

    Love the D&D stories, keep it up.
    BTW you shouldn’t pet Oreo while he’s spassing

  • jake

    God I love these stories

  • Anonymous

    Keep doing these counter monkeys, they’re awesome :D

  • Anonymous

    I really dig these videos.  You should think about writing a collection of these or something.  I’d buy it.

  • Nicolaj Astorp Olsen

    love these stories spoony :D would like to hear more!

  • Anonymous

    In the Dark Sun campaign I received a deck and thought “what could possibly go wrong”  Card 1 took all of my items and sent them to the bottom of the sea… on Athas [insert head scratching].  Card 2 summoned three uncontrollable umber hulks.  I’m dead and learned that I sucked at cards.
    Great Story Spoony, there is definatly a market for this type of vlog.    

  • Anonymous

    For some reason listening to this story I pictured a That 70s Show style turnaround shot of you, a big mean looking angry biker, a Tommy Chong style looking hippy, a guy in a suit and tie, and whoever else all playing this game in a smokey basement somewhere.
    Sunded like an epic story!
    You should find an animator to do a series based on this stories!

  • Cas Wegkamp

    Lovng these RPG stories! Keep em coming!

  • Austan Skidmore

    It’s funny you should mention the deck and the wishes. Some buddies of mine and I play Hunter the Vigil, and we happened upon such a deck, and one of our guys had drawn a card that granted him 4 wishes. I took one myself and received 5 dots in presence and a map to an old dungeon. Our third guy got the fight death card, but it was a mini death so it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, and he beat death. Our DM bent the rules a bit on the deck, but we had fun.

  • Anonymous

     I guess his greed
    has become

    *nerd glasses*

    Null and void

    • Zipper Dragon


  • Jennifer Fowler

    Ah, the Deck of Many Things… My friend “gifted” it to my character in our D&D game to try and screw me over, thinking I’d draw. I didn’t, but my traveling companions did. It derailed the ENTIRE campaign (even going as far as to kill one of the PCs for her curiosity), and when I finally DID break down and draw two cards, I drew the three best ones. +3 to STR, DEX, and CON, plus two magical items (chosen at random–I ended up with a +1 magical sword and a suit of magical armor), plus I gained a level. My fighter ended up with super human strength and epic swag, and he ended up having to scramble to build a campaign around the stupid deck. XD

  • anonymous9692011

    cool story bro :) …. i wish to hear more of these Counter Monkey stories and i hope it becomes a regular show on this site.

    All the best spoony, and thanks again for the laugh and lesson :)

  • Matthew Simpson

    Is it overly ego-centric of me to think/hope that my Deck of Many Things story in the comments last time might have jogged his memory for this story?

  • Grzegorz Wojtczyk

    When you have no skills whatsoever you get lucky. To bad that most of the time my luck goes “crazy Mike” instead of “Vegan Steve”. 

  • Alexander Richert

    Keep doing these D&D stories.  I’ve never played but through Dragon Strike and all of your crazy stories, it’s something that I’m really interested in doing.
    I love this story about the thief who betrays his boon companions to a curse for a chance at ultimate glory.  Defying all odds and escaping by drawing upon his insane luck and becoming rich and powerful… only to lose it all at the very last by a twist of Fate.  Fucking poetic.  Movies could be made out of that.

  • imagoth2004

    I really love these D&D stories. Please keep doing more!!

  • JM

    I think Spoony is exaggerating a bit about Vegan Steve’s luck with the cards.

    Not that calculating probabilities of past events makes much sense, but for a little perspective, let’s calculate the probability of picking 11 exact cards from a deck of 23 cards in a single try:

    P =
    11/23 * 10/22 * 9/21 * 8/20 * 7/19 * 6/18 * 5/17 * 4/16 * 3/15 * 2/14 * 1/13

    11*10*9*8*7*6*5*4*3*2*1 / 23*22*21*20*19*18*17*16*15*14*13

    1 / 23C11

    one in 1.35 million (roughly)

    • xxDrCrackbone

      I propose that Vegan Steve stole Crazy Mike’s luck in order to get away with that.

      …what? Don’t look at me like that. It can happen.

    • Anonymous

      Not really.  One of the things that Spoony forgot to mention (or just plain forgot) is that all but two cards are put back in the deck after being drawn and the deck is reshuffled.  So the odds of drawing 11 good cards in a 22-card deck is about the same as a coin landing on heads eleven times in a row, or about 2^11 (=2048).

      • JM

        Oh, ok. Also, now that I had time to watch the video all the way through, the guy did draw a bad card on his last draw. So the odds of doing that (drawing 10 straight good cards) are about 1:1000.

      • Anonymous

        Stop with your fucking math. You’re making me feel stupid.

      • Gregory Bogosian

        That leaves two important questions. 1. Did Vegan Steve draw either of the two cards that do not go back in the deck? 2. Is the deck 22 cards or 23 cards?

  • Daniel vigil

    If he’s talking about the Peter Piper’s on Gilbert and Southern, he is right. It’s so fucking nasty…

  • RosieRoses

    Such a satisfying story!!

  • squall lee rhodes

    fucking Vegan Steve. Any mention of him made me laugh my head off

  • Necro

    I guess Crazy Mike had such “bad luck” because his way of rolling dice is wrong.  Did he shuffled his dice in his hand before throwing it? 

  • Alexandria White

    Oreo was ready to gnaw on those concentric circles.

  • Anonymous

    Gah! I HATE vegans like that! They give all of us a bad name… And of course they’re the most vocal about it so people end up thinking that ALL vegans and vegetarians are like that. We’re not, I promise.

    (Okay, I admit that I sometimes try to convert people but I’m not a huge dick about it. Mostly I just recommend that they try to eat vegetarian once a week or something and see how they like it.)

  • Anonymous

    Steve: I drew the Void? *Exdeath pops out of the card* TO THE SILENT BEYOND! EMBRACE THE STILLNESS OF ETERNITY!

  • Anonymous

    “(Big Mike) was like, ‘I’ve been playing D&D for so long and you did great.'”

    So was this before or after you tried to poison him with a toilet pizza?

    • Anonymous

      You read my mind.

  • Alexandria White

    From the 3rd Edition Dungeon Master’s Guide:
    Balance – Changes the character to a radically different alignment.
    Comet – If character single-handedly prevails in the next hostile encounter, the character attains the next experience level.
    Donjon – Character is imprisoned and loses all gear and spells are stripped from the victim in any case.
    Euryale – Causes a permanent penalty on all saving throws.
    Fates – Changes reality to allow the character to avoid even an instantaneous occurrence if so desired.
    Flames – Causes an enmity between the character and an outsider.
    Fool – Character loses experience points and is forced to draw another card from the deck.
    Gem – The character gains significant wealth.
    Idiot – The character’s Intelligence score is permanently lowered.
    Jester – The character can gain experience points or two more draws from the deck.
    Key – A major magic weapon appears out of nowhere in the character’s hand.
    Knight – A fighter appears from out of nowhere and serves the character loyally until death.
    Moon – The character gains a number of magical wishes which come true.
    Rogue – This card causes one of the character’s NPC friends to turn against him.
    Ruin – The character immediately loses all of his wealth and non-magical possessions.
    Skull – The character must defeat a powerful undead creature alone.
    Star – One of the character’s ability scores increases.
    Sun – The character gains a beneficial magic item.
    Talons – Every magic item the character owns or possesses disappears permanently.
    Throne – The character becomes more charismatic and gains a small castle.
    Vizier – The character gains an answer to solve any single problem or answer fully any question upon request.
    The Void – This card sends a character’s soul to some other desolate location, leaving his body in a catatonic state, requiring the adventuring party to find a way to rescue the soul.

    Also, apparently there were decks of many things that had different numbers.

  • Anonymous

    I resent stuck up vegans too.  I appreciate that they want to convince people that their lifestyle is healthier and more ethical, but you’re not going to convince anyone of anything by being friggin assholes about it!

    • joel_animeman

      True. The same thing goes the other way around. A lot of vegans and vegetarians get hassled by “meat-eaters” all the time. Please people, a little acceptance for other peoples choices perhaps? -_-
       Anyways; great video Spoony!!

      • Anonymous

        I had a feeling someone would point that out and had debated editing my original comment.  You’re perfectly correct, omnivores do sometimes get on vegans’ and vegetarians’ butts as well.  Rest assured I am not one of them.  I strongly believe in respecting others’ rights to make their own lifestyle decisions and would never start an argument over something like veganism.  I do hope to be treated with the same respect in return, however, and that’s why I feel resentful toward overbearing vegans.  I apologize if I gave the wrong impression.

    • Amanda Crouse

      Dude, I know a vegan who is SO snobby that she won’t even say she’s a vegan. She “lives a cruelty-free lifestyle”.  And won’t come to your party unless 100% of the food available is vegan … even if 99% of the party guests eat People Food.  If I find out she’s going to a party, then I know to bring my own eats.

      • LaBarata Mk

        How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?
        Don’t worry. They’ll let you know.

  • Anonymous

    this story rocks. COUTNER MONKEY is the best new series Spoony has come out with in two years. every vid is worth watching twice.

  • Hasan Mahmood

    Man. I don’t think anyone could have made up a story like this if they tried.

  • Anonymous

    I love this gaming stories of his and he does a very good job bringing them to life. I do have to wonder if he hasn’t embellished or made up some of it though, just because stuff like that is so unbelievable and hilarious XD

  • nevets1986_1

    Spoony, really love this episode of Counter Monkey, but this video is not anywhere on your video list archive page.  Just wanted to let you know.  Keep up the great video’s dude and have a nice day!

  • Brandon Glass

    Great videos! Please, for the love of god and all that is holy (Or unholy if that’s your thing) put these into a series on your video list archives!

  • ashley price

    Me, my girlfriend and a couple of friends were gonna start DnD a few months ago…we were basically all noobs, and were all overexcited to try it out. I was gonna DM…the problem was we had one guy who heard us talking about it and pretty much invited himself in. He was, basically, our Vegan Steve. He was trying to make up moronic rules for himself, like having a pet dragon because he was a dragon shaman, or just plain pointless things like coming up from a dodge-roll from a tumble and slashing enemies as he came up with a katana. He was trying to control everyone elses characters, by talking about how they should make their character to best support him and how they should all make up backstories built around worshipping his character as a great hero. He tried to make a massive backstory about being half-dragon, but losing all his dragon abilities after meeting a demon, and wanted to fight this demon to get his powers back and get those powers back over the course of the campaign, meaning he expected me to make an encounter with this big powerful awesome demon. No one wanted to be “That guy” to just kick him out of the group, mostly to not be cruel, and because we all agreed his aura would be cool and useful, and as much as I told him he needed to bring it back a little or we would all just leave him out, he insisted I was the only person who felt like that, or i was just trying to be mean to him. Eventually, we got around to playing…and he was over an hour late to show up, and wouldn’t answer his phone. We all decided to just cancel for the day, havn’t met up again for it, although we keep meaning to…He’s not in our group anymore due to calling me retarded behind my back to one of the players, just for trying to keep him in line. 

    • Hákon Óttar Hjörvarsson

      Golden rule of roleplaying is just have fun,
      Rule #1 of roleplaying is the DM rules, not the player :P

      • TheManAndres

        are you Icelandic Hákon? 

        • TheOneCalledSloth

          All hail Ísland!

      • TheManAndres

        are you Icelandic by any chance? Hákon

  • Michael Mazzacane

    This is by far the funniest counter monkey story so far.

  • kaleb phillpott

    i watch this daily cos i have no life

    • Anonymous

       LMAO ! i imagine many of us do! xDD

  • Eric

    a friend of mine got screwed by a deck of many things cause he got the loyal retainer and it was Lawful, Good Cleric. he was a necromancer.

  • Wesley Toma

    Vegan Steve SHOULD have wished for a deck of many things with only the good cards and what you could have done is that the Djinni would grant one wish per person just an idea

  • Josh

    I’m really liking this series. I hope you have a lot more stories to tell.

  • Michael Wells

    I just looked this up The Void does not kill you, it removes your soul and separates it from your body but it does not kill you just leaves your character Catatonic, you can quest to get your soul back (Or party can)

    • C. L. Johnson

      Let’s be honest, after the shit Vegan Steve pulled, how likely were they to try and get his soul back?

      • rageofkyubii

        Not to mention they hacked his body into mincemeat.

  • Matthew Flohre

    How come this video isn’t listed in the Video List? I just checked, it’s not with the others.

  • DraculaAlucard1

    I have a question. Did steeve whisper his 100 miles to the north request? Otherwise how did they not hear his request?

    • jack brian mckeown

      the players probably did, but the characters didn’t. good roleplayers keep what their characters don’t know in mind when acting

  • Ben Grady

    I dont let my players Metagame even in the slightest. They have to have clear, in game reasons why they would betray the party they’ve been working with the entire adventure.

    • Adam Pixels Mossman

      They’re Chaotic Neutral. “Why did you do that?” – “Meh.”

  • Kerbm001

    Excellent story good sir. It actually reminds me of a time where during a campaign I was in, our party came across a Deck of Transformation. Similar to the Deck of Many Things, but instead of granting the drawer something, it transformed them into something. I wasn’t there for this, but apparently the cleric drew ten cards, going through a series of transformations into some sort of abomination, before our DM finally decided on something for him just to avoid the sheer insanity of trying to work it out.

    The moral of the story, decks of cards are very very dangerous.

  • Robin Botes

    Steve sounds like a few members of my weekly group. :I

  • Heather Boster

    So, to be clear, a tarot deck is used to foretell the future and help you make decisions. The deck of many things is a tool that either gives you great things, or it fucks you up the ass with a sandpaper dildo and no lube.

    Also, when I first started playing D&D, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know which dice were for what, I didn’t know if I had rolled well unless I rolled an 18 or higher, and I played my class like an idiot (with the exception of when I played a fighter for some reason. I was actually told I needed to stop thinking tactically and just swing my sword at things). Granted I was also twelve at the time, but my point is that we all improve over time, and patience is a good thing.

    Then again, it sounds like Vegan Steve was there for a while, and probably should have picked up on something after a while.

  • Uğur Can Yıldız

    Is this why Steve Jobs’ stuff has apples as a logo on them?

  • Matt DiPasquale

    Why do I feel Vegan Steve is Matthew from your epic story, playing his class wrong.

  • Chris Lauderdale

    Your first sentence is the BEST FUCKING RULE IN ANY GAME EVER.

  • OgdruJahad

    Stuff like this is one reason why I don’t play D&D. I’ve never played it, at all, but I just know that for ages I would be Vegan Steve! I would be that guy who just doesn’t know how to play and screws everything up for everyone else.

    • Das_Bass

       play with new people, so you all botch it up as a team. You’ll learn all at the same time.

  • Jamie Sheil

    I had a peter pipers pizza type experience recently. I could only think of your recounting of the greasy pizza tale while eating it (well, some of it, before I gave up cause it made me feel sick). I don’t know how you managed to eat terrible limp greasy pizza like that XD, and laziness like you described is legendary. I think I’m bad XD

  • Joseph Holmes

    From Arizona, I know Peter Piper… infact I think I know the exact store you describe because of the general Pizza and Chinese nearby…. there was a game store but I never went to that one because I had a different one I was very loyal too.

  • Steven Allen

    “What they were supposed to do… That did not happen” is the story of every GM that’s ever ran any campaign.

  • Nathan Jacob Caudill

    ive eaten greasy pizza before and its not that bad imo.

    guess its not for everyone.

  • Joe Mamma

    I wish I could watch this video.

  • Dylan Sankey

    What happened to all the early counter monkey videos?

    • Jared Trezise

      Hmm, I can still watch it… Are you still having difficulty?
      A plugin of mine says the video file is .flv, instead of .mp4 which his DOA video is, so maybe the video files changed and your browser doesn’t support them or something? :S

  • DraculaAlucard1

    Dont Djinni give their masters 3 wishes? Or is the deck of many things worth 3 wishes?

    • Doleth

      They give you unlimited wishes, but only if the wishes are all “I want to get hit in the face by your sword”

    • Daniel Tilson

      A normal one gives no wishes, but there is a special kind, I think it was Royal or something, and it gives 1 wish.

  • Jim Thorpe

    lmfao this reminds me of when i played as a kalashtar psion in an eberron game which involved the Deck. I drew the Void.


    and the quori soul was sucked out. I was a free human psion. the only character who likely ever got a positive effect from that fucking card.

  • Stephen Urbaniuk

    I had the opposite problem with rolls for my Cleric. He proved to be the single most ass-kicking member of our party. XD

  • Bruno Alves Marques

    Oreo chasing his finger was SO ADORABLE.

  • Jon Von Basslake

    Vegan steve got fucked up by karma XD

  •ózsef-Pálos/100001576711815 József Pálos

    We did deck of many things, or rather out Dm did, and it was pretty fun. I got the castle, in contrast my friend got older and stuff. Basically i got out of it well, but only me :D

  • William Bowles

    I love how Spoony can say “pokeemans” completely straight faced and serious.

    Steve may have nearly ruined the game, but you gotta admit– he gave you a hell of a story to tell

  • Petrino Brown

    just in case anyone ever encounters a genie, the right wish is “i wish the genie would fall completely and unselfishly in love with me”

    • Brian Frang

      Genies can’t do love spells. It’s rule number two.

  • Edward Emberley

    I was playing 3.5 D&D (Planescape I believe) and we were invited to a wedding for a Demigod of Luck. And we were thinking “What the hell are we going to get for a Wedding Gift”. Immediately I said “A Deck of Many Things”. Everyone just stared at me including the DM. The DM said something like “Well, only 4 have every been made in the world and the chances of finding one of them a near impossible.” So the DM had me roll D100, (as opposed to a knowledge roll) and naturally roll 100 so the DM was like “Well frig, You happen to know that someone in this very city has one for sale, but he is selling it for 1 Billion Platinum Pieces.” So I was like “screw that, I stealing the MoFu.” So I basically planned a heist, to get a hold of this Deck of Many Things, to give to a Demigod as a Wedding Gift. The DM was like “Well shit.”
    So the heist goes off and the moment I hold the deck, the DM was like “Make a will save.” And I failed. He said “The Will of Man is weak (even though I was a Kobold at the time), You instantly draw 4 cards from the deck the moment you lay your hands on it.” So of course I thought i was screwed because, you know, even if the deck didn’t screw me over, it was going to disappear and I was going to be giftless. So I drew the cards, and I remember I ended up with a Intelligent, Bad Mouthing, Keen Vorpal Schimtar with a rebelious attitude, some jewelery I shared with the party (Mostly so I could scry through them) The card that makes it so you have to fight the next group of monsters alone and if you succeed you get a free level (In hinsight, I think I went to a bar and punched out an to orge door man since ogre counted as a monsterous humanoid), and the most redicilous thing, a get out of any situation card. So I basically said “Well, I want to get out of being embarressed at the wedding of a Demigod because I stupidly used the gift ment for the couple for myself.” and so the Deck of Many Things didn’t disappear after, but I couldn’t use it again and I think the DM fudged it so that the rest of the party didn’t have to make the same Will save.

  • Taylor William Hardy

    guys like crazy mike are exactly the kind of people you want in a campaign. The kind that no matter what happens they’re having fun.

  • vheugito2

    I really want to start playing these games.

    You could make a movie about this story.

  • Zipper Dragon

    *Lowers sunglasses*
    It looks like someone…
    *Puts glasses backup*
    Fixed his shit
    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!! (If you get those references kootos to you)

  • Zipper Dragon

    I woulda chained his ass up, & found a way to revive hin, or make him immortal, & tortured him.

  • Tab

    I once made a trap where there was a room filling with mud and only one way out: a magically-sealed door and a Deck of Many Things. This deck, in addition to the normal cards, had blank cards that would allow the players to step through the door and a couple custom DoMT cards. Regular DoMT cards allow them to step through the door, but had the normal effects for the card. It was great when the players were getting the custom cards that forcibly changed their race or got them trapped in a pocket dimension in the door via a trap the soul spell…it was great, but only something you can use against a group of gamers once before they start formulating real-life murder plans.

  • Kyuuby1391

    I’d just like to point out that the probability of drawing all10 good cards out of the 22-card deck, followed by The Void has a probability of 0.0000895308%, which is more than one in a million. In fact here’s a page full of things that have a one in a million chance of occuring:

    • Jayrus

      Indeed, but as a wise man once said : One-in-a-million chances happen nine times out of ten.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    Actually the Void does not actually kill. The soul is sent elsewhere and the body in left in a catatonic state. However in Spoony’s story this would not matter given the other players hacked his body to bits.

  • The Bones

    Oh god these stories are hilarious. I’ve been watching a few of the counter monkey videos here and there and your stories actually make me want to try out playing D&D.

  • CheshireBat

    The most common deck of many things has 22 cards, although there are 13, 18, and 72 card versions as well.

    The one good card he probably DIDN’T draw was the moon, which would have given him a few wishes.Had he gotten that, he could have wished to rid them all of the curse, and hoped they would take pity on him. Or screwed them over even more, of course.

  • wiimanclassic

    Anyone else wondering if he ever did make friends with Vegan Steve later?

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