Counter Monkey – Shadowrun: The Squirt Gun Wars

The Spoony One | Oct 8 2011 | more notation(s) | 

Here’s a tale of RPGs and the eternal struggle between GMs and PCs. With squirt guns.

  • Unholy Fire Dragon
    • Romeo Charlie

      That’s it boyo.

  • Max Topsholm

    Second! :D

  • Anonymous

    Oh my god, that metal sound from the dog’s collar through out the whole video is beyond annoying.

  • Justin Hilyard

    Funny part: DMSO is a real thing that works in exactly the same way.

    • Anonymous

      Indeed it does, I had to use it on my horse for medical reasons and the vet really emphasized that I needed to use gloves when applying it.

    • Benjamin Wunn

      thats realy creepy D:

    • Anonymous

      Oh great, you just gave Dr. Insano information on how to kill us all, way to go! 

      One quick trip to the Science Lab & Toy Store, and it’s Death-by-Hasbro for all of us! 

  • Mark Andersen

    You should make this a Vlog series where you just tell a bunch of your funny RPG stories, it was a great video.

  • Magdalen O’Reilly

    I keep having the most childish reaction…

    “ooOOOoooh Shadowrun, huh?…..PUPPY!!” <3

  • Taylor Rice

    This was probably one of the best Shadowrun stories I’ve heard, and I was told a story about genetically mutated and Awakened Cow-Soldiers.

    Despite the whole Dystopian-thing with Cyberpunk, Shadowrun encourages this kind of stuff. I mean, c’mon, the President was the ancient dragon Dunkelzhan- his assassination caused what is basically an eternal black hole in one spot.
    But I’ve got a player in my current game who is, in all respects, The Hobo With a Shotgun. Another player is an Elven Decker who had to have point dumps in random knowledges (Anatomy, Sports, Troll Punk Bands…).
    The more “Out There” you get, the better the game. Of course, this was just hilariously ridiculous.

  • Evan Heery

    So disappointed that my last Shadowrun campaign ended. It was supposed to be a one shot (where the DM made the characters), but wound up running for over a year.

    I got handed a dimwitted Sammie with a love of old western flatvids (who was unknowingly a cyberzombie). It was a blast to play.

  • The Faustian Man

    One of my favorite moments playing any tabletop RPG is with the Warhammer 40K tabletop Dark Heresy. I was playing a character called Simo Bone who was an assasain and as any Dark Heresy player will tell you they get kinda broken later in the game because they can do called shots at insane range without penalty and they can silence their sniper rifles which can potentially do the most damage out of all the weapons.

    So the party is down on a planet where an army with the Orks have begun and the party are “recruited” by the local leaders to help in the effort and the first thing they have to do is get to and outpost and save it from the Orks so it can be used later. The party drop in at night in the jungle because it is a jungle planet so we sneak through the jungle and come across a party of five Kommandos (commando orks who are capable of shit other than punch) so Simo hides in the bushes and take out the first one silently. I then notice the other four are standing by themselves two by two and they are luckily discussing standing in a line from Simo. I then ask the GM if there are rules for a bullet going through a head and into whatever is behind it and he says there is indeed rules for it but you need to roll high on the damage, which I manage to do. So I kill two orks with one bullet and then the others don’t notice it because the shot is silenced and when they are surprised by the other orks exploding head I shoot at them and do the same thing, taking out two with one shot.

    We then do get to the outpost so we sneak in and find that the main Ork Kommando is setting up an explosive and is close to being done so I leap into action to stop him and without thinking about it I shoot him in the head and I’m all “yay! He’s dead! He’s fuckin’ dead!” and then the GM goes “roll your damage” I roll damage and again go “HE FOOCKIN DEAD!” and then the GM, with a smug grin goes, “The bullet passes through his head and into the explosive behind him and because of the force of the shot sets it off. Roll your Agility to see if you can outrun the explosion” which he knew I wouldn’t be able to do and indeed I didn’t and my poor assasain ended up horribly burned, his weapons destroyed, without an arm and almost completely and utterly dead.

    I wasn’t angry at the GM for even doing it, it was such a briliant move I had to applaud him for it because it made total sense and it was my own fault for asking about bullets going through heads.

    So there you have it, one of my best tabletop RPG moments.

  • Krista

    thought this might help. we use some of these things at the shelter that i work at with the puppies. funny story

  • Fredrik Rastrilla

    “Can I help you?!” Cracked me up

  • Stephen Anderson

    I totally disagree with you here. I think you exhibited class A GM technique. I’ve always been of the opinion that a good, fair, creative GM favors reigning the game back from within rather than laying down a new, external rule. It tends to be much more fun for the players when the thing that is thwarting them is a logical element of the world that they are playing in, rather than something that is totally outside of their control or ability to effect. And, really, isn’t a GM’s job first and foremost to make a fun game? 

    • Alexander Wood

      Agreed. Rule of fun totally triumphed here. Remember, you are a good GM if A, you are having fun, and B, if the players are having fun. Nothing else matters.

  • Krista

    we use some of these ideas at the shelter that I work at, thought it might help.

    also good story. 

  • Anonymous

    Did the dog scratch Spoony’s arm at some point? Because the moment I noticed that, it seems to be all I can focus on. 

    • Michelle Brydon

      Well she did outright CHOMP on his arm at one point during the video. He must be tasty :P

      • Anonymous

        I saw that and immediately thought “jeez, I should have been more patient, the dog herself was more than happy to answer my question!”

        I felt pretty stupid at that point. 

        What Spoony needs is a squirt gun to fire at Oreo whenever she acts up…now wherever did I get a crazy idea like that? 

  • Anonymous

    Back when I was first DMing, I used to run a bunch of silly campaigns (I have since matured in my GMiing, but I liked something easy). One point, the PCs were in the Dungeons And Dragons Movie setting, with the intent to fuck up as much stuff as possible. At one point, they find out about the Rod of Red Dragon Control and go for it (they plow through all the challenges because they were fairly high level). So they get to the room with the skeletal remains of Savrille (the wizard who made the Rod of Red Dragon Control). When they reach for the rod, here comes the most memorable part of that campaign:

    Savrille: Be warned! Whoever wields the rod shall suffer its terrible curse!

    Drow Wizard: How do I break the curse?

    Savrille: THAT… is for you to discover!

    Drow Wizard: I cast Control Undead on him. How do I break the curse now, bitch?

    Savrille: You honestly think if I knew, I’d be a skeleton with a meat hook up my ass?

    • Alexander Wood

      This is actually an awesome idea. Kudos.

  • Wade Seewald

    alright i have a D&D story i’m going to try and keep this short. My first game ever my Dm was great with story but sucked at everything else. I was a male elf ranger named Zolong and my best friend who this was also his first game had a human barbarian name Dravik and we made a great team. This game has a few story so the first one we where blessed by the gods them self so we all got some gift or blessing of some kind(my friend got a book that when it was open turned inot  bar more on that later), Zolong’s god wasn’t one of the gods blessing us so there was this left over god who gave me grassy palms so i had 10 blades of grass growing out of my palms (yes i know the joke your thinking) so pulling one did 2d12 fire damage 15 feet around me and only 1d3 on me but if i pulled all 20 out it glassed everything with in 15 feet so i used that untill the dm knew it was dumb to give knew player a bomb. so he took that a way i was find with that because i thought it was the gayest thing ever having grass growing on my hand. 

    so my dm had a love for vampires so we would run into them all the time. ( I was raped by about 3 female and own by another) So My Dm got a great idea of turning Zolong into some living vampire which is just like a super day walker with +1 life. so the made my character over power very quickly not by my hand but by the DM hands.

    ok this one is may favorite story even thought i little to do with it. Dravik and his book of the bar he opened it a bar will pop out over time it started to change into bigger and better things and gain more rooms and stuff that bar had a 500% profit do to all the being god made and stuff came out of nowhere. Dravik only wanted it to be a simple bar so Zolong one day grabs the book and start flipping there the pages and reading how to work it. Dravik looks at him dumb stuck and  said. ” Wait, you can read that thing?” Zolong then smiled then told him in a smug way. “Of course barbarian, I can read it because I’m not illiterate.” 

    I have so many more story with just Zolong (deck of many thing, belt of gender change, just to name a few)

  • bob smith

    God i love RPGs…

  • Anonymous

    Fun times.  Enjoyed the vid Spoony.  The various distractions didn’t bother me.

  • cesarmoeba

    Spoony come on keep  making vlogs we all love to hear you talk about everuthing and nothing,  hell, make a 1 hour vlog about oreo shitting on the gunblade, I’ll watch it. We’ve grown to like you very much and we miss you ;_;

    • Unholy Fire Dragon

      “make a 1 hour vlog about oreo shitting on the gunblade”

      *imitates a commercial*
      Because Spoony can always take the worst shit and make it entertaining! ;-)


  • Jonas Larsson

    I have no fucking clue what he is talking about. Is this a real life RPG or a computer game? how can he make up his own rules….

  • Richard Von Hendy

    I once tried running a Star Wars (original D20 edition; yeah, I know,) campaign for my brother and his friends.  On the second and final session, they were aboard a passenger liner, working as security.  Eventually, the find out that some of the crew has been acting suspiciously and go to investigate.  The come to the door to one of the control rooms and find that it’s locked.  So the Wookie of the group gets a bright idea.

    Wookie: I punch down the door.

    Me: Are you sure about that.

    Wookie: Of course, I’m breaking that sucker down.

    Me: Okay, you punch the durasteel door, and hurt your hand.

    Then, once they managed to actually open the door, my brother, who was running a Rodian Scoundrel (that’s pretty much the Star Wars equivalent of the D&D rogue,) sneaks into the room.  One of the other players, who was running a Sullustan Scoundrel, thinks, “Hey, if he can do that, then I can do that!”  So he attempts to sneak in.

    He rolled a 2 on his Stealth check.

    What’s even better, is that the players were the ones who came up with what happened.  Apparently, he tripped over a chair, crashed into a cart that had been placed nearby, and landed on a control panel, triggering an alarm.

    Of course, one combat later, they had caught the crew members, who were running a smuggling operation on the side.

    Still, the memory of what happened amuses me.

  • Anonymous

    The only funny RPG story I got, I’ve already told. But oh well. My friend is the DM, and his character is suppose to be my characters body guard. And while were fighting an Earth Troll, he’s standing behind me, and attempts too shoot at it with his bow.
    He critically misses, and winds up hitting me in the back of the head. Thank god for my Half Dragon skin. I remember staring at him and saying, “And your suppose to be my body guard.”

    I love hearing about you talking about Shadowrun. I never got to play the table top version, only the console games. The Sega, and SNES games were great, but the 360 game that calls it self Shadowrun is a piece of shit!
    Great video thanks Spoony.

  • Peter O’Boyle

    Okay, first off. cool video, gives me a bit of insight into the world of Tabletop RPGs. Also, Oreo deserves her own show, she is cute, spastic and funny. 

  • Stacy Galler

    Great story; very funny.  I can just picture 15yo you and a bunch of friends thinking up new ways to kill people.  Nerd alert!

    And having Oreo in the video didn’t bother me; any pet owner will tell you that when a pet wants attention, they want it NOW; it doesn’t matter what you’re doing.  Heck; ask Brad!  In his latest review Lloyd sticks his nose right in the camera.  But Oreo seems like a sweetie and you obviously love her.  Give her some time and a little training; I bet she’ll make an awesome sidekick.

  • cesarmoeba

    Shit, remember the vlog about the video game music concert? You talking about   how it inspired you to stop slacking after your breakup made me reevaluate what I was doing with my life and now I’m harvesting straight A’s  at college. Greetings form Mexico, by the way, you’ve got a lot of fans here. International shipping’s a bitch so I can’t buy your merchandise but I’ll watch the shit out of your vids. 

    For all the criticism I dish out (I’m a regular at Busy Street and I assure you, we criticize because we care, we’re not just trolls, don’t reject us, we’re your fans, man), I have equal appreciation for your material, so here are my 2 cents: I know you have a life to manage and you put a lot of effort on your videos (trying to get the gosthbusters and such), but  you take  too much time to release them. You’re knowledgeable in many topics and we respect your opinion, bit above all we want to hear it. Every video doesn’t have to be FFX2 (and even if you don’t want to do it it’s ok, comedy doesn’t fall out of one’s ass), do a spur of the moment thing, or more vlogs with Miles, anything. Put blip ads on them we don’t mind (I encourage you to do so, you take time to think about it, your time is gold and so is ours), a man’s gotta eat and 30 seconds of shitty Kraft soccermom stand up comedy is worth watching for 20 minutes of your stuff.

    I’ve rambled on for too long, but I hope you read this and get the gist of it, despite my faulty grammar. I rarely post comments but I think it’s time I try to reach out to you. 

  • Logondo

    You should share your other funny RPG stories.

    And that dog, is un-fuckin’ believable.

  • Tomas

    If you want a quick review of shadow run samtron as got you covered

  • Anonymous

    Love RPG stories.  I generally am the sensible party member, but some of the people I play with.  One friend of mine is known for two things- bolt from the blue ideas and crazy luck with the dice.

    Some highlights of games I’d been in with him-

    -Intimidate a bookcase that was grappling me (It was a mimic- he had a firebomb, and a -1 charisma).

    -Kite a horde of gibberlings (monsters in the D&D Underdark that travel in huge swarms) through a monster-infested fungal forest our DM was obviously planning to have us fight through

    -In Star Wars d6, one shot a Corellian Corvette with a single Proton Torpedo (due to an insanely lucky roll- in d6, one die in your pool is a “wild die”, which when it rolls a 6, you roll another die and add that to your roll- If that’s also a six, keep rolling, and so forth.  He got a 56 with I thing 6d6.[and he wasn’t even a specialized pilot])

    Finally, honorable mention to our favorite item of loot ever.  A 10-ft square section of stone wall on wheels.

  • Matthew Szota

    I remember one of my first DnD campaigns, the DM was a bit of a dumb ass and due to his character having been killed in the last campaign we ran was doing all he could to kill us off as sadistically and painfully as possible. We were at the time around 5th level (he let us get that far before starting out deaths, maybe dumb ass isnt the right word). He had managed to kill off or capture every one else but me. I was playing a rouge at the time, I forget the race I was, might have been half elf or human I forget. Anyways we were storming a guys castle at the time and I had managed to hide up in a tree in the castle garden, unfortunately I missed a roll that caused all the guards to realize I was up there. So I’m kinda panicking now so I get him to tell me every small detail about what would be in my field of vision, the conversation went like this:

    DM: Well you see the guards obviously and most have bows pointed at you, as well you see a fountain near by and there are bushes all around the tree and area.

    Me: Bushes? What kind of bushes?

    DM: Normal kind? Idk what kind do you want?

    Me: How about hemlock?

    DM: Sure, they are bushes of hemlock.

    Me: Are you certain?

    DM: YES! Go already you are as good as dead.

    So long story short due to the plants now being hemlock, a very poisonous thing be it in liquid form (like how Socretes died) or even in gas/smoke I did the obvious thing. I lit up a torch I had on me and threw it into the bushes. The smoke spread and while my character jumped out of the tree and into the fountain the smoke rose up and killed all the guards or knocked them out. I then crawled out of the fountain and stayed low to the ground and got out of there fast. He forgot to have the smoke effect me and on my own I saved the rest of the still alive characters. To this day that lives on as my greatest moment in table top gaming.

    • jesternario

      We have a definite name for killer GMs like that. Not Dumb Ass, but jerk ass

  • Matthew Forester

    I had a similar thing happen in a DnD campaign that was run a while back.  We all had characters, but we would take turns being PCs or DM; so for two weeks a friend would run a module, then I’d run a one-shot, etc.

    One of my friends is the rules monkey – he knows everything about 3.5 just off the top of his head. It’s crazy.  I didn’t delve that far into all the obscure rules and things and normally just made up rulings for events and tried to make them as logical as possible.  Well this guy power-gamed the shit out of a character named Chopper Coppercockle – a dwarf fighter (along with some other base or prestige class, I’m sure) that duel-wielded axes and had and insane critical chance, confirm bonus, attacks per round, and overall damage output, ON TOP of having a pretty good pool of hit points and fairly good saves all around.  He just tore through whatever we fought against, and normally he would run in and decimate everything before the rest of the characters had a chance to do anything.

    So it comes to be my turn to DM, and I create a module for them to explore a newly-unearthed tomb or cathedral or something that was buried in the side of a hill ages ago.  Their first encounter was with humanoids that were looting the place, which Chopper quickly dispatched of.  But after that first encounter, everything they fought was undead, which destroyed his crit chance and bonus damage.  He’s like, “Whatever – I’m still dropping zombies like a champ.”

    So what they fight next is a tomb spider and a few broods and web mummies.  He gets pumped because there are animals to crit.  He rushes in, eventually rolls a 19, and is about to confirm before I stop him.  “No no no – these enemies have Tomb Tainted Soul.  They have all the immunities that undead have.”

    He pitched a bitch-fit over that, but the gang still rolled over them.  (I believe his words were “Fuck your 3.0 Libris Mortis bullshit!”)

    The big bad of the whole encounter was a high priest who had turned from Pelor and sided with Vecna to learn to create and command undead.  Chopper met him head-on at the beginning, knowing full well that he was undead, but that didn’t deter him for a second.

    However, I had two surprises in store for him:

    1) The big bad had a wounding weapon and a high BAB, so Chopper started losing health and Constitution fast.
    2) The big bad summoned a shadow on the other side of Chopper, which gave flanking AND started sapping his Strength.

    While this lovely trap was being laid out, the rest of the gang was content to hang back and fight a few armed skeletons that were also part of this grand final showdown.  Of the four characters that participated in the fight, here was what happened to each:

    Wizard – death by skeletons, but technically got the last hit on the big bad via summoned celestial bison (which pissed Chopper the hell off!)
    Berserker – after the rage wore off, less than 10 HP
    Chopper – conscious only from Bear’s Endurance cast earlier, less than 10 CON, about 12 STR left
    Knight – basically full health

    It was a fun module, all the players really enjoyed it, and my friend in control of Chopper learned that day that, as a DM, it is my duty and right to smack you on your ass if you start to think you are the hottest shit in the land.  AND I did it legally :P

    • Anonymous

      That is fucking awesome!

  • Hathor Liderc

    That group reminds me of a friend of mine who tries to be as OP and as weird as possible…Your story is pretty much what happens when you have a group full of guys like my friend. All out war with the weirdest shit imaginable.

    I have a handful of RP stories to share, but I can’t remember them off the top of my head. I’ll post them up once I remember.

  • Anonymous

    Alright, I’ll bite. 
    1. Greatest clusterfudge of a game I was in was a Star Wars game.  The system is so broken that by level 7, you are God.  The entire game led up to this epic showdown with a Sith Acolyte who was hunting down Jedi.  I won initiative and my specialization in blaster rifles was such that that was all she wrote.  I got the jump on him, took the shot, crit’d on a 17 (thank you improved critical) and blew the poor bastard away.  One shot.  End of game.  On a related note, in the same game, our Wookie player fell off a building.  We looked up the damage for that, added it up…and he soaked it up.  300 ft off the skyscraper, and he sticks the landing.  Man, that was a broken game.

    2. My greatest death:  Iron Kingdoms.  Witchfire trilogy.  Apparently that undead ogre was there to scare off the players…Yeah I charged that son of a bitch, Nyss claymore brandished high.  Pummeled me into the ground like a tent-stake.  Alas poor Carryck, we hardly knew ye.  It didn’t help that our cleric died immediately at the beginning of the dungeon thanks to a cave wort clinging to the ceiling.  Protip: When entering a new room in the dungeon, always look up.

    • Steven Johnson

      Had a dm run a 3.5 drow camp.  So after a few weeks, this is after killing Lady Alustriel who was level 21 and we were 13.  Lolth took pity on us after LA ran out of power word kills and dropped an anti magic zone and my bard got a crit to kill her. We didn’t fight a single monster that camp, he had npc templates so it was npc battles the whole time which was fun.

      So we have to go to the shadow planes but there is a demi god blocking the way (i forget which one started with an S and tried to usurp Lolth in one of Salvatores books I believe).  So the hook was when you got hit you had to make a fort save or get pulled into the portal.  So we didn’t know that is what we were supposed to be doing, we were like need to make fort saves.  Being a drow bard I had a massive 10 Con meaning i needed 19 or 20.  So I made that save 3 times.  After the 3rd time I had more the 50% negative health from the last attack that hit me.  This was after our psyonist had cast Mental Fortress which halved damaged so I saved myself to instant, non reviveable death.  

      The whole campaign was like that, we instant killed so many bosses it made the dm furious but since there was like 8 combat encounters with elf kin slayers or dwarf war bands or other drow raiding parties npc being out numbered 2 to 1 we made it to the boss almost totally dead.  So much fun, 3.5 got so broke after level 14ish.

      • Anonymous

        You should see Star Wars once the Jedi hit “master” level.  My friend found out that you can go into a brief “force trance” before taking an action for a massive boost to your role.  All he had to do was not take his move action to use it and he became a turret of death.

  • RockNRollMartian

    25:28 – Dammit, Spoony, can’t we just get BEYOND Thunderdome?

  • Anonymous

    Insp. Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

    Spoony: (Looking worried) Uhhh….nope.

    Insp. Clouseau: (Goes to pet the dog) Nice doggie.

    (Oreo bites Clouseau’s hand)

    Insp. Clouseau: I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!

    Spoony: (Starts to panic and then shouts) THAT IS NOT MY DOG! (Runs away)

  • Matthew McHenry

    That sounds phenomenal. If I had enough friends willing to play
    Shadowrun, your story would have convinced me to start it immediately.

    I’m notorious for dying in D&D, but one of the best stories was a
    near death experience. My group was in this realm attempting to pass a
    number of trials to find a prophecy to stop the Age of Worms (it’s a
    campaign in Dungeon Magazine) or something like that (this was some time
    ago) and our fighter’s legacy weapon was talking to him about how we
    needed to run to fight this Titan. We basically ran through the night to
    the point of exhaustion. When we arrive at the Titan’s home, we see
    that all of his gargoyle servants have died. The fighter demands an
    explanation from his sword and when it doesn’t answer, he yells at it.
    The sword finally responds telling him that he never told him to go to
    the titan. He then hears in his mind laughter and he announces himself
    as the cleric of Vecna. A loud roar of anger comes from the Titan’s
    house and our group ran back the way we came avoiding the Titan’s rage.
    My rogue used his ring of invisibility and got lost from the rest of the
    group. Being the noob that I was, I decided to get a few hours of
    sleep. The DM took this as a chance to get me killed by being eaten by a
    bulette (for the second time in my D&D career). I ran from the
    bulette and one of the guys in my group suggested that I throw stuff at
    it to eat. This apparently appeases the DM and the bulette eats about
    150 gold, a magic scythe and an enchanted crossbow.

  • tim edgren

    I would so play shadowrun with you spoony. you provide books. I have a character already I love…you might hate him..he’s a troll phys adept. enhanced scent and elemental fist. he doesn’t have much along the lines of crazy adepthood. most of my crazy stories come from DMing, though I have some player ones..lesse…lemme think of one good story of the idiots I’ve DM’ed for….
    ok, I was DMing a version 3 D&D game (can’t remember if it was 3 or 3.5) and the team was just…dumb…their character creations were weird and unimaginitive. they were attacking a castle and had grappling hooks ready for scaling. the front line fighter gets takend own and is bleeing out. the ranger, instead of pulling out his two swords and trying to hack away the enemies on him, uses his grappling hook and tells him “I’m gonna aim for him and pull him back to us”. I spent 5 minutes staring at him and asked 3 times if he really wanted to do that, even telling him that would be dumb. he rolls and crits…he drags back a dead body… I took away20 experience points for sheer stupidity (we loved role playign and gave/took away exp for poor role playing…his ranger had a 12 wis and 16 int..being a dumbass fails that). there’s just one..lemme know somehow if you wanna hear more.

  • Anonymous

    An excellent dog and pony spoony show as usual. Love hearing you ramble.

  • Tom Williams

    I love how it progressed logically from squirt guns to water balloons to a fire hose.  Just like in a real world squirt gun fight.  You know there’s always that one kid who gets the hose and fiddles with it to get it to go 100 feet.  Wish I had some awesome tales of RPG games, but in my world you just don’t get to do cool stuff like that.  I DID have a dream last night that I basically had a remote control that fired all sorts of weapons based on combinations of number presses, and I had to fight a school full of zombies and save people.  I guess I can accept awesome dreams as compensation for not having any friends.

  • matheus saboya

    this was REALLY fun to watch , you should do more rpg’s stories spoony

  • Colley Dogstar
    A nice collection of doomed Shadowruns. I think a few of the pages might be broken now though, still, it was my first exposure to the game.

    • Tessier

      Ah yes, the C.L.U.E. files. Oh how I love those! I dm for a 3rd ed Shadowrun group and (luckily) most of my players are really good about not doing the kind of psycho stuff. Though one guy did try to taser a guy through a stainless steel operating table…

  • Samantha Realynn DeShong

    Hilarious story…though I admit I had to rewatch the video a few times because my attention always went to that sweet, adorable puppy!  She is just too cute!  She needs her own show.  I miss having a dog.  I love my kitties but I had a dog for a very long time. 

    I haven’t been playing tabletop RPG’s for very long, but I do have this one hilarious short story.  A group of guys I actually met on the site’s forum and I were playing 4th Edition D&D.  I think it was our first or second game, I can’t quite remember.  But we were tasked with killing an insane emperor who was causing problems.  We snuck our way through the emperor’s fortress and made our way to his bedchamber.  The icon that our DM used (we were playing via skype and using maptools) was of Caligula.  He was pretty tough but we managed to finally kill him…when our fighter literally picked up one of the hookers that the emperor was entertaining before we arrived, and threw it at him.  The emperor smashed his head off of the wall, causing his skull to crack open and his brains to decorate the wall.

    Yes.  We killed Caligula with a hooker. 

  • Matthew Simpson

    Great review, Spoony.  It’s really easy to forget that you’re a huge tabletop gamer, too, and it’s nice to hear that other people have stories as insane as some of mine.  For Example…

    Back in the day, I’m playing a D&D 3.5 adventure with some friends, and the Deck of Many Things drops into our lap.  Our DM used house rules for it that he thought made more sense, including reshuffling after every drawn card.  I, being the cocky bastid I am, decide I’m gonna draw 8 cards.  I ended up with a castle almost as big as the city of Baldur’s Gate, and hundreds of thousands of gp.  So, what do I put my ill-gotten wealth towards?  Making my castle fly, and outfitting it with dozens of siege-grade weapons, of course.

    So, fast forward a bit, and we’re going to check out a tower that a wizard’s in, and I think “Well, we’ll just fire the ballistaes near the top floor.  Cut out some of the climb, cuz wizards hate being on the ground floor.”  So, figuring the tower was enchanted, I fire a broadside, 30 guns en totale.  I blew out a HUGE chunk of the tower before my bud Ryan says “Hey, Matt…didn’t you have them enchanted?”  after some quick calculations, we realized I’d destroyed the tower completely, and thus, we had to dig through the rubble to get the wizard’s ring…which had been broken and bent by the rubble.

    And that’s how I broke the campaign, and got my DM to stop talking to me for a month.

    • Torvaun

      Pfft. He broke the campaign as soon as he gave you the Deck of Many Things.

  • ORCACommander

    well at least the group was being creative to get around the restrictions.

  • Ben Wolpoff

    I remember playing in a friend’s Werewolf: The Forsaken game, where he had set vampires as our primary antagonists. The premise was that we were the only pack left in the city, and that the rest had been, over the last few years, forced out by vampires. The idea was to pit us, as emotionally unstable tooth and claw machines, against an enemy who would, more often than not, attack us from a social angle, forcing us to abandon our element and scramble for every resource we could in a city that, quite frankly, belonged to our our enemy.

    Then about halfway through we realized that we could make bombs in our apartment that dealt 4-7 fire damage a pop. The campaign got a lot less subtle after that. 

  • Anonymous

    the riged sprinkler sistem should had been letal on its own due to water toxicity (to much water in you plays hell with your electrolites) :)

    keeping my rpg story short, when we played d&d 3 and our master house ruled the magic fumbles, our wizard died suffocated by his own, now green, hair.

  • Anonymous

    BTW spoony a good way to get the dog to bite less is to pin her tongue down with your thumb. she’ll stop going for your hands so much if you start just holding her tongue down.

  • ORCACommander

    most epic thing i remember was in a spycraft campaign last year where i had 2 other players level a multi story building using pressurized beer kegs in the basement. enemy death toll was 100 plus.

  • Anonymous

    That dog is really into you. So cute.

  • Steven Johnson

    In Eclipse Phase you have splash ammunition which is a bullet that you can fill with chemicals.  So it can quickly get to squirt gun wars type scenario.  But there really aren’t any drugs that a pc would be able to get that could 1 shot npcs.  Most pcs and npcs would have medichines which reduce the effects to nothing or stunned and such.  But you can load a splash bullet with liquid thermite which does 3d10 + 5 damage per turn and burns through armor and destroys it.  To put 3d10+5 into perspective if not familiar with Eclipse Phase, you have a wound threshold which is between 6-8 each time you take damage above the WT you get a wound, 6 dmg 1 wound 12 dmg 2, etc etc.  For each wound take a -10 to actions.  Take 1 wound need to make a Somatics check (con save) to stay standing take 2 or more at once need to make one to stay conscious.  with average damage from that being 20 a pc or npc would take 2-3 wounds per turn.  The medichines that make drugs less effective also mean if you take 6 wounds at one time or accrue 5 wounds it shuts your body down and locks you into medical stasis.

    There is of course a counter that that which in game is called NotWater which is far cheaper then liquid thermite.  And the counter to squirt gun wars would be atropine, though that could also prob kill in sufficiently large doses.

    There was another thing that was errata’d which was full auto sniper rifles, add some laser sights and smart links getting 2 bursts or 3 attacks per phase, mega destruction.  But subsequent printings have changed that.  Still can make nearly 3 kilometer shots with no penalties however.

  • hunterg

    During my first campaign in d&d, we had to fight an orc inside of a tavern. We had lured him the with the promise of a business deal, and after a bit of talking to get him off guard, and let the hookers distract him, we launched our attack. Our mage had really bad aim, though and killed a hooker, killed the bartender, and set the bar on fire, and burning off the beards of the two dwarves in our party. as payback for causing so much trouble, I decided I would play a few ‘harmless’ pranks on him. One of these involved putting ‘waste'(to phrase it nicely) in his food. After eating, the food, his character contracted filth fever and died. he wouldn’t talk to me for weeks afterwards.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony. I have the same ringtone as you. We also got girl, six month old puppies at the same time. We also have the same tag for them. Someone’s copying someone, and I don’t like it!

  • Remi Levesque

    Well, here’s my Shadowrun story. It’s the last game of Shadowrun I DMed btw.

    I was a guest DM in someone’s game, all college friends, and he wanted to try it once with since I’ve DMed since I was 12 and also I have quite the reputation for nasty traps and weird plots… They were also a fun gang and he wanted an opportunity to try a game with his players from the “other side of the table”. I had pretty much free reign over what to do, but these guys liked to play “big conspiracy stuff” kind of game, so I went with it. I thought : “They want something memorable? I’ll give them something to remember…”

    With the people in college I was playing many RPG at the time, there was some weird common place : a hell-hole where all the stories, if they happen there, it will screw up all the players dice rolls and the DM plot will twist almost on it’s own in a some kind of mindfuckery of epic proportion. That place : Yucatan. (It exists, it’s in Mexico.)

    Really, I have nothing against Yucatan. Hell, I’ve never been there! But run a game of Call of Cthulhu, Shadowrun, World of Darkness, or anything else and the ones who played this will talk for years about how it went so wrong in that game, in that place. But on with the story…

    Here’s the plan : they’ve been playing for a while before as their characters in the “big conspiracy backstory” of the regular DM, so they were starting to have some reputation with the regular Johnson (or “employer”). So my plan was there was a double-crosser in the “employer’s organisation” : a power-hungry fox shaman conjuring adept (a magic-user who cannot cast spells but can summon spirits). That guy was looking for a good opportunity to sellout the players to Aztechnology (an “evil” megacorporation) for big money and power. While trying to summon a powerfull spirit to look for some guidance in his scheme, he managed to summon a ancient once who told him Aztechnology was building a secret underground base in Yucatan and it would be perfect place to send the “players” to extract the secrets out of them and to do some nasty stuff to them out of sight of everyone. So he planned a run involving the players to join the rebellion in Aztechnology territory to verify “rumors” of a big operation by the megacorporation in Yucatan and neutralize it if it possed a threat.

    But actually, the double-crosser was being played. Under the building site of the secret base, there was a powerfull artefact of a very old age of magic (magic is a “cycle” in Shadowrun that can last for some centuries at the time) : a “teleportation device” that allow you to travel on the “mana lines” of the planet. It has two spirits “binded” to it : one who is fixed on the device who takes care of “merging” the essence of the traveler to the mana lines, and the other who can go anywhere to “reshape” the traveler on the “landing spot”. Both spirits were dormant before Aztechnology started their work.

    Since the fixed one had a “deep connection with the planet”, it sensed the workers when they started diging. Long story short : he sent the “free” spirit to check what’s going on, he found out they worked for “evil purposes”, so they mustn’t find the device, but also they must make sure it remains a secret for pretty much everyone.

    To find a proper suitor to help them, the fixed spirit “scanned” the earth to find a magic user strong enough to help them, but who was also “working for the good of others,or who were not evil at the core” (if such thing exist, but hey, it’s a game, fiction FTW!) After a couple of weeks of search, they landed their choice on the shaman, one of the players, so why not recruit the whole group!

    So when the double-crossing summoner did his thing, the free spirit “allowed” himself to be summoned and told him of the digging, so the players could be sent there and destroy the base from inside which would allow the spirits to move the device undetected (the device radiates mana when in use so magic users in the area could “feel” it and track it down, so destroying the base first would make sure only the “chosen one” is left, hopefully…)

    Gosh, it’s taking longer than I thought… Ok, so players join the rebellion and Aztechnology is warned the players are coming so they train their elite squads appropriately in the meantime. Also, since they know they’re coming with the rebellion, they send a small unit of grunts to squash the rebellion and make sure the players keep going to the secret base location. When they got in there, they’ve got their asses handed to them and got captured.

    But wait! Actually, the base was build for magic research and “no really legal and/or ethical” scientific research. And it happens they were making research on “brain maps” for new mind-control, memory-alterations, illusions and hallucinations. Stuff like that. So to extract the secrets of the players, they decided to use the fruit of their research so far. After all, to get more research funds, you have to show some results…

    So the way it “really” happened was after their capture they’ve got beaten down regularly, totured and got barelly fed for two weeks especially to break their willpower, to weaken their minds. Then they’ve got plugged to the machine where they “erased” their memories of the last two weeks and inputed a “false feed” in their brains that the infiltration went succesfully and to use the virtual environnement to make things happen so they could get the informations they seek. And I did that before the Matrix came out, so I don’t want to hear complains that I copied that movie!   :p

    But since I knew the players couldn’t play that they were truly unaware of their capture and was happening to them, I decided to not tell them. The way I played it was when they got in the base, they’ve got blinded for a couple of seconds by strong lights which they guessed was because of the quick shift from the darkness of the underground they were to the neons of the part of the built place they were entering. Actually, it was the “pont of insertion” of the false feed : they got “greeted” by a bunch of flashbang grenades and they had that “wiped” from their heads.

    How they got out? Well, since all that were “prototipes”, I’ve figured it must have glitches. So sometimes things were going wrong, like memories invading the feed, like seeing dead family members as guards in the “false base” and stuff like that. So to escape, the players had to figure out the “reality” was wrong make a willing effort the “reconnect” to the real world. Yeah, fun for the DM!

    They complained about not having the opportunity to defend themselves during the capture, but hey : the bad guy were pros and they have trained a long time for this. However how it could have went, I’ve judged the captured was innevitable and for story purpose, I had to do it this way.

    Well, didn’t planned to write a nove, but that’s my memorable Shadowrun experience. I hoped you enjoyed and you won’t have me for making so long.

    • Matthew Simpson

      That is NASTY, mate.  I don’t suppose you’re around Idaho Falls?  I could use tutelage from a DM like you, hehehe.

      • Remi Levesque

        Sorry, I’m in Quebec City.

    • Alexander Wood

      Not only hardcore, but a lot of fun! Way to be hard without being a douche, man.

  • adee

    “…a new version of cocaine…”
    New Coke?

  • Dylan

    Spoony, tell more of these stories! Super entertaining!

  • Michael Butcher

    From someone who has never touched a tabletop game or a pen-and-paper game in his life, this sounds like some ridiculous shit.

  • Anonymous


  • Anonymous

    You gotta hit ‘em with the potassium.  That’s what makes lethal injections lethal.

  • Ghilz H

    In our shadowrun game, we have a magical hobo who killed a sniper by throwing a dog at the man, pinning him to a wall through dog impalement. True story.

  • Ghilz H

    Then there’s the time where me and another guy tried to get said other guy’s van out of a police impound lot in shadowrun. Things went kind of out of hand, by the end of the session there were riots all over town and an entire city block had been torched.

    And that was only the first time we caused unintentional riots.

  • Ed

    Gah–frickin’ DMSO, I remember that stuff from running my own SR game in college.  I don’t remember my group going off the rails with it fortunately–no, for that they used the Rigger book…

  • Tom Badguy

    Just a simple D&D tale from the first and only time I Dm’d.

    I had a friend that wanted to make a pipe out of bone. I was just being a dick and kept telling him that there was no bone any where. So the party is in a cave, they just finished a battle when he asked “Are there any bones lying around?” I was sick of his constant whining about bones that I said, “Yes. There is a bone but it’s stuck in the ceiling of the cave but it’s too high to get to.” So he suggests that he and his other two party members should stand on each other’s shoulders so he could reach. I was amused so I allowed it. They climbed on top of each other and got the bone. Then I said that there was a “mysterious” tremor in the cave and they all had to roll to keep their balance. They all failed, fell on the female barbarian at bottom holding the other two up, and killed her.

    It was pretty funny at the time, at least, I know I had a good laugh. The dead barbarian was not pleased.

  • Anonymous

    That was a supremely epic anecdote from start to finish. Lol. You can’t make up this kinda shit.

    Kinda like when me and my friends played AD&D. We -called it- AD&D but that’s not what it was. It was a free-style pen and paper game. We didn’t own a d20. We used multiple d6 for everything. Every level up we’d gain higher HP and a new ‘proficiency’, which was an ability we could completely make ourselves and ask the DM for approval, given it was balanced. 

    The story was: We were playing the first Super Smash Bros and then suddenly a mechanical spider bursts into the room and steals Alyssa in a potato sack and then crawls through a dimensional portal which we followed. (Alyssa being a girl we knew. She was actually a guest on the Nickelodeon show Figure It Out. Seriously, google “Alyssa Buecker” and you’ll find something on her.) And after following, we were in this “anything happens” dimension where we had to quest to rescue Alyssa. It was the one DM and two player characters. The other player was a bard-like dude. He came in handy because I was the tank. 

    I chose random cool abilities without any sense of theme. I’d have completely mismatching abilities like PK Thunder (2d6 damage to all enemies in the field, double damage against machines and water-y monsters, and being able to boost me like it did in the Smash Bros incarnation), Blade Poisoning (normal damage + fixed damage overtime on a d6 roll, another d6 for how long it lasted), Cosmic Jewel (a Link to the Past-like medallion that let me concentrate on any one foe in the rough area and do 3d6 damage–COLORFUL COSMIC ENERGY DAMAGE–to a guy even if I couldn’t see them and/or they was behind a 10 foot thick wall or something; really broken ability lol), a For Sale Sign (another Earthbound referential ability which brought merchants to me no matter where I was that I could sell and buy from, despite it only being a for SALE sign), and the Surf ability (allowing me also to summon an extra-dimensional surfboard at will.) I was also a half-man half-aquatic lizardman (only the tail and limb scales showed) who had the ridiculously helpful ability to just breathe water. Lol. Could not possibly be drowned. And on top of that, I was a 2nd class SOLDIER of a Shinra-like organization. Yes, I was a psychic swordsman surfer half-lizardman. And the bard’s buffs made me a demonic contender.

    Here I am listening to you being like “RULES FOR THINGS. EXPLANATIONS FOR THINGS. RESTRICTIONS FOR THINGS BASED ON EXPLANATION.” My 11-year old self would’ve found you to be a TOTAL buzzkill, man. D:

  • Ben Ahrendt

    You really should make this a series.  Just put on the camera and ramble about back in the day when you were playing RPGs.  Because this was hilarious and I truly would enjoy hearing more of your stories.

    • Erik Kowalsky

      And so he did. Love it.

  • Tariel Corbeau

    Alright, so this isn’t my story, but my friends. She is my DM and quite…well she is not as evil as I am gonna be…but she is mean and so are her relatives that also play.

    So what happened is that her sister was a bear, and her two cousins were a shaman and a Minotaur. Her sister the bear got into the bear and got drunk, as a joke the shaman took possession of the minotour and started making him…well ‘shoot the milk’ so the bear got horny…..The bear basically raped the minotaur and on the very LAST roll to get pregnant, what should happen but it happens. A few months later, the minobear is born and it is the ugliest thing in the world. The bear killed it as soon as it came out.

    Now as for my short thing…I wanted a foxgirl, so I reasoned that well…druids can turn into animals right? So I the dryad mated with a dire fox. It was a 15% chance of ever getting my fox girl, due to the whole ‘not speices’ thing. My friend rolled a 35, and I rolled a 10. She asked what roll I wanted and I said mine. I told her what I got and she said, “are you shitting me?” I gave a cheer that I got my fox girl. ((She is a ranger, and sort of druid cross class like 5ranger and 1druid sort of thing.))

  • Ryan Johnson

    FASA did indeed create some epic games. Shadowrun, Crimson Skies, and of course Battletech/Mechwarrior.

  • Anonymous

    In a lot of ways this story does have some rather frightening grounding in reality. Imagine if there were terrorist organizations, corporate security forces, or just hoods with a bit of ingenuity, who loaded up with chemical/biological weapons (even personal weapons). Spoony’s response of loading up the police/security with similar weapons shows a very realistic arms race scenario, and the response of the pc’s isn’t even that far fetched. Borrow, steal, kill, home brew, do what ever it takes to stay ahead of the game. As stupid as this game got, it was probably a good bit of fun, and might even make for a good behavioral experiment, similar to the corrupted blood incident.

  • Jose Batista

    Any chance of reviewing Shadowrun for the Genesis?

  • Markus

    In after the story about the DnD game where a wrestler pinned down a dragon.

  • Anonymous

    I have been continously playing Shadowrun for over 15 years now. It is really the best RPG, I ever played and I really enjoyed your anecdote. It would be great to see this from time to time on your site.

  • Anonymous

    That was a funny story.

    I have a couple my friends have told me about their RPGs of the past… and both are pretty funny.

    The first was, I think, in one of the versions of DnD. Basicly, the PCs had built these characters for years, so everyone was pretty much a walking god on earth, pretty much incapable of being beaten easily. So, the GM tries to work out a challenging game and hopefully really put the screws to them. So, he sets up a scenario in where the PCs have to find and kill a 50 foot worm that’s tunneling through the ground destroying towns and killing people.

    So, the PCs go into the tunnels hunting the worm. After a bit of walking, they suddenly come across the worm, barreling down upon them, large mouth ready to eat them. One of the players pulls out one of his god items – a pendant of wishing, which lets him make any wish he wants and says the following:

    “I wish the worm never existed.”

    The GM smiled and responded:

    “Congratulations! Your wish has been granted and the worm never existed. Unfortunately, since you were all standing in one of the worm’s tunnels when you made your wish and the worm never existed, you’re all encased about 50 feet below the surface, unable to move, breathe or anything. You are all dead.”

    Basically, the GM put them in a situation where the PCs would try to breeze past it, only to destroy themselves in the process.

    The other story (if you can call it that) is of another friend who played more of a vampire RPG of some sort.

    His character had the ability to shapeshift into a variety of animals when fighting, which essentially gave him different properties, like flight, stealth or power depending on the animal he chose. Eventually, he thought of a great strategy to combine his shapeshifting powers. He couldn’t transform into an “owlbear” or anything like that… but what he did was a hillarious one-two punch called the “Bear Bomb”.

    What the Bear Bomb entailed was first turning into a flying creature like a bat or bird and flying about 10-20 feet above his target. Then, once in position, he’d suddenly switch forms to a grizzly bear, dropping onto the enemy with his massive weight, crushing them.

    Though your story brings things to the extreme, I really love the idea of players taking the game’s rules and possibilities and finding clever and effective uses for them.

  • Philip Brown

    ShadowRun is one of my all time favorite Pen and Paper RPGs.  In the 3rd edition, which was pretty darn good, but lost a lot of the aweeeesome shopping from 2, I ran a game that focused a lot on magic.

    The magic of Shadowrun is very powerful, but has great risk and takes far more to improve over a cyber samurai’s tech costs.  So usually an adept or mage is more powerful – over time while a cyber guy can be awesome right away.

    With the Otaku – now called Technomancers, magic has access to the net too!  Really cool stuff.

    But anyways, in the game I ran, I realized a few characters were over powered (first off – Troll Adepts should NEVER BE ALLOWED- when a Semi truck runs into a troll adept the metal truck shouldnt be the one to crumble…) and I needed to throw something at them, what better than a Shadowrun dragon? The beasts that are basically in the book just to show you a way to kill whatever the heck you want…

    There’s an optional rule to let your characters buy Karma (Exp) at a crazy expensive price… dont use it. EVER.  The mage called in a few favors with some of his sprites he had bound…  Used the levitate spell and according to the math… launched the Troll at the dragon at Mach 6.  Ever since we call back to the days of the Troll Cannon. Best way to kill a dragon.  The Troll was fine- the dragon had a troll sized hole through his heart.

    Read all the rules carefully, those rules that seem unfair to certain character types- are there for this reason.  Don’t let mages buy power… Mages and Adepts dont have a limit on their power… it goes up and up and up long after a CyberSam has outfitted himself with deltawear and bioware that would cost billions and occasionally blacks out because his essence is .01 and every so often he stops being able to think like a human and goes to zero’s and ones…

  • Edward

    Wait a minute….ok, so if I’m wearing a god damn halo space armor suit that has no pores in it and completely covers and protects my body, you can spray me with this drug mixed with a poison from a squirt gun and even though it can not possibly touch my skin it will effect me.


    How can it possibly effect me if I’m wearing a sealed suit?  It shouldn’t be able to effect me at all because it can’t actually touch me.  And what is this half effect crap? So half of it’s effect means it makes my skin half instantly absorb toxin or absorb toxins quicker or something?  And so since its this drug which makes you absorb toxins through the skin, the half effect is it just automatically effects me?  That’s not half, that’s rounding up.

    That is complete bullshit.  Whoever created that drug and listed the rules for it in the rulebooks fucked up big time.  I know we are dealing with science fiction fantasy, but that’s too stupid for me to buy it.  I can not suspend my disbelief for this concept, when there is no possibly way for this substance to effect me and yet it does anyway.  You never said it was acidic or magical in anyway, so how can it possible get through a sealed piece of armor.

    That’s bullshit and that’s god moding.

    You and your friends would have never have gotten away with using the drug like that if I were running this game.  Whatever weapons or abilities your using have to make sense logically in the game, not just because you found a loop hole in the rulebooks.

  • Anonymous

    That sounds awesome :) I love the move vs countermove stuff.

  • Concurssi

    “Can I help you?”
    *Looks away*

    lol :D

  • Brnd Myr

    We also came up with the idea with the water cannon and DMSO with the Paeneo-drug. A pain-inducing drug! Riot-control in the 21st century!

  • Conchobar1

    So they turned the game to Zap-style Paranoia?

    The only stories I got are me being screwed over by the dice gods and a GM that rolled for everything. the most extreme of which was when I was playing a minor noble fighter. I had to attend a Banquet and the GM decided his roll of dice meant that I was Mind controlled, Raped by, and then forced into marriage of a the princess of a kingdom ruled by dragons. Then I had to fight her elder dragon father alone at level 8. I wasn’t with that group much longer after that. The only thing that kept me alive was my own manipulation of the system, I’m not a fan of being a power gamer but when I need to be one I can. oh and my team-mates they knew what was going on they did nothing to help. one of them went so far as to aid the princess so he could get trade deals.

  • Anonymous

    Shadowrun rock… it’s an amazing coincidence actually, you posted this video on the same day that my new Shadowrun campaign starts. So I was really into this video.

    As for the DHSO issue, there’s a really easy way around this.
    Cyberware – Blood Filtration System Rating 6 Alphaware – Essence Cost 2.4, 120,000¥

    The blood filtration system is the most useful as it will stop anything ingested, injected or absorbed through the skin so long as the rating on the cyberware is more than that of the drug, for each level in rating of the filter system you reduce the power of the drug by 2 and the damage level by 1. So, arsenic, which is a 10D (10 Deadly) substance would be reduced to 1L (1 Light) which I automatically resist making the drug completely ineffective. In order to still be effective they would need to have given me additional doses. A lethal dose of arsenic is 200mg, which would have to be in the form of arsenic trioxide solution as it’s the only way it’s produced now. Approx. 1-2 teaspoons would contain the right amount to kill someone. If we assume based on skin exposure that a spray from a super soaker would get you about 10 doses this is how the rules would work that out;

    The second dose ups the damage level by 1, all additional doses up the power by 1. This means 10 doses of arsenic trioxide would cause a 19D+ wound, that’s 19 Deadly+, that’s the equivalent chance of survival to being shot by a battleship naval gun in this system, the best sniper rifle in the game only does 14D+, so you’re not going to survive this normally. With the blood filtration system however, I reduce the damage level by 1 per rating, so that down 6 levels:Deadly+ to Deadly, Deadly to Severe, Severe to Moderate, Moderate to Light… I could actually keep going even if it was Deadly+++ (but there’s no drugs given a rating that high). With a 6 rating filter, I reduce the power, (19) by 12… this means that arsenic blast did only 7L (7 Light) damage. I can then role by body needing 6’s (as it’s impossible to roll less than a 1 on the reroll). Let’s assume I’m playing an average slightly cyberred person, I have a Body stat of 5. Considering Orks and Trolls can with ease end up with a body in the double figures this is fair. I now need to roll two 6’s to take no damage whatsoever from this chemical weapon and I have 5 dice. Entirely possible. Also, I can walk around in the drenched room freely as single doses are neutralised instantly with my system, where as everyone else will die if they so much as touch the walls or floor with bare skin as water has a tendency to get everywhere.

    In fact, with this piece of cyberware, it would be impossible to kill my character with arsenic, because you cannot increase the damage level beyond Deadly+. Additional doses only add to the power, which makes the wound harder to resist. As I reduce down 6 levels, I reduce everything to light damage, so I’m marking off only 1 damage box out of 10 from a full blast. That’ll easily give be enough time to pull out an AK-97 with APDS rounds or a SPAZ-9 Combat Shotgun and waste the bloody lot of them.

  • Edward

    As long as these fuckers are playing a in Toon Town style fantasy world where you can kill Iron Man with a magic squirt gun, why didn’t they just load up with cyanide?  Instant fucking death.  If I were them that’s what I would always use.  Cyanide all the way baby!

    • Hubert Świątkiewicz

      First of all, I’m sorry for my english, it is not my first language. I can only tell that I’m far better in speaking ;P.
      To say it in most simple way: cyanide blocks oxygen from connecting to iron atom in haemoglobin structure. You actually die from asphyxiation, so it would take about 5 minutes. In shadowrun pace of fight is much too fast for such long acting poison. Personally I would use nitroglycerin (lowers blood pressure), atropine (blocks heart action after getting 30mg in IV form) or morphine/fentatyl/other strong opiate (high risk of respiratory arrest after first IV usage).

      • Richard Hutchinson

        Incorrect actually. Richard Kuklinski, the mafia hitman, killed many people by mixing DMSO with cyanide and putting it in a small spray can. He said that his victims died within about 10 seconds.

        • Hubert Świątkiewicz

          This is actually quite interesting. I did not know about him to be absolutely honest. Still, it may depend on the dosage and other conditions. If he was using some extreme dose, ~1g and gave and delivered it via syringe, victim would die from ‘heart attack’ (antagonistic action of cyanide on autonomic nerve that regulates the heart cycle). Besides, no matter how proficient in using that poison he was, I really do not think he would care (or even if he had knowledge to do it) to distinct coma from death, after using high dose. He may claim, that victim was killed in matter of seconds but I think my point stands.

  • Anonymous

    how about mixing acid together with the drugs to melt through the rubber suits?

    • Edward

      That would make sense.  According to Spoony, even without acid, you suffer half the effect even if your wearing heavy armor.  This doesn’t take into account a completely sealed suit of armor which logically would render the drug useless, but according to the game mechanics it would still effect you which is beyond stupid.

      • Stephen Martin

        Except for the whole acid thing. Wouldn’t that catalyze the drugs destroying it? And wouldn’t that also destroy the contacted skin as it was absorbed into the body by any DMSO that survived? Sounds like the most reasonable course of action regarding acid and super soakers is just put acid in a super soaker.

        • Bob Walsh

          Wouldn’t the acid melt their little plastic super soakers?

  • Edward

    Last time I’m going to harp on this but seriously a bunch of marines in sealed hazmat gear with AK-47s should have been able to take these PC without breaking a sweat.  That’s how I would have handled these players and if I had to house rule it, I would have.  It’s a god damn shame I would have to house rule something that’s common sense but if they can kill a squad of powered armored soldiers with squirt guns then the game mechanics are broken.

  • Anonymous

    I’m surprised nobody thought of wearing an anti-shark scuba drysuit, complete with airtanks, for your watergun campaign.  Hell, I’m surprised nobody played a “druid” type character that is usually immune to poisons or some shit.  Whatev. 

    My stupid D20 stories:

    STAR WARS: I was the DM.  Steve was a Jedi Sith Jawa.  Dan was an Ewok bounty hunter (complete with explosive arrows like Rambo, so even if other Jedi’s blocked them, they’d explode) and Mike was an R2 droid,  which took assault mods like a terminator. 

    D&D: I was the barbarian.  Steve was the DM.  His goal?  Punish all the players for having high saving throws.  How?  Well…we had to go through a diseased-infested forest.  Paladins were immediately off the hook, since they’re immune to disease.  The others like me?  We saw a hermit that made vaccinations to the disease.  What’s that?  Your fortitude saving throw is too high?  Your fortitude saves defeats the disease, preventing you from catching it, so you don’t develop your immune system against it. The save for the vaccination was really low (DC 10) and you can’t choose to automatically fail it, since your fortitude in involuntary.  I ended up dying because I was a barbarian with too high a fortitude save, preventing the vaccination from working, so that when we went into the forest, where the fort DC there was way too high,  I didn’t make it. 

    Later on, (I made another barbarian character), we came to a bridge.  On the bridge was a sign.  It said, “This bridge is an illusion.”  Everyone who read the sign got a will save.  If you passed (because your will was too high), you discovered the bridge was an illusion and it disappeared under you, making you fall to your death.  Since Barbarians are illiterate, I couldn’t read the sign and the illusionary bridge still worked for me.  The cleric fell and died.  Wizard had float.  Rogue bombed the save and stayed on the illusionary bridge.  He had slippery mind (gives you another chance to try a will save if the first one fails) but he didn’t use it.  It was one of those special illusions where it was real, until you had strong reasons to suspect the “shadow-conjuration” as an illusion.  A successful will save made you disbelieve it and it disappeared.  Steve had all sorts of obstacles where the higher your saving throws, the more you got punished.  Later, people started doing things to try and nerf their saves, like by casting TOUCH OF IDIOCY on themselves to lower their will saves. 

    I got other dumb stories, like ones for D20 modern or MUTANTS and MASTERMINDS but I’ll pass for now.


    • Tariel Corbeau

      This Steve sounds like a Dick.
      No offense, but not even my DM would do that kind of stuff.Or me. That is just pure evil.

      • Anonymous

        Steve has the dubious honor of ruining everyone’s lives.  Most of the treasure he stashed in the dungeons were at the bottom of pit-traps.  So when you walked over a pit-trap and passed your reflex save, you prevented yourself from falling, missing out on the treasure.  If you failed the save (or deliberately chose to fail it) you got to land in a hall that lead to the treasure. 

        Sometimes, the pit-traps were genuinely bad (poison tipped crystal spikes). It was still a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.   

        • Chris Horobin

          I’ll try a pit tunnel, put cushions or a rope or something so that only one player really takes any damage from the fall

  • Anonymous

    Hahaha, Oreo broke the squeaky toy.

    In my household we have the 5 minute rule: that is any squeaky toy lasts 5 minutes as the dog takes out the squeaker.  All dogs seem to do it. XD

    Also.. rofl at all the stuff revolving around the super soaker.  I would personally bring out the robots and maybe some copycat criminals and then bust down with a special police hazmat suit division to counter this new drug crime problem.

  • Anonymous

    More RPG stories, please?

  • Anonymous

    Awwww…Oreo just wants to nom the world.

  • André Åberg

    i think everyone have there stories like this i think i have tons , that i got from mutant chronicles as a child early 90’s  it was like

    “PC walking in to a bar as a soldier with a enormous chaingun and he get angry and starts a big bar fight and shoot everyone in the bar even one of the PC ”  well crazy stuff happend back then lol

    hehe funny story me and my friends have been planning to play some Shadowrun ! will try some of them new versions.

    oh Spoony make more role playing game videos ! oh when is the Gamma world update comming? hehe

    anyway love your stuff!

  • Anonymous

    I logged in just to tell you:

    – discipline the bitch, you’ll have mayor issues in your private life if you don’t do it now.

    – the bitch is possessive and sees you as a toy or a toy launcher.

    – your space is yours alone, the dog MUST NOT touch or ESPECIALLY mount you (you always must be the first one to touch), this way she is claiming you, touching at will is a sign of dominance. (my dog doesn’t dare to touch me, if only slightly sniff, i’m the one to begin contact )

    – she must also respect the space of every guest

    – make some rooms in the house OFF-LIMIT, (bed-room is a must), when entering a new space always make sure you’re the one who goes first not the dog

    – preferable no dog on the couch (because that’s your place to sit and the dog can use the floor just fine)

    – she is obviously intelligent, no such thing as “too much energy” or “hyper” only UNSTABLE or STABLE what she needs is structured play-time (you only reward her with the toy when she concentrates on you and calms down), and disciplined walks (no pulling, head parallel to your legs)


    – a firm voice (you can see the way she responded to “can i help you” but you didn’t FOLLOW THROUGH , she then went for your hand to test your resolution) and a short word (that you will use every time) and a STRONG touch (not push) to the neck or the ribs, it must be short and firm to convey the message in the moment of a transgression (a kind of touch that registers you immediately as a source of power and control)

    A good owner is the one who keeps his dog stable and feeling secure and taken cared of in the bottom part of the pack. A dog that doesn’t have to worry about power struggles and feels protected is a happy, stable dog.

    There , hope i helped,  been watching your show for quite a while, keep up the funny, lovin the sprinkler wars story even tho i never played tabletop RPGs , it almost seems like something that really happened at times.

    • Renaissance_nerd

      I’ve noticed that with police dogs, they are some of the most trained and disciplined dogs on the planet, but also seem the most happy.

  • Anonymous

    That’s one energetic puppy you got there, heh. :D

  • AndrewM

    All I have to say for legality of arsenic is that while you could buy it at drug stores and stuff for pest control in ye olden days, we actually found some around here on the farm and I asked what we should  do about it. My dad, who’s also my boss in this case, said in order to get rid of what little we have, like less then half a pound, they would have to call in an armed escort and an over sized armor truck to move it. Not that it matters now you should have forced them to go through a military base already on high alert to get any usable amount of the stuff.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah… started in a new SR 4 Group lately… seems like they streamlined much of the rules.

    On your end I would have discouraged the players from using this stuff by let them roll EVERY time they use re-purposed Super Socers with DMSO and other stuff if the Super socer isn’t malfunktion, like leaking and spraying stuff besides the main stream when fired. Oh… and every time they fill this shit up there is some serious probability that they get in contact to their mix themselfs. sure, with the Super Squirt Guns that wouldn’t be a problem, but as you managed that they don’t get this you would have been golden… and I think that sooner or later the players should get the drift that they geek themselfs more often when using supersocers than be geeked by secs ;P

  • Anonymous

    Funny story!
    Anyway…a couple of stories, this one regarding D&D and Masquerade.

    The D&D one involves a thief, with kind of a strange idea about the testing of weapons. He just got himself a new crossbow, and the party was going around in the meadows, heading for their new adventure. I had another character that I had to introduce to the party, a druid. All of a sudden, the thief turns to me and says “I’m gonna shoot my crossbow at random so I see how it shoots!”
    I’m all like “…At random? O.o'” “Yeah, at random!” “…ook…” and that introduced the party to the ‘luck roll’. It goes like this: “Roll to hit.” “20!” “Good…roll for luck.” “1”. Outcome: The bolt flew *perfectly* into the throat of a white deer passing by, right in front of a suddenly VERY crossed dude dressed in green. Said dude healed the deer, went to the group…”Who’s responsible for this?” *all the party points at the thief* “Thanks.” and with that said he smashed the thief with a critical hit of the staff. Sent him to 1 hp (they were all first level). Not happy with the first try, they enter a dungeon…This time “I fire my crossbow at random in that corridor, to check if there are traps!” “Are you serious? O_o'” “HELL YEAH!” “…Ooook….” Outcome? Same rolls. The trap WAS there. He activated it with a wickedly accurate shot of his crossbow, sending half of the group down to zero due to some good old sweeping sawblades, and taking a chunk of ass from the cleric. Druid bonks him again with his staff, this time sending the thief at zero, and the Cleric, going for the unconscious mage, passes OVER him and says “Be glad I can’t cure anymore people, cause if I could I’d rise you up only to hit you AGAIN.”

    Have to go now, I’m going to post the vampire one later XD

  • W

    The ending part when you said Can I help you and the Oreo just look aside like no……maybe had me rolling in laughter :P.    But man, good story hope to here more.

  • DarkBee

    Now on The Spoony experiment: “45 minutes of hyperactive dog and other distractions. Oh, and a guy talking about an RPG.”

    • Christopher Stratton Smith

      Umm… Most of the people watching Counter Monkey like it. If you don’t play PNP RPGs, it’s pretty obvious that you’re not gonna get as much out of it as those who do. As for the dog, I doubt there’s much he can do about it when he’s alone in the house. If he locked her out of the room, I’d bet we’d be hearing scratching/barking for the duration of the video.

  • RosieRoses

    Oreo is ever so cute!

  • Anonymous

    Ah yes, if I have learned one thing in my time as a GM, it’s that the players will always find ways to completely buttfuck your campaign, most of the time without even trying.
    Fortunately, my players are usually not into exploiting obscure rules or loopholes (probably because that would take too much work), they just come up with stuff that ranges from strangely creative to absolutely batshit insane.
    One of my former groups did this on such a regular basis that I actually made a houserule I called ‘crazy enough to work’. Whenever they came up with a plan that would leave me speechless for more than five seconds, they got a +2 bonus for every role they had to make to execute it.
    Sadly, they died after crashing a Gnomish war-zeppelin full of explosives and flammable gas into
    a demon-baron’s flying fortress that I shamelessly stole from the Lufia games. They jumped off before the thing crashed, but instead of just causing some damage and chaos like they had intended, it destroyed the island’s power core and caused the fantasy equivalent of a nuclear meltdown.
    However, the plan was still successful, and we agreed that this was definitely one of the most awesome ways for a character to die.

  • Anonymous

    Ugh, Shadowrun. I despise that game. The rules were a labyrinthine Cthuloid nightmare of insanity and woe, the setting made no damn sense, and the mixing of sci-fi and fantasy made Frankenstein’s monster look positively seamless.

    I only played in ONE “campaign” of it and that was enough.

    Mind you, the GM was pretty terrible. Literally every. Single. Johnson. betrayed us. Why would ANYONE bother to Shadowrun if there is NEVER going to be payment, or even the prospect of survival, at the end? Eventually, we just took to meeting with a Johnson then immediately killing him to save time.

    That same GM was also responsible for such brilliance as the Magical Moving Pit. This was in a WoD game where most of the party had been captured by werewolves. The one who hadn’t wanted to try and leave to get reinforcements, but no matter what direction he moved in, he always ended up right at this one inexplicable pit in the ground. Said character was a Mage who had all kinds of detection stuff and should’ve easily been able to sense some weird spacial, time, spiritual, etc mojo going down.

    Speaking of WoD Mages, I once played in a game where a werewolf had attempted to rape a Verbena. The other werewolves were horrified at this conduct and gave him over to the local Chantry for punishment; said punishment was to magically tattoo a rune that symbolized the Wyrm on his forehead that any with sufficient spirit sight — and any werewolf — could see. The player of said werewolf was upset and abandoned the character, only to create a (what else) revenge character in the form of a vampire.

    Rather than going after the Verbena, the now-vampire decided to attack the nominal leader of the Chantry, a Hermetic mage who owned a small shop. This Hermetic mage was an Adept at Forces and specialized in fire of all types. In the back of that shop was her personal place of power, protected by wards out the wazoo and fire elementals. Oh, and she had a deep, personal hatred for vampires.

    Said revenge-vamp barely set a foot in the doorway before being reduced to a tiny pile of ash. The player never troubled those mages again.

  • Stephen Martin

    I’ve only ever been able to dabble in the tabletop RPG world but I do
    have one hilarious story. A story where the reality of the game really
    matched my character. Star Wars. The GM put in an NPC to help out, the
    other player (we were sort of in a war zone so nerds were scarce) was
    some catlike thing. I was a failed force clone of the Emperor who
    managed to escape the garbage chute. I had no real force what so ever
    like that alien race in the expanded universe although I did plan on
    trying to finagle “anti-force powers” into it. And I say that that
    concept although idiotic is somewhat grounded in real science. So my
    character is in a space sci0fi scenario and is pretty much
    technologically illiterate. Since he is an escapee from a giant test
    tube I HAVE to decline the massive pile of credits I am allowed to trick
    out my equipment but I have mercifully managed to get my hands on a
    small holdout blaster. I only took it to make the GM happy.So the other
    player and the GM are around a corner having a shootout with me walking
    towards them. Sensibly I turn around and try to walk away (apparently on
    Corouscant you can’t cross streets). They round the corner and I’m stuck between them and a small group of gangster reinforcements.
    My character decides to do a wall flip over the gangsters and make a
    break for it. I get over their heads but rolled a one. I landed flat on
    my face. Thus begins the game of ones. We manage to get into a hangar
    with the NPC’s new ship and close the doors. We still have a shootout
    going but most of the forces are on the other side. Sensibly I try to
    cause the door locks to malfunction so they won’t open by shooting the
    door controls with my little pea shooter. I succeed but roll a one. The
    doors instead shoot open. We get our asses inside and fly away to be
    engaged in space. My technological idiot mans his gun screen and
    immediately informs the pilot that his “window is cracked.” After a
    brief description of the cracks the pilot loudly and angrily informs me
    that those are crosshairs. Now my luck begins to spread. The other
    player while firing and missing like a stormtrooper breaks off one of
    the joysticks so he begins chewing on it like a chew toy. Meanwhile I am
    missing as well and roll a one. My screen goes black.

    Me: “Uh-oh.”

    NPC: “What do you mean ‘uh-oh.'”

    Me: “Nothing. Nothing. Everything’s fine. I didn’t break my window… How are you?”

    NPC: *profuse swearing*

    Comically though as I fire wildly I actually manage to hit something.
    Then we crash. Back on the planet we were fleeing. We manage to escape
    the fiery wreckage and the GM’s NPC stares at his “brand new ship”
    (maybe in the Star TREK universe) and mutters, “Just four more payments
    and it’s mine.”

  • Leszek Pietrzak

    “More RPG stories” – second that!

  • Battle Brush Studios

    Excellent story, I had much a-laugh (especially when you mentioned the RC cars with the sprinklers on top).

    I mainly played 3rd edition Shadowrun which was pretty similar to 2nd edition really and we had lots of these 2nd edition splatbooks with the equipment and all of that and the most awesome thing to Shadowrun was always the guns and cyberware (right after the great background of course).

    I remember my favorite book being Arsenal 2060 which came out rather late in 3rd edition but it had basically all the weapons from earlier books as well plus rules for customizing your guns (mainly to reduce recoil). Great stuff but all the more amazing toys were just so hard to get with availablity and such.

    Anyways, as for stories – I probably forgot the best ones. The only things I can think of at the moment were rather silly ones actually. Once our team were looking through an apartment of some guy we were supposed to find and who had taken off. Maybe he was expecting us because when my character looked under the matress for evidence, he found a landmine that exploded in his face. Had to stay in hospital for six months or something and looked kind of scary when he left (but he was an Orc so not much of a loss there).

    My last proper runner (a rigger, pudgy japanese girl who was reculant to killing people unless she was rigged into a drone where the experience was less real and she could manage to block it out. That’s why when she was outside the car all she wore was a stun rod, a can of grease spray and a can of sticky spray) died in an especially silly manner. She had her super souped-up, heavily armoured and full of expensive equipment for electronic warfare standing outside a structure that was being raided by the rest of the team. She was in the driver’s seat, jacked into and controlling some drones inside of the building. Some angry securitymen showed up, wanted to shoo her away or something, realized that she had something to do with what was going on inside. I felt rather safe in my mobile HQ super-van when suddenly the question arose if vehicle armour included the windows. The DM couldn’t find anything in the rulebook so it was decided that is basically was just regular glass windows, the securitymen bashed it in and shot my character.

    Then there was some stories that just showed how Shadowrun’s second greatest asset (all the equipment) was also a big problem, as your story also illustrated: The power level of the players or the level of research they could invest to get powerful or to make up combos or something like that was problematic. At that point we more or less stopped playing or tried to lower the level of things down immensely and to a more street punk level.

    4th edition Shadowrun is very problematic to me. The rules have become much more playable (on the downside, you can’t use any of the old books any more which is a major bummer) but I really don’t like the setting any more. The wireless Matrix kind of destroys it for me on various levels. First, I don’t like it aesthetically. To me, there have to be cables, keyboards, chipjacks and cable jacks in heads. I guess it’s just a matter of taste but I prefer to keep it somewhat more 1980s/1990s near future. Apart from that, I find wirelss internet somewhat scary in real life as well. :P Second, it makes characters way more vulnerable. Anything that’s remotely electronic can be hacked, your credits, your mobile, anything. At any time. You can be traced and followed all the time. That’s not only scary (because the real world is going into that direction rapidly) but also makes playing much, much harder for everybody.

    • Anonymous

      Wireless ASIST sounds like bullshit to me. Sounds like 4th edition is going in the direction of Ghost in the Shell. I hated that anime.

      • Anonymous

        It’s not just Wireless ASIST; it’s that Deckers have been COMPLETELY removed from the equation. So physical security for your defense network? Doesn’t exist anymore; there’s no Matrix to hack except on the airwaves, which any idiot with a sufficiently powerful CELL PHONE can do.

        But they took that idiocy two steps further by:
        1) “Upgrading” the Otaku* to Cybermancers.
        2) Adding wireless/radio transceivers to fucking EVERYTHING they could. Guns. Cyberware. Credsticks. Even plain clothing.

        So now, you have 14 year old children who can hack into your cyberware and shut it off, or trace your presence EVERYWHERE just because you own a cell phone. And they can cast spells through any wireless node they can reach.

        Be afraid. Be very afraid.

        *(for those who don’t know, they were introduced after the Renraku Arcology Shutdown; basically, kids who can “magically” deck without a cyberdeck. They are to Deckers what Physical Adepts are to Street Sams, only they’re a really stupid concept that goes completely against the whole nature of “Magic vs Tech”)

        To make matters worse, they merged the remaining job details of both Riggers and Deckers together…

        SR4, at least in that sense, is a total mess.

  • Battle Brush Studios

    Oh, I forgot getting to DMSO actually. In our group that luckily was never a real issue. It, like Laser and gyrojet guns and all that, was always viewed as quirky not not necessarily useful technology. First, as someone mentioned before, it’s very dangerous stuff to handle and the second thing (and the main turnoff probably) was the limited effective range of these things. I don’t think that most of our firefights took place at that great ranges but nobody wanted to be so limited in range and there were often snipers and such. The main advantage I saw with these weapons is a.) the possibility to use non-lethal weapons at a distance (killing security personell or even police usually isn’t the best thing to keep a low profile. Stealing something or killing a pal of several trained and well-equipped people often makes the differnce) and b.) that it’s silent.

  • Anonymous

    Hey, Spoony. Here’s a good way to get your dog to stop biting you. Whenever she bites you, act like as though her bites hurt you a lot. Say things like “Ow!” to her and make her know that her bites hurt. If Oreo gets the message that biting you hurts, then she’ll stop doing it.
    My dog, which is around the same size as Oreo is right now, always bit us when she was in puppyhood. And then we learned that if we taught her that biting hurts, then she’ll stop doing it.
    Now, she stops biting us as much and when she does bite us it is very very soft and gentle and always stops and licks the place where she bit us whenever we say “ow!”
    Really, Oreo is just playing when she bites you. What she doesn’t know is that her bites can hurt. When dogs are puppies they bite all the time to play, and the parents teach their puppies that it isn’t okay to bite.
    Try it out. It might take a little bit, but she’ll get the idea sooner or later.

    Funny story, by the way! Enjoyed it immensely. =D

  • andrew

    shadowrun can be amazing for funny stories, a group i gamed with told of the time they had a bomb thrown in through the door of the apartment they were in at the time and one character decided rather than get blown up he’d jump out the 10th floor window,,,,,, while everyone else threw the bomb back out into hte corridor

    for me its a DnD story where the party are crossing a frigid and monster filled tundra from a town to the ancient temple they need to blah blah blah, turns out this is beholder country, one night they get attacked by a beholder, the super hard ass combat monster of doom in the party gets charmed by the beast, his response is to take up a defensive position where he can protect the beholder by standing under it,
    the party caster decides to get a nice clear shot with a spell he will stand under the beholder and zap it straight up,
    attack of oppertunity by the charmed party member, critical, instant kill,

  • Anonymous

    My Shadowrun group loved to shop too. We loved having all that gear and lots of options. I would always make it a point to let my group know that if they could get these things that anyone else probably could too. They did use DMSO creatively sometimes but it never got out of control to the point of super soaker wars (aerosol hands at worst). If it had then I probably would have had the security combat mage just melt their plastic guns with fire spells or something like that.

    When the idea of cyber-zombies (negative essence characters) were introduced I sometimes used those to help even the playing field a bit. Ever fight a troll with so much cyberware (cannons for hands!) his essence was -11? Sometimes I’d have them work for dragons or something else with inscrutable motives and godlike intelligence. When that happened, no matter how their adventure went, they usually didn’t come out on top. Those kinds of games were meant to take some of their game breaking stuff away and advance our story a bit more.

    We loved to break the system and If my players tried to throw me for a loop there was usually something I could pull out of my ass to do something about it. Good times…

  • Jesus Gonzalez

    This is the reason I love to RP. When ever I’m asked “Don’t you get tired of playing the same game every week?”. This is the kind of stories that keep me coming back.

  • ZachSeinBlog

    Try… Magic!
    Two Words: Air Spirit. More Words: A security-shaman that summons an air spirit, that seals off the guards and blow the stuff back at your PCs.

  • Anonymous

    Ugh, I hate people like that: the lurkers who come in just to vomit forth how “awesome” their character is. I worked in a game store once and Spoony is right, everyday we’d get guys like that.

  • AJRimmer

    That story reminded me of this one time with my gaming group. Our idiot friend who always wore stupid hats convinced us to go larping in a cave, and we did, and it was kinda boring but we pretended it was intense. But then, this is the really funny part, our buddy goes total batshit crazy on us and drives to New York and killed a couple of guys. We took Pokemon very serious back then.

    But seriously, never played Shadowrun, but any game where you can go on a murder spree using something you can concoct in your bathtub and a turkey baster sounds like something I should check out.

  • Anonymous

    Seriously, Oreo is more entertaining than the numerous and endless TGWTG cameos. She should replace them completely.

  • ddddd ddddd

    32:26 – he briefly turns into shatner

  • Concurssi

    I’d like to hear more of your RPG stories Spoony.

    By the way, is this new Shadowrun anything like the old one?
    I’ve wanted to try a pen-and-paper RPG for some time and this seems as good as any.

    • Anonymous

       If you mean the video game from 2006? No.  It has NOTHING to do with the actual Shadowrun apart from the name and its vague cyberpunk styling.

      If you mean SR 4th Edition…eh. Sort of.
      The actual numbers system isn’t bad. It’s less complicated than the previous 3 editions, but I also think you lose some of the stratety. And of course, as I ranted about just above they completely raped the Matrix and Deckers.

      EDIT: If this double-posts, I’m sorry. It…just created a new generic reply instead of replying to you.

      • Concurssi

        So, disregarding the idiocy of making everything wireless, 4th ed: better or worse to actually play?

        • Anonymous

           Depends on what you’re after.
          SR3 has a much more intensive combat system. The number of different actions you can take in a turn is staggering, but the math required to do so can also be a pain in the arse until you’ve gotten used to it.

          SR4 is much easier to get into the groove of things, but you also sacrifice some of the depth in the process. Things are a bit less “absolute” in their execution in SR4, in a similar vein how D&D 4th edition is a bit more friendly (all of those healing surges…ugh.) Magic is a pretty “Do or Die” gimmick in SR3; it carries real risk but the reward is also great.

          I say track down a copy of both; and play the Milk Run session for each version to get a good idea of which mechanics you prefer.

          BTW: You’ll need a boatload of 6-sided die for either version.

  • Anonymous

    Heh. If there is any tabletop game that I absolutely LOVE. More than any other…yeah.
    Shadowrun bitches.

    So, this is really the tale of DMSO abuse.
    Yeah…I recall some horror stories of players going through the same phase:

    A few counters off the top of my head..

    1) Riggers. Drones are completely immune to biological warfare.
    2) Mages/Spirits. Immune, and totally controllable via proxy.
    3) Blood Filter Cyberware/Bioware; essentially renders the bearer immune.

    Heh…only Smartlink 2 would work on a squirt gun.

    As for Physical Adepts: They have one huge crippling weakness: Essence.
    If they take a deadly wound, they have to roll a check or they permanently LOSE 1 Essence (which they can make up the difference by magical ascension; which is NOT CHEAP).
    One bad defense roll, or a car crash, or anything of the sort; permanently gimped Adept.
    Street-Samurai/Chromers/Cyberwhores can always upgrade later or replace broken parts. They can get IMMEDIATE access to game-breaking bonuses; Adepts are absolutely gimped in comparison.

    (These rules work for both SR 2nd Edition and 3rd Edition; 3rd Edition is basically the same as 2nd Edition, but with several rebalances and some better rules. Still easy enough to break in half.)

    On an unrelated note: FUCK FOURTH EDITION. Fuck it with a garden rake. SIDEWAYS. Right up the arse.

    As a Network Security engineer by trade, making EVERYTHING wireless is retarded.
    Nevermind that there are a finite amount of overlapping channels you can broadcast on before it starts interfering with itself completely, but eliminating the Matrix/Deckers entirely in favor of creating these new “Cell Phone hackers” is stupid beyond explanation.

    You mean to tell me that in the span of TWO YEARS in-game, the entire internet with its Exobytes of bandwidth and millions of miles of fiber optic cables, just up and died because someone invented WIRELESS??? This isn’t even much of a case of in-game logic imitating real life; they fucking HAD MATRIX CAPABLE CELL PHONES. You just couldn’t deck with them because they were too bloody slow!
    A cyberdeck is a specialized supercomputer; the transistors are already crafted on the atomic level! It doesn’t get any smaller than that!

    Same thing with the Otaku/Cybermages; something that goes entirely against the premise of Tech vs Magic. Or how all the garment corps started putting radio transceivers into everyday CLOTHING so that a Cybermancer can HACK YOUR SHOES.

    …ugh. Well..that was an unexpected rant about SR4.
    But good vlog anyway. Spoony. Glad to see someone else who remembers Shadowrun; instead of the dead husk it is today.

  • Anonymous

    If you mean the video game from 2006? No.  It has NOTHING to do with the actual Shadowrun apart from the name and its vague cyberpunk styling.

    If you mean SR 4th Edition…eh. Sort of.
    The actual numbers system isn’t bad. It’s less complicated than the previous 3 editions, but I also think you lose some of the stratety. And of course, as I ranted about just above they completely raped the Matrix and Deckers.

  • Matt Flohre

    “The corporate guys, they’ve unionized, and they got fuckin’ squirt guns, too!”

    This was just so funny. I have never played an RPG like this, like the pen and paper type stuff with DMs and all that. I usually just play the video game versions. But this story might have just convinced me to get into the pen and paper type stuff. I have a friend who at least was into it for some time. He could help me get started and introduce me to his group. I would love to experience something like this story.

    I totally understand why you Pearl Harbor’d them, Spoony. I just kept thinking “Well, if these guys have been doing all these heists and robbing these guys with squirt guns, I think the government and federal agencies would start using their own shit against them. Right?”

  • Anonymous

    Shadowrun is the best game on Super Nintendo.

  • doresh

    I knew Shadowrun’s silly XD !

    Sadly, I can only tell one crazy story:

    We were playing some homebrew system based on RuneQuest (but with a d20). I was playing a halfling necromancer capable of summoning a skeleton dachshund (what? It’s my idea and I’m sticking with it. It’s awesome :P !).
    Our group was playing two different teams searching for a missing guild leader. Before they guild meet and join forces, my slightly paranoid halfling – suspecting that a group of cultists might be behind the disappearance – asked to look at the stars for rare, mysterious alignments. The check didn’t go so well, so the stars basically told my halfling to go fishing. Since my team mate was a sorceress, we spent a moment blast fishing with fireballs (well, only one to be honest, but it was enough to deep fry most fishes that were around).

    Oh, and get some discipline into your dog while you still can. You don’t want her to turn into a tyrant ^^

  • Joseph Hall

    Duct taping garbage bags? I would almost combat that by loading up with adhesive strippers. Let’s see how well your duct tape works with my grenades loaded up with something to strip the adhesive from your duct tape. Or then buildings with self destruct decontamination when they detect certain contagions. Something that can eat away at rubber suits even.

  • Ike shirley

    will you do a vlog on real steal aka rock’em sock’em robots the movie

  • Anony Mous

    This was actually really fun to listen to, you should really consider doing V-logs about a few other silly RPG stories like this one!

  • Steve Bottomley

    Ha thats brilliant, I cant imagine one concept completely taking over a game like that.
    The funniest rpg story I can think of is probably something you had to be there for unfortunately! We we’re playing dnd 4E I had an assassin character, we were fighting about 4 bad guys in this room with a big ass tree in the middle, in the tree was a dagger, which was causing some kind of beneficial aura for the bad guys. for what ever reason there was some kind of incantation book or something in the corner so I went and read that and I learnt that taking out the dagger would pretty much kill who ever did it. The Tank on his go after I found this immediately runs at the tree, provoking two opportunity attacks and pulls the dagger from the tree, rendering him completely useless…….even he couldnt explain why. But to make the whole thing worse, he being the tank was holding 3 of the bad guys at bay and also had the healer behind him, so after he fell the healer went down very quickly after since he was left to fight three guys alone and well come on he was a healer he couldnt exactly kill things. Anyway me and the ranger managed to mop up the bad guys while coming close to falling ourselves. To this day we still make references to this in almost every game we play. It still stands as the most ridiculous decision ever.   

  • Daniel B Michaels

    just awhile ago actually in our DND campaign we were fighting this shadow beast, and our one character is a gunso.  ..i think, he’s a fire being basically. well anyways he through a bottle of oil onto the beast and ignited him the flame was so powerful the beast flew up into the air, my sorcerer  then put his bow away and our one guy was like “dude what’re you doing” i said. it’s dead we’re done here. he then sighed and i said “Fine” i drew an arrow back and shot him, the Dm laughed so hard and said.”well you hit the beast and it lays there” i then replied “it flew 30 feet into the fricking air and was set ablaze. . .i’m pretty sure it’s dead.” our friend didn’t say anything but was kind of pissed. there was also a small group of goblins across the way and i shot a warning shot, into one of their faces the same guy started freaking out and the dm made all the goblins run away it was a pretty funny night actually.

  • Daniel vigil

    Is this based on the video game Shadowrun?

    • Anonymous

      He’s talking about the pen and paper game which the video games were based off of.

  • Mike Wallace

    Laughed a good long time when the guys in hazmat suits showed up. I’m surprised they didn’t have an augment that was like a dermal layer, and with a mental command you basically seal your skin shut for a short time, making it non-pourus and immune to that DSO or whatever it was. Sure, you might start overheating but a quick scrub and viola you’re clean and good to go.

  • Tim

    Agent Smith with katana blades, I guess the creators of Generator Rex were big shadow run players.  Check it:

  • John

    If you make this book…Im tracking it down…finding it…and reading it!

  • Alex Manslayer

    Funniest Story we ever had in a group was actually not an accident, but deliberate, we were playing a forgotten realms campaign in deepwater and were making contacts with different notorious streetgangs and cults and our gm made every one of the bad guys out to be a caricature of a schlagersänger. (german folk singer, they sing really really shitty and cheesy about the woods and mountains and only old people like it, there is no english equivalent i can think of) but that wasn’t the only thing, since they all were singers, he wrote gangster rap songs for every appearance of those guys, so when ever we met one of our contacts/villains we would hear a rap, he was actually pretty good at writing and performing those things and he kept them in the context of d&d so it was quite amazing actually.

    Oh and a running gag, which originated in our recent exploits with Mechwarrior:
    We were on a planet in the periphery that was ruled by some kind of criminal/mercenary/space pirate guy, whose name was Whitley. My charackter was fast talking it to some guards and I was really playing that quite well and had done a reasonably good roll. So I was going on for like three minutes or something, about why I was were I was and why they shouldn’t shoot me and wanted to say something about my character wanting to do buiseness with their boss and suddenly, in mid sentence I was like: “So you stupid idiot, I’m here because I wann do buiseness with what was the fuckers name again?” and my mates were like: dude, it’s whitley! and I go like: WHITLEY!
    Since that day it has been a running gag that someone always asks how a given NPC we are talking about is called.

  • Anonymous

    Oh hell, I remember this. My team back then was between 13 and 16, all of them vicious bastards. DMSO combined with self-igniting liquids was particulary brutal. Suddenly, the targets blood would be on fire. Or when nanites were introduced, DMSO with Gamma-Scopolamin (I think that was the name of the super-stun chemical) with mixed in “Shredder” nanites.
    One of the german splatbooks also featured a assaultrifle with an built-in flamethrower, which my team modded to hose enemies with massive amounts of DMSO.
    Thankfully, now most of our runs are nonlethal. It only took us some 20 years of playing the damn game to get to this point….
    Also, 4th edition is mostly terrible with a few excellent exceptions. Might be just nostalgia talking, though.

  • Reza

    Sort of a weird story:
    I’m a junior at American University. Last year, I really wanted to join up with an RPG, because I had played D&D and a Star Wars RPG back home in Dubai and really had fun. I eventually joined up with a bunch of guys at AU’s Gamer Society who were playing Vampire: The Masquerade. The campaign they had designed took place in colonial America. I had designed my character as a Brujah, but everyone else had chosen the weirdest clans: we had a True Brujah, a Malkavian, and two Tremeres (one of whom, I was told, had in a past campaign “eaten Germany,” and time traveled to the past specifically to kill Ayn Rand). The entire campaign played out like an episode of the Animaniacs, with people turning into chess pieces, and the Malkavian being crushed by an AUTOMOBILE (in colonial America, mind you) driven by Malkav. Scared me off RPGs.

  • Daniel

    Noah, I’m really glad you got yourself a dog and what not, but can you please get it the fuck away when you’re making videos? It’s annoying as hell.

  • Yue Ryong

    Can I just say… I love how players think. ‘Can’t get drugs? …How about robbing an ambulance!’

  • Anonymous

    I have some pretty funny Shadowrun stories, but the instance that’s most like this story actually comes from a Marvel Super Heroes d10 “Days of Future Past” game I ran briefly in high school: one of the characters was Ghost Rider, only based on the 90s version, meaning he needed “innocent blood to be spilled” in order to change into him. The player wanted him to change so he could fight Sentinels, but rather than wait until one harmed an innocent, he decided “I need innocent blood, right? Children are innocent…I ride my motorcycle through a playground!”

  • Robin Enström

    Have you played Dark Heresy? It´s a Warhammer 40k RP that have you play as Acolytes for the Inquisition. I highly recommend it.

    Also could you make a “Guide too GM” for beginners? 

  • Okanehira

    *jangle jangle jangle jangle jangle jangle jangle jangle*

  • Reverend mort

    Ahh yes, the insane plans. Half the fun of playing RPGs. Well part of it, at least. Must say, I do love how this turned into corporate chemical warfare, only with the most silly of delivery methods wrapped around, thus turning “spraying people with arsenic and COCAINE” into something more cartoonish than horrible. Though the real, true counter to this would of course be this:

    Spray him with drugs all you want, it’ll just make him stronger!

    Would love to hear those other 3 or 4 good stories you did have, if they’re anything like this!

    (Also, is it wrong of me to now want to make a character built entire on the chemist/insanity idea and just run with combat drugs, poison sprayers and needle guns?)

    As for stories I wanna share, I apparently have somewhat of a reputation for being the “Crazy ideas/results” guy. Highlights include:

    Mage the ascension. Gave every single Englishman in the world endless, explosive diarrhea for about a night thanks to unintentionally massive amounts of continuing 10’s and careless wording of the effect. This was in the 1600’s, and part of the campaign was set in London.

    Rogue Trader (40k rpg): Killed the entire campaign’s rather large collection of BBEG and nemesis during a meeting gone bad by sending a psyber familiar raven down the entire meeting table while activating massive psychic deathfire through it, dealing insanely large amounts of no resistance damage to every single one, killing them all within 1 combat turn.

    Cyberpunk 2020: Having a Full-body conversion (Brain in a jar in a robot body kinda cyborg) deal with a minigun and rocket equipped AV drone by running up the stairs of a building and jumping off the roof, shoulder-slamming it straight into the ground.

  • Anonymous

    I have some similar stories of my Cyberpunk game (like Shadowrun but without the magic). I was GM’ing a bunch of friends through a campaign that produced several jaw-dropping moments.

    The characters in the early sessions would have secret objectives, some of which would run counter to the party’s and I was ok with it (though I later dropped it to keep down the back-stabbing). The group was on the run from a successful job in a van. There was a driver: ‘W’ and in the back were ‘B’ and ‘F’. B had been built as a pure hacker, with the combat capability of 8yr child while F was a pure combat character. 

    Unfortunately for B, F was secretly working for another patron and decided this was the opportune moment to kill everyone and take the maguffin to his real employer. So he pulls out his assault rifle, gets initiative on B and pulls the trigger… and fumbles. I rule his gun’s jammed and will take 3 combat rounds to unjam. Now he’s built like a brickwall and could literally take B apart with his bare hands but opts to continue unjamming the gun. B in a panic starts firing at F’s head. Now Cyberpunk uses a degrading armour system, each time it’s hit it loses some of it’s protective capability. So the first shot from B doesn’t penetrate, neither does the 2nd. The 3rd round comes up and and F will have his weapon unjammed at this point – and then loses the initiative roll (F has some baaaad luck with dice) so B has his final shot, hits F’s head and penetrates the degraded armour – instant kill.

    While this little drama was playing out, W decides “screw you guys, I’m going home” and bails out of the truck. He (of course) fumbles his athletics roll and lands on his head and ends up unconscious. The van eventually rolls to a halt, B gets out, walks back to W and delivers a coup de grace. He then returns to his bosses, reports a job completed, the rest of the team dead and a nice bonus. The player of B and myself still laugh about that session to this day.

    That scrawny hacker would end up the only character to survive the whole campaign and wracked up more PC kills (some intentional, some unintentional) than me.

  • Lance Hokkigai

    Please just.. take the dog’s collar off next time you do a video with him around, CLINKCLINKCLINK was drowning you out.

  • RosieRoses

     Noah actually has pretty elegant fingers for a man… I’m just sayin’ .

  • Anonymous

    Ugh, this is why house rules are awesome. :)

  • The_Hut

    I play a lot of GURPS with my friends.  Here’s how I personally broke the game.  Keep in mind these stories all came from the same campaign.  Story #1) Our DM introduced special charms that protected against certain kinds of magic.  Ok.  Pretty standard stuff.  I was playing as a mage and I learned a jewelry making skill so I could craft my own and enchant them.  Then I got the brilliant idea of forging them together so they would be even more powerful.  So instead of 1/5 resistance, I was nullifying magical damage.  I then took it a step further.  We named them “Bishop Charms” because they had the same power as Bishop from the X-men.  I would get intentionally hit by a spell, then I could either send it back at double damage or absorb it for health.  Then the GM said, you can have only one equipped.  So, for example I had a bishop charm for fire, one for water, etc.  So, being a jewelry maker, I just combinded all the charms I had into one… then I charged money from the other adventurers to make some for them.

    Story #2) Like I said, I was a mage.  The DM introduced a jobs program.  That way we could get more money and stuff by doing tasks around town and opening up our own shops.  He had a school of magic.  Probably the most lucrative job in town was teaching spells in the magic school, but you had to be an expert in your field.  So, you had to know all the fire spells to be a fire expert.  But, you could also study there as well.  So I took a class on learning all the fire spells.  It cost me a lot of money, but I became a fire teacher.  And then I got all the water spells, so I became a water teacher as well.  By the end I had all the spells in the game and as a teacher I was making literally MILLIONS as a magic teacher.  I was so rich I didn’t need to adventure anymore.

    Story #3) In the necromancy spell list there were spells that lets you steal attributes.  In the book it says that if you double the fatigue cost, you would gain that boost permanently.  Guess what I was doing.  I’d go first in the fight, run up, touch the enemies, steal all their strength, DX, whatever and keep it permanently.  The DM capped me at 40 for each stat!

    Story #4) The DM had to invent new spells for me just to keep things interesting.  Oh yes.  This was a bad idea.  He invented this super spell called Tempest Fusion.  It was an AoE, kill anything that moves type of spell.  Lots of damage.  The trick was the ready time.  So, I was vulnerable while trying to cast it.  But, me being a living God at this point had a spell called Teleport Spell.  And another called Scry Wall.  I would use Scry Wall to see what was in the next room, cast Tempest Fusion, and teleport the spell in the next room.  Boss battles were so easy the DM started making 1500 point normal enemies just for a challenge.

    So yeah those are some of my stories about giving my DM gray hair and my assention to Epic Legendary Godhood.

    • charles

      That was similar to my experience with GURPS. Unless both the DM and players are invested in keeping the system balanced it becomes a race to find and abuse system exploits. The core book was fairly balanced, but the splat books… ye gods!

  • gerald chubbuck

    The biggest difference with Shadowrun 4th ed is the character creation is moderately intuitive.

    I remember one character I had. He was an orc demoman. So he had a few moments, most of the time the other character tried to keep high explosives away from me, but one game I got an idea. I started a long term project. I would make rolls everyday, didn’t tell the GM what I was going for until I started looking for a supplier for enriched uranium. I had built the explosives and case of a nuke and just needed the radioactive material. I don’t know what I was going to do with it I just had it. If that game had continued, Maybe I could have blackmailed a city. 

  • Adam Lowrey

    There are some people who don’t like 4th ed shadowrun because of the wireless thing, and I have to admit, it dose make a hacker potentially the best character in the game if you are creative and run around the concepts in the game.
    Things like instead of engaging in cyber combat directly hacking their comlinks(cell phone decks), and if they have hot sim enabled, force feed them directly never ending BTL(better then life) loops they can’t deactivate.

    Also hacking cyberware(they have wireless interfaces by default for maintence by technicians, and firmware upgrades et cetera).  Fun thing is this has already been shown to be possible in real life with stuff like pace makers and insulin pumps and monitors.  The computers are so small they have zero security.
    I wish we had played at least one 2060 game so we could have rolled it old school with decks and not the hacker doing everything.

    Mages in 4th are only broken when spirit summoning is involved.
    Edge summoning:  You can summon a spirit with a force up two twice your magic score, but going over you magic score deals lethal damage instead of stun, and the damage from summoning a force 12(assuming a magic score of 6)  will almost certainly kill you.  But you can permenantly burn(loose) a point of edge to survive anything that would normally kill you.  So you now have till tomorrow night, a death machine that has `12 in all stats(humans max stats are 6) 12 in all skills(note nothing else in the game can get a skill above 7, which requires a merit to get above 6 in one of them), immune to any non magical damage that dose less then 24 damage(we are talking  anti-tank missles here), any if it can deal damage, has to deal with all it’s soak dice, plus special powers based on what type of spirit it is.  Best thing, since you character had only 1 in edge in the first place, it’s really cheap to buy back with karma(exp, since like White-Wolf games, the cost to raise goose up the higher the stats gets).  And can all be done at character creation.  Now any smart gm would just not allow you to burn edge on something like that, or that burning also permanently lowers that max your edge stat can be(limiting it to 6 times, or 7 for humans since they have a edge cap of 7).

    All sorts of other ways to brake spirit summoning.  Sad, because it can be a fun character type to play.

    I still love 4th ed, but screw technomancers.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds remotely similar to a game where I stupidly permitted a Coyote Shaman to start with a Rating 2 Force Foci (the best kind of foci there is for general purpose spellcasting).

      Also, there is an Edge in expanded SR3 called “Aptitude”. Where it just says that you choose a skill and all Target Numbers for that skill are reduced by 1.

      It doesn’t sound so broken until you witness the Dwarf Hermetic Mage with 8 Willpower and Aptitude: Summoning/Conjuring

      Horrifying, really. Spirits are just that boss.

  • Nathan Ellis

    I like this new happy spoony. It’s refreshing.

    There was one time my D&D group had finally got to the end of a campaign we had been playing for months, and our DM decided to add riddles to complete the adventure. We basically rage quit because one of the damn riddles was ” what has a thousand heads, one eye, and two arms?”

    After dozens of guesses like ” 200 blind and limbless hydras and one cyclops” we gave up on the whole thing. The answer? A one eyed cabbage salesmen…

    We haven’t played D&D since.

  • Karl Souza

    During a Shadowrun campaign I and my crew were to investigate and infiltrate a warehouse of some kind.  There were probably 4 of us in the crew debating how to go about getting past this door that we can hear is guarded on the other side.  Before anyone else decides what to do, I knock on the door very loudly.  All the other players look at me unbelievably.  The GM, confused, has one of the guards shout back “Who’s there?” to which I reply “Pizza!”  Players and GM alike are rolling laughing at this.  The GM rolls his INT score of 2, and both dice are 1’s.  After further laughing, the GM decides that the guard says “Oh Boy, Pizza!!” and opens the door to get a point blank shot in the face from my Ares Predator.

    • Faust

      It’s been too long since I read “Ares Predator”. Nostalg’d HARD!

    • TheWelshPirate

      The Bardic Knock Spell!

  • Akasen

    “Dogs made of robots”

  • David Babcock

    I’ve got two stories, both about my step brother’s wiz kid. And neither of them are about his magic.

    Now, this character (street named Dark Eon) is a teenage elf, so he’s tall by human standards. My stepbro, on the other hand, is 13 and short for his age, and his character acts a lot like he does, so we always imagine him as a little magic kid. This is relevant because in story number 1, he is doing an intimidate check. An IMPROMPTU intimidate check with no skill in it (yeah, we were dumb enough to not have anyone with any points in intimidate). We had one of the baddies captured and tied up and all that, and after giving halfhearted attempts to get answers out of him (we were on a protection mission anyway, so as long as we held our ground for the full time we got paid, plus we knew that there was only one party who would have wanted what we were protecting, so we didn’t exactly care weather he gave us any information) Eon decides that it’s his turn. He fumbles. So my stepbro decides that if he’s going to fail at intimidation, he’s going to do it right. He does a self-described “ninja roll” into the room with our captive in it, does a kung-fu movie “Shwaaaa!” and shouts “Beware the great and powerful DARK EON!”

    Our captive was obviously unimpressed. He later escaped with some kind of hidden blade which he used to cut the ropes (we were noobs at the time. It was a nice lesson in not forgetting to check for cyberware though) Little did we know that he also had an optical camera installed. Eon’s little intimidation attempt ended up online, and became a viral video, and many laughs were had.

    The second story involves a standard B&E mission turned into a zombie survival scenario by some kind of space parasite. Our transport had been shot down and we were making our way to the facility we were supposed to be raiding on foot. It had been mostly jungle, when we came across an open field of grass with a bridge on the other side. nothing too unusual. But midway across, some of the grass started rustling. We all immediately get ready for war, and suddenly… a bunny jumps out of the grass. And then another bunny. And another. And suddenly we have a swarm of vicious land piranha looking to get us with fucking zombie bites. But then Eon shouts “Run for the bridge!” and pulls out his new weapon: A fully automatic flare gun which I’d rigged up for him just before the mission (well, technically it was burst fire, but really that’s just because I couldn’t make it fire fast enough to fire more than 6 shots a round) I had thought that the damn thing was going to be completely useless, but it ended up saving our asses when he lit up the field and we ran with fire and roast rabbit on our tails. Tons of fun. Our DM even awarded us an extra karma point for taking them all out.

  • Hayden Eddings

    You should do more of these. This was very fun to listen to.

  • Michael Morris

    Just a bit of practical advice with regards to the dog, when it comes to the biting and attention-seeking behavior, the best way that I know to deal with it is to become completely inert. The dog will learn sooner or later that biting at you and butting in for attention will not get her attention. Playing with her as she’s biting at you and nosing in will teach her that biting at you and nosing in will get her what she wants, and even pushing her away or trying to hold her still will register for her as play, and reinforce the biting behavior.

    Mind you, I’m no expert, and if you want to know more, I’d actually suggest the show It’s Me or the Dog on Animal Planet. Not that Oreo is bad enough to warrant being on that show, but the same techniques can be applied to all sorts of issues.

  • Puddn

    okay, I’ve got one,

  • Puddn

    Okay, I’ve got a story, from the Scion game I run.

    To set the stage, they were 10,000 feet up a bigass mountain with a Ragnarok-level comet entering the upper atmosphere above them, a portal offworld waiting at the bottom of the mountain.  There were several sets of skis and such waiting outside the hut they had just exited.

    Now, one of the Band had a special power that allowed him to create a spherical shield centered around himself.  He asked me if the sphere could be moved, I ruled that it could.   Another member of the Band just happened to be an unnaturally fast sprinter.

    Thus was born the “Scion Hamsterball” that my group still talks about to this day.

  • Nathan D. Crumpler

    This happened in a D&D 3.5 game…

    There was an earth temple of a Tharizdun cult that we had to clear out. We thought it would be a good idea to go through the front door. At first it was a good idea. After entering, we went into the first door on the left and cleared out the few gnolls that resided there. We left the room and were once again in the main hall. Some one must have rang the alarm or something, because the entire hall filled up with enemy combatants. It wasn’t just the dozens and dozens of low level henchmen, their bosses and their bosses’ bosses showed up. We had an NPC with us who was a twelve year old girl. We call her Bronson the Beast because she throws axes and crits over half the time. I don’t remember the name of this creature but it was huge size and looked like a mix between a dog and a porcupine. This thing struck Bronson with one of it’s quills which was laced with poison. Bronson failed her fort save and passed out. She is pretty much like the canary in the mine shaft. As soon as she fell every one else started to panic. Every one else started taking heavy damage and figured this was the time to go. We had a centaur with us who threw Bronson on her back and ran for the exit. Luckily for her, she made it out with  a few scratches but alive none the less. Coincidentally, the people who attacked her on the way out were between me and the exit. I had to bull rush my way out. Now would be the time to mention that my character is a bard with a nine for strength. There were three henchmen I had to go through who were a lot stronger than me. I took my last chance at life. I kissed my cohort goodbye and dashed for the three enemies. This is where the miracle happens. I nat-twenty the first guy and then the next two guys nat-one. I am indeed fortunate, but I am not free from this damnation yet. This fortress is on a very high, rocky hill top with a serpentine path that leads up to the entrance. Ayla, our centaur, had made it all the way to the bottom of the hill and started heading back to town. The dorgupine moved out of the entrance with in striking distance. Fortunately, this creature had to double move and could not attack me. If I ran down the path, the creature would surely reach me before I could escape. This is when the DM suggested that I dash off the side of the cliff and attempt to land on Ayla’s back. To do this, I would have to make a jump check, which is a skill I did not have trained and was based on strength. It was my only hope. So I took the plunge. I miraculously rolled high enough to take half damage on the fall, but I took enough damage to knock me unconscious. My last words before I passed out were “Please help me.”

    We lost two people that day: My elven cleric cohort and a psychopath named Dar. He really was crazy, so I am glad he is dead.

    • Okanehira

      google “paragraph”

  • Anonymous

    A friend of mine was thinking about starting a Shadow Run game once over
    the internet. I had no books at all, but he provided all the info I
    needed. The game never got beyond a few of us making characters.
    Eventually the idea just kind of petered out.

    I have no idea what version of the game it was or anything.. but my
    character was the furthest thing from a Super Soaker shooter. He was
    full on Terminator, man. Metal skeleton, eye crosshair, some kind of
    weird system hooked into his body that linked it directly to his
    machinegun, some kind of support system around his waist that connected
    to the machinegun to help stabilize it even further when firing..
    probably a bunch of other crap that I’m forgetting.

    I was really looking forward to mowing people down with the shit-ton of
    ammo that I bought for the machinegun I had. Playing as, essentially,
    the Terminator sounded badass at the time.. and honestly, it still does!

  • Lysander Darkholme Price

    my doggy destroys toys too, at this point he really only gets edible toys because he EATS his stuffies, he EATS the rubber bouncy balls (tears chunks out), he EATS the fluff off a pet grade tenis ball (big dog tough my ASS), he obliterates squeaky toys, he is bozzley, destroyer of toys LOL…
    hehe Oreo says, come ON dad, stop talking to no one and PLAY WITH ME *nom nom nom* come one, lets play, lets go for a walk, throw my ball dad, come on man :D..crazy puppy :)
    rubber suits? i thought armor didn’t do any good?
    she’s lookin around to see who you’re talking to, you’re so cute together. (my dog does the same when i’m filming, gets up, hops in my lap, looks around, sees no one, looks confused, lays down & passes back out)
    can’t blame em, the squirt gun idea was really clever, however yeah the availability of the DMSO was a bit of a fail on the games part.
    the deadliest sport of all…WATER BALOON FIGHT (just ask Dib & Zim)…frankly, i want a film reainactment of this battle (w/the sprinkler head cars & the squirt guns & the sprinkler systems & water balloons, it would be HILARIOUSLY EPIC…its like the scene in the matrix where they assault the building w/all the GUNS, only EPICALLY RIDICULOUSLY INSANE!!!)
    you pulled an uve bol there lol, at least you didn’t answer the phone lol, just turned off the ringer…
    LASER GUIDED SQUIRT GUNS, this was VERY creative lol
    i think for a 15yr old DM you did pretty good, its hard as a DM to have to shut down a loop hole they’ve found etc, because they feel like you’re being actively malevolent & jerkish :P but it has to be done from time to time.
    JEEZ oreo dog, CHILL OUT…stop biting ya lil bastard :P


  • Anonymous

    Didn’t anyone think about countering the DMSO with a simple umbrella?

  • Marios

    Vampire:The Masquerade sort storry.A Toreador,a Gangrel,an Assamite and a Ventrue(me) are trapped in a house who resembles the one from Saw II(you know full of lethal traps,cameras observing what we do etc) by a group of Hunters who want to observe our abilities or something.After surviving the first few traps we are now in a hallway with old paintings and two doors.The hallway continues and then turns right.As the rest of the party searches the doors and looks for clues that would point to the traps,I go forward and turn at the end of the hallway to see what lies there….only to be greeted by a crossbow bolt to the head!We roll and I take no damage from the trap.The party hears the thud and turns to see what happened only to see me with an arrow stacking out of my forehead.I point to it and say “Guys,do you think this is a clue?”

    Yeah,we suck at vampire the masquerade :P

  •ää/742118738 Simo Vainionpää

    I love listening to you talk about stupid shit! I’m this close to moving to the States and becoming your crazy stalker!

  • jdreyfuss05

    DMSO is a real compound they use in medicine as an anti-inflammatory and as a topical delivery system for other drugs. It’s basically the same as in Shadowrun, but not quite as effective. I think it’s relatively easy to get too, since it can’t really do much on its own other than give you a persistent garlicky taste in your mouth.

    My group never really got into the DMSO squirt guns, mostly because even though we tried to do every mission as stealthily as possible, there was always the one guy that made a bruiser with a rocket launcher that refused to be stealthy.

    • Faust

      Panther Cannon FTW!

  • Maudawg

    Spoony, you weren’t a bad GM. You were inexperienced and were trying to let your players have fun and it got out of hand. Campaigns just go off the rails sometimes. I’ve been in more than a few of those in my 27yrs of gaming. I was part of a 3.5 game in which party members would kill each other for solo xp. After 2 sessions and 3 attempts to take my character out, I leveled twice and had the only original character left in the party. DM also instituted a no “revenge character” rule. He saw that kind of bullshit way too often. I have yet to play Shadow Run. Even though it came out in 1982, I just started playing in my first Cyberpunk campaign. So far it’s a blast!

  • The_Hut

    I love doing these RPGs.  Sometimes the craziest things happen.  My friends and I still make inside jokes about finding a werebear with a detachable penis.  Roar!  *click*

  • Pontus Haglund

    Damn it Spoony! This was incredibly awesome and entertaining! I really think this kind of “sharing role-playing experiences” videos work, and my suggestion would be simple. MORE! :D

    Also, you hyped the fuck out of me to try shadowrun (a rpg I never tried.) Thanks man! :D

  • Benedikt van Recum

    i dont know shadowrun and i wasnt really into rpgs so much – i played DSA some times…  but eventually the group broke apart. but even tho this story was so much fun to listen to and so fucking entertaining :D you should really tell more of those (maybe with a tranquilized oreo ;)
    very fun to watch! your enthusiasm really carries on.
    oh and laughed my ass off when you said “can i help you?” and oreo was totally quite and i was so hearing myself saying “this dog … is unfucking believable” and you actually said it ^^

  • Khadrix Silverwing

    It’s novacoke, that’s the “super coke” that you were thinking of.  Stuff is the shit.

  • Anonymous

    LMAO; DMSO, learned about it in Organic Chem.  I had never thought about that application of it.  That is really clever. >:-)  I know what I’m suggesting to one of my friends who plays a modern style rpg.  Shadowrun, I did play the console version a little and really liked it.  But, I keep seeing the books at this used book store and will def. be picking up a copy or two. 

  • lnelson88

    do some more of these stories, it was really interesting

  • Patricia Quirk

    I wanna say I absolutely loved this story. I like most every thing you do (riffs, reviews,vlogs), but this was fun. I think what I liked about it was that you seemed to enjoy reminiscing. It felt candid and you have a great way of storytelling. I hope you do many more of these  (not that I won’t watch whatever you put up) :)

  • Bethany Hoyt

    My friends and I have been playing a slightly adapted Ars Magica, we adapted it to the Harry Potter universe. It’s a modern game and we’re following these wizards through school as they learn.

    At the end of their first year, there was a big hullabaloo with someone trying to move from the afterlife back to being alive- not just becoming a ghost but being fully realized again.

    One of the npcs in the whole thing was a famous violinist who was possessed by ghosts, his music had magic qualities that could hypnotize just about anybody. My character (PeeJee) was immune to the effect and another character (Zory) nearly destroyed his ear drums so that he wouldn’t be hypnotized. A third character (Dallas) was trapped in the spell.

    PeeJee finally met back up with Zory at the front of the auditorium while the spell is starting to really get going- it’s hypnotizing people into a ritual (which is more from the Ars Magica universe than HP). The violinist seems to be burning, and the violin is floating above everybody. PeeJee tries to Accio the violin to no success.

    Zory, who comes from a circus background and is part giant, picks up PeeJee and throws her at the violin.

    It actually would have worked had the violin been corporeal.

    After that PeeJee (who’d been studying this branch of magic and knew what had to be done) ran ahead to save the day. Zory, fearing that the spell was going to draw people into the pit, ran around breaking people’s legs with a bludger bat, including Dallas.

    The day was saved, of course. Almost nobody remembered getting their kneecaps shattered, Zory’s hearing was saved, and PeeJee only lost a finger (but gained some sanity). All in all a success, but PeeJee still gives Zory shit for throwing her at a violin.

  • Renaissance_nerd

    I love ya Spoons, but train Oreo or Oreo will train you.

  • Alexander Wood

    Make this book. I command it!

  • George Vosper

    we should do a meetup where everyone dresses up as their favorite character or something and we do some kind of DnD LARP. Or we could just do a meetup, cause Spoony i’d love to hangout with you

  • V Tesla

    Lol, If I tell this to someone they would think I was crazy

  • Anonymous

    That was a great story, Spoony. I’ve never been that much of a tabletop player, but I did run a D&D 3.5 game for a while (still want to get back into that, but being a grown-up takes so much damn time!), and I definitely had to deal with some player antics during my tenure. I can totally relate to the whole problem of trying to put the genie back into the bottle once something crazy has happened. One of our players played a neutral cleric, and he had this obsession with necromancy. During one session he figured out that he could raise zombies and skeletons, and they kind of helped with fighting the boss creature, and so afterwards any time he came across some exotic new creature, he would try to raise it as a zombie. I had to constantly explain that, no, the dragon they killed would suck if he raised as a zombie, because it couldn’t fly anymore and wouldn’t have its breath weapon, and no, he couldn’t keep his zombies after the battle, because if they went into a village with him, the townspeople would mob the party and burn him at the stake. Eventually he gave up and tried spontaneously summoning things, but the rest of the group got sick of him holding up the game while he calculated the stats for a Celestial Dire Wolf. Meanwhile, the party’s sorceress (played by my fiancee, who usually looked at Facebook while these antics were going on) would just blow everything up with Scorching Rays and Fireballs, rendering his experiments and twinking completely pointless.

    Good times.

    I know you were young at the time, Spoony, but frankly, I’m surprised you took so long to try and put your foot down on this. I would have allowed them to get away with that DMSO shit ONCE, just because it’s clever and kind of amusing, but the next time they tried it, I would have busted out the guys in bio-hazard suits, armed to the teeth, and only let the repentant players get out alive. Still, at least it made for a good story. I’d like to hear more, if you’ve got some.

  • Letyson

    Very nice video Spoony, really found this story amazing and a great look at how people will almost do anything just to have overpowered abillities or gear.

    By the way, word of advice from another dog owner, when your dog starts to bite in the squeaky toys just remove it from them since they can easily destroy those fast. You can get it like some kind of hard rubber toy to bite in, which is impossible for it to destroy ;)

  • Sum Gai

    You know your players essentially turned into the toxin troopers from C&C G Zero Hour. And then you turned around and fought back with the toxin tractors.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t have many humorous stories, but Horror, got a few.

    For instance, back when Dark Crusade was just coming out, one person invited me to play an online game testing a fan made rule-set about Space Marines. They had some interesting ideas, keeping the ‘powers’ that the space marines had in the tabletop game that they got through the geneseeds. However in practice, whole ‘nother story.

    Where to start, I was a Tech Marine, Silver Skulls chapter, going undercover to see about a new Exeno threat, shedding our armor, the GM said we were trying to pass ourselves off as Mutated Ogryn. That was my first flag that things weren’t going to go well. If you don’t play Warhammer, then this may seem reasonable, however if you do, you know what Ogryn look like, and what a stripped down space marine looks like. Nothing close.

    The next flag happened boarding the slave ship. I was passed off as a tech Ogryn with a mechadendrite (think a mechanical Swiss army tentacle for doing repairs, attached to the persons central nervous system for control). Well the GM decided it was all well and good for a brute to come up and RIP OUT THE MECHADENDRITE FROM MY SPINE. The GM proceeded to have me check to pass out, had I not been in shock, I would have probably just gone “F it” and started killing the idiots that did something that stupid.

    The last and final flag came while trying to get out of our cells to look around, we do checks, pass them, but cant find any way to get out of the cell, we try to wait it out, but apparanlty thats not what the GM wanted us to do. So we did the only logical thing we could. Use our acidic spit Space Marines have to try and burn through the beams emmiters that make up our cell door. Now lets do this for over half an hour. The session ended and I never went back.

    Now for one humorous item I remember, I was playing a Techpriest in Dark Crusade, as a techpriest that only loved the mechanical aspect of the job, not the dogma, so he never got chem gelled. This worked well, untill Demonettes of Slannesh came around, and I found myself being drawn to them, luckily I was able to save out of it, after 4 failures, and ran screaming back to the group. When they asked what I saw, the only thing that came into my brain was. “Female Adepts, Naked female adepts… who were using thier Mechadendrites on themselves in an unsanctioned manner!”

  • thesciencejesus

    I remember playing Shadowrun with the Ares Squirt and DMSO/drug loads.  Those were fun toys.  I remember several characters that wore a Squirt on one hip and a standard heavy pistol on the other hip.

  • Joe U

    Oreo is just like my dog. Let me guess she likes to play fetch none stop?

  • Anonymous

    We played a little Shadowrun, mostly because we heard it was connected to Earthdawn, a game I’ve been running and playing since 1997. The biggest problem I had with the game was combat reflexes and number of actions. It seemed like everyone was getting 2 or 3 actions to my mage’s 1 as a result. It made things unbalanced in terms of time spent per character. Earthdawn also has this problem, with mages not getting as much to do per round as the fighter types, but its not as bad. I made a dwarf rigger for one Shadowrun game who besides having his rigs around, walked around with a huge steel wrench and used that as his main weapon. I brought a wrench to a gunfight, pwned, dead in the first session, woke up in a docwagon. Um yeah for platinum?

    I think the first character I made for Shatterzone was a lot like the characters in your adventures spoony. A huge 7 feet tall 300 lb. human walking around with a giant plasma tank for his plasma cannon, a giant ionic sword (aka jedi-esque light saber) for close combat, biologically enhanced armored skin underneath plastic armor for a double armor bonus, had special drug injectors placed into his neck so that he could take basically steroids during battle to improve his dexterity and strength, a special chip placed in his brain with playback features so that he could rewatch combats to further his combat prowess (also used it to watch SIMS tapes like pron and such), plus an all terrain vehicle with a big heavy machine gun on it. So basically arnold on steroids carrying heavy weapons, a biologically and drug enhanced fighter, addicted to drugs and pron (flaws to get bonuses are so useful for systems to have), and cybered out, with a vehicle for when we went on planetside missions (shatterzone is mostly spaceship based). I was an ex-fleet marine (the big bad in the Shatterzone universe when it comes to control of the sectors) who got all this military grade stuff from an enhanced super marine program that succeeded a little too well and I had escaped.  I was an absolute  nightmare for the gamemaster. I once sneaked into a guard’s barracks, unleashed my plasma cannon on 6 asleep guards in burst mode, and incinerated them all in one round. Cutting people in half with my ionic sword, after waking up during an ambush in the middle of the night conan style with maybe a loincloth on due to alertness and enhanced perception rolling out of bed, grabbing my sword and swinging on these guards. Maybe they were supposed to capture us in the story rather than getting chopped into pieces but that is what happened.

    Game balance is an important element of the games, I try to maintain it as much as possible. Unfortunately, it tends to get harder as the players begin to munchkin out their characters and learn the ins and outs of the game system, and gain more power over time, and they found a really funny loophole. Poison is definitely something I learned about in Earthdawn that is potentially unbalancing and game breaking. One of my parties got a hold of cockatrice poison and started applying it to bolts and paralyzing people at range with surprise strikes. It got ugly real quick.     

  • Faust

    Wow, after I re-read this I kinda
    come off sounding more douchey than I normally do. I really did enjoy
    your video, and it made me nostalg – HARD! There were even few LOL
    moments. So please excuse the douchey-tone – as I am a poor writer.
    It’s more a light hearted-jest/poking fun. We’ve all been there and
    hindsight is 20/20. So just call me Captain Hindsight!

    You sound like you were as good as a DM
    as you are a dog-owner. You let both your dog and campaign get away
    with way too much, and allow them to dictate the engagements. But I
    guess you live and learn.

    At 16 years-of-age I ran my own
    Shadowrun group as a DM, and there was no way I would let them get
    Doom! If they did per chance get it, they would have to be really
    careful with it, I would add rolls to any damage they took or shaking
    or anything so they would understand the liability it was. Where the
    other characters would really hate the guy with the deadly drug that
    was instant death.

    By the way, how did you handle rolling
    botches with those things? You could have dealt with this by not
    fighting fire with fire per se (or RC sprinklers), but with either
    shadowtech; there was stuff that regulated poison and heart control.
    And you don’t have to tell your players why their super-soakers
    weren’t working. It simply no longer worked. They could figure out
    why as a mission. Or simply introduce the undead –there were
    zombies and vampires. Maybe a combination of the two. But I always
    avoided book misisons. We tried two. “Dream Chipper” and “Celtic
    Double-cross” and they sucked. So I always came up with my own

    I explained to my group of 6 that it
    was unlike anything they ever played before. And they should really
    be careful of the double-cross and the idea of teamwork was
    completely gone. It was probably as close to the EVE-Online universe
    as you can get. So they hid their character sheets from one another.
    That added a nice element of control-by-fear over the group. Because
    if one character got too powerful, others might feel threatened and
    try to kill him. So there was never this aspect of
    “comfortable-support” and verily the freedom like your characters

    On the player side, I ran a physical
    Adept Orc, who was a musician who could summon fans. So it wouldn’t
    matter how wet you got – he would just summon a wall of people to
    run you over. Remember the “Rock-star” character class?

    But using snipers to deal damage to
    physical adepts is a good idea. When I did play I was always on the
    side of Magic more than Shadowtech. Remember Hellblast? IT ignites
    all inflammable material. ALL: Bullets, hair, skin, explosives. Or
    astral projection. With that all I needed was a fingernail clipping,
    and I could target your character from astral space and set him on
    fire. Didn’t matter where he was. Spontaneous human combustion.

    Nice video spoons. If you were ever in
    NYC we’d get a group going. But I am really into the role playing
    aspect, and not to much meta/sidebar. And from what I’ve seen with
    LK, you guys are very much into the utilitarian use of the game. And
    there is way to much sidebar. But maybe that’s because the nature of
    playing over the internet?

    Remember in the first version of
    Shadowrun where if your essence was below 0, the machines would take
    over, and you’d lose control of your character?

    Anyway, good topic. Love to hear more
    old “war-stories”.

    Type your comment here.

  • Anonymous

    I remember a GURPS: Supers campaign I ran, when I was 19 and after 2 game sessions, 2 of my players decided it was going to be war. They would work up ways to eliminate the party, steal their abilities, and rule the world. The first two adventures were pretty good, because the 2 d-bags weren’t there to “screw” them up. They were also the same guys who, threw my hand out for the game back in my face, and told me they wanted their points be their limits, I was limiting their creativity, I wouldn’t be allowed to run games in the group anymore, unless I got my shit together. I didn’t give them what they wanted, but everyone else was ok with the game and rules on the hand out. Later on when I ran the game for the 3rd time, the two d-bags ran their own ops and stole tech from super villains and evidence from police stations. (The party started out as a I.S.T. group. They were semi-military and police with super powers, on a international scale, run by the UN) The rest of the party were doing their own thing and completing the missions that they were given. The two d-bags at the end of the adventure knocked out two party members cold, stole more tech from the HQ they were given, and went on a bloody rampage through downtown New York, Times Square, and blew up a office building. All as a distraction so they could escape. I had to give them props for that, but the explosion would have been enough. The following weeks they would come to me with these insane character ideas and new powers, and would put these characters together.

    One day the asked what I thought of a character write up for a power suit, and I said I don’t know what these powers do. They told me I didn’t need to know anything, I just had to run the game. The next time I ran the game they were giggling like school girls and remarking to the rest of the guys that their characters where in for it. So, to better handle them, I sent the 2 d-bags into the living room while we continued to play the game in the back spare bedroom. Every hour I would check on them, to see that they had drawn up maps and battle plans. They had written everything the personally, not their characters, but themselves, saw on everyone’s character sheets. They were trying to broker info about the party from super villains, that the party hasn’t fought. The were a new team, no recurring super villains yet. The IST works hard at keeping information like that out of the news, and it shows. So, the night climaxed with 2 battles, the one with the main party doing battle with the NPC baddie, and the second was the two d-bags who got their asses handed to them by a single magic user and a Psionic. Both of which warned the party about them tailing from the start of the adventure and had magical defenses in place for when these rogues attacked.

    The D-bags lost their characters and told me that I gave away too much and I was a horrible GM/DM, I wasn’t allowed to run campaigns in the group anymore till I learned balance and how to handle not telling secrets. I was fine with it. 6 months later I wiped out one of the D-bags, in a far-fetched future genetic gladiatorial combat game. 360 ST, Invulnerability to any kinetic damage, and immunity to poison. All on 200 points, with standard disadvantages and quirks. He was pissed and kicked us out early before I outright killed his character. (Me: “I will then rip…” D-bag#1: “Sorry to interrupt, but I have to get up early in the morning, so I need you all to leave now.” J: “You don’t work, it’s Saturday tomorrow, and your mom’s out of town, what do you possibly have to do tomorrow, but wait for us to show back up at 5?” D-bag#1: “I have stuff to do for my dad. And D-bag #2 is helping and driving me over there tomorrow. And stuff.” J: “Whatever. He wins, no question. Your character is dead, that’s all that matters. I hoped you like the game, cause this was the last time I’m running it.” D-bag#1: “But…”)and we leave) 4 years later D-bag #1 after much prodding, cause I told everyone in the group how I did my character, got it out and came up to me at random and explained my character to me. You, win. You got me. He never let me live it down for as longed as I gamed with him. I stopped gaming over there about 5, 6 years ago. I am happier for it.

  • Samuel Kitchen

    I hate to sound like a dick..and I love you, Spoony..but take the collar off that dog, the constant jangling during this story really took me out of it. I’m not a guy who hates dogs..but the sound that collar makes was so jarring during what was great story. 

  • Anonymous

    This whole crazy story would make for one kick-ass movie.

    Oreos gonna knock over your camera and break it dude.

    Lemme see, dog going insane, camera shifts everything into white for no reason, phone goes off, crazy story about cyberpunk chemical warfare, probably your most chaotic video yet Spoony.

    It was still very entertaining. 

    Did you ever play the Xbox 360 Shadowrun game? I think they should make a sequel. This concept is so cool Im really surprised it didnt blow up into a franchise with more video games and movies and stuff.

  • Colin Snow

    Ok, I am reading the Shadowrun 4th Ed Corebook and this paragraph is the best paragraph I have ever read in a roleplaying book:

    Above all, the rules are here to facilitate telling good stories. Don’t get bogged down in rules disputes when it’s important to keep the plot moving, just fudge it and move on. Don’t allow powergaming to run out of control, but don’t let an unexpected death or glitch derail the plot either. If you know in advance that a certain outcome would be more dramatic or amusing than what you are likely to roll, then don’t bother to roll. When the rules get in the way of the story, ignore the rules and tell the story.

    I wish more games applied such to their games (All you larpers know exactly where I am coming from with this.)

    • ZachSeinBlog

      …and Shadowrun has (still) a lot of potential for its own rules to get into the way of a story. I think that is mainly because there are SO many rules (for matrix, magic, combat, vehicular combat etc.) most GMs exclude things like the matrix or magic from their games to speed things up and make them much less complex. In fact the rules are the biggest disadvantage of the system. If I got a penny for every time I said “No I don’t want to look up that rule again, just roll ….” I would be rich by now.

      I would love to see the Shadowrun-Universe with another set of rules. A lot of them are simply too complex (like Grenades) or too imbalanced, like the mages reflex boost spell. The hardest thing is that you have to closely monitor how much money your players gain and spend. This is mainly because you don’t need to spent any XP to upgrade your characters body with cyberware. Give an street-sam or a decker a ton of money and they will leave the magic-users and Ki-adepts behind them. At one point I realized that my close-combat adept, would be much more effective if the just spent his saved up money on cyberware. 

      In fact we added a house rule to improve the Ki-adepts. Usually they have to spend tons of experience to raise their magical attribute so they can gain new powers. We just said that an adept can have more powers then his magical attribute. He can buy a power like a mage buys a spell and then he has to enter meditation for a couple of hours to change his active powers.

    • Faust

      Nicely said! White Wolf Games has an addendum called “The Golden Rule”. This basically amounts to: if a particular mechanic in their rules doesn’t fit, a Storyteller has the right to alter it. The spirit of this rule is that the story should always come before the mechanics.

      But Spoony hated WoD. So it makes sense he would be more on the “rules” side. He seems to like a lot of “out-of-game” chatter.

  • Sam Pagano

    Oh the amount of fun the Wish spell was

  • Anonymous

    I only played Vampire: The Masquerade, but our groups hardly got together and somehow broke up eventually. I had 2 charactes and 2 GMs, the 2nd of which was a pure sadist. Also, all of our characters stayed really weak.

    One time, my character utilised an uzi with special ammo that causes hard-to-regenerate/absorb damage. Long story short, I created my super soaker. Later, the GM made an ancient superpowered vampire appear. 50 regular vampires (all stronger than mine) tried to suck its blood or attack it, but couldn’t get over its incredible absorbing and regenerating powers. Shoved the uzi up the ancient’s ass and emptied a few clips without miss. Killed it in 3 turns. The result: ancient creates some weird explosion that almost destroyed my character and took EVERYTHING from him, including the uzi. No rolls.

    The sadist GM created a hitman vampire with Obfuscate and Speed. Obfuscate works subconsiously. Maxed out, it means he can turn “invisible” and make you forget you ever saw him. Speed gives you several actions in one turn, 3-4 in his case. This hitman could appear out of nowhere, shoot your face 2 times, cloak and make you forget he attacked you, in one turn. You can’t react before he disappears. You can’t even prepare for the next attack, or run away. It was a clever concept, but way overpowered.
    His defeat? My outrageously inferior character got into a fight with him, but he didn’t use invisibility this time. With speed, he could aim at a thrown grenade and shoot it, and still have actions to dodge and attack. Until I somehow snuck a grenade underneath him that he didn’t notice. NO DAMAGE. The GM realized nobody could get a scratch on the guy, so a regular NPC beheaded him with one hit. Really.

    The Ravnos were much worse. They all had a maxed out illusion skill which is VERY limited to use (for good reason). You run out of willpower quick and it takes ages to restore it. As GM-characters, they could use it infinitely. They created doors with full interior that didn’t exist, buildings… everytime we returned somewhere, everything had changed. And this was a large movie set already. Most confusing game sitting ever. Even worse, the clearly fake stuff (zombie hordes, abysses with lava, bladed cthulhu monsters in a pool…) still hurts temporarily. We had NO way to fight back. It was just so the GM could screw us.

    Playing was still fun. We should have died every time, but never did.

    tl;dr: I wish my GMs would have tried to answer balancing issues fairly, like you, Spoony. But they were too busy screwing us over with clever concepts and their GM-allmightiness.

  • Jordan

    That’s hilarious, Noah!  Interestingly, I had a somewhat similar (but not remotely as extreme) experience with Cyberpunk 2020.  In my case, it was squirt guns and powerful acid.  At the time, I had all of the “Chrome” books and a player who spent a week building the most tricked-out, full-body conversion killing machine he could possibly make.  As a result, he was virtually immune to bullets, grenades, fire, drugs and even had EMP shielding.  So, I had to resort to loading some corporate goons up with pressurized squirt guns filled with acid.  The players took that and spun it off into squirt guns loaded with contact poisons/drugs but, fortunately, I don’t recall Cyberpunk having the equivalent of DMSO, so it didn’t get too terribly ridiculous.

    My problem in Shadowrun centered around a sniper with a flash-suppressor, silencer and the invisibility spell.  Sheesh!

  • Timothy Black

    My very first D&D game was a sort of one shot sort of thing where our DM showed us the ropes of the basic elements in a game and how to handle each of them. There was the town exploring/quest grabbing sequence where we went to some mountainside cave. We got to exploring inside the dungeon with clever traps and some petty monsters. It was all fairly vanilla up until that point, but the DM had generated a level 12 something flying worm of some sort from the chaos realm. We were level two or one or something, so this thing would have raped us quickly. This was the last example of sequences our DM wanted us to get used to, which was fleeing an enemy. However when we finally got outside, our barbarian decided that he would instead try to tame the beast. He crit’d a climb check to get on top of the thing as his move action for the turn, and then another crit to tame the thing. My DM was speechless for a couple minutes and decided to make the whole sequence turn to hell right then and there. I found a sword of life and a sickle of death, some legendary items or whatnot and the third companion got raped by a dragon which then used it’s magic to transform him into a wyrm of some kind. I started wrecking the town with my two new weapons as the barbarian flew around causing havoc however he could. I think a god of some kind came in and cleaned everything up in the end.

    It was a fun introduction.

  • Sabine Vecchio

    So in high School I DM’d a Gurps game for a while. I think it’s a bit more casual than DnD, but we played it more casual, anyway. I was a REALLY bad DM. I basically had no idea what I was doing and made Desu ex Machina pets for the pcs. They were wayyy too powerful and eventually, we did get rid of them. I had a big plan for what we were going to do, but we only met on wednesday nights (right after school, since Wednesday was a short day at my school) and even then it wasn’t completely set if we would meet at all since we had a soccer player in the game (Wednesday was so short BECAUSE it was game day for sports teams) and very few people who would play otherwise. My main plan basically fell flat because I had to graduate from highschool and couldn’t play any more, so we basically did nothing productive except leave my old character off with the elves or something. We had one castle invasion that was a lot of fun.
    Now, the reason I said all of this is because there was one guy who had an awesome character named Exar. Exar was the group’s tank. He had exploding gloves and whenever he attacked anything, he would yell “EXAR POWERS ACTIVATE” which was a little silly and made the group giggle. Exar was a very… sadistic character and he tried to kill pretty much everything the group came across because his whole reason for joining the group was to eventually find and kill his father. Unfortunately when the other senior in the group and I graduated, the game fell apart. There were only two players left and no one else wanted to join, and the rule for clubs was that at least 3 students had to be a part of the club in order for it to continue. So that was a little sad. But now just talking about it makes me really excited to try to join the Dnd club at my college, so thank you, Spoony, for motivating me to get back into rpgs. I really had fun and I can’t wait to start again. ^_^

  • Sabine Vecchio

    Oh, and by getting back into it, I meant being a PC, because I totally fail at GMing.

    • Ryan Laskowski

      No shame in that. Most people don’t make very good GMs, even those who make great players. It’s a very different skill and mindset.

  • Oskar Fekonja

    Listening to stories like that would be most interesting and I look forward to seeing more.

  • Anonymous

    The funniest things I’ve encountered in an RPG, was playing EON (Swedish DnD clone with kind of a Tolkien spin).
    First there’s the tale of the dagger of utterly nutterly butterly annihilation.
    Our group was ambushed by a band of rogues whilst wandering the woods on our way to a town, after a few rounds of combat our own rogue managed to just about totally mutilate and crush one of the assailants midsection, with a puny dagger.
    How was this possible? EON uses what’s called the OBt6 system (OBt6 = obegränsat tärning 6, unlimited die 6, every time a 6 is rolled, the die is replaced by a reroll, with an additional die and added to previous results), and the dagger did OBt6 damage.
    So, when he rolled damage, he rolled a 6.
    He the rolled a 5 and another 6.
    And then he rolled double 6’s…
    In the end, he’d rolled a sum around the 130’s range, a far way even from the most powerful magic artifacts average, essentially reducing the would-be-thief to a bloody pulp.

    And then there was the time when we introduced a new character to the group and he pretty much managed got knocked in the head with a warhammer on his first enounter, and suffered enough damage to be knocked stupid, reducing his Knowledge stat to 3 from 17, and becoming a mental invalid.

    Then there was the whole business when playing NeoTech (It’s pretty much EON but cyberpunk), it’s a long story but it involved using naked hobos as distractions, a couple of grenades and a highpowered anti-materiel rifle, a multimillionaire and his cleaning lady, and cloning…
    It was a mess to say the least…

    We’re currently running a few Shadowrun 4 sessions on skype, if you wanna get on ;P

  • martin rosspaterson

    I never played Shadowrun but i had heard of it, your little tale though has made me want to look into it since it sounds really interesting and gives the player lots of options. Though the squirt gun idea had me laughing my butt off from the start, i found this vastly entertaining after a long day of uni work. I have seen you DM some games with LordKat in the past and I can see how stuff like that made you the good DM you are today, since you always seem to have thought ahead for most things that the PC’s will try to do. If you do think of any other interesting stories like that or from any other of the RPG’s you played I personally would love to hear them.

  • Anonymous

    My friend who I have loving to referred to as D-bag, also ran a GURPS: Cyberpunk. He was also horning in on anyone’s games, when he thought needed the GM replaced. (One night he wanted everyone, but himself to swap campaigns, to which we all said no, he just called us all jerks and closed minded people.) It was a 200 point game, and though out the game he would constantly throw up these enemies against me, not the party, just me, but fortunately the party was always with me. I had my arms and legs replaced, and upgraded along the way, and got “special enhancements” that he allowed for his campaign. He took stuff out of Shadowrun books and video games and used it as written. So, toward the end of the game I was literally un-killable according to all the cyberwear I had. I had found metal that couldn’t be corroded by any acid.

    Over the course of the campaign:
    I had gotten our full cyborg’s brain downloaded to the internet, by accident (he became a Ghost in the Machine). Took his cyborg body and had his arms and legs put on to my body and turned my parts into cyberlimb armor to enchance those “new” parts I got. (That cyborg maxed out his speed with his legs and bought higher strength on the parts, and he wasn’t in his body anymore, so why not?)

    Gotten another party member sold into being a replacement for a guy we broke out of prison.

    I out right riddled with bullets and then beheaded a PC who threaten at the end of an adventure to turn us in for our crimes, he was a mole planted by a corporation, and was only a one shot character, but that guy was pissed. This made a reputation with us in the criminal underworld.

    Thwarted an assassination attempt by my party to kill a high ranking military (the party was paid by another one shot character to go head long into a trap, I and the Ghost researched and found it to be no good, so we convinced the hacker to stop, and we got the others killed.)

    I defeated the “world’s greatest martial artist”. It was at a MMA style fighting arena, it was televised and it was like football of the future. I woke up in the ring as the bell rang, another one one shot character, drugged me (I was immune!) and put me in the ring against the world champion, played by another PC, and he didn’t know what he was doing. I killed him in the first five seconds of combat. I simply held my action till he came into close range, feinted, and then kicked him in the throat. Stunning him, effectively, I walked around behind him for the 2 seconds he was gasping for air, and preformed a neck snap maneuver. I critically scored that skill roll. (Wired Reflexes for his game was like buying Alter-Time Rate level 1 from Gurps: Supers…So, I got two actions for everyone’s one. The party members that were loyal to me made alot of money.) I left the arena, off to…

    Again, kill the one shot PC that we found was a clone of all the other guys I had killed that betrayed us every time in the past. The PC would claim I used outside information, but he did things and use pheromone glands to get the party to do what he wanted. I had a high will, so I resisted him, playing female. We found that this woman was working for a secret socitiey called “The order” (Later in all his other Campaigns to make things interesting, he had the same Order pop up, same MO, same names, same cause. They were the humans that have been in contact with the aliens since the dawn of time. In every game world he came up with these guys where there. So, his last game world I mentioned the Order and how they cross dimensions and time thanks to the aliens to inhabit these other game worlds to build a police force to combat the evils rogue agents would bring. I was joking of course with my girlfriend at the time in front of D-bag and he threw his clipboard with all his notes for his game at me, she found I was right….)

    I defeated the Order’s main guy. Thaddus, or Thad as I called him. The last 4 missions we went on we were out right attacked by the Order at the beginning of every adventure. Without fail, and the same exact way and time, each time. By the third time they attacked us in our base (a net runner bar, which I bought), the party saw the first one and would easily take out the heavily armed Order guys with out so much as firing a round off. We took their weapons and stockpiled them in a bunker we built under the bar. D-bag would forget about the bunker and just thought we stashed the weapons at the net runner’s house, which D-bag did have written down that they were in our bunker. So, he had the Order attack the net runner’s house, but our net runner was living in the bunker by this point. So, he was home, but not at his old address. D-bag said we were side tracking his adventure by changing things and not telling him. Which in seconds he would flip a few sheets of paper to see we weren’t lying, but still in all seriousness blamed me. The final fight came to a close in a church, which used to be a old Pittsburgh steel mill. The one shot PC player and his friend tried to stop us, but we had the Order weapons and the equivalent of the ED-209 with our Ghost in the Machine buddy as it’s brain. I knocked both the one shot PCs into a vat of acid, which D-bag made me roll twice to prove I escaped. Fought Thad in his throne room, Empire style, I used a X-laser and he had a force sword, I won. The rest of the PC’s died. The Ghost and I lived. That was the end of the campaign which he told us we died in a fire or something. No joke, he was mad cause he didn’t get to kill me! Which he could have said, your guy dies on the crapper, make a new character. At anypoint.

  • Roddy Stuberg

    I once ran a game of After The Bomb. (For those who do not know what the game was about; it was a post-apocalyptic setting for the TMNT tabletop RPG.) 

    The party of three characters had found a black market location where explosives were being sold. One of the players decided to double-cross the merchant and and tried to rob the merchant at gunpoint. The problem was that the merchant picked up a vial of nitro explosive. He then pointed out that if they shoot at him, not only would they risk hitting any of the explosives and setting them off if they miss, but if they did hit him, he would likely drop the explosive and set it off.

    The character did shoot, and not only did he hit the character, but killed him. The merchant dropped the vial, and the explosion set off a chain reaction of explosions, killing most of the party (one character managed to escape the brunt of the force, but still took serious damage from the explosion and debris). I’m pretty sure that was the last time the group played After The Bomb. 

  • pariah-666

    I’d actually really like more video’s like this. As a casual RPGer I enjoyed the story and it gave me loads of ideas for campaigns. Cheers, SpoonyOne.

  • moonknight

     This bought back some great memories of playing Shadowrun years ago. I really this it is the ultimate 13 -17 boys fantasy game Tolkien crossed with William Gibson? Yes please. I really hope you do more of these stories you tell them really well and i got many laughs out of this.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve only played a couple of role playing games.

    I have a friend who is really into it and who plays with other people who really take it seriously as well. She decided to arrange a campaign for our circle of friends and we thought it would be fun so we met at her house to play. The game was Vampire The Masquerade. It turned into kind of a fabulous disaster. It got really silly because the rest of us didn’t have much experience with rpgs and and at least one of my friends just went out of their way to be ridiculous. He was playing some crazy female character and spent his time figuring out how to be as destructive as he could including burning down a bar that the DM meant to contain a key story element. Long story short our eventual plan to continue somehow wound up involving my character sending a groundhog with a camera strapped to it’s back into the ashes. I don’t even remember how we came up with that. She didn’t play with us again.

    Although later on we did wind up playing a game called Mutants and Masterminds, which is a superhero rpgs, which another one of my friends DM’d. The difference was that he wasn’t someone who often played rpgs. Those got really crazy. The same friend who played the crazy girl in the last game invented a aquaman like superhero called Scuba Steve, with little Robbin pants and everything and summoned a sturgeon which another character then used as a weapon with someone else attached. Sadly enough, whether it was because he wasn’t doing it right, or just some flaw in the game, when the DM configured the weapon it turned out being pretty effective. 

  • SoldierHawk

    May I second (or third, fourth or fifth) the request for further gaming stories? I really enjoyed this!

  • Anonymous

    This video was awesome Spoony, now I’m looking into getting into Shadowrun myself. XD

    Also, I’ve gotta add to the list of people requesting more, you must have some other great stories.

    • Anonymous

      Fourth edition is pretty awesome, but adepts are still broken (Adding another layer on this by adding Mystic Adepts, which are adepts that are able to use regular magic as well as physical magic) and adding the Technomancer which marignializes the hacker characters.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the info, but I’m having enough trouble finding 4th ed. books, not to mention old 3rd ed. books, I’m thinking I’ll just by the .PDF versions.

  • Anonymous

    Noah, sometimes i hate you because you make me feel like i missed out on my childhood.

    Sure there was my SNES, and Sailor Moon, and playing in the woods but i never played D&D or Shadowrun, hell, even my first Zelda experience was on the n64.

    Ah, i envy you all…

    • Anonymous

      I suspect that if you remember back you’ll find your own moments. Maybe not RPG based but of similar time where you had fun with friends. :)

  • Tony

    Good story, and I don’t think Oreo was all that bad.

    Did they think about shooting (or stabbing with) crystallized DMSO solutions? That’d puncture the suit, and then it’d heat back up and mostly melt upon impact (or upon being lodged in flesh). And if they wanted to get past the suits, they could have shot boiling DMSO solution. Of course, this isn’t taking the filters into account, and they’d need their own air sources.

  • Cody Meyer

    Always wanted to play Shadowrun. Not a one of my friends ever had the know-how though. : Sucks though, I do miss those gaming nights. Of course, I’d be drawing almost half the time.

  • ScottC

    I think you meant cyanide instead of arsenic. :)
    Having been a GM for many (many) years, I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping the players well aware of who is in charge of the game.

    I think the way I’d have dealt with the characters would be to first try and persuade them of some problems so they’d quit on their own. Stuff like a “fumble” check or they accidentally got DMSO on themselves when they were loading, or the squirt guns developed a leak, or the wind shifts, or even a bad shot and you drip/squirt some of the payload onto yourself or a team mate.

    If that didn’t work, I’d have planned a sting operation with some DMSO that had a radioactive tag in it. Then the authorities could trace hits, any drips or residue, vehicles, or trace amounts on the characters in otherwise normal situations. Hit their base with a raid and knock out their stored supplies, remove some of their support network, and perhaps make for some angry customers who had paid for drugs or whatever and wanted their product that the players could no longer provide easily, diverting them from their vendetta.

    After that, hard core and give some security forces riot gear. Bullet resistant, full face masks and they also have shields; all more than enough to protect against squirt tech. Give one or two security guards a tranquilizer gun, no DMSO even needed, and then you could fill it with whatever. I’d think taking one character alive would mean interrogation and revealing of their base/hidden stores. Plus, even if the characters wore body armor, that really only protects the vital areas. Arms and legs are, by nature of having to be able to move them, not heavily armored. A dart work regardless of placement.
    As a final weapon, I’d have some horrid genetic soldier who thrived on whatever drug soup. So, an anemic guard suddenly hulks out and attacks when dosed with their cocktail. Sure, he only lives for about 15 minutes, but in that time, he rips people apart before finally having his metabolism explode, spraying whatever biological fun you want on the characters…perhaps mutating them and giving them a whole new direction to turn. Maybe…an allergy to DMSO based things, resulting in hives, oozing sores, convulsions, and death? The possibilities are endless. :)

    Of course, my players hated me for removing the color-coding of a dragon’s alignment in D&D. 

    • iceprince732

      holy crap… your amazing, im a new DM myself and well i would LOVE some help like that, to make my game better, let me know if you wanna chat, i would sooo appreciate it

  • Shadowdancer21b

    I’m a man of my word.  You told the Shadowrun Squirt Gun War story, so here’s the Skunk of Atonement.  I had a Bangaa (crocodile person from Final Fantasy Tactics Advance) sohei (temple guardian) who took levels in Spirit Shaman.  His animal companion was a skunk that he named Aroma.  The story took them to one of the hells and in the course of things Aroma became a giant skunk, then, later, a giant celestial skunk.  Aroma’s spray acted as an Atonement spell.  Thence grew the legend of Bossco and the Skunk of Redemption.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve never played the game you were describing here but sounds like it’d be goofy fun.  Even though the way you told it it was ment to be a serious game and it just had a goofy part to it that being killer squirt guns and poisons and viruses!

    I can tell Oreos a sweet dog by the bite marks and scars on your arms.  I got those too from my last few pets (both cats and dogs).  She’s hyper one alright!

  • Necro

    I’d really like to know how the game works.  I’ve never played any kind of Role playing board games so I have no idea how they work.  I know there is a role called dungeon master.  My question is, how can a DM constantly change the rule of the game like Spoony described?  How can you ban in game drugs like that for instance?  There must be a rule that everyone should follow.  Is the rule so well made that it gives this kind of customization and flexibility?

    • Anonymous

      The rule you’re referring to is generally called ‘The Golden Rule’ and most RPGs have some little blurb about it. It basically says that do whatever is fun; if some aspect of the rules is not fun for you or others in the group, feel free to change it or just throw it out.

      The official rules and mechanics are generally considered a starting point and are altered by the GM and the group to something that is more fun. For instance, if folks find that combat is too complex or tedious and it’s taking 20 minutes to get through one round, everyone could agree to simplify them. If some aspect of the rules is overpowered, unbalanced, or just mechanically broken (it does happen despairingly often), then the GM or group can change how it works or just ban it outright.

      In Spoony’s story, the official game mechanics for how DSMO works in-game were horribly broken (seriously, a completely sealed suit of armor STILL can’t stop the DSMO-paylod mixture?), making the use of it overshadow every single other weapon in the game to the point of exclusion. And its effectiveness meant that the players could just breeze through any adventure without worry — unless someone is a munchkin, not really much fun except in small doses. It also disrupted whatever story Spoony was trying to run.

      • Necro

        Thank you for your reply

        So basically DMs are allowed to make a house rule right?  So why not tweak the effectiveness of DMSO if Spoony didn’t want the squirt gun war in his game?

        Also, why did he doubt his understanding of the rule if the rule can be changed entirely?  Is there a certain limit to amount of changes a person can do?

        • Anonymous

          Well, I can’t really speak for Spoony, but there are several possible reasons. First among them is that the party DID earn being able to roflstomp a little for their clever use of the setting and rules; roleplaying is a creative exercise and if the players come up with a creative solution to some problem that makes sense, the GM should definitely reward that.

          There is also a danger when it comes to altering too much of the rules in that it becomes increasingly difficult to keep all the exceptions consistent and balanced. This is why rules light games are better suited for that kind of fluid play than rules heavy games, since there are generally less changes to keep track of and less likelihood that a change could end up destroying the game balance. There’s also the problem of introducing new players to a game if the rules are substantially different from the baseline; it’s a lot harder for new players to get into a game if it’s something they misunderstand because of all the custom rule changes.

          There’s also an element to politics in this, unfortunately, in that some players get really pissy and will leave the game if there are too many rules changes. And MOST players will get (understandably) upset if you unilaterally remove some resource they have by fiat. The best thing to do is to do what Spoony did and try to find an in-game method of removing that resource.

          So, theoretically there is no limit to the amount of changes someone can do, but in practical terms it’s much, MUCH easier to keep as close to the official rules as possible.

          You notice that eventually Spoony DID tweak the effectiveness of DMSO in his story eventually (by making the biohazard suits which were immune in complete contradiction to the official rules) and also refused to allow the same sort of problem characters to be created.

          A good rule of thumb for GMing is to let the players get away with a disruptive tactic or character ONCE, but only once. Spoony actually did

          GMing is really more of an art than a science and is a surprisingly difficult thing to do. You have to find the right balance between rules and fun, keep everyone (including yourself) entertained, and tell a story at the same time. It’s very difficult and a lot of work, but I find it’s generally worth it.

  • Swapper

    i love shadowrun, the old paper rpg was too fun.

    speaking of that you should review the shadowrun games

  • Swapper

    i love shadowrun. the old paper rpg was too fun.

    you should review the console games on NES and xbox, and such

  • Anonymous

    Wow, back when I was 15 the most exitement I had was playing Smash Bros with my friends >_< Interesting and funny story spoony, I loved the part with the drug-spraying arcee cars xD

  • Anonymous

    Awww Orea is soooo cute I think she’s out shined and replaced the robot.  

  • Kraken Fhtagn

    Well, at least they were not Dikoted™ squirt guns.

    • Anonymous

       Dikote wouldn’t do anything in this one instance.
      Hypothetically, the instant my Shadowrun players start arguing that diamonds (which is what Dikote is; spray-on diamonds) are suddenly frictionless is the day I start killing them in their sleep with box-cutters for being so stupid.

  • Me!

    DMSO = dimethyl sulfoxide, fyi ;)

    I’m a grad student with a B.S. in Chemistry, so when Spoony first said DMSO, I immediately thought of the solvent but didn’t think that’s what he was actually talking about. Why would an RPG have DMSO unless it’s some chemistry RPG?? (which would be AWESOME btw)

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry, you were still way better as a GM than I was when I was that age… *shudder* Bad memories…

    Yyeah, uhm… I think others said it already and I’m sorry for nagging but… seriously, don’t let Oreo boss you around, and definitely don’t let her bite you. The thing about dogs is that you have to be the boss or the dog starts to think she’s the boss and then she’ll get really damn difficult to control. You can just tell her “NO” with a strong voice when she does something bad. And ignore her if she demands attention at bad times.

  • arcanedudetwo

    I would be very interested in hearing the rest of the stories you had planned for this book. I always find stories of party/GM/circumstantial stupidity hilarious.

    Also, I love your dog, but you can’t let her be the boss. Gotta put your foot down on her, man.

  • Anonymous

    You should stop calling her Oreo. Start calling her Åskar. It’s
    pronounced just like Oscar, but in nordic, it means thunder and
    lightning. Way cooler than a cookie. Also, if anyone tries to give you
    crap for having a male name for a female dog, just tell them that
    you’ll strong arm a ho, and it’s not a ho in the sense of having a
    pussy, but a pussy having no goddamn sense, tryin to push you. You
    might have 99 problems, but the name of your bitch aint one. (Bitch is
    english for female dog.)

    • Lukas Hägg

      If you’d want to turn that into a name you should use ‘åska’, the noun version.

      Either way, he can call his dog whatever he wants.

    • Anonymous

      What Lukas said. All of it. “Åskar” will make no sense as a name. It’s like naming someone (or something) “Flashing” instead of “Flash”. I understand the word play, but it’s horrid.

  • Taylor Rice

    This might be the wrong thing to do, but here’s an older version of the Core book- 3rd edition to be precise. All this talk of Shadowrun and people interested in playing it made me feel generous.

  • tomas

    how the heck does an RPG get so out of control that all people think of doing is biological warfare?

    • Anonymous

      You can replace “Biological warfare” with “broken game mechanic/interpretation” and you’ll end up with virtually every Munchkin-murder-campaign ever created.

  • Lukas Hägg

    I’ve never had such a full out war against my players (most likely because I kill their characters with unerring, unintentional, consistency), but I do love all of those small moments you get to have as a dm. One being creating cursed items, then seeing the curse play out. If there’s a cursed item in my games 99% of the time I made it myself. One I made ‘recently’ was a +2 defending short sword. The thing was, whenever the character activated the defending power, he would unknowingly take 2 (the enchantment bonus) nonlethal damage. This eventually resulted in the character collapsing in a battle and almost got killed.

    One of my personal favourites though, is the silver spoon. Identifies as a spoon of sustenance ( I think that was it, not important though). Whenever the person who picked it up draws a weapon he must roll a moderate will save, and if he fails the spoon takes the place of his weapon (essentially retconning the events so that he never did draw his weapon, but the spoon). Each failed save also adds a cumulative +1 on the DC for further saves. And of course even if the character leaves the spoon in the deepest mine on the other side of the world, the spoon still “comes back” if he fails his save.

  • Mark Richard

    heh. i love this kind of stuff. reminds me of the character i’m playing right now on our wednesday games.

    see i’m playing a wizard in a pathfinder (a Dungeons & Dragons 3.5 spinoff for those who don’t know) game and our GM, bless his heart, gave us a Clay Golem Manual. this item lets you create 1 golem without needing the particular spells as well as a few levels earlier then normal. the steps are pretty much :

    1) make body of clay
    2) create pentagram around it
    3) press button found on book
    4) enjoy golem

    so i have this big ‘ol clay golem… so how does one go about their daily lives with a 2.5k Kilogram Gumby?

    shove him in a Portable Hole (a 10x10x10 extradimentional space/rug) for easy carry!

    now, think about this for a second: you have 2.5-3 meters tall, 2.5k Kilo, near indestructible (at least for the most part) terminator.

    a lot. so far i’ve:

    -used him as a trapspringer (the golem has a very specific damage reduction ability of decent strength, poison immunity & crazy magic resistance makes most traps negligible). the rogue, the cleric and the group’s two wizards rather dislike getting spear’d or arrow’d, especially if poison is involved.

    the golem, not so much. i’ve yet to figure out if he’s even noticed the stabs.

    -for those who don’t know, Invisibility is a D&D spell that lets you be, well invisible until you attack an enemy. that “until” part is pretty important as it lets you get only a single surprise attack… it does, however, include a clause that lets you take actions like cutting a chandelier’s rope (and thus making it fall on someone) without breaking the invisibility.

    so i asked the GM if could simply deploy the portable hole near an enemy… and then let the golem grab their ankle from inside the hole, thus dragging them into his space, (IE: inside the hole) and then simply closing the hole while they’re in there fighting for their life. if the golem doesn’t kill them, they only have 10 minutes of breathable air.

    every time i’ve done this, the GM had me clean out my portable hole due to messy golem-based dismemberment. it’s usually reserved for the enemies who’ve really cheesed us off and deserve the ignoble death called “the golem hole”.

    -on more then one occasion i’ve had the golem create doorways, ferries or makeshift bridges where there were none and simply carry us where we need to be. the golem stands 2.5-3 meters tall, my character is about 2 himself. so with the golem’s outstretched arms easily holding my wizardly weight i can easily get boosted to where i can reach ledges 6 or so meters off the ground and easily keep my own feet 3 meters off the floor (which could be made of water, acid, snakes, spikes or some such annoyance).

    it’s great size and strength also allows it to be the best packmule ever. after we put all the little widgets in the golem’s hole, we simply have the golem carry the large, heavy stuff… or the REALLY large stuff after i’ve shrinked it.

    while we’re no longer dismantling doors off their hinges and selling them to the evil necromancers across the lane, we still do enjoy grabbing the odd things, like a 2-meter long model ship, because… well, just because.

    i mean, it was a REALLY nice model caravel.

    -remember the golem’s magic/poison immunity i mentioned? one of the PCs, another wizard, likes the cloudkill spell. cloudkill is a cloud… that kills you. it’s name really says all you need to know. it’ll quickly whittle away at your constitution if you stay in it too long. thankfully, it’s generally content to roll along the ground at a speed of about 10 feet per round and you can usually just walk out of it too… i mean, it’s a cloud. unfortunately, that doesn’t help much when the golem (due to it’s superior size & strength) is dragging you on the floor in this horrific mustard gas while not being affected by it.

    very often do we use the golem to simply manage enemies in this way, let the golem win an attrition war with enemies we can’t simply alpha-strike while we debuff them.

    one of the changes from your standard 3.5 that the Pathfinder variant did, was give the specialist wizards X rounds / day of certain effects. now, i’m an evoker, a specialisation in one of the weaker schools (for those who don’t know, evocation generally consists of spells that do damage, while a wizard’s true forte is in the sheer variety of non-damage options they have).

    at level 8+ evokers can create magical walls of [element of your choosing] damage for up to X rounds a day, divided as they choose. these walls, if created on someone or if they pass through it, deals damage that can’t be avoided with a reflex save, like you could with Fireball or Lighting Bolt (wizards aren’t too creative with spell names, you can guess what these spells do).

    now, remember how the golem is immune to magic? and how i have the golem grab enemies? on more then one occasion i’ve had the golem grab an enemy, hold him to the ground while beating his head in, all while surrounded with a wall of flame that the golem simply shrugs off. the golem’s own 2d10+numbers and my own wall’s 2d6+numbers rips through most enemies like a hot, clay knife through butter.

    or worse… cause here’s the kicker: the golem’s magic immunity has a few loopholes. like how magical acid heals it. so i often find myself surrounding the golem with a caustic wall of healing that hurts the poor schmuck who’s gotten himself grappled.

    -golem-based tactical nukes, or “i open the hole, on the ceiling, above
    the enemy”. i’ve simply crushed more then a few enemies under the
    golem’s massive bulk. i remember one fight where the other wizard tried to cloudkill a monster, hoping to kill it. unfortunately, it was immune to poison and a rather strong melee type.

    it also stood guard at the bottom of the well where our objective, a tomb, was.

    unfortunately it was also underneath the golem’s only way down, which ended up with two wizards & a cleric cheering on from the top of a well as 2 3-meter tall colossi duked it out in a circular ring, all while the rogue (who had sneaked down earlier under the cover of Invisibility) tried not to get murdered.

    All in all our GM has taken it all much better then i had hoped he would. for some people, a golem is nothing but a servant. for us (or at least me), he’s a valued teammate that’s generally underrepresented in the GM’s campaign blog for his contribution.

    • Justin Sulich

       Greatest story EVER, you should right a book about your adventures in which you’ve had something hilarious occur because the golem was used XD

  • dirfaldi

    I think I speak for all of us when I say:


  • darkpinky

    My crowning moment of RPG glory/idiocy comes from L5R, a fantasy version of feudal Japan. 

    I was a spellcaster from the Scorpion clan (sneaky, manipulative bastards; my legal training came in handy) investigating alleged naughtiness by an ancestor priest from the Lion clan (basically the most honourable clan in a culture obsessed with honour).  It turned out he was creating invincible warriors by getting ancestor spirits to possess the living.

    One of my clan spells could cause a fumble by the target – make them swing and miss, or say something stupid, or screw up their spellcasting.  With the right roll, you could do it without anyone noticing you interfered.  I decided to use this on the ancestor priest, during the summoning ritual. 

    All hell broke loose.  Literally.  Instead of spirits from Heaven, he got demons, who took over at least half of his soldiers.  Those who weren’t possessed were killed or injured fighting those who were.  The entire army was taken out, and with it any chance of ever using the ancestor spirits like that again.

    The best part?  As far as the Lions and everyone else knew, this was their own fault.  It looked like their senior ancestor priest had been doing deals with devils, and their military victories had been won through evil magic, not their (quite genuine) martial prowess. 

    A terrible loss of face.  A wonderful Scorpion sting.

  • Amber

    I used my webcam for my answer

  • Resobaso

    Morphine is one drug I know if you inject someone with a massive dose will kill you instantly.

  • Noob Pea

    Haha, I do the same thing to my dog. He likes to bark when I’m talking with my friends so, it’s basically like “Ok, everyone’s paying attention to you, what >:(?” him: O_O uh …… nevermind.

  • Anonymous

    You were right with nitroglycerin, it is used as a heart medication. Doctors refer to it as glyceryl trinitrate or GTN. It’s used as an oral spray to treat angina. Side effects include headaches and low blood pressure. Like most drugs, overdoses can be fatal. 

  • Marc Thompson

    All the best stories involve explosives.

    We had a mage who liked to turn invisible and drop grenades/flashbangs on people. It was a great way to take out guards without risking serious drain, and it didn’t give away the party position (in fact, quite the opposite).

    During one run, the party was in that classic scenario where they are flanking a corridor with bad guys on the far end behind heavy cover. No one wants to poke their heads out. The mage says “I’ll take care of it” pulls a pin on his grenade, and then fades out invisibly and starts crawling up the kill zone.

    The troll then decides to “provide cover fire” with his vindicator mini-gun, suppressing the entire hallway. I think he thought this would be his “brilliant plan” to get rid of the mage.

    So naturally, the mage was torn to shreads by the gun, and he proceeded to drop the grenade a few 10 feet up the corridor. Every member of the party is in the blast radius. “Oh well, I’m a troll. I know I’ll survive.” GM “You DO know you are in a corridor right?” Troll PC: “Yeah.” “and that the blast will reflect and hit you at least twice right?” Troll PC: “Uh.. I have good armor, I can live through that..” Dead Mage PC “Would this be a good time to mention my mage was carrying 30 grenades in my backpack?”

    Troll: “Uh.. is it too late to not shoot the mage?” GM: “Yes. Yes it is. Everyone dies. Well done.”

    I also remember running a Cyberspace (think Cyberpunk with MERPS/Rolemaster rules) game in which one of the players, having just read how stable military grade plastique was, proceeded to line his longcoat with 40 kg of the stuff as extra armor and an intimidation bonus. He got away with it for a while and talked his way out of a few street situations because of it. Got a nice street rep too after killing pretty much the entire New Hitler Youth and wrecking the Edison Triad Building, Oklahoma City Style.

    One day he was shopping in a mall for some new cybertech, and a rent-a-cop spotted his concealed guass pistol (which is in no way legal, nor a hold out weapon). The rent-a-cop ordered him to stop, and the player pulled his “I’ve got a bomb” routine. I rolled a 98 for the guard’s courage, and a 03 on his science roll. The guard decided to shoot him with his tazer, and hit.

    The player “Ouch. How much damage do I take?” Me “Uh, plastique goes off when an electrical current runs through it.”.. Player: Ohhhhh.. Oh wow. Does anyone in the mall survive?”   Me: “No, The other PC’s in the cyber shop are killed instantly.”

    That was a very weird game I’d run at the age of 12 or 13. The PC’s had already taken out a submarine with a magnetic accelerator rifle firing DUP rounds (which makes no sense, but whatever). Twas a silly game.


    • Jayden Reynolds

      If plastique refers to C4 here, C4 only detonates when a blasting cap, well, blasts in or next to it. C4 is insanely stable – you can cook with it and it won’t explode. You can fire incendiary rounds at it and it won’t explode. It’s more stable than freaking water.

  • adamsr

    Cool story.  I don’t think it sounds like you were a bad DM at all.  If you’re the DM, then DMSO works however you say it works.  The corporations coming up with new countermeasures against the shadowrunners’ latest strategies is exactly what would happen in the real world, and exactly the right thing to do to keep your players interested and facing new challenges.

  • Anonymous

    1. What Happened To “Counter Monkey”?
    2. Do More Of These

  • Tyler Sheridan


  • Ray Pullar

    You must know the old actor’s adage: never work with children or animals. I mean, upstaged by a dog! The whole piece reminded me of Ben Stiller’s & Matt Dillon’s scenes with the dog in There’s something about Mary. I kept expecting an enormous bang crash wallop to erupt after you’d thrown the toy out of shot and your dog jumped after it. At least you appear to be on the ground floor and the window in the background was closed. While I mentally compared Dillon’s canine encounter in the movie with your own dog trouble, you reached the part in your tale about the paramedic character raiding pharmacies for the drugs – a strange coincidence given Matt Dillon’s part in Drugstore Cowboy where he and his gang of junkies did just that. And that movie came out during the late 80s heyday of Shadowrun’s original edition (never cared for it myself: I was a Cyberpunk 2020 guy). Of course famed author William S. Burroughs appears in the movie as an old junkie whom Dillon befriends after he tries to go straight & clean. And Burroughs was one of William ‘Neuromancer’ ‘Johnny Mnemonic’ Gibson’s major influences as a writer, and his novels formed the main source for Shadowrun & Cyberpunk 2020. Ain’t free association grand?

  • Aaron Modzelewski

    i don’t know why but this is really fun to watch honestly i’ve never played an d&d or shadowrun esque games. if your other stories are as good as this then you should do this again.

  • Alex Perez

    I gotta say, I’ve never much been into tabletop games (I’d like to be, though), and yet I completely understood all of this, and it was a blast to listen to. I think this is one of my favorite examples of how to spot an overpowered game mechanic: If the player’s (and dm’s) efforts are completely focused on either abusing said mechanic or countering it, then it’s broken.

    Awesome story, I love it.

  • Anonymous

    I really like these segments. With these games, the anecdotes can be as fun to hear as the games are to play.

  • Ryuk33

    So I started playing DnD with a group when i went to college, The Dm was really nice but didn’t put up with crap from anyone. I do mean any crap. The first time i when into a village i had to deal with a jerkass weapons dealer (played by my Dm of course) I said one smartass comment to him and he took my best sword and bent it in half. After much complaining on my part he finally unbent my sword, and told me if i every pissed him off again he would take all my equipment and destroy it all (including my clothes). Well i tried my best to not piss him off and he never took my clothes lol. As the game went on I think i cheesed him off after fudging rolls against a big bad and after a nasty run in with the undead in a forrest, he forced my character to lose his way and end up at a swamp (i believe). Out of the mist came a burst of flame. He put me up against a young Red Dragon, I was doing pretty well by myself but i was losing a lot of hp. He had the DM grin (the one that you see right about the time when he knows your completely screwed). At that point one more attack from him and i would die…I asked and he told me the dragon wasn’t looking good. So with my last attack i rolled a double crit and killed it dead…The look on his face was so priceless! 

    • Ruki

      Fudging the die rolls? You’re a horrible person!

  • Anonymous

    I would absolutely buy a book (especially an audiobook) about anecdotes about tabletop RPGs. I love not only the stories of the campaigns but the people who play them and their characters.

  • Okanehira

    Hey spoony this video isnt on your video list!

  • SpiderByte

    If it were me, I would have sprayed the drugs on bullets.

    • The Hobbit

      Could be burned or rubbed off when fired through the barrel with hardly anything left to affect the target. You could cap a hollow point round filled with your toxin with wax or a better substance that wouldn’t jam up the gun after a couple of rounds fired…

      • Jayden Reynolds

        Even better, invent the boltgun from W40K and make bolts tipped with DMSO. Overkill, sure, but awesome.

  • Anonymous

    I just watched an episode of NCIS were a terrorist used DMSO in an attack.  He mixed with DMSO with nerve toxin and used it to poison money, and in the episode it worked basically the way it did in Shadowrun in that anything it was mixed with it took through the skin.

  • Anonymous

    God damn, Spoony. From listening to these stories it feels like laziness is the only thing keeping these people from ruling the world.

  • Joonas Ylanen

    I think you are somewhat mistaking shadowrun and cyberpunk? Smartlinks, dogwagons etc. Are straight from cyberpunk. I thought that shadowrun was this game with cyber & magic, including trolls, elves etc? I bet the squirt gun can be found from the shadowrun too! But the gun can be found from the core rulebook of cyberpunk. It even hints, loading it up with drugs etc.
    Sorry for my bad grammar.

    • robert geiss

      doc wagon, not dogwagon. just saying. doc wagon is a mega AA class corporation that deals in pharmaceuticals. also smart links were in shadowrun. and it hints the squirtgun thing in the shadowrun book. cyber punk was a game which basically inspired shadowrun. i love em both though.

  • mattketchum

    i remember my first time being a DM for D&D i sent them into a dungeon where there were 1 or 2 enemies at a time for a room and they would kill one monster in on turn (so a basic hit from each player) and they asked for more of a challenge in the next few rooms so i added a good 4 or 5 monsters with bows and arrows i killed all the PC’s (keeping in mind it was my first time being a DM)
    at that time i was 14

    • Anonymous

      RANGED THREAT….our DM learned about it and had 8 archers with it when we were about lvl 3….7 PCs went in…4 came out…ranged threat was never spoken of again.

  • Senyia

    That dog is teething hardcore.

  • Allison Warn

    Speaking as a chemist, dimethyl sulfoxide will go straight through the skin, taking any solutes right along with it. However, there is a critical drawback to using it as ammunition. It freezes around 19 degrees Celsius – that’s 66 degrees Farhenheit. In other words, if you try to use it any time but the middle of summer (probably even then, if the area is air conditioned), your squirt gun will jam something awful when the DMSO freezes solid. Even if you manage to insulate both the reservoir and the barrel, the range will be terrible, because the stream will likely freeze mid-flight.

    • NMR NMR

      You forgot to mention that even when it is a liquid DMSO is also viscous as hell.  Although it is much more free flowing then motor oil it would still be more like trying to squirt motor oil then it would be like trying to squirt water.  DMSO water balloons might work, at least when not frozen solid most of the year, but then they would be horrifically dangerous to handle.

      I suppose one could use water or another co-solvent like THF to cut the DMSO and depress its freezing point to something more reasonable while also drastically cutting back its viscosity.  Good luck find a squirt gun (or water balloon) that wouldn’t dissolve with those components mixed in their interior though.

  • Anonymous

    Never played SR.  I do remember though the most insane thing that has stopped a D&D game…Getting off a Horse.  We have a guy who loves playing mages but doesn’t read/know the rules of casting.  We try to keep him in line but sometimes we fail…this is where we failed.  We were out in the woods and got attacked, we were all on horse back.  Melee got down and so did the casters, except him.  He wanted to cast from horse back.  We told him there was a roll…and thats when everything started to go wrong.  He wanted to know why he needed a roll, he never needed to roll before, so we explained he’s on a horse and the horse moving around could mess-up his casting.  He didn’t buy that and fought to just casted.  About 20 mins of back and forth happened before someone brought out a book and showed him the rule…then he argued he had a warhorse.  10 mins later he stopped when we showed him, with out a dought, he had not.  So he decided to get off the horse….then he said he would cast a spell right away….so…20 MORE mins of explaining and arguing went in to saying that getting off a horse was more then just a move action and would take his whole round LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DID. If he wanted out that fast…a roll was needed. And about 10 more mins had passed before he got that fact. Anyone keeping track we are now an HOUR into real time…and we are still on his turn. So me makes a roll and rolls a 1. Face first to the ground, his next words…I get-up and cast a spell….not kidding…he really said that. All total we lost about an hour and a half on this becouse there was more fighting about falling and how much time that took and there had to be a pently for falling.

  • Anonymous

    Oreo will stop biting you if you put butter/something else that’s tasty on your hands/arms once in a while.

    • Anonymous

      Durr butter?

      • Anonymous

        If a puppy realizes something tastes good, they stop biting. Same thing goes for human hands/arms/ankles. Putting butter on your hands will encourage them to stop biting because it teaches them that your hands mean a reward. Just a suggestion.

        • Anonymous

          I failed at the spelling, but anyway…

          • Anonymous

            I’m aware.

          • Anonymous

            Sorry. You fooled me when you started explaining to me how puppies work. :P

  • freedom geek

    Dumb? That sounds awesome.

  • Raye Merici

    When I played I was always the Face of the group, I talked to people and got us into places and the stuff we needed. When bullets started flying I hid behind the groups tank like character, who was like 3 times my characters size so I had awesome cover.

  • Anonymous

    As someone who’s very interested in PnP RPGs but have no idea how to get into it, I am thoroughly intrigued by these stories of yours. You explain things in such great detail… You talked about the game to great lengths before even getting to the story as to paint us newbies a picture, and you truly succeed in doing so. You’re an extremely good speaker. It’s highly remarkable.

    By far my favorite internet personality. Yes, you surpass even the Nerd and Mr. “Deadpan” Mark of CGR (whom I, oddly enough, enjoy greatly for his INABILITY to speak properly – hilarious in its own right).

  • The Mighty Wombat

    I haven’t played Shadowrun yet – I saw some rulebooks in Essen, but they were either quite expensive or in German – but it sounds a bit like Eclipse Phase. Has anyone here tried both so they can compare them?

    • Anonymous

      I played a play-by-chat rpg based heavily on Eclipse Phase, and had to check it out throughly…EP relies heavily on the sci-fi genre, and it makes a really good job at outlining the transhuman society in almost every aspect, expecially on how the technology changes society as a whole, and how it changes the little things in everyday life (for example the ‘I’m changing body party’ to let your friends know that you’ll have another face when they see you), and as stories it’s a bit more on the ‘horror’ side, even if its a kinda different kind of horror, more about the fact that we’r alone in an endless universe, making you feel how little you are in front of everything around you.
      Shadowrun is more about the underworld, a world that had to evolve after it changed completely its rules, with you being part of the shadowy figures on the line in a cyberpunk/fantasy world. Both systems are really good in my opinion, even if they look at different societies and have a really different feeling. IF I’m not wrong (and I might be) EP has spawned from if not the same team, part of the team that worked on Shadowrun, so it is kinda similar as gameplay mechanics and all.
      Those guys are awesome.

  • a a

    Really good story it was very interesting to listen to but seriously… your dog is a real asshole was distracting as shit I kept looking to see what the dog was doing screw that dog

    • Alex Stewart

      That’s called bestiality.

  • Leonard Andrew Spencer

    DMSO by the Dead Kennedys.
    “I do my part behind the lines
    Swabbing door handles of cop cars
    With DMSO laced with LSD”

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, I really need your counter monkey stories as a podcast. really ;)

  • Anonymous

    I’m a molecular biologist and biochemist who works on drug development and we use DMSO (or dimethyl sulfoxide) all the time.  DMSO is an organic solvent often used as a universal solvent to solubilize new compounds for testing.  From your description Shadowrun has it pretty much right, DMSO does penetrate skin with ease and it would take along with it any compound or drug dissolved in it.  It will disolve your standard gloves such as nitrile or latex and take that dissolved material through your skin and into your body.  What it has wrong though is the ability to penetrate armor, hell even a labcoat will keep you pretty much safe.  Another problem is that it will freeze just below room temperature so you would probably have to keep the guns heated.  As for difficulty to get well its not at all difficult to get, you can order it online, cost you about 100 bucks for a liter.

    • NMR NMR

      Long time synthetic chemist.  I mostly agree, but a lab coat isn’t that great, DMSO does eventually soak through it while still carrying its payload, but yes if you were actually in a sealed armor suit DMSO wouldn’t get through that.

      We have had a number of problems with DMSO that sounds right up there with the strategies of Spoony’s RPG group.  Like that time where a coworker broke the flask containing a 2 liter Sn2 reaction to install a nitrile being run in DMSO.  No one wanted to clean up the 2 liters worth of DMSO laced with potassium cyanide mixed in with broken glass all over the ground.  Somehow this happened more then once.

      • Anonymous

        Oh yeah I didn’t mean to imply that if you spilled DMSO on your labcoat that you should continue to wear it, just that it would protect you for long enough  that you could casually walk away and strip it off for a fresh one and be perfectly fine with no need for panic.  In Spoony’s scenario simple cloth clothing would protect you long enough that you could continue to fight.  It will soak through cloth eventually though just like any other liquid would (probably faster) so you wouldn’t want to keep it on for long. 

        I definately bow to your experience as a synthetic chemist (I’m a molecular biologist so all I am doing is solubilizing compounds already prepared by chemists).  Good story with the liters of KCN laced DMSO, yeah I imagine that would be quite the problem. 

        Enjoyed your story a lot Spoony, its amusing to hear that RPGs get that creative with real world supplies.  Honestly you probably could “weaponize” toxic compounds with DMSO in a manner pretty similar to that described. 

    • James Miller

      BRB – Toys R Us…..

  • Anonymous

    I think one of my best stories from a shadowrun game that was the entire group, was this:

    Our team is currently set up shop at a bar, owned by one of the members of our team.  Well, one day, we were attacked.  Durring the combat, one of the security guards got away.  We got the name of the guy from one of the few living members of the group that attacked us, and decided to go and kill him, and his uncle, who had vital info against our current employers.  (there were more reasons involved, but I can’t remember exactly what they were)  So, we get to the house, and at the time, there were four of us in the group.  I was the mage, a troll, (who after this mission was known as “firegiant”, because I was engulfed by a great fire spirit, and took no damage from it, escaped, and manabolted it, taking it to one box away from death).  A halfling named Sire, who was more machine than man, a female hooker who was known as “manhunter”, (because when someone shoots another person without it being a called shot, we roll the dice to see where the person is hit, and this person always rolls a six when shooting guys, which is the crotch, and uses guns called “cot manhunters”…)  And an elf called glasswalker, who was pretty much the best spy/stealth character possible.

    So, we get to the house where the two targets are at, I go astral and go in to see how many are there, then come back and relay the info to the team.  Glasswalker goes invisible using his chameleon suit, and just walks through the house, and into the basement, where I had seen two people tied up, (one of which was a new player being introduced to the game, and played out the entire combat that followed without any cloths on, lol), and the rest of us sneak up to the big sliding glass door, to get a better look inside. 

    I see two targets, both sitting on the couch.  And my first thought was, “napalm spell”.  But then I realized that would bring that portion of the house down, and kill glasswalker and those in the basement.  So, my next thought is, “levitate”, which the gm quickly reminded me that it is not an area spell.  So, I say, well then I will levitate the couch, strait up to the ceiling, as fast as I can in a single fling, not actually sustaining the spell…  We took about thirty minutes trying to figure out exacly how fast it went strait up, and it came out to about 98mph, which meant that they shot up to the ceiling in less than half a second, went through the ceiling, through the second story of the house, through the attic, and roof, and about two hundred feet in the air above the house.  It then fell back to earth, hitting perfectly center on the privacy fence, breaking the couch in two, and splattering the two targets on either side.  Grant it, they were dead the instant that they hit the first ceiling, but it was still awesome.  One of the most creative ways that I’ve ever used a spell that I can think of.

  • Brian Watson

    Please keep making these. Just play more rpgs so you have more stories.


    SPOONY,  come on the answer was obvious.  Their horrific criminal rampage with DMSO and drugs would be noticed by the powers that be who would get really F-ing pissed off after a while and just send a team of powerful robots to deal with them (if robots don’t exist in the Shadow Run universe just add them, you are the DM and its a high tech world with cyborgs and stuff already).  Then great amusement ensues (for you) as your players realize they are now being perused to the ends of the earth while futilely fighting powerful robots who care not about their sissy little poison filled squirt guns.  Thus your players are made to understand the error of their ways.

    • ArtsDesire2

      don’t forget access to the black ops squirt guns that are like sniper rifles, and labs to make new more powerful drugs and diseases. with all possibility’s that could be pulled of by a faceless corporation with trillions to lose and the knowledge that fucking squirt guns did this… RC car sprinklers was very minimalist.

  • Anonymous

    Your old group sounds exactly like one of my players. Not interested in roleplaying, more so in how to make the most efficient character possible. Worse yet we play World of Darkness, where Min/Maxing requires no thought to do xD

  • Anonymous

    We need more of this Spoony. You are doing a great job. I’ve been waiting to hear your stories for years. Keep it up. Funny, scary, interesting, creepy, weird. Any kind of gaming stories you’ve got, we would like to hear them.

  • Brandon Greif

    These vlogs are much better with Oreo.

    However, this one was interesting, dog or no.

  • Aaron W. Shurmon

    shadowrun seems fascinating, could you tell us more stories from that universe?

  • Anonymous

    “can I help you?” haha, the look on that dogs face

  • Albin Myhrman

    the “Thumbnail” picture before you start the video just screams “DMs” (Aliens)

  • Winfield Strock III

    Reminds me of days GM’ing Champions thirty years ago.  My buddies didn’t want to play heroes, they wanted to play villains.  The planned to rob the Louvre.  When I spooked them about where they were going to park their heist van, they grabbed it and superjumped onto the roof, to hide it there.  So before the robbery began, they crashed through the roof with a panel van.

  • DraculaAlucard1

    Symple DMSO stratigy. DMSO + Syinide. Instant Suicide pill.

  • Ryan Peiffer

    Actually the other week about 7 or 8 of us were playing this Dragon Age type tabletop D&D game. One of the guys who were fairly new to DMing want to practice using npcs and npc combat from a DM standpoint so he arranged this arena match. But he didn’t want to do it alone either. He asked me to substitute for one of the boss characters that was going to be a mage because he and I were the only characters that ever played mages. So before we started I spent about an hour creating this uber mage character that we had set at level 5 because the 6 people playing were about level 2 or 3. I think a level 5 mage only has 5 spells but the whole arena was basically just me and 4 “one-arm charlie” big mother fuckers so the DM set me up with 7 spells. I’m trying to remember but I think only two of those spells were attack spells – lightning and shock (because I needed shock to get lightning), one spell let me draw health from my allies (which was more or less a last defense) and 4 spells that did no damage one their own at all (mind blast, a stasis spell, a spell that could knock enemies within 5 meters prone every other turn and a levitate spell).  I also had light armor, 10 throwing knives (I had a low dexterity but you’ll soon find out why I had them)  and an enchanted sword that the DM gave me which basically added +2 to my magic that I hid (all the above) under a standard mage robe and I walked in to the arena with a staff to also throw off the 6 human characters.

    I should mention that my magic with the enchanted sword equiped (in one hand) was about a +8 which made my levitate spell move any object I could lift with my magic strength (1/2 str + 1/2 magic, I believe) at the speed of 15. You should also know that the fastest character on the field could only move at a speed of 13.

    So I’ll tell you about my favorite moment of the fight which took place closer to the end than the beginning.

    The tide of the battle had pretty much just turned, I hadn’t been hassling the players too much but 3 of the strongest players including the tank character of the party (he dealt out the most physical damage and was virtually untouchable) had just been KO’d within a few rounds of each other. It was down to Me, 2 “one armed Charlies” (on my side), the 2 girls in our game – both rogue, thief archer types and one soldier character. This led moment I’m actually a little proud of. -oh, I should mention that the other guy who DMed the most often had a few days ago came up with the idea where in the game if you roll a double you gain whatever the dragon die is worth of points to use on a list of actions (double strike, taunt, etc) anyway he had this idea where you could use some of those points to put into a “counter” that you could use if any enemy rolled high enough to hit you. You would then use a “counter” then you and the attacker would roll again and if you won you parried the attack. Looking back that was pretty unnecessary but it fits in with what I’m about to tell you- at this point both of the archer players were pretty busy with the “one arm charlies” and the soldier character at this point realized I was kind of a bigger threat than everyone originally thought – and looking back if the tank character and one of the other soldier character had gotten a few heavy blows in early in the game I probably would’ve lost- and he comes after me. So I use that stasis spell I mentioned earlier on him and the stasis spell renders whoever is in it to become completely immune to damage for the next round but they can’t move either.

    Then I ask the DM if its ok to order one of the “one armed charlies” to throw their 6 foot, heavy sword at me (on another note I had made it perfectly clear to the “one armed charlies” before we entered the arena that they would do everything I requested like throwing themselves in front of fire for me or I would turn them into ash or something). The DM agreed but said it would take a turn for him to ready his sword and a turn to throw it and when he threw it (because he only has one arm) it could be wildly inaccurate.  I also had my enchanted sword out at this point which gave me a little boost to magic. So one turn passes the girls are busy, charlie is preparing to throw his sword and I keep Jeff in stasis (he always comes out of stasis on my turn btw). “One arm charlie” throws his sword – not very far and its my turn. I had explained to the DM that when I order “one arm charlie” to throw his sword at me he is targeting me as if I was an enemy and the DM goes along with it. So its my turn (turns consist of 1 major action and 1 minor action and 1 “counter” if attacked) I used my counter to use stop the 6 foot, heavy sword using levitate – holding it in place about 10 meter away then I use a minor action to aim it at the previously stasised player (he had just fallen out of stasis on my turn) with magic and my major action to fire the 6 foot, heavy sword at him at 15 speed, no less.

    The sword hits him and probably should’ve killed him (I should have pestered the DM about it) but it did a minimal amount of damage. It was still awesome and one of the most convoluted things I’ve done in a tabletop rpg to date. There was one time we played a Marvel rpg where a player playing as a osaru (see: Dragonball) threw the Green Goblin out of the top floor of a 50 story building then a player playing as an android threw me out the broken window after him and the story ended with the Green Goblin as a small, nuclear explosion. But that’s another story for another time. ;)

  • C. L. Johnson

    You NEED to write this book, man. You need to. I genuinely think that EVERY RPG player has a story or two that’s like this, so compiling them all together would make great reading, methinks. 

  • Anonymous

    No, you’re not a bad DM. A bad DM would have banned the DMSO at the start. You did the right thing by turning it back on the players. Email me if you want a pizza roll.

  • gamesmaster777

    to be honest i would honestly buy the counter monkey book it sounds funny and intresting maybe you could give it another go maybe :3

  • James Anspach

    Personally, I think the way you handled this escalating war was very good – a friend of mine who is deviously creative has a saying (largely about me as a DM): ‘No matter how dangerous the players can get, the DM can always get worse.’  But really, even setting aside the arms race issue – the important thing is for a DM not to lose his or her cool, or get upset because the players have jumped the plot rails.  Heck – when you called them on their DMSO supply, they became involved, and started doing their own thing.  At that point, they’re doing most of your work for you.  Of course, the trick comes from letting your players have fun while you have the same amount of enjoyment – if not necessarily the same kind.  Most of the games I run anymore, I rarely have to do more than set the scene, describe what some of the NPCs are doing (or have done) and let my players have enough rope to hang themselves and each other with.  Usually the first fatality or screwup is by one character towards another.  Just imagine trying that arms race again, and instead of the corps brute-forcing it, imagine them using their connections and influence against these guys.

    …of course, I have this wonderful image of two corp-security guys breaking out the new gear.  New rookie guy has just joined security and his first big day as a guard, he gets…. a Super-soaker and some water balloons!

    “…say, Fred.  Why are we in hazmat suits carrying super-soakers and water balloons?”
    “Ah, well, the boys’re out looking for more drugs?”
    “Sir, what boys?”
    “You should know their code name:  BAD.”
    “…big… ass… what?”
    “…just shut up and take the goddamn water balloons, Simmons.”

  • Cody Ward

    I have a friend who is just hands-down crazy.  And he specialized in making characters that were ten times crazier.  I remember one time my party and I were fighting our way up a tower to stop a demon summoning or something (I forget) on the roof.  We kill the big bad guy but we found we had a bit of a problem.  We couldn’t carry all the loot without dropping some insanely valuable stuff.  So, we started discussing and my friend came up with the idea that we should put all the loot in one bag, and toss it off the tower’s edge and once we get down there just load it onto our horses and just walk back to town.  The DM said no, outright.  That the stuff would shatter as it hit the cobblestone pavement.  My friend then volunteered to act as an airbag.  He took a healing potion, put it in his mouth, jumped off the tower with the loot and made a roll.  The jerk made a nat 20.  So, the DM said that the potion’s flask shattered on impact forcing the potion down his throat, saving his life.  He had shattered limbs, but he survived.  What’s worse, though is that when the party got down to the ground, we found that my friend was desperately trying to claw his way away from the tower with all the loot.

    My friend is freaking crazy.

  • Robert Hoppe

    Don’t know if this was said before, but DMSO stands for dimethyl sulfoxide and is commonly used as a solvent of oxidant. It is harmless if ingested or comes in contact with skin. However, the ability described in the RPG is for real and is the real danger of DMSO. If you have anything dissolved in DMSO and it contacts your skin, it is basically the equivalent of injecting it into your blood.

    Loving Counter-Monkey, keep them up please.

  • Rachenar

    My girlfriend, who’s clueless about RPGing, entering the house when Spoony starts talking about neurostun: “Did they really do all that stuff?” Me: “Yeah man, this guy’s a fucking hardcore government agent!” Got a good laugh at her expense.

  • exploda

    This game reminds me of a MMORPG I used to play called Anarchy Online, I’m sure they got plenty of inspiration from Shadowrun and movies like Bladerunner.  They even had water balloon weapons, but nobody really used them.

  • Elias Willey

    The only story I’ve got for a role playing game is the stat rolls for my Star Wars character. There used to be a small game store near where I used to live when I was 10-13, and they started doing Star Wars rpgs every other Sunday. So, I go for the first game, because I’d been going there for like a year. I’m there, and the guy playing DM, who is my second cousin, has my character mostly set up for me because I was like 11. He had me as a human soldier named Eli, cause that’s my name. I roll my stats and I get 20’s and 19’s, so my character was kind of like Tandem and his charisma, but he was like really fucking strong, agile, smart, and good looking. One of the other players jokes that the dice were rigged, and another guy, who was an Ewok for some reason, just kind of goes “seriously? Fuck you.” Nobody hated me though, everybody was cool, I’d weekly board game tourneys there before, they were just joking.

  • Anne

    Ah, the law of proportionate response.  Or, as my ST has said time and again when another of our group asks if they can have access to anything that goes “BOOM”, “If you can have it, any NPCs you cross can have it.”

  • Felipe Aguena

    Spoony you gotta train your dog to behave better man geez

    • EHM

       Small dogs are energetic and want to play, plus they are teething so they love to bite everything.

  • NUKEDGensokyo40

    Sooooooooooooooooo is it normal for oreo to try to bite you?

    • Nagneto Lives

       That’s what small dogs do.

    • Hippiethecat124

      Yeah, hyper Oreo pretty much sums up the joys of having a small dog in one video time. Tons of fun, if you’re into that sort of stuff.  ^-^

    • Anne

       It’s a pretty typical “play” behavior for a lot of small dogs.  (Major kudos to you for putting the kibosh on that particular behavior, Spoony.)

  • saibot216

    In the dark gritty cyberpunk future, wars are fought with squirt guns and water balloons.

  • draxo

    I’m surprised you didn’t alllow them the needle guns.. those exist. Tranq guns.. they’re even in the books:

    N a r c o j e c t    D a r t    P i s t o l: Marketed by the manufactuerers of the tranquilizer – Narcoject – this is a fairly standard
    tranquilizer pistol and an easily found non-lethal alternative. Although any chemical can
    be loaded into the darts, these pistols are commonly sold with darts loaded with Narcoject.
    N a r c o j e c t    D a r t    R i f l e: The rifle version of the Narcoject Dart Pistol. Slightly longer range, with double the clip
    capacity of the pistol, this weapon is commonly carried by zookeepers and scientists studying
    animals in the wild. Although any chemical can be loaded into the darts, these pistols are
    commonly sold with darts loaded with Narcoject.

  • kealitorres

    This was wonderful to listen to. Thanks for sharing your RP story! I hope there are more of these stories.^^

  • Peter Larrivee

    Okay… when it comes to players vs. DM, this is another story from my first campaign. My buddy Joe, AKA the Lawful Stupid Paladin, AKA “But he was Evil,” had this idea. And whenever Joe gets an idea, the rest of us roll out eyes, usually in sync. He didn’t like that my buddy who was DMing, was being a hardass about some rules and stingy with loot. So he wanted to make a lot of money so he could buy some uber items and be more powerful. Well… this is NOT the way to go about it. He wanted us to… steal doors.

    I will repeat that… because it bears repeating. He wanted us to steal doors. His argument was that the doors to these dungeons are always these sturdy, locked, bolted, hard to open doors. So what if, after cleaning out a dungeon, we were to take these doors with us and sell them.
    By his logic, it’s actually not a terrible idea, per se. It’s a terrible idea in practice, though. Even if we did want to do that, these are doors that we’ve picked open, broken down, or otherwise bypassed, and then pried off their hinges, or torn off the wall. So even if these were really good, solid doors, they’re not anymore. They’re hunks of metal.
    We were, maybe, fifth or sixth level at the time. So even if we came across an Adamantine door with an insanely unpickable lock, and even if we DID get the key, and saved the key, and SOMEHOW got the door off the hinge, there’s still the problems of A. Transporting it. B. Convincing someone to buy something that we fairly meek guys already go past, and C. Somehow making it worth our while.
    His answer was this. We would throw all these doors in a cart. And whenever we came across a castle, pull up to the front gate, and offer to sell them some security doors.
    He wanted to be, I sh*t you not, a door-to-door door salesman.

    In my life, I have only heard such ideas spoken of in bad blonde and Polish jokes. It just blew my mind that he even thought up something so ludicrous, much less actually expected it to work. We never did it, and it’s only the saving grace that I was playing the thief character, and he was playing the Paladin that we never actually pulled it off.

  • Jonmark Weber

    As 14 year olds everything that you did was actually really clever and fantastic.  

    As an adult looking back on things like that I can see that one avenue you didn’t explore enough was riggers and magic, which would have negated the entire benefit of chemicals since spirits and robots would be immune to it.  Its difficult for a chemical to do something to you if you lack things like a central nervous system.  *grin*The best thing that you could have done, is use the world against them.  Early on when we played we realized that corporations, the people who hire and defend against shadow runners generally did not take espionage personally.  That is, if they were broken into and something of theirs was stolen, they would blame the rival corp over the shadow runner, because they themselves hired shadow runners.  The corps and runners kind of form a natural system.  But we realized that the system broke down if the runners were going too far and damaging things needlessly.So we (as players and GMs) would strive to keep the runs clean, and if things went haywire the GM had to determine how angry the invaded corp would be.  Killing people under the corps employ, if you think about it, is probably the worse kind of vandalism you could perform.  If your players were running into facilities killing people wholesale then the corp that was hit would get progressively more invested in taking them down.  Eventually even allying with other corps to put an end to what they would consider a respectable way of doing business.

    One step further, other runners would start to get angry because it would be making their lives more difficult and making it harder for them to find work.

    Just thoughts.

  • Rowan J Coleman

    Hey Spoony, have you talked to any video game developers about these ideas. That kind of thing would make a great RPG for 360 or something.

  • tina nina

     great story, btw ur dog is biting ur hands because ur gesturing alot infront of the cammera, during her playtime… X)

  • Beth Gael

    There has to be a forum equivalent name for online Counter Monkeys. ;-)

  • Simoneer

    This is probably my favorite Counter Monkey to date. Nothing has ever made me want to play a PnP RPG as much as the first 11 minutes of this. His enthusiasm probably helps, but it just sounds like sheer awesomeness.

    The whole squirt gun thing is pretty radical as well, of course. Quite creative!

  • Tom

    So I just looked up the MSDS…. DMSO is flammable… extremely so.

  • Jeremy Smiff

    Is anyone gettin a sorry, we’re unable to play this episode on these videos?

  • Hans Wurster

    Mighty late, but look up dimethylmercury ^^.

  • Das_Bass

    I put these on to pass the time when I deck build MTG decks. Nerd level up!

  • IHeart28

    Wow. Talk about really hardcore squart wars. As a person who never played DND and things like RPG I suddenly feel compelled to try so sometime. These counter monkey sessions are really fun to listen to even though I didn’t play DND.

    By the way, still think Oreo’s a cutie. She was so hyper but it was still cute

  • Arstra

    Owwww I hurt so much because of that dog. I’m sorry but when you turn to her and ask her if she wants you to help and she just sits there. She sits there like what? I wasn’t doin nuthin…. >.>…<.< … Oh wow. My head hurts from laughing I love your dog Noah.

  • Arstra

    Owwww I hurt so much because of that dog. I’m sorry but when you turn to her and ask her if she wants you to help and she just sits there. She sits there like what? I wasn’t doin nuthin…. >.>…<.< … Oh wow. My head hurts from laughing I love your dog Noah.

  • Waffle

    I just love how this sounds like he’s telling an old war story XD

  • Keegan Whittemore

    has anyone else realized this has been up for over a year now? still love all your work spoony, keep making magic.

  • Melissia

    “hundreds of pages of just… new gear”

    Reminds me of Dark Heresy’s Inquisitor’s Handbook :D I’ll have to look in to old Shadowrun.

  • Hitokiri Akins

    Whoa, he added the new intro to the old episodes!

  • Gregora

    I love playing Physical Adepts. My favorite Phys Adept build was one who specialized as a sniper. With her, I wound up getting all successes to shoot at a helicopter and I took it out in one hit. :) I have the picture somewhere.

    I also heard of the crazy stunts one can do with DMSO. But I will say that the story is really entertaining and hilarious, even with all of the distractions.

  • Alex Torrence


  • Von Ranu
  • Benjamin Colecliffe

    Three words: Tranquilizer. Dart. Gun.
    Also, Spoony if you’re ever in Bunbury, Western Australia it would be an honour to hook you up for a one-shot shadowrun game. The odds of you ever ending up here are pretty much zilch, but for what its worth the offer is open.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    Chainsaw Arm, GROOVY :)

  • Matthew Rotondi

    What was said about DMSO is largely true. I’m impressed they used a real science concept as opposed to something completely made up.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    Chemistry, Ultimate RPG Game Breaker :)

  • Square

    I actually played shadowrun for a while, and our dm had some creative house rules to control the DMSO use. He enacted what we called the splash back catch, in which every time a person used a squirt gun of any sort they had to roll to check whether they accidentally squirted themselves or anyone else adjacent to them with whatever they were packing, and the odds of shooting yourself in the foot could get pretty high depending on your checks. There was also the chance that any projectile of melee based attack could pierce your ammo tank, and he made sure that enemies were smart enough to aim for that
    shit if you went in super soakers blazing, and had yet another chance of piercing your hazard suit if you had one and you’d end up drenching yourself in whatever you were packing, and then went a step further by equipping high tier enemies with all sort of chemical weapons and setting up poison gas based traps. We started getting creative after
    that, one character would pack the DMSO and soak from afar while the bulkier characters would go in and blitz the field with home made chemical grenades or projectiles laced with whatever we could get our hands on, and crafted custom bullet resistant super soaker tanks. Of course he then began introducing weather affects and sprinkler systems which would reduce accuracy and range of any sort of super soaker, as well as washing off the DMSO after a few rounds. It was crazy but it never really escalated further as most of us started favoring melee, though I kinda wish it did in retrospect, controlled chaos is the funnest kind of RPG.

  • Brian Frang

    Easy solution for DMSO: It’s far, FAR too viscous to be used in a squirt gun.

    • Torvaun

      Have you ever used DMSO in real life? Viscosity is not a problem.

    • Daniel Tilson

      Easier solution, shoot the tank on the squirt gun. DMSO and drugs splash the character, bang they’re dead.

      • wiimanclassic

        Er, wouldn’t that be hard as hell to actually do in a fire fight though?

        • Daniel Tilson

          No harder than shooting their gun arm. Probably easier actually given the fact that those things would need to have fairly large tanks on them.

          Of course, hitting the gun anywhere would most likely cause it to leak onto the user anyway.

          • sciencemile

            I remember squirt guns used to leak a lot too when I was a kid; just a bit of the liquid sticking to the gun and pooling then running down onto your hands….

        • Pixelmancer

          I don’t remember what it would be in old school SR, but in 5th it’s just a ‘blast out of hands’ called shot. It’s a -4, but it’s still totally doable and all you’d need is 1 net hit.

  • The_Hyphenator

    There’s actually a gun in the game now (It’s in the CR, actually) that’s very close to the TF2 needle-gun; it’s basically a paintball gun that uses compressed CO2 to fire gel packs of DMSO and a chemical of the user’s choice. I’m starting up a game of my own, and my wife (who plays a mage/doctor) is seriously considering getting one since she can use her Chemistry skill to customize the ammo.

  • IllusionaryFuneral

    I know I’m a bit late to the party here with the discussion, but the thing about the “squirt gun wars” is that this is how actual arms races in real life go. The “squirt gun wars” don’t sound ridiculous to me; they sound brilliant. It may seem silly since they’re using things that are traditionally children’s toys as deadly weapons, but it’s not really the squirt guns themselves that are the weapons; it’s the DMSO and whatever it’s mixed with. It’s chemical warfare.

    • likalaruku

      What’s the fun if you can’t lose? It’s like playing on Easy with God Mode enabled. Can’t blame Spoony for trying to put a cork in it.

  • The Spoony Experiment
    @ 2014 Noah Antwiler
  • Privacy Policy
  • "Burt-OS" forged by The Engineer.
  • Logo image by Marobot.