Experience BIJ #5

The Spoony One | Dec 10 2012 | more notation(s) | 

Walk the river of blood.

  • ThePadawan

    Nobody should have complained about the Junes song. This is Spoony’s sweet sweet revenge, best served cold and with a lobotomy.

    • Lockgar

      Why did we tempt faith!

      • Guest

        you mean tempt fate, moran

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001803153003 Brett Neufeld

          You mean moron, idiot.

          • Astronerd955

            you mean eejit, dumdum

          • http://www.facebook.com/matthew.robinson.33633 Matthew Robinson

            I can count to patato

  • Trey Griffeth

    Wow, I think I need a nap after that one…

  • Bertrand Reyna-Brainerd

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    Mommy, I don’t want to be a Klingon anymore!

    • ANNONNY

      I have the video paused at 40 seconds as I write this..

      Whatever the punishemnt for failing this is, it can’t be worse then watching more of this..

      Even death..

  • http://twitter.com/Tentaklingon The Electrodemon

    This tests my Klingon endurance. BUT I WILL PREVAIL. GAH.

  • http://twitter.com/backtoklondike Moiz Jafferji

    MY EARS, MY EYES! DAMN YOU COMMENTATORS, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM ABOUT THIS MONSTROSITY!!! No, relax, I’m a warrior, I can take this.

  • ShadowWing Tronix

    I know people who have survived the entire movie. It’s better than the last attempt, though.

  • http://twitter.com/sdesros Stephane Desrosiers

    Damn, I saw MikeJ’s review of this before seeing this. :(

    • http://twitter.com/Linkara19 Lewis Lovhaug

      Even the trailer makes my ears want to bleed, though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kristin.t.bell Kristin Theresa Bell

    Well played Spoony. Well played indeed.

  • http://twitter.com/Stravagante Ruben Baar

    Pfff, my little sister is blaring Justin Bieber trough the house almost non-stop. You have no power over me, SpoonyOne.

  • Salen Stormwing

    John Cena? BIJ IS DEAD!

  • Tom van Uijen

    This is childsplay! Give me a real challenge!

  • Jarin

    Rrgh… I’m strong, I can take it…

  • meltdown2insanity

    Wow, that kid was so annoying that even John Cena wanted to body slam him through a table. I almost feel sorry for him.

    • Guus van Voorst

      That was probably the least horrible scene in the movie… too bad it led to nothing but more screaming…

  • Ictiv

    If that’s what it’s going to take, you can send me to eat with the targs and laugh at me in a superior, Klingon fashion. You can even play me #2 meanwhile. Just… Make this stop.

  • Pétur Ingi Sigbjörnsson

    Nice try butt it takes more than that to scare someone who has played
    Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead’s Revenge, 9 times.

    • meltdown2insanity

      9 times? Dude, are a masochist or some sort of cyborg ninja? I ran away at the first sign of the title screen!

      • Pétur Ingi Sigbjörnsson

        It was the first video game I got for the PC, I was 9 years old and i have Asperger syndome, In other words i would have played anything.

        well now when i think about it I think it was a sadistic joke my dad played on me.

        • Guus van Voorst

          Great way of revenge, lend him this movie and tell that its good… >:)

          • Pétur Ingi Sigbjörnsson

            He shall know BIJ!!! Qapla’ !!!

  • http://twitter.com/Lord_Thom Thom Langan

    Where was the Bij? I live in the same town as that Fred kid, I can put up with far more of him than that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/franman781 Kevin Franzen

      you poor soul.

  • fruckert

    oh my god this goes on for almost 3 minutes?
    Yeah, I give, you win Spoony.

  • http://www.facebook.com/FunkyM217 Simon J. Broome

    Unpleasant, certainly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/InvisibleCrane Grant McLellan

    …Try again Spoony

  • Matic Kačič

    you wussies! that guy’s voice is annoying, but http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/03/20/experience-bij-3/ is still muc much harder to get thru IMO

  • dilbert719

    This was more bij than the Junes jingle (which MIGHT reach the level of bij after an hour on loop, but maybe not even then. Try inserting parts of the jingle into other songs. Once you’ve sung “This was a triumph…at your Junes” a few hundred times, then you will know bij.) Even so, this was not painful, as bij #2 was. It was worth sitting through just to see the so-called protagonist flipped through a coffee table.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003624423787 Grendle Keen

    Too much! Too fucking much!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!

  • Gregory Bogosian

    This was annoying. But it does not rise to Bij levels and it lacks a personal touch.

  • el66k

    Too much… Can’t take it.

  • http://twitter.com/TeumansBubulis Edgars Sondors

    Noah, this time you did it. All the other experience bij’s i passed, this one. No, just no, i quit, fuck it.

  • ThomasMink

    Better.. but still pretty weak compared to the older three (especially that third.. good GOD, I still get nightmares).

    But no, this is nothing. I watched and listened to this schlock (like any who truly want the full bij experience should.. unlike those wimps who claimed to have passed the 3rd test despite ‘listening to it in the background’) and felt nothing. It was bad, yes.. but it was nowhere close to approaching my breaking point. Now, the whole movie might be a completely different story…

  • http://www.facebook.com/jaystab.stabley Justin E Stabley

    You call this Bij!? I watched the whole fucking movie because I’m a masochist!!!

    • http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr

      Truly, you are a great warrior!

      • Atmos_Duality

        Or a great victim.

  • Kendotuxedo

    That’s pretty bad, but Bij 3 is still one of the hardest things to ever sit through.
    If you find something that actually tops #3, then god help us.

    • David
    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Sulkowski/1063430223 Mary Sulkowski

      Huginn or Muninn?

      • Kendotuxedo

        definitely Muninn, regretfully Muninn.

        • Pétur Ingi Sigbjörnsson

          Muninn stands for memory but Huginn stands for Imagination in Icelandic

          Now for Huginn’s gift… Imagine sitting though a whole “You Gotta LOL” standup.

          Are you up to this BIJ, P’Tok!?

          • Kendotuxedo

            NO! Memory was Bad Enough! Don’t make me simulate it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002311489229 Johnny Johnson

    Not bad but still not really a challenge. But still this was compared to Nanakos Junes song (which I really liked in a good way) a huge step up and makes Fred even more annoying! Maybe that was Spoony’s plan all along xD

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

    I already saw MikeJ’s review of Fred. After that awful experience, this trailer of approximately one-tenth the length was easy to sit through by comparison.

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    Suddenly, Tom Green doesn’t seem so idiotic anymore.

    Speaking of which, watching “Freddy Got Fingered” all the way through kind of built up my tolerance for this particular brand of irritability. John Cena still hurt my brain, though. Maybe if I watch some classic Dusty Rhodes promos, I’ll feel better.

  • Anyone00

    A not-so-wise raccoon once said: “STOP TALKING!”

  • Godmars

    The only thing worse is knowing this was a series.

    It wasn’t a series, was it?

    • MrJunkWatcher

      Kinda, sorta. If you call a YouTube show a series, then yes.

      Though, what you just witnessed was the trailer for the movie, based on the show.

      • PeaTearGryfin

        Sad thing is. Nickelodeon gave Fred a TV series as well. Fortunately, like Youtube channel and the trilogy of movies he got, the show bombed and received almost universal panning

        • MrJunkWatcher

          I did not know that.

          Thank you, Nickelodeon, for having your main office overseas. LOL

  • smek2

    I… I don’t get it?

  • http://twitter.com/Tab_Brewer Theodore Brewer

    5 for 5, I AM A KLINGON WARRIOR!

  • ummon

    Can someone tell me who this Fred is? Is this an american thing?

    • http://twitter.com/CthuluSpy Nemo

      It’s a Youtube thing. He’s some annoying git who had a popular (no idea how) youtube show, and he got a contract with Disney to star in his own series. There’s also a movie.

      • http://www.facebook.com/jeremy.owens.5872 Jeremy Owens

        Wasn’t it Nickelodeon?

        Because I remember not being surprised that they would show something so godawfully irredeemable.

        Though now that Cartoon Network has picked up Annoying Orange…oh god *throws up everywhere*

        WHY TV WHY?

        • http://twitter.com/CthuluSpy Nemo

          May have been Nick. Either way, the fact that he somehow managed to get a contract with a channel like that is proof that he is a minion of the dark gods.

          CN got the Annoying Orange? 0_o
          Dammit CN, I remember when you were cool! :(

    • MrJunkWatcher

      He’s a YouTuber who plays a six-year old child and speeds up his voice to sound “younger”. It’s generally just an annoying waste of time, though he’s fairly popular. Popular enough to get a 90 minute movie based around his character.

      Don’t ask, it’s the internet. ;)

      • Salen Stormwing

        And 2 sequels. Dear gawd, Fred has 3 movies. Three Movies. He has the same number of movies as the Toy Story franchise or Lord of the Rings.

        You may now weep for the death of cinema.

    • doresh

      Just one of those mainstream Youtube celebrities. We two should be glad to live in countries where nobody cares about them XD

      • Charred Newt

        And yet, the ocean does not seem that great a protection anymore…

        • doresh

          Still seems to work over here. Sometimes, I’m glad German television has a deep hatred for its greatest rival, the internet XD

          (Seriously, I’ve never heard about any Youtube celebrity on German media, and Justin Bieber is very obscure and easy to avoid.)

  • Nathan

    Wait… this is meant to be a series of intolerably bad videos nobody would ever want to watch and which makes you question the priorities of a person who would waste time creating it?

    Oh. Screaming success!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grzegorz-Wojtczyk/100000046280578 Grzegorz Wojtczyk

    Can you seriously believe that I… used to like Fred ? Yeah I know…somehow my brain survived. You will never brake me.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chuck-Porter/739217490 Chuck Porter

      Wow. WOW. Cojones grandes, amigo. Cojones muy grandes. Crazy props, sir.

  • http://twitter.com/CthuluSpy Nemo

    Oooh you are evil!
    What sort of sick bastard would unleash Fred on someone like that :O
    However, as Fred got his ass kicked by Cena, I think I can handle this.

  • Jon The Wizard

    This bij is weak, Spoony One! Surely you have something stronger!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Dragonmanj13 John Merrill

    “It’s Fred!”

    nope. *closed*

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001487516587 Ryan Young

      this one is weak

    • He that knows

      This one has failed.This bij is too strong for him.

  • PeaTearGryfin

    I like how the trailer feels the need to point out that a dog is not a squirrel. Than again, Fred’s audience is so stupid that they probably would mistake a dog for a squirrel. I give this BIJ a 5/5

    • groskino

      erm, does this movie has any educational requirement whatsoever? i mean, how deep can movies sink to grab money from a (potential) audience?

      oh, i see… there is no rock bottom.

      • http://www.facebook.com/OpenMawProductions Steven Johnson

        Another Spoony meme is relevant. It is the “Blag ‘ooole”

  • http://www.facebook.com/laura.rola.9 Laura Rola

    Oh, come on, the white Steve Urkel? Not quite there yet, Spoony One. Maybe the Low Level Malfunction prevented you from unleashing the fury. (I actually played that board game)

    • doresh

      Is this as thing that all these interactive board game villains must have at least a slight Gatekeeper vibe XD ?!

      • groskino

        you mean that: “… you re truly being testeeehed, haha!”
        of course, the job pays minimum wage and he had to pay for the uniform himself. you need to get a chuckle out of it every once in while :)

        • doresh

          Not only that part. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he’d started talking about a “blagole” Oo

          And at least he had fun XD

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

      Why would you insult Urkel like that?

  • groskino

    in the previous BIJ, chancellor gowron was just plain silly for its own sake,
    … now i think klingons are just weird.

    i wanna see worf explain this to his crewmates

    • doresh

      They don’t talk about this with outsiders.

      • http://www.facebook.com/chase.paul.77 Chase Paul

        Not even after Three barrels of Fine Blood Wine and a cask of Prune Juice?! Worf proves again, just why he’s Kahless reincarnated!

        • doresh

          You’ll need more than three barrels for a true Klingon XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/dr39880736 David Ribeiro

    I’ve conquered this BIJ with HONOR and prowess!

  • doresh

    Not THAT’S more like it! Truly a worthy warm-up. Now bring on the pain!

  • Guus van Voorst

    Oh great Klingon warrior, kill me now! I don’t want to live in this world anymore… :’-(

  • http://www.facebook.com/malice936 Malcomb Bell

    o.o I think my ears want to rip them selves from my head…. but I do know something worse than that… but I don’t think Noah would show it on here XD

  • http://twitter.com/Adder2021 Jacob Brody

    no NO! what foul Klingon tricks! you will not get away with this Spoony, mark my words!

  • http://www.facebook.com/bogster13 Billy Olsson

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,

    It’s Q

  • http://www.facebook.com/lucas.allen.96 Lucas Allen

    I’ll give you extra points for trying harder. I have walked the river of blood and has not yet brought me down!

    BTW, did you know that the same guy who played Fred is now on a new Nickelodeon show called Marvin, Marvin? Sort of a modern day My Favorite Martian/Mork & Mindy, but not as good if you ever have the masochist thrill of actually watching it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeremy.owens.5872 Jeremy Owens

    I made the mistake of seeing these and then going back to watch the first three.

    I believe my face has frozen into a grimace as its new default expression.

  • http://twitter.com/kenrobinson1982 Ken Robinson

    I never, EVER, thought I’d say this, but Cena was the only thing that made that at all watchable.

    • http://twitter.com/Greenboy2004 Anthony Harper

      I know when John Cena is the funniest thing in your movie just stop

  • Sikratua

    That was nothing. The fact that you believe this to be worthy of being called “Bij” made me laugh the entire time.

  • http://twitter.com/Phryj Daniel Sullenberger

    You absolute bastard. That was horrible, even for you.

  • Valorin

    I don’t mind these but … Is anyone else’s player messing up? For instance this is the second video that has been cut off thirty seconds early so that it can cut to an advertisement. Going to an ad at the end is fine but, the video is still playing over top of the ad and I can hear both at the same time and I missed the last bit of the video. I was forcefully out Bij’ed because of a FOX digital short that was 8 minutes longer than this video lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736272360 Robert Sullivan

    i think the reaL BIJ Is the ad before the video

  • Jesse Kirkpatrick

    I can’t even…W̼͙̫͕̼͕̙̻ͭ͆̀͡Ȧ̴̟̬̦͒͝͡L̵͎͉͐ͫ̄͟ͅK̖̰͐̆̏̎̅̅͊̿ͥ͟͝ͅ ͇̟ͤ͛̊͢͠T̸̺̪̼̱̜̗̓ͮ̾ͩ̈́͡H̠̣̖̝̭ͮ͞ͅE͕͖̫̳̩̐̃̑͂̇͟͝ ̶͇̫̩̯ͩͤͨͩ͋̉̆̐́̀ͅR̓ͣ̾̉̕҉̪͉I͎̠̟̭͛̋̋̌͟͢V̸̛̥̺̖̹͚̦̫͊ͪ̓͊E̐̊ͪ͏̵͉̤Ȑ̛̝̘͆ͬ̈́ͨͫ͐͑͐́ ͔̹͉̿ͥ̌ͩͦ̆́́ͅǪ̵̫̺̥̃̿ͣ̒͆͒F̬̌͢͡ ̼̤̋̓͝B̸̳͈̳̘̤̙ͫ̌̇ͬ̚͜Ḻ̖͙͎̝̝̤͗̇̾́͞ͅO̖̟̤͖̙̰͇̼ͪͬ͗̀Ỏ̼̳̥̑̽̕͝D̴̛̹̐͊ͣ̆̉ͥ

  • yukovalis

    Did anyone else notice fred sounds a LOT like salad fingers? I mean I just couldn’t help notice that.. it kind of makes the whole thing even more creepy.

  • J.G. te Molder

    What the hell did I just watch!? Is this supposed to be horror, comedy, or being bored into your grave!?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Juby/1642531109 John Juby

    Pshh I actually made it through a sitting of that movie. Surprisingly the parts with John Cena were the only reprieve.

  • http://www.facebook.com/simon.kristoffersson Simon Kristoffersson

    I have seen the face of hell, and it’s name is Fred…

  • Kimarous

    Oh god… it’s like if Justin Beiber and Pauly Shore had a child…

  • Aschthebloody

    that kid is in need of two things
    1-balls
    2-a lobotmy

  • Fiddlewheel

    Bah, I’ve watched “Freddy got fingered” thrice, and didn’t even break a sweat.
    is that all? becoming a Klingon is easy…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff

      “Freddy Got Fingered” gets a lot of flak, but I kind of liked it; Rip Torn beating the hell out of Tom Green and breaking shit never gets old.

      • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

        I know, I liked it, too!

        It is the guiltiest of guilty pleasures. And the little sausage song was quite catchy.

        • Fiddlewheel

          wow, Didn’t know people liked it, thought I was the only one.
          It really is off the wall.
          I love the scene where he is hit by a truck, that is actually a good slap-stick moment.
          And that thing about guilty pleasure, no it isn’t. We should not have to excuse ourselves for enjoying something we like.

  • JKjoker

    pfff, thats just mildly annoying, your bij is weak spoony

  • searanox

    That is the most irritating trailer ever created by a human.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rebecca.little.921 Rebecca Little

    I… I just… I don’t even…
    It’s like Freddy Got Fingered all over again… For the love of logic and reason, what is so appealing about this kind of character/movie? I mean, someone has to be watching it, or they wouldn’t be making it… right? Is it another ‘lol, random’ kind of thing? What is it?
    My head hurts…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff

      He seems closer to Peewee, no offense to Paul Reubens. A closer comparison would probably be to that Amanda Bynes creepy fangirl character, since this seems to be a Disney Channel vomit.

  • Evil Otto

    Ow. That one stung.

  • http://twitter.com/joethulhu Joe Hammons

    Oh God Spoony why would you do this to us

  • MechaVelma

    AHH FRED!! Spoony, you evil bastard!!

    and then I dropped my damn mouse before I could stop the video.

  • Atmos_Duality

    Bitch, please.
    Is that the worst you can do?

  • He that knows

    MY EYES! THEY BURN! But I am a warrior! I can withstand this.
    And everyone in the cast of this abomination shall never be taken seriously again.

  • He that knows

    I call for a campaign to kill everyone involved with this abomination (the movie not the Bij). Killing Fred would be easy. All I would have to do is lock him in a soundproof room and watch him implode from lack of anyone caring.

    I’m still confused as to how the hell they got John Cena into this. Sure he has been in bad movies (all of them with him in it) but this one takes the cake. How the hell can you live with yourself after appearing in this?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

      Unbeknownst to the public, Cena is actually a lich. Therefore, after such a horrendous decision, he doesn’t have to live with himself.

      This was a really stupid joke, and I’m sorry you had to bear witness to it.

      • He that knows

        It’s a better theory than mine. My theory that there are multiple John Cena clones that are used for things like this.

  • goweskycamaronv

    hate hate HATE!
    If the word HATE were inscribed on every cell of my being, it would not equal one one-billionth of the HATE I feel for FRed during each nanosecond of this Bij episode…
    HATE!!

    • Guus van Voorst

      This is probably the main reason why Kefka went insane and wanted the world to burn… XD

  • Hfar

    Great Kahless! This bij tested my endurance! But I stomached it. Barely.

  • xxStyxx
    • Kayl

      You… you fiend! After that I’ll never be the same.

      • xxStyxx

        :D

    • Lockgar

      I had to close it the moment she started singing. I tried skiping a bit too. I just couldn’t…..

      • Malidictus

        At what point did she start singing? All I could hear was the painful screams of music being tortured and defiled.

    • Jan Itor

      WHY!? Have you no honor?

    • Ineedballs

      I watched the whole thing twice. This is nothing.

  • likalaruku

    15 minutes of Fred is like watching ALL the Twilight movies in a marathon to a Justin Bieber soundtrack. ::Goes for the aspirin::

    • Ineedballs

      To me, that’s just breakfast.

  • MichaelT

    That was just cruel. Truly, this is the most vile form of Bij known to civilized men.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-De-Boer/510663220 Paul De Boer

    I saw the load bar at about 90% when I when to close it. I said, I can make it, its almost over. Actual play position 50%. I couldn’t do it. I have forgotten the face of my father.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Black/100000380573698 Steven Black

    I think the spirngboard loadbar was part of the BIJ, at least that’s what I tell myself. Fred is painful, I watched the entire movie babysitting my neighbor’s kids. Truly no kindness ever goes unpunished. And John Cena body slamming Fred was the best part of this. That tells you had bad this movie is right there. The guy you inwardly cringe watching on WWE had the BEST part in this movie.

  • GunsmithKitten

    Such insidious patterning, this bij, but I bear the scars of Fist of Fear and every Dolemite film, Spoontagh, I shall not fall so easily!

  • insanoludacrous

    come on, the commercials we have to sit through before the video were more punishment than this video.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bennett-LaRue/100000392184293 Bennett LaRue

    Eheheh. You guys don’t know what pain is. See, I work at Target, out on the sales floor. A couple of years ago, they played the trailer for this movie, one similar to this, on one of the tvs back by electronics. And any time I was back there, I was guaranteed to hear this at least once. Every day. For MONTHS.

    THAT’S bij.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655701905 Corey Schaff

      In Wal Mart for a while there was this Giant Old Spice Guy picture that constantly played the little whistling tune and you could hear it all the way from the pharmacy to the back of the grocery aisle.

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    I saw Mike J´s review of this yesterday, and suffering through “Fred” in advance is the only thing that made this Bij tolerable :P

    • capthavic

      Agreed, the only way Spoony could have topped that was if he made us sit through the whole movie XD

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deacon-Hagan/100002190854170 Deacon Hagan

        No That will Be Jake’s Bij over at team Snob.

  • Kayl

    Fuck me sideways, that was hard to get through and it was only the trailer. I dread to think what kind of people would actually watch this film on purpose. Can you believe this crap drew 7.6 million viewers on its premiere? Keelah, I need a drink…

  • doresh

    OMGWTF this abomination got TWO sequels? In what bizarre world do we live Oo ?!

  • momodave

    Still better than season 5 of Sliders. I think.

  • SamThePsycicClam

    After the last one I thought you had lost your touch when it came to bij. Now… this is inhumane, even for Bij

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mehow-Felix-Bilewicz/100002278888759 Mehow ‘Felix’ Bilewicz

    MAKE IT STOP!

  • MiniMacker

    That was a painful one to get through. Spoon seems to have a habit of making one of them a doozy to watch and then hit us with a sledgehammer.

  • Arne

    Is that it? Come on, you can do better. Give me all you got!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anders-Stensson/613896567 Anders Stensson

    sooooo… is that kid gay or is my insano-gaydar freaking out?

  • http://www.facebook.com/agaerlan Aldric Gaerlan

    After Bij #3, this was tolerable.

  • http://www.facebook.com/simm.myuric Simm Myuric

    I think a montage of fred screamming would have been wores than the trailer for the movie. Kinda like the first Bij with Ruby Rod, Chris Tucker.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deacon-Hagan/100002190854170 Deacon Hagan

    That was so bad, it broke the 4th dimension

    • Godmars

      That was nothing. Bij #3 broke me as a Klingon warrior.

  • http://www.youtube.com/thefaustianman Faust

    Speaking of internet movies. This reminds me of James Rolfe’s movie. I wonder when that’s out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/niQboy Nico Havia

    This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • James Norris

    I experienced bij. I didn’t like it at all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/seveleniumus Tamsos Valdovas

    WTF NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  • tehohn

    The mere fact that movie exists is sickening. We are truly being tested.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deacon-Hagan/100002190854170 Deacon Hagan

      thIs movie makes birdemic look the birds

      The room look like Freinds

      And after last season look like The Hospital

      what is worse there is a sequel……Yes the was enouth sales to warrent another one

      • http://www.facebook.com/jeremy.owens.5872 Jeremy Owens

        Not A sequel friend. There were TWO sequels.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deacon-Hagan/100002190854170 Deacon Hagan

          why are the ones responsible for this……thing…… allowed to walk the earth?

  • DarkSaber2k

    Could have been worse, could have been a trailer for TBF.

  • Merost

    When is the Final Fantasy 13 review coming out?

    • antiquarius

      He has a terrible migrane, he was sick for the last week, he is feeling depressed, his dog is ill, his hardrive crashed, his had to reshoot….

      • DarkSaber2k

        He got fired from his job, he got dumped, he’s had a lot of conventions to go get his ass kissed at etc etc etc

        • Atmos_Duality

          And yet, through it all…we still wait, and we still watch.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Farshnuke Gordon Jones

      When it’s done, if that means when hell freezes over then so be it

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carter-Rosen/100000411432755 Carter Rosen

    I think the only reason John Cena agreed to be in the movie was so he could powerbomb Fred. or a stunt double that looks like Fred. either way he gets to beat him up. or he could be in it for the cash. I don’t blame the guy for this though I BLAME FRED. HATEHATEHATEHATEMAIMKILLTORTURE and all that.

  • Luke_Duke

    GOD-DAMMIT Spoony! That was certainly more intense than the last one. But I still managed to survive your precious BIJ and you’re still a pussy. Bring on more; stock the fire!

  • Soliduz

    WHAT GREAT EVIL IS THIS MOVIE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

  • http://twitter.com/d_kong Dan K

    What. The flying fuck. Did I just watch?

  • http://www.facebook.com/theres.no.pavlos.only.zuul Pavlos Stefanidis-Altinis

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Fuck this! I’m out of here! I rather be a pussy than lose my fucking SAN!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Farshnuke Gordon Jones

    I actually found this pretty funny, stupid but funny and a reassuring breath of fresh air after arguing with my friend about the psychics of Superman

  • http://www.facebook.com/OpenMawProductions Steven Johnson

    Computer. This is Kirk. Destruct Sequence 1. Code 1. 1A. Initiate self-destruction. Code: 0-0-0. destruct: 0.

  • Guest

    Made it to 0:27.
    Counting the Klingon intro.
    That one hurt.

  • http://twitter.com/MetalDane Dane Winton

    Almost as weak as your 4th Bij Spoony. I want to be tested Spoony, SO TEST ME!

  • Joseph Catalano

    Come on Spoon. Break out the real Bij. The Power Klingon language course was more a test than these 5 Bij’s so far. Don’t coddle us, go all out.

    You know you want to…

  • http://twitter.com/zodd88 Guido Palombi

    To everyone complaining about the weakness of this Bij
    ”low level malfunction”…it isn’t even started yet.
    Brace yourselves, Bijs are coming.

  • karikaze

    Fortunately the thought of brutally murdering Fred character kept me sane through all of this. Wait a minute..

  • Crow

    Ok…THAT’S PAINFUL! Thx Spooney! But still…Hmpf…A little more… ;) Give it to me, give me BIJ!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Turner/1316109530 Andrew Turner

    You wanna experience Bij, watch MikeJ’s entire review of this shit…

    • doresh

      Mmh, should I do it or not…?

  • Charred Newt

    I… I have made it, but at what price…

    It burns.

  • gabriel wagner

    Ah, now that it more like it. I am still 5/5 on Bij, though #3 was hands down the hardest to sit through. My warrior heart beats strong Spoony! Do your worst and I will meet it! Qapla’!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ryan.dodd.18 Ryan Dodd

    This is illegal, it’s just clips of shows and trailers, seriously Spoony I like your stuff. But you’re asking to get sued with this shit seriously bro you didn’t even put your voice over it once.

    • doresh

      Aren’t trailers SUPPOSED to be distributed Oo ?

      • DarkSaber2k

        True, but because Spoony gets ad revenue it can argued that he’s redistributing it for profit, which crosses a line.

        • doresh

          Since the older Bij episodes are still available, I presume nobody in the position to sue him cares enough.

  • Hath

    The only redeeming quality of that video was John Cena giving Fred the FU/AA on a table…and I don’t even LIKE Cena…

  • http://www.facebook.com/aron.marczylo Aron Marczylo

    I have had the unfortunately experience of seeing that goddamn movie and I wish to kill that bastard!

  • Placid_Snake

    Well, I made it through the whole thing. Am I proud? … No… no… there is no pride to be had here…

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

      You should not have come here. This is not a place of honor.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Markus-Jack-Dijkgraaf/100000516160230 Markus Jack Dijkgraaf

    John Cena rules in this one! I need a 10h clip of him AA that freak and saying yeah! my hous!

  • dylanconnell

    ….youre not taking us seriously anymore are you?

  • Shad Croly

    I taste metal…

  • http://www.facebook.com/curtis.ripplinger Curtis Ripplinger

    The only good that came from this movie was seeing John Cena do an Attitude Adjustment (which I always refer to as FU) to Fred.

  • Ineedballs

    This is nothing spoony. NOTHING. Come on, you must have something worse. I sleep to this shit. And i’ve played The Ring Terror’s Realm in one setting with a straight face. Twice. I dare you to give me the worse fucking thing in the world in your next BIJ. I fucking challenge you Spoony. Because You Are Weak!

  • http://twitter.com/TBennett247 Troy Bennett

    ha! That was the best you got? the only pain i felt was knowing i wouldn’t get thsoe 4 minutes of my life back. Bring on more bij, bring on harder bij. COME AT ME, BRO!!!

  • http://twitter.com/kingofdoma Charles T. Arthur

    Now THAT was some motherfuckin’ Bij.

  • http://twitter.com/nnecron Necro

    I….liked it? It’s hard to tell because on one hand I kept watching it, but on the other hand I can tell he is trying too hard. Either way, you got to try much worse stuff to make this challenging to me. It was just as hard as beating a point and click game for 4 year old.

  • http://www.facebook.com/erik.jarvis1 Erik Jarvis

    Big Fazeek was worse than this shit.. at least I got to see this douchebag Clothelined througha table by John Cena (Admittedly, I’d have rather it been Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels, or the entirety or DX, but meh.) F ‘backwards R’ ed may be annoying, but Big Fazeek had this beat.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001487516587 Ryan Young

    I think the most grueling part of this bij was determining if this film was a step up or a step down in John Cena’s career. Try again Spoony One.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

      I think it’s more of a step to the right.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.hemmila Jonathan Hemmila

    Seriously? Two 30 second ads for a one minute “bij” clip. Not worth it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

      I have adblock.

      It’s pretty nice.

    • Guest

      I’m getting ads for bras. Also quite nice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.cadman.5 Richard Cadman

    ahhhhhh now THIS is Bij!

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.cadman.5 Richard Cadman

    ahhhhh, now THIS is Bij!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

      The Bij so nice, he praised it twice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lennie-Leuridan/501535316 Lennie Leuridan

    that was rough, almost gave up

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Flohre/538885031 Matt Flohre

    As much as I hate Fred, I still watched it all the way through because I AM A MAN!

  • Spectr

    Spoony could have been the new Totalbiscuit or whatever if he had put out regular content -_-

    Now he is just a obscure digital corpse in my favorites I check once in a month.

    • JackRyan

      2009, when he won the Mashable awards, when Yahtzee from Zero Punctuation endorsed him (Calling him his favourite reviewer), that was the time he could have taken off.

      But nope. Lots of whining, lots of excuses, lots of Twitter posts, and no more awards, Yahtzee actually said Spoony isnt funny anymore in 2010, and so on and so on.

      • Spectr
        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

          You’re all acting as though Spoony owes you entertainment. As if you actually paid money or otherwise invested some sort of time and effort into his show, and now deserve compensation for it.

          The fact is, you haven’t. Everything Spoony gives to you, he gives for free. If you’re not satisfied, go find something else to entertain you.

          But don’t complain about not getting free stuff from someone. That’s extremely selfish of you.

          • Erebus_Locke

            Its not about the content, its about the lost potential. Spoony was a big thing 2009-2010…Now, he isnt anymore. People like Gronkh or Totalbiscuit have taken over.

          • Merost

            ++++

            Just as I sometimes wonder how Firefly Season 2-5 would have looked like, I wonder what Reviews and Lets Plays Spoony could have produced in those three years if he had kept his shit together.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

            Life is full of disappointments. You’d better get used to it.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

            Very well. Go to Gronkh and Totalbiscuit.

          • doresh

            Arguments like “It’s free so you have no right to complain!” or “He owes you nothing!” cause more harm than anything. Constructive criticism should NOT be ignored, especially if more and more loyal fans note that he’s slacking off and is not at the height of his power. One does not magically become better by NOT listening to those fans, because then they will be gone, and you still haven’t improved.

            Plus, there are countless other free reviewers that put out content on a regular basis, usually weekly. Should Spoony not be measured by his fellow reviewers? I mean, he doesn’t exist in some weird reviewer bubble separated from the rest of the internet.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

            If the criticism was constructive, you would have a valid point. But it’s not; it’s simply, “Stop being lazy and put out more things.”

            Loyalty and parasitism are not the same thing. A loyal fan (and friend) empathizes with struggles with depression, fallings-out with friends, and other real world problems, while hangers-on only stick around under the condition that he keep doing things for them.

            And why MUST he be measured by his fellow reviewers? If it were a comparison of services which we pay for, then yes, it is our duty to compare competitors and ensure that people get the best use of their money. But that is simply not the case. You, and others like you, are only interested in increasing his output of entertainment. And of course you would have vested interest in such a thing; who doesn’t enjoy getting things for free?

            What I object to is the fact that you disguise your intentions, and pretend to be “looking out for Spoony”. That is deeply disingenuous, and that sort of behavior sickens me.

            If you are no longer satisfied with Spoony’s work, then go get your entertainment elsewhere. That’s all you care about at the end of the day: being adequately entertained by other people for free.

          • Merost

            OR OR MAYBE: if enough fans complain, hell see enough fans CARE, and get his act together.

            Otherwise he will be left with exactly one fan in the future, you, still busy sucking his cock and telling him how great he is -_-

            Oh and you whine that we are to harsh? We are not his friends, nor his fanboys, we are his fans. The people who like him when he puts out stuff we like – If he doesnt anymore we stop liking him – We will stay “fans” of his old stuff, but we are not going to sugarcoat the last two years of whining and non-content.

          • angelcarnivore

            Or Maybe there is no “we” that you can speak for, Merost. Some of “us” are female and don’t see an insult in cock-sucking, you big homophobe.

          • doresh

            “Stop being lazy” – if you are so inclined to put these words into my mouth – is still a better advice than “We owe you nothing, so keep doing your thing”.

            Spoony reviews and talks about stuff on the internet like the others, had several crossovers with them and – until recently – used the same video platform. His video uploads are functionally no different from anyone else’s and get ad revenue like everyone else’s. Why the special treatment?

            You don’t seem to “look out for Spoony”, either.

            For all your talk about free entertainment, you forget that Spoony gets ad revenue. We owe him nothing, but he still has every reason to develop a growing, happy fanbase.

            And trust me, most of the “fans” you’re talking about have probably left this site a year or so ago.
            I on the other hand can’t. I LOVE his old stuff, I like his Counter Monkey, but dammit if I’m not saddened by his current state.

    • http://twitter.com/Suomidude Immorttalis

      Why would you keep checking on a corpse once a month? Seems like a bad idea.

      Whatever the case, I simply don’t care if he posts irregularly, as long as he just does post something every now and then.

  • Strelnikov

    That was annoying, but not nipple-twistingly annoying. “Metal Machine Music” is more bij than this.

    Give us better bij, O Spoony One!

  • http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr

    Well, Spoony, that was pretty bad… up until the wrestler started throwing him around like a rag-doll. Then it became sweet revenge. More piledrivers! I demand it! I suffered your three Bij and emerged victorious! Is this all you can conjure?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ParkourFatMan Deined Faria

    Why does his head disturb me so much.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/C5TKOE6TYE53TLTTX6BMBKYCN4 cyxceven

    Where’s the damn airlock?!

  • Concurssi

    I actually smiled at John Cena throwing that kid’s ass on the ground and going “yeah, it’s mah house!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/saiduruya Said Uruya

    What the fuck did I just watch.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Wright/220301062 Joe Wright

    Oh wow. That hurts. Badly. Like a lot.

  • http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr

    Suffer the previous Bij, worm. Show you have the fortitude to be a true Klingon.

  • Yuri PRIME

    Experience this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnfWPjsXmhg
    Most Fascinating and Charismatic man on Earth…

  • Radosław Hołdys

    I watched it all

  • http://www.facebook.com/gareth.crew Gareth Crew

    AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! I’m sorry! Whatever it is I did, I’m sorry!

  • Kaio

    It must be a joke! No one with a half brain could make a movie like that… This is beyond pain.

  • Guest

    Absolute BiJ is seeing the entire movie on a full entertainment system loud enough to buzz the room and quake your soul.

  • Joseph Frank Perez

    How the fuck did he get a damn movie. A true Klingon would have gutted him the second he spoke.

  • DusanSijacki

    That was so terrible I think it gave me cancer!!!

  • http://twitter.com/Eniacc Eniac

    I survived. But I don’t think I can live anymore.

  • scott meyer

    Dogs.. Meh.. Hippo song.. Neat. Dogs in cats meh.. New kids. meh.. Babies.. GET MY SWORD!

  • http://twitter.com/Rpground Rpground

    wow…that came close too beating brokencyde…REAL FUCKING CLOSE DUDE! …seriously…thats scary…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Seitz/100002830338249 Zach Seitz

    I’ve seen ‘em all but this itself wasn’t bad. Get’ really annoying in the game though

  • Eric Ehmann

    Holy crap, we found someone we’ll genuinely root for John Cena against.

  • Alex Paven

    Am I the only one that finds some videos with this springboard player unwatchable? It’s slow as hell and doesn’t seem to buffer, left it on pause for minutes and nothing changed. So I can’t experience bij… Pauses every half-second or so :(

  • http://dragonduskshoard.blogspot.com/ Dragons_Dusk

    Okay, the Klingon footage is what I thought it was, nice. Only hell… I would rather have to serve a Romulan a 17 course meal on my knees than go through that again. Good god that was dumb.

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