Experience Bij #6 (Holiday Special)

The Spoony One | Dec 25 2012 | more notation(s) | 

Your charity and kindness makes you weak. On Qo’noS we do not give, we take.

  • http://twitter.com/RyanfaeScotland RyanfaeScotland

    Merry Christmas folks!

  • Jamvaan

    I have no idea what hell you dredge this stuff up from, I can only hope never to see it. I survive, but not sure at what cost.

  • http://twitter.com/epsilon246 Anthony moynagh

    I actually found this more funny thn painful, the babies were kinda meh though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Sulkowski/1063430223 Mary Sulkowski

    Autotuned dogs? Bah. This is barely discomfiting!

    Huh. I always assumed the “Hippopotamus” singer was a dude with a really nasally falsetto. Besides, that just makes me think of RDA. (Now, if it were Disembodied Orgasm Hippo . . .)

    . . . Oh, 80s music. No matter how bad you get, I just can’t stay mad at you.

    The scariest part of the baby . . . abomination of sound . . . was the photoshopping. Eesh.
    (One more minute . . . I can do this. It could be worse. It could be a baby rendition of “Imma Be.” Stay strong, warrior!)

    HA! I HAVE TRIUMPHED ONCE AGAIN! I SPIT ON YOUR WEAKLING’S DEFINITION OF ‘BIJ’! *ptoo!*

  • Lunne89

    You misspelled Qo’nos, you pleb!

  • Satsuma0

    I will bear the scars this BIJ has seared into my very soul with honor, for they make me more than a man. They make me a warrior.

    I like how five white kids on the stage couldn’t rap, and then there was one black host that joined in and was able to. It didn’t reinforce any stereotypes at all, or anything.

    • Godmars

      I wonder are there any NKothB fans now as ashamed of being fans as they should be.

      • likalaruku

        I only liked them for their music, I swear.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=584567268 Hagbard Celine

          That’s no reason not to be ashamed.

          • Godmars

            It is if you think it was their own music.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Black/100000380573698 Steven Black

    I almost didn’t make it through the babies. I must be strong. For Kahless!

  • Zero Tiamat

    Merry Christmas Folks.

    Meh, that wasnt so bad, kinda liked the hippo-thing, though the logistics of that elude me….

  • smek2

    Call me a weakling, but this was a tough one to sit through. By the time the New Kids on the Block rolled out i was groaning and found myself checking the remaining runtime of the video. With horror i realized i was only half way through this hell.
    Then again, i once made it through 10 hrs of epic saxophone guy on Youtube, plus there’s plenty of booze to help me.

  • Azdrerios

    Hot damn…
    This was, by far, the second-most hardest Experience Bij to sit through (topped only by #5, Fred), mostly because of the god-awful first and last clips. The New Kids On The Block thing sure didn’t help, though. However, say what you will about the Hippopotamus song, but I thought it was kinda cute. Almost nostalgic, even. Haters gon’ hate.

    • http://twitter.com/kingofdoma Charles T. Arthur

      Absolutely everything you said is gospel truth.

    • Segatron

      I’ve got to admit, she has three things over the New Kids, She can sing, her choreography matches the song, and she keeps her shirt on.

  • http://twitter.com/metziih metziih

    Spoony plz, wai do u hate us

  • http://twitter.com/Stravagante Ruben Baar

    From what dark hole in cyberspase did your drag that awefull baby-thing?
    No matter, I will endure!

  • http://www.facebook.com/laura.rola.9 Laura Rola

    I think the progression of pain was quite well organized this time around. Those babies… so much hurt. As for the new kids section, I have to ask: What was their appeal, exactly? I mean, it wasn’t the worst rapping I’ve seen, but they weren’t exactly the hottest guys I’ve seen, either.
    In any case, finally, a session of Bij has brought some sense of pride to me for having finished it. I look forward to the next.

  • Shawn Smick

    Thank you Spoony I believe by watching through this I have earned my Christmas, on a side note I feel bad for all the babies in that video as they will grow up know that they were in that and that my friends is a fate worse then death

  • Der Neger

    Kahless preserve my soul, I could only listen for most of this. My eyes were averted in horror.

  • http://twitter.com/MetalDane Dane Winton

    This collection of oddity that you present as Bij is not worthy of such a title… but the baby one came close. BAH! I desire a TRUE test Spoontok! I demand more, you Qa’Hom!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Karolina-Chomicka/1505379654 Karolina Chomicka

    The Hipo song was actually cute. The rest just tacky and ridiculous rather than truly painful. Still fun anyway.

  • Luke_Duke

    Six challenges. And six victories! I have faced the trails of deprivation, blood, pain, sacrifice, anguish and death and survived! Truly I must have the spirit of Kahless within me to endure the New Kids on the Block AND those god-awful babies. My place within the halls of Sto-vo-kor will undoubtedly be assured. Stoke the fire again Spoony, you pussy! More BIJ!!!!!

  • Crow

    Uhh…the last one really wound me…But it’s not so deep! Give me more BIJ! I want to be a stronger Warrior!

    Merry Christmas guys!

  • http://twitter.com/WarPainterBrian War Painter Brian

    ……. SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNY

  • Guus van Voorst

    You know, if you ever had a “cry”-baby as parents, their giggles would sound as a blessing for you… ;-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/saiduruya Said Uruya

    Pathetic. I have worse street musicians outside work’s window daily.

  • Critical Marine

    So wait, we sit through this crap and we are the manliest men ever… but we sit through FF8′s love theme “Eyes On Me” and we lost all our man cards…

    • http://www.facebook.com/supergeek2004 Craig Pierrot

      No, that was only if you actually LIKED “Eyes on Me.” lol!

  • babea44713

    That baby video needs to be forbidden by the Geneva convention.

    • http://www.facebook.com/SolkaTruesilver Rémi Maloney

      Spoony is taking out on us the pain he suffers by playing FFXIII

      • http://www.facebook.com/manuel.wolf.94 Manuel Wolf

        if that’s true, then may god have mercy on our souls.

  • MechaVelma

    New Kids of the Block.. Spoony, you evil bastard.

    • http://www.facebook.com/supergeek2004 Craig Pierrot

      Why do I get the feeling that he’s only ~two videos away from pulling out Justin Bieber? UGH, his “music” is…PAINFUL!!! It’s as if he’s attempting to “sing” about stuff he has never experienced and knows absolutely nothing about. ESPECIALLY if the subject of any of his songs has anything to do with “love…” Oh my GOD, it’s as if it was written by a fucking CHILD! …which…it was…ewww…

  • http://www.facebook.com/stauken.hausen Stauken Hausen

    Beginning: Not too bad.
    Next song: Still not the end of the world but annoying
    The end: OMG MY EARS MY EYES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • http://www.facebook.com/lucas.allen.96 Lucas Allen

    Even the toughest of all warriors can have a heart of gold, which is why I went above and beyond through this entire Bij! Let me give you that ol’ Klingon pat-on-the-back and wish you and your family a Merry Christmas!

  • http://twitter.com/Tab_Brewer Theodore Brewer

    SIX FOR SIX! I am ready for the next BIJ

    Also almost as hard to sit through as the Celine Dion queen BIJ(I think it’s #3)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christina-Sabia/100003005667380 Christina Sabia

    If this is Bij then I was ready for Sto-Vo-Kor several weeks ago. I work retail. I’ve had to deal with worse songs for the last month, plus had to manage both coworkers and customers so stupid that I have to keep checking to make sure they’re remembering to breathe.

  • http://twitter.com/GamesSaveLives silbmaerto

    Well I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve got my Christmas playlist for next year.

  • http://www.facebook.com/matt.winchell.90 Matt Winchell

    Start up: Dog singing. Peh I can take this.

    Hipo Song: Oh you’re in this for a long game eh?

    Animals sining: *Eye twitch*

    New kids: *Eye roll and sighs*

    Baby music video: *groan* what is even the hell… heck man
    the babies were even crying for half that clip, what’s wrong with these people?

    *and it ends* Oh thank god…

    • Segatron

      Just imagine a carol of Vulturi “squee” soundbites as they watch the babies.

  • Godmars

    New Kids on the Block?

    Shit just got painful.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1672509379 Sara Shughart

    This has been the worst of the Bij’s, because I hate Christmas music…but, I survived it. Do your worst!

  • Maria White

    Merry Holidays, and don’t strangle people kids! Its bad to kill people.

    Unless they are bad people. Then beat the crap out of them!

    Am I a true Klingon warrior yet? I shall watch #3 again…
    Hab SoSlI’ Quch!

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    The true survivors of Bij this Holiday Season are Brad & Jillian over at Team Snob, for they have endured A Christmas Story 2, the “Official” Sequel.

    My heart goes out to those poor, poor souls.

  • http://twitter.com/SW_Tronix BW Media Spotlight

    Some effort at the end, but I think we’ve all heard the Christmas dogs by now and I hear the second one every year anyway. #’s 3 & 5 prove some people just have way too much time on their hands. Otherwise, no major damage here. You put more effort into torturing Roses this week.

  • ubdu

    Well, I hate babies, but the worst one for me was the NKOTB song. The others were at least recognizable as normal songs.

  • http://bluehighwind.blogspot.com/ BlueHighwind

    When the girl started dancing on the Christmas Tree I realized this was no mere joke. This was a Cronenberg-esqe nightmare. It was too much. Nothing could be this surreal and frightening while trying to be cute. Then the Newkids came singing of a funky funky Christmas, and that’s when I felt the Bij in my teeth.

    I never thought I’d say this, but thank god for Arsenal Hall. He made that almost watchable.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=584567268 Hagbard Celine

      I’d say more Lynchian than Cronenberg-esque, but point well taken, The baby ornaments actually made my child jump back and softly cry out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wavefury Kevin Koone

    I almost rage quit at “New Kids on the Block” but my will endured. I’m ready for the next level; Do your worst.

  • Charred Newt

    They literally made a song out of the cries of the innocents. O-o

    That girl was out of her mind: hippos make for terrible pets. They’re aggressive and territorial, their fangs are as long as a human forearm and they love spraying their shit around (dead serious).

    This was a tough one. My ears shall have some rest. Merry Christmas everyone.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Terri-Wanger/504616660 Terri Wanger

      I would hate to break it to her, but Hippos have been known to eat people. And each other. Scary, huh?

      • Charred Newt

        Yep. They’re some of the meanest bastards out there.

    • doresh

      But everyone always blames lions and other predators. Nobody wants to believe that hippos are evil incarnate XD

  • Wayne Davis

    I devour this Bij and demand more!

  • http://twitter.com/Geckogirl191 The Gecko Girl

    I thought i’d finally indulge myself into one of these bij as a Christmas treat. BIG FLIPPING MISTAKE!!! The dogs and the cats singing carols was tolerable, as was the hippopotamus song. Then came the New Kids On The Block’s Christmas rap. I could still hold out through that forgettable crap and i was like: “Bah! Is that all you got?!” I shouldn’t have said that, as the caroling babies started tearing through my patience like paper. I made it through that last travesty only barely, thankfully. Woo! Eat it!

  • Princess Stabbity

    See, anyone complaining about the NKotB rap have no spines or pain tolerance. The baby thing however.. Blech. That was a little wince worthy. Still, I’ve sat through worse.

  • Qwer Tyui

    I have experienced Bij and find myself….wanting more! -cue Bij music

  • http://www.facebook.com/JCW91 Jake Willson

    I don’t know whether to puke or have a seizure

  • Tk Wright

    Your BIJ is weak, spoony! New Kids on the Block were a comical break in between terror, and by the time the true horror began I had been innoculated against it by comedy!

    MORE BIJ!

  • LotusPrince

    I got ironic enjoyment out of New Kids on the Block. Actually, the girls’ shrieking whenever they said “funky monkey Christmas” (which was ALL THE FUCKING TIME) got really old, really quickly. See also: the shrieking when the guy revealed his chest for a second.

  • Strelnikov

    The only true Bij left is the BeeGees.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Tauros81 António Ribeiro

    Pah! Weaksauce!
    I expected better from you, Antwiler!
    Must be the holiday cheers getting to you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Greg-Thorburn/100000138354949 Greg Thorburn

    Dear God. What did I just subject myself to?

  • Segatron

    This is why The Nostalgia Critic has Child Services on speed dial. I want to see Flowers the Hobgoblin busting into that studio with steel toed boots on.

    The most photoshopped are the pets, they had to edit out the feral rage, and the bloody strips of dead cameramen.

    (visualizes the babies escaping on the backs of the pets, while Santa and Flowers cover the escape with air support.)

  • Fnork

    I hate to be the one to point this out, but ‘Kronos’ is actually spellt ‘Qo’noS’.

    It doesn’t make much sense, I know.

    Sorry for nitpicking, but I’m too much of a nerd not to.

  • Pearse Hillock

    Could someone explain to me what exactly these Experience Bij’s are.

    • http://twitter.com/Geckogirl191 The Gecko Girl

      I take it you’re asking because you’re either curious or a scaredy chicken. That’s okay.
      According to Star Trek lore, bij is the Klingon word for punishment and was famously coined in the Star Trek VCR board game “A Klingon Challenge” (which is where the intro and outro clips of the Experience Bij videos are from). In the board game, to “experience bij” is when you must draw a “bij card”, which is a kind of penalty card.
      These “Experience Bij” videos contain random footage from anywhere with the intent of annoying the viewer or breaking the viewer’s sanity. The challenge here is to watch the video all the way through without fast-forwarding or skipping parts.
      Are you feeling brave yet?

      • Pearse Hillock

        Oh right so it’s like an endurance test, testing if you can watch the entire video. That is stupid and terrible using this to update your site when he barley does video’s.

  • Laud

    This was weak, the most annoying thing was a loading circle interrupting one of the greatest songs from the NKothBlock.

  • http://twitter.com/maealoril Mae Aloril

    You win! I submitt I submitt!!!!!!!!!!

  • meltdown2insanity

    I’m convinced that after seeing the baby music video that it was used as an abstinence tool for horny teenagers, at one time. However, due to its compilation of overbearing cuteness with children’s tears, it was so effective that anything even remotely having a reproductive system said, “Fuck this! Let our own kind die!” In order to preserve life all around the world, the video had to be decapitated and stabbed through the heart with an oak stake before being buried in holy ground.

    Unfortunately, by releasing this from its eternal slumber, the SpoonyOne has unleashed an ancient horror upon the world, and because of the way the Internet works, there may not be anything that can be done to stop it!

    Thanks for dooming the entire world! And Merry Christmas, you filthy animal!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001487516587 Ryan Young

    You call this BIJ, Spoony One? You think a few auto-tuned babies and the New Kids on the Block can best me?

  • http://twitter.com/V8_Ninja V8 Ninja

    I could take it…right until the babies.

    Oh god, the babies…

    I think I’m scarred for life.

  • http://twitter.com/Tentaklingon The Electrodemon

    HA. I’m immune to christmas song horrors, I didn’t have to here them thousands of times over my life. Advantages of living on Qo’noS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Petr-Matafonov/100002602177171 Petr Matafonov

    bo-ring…

  • Sikratua

    I was prepared for anything… Except “Hippopotamus for Christmas.” Fuck you, Spoony. I hate you for this. But, my hate will make me stronger. I endure. You will not break me. And, in time, I will love you for making me stronger than anyone can imagine.

  • likalaruku

    Song 2: Nash’s personal hell.

  • Michal Lange

    Oh jesus… The last one is just terrible… it sounds as if somebody misplaced their bagpipes with a baby.

    • likalaruku

      Jingle Babies is amateur bagpipes; you can never master their sound.

  • The_Redux

    Oh god…this video. It started out innocuous enough, in fact the first two clips were bearable if not dull, but when you got to NKotB that’s when I started eating my own face. That last video has to be one of the most horrific things that anyone has ever been subjected into making/watching and you can bet that I’ll be doing my best to forget about its existence all together.

  • Etienne Aubin

    #5 make me immune to any future BIJ…

  • Malidictus

    The last one is easily the worst. If there’s one thing I hate more than babies, it’s loud babies. It’s surprising that they sounded more like someone stomping on the tails of cats than the actual cat song.

  • TomFoolable

    This is good preparation for the bij I must face next week: a 72-hour marathon of Friends. Pray for my soul.

  • http://twitter.com/LordGrell Chris Keller

    This was the single most hateful act I’ve ever seen on Christmas. I am now in a dark, dark place…

  • insanoludacrous

    oh god that was horrible after the cat one…

  • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

    Okay. When the New Kids on the Block are a chance to RECUPERATE from the horrors you have witnessed, you are most certainly experiencing Bij.

  • Kendotuxedo

    Evil is afoot, and it has green screen technology.

  • I’m A Fucking Time Lord

    This really wasn’t too scary. Not nearly as bad as some of the horrible shit I’ve run into on the internet. Atari porn, anyone?

  • Atmos_Duality

    Oh please. Anyone who has worked retail during the Holiday Season in the last 5 years has endured worse Christmas torture, and more often.
    I’ll take shitty cats, dogs, and teen rock over modern pop any day.

  • The Incomparible Mevi

    No, little girl. You do not want a hippopotamus. It will fucking end you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1756540070 Christopher Stratton Smith

      In that case, maybe we shouldn’t be so hasty…

  • Soliduz

    I fast forward most parts and simply didn’t watch the whole damn thing. Did I do wrong or is it considered cheating? The only reason I played the video is out of curiosity :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Seth-Williams/15618827 Seth Williams

    Torg: My lord, the ship appears to be deserted.

    Kruge: How can that be? They’re hiding!

    Torg: Yes sir. But the bridge seems to be run by computer. It is the only thing speaking.

    Kruge: Speaking? Let me hear.

    Computer: …HAVE A FUNKY FUNKY CHRISTMAS

    Kruge: GET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUT! GET OUTTA THERE! GET OUUUUUUUUUUT!

  • http://twitter.com/d_kong Dan K

    More Bij. You mad fool!

  • Daemian_Lucifer

    Man,that new kids segment was excruciating.The singing was bad enough,but the screams.Ugh.

    But I still managed to endure.Bring on more bij!

  • thehivemind33

    Spoony, where the FUCK did you find those animal and baby videos?
    I endured…but I must know where you dug up this strange, surreal and downright disturbing imagery from.

  • http://www.facebook.com/duston.justice Scarmiglione Of’Earth

    Anyone else wonder if somehow when Corey Feldman was a child he got in a time machine and went to the Ed Sullivan show, put on a blonde wig and a dress and sang Hippopotamus for Christmas?

  • Stephen White

    Why did I endure to the end, after Brokencyde removed my belief in a loving god? I am a broken man, but one day I may become whole again through the cleansing pain.

  • http://www.facebook.com/josh.cleveland2 Stephanie Renee Cleveland

    I survived. I had to bite my arm to keep from screaming. There’s a lot of blood. I will bear this scar valiantly.

  • Nicholas Stillman

    You’re tearing me apart, Spoony.

  • groskino

    i, and you, surely got to like chancellor gowrons face at the end of the skit. thats the look of a man who is satisfied with the work he accomplished.

    cut the man some slack, what is terror for us, is just a lighthearted delight for him.

  • Kaio

    Thank you. Now I know the soundtrack of my personal hell!
    Merry Xmas, by the way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/simon.kristoffersson Simon Kristoffersson

    the word funky has been raped and left out in the cold to die a lonely lonely death

    conversly could I have more baby, dog and cat videos because that will never get old or get stuck in your mind. If you please excuse me I’ll now go take a drill to my brain

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Terri-Wanger/504616660 Terri Wanger

    The Hippo Song has a video? My husband hates this song; (heehee) I should bet money on which of us will last longer.
    Whats with all the cats and dogs? Those are only funny for birthdays, and they’re shorter!
    As for the babies, I admit having mixed feelings about it as first. Must be because I have a baby and I barely notice cries anymore. Then I looked over to see my baby daughter’s reaction to it, like AVGN playing those Batman games. “No more scary stuff.” (turns off Computer) :) How bad is that if babies scare babies? lol

  • Sol_Badguy

    This Bij was weak, #5 was worse. Although I do think that for people who work in retail this would probably be the worst, especially those who had to sit through New Kids on the Block music while it was popular.

  • http://www.facebook.com/stauken.hausen Stauken Hausen

    The best part of this video is that *AWESOME* Klingon grin in the poster shot. The bad part is like, everything else pretty much.

  • http://nl-nl.facebook.com/people/Gertjan-Van-Damme/1634782431 Gertjan Van Damme

    this bij just gave me a feeling of boredom and confusion, hell i laughed at how stupid the cat thingie was. although the baby shit would be excruciating on a 1 hour loop

  • http://twitter.com/JackKonEl Jack Connell

    I must always tell myself never to suffer weakness for a moment while watching this; as soon as I think “Now that wasn’t too bad”, something worse always ALWAYS comes along.

  • Andrew H

    Dog carols, meh. Just noise. My mind wandered.
    Hippo song? I laughed. It’s just a surreal kind of funny to me.
    Autotuned animal carols, more noise. Mind wandered again.
    New Kids on the fucking block?! Goddammit, I spent my entire childhood avoiding that kinda shit like the plague it is. That was Bij of the strongest variety, but I endured… somehow.
    Babies. Noise. Almost a relief. Mind wandered.

    All-in-all, that New Kids shit was shockingly painful. The rest was sleep-inducing… which made the New Kids even worse. Ow.

  • http://twitter.com/joethulhu Joe Hammons

    Made it most of the way through New Kids on the Block, then I collapsed. I thought it was difficult at the cats… But I had no idea of true pain.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1756540070 Christopher Stratton Smith

    Oh look, the girls at 0:48 are playing 1st ed AD&D.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1756540070 Christopher Stratton Smith

    Experience Bij #7 = Anything by Skrillex

  • http://www.facebook.com/chris.guedel.3 Chris Guedel

    This Bij is weak. Bring a true warrior’s test. Make it something worse than #3.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lolhemad Логан Кейн

    You want a real Experience bIj? Just splice together a compilation of every single Star Trek shot (from any series) involving a Ferengi. Then just play it. Oh, dear God help us…

  • GunsmithKitten

    Such beautiful pain. Spoontagh’s bij is lovely in it’s insidiousness. It is apparent that he will no longer suffice with mere blunt force trauma such as Celine Dion doing AC/DC. No. His bij is not content until it has dug into your heart and mind and begun to pull them asunder with shrill cats, leaving the wounds to fester and burn with the infection of music literally borne from the tears of babes! More!

  • SireRequiem

    I think we found Tara’s previous incarnation! Hippo Lanterns Unite!

  • WilHiteWarrior

    Where are the clips of the klingon guy ripped from anyway? Just wondering

    • doresh

      I’m pretty sure it’s from a board game similar to “Nightmare”. Gowron even comes across as the Gate Keeper at times XD

  • doresh

    Bah, humbug. We Germans get bombarded with “Last Christmas” by Wham! at least twice per hour every december till the sun will go supernova. This Bij is nothing compared to that.

  • Arne

    Come on, Spoony. I know you got something far worse than all this. Cut all this kid crap and start with the hard stuff already! I want to suffer, damn it… not be mildly annoyed.

  • Joseph Catalano

    Another successful Bij experience. Considering the difficulty of attempting a half-decent holiday themed Bij, I believe you have done more than succeeded for most humans.

    Unfortunately, I have been subjected to the Hippopotamus for Christmas song since I was a child, it was my mother’s favorite Christmas song. I have seen far worse uses of cycled imagery and poorly rendered audio in the early days of Flash animations. I have been forced to listen to the whitest of rap under the guise of “hip trends”.

    The baby video. Once the baby’s face on a train appeared, like some bizarre Thomas The Tank engine, I could not help but laugh at the remainder of the video. The boom mic on piano baby (where no audio is actually used from the clip, thus why a boom mic?) also elicited a chuckle.

    I had an unfair advantage in this Bij, yet I commend you for your efforts, oh Spoony One. I look forward to testing myself against your future Bij trials. Qapla’!

  • SamThePsycicClam

    I am currently suffering from quite a bad sickness bug, not dissimilar to the Nora virus, as such this Bij almost broke me in my weakened state. All the same there have been worse ones, ones which came closer to beating me when I have been in better health. Once I have recovered I will return, do your worst.

  • http://twitter.com/ReginaldBax Reginald Baxter

    I don’t know about you guys. But I feel the entire point of these videos goes right over my head. I don’t understand them at all. Does anyone care to explain?

    • http://idigcomics.tumblr.com/ Matt

      Bij is the Klingon word for punishment. Spoony is testing your mettle….or rather, just your capacity for really bad videos.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rachel.desiree.31 Rachel Desiree

    My thinking: Hey I bet Spoony has a christmas vid out he loves his fans.
    …I guess I was right.

  • http://idigcomics.tumblr.com/ Matt

    Ultimate Bij: Any scene from the wretched Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar movie (but especially the bathtub Shrim scene).

  • Spectr

    Cant we at least get some real content on christmas?

    Why do people like Totalbiscuit put stuff out every DAY and Spoony sometimes only every MONTH? Does he have a job?

  • http://twitter.com/jcoffey64 Josh

    You’re a heartless SOB Spoony one. One day I may fall to the Bij, but it was not this, nor shall it be the next!

  • zanntos

    *shudder* That last one was truly a test of ones metal >.<

  • Tom van Uijen

    Especially that last one hurt. But after living though Bij 2 and 3, I’ve hardened enough to withstand it.

  • Placid_Snake

    After the last Bij, those sounded like music to my ears.

    Hold on, you’re saying they were SUPPOSED to be music?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ricardo.wareverson Ricardo Wareverson
    • Atmos_Duality

      True Bij
      You are a fiend. A warrior. A poet of suffering and steel!

      • doresh
        • Atmos_Duality

          That…wasn’t actually that annoying.
          It’s like Youtube Poop-lite, honestly.

          • doresh

            Then we have some totally different tastes XD

          • Atmos_Duality

            Yeah. Different kinds of pain tolerance.
            But a grown woman doing Pikachu just made me…die a little inside.

          • doresh

            I dunno, a grown man with a deep voice would be far worse IMO XD

          • Atmos_Duality

            …I’ve seen both. Of course, I’ve seen Man-Tifa doing Karaoke as well.
            Bloody internet.

    • http://idigcomics.tumblr.com/ Matt

      That’s bad, but her Cartoon Network impressions are fucking abysmal. Somebody shoot this woman.

  • ObeyBunny

    That little girl’s voice is convincingly human and passably female….
    but, that’s not what a child sounds like.

  • cursedbythedicegods

    I watched this two days ago, and I still have that damn Hippopotamus song stuck in my head!! This is no ordinary Bij!!! DAMN YOU ANTWILER!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Wright/220301062 Joe Wright

    It burns! It Burns like hygiene!

  • http://twitter.com/TimeStopper Marcus Igarashi

    I… I just… I thought I could handle this Bij fine but then,., those babies… and that song, crafted from the pained cries and screams of a thousand children (or a small group of children tortured a thousand times…) The scars will be large and apparent from this test. That I am sure of.

  • balrogkernel

    And no Bea Arthur or drugged out Princess Leia? C’mon Spoony, this was easy!

  • Turcano

    You didn’t include the Christmas Shoes song. I don’t know whether to feel relieved or insulted.

    Although I have to admit, whoever made the Jingle Babies video is a deranged soul who needs to be put out of their misery.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Connor-A-McAllister/100000190294174 Connor A. McAllister

    Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.

  • J.G. te Molder

    Did anyone else hear “I wanna give papa a muss for Christmas” the first few times? I spend so much time trying to figure out what a “muss” is, I only heared right by the time she was back on the veranda.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Danniel-Gregory-Boltinsky/691312077 Danniel Gregory Boltinsky

    Part 1 (The dogs): Wells that’s kinda annoying, but that was over rather fast

    Part 2 (Hippo for Christmas): I actually enjoyed that!

    Part 3 (The cats): Well that’s also kinda annoying

    Part 4 (Funky Christmas): This is hilarious!

    Part 5 (The babies): Oh god my ears! Someone make it stop, it’s like they’re clawing the insides of my eyes!

    I have lost…

  • http://www.facebook.com/yourmanjosh Josh Lake

    Oh god it hurts.

  • http://twitter.com/LordSMAF Markus

    SPOONY! WHY ARE YOU HURTING US LIKE THIS?

    • Godmars

      To make you true Klingon Warriors!

      (I broke around Bji 2-3…)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grzegorz-Wojtczyk/100000046280578 Grzegorz Wojtczyk

    I was actually laughing at this Bij from the beginning to the very end. I don’t know if I should be proud of myself or just disturbed.

  • http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr

    Jokes on you, Spoony, I LIKE the hippopotamus song, I watch What the Fuck is Wrong With You! Haaahahahahahahaha!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacob.w.brody Jacob Wilson Brody

    Spoony one! you lay upon ze broken and mangled minds of your fan base after zis Bij. websites plundered, servers in ruin, admins destroyed all to end ze experiment which you hoped to cover ze world. A maddening conquest having consumed hundreds of thousands PC’s razzed to ze ground! what say you Monster, Demon, DEVIL conceived by the bleakest womb!! what say you now?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.cadman.5 Richard Cadman

    Do you think kids of today even know what static is?

  • http://www.facebook.com/DevilsNeverCry5 Travis Bauer

    that fucking Hippopotamus song is my kryptonite. every year when its played on the radio I panic and change the station eventhough my dad loves torturing me by playing it, but I stood my ground and survived another round of Bij!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=584567268 Hagbard Celine

    The audience of the NKotB vid was amusing, They barely moved, and yet somewhere, off-camera, threes of tweens were shrieking…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=584567268 Hagbard Celine

    I feel sorry for how much crap you have to wade through to get these. Plus all that Final Fantasy stuff. *sigh* You are a tragic hero, sir. So much pain….

  • http://www.facebook.com/vcdaniels Vincent Daniels

    This is truly THE MOST torturous of the tests of Bij. If the test is to endure the entire video without turning away or muting or pausing or stopping the video . . . I failed.

  • http://twitter.com/Xenonwarrior666 John Sohn

    I almost folded that baby video was physically painful 30 more sec’s and I would have folded

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carter-Rosen/100000411432755 Carter Rosen

    well, that was annoying.

  • iraptor

    Wow, this fuckface again. Bij. I bet you imagine him holding your disgusting greasy hair, squeeling, while he cornholes you? Only reason you would put this crap up over and over on your site.

  • http://twitter.com/StevenBanta Steven Banta

    I hate you with every fiber of my being now, Spoony. Merry Christmas, you magnificent bastard!

  • pretzels

    I lost it when the babies modulated into the second verse.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carter-Rosen/100000411432755 Carter Rosen

    that klingon’s smile gets me every time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Eaton/100000592144443 Kenneth Eaton

    You call THIS Bij? This is what I call entertainment!

  • Alex Stockwell

    I have an awesome idea for your next Bij. Go to YouTube, and type in “men in white doctor strangemeister”.

  • http://twitter.com/shadowbird712 Jeremy K.

    I must have gone crazy, because every single one of these BIJ videos I have gotten through entirely.

  • http://twitter.com/KatKaleen KatKaleen

    This wasn’t too bad. The hippopotamus song is kinda cute, just too fucking long.

    NKotB was horrible. Thank god my older brother had a collection of Queen and Abba CDs, I had all I could ask for while growing up. So I never jumped on any boyband-wagon.

    But NO Gabrielle Aplin?! That woman turned a powerful song into a whine-fest.

    Eh, whatever.

  • Misroi

    Jingle Dog: Meh. Too short to be annoying. And I knew Jingle Cats were a thing already.

    Hippopotamus: This song’s a guilty pleasure, so actually seeing it performed on Ed Sullivan was kinda cool. Easy peasy.

    Jingle
    Cats: OK, that was bad. Not the audio – that wasn’t anything too
    horrid. But the visuals were wrong. It’s like Walt Disney decided to
    combine animatronics with taxidermy. I don’t know what universe Jingle
    Cats exists in, but it’s clearly hell.

    NKoTB: It says something about how terrible the New Kids are when Arsenio Hall can outrap them.

    Jingle
    Babies: You know how I said Jingle Cats universe is hell? Jingle
    Babies is the Ninth Circle. If you did something in life on the order
    of betraying Christ, then you get sent to Jingle Babies Hell, where this
    crawling horror awaits you for all eternity. There was nothing
    pleasant in that video, aside from the fact that it had an end!

    And then it was over. Still not as bad as Bij 3. That was painful to get through.

  • Ineedballs

    Once again, i experience the BIJ without pain or suffering. (However there were some parts i laughed at because they’re so stupid, like that one scene with New Kids On The Block where one of them dances like a cowboy who shat himself). The baby one was the worse out of them, but still not as bad as BIJ 2 and 3. I DEMAND MORE BIJ!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bennett-LaRue/100000392184293 Bennett LaRue

    I don’t think Spoony will ever top Bij #3. I don’t think it can be done.

  • jetman123

    That baby video… I can’t stop watching it. It’s… hypnotic. It’s so bad it’s good. Or maybe I’m just trapped in the denial phase of loss.

  • Joseph Frank Perez

    The baby’s just start sounding like Chipmunk outtakes. The Middle is just annoying as I wasn’t a fan of their asses when I was in the 90′s.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lars-Erik-Utberg/1246317917 Lars-Erik Utberg

    At least the New kids could dance but wow was that son a clusterfuck most of the time you couldn’t heat the music ESPECIALLY when Arsenio was also rapping. I kind of like the Hippo-song. But i liked the traditional versions of Feliz Navidad much better than the dogs.

    I must admit that my attention wandered a bit (a lot). I would take one look and “OK, it’s wierd. Whatever…”. I guess my mind had better things to daydream about than to watch this.

  • rageofkyubii

    ….what was with creepy lady on the tree of kitten heads?

    • Pétur Ingi Sigbjörnsson

      ….we don’t like to talk about it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jake.retz Jake Retz

    During the chorus the babies sound like the cats.

  • Dave

    …..Started this (unwisely) with a headache.

    First: Started to nag, so it was pulling the band-aid off slowly. Knew it was just the beginning.

    Second: This actually was a break. Had not heard this song in over a year, so lucked out on this one. I agree with community on this one: Hippo + human child = persecuted Hippo.

    Third: “Dammit song! Why u no hurt brain less?”

    Fourth: Ironically-awesome. Found it “The Room” entertaining. I’m a smoker, so I laughed-up a lung.

    Fifth: I checked the bar to see how much time this product-of-bad-parenting had left…twice. Pain…..beating like…..heart……fffffffuuuu…..babies!…..Must…..kill…….

    So, when that fresh hell of an end came and went my headache actually felt a little bit better. Thanks, Spoony!……you f’n monster…..

  • http://twitter.com/dunebat dunebat

    You are wrong, Spoony. The Klingons do give… the gift of PAIN!

  • http://dragonduskshoard.blogspot.com/ Dragons_Dusk

    Still makes more sense than 95% of TNA programming and story telling, at least it’s shorter than half the Knock Outs’ fights. This was a tough one though.

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