Alone in the Dark Review (7-13-08)

The Spoony One | Jul 13 2008 | more notation(s) | 

I’ve just finished Alone in the Dark, and I’m back to give you my own objective opinion on the game that has caused major critical backlash and divided gamers amongst themselves!

  • http://www.youtube.com/Cloud414316 Matt Freegard

    I watched all of Armake21’s context sensitive review of this game, I can’t have an opinion myself because I’ve never played it. Point of this comment is to say I find it very depressing that Armake has gone one way, while you’ve gone the other. While you have a great site, an active community, dozens of videos and reviews, he’s basically trashing other people’s reviews on YouTube on his new page, theFAILsessions. It’s horrible, mean spirited and I don’t care about the MST3K element, it’s frankly terrible and it’s such a great shame that he’s gone this way.

    I guess it’s a sign not to take your work too seriously. So Noah, try not to get jaded and bitter like Marcus, it’s really not worth it.

    PS, ‘I don’t have your stone, and f**k you anyway.’ =P

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ADBRZBQY2P425FARV6WAZZOKK4 Tariel Corbeau

      …You know I remember some glitches that F**ked up my games ROYALLY, so shut up. THIS game is one of THE most glitched up pieces of shit that I have EVER played in my entire life. My brother bought this game, played it gave it to me, I played it, then returned it an hour later and bought Champions of Norrath. Something GOOD.

  • http://www.youtube.com/Cloud414316 Matt Freegard

    I watched all of Armake21’s context sensitive review of this game, I can’t have an opinion myself because I’ve never played it. Point of this comment is to say I find it very depressing that Armake has gone one way, while you’ve gone the other. While you have a great site, an active community, dozens of videos and reviews, he’s basically trashing other people’s reviews on YouTube on his new page, theFAILsessions. It’s horrible, mean spirited and I don’t care about the MST3K element, it’s frankly terrible and it’s such a great shame that he’s gone this way.

    I guess it’s a sign not to take your work too seriously. So Noah, try not to get jaded and bitter like Marcus, it’s really not worth it.

    PS, ‘I don’t have your stone, and f**k you anyway.’ =P

  • Anonymous

    This games reminds me after listening to your review of the Lord of the Rings cartoon where they tried to do all three books in one film. That movie just ends shortly after Helm’s Deep. Kind of sad when that sort of thing becomes obvious.

    Have you ever played Lands of Lore Guardians of Destiny? It has a similar sytem of combining items to get new items but as you play you pick up scrolls that have recipes for new items. That at least gives you an idea what can go with what.

  • Isolder74

    This games reminds me after listening to your review of the Lord of the Rings cartoon where they tried to do all three books in one film. That movie just ends shortly after Helm’s Deep. Kind of sad when that sort of thing becomes obvious.

    Have you ever played Lands of Lore Guardians of Destiny? It has a similar sytem of combining items to get new items but as you play you pick up scrolls that have recipes for new items. That at least gives you an idea what can go with what.

  • Lydius

    You are not alome on Uzumaki. i love that movie. and the manga. (one of the few Manga/comic to film ive read the manga first.) The time me and my buddies watched Uzumaki we made a whole game out of finding all the little swirls :D

  • Lydius

    You are not alome on Uzumaki. i love that movie. and the manga. (one of the few Manga/comic to film ive read the manga first.) The time me and my buddies watched Uzumaki we made a whole game out of finding all the little swirls :D

  • kristian

    I remember that the first two Driver games were actually really good for their time. The missions were hard, but not in a frustrating way, and I don’t remember the control being so bad. But it’s probably just the nostalgia talking, I think I’ll play those games soon, just to see if they hold up. Probably better than Driv3r, undoubtedely.

    On another note, it almost seems like Armake has gone Howard Hughes. I hope he either retires or start putting some effort in his reviews. The closest thing he does to a review are let’s plays on ustream that are way too long (granted, it’s live, but still) and generally boring. Miss the glory days, before his first account closed…

  • kristian

    I remember that the first two Driver games were actually really good for their time. The missions were hard, but not in a frustrating way, and I don’t remember the control being so bad. But it’s probably just the nostalgia talking, I think I’ll play those games soon, just to see if they hold up. Probably better than Driv3r, undoubtedely.

    On another note, it almost seems like Armake has gone Howard Hughes. I hope he either retires or start putting some effort in his reviews. The closest thing he does to a review are let’s plays on ustream that are way too long (granted, it’s live, but still) and generally boring. Miss the glory days, before his first account closed…

  • JoelHaslam

    i bought this game for the 360 this week. it was cheap and seemed like a waste of a few hours.

    i booted it up. carnby wakes up. i get lead to the roof. and then get hung up on a pipe. i try to back track and turn around, but the guy behind me beats me to death. within the 1st minute of gameplay. fuck that

  • JoelHaslam

    i bought this game for the 360 this week. it was cheap and seemed like a waste of a few hours.

    i booted it up. carnby wakes up. i get lead to the roof. and then get hung up on a pipe. i try to back track and turn around, but the guy behind me beats me to death. within the 1st minute of gameplay. fuck that

  • DamuEmran

    dear god this game must be so bad
    Ataris could have done so much better
    Holy god watching your review mad me hate the game even more and i just played the demo of this game

  • DamuEmran

    dear god this game must be so bad
    Ataris could have done so much better
    Holy god watching your review mad me hate the game even more and i just played the demo of this game

  • jer

    this should be in the game reveiw section

  • jer

    this should be in the game reveiw section

  • Meshi

    Uzumaki was creepy beyond belief. Of course, that opinion is based solely on the manga, I was not aware of any other adaptations of it.

  • Meshi

    Uzumaki was creepy beyond belief. Of course, that opinion is based solely on the manga, I was not aware of any other adaptations of it.

  • Jason

    I can do without the achievements, but yeah you’re right that the game is just horrible.

  • Jason

    I can do without the achievements, but yeah you’re right that the game is just horrible.

  • Nonesuch

    Come on man, Uzumaki is RAD! It’s a freaking crazy good manga!

  • Nonesuch

    Come on man, Uzumaki is RAD! It’s a freaking crazy good manga!

  • Chris #2

    My friend had it for the Wii yea……..think about the things that was acturally good and get rid of them……

  • Chris #2

    My friend had it for the Wii yea……..think about the things that was acturally good and get rid of them……

  • squid5580

    I know what you hit when your car decided to disobey the laws of physics. It was a tree branch. Yes a freaking stick caused your car to do that. Well that is what Ihit when it happened to me on the 360 version.

    And believe me (an achievement whore) this game is just not worth it. You will feel bad everytime you look at your achievements knowing you wasted your time and/or money on it.

  • squid5580

    I know what you hit when your car decided to disobey the laws of physics. It was a tree branch. Yes a freaking stick caused your car to do that. Well that is what Ihit when it happened to me on the 360 version.

    And believe me (an achievement whore) this game is just not worth it. You will feel bad everytime you look at your achievements knowing you wasted your time and/or money on it.

  • Sakana Sama

    yeah, while playing driver 2, I have fallen through the pavement for about a hundred feet, the vehicle smashed the “invisible force field of death”, and launched past the tallest sky scraper, then crippled the vehicle mid air, and I died.

  • Sakana Sama

    yeah, while playing driver 2, I have fallen through the pavement for about a hundred feet, the vehicle smashed the “invisible force field of death”, and launched past the tallest sky scraper, then crippled the vehicle mid air, and I died.

  • Jake

    Oh god killing trees?! It is the Tores from Dark Cloud 2 all over again! Well nice review, and I am happy I bought Dark Messiah instead of that game.

  • Jake

    Oh god killing trees?! It is the Tores from Dark Cloud 2 all over again! Well nice review, and I am happy I bought Dark Messiah instead of that game.

  • OniYouji

    What’s with everyone saying RE’s controls are bad? And the stories? Not really…I liked them. Well, except 5, but…

    Oh my god, that one glitch you described sounded HILARIOUS!!! Oh, that is RICH!!

    Well…at least AitD: Inferno fixed MOST of the things described…there are still bugs, and the whole ending thing isn’t much better, but..eh.

    Also, surprised you didn’t mention the “DVD scene-selection” feature of the game. It basically encourages you to NOT PLAY!

  • OniYouji

    What’s with everyone saying RE’s controls are bad? And the stories? Not really…I liked them. Well, except 5, but…

    Oh my god, that one glitch you described sounded HILARIOUS!!! Oh, that is RICH!!

    Well…at least AitD: Inferno fixed MOST of the things described…there are still bugs, and the whole ending thing isn’t much better, but..eh.

    Also, surprised you didn’t mention the “DVD scene-selection” feature of the game. It basically encourages you to NOT PLAY!

  • http://www.multiscapes.com/ Pabb

    Seems like they passed the Inferno version as the “Not Inferno” version on PC. The “Not Inferno” version (or is it only the Ps2 version?) scraps the whole fire thing (well almost, you can still make a flamethrower with your health alcohol, but it’s a waste), has a completely different path to the same plot points once you get in central park. If you see the Ps2 version for like 5$ in some bargain bin, you might want to try it, it has those crappy “low-rezzed” graphics, but I think played much better. Too bad I thought Inferno was only one of those special edition things and hunted it for the Ps3 after renting the Ps2, “Not Inferno” one, I found myself with a different, shinier looking, but inferior game to the one I expected :S

    The “Not Inferno” version even had an awesome chase/boss scene where you’re in the back of a speeding ambulance fighting off this giant mother bat thing with and infinite supply of explosive bottles. Maybe it happens in Inferno, but if it does it would be much later, at a point I haven’t reached yet.

  • http://www.multiscapes.com Pabb

    Seems like they passed the Inferno version as the “Not Inferno” version on PC. The “Not Inferno” version (or is it only the Ps2 version?) scraps the whole fire thing (well almost, you can still make a flamethrower with your health alcohol, but it’s a waste), has a completely different path to the same plot points once you get in central park. If you see the Ps2 version for like 5$ in some bargain bin, you might want to try it, it has those crappy “low-rezzed” graphics, but I think played much better. Too bad I thought Inferno was only one of those special edition things and hunted it for the Ps3 after renting the Ps2, “Not Inferno” one, I found myself with a different, shinier looking, but inferior game to the one I expected :S

    The “Not Inferno” version even had an awesome chase/boss scene where you’re in the back of a speeding ambulance fighting off this giant mother bat thing with and infinite supply of explosive bottles. Maybe it happens in Inferno, but if it does it would be much later, at a point I haven’t reached yet.

  • AlecPyron

    I loved Uzumaki the movie too. The manga is indeed creepy beyond belief. Pretty good.

    I tried Alone in the Dark on PS3 and it’s really terrible and boring.

  • AlecPyron

    I loved Uzumaki the movie too. The manga is indeed creepy beyond belief. Pretty good.

    I tried Alone in the Dark on PS3 and it’s really terrible and boring.

  • Anonymous

    I actually never played AitD4 (but i played the previous ones) and i’m glad i didn’t, and advised my bro from getting it (he’s a big fan of the series, much more than I) as it didn’t look too exciting and word of mouth was already working against it. though i am curious about one thing. is it still carnby as the lead character? because i noticed something that may be my imagination, but doesn;t it look like they made a concerted effort to make him look like christian slater in this game? in the other games, he was kind of a young antonio banderas-ish “the darkness” (the comic character from top cow not the shitty movie with rogue…actually the comic is shitty too…nevermind) looking chap. but for some reason his character model seems to purposefully look like slater. now like i said, i could be completely nutters here, but if he is carnby (or even if he isn’t) and they did that on purpose, doesn’t it strike you as stupid that anyone would WANT to draw comparison or any association to what is widely considered one of the top ten worst movies ever made? i know they say no press is bad press, but jeez…

    also you make a good point about the not satisfying ending. while i haven’t played this one, i’ve noticed being dissatisfied with a lot of games endings, particularly ones you have to invest a lot of frustrating effort into ( cough resident evil 5 cough cough – i haven;t hated a final boss as much as i did wesker since M. bison in the original street fighter 2…cheap bastard) and i notice i’ve heard a lot of people (mostly my brother) who have beaten a game before me say something to the effect of “well…the ending honestly isn’t much, but getting there is actually the cool part” and that doesn’t really jive with me. especially since most of the time that isn’t even true (looking at you deadspace) even if a sandwich tastes good, if you’re not full at the end (or worse, it just makes you sick and gives you the green apple splatters) it’s still is an unsatisfying experience, right?

    also. you mentioned driver…god that game is evil. i wanted that game so bad and by the end of the first day i had it i was cursing the heavens like steve reeves as hercules “HAVE I BEEN ABANDONED BY THE GODS!!??”. seriously it was so frustrating and clunky and difficult, i wasn’t even out the of the friggin tuturial training mission before i wanted to snap the disc in half.

    as susal great review spoon. though i’d have never found it except by accident. how come there’s no link to the game review section? (actually there’s a couple hidden gems i would have never known about except stumbling on them here by accident)

  • Zack Dolan

    I actually never played AitD4 (but i played the previous ones) and i’m glad i didn’t, and advised my bro from getting it (he’s a big fan of the series, much more than I) as it didn’t look too exciting and word of mouth was already working against it. though i am curious about one thing. is it still carnby as the lead character? because i noticed something that may be my imagination, but doesn;t it look like they made a concerted effort to make him look like christian slater in this game? in the other games, he was kind of a young antonio banderas-ish “the darkness” (the comic character from top cow not the shitty movie with rogue…actually the comic is shitty too…nevermind) looking chap. but for some reason his character model seems to purposefully look like slater. now like i said, i could be completely nutters here, but if he is carnby (or even if he isn’t) and they did that on purpose, doesn’t it strike you as stupid that anyone would WANT to draw comparison or any association to what is widely considered one of the top ten worst movies ever made? i know they say no press is bad press, but jeez…

    also you make a good point about the not satisfying ending. while i haven’t played this one, i’ve noticed being dissatisfied with a lot of games endings, particularly ones you have to invest a lot of frustrating effort into ( cough resident evil 5 cough cough – i haven;t hated a final boss as much as i did wesker since M. bison in the original street fighter 2…cheap bastard) and i notice i’ve heard a lot of people (mostly my brother) who have beaten a game before me say something to the effect of “well…the ending honestly isn’t much, but getting there is actually the cool part” and that doesn’t really jive with me. especially since most of the time that isn’t even true (looking at you deadspace) even if a sandwich tastes good, if you’re not full at the end (or worse, it just makes you sick and gives you the green apple splatters) it’s still is an unsatisfying experience, right?

    also. you mentioned driver…god that game is evil. i wanted that game so bad and by the end of the first day i had it i was cursing the heavens like steve reeves as hercules “HAVE I BEEN ABANDONED BY THE GODS!!??”. seriously it was so frustrating and clunky and difficult, i wasn’t even out the of the friggin tuturial training mission before i wanted to snap the disc in half.

    as susal great review spoon. though i’d have never found it except by accident. how come there’s no link to the game review section? (actually there’s a couple hidden gems i would have never known about except stumbling on them here by accident)

  • Rachael

    That is the weirdest glitch I’ve heard since I played Midtown Madness. In that one this 18 wheeler was suppose to drive into trees and mow it down but instead it would fling the truck into the air and flip over. I once landed on top of a skyscraper causing the game to crash.

  • Rachael

    That is the weirdest glitch I’ve heard since I played Midtown Madness. In that one this 18 wheeler was suppose to drive into trees and mow it down but instead it would fling the truck into the air and flip over. I once landed on top of a skyscraper causing the game to crash.

  • PandaBrawler

    The funny thing is that the PS3 version is considered the best version. Play the 360 version and you'll want to throw up. The controls are surprisingly worse and more sluggish.

  • PandaBrawler

    Holy shit, and I thought I was the only one that suffered the car-tilt glitch! It didn't fly back but it did reverse itself after the 120 degree tilt.
    And one time I got in a car, started it via hotwire, and then almost immediately I go throw the Earth and die.

    Then I got the PS3 version. While it was better, it was like a shiny piece of crap being better than a messy piece of crap.

  • Kirzan

    I remember beating this game, all I used was spray cans and the lighter, you just lightly tap the shoot button and you use 1% of the can and kill the enemy, or damage it. Carnby saves the world with RAID cans and a lighter.

  • ujo1934

    im sorry to say this but…FUCK YOU I LOVE RESIDENT EVIL I LOVE THE STORIES AND I LOVE THE CONTROLS SO FUCK U

  • ujo1934

    o btw Alone in the Dark i believe is based on the last movie

  • http://twitter.com/theMcKrista Krista McLaughlin

    you like Uzumaki? i loved the manga, but have yet to see the movie. i think it's time for a movie night…

    great review. wow, that game seemed to really piss you off…

  • UC Grab

    i would recomend you dont watch the movie. it cuts off a lot from the manga, and sadly, most of the cut parts are the ones that explain anything, leaving the movie just an incoherent weird mess. fun to see weird things in film, terrible as a movie

  • skavenhorde

    I played this game for all of 2 hours before I dropped kicked it out of my window. The controls can bite me. Just trying to put out the fires with a fire extinguisher was a chore in itself.

    If you want a really good Alone in the Dark game then play the first one. Yes, the graphics suck, but the cthulhian story of that game beats the crap out of those pansy fissures.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Omnikus-Schlotter/100000373849732 Omnikus Schlotter

    Hey, I like Clive Barker's Jericho.

  • rewind83709

    I played this game too, the only problem i had, and the reason why i hated it, the driving stage.
    When you first get out of the building and start driving, the city is crumbling and sinking behind you, and u have to get away as fast as u can. Easier said than done, u make one minor mistake, and u die, and best of all, no fucking check points! So it doesnt matter how far u get, if u die, u start back at the start of the fucking driving stage! What bull shit!
    Fuck this game! Thanks again sir.

  • http://www.facebook.com/danieldavid.herrerabelisario Daniel David Herrera Belisario

    I like uzumaki too

  • http://www.facebook.com/danieldavid.herrerabelisario Daniel David Herrera Belisario

    I like uzumaki too

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/44DJX27OKQMDWSR5JAOM5Q76C4 Tony

    I got this for PS3 over a year ago at GS during one of their Buy 2 get 1 free deals and just now sucked it up and beat it. The PS3 version fixes a lot of things from what I’ve read, but a lot of it is still there and it can be aggravating to say the least. The car can drive on curbs, but if it literally hits a pebble, it acts like it slammed into a fucking brick wall. At one point I was driving down a road and the cars bumper fell off, seriously the car would start falling apart during normal circumstances.I also can’t forget about the time I was driving and one of the monsters punched my car and IT FLEW OFF A FUCKING CLIFF. I also can’t forget the time I was walking and died for no apparent reason, so yeah it’s “fixed” compared to the 360/PC version but it’s still broken.

  • Anonymous

    I’v never thought about it that much before, but now that I do, Resident Evil does have a bad story. I’ve pretty much forgave it because it’s like the Mario series. In those games only thing you care about is saving Princesses and killing Bowser, in RE all you care about is killing zombies and fighting bosses. The only game I’ve played is RE4 and that had excellent controls, so I can’t say much about that.

  • Anonymous

    I’v never thought about it that much before, but now that I do, Resident Evil does have a bad story. I’ve pretty much forgave it because it’s like the Mario series. In those games only thing you care about is saving Princesses and killing Bowser, in RE all you care about is killing zombies and fighting bosses. The only game I’ve played is RE4 and that had excellent controls, so I can’t say much about that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alexa.w.1 Alexa White

    I only played a demo of Alone in the Dark but I agree with what you are saying. The first time I played in first person I played with the blurriest screen because it kept making me blink and I had left the room when the controls came up so I was running blind. The second time I played the demo, trying to give it a second chance, and I could never climb a ladder. I hated it so much because I saw so much potential in the game to be at least decent. I never got to the driving though because I only played the demo so I never left the first building next to central park I think.

  • http://www.facebook.com/SuperMAIDS Paul Cook

    Like how physical your getting in this review with all the props. don’t record things ever again! just use props lol

  • Anonymous

    I have heard the PS3 version is much improved and still not great

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bruce-Kilkowski/583400802 Bruce Kilkowski

    I think the first Resident Evil had a decent enough story for a b movie zombie game. After that, it just started getting weird. However, I will challenge anyone who says the Silent Hill or Fatal Frame games have shitty stories. Well, most of them did, anyway.

  • William George Sayers

    The orignal game was better!

  • http://twitter.com/CheesecakeAnne Anne

    Well, that falling through the ground still happens XD (DC universe, anyone?)

  • Blue Wolf

    I never wanted to play this game because it was a very poorly done remake of the original Alone in the Dark for PC. I loved that game, in spite of its terrible aspects, because it made you actually think and actually had some scary parts. (Granted, I was like 10 when I played it, but even still…) I especially liked the part where you had to get past these giant worms that spat their teeth at you if they saw you, primarily because I paused the game to try to heal and found that I’d gone from 100% health to -465% health in one hit. That and the ballroom, where you had to play Saint-Sans to get through the room, made it memorable to me. So just seeing this game and hearing that it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the original made me feel sick.

  • Victor Gominho

    I already knew what was going to be said about Alone in the Dark…but saying Resident Evil’s story and controls are bad kind of felt like a punch in the gut. But yeah, aside from THAT, Spoony is completely right. BUT i still think the first driving part, the one you have to escape through all the destruction and chaos, is so cinematic.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1673310152 Julian Andreassen

    I didnt think it was that bad. I handled the controlls really well. The driving wasnt hard and neither was the walking around. I enjoyed this game, even though its not the best game. Also, i thought it was kind of a cool ending. One of the endings left the posibility for a sequal open. 

  • adamfox

    still one of my have vids on site. hilarious.

    • Garmrspor

      Well put.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wihlen Tony Wihlén

    I kinda liked Jericho. Took a while to get in to but once I did it wasn’t too bad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shane.hall.1800 Shane Hall

    I’m glad you like Uzumaki, I was debating whether to watch it since I’m in love with the manga.

  • josh martyn

    WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTER BLINK!!!?

  • http://twitter.com/f1reball Gerrit Hansen

    Thumbs up for liking Uzumaki, it was shown on film festivals here back then and me and my friends alsways thought it was pretty good.

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