Final Fantasy VIII – Part 1

The Spoony One | Apr 4 2007 | more notation(s) | 

The first in a long-running review on Final Fantasy VIII. In this chapter, I return from my extended absence to introduce you to just a few of the things that piss me off royally about the game.

  • xxbelmontxx

    Hey is it normal that i can barely hear you at all at certain parts? The music is so loud it covers your voice almost completly…

  • xxbelmontxx

    Hey is it normal that i can barely hear you at all at certain parts? The music is so loud it covers your voice almost completly…

  • xxbelmontxx

    Hey is it normal that i can barely hear you at all at certain parts? The music is so loud it covers your voice almost completly…

  • Ogog

    It is called Final “Fantasy” for a reason ….

  • Ogog

    It is called Final “Fantasy” for a reason ….

  • Ogog

    It is called Final “Fantasy” for a reason ….

  • notascam

    The high romantic style of Final Fantasy can forgive a lot of things, but not the gunblade.

  • notascam

    The high romantic style of Final Fantasy can forgive a lot of things, but not the gunblade.

  • notascam

    The high romantic style of Final Fantasy can forgive a lot of things, but not the gunblade.

  • Quikquik

    This isn’t a review, it’s more like an insult: so says me: Final Fantasy Fanboy Jagoff.

    Of course, I’m kidding. But I would not call this game the most overrated game of all time (that game would be Beyond Good and Evil).

  • Quikquik

    This isn’t a review, it’s more like an insult: so says me: Final Fantasy Fanboy Jagoff.

    Of course, I’m kidding. But I would not call this game the most overrated game of all time (that game would be Beyond Good and Evil).

  • Quikquik

    This isn’t a review, it’s more like an insult: so says me: Final Fantasy Fanboy Jagoff.

    Of course, I’m kidding. But I would not call this game the most overrated game of all time (that game would be Beyond Good and Evil).

  • MasterDS

    THEY HAVE MSBUKAKKE?

  • MasterDS

    THEY HAVE MSBUKAKKE?

  • MasterDS

    THEY HAVE MSBUKAKKE?

  • Uberconrady

    Alright FFVIII is one of my most fav of all ffs and one of my very first but i gotta say you made me laugh dude but it your opinion and im totally with you on the fanboy bullshit.

  • Uberconrady

    Alright FFVIII is one of my most fav of all ffs and one of my very first but i gotta say you made me laugh dude but it your opinion and im totally with you on the fanboy bullshit.

  • Uberconrady

    Alright FFVIII is one of my most fav of all ffs and one of my very first but i gotta say you made me laugh dude but it your opinion and im totally with you on the fanboy bullshit.

  • Delanex

    I’m sorry but i’ll stick with your phantasmagoria thing. It’s not half as funny when you review a good game (and yes, its a good game and the only way someone could make it look bad is just overhype small things just like you did). Anyways I still love your let’s play segment.

  • Delanex

    I’m sorry but i’ll stick with your phantasmagoria thing. It’s not half as funny when you review a good game (and yes, its a good game and the only way someone could make it look bad is just overhype small things just like you did). Anyways I still love your let’s play segment.

  • Delanex

    I’m sorry but i’ll stick with your phantasmagoria thing. It’s not half as funny when you review a good game (and yes, its a good game and the only way someone could make it look bad is just overhype small things just like you did). Anyways I still love your let’s play segment.

  • Jonny#5

    Valid criticisms of unintuitive gameplay mechanics and illogical plot points isn’t overhyping small things, especially when they’re vital to the overal enjoyment of the game.

  • Jonny#5

    Valid criticisms of unintuitive gameplay mechanics and illogical plot points isn’t overhyping small things, especially when they’re vital to the overal enjoyment of the game.

  • Jonny#5

    Valid criticisms of unintuitive gameplay mechanics and illogical plot points isn’t overhyping small things, especially when they’re vital to the overal enjoyment of the game.

  • Matrim

    Dude, I almost shit when you did your Quistis reaction…[fireflyfanboy]especially the “I’ll be in my bunk” line[/fireflyfanboy]

    Personally, I thought the game was ok, if tedious. However, I do think it was the weakest installment of the series to that date.

  • Matrim

    Dude, I almost shit when you did your Quistis reaction…[fireflyfanboy]especially the “I’ll be in my bunk” line[/fireflyfanboy]

    Personally, I thought the game was ok, if tedious. However, I do think it was the weakest installment of the series to that date.

  • Matrim

    Dude, I almost shit when you did your Quistis reaction…[fireflyfanboy]especially the “I’ll be in my bunk” line[/fireflyfanboy]

    Personally, I thought the game was ok, if tedious. However, I do think it was the weakest installment of the series to that date.

  • sampsa

    fuck..that sound hurts my ears……

  • sampsa

    fuck..that sound hurts my ears……

  • sampsa

    fuck..that sound hurts my ears……

  • Burgiz

    This game is kinda boring, and the magic system does blow ass. It’s not nearly as good as FF7 or 6 (Both well worth investing more time into than this) but even this game isn’t the worst offender in the series, I would love to see reviews of FF9 and X-2 those games are horrible. 9 has essentially the same story as Dragonball Z which is awful to say the least and X-2? I don’t even think I need to elaborate

  • Burgiz

    This game is kinda boring, and the magic system does blow ass. It’s not nearly as good as FF7 or 6 (Both well worth investing more time into than this) but even this game isn’t the worst offender in the series, I would love to see reviews of FF9 and X-2 those games are horrible. 9 has essentially the same story as Dragonball Z which is awful to say the least and X-2? I don’t even think I need to elaborate

  • Burgiz

    This game is kinda boring, and the magic system does blow ass. It’s not nearly as good as FF7 or 6 (Both well worth investing more time into than this) but even this game isn’t the worst offender in the series, I would love to see reviews of FF9 and X-2 those games are horrible. 9 has essentially the same story as Dragonball Z which is awful to say the least and X-2? I don’t even think I need to elaborate

  • http://www.adellacosplay.com/ Sarah

    Noah you are without a doubt one of the funniest people on the planet. I’ve shown these reviews to everyone I know and they all think they are great. Watching the FF8 reviews, my friends and I were laughing so hard that the downstairs neighbor came up to bang on our door and yell at us to shut up. Thank you for being so funny XD KEEP IT UP!!!

  • http://www.adellacosplay.com Sarah

    Noah you are without a doubt one of the funniest people on the planet. I’ve shown these reviews to everyone I know and they all think they are great. Watching the FF8 reviews, my friends and I were laughing so hard that the downstairs neighbor came up to bang on our door and yell at us to shut up. Thank you for being so funny XD KEEP IT UP!!!

  • http://www.adellacosplay.com/ Sarah

    oh yes.. and the Fire Fly reference was hilarious too!!….

    THEY HAVE MSBUKKAKE?!

  • http://www.adellacosplay.com/ Sarah

    oh yes.. and the Fire Fly reference was hilarious too!!….

    THEY HAVE MSBUKKAKE?!

  • http://www.adellacosplay.com Sarah

    oh yes.. and the Fire Fly reference was hilarious too!!….

    THEY HAVE MSBUKKAKE?!

  • carmen510

    I love your ‘Latin translation’. I laughed so hard.

    Especially when you actually know the lyrics, its even more hilarious.

  • carmen510

    I love your ‘Latin translation’. I laughed so hard.

    Especially when you actually know the lyrics, its even more hilarious.

  • carmen510

    I love your ‘Latin translation’. I laughed so hard.

    Especially when you actually know the lyrics, its even more hilarious.

  • thomas

    …u know….actually this game is not about …him + her only
    ..dont u save the world from the witches?
    ..dont u travel through time to get to the to the ultimate end boss?
    …..the love story is only a sub plot

    btw…the intro is a dialog between rinoa and squall in the middle of the game…
    she says i’ll be waiting……
    and then he says…….

  • thomas

    …u know….actually this game is not about …him + her only
    ..dont u save the world from the witches?
    ..dont u travel through time to get to the to the ultimate end boss?
    …..the love story is only a sub plot

    btw…the intro is a dialog between rinoa and squall in the middle of the game…
    she says i’ll be waiting……
    and then he says…….

  • thomas

    …u know….actually this game is not about …him + her only
    ..dont u save the world from the witches?
    ..dont u travel through time to get to the to the ultimate end boss?
    …..the love story is only a sub plot

    btw…the intro is a dialog between rinoa and squall in the middle of the game…
    she says i’ll be waiting……
    and then he says…….

  • FF8fan

    FF8 is probably my favorite final fantasy of all time, and yet I found this video quite hilarious! Its funny to nit pick some of these details; though none of them really bothered me.

    Hopefully you liked this game somewhat and are doing it as a spoof. Its a bit lame if you hated it and are just making a very extended rant :p.

    The only thing that beefed me was your comment on always summoning GFs in battles. While they are useful sometimes, I found the combat did better if I used their junction abilities and didn’t summon them often at all. If I recall correctly summoning them put them in rest mode in which you lost the junctioning they provided temporarily (I might have this detail wrong, its been a couple years since I played it). It is quite temping when you start off to spam GFs, but not really the best course of action. It also lowers you initial SeeD rank in the first mission (and later on as well maybe, I forget).

  • FF8fan

    FF8 is probably my favorite final fantasy of all time, and yet I found this video quite hilarious! Its funny to nit pick some of these details; though none of them really bothered me.

    Hopefully you liked this game somewhat and are doing it as a spoof. Its a bit lame if you hated it and are just making a very extended rant :p.

    The only thing that beefed me was your comment on always summoning GFs in battles. While they are useful sometimes, I found the combat did better if I used their junction abilities and didn’t summon them often at all. If I recall correctly summoning them put them in rest mode in which you lost the junctioning they provided temporarily (I might have this detail wrong, its been a couple years since I played it). It is quite temping when you start off to spam GFs, but not really the best course of action. It also lowers you initial SeeD rank in the first mission (and later on as well maybe, I forget).

  • FF8fan

    FF8 is probably my favorite final fantasy of all time, and yet I found this video quite hilarious! Its funny to nit pick some of these details; though none of them really bothered me.

    Hopefully you liked this game somewhat and are doing it as a spoof. Its a bit lame if you hated it and are just making a very extended rant :p.

    The only thing that beefed me was your comment on always summoning GFs in battles. While they are useful sometimes, I found the combat did better if I used their junction abilities and didn’t summon them often at all. If I recall correctly summoning them put them in rest mode in which you lost the junctioning they provided temporarily (I might have this detail wrong, its been a couple years since I played it). It is quite temping when you start off to spam GFs, but not really the best course of action. It also lowers you initial SeeD rank in the first mission (and later on as well maybe, I forget).

  • Malygon

    Your Commentary is way to silent compared to the ingame sounds. I don’t want to blow my ears off trying to understand you. But otherwise great.

  • Malygon

    Your Commentary is way to silent compared to the ingame sounds. I don’t want to blow my ears off trying to understand you. But otherwise great.

  • Malygon

    Your Commentary is way to silent compared to the ingame sounds. I don’t want to blow my ears off trying to understand you. But otherwise great.

  • Kyle

    Are all the infinite spin-off Final Fantasy games(as in not in the main numbered series) as complicated as the later main FF games? I know the Tactics series is but are the others complicated as well.

  • Kyle

    Are all the infinite spin-off Final Fantasy games(as in not in the main numbered series) as complicated as the later main FF games? I know the Tactics series is but are the others complicated as well.

  • Kyle

    Are all the infinite spin-off Final Fantasy games(as in not in the main numbered series) as complicated as the later main FF games? I know the Tactics series is but are the others complicated as well.

  • FaustSnake

    Did you know that there is currently a YouTube project going on where the fans are fandubbing (yes, you read that right) FF:VIII.

    If you didn’t, check it out :3 (and yes, I am one of the sorry saps who is part of the dubbing)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SfoNQOzu0A&feature=channel_page

  • FaustSnake

    Did you know that there is currently a YouTube project going on where the fans are fandubbing (yes, you read that right) FF:VIII.

    If you didn’t, check it out :3 (and yes, I am one of the sorry saps who is part of the dubbing)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SfoNQOzu0A&feature=channel_page

  • FaustSnake

    Did you know that there is currently a YouTube project going on where the fans are fandubbing (yes, you read that right) FF:VIII.

    If you didn’t, check it out :3 (and yes, I am one of the sorry saps who is part of the dubbing)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SfoNQOzu0A&feature=channel_page

  • Masticina Akicta

    Now I do understand they wanted to change things.. and I do understand that it makes things “less interchangable” as in FF VII. But darn .. that magic system with a guardian force blows. What I need a spreadsheet to make sense of this? Seemingly I have to meaning I have to buy the official guide. I won’t!

    I stop playing games that stop making sense!

  • Masticina Akicta

    Now I do understand they wanted to change things.. and I do understand that it makes things “less interchangable” as in FF VII. But darn .. that magic system with a guardian force blows. What I need a spreadsheet to make sense of this? Seemingly I have to meaning I have to buy the official guide. I won’t!

    I stop playing games that stop making sense!

  • Masticina Akicta

    Now I do understand they wanted to change things.. and I do understand that it makes things “less interchangable” as in FF VII. But darn .. that magic system with a guardian force blows. What I need a spreadsheet to make sense of this? Seemingly I have to meaning I have to buy the official guide. I won’t!

    I stop playing games that stop making sense!

  • James

    OMFG… This is so awesome!!! You are like the most funniest guy ever!!!

  • James

    OMFG… This is so awesome!!! You are like the most funniest guy ever!!!

  • James

    OMFG… This is so awesome!!! You are like the most funniest guy ever!!!

  • October Mermaid

    In spite of all the stupidity and embarrassment, I still really like FF8. Granted, a lot of that could be nostalgia and the fact that I first played it during a very good time in my life and so I have those memories attached to it.

    Videos like this just make me wonder how much poorly written hate mail Spoony got, though. A lot of fans of, well, anything tend to identify way too strongly with the stuff they like and defend it in ways that really don’t help their case. Then again, Spoony seems like the kind of guy who could handle that kind of hate mail. It’d just freak me out.

  • October Mermaid

    In spite of all the stupidity and embarrassment, I still really like FF8. Granted, a lot of that could be nostalgia and the fact that I first played it during a very good time in my life and so I have those memories attached to it.

    Videos like this just make me wonder how much poorly written hate mail Spoony got, though. A lot of fans of, well, anything tend to identify way too strongly with the stuff they like and defend it in ways that really don’t help their case. Then again, Spoony seems like the kind of guy who could handle that kind of hate mail. It’d just freak me out.

  • October Mermaid

    In spite of all the stupidity and embarrassment, I still really like FF8. Granted, a lot of that could be nostalgia and the fact that I first played it during a very good time in my life and so I have those memories attached to it.

    Videos like this just make me wonder how much poorly written hate mail Spoony got, though. A lot of fans of, well, anything tend to identify way too strongly with the stuff they like and defend it in ways that really don’t help their case. Then again, Spoony seems like the kind of guy who could handle that kind of hate mail. It’d just freak me out.

  • OheeSheekun

    If you dont shut up about the damn gunblade its gonna end up coming out in every game. Its come out in every FF7 spin off but surprisingly not in 12 but when you check out 13…well what do you know your favorite sword is back. Thanks spooney its all your fault!!!

  • OheeSheekun

    If you dont shut up about the damn gunblade its gonna end up coming out in every game. Its come out in every FF7 spin off but surprisingly not in 12 but when you check out 13…well what do you know your favorite sword is back. Thanks spooney its all your fault!!!

  • OheeSheekun

    If you dont shut up about the damn gunblade its gonna end up coming out in every game. Its come out in every FF7 spin off but surprisingly not in 12 but when you check out 13…well what do you know your favorite sword is back. Thanks spooney its all your fault!!!

  • PokemonMaster

    i have a tiny complaint.
    why is it that the game volume is louder than your voice? it makes it a lot harder to hear you
    please fix that

  • PokemonMaster

    i have a tiny complaint.
    why is it that the game volume is louder than your voice? it makes it a lot harder to hear you
    please fix that

  • PokemonMaster

    i have a tiny complaint.
    why is it that the game volume is louder than your voice? it makes it a lot harder to hear you
    please fix that

  • Stevo

    As a previous poster stated: it’s Final ‘Fantasy’ … Yes, but tacking Fantasy on to the title doesn’t forgive shitty storyline, moronic characters, abysmal leveling system, horrible pervasive mini-game, and cringeworthy dialogue. Spoony was right to bash this game, as it sucks. And no, I’m not a Final Fantasy hater, played the hell out of the original, and loved FF7. This one was a shoddy mess they threw together in the wake of FF7’s monumental success, and it should have failed miserably. Sadly, it didn’t.

  • Stevo

    As a previous poster stated: it’s Final ‘Fantasy’ … Yes, but tacking Fantasy on to the title doesn’t forgive shitty storyline, moronic characters, abysmal leveling system, horrible pervasive mini-game, and cringeworthy dialogue. Spoony was right to bash this game, as it sucks. And no, I’m not a Final Fantasy hater, played the hell out of the original, and loved FF7. This one was a shoddy mess they threw together in the wake of FF7’s monumental success, and it should have failed miserably. Sadly, it didn’t.

  • Stevo

    As a previous poster stated: it’s Final ‘Fantasy’ … Yes, but tacking Fantasy on to the title doesn’t forgive shitty storyline, moronic characters, abysmal leveling system, horrible pervasive mini-game, and cringeworthy dialogue. Spoony was right to bash this game, as it sucks. And no, I’m not a Final Fantasy hater, played the hell out of the original, and loved FF7. This one was a shoddy mess they threw together in the wake of FF7’s monumental success, and it should have failed miserably. Sadly, it didn’t.

  • http://bestgeekeverpr.blogspot.com/ Batzarro

    What? I totally bought it. And hey, it was fun. Me and my Playstation ignoring ways…

    Still, now I wanna know how it ends! But with Spoony making fun of it!

  • http://bestgeekeverpr.blogspot.com/ Batzarro

    What? I totally bought it. And hey, it was fun. Me and my Playstation ignoring ways…

    Still, now I wanna know how it ends! But with Spoony making fun of it!

  • http://bestgeekeverpr.blogspot.com Batzarro

    What? I totally bought it. And hey, it was fun. Me and my Playstation ignoring ways…

    Still, now I wanna know how it ends! But with Spoony making fun of it!

  • voidKeeper

    ok ok ok, let me start by saying that I love all Final fantasies until number 9, after that… yeah… I also understand why you don’t really like FF8, so I’m going to try to get to some understanding here xD. the gunblade, what if I told you that this thing is not really original!!!!! it’s almost as old as flint rock guns! the diference is that they weren’t swords, they were knives, it’s a bit overkill yes, but I guess the principle would be to stab an enemy and then pull the trigger delivering a VERY deadly blow.

    Now let’s that the gunblade in FF8, you’re killing HUGE monsters in this game, aside from the smaller ones, so I think it makes sense that you would like to be able to do as much damage as possible, stab a big mosnter and then pull the trigger to release a even more deadly blow, so if the blade wont kill him, the blast will, if you’re a gun crazy overkill guy, in reality you could even squeeze the whole clip on the fucker!

    now you could say, why not just use a gun??? well… basically it’s cooler and if you’re an overkill kind of guy you really want to mess someone up xD. I hope this as clarified what the gunblade is and it’s purpose in real life =P

  • voidKeeper

    ok ok ok, let me start by saying that I love all Final fantasies until number 9, after that… yeah… I also understand why you don’t really like FF8, so I’m going to try to get to some understanding here xD. the gunblade, what if I told you that this thing is not really original!!!!! it’s almost as old as flint rock guns! the diference is that they weren’t swords, they were knives, it’s a bit overkill yes, but I guess the principle would be to stab an enemy and then pull the trigger delivering a VERY deadly blow.

    Now let’s that the gunblade in FF8, you’re killing HUGE monsters in this game, aside from the smaller ones, so I think it makes sense that you would like to be able to do as much damage as possible, stab a big mosnter and then pull the trigger to release a even more deadly blow, so if the blade wont kill him, the blast will, if you’re a gun crazy overkill guy, in reality you could even squeeze the whole clip on the fucker!

    now you could say, why not just use a gun??? well… basically it’s cooler and if you’re an overkill kind of guy you really want to mess someone up xD. I hope this as clarified what the gunblade is and it’s purpose in real life =P

  • voidKeeper

    ok ok ok, let me start by saying that I love all Final fantasies until number 9, after that… yeah… I also understand why you don’t really like FF8, so I’m going to try to get to some understanding here xD. the gunblade, what if I told you that this thing is not really original!!!!! it’s almost as old as flint rock guns! the diference is that they weren’t swords, they were knives, it’s a bit overkill yes, but I guess the principle would be to stab an enemy and then pull the trigger delivering a VERY deadly blow.

    Now let’s that the gunblade in FF8, you’re killing HUGE monsters in this game, aside from the smaller ones, so I think it makes sense that you would like to be able to do as much damage as possible, stab a big mosnter and then pull the trigger to release a even more deadly blow, so if the blade wont kill him, the blast will, if you’re a gun crazy overkill guy, in reality you could even squeeze the whole clip on the fucker!

    now you could say, why not just use a gun??? well… basically it’s cooler and if you’re an overkill kind of guy you really want to mess someone up xD. I hope this as clarified what the gunblade is and it’s purpose in real life =P

  • BioSaber

    i agree with you 100% on this game. IT SUX HORSEY BALLZ. but i do love FFX so thats somthing i can put aside. you awesome thanks for being on watch for awesomeness

  • BioSaber

    i agree with you 100% on this game. IT SUX HORSEY BALLZ. but i do love FFX so thats somthing i can put aside. you awesome thanks for being on watch for awesomeness

  • BioSaber

    i agree with you 100% on this game. IT SUX HORSEY BALLZ. but i do love FFX so thats somthing i can put aside. you awesome thanks for being on watch for awesomeness

  • Donald Morrison

    One question, do you really hate Final Fantasy VIII for real or is this just a joke you made?

  • Donald Morrison

    One question, do you really hate Final Fantasy VIII for real or is this just a joke you made?

  • Donald Morrison

    One question, do you really hate Final Fantasy VIII for real or is this just a joke you made?

  • Aufbruch

    Rock on, man….not likely you’ll see this, but….you’re really the only TGWTG-related reviewer who sticks by his guns and refuses to bow to fanrage and/or the flame-risk your thoughts might get from the Herd.

    Prod those cattle, dude. Prod’em till they cry. : )

  • Aufbruch

    Rock on, man….not likely you’ll see this, but….you’re really the only TGWTG-related reviewer who sticks by his guns and refuses to bow to fanrage and/or the flame-risk your thoughts might get from the Herd.

    Prod those cattle, dude. Prod’em till they cry. : )

  • Liam

    This is why gaming has become so lame these days.

    Why do western audiences have to take fantastical ideas (this goes for ALL of gaming) and ruin them by wanting more “realistic” games.

    That’s like saying “Hi George Lucas, we love star wars, but could you get rid of the Jedis because well, the force can’t happen”.

    It’slike, games like Zone of the Enders: The Second Runner are largely dismissed for being meh because it’s well, massive robots. It’s terrible. I don’t want to play Call of fucking Duty, or the Sims. these franchises are both DULL and hugely uninspiring. Are people imaginations so bloody stunted now that they can’t forgive something as fictional as a sword with a gun attached to it? On the basis of that, people can’t like anything that is ever fictionally created again.

    Out of all the retarded stuff people imagine, i mean, the gunblade REALLY isn’t all that stupid. What about…well, star wars, transformers…HARRY BITCHING POTTER.

    FFS western audiences are shit.

  • Liam

    This is why gaming has become so lame these days.

    Why do western audiences have to take fantastical ideas (this goes for ALL of gaming) and ruin them by wanting more “realistic” games.

    That’s like saying “Hi George Lucas, we love star wars, but could you get rid of the Jedis because well, the force can’t happen”.

    It’slike, games like Zone of the Enders: The Second Runner are largely dismissed for being meh because it’s well, massive robots. It’s terrible. I don’t want to play Call of fucking Duty, or the Sims. these franchises are both DULL and hugely uninspiring. Are people imaginations so bloody stunted now that they can’t forgive something as fictional as a sword with a gun attached to it? On the basis of that, people can’t like anything that is ever fictionally created again.

    Out of all the retarded stuff people imagine, i mean, the gunblade REALLY isn’t all that stupid. What about…well, star wars, transformers…HARRY BITCHING POTTER.

    FFS western audiences are shit.

  • http://Bleh Liam

    This is why gaming has become so lame these days.

    Why do western audiences have to take fantastical ideas (this goes for ALL of gaming) and ruin them by wanting more “realistic” games.

    That’s like saying “Hi George Lucas, we love star wars, but could you get rid of the Jedis because well, the force can’t happen”.

    It’slike, games like Zone of the Enders: The Second Runner are largely dismissed for being meh because it’s well, massive robots. It’s terrible. I don’t want to play Call of fucking Duty, or the Sims. these franchises are both DULL and hugely uninspiring. Are people imaginations so bloody stunted now that they can’t forgive something as fictional as a sword with a gun attached to it? On the basis of that, people can’t like anything that is ever fictionally created again.

    Out of all the retarded stuff people imagine, i mean, the gunblade REALLY isn’t all that stupid. What about…well, star wars, transformers…HARRY BITCHING POTTER.

    FFS western audiences are shit.

  • Shawn

    “Out of all the retarded stuff people imagine, i mean, the gunblade REALLY isn’t all that stupid. What about…well, star wars, transformers…HARRY BITCHING POTTER.”

    How can you compare the gunblade to those things? The gunblade is stupid because it makes no logical sense. Why don’t we make a game with a gun dildo? How about a submarine made of bread? Maybe I’ll fire up Alone in The Dark and tape a blue light to an empty bottle. It makes about as much sense as a gun and a sword being taped together.

  • Shawn

    “Out of all the retarded stuff people imagine, i mean, the gunblade REALLY isn’t all that stupid. What about…well, star wars, transformers…HARRY BITCHING POTTER.”

    How can you compare the gunblade to those things? The gunblade is stupid because it makes no logical sense. Why don’t we make a game with a gun dildo? How about a submarine made of bread? Maybe I’ll fire up Alone in The Dark and tape a blue light to an empty bottle. It makes about as much sense as a gun and a sword being taped together.

  • Shawn

    “Out of all the retarded stuff people imagine, i mean, the gunblade REALLY isn’t all that stupid. What about…well, star wars, transformers…HARRY BITCHING POTTER.”

    How can you compare the gunblade to those things? The gunblade is stupid because it makes no logical sense. Why don’t we make a game with a gun dildo? How about a submarine made of bread? Maybe I’ll fire up Alone in The Dark and tape a blue light to an empty bottle. It makes about as much sense as a gun and a sword being taped together.

  • Chief

    I love this series of videos, Spoony. Fantastic work!
    “Squeal Lubefart” I almost fucking died laughing the first time I read that!

  • Chief

    I love this series of videos, Spoony. Fantastic work!
    “Squeal Lubefart” I almost fucking died laughing the first time I read that!

  • Chief

    I love this series of videos, Spoony. Fantastic work!
    “Squeal Lubefart” I almost fucking died laughing the first time I read that!

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  • Anonymous

    Quikquik January 18, 2009 at 5:40 pm
    “This isn’t a review, it’s more like an insult: so says me: Final Fantasy Fanboy Jagoff.
    Of course, I’m kidding. But I would not call this game the most overrated game of all time (that game would be Beyond Good and Evil).”

    Hey, Beyond and Evil wasn’t overrated (that was FFVII). It was a commercial failure, probably because you wanted Halo or some Mario.

  • Anonymous

    Quikquik January 18, 2009 at 5:40 pm
    “This isn’t a review, it’s more like an insult: so says me: Final Fantasy Fanboy Jagoff.
    Of course, I’m kidding. But I would not call this game the most overrated game of all time (that game would be Beyond Good and Evil).”

    Hey, Beyond and Evil wasn’t overrated (that was FFVII). It was a commercial failure, probably because you wanted Halo or some Mario.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/neon6 Asmerom

    Quikquik January 18, 2009 at 5:40 pm
    “This isn’t a review, it’s more like an insult: so says me: Final Fantasy Fanboy Jagoff.
    Of course, I’m kidding. But I would not call this game the most overrated game of all time (that game would be Beyond Good and Evil).”

    Hey, Beyond and Evil wasn’t overrated (that was FFVII). It was a commercial failure, probably because you wanted Halo or some Mario.

  • Sugarbaby

    Dude, seriously…you need to take half an hour and re-work the sound levels on this review. I can’t hear a fucking word you’re saying over the soundtrack, and that’s a shame ‘cuz I’m sure it’s hilarious.

    At least I had the sight gags to liven things up while straining to hear your voice…

  • Sugarbaby

    Dude, seriously…you need to take half an hour and re-work the sound levels on this review. I can’t hear a fucking word you’re saying over the soundtrack, and that’s a shame ‘cuz I’m sure it’s hilarious.

    At least I had the sight gags to liven things up while straining to hear your voice…

  • Sugarbaby

    Dude, seriously…you need to take half an hour and re-work the sound levels on this review. I can’t hear a fucking word you’re saying over the soundtrack, and that’s a shame ‘cuz I’m sure it’s hilarious.

    At least I had the sight gags to liven things up while straining to hear your voice…

  • Heroesrock09

    This game is still good.
    I love your series of reviews but its still a brilliant game.
    Its awesome in a good way, it looks and sounds amazing and has good character development. The end villain was nerfed but hey yow the romance was good and she just knew Seifer thats all.
    So, yeah, it still frickin awesome.
    You can do this style of review to any game, movie, comic.

  • Heroesrock09

    This game is still good.
    I love your series of reviews but its still a brilliant game.
    Its awesome in a good way, it looks and sounds amazing and has good character development. The end villain was nerfed but hey yow the romance was good and she just knew Seifer thats all.
    So, yeah, it still frickin awesome.
    You can do this style of review to any game, movie, comic.

  • Heroesrock09

    This game is still good.
    I love your series of reviews but its still a brilliant game.
    Its awesome in a good way, it looks and sounds amazing and has good character development. The end villain was nerfed but hey yow the romance was good and she just knew Seifer thats all.
    So, yeah, it still frickin awesome.
    You can do this style of review to any game, movie, comic.

  • piszjsz

    I was with you until you started with the ‘gay gay gay’ bullshit. Seriously. You can eat a brick of cyanide-laced shit for smacking me over the head with that.

  • piszjsz

    I was with you until you started with the ‘gay gay gay’ bullshit. Seriously. You can eat a brick of cyanide-laced shit for smacking me over the head with that.

  • piszjsz

    I was with you until you started with the ‘gay gay gay’ bullshit. Seriously. You can eat a brick of cyanide-laced shit for smacking me over the head with that.

  • http://sushi.antiblog.com/ Jonna

    I was ready to go Therese on you after watching the excellent Phantasmagoria 2 review-playthrough, but this… -this- is pure blasphemy, boy. *shakes head*

  • http://sushi.antiblog.com/ Jonna

    I was ready to go Therese on you after watching the excellent Phantasmagoria 2 review-playthrough, but this… -this- is pure blasphemy, boy. *shakes head*

  • http://sushi.antiblog.com/ Jonna

    I was ready to go Therese on you after watching the excellent Phantasmagoria 2 review-playthrough, but this… -this- is pure blasphemy, boy. *shakes head*

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/RE5Abridged Seth

    #36

    Beyond Good and Evil Sucked like this game did

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/RE5Abridged Seth

    #36

    Beyond Good and Evil Sucked like this game did

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/RE5Abridged Seth

    #36

    Beyond Good and Evil Sucked like this game did

  • Enkidu

    Humbug. The series downfall ACTUALLY started with FF7.

  • Enkidu

    Humbug. The series downfall ACTUALLY started with FF7.

  • Enkidu

    Humbug. The series downfall ACTUALLY started with FF7.

  • http://www.pink.com/ Pink Power

    I see alot of people find you funny, but I got to admit I think you are trying just a bit TOO hard.
    Some of your comments are totally off the mark, and although I know you are not trying to be “deadly serious” the whole review gets weakened cause of it.

    And if you’re actually gonna give Shiva a sexual name, u should ATLEAST be able to spell it right!
    Bukakke? whats that?? Sure, its a japanese word, and maybe hard for a one-lingual american to be able to write correct, but thats no excuse.

  • http://www.pink.com/ Pink Power

    I see alot of people find you funny, but I got to admit I think you are trying just a bit TOO hard.
    Some of your comments are totally off the mark, and although I know you are not trying to be “deadly serious” the whole review gets weakened cause of it.

    And if you’re actually gonna give Shiva a sexual name, u should ATLEAST be able to spell it right!
    Bukakke? whats that?? Sure, its a japanese word, and maybe hard for a one-lingual american to be able to write correct, but thats no excuse.

  • http://www.pink.com Pink Power

    I see alot of people find you funny, but I got to admit I think you are trying just a bit TOO hard.
    Some of your comments are totally off the mark, and although I know you are not trying to be “deadly serious” the whole review gets weakened cause of it.

    And if you’re actually gonna give Shiva a sexual name, u should ATLEAST be able to spell it right!
    Bukakke? whats that?? Sure, its a japanese word, and maybe hard for a one-lingual american to be able to write correct, but thats no excuse.

  • Mr Spoon

    Oh my…
    Where do i start?
    A friend made me watch this and i was hooked. It takes forever to watch all the videos of FF8 and it made me miss a few deadlines. Do I care? Not really. Was it good? Certainly. Do I feel that you took my name? You bet cha. Am i gonna sue you? Of course. Does FF8 suck? Big time. Am I ever gonna write anything to you again? Most likely. Have I watched every video featured on you´re site? Of course I have. Is english not my native language? Do you even have to ask? Anyway I love what you do Spoony and I have to visit your site at least trice a week. For some reason I feel like playing FF8 again. And its your fault. See you in court!

  • Mr Spoon

    Oh my…
    Where do i start?
    A friend made me watch this and i was hooked. It takes forever to watch all the videos of FF8 and it made me miss a few deadlines. Do I care? Not really. Was it good? Certainly. Do I feel that you took my name? You bet cha. Am i gonna sue you? Of course. Does FF8 suck? Big time. Am I ever gonna write anything to you again? Most likely. Have I watched every video featured on you´re site? Of course I have. Is english not my native language? Do you even have to ask? Anyway I love what you do Spoony and I have to visit your site at least trice a week. For some reason I feel like playing FF8 again. And its your fault. See you in court!

  • Mr Spoon

    Oh my…
    Where do i start?
    A friend made me watch this and i was hooked. It takes forever to watch all the videos of FF8 and it made me miss a few deadlines. Do I care? Not really. Was it good? Certainly. Do I feel that you took my name? You bet cha. Am i gonna sue you? Of course. Does FF8 suck? Big time. Am I ever gonna write anything to you again? Most likely. Have I watched every video featured on you´re site? Of course I have. Is english not my native language? Do you even have to ask? Anyway I love what you do Spoony and I have to visit your site at least trice a week. For some reason I feel like playing FF8 again. And its your fault. See you in court!

  • Yojiro

    “u should ATLEAST be able to spell it right!”
    And you should be able to spell ‘at least’ right
    ^
    notice the space?
    If you have nothing to say don’t comment and go back wanking off to FF screenshots

    I liked FFIII and love your review/rant, I can relate to some of your reactions on my first playthrough.

  • Yojiro

    “u should ATLEAST be able to spell it right!”
    And you should be able to spell ‘at least’ right
    ^
    notice the space?
    If you have nothing to say don’t comment and go back wanking off to FF screenshots

    I liked FFIII and love your review/rant, I can relate to some of your reactions on my first playthrough.

  • Yojiro

    “u should ATLEAST be able to spell it right!”
    And you should be able to spell ‘at least’ right
    ^
    notice the space?
    If you have nothing to say don’t comment and go back wanking off to FF screenshots

    I liked FFIII and love your review/rant, I can relate to some of your reactions on my first playthrough.

  • Nathan Ith

    Dude, just an awesome review

  • Nathan Ith

    Dude, just an awesome review

  • Nathan Ith

    Dude, just an awesome review

  • Requiem

    I figured i should post this at some point, although the grip on the gunblade isnt a correct pistol grip, it is currently what i use in fencing tournaments and has by far the monst control compaired to a french (just a handle) http://shop.fencing.net/v/vspfiles/photos/FDN-44101-2.jpg

  • Requiem

    I figured i should post this at some point, although the grip on the gunblade isnt a correct pistol grip, it is currently what i use in fencing tournaments and has by far the monst control compaired to a french (just a handle) http://shop.fencing.net/v/vspfiles/photos/FDN-44101-2.jpg

  • Requiem

    I figured i should post this at some point, although the grip on the gunblade isnt a correct pistol grip, it is currently what i use in fencing tournaments and has by far the monst control compaired to a french (just a handle) http://shop.fencing.net/v/vspfiles/photos/FDN-44101-2.jpg

  • svelez

    @Stevo
    u should play again ff7 and check the story…

  • captain_smackpigeon

    I know this is a damn old video, but I remembered this after seeing a big reveal in Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep. There's some sort of super weapon that the villian(s) are after, and when you see it, it almost makes the gunblade look subtle and normal. I'm starting to wonder if the Kingdom Hearts series should get the FF8 treatment with how ludicrous it's gotten as well.

  • Taerdin

    I saw this when it first released but I decided to rewatch this today and uhh… noticed you say “I'll be in my bunk” which reminded me of Firefly even if that wasn't a reference to that. I love Firefly, that is all.

  • Taerdin

    I saw this when it first released but I decided to rewatch this today and uhh… noticed you say “I'll be in my bunk” which reminded me of Firefly even if that wasn't a reference to that. I love Firefly, that is all.

  • Gauphastus

    This is where it all began for me. Not sure how I ended up at Spoony's page on youtube, but I found this very review back then. I think it had been posted for awhile as I watched a couple more, up to the part where Laguna comes in.
    I think my friend was recommending the Nostalgia Critic a little while before that as well, another youtuber.

    We've gone a long way since then.
    Keep it real, Spoonster. :o

  • Elryc

    I'm disappointed no one has given props for the Coupling reference yet.

  • ReviewKid

    I'm so glad someone that isnt me hates ffx :P

  • ujo1934

    mmmmm..id like 2 stick my (censored) in Quistis' (censored) and bust 2 nuts with a 2 min. interval between GIGGIDY!!

  • ujo1934

    Coupling?

  • ujo1934

    even though we all know it wasnt a Firefly (whoever that is) reference lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Berrios-Toro/1270593822 David Berríos Toro

    LOL …. BUKAKKE do som google research and prepare ur mind!!!, by the way the spell of the word is right.

  • squiike

    i love the wuss panting and “eh eeeh, there can be only one”

    haha!

  • jackZar

    Completely Agree! Final Fantasy VIII is so terrible… I know that loads of people like it, and prefer it to VII and IX… UHM? Wtf?
    FF7 and FF9 were amazing, while FF8 was trying too hard. Sure, it was good for the first day, but then it got boring and it involved too much fighting. At least FF7 had some characters you could enjoy, while FF8 relied on Squall vs Leon all through!
    But, this game still is really hard to find, I wonder why… Because fan boys were eating them! That's the only explanation!
    It's like £80 on amazon, but perhaps it'll be on this site soon…

    • Scirocco

      “At least FF7 had some characters you could enjoy”
      i hate squall, don’t get me wrong
      but i hate cloud a hundred times more

  • highguywhorants

    i lmao when you were like “ehhhh, there can be only ooonnee”.. actually i lmao pretty much every time you did that whiny nerd voice. good vid man

  • centurionccxxii

    i recently found out my friend baught the gunblade… lmao, its pretty legit though, of course i did have to show him Spoonys review of FF8 lmao!

  • rewind83709

    First of all, i beleave this is the first vid of yours iv seen on youtube. I must say first off, i have always kinda been a fan of Final fantasy. And this was………..fucking hilarious! I never liked 8 either, i kinda liked 7, could never get past the way the characters looked. Love 9, was kinda ok with X, kinda. And recently remembered why i hated ff 1, because the combat sucks! and after X, i stopped liking the FF series, i did try 13, and quit after 15 minutes. The second character would not shut up about, “We're the heros, we are the good guys. This world needs heros.” Shut the fuck up already.
    Thank you spoony, love you man.

  • xdeathknightx

    Goddamn I couldn't stop laughing at the teacher bit with the porno music over it

  • ybrevo

    “I'll be in my bunk.” lol yay for the Firefly reference!

  • Anonymous

    “I’ll be in my bunk.” lol yay for the Firefly reference!

  • http://www.facebook.com/zack.irving Zee Darklight

    very cool i like all ff games but ff8 pissed me off alot because of the characters and other things. awsome vid spoony your cool :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Connor-Buchanan/100001357519858 Connor Buchanan

    I gotta agree this game was so insanely stupid I wanted to slam my head in a door after I played through the first disc. After the seventh one the story lines went to shit. Even after 13 they cant get that magic they had up to 7. Its just been a downward spiral

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Connor-Buchanan/100001357519858 Connor Buchanan

    I gotta agree this game was so insanely stupid I wanted to slam my head in a door after I played through the first disc. After the seventh one the story lines went to shit. Even after 13 they cant get that magic they had up to 7. Its just been a downward spiral

  • Anonymous

    Interesting note on video games in Japan with a primarily male target demographic (like, say FF8). The game makers will often insert homoerotic conventions in to their games in order to grab female fans as well. ArcSys, the makers of both Guilty Gear and Blazblue (my favorite fighting games), have even gone so far as to release outright pornography of their characters, both gay, lesbian, and straight. Following the success of FF7, Square decided to recreate the Seme-Uke relationship Sepheroth and and Cloud had with Seifer and Squall, and then take it a step further. In order to ramp up the gay, they modeled Squall’s appearance after that of Kamui Gackt, popular J-rock artist and openly bisexual flirt. In fact, they even released some Japan only official art of their yaoi bait (and not just the ones from 8) in very suggestive poses. So all of those gay jokes you just made at FF8’s expense Spoony? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but those are actually COMPLEMENTS!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bret-Elvis-Moeller/6236368 Bret ‘Elvis’ Moeller

    I LOVE THESE FINAL FANTASY REVIEWS!!!!! PLEASE DO MOREE!!!!!! PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tyreke-Boyd/100000248238281 Tyreke Boyd

    Better graphics doesn’t essentially mean forced realism. Just saying. I’ve my own problems with this game (no, I’ve not seen the other reviews…yet, so I dunno if you’ve touched them) but to attack the gunblade simply on that just doesn’t work. Of course, the other points are valid. Yes, it’s a pretty dumb concept, but no dumber than a 8 foot meat cleaver on a broom handle. Just sayin’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tyreke-Boyd/100000248238281 Tyreke Boyd

    Better graphics doesn’t essentially mean forced realism. Just saying. I’ve my own problems with this game (no, I’ve not seen the other reviews…yet, so I dunno if you’ve touched them) but to attack the gunblade simply on that just doesn’t work. Of course, the other points are valid. Yes, it’s a pretty dumb concept, but no dumber than a 8 foot meat cleaver on a broom handle. Just sayin’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tyreke-Boyd/100000248238281 Tyreke Boyd

    Better graphics doesn’t essentially mean forced realism. Just saying. I’ve my own problems with this game (no, I’ve not seen the other reviews…yet, so I dunno if you’ve touched them) but to attack the gunblade simply on that just doesn’t work. Of course, the other points are valid. Yes, it’s a pretty dumb concept, but no dumber than a 8 foot meat cleaver on a broom handle. Just sayin’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Twuee Hanna Van Buren

    Actually you can skip all animation, if you go to options ^_^
    And I watched your final fantasy 10 as well review, and you can skip it too, by pressing it start and click “Skip animation” o.o;;

    By the way, I enjoy watching your reviews, you’re hillarious Spoony o.o;;

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jd-Makaro/1295349725 Jd Makaro

      You can’t skip the animations in FFX, only in the sequel, FFX-2. I own both of them…

      • Anonymous

        While you can’t skip the summoning animations in FF-X you can set them to short, which significantly shortens the length of them (To only 2 or 3 seconds). Not that you even need to summon in FF-X. The game can be won just by whacking the bad thing with the sharp thing.

  • http://twitter.com/tman7776 Tyler Gholson

    I actually keep the defaults names if they give them out. Also if they’re revealed like in a game’s manga or something (Persona 4’s main character is named Souji Seta in the manga), I use that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Tidushi Tidus Yong

    Spoony,

    I hopes you get a change one day to give some commentary on these rants someday be just as LOLz
    and I realy want to hear why the hell there is a saw hanging above a door… no realy I’d love to hear ;P

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JB5ZQXF5Q555FWQBO4VF3WFDNA Miss Nat

    My girlfriend and I are budding fans, and just started watching through your reviews. We both played and enjoyed Final Fantasy VIII (minus some of the more retarded aspects such as the Draw system.) We only went through the first part’s comments so I’m sorry if someone else said this but: Gunblades (while retarded) actually work on the principle of micro-vibrations. When you hit someone with them, you pull the trigger firing off a ‘blank’ that causes the gun to jar the blade and somehow make it ‘cut’ deeper. Not the most intelligent concept, but that’s how it works. In theory. Love the reviews, and you are hullarious. While I enjoyed the game, I can also appreciate the good humor in picking it apart. Yay for suspension of disbelief. ^.^ New/Big fan, Nat.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=733077305 Joe Buckley

      Yea but if thats true you might as well use a vibrator with a knife on the end, works on the same principles :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Zimmer/100000128206224 Joshua Zimmer

    I’ll have to agree on a few things here. First, the Junction system SUCKS BALLS. I understand the need for an upgraded interface, but damn. I really don’t like an interface that pretty much sets you up to get ass raped repeatedly before you can even do any type of good damage to ANYTHING. The second thing I agree with is the gunblade. This weapon is an embarrassment to the blade genre of weapons. The theory is entertaining, sure, but if it was practical the idea wouldn’t have died out over a 100 years ago.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thunder-Butt/100001038815223 Thunder Butt

    Anyone that says that the sword supposedly works on microvibrations.

    Thats just bullshit, if the vibrations were strong enough to make the sword actually cut deeper and tear apart flesh you would feel it too.

    For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Do you know why people when they’re shot in real life don’t fly back 5 feet. It’s because if they flew back 5 feet that means that the force the bullet impacted with also affected the gun which would mean you would be knocked back 5 feet. Or more realistically the gun would tear off your hand or your arm or violently slam into your face making you even dumber than you are now.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tariel-Corbeau/1388782046 Tariel Corbeau

      just like how around twenty pounds of a pistol grip blade would break your wrist from the weight alone? The force of swinging it alone would break or even dislocate your wrist.

  • Anonymous

    emo git lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1639132142 Christopher Hao

    I liked Final Fantasy VIII…
    Of course, it’s one of the few games I’ve played. Ever.
    Idk. I’m not a fanboy of the Final Fantasy series and I’ve only played every other final fantasy game from 1-8.
    Also, the names you gave were hilarious, however, I don’t suggest performing activities such as Bukkake with Shiva. She’ll freeze the liquid and blow your junk off. And not in a good way.
    …We all know the Japanese have some sick sexual fetish involving catheters. Right? Right?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ronny-Crag-Hack-Kjølstad/100000500139386 Ronny Crag Hack Kjølstad

    Nice touch on the firefly quote :)

  • M. Hoffman

    I ended up at this site after googling a FF8 forum to inquire as to why the game consisted of nothing but repeatedly summoning the player’s GF over and over and over again to win battles, and if I was missing something.

    I now remember why I never finished the game when I was younger.  I remember getting to the second garden and becoming so bored with the whole thing I just quit.

    Bottom line is, this isn’t at all the FF7 I loved as a kid, and you saved me a heck of a lot of time and gave me a much more entertaining version of the events.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JLBehrend Jeremy Behrend

    There was one thing i really liked about the battlesystem. The Draw system. it takes less time to get your magic. but aside from that it REEEEEAAAALLLLLLY takes too damn long to play, and does get annoying.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Famicom-Wars/100001046150018 Famicom Wars

    The air quotes are in english in the japanese version also
    So I’m guessing they thought it didn’t matter what they said
    as long as it sounded cool and mysterious to japanese people

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughan-MacDonald/100000473507885 Vaughan MacDonald

      Or Square thinks their fans are idiots who will squee over anything they make.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Famicom-Wars/100001046150018 Famicom Wars

    This was the very first video I saw from Spoony! Without it I would have never discovered the comedy genius The Spoony One.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vitor-Sampaio/1677472404 Vitor Sampaio

    well spoony, i’m from portugal and i’m a FF games fan, but all you said im the review its all true. boring game, stupid characters, stupid plot,stupid draw,for me i’ts the most bad game of the series. please please review all FF games.
    keep the good work and good reviwes, and give has more REB BROWN MOTHERFUCKERS…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000821568415 Alex ‘Browncoat’ Dimmock

    awesome firefly reference never figured you were a browncoat spoony

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Efrain-Ibarra/100000965334120 Efrain Ibarra

    The gunblade is to shove into some one and then let it go off with an explosion, why you can’t just have bullets that do that, which I’m 95% certain already exist, is beyond me.

    • Anonymous

      Considering how you pull the trigger while swinging and not after, i’m pretty sure that’s wrong mate.

      I’m with you there Spoony. The gunblade is completely retarded. I know its probably possible to design some sort of working model but definitely not with a revolver chamber.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Beverley-Sherratt/100000733272346 Beverley Sherratt

    Before watching your Final Fantasy reviews I was completely indifferent to the series and RPGs in general. I have still not played any of the games as of yet. After watching all of them, and now rewatching this one, I am so thankful I never wasted my money on them. From a design perspective the costumes and weapons that the characters have always reminded me of stuff that someone has sent in as a last-minute art project for school, just a complete mish-mash of lots of good interesting ideas squashed into one huge mess that is impractical and looks ridicuolous. I understand that the earlier instalments were a lot better and, if the opportunity comes, I may give them a try xoxo   

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Beverley-Sherratt/100000733272346 Beverley Sherratt

    Before watching your Final Fantasy reviews I was completely indifferent to the series and RPGs in general. I have still not played any of the games as of yet. After watching all of them, and now rewatching this one, I am so thankful I never wasted my money on them. From a design perspective the costumes and weapons that the characters have always reminded me of stuff that someone has sent in as a last-minute art project for school, just a complete mish-mash of lots of good interesting ideas squashed into one huge mess that is impractical and looks ridicuolous. I understand that the earlier instalments were a lot better and, if the opportunity comes, I may give them a try xoxo   

  • chad lechan

    Here’s how the gunblade works…as stupid as it is.
    You swing, and as you swing, so the sword is slashing through the target, you pull the Trigger (L1) for the Crit damage, which shoots the bullet as it’s pointed at the enemy. Retarded, I know, but that’s how it works.

    • http://twitter.com/EpicMugenOmega Forte

      How does the Bullet travel through solid metal? The damn thing would explode in your hand!

      • William

        I just figured there was a short barrel I couldn’t see on either side of the gun. That, or it’s just a cross between a magic wand, a gun, and a sword. You pull the trigger, and the sword fires a spell instead of a bullet. Which is awesome. Then again, I always liked the idea of gun-blades. But then, I liked sword-chucks too.

        • http://www.facebook.com/chris.wunsch.56 Chris Wunsch

          Ah, fighter, the lovable moron.

    • Gabriel Croath

       Actually, the gunblade never fires bullets because that’s not what the gun part’s for. I think, and don’t quote me on that, the whole gun-mechanic only exists to put a resonance through the blade while it cuts through the opponent for added damage. See Star Wars’ vibroblades for comparison.
      Actually, the idea behind this system is not a bad one, since triggering the vibrations as the blade enters the target minimizes energy-loss and actually makes the blade easier to wield… or it would, if it didn’t have an uncomfortable pistol grip… >_>

    • NeroAngelo

      does it shoot a bullet or just explode in the enemy’s face?

  • http://twitter.com/StochasticOoze Jason

    Here’s what I want to know: Why the fuck are Squall and Seifer practicing with REAL, razor-sharp swords, in what appears to be some rocky wasteland?

    That seems absurdly dangerous. It’s a good thing Seifer only gave Squall a small cut. He could’ve taken his head off.

    Then again, this is a world where you can bring somebody back to life with a feather, so maybe safety isn’t as big an issue.

  • http://twitter.com/Nightshift10000 Daniel Johnson

    Uhhh Spoony, Emos and gays are the same thing, chu, stupid.

  • http://twitter.com/Nightshift10000 Daniel Johnson

    UHHH Spoony, Emos and Gays are the same thing.

    • Anonymous

      Actually, no they’re not.  Someone can be emo without being gay and vice versa.  Try opening your mind just a little bit. 

    • Benuben

      That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

  • Anonymous

    I just realized something.  In the opening FMV, how the hell did Seifer’s Fire spell make a ricochet sound off of Squall’s gunblade?

  • Jeremy Lee

    if that was my teacher, id be in trouble ALL the time!

  • http://twitter.com/DieDissonanz Barry

    My god, I’ve seen this video a hundred times and I still laughed my ass off. Spoony, you gotta go back to your roots man! This shit is awesome.

    • Jeremy Lee

      dude, i love part four the most, especially when he rips on wild wild west by will smith

      • http://twitter.com/TarielCorbeau Tariel Corbeau

        Hey I LOVE that movie! Its so stupid its funny! Plus where else are you gonna see Will Smith dress in drag?

        • Arsenal Of Megadeath

          GOD no where else i hope! XD

  • Pedro Gonzalez Sagaidak

    I personally really like this game, but I have to admit, this review is hilarious.

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  • Diana Treccagnoli

    Hahaha “I’ll be in my bunk” love the Firefly reference Spoony :P

  • History Geek

    I really wanted to watch this but I can’t with you using gay as a insult so much.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Sewell/100003109630229 Patrick Sewell

      Wow,why do you gays even go and like and comment?Everyone hates your kind,go watch “queer eye for the straight guy” like spooney says

    • Naminaro

      Try not to take it too personally. Spoony personally say’s he’s a supporter of gay rights.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Zimmer/100000128206224 Joshua Zimmer

    I agree with you on the gunblade.  Funny thing is, it was an actual weapon design from as early as the 18th century.  The design pretty much started with a flintlock pistol, but I don’t think it got a lot of use.  I had to do some major searching to find a 19th century advancement of the concept, and even then it didn’t see major production.  Even the pistol sword is a strange production with little practical application.  This is what I can find in one page, and it’s still a bit confusing.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pistol_sword

  • Anonymous

    Ok straight away every final fantasy is supposed to change in those ways. Story, characters, setting, are all supposed to be different. There is no connection in those things between Final Fantasies. Good job at being a dumbass.

  • Anonymous

    Ok You’re an idiot. If you want to review something at least say something a quarter of the way to intelligent.

    • http://profiles.google.com/kaiserpha Patrick Allen

      You shouldn’t talk that way about yourself, you know. It’s bad for your self-esteem.

  • Anonymous

    What about King’s Knight? It was Square’s first entry into the American game market and nobody considers it a masterpiece.  That’s why nobody talks about it!

  • http://profiles.google.com/likalaruku Allaiyah Weyn

    Oh Spoony, only Women play FF games. Or at least men refuse to admit it where I grew up.

  • http://profiles.google.com/likalaruku Allaiyah Weyn

    AssPickle…lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=565509310 Rena Cheyney

    the science behind the gunblade is to use the recoil to speed up the swing of the weapon

    • http://profiles.google.com/kaiserpha Patrick Allen

       How can there be recoil if there’s no exit for the bullet? It would be a self-contained blast.

      • ReadMyNameBackwards

        Magic! xP

  • Anonymous

    Ok, lets get this straight. The definition of “fantasy”:

    Dictonary.com defines “fantasy” as:
    Imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained.

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fantasy

    Oxforddictionaries.com defines “fantasy” as:

    The faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things.

    Also

    An idea with no basis in reality.

    http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/fantasy?q=fantasy

    Merriam-webster.com defines “fantasy” as:

    Imaginative fiction featuring especially strange settings and grotesque characters.

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fantasy

    I love how I ended with ” grotesque characters” xP but yeah, I do think the characters, the plot and  and some of the gameplay elements are f**king stupid and unbelievably silly and I truly dislike the games and many of those over the top anime freaks that think these games are soooo deep. I’m more into realistic settings in my games. But common, give them a break. Like I’ve shown above this is fantasy. Pure fiction.
    Like I bet many of you love Star Wars, yet they have lightsabers… How the hell does that work? A laser doesn’t just stop like that and don’t tell me that it’s the “Force” cause that in itself is just as stupid and illogical as magic or giant swords. I haven’t heard a single person bitch about lightsabers, but everyone has a problem with the gunblade. Yes you heard me, I’m defending the f**king gunblade! My friend always comes with the argument that if it’s a gun and it has no barrel, how does it shoot. I usually counter it with a sigh and tell him it’s fantasy and you can’t bring logic into it, but recently I’ve been responding with “I dunno, maybe it’s magic. I mean they use fire spells in the game, why can’t the sword somehow use magic to make that explosive timing hit thing. Because, you know, everyone is always cool about magic in fantasy. Really sometimes I think Spoony and a lot of other people dwell a little bit too much on the gunblade there are waaaayyy better things to bitch about in this game.

    In conclusion fantasy does not require fact or logic… At all. Regardless of whether you think the series are stupid or not. I just really hate it when people go around bringing logic into fantasy. It’s like hearing about a dragon in a fairy tale and going “No! Bullshit! No lizard can breath fire! That’s not possible!”

    Spoony your review made me piss myself with laughter and I loved it, but I still disagree with a lot of it.

    • http://profiles.google.com/kaiserpha Patrick Allen

       Any good fantasy, however, like a good science fiction, MUST make internal sense. They may not require facts, but they DO require logic. Once you accept certain precepts, then the rest of, otherwise it’s as boring and dull as a fanfic with deus ex machinas as commonplace as the word “the”.

      Lightsabers have nothing to do with the Force. They are self-limiting. Of course they don’t exist, but they’re within plausibility. In both sci-fi and fantasy, there is suspension of disbelief, but only based on certain, accepted premises. Logic does not leave the equation.

      They have real gunblades that work, you know. They’re called rifles with bayonet attachments. Gunblades are impractical and stupid even within the FF universe.

      The second worst kind of game is one with too many rules. The worst game is with none at all.

      If the lizards could not hitherto now breathe fire, and it has been established in your universe that there is no plausible reason for them to breathe fire, and THEN for the creator to arbitrarily make the lizards breathe fire to satisfy a plot contrivance or because “it looks cool” or some other reason, that, my friend, IS bullshit.

      • ReadMyNameBackwards

        I kinda agree with you. If that makes any sense xD

        But like I’ve show above fantasy is defined as “An idea with no basis in reality” so I’m still on the opinion that fantasy does not require fact or logic but I and many others like my science fiction/fantasy to include them, at least to some degree. It’s strictly opinion based. A stupid illogical but cool idea may interest some but not others. 

        I consider myself a bit of a history nut so I am aware of bayonets but I don’t really think that once you put a knife on the end of a gun it becomes a gunblade since it’s still just a rifle but with a knife attachment and not the combination of the two as a single weapon. That would be like calling a rifle with a scope a gunscope instead a scoped rifle.

        And yeah, I really doubted that the force would have anything to do with the lightsabers but I don’t think we will ever invent self stopping lasers, but if we wanted to make a lightsaber we could put a super strong mirror on the end to project the laser back and forth, but that would really end up being too complicated, expensive and inconvenient to really be useful in warfare anyway. The gunblade is an impossible design, the lightsaber is a more plausible design but if you think about, they are just as stupid and  inconvenient if we were to drag them out of their own fictional worlds and logic.

        And about the lizard bit, I completely agree. But you will find that Final Fantasy does really explain painfully little about how things work in its world and therefor almost anything can happen. (But I’m sure someone is going to point me towards a FF-X wiki and show me how wrong I am, but the games at least explain very little.) Also if the creators of Final Fantasy would explain every single detail like how gunblade works, how the process of junctioning magic goes etc. It would take soooo long and THAT would be boring. Like that guy from Final Fantasy X Spoony complained about explaining everything about everything you couldn’t care less about  (His name was Makin or Maken or something). 

        Anyway, in your opinion it’s stupid and in someone elses it’s cool. It’s all just a matter of opinion.

        • http://www.facebook.com/rabblesthebinx Brian Frang

          Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t gunblades supposed to have a short barrel that runs in the blood channel? I always assumed that was the reason for hitting the trigger during the slash.

          Lightsabers, by the way, are not lasers at all. They’re a self-limiting plasma blade contained within a magnetic field, both of which are generated in the hilt of the weapon. The magnetic force is created through the use of some kind of gyroscope, which causes the hilt to shake violently. THAT’S why only Jedi use them, because without the Force to guide your actions, you’d be more likely to cut of your own hand.

          • ReadMyNameBackwards

            I have no idea how the gunblade works, sorry xP

            But what the two weapons do have in common is their original ideas. Yes today we have some explanation behind the lightsaber but it started out with George Lucas thinking: “What’s a cool weapon for the elite knights in my new kick-ass Sci-Fi? Swords are cool, lasers (or plasma, doubt that was the original thought though) are cool! They’ll have lightsabers!”

            I for one find that not so different from the lets mix together a sword and gun because it’s cool idea. The only real difference is that Star Wars is a Western Sci-Fi and Final Fantasy is an Eastern Sci-Fi and Eastern Sci-Fis/Fantasies tend to be more over the top and explain less.

          • Charles Schrock

             The whole blood channel thing is a myth.  It is called a fuller and is simply there to make the blade lighter.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Mcdohl.Noir Micheal Joseph Watts

      did you just say Common? for Come On? Oh and He did say in the beginning “Either you loved it or you hated it” He hated it and hes just fuckin around lol!

      • ReadMyNameBackwards

        Oops… Fixed. Although I do realise the difference, it was a silly mistake. English is not my first language so I hope I am forgiven xP

        Also, yes I know, he is just mostly kidding around and telling us his personal opinion, so I shared mine :)

        Mostly just because I’ve seen so many people watch his videos and suddenly follow his rants as law instead of making their own opinion on the subject. I have nothing against Spoony or his opinions. Hell, I even admire the guy. He has great speaking and debating skills. That mixed with his comedy makes people like and agree with him. Call me crazy but I think he would make an excellent politician.

  • SalomonAugust

    Boys have a penis girls have a pussy

    • ReadMyNameBackwards

      Truer words were never spoken…

  • James_Blood

    throught the whole FF VIII videos it appears that your commentary is very queit compared to the game’s sound, anny chance of fixing that?

  • http://www.facebook.com/maurice.peyton1 Maurice Peyton

    I’m just there are other people besides myself who saw this game for the steaming pile of crap it was.

  • xsr xsr

    I just finished this piece of shit and i cheated the fuck out of this shitty game. This game shouldn’t exist.

    • http://www.facebook.com/maurice.peyton1 Maurice Peyton

      Yes! This game is horrible! Probably the worst RPG I’ve ever played.

  • Victor Gominho

    I think the concept of a Gunblade is very, very cool. But in FF8 it just looked stupid. I mean, using the recoil to increase the power of the slashes? WHAT? I mean, in Crisis Core: Final Fantasy 7, they put a Gunblade, but it was completely different, and when i say that, i say it was actually damn usable. Because it had a barrel and a blade UNDER it. Now it looked like a hand cannon with a oversized bayonet, but at least it had a possible concept.

  • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

    I loved this game, and I thought it was pretty easy with a few challenging parts mixed in. But you make some really good points and this review is amazing and gut busting funny! Good job on making these, cant wait to watch the rest of this review!

  • jagarcia0705

    If Cloud & Squall entered an EMO contest, who would win?

    • http://www.facebook.com/HolyQuebec Mathieu Brodeur

      Vincent!

      • jagarcia0705

         So Vincent is MORE EMO than Cloud & Squall combine?

    • NeroAngelo

      Cloud’s not really emo in the original FF7

  • Ralek

    Happy to say I never played this Final Fantasy, though the only one I have played is Final Fantasy X…

    Thanks for the video Spoony

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Behellmorph-Beckett/100001737277871 Chris Behellmorph Beckett

    Hey Spoony, I can’t seen to get these videos on the TGWTG site. Have they been removed from the site? I hope not, I love these FF reviews to no end.

  • http://twitter.com/TheRealBlarggle _

    I’d love to get into your videos. I’ve seen a few. You’re pretty funny. But unfortunately I cannot get past your incredibly blatant homophobia.  Or if it’s not homophobia, what ever you call your “lol making fun of gay=joaks lol rite?”

    • SalomonAugust

      God put gays on the earth to give us normal people something to joke about.

      • http://twitter.com/jbstevens96 Joey Brown

        Go fuck yourself.

        • Alan Moore

          It’s called a joker. Would kindly stop being a raging cigarette,

    • Techee44

      Spoony’s made it pretty clear how bad he feels for that immature bullshit “Gay gay sissy gay” line.

      And if you follow him on Twitter, you’d know he’s not homophobic.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Sewell/100003109630229 Patrick Sewell

        Techee,of u saw any Comm you know he still would say the same thing today.stop making shit up

        • Techee44

          Comm? What’s Comm?

          • http://www.facebook.com/EthanYIMR1 Ethan Smith

            Im pretty sure spoony isn’t homophobic in any way

          • Techee44

            Exactly.

    • NeroAngelo

      to be fair, lots of the internet-personalities made gay jokes around this time
      it’s nothing new, they were just going with the crowd

      doesn’t really excuse it, though. seems like they see how stupid it was
      like, I’ve seen the Critic vs AVGN feud & there were a few gay-slurs thrown between them

  • http://twitter.com/DuneBlythe Dune Blythe

    TOO EVERYONE THAT HAS AN ISSUE WITH THE SOUND OF THE VIDEO:

    The background music will be louder then his voice if your sound is louder in you left speaker then your right.

    If you have the same problem as me, you need to make sure your speakers are plugged all the way in.

  • Mikey Krause

    If their going to do an HD remake of FFVIII, God help us all, they should make drawing a lot more effective, and the card games fun. The card game in FFIX was worse, because you couldn’t do anything with them!

  • Mikey Krause

    Sorry for this comment, blame the incompetence of the internet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Sewell/100003109630229 Patrick Sewell

    Gays are the laughing stock of the world,if you F*** can’t get over this,then go cry,gays are shunned for a reason.I know its hard going outside and the world hating u,and to this day,i’m glad spooney just ignores you gays “that was mean!”

    • Truaaaa

      @Justin ROFL, There are few places they are not! More then just Russian and Israel

  • Miroslav

    Wow…
    I really wanted to watch some of Spoony’s older stuff, but I just can’t hear what he is saying because of this LOUD music. No FF 8 for me. :(

  • http://twitter.com/JustApollo Apollo Justice

    Wow, headphones makes this impossible to watch

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Walsh/570455360 Michael Walsh

    I just realized something that gave me a chuckle. Spoony rants about how stupid the Gunblade is in this game, and then it turns out they put the Gunblade back in FF13, another game that he really hates.

    • Icytor44

      He actually discusses in the Final Fantasy 13 Review why hes okay with that Gunblade, mainly due to the fact that it is not a giant hunk of metal that has a gun attached to it, and instead a transforming weapon that can switch between gun and sword in a far more futuristic setting. The whole reason he hates the Gunblade of 8 is because it’s inefficient as a weapon by comparision.

  • http://twitter.com/TheZaius DrZaius

    Wait, Spoony doesn’t like pressing a button to make an attack stronger?

    That’s like… not liking the Mario RPGs. And that’s just sacrilege!

  • http://www.facebook.com/BleakCabal David Thompson

    I liked Ehrgeiz. It WAS a good game though it was best played with friends. We’d used to get together and drink Rolling Rock and duel as Vincent.

  • MarcyAMcOttt

    Wow, you say that FFVIII and FFX are bad, but in another episode you critizise people who dislike the newer titles?
    So you actually LIKE FFXIII and FFXIV?
    THEY SUCK ASS!!!
    YOUR TASTE IS HORRIBLE!!!
    FFVIII and FFX are MASTERPIECES compared to them!
    Im not a fanboy of VIII, the last real good was VII, but just HOW can you like the new titles,
    that are SO fucking gay, and make fun of the “pretty good” FFVIII?
    This is by far the most pathetic review ever.
    You sound like an 8 year old that doesnt like his new toy…

    • wizzbang

      You…er…haven’t bothered to check out his FFXIII review have you?

  • http://www.facebook.com/david.henshaw.547 David Henshaw

    What is your opinion of final fantasy 9 spoony ?

    • NeroAngelo

      watch final fantasy X
      he gives his opinion on ep, 1

  • http://www.facebook.com/IAmSaraMarie Sara Marie Neff

    even though i actually enjoy this game (realising it has a LOT of flaws, im just able to ignore them) i LOVE your vids. Absolute hilarity! (ive been watching out of order) I agree with sephy after he killed yuna for you (really, killed by yuna?) Keep up the sadomasochism!

  • mattwo

    I like resees.

    I also like guns crossed with swords, but not the gunblade. It’s not even properly half gun.

    • NeroAngelo

      it’s not a gun at all, all it does is explode when you hit someone with it. that’s the ammo’s purpose

      • mattwo

        That’s sort of my point…

  • William

    Are your vids sometimes offensive, Spoony? Of course they are. Do I mind? No. Why? Cuz you’re funny.

  • Critic From The Future

    I must have watched this review along with his other FF ones at least 50 times. But it never gets old.

  • http://www.facebook.com/azizul.n.ikhwan Azizul Nur Ikhwan

    even i love the game still love see what spoonny think about the game is funny as hell XD

  • Zipper Dragon

    Ugh…90% of this review will be like asking ‘How does Link carry all his weapons without a backpack, or purse?’ Over, & over, & OVER. YOUR OVERTHINKING IT!!! It’s an FF game spoony, realistic or not.

    • SeanMcTiernan

      Um, nope, not that. Pretty much the drawing system was just overcomplicated in an extreme way, with no really good reason it had to be like that. Most of the review does focus on the actual storyline and gameplay.

      • Locclo

        I think Spoony used a good term for it. It is needlessly abstract. What, exactly, are you doing when you junction 100 Curaga spells to your hit points? What process do you do to accomplish this task? And specifically on the drawing thing, what is one fire? How is it stored?

        I mean, as a system it’s not that hard to figure out, but it doesn’t make the slightest bit of goddamn sense.

    • SUPERSOUP

      It’s a poorly-written nonsense piece of shit of a game with a ridiculously complicated combat system. That’s what’s wrong with it.

      But fuck me the girls are hot.

    • NeroAngelo

      oh, that’s simple. he either has his fairy/whatever’s-acting-like-an-annoying-tutorial-giver-this-game hold it in hammerspace . . . or he shoves it straight up his ANUS

  • Patrick Sewell

    New spoony proved the real spoony is dead, even saying sorry for the gay thing no 1 cared about.

    • Alan Moore

      You know TGWTG stop being funny when a lot of personalities every five Minutes stop to Apologize for making Jokes. Being edgy is apart of Comedy. Why do you think South Park been around so long? As soon they are too afraid to offend anyone. And let Political correctness take over. You see most shows and websites die out.

      • Guest

        Look at my comment on the aftermath after earth, I agree 100%

        • Patrick Sewellx

          @guyharrington:disqus Except he took it back and kept doing it in streams, you would think it would be common knowledge he only did it because of the severe impact for him making rape jokes. I have never found “gays are the laughing stock of the world” funny.

          • Patrick Sewellx

            @ Jordan Clarke He got no hate though, the ONLY reason he said sorry for the gay joke is because this was after he made the rape joke, he was now known for being immature, insecure, making rape jokes, religious intolerance, ETC etc, the ONLY thing he didn’t keep getting shit about was the gay joke, so of course he say sorry for it… then did the “Faggots are the laughing stock of the world” thing

    • NeroAngelo

      well, someone cared about it. if not, he wouldn’t have apologized

      • http://www.facebook.com/belovedbyall Endar

        Some people look up to Spoony. Some of those people are gay.
        You imagine they might have a hard time hearing their idol extrapolate how horrible their already-frowned-upon (in certain circles, at least) sexuality is?

        Think before you post.

        • NeroAngelo

          why are you telling me this?
          we’re on the same side

  • Joseph Raymond Ortiz

    LMFAOOOO!!!!! Holy shit im dying right now! hahaha!

  • Pingback: Spoony: Final Fantasy VIII – Part 1 [Video] | STAR COMMAND Communiqué()

  • http://www.pumpkin-parfait.deviantart.com/ Pinlicous

    Hello. Just a friendly jab at you, since I find this review over-the top funny, haha.

    1. The version of the game shouldn’t make the review bad or good.
    2. The Junctioning system is fairly complex, especially in contrast to the much more simple Materia system in the previous game. Not to mention it’s a lot of “busy work” as he likes to call it, and it’s a valid point. Instead of making a unique character with unique attributes and weapons, the Junctioning system creates blank character sheets that have no real meaning outside of the story line.
    3. I agree with you here completely, because I do, in fact, love the gun blade. However, Spoony does make a very good point that the game has a more realistic atmosphere to it.
    4. You actually DO have to draw magic in the early levels. And it’s not so much the drawing than the idea of drawing. It’s painstaking at times, and leaves magic far less useful than in any other Final Fantasy. Instead of freely using magic (which is one of of the many great things about Final Fantasy), you have to keep a large supply or your stats suffer.
    5. No, you don’t have to summon them, but at the same time, it’s what makes Final Fantasy so fun! Looking at the cool graphics (of the times, of course) and animations was thrilling, and having a much more powerful attack than just slicing an enemy up with your sword was way cooler. But the fact that they are so long really does make some people suffer. Timed events are much more strange, as well, seeing as using GFs SHOULD make the fight go faster, however, the animations drag you down.
    While the upgrade to damage is a neat idea, do you really want to sit through all that just to get a little boost in attack power? Once or twice, sure, but all the time?

    Again, a friendly jab! You have your own opinions, which is good, Spoony just so happens to have his, too, haha.

    • Lamar Namou

      1. Hm… I can agree on the first opinion. I didn’t like the chicken wuss thing either and am a bit appalled that they would do something like that.

      2. Yeah. I guess I can see how that gets tiring. I kind of like it myself and I know the characters are basically a blank sheet, but I thought that was cool. You can customize them in your own way and kind of make anyone whatever. Plus, eventually, it becomes a lot less work because you know how to do it and can just do it fast. Though, at first, it is a little troublesome.

      3. I suppose. However, the game overall wasn’t that realistic. I mean, sure, it was realistic to an extent, but when you can summon a huge ass beast to do work for you, it’s not unlikely you’ll see some unrealistic weapon.

      4. Yeah, you can and it is beneficial at first. But right after the SeeD exam, I have almost never had to draw magic ever again. Though, I agree it is a pain where you’re limited to what magic you use based on what’s junctioned, it’s allowing yourself to build the character a certain way that makes them unique. So some characters don’t need to use that magic. For example: A little predictable, but I increase Zell’s strength with certain magic and use him as a fighter. Heck, you can even leave a slot open to use some other move that’s unique, such as Mad Rush or something. Still, perhaps this is not appealing to everyone. I personally like limiting myself at times, because it gives the game a challenge and allows for creative use in certain ways.

      5. I suppose that’s true. The animations are always fascinating in Final Fantasy 8 in some way and you always want to see them at least once. Still, I find that limiting yourself a bit and being able to leave options open is a lot more interesting. A lot of people tend to want to get the best of whatever, but rarely see the beauty of holding back a little or finding a way to challenge yourself.

      And don’t worry, I take no offense. I know it’s just a friendly “jab”. Honestly, as long as there are no insults, I’m fine.

  • Ron Dunham

    I dunno. Even with Spoony apologizing over it, I found the “Real gay, Real gay, sissy gay gay gay” thing amusing. I mean let’s be honest here; if you saw someone who looked and dressed like squall, you’d wanna punch the shithead in the face too.

    • http://www.facebook.com/belovedbyall Endar

      No, I am in possession of this ability called “tolerance”.
      People can wear what they want to, look how they want to. Without being “punched in the face” or called “shitheads”.
      What a twisted, violent person you are.
      Sad.

      • Bizarre Jelly

        Love you too buddy. Have fun on your ivory tower.

  • Blightness

    I thought I was the only person who thought the Gun Blade was one of the dumbest weapons ever.

  • xdbs

    Classic spoony

  • illidan4ever

    What happened to the audio? It was never good but it seems to have gotten worst.

  • John Shepard

    Classic spoony.
    If you ask me he didn’t need to apologize for that gay thing.

    • Kellen Connor

      I get why he did apologize, tho. That whole gay = wimp thing is kind of going the way of the dinosaur.

  • theforetoldlegend

    final fantasy is worse than cancer

  • silentstone

    I liked playing FF8 and actually enjoyed the storyline up to a point,
    but this review is hilarious, and I gotta agree with most of your
    points… especially about the needlessly complicated magic systems,
    gunblade antics (and inexplicable popularity), and unskippable GF
    animations. My first play-through, I kinda ignored ALL of these tedious
    things (like, I did not even realize they were there @_@). Then I got
    to the final battle(s) and got my ass kicked. Only then did I back-up
    and try all that Junction stat and revolver timing crap to get the edge
    on the sorceress. DID NOT REALLY HELP, so I call the whole set a stinking pile of time-wasting crap. Anyway, thanks for the review. Now I have to finish the rest of your FF8s (wow, did it really need to broken down into tiny 10minute bits?). Ugh, the ‘sissy = gay = lol’ jokes are cringe-worthy; like, the characters’ outfits and actions are ridiculous, but I guess I was more gobsmacked by “//these// are bad-ass, globe-trotting professional mercenaries?!?! how is a bomber jacket with a fluffy ruff around the neck decent fighting gear? bright yellow jumper dress?! how the hell are board shorts that big /not/ restrictive to a martial arts specialist?”. Okay, I was clearly distracted by the eye-searing fashions and hated all over them for that, but the gayness or lack there-of failed to induce my disdain and ridicule. But your review, so whatever.

    • Groverfield

      Both the concept of a dress and baggy pants are good for combat, a lot of historical stuff would agree. Even modern military pants are extremely baggy like the japanese hakama in comparison to what’s fashionable or commonplace. Plate armor is skirted with a fauld in place of joining legs for both freedom of movement and comfort (think how bad a pair of plate pants would chafe and rash the groin area on either gender, then wonder why there isn’t a fetish for plate-upskirt on female knights with the prevolence of heavy armor in MMOs and the like)

      Edit: point isn’t about the cut of the clothing, it’s that it isn’t something you’d go to war in, rather moreso the mall

    • Elisabeth

      A sleeveless dress with no leg or arm protection is a shitty choice for combat and adventuring. Even if you’re just hiking through the wilderness, you want some fabric to protect against bug bites, sunburn, hypothermia, scratches and cuts, or contact dermatitis (a lot of plants cause this). However, none of the female characters look as ridiculous as Tifa and Yuffie in FF7 (although Rinoa’s outfit is eye-burningly hideous). I know, I know, it’s a GAME, but the characters must be really stupid if they’re constantly risking illness and injury for the sake of fashion. Why waste magic and potions healing all those minor injuries caused by not wearing proper clothing when you can just wear some decent shoes and armor? Female characters can still look sexy when they’re fully clothed – Quistis is wearing the most clothing and she seems to be the fan favorite.

  • NeroAngelo

    maybe it’s lighter than it looks

    • Darkhero252

      Well if you look at it. The width is from a side view compared to the handle it just won’t work the size comparison is just unusable even in a world of magic and demons. You would brake your wrists swinging it if it was thick and or heavy enough to do damage. If it wasn’t very thick it would brake in one to two hits like a mall sword. then there is the point of the discomfort of it i mean have you tried swinging a rife like a sword from the handle it isn’t very fun nor usable then if you take in account of the needless ammo cylinder it is a mass of useless flashy crap. Compare this to an older commonly known great sword like a Claymore or Bastard sword even a halberd the gunblade is idiotic and useless. How about instead of a gunblade Seed soldiers get a bastard sword a 1 1/2 hand great sword used by knights in medieval times witch gained its name for its use making bastards because if you get hit with that armor or not it will majorly wounded at best killed at worst. Hopefully i made sense to everyone i tend to ramble. Have a good day everyone!

      • NeroAngelo

        found a reasonable explanation . . . they trained with BIGGER swords

        common practice in Baguazang where they’d practice with HUGE >5′ swords

        http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1d/Baguadao_%28%E5%85%AB%E5%8D%A6%E5%88%80%29.jpg

        makes Cloud’s sword a bit closer to reality as well . . . although I’d see him using it more as a shield than a sword

        • Elisabeth

          Training with a huge sword to build strength makes sense… using it in combat DOES NOT. Especially stupid since all the enemy soldiers in FF7 and FF8 use guns, and your characters are using swords, or worse, non-lethal weapons like nunchucks and whips. I know you CAN kill someone with nunchucks or a whip, but that’s not what they’re designed for.

          • NeroAngelo

            yeah, I’m sure Cloud just has all the money in the world to buy smaller swords
            being a terrorist HAS to pay out the ass
            honestly, the sword’s basically indestructible (it can block SEPHIROTH’S attack . . . the motherfucker who can CASUALLY SLICE THROUGH A BUILDING)

            on top of that, it can use materia (as can all of his other swords). what’s gonna do more damage? a gunshot or the knights of the round?

            8 doesn’t have much of, if any, real excuse

          • Elisabeth

            Actually, I did give Cloud’s ridiculous sword a pass for two reasons – he’s got superhuman strength thanks to the experiments done by Hojo, and all of your characters use magic, so I guess they don’t need guns. Plus, the characters had unrealistic body proportions, so I always assumed their weapons weren’t actually oversized, it was just the graphics. It did bother me in Advent Children that every single character is jumping 30 feet in the air and running up buildings without the use of magic.

            However, in FFVIII, using the Guardian Forces is supposed to cause memory loss. This should limit how much the characters can rely on magic, but it comes up once during the story and is never mentioned again. Such lazy story-writing.

  • NeroAngelo

    that song pisses me off . . . you DON’T use astroglide for anal!!

    • Groverfield

      Maybe you don’t.

      • NeroAngelo

        KY all the way

  • R. Butler

    Classic Spoony :3

  • Groverfield

    Best joke that couldn’t be made without time travel: Then he goes on to play A CHILD’S CARD GAME. I dunno, YuGiOh might be a step up from triple triad.

  • Elisabeth

    Oh my fucking GOD. I can feel my blood pressure rising to dangerous levels just from watching the battles. The Drawing and the card game and the fucking long-ass battle animations and the tedious Junctioning and the huge world map that took 15 minutes to cross in the stupid Garden “vehicle” made me angrier than any game has ever made me. I spent 90+ hours on this tedious piece of shit and I HATED it. I wouldn’t have been able to finish the final portion of the game if I wasn’t in the hospital at the time.

  • outsiderMiracles

    Pfft, Gunblade ain’t got nothing on my knife-chuck-volver, or my key-sword-tar

  • dimitris dokos

    I thought bouncer was a fun game lol!!! glad to watch these videos again. Spoony where are all the videos? Like no reviews of movies you see or anything. ANYTHING LOL miss you

  • Halifax Steppenwulf

    At least gunblades are weapons that are theoretically feasible, like a rifle with a bayonet is technically a gunblade, unlike the fucking Nerf-esque boomerangs that Hope uses in FFXIII.

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