Minority Report: Everybody Runs

The Spoony One | Jun 10 2013 | more notation(s) | 

Time to finish what I started. This game’s got an ass-kicking five years overdue.

  • KingInYellow

    Hmm. Now I suppose Chuckles the Clown can’t rag on you for not finishing this anymore…
    Eh. Then again it’s not like that’s going to stop him from being annoying…

    • Jay Logan

      Nah, the fact Oreo killed him off camera will though :-P

  • adamfox

    OLD SCHOOL “BREAK ME” INTRO MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Sean Mullen

    Christ, I forgot all about that game, epic as always

  • MrSaturn

    Well that was a nice review. You certainly got a lot of balls to the face there.

  • http://UnholyFireDragon.blogspot.com/ Unholy Fire Dragon

    How the fuck is she STILL not dead (or at least injured) after getting beat up and thrown down that damn shaft?! O_O

    • Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

      Don’t forget the multiple grenades that were launched at her.

  • http://funnydndstories.com CaptainZM

    Jesus these reviews keep getting better and better.

    • Rémi Maloney

      Indeed. That was some high quality entertainment for us.

      So.. Spoony’s virtual reality is slowly starting to crumble around him? At every turn, he just gets hit by another clue of the Fake World he is in. His mind is starting to resist?

  • Chysamere

    Review took balls

  • SilverFoxR

    Nice review, Spoony one! My girlfriend and I really had a laugh with both the window throwing and “flying” montages. Nicely done all around as well (including the intro).

  • Nicholas Joseph Martinelli

    The first glitch nearly gave me a heart attack.

    Man, that’s just mean. That’s mean, man.

    • Mary Sulkowski

      You ok, lady?

      • Maria White

        I’m not entirely sure.

        • Gborr

          What’s a pala-wait, this is the wrong running joke…
          The book of Ultimate Wisdo-no, not that one either…
          You are in my way sir? Your knowledge of the land shall be great? We can’t, the press? Orbital wobble? Ugh, I can’t find the right one… X_x

        • Casey Williamson

          You don’t know yet?

          • Roikka

            Of course!

          • Gregory Bogosian

            The running jokes are only funny because of the editing and delivery in Spoony’s videos. They don’t work when you just put them in the comments in continuous succession. So please, for the love of God, everyone stop posting comments that are nothing but one of Spoony’s running jokes.

  • sergio Estilarte

    Awesome review!

  • rowdycmoore

    Are the remaining Nightmare games coming next, perhaps?????

  • valou999

    So THAT’s the secret review you’ve been working on! So next is FFXIII final part? Can’t wait! :)

  • davidribeiro

    Original Break Me! THAT kick ass.
    But 2GB? Come on.. have mercy on us who have a slow connection.

  • BraydonK

    that’s how commited Noah is the job folks: taking balls to the face

  • Bo

    Hey, sweet, good on you for doing this one. The Johnny Mnemonic episode is one of my favorite old videos to re-watch, so I always wondered what happened to Minority Report.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.l.whittington Jonathan Luke Whittington

    To be fair, I actually LOL’ed at the ‘blue balls’ joke.

  • notincompliance

    This is what happens when you make Lex Luthor a cop. I can scarcely imagine that time he became president.

  • Bennett LaRue

    Aww man, I was sure that Spoony was going to play a clip of soldiers from The Thing puking all over the place when he talked about the hurl sticks and puke grenade.

  • Medraut Stowe

    Walking out on things. Like Wrestle Wrestle. I’m sure he had a perfectly good reason for stopping, but my god I would do anything to get that show back.

  • Zandrous

    That was a fun episode. Really liking the corrupted augmented reality framework you have going. Interesting and creepy. Love it. The alternate rendition of “Break Me” is pretty damn good I must say. I’ve never seen Minority Report so it was nice to get some info on it and the game that’s taken 5 years to get on screen here at TSE. Got to wonder though, did you have dry red eye after that last ball tea bagged you in the eye? :D Sorry…bad joke I know. Enjoyed the video and looking forward to more from the framework plot you have going.

    • zanmaru

      Spoony used the alternate “Break Me” in some of his older videos but stopped after some fans gave him flak. Our loss, I prefer it personally.

      • Turcano

        I think that was because people thought that that version was going to replace the original version in the intro instead of being a one-off.

      • Zandrous

        Huh, guess I just never noticed it before. Honestly I think it should be an alternate opening theme with maybe its own opening video. Since we already have 2 different openings with the same version of the song already, why not one more with the alternate version

  • rudy023

    Great review! It almost makes me want to track down a copy of this game just so I can throw people off plate glass windows in high rise buildings myself!

    • Patrick Coyle

      No kidding. Here I thought Jedi Outcast was fun when it let me choke and push stormtroopers off those dangerous platforms Star Wars loves so much, but this game blows it out of the water, through the plate glass window, and corkscrewing down the hallway.

  • Zer0Skye

    Wow, when he mentioned in that one MAGfest video that Anderton had the strength of ten men and most of the game revolved around throwing dudes through omnipresent plate glass windows, I thought he was kidding.

  • Jessica Murlock

    Holy shit, it finally happened! I never thought you would review this game but I’m so glad you did! The ball jokes were epic! Can’t wait to see what’s next! *fingers crossed for FFXIII-2*

  • Atmos_Duality

    That was legitimately funny and not whiny, forced or padded.

  • mafon2

    Welldone, your example’s very inspiring.

    I think i’ll rewatch that movie.

    …and also resurect some dead projects :-)

  • Patrick Coyle

    So how long did it take for Miles to joke about slapping you in the face with his balls?

    I’m waiting to see if some of this Burton weirdness gets edited into older reviews, just so Spoony can tweet, “Of course Burton’s eye was glowing red all throughout Highlander: The Source, you silly people. Doesn’t it always?”

  • Gregory Bogosian

    If I was Miles Antwhiler. I would have experienced consternation about being credited as “Ball Wrangler.”

    • DarkSaber2k

      I’d imagine Miles is more confident in his sexuality and can take the joke, unlike you it seems.

      • Gregory Bogosian

        I wasn’t sure that the pun was intentional until you mentioned it. Much more importantly, this is not about my sexuality or my confidence in it.

  • http://filmstock.pl/ Mateusz Hemmerling

    Great episode, thanks as always! BTW you collected more balls than that guy from Planet Terror

  • Casey Williamson

    “Ninth Floority Report: Everybody’s Flung”

  • magnusk_98

    Awesome review! I really like how you are developing your storyline with Burton and ( I suppose ) Spoonyroth. Well, there had to be a new big bad after Black Lantern Spoony was merged back into you. :p

    I wonder how much enjoyment Miles got out of throwing those tennis balls at you. ;)

  • theshamster

    I find it odd how in both the film and this game they say ‘you’re under arrest for the future murder of ….” when it should be “you’re under arrest for the ATEMPTED murder of ….” since you stopped them from actually killing their victim.

    if you arrest them by saying they’re going to kill that person in the future, then that means when/if they get out, they’re allowed to kill their intended victim since they’ve allready done the time for the ‘crime.’ You can’t get arrested twice for ‘murdering’ the same person for whom you spent several years in prison for.

    • septimar

      Problem is, “Double Jeopardy” gets the law wrong. The doctrine of double jeopardy only prohibits a second arrest for the same crime IF it is for the same time and place AND in the same jurisdiction. This means, if you get convicted for murdering somebody, you can totally still get convicted if it turns out the victim is still alive and you kill him months later. Also, even if a state court exonerates you, a Federal court can still put you on trial.

      • Gregory Bogosian

        Is the reverse true? Can a state court put someone on trial for a criminal offense that a federal court has already exonerated them for?

        • septimar

          I guess so, although usually a Federal court only gets involved after a state court did instead of vice versa.

      • theshamster

        But what if–for example–I go to kill someone, lets call him Mr Anton, (my old primary school deputy principal from the 1980’s who was a very violent man who beat children, caned them, strangled them, threatened them with a rope and he also beat a dog with a baseball bat right in front of yr 1 children),and I’m arrested for the ‘future murder’ of him and sent to prison for 25 years for his ‘murder’ despite the fact he’s still alive. I get out and, seething with rage, I hunt him down and kill him for real this time, how can I go to jail again for his murder when I’ve already done the time? I’ve already spent the full term for ‘murder’ and the evil bastard is still alive, so it’s only fitting that he dies. But would I be arrested AGAIN and spend another 25 years in prison? despite the fact he didn’t actually die the first time, not to mention I would have had a motive to get him, despite the wrongness of my reasons (him being a brute who was cruel to children and animals and back then nobody would listen to a child)

        If, however, I was arrested for ‘attempted murder’ or ‘attempted manslaughter’, and I’m sent to jail for….say, 2 to 5 years, then I’d know better and I’d just stay away from him (or I’d merely beat him up rather than kill him…but good gods, he is an evil heartless bastard!)

        The ‘future murder’ logic is flawed.

        • Gregory Bogosian

          If you killed him 25 years after the precogs predicted that you would murder him, and they did not predict when you actually murdered him, that would conclusively show that the precogs’ predictions are flawed and remove the justification for the pre-crime unit in the first place.

          • theshamster

            True, the precog concept does have several loopholes in it.

            In reality though, I’d rather just beat Mr Anton to a pulp (make him see how it feels to be a defenseless victim; I was 8 yrs old when he threatened to beat me to death with a rope because I playfully tripped a friend over, who in the past had accidentally hit me in the face when he tripped over a rock. And because of him and a couple of other cruel people, I grew to hate humanity. Now I tend to see the bad and dark side to everything rather than the good.)

            You have no idea how evil he was. I’ve seen other students bet their ribs cracked, their nose broken, their eyes blackened and their teeth knocked out, and all for ‘crimes’ like talking in class, running on the footpath, accidentally elbowing someone, not saying ‘good morning’ when addressed by the principal (also a bastard), and whats shocking is this was a public school!

            What’s worse is that back then, children suffered in silence. The teachers would say “don’t tell tales” the principal would bash you, and you’d be too scared to tell your parents.

            One child actually DID tell his father, who came down to the school and almost bashed up the cruel teacher, leaving the man crying with fear! (YEAH!!!!)

            When I eventually told my parents what happened to me, they were enraged (not with me though), saying why didn’t I tell them before, as they’d go to the school and give that Mr Anton a beating before taking me out and home-schooling me instead.

            I believe that its stuff like this which eventually caused the child abuse laws to come into place in the mid 90’s. I was told by my university lecturer that back in the 1960’s she witnessed a teacher literally break a child’s arm…and get away with it!

            I guess this is why in the earlier Ultima games why you could kill the children…something that disturbed Spoony greatly.

          • Gregory Bogosian

            I really am sorry that you and other people were treated so poorly as children. But I have no control over that.

    • doresh

      I guess “attempted murder” sounds too ordinary XD

      • Gregory Bogosian

        I think the reason is that if the movie used real world legal terms, people would assume that: 1. This story takes place in our world. 2. All of the relevant laws, including the constitution, have remained intact and in force since the initiation of the pre-crime program.
        If those two assumptions were true, then the pre-crime operatives would have to get arrest warrants from the appropriate DA to arrest anyone and remain in compliance with the 4th amendment, which would make it impossible to prevent second-degree murder since they only get a few minutes advanced warning for second-degree murder. Even for first degree murder, which they get warned of months in advance, they would still have to put the future murderers on trial before a jury of their peers. So the prosecuting attorney would have to convince a jury of randomly selected, ordinary American citizens of the reliability of the precogs predictions, and the veracity of determinism

        • doresh

          Assuming that movie cops will always follow the correct legal procedures sounds a bit risky XD

          • Gregory Bogosian

            I know that movie cops don’t always follow correct legal procedures, but this movie is speculative fiction. So if the screenplay doesn’t provide a canonical reason for skipping the administrative and judicial proceedings of law enforcement, and the story is about law enforcement, which it is, then the audience should endeavor to find a reason themselves, assuming that the movie is actually any good.

          • doresh

            In that case, they probably played the “It’s the future so everything is different”-card.

            Mainstream movies in general are not very kind to speculative fiction – especially not if your main character is played by an action star. The speculative part tends to get drowned in showing flashy future tech and weapons and stuff.

          • Gregory Bogosian

            Everything you said is true. Can we agree that for this movie to be good speculative fiction, it would have to provide the audience with a credible reason for why it skips the American judicial process?

          • doresh

            I guess they used the Patriot Act XD

          • Gregory Bogosian

            That bill was written 10 years ago and never actually presented to the United States Congress.


            I am not saying that it could not still be presented and passed, I just don’t think that it is very likely.

          • doresh

            Woah, didn’t know there was an actual 2.0 version o_O

          • Gregory Bogosian

            That is probably because “Patriot Act 2.0″ is not its actual name. Its actual name is the

            “Domestic Security Enhancement Act of 2003.”

          • Gregory Bogosian

            I did not know that it existed until after you mentioned it and motivated me to Google it. I guess we both learned something new.

          • doresh

            And knowing is half the battle ^_^

  • http://twitter.com/VariableGear Nathaniel J. Huston

    I don’t know if Spoony realized just how crazy this was, or was simply trying to not point it out specifically, but the ragdoll physics at 7:26 in this review are so absurd. The rest of the ragdoll insanity in this review is amazing, but I thought that this particular moment had a special kind of intensity to it. Anyway, Anderton picks up and throws an enemy, and, after colliding with the ground, that enemy bounces up near the ceiling. Approximately ten feet in the air, or so. It’s pretty fucking incredible!

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    What a pleasant surprise!

    I do a lot of artwork, and when I’m working on a particularly lengthy drawing, I often fire up old Spoony videos for fun background noise. Most recently, I watched a ton of the Ultima videos and did indeed wonder if we were ever going to see Minority Report, and here it is! Fun timing!

    Now all we need is a new clown costume for Fucking Chuckles and work in a story angle where he’s terrified of Oreo, since she was the one that ate the original Chuckles costume. Return to the Blagol’!

    • theshamster

      I’d like to see Spoony review the other 3 Nightmare/Atmosfear games.

      My favourite is the second one, as the host, Baron Samedi the Zombie, is a riot!

      He’s like a hipster/rapper/swanky corpse who likes saying things like “YO! All of you kiddies, Thrill me!!!” and you respond “Yo Baron, I can dig it!”

      Here is a vid of what he looks like. It’s at the end of the game where he is no longer cheerful (he is now down right hostile!!!), and the music is intense and ominious.


      • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

        I think we just found Spoony’s Halloween material!

        Hey, any excuse to get to wear a stylish tophat, right? Then put on some silly sneakers and have a dance off with Pumpkinhead. Oh god, that DOES sound like Hell!

        • theshamster

          I like that Idea! Lets get Spoony to dress up as Baron Samedi, his brother, Miles, can dress up as Pumkinhead or the Headless and they can have a danceoff to that song….Ahhh, I’d LOVE to see that!

          • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

            It can be his own Monster Mash!

  • Matic Kačič

    The ending to the movie: That’s the was Philip K. Dick would have written the story. I haven’t read the novel it’s based on, but knowing his style it’s exactly how it would have ended. I dunno how original stora was rewritten for the movie tho – there is just a change the screenwritter was aware of what the implications of the end were.

  • Cureless_Poison

    What an amazing surprise to pop on the site for some older material and BAM, there’s a 5 year due review posted fresh. You’re the best Spoon!

  • Jan Siwiec

    Don’t like unfinished games beating you? Well, time to finish that Deadly Premonition LP! Anyway, great review, laughed my balls off.

    • zhellas

      “Time to finish that Deadly Premonition LP”

      He did, but it was weird how the final boss was the Cinema Snob yelling about how a movie about “zombies” is boring. .3.

      Japanese games are weird.

      • Jan Siwiec

        Yea, they are. That’s why we need someone to play them for us – normal folks. And Spoony seems to be perfect for the job.


      He played the directors cut on his twitch channel, but he seemed to despise it and just rush through the main story.

      • aaron johnson

        What? Aww that sucks although his Twitch videos don’t seem like normal spoony vids.

        Although him not seeing the magic in it speaks for itself. You gotta let the game get inside you to enjoy the ride. If not it’s just a waste of time and slog.

        • ANNONNY


          Yeah, you can always see the past broadcast and see why I suppose, but I was a bit sad that he couldn’t get into it.

          Although the directors cut didn’t help because of it’s absurd problems with slowdowns, choppiness, very easy difficulty, etc., etc.

  • Patrick Sewellx

    Gah it was good to see old Spoony back with his old opening, and Spoony, I think I speak for everyone when I say you need to do another epidsode of Deadly Premonition! It was genius and you were at the height of hilarity in it!

  • Cthulhu07

    This review just became my official new favorite. :D

  • KoeL

    I believe that Miles enjoyed his role in this video…i mean who doesn’t like throwing stuff at their brothers or sisters…i know i do xD

  • Logion


  • Jesse

    Looked like a fun game to me except for the camera, and Hey, at least it did follow the story XD!

    Next review, play Daikatana or Smurf Rescue!

  • PeaTearGryfin

    Wow. Never thought I’d actually see you review this game. I had a friend who owned this game. I used to go over to his house to play this all the time just because of the terrible rag doll physics.

  • Alexander Galloway

    That’s pretty much what the ending to Total Recall was like. You don’t really know if he was a sleeper agent as part of a conspiracy to kill the mutants or if the entire movie was just part of the secret agent package he bought with his vacation.

    • Matrim

      Or if he actually suffered a schizoid embolism like the one guy said and his brain was actually freaking out.

  • http://krazyfin.com/ wimpdaddy

    I liked this review just one thing bothered me why didn’t he have Brad Jones say stuff like “Get of my building” in his Harrison Ford voice when throwing people ? … Maybe their is a good reason why he didn’t use that joke and I’m just not funny.

  • THE Sami Ryyppö

    I wonder what Miles thought when Spoony told him “Yeah, you’ll get the honor to slam balls on my face.”

    Anyway, I would buy this game just to throw people around. That looked so fun.

  • SnowdriftK9

    I had this same thought process when I played this game. You just randomly murder hundreds of people to prove you’re not going to murder that one guy.

    • doresh

      It’s like in Animal farm: Some NPCs are more equal than others.

      • Maria White

        ….. I was traumatized by a weekly series of animal farm when I was a child.
        “Hey talking animals like that movie babe! This is gonna be awesome!”
        *weeks later*
        Me: *whimper* I can never watch babe again….*rocks back and forth*

        • Patrick Coyle

          You’ll probably love Lord of the Flies then. A bunch of boys get washed up on a deserted island and have exciting adventures together. It’s fun family literature for all ages!

        • doresh

          You should’ve watched the CIA-approved cartoon. That one has a happy end XD

  • Martin Ferguson

    Good hearing the alternate version of the intro theme again. Always wanted to hear a full version of that sometime.

  • Salen Stormwing

    Oh lord, I’d want to make a joke about all the balls Spoony has slamming into his face, but that’s just shooting fish in a barrel at this point. Also, I like how you make a statement by beating someone up without a gun, but it was TOTALLY okay to toss some poor security guard off a skyscraper.

    Also, this is a good reason to be friends with your coworkers and give them a Snickers bar once in a while, just in case they ever get fingered for pre-murdering your workplace, well, maybe they won’t throw you through a plate-glass window because of your kindness.

  • Brandon Neil Fuller

    This is great! It really is an amazing video, Spoony! It’s great to see you in high spirits again.

  • Moon Spirit

    God, I played this on my GC a lot. I was able to finish this game with cheat codes. This was a real guilty pleasure because I could throw all my enemies like a bad habit, into glass and whatnot. Spoony might not have like this game, but I did, til’ I got tired of the ragdoll physics.

  • MrRuse

    Ball-kake at 17:28.

  • Tycho Shiel

    This review had me laughing. A lot. Nice one, Spoon.

  • Sledge Sparrow

    Enjoyed watching this, but I’d still like to know why the game’s supposed to be so awful. I remember having a lot of fun with it. Not the best game ever, but certainly not bad. I’ve played far worse games, many with far better reviews.

  • Barachiel

    *stands up and applauds* This right here, this was Classic Spoony. Yeah, I know the Final Fantasy games get all the hype and credit, but I’ve honestly found more fun and humor watching him do quick riffs on classic and/or obscure old games than spendiing huge multi-part elaborate dissections of JRPGs.

    Glad to see something like this again, Spoony One. I laughed my ass off, and really, what more can one ask for?

  • dragonfly82

    A little offtopic but,
    have you seen the trailer for Final Fantasy XV Spoony?

    it looks like a mixture between DMC and Bayonetta and barely resembling a tradtional RPG and more like an action game. I hope that at least they write a decent story for it unlike FFXIII….

    (and ah yes, there’s a character that look like Hans Gruber in it)

  • capthavic

    That’s one of the many reasons I hated Repo Men, it has one of those it was all a dream endings and I loath those with a passion.

    As for the game it was pretty bad but I’ve seen far worse and dumber. I mean really what did you expect from a game based on that crappy movie? There was no hope of it being any good.

    • Driscol

      Did you see the movie? It wasn’t even close to an “it’s all a dream ending” but I guess reading a wikipedia page about a movie is pretty much the same as watching it now.

      It wasn’t a “dream” and it wasn’t even close to the whole movie. It even made it painfully obvious exactly when and where the illusion starts.

      Seriously if you think that movie would have been better if it had “actually happened” (within it’s own universe) you should probably see it first, the “illusion” part of the movie is really over the top for a reason.

      A good game can’t be made based on a crap movie? What about the warriors? I don’t think you get how video games work, they don’t rely on hollywood stars to be “good” they just have to be fun or entertaining in some way.

  • http://blip.tv/cassavius-presents Cassavius

    At least Judge Anderson can sentence people on the spot…

  • ColeYote

    Wait, they made a game?

  • endplanets

    This game reminds me of Dark Messiah of Might and Magic because in the demo all I did was kick and throw people into conveniently placed spikes and fires. Awesome rag dolls.

    A long time ago I made wrote a short design doc for a game like this. One day an evil scientist makes evil clones of wrestlers so a good scientist gives a super protein shake to the wrestler of your choice who you play as. The gimmick is that you use the environment to kill the clones faster. Do suplexes off buildings or into things, throw dudes through stuff, kick dudes into spikes and smash dudes with chairs/tables/lamps lying around.

  • Sajeh

    Holy shit, this review is about 1.57 times better than anything else you have done. The timing, writing, voice and atmosphere were just hillarious. This is the first of your reviews where I begin to laugh just thinking back on it. The acting and execution of the script were just knife sharp precise, to hit right in the bulleye of comedy.

    Also for taking The Spoony Experiment to the next level.

  • DrForrester

    Thanks for actually doing this review Spoony, I’d been waiting to see it a number of years. And it was also quite well done too! I have to say though, I love how you can be an even more sadistic bastard in this game than in MGS2

  • RWill

    Fantastic video, Spoony. One of the best you’ve done.

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    Awesome! :D

  • gimmickgirl

    Holy shit, is Angry Joe voiced by Raiden?

  • http://jesse-the-art-maker.deviantart.com/ Jesse Ray Garza

    awesome review man, i just wish it was a little longer

  • Renaissance_nerd

    You know… the living Illusion version of break me that i cursed a few years ago is starting to grow on me…

  • Igor Mendes

    Great review, one of the best in last months. Really better than the FF XIII. Hilarious, great momments and ofcourse… BALLS!

    Oh, and can someone explain to me the ficking name of this game, Everybody Runs????

    • http://www.giantbomb.com/profile/cornbredx/ CornBRED-X

      That’s a saying in the movie.
      Because… everybody runs.

  • http://www.giantbomb.com/profile/cornbredx/ CornBRED-X


    I didnt think you’d ever finish this review.

    This is wild

  • Garmrspor

    Wow. At long fucking last. You’re a God among men for finally doing this, Spoony!

  • Tiogshi Laj

    This is the first episode that’s ever gotten an out-loud laugh from my wife, who doesn’t mind watching TSE with me… but she has never really understood gaming-as-a-culture, so could only glean tangential and circumstantial humour from most of Spoony’s work.

    But this? She loved the movie, and until I clicked play, she didn’t even know this game existed. So she finally connected. Thanks, Noah.

  • RightousMan

    Good review man. I remember this game, and hating it but you made me laugh. Btw TY for bringing back the rock version, i like that one better.

  • Halroth

    Ah, I laughed so hard at this. The red balls joke was priceless. Bravo man, the wait was worth it.


    The game was funnier than the jokes, but at least this is more like Spoonboy as he used to be. I actually think I want to play this game. Clancy Brown is the main character and I can throw bitches all over the place like The Incredible Hulk and off balconies and buildings and through plate glass?

    I don’t know about you, but you can sign me right the fuck up.

  • Tai_MT

    You know, I had forgotten you were going to review this game. I wonder if there’s anything else you haven’t reviewed that you said you were… Perhaps a certain stack of board games? Surely we could drag you out of the blag’ole for that?

    • Abaris

      Captain Power & the Soldiers of the Future!!

  • Malidictus

    I love this video. Instant classic, and easily one of my favourites of all time. Yeah, it’s not full of big sketches and costumes and Dr. Insano, but I just love how clever Spoony is about the most childish of humour. Never before have I laughed so hard about BALLS :)


  • Pearse Hillock

    Underwhelming, there were some funny bits but overall this video is below average.


      Maybe if you compare it to Spoony’s old stuff but that isn’t fair.

      • Pearse Hillock

        I have saw his old stuff but honestly this review isn’t the best.

        • Pétur Ingi Sigbjörnsson

          You’re still watching his videos?

          Correct me if I’m wrong but don’t you run the spoonyonesucks blog.

          If you dislike his reviews so much why do you keep watching?

          • Pearse Hillock

            Yea that’s me, I watch his video’s because I am a fan of his. I have been watching his video’s since 2008 when he did the Phantasmagoria 2 video’s. It’s not really a sucks blog but more criticizing what he say’s, I don’t dislike his reviews or him at all. I do enjoy watching them but they do have some problems and they could be better. I say both good and bad at my blog so im not trolling at him.

          • wizzbang

            Aaaaaaaaaaand yet the title is “spoonyonesucks”. Kinda says it all right there.

          • Pearse Hillock

            Yea sorry about that, I just did it in the fashion of the irate gamer sucks blog but it’s more of a critic blog.

  • Ross Gibson

    I much prefer the story from the book, where it is three super computers that bring about the prediction. The conflict in the book comes from the fact that the hero, gets to read each of the three predictions as they happen. The first one comes out saying he will kill. The hero, knowing himself, knows then that he will do anything to not kill, therefore the second delayed report, comes in, saying of course, the hero will not kill, thus resetting the sequence for the third report to say that he will kill. The idea presented in the book is that there is only one way to change the future, and that is to know it, but in knowing the future, you get trapped in another set series of events, as you then act in a predetermined way given the new set of information that you have.

    • Driscol

      No they were still people hooked up to a computer, it wasn’t “three super computers” making the predictions, the computers just looked for overlap and then relayed the predictions.
      What you described isn’t deep, it’s basic, but the actual story is much deeper than what you described. Seriously where you are getting your info I have no idea but I do love when people talk about “preferring the story” when they never bothered the read the story.

      • Ross Gibson

        I actually have read the story. It has been a while, but I have read it. What is the deeper implication if not the problem of determination in a world ruled by cause and effect?

        • Driscol

          Did you seriously just ask me what the deeper implications of the story were?

          Dude just read the story, I don’t feel like copy pasting it here. It was full of different themes,not just the idea of fate but also the dangers of a militaristic police system in a post war society.

          Then if you go even deeper you have a lot going on with the main character as an individual but that’s a whole different conversation. Bottom line, if you think the story was all bout one idea, you should read it again.

  • groggarioth

    Spoony be tripping Balls

  • Derek Thomas

    Hurray! SPOONY HAS COME TO HIS SENSES AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT WE LOVE BEST! It’s about time Spoony realizes how lame he’s been lately! Now we’re going to have high quality stuff once again! I feel the joy that I felt when i first discovered him back in 2011 again! Oh happy day!

    • Driscol

      Come to his senses? Do you understand how long it takes to make these videos? As I said in the comments section of the “Drunk rant” review you complained about, it’s just something he releases while working on actual projects.

      Do you understand what I’m trying to say? You were whining about the “decline of spoony” when this was probably almost done. I can’t believe this is so hard for people to understand. Videos like this are not made in the time it takes to watch them.

      • Derek Thomas

        I realize that. I honestly wouldn’t mind waiting a week for one high quality video on a semi-regular basis. I don’t understand why you’re letting the attitude of a complete stranger that in no way effects you bother you so much though. And the fact you were fixated enough to complain about my posts on two separate videos ironically brings this to mind. No offence by the way. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I’m just giving you a lighthearted teasing. We’ve all been where you are knowing this site and the gamer nerds and socially awkward penguins that inhabit our illustrious kingdom. I literally used to be Douchey Mcnitpick.



  • David_Dennings

    Been waiting for this for 5 years.
    Worth it.

  • Metal_maiko

    Worth the wait Spoony, definitely. That was pretty damn funny :). Also you’re really building up the suspense for your over-arching storyline. Can’t wait for the big reveal…and more FF13!

  • Rothide

    I think the living Illusions version of “Break Me” works better on these types of videos, where we see the darker parts of the story of the Spoony Experiment. The song just seems to meld with and highlight that something dark is happening here.

    I know my words aren’t really worth anything, but great job here Spoony, would love to hear this song used again besides the outro and Mazes and Monsters.

  • Charles Wagner

    What I find hilarious about this game is not that John Anderton, the murder-preventing “PreCrime chief”, is throwing people into sheet glass and deep fryers, but that he’s throwing people into sheet glass and deep fryers that are OVER 30 FEET AWAY.

    Seriously! Look at him! I have a hard time picking up my fucking luggage and this guy picks up men approximately 190 pounds, not including clothes, gear and weapons, and chucks them down the hall like they were Raggedy Ann dolls!

    And it’s only made even funnier by Spoony’s completely justified shrieking cries of shock and terror.

    “OH-HH! OH MY GOOOD!!”

    • Patrick Coyle

      I suppose when Anderton says “I trust you as far as I can throw you,” he’s trying to pay a compliment.

  • http://thefaustianman.blogspot.com/ Faust

    Scarlett needs to go. Spoony used to be funny before he was on CA. The spoony bum also kinda sucks. I like the old intro without this new song. I like horror trax. Old spoony is better.


    • Driscol

      Your not really “trolling” when you say in your very first post that your trying to troll.
      See this is what happens when something becomes “cool”, everyone does it without understanding why it was done to begin with and before long something kind of fun or entertaining becomes an annoying fad.

      Seriously, nothing is funny, entertaining, or even mildly annoying about a person trying way too hard to troll and somehow failing on every level.

      • wizzbang

        I…think you missed the point of that post. “Faust” was making fun of the people who have been posting here, offering backhanded compliments by saying that they’re glad to see the return of “Old Spoony”.

  • http://www.deviantart.com/chibigingi ChibiGingi

    Holy crap, I’m such a nerd. For the one, two lines he got in this review, I immediately recognized Daran Norris as Verhagen… Lex Luther was going to be framed for murder by Cosmo!

    But, in all seriousness, great review. It felt like it captured a lot of the old style of reviews that we still remember fondly yet sticks with the storyline he has going now. Shit my pants laughing at all the balls and hurling people around. Thank you for the laughs!

  • Milkomania

    every time Spoony asked “How come the precoogs didn’t see this happening?”, I really thought the scene would cut to a precog saying “I’m not entirely sure”

  • Don Carr

    Funniest show in a long while!

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    It was really nice to hear the old rendition of “Break me” again :)

  • Pétur Ingi Sigbjörnsson

    He used “The Thing” sound clip

    • hssts50414

      Ohh right. I missed that completely. Thanks!

  • Matt Flohre

    I honestly couldn’t understand why anyone would bitch about this game. I played the shit out of it and loved it. Maybe I’m crazy, but I knew about the cheat codes that made the game so much more fun and enjoyable. First, there was an infinite health code so you couldn’t die. Then I believe there was a moon gravity code which meant that people would just fly around when you threw them. Then there was a pratfalls code where you make your character just fall down whenever you wanted. I spent hours just throwing him through windows, or balls first on breakable tables. It was like wrestling only way more violent. I dunno. I loved it. Maybe that’s just me though.

    • solidsamurai

      I demand a wrestling game with ragdoll physics. It’d be like anarchy reigns, only 10 times the ragdoll.

  • solidsamurai

    He hashed nostalgiatroll for a reason.

  • Carteeg_Struve

    *ball kick*

    Obtain Potion!

    *ball kick*

    Obtain Potion!

    *ball kick*

    Obtain Potion!

  • Tauros

    This was a return to form from the old Spoony we all know and enjoy watching. Now… if only he would edit those Stechkov Syndicate videos, that would be great!

  • http://whiterosebrian.tumblr.com/ White Rose Brian

    I too liked the return to the older style of comedic reviews. I think I’ve argued for more such videos, with just the occasional appearance of Doctor Insano, since many other people have wanted that.

  • Christopher Smith

    “Ballston Station” at 18:33 :D Guess the developers felt the game didn’t have enough balls…

  • Christopher Smith
  • Russell Maust

    Anyone else recognize the fan theory as the same ending in “Repo Men?” Brilliant theory in my opinion. A picturesque ending all in the mind.

    • Driscol

      Oddly enough I never even noticed that. Repo Men kind of seemed like a movie based on a Philip k Dick story too.

    • Daniel Tilson

      I had the exact same thought. Except it was more of a

      “How many fans had this theory BEFORE watching Repo men?” question.

  • zanmaru

    “You remind me of my ex-girlfriend!”
    I believe it.

  • Lewis Harvey

    all of the distortion in the intro… I wonder if it’s building up to anything?

    • Skelemelon

      This has been going on since the Ultima Retrospective.

  • jmalmsten

    Is it just me, or, this looks like a really fun game. I mean, if it wasn’t supposed to be a Minority Report game it could very well be a really asskickingly awesome Dirty Harry kind of an affair. Just make the guns do real damage and we’re all set.

    Oh, by the way. I’m surprised that with all that throwing of bad guys through plate glass by a super-cop, there was no clip from Robocop reading Clarence his rights…

    And the HappyDream theory is remarkably similar to the fan theory about the Arnold Total Recall. It seems it’s kindof hard to assume anything about the reality of a PKD story…

    • Driscol

      That wasn’t a “fan theory” of total recall, you don’t seem to get what “fan theory” means. The idea that it was all a “schizoid embolism” was flat out explained in plain english in the movie.
      Calling it a “fan theory” is like saying there’s a fan theory that the germs killed the aliens in war of the worlds. A clearly explained plot point is not a “fan theory”

      • jmalmsten

        Allright, allright. Calm down there just a second.

        Now, I do realize that the happy-dream angle of the Arnold version of TR is just about as accepted as anything. And Verhoeven himself has heavily implied that it basically is what happened.

        But, Then again. We have the fact that the film itself never outright states this. That would basically need the movie to end with showing Arnold still strapped to the chair at Rekall. Somewhat like the original ending in Brazil.

        The Rekall tech guy do explain this scenario to Arnold in the middle of the film. But, while Arnold does contemplate the possibility for a second, he sees the sweat on the Rekall-guy and takes this as proof that he is bring duped and therefore guns the man down. The possibility then isn’t brought up again until the end with the question “what if this is all a dream”. And the film fades to white with the kiss. It is still quite possible to watch the film in the straightforward manner of a simple action flick about a construction worker who realizes he’s a secret agent that needs to save mars.

        The possibility that it was all part of his custom Rekall experience usually only comes up with repeated viewings when you realize that all the fantastical events were shown in sneaks when he made the customizations to his trip.

        And this is what I meant when I call it a fan theory. Granted, the evidence for the theory isn’t nearly as subtle as the Deckard is a replicant one. But most people that have only seen the film once will usually come away with a fantastical spy story in the case of TR or that Deckard had one hell of a mission to eradicate a handful of replicants in BR.

        I basically brought this all up because the theory is just as much backed up by the statements of the characters in the film as the proposed theory that mr Cruise is stuck in the sleep-prison.

        And this is all in essence just a longwinded way of me saying that I actually wouldn’t put it past the writers of Minority Report that they were giving a conscious nod to the fans of PKD. That it’s not at all that unlikely that it was intentional to imply that this was all just a dream.

        • Driscol

          What do you mean the film never outright states this?
          The only reason it’s a “theory” at all is because it was hinted at several times then explained in plain english.
          Now try to understand this. I get that you think it was ambiguous, it wasn’t but let’s pretend it is, that still doesn’t make it a fan theory. A fan theory is a theory developed and created by the viewer, the theory you refer to was presented in the movie itself.

          It’s not a “possibility” though because literally everything the guy said would happen as a result of his embolism happened, including the walls crashing down and him becoming king of mars. Ever pay attention to when he is first being put under? “Blue sky on mars, that’s a new one” one of the tech guys say. The movie ends with “king of mars” holding his woman under the now blue sky of mars.

          Did you see the movie?The film doesn’t “fade to white” nor does it ask if it was a dream, it has a sudden flash of white. That’s a world of difference considering a flash of white light is usually a way of showing death from a first person perspective.

          Yeah you can watch the movie as a straight forward action movie, and you can watch Avatar as a high octane racing film, it doesn’t mean that changes the actual story.

          • jmalmsten

            Hmm… didn’t realize this was such a touchy subject.

            Well, to go through the points in order:

            1. The reason I keep returning to the point that it is never clearly spelled out in the movie is that, while the Rekall techs do explain it all, Arnold himself never accepts this as truth. Just like Agent Smith refers to Morpheus as a dangerous terrorist. Neo, like Quaid, refuses to believe the man laying out the evidence that makes the crew of Nebuchadnezzar look like a cult of crazed anarchists.

            What I’m stating isn’t that the story that Neo is living in a simulation to fuel his robotic overlords is a fan theory. No, Neo accepts this truth, uses it to his advantage and actively then refuses any other attempt at being pulled back into the matrix. Quaid too never accepts the story that he’s essentially chomatosed. He instead accepts the “truth” that he is actually an undercover superspy that has to save mars. He uses this knowledge to his advantage and succeeds. To Quaid, the question before the end credits is more of a joking aside, referring to the craziness earlier.

            2. I am not even saying that it is hard to pick up on the clues that it’s all supposed to be the custom dream. And the clues seem utterly blatant, especially on repeated viewings. Which is my point. Repeated viewings and ubiquitous-ness of internet talk has made the dream-interpretation commonplace. I too subscribe fully to the dream-version.

            3. Well, things similair to what the Rekall-tech guy said happens. It’s not the walls of reality that crashes down, It’s the wall behind him. He’s not king of mars, he just saved the planet. And again, Quaid never believes the story of schizoid embolism.

            4. I am also basing a lot of my assumptions about what was intended in the movie by the commentary tracks with Paul and Arnold themselves. Where it is quite clear that they where making a movie that could be interpreted both ways. Even up to the ending

            5. I have seen the film quite a few times actually. On TV, VHS, DVD, (some weird windows wmvHD-dvd on a german release) and most recently on BluRay. Each and every one of them ends the same way:

            Melina: I can’t believe it, it’s like a dream. What’s wrong?

            Douglas Quaid: I just had a terrible thought… what if this is a dream?

            Melina: Well, then, kiss me quick before you wake up!

            They kiss, and fade to white while the music swells. Paul explicitly states in the commentary that he wanted a fade to white because of the ambiguity it brings. That we end never actually knowing if it was a dream.

            Ok, I may relent and say that it is a matter of wording. That what I meant was more of an interpretation than a fan theory. But then we’re back where I started. The interpretation of Minority Report that the last half is a dream-prison is just as clearly stated in MR as Quaid is having the acid-trip of his life. And that it’s not at all that impossible that it was intended by the writers. Because it works better than the straight-forward interpretation.

            Oh, and… Avatar as a High Octane racing flick? That example was… irrelevant at best?

            Now I’ll leave this conversation and continue to work on my own theory that Thomas Anderson was drafted and brainwashed by a cult of crazed anarchists on the run from the government. And Agent Smith is just a poor misunderstood servant of the law…

            And before writing your reply. Remember that I have relented and will use the term “alternate interpretation” from now on. ;)

          • Patrick Wells

            Settle down kid and shut up. Total Recall deliberately left it open ended as to whether it was a dream or not.

  • Arquod

    Ah, this was one of the most entertaining videos that you made in awhile. No great urge to hate on the game. This seemed more like you were having fun grieving on this one. That doesn’t mean I want to try the game, god no. Though I am wondering where you got all the balls from.

  • http://sekiwat.deviantart.com/ sekiwat

    He even sounds a bit like Angry Joe

  • likalaruku

    “You don’t understand Witwer…I’m not going to kill anyone…I’m going to kill EVERYONE….& break ALL of the glass.”

  • moonymonster

    New version of Break Me. Put it on sale. NOW. <3

  • wizzbang


  • BrendanConcannon

    The funny thing is the majority of murders in this game are actually 1st degree, because killing a peace officer, kidnapping, hostage taking, explosives, intimidation (majority of murders in the movie and game) are all first degree.

    • jetman123

      First degree refers to premeditation and is separate from the nature of the murder charge attached to it.

    • http://brandewall.blogspot.se/ Björn Brändewall

      They ignored the majority of murders because the plot was all about the minority report. :P

  • AndreasHvilsom

    I’ve SO missed your game reviews Spoony!!

  • Draycos

    Goddamn, Spoony. Great to see you finally (re)tackle this game. Sucks to hear you lost all the footage that I’m sure people were giving you shit for not finishing. LOVE that “Break Me” cover. Glad you decided to use it again. I just wish they had released an entire version of it.

  • Matticus

    Why is Mean Gene trying to kill Eddie Guerrero? XD

  • Jesper

    Really great review Noah. With the Vid you just posted about the FF games and the amount of work they require things do make a bit more sense here. I don’t know what it was, but here, you genuinely seem to be having fun which is something I haven’t seen in a while. Don’t take that the wrong way.

    Every job has parts that won’t be fun, and as you rightly mention it is a matter of finding a balance. That will not only benefit you (which in the end is the only thing that matters) but I do believe it will shine through in your work as well.

    Great job. It’s great to see some new material.

  • Robstermd

    I remember really liking this game when I was a kid… but then again even now I have a weird thing for playing really shitty games.

  • leftler

    Did the jumpcut and Burton moving up close to the camera at the start scare the crap out of anyone else? I felt like he was staring in to my soul the whole time.

  • RubbaNoze

    I liked the movie too back then, but never heard about this game before – for good reason, it seems. But you always manage to turn shit into gold :D
    Have a good one!

  • ColeYote

    You know, say whatever you want about the absurdity of this combat system, those are some nice freakin’ glass shattering animations.

  • Cole Christie

    i don’t get it: the Guardian, the “corrupted footage” that’s been popping up, that guy from final fantasy (whoever he is). . . . what does it all mean ?


    • Dragon Nexus

      If you (re)watch Game Over you might get a clue.

      Notice a lot of the reviews that feature the static and image shifts, like this, The Ring, Game Over etc all hold a common theme?

  • Derek Thomas

    June 10th- “why would you watch if I just walk out on things like I have recently”. 3 weeks later.. I’m taking a month off.

  • Sajeh

    10:54 “I should be able to FUCK!” yes, hence April…

  • TheLonelySandPerson

    I can’t hear Samuel Barber’s Agnus Dei without also hearing, “Kharak is burning…”

  • Jeffrey J Benson

    One of your best reviews in years Spoony. I don’t know but it always seems you do a way better job when it’s these shorter bad games you review. Screw final fantasy this is way more fun.

  • http://dragonduskshoard.blogspot.com/ Dragons_Dusk

    I am unsure how I missed when this went live. Fun review, interesting ending concept for the movie I hadn’t heard. Glad this one is behind you.

  • The Janitor

    You should really do a commentary for this review.

  • gronka

    LOL@Angry Joe

  • PokeyFluffytail

    There were more balls in this then a ball pit filled with gay men and bishies. XD

  • theforetoldlegend

    you never finished Deadly Premonition

    • NeroAngelo

      check his patreon . . . he has a donation point for finishing it

  • Tyler Frantsvog

    What is that voice saying at about 0:09? All I can make out is, “Dammit! ???????????? before he has a stroke!” Seriously, what is that?

    • Anon

      “Freeze the pod”? I think.

  • NewWorld

    This episode was absolutely hilarious. I found it so funny I bookmarked it. You’re a funny guy, Spoony.

  • Jonesy89CFPD

    Two words: “attempted murder”.

  • likalaruku

    The system is down!

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