Terror T.R.A.X. – Track of the Vampire (PC): The Whole Bloody Affair

The Spoony One | Oct 23 2009 | more notation(s) | 

Here’s the complete, uncut version of the episode!

  • Taylor

    This is AWESOME

  • Taylor

    This is AWESOME

  • Beriorn

    Beautiful review overall, it’s just kind of hard to make out what’s happening… but that’s just bad game design. Keep it up!

  • Beriorn

    Beautiful review overall, it’s just kind of hard to make out what’s happening… but that’s just bad game design. Keep it up!

  • Terran

    Thank you ^_^ Personally I’d rather watch let’s play/rift track-styled reviews in a single long video rather than a bunch of smaller ones. By the way, if Yor is considered the manliest man, Graves has to be amongst the whimpest. Why do you sign up to fight Vampires if you’re just going to freeze up every time someone attacks you?

  • Terran

    Thank you ^_^ Personally I’d rather watch let’s play/rift track-styled reviews in a single long video rather than a bunch of smaller ones. By the way, if Yor is considered the manliest man, Graves has to be amongst the whimpest. Why do you sign up to fight Vampires if you’re just going to freeze up every time someone attacks you?

  • Sovereign110

    I am Malibu, Vampire Hunter.

  • Sovereign110

    I am Malibu, Vampire Hunter.

  • The man

    Escape from new york/ LA
    Awesome music and oteah, great review. I kinda thought you realised the walkin name a little too late, but funny none the less.

    Oh and my fave line:

    Tell everybody to panic. Do it now!!

  • http://none The man

    Escape from new york/ LA
    Awesome music and oteah, great review. I kinda thought you realised the walkin name a little too late, but funny none the less.

    Oh and my fave line:

    Tell everybody to panic. Do it now!!

  • Anonymous

    “Don’t worry, I didn’t see you”? How did you not go “Ba-dum TISH!”?

  • MFlorian

    “Don’t worry, I didn’t see you”? How did you not go “Ba-dum TISH!”?

  • LOL’d

    “Forget the vampires, this furniture is the real horror”

  • LOL’d

    “Forget the vampires, this furniture is the real horror”

  • Anonymous

    Wait a minute…in the credits. Special thanks to Kyle Gass? I wonder what hand he played in this.

  • MFlorian

    Wait a minute…in the credits. Special thanks to Kyle Gass? I wonder what hand he played in this.

  • Chief

    Oooh, I’ve never been this early in the comments! :P
    Good stuff, Spoony. As usual.

  • Chief

    Oooh, I’ve never been this early in the comments! :P
    Good stuff, Spoony. As usual.

  • Anonymous

    This game could have been fun, but they screwed it up big time with the shonky camera (I know it was meant to be a shoulder mounted camera) and the darkness.

    Even if it’s meant to be dark for the story, at least make it visable for us to see what’s going on. Although I think I can understand it being dark with the electric-frankenstin guy, since his very presence shorts out all electric equipment and the backup generators…but the rest of the game should have some LIGHT!

    Also, the very bad puns. It really just makes you groan and deliberately get yourself killed/vampirized.

    You are a brilliant character Spoony! I’m glad I found this site.

  • The Shamster

    This game could have been fun, but they screwed it up big time with the shonky camera (I know it was meant to be a shoulder mounted camera) and the darkness.

    Even if it’s meant to be dark for the story, at least make it visable for us to see what’s going on. Although I think I can understand it being dark with the electric-frankenstin guy, since his very presence shorts out all electric equipment and the backup generators…but the rest of the game should have some LIGHT!

    Also, the very bad puns. It really just makes you groan and deliberately get yourself killed/vampirized.

    You are a brilliant character Spoony! I’m glad I found this site.

  • Da Erkka

    The black hole? I think you meant The Bhlak Hol!!!

  • Da Erkka

    The black hole? I think you meant The Bhlak Hol!!!

  • godofplague

    They need to bring the Trax back with the gun toting wherewo;ves. But this was a really good lets play.
    Did you get your revenge for Twilight?

  • godofplague

    They need to bring the Trax back with the gun toting wherewo;ves. But this was a really good lets play.
    Did you get your revenge for Twilight?

  • Eckshale

    Want something to bring you a little bit of vampire happiness?
    In case you don’t remember or didn’t care, Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines.
    Great game, from a time when vampire hadn’t quite turned into sparkling pussies just yet.
    Also quite a bit of bugs that will make you laugh.

  • Eckshale

    Want something to bring you a little bit of vampire happiness?
    In case you don’t remember or didn’t care, Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines.
    Great game, from a time when vampire hadn’t quite turned into sparkling pussies just yet.
    Also quite a bit of bugs that will make you laugh.

  • http://myspace.com/bono_vox Mad Man Mick

    God a bacon cigarette sounds awesome

  • http://myspace.com/bono_vox Mad Man Mick

    God a bacon cigarette sounds awesome

  • Coresus

    Your imitation of Malibu really reminded me of Christian Bale’s Batman voice, which made it even more hilarious xD

  • Coresus

    Your imitation of Malibu really reminded me of Christian Bale’s Batman voice, which made it even more hilarious xD

  • Mithian

    I love you , , , , and this

  • Mithian

    I love you , , , , and this

  • YigSnakeDaddy

    Spoony, now that there is rule34 on you, you have officially become immortal.
    http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/368765

    • Spokojasne

      ROTFL, people are fucked up

    • Spokojasne

      ROTFL, people are fucked up

  • YigSnakeDaddy

    Spoony, now that there is rule34 on you, you have officially become immortal.
    http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/368765

  • BumBo

    Tell everyone to panic DO IT NOW!

    hahahahaha! nice. althou some of this is allright but enromous ammounts of it was crap or confusing. thank god i missed this one. Nice vid mr Spoony sir!

  • BumBo

    Tell everyone to panic DO IT NOW!

    hahahahaha! nice. althou some of this is allright but enromous ammounts of it was crap or confusing. thank god i missed this one. Nice vid mr Spoony sir!

  • Huge

    Officer Graves looks like he’s the son of James Hetfield and Gary Busey. Busey obviously being his mother.

  • Huge

    Officer Graves looks like he’s the son of James Hetfield and Gary Busey. Busey obviously being his mother.

  • SignNinja

    Ah I love this series. Did someone up at Wizard really think that a non selling choose your own adventure audio series like Terror TRAX would sell any better if they put video to it? Or even would it do any better? Anyway, not for lack of trying but they really were stretching out. Oh btw for all you fans Track of the Vampire and Track of the Werewolf are free to download straight from the Wizards of the Coast website.

  • SignNinja

    Ah I love this series. Did someone up at Wizard really think that a non selling choose your own adventure audio series like Terror TRAX would sell any better if they put video to it? Or even would it do any better? Anyway, not for lack of trying but they really were stretching out. Oh btw for all you fans Track of the Vampire and Track of the Werewolf are free to download straight from the Wizards of the Coast website.

  • Poipoi

    I think Dr Insano popped in for a second to order pizza.

  • Poipoi

    I think Dr Insano popped in for a second to order pizza.

  • Mr. Saxon

    You still spelled BLAGGOLE!!! wrong.

  • Mr. Saxon

    You still spelled BLAGGOLE!!! wrong.

  • Huge

    Also it seems like somebody gave Paul Greengrass the camera.

  • Huge

    Also it seems like somebody gave Paul Greengrass the camera.

  • TigerCakes

    This review is not funny.

  • TigerCakes

    This review is not funny.

  • http://himynameistyler.com/ Tyler

    @TigerCakes:
    I know, it’s hilarious, right?

  • http://himynameistyler.com Tyler

    @TigerCakes:
    I know, it’s hilarious, right?

  • Huge

    I want a “…And he kicked himself in the head!” T-shirt.

  • Huge

    I want a “…And he kicked himself in the head!” T-shirt.

  • Nasikoman

    So is this really all there is to this game? It seems really short. And it seems like it had much too much exposition for its length and the number of things that come up in the game.

  • Nasikoman

    So is this really all there is to this game? It seems really short. And it seems like it had much too much exposition for its length and the number of things that come up in the game.

  • Sjuge

    Did you notice the credits mention Kyle Gass and the Actor’s Gang? Holy shit!

  • Sjuge

    Did you notice the credits mention Kyle Gass and the Actor’s Gang? Holy shit!

  • Saiser

    “They cut the power?!? Whaddya mean they cut the power?!? They’re fucking animals, man!”

    Was I the only one who just stopped short of yelling, “Ah, shut up Hudson!” at the screen?

  • Saiser

    “They cut the power?!? Whaddya mean they cut the power?!? They’re fucking animals, man!”

    Was I the only one who just stopped short of yelling, “Ah, shut up Hudson!” at the screen?

  • coyoterys

    You know what’s funny? People today bitch and moan if a game doesn’t offer 10+ hours of game play, and here we have Spoony playing this whole game for us in about 1 hour. :)

    If FMV games were released today they’d have to be 10 dvd boxed sets or else the gamers would revolt for feeling ripped-off.

  • coyoterys

    You know what’s funny? People today bitch and moan if a game doesn’t offer 10+ hours of game play, and here we have Spoony playing this whole game for us in about 1 hour. :)

    If FMV games were released today they’d have to be 10 dvd boxed sets or else the gamers would revolt for feeling ripped-off.

  • Andy

    What about FMV Hell? This game looks incredibly bad! Oh if only they all could be “Under a Killing Moon”.

  • Andy

    What about FMV Hell? This game looks incredibly bad! Oh if only they all could be “Under a Killing Moon”.

  • e altar

    hey that was nice

    on a side note there are 2 movies you should soo check out

    moon
    law abiding citizen

    i think you will like them a lot……..altho the plot twists in moon are a bit too abvious

    any way the play throu was cool…… tooo bad the death scenes lack a bit of gore

  • e altar

    hey that was nice

    on a side note there are 2 movies you should soo check out

    moon
    law abiding citizen

    i think you will like them a lot……..altho the plot twists in moon are a bit too abvious

    any way the play throu was cool…… tooo bad the death scenes lack a bit of gore

  • JT1

    I still blame Agent Graves’ complete ineffectiveness on those shades. How is he supposed to see the vampires while he’s wearing Stevie Wonder’s darkest sunglasses AT NIGHT? I don’t think T.R.A.X. thought that one through.

  • JT1

    I still blame Agent Graves’ complete ineffectiveness on those shades. How is he supposed to see the vampires while he’s wearing Stevie Wonder’s darkest sunglasses AT NIGHT? I don’t think T.R.A.X. thought that one through.

  • Arkadis

    anyone else notice the lady at the desk is the teacher from billy madison?

  • Arkadis

    anyone else notice the lady at the desk is the teacher from billy madison?

  • Archedgar

    Agent Snake was incredibly entertaining.

    I find it odd that Dr. Hemos is killed in this one when in the Audio version he is not a hostile vampire. I also find it odd that the second TRAX officer was turned into a woman.

    Great video spoony, the TRAX computer sucks, she takes up a lot of the game time and doesn’t do anything other than float around. She should have remained as audio.

    More than that, I am surprised that they were able to have the same voice actors for the game as they did for the audio version.

  • Archedgar

    Agent Snake was incredibly entertaining.

    I find it odd that Dr. Hemos is killed in this one when in the Audio version he is not a hostile vampire. I also find it odd that the second TRAX officer was turned into a woman.

    Great video spoony, the TRAX computer sucks, she takes up a lot of the game time and doesn’t do anything other than float around. She should have remained as audio.

    More than that, I am surprised that they were able to have the same voice actors for the game as they did for the audio version.

  • Om NOM NOM!

    Any plans for another “4 schmucks”

  • Om NOM NOM!

    Any plans for another “4 schmucks”

  • Mr. Zer0

    Not bad but it feels a bit too much of a clip show of your old videos
    Better to keep those reference sparse, like you’re peppering a sundae

  • Mr. Zer0

    Not bad but it feels a bit too much of a clip show of your old videos
    Better to keep those reference sparse, like you’re peppering a sundae

  • kazz kai

    Is it just more or does the computer sound like the one from zion mainframe from the animatrix?

  • kazz kai

    Is it just more or does the computer sound like the one from zion mainframe from the animatrix?

  • cavalier

    Thank you for posting the entire story together.

  • cavalier

    Thank you for posting the entire story together.

  • Anonymous

    I wonder how T.R.A.X would respond if someone deliberately phoned in a prank phone call pretending to be attacked by vampires and instead led the ‘hunters’ to a group of Twilight, Emo/Goth, vampire-wanna-be’s.

  • The Shamster

    I wonder how T.R.A.X would respond if someone deliberately phoned in a prank phone call pretending to be attacked by vampires and instead led the ‘hunters’ to a group of Twilight, Emo/Goth, vampire-wanna-be’s.

  • Greymarch

    Probably by getting their asses kicked by the emos.

  • Greymarch

    Probably by getting their asses kicked by the emos.

  • AtlasRedux

    Quote :
    Andy October 23, 2009 at 12:05 pm
    What about FMV Hell? This game looks incredibly bad! Oh if only they all could be “Under a Killing Moon”.

    True … but UAKM wasn’t really ONLY a FMV, it was also a lot 3D-environments to navigate through.

  • AtlasRedux

    Quote :
    Andy October 23, 2009 at 12:05 pm
    What about FMV Hell? This game looks incredibly bad! Oh if only they all could be “Under a Killing Moon”.

    True … but UAKM wasn’t really ONLY a FMV, it was also a lot 3D-environments to navigate through.

  • Squall Lee

    funny stuff there, funny stuff.

    What puzzles me is why they had all that extra crap on themselves like the garlic (which is uneffective unless you’re wearing it around your neck, or doused yourself in garlic cologne) or the crucifix. And while I’m thinking about it; it would’ve been extremely hilarious if the TRAX officers carried around pointy sticks instead of guns, and they went around stabbing vampires in the hearts with them.

  • Squall Lee

    funny stuff there, funny stuff.

    What puzzles me is why they had all that extra crap on themselves like the garlic (which is uneffective unless you’re wearing it around your neck, or doused yourself in garlic cologne) or the crucifix. And while I’m thinking about it; it would’ve been extremely hilarious if the TRAX officers carried around pointy sticks instead of guns, and they went around stabbing vampires in the hearts with them.

  • Sgt Rob

    Anybody else think that the commercial lady doing the Manikin’s voice is hot? No… damnit…

  • Sgt Rob

    Anybody else think that the commercial lady doing the Manikin’s voice is hot? No… damnit…

  • http://www.printfection.com/t-shirtvillain fuzzdaddy

    This game looks like it sucks but I’d still play it.

  • http://www.printfection.com/t-shirtvillain fuzzdaddy

    This game looks like it sucks but I’d still play it.

  • http://www.printfection.com/t-shirtvillain fuzzdaddy
  • http://www.printfection.com/t-shirtvillain fuzzdaddy
  • KaitoKid

    I prefer the original over the uncut.

  • KaitoKid

    I prefer the original over the uncut.

  • Joey Mauro

    I love how Snake has the same apartment as Jeffrey Dahmer…and why does he have a no shirt and a vest and look like Dog the Bounty Hunter?

  • Joey Mauro

    I love how Snake has the same apartment as Jeffrey Dahmer…and why does he have a no shirt and a vest and look like Dog the Bounty Hunter?

  • Eric

    Where did YOU learn to fly??

  • Eric

    Where did YOU learn to fly??

  • Fahad

    this wasn’t such a bad story, i guess. The lines were stupid and the gameplay itself was non-existent. Awesome review, tho, sir.

  • Fahad

    this wasn’t such a bad story, i guess. The lines were stupid and the gameplay itself was non-existent. Awesome review, tho, sir.

  • EXCELS10R

    SPOONY OMG PLAY BORDERLANDS PLAY BORDERLANDS PLAY BORDERLANDS DO A REVIEW SWEET MARY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • EXCELS10R

    SPOONY OMG PLAY BORDERLANDS PLAY BORDERLANDS PLAY BORDERLANDS DO A REVIEW SWEET MARY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Strelnikov

    Answer to MFlorean: Kyle Gass is a veteran of The Actors’ Gang, a LA theater company. I’m guessing he was a go-between to provide “Terror TRAX” crew with actors. I don’t know if it’s been commented before, but a lot of the actors from the “DragonStrike” video have parts in “Track of the Vampire”; both John Boyle (Dr. Hemos) and Deron “Malibu” McBee were in that tape. Edie Mirman (the female TRAX officer) has a long history of voice acting in dubbed anime movies and TV shows; she did voices on “Robotech” and was the voice of the creepy computer in “Track of the Vampire.” Hell, even one of the writers of “DragonStrike” (Flint Dille) worked on “TRAX”!
    In a weird bit of “six degrees of seperation” Kyle Gass co-starred with Shane Black (“Leathal Weapon” screenwriter) in Chris Matheson’s 1993 short film “Mike the Detective.” Matheson was a co-creator of the Bill and Ted characters, which means that “Terror TRAX: Track of the Vampire” is both vaguely related to “The Matrix” and Tenacious D.

  • Strelnikov

    Answer to MFlorean: Kyle Gass is a veteran of The Actors’ Gang, a LA theater company. I’m guessing he was a go-between to provide “Terror TRAX” crew with actors. I don’t know if it’s been commented before, but a lot of the actors from the “DragonStrike” video have parts in “Track of the Vampire”; both John Boyle (Dr. Hemos) and Deron “Malibu” McBee were in that tape. Edie Mirman (the female TRAX officer) has a long history of voice acting in dubbed anime movies and TV shows; she did voices on “Robotech” and was the voice of the creepy computer in “Track of the Vampire.” Hell, even one of the writers of “DragonStrike” (Flint Dille) worked on “TRAX”!
    In a weird bit of “six degrees of seperation” Kyle Gass co-starred with Shane Black (“Leathal Weapon” screenwriter) in Chris Matheson’s 1993 short film “Mike the Detective.” Matheson was a co-creator of the Bill and Ted characters, which means that “Terror TRAX: Track of the Vampire” is both vaguely related to “The Matrix” and Tenacious D.

  • chris

    lmfao, i love these

    you should review something to do with wwe lol, you’re always using wrestling references

  • chris

    lmfao, i love these

    you should review something to do with wwe lol, you’re always using wrestling references

  • NucleaRaptor

    >>Anybody else think that the commercial lady doing the Manikin’s voice is hot? No… damnit…

    You best be trolling. I want to punch that bitch in the fucking face. I can’t stand that godforsaken commercial anymore.

  • NucleaRaptor

    >>Anybody else think that the commercial lady doing the Manikin’s voice is hot? No… damnit…

    You best be trolling. I want to punch that bitch in the fucking face. I can’t stand that godforsaken commercial anymore.

  • Clytemnestra

    Spoony, there were two Twilight jokes in that review that showed obvious knowledge of the storyline…Please hand over your man-cards.

    Otherwise, keep up the good work.

  • Clytemnestra

    Spoony, there were two Twilight jokes in that review that showed obvious knowledge of the storyline…Please hand over your man-cards.

    Otherwise, keep up the good work.

  • Anonymous

    One thing I dont get is that Snake had a crucifix around his neck as well as garlic and Holy water on his body…And he STILL get’s killed/vampirized by the vampires?!?!?!?

    Sheesh, I guess those myths of using said instruments against the undead were lies told to him when he applied for the job.

  • The Shamster

    One thing I dont get is that Snake had a crucifix around his neck as well as garlic and Holy water on his body…And he STILL get’s killed/vampirized by the vampires?!?!?!?

    Sheesh, I guess those myths of using said instruments against the undead were lies told to him when he applied for the job.

  • Strelnikov

    The Shamster
    One thing I dont get is that Snake had a crucifix around his neck as well as garlic and Holy water on his body…And he STILL get’s killed/vampirized by the vampires?!?!?!?

    I think the game is structured a lot like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” gamebooks; people died stupidly in those all the time. However because of space limitations the game only has 4 or 5 endings (unlike the 8-10 endings in a CYOA book) so there are these dumb points where Malibu could have survived but didn’t because it would have screwed up the storyline. Even for an FMV “Terror TRAX” is pretty limited; they would have been better off with a regular video game.

  • Strelnikov

    The Shamster
    One thing I dont get is that Snake had a crucifix around his neck as well as garlic and Holy water on his body…And he STILL get’s killed/vampirized by the vampires?!?!?!?

    I think the game is structured a lot like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” gamebooks; people died stupidly in those all the time. However because of space limitations the game only has 4 or 5 endings (unlike the 8-10 endings in a CYOA book) so there are these dumb points where Malibu could have survived but didn’t because it would have screwed up the storyline. Even for an FMV “Terror TRAX” is pretty limited; they would have been better off with a regular video game.

  • Lovick

    Waaaaaaiiiiiit a minute? How in the hell can you see what both officers see at 34:47 if NEITHER OFFICER IS WEARING THEIR CAMERA GLASSES?

  • Lovick

    Waaaaaaiiiiiit a minute? How in the hell can you see what both officers see at 34:47 if NEITHER OFFICER IS WEARING THEIR CAMERA GLASSES?

  • OmegaWarrior

    Did that floating cyber-head remind anyone else of Hexadecimal from Reboot?

  • OmegaWarrior

    Did that floating cyber-head remind anyone else of Hexadecimal from Reboot?

  • GreenLightning

    Loved the Clue reference near the end. Good one as always, Spoony.

  • GreenLightning

    Loved the Clue reference near the end. Good one as always, Spoony.

  • Anonymous

    @ Strelnikov: Yeah, I know he is. I just wondered why Gass was specifically mentioned. Was he in the video? Did he facilitate the makers of the game getting in touch with The Actors’ Gang?

  • MFlorian

    @ Strelnikov: Yeah, I know he is. I just wondered why Gass was specifically mentioned. Was he in the video? Did he facilitate the makers of the game getting in touch with The Actors’ Gang?

  • Barack Obama

    The president demands MORE RIPPER.

  • Barack Obama

    The president demands MORE RIPPER.

  • http://celluloidandsilicon.blogspot.com/ Avenging_Mike

    Re: Comment 32

    Law abiding citizen SUCKED. I knew from the previews that it was going to suck, but I went anyway because my dad wanted to see it. The plot’s stupid, the twist is stupid, the premise is stupid, and the characters are stupid. Jamie and Gerard should both be ashamed of themselves for being in that movie, and sent to the Black Hole (Blaggoe?).

  • mikon

    Re: Comment 32

    Law abiding citizen SUCKED. I knew from the previews that it was going to suck, but I went anyway because my dad wanted to see it. The plot’s stupid, the twist is stupid, the premise is stupid, and the characters are stupid. Jamie and Gerard should both be ashamed of themselves for being in that movie, and sent to the Black Hole (Blaggoe?).

  • fick dich

    Wow, you seem to review a lot of games and movies with Malibu in them, don’t you? Is this a coincidence.

  • fick dich

    Wow, you seem to review a lot of games and movies with Malibu in them, don’t you? Is this a coincidence.

  • fick dich

    10-82 means reserve lodging. *bow chicka wow-wow*
    How’d you know that?!

  • fick dich

    10-82 means reserve lodging. *bow chicka wow-wow*
    How’d you know that?!

  • Prons

    Awesome review

  • Prons

    Awesome review

  • http://www.dimipapa.com/ Dimitrios

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1O5yLkcauQ

    Malibu on veronica mars. Here is sure looking grizzled at this point, so much so that even after dragon strike and trax I still didnt realize this was him in this episode (and im a huge veronica mars fan).

  • http://www.dimipapa.com Dimitrios

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1O5yLkcauQ

    Malibu on veronica mars. Here is sure looking grizzled at this point, so much so that even after dragon strike and trax I still didnt realize this was him in this episode (and im a huge veronica mars fan).

  • Guest

    Ok, “wtflol”, there are different years flying at me from all directions in this movie. I have no idea when it’s taking place.

  • Mr. Rubino

    Ok, “wtflol”, there are different years flying at me from all directions in this movie. I have no idea when it’s taking place.

  • Guest

    Urk. Now my chronos hurts trying to build a timeline for this. >_>

  • Mr. Rubino

    Urk. Now my chronos hurts trying to build a timeline for this. >_>

  • PinkGunpowder

    Hey, I think vampire tramp number three was Susan, Carol’s lesbian lover from friends. Have a look and check.

    And that part when the blind woman says “Don’t worry I didn’t see you” has to be one of the most unneeded and terrible jokes ever uttered, topping the joke that NC mentioned to be the worst in NORTH so I’m giving this worst joke ever uttered in a game ever. WHY THE FUCK WOULD A WOMAN WHO JUST GOT HER EYES GAUGED OUT MAKE A FUCKING JOKE ABOUT IT!!!!!? Retards.

    • KaorHashinake

      I blame Scientology.

  • PinkGunpowder

    Hey, I think vampire tramp number three was Susan, Carol’s lesbian lover from friends. Have a look and check.

    And that part when the blind woman says “Don’t worry I didn’t see you” has to be one of the most unneeded and terrible jokes ever uttered, topping the joke that NC mentioned to be the worst in NORTH so I’m giving this worst joke ever uttered in a game ever. WHY THE FUCK WOULD A WOMAN WHO JUST GOT HER EYES GAUGED OUT MAKE A FUCKING JOKE ABOUT IT!!!!!? Retards.

  • white_rotten_rabbit

    LOL @ 36:05
    I thought the same thing at the beginning, when I first saw this green visage XD

  • white_rotten_rabbit

    LOL @ 36:05
    I thought the same thing at the beginning, when I first saw this green visage XD

  • TheBest!

    I love it! Awesome job as usual Spoony. Stop teasing me with the Christopher Walken. I want more Ripper.

  • http://OhYeah! TheBest!

    I love it! Awesome job as usual Spoony. Stop teasing me with the Christopher Walken. I want more Ripper.

  • dylan

    great job you should do more lp’s your amazing at them

  • dylan

    great job you should do more lp’s your amazing at them

  • BlaDe

    OMG I havent even watched a minute and i thought id die, OMG to me the black joke was the funniest fucking thing i heard all day ROFL!!!! “except if you were black” hahhahah thank you for making my day!!!!

  • BlaDe

    OMG I havent even watched a minute and i thought id die, OMG to me the black joke was the funniest fucking thing i heard all day ROFL!!!! “except if you were black” hahhahah thank you for making my day!!!!

  • BlaDe

    one of your best LOVED it:)

  • BlaDe

    one of your best LOVED it:)

  • http://www.vampirefreaks.com/ShadowPoet Shadow Poet

    DUDE! You totally sounded like Nathan Explosion from Metalocalypse when you do the TRAX officer’s voice. XD

    “Oh yeah, live web cam shows, sometimes there’s lesbian shit, its TOTALLY BRUTAL!” – Nathan Expoonsion

  • http://www.vampirefreaks.com/ShadowPoet Shadow Poet

    DUDE! You totally sounded like Nathan Explosion from Metalocalypse when you do the TRAX officer’s voice. XD

    “Oh yeah, live web cam shows, sometimes there’s lesbian shit, its TOTALLY BRUTAL!” – Nathan Expoonsion

  • BOA

    Does anybody else think that the ending credits song sounds like a bad BIlly Talent song? Maybe that’s just me.

  • BOA

    Does anybody else think that the ending credits song sounds like a bad BIlly Talent song? Maybe that’s just me.

  • 8454417

    i dialed 1-800-lat-date and it is a real dating service LOL

  • 8454417

    i dialed 1-800-lat-date and it is a real dating service LOL

  • devilfish

    “Hey, I think vampire tramp number three was Susan, Carol's lesbian lover from friends. Have a look and check.”

    Oh mah lawd, it's Jessica Hecht. I nearly died laughing when I saw her.

  • notyoursavior78

    Oh man I busted out laughing immediately when Spoony started talking and he didn't even make it to the title screen. Oh man, Spoony/Noah does like the best commentaries ever. I've seen this before, but it has been a long time since I watched it and it was only once.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chrishominski Chris Hominski

    the receptionist was billy madison's kindergarden teacher. shes p hot in this game

  • crnrdfox

    “Ha Ha Ha….NOW you're working togethe-AHHH” lmfao

  • MetaFlossy

    Dragonstrike references make me happy.

  • http://twitter.com/iwasfrozen2nite Joe

    Ugh… this has to be the most annoying game I've ever seen. Mainly it's the noisy 3D teleporting head, the obnoxious sound effect it makes every single time, and the computer's goddamn annoying voice. Seriously, imagine if the Borg assimilated Kirk, gave him a female voice, and cranked up the “bullshit” meter to 11 and you've got this chick's voice.

    • KaorHashinake

      Where did you learn to fly?

  • laharl777

    Bacon cigarettes!

  • atypicaloracle

    Um… I thought the whole point of the stupid sunglasses-at-night thing was because it had the freaking camera attached to it? Yet neither of these two numbskulls are wearing their frigging sunglasses… so is the camera implanted in their eyes now?

    • KaorHashinake

      Well, you see, it’s because of science.

      • atypicaloracle

        Read this in the Bill Cosby voice. Instant lulz.

        • KaorHashinake

          Better yet, Christopher Walken’s voice.

          • atypicaloracle

            Well… you see it’s… it’s because of science, you know? The science is just… un-fucking-believable.

          • KaorHashinake

            I KEEP THROWING MONEY AT THE SCREEN BUT NOTHING IS HAPPENING.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bruce-Rammel/100000334431257 Bruce Rammel

    nice but lame on the gameplay

  • http://twitter.com/Gotcherry92 Christina D.

    Because to work in a hospital you need to work with quiet, dignity, and grace……… “SOMEBODY GET THE LIGHTS!!!”

  • MetalNick

    All I can think of when I see the “ghost” is “Where did you learn to drive?”

  • spoonshock

    I think Agent Snake's been drinking on the job.

  • Anonymous

    I think Agent Snake’s been drinking on the job.

  • Anonymous

    Oh man, thirty seconds into this video, and I’m already laughing. Spoony, sir, you are amazing. I love this Let’s Play video.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KEVMHIA5EABBTJH3RQS52FYTM4 conmech

    wow man this game is so awesome. So is your commentary…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Osterballe/1119977373 Christian Østerballe

    Has anybody considered at the end, we see they are both not wearing glasses…. and yet the POV thingie is explained with so-called Heads-up Shades…. That they don’t wear!!!

    • KaorHashinake

      Honestly, I don’t think the people who made this game put that much thought into….well, any of this game, so it’s really not worth the effort to think about it.

  • Anonymous

    Oooohhhh!~
    Shot through the heart!~
    And Walken’s to blame!~
    She gives police work, a bad name!~

  • http://www.facebook.com/stromlancer Jonathan Kingdra Garcia

    Always love the Clue-styled way you show alternate endings.

  • http://www.facebook.com/stromlancer Jonathan Kingdra Garcia

    Always love the Clue-styled way you show alternate endings.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SS4RTDFVC4TP26WD5HTYHO6BVI Jack

    How you can say, “I rub em on my gooch” without laughing, I’ll never know

  • Anonymous

    If you ever got your hands on teh 2 TRAX cds that you didn’t do, I would love to hear those as well. This was funny. Great work Spoony

  • Anonymous

    If you ever got your hands on teh 2 TRAX cds that you didn’t do, I would love to hear those as well. This was funny. Great work Spoony

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/briandavis1313 Brian Davis

    “Like losers who watch Let’s Plays instead of meeting real girls”
    Ouch, Spoony! That one hit way too close to home!……..:)

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PI3BX5NFW5ZGHC2JBESLXD25CY Justin

      like losers who  troll spoony instead of meeting real boys ouch to close to home 4 you

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PI3BX5NFW5ZGHC2JBESLXD25CY Justin

      like losers who  troll spoony instead of meeting real boys ouch to close to home 4 you

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/briandavis1313 Brian Davis

        Seriously, what the hell is your problem? Wipe the Spoony splooge off your mouth, bitch. It’s pathetic idiots like you who give Noah’s fans a bad name.

        • Guest

          and its bitches like you that make us want to beat the shit out of you women ;)

        • Resobaso

          No…Thats not true.

          there is a very long list of things that make Noah’s fans look like a bunch of idiot 5th graders.

          Justin is just a small small portion of it.

          • noloveforhate

            You all suck.,

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

    Graves you suck!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

    Graves you suck!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Huckins/100000367365765 Kyle Huckins

    I knew I would enjoy this anyway but then you go and end it with Rocket from the Motherfucking Crypt.  Well done.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Akim-Vasiliev/100001650721071 Akim Vasiliev

    “Where did you learn to fly” made me burst out in drunk laughter.

    Also, what’s the deal with giving SHODAN a Popeye voice? Ahahahaha

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Akim-Vasiliev/100001650721071 Akim Vasiliev

    “Where did you learn to fly” made me burst out in drunk laughter.

    Also, what’s the deal with giving SHODAN a Popeye voice? Ahahahaha

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_U7JSLFE3OTQUDPQU6BRFSGWARE Erwin

    HOLY SHIT!! THE LINK TO G.O.G. HAS PHANTASMAGORIA!!!!!!

    • dennett316

      Yep, got them both when they were on sale…$4.99 for the first and I think $2.99 for the second.  They may be slightly shitty, but I love FMV games and you get a good amount of entertainment for little money.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DSWGGJXSNPPUWYZWLY7VXJH5RM One in a Billion

    Man I can’t believe I’ve been a Spoony fan for four years. What a great ride it’s been. Love this video particularly. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=775470400 Alex Brown

    As a Spoony fan of some three years, I second the previous comment in saying this is probably one of my top 3 videos (apart from Yor: Hunter From the Future and Ripper/P:APoF) of all time. Cheers, Noah. Thanks for all the precious, nerdy laughs!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Kleinke/13936227 Andrew Kleinke

    I’m not sure if anyone has commented on this before, but here’s a video of the actor who plays Officer Graves in his free time. Jesus would have condoned these guys ripping cans and license plates.

    http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=JBC1EFNU

  • Mavros St. John

    “I didn’t see you…” LOL that was horrible…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Groszschedl/1652916988 Martin Groszschedl

    Spoony sounds like Rorschach from Watchmen when he’s talking like that guy, but then again, so does the guy :)
    Rorschachs Journal, today I encountered weird vampirey stuff and things … and talked with shodans little sister … Deep Wang, Officer Walken. Knapf. Stein. hmm, THIS GUY … get out of my way, Sir, HULK HOGAN! … fps-camera, OH NO, getting motion sick

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6EVM3F2U7HDWHYC7LO7TETE2KA MichaelT

    This is what it would be like if Snake Plissken gave a crap.
    And was really stupid.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6EVM3F2U7HDWHYC7LO7TETE2KA MichaelT

    This is what it would be like if your hard-ass middle school principle was a vampire hunter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ChusterMerino Chuster M. Merino

    Whenever I saw that face, the same question always came to my head “Where did you learn to fly?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/arno.vanpuffelen Arno van Puffelen

    where did you learn to fly
    avgn makes fun of it

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nagneto-Lives/100002330956610 Nagneto Lives

    Epic Triva, John Boyle (Dr. Hemos) was also the Dragonstrike guy!

  • http://www.facebook.com/william.thorne Will Black

    If you look this game up on IMDB the only listing it has is for this review, so the only cast member is Spoony. The game is only known for a Let’s Play done by a man-child with a blue robot. I don’t know if that’s more sad or hilarious, but I think I’m going to laugh anyways.

  • gokudo

    That A.I. is freaking me out, it’s worse than Max Headroom.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • saibot216

    What weirds me out is that the wireframe model’s hands are reversed.

  • KaorHashinake

    Okay, so basically this game is Malibu from “American Gladiators” and the lady who voiced Gatomon fighting the narrator from Dragonstrike. I am so not joking on any of these roles.

  • KaorHashinake

    Another weird thing about this game is that there is no info on it whatsoever. IMDB lacks a page for it, and Wikipedia doesn’t have a page for any of the Terror TRAX stuff. As well, none of the cast has this listed on either of their pages on both sites (although, can you blame them?). And you thought Pumpkinhead’s Revenge was the game time forgot…

  • Jerry Forbe

    “Because when they celebrate christmas in hell, they decorate their christmas trees with whores!”

    XD

  • Lembach

    Officer Walken has reached Metro County Hospital.
    “You got it. We’re tryin’ to find the Rippa’. Starting with the first victim. Renee Stein. She’s an editor, over at Kanapf. He’s comin’ to get her liver. Only this time, with a lot more splatta!”

    Cracks me up every time. :-)

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