Ultima 3: Exodus

The Spoony One | Jul 20 2010 | more notation(s) | 

Beware: Deadly Floor.

  • http://tjomega.blogspot.com/ TJ Omega

    Be glad it was just The Floor, Doug still hasn't recovered from the attack from The Room…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Phillip-Chanter/1230152805 Phillip Chanter

    The floors have gotten sick and tired of being walked on, so now they shall rise up, and strike back at those who would dare to soil their soft fabrics and scuff their carefully polished linoleum! RISE FLOORS! AND PUNISH THOSE FOOLISH MORTALS WHO TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED! DEFY GRAVITY'S IRON GRIP AND LET YOUR VOICES BE KNOWN!!

    Although I am surprised that Lord British had a somewhat less crazy game, but computers and fantasy still does not mix unless it's all around sci-fi or some time travel type of deal. I think Lord British should be called Lord Crazy from now on.

  • http://twitter.com/ShinAkumA21 ShinAkumA21

    what next The Wall Attacking you?

  • kevwaffles

    Funny how the game with transexual Ewok jesters is the least crazy one so far.

  • areoborg

    I made a horrible, horrible mistake of watching this video right before going to bed.

    That last shot of th ewok will forever haunt my dreams as it stares at me with its soulless eyes. Boring their way into my very essence… I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD CHARLES!!!!!

  • Mechaflash45

    The name of my heavy metal band is Transsexual Ewok Jester!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dreaded-Candiru/100000970188298 Dreaded Candiru

    Fuckin' floors, man–who needs 'em, anyway? I'm just going to put up an elaborate system of ziplines in my house.

  • allessander

    Seeing as how from Ultima 4 onwards, up until Ultima 9 (some even say U 8), the series gets better, I hope the next reviews will be longer.

  • nyarlathotepsama

    I just have to say… EPIC music choice.

    I remember this game fondly too, this was the first Ultima game I ever played. I still remember the days of wandering around, trying to understand things and then finally learning where I needed to go. It was kind of a rush every time I managed to make the “plot” progress. I was like 2 when the game came out and of course I didn't play it then, I was about 6 or 7 when I first started found, hidden in the bottom drawer of dad's computer desk, shoved way in the back and covered with paper, old 2nd edition D&D characters and a stack of disks with the labels torn off. Being a fan of Indian Jones, and much more so then than now I believe, I felt like I'd discovered the Lost Ark… and in a way I kind of did I suppose.

    Great Review, keep them coming, the Ultima games really are a big part of my childhood and I look forward to seeing your opinions of them!

  • KaitBunny

    I know I'm going to get flamed relentlessly for my ignorance, but what movie is that last screenshot from–the one with the Ewok and the blonde kid? I swear, like 15 years ago, it used to be on HBO every day after I came home from school, but I have no idea what it's called.

  • Il Principe

    All I get is a FATAL ERROR message. Can't watch it – que pasa?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Allison-Hanna/1460142119 Allison Hanna

    Love the choice of music, Spoony. And I love the mini-horror film starring the Sage. It looks like a hit! You guys should make a trailer.

  • Sexual_Tyrannosaurus

    I think that ewok was wiping cheeto dust on that kid

  • http://twitter.com/GFluegel HenningH

    Wow, great that was a remix of Frog's Theme from CT in the beginning. o_o

  • Krazie1er

    Nice RED DWARF reference…man when will someone do a top 10 fav Red Dwarf eps??

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1407694150 Moritz Benecke

    It's from one of the two Ewoks films made for TV (they came to the cinema in Europe), their titles elude me. Wiki 'em.

  • http://openid-provider.appspot.com/Viredae Viredae

    Incidentally, I think we found a more ludicrous villain than the eff'n wind from The Happening: The Ground!

  • http://www.facebook.com/cdrieling Carsten Drieling

    I loved the EVIL DEAD-RoamingSoundeffect in the Floor Attack-Scene! :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robby-Tracy/537563962 Robby Tracy

    Fuck your credit sequence, Spoony. I won't be able to sleep for a week now.

    I was going to say nice things about this review, cuz' there's a lot of good stuff here, but then I sat through the credits. SO NO NICE WORDS FOR YOU.

  • http://twitter.com/KatKaleen KatKaleen

    My floor is made of 25 x 25 cm flagstones. Now, that would hurt!
    I see you, floor… >_>

  • TheFiend

    Am I the only one who was thinking “let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor” during this review? Great video Spoony, if a bit on the short side. I wish you could have gone into more depth with the class/race system in this game as it sounds very bizarre. but then again that would have taken a good twenty minutes at the least. Alchemist was usually considered the guy who made healing potions back in the day right? These days when I think Alchemist I think “Crazy man who likes to make women and children go boom. From the inside out.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/RWWCGXM2TOEBLU64VLDBBJ2K4Q Drake

    You obviously haven't played enough games. I've already seen numerous games where the wall attacks you. And in most cases, it totally rapes you if you don't do it just right.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Noah-Kantor/100000053851474 Noah Kantor

      Remember Chex Quest?
      I kept thinking of that “Wall Boss” at the end throughout the floor segment.

  • cajaquarius

    I think the shrubbery from The Happening manage to just barely edge it out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sidney-H-Le/1351751397 Sidney H Le

    I fully expect The Floor to be a running gag now, like The Room.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Montz/561743911 Andrew Montz

    Not to sound like a fan boy but the cards are Exodia the Forbidden One. Just saying. Other than that it's good to see another fun video like this. Just beware of the Sage's Floor

  • http://twitter.com/Gorvar Georg Veramme

    Pedo Ewoks…I fucking knew it!

    • The Fiend

      only a matter of time after all. only a matter of time

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1049222364 Robert Perreault

    I remember this game on the NES when I was a kid, it was fun but I could never figure out what I was supposed to do. I think I'll give it another shot. Can't wait for the Quest of the Avatar review.

  • Princess Stabbity

    THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!
    God help us all.

  • FacestabMan

    I think I gonna play some Killing Floor right now.

    Ok, that was horrible.

  • Akuosa

    I don't know, the floor doesn't seem like such a weird choice for a deadly enemy. You're the DM of a D&D campaign where the most fearsome obstacles are doors and rivers after all ;P

  • Jumpooleez

    Hey Spoony, FOUR people versus ONE dragon ain't a duel ;P

    You make me want to try this game out though. Review more obscure stuff that you like, please!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Mckay/1552902991 Gerard Mckay

    Oh no the floor has appeared, imagine that in something like final fantasy lol.

  • Ashenge

    Ultima 3: Exodus.

    Once you play it, nothing else matters.

    From the same visionary entrepreneurs who brought you drugs.

  • Ashenge

    Ultima's The Floor versus Final Fantasy's Demon Wall.

    WHO IS DEADLIEST?

  • Cthulhu07

    The Floor! There's no escaping it….. :D

    Whatever you do, wherever you go! Don't step on THE FLOOR!

  • Ashenge

    It's like that one game we all played as kids at the grocery store and such places.

    “FLOOR IS LAVA. DON'T STEP ON CERTAIN TILES, THEY'RE LAVA.”

  • buzzNact

    I duno man. What dose the shrubbery sit on? THE GROUND!!!!

    Imagine if they teamed up, it would be an unstoppable force of HORROOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! :P

  • Cthulhu07

    Heh, I do recall playing that game as well. Even though it's been a while since I was a kid. :D

  • arcanedude34

    Haha, Bennett is hilarious as always

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZS4TOU23BJZFSLPHY3VFRXDKSE John Sierra

    ummm, is the video broken? I keep getting some fatal error “playback error at [http://blah.blah/blingbling/blork?etcetc]“
    not sure what's up with that.

  • http://twitter.com/Scheissester Svante Laine

    Name a game where you can play a transsexual ewok jester? Try Elona, I think you can play something close to a tranny ewok in it, plus you have a lot of other fun shit to do. Like breeding monsters with little girls.

  • Carteeg_Struve

    The Floor obviously. The Wall needs support.

    And remember the warning from Buffy: “It eats you, starting with your bottom.”

    • Anonymous

      Tonberry owns all.

      • Anonymous

        Yes Tonberry’s kill all

  • Ashenge

    Nononononono. A wall can be a wall without a floor. You can root a wall directly into the ground.

  • SeiryuX

    Wow, I'm not usually one to heap on praise but I must say that this is the best of the Ultima retrospective videos thus far, and probably one of my favorites out of all the videos I've seen here. Not sure which I liked more, the usage of a Red Dwarf clip (I actually just watched that episode yesterday) or the Evil Dead reference when Bennett is attacked by 'The Floor'.

    My only complaint would have to be the loop of the Ewok during the credits, that was just creepy, not to mention that it brought those Ewok Adventure movies back into my mind after I hadn't thought about them for years. Damn those blights on the Star Wars franchise! They were almost as bad as the holiday special!

    On an unrelated note, I wonder how many people will be trying to enter 'transsexual Ewok jester' into Super Scribblenauts when it comes out.

  • http://bluehighwind.blogspot.com/ BlueHighwind

    When I started hearing that Chrono Trigger music I kept on hoping that Frog would show up, or some variation on Frog Knights, but no. Tragic, really.

    Looking at these old RPGs shows just how incredibly spoiled I am living in today's RPG world. Even the greatest chapter of the genre (roughly 1995 to 2001) was years before my time, and the vast majority of games I've played are ports, remakes, and what-not. I hated FFI was because it was too basic and had barely any storyline! Look at these four games, its crazy!

    But no matter what time you're from, Chrono Trigger is still awesome.

  • http://twitter.com/Mecahawk Tyler Burnette

    Awesome rock remix of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home”
    “And let each one perform some part to fill with joy the warrior's heart and we'll all feel gay when Johnny comes marching home!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Alden/100000469737019 Christopher Alden

    That video clip under the credits is creepy.

    This game (the NES version, anyway) was my introduction to the Ultima series. And I didn't get very far in it; I was just a kid then. I actually liked IV (again, NES version) much more.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jaebird88 Jared Delahoussaye

    What's most disturbing is the ewok looks like Victor Wong, from “Big Trouble in Little China.”

    The death floor bit had me in stitches, especially with the Sam Raimi effect added.

  • http://twitter.com/xSnappYx28 Paul Dennis

    BEWARE OF THE EVIL FLOOR!

    It will eat you starting with the bottom.

  • goodguya

    Since this was a retrospective, you should've talked at least a bit about the ports. Either way, good vid and AWESOME Bennett.

  • Salenstormwing

    You see, this is why you need a new vacuum cleaner that sucks up all the dust, and dirt, and demonic taint that's left behind by your normal adventurer's vacuum cleaner. Or at the very least, a few roombas to go around cleaning up the place. It's the hard to reach demonic taint that causes all the problems..

    But this would make a great Fantasy Fight too. The FLOOR vs…. EVIL PIZZAS! (Go watch Linkara's History of the Power Rangers: Turbo to understand more about the evils of pizza.)

  • http://twitter.com/thereals0beit Andrew YouDontKnow

    Ah yes the floor, looks like we finally found a match for the scary wind from “the happening”

    Well that and high humidity.

  • http://twitter.com/thereals0beit Andrew YouDontKnow

    Yeah, chrono trigger still kicks a lot of modern games' asses, i left the RPG scene a while ago because none really cater to my style, FF8,9,10 and whatever else they made after that was a severe disappointment.

    I would rather play chrono trigger or ff7 any day of the week over any modern RPGs.

    Then again the modern FPS scene is not really much different, it seems like the better technology gets, the prettier things get the more the storyline suffers.

    Just ask “Transformers 2″ movie-goers.

  • http://twitter.com/jurfrokstar Jamal Murphy

    How is Sage afraid of the floor? I thought he was evil.

  • http://www.google.com/profiles/114319313498601954245 Kaltzor

    Awww, the local blacksmith forgot how to make covercars, space shuttles and blaster rifles… He never wrote anything down either… must be how most his inventions came to be anyways… “I've got it! I shall create a weapon that can shoot gates that allow travel from spot a to b!”

  • http://www.google.com/profiles/114319313498601954245 Kaltzor

    The floor is the final boss! Everyone! To arms! Let us tear it apart plank by plank!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julian-K-Quesada/100000144733462 Julian K Quesada

    “Floors Appears”
    I am disappointment by the games grammar.

  • mobtank

    Yea, the FPS market has got a pretty bad case of stagnation, pretty much every new FPS looks the same, feels the same and plays the same, if you go from one to another you hardly even notice you are playing a different game.

    And people complaing on mario galaxy 2? Really? That game at least feels like a sequel, a different game (plus its a ton of fun to play, its miles from the “identical chest-high walls everywhear” and “converbased shooting the whole game” style of gameplay).

  • Eniliad

    “Oh come on, it's only ONE dragon!” –Famous Last Words

  • http://twitter.com/AuthorD Paul Evans

    At first I wondered if this really was the earliest Ultima game I played and then I saw the clips from the NES version and it all came back to me. Never did beat it. I should rectify that one of these days. Anyway, can't wait for more especially when you get towards the bad parts of the series.

  • Carteeg_Struve

    So… then the true evil is…. THE GROUND!

    • Anonymous

      I heard THE GROUND was a great place to bury and smuggle your gold. No one would EVER expect to look there. It’s really a clever idea!

      • Anonymous

        Oh man, that is CLEVER. You should really get a patent on this before someone else does. :D

  • coyoterys

    That creepy pedophile Ewok will forever haunt my dreams. *Unsee! Unsee!*

  • MissAshley

    Frog's theme!

    *squeals and faints*

    I'm confused about your last line followed by the Ewok at the end, though. You seem to be equating transgendered people with pedophilia, and that doesn't sit well with me at all.

  • MissAshley

    Are you sure “Floors” isn't a proper noun meant to identify that particular deadly floor?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julian-K-Quesada/100000144733462 Julian K Quesada

      No different than “A Dog Appears”. While this game doesn’t do it, others do. I doubt the dog’s name is, “A Dog”.

  • Vanlan

    Love the Chrono Trigger Frog theme in the background!

  • capthavic

    The Floors are everywhere man. Soon they will rise up and destroy us all. DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!

  • ZC3

    The floor is everywhere!

  • Cthulhu07

    Especially if it's an old Indian burial ground. We've all seen that nothing good ever comes out of them… :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

    Dude, awesome Frog's Theme remix at the beginning!

    (I just started watching, but I mark out for Frog enough that I had to reply right away :-P )

  • Cthulhu07

    Uh, about these Evil Pizzas? Do they come with predetermined toppings or can you suggest your own ones?

  • banedon

    That Ewok scares the heck out of me… :-O

  • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

    No kidding :-

  • The Fiend

    There is no escape from the floor. Jumping is useless.

  • The Fiend

    It is always the things we perceive as cute and marketable that are the most psychotic and vengeful. There are monsters in this world that feed on organs and rip out your living soul. But This Fiend would rather face the most powerful legions of Hell itself than go against a single Ewok with bloodshot eyes and chanting it's death lullaby The Carebears, Ewoks, Furbys, and indeed teletubbies will one day climb out of sunshine valley.They will slaughter men, eviscerate women, and molest the children, and all that you will see is a rainbow of blood. Heed The Fiend Well

  • kikyoo

    I played this one on the NES and I never could get very far. The biggest problem I had was … just… everything -.-' I never was able to find anything in this game, and I was so used to Dragon quest witch was a lot more linear than this stuff. But also I rember trying to get up to a high level so i could win fights, but I would spend a long time grinding stuff and barely go up one level, it was abysmal. I ended up hating the game cause I couldn't ever do anything. I couldn't get threw one dungeon, and I never really knew why i was going into the dungeons or what I was supposed to be doing. Again it might have been my youth, where I was just a stupid child who didn't read all the text, but I rember trying again when I was a little older and still got nowhere! I might like to try again someday just because it pisses me off that I failed so miserably at this game.

  • Disthron

    I loved these games as a kid, I actually still have all the ones I owned. I only played from 4 onwards though. I remember playing the 3rd one on a NES emulator a while back but I wasn't sure about it becouse even though it seemed very Ultima I wondered how much had been changed from the original.

    Anyway, I'm loving this seerees of videos. I never knew about the time travel space weariness. I think Ultima 1 and 2 is due for a remake!

  • http://twitter.com/Metalsensei Metalsensei

    But can you kill with a blitzball, the deadliest weapon known to man?

  • godofplague

    Blitz balls are banned by treaty in all major continuities.

  • popov89

    that ewok groping that child will haunt me for ages

  • godofplague

    I keep hoping they port chrono cross over to the DS some day as well. Trigger and cross are my favorite RPG's along with KOTOR. The .Hack games were not too bad either.

  • The Fiend

    I prefer to put an alien queen's skull on my pizza instead of peperoni. But I'm on a diet so ill just settle for Chilled Monkey Brains.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thecrazyguy Sean Thomas Gill

    Great, that image caused me to lapse into a psychotic fugue, and now I'm sitting here with blood on my hands. I watched this before there were any comments. Nooooooooo!

  • Iaro

    Loved the review, Spoony! I will definitely be keeping an eye out of my floor.
    However, that fucking ewok will haunt my dreams. I would say it's almost as bad as Spoony's Valentine's Day present to us, but I don't think the nightmares will ever go away. :(

  • pawcanada84

    I'm enjoying these reviews as I've never played nor really heard of the Ultimate series prior to this. I know some people have praised this series for having simple, sweet and to the point reviews with the nice blend of jokes. While I am certainly laughing by arse off, I do hope you'll keep up the more out going ones you've done in the past. In fact I think have a mixture of the two types should keep both sides of the camp happy.

    And as a long time Red Dwarf fan, the clip with Lister/Rimmer and The Cat was brilliant. I hope we see more in the future ;)

    Look forward to the next one!

  • goodguya

    I just think he needed an ewok image to close, and that one looked good.

  • YuRaLL

    Nice review :) reminds me of all the old RPG's on C64.Never played any on PC tho (was too young for it anyway).

    also nice that you used a remix of Frog Theme for the entire review (love chronotrigger!)

  • yetiboy

    I demand more Yu-Gi-Oh-Jokes! I like them!

  • http://www.facebook.com/professorskar Lee Erickson

    Does Exodus sing “Daisy” when you start putting in the punch cards?

  • batlashes

    Who wipes dog poo into a mat? It had every right to wipe it right back in his face!

  • Dopatoka

    after watching the video(loved the red draft clip) i hunted down some of my game books and behold a ultima warriors of destiny for the nes. best part about this is its 80 pages long and it the contents list that the warranty is on 81 tricky SOBS
    great video cant wait for you next one

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_U553XBEWFLIZIWSWMZSUNWZUOU cjvs1604

    so we have a door that no one can break down in D&D, now we have attacking floors? whats next? dictator ceilings?

  • http://bwmedia.wordpress.com/ ShadowWing Tronix

    So you went with the nightmare fuel for the closing credits. Seriously, what is Wicket doing to that poor girl and what is he staring at?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thomas-Roland-Borgerud/713241008 Thomas Roland Borgerud

    Love the Chrono Trigger music remix

  • http://www.facebook.com/SwobyJ Malcolm Swoboda

    I was seriously was just listening to Chrono Trigger remixes before this.

  • http://twitter.com/Deimos1984ad Zak Mahmud

    BAD TOUCH……Someone get Chris Hansen

  • http://twitter.com/MattMk2 Matthew S

    The Floor is Everywhere! Duh Duh Dunn!!!! Lol!

  • sw4j

    Great review, but really, that floor bit was amazingly unfunny. You couldn't just have found a 10 second movie/TV clip of a floorboard smacking someone in the face?

  • KevinSutton

    That was pretty cool. I really like this series. Old games sure can be weird/cool/bad. The exodus twist seems pretty neat.

    The Floor incidentally, is actually a carpet haunted by the dead Fuzzies it was made from. For an idea of how it kills, I refer you to Death Bed: The Bed that Eats.

  • thehivemind33

    Sweet! Chrono Trigger ftw.
    I am so going to go find Exodus. Nothing else will matter…besides the floor trying to kill me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.b.perry Ashley B. Perry

    I'm not sure that's Wicket. It might be Pedobear!

  • http://twitter.com/Jensonb Paul Douglas

    Seriously, that image is possibly the most terrifying thing I have ever seen.

  • http://onlyfivethemes.wordpress.com/ ScoreKeeper

    Great review and cameo, though the credits are a bit…unsettling.

    Sage's reaction to the floor reminded me of Durkon's fear of trees, only more justified.

  • sifer2

    I was going to mention the Chrono Trigger tune seems like everyone else already noticed. But its almost kind of disappointing to see it becoming more standard fantasy instead of crazy rocket ship dealers. I kind of enjoyed the idea of it back when it was more like some little kids day dream video game.

  • foodlespane

    Aw, but I liked all the stupid shit with the rocket ships, time travel, and modern arsenal. :P Nice use of the Frog theme remix, by the way (ah, Chrono Trigger; another game that uses anachronism stew, but at least there it makes sense).

  • http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

    whoa, that creepy Ewok is going to be following me into my nightmares *shudders*

    I guess those clerics you use for XP don't have that awesome smite spell :P

  • fekketcantenel

    Fuzzies are definitely a reference to Little Fuzzies, an old sci-fi novel series by H Beam Piper. The faces look exactly the same. It gave me a laugh when I realized that, rather than doing the obvious reference to Star Wars or Star Trek, they chose to include a reference to a more obscure series.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/CU4D5CB3SG5P7QDVH3BGBX3JQM Kuroma Essen…

    Okay, that was a weird description of a character type– HOLYGODPEDOEWOK!

    God-a-fuckin' damnit, Spoony! First “Madness of Roland” and now this!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Z7SC2RIM5OKF6VOHLN62F5KNIQ chaos

    well i think spoony is actually rushed that review, thinking about it, it seems as though spoony has rushed all the ultima reviews rushing faster after each ep, although i did like them.

  • http://twitter.com/Lord_Tirion Luis Eduardo Parada

    The floor is everywhere!!!! is awesome
    It must appear on a T-Shirt someday :D

  • http://shadowdancersworldo.blip.tv/ Shadowdancer21b

    The lark is a bard. Lark like songbird, got it? Not a jester.

  • URGMA

    wait…aren't inteligence and wisdom the same thing?

    oh shit the floor is everywhere i can't get away from it!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ShaolinDave David Kingery

    Why did the graphics change quality durning the game?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Primoz-Mocnik/100000349326271 Primož Močnik

    What is the name of the song that plays during the credits? Ewoks FTW! :D

  • Swiftbow

    That would be the celebration music at the end of Return of the Jedi. Y'know, the real, original music, not that junk on the new editions.

  • jetman123

    The game was a multiplatform release. I guess Spoony decided to get a wide variety of vid captures. Seems like it was mostly from the Amiga and NES.

  • kingrat2314

    Great review!

    James Camerons Avatar jokes incoming.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-M-Danielson/6028162 Jesse M. Danielson

    That ewok is SOOOO creepy x.x

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JEWYTDL7VEQIO5NY554TYNSMVI Sami Jarvinen

    The mini horror movie was boring. You should have discussed the differences between the computer versions and the NES version. The NES version looks like a different game.

  • http://twitter.com/hellomayo Adelyn

    Oh same here. *shudder*

  • http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/blog/15075 Dax Strife

    Holy crap, I've been trying to find this game for years! Back in the days of the NES, I played this but could never beat it because it was a rental and I could never get past the killer floors; this is about the only game I never finished as a kid and it's been driving me nuts since I could never remember the name of the game. Thanks, Spoony!

  • http://twitter.com/CedarMusketeer Bryan Gardner

    And the MTV Movie award for best Villian goes too…….The FLOOR from Ultima 3!!! I have to admit, Bennett really sold that attack by the carpet square. Maybe some of the members of TNA and WWE should take lessons from Bennett.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

    http://www.insidepulsemedia.com/columnImages200… Hal Jordan — it's already begun.

  • hwalsh

    Creepy Ewok!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Fredrik-Nyberg/100000501364476 Fredrik Nyberg

    Deadly Floor, seriecly? oh well I could be worse like, THE TOOTHBRUSCH. :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Smith/100000649166219 Mike Smith

    >wait…aren't intelligence and wisdom the same thing?

    Actually, no. In most RPG worlds, intelligence is considered to be “book” or academic smarts, while wisdom usually reflect on things you can only learn through age and/or experience (it can also mean common sense.)

    An example the give in D&D 3rd edition of a character with a high intelligence and low wisdom is kind of an absent minded professor.

  • Ruiner

    I feel like a dumbass for over analyzing this but a carpet is more like a floor's bodyguard. Sage is seriously fucked when his bathroom tile decides to take matters into it's own hands. I never thought an Ewok would ever be able to look as creepy as Wicket(SP?) did in that clip during the credits.That was a rape face if I ever saw one.

  • Lockgar

    Fuck yeah, Chrono Trigger!!

  • http://twitter.com/RyuRanX RyuRanX

    I can hardly wait for the next review. Ultima IV was one of the most innovative and inspiring RPGs ever made.

  • mondomolesto

    This game frustrated the tits off me when i was a kid. This was before the internet, so nobody knew what the hell to do in it. I did learn the hard way though that 90% of the locations in the game are pointless.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NVI347ZQ7NQBQCLOCRNH77HSNI taken

    I'm loving these reviews since the only Ultima I played was the Gameboy version. Would you consider covering the Wizardry series next?

    Have to admit that the guest video kind of went on a bit longer past the point of being funny.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=660900583 Pandorina Blythe

    LOVED IT!!!
    I must say that the credit image is extremely disturbing. EXTREMELY DISTURBING. ewoks caressing children is just wrong.

    Beware the Floor, my friends. Beware the Floor.
    That was the funniest thing I have seen in a long while, Thank you spoony one. You brighten my day.

  • AlarStormbringer

    Yes! Red Dwarf! Damn you, Spoony. That is one of my all time favorite series. And thank you (and Bennet) for the floor bit. That was incredible (the Evil Dead series is also one of my favorite series). Bennet should do more semi-serious bits like that.

    Why was that Ewok fondling that child…?

  • http://twitter.com/downphoenix Downphoenix (Justin)

    Ultima 1-3 = Richard Garriot's LSD years.

  • http://twitter.com/Eniacc Eniac

    THE FLOOR IS EVERYWHEEERE! <o>
    Priceless xD
    Reminds me of “THE SKY IS BLUE” from Azumanga Daioh, but anyway…

    Great commercial too! Don't think it would work today though, nowadays game addiction is too true to be cool =P

  • http://twitter.com/Eniacc Eniac

    THE FLOOR IS EVERYWHEEEERE!
    Priceless xD
    Reminds me of “THE SKY IS BLUE” from Azumanga Daioh, but anyway…

    Great commercial too! Don’t think it would work today though, nowadays game addiction is actually too true to be cool =P

  • VanHelgen

    Whats the music in the background? Think I've heard that in Chrono Trigger or something.. (Which is an AWESOME game)

  • VanHelgen

    Ah so it WAS Chrono Trigger.. thought so.. ^^ Awesome

  • spoonybardol

    Come to think of it, I remember Ultima VII having a lot of little nods to III. The expansion pack for the Black Gate was, essentially, taking care of what remained of Exodus if I remember correctly (not to mention it gave you a sweet-ass sword you could use to kill Lord British if you couldn't be assed to drag a cannon in front of him or, um, double-click a plaque while he was standing under it). The Serpent Isle was also related tangentally since three of the towns in the game were from the part of the world that was broken off between III and IV. If I'm not getting my Ultima lore confused, anyway.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Calvin-Jarchow/1131125364 Calvin Jarchow

    Really like the use of Frog's theme from Chrono Trigger. Always a good choice.
    My first encounter with an aggressive floor was Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. But those were just angry ceramic tiles that tried to poke out your eye. Probably getting revenge for scuff marks and not wiping your feet.
    Is there possibly any relation to the Demon Wall from Final Fantasy? Those things were fairly dangerous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Kerr/100000680887523 Aaron Kerr

    Red Dwarf!!

  • calbeck

    Ah, yessss…Exodus. Floors and grass. How I reveled in these epic duels for mastery of footpaths! -:D

  • calbeck

    There's a lot of Ultima lore to be confused by. But that's why we love it so.

    Just think of the fanfics this thing would have generated if it'd been popular in the Internet Era…

  • vulpix

    This was a nice review–I just wish it was longer. Ultima III was the only Ultima installment I played due to its NES release.

    I finished that game from beginning to end, I can tell you that to this day it was the single most difficult game I played all the way through. There was this magical and mysterious quality to the game that made me want to continue the journey, no matter how difficult it was.

    The final stage of the game was relentless. After countless hours of gameplay, the game ended with what I consider the most disappointing ending in video game history: Text credits followed by “thanks for playing.” I had never felt so cheated in all my life.

  • vulpix

    This was a nice review–I just wish it was longer. Ultima III was the only Ultima installment I played due to its NES release.

    I finished that game from beginning to end, I can tell you that to this day it was the single most difficult game I played all the way through. There was this magical and mysterious quality to the game that made me want to continue the journey, no matter how difficult it was.

    The final stage of the game was relentless. After countless hours of gameplay, the game ended with what I consider the most disappointing ending in video game history: Text credits followed by “thanks for playing.” I had never felt so cheated in all my life.

  • vulpix

    Sorry for the double post–I didn't realize the first one had successfully appeared. There's no option delete my comment? Eh, how annoying….

  • http://maninblackreviews.wordpress.com/ The Man in Black

    Spoony, you know I love you (in a heterosexual non-groupie fan sort of way), but you really did that whole Floor spiel without a single reference to Death Bed: The Bed That Eats? For that matter, the follow-up would have been a perfect chance to reference Troll 3, and a Cinema Snob crossover was almost demanded. Well, it was demanded. By me.

    Seriously, you and Bennet did a good job, but you could have used more Snob. Maybe a gag about how Chester is immune to both Floors and Grass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Valentine/100000464108129 Chris Valentine

    That Ewok at the ending is staring into my soul… And scaring the shit out of me.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/L6PLQIPGHBBBK4XCNEJIALKY7U Katie

    Did you see that kid's face?
    The one being gripped by the Ewok?
    He looks pretty messed up.

  • labeth

    Well, at least I don't feel as bad for having no idea what the heck I was supposed to do with this game when I had it on the NES as a kid. I think I basically just ended up making 40 characters and then wandering around aimlessly trying to figure out what I was supposed to do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/GJford001 Glen Forder

    Red Dwarf FTW!!!

  • Salculd

    Oh man, this game. My family had the NES game back when I was a young'un, and I committed what I still consider today to be my own personal ultimate gaming sin. My sister, being ten years older than me (I was 3 or 4), was a lot more engrossed in it and actually tried to beat the game, whereas I'd just make an essentially fresh party of clerics and wizards every time and go blow the hell out of the first-level creatures with their apocalyptic death magic.

    She worked on it for a pretty long time. Finally, she had everything that was needed–she was literally just about to enter Castle Exodus, though since it had already been a marathon session that was left to wait until later.

    Enter small child me. I decide I want to play Ultima too.

    I deleted her save. If I had died that day, no court would have ever convicted her. She never did finish it, to my knowledge, at least on the NES; it was just too heartbreaking. However, she more than made up for it by beating the sequel her first time through as Katrina. (My strategery in that was nearly identical, except replace the wizards/clerics/level 1 monsters with the Skull of Mondain/everything.)

    It has been 21 years since. I am never going to live it down. Whitney, if you happen to see this, I AM STILL SO SORRY.

    (Also, apparently she actually knows Lord British somehow. She's been to several of his legendary Halloween parties and I think actually catered one at some point. Reportedly, he was impressed with her accomplishment.)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2YRHONJTPODSAK4RFFGXDFNCMM Mai

    No, you're thinking of Ultima 2. You know, the one with all the time traveling that came out 13 years before Chrono Trigger. ^^

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2YRHONJTPODSAK4RFFGXDFNCMM Mai

    Well, I know Final Fantasy pits you against an evil house.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Douglas-Clark/529857099 Aaron Douglas Clark

    I've got to say, the Ultima series so far seems like a lot of fun, however this has brought something to my attention… my quest for a lost game.

    It is almost exactly like Ultima III: Exodus !

    You can have a party, you fight in a similar fashion, the graphics are quite close, and it is a dos game… however I can't find the game, and I only remember playing it at the age of 6! My brother beat it, and at the end there was some quiz that you had to answer correctly to win the game. Either this is a version of Exodus IV, another game series (a knock off of Ultima), or I hit my head at the age of 6.

    Can anyone generously help me find this game? Or at least acknowledge the existence of such a game?

    This has been bugging me for a few years now…

  • VanHelgen

    Chrono Trigger! Have to go cut myself for no longer having my SNES and download an emulator! Man just adding the music to this video makes me want to play that game, its just that awesome..

  • http://twitter.com/NDrakkon Adam Brocklehurst

    First time commenting but I've been watching a lot of the videos for a while now. Spoony is truly awesome and I'm really enjoying learning about the Ultima series.

    Nothing has scared me as much as Wicket's eyes chilling me to the bone… not even seeing Watership Down as a kid.

  • beerzerker

    Come on Spoony. As a D&D vet fighting a floor shouldn't be anything new. At least it wasn't a trapper, lurker above, and stun jellys. Or as I like to call it “the fuck you room.”

  • rewind83709

    I played this game! Well the nes version. I remember it being really, really hard. Because once you reach level 4 the enemies become to tough, and too many. I remember us, (My brother, sister, and myself) only getting to level 4, and thats it.

  • http://twitter.com/mbroka711 Marc Broka

    Dare me eh? Umm, take some acid and play FFVII, Red XIII kind of looks like a transgender ewok jester. XD

  • valereth

    Fuck yes! Red Dwarf is such a fucking amazing show

  • borya

    Hey spoony when you going to review the other Ultima games?

  • borya

    Hey spoony when you going to review the other Ultima games?

  • Anonymous

    Hey spoony when you going to review the other Ultima games?

  • Anonymous

    Hey spoony when you going to review the other Ultima games?

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony, you made a mistake in the credits. You credit “ulullillia” (presumably for the NES footage, I recognize the names), but his name is actually ulillillia. Not sure if anybody mentioned it yet, but just wanted to give you the heads up.

  • http://twitter.com/Daeavorn Daniel Zeidman

    The song at the beginning is awesome, anyone know what it is?

  • http://twitter.com/MrNamefag Ashely Lutz

    …………..You serious?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Helm/1389412634 James Helm

      nah. lots of people like asking what things are because they’re bored, especially if they know the answer.

  • Anonymous

    In the event that you were referring to the first one in the video proper as opposed to the clearly labeled intro song, it’s some sort of midi-ish remix of The Ants Go Marching.

    • Anonymous

      …..wait, I’m an idiot who should listen to more than a few seconds before answering. It’s Frog’s theme from Chrono Trigger.

    • Anonymous

      …..wait, I’m an idiot who should listen to more than a few seconds before answering. It’s Frog’s theme from Chrono Trigger.

  • http://twitter.com/stevethefish76 Steve The Fish

    Didn’t I hear music from Chrono Trigger through a lot of of this review?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_73KMKBPSBKF6YSL6QBE4BMK3HQ Brianne

    RED DWARF = Automatic win.

  • Anonymous

    Okay, that thing at the end is the BEST VIDEO GAME AD EVER. It would’ve been better if it was like, “Ultima: Once You Start Playing, Your Social Life Ends”. xD

  • Anonymous

    Wicket has his rape face on.

  • Anonymous

    Wicket has his rape face on.

  • Anonymous

    Wicket has his rape face on.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-Bell/100000274557922 Kevin Bell

    Those eyes…there in my nightmares. AAAAHHH!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515476575 Glen Graves

    What exactly are the “7 words of anti-creation” and where is this from ? ?

  • http://twitter.com/LordHeartNight Chris Night

    That Ewok is like ” you wanna see some puppies…”. Truly Scary

  • http://twitter.com/LordHeartNight Chris Night

    That Ewok is like ” you wanna see some puppies…”. Truly Scary

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=579613610 Adam Hirst

    At 1:49, I think I can hear “Loss of Me”/”Rose of May” from the Final Fantasy IX OST…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=579613610 Adam Hirst

    At 1:49, I think I can hear “Loss of Me”/”Rose of May” from the Final Fantasy IX OST…

  • http://twitter.com/twistedmoogle twistedmoogle

    I’m sorry Spoony, but my surname is in fact Bobbitt. I Am GREATLY offended by your …. oh who am i kidding? It was hilarious! XD
    Even when you’re being pseudo-insulting you are too funny to take offense of.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Macho-Maldonado/100001742244471 Macho Maldonado

    can anybody tell me what the song that play in the review the whole time basically the one use for this one.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Dunlop/600725541 Kenneth Dunlop

      I think it’s a remix of Frog’s theme from Crono Trigger.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Macho-Maldonado/100001742244471 Macho Maldonado

    can anybody tell me what the song that play in the review the whole time basically the one use for this one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/McClain-Christopher-Laud/1304147328 McClain Christopher Laud

    real quick, im sure uve gotten this dozens and dozens of times, but its not “Exodia the Destroyer” it was “Exodia the Forbidden one” :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/McClain-Christopher-Laud/1304147328 McClain Christopher Laud

    real quick, im sure uve gotten this dozens and dozens of times, but its not “Exodia the Destroyer” it was “Exodia the Forbidden one” :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/McClain-Christopher-Laud/1304147328 McClain Christopher Laud

    real quick, im sure uve gotten this dozens and dozens of times, but its not “Exodia the Destroyer” it was “Exodia the Forbidden one” :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/McClain-Christopher-Laud/1304147328 McClain Christopher Laud

    real quick, im sure uve gotten this dozens and dozens of times, but its not “Exodia the Destroyer” it was “Exodia the Forbidden one” :P

  • Anonymous

    That’s a rug, sir. Not a floor.

    • sanktmikael

      Rugs are just the larvae of the floor.

      • Anonymous

        Hahaha!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tariel-Corbeau/1388782046 Tariel Corbeau

    Four people against a dragon? Two fighters, one mage and one cleric? Not a good idea nOObs!

    • Anonymous

      I was in a party once were a Rouge single handedly beat a Dracolich!  Granted he did that by dropping a bag of holding into a portable hole…

      • http://twitter.com/NinjaMoogle218 The Chuck.

        Well, if there ever was a time for the RPG equivalent of crossing the streams…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tariel-Corbeau/1388782046 Tariel Corbeau

    Four people against a dragon? Two fighters, one mage and one cleric? Not a good idea nOObs!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tariel-Corbeau/1388782046 Tariel Corbeau

    Four people against a dragon? Two fighters, one mage and one cleric? Not a good idea nOObs!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tariel-Corbeau/1388782046 Tariel Corbeau

    Four people against a dragon? Two fighters, one mage and one cleric? Not a good idea nOObs!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tariel-Corbeau/1388782046 Tariel Corbeau

    Four people against a dragon? Two fighters, one mage and one cleric? Not a good idea nOObs!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SRNNAQ4533PMD6MMPUCGCVS2XQ BreezeAir

    The ending credits are the most aweseme ever.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_MTFZ3MDRIRICR5ZFNUEEKECX7E Steve

    That floor had the coolest growling noise ever XD

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

    Sage sure knows how to chew carpet.

    Hey, shouldn’t that little girl be replaced by Hayden Christianson in this version?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emil-Czupryński/100000634860663 Emil Czupryński

    You seem to like Chrono Trigger Frog theme :3

  • http://twitter.com/V4VGnet V4VG.net

    Well that brings a whole new meaning to the term rug muncher!

  • Anonymous

    I may regret admitting this, but I can’t figure out the Dungeons and Dragons poster at the beginning of the review.  What does “I definitely lost SAN” mean?

    • Timothy Rehm

      It’s a reference to the Call of Cthulhu role-playing game. SAN is your sanity stat which decreases if you’re confronted by something sufficiently horrible and mind shattering.

      • Anonymous

        Thank you. I’ve heard of it, but never had the opportunity to play. I’d have never figured that out on my own.

  • Jeremy Lee

    “Floors Appears” …these guys been hanging out with the konami guys who translated CV2: Simon’s Quest?

  • Stefan S. Bygg

    Oh… I laugh so much at the “Floor attack” part that I almost chocked to death XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dustin-Smith/100001487648807 Dustin Smith

    I had to do a full stop near 1 min and 30 seconds in to find out what song that was you were using. Took me  half an hour to  go through all my memories of my video games to find out that it was Frog’s Theme.

  • http://twitter.com/iolitewraith Leet Shark
  • http://www.facebook.com/Jessano Jessica Marie

    I loved Sage’s cameo, especially how you can tell there was nothing on the bottom of his shoe. Damn those invisible dogs and their invisible poop! XD

  • Fracch

    Damn you Spoony…Frog’s Theme distracted me from the intro; had to watch it twice.

  • http://twitter.com/SipperJoe Kevin Harrison

    Which version of Frog’s theme is this? its freaking awesome and i can’t find it anywhere

  • Enkired

    Magical lamps with teh devil in them, and now deadly floors. I’m never buying from IKEA. Ever.

  • Hannah Danielle

    Disappointed, Spoony. If you’re going to target minorities for cheap laughs, maybe you should research who you’re flexing your privilege muscles over.

    • Leather Face

       I’m tired of all the Ewok abuse, myself.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Allen-Nagas-Driscol/100002901781942 Allen Nagas Driscol

         If you knew even half of the war crimes ewoks committed you wouldn’t babble such nonsense.
        Of course you think they were just “defending their land” because you watched a movie by that commie George Lucas.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_TCOBSL7MTHIHPTZMZNW6JR4FRI Cathy Meyers

      Yeah, he should stop making fun of Fuzzies and Bobbits. They may be fictional, but they’re people too. 

    • wizzbang

      Yeah, because us Jews don’t know anything about being minorities. We’ve always had all sorts of privilege going on up in here!

      • Sir Christopher McFarlane

        I didn’t know Spoony was a jew.

  • Luca C

    “The floor” heavily reminds me of the Demon Wall in Final Fantasy 4 for some odd reason…

  • Brandon Green

    I’m going to have to ask Sage how to effectively Chew the Scenery, I’ll probably need it soon if this floor suddenly turns on me.

  • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

    Cool stuff man!

  • Hippiethecat124

    The Attack of the Floor cutscene reminded me of some later-series X-Files intros.

  • DraculaAlucard1

    Are/were there ultima games on the SNES? If not, what’s with the random ass Snes footage

    • Dragon Nexus

      NES footage, ding bat.

    • Sir Christopher McFarlane

      There are. One of them is 7.

  • DraculaAlucard1

    >D TAKE THAT BENNET THE SAGE. THAT WAS FOR SPACE THUNDER KIDS!

  • Mo Rahman

    I guess you get floored.

  • http://www.facebook.com/xcellent2 Devin Leach

    Holy Hell a YuGiOh referance god this was so long ago

  • http://www.facebook.com/Jaenssen Jan Muphino

    one question. why the footage of different games in the review? i didnt play any ultima game at all, but is the footage from fanremakes or something like that? or is it in fact from different games? wouldnt make sense for spooney thats why i wonder.

    • Hitokiri Akins

      Some of clips are from the PC version of Ultima 3, some are from the NES version.

  • Jakob Woody

    I know that it’s a gif, but could that Ewok FUCKING BLINK already? It’s creeping me out!

  • wizzbang

    Wait…Fuzzies? *looks at the art in the manuals* THOSE Fuzzies? Oh, Spoony, Ultima III didn’t discard the off-the-wall sci-fi stuff — it just distilled it all into a playable race straight out of classic science fiction author H. Beam Piper’s most famous series!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Fuzzy

  • Daniel Tilson

    “I challenge you to find one other game where you can play a transsexual ewok jester.”

    I don’t know if there is another game where you can…. But I totally would.

  • atypicaloracle

    I spent like, two hours statting a fucking deadly floor for Pathfinder after watching this again. It’s a construct, it’s completely legit within the rules, and my players are gonna hate my ass again.

    Serves ‘em right, they know how much it annoys me when they keep asking if I’ll convert fucking kenders to Pathfinder.

    • Daniel Tilson

      A friend of mine spent months converting Ultima Underworld into D&D 3.5.

      Which we then ran through, and I proceeded to find ways around needing to blow up the pretty magic stuff at the end.

  • jesternario

    Here’s a thought. What if the “time lord” is really the hero from the first game. He DID have a time machine at the end of it.

    • atypicaloracle

      That’d be pretty awesome.

    • Matt Morgan

      You get the time machine in the first game from a time lord… that doesn’t make the main character into a time lord

      • jesternario

        It does if the universe in question doesn’t use rules from a certain series from the BBC and instead defines it as “one who has mastered time,” in which case that WOULD make him the time lord, as having the time machine DID make him a master of time.

        • Matt Morgan

          No, having a time machine doesn’t make you a timelord. The Daleks have time machines in several stories and they are never referred to as timelords, and never refer to themselves as timelords because they have time travel capabilities.

          Timelords are a species, sir. They are capable of regeneration. Simply having a time machine does not grant one such powers

  • Garmrspor

    FROG’S THEME!

  • crackzapgames

    I find I still have to come back and watch these every now and then. Makes me appreciate some of my early gaming experiences so much more.

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