Ultima: Runes of Virtue (Part 1)

The Spoony One | Jun 4 2014 | more notation(s) | 

You will tell me, won’t you, Avatar? When the lambs stop screaming?

  • rancossack

    Fantastic work as ever, Noah. Can never get away from Ultima, or the nit-pickery, eh? (Nice work with the new props by the way.=) They look great.)

  • MechaVelma

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank. You.

    Thank you for censoring that reference.

  • unacomn

    Sweet. More Ultima, more Avatar.

    Played this on a GBA emulator once. I kept scratching my head as to what was happening and why. Good to know I wasn’t the only one.

  • Landusk79

    Did I see you….Naked…..Ono;;;

    • http://spoonyexperiment.com The Spoony One

      I was wearing a helmet!

      • iniudan

        And a cloak… now excuse me while I go poke my eye out, you magnificent bastard.

        To add to you nitpicking btw, there was also an hearth on the prison door.

        • ORCACommander

          You still have an Eye after the Harkonen Thong?

          • iniudan

            I still want to be able play video games, so I made a compromise. =p

      • Julie Paulson

        Still a lot of skin! Warn a girl, I think my brain short-circuited!

      • Casey Williamson

        …Is that a euphemism?

      • Landusk79

        IT NOT ON YOU THINGY! -roll screaming- Eh Don’t worry I get the point it a reference joke of buffalo bill sex dance @we;;

        There lot I need to pick up, Hell I try to pick up thing you grow up and watch them for my self and see why Don’t ask me for the games…. -roll eyes on cost- Lest you show me Few good thing like “1st” highlander movie.

        Any way thanks for the shock joke XD got me going.

        Keep up the work

        Also of note It get me how pc player keep say but well feel free to rant and hate me on this, It kill me I have to spend money to get a working pc to get the game work or try to get it to work.
        Just make me want to tell the pc players “How deep is you pockets” mostly I want it to work then know i spend 60$ for game that won’t work.

        Yes yes I rambling sorry I wrap it up.

        senpai notice me OwO and yeah keep up with the good work spoony :D

        I love you reviews >w<

    • Krom

      Eh, could have been worse… if he had put on some lipstick. *shock gasp* THE HORROR!
      …anybody else getting some X-Files flashbacks?

      • Landusk79

        Meh I seen
        Apocalypse Zero, Angel Blade clips and few “Fan arts” of thing I would not want to see so my sanity meter is low every thing is broken to me and I see darker world.

        • Krom

          Low on sanity, you say?

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSXcajQnasc

          Does this happen to you? Do you feel weird and your pottet plants just eat your car?

          We can help you! Buy your “Narokath + Santak + Xel’lotath” Rune-kit today! As a Special Bonus: if you order now, we will give you not 1, not 2, but 4 Pargon Runes for free!
          Call 0800-MANTOROK and place your orders today!

          • Landusk79

            Goodies! :D -smash keyboard with face before passing out form beating him self out with it- “Did I get it?” @w@

          • Krom

            Ehm… Y-yes, yes of course. There it is, don’t you see it? Just wait until your headache ist over and your Sanity-Bar should be refilled. I’ll just take this money and start laughing like a madman.
            Did i just said this part out loud? …Aw crap, the jig is up!
            *throws the money in the air and runs away*

          • Landusk79

            Hahaha I have no use of green paper today is a good day of the Horde B)

  • Stephen Mc Devitt

    PC? They’re just glorified consoles with hot new crap. At least console gamers don’t have to suffer through that early access greenlight crap like Earth 2066, Dark Shadows: Armies of Evil and Day One: Garry’s Incident. Fuck you Gaben! Valve actually did something really shitty.

    Portable gaming (not that smartphone junk) is where it’s at with Pokemon Red Version to Persona 4 Golden, bitches! But PS3’s not dead yet with Persona 5! I haven’t heard of PC getting any Shin Megami Tensei game ‘cus they’d wipe the floors with The Witcher’s face.

    • doresh

      And consoles try to be PCs, so I’m pretty sure they will have this early access stuff soon enough.

      Valve should really put more effort into quality control. Then again, my motto is “If you buy a game at release date, you’ve already lost”. Why not add “If you buy an early access title without researching the f*ck out of it before, you have too much money” XD ?

      And Persona 4 is just a port. It doesn’t count.

      • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

        …you wouldn’t happen to be a TotalBiscuit viewer, would you?

        Because I JUST got done listening to this on his recent video this morning!

        • doresh

          Well, I have watched SOME of his videos, but nothing from the past couple weeks. I’m not really his target audience anyways since I don’t care enough about 98% of the indie games he’s showcasing.

      • Stephen Mc Devitt

        Well Atlus actually put the effort into bringing the game to a system most AAA developers consider to be hopeless.

        • doresh

          Not to mention that the original version came out on a then outdated console most other developers reserved for crappy ports and movie tie-ins.

          • Stephen Mc Devitt

            And now history repeats itself as Persona 5 (along with P4 Ultimax) comes to PS3 while bigger publishers look towards PS4. Atlus is run by geniuses.

    • SC2Daedalus

      PC is the master race. Deal with it, son.

      • Stephen Mc Devitt

        That doesn’t mean console games don’t have their own merits.

        One more thing, these Nazis (that’s what would a self-proclaimed master race counts as) has Day One: Garry’s Incident aka “Uh-oh!”

  • NeoXCS

    Awesome to see there is more Ultima for you to review! I loved your Ultima reviews. This was great, can’t wait to see part 2!

  • Daniel Tilson

    Actually… In Ultima 4, there is a seahorse mob (In the NES version at least, not sure about the PC.

    • http://spoonyexperiment.com The Spoony One

      I *believe* you, but I have ZERO memory of this.

      • Daniel Tilson

        I only ever fought them after stealing a pirate ship. Probably can’t beat the game without taking at least one of those, but I may be wrong.

        Water mobs were great exp, but since you don’t find treasure chests in the ocean (after fight treasure chests) terrible for gold.

        According to the ultima beastiary, they also exist in Ultima 5.

  • goodguya

    I was going to suggest this a long time ago back when I still had aspirations of doing reviews of some sort. These games always seemed quite interesting, though you’re obviously skipping past the Game Boy one, which i had a mind to pick up when I saw it in a shop.

    Very much liked the review. Very energized and completely wacky. Good balance of rage, criticism, and just straight comedy. Definitely needed after the heaviness that was U9.

    • Daniel Tilson

      This IS only part 1. He might do the gameboy one too.

  • Edward Ballard-Sholly

    So glad you’re continuing the Ultima reviews! FYI, there were seahorses in Ultima 4.

  • Michael

    The review had some great callbacks to the olden days that made me smile with nostalgia, good analysis of what’s right and wrong with the games, a lot of effort put into the outfits and set design, and it was charming and funny!

    And can I just say the seahorse was ADORABLE? I take it your girlfriend made it? If she did, tell her she did a stellar job, it was soooooo cute!

  • dexeron

    Yay, more Ultima! Great review. I always steered clear of the console Ultimas because I was afraid they wouldn’t live up to the PC titles. Glad to see I was right to do so, at least with this one. Nitpick: there were seahorses in the PC versions of Ultima IV and V. ;)

  • Charred Newt

    And, of course, there was that big pinkish heart on the cell door. So much creepy in so little space.

    Well, glad nobody entered the room in the following minutes, that would have been quite hard to explain.

    Never thought we’d get more Ultima, and of this quality!

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    You know what hurts more than still having a rough throat after a 2 week-long nasty illness? Still having that rough throat while laughing your ass off!

    In other news, it looks like the great Seahorsacolypse of The Room is finally underway….I for one welcome our new sea-dwelling overlords.

    • Kevin Franzen

      I couldn’t help but hear Hunter’s voice as I read your comment, so a sincere thank you.

      • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

        I get that ALL the time!

        And with my cold, my actual voice is extra-gruff, so it works there as well, heh.

  • CyrusStarChaser

    You missed the heart shaped lock on the dungeon door.

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      I noticed that, but forgot about it 2 seconds later, because my mind was occupied with other concerns.

      The moment I saw the full-body mirror, I knew what was comin’. And I had a feeling Spoony wouldn’t be wearing the Sting-Strap this time.

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      I read your comment as “Heart Shaped box” and was wondering if that was a reference to Nirvana. It is really late.

  • Psithief

    Woah, full costume at the start of the review? This is madness!

    Wario cap. Never forget.

  • Shawdawg

    This game reminds me if you mixed Ultima with Gauntlet. Shit.

  • JREwing47

    “I shall have him annoyed… permanently.” One of the best lines ever. I will definitely be using that in everyday conversation.

    • http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27OW0P38B28OP/ref=cm_aya_bb_pdp Relytia

      lol ikr? His delivery of that line, with the lopsided Magneto helmet, is absolutely perfect. My wife and I still belly laugh thinking about it. Like you, we use it quite often in our conversations.

  • johnnybrunoise

    so i guess spoony and avgn are gonna mock fight too?

    • Andrew DeCaire

      Honestly I don’t know, in some of his earlier intros it shows him beating up the Nerd along with his Rogue’s Gallery. Despite I’ve never actually seen the two interact outside of the “Anniversary Brawl” then again he beat up Linkara as well in the same intro and they’re best buddies so…

      • Nivmarx

        That wasn’t the nerd he punched in the old opening. It was Curtis from Phantasmagoria 2. If you look closely you see Blob the rat in the picture.

        • Andrew DeCaire

          I guess that’s reassuring

          • Nivmarx

            That and the background wich has Phanatasmagoria 2 written everywhere.

      • johnnybrunoise

        That’s not the AVGN in the intro, it’s supposed to be Curtis (he even goes so far as to make a joke about their similar appearance in one of the videos).

  • http://filmrunner.wordpress.com/ Film Runner

    Does Blip still require you to censor it if it’s tucked between your legs?

  • Shawdawg

    Hey, Noah, I saw when the snake was “biting” you, that there was a box of Ogre on the shelf. Is that the same tabletop game where you have a smaller army with a headquarters being attacked by a large robotic tank (the Ogre)? Love to see a review on it with the pieces and stuff.

    • doresh

      Most likely. And I’m also interested in that game :D

      • GunsmithKitten

        I never played the reboot, but remember the old SJ travelsize game. It was a beautifully done little beer and pretzel game with a great premise.

  • Niveon

    Spoony, now the next Benzaie.

    • Soft Insanity

      That’s hot.

    • doresh

      The goggles! They do nothing!

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      Now we need “The Goddamn Avatar” DVD so he can catch up with Brad Jones’ revealing with the recent Nudies, Rudies & Crudies DVD.

      …you know what; skip the foreplay: let’s get that feature-length Human Spider/Starfish/Thunderdome/whatever movie going.

      • Segatron

        Yikes, I hope the patreon guys get something beyond Thunderdome

    • snarfies

      I’m not gonna lie – I’m a bit aroused.

    • Patrick Coyle

      Patreon contributors get the uncensored version.

      • Segatron

        Ricardo Montalbán underoos and all.

  • Krom

    Finally we know Iolos true identity: He’s the green Hamburglar.

  • ORCACommander

    PCMASTERRACE

  • Rudarudd

    Woo hoo more Avatar! Love this stuff.

  • Tord Runnman

    These magical creatures appear quite fair and are not evil, but if offended they make devastating enemies. They are possessed of powerful magical abilities which can wreak havoc among thy party.

    – from The History of Britannia (Ultima IV)

    These graceful, appealing ocean creatures have nasty personalities. They enjoy shooting foes at range, which they do very effectively. They are also rather strong, flexible, even intelligent, and they take a fair amount of punishment to be defeated.

    – from Book of Lore (Ultima V)

    http://ultima.wikia.com/wiki/Seahorses

  • Jonathan Luke Whittington

    I hadn’t realized there was a SNES version of this game. I’d only played the GameBoy one, which based on what we’ve seen his a dumbed-down port that’s actually better.

    Hit detection works fine due to square-grid movement
    Story is tossed out pretty much altogether to focus on gameplay.
    You’re simply told to go to all the different dungeons (Lord British telling you which one would be best while Chuckles reminds you that you can pick them in any order.

    Oh, its still a poorman’s Zelda rip-off, but at least it wasn’t rage-inducing madness.

  • GunsmithKitten

    Oh no, another PC vs Console catfight….lord, I can’t take another…

    But seriously, I too skipped the 16bit generation in favor of PC after the first time I played Wing Commander and Alone in the Dark, never looked back. The PC to console ports…never worked out. They just didn’t.

  • PeaTearGryfin

    about 10 minutes in, and MY EYES!! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING. About the whole cobra thing, to be fair, LB would probably just call on the Avatar to do that anyway. That guy would probably call the Avatar to unclog his toilet for him.

  • VonSarno

    “Carpet’s fucked! Don’t Care.”

    • Krom

      The deadly floor will avenge his carpet-cousin!

  • Brett

    My reaction to Spoony’s silence of the lambs reference

    Spoony: “He’s making a woman suit!”

    Me: *Chuckling*

    Cut to spoony in Magneto helmet and cape, quoting Buffalo Bill.

    Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *falls out of chair*

    Spoony starts dancing and backs away slowly…

    Me: HAHA… Ha… ha… AH! AH! AAAAAH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *covers eyes*

    • whiskytangofoxtrot

      It’s a Sebastian Shaw helmet, not a Magneto one. Magneto ended up using it, sure, but he gave it a paint-job almost immediately.

  • Ebonwing

    I have to say, I love the Magneto helmet. Also I didn’t ever expect another Ultima review so this was a nice change. But I do agree with Spoony that a game like Ultima belongs on the PC and not a console. I mean it would be like playing an RTS on a console, ht just doesn’t work.

    • doresh

      Let’s just say that JRPGs have their gamepad-friendly interfaces for a reason.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      Ultima III and IV for Nes were not only awesome, but they inspired Enix to make Dragon Quest, which in turn inspired Final Fantasy, which in turn inspired most of the console RPG genre.

      • http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27OW0P38B28OP/ref=cm_aya_bb_pdp Relytia

        Seriously? I didn’t know that. That’s awesome if it’s true.

  • doresh

    An Ultima console port streamlined into a Final-Fantasy-esque interface and presentation (with a “fight stuff where you are standig” combat system like in Chrono Trigger) would be pretty rad.

    So this Black Knight just wants to annoy Lord British? A crazy Silver Age super villain doesn’t quite have the same kind menace as other Ultima villains, doesn’t he o_O ?

  • Mark Wunders

    Why did you put the turks theme music in from FF7 ????

  • Nivmarx

    That was one of the most epicly ridiculous fight scenes ever. Is that in continuity with the NC’s “sea horses take over the world” joke from his The Room review? And was the evil knight guy wearing a Magneto helmet?

    • SC2Daedalus

      People who give a care about continuity in an online review series are assholes.

      • Nivmarx

        Dude, I was joking, wich makes you the bigger asshole.

      • Nivmarx

        And PLEASE reply to me! I’m definetly in the mood of ripping annoying people a new one COME ON!!!!!!!!!

      • Zefram Mann

        Why does this suddenly remind me of the “cripple-fight” from South Park?

        • Nivmarx

          Don’t really see the connection. I mean, it’s not like I yelled TIMMEY!!

  • SUPERSOUP

    It was good until the predictable sketch at the end, but I never like those. Spoons’ dissection of his own dysfunction was almost brilliant.

    Speaking of that, Spoony… maybe hit the gym. Or take a run. Or eat Iolo’s cheeseburger. You get the picture.

  • samirerre

    this aws one hilarious review

  • Nivmarx

    Since my other comment was ruined by some dude, I’ll just say this: Good review. Keep the fun up!

  • MrRuse

    So… how do we go about making lightning seahorses in D&D? Just take a base seahorse (they’re probably in an AD&D book, likely Spelljammer) and give it lightning spells? Or do seahorses have priests dedicated to Kord?

  • uncolober

    Best video in a while.

  • AnAnarchist

    PC gaming master race

    • Norman Stillwell

      Ah! You beat me to it!

    • Andrew DeCaire

      While you play only PC, I play both PC and Console, so I get best of both worlds.

      • Andrew DeCaire

        I mean, playing both PC and Console, it just means “More games” how can you go wrong?

  • http://eccentriccowboy.blogspot.com/ Eccentric Cowboy

    This review was soooooo worth the wait! That fight at the end was bloody awesome and made me laugh out loud.

    Can’t wait to see what other awesome stuff you’ve got lined up! I can only hope my own meager attempts at entertainment will be so fruitful.
    Shameless self promotion commencing in five… four… three… two… one…

    http://eccentriccowboy.blogspot.com/2014/05/primal-frontier-my-upcoming-series.html

  • RubbaNoze

    Well, another Ultima certainly came out of nowhere for me! Loved it; this made my day a lot less crappy and me genuinely laugh =) Always good seeing you get back to and getting even better at this style of video.

  • Warboss Aohd

    new Spoony! Woo!

  • Craig Mcleod

    I think the pressing question here is why does Spoony have access to at least three seahorse puppets?

    • doresh

      Maybe it’s from April’s collection?

    • Zefram Mann

      Dude, you never know when you might need a seahorse puppet.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      Likely bought them for the review. If I had a review where I had to fight a evil teletubbie. I would have to go out and buy a teletubbie doll, you see when it comes to your career you have to make sacrifices towards your manhood. ;-)

  • Gregory Bogosian

    5:39 Yolo looks like Harry Kim from Star Trek Voyager.

    • Atmos_Duality

      Well, now you know he’s fucked.
      Poor Harry Kim; forever doomed to be Janeway’s personal fuck puppet.

  • wizzbang

    I nearly passed out laughing at the “Goodbye Horses” scene.

  • Noah Washington

    Hey this may be an Odd question but does anybody know the name of the song he use’s during the black night dancing in the mirror scene?

  • Foster Davies-Smith

    Everything explodes when you kill them. You know, that would actually explain why fucking everything is overrun.

    • Segatron

      On further contemplation, it probably explains why there were 3 villagers in “Britain” Just trapping rabbits for a stew must qualify you for the bomb squad.

  • Brian Martin

    Actually, this is Runes of Virtue II.

    • http://spoonyexperiment.com The Spoony One

      I know. This is addressed in part 2.

  • Lori

    This was awesome. Looking forward to the next part :D

  • YFNEF

    What are you doing, Magneto? No, Magneto, Stahp!

  • kensu

    D’oh, I was hoping the new review would’ve been the Worlds of Ultima games. This is just as good, though.

  • Kaingerc

    A 16-bit version of ‘Goodbye horses’…… I’m going to slowly back away now.

  • Tsumeken

    I was thinking that maybe Kingdra’s can learn Zap Cannon, but I was mistaken. They can learn a ton of other beam moves though.

  • Alex Dunn

    I heard the Wilhelm scream in there. Thought you could disguise it. Nope. I heard it. Asshole.

  • Occam

    I haven’t laughed this hard at one of your reviews in a long time, and it’s come at just the right time. Great job, Spoony!

  • timotaka

    I certainly did not expect this. Perchance we shall see Spoony go over the Worlds of Ultima games in depth as well. His positive mentions of those in the Richard Garriott interview makes me think he has gotten into them since the brief mentions in the Ultima retrospective.

  • Gentleman Bard

    Wow. This was great! The effects were awesome! I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.

  • SSH1

    I look forward to part two! when are you going to take a look at final fantasy 12! because I really hate that game! the guns of the most valuable weapon, why did you only them in only three stores, you have to grant obscene amounts of money, and oh yes they require any nation so you naturally default the good melee weapons, but the final boss requires you to have long-range weapons! and don’t get me started on your partners AI!

    • Zefram Mann

      Reviewing FFXII would mean playing FFXII, and I think there’s a limit to how much punishment even he’ll take for his art.

    • Nivmarx

      He said he liked it in one of his commentaries.

  • DasBass

    You should have used your Dune thong.

  • Halosoulfire

    The Guardian would step on this… knight quite easily.

  • panzi

    It wasn’t brother against brother because you *either* hat a SNES *or* a Sega Genesis in one household. ;)

    • Siveon

      What about if you didn’t live with your brother?

      • panzi

        Didn’t think about that.

        • Segatron

          Thankfully I had a job in high school, it bought me some privilege, that and my parents would come to realize how annoying their second son was, therefore not forcing me to spend too much time sitting next to him.

  • http://www.schadenfreudestudios.com/ Amesang

    Among the early console wars my family had a Genesis (and I even bought the 32X), and living in the middle-of-nowhere meant I missed out on quite a few games, including the Ultima console adaptions (but, then again, I have a PC so who cares?). In fact I’ve never owned a Nintendo console, only their handhelds (the GameBoy still works!). With regards to the current consoles I started with PS2, switched over to Xbox 360… so should I opt for PS4, next? Alternating? Bah!

    Anyway, I’m always happy for more Ultima reviews and learning a bit more of the series and its lore that I might have not been aware of before… even if some scenes therein are guaranteed to scar me for life. Incidentally I’ve always pictured Mariah the Mage as being a brunette or even raven-haired, probably because her initial description in Ultima IV reminded me of a character I (poorly) draw.

  • Siveon

    Found it for ya Spoony: http://wiki.ultimacodex.com/wiki/Seahorses

    Still laughed anyway.

    • timotaka

      The Codex of Ultimate Wisdom?

      • Daniel Tilson

        What evil has been unleashed in Britannia?

        • Brian Martin

          Your knowledge of the land shall be great!

          • Krom

            C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
            Hmm, no. This doesn’t Sound right for an Ultima game. Let’s try this again:
            Verily, I breaketh thou combination!

          • Daniel Tilson

            What is the Lyceum?

          • timotaka

            Never heard of it. The Lycaeum, on the other hand…

    • Zefram Mann

      WTF, these things were mentioned as far back as Ultima IV?!

    • Andrew DeCaire

      I love how the wiki says “Beware the angered seahorse, for it is one of the most fearsome creatures in the land”

      Makes me wonder if someone edited that in right after this video was released?

      Edit: Nope, checked the history, the last edit happened March 7th. This makes it all so much funnier xD

  • Angel D. Figueroa

    You know, I don’t even consider what the XBone and PS4 are doing right now as a console war. If it WAS a proper console war then they would be trying to outcompete each other with their games and features, but the 2 consoles are nearly identical in both stats and their general libraries. I SELL video games and when I look at all the games available for both consoles they fall into 3 categories: games you can get on the 360 or PS3 for a lower price, games you can get on either console, and exclusives. Those exclusives are the only thing that would tip the scales towards one or the other but they each only have like 2 or 3 of those, the bone has what…Ryse, Dead Rising 3, and Titanfall? The 4 has Knack, Infamous Second Son, and…I don’t know is the Final Fantasy game an exclusive? Meanwhile nobody even brings up the WiiU in reference to the console war when it’s been around for a year longer and has WAY more exclusive titles, GOOD ones at that. The only internet reviewer I’ve seen point that out is Mike from the AVGN sites “James and Mike Mondays.” I don’t understand why people write it off as “the kiddy console” when it’s the only one that’s actually doing unique and interesting stuff.

    • Siveon

      FF 15 is definitely not exclusive. They would be stupid to try otherwise. Same goes for Kingdom Hearts.

      As for the Wii-U, I agree. It already has about 10 games I want for it, while the PS4 has like…2, and Xbox One has zero. What an underwhelming launch this has been. Hopefully E3 will change that.

      • TrollsAndLoke

        Well, kingdom hearts 3 is already announced to xbox one so there’s that
        and since final fantasy 13 (and the rest of the freak sequels) were sold for the 360, we can probably safely assume it’s going to be on the xbone as well

        *sigh* damned multi-console bullshit

        • Siveon

          How is that bullshit? Square is smart enough (at least in that sense, they’re not that very bright overall) to know that a big franchise like Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts can’t be weighed down by being only on one console.

      • Angel D. Figueroa

        it’s been like almost 8 months since they launched, I don’t think we can still think of it as “launch” time.

        • Siveon

          “This has been”, implying the past.

    • William Jeremiah Bumgarner

      Agreed; I just picked up Mario Kart 8 today and it’s absolutely fantastic.

      Also, thanks to Spoony, I have added “dickminstrel” to my litany of swear words to hurl at cheap AI opponents.

    • Segatron

      “The great console skirmish of 2014″? No, that word still seem rather animated compared to what we got… “The great console head-butt of 2014″?.

      • Krom

        “Home Consoles: Invisible War”

        • Segatron

          “The attempted console drive-by, but crashed the car into a fire hydrant instead of 2014″?

          • Krom

            Thihihi! I think we’re getting closer.

        • jcdent

          The lukewarm console sissy slap of 2014″?

          • Krom

            Ah, Mr. J.C. Denton, in the flesh. As dark and serious as his brother.

      • Patrick Coyle

        The Great Console Sissy Slapfight.

    • PeaTearGryfin

      If by “unique and interesting stuff” you mean the exact same crap that Nintendo has been pushing out since the NES era and claiming its “new and innovative”, then yes I agree with you. The biggest problem the Wii U has is that it is the same kind of stuff Nintendo has always relied on to keep themselves safe. Mario can only carry a console so far. The “New” Super Mario Bros. games are starting to become overdone themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I have a 3DS and love it, but the Wii U is not exactly the greatest launch ever. That console seems to have a fear of releasing 3rd party games, and that is really hurting business at this point. The console had no half way decent launch titles and has not done much to make up for that. While the PS4 was riding on hype for Watch_Dogs, Kingdom Hearts 3, and Metal Gear Solid 5 and Xbone had Titanfall going for it, Nintendo was hoping that releasing a couple games with Luigi as the main character would be enough to save themselves. E3 had better offer some good, solid titles or else the Wii U will probably be long forgotten.

      • http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27OW0P38B28OP/ref=cm_aya_bb_pdp Relytia

        *Sigh*, another “NINTENDO ONLY REHASH HURR DURRRR!” comment. I swear man, I don’t get people who say that about Nintendo.

        There have been less 3-D Mario platformers since 1996 than Assassin’s Creed games since 2007, or Call of Duty games since 2008, or Guitar Hero games between 2006-10, or Halo games (and I love Halo myself) since 2001, or God of War games since 2005… you get the idea. Hell, Capcom released JUST Street Fighter 4, one game alone, several times via “different” editions since 2009.

        I will agree that the New Mario series has been severely overused. Ironically, NSMBU is probably the freshest 2-D Mario platformer since SMW, but because it released mere months after the genuinely mediocre NSMB2 for the 3DS, I was already bored before it even released.

        Seriously, how can you look at some of the Wii-U’s better games and say all Nintendo does is rehash? And just saying “because it has DK/Mario/Nintendo character” as the reason is super shallow. The Mario RPG games are nothing like the 3-D platformers, which are nothing like the 2-D platformers, which are nothing like the Kart racers, which are nothing like the sports games. You cannot play two 3-D Mario games side-by-side and honestly say they’re the same game. Sunshine is a totally different beast from Galaxy, Galaxy is totally different from 3D World, etc.

        It’s sad to me when Nintendo publishes a genuinely unique game like The Wonderful 101 and nobody buys it. That game literally addressed all the complaints that the Nintendo haters bitch about, and yet, they ignore its existence and just go back to their “Nintendo SUX HURR DURR” shpeal. It’s almost like they cannot be pleased.

        • PeaTearGryfin

          1. At what point did I say that stick up for series like COD, God of War, Halo, and Guitar Hero. Those series too have been way too played out. You put those words into my mouth to make me look like a 12 year old (pro tip: I’m not).
          2. Yes Nintendo has been playing out to tired gimmicks as of late. Its not that I have a problem with Mario appearing in games. My problem is that the time spent making the umpteenth Mario Party, Mario Kart, NSMB, or whatever game Nintendo wants to slap his face on is taking away time that they could be either expanding on their current franchises like Zelda, Metroid, Star Fox, or F-Zero, but nope, apparently what the people want is more recycled crap.
          3. Games like The Wonderful 101 would save the console if Nintendo ever chose to market that kind of stuff, but they don’t. The current marketing team with Nintendo has been doing a terrible job at marketing the Wii U as anything but the console for casual gamers and Mario fanboys. I’m looking at a list of Nintendo releases right now and what I’m seeing is that just about every single interesting game on the console is being marketed as an indie game and sold almost exclusively in the eshop.
          4. You really want to lol about Hyrule Warriors which is by all accounts just Dynasty Warriors but with Link thrown in there. Next week Nintendo has to make a big impression at E3 or else the Wii U will probably be left in the dust. The Xbone and PS4 are already out and outselling the Wii U. Heck, at this point the Dreamcast has outsold the Wii U. The problem is that Nintendo struck gold by reaching the casual market with games like Wii Sports and Wii Party. The problem is that that market has switched over to the mobile market and sees no interest in the Wii U because as far as they can tell, it is just a prettier version of the Wii. They really screwed up last year by just waiting around and hoping things will get better. I want to see Nintendo fix their issues with the Wii U and finally make it a marketable console, but they have to do the work first. I refuse to buy this console on the hope that it might get better. I want Nintendo to really shine next week, but if history and and current trends are to be considered, they probably won’t.

      • Rich Homie Agiri

        Today: “Nintendo sux”
        10 years later: “Their games are masterpieces and overlooked gems.”

    • http://alyxxgameroom.blogspot.no/ Alyxx

      Titanfall doesn’t even count as an exclusive either since it’s also on PC technically…

    • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

      It is sort of a Cold War. Neither side is trying to build up a stupidly large stockpile of games no one wants, but neither has any real identity or community that grants it an edge.

      “I don’t get it, they’re just standing there.”
      “They had a telepathic meeting and realized it would be too much trouble to actually fight, so it’s peace in our time.”
      “That was the end of the Twilight series. I feel cheated now like the readers of that series felt cheated then.

  • Nachtmuseum

    laughed so hard =) Love ya Spoony, youre a genious!

  • Segatron

    Seahorses would have been the eleventh plague on Egypt. Thankfully we never got to see the cratered irradiated wasteland that would have been left in their wake.

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    With the seahorse I was half expecting a sudden cameo from future-Critic. :P

  • Angel D. Figueroa

    I wrote my previous comment after watching only about 20 seconds of your video so I apologize if I seemed off topic, but DAMN was this HILARIOUS. Way to go with the least threatening seahorse monster ever who just ends the damn world when you poke it. I don’t think I had such a good chuckle since the attack of the floors from way back in the day.

  • cuthalion04

    “I’m gonna eat you with tartar sauce and one of those cheesy fucking biscuits from red lobster.” I completely lost it at that. Fell outta the chair and laughed my balls off. Thanks Spoony, I needed that.

  • Filipe Isabelinho

    That was one of the best episodes I’ve seen in a while! I haven’t laughed so hard xD. That Silence of the Lambs reference was so well thought! I saw it coming once he mentioned the mirror, I reveled in it quite a bit =D

  • thrakkemarn

    Too good. I had to pause a couple times due to excessive laughter. Can’t wait for more!

  • casval0287

    awesome!!! back to full form I see. would have called another Benzai cameo for the naked dance but I guess that works? can’t wait to see part 2!

  • Jonathan Puonti

    Absolutely amazing, well worth the wait! Can’t wait for Part 2! :)

    Also, I’m glad to be able to help you out through Patreon. It’s the least I could do after all the laughs you’ve given me. Keep up the great work!

  • The_Nameless_One

    Oh no… Ultima VII for the SNES… yeah…

  • Charles Wagner

    That Spoony dancing… THING, was the single most un-fucking-comfortable thing I’ve ever seen on the internet, and that’s a pretty big statement, man. I laughed, I cried.

    But that’s why we watch the Spoony Experiment! Nobody knows what’ll happen!

    . -.

    • Atmos_Duality

      EXPERIENCE BIJ!

  • Mark Silveira

    I missed the Betrayal song.

  • http://alyxxgameroom.blogspot.no/ Alyxx

    Never expected a Silence of the Lambs reference. XD

  • Uthor

    I owned Ultima Exodus on the NES of all things! Of course I was like 10 and it was way too hard for me, even with a Game Genie. I was shocked to learn it was a PC game…

  • Casey Williamson

    It puts the potion on its skin and asks me “what’s a paladin?”…

    • Casey Williamson

      Your knowledge of the lambs will be great…

  • Crunchy Bee

    Fuck Yeah, laughed my ass off the entire Episode xD
    And thanks for mentioning me in the first Episode with credits for us Partons :)
    Keep it up, fucking awesome^^

  • ummon

    I was part of the Amiga gaming master race, had my Amiga 500 pimped out with two disk drives and a RAM extension to 1MB which I could toggle with a switch on the side because some programs couldn’t handle the raw power. But it was necessary to run Sim Life.
    I should probably see about dusting the old hunk off to see if it still works and any of the disks aren’t completely fried.

  • Weaver2

    This was GREAT! Good work, Spoony!

  • Gahnos

    My favorite part is when spoony flailed around a weapon like a nerd.

  • TK1999

    So Spoony was part of the PC Gamer Master Race?

    • Andrew DeCaire

      I always felt the “PC Master Race” gamers, are the ones that go out of their way to belittle consoles gamers.

      Most PC gamers simply don’t care about consoles, and find trolling inappropriate and a waste of time.

      • doresh

        I just hope most of my fellow PC gamers are like me and just use the term as a joke XD

      • GunsmithKitten

        Not to mention beyond pointless and childish. Both now (I lately got back into mostly PC gaming) and back in the old days, I wanted to show other video game nerds like me the great stuff they might know about on this format. I wanted to embrace more gamers, not feel elitist over them.

      • Atmos_Duality

        The really sad part, is that phrase didn’t really take off until Yahtzee used it.

  • Raymond Grumney

    There were seahorses in Ultima before this . . . it didn’t make any sense, but they were there.

    Also I was expecting a reference to Doug’s the Room reveiw. I guess this is the Begining of the Seahorse conquest of civilization.

  • Andreas Mavromatis

    Bullshit. Bayou Billy is the chronic. Fightin’, shootin’ and drivin’ in one game? Fuck yes.

  • Brian Martin

    I hope Ultima Online is on your to-review list.

  • Otto Torrens

    Any retro XCOM reviews in the future ?

  • Zack_Dolan

    I am both shocked and delighted that there is more Ultima to riff. I did a literal spit take when he did the silence of the lambs dance in the magneto helmet. it was the most disturbingly hilarious (or hilariously disturbing, take your pick) thing i have ever seen. also, loved the MST reference at the end with the “keep circulating the links” haha

  • L1nk1

    Ooooh my eyes. It can’t be unseen! AAaaah

  • hwalsh

    All hail the Spoony One!

  • Robbie

    What is the name of the song that plays during the credits?

    • Zack_Dolan

      i don’t know the title, but it’s from the silence of the lambs soundtrack. it is the actual song that plays when buffalo bill does his…little dance that spoony mimics

  • James M. Barber

    This is awesome. Spoony is STILL the fucking man. Totally kinda want a seahorse now.

  • rowdycmoore

    Been waiting so long to see you take this game on. The worst part (and apologies if someone else has already brought this up) is that this is actually Runes of Virtue II. The first Runes of Virtue was made only for the original Game Boy, and it may actually be worse.

    I was just recently looking up the Ultima Nintendo ports on Amazon – 4 & 5 for the NES in addition to the ones Spoony’s mentioned here – and considering ordering them. Maybe I’ll hold off and just get the PC versions off of Gog now.

    • MFlorian

      The first Runes of Virtue was solely a dungeon crawler. You visited all the dungeons. That’s it.

      This looks like different version of the second Runes of Virtue – which was also on the Gameboy (I had both).

  • http://mangabotblog3000.popanime.net/ Brand

    Man, you were in top form with this review. I was dying from laughter. Also, I’d like a floating seahorse for my home.

  • http://dragonacesg7.tumblr.com/ Dragons_Dusk

    That game was awful, the review however was really funny and awesome.

  • Zefram Mann

    “We’ve still got poseur critics arguing about which one is better!”

    Shots fired!

  • Eathanskies

    My hype boner is the hypest, gotta watch this immediately.

  • bloodshed113094

    I’m convinced Spoony just started the Sea horse take over depicted in NC’s The Room vidoe.

  • Anacrucix

    So what does Spoony think about the two Ultima ports for the NES, Exodus and Quest of the Avatar? I thought both were way better on the console. Graphics were way better on the 8-bit Nintendo. After that Ultima went to hell on the consoles.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      With 3 and 4, though I find the PC versions have better controls and interface, but GOD the Nes versions explode with charm. Actually 4 for Nes was my first time ever playing Ultima. And it was one of the most Nostalgic games from my childhood, the sprites, the music <3

    • Daniel Tilson

      Ultima 5 also had an NES port.

  • Rakkrakk

    Ah yes, the console war I wasn’t around for, and then I grew up to be a PC kid during the next one, oblivious to it since I was too busy playing the shit out of the Gothic and Legacy of Kain franchises.

    • Krom

      Krushak!

      • Rakkrakk

        Urshak make ULU-MULU!

        • Krom

          Ah yes, equipped with the Minecrawler-Armor and this homemade ULU-MULU, boldly go into the orc camp and whacking every orc who doesn’t agrees with your newfound “diplomatic immunity” on the head with it.
          *sniffle* good times, good times…
          A real shame the third part was such a rushed and game-breaking-bug filled mess.

          • Rakkrakk

            And that the fourth part essentially wasn’t the fourth part. xD

          • Krom

            Mh yes, something like that could have brought them some much needed cash. Or they could have made a second Add-On:

            The Hero and his Buddies just took the royal ship and heads toward Irdorath. Meanwhile: The orcish horde finally tears down the great wall and pours into the valley of mines, crushing the remaining militias, knights and paladins in the old camp and heading towards Khorinis. It is your goal now to rally the remaining militias, mercenaries, mages etc. to slow the horde down as long as possible until this sailor in Khorinis finishes his boat to save the civilians.

            I can see it right now: Your hero, surrounded by the last remnants of your impromtu-militia, a desperate last stand in the burning streets of Khorinis against the hordes of Beliar…
            They could reuse most of the locations, add something and voila! …well, i would have bought it.
            But now it’s too late. All that remains are memories, the good old games and our broken hearts… *sigh*

            ..hey… hey wait a minute! There is a fourth part?! No, seriously, there is a fourth part?

          • Rakkrakk

            Yep. ArcaniA: Gothic 4. On its own a kinda lame RPG(The kind of RPG that tries to emulate Gothic without fully grasping what made it great), tied to the series it’s a new hero with little to none of the bite the first had, with the interesting twist spoiled by the game right at the beginning: The nameless hero has claimed the title of Rhobar III.

            Seriously, the first Risen is a better Gothic 4 than ArcaniA because it actually feels like a Gothic game. And Risen 2 can burn in hell, for that matter.

          • Krom

            Huh, that just slipped past my radar then. Can’t really recall rumors/reviews/etc. about this ArcaniA. Mh, a kinda lame and cliché’d RPG? Sounds like Dungeon Siege 3 then. That wasn’t really melee friendly… just like Gothic 3.

            But still, now i’m actually curious about this so called Gothic 4 ( or ArcaniA, whatever). They dared to let the nameless hero go rogue/possessed? What about his buddies? Gorn didn’t just bitchslap him back to his senses? Lester didn’t try to shove some healing herbs and berries up his nostrils? Booooooh! Well whatever, it won’t kill me, i suppose. Even Gothic 3: Forsaken Gods could not stand before my stubbornness (or desperation… or desperate stubbornness).

            Actually, i liked Risen. It is Gothic 4 in my book too. Even if this would mean, that all the bad shit just happened because the nameless hero banished all the gods and therefore released the Titans (what the hell, hero?!)

            This Myrtana Quest sounds pretty good. The orc could have grabbed the “Eye of Adanos” Necklace from this new hero to get the plot moving( i mean, why not? They did everything to get a hold of the Eye of Innos). And morale choices would be a nice addition.

            On a sidenote: Are you some kind of a long lost sibling? Your train of thougt is quite familiar.

          • Rakkrakk

            Well, the buddies help you in your quest of freeing the former hero from the possession. Why that shepard(YES. He’s a shepard. A literal one. ME was big when Arcania came out.) of all people is suited to do it, I don’t know other than a witch and Diego conjuring up a vague excuse for it.

            The worst part is though that A:G4 is cut short. Seriously, it ends anti-climacticly a few hours before you would expect it to end.

            And, I too, like Risen. But Risen 2 is just shitpile to be spat upon. xD

          • Krom

            “hmmm, what humble origin should he have?”
            *background noise* “Wrex!” “…Shepard…”
            “How about a rex?”
            “What?! He’s not a talking Dragonsnapper!”
            “Erm i mean a Shepard…?”
            “Ingenious!”

            Hmmm… the more you tell me about it, the more i’m scared by it.
            *turns the game-package nervously in his hands*
            I just hope it’s not such a jarring slap across the face like Risen 2. A medieval style RPG (on a Tropical Island) in the first part and then… BAM! Cannons, muscets, pirates, la grandé armee and a released Kraken! …dafuq just happened?! I tell you what happened… a whupping Trollfist-Battleaxe-slash right in our hope-filled-heart, that’s what happened!

            *sigh* aww who am i kidding, this is gonna hurt…

          • Rakkrakk

            Oh, it won’t hurt, just be a letdown. Again, I hate Risen 2, but I didn’t mind Arcania all that much.

          • Krom

            So…I finally finished this… this… whatever it is.

            Final thoughts:

            http://i.imgur.com/eq5BG77.png

            That was just… awfully boring and stupid. And it was Krushak(!!!) all along, of course…
            *sigh* at least it’s finished now. I can finally bring this chapter to a close, mourn the loss of a once great series and take a trip down memory lane now and then.
            Do you smell that? That’s the smell of a Pyrrhic Victory…

  • Trickster

    Thus marks the second time I’ve seen a seahorse set to O Fortuna on an internet review show.

  • humdiblifier

    If you’re going to dress like Bruce Payne from the DnD movie at least find some god damned blue lipstick!

    • Daniel Tilson

      Ultima 4 on the NES was good, and I hear 3 was also good…. the rest though? Not so much.

  • Mateusz K.

    Ok, I lost it at the goodbye horses referance…. you should also add Bayou Billy as Buffalo Bill :) Sea Horse is awesome. I love thay you are back at great game reviews. Looking forward to more.

  • Princess Stabbity

    So much awesome. I think I lost a lung from laughing so hard.

  • Morhek

    The Seahorsepocalypse is upon us! The Critic warned us this would happen!

    Also, this might just top To Boldly Flee’s Harkonen moment as the most disturbing Spoony moment in a burning retinas way.

  • http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27OW0P38B28OP/ref=cm_aya_bb_pdp Relytia

    This vid was AWESOME Spoony. I always love it when you make an Ultima video. They just feel special. Legendary stuff.

    That was a sweet remix of Goodbye Horses, and your Black Knight/Buffalo Bill skit made me laugh so hard I woke my sleeping wife across the house. I literally was out of breath from laughing so hard. hahaha oh man was that shocking. You even edited the voice to sound just right. Bravo man. That bit deserves to be on a best of Spoony compilation vid. Too bad you did this AFTER your Patreon, but boy does stuff like this justify you having a patreon.

    Can’t wait for part 2. Didn’t you say you had SIX Ultima games to review? I guess U6 and U7 are two, and this one gets a more in-depth review. Does that mean there’s THREE more games you’re going to look at? Awesome.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      Well, there is Ultima 3, 4 and 5 for the Nes. Though he has shown footage from them (Though not 5) in their respective PC reviews. 3 and 4 for Nes were kickass awesome (4 is actually one of the most nostalgic games from my childhood) but 5 was pretty horrible.

      • http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27OW0P38B28OP/ref=cm_aya_bb_pdp Relytia

        Yeah, I actually want to track down Ultima IV for the NES. It looked surprisingly well-adapted in Spoony’s review of it.

        • Andrew DeCaire

          It was. :3

      • Daniel Tilson

        I couldn’t get into 5 on the NES… The interface was far too clunky.

      • GunsmithKitten

        Agreed. Honestly, I think that Exodus and Quest of the Avatar were BETTER on the NES than on the PC, something that rarely goes down. It was because of the NES games that I got interested in the rest of them.

  • likalaruku

    I want to know what goes through Spoony’s head when he’s watching a Chuck Norris movie.

  • Damjan Šalov

    oh nooo, naked spoony, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    • wizzbang

      “Oh yesss, naked spoony, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!”

      There, I fixed it for you.

  • MFlorian

    I’m surprised you didn’t bring up that there’s what appears to be a heart on the inside of the door to Tholden’s cell.

    The Black Knight does not live on subtlety.

  • Robbie

    Can anyone please tell me the name of the song during the credits? I must download it!

    • jnywest

      Its from Wing Commander 2, I think. Its the theme of the Kilrathi.

      • Robbie

        That’s it! Thank you!

  • Midori Inaba

    MORE Ultima videos?
    The Ultima series is by far your best series Spoony… The conclusion was great. Not sure I wanted a sequel to a series which closed up perfectly :D

  • digitalwarriors

    Something simpler happens to me when I see something wrong. Makes watching movies like Prometheus for an example with someone else a pain. Got to the point were I had to make a vow to not complain or analyze till after the movie.

  • http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27OW0P38B28OP/ref=cm_aya_bb_pdp Relytia

    I don’t know what it is with Ultima games, but they always feature stuff that is genuinely horrifying.

    Ultima 6 had that scary demon ritual opening. Ultima 7 had gruesome gore-filled cultist murders, naked people living in giant bee infested caves, and babies offered up on sacrificial altars. Ultima 8 was filled with the stuff of nightmares. And now even a Ultima game on the “KID FRIENDLY” SNES has a psycho-sexual BUFFALO BILL VILLAIN!!!

    WTF MAN!? W.T.FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!?!

    • Daniel Tilson

      Don’t forget the many times where you personally murder the children.

      Richard Garriot is clearly a sick and twisted individual. And it makes him that much more lovable.

  • J.G. te Molder

    This video was awesome! I laughed all the way through.

  • Andrew DeCaire

    So Spoony hates console games… despite he has shown on occasion to own and play a 3DS.

    • Siveon

      Since when was a 3DS a console? It’s a handheld, and always been a handheld.

      • Sage_Owl

        Handheld console you dope.

      • Andrew DeCaire

        Handhelds ARE consoles, hence the word “handheld console”

    • NeroAngelo

      he didn’t say he hates console games, as much as he just prefers computer games

      • Andrew DeCaire

        Fair enough

    • GunsmithKitten

      He’s being ‘in character’. Check out some of his vlogs and you’ll find console games around him. I remember quite well him having a copy of Saints Row 3 for the 360 during his Breaking Dawn Part 1 entry. Still, his true love lies with the PC.

    • Hitokiri Akins

      You have to realize that there’s a difference between Noah Antwiler and the character Spoony. Spoony is the angry guy who shouts about shitty games and movies and is one step from a mental breakdown. Noah, on the other hand, is a happy, sensitive man who writes, films and edits the show, plays with his dog Oreo and is in a relationship with April.

      In fact, the best way to illustrate the difference is with a promo done by Mick Foley, which showed the difference between Mick and his wrestling gimmick Cactus Jack. Which you can see here; http://youtu.be/711fSCv7GTk

    • Zack_Dolan

      yeah there’s always a lot of debate around here about “when is spoony serious and when is he just in character?” but i think in this case it was definately just a joke. a bit. schtick. hummina hummina hummina and all that

      • cass

        “hummina hummina hummina and all that” <- Huh?

        • Zack_Dolan

          it’s that noise that old timey comedians would make in their whacky sing and dance routines. it’s hard to describe if you don’t already know what it is. i was specifically referencing an episode of family guy where stewie says the same thing to convince someone he was joking.

        • Krom

          Here a short YT-Vid of what Zack_Dolan meant

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK9odsWwfIo

          • Zack_Dolan

            yes that, exactly! :D

  • yipe

    I know you just wanted to do a Silence of the Lambs joke, but that came across super transphobic. I’m really disappointed in you Spoony.

    • Donny Lurch

      What? I feel like it was the complete opposite, just for acknowledging frustration over gender identity as a legitimate cause for a character to go nuts and lash out destructively – much like Buffalo Bill, who likely wouldn’t have resorted to murdering women for their skin if he were not brought up in a transphobic world that rejected his earlier cries for help.

      • yipe

        But that ignored the legions of people with gender dysphoria that also live in a transphobic world but never harm anyone. Spoony goes immediately from “inside he’s a woman” to “HE’S MAKING A WOMAN SUIT!” as though there’s actually a connection there. The first thing he states is that he “saw something wrong”, implying it’s somehow wrong to feel female inside.

        • Charred Newt

          Well, there’s the fact the guy just kidnapped a person and is keeping him in a secret cell that’s hidden in his bedroom. I think that casts this particular situation in a certain light.

          • yipe

            You’ve definitely got me there. The most obvious part flew right over my head.

          • Daniel Tilson

            Don’t forget the heart on the door…

            Clearly the knight is planning something that even HBO doesn’t have the balls to show.

        • Jonesy89CFPD

          I suppose that now would be just as good a time as any to bring up that the film and book came flat out and stated that Buffalo Bill was not a transsexual. As for the joke about some thing seeming “wrong”, I’d think something was wrong about the layout if a full length mirror was in the middle of the room for no reason, but any feeling of wrongness would be because it made no goddamn sense as opposed to having any sexual connotation. Pointing out how it resembles a film scene is just a funny coincidence.

    • HerrDrFunk

      How exactly was that transphobic? I’ve watched that bit three times now and I’ve got nothing.

  • Duke Serkol

    Great review so far but Spoon, oh man, you should have seen the GameBoy version: the door to the chamber in which the Dark Knight locks his prisoner up? It has a padlock with a heart on it. No joke!

    Kind of strange that you’re starting from the sequel… now I wonder if in the first Runes of Virtue as well one of the Avatar’s companions is identified as being the Avatar (I know you play as one of the companions, but I don’t know if anyone addresses you as the Avatar).
    I tried watching the first few minutes of gameplay on YouTube but there wasn’t much in the way of text. Or an intro.

    • Cuvis

      The sequel was the only one on SNES. Maybe he’ll tackle the Game Boy games at some point…

  • CorenTheOwl

    Awesome review, you funny bard. It felt reminiscent of your older work.
    Very hilarious, and nostalgic. Keep it up man. you still got it.

  • ThomasMink

    Can’t believe you missed one of the more obvious clues about the Black Knight’s ‘dungeon’! I mean… it has a heart plastered right there on the door!
    It’s the first thing I noticed right when it shut. THEN my eyes went to the pictures on the wall and I was like… “Whoa, whoa.. wait..”

  • Donny

    OMG I laughed so hard I am sweating!As much as I enjoy all of your work, this one was a real killer for me. Buffalow Bill jokes never gets old…
    I am so looking forward to your next episode!

  • Mark Silveira

    Spoony you missed the heart on the door of the secret room.

    • A-kun

      Correction: the heart with a keyhole in the middle that makes it look like a butt.
      The villain has a heart-butt on a door to the dungeon….

  • http://filmrunner.wordpress.com/ Film Runner

    So do we get the uncensored version on the DVD?

    • Daniel Tilson

      I’d buy it.

  • b4betty

    I thought I laughed my ass off in the Barbarians review, but man was I wrong, that was frikin’ hilarious and so full of energy, I think Il have to catch my breath before watching it again later!

  • GunsmithKitten

    He’s mentioned it a couple of times in a commentary, though never in depth. He said he thought the anime was ‘okay’. It wasn’t anything special and had a lot of problems, but it did at least feel like a proper Highlander tale.

  • http://www.edinburghcomputerrepairs.co.uk NoviceTechie

    All the songs are awesome!

  • Rami Jaakkola

    Love your stuff, dude.

  • Patrick Coyle

    The forest spiders in the U7 port shoot darts.

    I just had to say something about that. I don’t know what.

    • Krom

      There is nothing left to be added. Dart shooting forest spiders are silly enough on their own. Imagine if they’re hiding little crossbows between their mandibles… mind-boggling!

      • Rakkrakk

        That spiders are almost always presented in packs is already mind-boggling. I know there is the rule o’ thumb of at least one spider being in your 4m radius, but they are solitary (f*cking) animals.

        • Krom

          Maybe it’s always a… ehm Spidermother and her (very large) children… i mean younglings, it’s a Fantasy setting after all. Hm, no, still doesn’t sound right, because then they should crawl all over her backside.
          Now if you please excuse me, i’ve got to find my flamethrower and burn every spider i Encounter into a crispy pile of ash.
          *imitates Francis’ voice* I hate spiders!

  • CrashTestGenius

    Quick-and-dirty “nerd swing” .gif:

    https://i.imgflip.com/9d2nl.gif

    • Patrick Coyle

      Quick and dirty is the only way to do the Flail of the Avatar.

  • Sage_Owl

    That naked spoony part…
    No comment.

    I first loled at where he called James a poser critic, by which honestly he isn’t far off since he considers himself more of a film maker then a critic.
    Great review though. Good that Spoony realized that talking about new games is completely pointless and should be left to Angry Joe, who even puts his foot in his mouth as well sometimes.

  • ColeYote

    So. Many. Audio skips.

  • Fueldrop

    Oh god my eyes! It burns, it burns!

  • Fueldrop

    Well at least we now know how the seahorses take over…

  • Damien Baxter

    If there are more snakes in the next review, will we get something along the lines of ‘I have had it with these motherfucking snakes, in this motherfucking review!’ at some point? Great stuff as always Spoony!

  • Alex Downs

    Spoony Dancing around naked as the dark night. The things people will do for views lol.

    • Potato

      You know the drill. Tits 4 Hits.

  • The Number A

    You always gotta love it when Spoonitar shows up!! Thank you for the new review, Spoony. Can’t wait for part two!

  • flamedance58

    That last scene with the seahorses is just golden :D

  • IHeart28

    Sea horses, why did it have to be seahorses?!
    Loved this first part, I was laughing so hard, especially the deep analzyzation into the black knight, and the seahorse battle!

  • Daniel Tilson

    I do have to say that, I’m pretty sure the symbol is supposed to be the Ankh.. It looks exactly the same as the one on the back of “Iolo’s” cloak (in quotes because that is clearly, not Iolo.)

    I also have to say that I don’t care, because the rant was hilarious as is, and thinking of it as the Ankh ruins half of it.

  • Krom

    I just had this, ahem, wonderfull thought how the dancing naked villain Spoony Scene could be improved… with an added dancing naked zombie Sean Connery of course.

  • labeth

    I realized where you were going with your villain’s lair analysis about ten seconds before the music hit, but it was not enough time to fully prepare.

    Oh man.

    • capthavic

      ZE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!!!!!!!! X0

      • doresh

        Don’t you mean “zey” XD ?!

      • johnnybrunoise

        Don’t you mean “Nossing”?

  • Staples

    The cannon joke was honestly the funniest.

  • Ash

    ” …that was weirder than gay benzaie” so says my brother.

    • robomagon

      Benzaie vs Spoony: Gay Battle 2014!
      Make it happen, Patreon.

  • Adam

    Ultima IV had seahorses. Check the manual (“History of Britannia”) pp 27-28.

  • Lunam_Kardas

    …Hey wait is that the “Turks” theme from FF7?

  • John Sco

    Well, Spoony’s still got it.

  • rpground

    I needed this today of all days…

  • rpground

    Hmm…it appears that seahorses being BAD-FUCKING-ASS is a well established thing in Ultima…since Ultima 5…wat…

    Thank you Ultima wiki?

  • Mora

    It seems like you put extra work into this one, nice job. :)

    • George Hicks

      Well he does have that Patreon funding now so it probably helped.

      • johnnybrunoise

        More than 4 G’s a month – he fucking better put some more effort into it.

        • Daniel Tilson

          Shit, for 4 grand a month, I’d dance naked in front of a camera too!

          And no! I’m not stalking you.

          • johnnybrunoise

            …said the crazy man…

          • Daniel Tilson

            Said the crazier man.

          • johnnybrunoise

            wow good one, you said what i said to you – to me. stop stalking me crazy man.

          • Jailer_of_Justice

            Don’t reply to ‘johnnybrunoise’ he notorious for being a troll on this website. A couple of people are trying to blacklist him.

  • Eric Moreland

    Spoony did the Mangina Dance. I can die happy now 8D

  • George Hicks

    Lol Spoony you didn’t even mention the giant HEART on the “dungeon” door.

  • locoma

    really digging your acting bits, they’re awesome :D (and greatly edited too!)

  • Wildcard

    Oh God Spoony. You just started the seahorse revolution, eventually they are going to take over the Earth. We knew it was going to happen but you still started it!

    Someone has too do something before Scooby Doo becomes a Nostalgic movie, (whenever that is).

  • the test result

    jesus christ! …please next time you doing some weird shit like that but some warning text ..what I would have explained to my wife if she would have seen that rofl

    • PeaTearGryfin

      At this point, I keep a tab with porn up while I watch Spoony videos because that is easier to explain when people walk in.

      • Daniel Tilson

        I never bother to explain. Make them wonder… Always make them wonder. ^_^

  • robomagon

    You used NES Ultima footage for these reviews before.
    ::cough::hypocrite::cough::
    :)

    • Daniel Tilson

      NES, not SNES. Totally different!

  • Carteeg_Struve

    Tip for next time Spoony: do what Harrison Ford does and make sure you have a big sheet of glass between you and your asp.

  • df

    Alright, fuck it. No one is asking this –

    How did you obtain Damodar’s armour/a damn good replica of it?

    • humdiblifier

      I was wondering where the blue lipstick was myself…

      • df

        Well, the Black Knight is obviously a cross between Damodar and Magneto. Maybe the blue lipstick had some form of metal in it and the Magneto part of him didn’t want to have to deal with accidentally pulling it off and having to clean it up when it got on his hands during a serious moment.

        • humdiblifier

          I think I know where the blue lipstick really is…

          Lord Tholdon is a dirty dirty girl!

  • Behellmorph

    By god that was hilarious. Especially when the deadly seahorse appeared.

  • NeroAngelo

    Insano, you should just let it go
    you HAD your chance at being president. don’t just be a petty bastard and mess with Obama

    • KatKaleen

      YOU didn’t vote for him, did you? I DID!
      But since I am not a citizen of the U.S.A. the whole thing didn’t work out.
      Btw. I haven’t seen “Frozen”. And yet I know that that’s an awful joke.

      • NeroAngelo

        . . . what the FUCK is Frozen?

        • KatKaleen

          The most recent Disney movie. I hear it’s pretty good.
          But it has that song “Let it go” and everyone and all their mothers have covered it on YouTube.
          Since you don’t know the movie, you probably didn’t try to make an awful joke.

          I’m sorry, NeroAngelo.

          • Ryan Kaufman

            For future reference, “Let it go” is incredibly common, and existed well before Frozen did.

          • KatKaleen

            Got it. ;-)

  • KatKaleen

    I hope I never get too mature to find naked guy dancing hilarious.
    You made my day.

  • KatKaleen

    Seahorse: “This isn’t even my final form!”

    We are DOOMED! PANIC!

    • robomagon

      And ‘this’ isn’t even 100% of my final form’s power!

  • ThomasMink

    So the Avatar gets to take on Mondain, Minax, Exodus, the Shadowlords, a legion of Gargoyles, the Guardian…

    In the downtime when clowns like this are bored and out to just ANNOY people, the Avatar’s companions get to handle that job. Kinda feel sorry for them. I mean, they were right there with the Avatar in a lot of those other adventures and now they’re relegated to this.
    Credit to the game for realizing that summoning the Avatar for this probably isn’t necessary, though… despite the fact that it calls whoever companion the Avatar.. but still!

    • Paul Zimmerle

      British has that pesky selective dementia.
      “I’m not entirely sure.”

  • ShadowLink108

    9:30 Oh dear God! What fresh, holy hell is this! Fuck, we paid for that helmet and armour. Is this what you are doing with our money Spoony? This is more traumatizing than seeing gay Benzaie dance from FF X-2 reviews!

    • KatKaleen

      Nothing can top gay Benzaie. When I feel really down, I watch that vid and laugh my ass off. Next in line is Brad’s “Inky-dinky-dooh-dah” dance on his front porch (aka “Nudist colony of the dead review). Then this. Awesome.

  • peteman

    Please, Spoony, link these killer sea horses to the Critic’s The Room review.

  • asnaes

    I had both SNES and Genesis. The console wars were irrelevant to me back then.

  • Rich Homie Agiri

    That “Goodbye Horses” remix is complete fire. I need it in my life.

  • Mr. RHC

    Amazing episode and amazingly weird at times! haha, Great production, also nice costume!

  • Phantom DJ

    Looking forward to the next installment Spoony.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    Too bad you can’t hack off the Black Knight’s limbs :(

  • Matthew Rotondi

    It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it get the hose again :)

    • Bill Hiers

      Wouldn’t I love to hear THAT in Spoony’s “Black Knight” voice…

  • Matthew Rotondi

    The seahorse is Cthulu!

  • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

    Wait, so the seahorse take over of the Earth the Nostalgia Critic warned us about in his “The Room” review is starting to happen?

    Also, I like the evil armor, looks really cool.

    • doresh

      Not once you know the costume sans the Magneto helmet is Damodar (aka Blue Lips McGee) cosplay :3

      • KatKaleen

        Aaaw, gimme a break here. If Damodar wasn’t so badly written as a character in that movie, he would be an A+ badass. Except for the lipstick. I still don’t get why ANYBODY on planet earth would find that neccessary. Or fitting. Or..
        I think I made my point.

        • doresh

          That’s surely one of the great mysteries of our time.

          • bloodshed113094

            Actually, then he’s just be a human Predator.

        • bloodshed113094

          If he didn’t have the lipstick or bad writing, he would be a mute Darth Vader.

          • doresh

            Mute Darth Vader with retractable wrist blades.

          • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

            That would be awesome.

        • Bill Hiers

          Different cultures have different aesthetics I guess.

      • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

        Oh, I knew. But the mash up really works.

  • Milo Gotje

    The game looks like a oke Zelda knockoff, I guess I would probably enjoy it more than
    most ultima games.

  • IonutRO

    The door to the dungeon also had a giant pink heart on it.

    • George Hicks

      I KNEW I wasn’t the only one that saw that!

  • Foster Davies-Smith

    ‘I just beat a chicken out of a horse’s ass!’ A great line for someone to walk in on.

    • doresh

      There needs to be a superhero with similar transmutation powers.

      • Rakkrakk

        I believe Grant Morrison is open to such ideas. Maybe get him motivated with proclamations of Batman as an omniscient god,

  • Bill Hiers

    Spoony, never change. Ever. This was hilarious. I about died at your analysis of the Black Knight’s…uh, “issues,” and the Buffalo Bill-inspired performance with the Magneto helmet and the cape. Jesus Christ, you’re so creative and funny. And the seahorses bit at the end! I loved it! Can’t wait for Part 2, to see just how the Black Knight plans to annoy you… permanently! Mwahahahaha!

  • Fueldrop

    My god, I just realized… Have him annoyed permanently… The Black Knight is going to force Spoony to review FF13-2!

    Or possibly make an unending stream of monty python references at him. That’d also do the job.

    • George Hicks

      Worse, he’ll make him play LIGHTNING RETURNS! Doomed! He’ll blow up the planet just to escape a fate like that.

      • golden izanagi

        I thought that game was going to be bearable but I quit after the whole “future telling machine” bullcrap considering the myriad of things about it that does not make sense, such as if that cult viewed lightning destroying the world why are they going around killing other women with lightning’s hair color, considering they know what she looks like and if that’s the case wouldn’t they be concentrating on finding the woman with a red colored sword and armor and not some random girl who is just going about her day in a world about to end?

    • Rakkrakk

      Worse yet: Put an earworm of Reynolds in Spoony’s brain.

  • Lina Jones

    Man, I hope Worlds of Ultima are upcoming!

  • tython

    I had both consoles from back then

    • Robert Cameron

      Me too. I started out with the SNES. Then I won $500. on a scratch ticket so I got a Genesis.

  • BigFoot

    The most deadly animal of all: Seahorses.

  • Bushwhacker2k

    Didn’t the Nostalgia Critic go to a future where the earth was taken over by Seahorses?

    • Fueldrop

      Indeed he did. We really should have seen it coming.

      • Sylveria Shini

        This simply confirms that the overthrow of the society by seahorses is inevitable.

  • Tyreal42a

    I really like the Tali poster you have in the background. Can anyone tell me where it is from? Where can I get it?

  • TheDapperChangeling

    Great review!
    Also, love the Turks theme playing.

  • Kevin Franzen

    We witness the birth of Spoony’s greatest rival yet. Sure, you can send Final fantasy characters to kill him, but if you can get him permanently annoyed, that’s some real evil shit.

    To quote the greatest evil mastermind ever, The Monarch(:p) : “How easy it is to break a bone, but to break a man’s heart, that takes genius… Wounds heal, but mental torture, those wounds only grow and fester.”

  • NeroAngelo

    apparently the Ultima series is where Water-type pokemon are strongest

    • PeaTearGryfin

      Kingdra used Thunderbolt (somehow). It’s super effective.

      • Mark Silveira

        Too bad Kingdra can’t learn Thunderbolt (let’s pretend he does).

  • NeroAngelo

    okay, i just found the strategy for beating the seahorse. you have to attack it and then retreat to somewhere that isn’t in a direct 45-degree angle to it

  • Andrew DeCaire

    Actually it’s kind of tragic when you think about it. That Seahorse was an ambassador to make a peace treaty with the humans, Spoony attacked him first which in Seahorse society is an act of war. Also, it makes since why the seahorses took over Earth so easily in the future, they’re badass motherf***ers.

  • notyoursavior78

    I really enjoyed that despite some of the weirdness in the review. Hell now I am going to rewatch some other Spoony Ultima reviews after this comment. I actually played this game back in the day and it was very hard (not just referencing the sea horse heh) but my mind was more pure back then so I didn’t pick up on all the gags that Spoony did with the dark knight.

    I like how the premise of the game started because he was bored and wanted to be annoying, I completely forgot about that. Good stuff, anyway I look forward to the next part now.

  • Carewolf

    That is obviously not a seahorse, it is a giant seapony. Don’t throw your “hammer” at the seapony or otherwise try to fuck it. That is just wrong dude.

    • George Hicks

      Nah, if it was a Seapony it would have started singing. Not launching Force Lightning.

  • Ryan Kaufman

    Is…is no one going to talk about how we all were just exposed to naked Spoony?

    • notyoursavior78

      Hey I mentioned the weirdness anyway 4 hours ago. I am here to watch this again not for that scene of course.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      He censored himself. Besides he was probably wearing underwear under the bar regardless.

    • Orzene

      He’s not the first internet reviewer I’ve seen appear on screen in the nude, and yeah, he censored himself.

    • Saku Suonpää

      Didn’t we see more in boldy flee anyway?

    • Rakkrakk

      No trauma beats the trauma of seeing Welshy nude.

      Seeing Brad Jones in the nude on the other hand cures all of the internet-reviewer-naked-time-traumata. (Which I bet has gotten a medical name by now, if not in 15 years from now on)

  • theshamster

    I thought there were seahorses in Ultima 5.
    Anyhow, I had a damn good laugh at the dancing naked Black Knight scene. (that guy has issues)

  • JG

    This was awesome.
    And I got my name on the credits.
    And thank Christ for censoring the mangina!

    • rbs

      disagree, needs more mangina

  • Orzene

    So the Black Knight is a mixture between Magneto and the Dragon Shit-heads from Ascension? Well, it’d make sense that he is that fucking inept.

    I’m surprised you are jumping into the other Ultimas, but I am quite entertained.

  • Commander BB Shockwave

    Huh! When I put the video in smaller view mode, sometimes in the black corners on the sides or at the bottom the Windows screensaver “pipes” seems to be going behind the video, at extra fast speed. WTF!?! Maybe the gargoyles from that other dimension are trying to break through Spoony’s video?!

  • Dirge

    Spoony, you forgot his dungeon’s door has a heart shaped lock XD

  • Svart Fra Sor

    Maybe the castle cannons kill the sea horse? Maybe he wanders by like a random encounter while you’re in the cannon towers? I dunno. Just speculating.

  • theshamster

    Is it wrong of me to be eating lamb steak while watching the naked black knight/buffalo bill scene?

  • Lembach

    Why does the Black Knight’s nose look like a penis head?
    Why does Dupre look like Ron Jeremy?
    WTF is up with the Avatar’s googly eyes???

    • Daniel Tilson

      Because the character wasn’t nearly confused enough.
      Because he never took a vow of chastity when he became a paladin.
      Because Iolo.

  • phoenixrider100

    Top stuff Spoony. Great flow, excellent energy and fun jokes. Keep it up mate!

  • DannielParker

    Oh my god.

    I lost it completely at Goodbye Horses. Good work.

  • The_Deadliest_Courier

    Nice “Take that” to James Rolfe :P

  • igotbanned999

    LOL, I hope James takes that in stride.

    I’m a PC Gamer too but I never played Ultima (although I read reviews of it in PC Gamer magazine)

    One other guy also had a hamburger

    Dr. Insano! Missed him so much!

    Wilhelm scream also

    Seahorses are possibly more evil than even the grass

    Nice video, although the ending text was kind of blurry and hard to read

  • Seonghoon Park

    Uh.. Spoony- I think you mixed your words up a bit there-
    When you’re explaining Ultima 7 on SNES, you’re keep saying Ultima 6 instead of Ultima 7- lolz XD

  • Jan Drabner

    That “dancing” video. :D :D
    Quick, someone send this to Takei for an “Oooh Myyyyyy”!

  • Raoul Bashir

    I have no words, except these I just wrote…

    • doresh

      Not gonna bother to reply to that. Wait…

  • Minax’s Revenge

    9:22 – You *do* realize I can’t un-see that now, right? I found myself simultaneously creeped out & yet also strangely amused – well played, sir!

    11:36 – Holy fucking ROUS, Batman! O_o

    16:00 – I call BULLSHIT on that! U5 absolutely DID have killer seahorses that shot balls of …I dunno, magical snot, LOL?…at you. Check p29 of the U5 Book of Lore, bro – I promise they are listed in teh bestiariez ;)

    (Yes, I totally just out-nerded Spoony on an Ultima game, LOLZ! )

  • AwelCruiz

    This isn’t Runes of Virtue. It’s the sequel Runes of Virtue II. The original was only on Game Boy. I’ve also read that of all the non-PC Ultima games, it was Richard Garriott’s favorite (the original, not the sequel).

  • theshamster

    Just so you all know, killing enemies does not earn you experience points.
    You only get experience when you complete quests.

  • THE Sami Ryyppö

    It oddly amuses me that the villains main objective is to annoy Lord British, and the most logical way to annoy him is kidnapping someone.

    • DevilHunter1994

      I find it hilarious that Lord British needs to call in the Avatar (Even though anyone can realize you aren’t actually playing as the Avatar) to solve this relatively minor problem. Seriously can this guy not do anything by himself. Doesn’t he have troops under his command to send on jobs like these. Does the Avatar seriously have to do everything? Why does Britannia even need a ruler if its so called king needs to call in the legendary hero of the realm every time he so much as scrapes his knee?

      • doresh

        More importantly, doesn’t Lord British’s crown make him effectively invulnerable?

        • Lunam_Kardas

          It makes him invulnerable to everything except the dread beast Laziness.

      • Andrew DeCaire

        Lord British DOES have guards, and knights. So I have no idea why he needs the Avatar. Now, if this was like Final Fantasy 1 and he had already sent a bunch of knights who had failed, I can understand but he didn’t even bother with that!

  • pmf026

    I totally lost my shit when snake attacked xD funny shit

  • THE Sami Ryyppö

    No, he didn’t know. See, that’s what makes it all weird and totally a sign of the end of the world because it was a coincidence.

  • Maksim Tsirulnik

    So Spoony was the reason why the seahorses took over the world. He pissed them off and they invaded humanity in revenge.

    So future Doug knew all along. Figure that.

    • Raoul Bashir

      Britannia FIRST, then your Earth!

  • http://www.according2robyn.blogspot.com/ According2Robyn

    Where’s part 2, you gangly son of a bitch? Why aren’t you working harder to provide me with even more free entertainment?

    Don’t you understand how this works? You slave all day and night to entertain us, and we complain slightly less about how often that entertainment is provided. THAT’S THE DEAL.

    • doresh

      Oh well, he’s still faster than JonTron :3

      • Rakkrakk

        And that’s supposed to be worth something, anything? xD

        • doresh

          Well, it makes every upload a little holiday XD

  • R. Butler

    *starts taking notes for swear words*
    D…ick…min…strel…

    Need moar! :D

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      “Cock Hydra” is my current favorite “Spoonyism”.

      “Overshot the fucking-COCKSUCKER!” is one I use whenever I throw something too far and miss, usually something into a wastebasket…a lot of these sure are male genital-related. Quite ze Freudian one, zat Avatar.

      • R. Butler

        ** ps, if a double pops up I blame the system – posted something a few days ago and it has yet to show up, for which I’m actually thankful because there was a glaring error in it**

        “Shitwhistler” is a close second for me XD

        I find myself screaming “You MOTHERFUCKER” whenever something horrible happens to one of my game characters. Stuff kinda starts growing on you after a while.

        As for the Freudian-ness, I think it’s harder to make fun of the feminine naughty bits without getting into trouble than it is for the male side. Then again, one of my friends regularly hurls insults involving the fairer sex back and forth whenever we meet. Pretty much a greeting by now.

    • theshamster

      Nothing beats “You motherfucker!!! I’ll punch you in the fucking SOUL, you fucking asshat!”

      • R. Butler

        Can’t really deny that. Especially after the SWAT video XD

  • BenjaminCollins

    “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.” I completely lost it at that gag. Keep it up! Can’t wait for part 2!!!!

  • Bobdabuilder

    This was reminiscent of old-school Spoony. And that is a very, very good thing. I about pissed myself with the Silence of the Lambs gag, as well as the cannons.

    • TK1999

      Speak for your self, Sexy Spoony is gonna my haunt nightmares, nightmares.

      *rocks back and forth*

      Can’t sleep Sexy Spoony in giant helmet will dance for me in my dreams and make me feel unconformable.

      • Krom

        I will show you… the greatest nightmare! I will haunt you till the end of da-wait… Spoony already did this? Awww fiddlesticks!

      • ThomasMink

        Oh don’t worry… you’ll be spooning with Spoony in no time.. like Angry Joe and Nostalgia Critic before.

  • notyoursavior78

    Oh that was you two. I saw that in the credits and I was just like “awwwww” too bad I don’t know anyone in person who really is a Spoony fan.

    • Amanda Belaire

      It’s very fortunate it turned out that way! I was the first to start watching him with his FF8 reviews. Adam didn’t catch on right away, but eventually, something Spoony did hooked him in. I can’t remember which video it was, but we’re loyal fans now! I wish I knew more people RL who shared in our geekdom, but I suppose online comrades will suffice. :)

  • Kraas

    I was wondering if you would ever review this. I actually own this game, I got it when I was like 10-12 and I can’t even remember where from. It does suck, but it wasn’t as painful for me as I had never even played a real Ultima game at that point in my life.

  • Biran53

    Dammit, why the hell didn’t I pick up on it before?
    The dismissive nature.
    The smug superiority.
    The insanity.

    You MUST be a PC gamer!

    • Rakkrakk

      Damnit, you got our overly stereotypical profile! Now we can’t preach supremacy anymore! D:

      • Atmos_Duality

        Bitch please. I don’t PREACH PC supremacy; I -PRACTICE-.

    • Groverfield

      Is there any other kind? I mean really, can you call yourself a gamer if you don’t devote thousands of dollars and weeks of work and shuffling around parts so you can get the highest-end graphical and interface, then it’s just a hobby or a target of your enthusiasm.

  • Mount C

    The magma in the sewers could have been the result of a weekly curry night.

    • Aftersun

      lol

    • doresh

      And you gotta keep such a big castle warm throughout the winter somehow.

  • Ford W. Maverick

    Is he wearing Damodar’s armor from the Dungeons & Dragon’s movie at the end?

    • Ford W. Maverick

      Went back through the comments and saw that I wasn’t the first to notice it. I still want a goddamn No-Prize though.

      • StealthMarmot

        Here’s your participant trophy. It is addressed to “occupant”.

        • Ford W. Maverick

          That’ll do nicely.

      • doresh

        You get the “Blue Lips” achievement :D !

        • Krom

          Better blue lips than blue balls!
          *ba dum tss*

  • Daniel Corrigan

    It’s kinda weird but I noticed that there is an indicator of you getting hit. And that’s that the characters have animations. Iolo starts to cry, and Shamino has a little stutter step with stars circling his head. BARELY noticeable though.

  • Aftersun

    I’m with spoony. I’ve been a computer gamer ever since 1983 (Commodore 64 for the win) and if I play a computer game that has been ported to a console, it utterly sucks. However ‘Runes of Virtue’ is a beast of it’s own. Never heard of it until now.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      Ports to consoles only suck when they completely change everything. (Like the Ultima 7 Snes game)

      If the game is EXACTLY the same in every way aside from controls (That don’t suck) like Minecraft or Skyrim (I love both versions of Skyrim but prefer PC, only as a matter of preference) I see no problem. Personally I’m a PC and Console gamer because I get more variety of games to enjoy, which really has no downside imo.

  • http://searchingforkim.weebly.com Matthew Tyler Di Leo

    Seeing Spoony pull a Bufalo Bill killed me… No amount of bleach or alcohol will get that out of my skull… GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!

    • Daniel Tilson

      Your toast has been burned. And no amount of scraping shall remove the blackness!

  • theshamster

    I looked up the walkthrough to this game and you’ll find it ridiculous at how you defeat the Black Knight.
    He can be defeated in two ways: one is in difficult battle….the other is to use a single item.

    • doresh

      Aww, just like in the Zelda CD-i trilogy – if you remove the “difficult battle” option, that is :3

  • Karl Anderskiöld

    Im a bit peckish for part two now!

  • krumovies26

    Oh god! The seahorse domination of the future has begun! Watching “The Room” will be outlawed soon!

    • Andrew DeCaire

      In that case, I for one welcome our new SeaHorse overlords.

      I
      I3

      Ban Highlander 2 and Dragonball Evolution while you’re at it.

  • ZanderZ

    Look at what conan did? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpqaVqOJlFs

    Elijah Wood On Spooning With Conan

  • Roikka

    Does anyone know the music that plays in the scene in the Abyss when the Black Knight declares he shall have the Avatar annoyed?

    • theshamster

      It’s music from Ultima Underworld 1 : The Stygian Abyss.

      • http://diegomachado42.wordpress.com Diegolomac

        Do you have the name? I looked up the soundtrack on youtube and didn’t find this one.

  • Slicer

    CALL UPON THE SEA PONIES
    WHEN YOU’RE IN DISTRESS
    HELPFUL AS CAN BE PONIES
    SIMPLY SIGNAL SOS
    SHOO BE DOO, SHOO SHOO BE DOO

  • Mark Silveira

    Where the hell is part 2, Spoony? I demand free entertainment NOW or you’ll feel my wrath as i completely annihilate you from existence.

    (I’m joking btw,)

    • Andrew DeCaire

      Annihilate him? bah… that won’t do you any good. Annoying him on the other hand, that’s just diabolical.

      • Mark Silveira

        Muahahaha! Then i shall annoy him until he’s driven insane! Muahahahaha!

      • Malidictus

        Really, just keep making shitty Ultima games or tell him he’s in your way. That’ll do the poor guy in right quick :)

    • CaptainDingaling

      Exactly what isn’t free on the internet?

  • Rhesus

    Spoony, you deliver some quality entertainment!

  • Accursed91

    Oh dear god, i am crying with laughter right now! XD

  • B N

    Ok, someone, that music that plays during the credits.
    I love it, but it’s not in the credits. Does ANYONE know where it’s from?

  • LeoInu

    Anyone know the song when the seahorse is just sitting there?

  • Silver Cattona

    Dos anyone know what the song is when the Black Knights doing his uh..sexy dance thing?

    • ThomasMink

      Goodbye Horses, by Q Lazzarus

  • robomagon

    Burn that cape…

  • http://Ign.com/ Tactica1

    I miss the old Spoony. Where did that Noah go?

    • DevilHunter1994

      Uh call me crazy, but he seems about the same to me.

      • Ilja Lyubimov

        He is clearly not the same. Because he is a clone created by Linkara, remember?

        • DevilHunter1994

          But the clone and original merged into one at the end of the FFX review.

  • Frank K

    Those nipples I fear shall haunt my nightmares.

  • Khalil Sheehan-Miles

    Any chance of doing the third heroes of the lance thing?

  • Groverfield

    Starring:
    Young Keanu Reeves the Bard, Chris Hemsworth the Ranger, Andrea Roth the Wizard, and Sir Ron Jeremy the Knight.

    • NeroAngelo

      I honestly didn’t notice he looked like Ron Jeremy at first XD

  • Dahnte

    Anyone know the name of the song used during the credits on this one?

    • Dahnte

      Never mind. Found it!

      Wing Commander 2 – Prince Thrakhath’s Theme

  • http://dragonacesg7.tumblr.com/ Dragons_Dusk

    I just noticed some of the background when the Black Knight is talking at the end looks like parts of Amnesia: The Dark Descent, cool

  • Hbh128

    It’s the Thunderhorse, of course. How could you not know?

  • gallowsCalibrator413

    I want to make the opening my ringtone on my phone :3

  • asnaes

    Console war. Console war never changes.

  • Guest

    If you at the symbol on the back of Iolo cape it is also the female symbol. Weird.

  • Trowa00S

    If you look at the symbol on the back of Iolo’s cape it is also the female symbol. Weird.

  • likalaruku

    I WAS on the Genesis side, but switched to the SNES side 20 years later, when I realized it had way more RPGs.

    • Radosław Hołdys

      Music tastes aside, the SNES music chip is technicaly superior to the one on the Genesis…
      Put bluntly the Mega Drive’s chip is scrappy, that’s why you get this weird tinny sound to it.

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