You will tell me, won’t you, Avatar? When the lambs stop screaming?
Fantastic work as ever, Noah. Can never get away from Ultima, or the nit-pickery, eh? (Nice work with the new props by the way.=) They look great.)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank. You.
Thank you for censoring that reference.
Sweet. More Ultima, more Avatar.
Played this on a GBA emulator once. I kept scratching my head as to what was happening and why. Good to know I wasn’t the only one.
Did I see you….Naked…..Ono;;;
I was wearing a helmet!
And a cloak… now excuse me while I go poke my eye out, you magnificent bastard.
To add to you nitpicking btw, there was also an hearth on the prison door.
You still have an Eye after the Harkonen Thong?
I still want to be able play video games, so I made a compromise. =p
Still a lot of skin! Warn a girl, I think my brain short-circuited!
…Is that a euphemism?
IT NOT ON YOU THINGY! -roll screaming- Eh Don’t worry I get the point it a reference joke of buffalo bill sex dance @we;;
There lot I need to pick up, Hell I try to pick up thing you grow up and watch them for my self and see why Don’t ask me for the games…. -roll eyes on cost- Lest you show me Few good thing like “1st” highlander movie.
Any way thanks for the shock joke XD got me going.
Keep up the work
Also of note It get me how pc player keep say but well feel free to rant and hate me on this, It kill me I have to spend money to get a working pc to get the game work or try to get it to work.
Just make me want to tell the pc players “How deep is you pockets” mostly I want it to work then know i spend 60$ for game that won’t work.
Yes yes I rambling sorry I wrap it up.
senpai notice me OwO and yeah keep up with the good work spoony :D
I love you reviews >w<
Eh, could have been worse… if he had put on some lipstick. *shock gasp* THE HORROR!
…anybody else getting some X-Files flashbacks?
Meh I seen
Apocalypse Zero, Angel Blade clips and few “Fan arts” of thing I would not want to see so my sanity meter is low every thing is broken to me and I see darker world.
Low on sanity, you say?
Does this happen to you? Do you feel weird and your pottet plants just eat your car?
We can help you! Buy your “Narokath + Santak + Xel’lotath” Rune-kit today! As a Special Bonus: if you order now, we will give you not 1, not 2, but 4 Pargon Runes for free!
Call 0800-MANTOROK and place your orders today!
Goodies! :D -smash keyboard with face before passing out form beating him self out with it- “Did I get it?” @w@
Ehm… Y-yes, yes of course. There it is, don’t you see it? Just wait until your headache ist over and your Sanity-Bar should be refilled. I’ll just take this money and start laughing like a madman.
Did i just said this part out loud? …Aw crap, the jig is up!
*throws the money in the air and runs away*
Hahaha I have no use of green paper today is a good day of the Horde B)
PC? They’re just glorified consoles with hot new crap. At least console gamers don’t have to suffer through that early access greenlight crap like Earth 2066, Dark Shadows: Armies of Evil and Day One: Garry’s Incident. Fuck you Gaben! Valve actually did something really shitty.
Portable gaming (not that smartphone junk) is where it’s at with Pokemon Red Version to Persona 4 Golden, bitches! But PS3′s not dead yet with Persona 5! I haven’t heard of PC getting any Shin Megami Tensei game ‘cus they’d wipe the floors with The Witcher’s face.
And consoles try to be PCs, so I’m pretty sure they will have this early access stuff soon enough.
Valve should really put more effort into quality control. Then again, my motto is “If you buy a game at release date, you’ve already lost”. Why not add “If you buy an early access title without researching the f*ck out of it before, you have too much money” XD ?
And Persona 4 is just a port. It doesn’t count.
…you wouldn’t happen to be a TotalBiscuit viewer, would you?
Because I JUST got done listening to this on his recent video this morning!
Well, I have watched SOME of his videos, but nothing from the past couple weeks. I’m not really his target audience anyways since I don’t care enough about 98% of the indie games he’s showcasing.
Well Atlus actually put the effort into bringing the game to a system most AAA developers consider to be hopeless.
Not to mention that the original version came out on a then outdated console most other developers reserved for crappy ports and movie tie-ins.
And now history repeats itself as Persona 5 (along with P4 Ultimax) comes to PS3 while bigger publishers look towards PS4. Atlus is run by geniuses.
PC is the master race. Deal with it, son.
That doesn’t mean console games don’t have their own merits.
One more thing, these Nazis (that’s what would a self-proclaimed master race counts as) has Day One: Garry’s Incident aka “Uh-oh!”
Awesome to see there is more Ultima for you to review! I loved your Ultima reviews. This was great, can’t wait to see part 2!
Actually… In Ultima 4, there is a seahorse mob (In the NES version at least, not sure about the PC.
I *believe* you, but I have ZERO memory of this.
I only ever fought them after stealing a pirate ship. Probably can’t beat the game without taking at least one of those, but I may be wrong.
Water mobs were great exp, but since you don’t find treasure chests in the ocean (after fight treasure chests) terrible for gold.
According to the ultima beastiary, they also exist in Ultima 5.
I was going to suggest this a long time ago back when I still had aspirations of doing reviews of some sort. These games always seemed quite interesting, though you’re obviously skipping past the Game Boy one, which i had a mind to pick up when I saw it in a shop.
Very much liked the review. Very energized and completely wacky. Good balance of rage, criticism, and just straight comedy. Definitely needed after the heaviness that was U9.
This IS only part 1. He might do the gameboy one too.
So glad you’re continuing the Ultima reviews! FYI, there were seahorses in Ultima 4.
The review had some great callbacks to the olden days that made me smile with nostalgia, good analysis of what’s right and wrong with the games, a lot of effort put into the outfits and set design, and it was charming and funny!
And can I just say the seahorse was ADORABLE? I take it your girlfriend made it? If she did, tell her she did a stellar job, it was soooooo cute!
Yay, more Ultima! Great review. I always steered clear of the console Ultimas because I was afraid they wouldn’t live up to the PC titles. Glad to see I was right to do so, at least with this one. Nitpick: there were seahorses in the PC versions of Ultima IV and V. ;)
And, of course, there was that big pinkish heart on the cell door. So much creepy in so little space.
Well, glad nobody entered the room in the following minutes, that would have been quite hard to explain.
Never thought we’d get more Ultima, and of this quality!
You know what hurts more than still having a rough throat after a 2 week-long nasty illness? Still having that rough throat while laughing your ass off!
In other news, it looks like the great Seahorsacolypse of The Room is finally underway….I for one welcome our new sea-dwelling overlords.
I couldn’t help but hear Hunter’s voice as I read your comment, so a sincere thank you.
I get that ALL the time!
And with my cold, my actual voice is extra-gruff, so it works there as well, heh.
You missed the heart shaped lock on the dungeon door.
I noticed that, but forgot about it 2 seconds later, because my mind was occupied with other concerns.
The moment I saw the full-body mirror, I knew what was comin’. And I had a feeling Spoony wouldn’t be wearing the Sting-Strap this time.
I read your comment as “Heart Shaped box” and was wondering if that was a reference to Nirvana. It is really late.
Woah, full costume at the start of the review? This is madness!
Wario cap. Never forget.
This game reminds me if you mixed Ultima with Gauntlet. Shit.
“I shall have him annoyed… permanently.” One of the best lines ever. I will definitely be using that in everyday conversation.
lol ikr? His delivery of that line, with the lopsided Magneto helmet, is absolutely perfect. My wife and I still belly laugh thinking about it. Like you, we use it quite often in our conversations.
so i guess spoony and avgn are gonna mock fight too?
Honestly I don’t know, in some of his earlier intros it shows him beating up the Nerd along with his Rogue’s Gallery. Despite I’ve never actually seen the two interact outside of the “Anniversary Brawl” then again he beat up Linkara as well in the same intro and they’re best buddies so…
That wasn’t the nerd he punched in the old opening. It was Curtis from Phantasmagoria 2. If you look closely you see Blob the rat in the picture.
I guess that’s reassuring
That and the background wich has Phanatasmagoria 2 written everywhere.
That’s not the AVGN in the intro, it’s supposed to be Curtis (he even goes so far as to make a joke about their similar appearance in one of the videos).
Does Blip still require you to censor it if it’s tucked between your legs?
Hey, Noah, I saw when the snake was “biting” you, that there was a box of Ogre on the shelf. Is that the same tabletop game where you have a smaller army with a headquarters being attacked by a large robotic tank (the Ogre)? Love to see a review on it with the pieces and stuff.
Most likely. And I’m also interested in that game :D
I never played the reboot, but remember the old SJ travelsize game. It was a beautifully done little beer and pretzel game with a great premise.
Spoony, now the next Benzaie.
The goggles! They do nothing!
Now we need “The Goddamn Avatar” DVD so he can catch up with Brad Jones’ revealing with the recent Nudies, Rudies & Crudies DVD.
…you know what; skip the foreplay: let’s get that feature-length Human Spider/Starfish/Thunderdome/whatever movie going.
Yikes, I hope the patreon guys get something beyond Thunderdome
I’m not gonna lie – I’m a bit aroused.
Patreon contributors get the uncensored version.
Ricardo Montalbán underoos and all.
Finally we know Iolos true identity: He’s the green Hamburglar.
Woo hoo more Avatar! Love this stuff.
These magical creatures appear quite fair and are not evil, but if offended they make devastating enemies. They are possessed of powerful magical abilities which can wreak havoc among thy party.
- from The History of Britannia (Ultima IV)
These graceful, appealing ocean creatures have nasty personalities. They enjoy shooting foes at range, which they do very effectively. They are also rather strong, flexible, even intelligent, and they take a fair amount of punishment to be defeated.
- from Book of Lore (Ultima V)
I hadn’t realized there was a SNES version of this game. I’d only played the GameBoy one, which based on what we’ve seen his a dumbed-down port that’s actually better.
Hit detection works fine due to square-grid movement
Story is tossed out pretty much altogether to focus on gameplay.
You’re simply told to go to all the different dungeons (Lord British telling you which one would be best while Chuckles reminds you that you can pick them in any order.
Oh, its still a poorman’s Zelda rip-off, but at least it wasn’t rage-inducing madness.
Oh no, another PC vs Console catfight….lord, I can’t take another…
But seriously, I too skipped the 16bit generation in favor of PC after the first time I played Wing Commander and Alone in the Dark, never looked back. The PC to console ports…never worked out. They just didn’t.
about 10 minutes in, and MY EYES!! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING. About the whole cobra thing, to be fair, LB would probably just call on the Avatar to do that anyway. That guy would probably call the Avatar to unclog his toilet for him.
“Carpet’s fucked! Don’t Care.”
The deadly floor will avenge his carpet-cousin!
My reaction to Spoony’s silence of the lambs reference
Spoony: “He’s making a woman suit!”
Cut to spoony in Magneto helmet and cape, quoting Buffalo Bill.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *falls out of chair*
Spoony starts dancing and backs away slowly…
Me: HAHA… Ha… ha… AH! AH! AAAAAH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *covers eyes*
It’s a Sebastian Shaw helmet, not a Magneto one. Magneto ended up using it, sure, but he gave it a paint-job almost immediately.
I have to say, I love the Magneto helmet. Also I didn’t ever expect another Ultima review so this was a nice change. But I do agree with Spoony that a game like Ultima belongs on the PC and not a console. I mean it would be like playing an RTS on a console, ht just doesn’t work.
Let’s just say that JRPGs have their gamepad-friendly interfaces for a reason.
Ultima III and IV for Nes were not only awesome, but they inspired Enix to make Dragon Quest, which in turn inspired Final Fantasy, which in turn inspired most of the console RPG genre.
Seriously? I didn’t know that. That’s awesome if it’s true.
An Ultima console port streamlined into a Final-Fantasy-esque interface and presentation (with a “fight stuff where you are standig” combat system like in Chrono Trigger) would be pretty rad.
So this Black Knight just wants to annoy Lord British? A crazy Silver Age super villain doesn’t quite have the same kind menace as other Ultima villains, doesn’t he o_O ?
Why did you put the turks theme music in from FF7 ????
That was one of the most epicly ridiculous fight scenes ever. Is that in continuity with the NC’s “sea horses take over the world” joke from his The Room review? And was the evil knight guy wearing a Magneto helmet?
People who give a care about continuity in an online review series are assholes.
Dude, I was joking, wich makes you the bigger asshole.
And PLEASE reply to me! I’m definetly in the mood of ripping annoying people a new one COME ON!!!!!!!!!
Why does this suddenly remind me of the “cripple-fight” from South Park?
Don’t really see the connection. I mean, it’s not like I yelled TIMMEY!!
It was good until the predictable sketch at the end, but I never like those. Spoons’ dissection of his own dysfunction was almost brilliant.
Speaking of that, Spoony… maybe hit the gym. Or take a run. Or eat Iolo’s cheeseburger. You get the picture.
this aws one hilarious review
Since my other comment was ruined by some dude, I’ll just say this: Good review. Keep the fun up!
So… how do we go about making lightning seahorses in D&D? Just take a base seahorse (they’re probably in an AD&D book, likely Spelljammer) and give it lightning spells? Or do seahorses have priests dedicated to Kord?
Best video in a while.
PC gaming master race
Ah! You beat me to it!
While you play only PC, I play both PC and Console, so I get best of both worlds.
I mean, playing both PC and Console, it just means “More games” how can you go wrong?
This review was soooooo worth the wait! That fight at the end was bloody awesome and made me laugh out loud.
Can’t wait to see what other awesome stuff you’ve got lined up! I can only hope my own meager attempts at entertainment will be so fruitful.
Shameless self promotion commencing in five… four… three… two… one…
Well, another Ultima certainly came out of nowhere for me! Loved it; this made my day a lot less crappy and me genuinely laugh =) Always good seeing you get back to and getting even better at this style of video.
new Spoony! Woo!
I think the pressing question here is why does Spoony have access to at least three seahorse puppets?
Maybe it’s from April’s collection?
Dude, you never know when you might need a seahorse puppet.
Likely bought them for the review. If I had a review where I had to fight a evil teletubbie. I would have to go out and buy a teletubbie doll, you see when it comes to your career you have to make sacrifices towards your manhood. ;-)
5:39 Yolo looks like Harry Kim from Star Trek Voyager.
Well, now you know he’s fucked.
Poor Harry Kim; forever doomed to be Janeway’s personal fuck puppet.
I nearly passed out laughing at the “Goodbye Horses” scene.
Hey this may be an Odd question but does anybody know the name of the song he use’s during the black night dancing in the mirror scene?
Everything explodes when you kill them. You know, that would actually explain why fucking everything is overrun.
On further contemplation, it probably explains why there were 3 villagers in “Britain” Just trapping rabbits for a stew must qualify you for the bomb squad.
Actually, this is Runes of Virtue II.
I know. This is addressed in part 2.
This was awesome. Looking forward to the next part :D
What are you doing, Magneto? No, Magneto, Stahp!
D’oh, I was hoping the new review would’ve been the Worlds of Ultima games. This is just as good, though.
A 16-bit version of ‘Goodbye horses’…… I’m going to slowly back away now.
I was thinking that maybe Kingdra’s can learn Zap Cannon, but I was mistaken. They can learn a ton of other beam moves though.
I heard the Wilhelm scream in there. Thought you could disguise it. Nope. I heard it. Asshole.
I haven’t laughed this hard at one of your reviews in a long time, and it’s come at just the right time. Great job, Spoony!
I certainly did not expect this. Perchance we shall see Spoony go over the Worlds of Ultima games in depth as well. His positive mentions of those in the Richard Garriott interview makes me think he has gotten into them since the brief mentions in the Ultima retrospective.
Wow. This was great! The effects were awesome! I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.
I look forward to part two! when are you going to take a look at final fantasy 12! because I really hate that game! the guns of the most valuable weapon, why did you only them in only three stores, you have to grant obscene amounts of money, and oh yes they require any nation so you naturally default the good melee weapons, but the final boss requires you to have long-range weapons! and don’t get me started on your partners AI!
Reviewing FFXII would mean playing FFXII, and I think there’s a limit to how much punishment even he’ll take for his art.
He said he liked it in one of his commentaries.
You should have used your Dune thong.
The Guardian would step on this… knight quite easily.
It wasn’t brother against brother because you *either* hat a SNES *or* a Sega Genesis in one household. ;)
What about if you didn’t live with your brother?
Didn’t think about that.
Thankfully I had a job in high school, it bought me some privilege, that and my parents would come to realize how annoying their second son was, therefore not forcing me to spend too much time sitting next to him.
Among the early console wars my family had a Genesis (and I even bought the 32X), and living in the middle-of-nowhere meant I missed out on quite a few games, including the Ultima console adaptions (but, then again, I have a PC so who cares?). In fact I’ve never owned a Nintendo console, only their handhelds (the GameBoy still works!). With regards to the current consoles I started with PS2, switched over to Xbox 360… so should I opt for PS4, next? Alternating? Bah!
Anyway, I’m always happy for more Ultima reviews and learning a bit more of the series and its lore that I might have not been aware of before… even if some scenes therein are guaranteed to scar me for life. Incidentally I’ve always pictured Mariah the Mage as being a brunette or even raven-haired, probably because her initial description in Ultima IV reminded me of a character I (poorly) draw.
This close enough?
Found it for ya Spoony: http://wiki.ultimacodex.com/wiki/Seahorses
Still laughed anyway.
The Codex of Ultimate Wisdom?
What evil has been unleashed in Britannia?
Your knowledge of the land shall be great!
Hmm, no. This doesn’t Sound right for an Ultima game. Let’s try this again:
Verily, I breaketh thou combination!
What is the Lyceum?
Never heard of it. The Lycaeum, on the other hand…
WTF, these things were mentioned as far back as Ultima IV?!
I love how the wiki says “Beware the angered seahorse, for it is one of the most fearsome creatures in the land”
Makes me wonder if someone edited that in right after this video was released?
Edit: Nope, checked the history, the last edit happened March 7th. This makes it all so much funnier xD
You know, I don’t even consider what the XBone and PS4 are doing right now as a console war. If it WAS a proper console war then they would be trying to outcompete each other with their games and features, but the 2 consoles are nearly identical in both stats and their general libraries. I SELL video games and when I look at all the games available for both consoles they fall into 3 categories: games you can get on the 360 or PS3 for a lower price, games you can get on either console, and exclusives. Those exclusives are the only thing that would tip the scales towards one or the other but they each only have like 2 or 3 of those, the bone has what…Ryse, Dead Rising 3, and Titanfall? The 4 has Knack, Infamous Second Son, and…I don’t know is the Final Fantasy game an exclusive? Meanwhile nobody even brings up the WiiU in reference to the console war when it’s been around for a year longer and has WAY more exclusive titles, GOOD ones at that. The only internet reviewer I’ve seen point that out is Mike from the AVGN sites “James and Mike Mondays.” I don’t understand why people write it off as “the kiddy console” when it’s the only one that’s actually doing unique and interesting stuff.
FF 15 is definitely not exclusive. They would be stupid to try otherwise. Same goes for Kingdom Hearts.
As for the Wii-U, I agree. It already has about 10 games I want for it, while the PS4 has like…2, and Xbox One has zero. What an underwhelming launch this has been. Hopefully E3 will change that.
Well, kingdom hearts 3 is already announced to xbox one so there’s that
and since final fantasy 13 (and the rest of the freak sequels) were sold for the 360, we can probably safely assume it’s going to be on the xbone as well
*sigh* damned multi-console bullshit
How is that bullshit? Square is smart enough (at least in that sense, they’re not that very bright overall) to know that a big franchise like Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts can’t be weighed down by being only on one console.
it’s been like almost 8 months since they launched, I don’t think we can still think of it as “launch” time.
“This has been”, implying the past.
Agreed; I just picked up Mario Kart 8 today and it’s absolutely fantastic.
Also, thanks to Spoony, I have added “dickminstrel” to my litany of swear words to hurl at cheap AI opponents.
“The great console skirmish of 2014″? No, that word still seem rather animated compared to what we got… “The great console head-butt of 2014″?.
“Home Consoles: Invisible War”
“The attempted console drive-by, but crashed the car into a fire hydrant instead of 2014″?
Thihihi! I think we’re getting closer.
The lukewarm console sissy slap of 2014″?
Ah, Mr. J.C. Denton, in the flesh. As dark and serious as his brother.
The Great Console Sissy Slapfight.
If by “unique and interesting stuff” you mean the exact same crap that Nintendo has been pushing out since the NES era and claiming its “new and innovative”, then yes I agree with you. The biggest problem the Wii U has is that it is the same kind of stuff Nintendo has always relied on to keep themselves safe. Mario can only carry a console so far. The “New” Super Mario Bros. games are starting to become overdone themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I have a 3DS and love it, but the Wii U is not exactly the greatest launch ever. That console seems to have a fear of releasing 3rd party games, and that is really hurting business at this point. The console had no half way decent launch titles and has not done much to make up for that. While the PS4 was riding on hype for Watch_Dogs, Kingdom Hearts 3, and Metal Gear Solid 5 and Xbone had Titanfall going for it, Nintendo was hoping that releasing a couple games with Luigi as the main character would be enough to save themselves. E3 had better offer some good, solid titles or else the Wii U will probably be long forgotten.
*Sigh*, another “NINTENDO ONLY REHASH HURR DURRRR!” comment. I swear man, I don’t get people who say that about Nintendo.
There have been less 3-D Mario platformers since 1996 than Assassin’s Creed games since 2007, or Call of Duty games since 2008, or Guitar Hero games between 2006-10, or Halo games (and I love Halo myself) since 2001, or God of War games since 2005… you get the idea. Hell, Capcom released JUST Street Fighter 4, one game alone, several times via “different” editions since 2009.
I will agree that the New Mario series has been severely overused. Ironically, NSMBU is probably the freshest 2-D Mario platformer since SMW, but because it released mere months after the genuinely mediocre NSMB2 for the 3DS, I was already bored before it even released.
Seriously, how can you look at some of the Wii-U’s better games and say all Nintendo does is rehash? And just saying “because it has DK/Mario/Nintendo character” as the reason is super shallow. The Mario RPG games are nothing like the 3-D platformers, which are nothing like the 2-D platformers, which are nothing like the Kart racers, which are nothing like the sports games. You cannot play two 3-D Mario games side-by-side and honestly say they’re the same game. Sunshine is a totally different beast from Galaxy, Galaxy is totally different from 3D World, etc.
It’s sad to me when Nintendo publishes a genuinely unique game like The Wonderful 101 and nobody buys it. That game literally addressed all the complaints that the Nintendo haters bitch about, and yet, they ignore its existence and just go back to their “Nintendo SUX HURR DURR” shpeal. It’s almost like they cannot be pleased.
1. At what point did I say that stick up for series like COD, God of War, Halo, and Guitar Hero. Those series too have been way too played out. You put those words into my mouth to make me look like a 12 year old (pro tip: I’m not).
2. Yes Nintendo has been playing out to tired gimmicks as of late. Its not that I have a problem with Mario appearing in games. My problem is that the time spent making the umpteenth Mario Party, Mario Kart, NSMB, or whatever game Nintendo wants to slap his face on is taking away time that they could be either expanding on their current franchises like Zelda, Metroid, Star Fox, or F-Zero, but nope, apparently what the people want is more recycled crap.
3. Games like The Wonderful 101 would save the console if Nintendo ever chose to market that kind of stuff, but they don’t. The current marketing team with Nintendo has been doing a terrible job at marketing the Wii U as anything but the console for casual gamers and Mario fanboys. I’m looking at a list of Nintendo releases right now and what I’m seeing is that just about every single interesting game on the console is being marketed as an indie game and sold almost exclusively in the eshop.
4. You really want to lol about Hyrule Warriors which is by all accounts just Dynasty Warriors but with Link thrown in there. Next week Nintendo has to make a big impression at E3 or else the Wii U will probably be left in the dust. The Xbone and PS4 are already out and outselling the Wii U. Heck, at this point the Dreamcast has outsold the Wii U. The problem is that Nintendo struck gold by reaching the casual market with games like Wii Sports and Wii Party. The problem is that that market has switched over to the mobile market and sees no interest in the Wii U because as far as they can tell, it is just a prettier version of the Wii. They really screwed up last year by just waiting around and hoping things will get better. I want to see Nintendo fix their issues with the Wii U and finally make it a marketable console, but they have to do the work first. I refuse to buy this console on the hope that it might get better. I want Nintendo to really shine next week, but if history and and current trends are to be considered, they probably won’t.
Today: “Nintendo sux”
10 years later: “Their games are masterpieces and overlooked gems.”
Titanfall doesn’t even count as an exclusive either since it’s also on PC technically…
It is sort of a Cold War. Neither side is trying to build up a stupidly large stockpile of games no one wants, but neither has any real identity or community that grants it an edge.
“I don’t get it, they’re just standing there.”
“They had a telepathic meeting and realized it would be too much trouble to actually fight, so it’s peace in our time.”
“That was the end of the Twilight series. I feel cheated now like the readers of that series felt cheated then.
laughed so hard =) Love ya Spoony, youre a genious!
Seahorses would have been the eleventh plague on Egypt. Thankfully we never got to see the cratered irradiated wasteland that would have been left in their wake.
With the seahorse I was half expecting a sudden cameo from future-Critic. :P
I wrote my previous comment after watching only about 20 seconds of your video so I apologize if I seemed off topic, but DAMN was this HILARIOUS. Way to go with the least threatening seahorse monster ever who just ends the damn world when you poke it. I don’t think I had such a good chuckle since the attack of the floors from way back in the day.
“I’m gonna eat you with tartar sauce and one of those cheesy fucking biscuits from red lobster.” I completely lost it at that. Fell outta the chair and laughed my balls off. Thanks Spoony, I needed that.
That was one of the best episodes I’ve seen in a while! I haven’t laughed so hard xD. That Silence of the Lambs reference was so well thought! I saw it coming once he mentioned the mirror, I reveled in it quite a bit =D
Too good. I had to pause a couple times due to excessive laughter. Can’t wait for more!
awesome!!! back to full form I see. would have called another Benzai cameo for the naked dance but I guess that works? can’t wait to see part 2!
Absolutely amazing, well worth the wait! Can’t wait for Part 2! :)
Also, I’m glad to be able to help you out through Patreon. It’s the least I could do after all the laughs you’ve given me. Keep up the great work!
Oh no… Ultima VII for the SNES… yeah…
That Spoony dancing… THING, was the single most un-fucking-comfortable thing I’ve ever seen on the internet, and that’s a pretty big statement, man. I laughed, I cried.
But that’s why we watch the Spoony Experiment! Nobody knows what’ll happen!
I missed the Betrayal song.
Never expected a Silence of the Lambs reference. XD
I owned Ultima Exodus on the NES of all things! Of course I was like 10 and it was way too hard for me, even with a Game Genie. I was shocked to learn it was a PC game…
It puts the potion on its skin and asks me “what’s a paladin?”…
Your knowledge of the lambs will be great…
Fuck Yeah, laughed my ass off the entire Episode xD
And thanks for mentioning me in the first Episode with credits for us Partons :)
Keep it up, fucking awesome^^
I was part of the Amiga gaming master race, had my Amiga 500 pimped out with two disk drives and a RAM extension to 1MB which I could toggle with a switch on the side because some programs couldn’t handle the raw power. But it was necessary to run Sim Life.
I should probably see about dusting the old hunk off to see if it still works and any of the disks aren’t completely fried.
This was GREAT! Good work, Spoony!
My favorite part is when spoony flailed around a weapon like a nerd.
So Spoony was part of the PC Gamer Master Race?
I always felt the “PC Master Race” gamers, are the ones that go out of their way to belittle consoles gamers.
Most PC gamers simply don’t care about consoles, and find trolling inappropriate and a waste of time.
I just hope most of my fellow PC gamers are like me and just use the term as a joke XD
Not to mention beyond pointless and childish. Both now (I lately got back into mostly PC gaming) and back in the old days, I wanted to show other video game nerds like me the great stuff they might know about on this format. I wanted to embrace more gamers, not feel elitist over them.
The really sad part, is that phrase didn’t really take off until Yahtzee used it.
There were seahorses in Ultima before this . . . it didn’t make any sense, but they were there.
Also I was expecting a reference to Doug’s the Room reveiw. I guess this is the Begining of the Seahorse conquest of civilization.
Bullshit. Bayou Billy is the chronic. Fightin’, shootin’ and drivin’ in one game? Fuck yes.
I hope Ultima Online is on your to-review list.
Any retro XCOM reviews in the future ?
I am both shocked and delighted that there is more Ultima to riff. I did a literal spit take when he did the silence of the lambs dance in the magneto helmet. it was the most disturbingly hilarious (or hilariously disturbing, take your pick) thing i have ever seen. also, loved the MST reference at the end with the “keep circulating the links” haha
Ooooh my eyes. It can’t be unseen! AAaaah
All hail the Spoony One!
What is the name of the song that plays during the credits?
i don’t know the title, but it’s from the silence of the lambs soundtrack. it is the actual song that plays when buffalo bill does his…little dance that spoony mimics
This is awesome. Spoony is STILL the fucking man. Totally kinda want a seahorse now.
Been waiting so long to see you take this game on. The worst part (and apologies if someone else has already brought this up) is that this is actually Runes of Virtue II. The first Runes of Virtue was made only for the original Game Boy, and it may actually be worse.
I was just recently looking up the Ultima Nintendo ports on Amazon – 4 & 5 for the NES in addition to the ones Spoony’s mentioned here – and considering ordering them. Maybe I’ll hold off and just get the PC versions off of Gog now.
The first Runes of Virtue was solely a dungeon crawler. You visited all the dungeons. That’s it.
This looks like different version of the second Runes of Virtue – which was also on the Gameboy (I had both).
Man, you were in top form with this review. I was dying from laughter. Also, I’d like a floating seahorse for my home.
That game was awful, the review however was really funny and awesome.
“We’ve still got poseur critics arguing about which one is better!”
My hype boner is the hypest, gotta watch this immediately.
I’m convinced Spoony just started the Sea horse take over depicted in NC’s The Room vidoe.
So what does Spoony think about the two Ultima ports for the NES, Exodus and Quest of the Avatar? I thought both were way better on the console. Graphics were way better on the 8-bit Nintendo. After that Ultima went to hell on the consoles.
With 3 and 4, though I find the PC versions have better controls and interface, but GOD the Nes versions explode with charm. Actually 4 for Nes was my first time ever playing Ultima. And it was one of the most Nostalgic games from my childhood, the sprites, the music <3
Ultima 5 also had an NES port.
Ah yes, the console war I wasn’t around for, and then I grew up to be a PC kid during the next one, oblivious to it since I was too busy playing the shit out of the Gothic and Legacy of Kain franchises.
Urshak make ULU-MULU!
Ah yes, equipped with the Minecrawler-Armor and this homemade ULU-MULU, boldly go into the orc camp and whacking every orc who doesn’t agrees with your newfound “diplomatic immunity” on the head with it.
*sniffle* good times, good times…
A real shame the third part was such a rushed and game-breaking-bug filled mess.
And that the fourth part essentially wasn’t the fourth part. xD
Mh yes, something like that could have brought them some much needed cash. Or they could have made a second Add-On:
The Hero and his Buddies just took the royal ship and heads toward Irdorath. Meanwhile: The orcish horde finally tears down the great wall and pours into the valley of mines, crushing the remaining militias, knights and paladins in the old camp and heading towards Khorinis. It is your goal now to rally the remaining militias, mercenaries, mages etc. to slow the horde down as long as possible until this sailor in Khorinis finishes his boat to save the civilians.
I can see it right now: Your hero, surrounded by the last remnants of your impromtu-militia, a desperate last stand in the burning streets of Khorinis against the hordes of Beliar…
They could reuse most of the locations, add something and voila! …well, i would have bought it.
But now it’s too late. All that remains are memories, the good old games and our broken hearts… *sigh*
..hey… hey wait a minute! There is a fourth part?! No, seriously, there is a fourth part?
Yep. ArcaniA: Gothic 4. On its own a kinda lame RPG(The kind of RPG that tries to emulate Gothic without fully grasping what made it great), tied to the series it’s a new hero with little to none of the bite the first had, with the interesting twist spoiled by the game right at the beginning: The nameless hero has claimed the title of Rhobar III.
Seriously, the first Risen is a better Gothic 4 than ArcaniA because it actually feels like a Gothic game. And Risen 2 can burn in hell, for that matter.
Huh, that just slipped past my radar then. Can’t really recall rumors/reviews/etc. about this ArcaniA. Mh, a kinda lame and cliché’d RPG? Sounds like Dungeon Siege 3 then. That wasn’t really melee friendly… just like Gothic 3.
But still, now i’m actually curious about this so called Gothic 4 ( or ArcaniA, whatever). They dared to let the nameless hero go rogue/possessed? What about his buddies? Gorn didn’t just bitchslap him back to his senses? Lester didn’t try to shove some healing herbs and berries up his nostrils? Booooooh! Well whatever, it won’t kill me, i suppose. Even Gothic 3: Forsaken Gods could not stand before my stubbornness (or desperation… or desperate stubbornness).
Actually, i liked Risen. It is Gothic 4 in my book too. Even if this would mean, that all the bad shit just happened because the nameless hero banished all the gods and therefore released the Titans (what the hell, hero?!)
This Myrtana Quest sounds pretty good. The orc could have grabbed the “Eye of Adanos” Necklace from this new hero to get the plot moving( i mean, why not? They did everything to get a hold of the Eye of Innos). And morale choices would be a nice addition.
On a sidenote: Are you some kind of a long lost sibling? Your train of thougt is quite familiar.
Well, the buddies help you in your quest of freeing the former hero from the possession. Why that shepard(YES. He’s a shepard. A literal one. ME was big when Arcania came out.) of all people is suited to do it, I don’t know other than a witch and Diego conjuring up a vague excuse for it.
The worst part is though that A:G4 is cut short. Seriously, it ends anti-climacticly a few hours before you would expect it to end.
And, I too, like Risen. But Risen 2 is just shitpile to be spat upon. xD
“hmmm, what humble origin should he have?”
*background noise* “Wrex!” “…Shepard…”
“How about a rex?”
“What?! He’s not a talking Dragonsnapper!”
“Erm i mean a Shepard…?”
Hmmm… the more you tell me about it, the more i’m scared by it.
*turns the game-package nervously in his hands*
I just hope it’s not such a jarring slap across the face like Risen 2. A medieval style RPG (on a Tropical Island) in the first part and then… BAM! Cannons, muscets, pirates, la grandé armee and a released Kraken! …dafuq just happened?! I tell you what happened… a whupping Trollfist-Battleaxe-slash right in our hope-filled-heart, that’s what happened!
*sigh* aww who am i kidding, this is gonna hurt…
Oh, it won’t hurt, just be a letdown. Again, I hate Risen 2, but I didn’t mind Arcania all that much.
So…I finally finished this… this… whatever it is.
That was just… awfully boring and stupid. And it was Krushak(!!!) all along, of course…
*sigh* at least it’s finished now. I can finally bring this chapter to a close, mourn the loss of a once great series and take a trip down memory lane now and then.
Do you smell that? That’s the smell of a Pyrrhic Victory…
Thus marks the second time I’ve seen a seahorse set to O Fortuna on an internet review show.
If you’re going to dress like Bruce Payne from the DnD movie at least find some god damned blue lipstick!
Ultima 4 on the NES was good, and I hear 3 was also good…. the rest though? Not so much.
Ok, I lost it at the goodbye horses referance…. you should also add Bayou Billy as Buffalo Bill :) Sea Horse is awesome. I love thay you are back at great game reviews. Looking forward to more.
So much awesome. I think I lost a lung from laughing so hard.
The Seahorsepocalypse is upon us! The Critic warned us this would happen!
Also, this might just top To Boldly Flee’s Harkonen moment as the most disturbing Spoony moment in a burning retinas way.
This vid was AWESOME Spoony. I always love it when you make an Ultima video. They just feel special. Legendary stuff.
That was a sweet remix of Goodbye Horses, and your Black Knight/Buffalo Bill skit made me laugh so hard I woke my sleeping wife across the house. I literally was out of breath from laughing so hard. hahaha oh man was that shocking. You even edited the voice to sound just right. Bravo man. That bit deserves to be on a best of Spoony compilation vid. Too bad you did this AFTER your Patreon, but boy does stuff like this justify you having a patreon.
Can’t wait for part 2. Didn’t you say you had SIX Ultima games to review? I guess U6 and U7 are two, and this one gets a more in-depth review. Does that mean there’s THREE more games you’re going to look at? Awesome.
Well, there is Ultima 3, 4 and 5 for the Nes. Though he has shown footage from them (Though not 5) in their respective PC reviews. 3 and 4 for Nes were kickass awesome (4 is actually one of the most nostalgic games from my childhood) but 5 was pretty horrible.
Yeah, I actually want to track down Ultima IV for the NES. It looked surprisingly well-adapted in Spoony’s review of it.
It was. :3
I couldn’t get into 5 on the NES… The interface was far too clunky.
Agreed. Honestly, I think that Exodus and Quest of the Avatar were BETTER on the NES than on the PC, something that rarely goes down. It was because of the NES games that I got interested in the rest of them.
I want to know what goes through Spoony’s head when he’s watching a Chuck Norris movie.
oh nooo, naked spoony, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
“Oh yesss, naked spoony, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!”
There, I fixed it for you.
I’m surprised you didn’t bring up that there’s what appears to be a heart on the inside of the door to Tholden’s cell.
The Black Knight does not live on subtlety.
Can anyone please tell me the name of the song during the credits? I must download it!
Its from Wing Commander 2, I think. Its the theme of the Kilrathi.
That’s it! Thank you!
MORE Ultima videos?
The Ultima series is by far your best series Spoony… The conclusion was great. Not sure I wanted a sequel to a series which closed up perfectly :D
Something simpler happens to me when I see something wrong. Makes watching movies like Prometheus for an example with someone else a pain. Got to the point were I had to make a vow to not complain or analyze till after the movie.
I don’t know what it is with Ultima games, but they always feature stuff that is genuinely horrifying.
Ultima 6 had that scary demon ritual opening. Ultima 7 had gruesome gore-filled cultist murders, naked people living in giant bee infested caves, and babies offered up on sacrificial altars. Ultima 8 was filled with the stuff of nightmares. And now even a Ultima game on the “KID FRIENDLY” SNES has a psycho-sexual BUFFALO BILL VILLAIN!!!
WTF MAN!? W.T.FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!?!
Don’t forget the many times where you personally murder the children.
Richard Garriot is clearly a sick and twisted individual. And it makes him that much more lovable.
This video was awesome! I laughed all the way through.
So Spoony hates console games… despite he has shown on occasion to own and play a 3DS.
Since when was a 3DS a console? It’s a handheld, and always been a handheld.
Handheld console you dope.
Handhelds ARE consoles, hence the word “handheld console”
he didn’t say he hates console games, as much as he just prefers computer games
He’s being ‘in character’. Check out some of his vlogs and you’ll find console games around him. I remember quite well him having a copy of Saints Row 3 for the 360 during his Breaking Dawn Part 1 entry. Still, his true love lies with the PC.
You have to realize that there’s a difference between Noah Antwiler and the character Spoony. Spoony is the angry guy who shouts about shitty games and movies and is one step from a mental breakdown. Noah, on the other hand, is a happy, sensitive man who writes, films and edits the show, plays with his dog Oreo and is in a relationship with April.
In fact, the best way to illustrate the difference is with a promo done by Mick Foley, which showed the difference between Mick and his wrestling gimmick Cactus Jack. Which you can see here; http://youtu.be/711fSCv7GTk
yeah there’s always a lot of debate around here about “when is spoony serious and when is he just in character?” but i think in this case it was definately just a joke. a bit. schtick. hummina hummina hummina and all that
“hummina hummina hummina and all that” <- Huh?
it’s that noise that old timey comedians would make in their whacky sing and dance routines. it’s hard to describe if you don’t already know what it is. i was specifically referencing an episode of family guy where stewie says the same thing to convince someone he was joking.
Here a short YT-Vid of what Zack_Dolan meant
yes that, exactly! :D
I know you just wanted to do a Silence of the Lambs joke, but that came across super transphobic. I’m really disappointed in you Spoony.
What? I feel like it was the complete opposite, just for acknowledging frustration over gender identity as a legitimate cause for a character to go nuts and lash out destructively – much like Buffalo Bill, who likely wouldn’t have resorted to murdering women for their skin if he were not brought up in a transphobic world that rejected his earlier cries for help.
But that ignored the legions of people with gender dysphoria that also live in a transphobic world but never harm anyone. Spoony goes immediately from “inside he’s a woman” to “HE’S MAKING A WOMAN SUIT!” as though there’s actually a connection there. The first thing he states is that he “saw something wrong”, implying it’s somehow wrong to feel female inside.
Well, there’s the fact the guy just kidnapped a person and is keeping him in a secret cell that’s hidden in his bedroom. I think that casts this particular situation in a certain light.
You’ve definitely got me there. The most obvious part flew right over my head.
Don’t forget the heart on the door…
Clearly the knight is planning something that even HBO doesn’t have the balls to show.
I suppose that now would be just as good a time as any to bring up that the film and book came flat out and stated that Buffalo Bill was not a transsexual. As for the joke about some thing seeming “wrong”, I’d think something was wrong about the layout if a full length mirror was in the middle of the room for no reason, but any feeling of wrongness would be because it made no goddamn sense as opposed to having any sexual connotation. Pointing out how it resembles a film scene is just a funny coincidence.
How exactly was that transphobic? I’ve watched that bit three times now and I’ve got nothing.
Great review so far but Spoon, oh man, you should have seen the GameBoy version: the door to the chamber in which the Dark Knight locks his prisoner up? It has a padlock with a heart on it. No joke!
Kind of strange that you’re starting from the sequel… now I wonder if in the first Runes of Virtue as well one of the Avatar’s companions is identified as being the Avatar (I know you play as one of the companions, but I don’t know if anyone addresses you as the Avatar).
I tried watching the first few minutes of gameplay on YouTube but there wasn’t much in the way of text. Or an intro.
The sequel was the only one on SNES. Maybe he’ll tackle the Game Boy games at some point…
Awesome review, you funny bard. It felt reminiscent of your older work.
Very hilarious, and nostalgic. Keep it up man. you still got it.
Can’t believe you missed one of the more obvious clues about the Black Knight’s ‘dungeon’! I mean… it has a heart plastered right there on the door!
It’s the first thing I noticed right when it shut. THEN my eyes went to the pictures on the wall and I was like… “Whoa, whoa.. wait..”
OMG I laughed so hard I am sweating!As much as I enjoy all of your work, this one was a real killer for me. Buffalow Bill jokes never gets old…
I am so looking forward to your next episode!
Spoony you missed the heart on the door of the secret room.
Correction: the heart with a keyhole in the middle that makes it look like a butt.
The villain has a heart-butt on a door to the dungeon….
So do we get the uncensored version on the DVD?
I’d buy it.
I thought I laughed my ass off in the Barbarians review, but man was I wrong, that was frikin’ hilarious and so full of energy, I think Il have to catch my breath before watching it again later!
He’s mentioned it a couple of times in a commentary, though never in depth. He said he thought the anime was ‘okay’. It wasn’t anything special and had a lot of problems, but it did at least feel like a proper Highlander tale.
All the songs are awesome!
Love your stuff, dude.
The forest spiders in the U7 port shoot darts.
I just had to say something about that. I don’t know what.
There is nothing left to be added. Dart shooting forest spiders are silly enough on their own. Imagine if they’re hiding little crossbows between their mandibles… mind-boggling!
That spiders are almost always presented in packs is already mind-boggling. I know there is the rule o’ thumb of at least one spider being in your 4m radius, but they are solitary (f*cking) animals.
Maybe it’s always a… ehm Spidermother and her (very large) children… i mean younglings, it’s a Fantasy setting after all. Hm, no, still doesn’t sound right, because then they should crawl all over her backside.
Now if you please excuse me, i’ve got to find my flamethrower and burn every spider i Encounter into a crispy pile of ash.
*imitates Francis’ voice* I hate spiders!
BURN THEM, BEFORE THEY LAY EGGS!
Here, I think this guy knows how to exterminate everything evil: http://cdn.fearnet.com/sites/default/files/images/bruce-campbell-evil-dead.jpg
If there’s something strange
In your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?
Quick-and-dirty “nerd swing” .gif:
Quick and dirty is the only way to do the Flail of the Avatar.
That naked spoony part…
I first loled at where he called James a poser critic, by which honestly he isn’t far off since he considers himself more of a film maker then a critic.
Great review though. Good that Spoony realized that talking about new games is completely pointless and should be left to Angry Joe, who even puts his foot in his mouth as well sometimes.
So. Many. Audio skips.
Oh god my eyes! It burns, it burns!
Well at least we now know how the seahorses take over…
If there are more snakes in the next review, will we get something along the lines of ‘I have had it with these motherfucking snakes, in this motherfucking review!’ at some point? Great stuff as always Spoony!
Spoony Dancing around naked as the dark night. The things people will do for views lol.
You know the drill. Tits 4 Hits.
You always gotta love it when Spoonitar shows up!! Thank you for the new review, Spoony. Can’t wait for part two!
That last scene with the seahorses is just golden :D
Sea horses, why did it have to be seahorses?!
Loved this first part, I was laughing so hard, especially the deep analzyzation into the black knight, and the seahorse battle!
I do have to say that, I’m pretty sure the symbol is supposed to be the Ankh.. It looks exactly the same as the one on the back of “Iolo’s” cloak (in quotes because that is clearly, not Iolo.)
I also have to say that I don’t care, because the rant was hilarious as is, and thinking of it as the Ankh ruins half of it.
I just had this, ahem, wonderfull thought how the dancing naked villain Spoony Scene could be improved… with an added dancing naked zombie Sean Connery of course.
I realized where you were going with your villain’s lair analysis about ten seconds before the music hit, but it was not enough time to fully prepare.
ZE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!!!!!!!! X0
Don’t you mean “zey” XD ?!
Don’t you mean “Nossing”?
The cannon joke was honestly the funniest.
” …that was weirder than gay benzaie” so says my brother.
Benzaie vs Spoony: Gay Battle 2014!
Make it happen, Patreon.
Ultima IV had seahorses. Check the manual (“History of Britannia”) pp 27-28.
…Hey wait is that the “Turks” theme from FF7?
Well, Spoony’s still got it.
I needed this today of all days…
Hmm…it appears that seahorses being BAD-FUCKING-ASS is a well established thing in Ultima…since Ultima 5…wat…
Thank you Ultima wiki?
It seems like you put extra work into this one, nice job. :)
Well he does have that Patreon funding now so it probably helped.
More than 4 G’s a month – he fucking better put some more effort into it.
Shit, for 4 grand a month, I’d dance naked in front of a camera too!
And no! I’m not stalking you.
…said the crazy man…
Said the crazier man.
wow good one, you said what i said to you – to me. stop stalking me crazy man.
Don’t reply to ‘johnnybrunoise’ he notorious for being a troll on this website. A couple of people are trying to blacklist him.
Spoony did the Mangina Dance. I can die happy now 8D
Lol Spoony you didn’t even mention the giant HEART on the “dungeon” door.
really digging your acting bits, they’re awesome :D (and greatly edited too!)
Oh God Spoony. You just started the seahorse revolution, eventually they are going to take over the Earth. We knew it was going to happen but you still started it!
Someone has too do something before Scooby Doo becomes a Nostalgic movie, (whenever that is).
jesus christ! …please next time you doing some weird shit like that but some warning text ..what I would have explained to my wife if she would have seen that rofl
At this point, I keep a tab with porn up while I watch Spoony videos because that is easier to explain when people walk in.
I never bother to explain. Make them wonder… Always make them wonder. ^_^
You used NES Ultima footage for these reviews before.
NES, not SNES. Totally different!
Tip for next time Spoony: do what Harrison Ford does and make sure you have a big sheet of glass between you and your asp.
Alright, fuck it. No one is asking this –
How did you obtain Damodar’s armour/a damn good replica of it?
I was wondering where the blue lipstick was myself…
Well, the Black Knight is obviously a cross between Damodar and Magneto. Maybe the blue lipstick had some form of metal in it and the Magneto part of him didn’t want to have to deal with accidentally pulling it off and having to clean it up when it got on his hands during a serious moment.
I think I know where the blue lipstick really is…
Lord Tholdon is a dirty dirty girl!
By god that was hilarious. Especially when the deadly seahorse appeared.
Insano, you should just let it go
you HAD your chance at being president. don’t just be a petty bastard and mess with Obama
YOU didn’t vote for him, did you? I DID!
But since I am not a citizen of the U.S.A. the whole thing didn’t work out.
Btw. I haven’t seen “Frozen”. And yet I know that that’s an awful joke.
. . . what the FUCK is Frozen?
The most recent Disney movie. I hear it’s pretty good.
But it has that song “Let it go” and everyone and all their mothers have covered it on YouTube.
Since you don’t know the movie, you probably didn’t try to make an awful joke.
I’m sorry, NeroAngelo.
For future reference, “Let it go” is incredibly common, and existed well before Frozen did.
Got it. ;-)
I hope I never get too mature to find naked guy dancing hilarious.
You made my day.
Seahorse: “This isn’t even my final form!”
We are DOOMED! PANIC!
And ‘this’ isn’t even 100% of my final form’s power!
So the Avatar gets to take on Mondain, Minax, Exodus, the Shadowlords, a legion of Gargoyles, the Guardian…
In the downtime when clowns like this are bored and out to just ANNOY people, the Avatar’s companions get to handle that job. Kinda feel sorry for them. I mean, they were right there with the Avatar in a lot of those other adventures and now they’re relegated to this.
Credit to the game for realizing that summoning the Avatar for this probably isn’t necessary, though… despite the fact that it calls whoever companion the Avatar.. but still!
British has that pesky selective dementia.
“I’m not entirely sure.”
9:30 Oh dear God! What fresh, holy hell is this! Fuck, we paid for that helmet and armour. Is this what you are doing with our money Spoony? This is more traumatizing than seeing gay Benzaie dance from FF X-2 reviews!
Nothing can top gay Benzaie. When I feel really down, I watch that vid and laugh my ass off. Next in line is Brad’s “Inky-dinky-dooh-dah” dance on his front porch (aka “Nudist colony of the dead review). Then this. Awesome.
Please, Spoony, link these killer sea horses to the Critic’s The Room review.
I had both SNES and Genesis. The console wars were irrelevant to me back then.
That “Goodbye Horses” remix is complete fire. I need it in my life.
Amazing episode and amazingly weird at times! haha, Great production, also nice costume!
Looking forward to the next installment Spoony.
Too bad you can’t hack off the Black Knight’s limbs :(
It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it get the hose again :)
Wouldn’t I love to hear THAT in Spoony’s “Black Knight” voice…
The seahorse is Cthulu!
Wait, so the seahorse take over of the Earth the Nostalgia Critic warned us about in his “The Room” review is starting to happen?
Also, I like the evil armor, looks really cool.
Not once you know the costume sans the Magneto helmet is Damodar (aka Blue Lips McGee) cosplay :3
Aaaw, gimme a break here. If Damodar wasn’t so badly written as a character in that movie, he would be an A+ badass. Except for the lipstick. I still don’t get why ANYBODY on planet earth would find that neccessary. Or fitting. Or..
I think I made my point.
That’s surely one of the great mysteries of our time.
Actually, then he’s just be a human Predator.
If he didn’t have the lipstick or bad writing, he would be a mute Darth Vader.
Mute Darth Vader with retractable wrist blades.
That would be awesome.
Different cultures have different aesthetics I guess.
Oh, I knew. But the mash up really works.
The game looks like a oke Zelda knockoff, I guess I would probably enjoy it more than
most ultima games.
The door to the dungeon also had a giant pink heart on it.
I KNEW I wasn’t the only one that saw that!
‘I just beat a chicken out of a horse’s ass!’ A great line for someone to walk in on.
There needs to be a superhero with similar transmutation powers.
I believe Grant Morrison is open to such ideas. Maybe get him motivated with proclamations of Batman as an omniscient god,
Spoony, never change. Ever. This was hilarious. I about died at your analysis of the Black Knight’s…uh, “issues,” and the Buffalo Bill-inspired performance with the Magneto helmet and the cape. Jesus Christ, you’re so creative and funny. And the seahorses bit at the end! I loved it! Can’t wait for Part 2, to see just how the Black Knight plans to annoy you… permanently! Mwahahahaha!
My god, I just realized… Have him annoyed permanently… The Black Knight is going to force Spoony to review FF13-2!
Or possibly make an unending stream of monty python references at him. That’d also do the job.
Worse, he’ll make him play LIGHTNING RETURNS! Doomed! He’ll blow up the planet just to escape a fate like that.
I thought that game was going to be bearable but I quit after the whole “future telling machine” bullcrap considering the myriad of things about it that does not make sense, such as if that cult viewed lightning destroying the world why are they going around killing other women with lightning’s hair color, considering they know what she looks like and if that’s the case wouldn’t they be concentrating on finding the woman with a red colored sword and armor and not some random girl who is just going about her day in a world about to end?
Worse yet: Put an earworm of Reynolds in Spoony’s brain.
Man, I hope Worlds of Ultima are upcoming!
I had both consoles from back then
Me too. I started out with the SNES. Then I won $500. on a scratch ticket so I got a Genesis.
The most deadly animal of all: Seahorses.
Didn’t the Nostalgia Critic go to a future where the earth was taken over by Seahorses?
Indeed he did. We really should have seen it coming.
This simply confirms that the overthrow of the society by seahorses is inevitable.
I really like the Tali poster you have in the background. Can anyone tell me where it is from? Where can I get it?
Also, love the Turks theme playing.
We witness the birth of Spoony’s greatest rival yet. Sure, you can send Final fantasy characters to kill him, but if you can get him permanently annoyed, that’s some real evil shit.
To quote the greatest evil mastermind ever, The Monarch(:p) : “How easy it is to break a bone, but to break a man’s heart, that takes genius… Wounds heal, but mental torture, those wounds only grow and fester.”
apparently the Ultima series is where Water-type pokemon are strongest
Kingdra used Thunderbolt (somehow). It’s super effective.
Too bad Kingdra can’t learn Thunderbolt (let’s pretend he does).
okay, i just found the strategy for beating the seahorse. you have to attack it and then retreat to somewhere that isn’t in a direct 45-degree angle to it
Actually it’s kind of tragic when you think about it. That Seahorse was an ambassador to make a peace treaty with the humans, Spoony attacked him first which in Seahorse society is an act of war. Also, it makes since why the seahorses took over Earth so easily in the future, they’re badass motherf***ers.
I really enjoyed that despite some of the weirdness in the review. Hell now I am going to rewatch some other Spoony Ultima reviews after this comment. I actually played this game back in the day and it was very hard (not just referencing the sea horse heh) but my mind was more pure back then so I didn’t pick up on all the gags that Spoony did with the dark knight.
I like how the premise of the game started because he was bored and wanted to be annoying, I completely forgot about that. Good stuff, anyway I look forward to the next part now.
That is obviously not a seahorse, it is a giant seapony. Don’t throw your “hammer” at the seapony or otherwise try to fuck it. That is just wrong dude.
Nah, if it was a Seapony it would have started singing. Not launching Force Lightning.
Is…is no one going to talk about how we all were just exposed to naked Spoony?
Hey I mentioned the weirdness anyway 4 hours ago. I am here to watch this again not for that scene of course.
He censored himself. Besides he was probably wearing underwear under the bar regardless.
He’s not the first internet reviewer I’ve seen appear on screen in the nude, and yeah, he censored himself.
Didn’t we see more in boldy flee anyway?
No trauma beats the trauma of seeing Welshy nude.
Seeing Brad Jones in the nude on the other hand cures all of the internet-reviewer-naked-time-traumata. (Which I bet has gotten a medical name by now, if not in 15 years from now on)
I thought there were seahorses in Ultima 5.
Anyhow, I had a damn good laugh at the dancing naked Black Knight scene. (that guy has issues)
This was awesome.
And I got my name on the credits.
And thank Christ for censoring the mangina!
disagree, needs more mangina
So the Black Knight is a mixture between Magneto and the Dragon Shit-heads from Ascension? Well, it’d make sense that he is that fucking inept.
I’m surprised you are jumping into the other Ultimas, but I am quite entertained.
Huh! When I put the video in smaller view mode, sometimes in the black corners on the sides or at the bottom the Windows screensaver “pipes” seems to be going behind the video, at extra fast speed. WTF!?! Maybe the gargoyles from that other dimension are trying to break through Spoony’s video?!
Spoony, you forgot his dungeon’s door has a heart shaped lock XD
Maybe the castle cannons kill the sea horse? Maybe he wanders by like a random encounter while you’re in the cannon towers? I dunno. Just speculating.
Is it wrong of me to be eating lamb steak while watching the naked black knight/buffalo bill scene?
Why does the Black Knight’s nose look like a penis head?
Why does Dupre look like Ron Jeremy?
WTF is up with the Avatar’s googly eyes???
Because the character wasn’t nearly confused enough.
Because he never took a vow of chastity when he became a paladin.
Top stuff Spoony. Great flow, excellent energy and fun jokes. Keep it up mate!
Oh my god.
I lost it completely at Goodbye Horses. Good work.
Nice “Take that” to James Rolfe :P
LOL, I hope James takes that in stride.
I’m a PC Gamer too but I never played Ultima (although I read reviews of it in PC Gamer magazine)
One other guy also had a hamburger
Dr. Insano! Missed him so much!
Wilhelm scream also
Seahorses are possibly more evil than even the grass
Nice video, although the ending text was kind of blurry and hard to read
Uh.. Spoony- I think you mixed your words up a bit there-
When you’re explaining Ultima 7 on SNES, you’re keep saying Ultima 6 instead of Ultima 7- lolz XD
That “dancing” video. :D :D
Quick, someone send this to Takei for an “Oooh Myyyyyy”!
I have no words, except these I just wrote…
Not gonna bother to reply to that. Wait…
9:22 – You *do* realize I can’t un-see that now, right? I found myself simultaneously creeped out & yet also strangely amused – well played, sir!
11:36 – Holy fucking ROUS, Batman! O_o
16:00 – I call BULLSHIT on that! U5 absolutely DID have killer seahorses that shot balls of …I dunno, magical snot, LOL?…at you. Check p29 of the U5 Book of Lore, bro – I promise they are listed in teh bestiariez ;)
(Yes, I totally just out-nerded Spoony on an Ultima game, LOLZ! )
This isn’t Runes of Virtue. It’s the sequel Runes of Virtue II. The original was only on Game Boy. I’ve also read that of all the non-PC Ultima games, it was Richard Garriott’s favorite (the original, not the sequel).
Just so you all know, killing enemies does not earn you experience points.
You only get experience when you complete quests.
It oddly amuses me that the villains main objective is to annoy Lord British, and the most logical way to annoy him is kidnapping someone.
I find it hilarious that Lord British needs to call in the Avatar (Even though anyone can realize you aren’t actually playing as the Avatar) to solve this relatively minor problem. Seriously can this guy not do anything by himself. Doesn’t he have troops under his command to send on jobs like these. Does the Avatar seriously have to do everything? Why does Britannia even need a ruler if its so called king needs to call in the legendary hero of the realm every time he so much as scrapes his knee?
More importantly, doesn’t Lord British’s crown make him effectively invulnerable?
It makes him invulnerable to everything except the dread beast Laziness.
Lord British DOES have guards, and knights. So I have no idea why he needs the Avatar. Now, if this was like Final Fantasy 1 and he had already sent a bunch of knights who had failed, I can understand but he didn’t even bother with that!
I totally lost my shit when snake attacked xD funny shit
No, he didn’t know. See, that’s what makes it all weird and totally a sign of the end of the world because it was a coincidence.
So Spoony was the reason why the seahorses took over the world. He pissed them off and they invaded humanity in revenge.
So future Doug knew all along. Figure that.
Britannia FIRST, then your Earth!
Where’s part 2, you gangly son of a bitch? Why aren’t you working harder to provide me with even more free entertainment?
Don’t you understand how this works? You slave all day and night to entertain us, and we complain slightly less about how often that entertainment is provided. THAT’S THE DEAL.
Oh well, he’s still faster than JonTron :3
And that’s supposed to be worth something, anything? xD
Well, it makes every upload a little holiday XD
*starts taking notes for swear words*
Need moar! :D
“Cock Hydra” is my current favorite “Spoonyism”.
“Overshot the fucking-COCKSUCKER!” is one I use whenever I throw something too far and miss, usually something into a wastebasket…a lot of these sure are male genital-related. Quite ze Freudian one, zat Avatar.
** ps, if a double pops up I blame the system – posted something a few days ago and it has yet to show up, for which I’m actually thankful because there was a glaring error in it**
“Shitwhistler” is a close second for me XD
I find myself screaming “You MOTHERFUCKER” whenever something horrible happens to one of my game characters. Stuff kinda starts growing on you after a while.
As for the Freudian-ness, I think it’s harder to make fun of the feminine naughty bits without getting into trouble than it is for the male side. Then again, one of my friends regularly hurls insults involving the fairer sex back and forth whenever we meet. Pretty much a greeting by now.
Nothing beats “You motherfucker!!! I’ll punch you in the fucking SOUL, you fucking asshat!”
Can’t really deny that. Especially after the SWAT video XD
“Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.” I completely lost it at that gag. Keep it up! Can’t wait for part 2!!!!
This was reminiscent of old-school Spoony. And that is a very, very good thing. I about pissed myself with the Silence of the Lambs gag, as well as the cannons.
Speak for your self, Sexy Spoony is gonna my haunt nightmares, nightmares.
*rocks back and forth*
Can’t sleep Sexy Spoony in giant helmet will dance for me in my dreams and make me feel unconformable.
I will show you… the greatest nightmare! I will haunt you till the end of da-wait… Spoony already did this? Awww fiddlesticks!
Oh don’t worry… you’ll be spooning with Spoony in no time.. like Angry Joe and Nostalgia Critic before.
Oh that was you two. I saw that in the credits and I was just like “awwwww” too bad I don’t know anyone in person who really is a Spoony fan.
It’s very fortunate it turned out that way! I was the first to start watching him with his FF8 reviews. Adam didn’t catch on right away, but eventually, something Spoony did hooked him in. I can’t remember which video it was, but we’re loyal fans now! I wish I knew more people RL who shared in our geekdom, but I suppose online comrades will suffice. :)
I was wondering if you would ever review this. I actually own this game, I got it when I was like 10-12 and I can’t even remember where from. It does suck, but it wasn’t as painful for me as I had never even played a real Ultima game at that point in my life.
Dammit, why the hell didn’t I pick up on it before?
The dismissive nature.
The smug superiority.
You MUST be a PC gamer!
Damnit, you got our overly stereotypical profile! Now we can’t preach supremacy anymore! D:
Bitch please. I don’t PREACH PC supremacy; I -PRACTICE-.
Is there any other kind? I mean really, can you call yourself a gamer if you don’t devote thousands of dollars and weeks of work and shuffling around parts so you can get the highest-end graphical and interface, then it’s just a hobby or a target of your enthusiasm.
The magma in the sewers could have been the result of a weekly curry night.
And you gotta keep such a big castle warm throughout the winter somehow.
Is he wearing Damodar’s armor from the Dungeons & Dragon’s movie at the end?
Went back through the comments and saw that I wasn’t the first to notice it. I still want a goddamn No-Prize though.
Here’s your participant trophy. It is addressed to “occupant”.
That’ll do nicely.
You get the “Blue Lips” achievement :D !
Better blue lips than blue balls!
*ba dum tss*
It’s kinda weird but I noticed that there is an indicator of you getting hit. And that’s that the characters have animations. Iolo starts to cry, and Shamino has a little stutter step with stars circling his head. BARELY noticeable though.
I’m with spoony. I’ve been a computer gamer ever since 1983 (Commodore 64 for the win) and if I play a computer game that has been ported to a console, it utterly sucks. However ‘Runes of Virtue’ is a beast of it’s own. Never heard of it until now.
Ports to consoles only suck when they completely change everything. (Like the Ultima 7 Snes game)
If the game is EXACTLY the same in every way aside from controls (That don’t suck) like Minecraft or Skyrim (I love both versions of Skyrim but prefer PC, only as a matter of preference) I see no problem. Personally I’m a PC and Console gamer because I get more variety of games to enjoy, which really has no downside imo.
Seeing Spoony pull a Bufalo Bill killed me… No amount of bleach or alcohol will get that out of my skull… GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!
Your toast has been burned. And no amount of scraping shall remove the blackness!
I looked up the walkthrough to this game and you’ll find it ridiculous at how you defeat the Black Knight.
He can be defeated in two ways: one is in difficult battle….the other is to use a single item.
Aww, just like in the Zelda CD-i trilogy – if you remove the “difficult battle” option, that is :3
Im a bit peckish for part two now!
Oh god! The seahorse domination of the future has begun! Watching “The Room” will be outlawed soon!
In that case, I for one welcome our new SeaHorse overlords.
Ban Highlander 2 and Dragonball Evolution while you’re at it.
Look at what conan did? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpqaVqOJlFs
Elijah Wood On Spooning With Conan
Does anyone know the music that plays in the scene in the Abyss when the Black Knight declares he shall have the Avatar annoyed?
It’s music from Ultima Underworld 1 : The Stygian Abyss.
Do you have the name? I looked up the soundtrack on youtube and didn’t find this one.
CALL UPON THE SEA PONIES
WHEN YOU’RE IN DISTRESS
HELPFUL AS CAN BE PONIES
SIMPLY SIGNAL SOS
SHOO BE DOO, SHOO SHOO BE DOO
Where the hell is part 2, Spoony? I demand free entertainment NOW or you’ll feel my wrath as i completely annihilate you from existence.
(I’m joking btw,)
Annihilate him? bah… that won’t do you any good. Annoying him on the other hand, that’s just diabolical.
Muahahaha! Then i shall annoy him until he’s driven insane! Muahahahaha!
Really, just keep making shitty Ultima games or tell him he’s in your way. That’ll do the poor guy in right quick :)
Exactly what isn’t free on the internet?
Spoony, you deliver some quality entertainment!
Oh dear god, i am crying with laughter right now! XD
Ok, someone, that music that plays during the credits.
I love it, but it’s not in the credits. Does ANYONE know where it’s from?
Anyone know the song when the seahorse is just sitting there?
Dos anyone know what the song is when the Black Knights doing his uh..sexy dance thing?
Goodbye Horses, by Q Lazzarus
Burn that cape…
I miss the old Spoony. Where did that Noah go?
Uh call me crazy, but he seems about the same to me.
He is clearly not the same. Because he is a clone created by Linkara, remember?
But the clone and original merged into one at the end of the FFX review.
Those nipples I fear shall haunt my nightmares.
Any chance of doing the third heroes of the lance thing?
Young Keanu Reeves the Bard, Chris Hemsworth the Ranger, Andrea Roth the Wizard, and Sir Ron Jeremy the Knight.
I honestly didn’t notice he looked like Ron Jeremy at first XD
Anyone know the name of the song used during the credits on this one?
Never mind. Found it!
Wing Commander 2 – Prince Thrakhath’s Theme
I just noticed some of the background when the Black Knight is talking at the end looks like parts of Amnesia: The Dark Descent, cool
It’s the Thunderhorse, of course. How could you not know?
I want to make the opening my ringtone on my phone :3
Console war. Console war never changes.