Ultima: Runes of Virtue (Part 2)

The Spoony One | Jun 25 2014 | more notation(s) | 

The final showdown with the Black Knight has come at last, but some foes are so evil, even a paddlin’ cannot stop them.

  • Roikka

    The beginning is just golden.

    • Arturo

      The Patreon supporters go to see the beginning preview last week. Support, people, support!

  • Roikka

    Oh, what’s wrong with doing Deadly Premonition?

    • KrazyKlyde

      Probably just doesn’t ‘get’ it.

    • jcdent

      I’m still waiting for it, that game is whack.

  • Nivmarx

    So the black knight really annoyed you… Does that mean, he won?
    Anyway, I loved the review. I laughed so hard during that orc dinner busting scene.

    • Jerry Forbe

      The black knight knew he couldn’t win through pure brute force. After all, Spoony has more than enough experience to fight a character from another dimension. No, he found Spoony’s only weakness….!

      • Deacon Hagan

        hostess fruit pies?

  • Nash Knight

    Finally, someone agrees with me about Kingdom Hearts

    • Nivmarx

      At least he played it. I’ve seen people bitch about it without even having played an hour.

    • Mike Hellbiscuit

      They are great games, technically. It’s the “story” that is just absurd. Goofy, Donald, a kid with a huge key fight Sephiroth and Cloud. Herp derp.

  • LotusPrince

    Holy shit, did you see the Avatar’s idle animation at 17:42? The thing turned from a ping pong paddle into fucking paddleball. It’s not even consistent at being ping pong. Wow.

  • Halosoulfire

    A) Great beginning. B)Didn’t someone break your gunblade? C) Glad to see one of the ports didn’t suck too badly.

  • TPhoenix

    Is that Shining Jack Nicholson looking over Spoony’s shoulder in that poster? It’s kinda distracting.

  • StHubi

    OMG!!! I laughed so hard when the ping pong room came up… WOW! Just wow!!! What did they do to Ultima?!?

  • Stephen Moyer

    Ah, I noticed he’s hanging Jewario’s hat on the side of the visible screen. Glad to know he’s still in your thoughts Noah. PS give FFXIV another chance <.<

    • Rakkrakk

      He gave it two chances. That’s more than enough.

  • TPhoenix

    Wait, Reapers? REAPERS?! As in, the all-powerful living starships who destroy all life in the galaxy every few eons or sASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL

    I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS SPOONY. THE REAPERS ARE YOUR SALVATION

    • Krom

      “I fight for freedom. Mine, and everyone’s. I fight for the right to choose our own fate. And if I die, I’ll die knowing that I did everything I could to stop you. And I’ll die free.”

  • ORCACommander

    did anyone else get something like a rewind at the 7:40 mark? went from lich back to massacreing an orc family

    • http://spoonyexperiment.com The Spoony One

      That was intentional.

  • slayride

    Man all those trolls were training so hard to be on Walken’s Balls of Fury team.

    Either that or legend has it that the trolls are enslaved to the Black Knight and their freedom can only be won by beating the Black Knight in a ping pong match.

    Great review man! Haven’t laughed so hard since the review of physics defying of Minority Report (Nice to see you are still getting some use out of those props from that review as well).

  • http://filmrunner.wordpress.com/ Film Runner

    Spoony, I think you may have had a nervous breakdown. You never had a ping-pong paddle in that game.

  • Daemian_Lucifer

    A ping pong paddle?What is this,final fantasy?

  • William Hull

    Hey, that’s the music from Castles!

  • Zachary Rogers

    Is the Black Knight going to be a recurring character?

  • Tord Runnman

    You utter bastard! I was about to go to sleep and now I have to watch your entertaining video instead.

  • MrRuse

    The parade music sounds like someone trying to play UN Owen Was Her, but is not very good at it.

    Also, I think those bunnies explode because they’re shot by an original-Beholder-do-not-steal.

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    The GameBoy-version looks really awesome. I’m reminded of the early Zeldas and “Wizards & Warriors”.

  • Evil Otto

    Damn, man, that Black Knight is evil.

  • Atmos_Duality

    Wait…a pie factory in the Stygian Abyss?
    So THAT is where the magic darkness elemental pie came from in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin!

    Richter never stood a chance.

  • dexeron

    Now I’m wondering if the pies in this game had any influence in the whole “Ultima Dragons love pies” thing, or vice versa.
    Great review. Black Knight is awesome and should be a recurring character.

  • http://filmrunner.wordpress.com/ Film Runner

    My master instructed me to post this here: http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/057/e/5/my_little_channel_awesome_by_joeengland-d3ag5gc.jpg

    He also wished me to tell you ‘Muhahahahahahahahaha’

    • Casey Williamson

      My Little Spoony
      I never knew just what reviews could be
      My Little Spoony
      Until you shared your anger with me
      Bunch of trolls play ping pong
      And make you listen to this song
      And now it’s stuck inside your head
      And this line doesn’t even rhyme
      Cause it’s My Little Spoony
      And the theme song doesn’t even rhyme

  • Azura

    This whole review about Runes of Virtue has been pure gold.

  • Kennan William Gilleland

    Really liked your Black Knight character, hope he becomes a recurring character, like Insano

    • Raoul Bashir

      Indeed. Very well done.

    • NeroAngelo

      idk. i have a feeling after a while, he’d get . . . ANNOYING

  • Neon

    I wonder what the next review will be.

  • http://www.schadenfreudestudios.com/ Amesang

    Hey, don’t underestimate the power of a Cyclops’ eye! I was able to turn one into an 8-ball in SoulCalibur. =3

    http://dnd.schadenfreudestudios.com/quintessaXXX.png

  • Warboss Aohd

    these 2 videos have been fantastic.

  • orangeluigi

    Hey spoony, stay off kingdom hearts you know it’s. XD

  • Marbles

    I do hope you do Runes of Virtue 2, and maybe even the Game Boy versions.
    That being said I really enjoyed these retrospective videos, though I was thrown off by the randomness during the lich fight where you suddenly skipped to another fight then back to the lich.

  • Stephen Mc Devitt

    I’m watching the video at the moment and the choice of video is terrible. There’s no way to tell if the video is buffering or not before it pauses automatically to buffer up. It’s annoying.

  • ViolentFace

    The Hoe of Destruction is cool but the magic ping pong paddle is stupid?

    Also, agreed about Kingdom Hearts. They’re some of my favorite games but the story and characters are worthless.

    • Reki-chan

      He actually makes a satirical reference in that review of the How of Destruction. Remember? With the Pitchforck of Annihilation -I still laugh so hard because of that- xD

      And I agree, KH is a beautiful game but really the characters does not help in anyway, but I believe is worst in KH 2.

    • snarfies

      1) The Hoe of Destruction is just a minor joke, not a critical element of the game. You can win U7 without ever laying eyes upon it (but you’d be missing out on a great weapon).

      2) There’s actually a story behind how the Hoe of Destruction was created, and it was actually fairly humorous.

      I haven’t played RoV, but I gather the ping-pong paddle is just there with no context, and context makes all the difference. Well, that and the fact that its use is required instead of optional.

    • Daniel2112

      I feel compelled to point out that the hoe was used by peasants for centuries as an improvised weapon. A Ping Pong paddle, on the other hand, would require Jackie Chan to make dangerous.

  • ColeYote

    Those balls… I think those might be the Marshmallon card from Yu-Gi-Oh. Right shape, right colour, they’re both indestructible and neither of ‘em can do shit offensively.

    That card is the bane of my existence in Spirit Caller!

  • Floris / Dutchtica

    Oh it had to be a RED pingpong ball!

  • striker388

    now don’t hate on spoony with his comment of kingdom hearts. he does like the game, spoony said it in a very recent review.

    • doresh

      What’s a kingdom heart?

      • snarfies

        I’m not entirely sure!

      • Patrick Coyle

        That’s a damn good question. Is it power? A doorway? Light, but leads to a dark world? I don’t think even Kingdom Hearts knows what it is.

        • doresh

          This must be part of Nomura’s “Every game needs to have at least one twist at all costs”-scheme.

        • Nivmarx

          Well, it’s nothing but the literal heart of the universe. But they went out of their way to make the explanation of this so insanely convoluted that it’s hard to even tell that they just explained it. But don’t ask me, why it looks like a door in KH 1.

  • Stephen Mc Devitt

    Well it’s good to see that old man Spoony hasn’t changed.

  • https://www.youtube.com/user/DocDoom1977 Jason Brock

    Freakin’ awesome!

  • PeaTearGryfin

    Couple things about this review: 1. Of course shrubbery would be so annoying for the Avatar. Why else do you think that the Knights who Say Ni wanted one so badly. 2. I noticed you run from the Reapers almost every time they appear. Did Blue Oyster Cult teach you nothing? Don’t fear the Reaper.

    • NeroAngelo

      fear the reaper? no, he’s waiting for it to reload

  • Rick S

    Having a legion of trolls would come in hands for internet wars – the Black Knight is unstoppable !!! #trollface

  • Patrick Coyle

    God, the sound. I can’t believe this is the same system that gave us the Mega Man X soundtrack or FFVI’s opera scene.

  • theshamster

    You can also defeat the black knight in the SNES version by just using the friend horn.

    • NeroAngelo

      . . . that would be the perfect Dizzy Gillespie moment

  • Shawn Smith

    So, since you’re now doing Ultima games outside the main series, have you given any thought to doing a video about Ultima V: Lazarus? It’s a fantastic game.

  • Krzysztof Dluzniewski

    A bit off-topic: Has Spoony ever covered any of the infinity engine games?

  • Daniel Tilson

    The “Orcs” are actually Ultima’s goblins.

    Not sure what they did to the trolls though… They’re supposed to be big hulking brutes (basically, D&D Ogres.) Not Ping Pong champions.

    • Markham

      That explains the use of Troll 2 theme at the ending.

  • Foster Davies-Smith

    I’m asking this as the intro plays: Is this game worse or better than Ultima Nine? Can I get a sliding scale of where this is at?

    • NeroAngelo

      probably better. at least it didn’t have “What’s a Paladin”, it just had “What’s a Paddlin”

  • Groverfield

    Like the D&D sidescroller beat’em up?

    • doresh

      The Dragonlance ones, or the awesome ones by Capcom?

      • Groverfield

        Huh, those were made by capcom. Coulda sworn they were by Namco, like Tekken.

        • doresh

          Nope. That was back in the day when Capcom was the king of 2d action goodness :3

  • rpground

    So…does this mean that the ONLY villain to successfully “fight” the Avatar (Spoony) was the Black Knight. Kinda puts the whole Guardian thing into perspective doesn’t it…

    • Charles Wagner

      To be completely fair, the Black Knight fought Spoony by wielding the power of his army of internet trolls. And as we all know, there’s no beating internet trolls.

      No matter who wins, everybody loses.

      Except the Black Knight, I guess. Fuck that guy.

    • NeroAngelo

      hey, he aimed low. it’s like trying to win a fight with a kick to the crotch instead of a punch to the gut

  • Groverfield

    OMG that black knight armor… some careful repainting and a mask underneath the helm and you’re almost Lord Zed!

    • NeroAngelo

      the armor is that blue lipped bruce payne from dungeons and dragons

      • Groverfield

        Bruce Payne was above wearing helmets. Spoony needs to get around to reviewing that movie as a half-counter-monkey sort of deal. Yes, it is a fan favorite, and campy and cheesy and has terribad CGI and has no acting talent and a plot that can only be tracked by following the plotholes the size of T-Rex tracks — wait, why is this a fan favorite? Sure Mazes and Monsters was propaganda against roleplaying, but at least it feels like an adventure and not a middleground between that action movie that no one cared to watch and The 90’s Punisher movie.

        • NeroAngelo

          why not get him to review the whole D&D trilogy while your at it (yes, they made TWO SEQUELS to it)

  • Krzysztof Dluzniewski

    @Groverfield:disqus No no. The sidescroller was something else entirely. I’m talking Torment, Baldur’s Gate (1+2), or Icewind Dale (1+2). The Temple of Elemental Evil game could even qualify for what I’m thinking of, but I think it was actually built in a different engine. Then there were the Neverwinter Nights games which were the successors to those in another engine.

    For a guy who does both pen-and-paper gaming video and general gaming videos, I’m just a bit surprised I can’t find anything by Spoony about any of these.

    • doresh

      Of course does the Temple of Elemental Evil use a different engine. That game was in 3d, and the Infinity Engine was for sprite games.

      I know that he played the even older Goldbox games, and I seem to recall him being a big fan of Planescape: Torment (or just Planescape in general), but that’s about all I know.

      Still, having a D&D retrospective would be the shit.

    • Groverfield

      Well, given that Spoony tries to stay in the realm of bad games, unless it’s something that he needs to review as setup for something else… Those Dragonlance NES games that he reviewed are pretty much the limit of what falls into the category of Bad and D&D games. Even the MMO was a lot better than most. Daggerdale might sucks harder than the infinite vacuum of an antispace-supermassive blackhole. I couldn’t tell, I tried to play it for 5 minutes, and 4 of those minutes were logging in to some “we’re a real game distribution service too” DRM client. I might have to give it another swing, but my god that one minute was terrible.

      • Daniel2112

        The MMO still is better than most. And I mean Dungeons and Dragons Online, not that lameass Neverwinter game.

        • Groverfield

          Yeah, Neverwinter also sucked. I ALMOST had it blocked from my memory, THANKS.

  • B N

    Hey, so, I don’t think he put it in the credits, but does anyone know what that Black Knight theme is called? (The one at 23:00).
    Was it from the game, or something else? I actually really like it.

  • Tyreal42a

    I’ll ask again, because I really want it. Does anyone know where that Tali poster he has in his room comes from?

    • Casey Williamson

      Trees. It comes from trees…

  • vorpalanvil

    Why does the Black Knight have the Kilrathi music from Wing Commander 2 as his theme music?

  • Cameron Vale

    I got a solution to your little mystery:
    1991- Runes Of Virtue
    1992- Origin Systems acquired by EA
    1993- Runes Of Virtue II

    • Groverfield

      I want EA’s copy of the Rules of Acquisition.

      • Krom

        I want EA banished to the blegole! …permanently.

        • MayMay

          No you fool, there is only one solution to this!
          We must…
          Annoy them…

          • Krom

            B-but annoy them? That’s a fate far worse than death. Nobody deserves this! …wait a minute, we’re talking about EA here…
            *saber-rattling* Onward! Give ‘em a good broadside of annoyance!

  • GunsmithKitten

    Whooah, massive nostalgia-trip upon hearing the music from Wing Commander 2….

  • noin007

    So… basically… it’s really good?

    • NeroAngelo

      #SpoonyLikesSOMEThings

  • NeroAngelo

    ok, so i tried twice and it wouldn’t do the ads

    • http://dragonacesg7.tumblr.com/ Dragons_Dusk

      That’s been happening to me off and on, even on computers were there isn’t even Adblock installed. Am not sure what’s up with it.

      • NeroAngelo

        I have adblocker, but I don’t use it on reviewers/entertainers I like

        • http://dragonacesg7.tumblr.com/ Dragons_Dusk

          I didn’t think you were doing that, just saying it isn’t your adblocker being weird (which I’d thought for a bit on this and Linkara’s old site). :) Just passing on info if anyone has a reason why the ads aren’t playing.

    • endplanets

      Something similar happened to me on Hulu. It said to turn off my Ad blcoker even though I have never used an Ad blocker on any of my computers.

  • http://dragonacesg7.tumblr.com/ Dragons_Dusk

    Review? Funny and awesome, game? Holy crap it somehow got worse. That was crisp Gameboy footage.

    Damn, that Black Knight was all kinds of ruthless. I thought the ball was going to hit him in the head a few more times when he started to talk.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    My advice to Spoony: Don’t Fear the Reaper :)

  • Kaingerc

    Ah yes, Britania’s most glorious sport: Ping-Pong, or how the trolls say…Ping-Pong!

  • Necro Nomaken

    Please stop playing games you don’t like. Please stop. Please. Or at least stop responding to shitty games by trying to be exasperated and angry. It’s just… too repetitive. You are experiencing the exact same problem that the nostalgia critic faced. He just RAN OUT of variations on outrage at the crap he reviewed, and then it got boring as shit. All of the silly little joking bits, those are great, those are cute, those are interesting. When you laugh at the stupidity of the game, that’s fun. When you make fun of the stupidity of the game, that’s great. When you are having FUN playing a bad game, that’s fun. When you are just getting exasperated… it’s soooo boring.

  • Foster Davies-Smith

    Hey the ‘Avatar’ seems to burst into tears every time he gets hit. But it seems to forget to activate. Or maybe the animation is cancelled if another command is put it. Like say holding down a direction.

  • NeroAngelo

    so . . . the black knight won?
    holy crap. the black knight won

    • MrWizard0022

      Actually, since neither of them died, I think they can call it a draw…

      • NeroAngelo

        but he achieved his goal . . . he annoyed spoony

        • Daniel Tilson

          Permanently….

          • NeroAngelo

            well, as long as trolls keep using
            #SpoonyHatesEVERYTHING
            then, yeah

  • SUPERSOUP

    I can’t tell if Spoony is poking fun at his own paranoia or if he really believes it…

  • endplanets

    Heh, a horse sewed ASS to ASS. Damn that pun.

    And a referece to the Satan Dog from Diamanda Hagan’s “Where the Dead Go to Die” (warning, Satan dog is creepy as shit)

    • Groverfield

      ANCIENT PSYCHIC TANDEM WARHORSE.

  • doresh

    I think the concepts of this game would’ve worked MUCH better in a humorous point-and-click adventure game.

    As for the first Runes of Virtue, it’s nice they don’t claim that you’re playing the Avatar, but actually acknowledge that your old companions can have big adventures on their own. Makes Britannia look a bit more competent if they don’t have to rely on the Avatar for every “villain” out to annoy people.

  • Lembach

    This was like early Christmas. :-)

  • Michael Couacaud

    That was a great review. Wow a ping pong bat really high fantasy indeed

  • Krom

    Open a door *BAM* a reaper?
    Sounds like Doom 3: open a door *BAM* an Imp!
    to chance things up: open a door *BAM* an Imp right up your ass!

    April made this armour? Man, she’s a real trouper! Kudos!

    • Sylveria Shini

      Or if you were playing on higher difficulties: Open a door and *BAM* 5 imps, 3 pinkies, and a baron of hell.

      • Krom

        Well, nothig a little chainsaw-surgery and dodge-tactics can’t handle.
        …if there’s enough room to manouver.
        …if you can actually see anything!
        Who thought this flashlightstuff was a good idea in a DOOM game?! There’s no duct tape on Mars? Thanks goodness there are mods on the web.

        • doresh

          It’s surprising how marines from the far future don’t quite have gear with the same functionality as modern day soldiers. Heck, even cops probably have these need flashlights you can attach to your vest or something.

          Then again, I think the marine in question doesn’t even have a helmet…

          • Krom

            *nod nod* The future must be really weird! Even i could improvise something if i had to, and i’m not really a handyman.

            But i guess you’re onto something there. Without the proper equipment he’s probably:

            A) not really a commendable marine

            or

            B) a BAMF-type of marine

            or

            C) Squadala-man

            http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100508113325/unanything/images/thumb/6/62/Squadala_Doom.png/320px-Squadala_Doom.png

          • doresh

            Please tell me that game is real.

          • Krom

            Sadly, it is not. Well, at least i couldn’t find it. But we’re not blessed with the geniuses from Squadala Enix. Nope, we’re sorta kinda cursed with Square Enix.
            *sigh*
            “What hope is there for you? None!”
            True…. true…

          • doresh

            Curses!

          • Krom

            You can say that again! Why can’t we have the good stuff like Squadala-Doom? *sniffle*
            Instead we get generic-uninspired-military-shooter no. 31957, woohoo…

  • bloodshed113094

    I was actively cheering on your Kingdoms Heart diss because I knew you would put the booing clip in. I tried playing KH after everyone praised it up and down the hilt. It was shit. Exactly how you put it. All the parts are there, but there’s no point to it. Down with over rated trite! Did I also mention I hate FFVII? Bring on the hate replies! I don’t care, I’ve heard it all before!

    • doresh

      I’m indifferent to the franchise, though I’m curious how Final Fantasy 15 will fare with its plan to be a KH game that replaces all the Disney characters with even more bishies.

      • bloodshed113094

        It’s better to start out new and fail than really on the old and be praised only by fans. That could go for either KH or FFVII, so I don’t feel like clarifying.

  • igotbanned999

    Love the dig at those ponyfags, I also agree that it’s so obnoxious that they feel the need to “ponify” everything, no I don’t want to see your fucking glue factory rejects dominate the first dozen pages of results when I look up fanart of my fandoms, thank you very much. Fuck off with that shit.

    • Sylveria Shini

      I love this comment, not because I dislike pony stuff, I’m rather indifferent to it, but because of how ironic it is. One over-enthusiastic fandom is impeding other aspects of that fandom and the inconvenienced one thinks they’re at some position of moral superiority; as if they’re any less bizarre than the pony people. It’s hilarious that “nerd culture” has become somewhat socially acceptable so we’ve just started attacking each other now that Jocko McBroskie isn’t shoving our collective heads in the toilet like it was back in the 90s and early 2000s.

      • doresh

        I’m indifferent as well. Raging over fandoms you don’t like really doesn’t get you anywhere, and I doubt that the “It’s a show for little gurrlz!!11!”-crowd only ever watches stuff intended for their target audience.

        That being said, let me get some popcorn to enjoy the inevitable flame war.

        • NeroAngelo

          technically, it IS a show for little girls. allow me to explain:

          Demographics are usually based on the main character(s) (there are exceptions)
          if it’s a younger character, that’s usually the age demographic
          the gender is usually the way that the gender demographic is determined
          and the fact that it’s a cartoon, that usually means it’s for a younger demographic

          and seeing how the cast is made up of like 6/7 females in a cartoon, the TARGET demographic is the younger female audience

          • doresh

            Of course there are exceptions. Batman TAS and Gargoyles spring to mind, as well as Tokusatsu. And I’m not sure if I was supposed to watch Azumanga Daioh XD

            It’s clear that every show has its intended autdience, but that’s a metric mainly used by the sponsors and channels to have a rough idea where to put the show and how the ratings might look like (and how to compare the ratings with other shows).

            The actual consumers on the other hand don’t really have to bother with this stuff. I’d say it’s better for kids shows to have a wider appeal, as those shows are less likely to drive the parents who may or may not have to watch it as well insane.

          • NeroAngelo

            true, that trying for wider appeal would probably be better for if you wanted to reach more of an audience, but there’s also the fact that it gets hard to reach a wide appeal without appropriate writers, something I doubt most shows have

          • weckar

            From that point of reasoning, explain lolicon to me.

          • NeroAngelo

            like I said, exceptions. Lolicon is an art-style aimed more towards heterosexual men mainly because of:
            the art style making the anime girls look young (because the lolicon fans can be pervs like that) and focusing more on certain ways to appeal (curves that contrast with their youthful appearance, clothing that is often the subject of fetishes, etc)

            it’s mostly meant to show of the “Kawaii” factor. it’s difficult, if not impossible, to find one lolicon without some kind of moment where they were supposed to be acting like this blushing, clumsy, or in some way causing varying levels of fanservice that’s meant to entice

            does this make it more understandable?

          • weckar

            Um… Yeah. Thanks, actually. That was a rather profound and enlightening answer to a mostly joking comment. Kudos. No sarcasm. You are awesome.

      • John Ferrara

        “What have we become?” Very deep comment and fascinating insight thanks for that.

      • DasBass

        Yeah, but Star Trek is better than Star Wars. I thought we always fought with each other.

        • doresh

          Me and my brothers like both – or rather don’t like them as much as we used to equally thanks to recent franchise entries…

          • DasBass

            It’s sad,isn’t it?

          • doresh

            Oh well, it’s not like we don’t have enough of the old stuff to watch over and over again.

            (And I fear I was lying a bit before, as that Clone Wars cartoon is a HUGE step above the official prequel entries and actual enjoyable – and I don’t even like the prequel setting o_O )

        • L1nk1

          Trek and Wars are shit. Gåte is awesome. =D

      • Zack_Dolan

        and i love THIS comment. and not ironically, either haha thank you for being awesome :D

      • TheDapperChangeling

        I’m just happy, speaking as a brony, to see people like you.
        “I don’t get it, but who cares? I’m gonna leave them alone and do my thing.” Good show.

  • Wolfe

    …Four crystals a princess, and a Tardis? Spoony’s going Garland on us. Do… do I smell a Final Fantasy retrospective on the horizon!? :O

    • Christopher Provence

      That’s actually the plot from Ultima I – The First Age of Darkness.

      • Wolfe

        I can dream.

  • NeroAngelo

    to be fair, Smash Brothers is the same as KH

    • Matt Morgan

      To be fair, Smash is a fighting game, so it’s not the same

      • Clay

        Smash Bros has a very simple plot. Master Hand bringing toys to life to fight. Kingdom Hearts has a plot that can charitably be described as labyrinthine, and complete gibberish at it’s worst. Smash Bros is literally not real, while Kingdom Hearts wraps itself in alternate universe gobbledygook.

  • NeroAngelo

    Spoony has a beautiful nose

    • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

      Yes, very aquiline. He’s got a face that would go perfectly with a goatee like Shakespeare’s.

      • NeroAngelo

        . . . would that be evil-spoony and good-insano?

        • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

          I wasn’t thinking of him getting an “evil twin” goatee, but rather the “dashing Elizabethan adventurer”-type of goatee.

          • Krom

            *old timey radio announcer voice* Stay tuuuuuned for the next exciting episode of:
            The adventures of Spoony “daring” Dashwood and his stalwart robotservant Burton!

  • David Egyud

    What’s a paddlin’?

    • Carteeg_Struve

      Is there any way to simultaneously vote a comment both up and down?

      • The Knight

        It is called not rating at all.

    • Jay Logan

      I’m not entirely sure…. regardless, your knowledge of the land shall be great if you can answer my simple questions: what…. I mean… WHO are the Gargoyles? And would it feel forced in if I ask what the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom is?

    • Zefram Mann

      I’m so ashamed I laughed so hard at this.

    • NeroAngelo
    • Casey Williamson

      I’m net entirely sure…

  • Raoul Bashir

    I have a working theory that the Black Knight is a sibling of Chuckles’, only rather than becoming a jester, he instead went to Trinsic to become a paladin. It didn’t work out quite as well. The virtue of Honor was completely lost on him because of his blood relationship with the fool in Britain.

    • doresh

      So they’re basically the Elan and Nale of Britannia.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      Makes sense, Chuckles sole reason to exist is to annoy people, and in Ultima 5 you can find a dead body behind Chuckle’s fireplace. And a criminal even says that Chuckles murdered her. Though oddly that story arc never went anywhere past that. And the Criminal will kill you on sight if you break him out. So he may have framed Chuckles. But face it. We all know Fucking Chuckles did it.

      • Raoul Bashir

        Mind. Blown.

        Wow, didn’t think about that!

  • Luc Bélanger

    Dual wielding boomerangs? Holy shit, anyone else remembers Power Blade 1 and 2 on the NES? You’d play as a guy in shades, a tank top and a crew cut fighting Skynet with nothing but boomerangs. After being hired by the Department of Defense no less.

    It’s always great when Spoony posts these fast-paced joke-a-minute reviews though. Thanks for all the laughs.

    • PeaTearGryfin

      Honestly, when I think dual wielding boomerangs, the first thing that comes to mind is Ty the Tasmanian Tiger. Power Blade still sounds awesome though.

  • Karl Anderskiöld

    About god damn time! Youve gotten so lazy since you got yourself a woman spoony!

    • Andrew DeCaire

      It was only a week in between…

      If you want to truly complain about laziness. Angry Video Game Nerd only uploads around two reviews a year.

  • Aftersun

    I-76 music for the win. That’s a game I’d like to see him review. It was really awesome back in the day.

  • RubbaNoze

    Been waiting for this! Good to come home and it’s on =) Btw I love those time-dilation-thought-stream-scenes!
    Hope you’re not permanently annoyed. Cheers!

  • IHeart28

    Those poor Orks. All they wanted to do was be a family… lol. The whole conversation with the wife and husband Ork before the avatar character comes in was hilarious. It really DOES look like the enemy keeps running away when you fight XD

    Wow. This game is absolutely terrible. Crappy villains, traps and controls make a really horrible game, and this game passes the shit-test with flying colors. It looked like hell to play, so I appreciate watching this vid. Great review though

    • The Knight

      I loved the orc scene. It was awesome!

    • Patrick Coyle

      It’s a good thing the Avatar doesn’t know paladins, or he could start an alignment argument with them when he mentions murdering the orc family.

  • Sean Dineen

    “A knight and a gentleman”? What about the female symbol in the coat of arms?
    Black knight, you’ll never truly be the woman you want to be if you don’t embrace it.

    • doresh

      He is the Black Knight of Roses.

  • Jess Collett

    The dink of the ping pong ball on the Black Knight’s helmet – I laughed so hard I seriously disturbed my budgie.

    • Braigwen

      Same here. Except I scared the crap out of my cat.

  • MacNillus

    The Black Knight is a dick. Not just a regular Dick, but a huge dick!

    • Zefram Mann

      And his bouncing balls were all over Spoony.

  • KamatsuKyoto

    After this great video i hope to see a review of the Savage Empire and Martian Dreams someday. XD

    • Zefram Mann

      Seconded.

  • DasBass

    The game boy one looks pretty fun.

  • ReloadXPsi

    He may hate everything, but he has passion I find quite infectious.

  • Jacen

    The Black Knight looks like Magneto at a Slayer concert.

  • antenni88

    Oh my, this review was hilarious, I couldn’t stay focused while laughing so hard! Always nice to see more from you Spoony. ;D

    And seriously, the two of you people out there still bitching about “he hates everything”, go and get a sense of humor. It’s free and easy to find once to take your head out of your ass. x)

  • ta_scott

    Ah man, I laughed so hard at the Monty Python reference to the “Avatar” kicking down the door and wrecking everything.

  • http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/ Rocketboy1313

    You know, that pie factory thing. There is a Justice League comic in which Booster Gold and Blue Beetle (Ted Kord) got sent to hell and were forced to work in a fast food restaurant for demons.

    • Guest

      Sounds better than that annoying Space Quest IV minigame.

      • Daniel Tilson

        I made so much money at that one. Just turn the speed down a bit and you can’t lose.

  • Edmund Christopher Scrivens

    I just love the various call-outs to the standard trolls that you get. I always love the Ultima reviews, though the IX one really did feel like genuine anger as opposed to a simple act. That said, it has admittedly inspired me to work on a C&C retrospective series.

    Also this is bugging the Hell outta me, what’s the original song that’s been chiptuned that plays at the 11 minute mark? I know I know the song, but I can’t place it.

    • Alexander Kuja

      its song 2 by blur

      • Edmund Christopher Scrivens

        Oh God, I knew I knew it, it’s really obvious now you’ve said it. Thanks, that would’ve really bugged me otherwise

        • Alexander Kuja

          lol i know how that feels i was listing to it for like 3 minutes till i got it xD

      • http://inversephase.bandcamp.com/ Inverse Phase

        also, if you guys would like it, it’s track 3 on http://inversephase.bandcamp.com/album/retrocovered

  • Mike Lee

    So if Spoony actually lacks a proper response to the Black Knight, does that mean he finally loses on the Ultima front? Is his BETRAAAAYAAALLL finally complete? Or must we wait until the latest rendition gets a mass release to round it out? I can only imagine what a combination the Black Knight and Sephiroth would make. And would rather not, all things considered O_o;;

  • Noncompus

    I love that you used the music from Zork Grand Inquisitor during the trip out sequence :D

  • Casey Williamson

    The only way to defeat trolls is by ignoring them. They’re like sea horses…

  • Phantom DJ

    I know Spoony doesn’t hate all things just some things. Also Nice review Spoony. At least Ultima on Gameboy looks better then the Super Nintendo version.

  • Jailer_of_Justice

    I’m surprised Spoony didn’t use the seahorses to defeat the Black Knight.

  • Mobysimo

    Huh, so the all powerful gardiuan can’t beat Spoony, but a guy who stole Magneto helmet can?

    I guess their is more power in annoying than killing

    • Andrew DeCaire

      The Guardian is one who likes to “Play with his toys” which is why he banished the Avatar to Pagan instead of you know… crushing him while he had him inside his giant hand.

      • Mobysimo

        Good point

      • Rakkrakk

        So, the evernaked Guardian has his own sex dungeon?

        Oh, look, I answered my own question there.

  • Gerardo Ortiz Mildare

    It’s just not funny anymore, spoony.

  • jnywest

    I love you Spoony.. I do; but I only laughed once during this whole thing…and that’s when the ping pong ball bounced off the Black Knight’s head at the end. Still a fine review over all, just not that funny.

  • Chris

    Anyone know what the tune at the end is?

  • Chris

    I like the informative take on the Ultima games. Wish there was more. There’s something great about the look back, I find myself regularly rewatching the old videos too. Nice one, as always.

  • hwalsh

    The bit with the orc family totally killed me…

  • Zefram Mann

    Fucking good video, man. Well done.

  • Rory Wilkins

    Spoony, The Rifter April Fool’s Edition had a class called The Ludicrous Mage that used Pie Themed/Based magic spells.

    You can indeed fight dragon with pies.

    • Andrew DeCaire

      I’m sure some DC or Marvel superhero tamed a Dragon with Hostess Fruit Pies at one point or another.

  • peterblue11

    Hilarious!!! Loved it.

  • Eric Moreland

    I would’ve liked a magic cheese wedge…the trippy bit had me in stitches.

  • Matthew Joseph

    Always loved your reviews but something about this one, it’s your best in a while. It feels more original and genuine

  • NecroBadger

    Excellent, funniest video in ages Spoony. Now do Ultima: Escape from Mount Drash. PLEASE!!!

  • Ryumoau

    love your reviews, Spoony. :)

  • They Call Me The Fizz

    Four crystals, a princess and a TARDIS? I think I know where you can find those things but… you don’t want to go there

    • Andrew DeCaire

      He can just wait until the next convention.

  • TheDapperChangeling

    Love the Mass Effect swag Spoony.
    But a ping pong paddle!? That is stupid! Now a magic farm implement that was the second most powerful thing behind a sword powered by a demon. Now THAT would be awesome and make sense! Maybe a rake? No..How about a Hoe? THAT would make sense!

    • doresh

      At least those farming tools can be used to kill people even without enchantments.

      • TheDapperChangeling

        Fair, but this comes back to a problem I’ve noticed with Spoony. He’s very…set in his ways… He likes old Ulitma, period, and anything in old Ultima is ok. But the same stuff can happen in something else, and he hates it. It’s small, and I don’t ask him to be unbiased (hell, I watch him BECAUSE he’s biased), but you know?

        • Andrew DeCaire

          It’s not about them being old, it’s about them not sucking. If they made modern Ultima games that weren’t crap he would no doubt praise them equally to the originals.

          • TheDapperChangeling

            It’s rose tinted glasses, is what it is. He grew up with them, and they’re important to his childhood, so therefor, they’re better than anything else.

          • Andrew DeCaire

            He “does” play current games, and enjoys them. Just because he doesn’t bring it up in his reviews (Because all his reviews are all about bad and/or Nostalgic games) doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy current games as well.

          • TheDapperChangeling

            Fair, Fair, you got me there Guest, I do forget sometimes that this IS a show.
            Honestly, we’ll see when Shroud of the Avatar hits XD
            I still think it’s going to be worse than FFXIV (the only modern MMO worth a damn right now), but he’s going to tongue bathe it. But, I honestly hope he proves me wrong.

        • Daniel Tilson

          He did basically call the hoe of destruction stupid without actually saying it. Listen to how he repeats the name in the video. The intent is clear.

        • doresh

          Well, I would say there is a slight difference between “optional goofy super weapon” and “even goofier super weapon you have to get, located in a very, very silly location”.

          • TheDapperChangeling

            Once again, fantastic point. The Optional makes a huge difference.
            In related news: I remain an asshole.

    • TheDapperChangeling

      And having seen Enders comment, I am now an asshole.

  • Pieter Ortelli

    Awsome ! I love these vids!

  • Lee-Ann Harakin

    *laughs* Love it :)

  • Adrian Wood

    Yet another music comment: what’s the music playing over the credits? It’s not actually named *in* the credits, I know I know it from somewhere, and it’s driving me crazy trying to remember.

    • Miguel Gauna
      • Adrian Wood

        Brilliant, thank you! I was convinced it was from some PS2 RPG game or something :o The opening theme to that ia far more epic than it deserves :)

  • Héctor Rangel

    Hahahaha, yes, i agree with the black knight with the pacific rim thing, jajajajaja

  • Andrew DeCaire

    Right after the first part aired. I went on the same wiki article he showed. Where it said “Seahorses are the most feared and dangerous creatures” I honestly had to check the editing history, wondering if someone added that after the review went up. But nope, it was from half a year ago (I think, maybe a few months at least)

  • Andrew DeCaire

    Spoony: Seahorses are a much more evolved species than we are really. (This review was brought to you by your new overlords. BOW TO THEM)

  • Khalil Sheehan-Miles

    This was great. I really loved the bit where you were like “I’ll just play a game I enjoy like” and after a five second pause returned to playing runes.

  • jesseastle

    “Pony Spoony and Pony Insano walked hoof in hoof into Pony Lord British’s Bedroom. “Come Pony Spoony. We will spend a night of Pony passion as we explore the magic of… ultimate friendship…” And so on and so forth.

    • groggarioth

      Pony Spoony = Spony?

      • doresh

        Seeing the common naming convetion of ponies appearing to be “[Noun] [Other Noun]“, I think Spoony Bard could work just fine.

    • Krom

      There is not enough booze in the world to erase this mental images…

  • http://www.vtwproductions.com/ Tom Badguy

    Ping pong off the helmet. Pause speech. Continue speech. Had me rolling.

  • NeroAngelo

    wait, so he has a NEW gunblade . . . it’s going to be lightning’s, isn’t it?
    that would be AWESOME

    • Krom

      Naaah, he should get something useful like a nemesis halberd, a fatman, a minigun or the most powerful weapon of all… a Triangle!

      • Jessica Murlock

        If he were really cool, he’d get a Caster. ;)

        • Krom

          The legendary pepper caster of tasty doom? Truly a devastating weapon, i like the way you’re thinking!

      • NeroAngelo

        why not just get him a dirty hoe to beat people with

        • Krom

          And inflicting poison damage/disease debuffs with every hit. good thinking *nod nod*

  • Groverfield

    What’s a paddlin?

  • Groverfield

    I wonder if anyone’s brought up dungeon cakes yet, because seriously, Phantasy Star has a few instances of finding cake factories in the bottom of day-long dungeons.

    • doresh

      The mystical baked desserts from ancient civilizations long gone past…

  • Necro Nomaken

    *sigh*

    Can one negative comment go on the internet without a “If you don’t like it, tough shit, other people like it” response?

    Yes, of course, some people DO like this. _I_ LIKED IT. I loved it. I’ve seen dozen and dozens of his videos where that is what he does. And it has been funny dozens and dozens of times. I’m getting sick of it. And my complaint is not just me bitching. It’s me being a voice against it. I don’t expect spooney to change just to make me happy. I expect that if there are enough people who voice this opinion besides me, then maybe he’ll take it into consideration.

    • Adrian Wood

      Whoa, now, let’s take a step back. I was very, very deliberately not dismissing your complaint. No “tough shit” was said or implied. You don’t like it; that’s fine! That’s totally valid! And telling Spoony that? Also OK! No problem here, raise your voice to the roof!

      But advising him to stop… that’s where I have to disagree. That was bad advice. That was the point where it was no longer about what you personally feel (which, again, totally fine), and where you did, in fact, ask Spoony to “change just to make happy”, as you put it. Constructive criticism? Awesome. Making demands of someone’s creative output, based on your criticism? Less so.

  • Munashiimaru

    So you find a guy named “the Black Knight” in a sex dungeon and beat him with a paddle in this game?

    • TheMMOFifty

      (George Takei) OHHHHH MYYYYYY!

  • Crazypants

    Awesome work!

  • Raoul Bashir

    I am a gushing Ultima fanatic. By no means am I a gushing Spoony fan. However, with that said, I have watched all Spoony’s stuff and gotten tons of laughs from them. It should come as no surprise that his Ultima reviews had me in tears. Combine these two reviews and “Lord British, Where art thou?”, well, I had a great time.

    The Black Knight is now probably my favorite character of Spoony’s. So much so that if he can get back with Garriott, there could be many a fun short sketch like “Where are thou?”. Or, if the Black Knight isn’t as “canon” (read: EA doesn’t have their claws sunk deep into him), convince the Portalarium team to put a Black Knight character (Sir Spuni?) that sends people on quests… to annoy!

    • Krom

      Black Knight: “Ah, greetings young hero. I have a quest of great importance for thee. Thou shalt defeateth my enemies and disgrace them by dragging thy crown jewels all over their shamefilled faces.”
      Playerhero: “O.o wha…?”
      Black Knight: *sigh* “Kill 10 other Players and teabag ‘em, alright?!”
      Playerhero: “oooohhh lol kk^^ brb”
      Black Knight: “There is no role playing in MMOs anymore…”

      • Raoul Bashir

        You are my hero, Krom.

        • Krom

          *takes a bow* Thank you very much, but i’m just a humble servant to the people and a part time motormouth who doesn’t know when to stop for his own good. But now and then something good comes from it, i suppose.

      • trololololololol

        Anymore? When did MMOs ever have role playing? I remember playing MUDs in the early 90s. all I did was spam macros

        • Krom

          Well, it depended on the circumstances, i guess. Most of the MUDs i can remember were Live-Quests with, well, DMs and role playing *shrug*
          My memory is a bit fuzzy on the details, but i think there were differentiated MUDs, sorta similar to the PvP/PvE/RP Server classification of today.

  • https://www.youtube.com/user/GreenGimmick/ GreenGimmick

    Priceless. Priceless when you bounced the ping-pong ball off the Black Knight’s helmet

  • zanmaru

    This seems like a case of not a single fuck given by whoever was outsourced to make the SNES game.

  • http://www.realmofthemadgod.com adam21

    LSD trip!

  • ThomasMink

    Black Knight: 1
    Spoony Avatar: 0

    As soon as Spoony said the word ‘annoying’ and the Black Knight started doing his muhaha-ing, I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. :D

    By the way, you should totally livestream Deadly Premonition.. >.>

  • Talvrae

    So Spoony… what happened with Linkara mother?

  • theforetoldlegend

    so are you finally going back to Deadly Premonition then? because that would be awesome!

    • Zefram Mann

      Let it gooooo…
      Let it gooooo…
      The joke’s not funny
      Anymore you know

      Two whole years
      of the same ol’ shit.
      When are the trolls
      Gonna tire of it?
      How many drugs
      do you think I’ll need
      If you expect me to laugh
      at this same old screed?

      (raises a castle out of the ground made entirely of blue meth)
      Let it gooooo…
      Let it goooOOOoooOoo!

      • ThomasMink

        To be fair.. he DID livestream 6 hours or so of Deadly Premonition’s ‘director’s cut’ about a year or so ago. It’s on his twitch. :)
        Funny thing is though, I forgot about it until it was brought up in this video. :D

      • Krom

        Just when you think you’ve seen it all… A Manfred von Karma lookalike performs in front of a blue crystal meth castle a rendition from a Disney movie musical interlude.
        Thats it, no more drinks for me…
        Still, good show though. Is the Blu-ray version already available?

  • AnAnarchist

    ASS-TO-ASS!!!!!
    Call up Brad Jones

  • Casey Williamson

    True science…
    Seahorses kill ninety percent of their intended prey…
    To their food, they are absolute death machines, moreso than sharks…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCFqrojIcC0

  • flamedance58

    8-Bit version of Blur’s “Song 2″? Classy @ 11:18

  • KoeL

    i guess for Spoony its seahorses what for me are the tornberries

  • Wildcard

    That was good. Is there another console Ultima game?

    • Manuel Gonzalez

      You are a
      p ssy
      f ggot
      t urd

  • Christian Bonde Andersen

    Well that was fucking amazing. I’m seriously considering donating some money again soon when I get the funds. My goal is to one day travel to the states, go to a con, and tell Spoony in person how important his videos are to me. Been watching them since 2008 or so if I recall correctly.

  • Ebonwing

    OK, that was the best boss battle ever in a Spoony video. I think the Black Knight should be a recurring character now.

  • Staples

    Don’t you remember the time the Nostalgia Critic went into the future? Seahorses are going to rule the future!
    The trolls play ping-pong? Maybe they really are innocent, and the Avatar is some kind of crazed, bloodthirsty madman.
    Also, what everyone needs to learn as that just because it’s on a newer console, it doesn’t mean that it’s better.
    Surprisingly funny troll puns at the end. Very clever, and the best joke in the entire review.

  • kensu

    Spoony, maybe you really should review some games you like playing; I know negative reviews sell better, but it would be nice to see the sort of light-hearted enthusaism we see in your Counter Monkey reviews.
    Since you started your Final Fantasy reviews at the point where you think it started to go downhill, why don’t you go back and review the 7 preceding games? I’d really like to see a review of the second and third Famicom games!
    Or maybe go back and do a more thorough review of the Persona games, including the first two (all three of them) which you haven’t played yet.

    • L1nk1

      I would say give it a shot.

      Spoony is more like a personality driven Internet content creator which means basically what ever he makes people will watch it anyway.

    • trololololololol

      True. He might as well do it since hes already popular. The best reviewer I know on youtube only reviews horror movies he likes. He gets like 100 views per video lol

    • Andrew DeCaire

      …….. His Final Fantasy 8 review was the review that made his show famous. What’s this about it sending the show downhill?

      Also WHY are people so concerned about hateful reviews? If the review is “This is good, this is good, this is also good” that is not funny!

      • kensu

        Go back and re-read my post, it was the FF series that was going downhill, not Spoony’s reviews.

        • Andrew DeCaire

          My mistake ^^; still I will defend that people actually enjoy watching someone else rage against irks and crap. To many it’s soothing.

          • Krom

            Well, because: “It is a sign of strength to cry out against fate, rather than to bow one’s head and succumb.”

          • Brett

            Well nobody is saying he should only review things he likes or that he should have more positive reviews than negative. It’s fun to see him playing up his rage in really comedic fashion in reviews like these, but I would agree that it might benefit his show overall to review something he likes a little more often. Say, after two, three or even four really terrible games and/or movies.

            The reason I love his Ultima Retrospective, Horror Gaming Classics and Counter Monkey videos more than anything else on this site is because they aren’t just entertaining, they’re actually showing me something that looks really cool and that I want to try and play.

            Hell, on the mention of Horror Gaming Classics, can we get videos of the same format to spotlight other types of games? Maybe some shining examples of genres that, in today’s market, don’t get as much attention or quality development as they should? Like point-and-clicks, turn-based and real-time SRPGs, etc?

          • Andrew DeCaire

            I enjoy them too :D I admit I wasn’t thinking (Didn’t know what I was thinking) before when I said “Saying, This is good over and over doesn’t entertain” because that’s not the point, it’s the humour that goes with it, and the fun of just seeing him gush over something really he likes and grew up with <3

    • doresh

      I think more retrospectives might be interesting.

      I personally don’t mind if he reviews something he likes or hates, as long as he finds enough riffable material. That’s what really matters in the end.

  • Shapesnatch

    Will there ever be a Final Fantasy 12 review?

    • Sir Christopher McFarlane

      It’s too good to make a review of it.

      • doresh

        Well, he could make fun about “BASCH FON RONSENBERG”, the blatant Star-Wars-ripoffs, and the fact that the main character has less involvement with the overall plot than Gogo and Umaro from FF6.

        • Sir Christopher McFarlane

          The Basch shouting stuff has already been beaten to badly and is probably not leaving the hospital alive at this point. I think it’s not going to be funny even if Spoony does it. I would go for a Vlog for Spoony to speak extensively about it. I honestly think the game is oddly too slow and thoughtful to make funny.
          If you’re interested, watch Archengeia’s Rumination on FF12. That has a lot of content.

          • doresh

            Slow is an understatement. I kept forgetting what was going on while playing the game – and I have a tendency to never forget where I am right now in a playthrough, even after putting it on hiatus for years o_O

            (It certainly didn’t help that my mind kept coming back to these Gambit shops. I might just be able to top Spoony’s glowing robes ramblings from his FF13 review. I’ll spare the details for now, because I don’t think I can stop once I start rambling about it XD )

            And I might check that guy out.

          • Sir Christopher McFarlane

            If you hit Select, the game just tells you what your current storyline objective is.
            13 days later of course I reply, but you never forget anything.

          • doresh

            If course does it tell you we’re you’re supposed to be going, but that still couldn’t manage to get me into the story.

            Seriously, all I remember is:

            – “What happened to that hoverbike?”
            – “Huh, so that’s Bespin.”
            – “I AM BASCH FON RONSENBERG!”
            – “Grinding skeletons sure is fun…”
            – “They have sandraiders too?!”
            – “So that mineral makes bunnygirls go apeshit?”
            – “Why ARE there bunnygirls?”
            – “Why does this mystic sword of mineral cleaving suck so much?”
            – “Did my Esper just have a seizure?”

            Well, that’s more than I hoped XD

      • Shapesnatch

        I agree that 12 is good. But that’s disappointing that he only seems to review bad games. It would be nice to see a positive review of a game once in while… The ranting kinda gets old…

    • Garmrspor

      I think the entire video would be him whining about Vaan and Moogles. Which, granted, I would pay to see. But I agree with Sir Christopher McFarlane: game’s too good to be a part of his FF review series.

      • DevilHunter1994

        To be fair it being good is more a matter of personal taste. I’m a huge fan of FF8 and I still laughed when Spoony tore that game a new one. I’m sure FF12 fans can laugh at and enjoy an FF12 review. Spoony’s already made it clear that he has hated every Final Fantasy game after 7 so an FF12 review is a distinct possibility.

        • Garmrspor

          Well, you’re right. But still, I really do feel there’s a lot less to be made fun of. There’s very little as blatantly ridiculous about it as most of these titles, IMO. The world is much more traditional FF (medieval fantasy, though it feels a bit middle-Eastern as well), for one, so there’s none of that unexplained ultra-technology, and the story is largely political. But then there IS some questionable character designs like Vaan (also to be made fun of: his personality, and how his role in the game is akin to a camera), Ashe and her ridiculous attire, and the entire Vieran race…

          It IS debatable whether or not it is good, but I genuinely don’t think there’s a lot of comedy that would write itself there, which is very unlike VIII, X, and XIII, with their quirky takes on the franchise. I would love to see this review, though. But Spoony would have to be very clever about it.

        • Sir Christopher McFarlane

          He said he liked 12.

          • DevilHunter1994

            Really? All I remember is him complaining about Vann and the licence grid.

  • StealthMarmot

    Even a “paddlin'” cannot stop them?

    What’s a “paddlin’?”

    • istilldontcare

      you must not watch the simpsons

      • StealthMarmot

        Missed the joke? That’s a paddlin’.

        • istilldontcare

          My knowledge of the land shall be great

    • kensu

      I’m not entirely sure…

  • darkmage0707077

    Wow, man, your costumes and voice talent is getting! It’s almost like you got talent or something!

    Seriously, though, I had friends who’ve never even heard of you come over while I was watching this review, and they were howling over parts 1 *and* 2. Great stuff, Noah!

  • Rick S

    The title card changed !
    I think the Black Knight’s army of trolls could rule the interne’s forums and message boards !!!

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    Lord British is doing some really creepy bedroom-eyes, just to underline what a passive-aggressive bastard he is.

  • Garmrspor

    The new title card made me think it was a new video. ;-;

  • theshamster

    Heeeeeeere’s, SPOONY!

  • Andrew DeCaire

    I like how the titlecard makes him look “bobblehead-ish” like the characters in the game.

  • Aileen Mason

    love the new titlecard, but you did fool me for a moment into thinking it was a new video

  • XellDincht

    Transformers 4 is out! Come one Spoony, please make a rant with Miles

  • George Hicks

    Glad to see you finally noticed the heart. And what’s WRONG with Kingdom Hearts, it’s not like Ultima isn’t silly. You’re fighting seahorses for crying out loud, at the very least KH is fun.Also, LOVE all the references. Glad to see the extra dosh is helping your production quality, keep it up Spoon.

    • doresh

      If it wasn’t fun, Squeenix wouldn’t rip themselves off for FF15 XD

      (Well, at least I hope they still somewhat know what they’re doing…)

    • MaX Mpesiris

      He’s joking. :P
      He has said in some of his other videos that he thinks Kingdom Hearts is good.
      ……
      Then again, he did nitpick the hell out of them, despite that.

      • Dragon Nexus

        When has he ever not nit-picked the hell out of something, even if he enjoys it.
        He really enjoyed Days of Future Past, but still spent 2 hours picking at the tapestry threads.

        • MaX Mpesiris

          Actually, now that I think about it…..Spoony is right about Kingdom Hearts.

          The Final Fantasy characters are really just there so that Square can say it’s a Final Fantasy + Disney crossover.

          F.e. Vivi from Final Fantasy 9 in Kingdom Hearts 2

          He looks like him….and that’s just about it.

          None of his character, friends, or history are there.

      • George Hicks

        Nothing wrong with nitpicking, everyone does it.

  • Commander BB Shockwave

    LOL, this game is just getting more and more horrible. :)

  • http://filmrunner.wordpress.com/ Film Runner

    Judging by the new title card Ned Stark appears to have lost it.

    • doresh

      “HEEEEERE’S WINTERRR!”

    • Dragon Nexus

      Dammit, I was going to say something similar.
      Ned Stark going after Nosferatu.

  • slayride

    A paladin wielding a ping pong paddle

  • http://www.friv4gaming.com/ Friv 4

    it really is a fascinating game you just shared images look was enough to make me want to try.
    http://www.yepi10game.com | http://www.friv10game.org

  • Skolex

    …what’s a paddlin’?

    • CrystalGamma .

      Sounds like a combination of Paladin and paddle …

      • Dragon Nexus

        Thaaaaaaaat’s the joke!

  • NeroAngelo

    let’s be fair here. kingdom hearts isn’t called a final fantasy game or a mickey mouse one, it’s just it’s own continuity

    a good way to think of it is like what you do with with SSBB, you know R.O.B. isn’t really going toe-to-toe with FUCKING SOLID SNAKE, you have a different continuity altogether, just alternate-universe characters from Disney movies and other Square games

    • doresh

      Mickey Mouse has continuity?

      And R.O.B. can duke it out with Snake, because the law of crossovers states that there must always be a contrived reason to equal out the power levels XD

      • Andrew DeCaire

        Nero said “A Mickey Mouse one” which implies Mickey has more than one continuity. In fact he has at least 100 if you count all his original cartoons, new cartoons, and videogames as separate.

        • Andrew DeCaire

          Oops, misread that ^^; never mind my previous post.

          • doresh

            I’ll reply anyways. Muahahahaaa XD

            I guess those standalone entries have their own continuity, but there’s little interconnection between them. Disney only really has that with Carl Bark’s Duckburg and the various writers using it – especially Don Rosa.

            Even then, most writers operate under the “status quo is God” trope.

  • Kane

    Now there is but one more left…

    ULTIMA ONLINE!

    How would the great Spoony go about it!? If he ever does…

    • Daniel Tilson

      There are still the Worlds of Ultima games, which he kindof touched on in I think the U7 review, but he never gave them a full review.

      • Kane

        He’s also said he won’t really be doing those, right?

        • Raoul Bashir

          I believe he said he was going to go back because he felt that he was unfairly judging them simply because they used the most hated Ultima 6 engine. During the interview with Garriott, he said he wanted to go back to Martian Dreams, because going on adventures with Sigmund Freud and Warren Spector appealed to him greatly.

        • Daniel Tilson

          He never said he wouldn’t. He said he hadn’t played them much.

  • joeengland

    Heh. Heheh. That Holy Grail bit with the orcs was classic.

  • MaX Mpesiris

    14:22

    Does anyone know what he said here?

    • Minax’s Revenge

      Pretty sure he said “Betrayal”.

  • alexinfinite

    The Black Knight really is a pretty big jerk

  • Lembach

    I like how Spoony does the Xerxes hand gestures as the Black Knight.

  • Mount C

    A moment of silence is in order for those poor orcs who got slaughtered during their family dinner.

  • Said Uruya

    Aw yeah, Ogre.

  • Alis

    Wait, hold the phone, do you CRY when you get hit? What in the name of all that is holy…. OUR HERO EVERYONE, cries when he gets hit.

    • Dead.Juice

      It looks adorable.

  • Delta001

    #spoonyhateseverything

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman
  • MeteorD

    Black Knight of Minor Annoyance.

  • locoma

    This whole review (both part 1 and part 2) is just gold. So many funny moments, specially the Black Knight in-doors secrets and how you took on that all the way. This review is so worth watching multiple times. It’s official: Ultima and Spoony is like bread and butter. Honestly your reviews of Ultima make it seem like you two are made for each other XD Oh and the costume you wear for this review is AWESOME, it looks SO good on you too!!

  • melissia

    The best part of this duo of vids is the dark knight at the end of this vid. BREAK HIS SPIRIT! By being really fucking annoying.

  • http://www.edinburghcomputerrepairs.co.uk NoviceTechie

    I love the intro song.

  • Rude

    I laughed my ass off when he hit him with ping pong ball xD

  • tgcam

    “Even as we sp-” *tink*. hilarious

  • mad

    Charon approves of this video.

  • Mr. RHC

    Amazing episode!

  • Dan

    Zork music. lol

  • Te vale

    That helm did make Spoony’s nose look huge, nyahahaha

  • Carrie Kube

    Will you be reviewing the Kingdom Hearts series anytime soon?

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