// JavaScript Document var Quotation=new Array() Quotation[0] = "The president has been kidnapped by ninjas."; Quotation[1] = "Nice try, Lao Che!"; Quotation[2] = "You blew my cover!"; Quotation[3] = "Get to da choppa!"; Quotation[4] = "C'mon Cohaagen, you've got what you want. Give these people air!"; Quotation[5] = "I'm Lord Xenu, and I approved this message."; Quotation[6] = "LFG Deadmines PST"; Quotation[7] = "Pain don't hurt."; Quotation[8] = "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."; Quotation[9] = "We're not funny, but we're easier to read than any given MySpace blog."; Quotation[10] = "Free Zeist!"; Quotation[11] = "Kid tested, mother approved."; Quotation[12] = "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu F'tanghn!"; Quotation[13] = "It's a kind of magic. The cheap kind."; Quotation[14] = "The least-sexy 'experiment' you can think of."; Quotation[15] = "The dirtiest thing you can do with your pants on."; Quotation[16] = "Too strange to live, too weird to die."; Quotation[17] = "Home of the XFL."; Quotation[18] = "In the criminal justice system, we're considered especially heinous."; Quotation[19] = "Highlander 2 never happened. Don't make us hurt you."; Quotation[20] = "Pass the Spoony on the left-hand side."; Quotation[21] = "Hey, look at this. Should I pop this?"; Quotation[22] = "Now with six blades for that closer shave."; Quotation[23] = "Mo funny, mo problems."; Quotation[24] = "Release your anger!"; Quotation[25] = "The only site endorsed by Scott Baio."; Quotation[26] = "Where we're going we don't need roads."; Quotation[27] = "In the grim future of The Spoony Experiment, there is only war."; Quotation[28] = "Do a barrel roll!"; Quotation[29] = "There is no Spoony Experiment."; Quotation[30] = "Find Nedry! Check the vending machines!"; Quotation[31] = "It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue."; Quotation[32] = "I want Uwe Boll in the ring! He goes down in 3!"; Quotation[33] = "Wolverines!!"; Quotation[34] = "Every man dies. Not every man really rants."; Quotation[35] = "Formerly www.showering-lesbians.com."; Quotation[36] = "Over 7 served!"; Quotation[37] = "It's time to rise up against pop music ringtones."; Quotation[38] = "More reliable than Steam."; Quotation[39] = "I'm bigger than Jesus! No seriously, I'm really tall."; Quotation[40] = "Home of the 2-pound burrito."; Quotation[41] = "Super Mario taught me to eat strange shrooms."; Quotation[42] = "Now with giant enemy crabs."; Quotation[43] = "Attack its weak point for massive damage."; Quotation[44] = "For great justice!"; Quotation[45] = "I get more play than Smurfette."; Quotation[46] = "I can hold my breath for 15 minutes!"; Quotation[47] = "Bugs don't take prisoners."; Quotation[48] = "Can I get a 'Hell, yeah?'"; Quotation[49] = "I live life a quarter-mile at a time. Otherwise I'm just eating and crapping."; Quotation[50] = "You're beautiful, it's true."; Quotation[51] = "So much for pathos."; Quotation[52] = "Oh my god, Becky, look at her butt."; Quotation[53] = "I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold."; Quotation[54] = "We like movies about gladiators."; Quotation[55] = "The 'S' is silent."; Quotation[56] = "Fanwankery is not a dirty word."; Quotation[57] = "Live the good life in the off-world colonies."; Quotation[58] = "Shaving the line between stupidity and cleverness even thinner."; Quotation[59] = "You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat!"; Quotation[60] = "You know it's better down where it's wetter."; Quotation[61] = "I'm just a cook."; Quotation[62] = "Always bet on black."; Quotation[63] = "Some motherfucker's always tryin' to iceskate uphill."; Quotation[64] = "Still waiting for the Eugenics Wars that I was promised."; Quotation[65] = "Register now for the 'Jean-Claude van Damme Dance Therapy' class."; Quotation[66] = "It's better to rule in Hell than serve in..."; Quotation[67] = "My CPU is a neural net-processor-- a learning computer."; Quotation[68] = "More pointless than the N-Gage."; Quotation[69] = "Bart Fargo owes you a favor."; Quotation[70] = "We waste more time before noon than you do all week. Does that make sense?"; Quotation[71] = "If you read this site, the terrorists win."; Quotation[72] = "100% free of Brokeback Mountain jokes."; Quotation[73] = "If you want to make it around here, kick someone's ass the very first day."; Quotation[74] = "We really shook the pillars of Heaven, didn't we, Wang?"; Quotation[75] = "Skinny little Nancy Callahan. She grew up. Still won't take off her clothes."; Quotation[76] = "Leather coat, ducktail hair."; Quotation[77] = "Humor not ready. (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail?"; Quotation[78] = "Can you find the hidden message encoded in all these slogans? Keep reloading!"; Quotation[79] = "So dark the con of spoon."; Quotation[80] = "We're gonna find out who's who."; Quotation[81] = "I actually liked this guy until he ragged on Hawk the Slayer."; Quotation[82] = "Lock the door and hope they don't have blasters."; Quotation[83] = "Now with 200% more snark."; Quotation[84] = "Answer unclear. Try again later."; Quotation[85] = "Spoony's a good cop!"; Quotation[86] = "Service guarantees citizenship."; Quotation[87] = "Would you like to know more?"; Quotation[88] = "With special guest director Quentin Tarantino."; Quotation[89] = "Only 1 Calorie!"; Quotation[90] = "We didn't kill you 'cause you weren't armed. No sport."; Quotation[91] = "Perfectly willing to throw the first stone."; Quotation[92] = "Rants made better through human growth hormone."; Quotation[94] = "Share and enjoy!"; Quotation[95] = "Proud to be first against the wall when the revolution comes."; Quotation[96] = "Two men enter. One man leaves."; Quotation[97] = "Whatever happened to Whitesnake?"; Quotation[98] = "You are the Duke of New York! You're A-Number One!"; Quotation[100] = "Aquaman was never cool."; Quotation[101] = "Your hair looks terrible today."; Quotation[102] = "My balogna has a first name, it's S-P-O-O-N."; Quotation[103] = "More popular than New Coke!"; Quotation[104] = "Stop with the flashbulbs! They anger Kong!"; Quotation[105] = "We've gotta stop meeting like this."; Quotation[106] = "Today's secret word is 'areola'."; Quotation[107] = "Still less hateful than Ann Coulter. But way sexier!"; Quotation[108] = "Is that really what you're wearing?"; Quotation[109] = "UH OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!"; Quotation[110] = "Cheaper than therapy, and nowhere near as effective."; Quotation[111] = "More relevant than Sloganizer!"; Quotation[112] = "Why think for yourself? That's why we're here!"; Quotation[113] = "My opinion is worth more than yours."; Quotation[114] = "A fortune cookie told me to write this."; Quotation[115] = "Defending your right to complacency!"; Quotation[116] = "Yes, that dress DOES make you look fat."; Quotation[117] = "Some days it's not worth the effort to gnaw through the leather straps."; Quotation[118] = "Now celebrating 1 day accident free!"; Quotation[119] = "Protecting your right to keep and arm bears."; Quotation[120] = "Your secrets are safe with us."; Quotation[121] = "Come towards the light."; Quotation[122] = "You get what you pay for."; Quotation[123] = "What are you going to do, sue?"; Quotation[124] = "For all your hygeine needs."; Quotation[125] = "It's solid plastic, so don't settle for imitations."; Quotation[126] = "If it wasn't here, it would be taking up valuable landfill space."; Quotation[127] = "Proof that God has no plan for us."; Quotation[128] = "We have seen the Enemy and they are us!"; Quotation[129] = "If we want your opinion, we'll give it to you."; Quotation[130] = "Now, with 30% more Scrumtrulescence."; Quotation[131] = "Even Canadians get it!"; Quotation[132] = "Its as funny as a gut full of pin worms!"; Quotation[133] = "If you love something...we'll rant about it! "; Quotation[134] = "The first step in innovation is discontent - and that's how we roll, bitch!"; Quotation[135] = "He posesses gweat skill."; Quotation[136] = "Free blue lipstick in every box!"; Quotation[137] = "More fun than a barrel of feces!"; Quotation[138] = "Because life as you know it SUCKS."; Quotation[139] = "Richard Roeper is his bitch!"; Quotation[140] = "He's got an axe to grind... in your head!"; Quotation[141] = "More absorbant and deodorizing."; Quotation[142] = "He can't give you back the 90 minutes you wasted, but he'll try to give it meaning."; Quotation[143] = "Almost as good as Hudson Hawk!"; Quotation[144] = "Because it's better to be bitter."; Quotation[145] = "More fun than a barrel of dwarves!"; Quotation[146] = "A midichlorian-free zone!"; Quotation[147] = "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"; Quotation[148] = "At that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"; Quotation[149] = "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."; Quotation[150] = "Back door, huh? Good idea!"; Quotation[151] = "Walk without rhythm and you won't attract the worm."; Quotation[153] = "Bad movies check in. They don't check out."; Quotation[154] = "He owns every season of Doogie Howser, M.D.."; Quotation[155] = "He's a bigger celebrity than Kathy Griffin, but hey, who isn't?"; Quotation[156] = "Still waiting to hear back from the guys at Celebrity Mole."; Quotation[157] = "All I'm saying is that if you name the band 'Hootie and the Blowfish,' you're Hootie."; Quotation[158] = "He thinks Sliders was the greatest show ever."; Quotation[159] = "This time, it's personal."; Quotation[160] = "What, you want me to come up with something funny to say every time you reload?"; Quotation[161] = "It was the dawn of the Spoon Age of mankind."; Quotation[162] = "Fear, Anger, Agression, the Spoony Side are they..."; Quotation[163] = "You may not like him, but the Canadians think he's a genius."; Quotation[164] = "Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed."; Quotation[165] = "He's not Wil Wheaton."; Quotation[166] = "Due to illness, your entertainment tonight will be provided by..."; Quotation[167] = "We have more internal errors than the Playstation 3, it's..."; Quotation[168] = "I'm only doing this to max out my skill tree."; Quotation[169] = "Winner takes it all, loser takes a fall."; Quotation[170] = "More Ovaltine, please!"; Quotation[171] = "Soon to be a major motion picture starring Burt Reynolds."; Quotation[172] = "Now with Retsin (tm!)"; Quotation[173] = "4 8 15 16 23 42"; Quotation[174] = "Have you seen Naked Zombie Sean Connery lately?"; Quotation[175] = "Swiper, no swipin'!"; Quotation[176] = "It got into my hand, and it went bad."; Quotation[177] = "Funnier than the Jamie Kennedy Experiment, but that's not saying much."; Quotation[178] = "I am the super mother bug!"; Quotation[179] = "Still undefeated at A Game of Thrones, as far as you know."; Quotation[180] = "Overeducated, undermedicated, unpaid."; Quotation[181] = "Strange game. The only winning move is not to play."; Quotation[182] = "This revolution will not be televised."; Quotation[183] = "How do you keep a moron busy for hours?"; Quotation[184] = "It's hard out there for a pimp."; Quotation[185] = "There's nothing more boring than people who love you."; Quotation[186] = "I'm not proud of being a congenital pain in the ass. But I will take money for it."; Quotation[187] = "Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more."; Quotation[188] = "Send your credit card number to..."; Quotation[189] = "The Spork Experiment was taken."; Quotation[190] = "If you're reading this, it's already too late."; Quotation[191] = "I think therefore you suck."; Quotation[192] = "It seemed like a good idea at the time."; Quotation[193] = "Rage for great justice!"; Quotation[194] = "Remember horse lovers: Neigh means nay!"; Quotation[195] = "Live from New York, it's..."; Quotation[196] = "We only put you down because we care. Just kidding. You suck."; Quotation[197] = "ISP detected. FBI has been dispatched to your home. Have a nice day."; Quotation[198] = "Acquitted of 19 major felonies."; Quotation[199] = "Knowing is half the battle, and we unfortunately don't know shit."; Quotation[200] = "The few, the miserable."; Quotation[201] = "The site that will taint your soul."; Quotation[202] = "You must be this high to enter this site."; Quotation[203] = "He's been through 9 hells. He'll put you through 20."; Quotation[204] = "We don't experiment on animals...We have you instead."; Quotation[205] = "He'll rant about your mother if he had the chance."; Quotation[206] = "Even Germans like..."; Quotation[207] = "I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?"; Quotation[208] = "Discovered Uwe Boll? Right this way..."; Quotation[209] = "Violator! VIOLATOR!!!"; Quotation[210] = "Spoony can see octarine, the eighth color."; Quotation[211] = "Sons of bad movies! Kneel before Spoony!"; Quotation[212] = "Spoony's art is bad movies, and he's about to paint his masterpiece."; Quotation[213] = "I'll swallow your soul!"; Quotation[214] = "One of the signs of the apocalypse."; Quotation[215] = "Collect all 5!"; Quotation[216] = "Knowledge of Trees is Treason."; Quotation[217] = "He gets less respect than the Numa Numa guy..."; Quotation[218] = "It's 11:00pm. He knows where your children are."; Quotation[219] = "A leading cause of Global Warming."; Quotation[220] = "Big Daddy figure in hand, it's..."; Quotation[221] = "Sons of bad movies! Kneel before Spoony!"; Quotation[222] = "When there is no more room in Hell, the rants shall rise up in..."; Quotation[223] = "More downloaded than a lorry on its way to the duvet factory."; Quotation[224] = "One man, one website, almost no updates!"; Quotation[225] = "Hey, I'm Lance Boyle and it doesn't hurt a bit."; Quotation[226] = "And what's the thanks I get? A million pounds of tubesteak!"; Quotation[227] = "Who can stop this mad pirate?"; Quotation[228] = "A woman's body is a beautiful thing, but the head is useless! Nyaaahahaha!"; Quotation[229] = "Keepin' that pimp hand strong..."; Quotation[230] = "What causes NAS? THIS causes it!"; Quotation[231] = "If you're looking for someone to star in the remake of Foxhunt, there's always..."; Quotation[232] = "I still weep openly at the opera scene of Final Fantasy 6."; Quotation[233] = "Why is there money in the toilet?"; Quotation[234] = "Block when you sense the enemy attacking."; Quotation[235] = "PROTIP: Don't die."; Quotation[236] = "Does anyone have a wand for this bereft mage?"; Quotation[237] = "It's dark. All you see is..."; Quotation[238] = "Sweet!"; Quotation[239] = "Spoony the fat DEMANDS MORE PIES!"; Quotation[240] = "Karaoke's Off!"; Quotation[241] = "Sharp swords settle scores."; Quotation[242] = "Congratulations! You have successfully infiltrated your first castle!"; Quotation[243] = "Now take a nap. Stop napping!"; Quotation[244] = "Make my wizard grow!"; Quotation[245] = "Help me cut the choice meats."; Quotation[246] = "The blood of your enemies makes you stronger."; Quotation[247] = "He's going to make all them white bees look tame tonight."; Quotation[248] = "His origins are shrouded in mystery..."; Quotation[249] = "I get solo XPs!"; Quotation[250] = "Brought to you by Dirty Dynasty Warriors Dancing: The Game"; Quotation[251] = "You're only here because he has hair."; Quotation[252] = "He's fought Mudcrabs more fearsome than you!"; Quotation[253] = "Look! A flock of henchmen!"; Quotation[254] = "Sylvester Stallone says I suck."; Quotation[255] = "Still looking for someone to sell out to..."; Quotation[256] = "I heard that, Curtis!"; Quotation[257] = "DISCO DANCE DISCO DANCE DISCO DANCE!!"; Quotation[258] = "One thing's sure. Hollywood is dead. Murdered. And somebody's responsible!"; Quotation[259] = "I AM YOUR KING!"; Quotation[260] = "I am the Lord of Tekken, and I will air-juggle your ass!"; Quotation[261] = "I am error."; Quotation[262] = "At last, the world is safe for democracy!"; Quotation[263] = "Roll for SAN loss."; Quotation[264] = "Stop right there, criminal scum! No-one breaks the law on my watch!"; Quotation[265] = "Half spoon, half man."; Quotation[266] = "Ooooh, nasty."; Quotation[267] = "Coz the Knifey and Forky experiment were already taken"; Quotation[268] = "He'll punch you in the soul."; Quotation[269] = "Not actually sponsored by Taco Bell."; Quotation[270] = "He's here to make friends!"; Quotation[271] = "NEEDS MOAR UPDATES"; Quotation[272] = "The only game critic marginally endorsed by Encyclopedia Dramatica."; Quotation[273] = "He's got Scarlett fever!"; Quotation[274] = "He's the miggidy-miggidy-miggidy-miggidy mack daddy."; Quotation[275] = "He's also the diggity-diggity-diggity daddy mack."; Quotation[276] = "They're not dolls, they're action figures."; Quotation[277] = "Spoony 1, Little Miss Gamer 0. SHORYUKEN!"; Quotation[278] = "Hang on, my Coke is ringing. Yello?"; Quotation[279] = "I've done things to the Nostalgia Chick I'm not proud of."; Quotation[280] = "Come to think of it, I've done things to the Nostalgia Critic I'm not proud of either."; var Q = Quotation.length; var whichQuotation=Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1)); function showQuotation(){document.write(Quotation[whichQuotation]);} showQuotation();