The world is held in the grip of mediocrity, and only the reviewing megapowers united together can battle Boll’s reign of incompetence.
This was by far the best review EVER, it combined the best of all worlds! GLEE!
Haha, I just watched this over on TGWTG.com. You and Linkara always work well together, and I love NC too, my three favorite reviewers reviewing such an infamous movie XD definitely a treat.
I’m glad I never saw it, though it seems like the makers of the almost equally godawful 2008 game took cues from it for whatever insane reason.
Dude holy shit I was not expecting you to pop up in the video when i was watching it on TGWTG. All month i’ve been wanting to see you do this.
I also just watched it on TGWTG.com. I’m glad you, Lewis, and Doug were able to get together to do a review. (Not to mention, you reviewed an Uwe Boll film.)
My jaw dropped when I went to TGWTG.com and saw that the “Top Secret Review” read “Alone in the Dark.” It was a bit surreal to see, considering that the film isn’t nostalgic. (Although, the games can be considered nostalgic.)
After seeing this review, and having seen House of the Dead and Far Cry (and found Handsome Tom, but couldn’t find Stuttering Craig), I have to say, it is simply amazing how bad of a filmmaker Uwe Boll is. Unless one has seen one of his films, which I don’t recommend, it’s hard to grasp just how atrocious he is.
Well now that you’re doing movie reviews with the NC he should help you review FFX-2
Is there a particular reason NC didn’t talk?
Made me wonder but then again it seems like something he could do anyways.
Anyhoot, this is awesome! 8D
The three of you should do a RiffTrax of a Boll movie toghether.
I just saw this on TWGTG and all I have to say is HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! You are the man Spoony, I did not expect your appearance at all even though when it was revealed what the NC would be reviewing I instantly thought back to your review, which I might as well add that I happened to read concurrently while watching the movie and trust me, you helped keep my sanity relatively intact (only three instances of waking up in an alley with blood on my hands and in my mouth, a drastic improvement over my viewing of Battlefield Earth).
I actually had an incredible nergasm when I saw this on TGWTG.com and you first appeared. Then I nerdgasmed twice as hard when Linkara appeared. This is easily the greatest thing ever.
I fell very lucky to have enjoyed each of these three guys’ videos! So it feels good to see NC, Spoony, and Linkara in the same video. Probably the best collabo-vid since the TGWTG Brawl!
Very good show indeed. Critics I love getting together to review a movie which I have (possibly unjust) hate for (considering I have ne er seen he actual movie).
Excellent review. Kind of curious as to when and where on earth this was filmed. Would love to hear some kind of commentary for it.
I almost wet myself with joy, surprise, and excitedness (not a word kids) when Spoony walked in…This was Freaking awesome I loved it it was great
UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE! The three best reviewers on the site for one uber review!
Castleton shirt? Isn’t that what that wormy little guy in Time Chasers wore? You stole Bob Evil’s time transport to get there, didn’t you?!?
Just Amazing…the best reviewers on the site with their powers combined…they are an unstoppable force of comedy!
Easily best collab since the brawl. Arguably better, in my opinion, since this video has moar spoony. And snark.
…Did you just call NC ‘honey’? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Best be careful, sir spoony, or the sage may grab a hold of a fanfic about you two!
Oh My God. Amazing, simply amazing. This is a dream. Thank all of you so much for this. Spoony, I love you.
Oh yes! My 3 favorite people from TGWTG together in one video! Great!
The only thing that would’ve made this video better is if the Nostalgia Critic didn’t speak Microsoft Sam the whole time.
Damn, there was a reason this was proclaimed ‘Top Secret’…
And it was worth it. Uwe Boll can best be described as the plot of the Producers, only that it worked and without the comedy.
SOOO awesome. But the movie is so bad. Definite fav is the “Old City had two days,” line.
incredible, i saw it was alone in the dark and thought you might make a small cameo, and then you’re there, with linkara! best nc ever you worked perfect together.
I remember I started watching this movie on DVD and half way trough I stopped, went on to do something else, and never finished watching it. I was just too f*cking boring!
Absolutely great. Whose idea was it to do a Stooges homage?
Calling Uwe Boll the new Ed Wood is an insult to Ed Wood. At least Wood had a passion for films and filmmaking, he just wasn’t good at it which is why a lot of people love him. Boll is just an arrogant ass.
If you’ve heard the story of Uwe Boll then you probably know what happened with
him and Seanbaby. If you don’t know I’ll tell you, Seanbaby is a columnist
reviewer who, like yourself, has a really huge following. He’s got a lot of
great articles that have been put in magazines such as EGM and Wizard. He is
also the guy who introduced me to this horribafuckis director. Now when Uwe
decided to do his little boxing match thing Seanbaby was the first in line with
all the money he wanted to work with. It would have been fine but then Uwe
actually found that Seanbaby is…A 6ft TALL WORLD CLASS KICKBOXER!!!!
Needless to say, Uwe shit his pants and gave him some excuse on how he’s too
famous a celebrity critic and that it would ruin his image or something. So then
he took the scrawny kid you saw before you and beat the shit out of him to make
himself look good…but to me he is forever a fucking cowardly kraut. Ok that’s
Dude I said it on NC’s page I’m saying it on your too.
THAT WAS TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME :D
if you think Uwe Boll is bad check out Ulli Lommel, he make Boll look like a competent film maker.
yeah i agree with 19, uwe bowle doesnt actually try to make good movies, that shot completely missing the actress proves it, he just said perfect that should add a layer of crap to this. he tries his hardest to make his movies suck so they tank, further helping him make money off a bomb. Where did all the money go into this movie? Uwe’s pockets thats where.
“I brought Science!”
Three of you guys on one screen. I can die happy now.
Thankfully, I’ve not watched too many Uwe Boll movies…but just the thought of him pisses me off.
And I would totally brake into NC/Spoony/Linkara’s house for a little somethin’ something, if you know what I mean. ;D
Anyway– hilarious review. loved every bit of it. When Spoony popped up next to NC, it was effin’ unbelievable. And then I was sort of hoping for Linkara. and tada. xD I don’t know why, but I found the old man/doctor with machine gun dying impression absolutely funny…maybe it was NC’s expression there.
“I need scissors! 61!”
I saw it on TGWTG first also, and I have to say good job. The funniest bit was the shootout scene, and that was the absolute *best* Christmas Story reference ever.
I just wonder about the arrangements for all of this. Did you and Linkara fly to Doug’s place, how the idea to do this review came about, if this was talked about way back at the Chicago convention, etc.
I’m not gonna lie to ya. That was the best thing I’ve ever seen.
I wonder if this is something that was shot at the same time as the final battle/colabathon thing, and Doug’s just been sitting on it for all these months, waiting to surprise everybody by suddenly releasing it. Either that or you either all managed to get back together to do this, or this is one hell of a convincing green screen composite effect.
Yes, let’s hope there will be a commentary track for this one! :D
Wow. Not only are you three the most constant contributors of high quality hilarity, but you also work together so well! It had the feeling of MST3K throughout.
Let’s hope all of you keep doing this stuff for a loooong time!
i hope you three do more reviews like this it was fantastic. great job.
Awesome team-up, but I’m surprised you didn’t throw in a FFVIII joke when the “same orphanage” plot point came up.
That was fucking AWESOME. You guys are my favorite reviewers (well, add in the Nerd too), it was great to see you all reviewing such an abysmal movie together.
I was just randomly refreshing the main page and then this popped up. At first I thought it was odd, since you’ve already reviewed it, and it seemed kinda strange to beat it further into the ground. Then I saw Doug on the screen and my eyes lit up and my jaw dropped. When Linkara showed up, I was already laughing and trying to keep from falling out of my chair. Wow. You three are easily my favourite internet reviewers, and seeing you all come together and bash the Boll just made my day. Many thanks and just as many kudos, keep it up!
YES! more, More, MORE!!!!
5 stars, you haft to do more with these two
One word. Epic.
And I want some science. D:
Haha loved it!
Wow! One of Spoony/NC/Linkara’s best works yet! It’s amazing that all 3 of you were able to get together and pull this off. My only gripe is that I feel like I’ve seen this Video already after having read Spoony’s “Alone in the Dark” review like a hundred years ago.
I’m going to reiterate what the first commenter said: best review EVER!
I wish I could bottle the essence of the look on my face when Noah popped in, I could sell that shit for BILLIONS!
what an odd metaphor
This made the days of many, and is to be counted among such legendary woks as the “TMNT: Coming out of their Shells” review, the “Warrior” review, even, perhaps, the Year One event itself.
Can you say “TV potential” That would be the best show ever.
I would seriously love that last picture of Insano, Chester, 90′s dude and Ma-Ti as my desktop. Right. Now.
About damn time you guys started ripping Uwe Bol a new asshole!
Ha ha ha, that sonic boom part made me spit my water out. Totally epic review, I would love to see more collaborations like this.
That was great guys! Anyone who can pull off an homage to the Three Stooges, while wearing an obscure MST3K reference T-shirt and having Doug say “I love to wear woman’s clothing” like Dr. Stephen Hawking has enormous talent!
This video was unFUCKINGbelievable. You guys were awesome and worked well with each other. But there was something missing, I think this video needed some HEART.
Holy shit, Spoony came out of nowhere! Fucking awesome!
great review you guys you should do more reviews with Doug and Linkara
Okay, now I really want a commentary track to that!
You three awesome!
I loved the ending, a classic three-stooges reference. It’s good to know people still remember them. ^^
Dizzam, guys! I liked the three of you seperately, but when it’s all three at once, WOW!!! Great work! Watched this at TGWTG, will have to watch it here, too!
I hate most of Uwe Boll’s movies, and this is no exception. Great review!!
However… there is one Uwe Boll movie that I shamefully love… and that is Postal. If you haven’t seen it, it’s pretty damn funny. Perhaps you could do a review of that one? After watching the part where all the children get shot while laughing my ass off, it became clear to me that I am going to hell.
How many reviewers does it take to tear apart a German shithead? Apparently three.
This came off like a PG version of your incredibly and delightfully nasty movie review for Alone in the Dark and it worked great. The Three Stooges idea was excellent.
oh hey my three favorite people on the internet in one place…. excuse me I have to go change.
I love these Crossover Videos. And of the three people I love most on TGWTG!
…I can die happy now… thank you!
Yeah, Damn good all around. :)
This, my good sir, can only be filed under one category: GENIUS!
That was hilarious Spoony!
How do you guys keep getting together to do these crossover videos? Does everybody on TGWTG live in Arizona?
The way the Internet works, I’d expect you’d be scattered like buckshot all over America.
Spoony, the Critic, and Linkara in the same review? I think my head my have exploded from the sheer awesomeness.
By the way, awesome shirt there, Spoony. FOR CASTLETON!
I LIKE TO WEAR WOMAN’S CLOTHING, I LIKE TO WEAR WOMAN’S CLOTHING, I LIKE TO WEAR WOMAN’S CLOTHING!
Actually the guile move he was doing was a Flash Kick, great review though.
its now official, you three must review everything together…..or else….
Okay, so this was NC’s big top secret review? I must say, well done. Spoony, NC AND Linkara? Mock Three Stooges? Tearing apart Uwe Boll?
Did I stumble on a piece of heaven?
Great job, guys. This definitely was worth the wait and it cheered up my day. Hell, probably my entire week.
Oh, I almost forgot. YOU KILLED CHESTER, MATI AND DR. INSANO? I hope they get better.
Great video. Spoony, the NC and Linkara are my favorite critics, though it seemed like all three had to hold back a little because they only made up 1/3 of the whole. Which is ok, because the three combined made for some nice jokes. Also, I really loved this video, and like everyone I would like to see more. Though I think the magic of it would get lesser by the video, so they could visit Spoony’s couch for another video, and Linkara’s couch for another one. I don’t think they should make more than three, maybe four with a grand finale. But thats just what I think of it.
Honestly, that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. If I had a child, its existence would be trumped by this very video.
Hey, you three need to make a shit-load of LaffTrax!! … except that you can’t do visual comedy that way… hrmm.
Dr. Insano should have kicked the shit out of the Critic for the (tasteless) Stephen Hawking joke, unless of course Insano thinks that Hawking’s theories are full of shit and that all of reality truely is the dream manifestation of the idiot god, Azathoth, who lies dreaming in the center of the universe and its persona, Nyarlathotep, seeks Azathoth’s awakening and thereby the complete oblivion for all of reality…
Epic. Epic. EPIC! And I never use that term lightly. EVER.
Dude, massive thanks for the effort it must’ve taken to do this along with all the other videos and updates you’ve been making. I didn’t see this review coming and it made my week even more than that Reb Brown masterpiece!
You guys put your Wonder… well, Triplets, I guess, powers together for some epicness right there. Beautiful.
And props on the Stooges bits! That may have been better than the review itself! Except maybe for the points where all three of you overlapped your lines — see the “Random Yelling” scene (Linkara dropped the “I need scissors” line! SWEEEEET!).
Speaking of the flick, did no one notice how Tara “How the hell am I supposed to act smart when I don’t know what smart is” Reid mispronounces the FUCK out of Newfoundland?
Spoons: Your text review for KotDT had a gif of Dorff’s perfect knife throw on repeat. I think you should do that again Flash-ways, add some more Spoon Style. Perhaps put that reaction bit from Clones of Bruce Lee in there for good measure. Or not, maybe just the repeated knife toss.
Epic. Spoony do you own all those Uwe Boll movies?
Awesome review Spoony! Can’t wait to hear the commentary track on this one for sure! Loved the “I wear women’s clothing” joke, pure awesomeness!
You and Linkara make an awesome team! Kudos to you, Linkara, and NC for this, although I fear you might have created a monster with a Nostalgia Chick/Marzgurl/GirlWithTheGoggles teamup.
I don’t know what it is about robot voices but they seem to make everything funnier.
Pretty good, but I wished you did a different movie. Spoony already tore this one a new asshole, so it felt a bit too much like already covered ground. Plus, the text review whent into much more detail. oh Well.
WOW, that was epic. Perfect match up and the best film to smack it to.
MORE LIKE THIS ON BOLL!!! YOU THREE ARE GREAT AT THIS!
Spoony, I hope you do a commentary track as we’d all like to hear the behind the scenes story on this one.
And yes, it’s terrible but all of us Street Fighter geeks are yelling, “That was a flash kick not a sonic boom!”
that was pretty funny, I hope you three team up again for another review
I WANT COMMENTARY RIGHT NOW!
great review :D i love your way of reviewing things spoony ;D
I’ve been waiting along time for you to actually do a video review of a Uwe Boll movie, because I always enjoyed reading your written reviews, and I’m quite happy that this came out. Spoony is and underrated internet great.
The best NC evah!
Uwe Boll is gold :P
That was great! You’ve been keeping busy, man.
Two great big reviews so close together? We’re getting spoiled. :)
awesome collaboration video you guys did. now i haven’t read all the comments yet so im sure someone already said this. you 3 need to do a riff trax on a Uwe Boll movie(any of them). keep up the good work guys, and i hope to see more of this in the future.
I thought that review was fantastic, i had to pause it a couple of times i was laughing so hard.
do you guys have any ideas that you could pull off mst3k style
“pizza delivery, HEART!”
That was the best vid I’ve seen in a long time. The timing on everything was just perfect! Hope you three get together again sometime soon.
Yeah, I thought an FFVIII joke would have fit right in there, too.
That was a lot of fun, would definitely enjoy seeing the 3 of you together again.
That Zoidberg sound is just like in Futurama. Well done.
Holy shit this is fucking awesome. Awesome meets Awesome meets Awesome. Never expected this to happen! And a Uwe Boll movie! This screams “golden review” right from the start. How did this thing happened? You just happened to be around or was this planned?
Argh, I’ve seen Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead.. Both of these “films” are so goddamn shitty. I mean, the games are great (and some of them just ok) so how can you fuck it up so bad? Fucking Uwe Dork.
I like you
Earlier today I was thinking “Wouldn’t it be great if Spoony and the NC did a colab review at some point”. Now ONLY does this have you teaming up with the NC but you’ve also teamed up with Linkara AGAIN! Like others have said, three of my favourite talent from TGWTG in ONE review! Great job guys!
Seeing you in this weeks NC review was SO unexpected. It was great! I’m so glad you three finally teamed up. I got kinda let down when you guys didn’t really do anything together *aside from ‘Stop using ellipses!’” This was one of my favorite reviews for far out of all the stuff out there. You three really work so well together and, of course, it was funnt as shit. Awesome. Just… awesome!!!
The trinity of reviewer genius: Spoony, Linkara, and That Guy With The Glasses. AMEN!
And then, there was hilarity.
Awesome stuff; I know it’s not always possible, but you guys should do more of these.
Holy shit. I did not expect that.
Please do more! D:
Uwe Boll when and did postal and thats was a good game the moive is just wrong :(
That, was fucking GENIUS
PLEASE PLEASE review the Dungeon Siege movie in this way guys!
When I saw this video on your site I was like “huh?”. But after a while, all I can say is.. awesome.
LMAO at Spoony’s expression after “I dont think we’re supposed to be here”
That was a welcome surprise.
that was the best NC review ever. Mostly bc you were in it.
As soon as I saw your head pop into the frame, a wave of unexplainable happyness went through my entire body… And then I came.
I’ve brought SCIENCE!
I guess the inclusion of you and linkara means there is some super collaborations in the works eh? FOR CASTLETON!
I’ve gotta be honest (and as a huge Nostalgia Critic fan it truly surprises me to have to say this), but your Robowar review utterly & completely blows this one away. There are several reasons for this:
1) Bruno Mattei makes Uwe Boll look like Stanley Kubrick. Robowar is just utterly hilariously bad on its own, while Alone In The Dark looks like a trugid uninteresting mess that takes three reviewers to make it even funny enough to be worth watching a video about. (Not to mention, when it comes to being an all-around sleezebag, making nunsploitation porno and a movie titled “SS Exploitation Love Camp” trumps beating the shit out of your critics in a boxing ring.)
2) Your Robowar review seems way more epic than this supposedly big deal three way crossover “event”. This review came across as three guys getting together to have a grand ol’ time entertaining & amusing themselves while a camera rolled, while Robowar was a painstakingly crafted piece that clearly a lot of hard work went into, and every bit of it pays off in the humor onscreen
3) At least you actually talk all through your own videos. The Critic’s Stephen Hawking Voicebox thing was cute for about 10 seconds, but by the time Linkara showed up it was already getting old.
4) Finally, Compared to Reb Brown, Christian Slater is *no* Chuck Norris. …OK, I’m not even sure which one that’s a putdown of, the point is that when it comes to being hilariously, entertainingly bad & cheesy, Reb just completely blows Slater away.
What the hell were they thinking when they chose the song “Seven seconds” as the background music for the “love” scene?
My god. It’s full of Net Stars.Holy crap Noah did you and linkara actually fly out to chicago AGAIN? I have to say that this is one of the funniest reviews any of you guys have done. Your personalities mesh really well. I’m not surprised really. after watching all the chicago blogs and such It seems all of you got on really well. Except with the nerd. He seems really standoffish. Either Congrats on the best collab I’ve ever seen. Are there any plans for more? I’d love to see you guys do a pseudo Rifftracks together on some more Uwe bolle stuff. or even more joint reviews. Pure Comedic gold. Some needs to try and kill Uwe with a forklift.
Spoony, you Castleton snob!
Loved the review. I hope you guys do this more often.
This video rocked.
Was it recorded back during the Brawl, or was this a recent endeavor?
That was a bit of a letdown. The Hawking-ifier got annoying really quickly and Linkara just ain’t funny.
The best review ANY of you have ever made!
“The Hawking-ifier got annoying really quickly and Linkara just ain’t funny.”
Exactly what I thought. Microsoft Sam is not funny, the gimmick wears off in a couple of seconds, then it just becomes annoying as hell… Very stupid of NC. I’d like to see NC & Spoony doing a video together in the future, though, they have the potential to make something good.
I loved it!!! Besides The Critic, Spoony and Linkara are my favorite…
While I agree that the Hawking’s voice was annoying, overall the video was pretty good.
It would be awesome to see those 3 again doing a review again (with The Critic actually talking). Or even better, with Doctor Insano, Chester and 90′s Kid!!!
Don’t complain about Hawking voice. It was in the character and didn’t leave plot holes.
It sounded good when they were all talking together, the Sam voice gives a good tone at those places.
For those of you confused about why Spoony didn’t have a gun in the shooting sketch, it’s because Noah, like Chuck Norris, just needs to point his finger and yell “Bang!” to bring someone down.
So, any chance of a audio commentary
Other than GuyWithTheGlasses videos never playing smoothly for me in the visual sense, this was fantastic.
Beautiful, but I do agree with the criticisms that NC’s Stephen Hawking shtick got tired pretty fast.
This came out fast, though I await the Critics real explanation for why he couldn’t talk or why he had to use a computer, and I didn’t like the Hawk voice but it was something different compared to MS Sam which so many lazy youtubers use for dubbing. The 3 stooges intro was great, but the Chuck gag made me yawn! That jokes probably as old as Jeep Wranglers! ITS NOT FUNNY!!! Calling Boll Hitler is an odd thing considering that Hitler was Austrian, no I am NOT a follower of his but you get some random trivia of the day! Boll can’t even do a car chase right as the guy being chased drove a big LTD while the other guy used an early Taurus, and somehow the LTD lost and its driver was killed an a very uncovincing way. This was a good review.
Still not worse than House of the Dead. God that was a piece of shit film.
THIS WAS GREAT. It may be hard to get together (all 3 of you), but I think the general word on the streets is = WE LOVED THIS. The chemistry was great.
I nearly choked when I heard Linkara mention the Black Lanterns in their bit about “if you make it down here alive, you’re already dead”.
Black Lanterns would have made this epic! Especially Black Lantern 90′s kid, Dr. Insano, Bhargov and Chester A. Bum.
Wow, when Spoony started talking about the same orphanage, I was sure there would be a Final Fantasy 8 reference.
Well, this may be a NC-review, but it has Spoony written all over it. It really matched the cynical tone of the text review, although the text reviews actually tears Uwe Boll up even better.
I think Spoony and Linkara should’ve done this one together, though. Doug seems to be kinda out of place here and he doesn’t really add something to it. While I thoroughly enjoyed this video, I still enjoy Spoony’s text review even better!
I actually didn’t like this at all ;/ I enjoy Linkaras/TGWTG/Spoony’s videos, but mostly when they’re done solo. I understand you’re trying like “go to the next level,” but it really isn’t working that well – solo reviews are much easyer to do and they are much more entertaining. And I’d say this thing affects Spoony the most – almost every newer review(vlogs doesn’t count) has guest stars in it. You should still concentrate on solo stuff, man, like Linkara and NC does. That helps to keep your high-profile.
fucking amazing just watched it on tgwtg congrats spoony that was great!
Seriously, best review I’ve seen out of the three of you.
Loved the 3 Stooges tribute too.
I love 11:24. The actress takes a shit on the pronunciation of Newfoundland. It’s one word, not three words, nor do you pronounce the “d” in “found,” you dumb bitch.
Also, during that same scene, she mentions a piece to be in Alaska – but it’s not, the piece is on northern Canada.
So when can I expect the 3 on 1 cage match with Spoony, NC and Linkara?
Btw, I’m pretty sure we will hear the backstory of this review soon. How? Well, because Spoony loves audio commentaries (and he stole that from Uwe Boll lol)
that was the most retarded ending to a review i have ever seen^^ not a bad thing though!
but that movie… holy hell, what a giant load of ass! jesus, that makes me feel kinda bad to be german >.>
lol That was pretty good. The review I mean not the movie.
Oh my good, this was the greatest review i have ever seen in my life…
serious though, it was really really good. Spoony and Linkara are working perfeclty together as they both have different styles combined with NC just fits in perfectly.
I am looking forward to a audio comment and bloopers if there are any, 3 funny people doing funny lines is even more funnier…is that enough funny? Sorry I am german, I know English however I am not really a slang person :)
BTW: I do not feel bad that Uwe is a German, he is doing is way over and over again, despite people bashing him for what he does. Like Ed Wood. The movies are bad for sure, but at least they leave an impression on us, there are a lot of movies which I can not recall or remember easily.
BTW²: We germans brought the world 2 times in relentless fear, with our Warmachine, guns, soldiers, tanks…whatever. Do you think we did not learned that this is useless? Now we break your minds with shitty movies…muhahahahaa *cough*
Woah did I say something? Nevermind.
This review is probably one of my all time favourites. Love the combination of NC, Spoony and Linkara. Easily my three favourite reviewers. Must have been fun to shoot too.
“That was a bit of a letdown. The Hawking-ifier got annoying really quickly and Linkara just ain’t funny”
C’mon…I’ll grant you that Linkara doesn’t have the comic timing of Noah or Doug, but he’s funny in his own right. Honestly, I think Spoony was the weak link (sorry, dude). He’s much better when he’s working on his own stuff…most of the crossover stuff I’ve seen has been pretty weak (except the Warrior review and some of the Dr. Insano stuff for the “Last time on AT4W” segments). I think he does better when left to his own devices.
Wow didn’t expect much but this was really nice. Spoony outshined the rest but all 3 were really good.
This made my day, one of the best crossovers ever (:
I would really love a vlog where you talked abou the planning and stuff!
Guys, believe me, I LOVE bad movies. Movies whose titles alone send my friends screaming from my house are proudly displayed on my DVD shelves. I love watching bad movies with my braver, and equally cynical, friends, just to make snarky comments about the acting, directing, special effects, etc. Whenever a new movie is released in theatres and is so bad it gets a one digit grade on Rotten Tomatoes, I drag along whichever unfortunate friend I can get my claws on and we have a blast laughing at its shortcomings. I truly believe that a movie can be so bad that it comes right around to being awesome, as far as entertainment goes. I enjoy bad movies more than I do good ones.
Having said all that, I friggin’ HATE this movie!! Solely because it was directed by the only living being on this planet I hate more than Bill O’Reilly: Uwe Boll. GODDAMN that man both annoys and astounds me with his stubborn insistence that he creates masterpieces that the rest of us are too “retarded” (I’m quoting him on that one) to understand. I once watched an interview with him and I honestly remained staring at my screen with a stunned expression for at least a minute after the interview had ended. He’s just … GAAAAHH!!!
And so (to make this comment seem even remotely relevant to your video) I LOVE the fact that the three of you joined forces to tackle this runny pile of crap.
When I think of this movie, just one thing comes to mind (well, other than a hateful rant): Tara Reid pronouncing the province as New-FOUND-land -_-’
Ah c’mon. AITD is the only Boll movie I have ever watched, but it wasn’t THAT bad. It’s slow, and has a lame story, agreed. But the production was way above average (you complain about too dark fights but show video evidence of good CGI and props?). I can name instantly 10 movies that are established as enjoyable but feel, look and are way cheaper. Apart from that, name 2 movies of Wes Craven and Sam Raimi that don’t feature the light on-off routine (a) Spiderman counts only once and b) Spiderman DOES feature teh light on-off)
This was EPIC!
I really hope you guys did a couple of extra collab reviews while you had the chance.
Sweet review :) I’m not fond of his movies but I do kinda like Uwe Boll. He’s comes across as a caricature. The guy is so delusional about his abilities. I even heard him compare himself to Ed Wood like it was a good thing.
That said I do like Postal. I’ve played Postal 2 and the movie, dumb as it was, captured the feel of that game pretty well.
Anyway I hope you do an audio commentary of this. Would be fun to hear what brought this about.
you did it spoony!! you have finally become crow from mst3k! ya snarky bastard
Good review, though the difference between movies like alone in the dark and movies like plan 9 is that plan 9 is entertaining. I like Ed Wood movies because they are so bad they do, infact, become good. These movies however, don’t have that effect.
Spoony! You Castleton snob!
i brought SCIENCE!!
the ending was awesome-i love 3 stooges!
Uwe Boll is a piece of trash who likes to think he’s God’s gift to film industry. Anyone who’s seen his body of work, knows that is not the case. Try telling this to Dr. Boll and you’ll find yourself challenged to boxing match. That’s how he deals with his critics. He’s delusional, in denial and needs to stopped. Like right now. Seriously.
There’s infact an online petition collecting signatures to stop this evildoer making horrible movies forever. When Boll heard of it, he said he will stop if it reaches to 1 million signatures. Don’t know if signing this petiotion will help, but here’s the link…. http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html Go crazy, kids! :D
Awsome review. Good work!!!!!!!!!!!
Hands down one THE ( Joe voice) best reviews ever!
weldone chaps :]
Every Wednesday the NC puts up a new video. I went to see his (I was going to see if you posted something after the video) and I broke out laughing when you jumped in. (I dont usually laugh out loud) I cant wait to see it.
You plus Linkara plus NC… This is going to be epic.
Hey Spoony, which film series do you think is worse, Transformers from Michael Bay, or anything Uwe Boll has shat out?
I find it in rather bad taste to compare Ed Wood to Uwe Boll. Ed Wood’s films, though bad are at least sincere and the desire to entrain it’s audience still shines through regardless of how bad the film is.
When you watch an Uwe Bol movie there is no such feeling of sincerity. You can tel he didn’t try at all when he was making them, at least not in the sense that he wanted to entertain. He wanted to make money.
Ed Wood was born to make movies, and that passion translates onto the screen
Uwe Boll was born to be a douchebag, and that also translates onto the screen.
23:14 – 23:24 The song is Nightwish – Wish I had your angel
For the record, beating your critics to pulp is in my opinion good sportsmanship (on both sides!) and all around a fun thing to do. Maybe Boll is the Andy Kaufman of movie making?
REMEMBER ME… AS A BRILLIANT SECURITY GUARD
Really enjoyed this one! I’d just like to be another to defend the speech synthesiser: it made the sections where you were talking together much easier to handle as it was easy to either pick you out individually or just appreciate the chaos. I guess people have different tolerances / attention spans for that kind of thing. Worked for me.
I think it’s good to have a mixture of ‘mainstream’ bad movies and ‘just bad’ movies. It’s interesting to see the similarities and differences.
Anyone ever notice the similarities between Rob Liefeld and Uwe Boll? Both think they are geniuses, and both are VERY terrible at what they do (yet somehow made lots of money). They even look similar! Right down to that same idiotic grin.
The twin hellspawns, everyone:
Wow this review was EPIC… no other words for it. I hope you do more reviews like this!
Loved the three stooges segment
NORG THE FAT DEMANDS MORE UWE BOLL REVIEWS! Well hey, it’s a dirty job putting Uwe Boll in his place, but somebody’s gotta do it!
Thanks again for being voices of reason in a fallen world.
Oh this was epic! My three favorite reviewers in one sitting! My computer almost exploded from the sheer awesomeness of this!
Great job, guys. Really…that was just completely awesome.
Funniest video EVER.
It seems like a mediocre movie, but I’ve seen worse. Idk why people call him the German Ed Wood, because Ed Wood was the god of kitsch. See, people actually LIKE Ed Wood’s movies, everyone just hates Uwe Boll’s.
That was a pretty awesome review. Not sure what’s so nostalgic about a fucking Uwe Boll movie, but whatever.
Wow, Spoony, NC, and Linkara. All I need is Nostalgia Chick and I’d be set for life.
This is now my favorite NC review. That was absolutely fun. Like a bunch of frat boys without the slurred speech and crushing cans with your faces. This NEEDS to happen again sometime. When I watch a review by one person, they’re not passing inside jokes around to each other. That’s what made this so goddamn fun.
This goes to prove that you don’t need a ton of special effects to make a good video. Thanks guys, I needed something to cheer me up after a bad day.
Hmmm… number of comments before mine 173… central plot element “bureau 713″… coincidence?!
I think SO!
That when you guys get together you produce pure comedy gold on the other hand is NOT. Bravo.
What an amazing collab! NC, Spoony, and Linkara. All in one episode, damn it’s like Christmas came early!
This was, without a doubt, one of the finest reviews I’ve ever watched.
You three should team up on more movies, I think you really work well together.
Pass it on!
yaya that petition is severely old news…
anyways… Spoony! Dont think i didnt notice you re-used alot (ALOT) of your material from your written review (yes, i’ve read them all). I actually am glad you did btw, your written stuff from before your internet popularity hit its peek is some of your best stuff.
Anyways, while I dont like NC, this review was great. Little tip, and may be I just get why you did it, but step on each others lines as a joke is funny once, after that it was obnoxious. My only little critique but anyway it was still hilarious. Another great review imo, even NC was funny for once.
oops some typos there
Maybe I just didnt get why you did it, but stepping on each others lines is only funny once. After that its obnoxious.
“I need scissors 61″
Now that is one reference I wasnt expecting to hear from Linkara O.O
must be my spoonyfanboyism coming out, but i wished spoony had the center role, since he knows these type of flicks like his second hand.
Why did TGWTG add “sonic boom” sound effect to what was clearly a somersault kick?
Seeing this video made my Brain EXPLODE out of my ass, and i’m proud to say that in my last few moments of life i was able to say SPOONY FTW!!!
“That said I do like Postal. I’ve played Postal 2 and the movie, dumb as it was, captured the feel of that game pretty well.” I agree, Postal is the golden Uwe Boll movie in a sea of shit.
Honestly, I did think that the production looked too slick to be completely amateurish. Andy mentioned the decent CGI and props and the camerawork is quite slick. Even still I can see that many elements are badly executed and how stupid the story is from the beginning. I also concur that the gimmick of the voice-box was probably too much on top of having the three of you reviewing together. You three still worked very hard on this and I commend the result.
By the way, Boll claims that his past German-language movies were better-received. What do you people know about that claim? Please pardon the spamming.
That was badass, guys!
That has to be done again, That was awesome. How did you keep that a secret?
anyway, yea I’m just going to repeat what everyone else has already said, that was fantastic!
I bet you guys had all kinds of fun.
I brought Science-Dr.Insano
Best line ever
More please! That was great!
Great review. Cross-overs are always nice… well almost always.
Now i’m just waiting for someone to post a comment defending Uwe Boll. There always seems to be at least one individual who has a differing opinion from the rest of the commenters…
Then again, somehow, i don’t think any self respecting movie watcher/gamer would even spit in Uwe Boll’s direction in a good way.
So many genuinely LOL moments towards the end. The chopped up get-to-the-point-yet still-tell-us-the-storyline editing kept it with just enough to be substantial but not too long to get stale. Spoony and TGWTG together are a comedic force of nature. I got those vibes from the Winslow house visit and this totally confirmed. hope to see more collabs with TGWTG for sure
“They all came from the same orphanage”
Oh god, it’s killing the cast of Final Fantasy VIII!
Saw this on TGWTG and all I have to say is… Wow.
That was so much fun!
Spoony, N.C. and Linkara? Just blew my freaking mind.
No FFVIII joke about the orphanage???
Well…Uwe Boll…what do you expect from a man who is a self declared genius who’s genius is recognized by none but himself and challenges people to boxing matches for the title of Best Director, as if beating the shit out of someone would be proof of cinematic ability? Following this logic, Mike Tyson would make kick ass movies. Maybe someone should put that guy in a directors chair.
Anyway, it’s unfortunate but true that German laws enable directors to get tax deductions if their movies bum. I get the idea behind it: keeping German film makers in Germany to revive German cinema (which sucked ever since after “Das Boot” was made).
Still, I think that comparing Uwe Boll to Hitler is kind of unfair. Adolf Hitler at least had some success and was good at what he was doing.
That being said: great review !
Good fun all around.
But I was heartbroken by the lack of Miles! I actually watched AitD after reading your review of it because the parts about Miles had me literally in tears I was laughing so hard. The moment you popped on-camera I got all giddy waiting for Miles to show up and get a little love since he truly is the most competent and likable person in the film.
I wonder if spoony will release a commentary track for this one.
I’m pretty curious as to why they came up with this golden piece of entertainment.
Man, NC totally ruined this with his gay voice. I’ve never been a fan of Linkara but Spoony was decent.
We need a commentary track for this, something this epic needs some backstory, plus I always love when Spoony bashes Boll.
Absolutely seconding a Spoony commentary track.
Yay, new video! … Wait, NC? … OMFG SPOONY AND NC. Amazing stuff right there, my two favorite reviewers combined. Linkara’s okay, and I do watch his stuff, but I dunno. Your jokes were the best by far.
Also, I’m guessing this was shot in the NC’s “Douchey McNitpick” room. I just never expect to see crossovers since we’re all separated by half a country and teh interwebz, they’re always a great surprise.
AWESOME VIDEO! The 3 of you make a great team! Though, one point i would like to point out that wasn’t pointed out in the review is that the monsters HATED THE LIGHT and at the end of the movie, ITS BROAD DAYLIGHT, YET A MONSTER ATTACKS ANYWAY!
I have to say, that…as one who considers NC, Spoony and Linkara the three most talented members of the Channel Awesome crew….that this is remarkably disappointing and unfunny. Alone in the Dark is a shitty movie…..everyone knows this….and, thus….how shitty it is doesn’t work as it’s own joke for very long, unless you have some kind of huge fetish for Uwe Boll bashing….in which case, I can see it working.
I myself would rather steer clear of any fetish involving Uwe Boll, but hey….
This is great. The Nostalgia Critic seems to be getting better with time, and this is his best review yet.
Not that Spoony had anything to do with it…
You guys should do this more often! :P How about doing one of the Resident Evil movies?
This was just awesome!
Too much sexy for one room/video!
lol kidding! Not that you guys aren’t easier on the eyes than some.
Great vid, I recall your text review of this and thought one day a vid might get done.
Please make “the three shmuckheads” (I love that title) reviews more often!
That was not a sonic boom,though XD
holy shit reviewers dream team!
this would be good if i wasnt so butthurt over NC giving a bad reveiw of district 9
Dude, you’ve got an enormous melon. It looks like you’re a tiny bit disproportionate from the others, like something of a stunted man-giant, or suffering from a sudden thyroid disorder. Don’t get me wrong, though; I’m not trying to snark purely to snark. Just wanted to share some criticism with ya.
Regardless, I am enjoying the ensemble dynamic so far. You’re a damn fine actor. Very genuine. :)
“as if wearing glasses makes you look any smarter!?” -NC and Linkara stare at Spoony- “…I need glasses”
That was classic hahah
The movie doesn’t look as bad as some people have said, but I guess that was a much sped up version of it.
I was actually hoping for a FFVIII joke when you mentioned the orphanage thing, dunno why. Just that whole idea of, ‘oh yeah, BY THE WAY…’
I’m surprised we heard nothing of the shity paintball armor and junky set the special forces guys were using like in his text review
i brought science! lmao i’m surprise your heads didn’t explode after watching the movie :p
I have a hard time believing you all got together to do merely this. So, when is the next crossover coming out?
LOL, on a lighter note, I was working at a theater when this came out. There were three movies I saw for free during that time that I truly feel I should have been PAID to see. This was one, although to be truthful it was the least of the evil trio. “Bewitched” was worse, and “Son of the Mask” was so damn bad I nearly walked out of a free movie to complain to the management. AKA, my boss. Yes, it really is THAT BAD.
I was hoping there would be some focus on the old guy who started rubbing his nipple when he got stabbed, but the image itself was funny enough.
My three favourites in one review, this is more than I had ever hoped for! Awesome review.
“I have to say, that…as one who considers NC, Spoony and Linkara the three most talented members of the Channel Awesome crew….that this is remarkably disappointing and unfunny.”
… Wasn’t expecting that.
Spoony scared the hell out of me when he appeared. I don’t know why really…
Also supporting a Spoony commentary track.
“Dude, you’ve got an enormous melon. It looks like you’re a tiny bit disproportionate from the others, like something of a stunted man-giant, or suffering from a sudden thyroid disorder.”
lol? I’m not seeing this. I didn’t notice it the first time I watched it, so I went back to see if you’re right but no, they all seem pretty proportionate to me.
Can you believe there’s a sequel that got released this year? I would love to see Spoony, The N.C., and Linkara box against Uwe Boll.
Okay Spoony that was awesome.
Now seriously, You, Linkara, The Nostalgia Critic, and James Rolfe! Come on! You know you want to.
Best… Review… EVER!
“lol? I’m not seeing this. I didn’t notice it the first time I watched it, so I went back to see if you’re right but no, they all seem pretty proportionate to me.”
The first time Spoons appeared in the frame caught me by surprise. It looked like he was a tad larger than Doug to me, so I figured that it was an editing blip. I dunno, it’s possible that I’m mistaken.
Quite literally the best review I have seen in a while. The 3 stooges thing really got to me. I am a major stooges fan. Great stuff here. Looking forward to more like this. Everything about it was great.
Excellent job. Hmm, I wonder what would happen if they did a running commentary on an entire movie. . .
Dude, awesome crossover!!!!
this was a great review i hope they do a lot more crossovers they should do a bum NC and ask that guy if its possible
Great Jobby! For a second there I thought you were going to kill off both your alter egos (Insano, 90′s Dude). I’m happy they are still around.
Heh, nice job everyone. This has to be one of your best reviews ever. Uwe Boll, he’s the guy you get when you think Micheal Bay is too classy for your film. Also, the 3 stooges segment was awesome! I’m glad somebody remembers them. Here’s a question though, who is more insane? ‘The Ultimate Warrior’ or Uwe Boll?
I honestly cannot decide, I think it’s a tie.
Again, great job everyone. Hope to see more crossovers in the future!
That was fucking incredible. We should seriously write letters to The Reels channel or whatever network to get you guys a fucking show. You know we’ll do it. Just tell everyone my proposal in your videos, or hell, just send them the video. It’s that good guys.
I am exploding from that reviews AWESOMENESS!!!!!! TYTYTY! That was great!
How very MST3K! Love It!
THIS WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!! AWESOME DAMNIT!!!
Fun(ny) Fact: Ed Wood wanted (and did) to dress in women’s clothing.
Aaaagh, they shot Insano and Guild guy, noooooooooo.
On the other side, awesome job. Scared the living out of me when Spoony and Linkarna bounced in the scene.
This is the best thing.
yeah i love the idea of you guys doing a tv show, mention it in your next video and we could sign a petition or something to prove the demand is out there. You guys could realy make a carrier out of this! http://www.myspace.com/jukebanduk
wow that was soooo hilarious!! you guys really should make “the three schmucks” to a series of it’s own (and review all uwe boll movies!)
you know like one review a month or something.. it would be awesome!!
I can totally understand it though, women’s clothing is really comfortable.
Boll is so bad, the owners of World of Warcraft turned him away when he applied to direct the movie adaptation, which is absolutely hilarious. I guess they told him they thought the a bad movie would ruin the success of the franchise.
THIS WAS GREAT VIDEO!!!!
this was great, we need more Three Schmucks reviews! please do more!
Great Joint review by Spoony, NC and Linkara.
“Uwe Boll is actually trying to scare us with flickering lights.All that’s missing is a guy on a microphone trying to make scary sound effects”
Hey Linkara, why the hell were you talking about Black Lantern when the topic was getting there live and you are dead, or something stupid like that xD
You guys are the new,improved and powerless Fantastic 4, and yes I’m counting Ma-Ti, HEART!
17:50 – Listen to Linkara real carefully, you’ll hear him say: “I NEED SCISSORS!! Sixty-One!!!” Metal Gear Solid Reference, FTW!!! XD
Dude spoony, in the title screen (“The three shmuckheads”) you perfectly look like of Michael Mittermeir, a german comedian. awesome
@Golden Christian: No he doesn’t not at all.
i now have a reason to live. must watch every uwe boll movie and make fun of it.
Spacetheater 4000 :D
“I brought science!” ::DDD
These guys rock! <3
Easily one of my favorite Nostalgia Critic segments. Bravo!
Someone (read: spoony ) should write a review of an Uwe movie (or use an old text one) and find an exceptionally strong movie critic to review it, so when Uwe pulls another critic boxing match the critics will have an ace in the hole :D
Words and logic seem to have no effect on this man. We must apply sweet satisfying violence, and preferably film it.
They have tried, he runs away. Seanbaby used to write for EGM, and he frequently called Uwe Boll out for the turds he calls movies. Uwe wanted to fight someone on G4 to promote the event, G4 called Seanbaby, and Uwe called in sick. This is because Seanbaby is a big fucker who knows Muay Thai, and Uwe prefers to fight people who haven’t set foot in a ring before.
It’s a shame, Seanbaby probably would have DQ’d himself by “forgetting” about it being a boxing match and breaking Uwe’s face with his knee, and it would have been both awesome and worth it.
I can't believe I watched this twice before I noticed the Castleton T-shirt!
whoa the old guy sounds like the gatekeeper
I try to watch Uwe's movies, I honestly do, but whenever I get anymore past the half way point in any of them I need to either go break something or hurt someone.
I'm acting……… I like to wear women's clothing I like to wear….
LOL… Oh yeah, this movie has nothing to do with the games.
Of course, the difference between Boll and Ed Wood is that as inept as he was, Ed Wood seemed to believe in what he was doing. So, a doofus, but an HONEST one. Uwe Boll is nothing but a cynical, mercenary, douchebag with no talent OR interest in developing talent.
I once heard that Germany subsidizes it's film industry and that's how Uwe Boll can make flops and still profit.
This review is awesome especially the reason for Nostalgia Critics's loss of voice and the Stephen Hawking-like voice effect XD.
How didn't they make fun of the ultra-efficient city evacuation without mentioning Dragon Ball Z's edited dub where a reporter pretty much tells the audience:
“Oh no, that guy has thrown a gigantic fireball at the highly populated big city! It exploded like 1000 Hiroshimas!!! But its alright, the city evacuated safely in the 2 seconds it took for the fireball to reach it, kids.”
Well not everyone has seen that episode… And finding a clip of it is nigh impossible… :/
I love how Uwe thinks if he physically beats up his critics, it makes him a better filmmaker.
So, according to the Boll Theorem if I kick my old Theory I professor in the balls, does that mean I didn't fail the course back in 2005.
Where's MY tax credit?!?
I need to point out, that the movie is filmed in British Columbia, in areas that i've lived in before “Vancouver” and the area i live in currently “Surrey” I find it fucking HILARIOUS that the “airport” that Slayter is picked up from, is the fucking Central City Mall, that I live literally 2 blocks from! LOL!
about the “impaling thing” in the legacy of kain games one of the only ways to kill a vampire was to impale him, and projectiles did little to hurt enemies just a though….
Spoony, I prefer your written review of alone in the dark. It's funny, easily understandable and well, it's just better than all the others; just like Cool Site Maker.Once again Spoony, please, please make your written review a real one!
Or the one I like better, when Nappa destroys the aircraft that was the 'robot' one, to make the reporters flee.
it's sad, this is one of the most quoted things in my housethe MST 3K comments not the actual comment
nothing like yelling the ZUL MF Zul! when attacking people in D&D
I just watched the Ed Wood movie by Tim Burton last night and I finally get the “I like to wear women's clothing” joke. This eps is twice as awesome now. Please do more reviews with the Nostalgia Critic.
On another note I'm planning a marathon/ drinking game where we watch Uwe Boll movies, I'll let you know how that works (and possibly film it).
I've heard that Uwe Boll has blamed the failure of the movie on Tara Reid not getting naked for the sex scene. REALLY. In an alternate reality somewhere Erika Elaniak didn't bare her big twins in Under Siege and the movie grossed negative dollars.
Is it just me, or had Christian Slater spent the majority of his career attempting to emulate Jack Nicholson in every conceivable way–all the way down to the use of eyebrows?
I have this movie :/
You know what's even worse. There's a sequel to this. And here's a shocker, the whole cast is different.
The reels for this print were built out of order by my fellow projectionists and no one noticed. Dear god, what a shitty movie
And here's the kicker. Even though each Alone in the Dark movie shared a similar writer, the only thing each one shares is a similar main character. And btw, if you have to ask which Edward is better, Christian Slater wins. .
Did you know that there is alone in the dark 2.
To be honest, by now ive watched movies far worse than this and you missed out on the best part of it: The fucking Soundtrack! Seriously just read the names of the bands who contributed to this. Inflames, Fear Factory, All Shall Perish, Mnemic, Heaven Shall Burn, Lacuna Coil, Cradle of Filth, Soilwork….I actually enjoyed the whole “shooting in the dark room” scene just because of the music that was played :X
The crap cinematography of the film, combined with the text at the bottom, makes the clips in the review look like an infomercial or cheap advertisement.
BUY HAPPINESS?!?! In game money? FUCK YOU MADDEN!
is it bad i just got a phone call after watching this movie saying i will die in three days ?
Ohay, what does this have to do with the video games? XDDD
This is the first vid i actually saw u and Link in, and is by far maybe my favorite NC video ever! Fucking hilarious, iv only had the balls to watch one Uwe Boll movie, and that was, “The house of the dead.” a friend of mine and i rented it as part of our Halloween party, along with, '”The thing.”15 minutes into the movie, my friend said, “Turn this shit off.”and we decided to watch a good movie. God it was horrible. thank you guys.
alone in the dark is a video game, and uwe boll makes 90% of his profits from turning good games into total shit fests.
One of my favourite reviews ever. Possibly the BEST review I've ever seen. I mean, it has Spoony, Linkara, and NC riffing on an Uwe Boll movie. What more could you possibly ask for?
There needs to be more of these crossover reviews cause they're just brilliant.
… no, really, there NEED to be more made.
… if no more are made, I have access to a hydrogen fusion bomb aimed at a major city in America. MWAHAHAHAHA! (insert evil villain orchestral sting here).
Your no mad dog killer you are after something
Well, I may make demands for a couple of million dollars put into a secure bank account in Zurich. Obtaining hydrogen fusion bombs aren’t cheap and I have some rather angry “friends” from North Korea who are kinda standing over me with large clubs and asking why I haven’t paid back the money they lent me.
… A tip: never borrow money from a stable dictatorship.
One of my favourite reviews ever. Possibly the BEST review I’ve ever seen. I mean, it has Spoony, Linkara, and NC riffing on an Uwe Boll movie. What more could you possibly ask for?
There needs to be more of these crossover reviews cause they’re just brilliant.
… if no more are made, I have access to a hydrogen fusion bomb aimed at a major city in America. MWAHAHAHAHA! (insert evil villain orchestral sting here).
Please PLEASE tell me there’s going to be more “The Three Schmuckheads” reviews in the future!
Poor Alone in the Dark. You were once one of the most innovative action/horror games in PC history, now it’s come to this…
i second this
I dont know if anybody knows this but the movie was originally supposed to be an H.P. Lovcraft like horror story but uwe bowl decided to fire the people who came up with the idea that would make the movie entertaining and thereby fucking up his methods of making money as mentioned by the critic in the review which is safe to say he is being an idiot movie producer on purpose.
there is actually a “special edition of this film where bowl had tara reids scenes cut out as if saying she is the reason the movie sucked instead of well uwe bowls shitty directing.
This movie gave me and my entire family cancer, thanks Uwe Boll.
seriously? wow this movie sucks
This movie raped my mother, and she’s been dead since 1995.
There is an Alone In The Dark 2
Such a shame… Alone in the Dark is a great setting and actually has a story. It’s most likely one of the only video game based films that could have been nice… But no, FUCKING BOLL! God I hate this godless sodomite.
I despise Uwe Boll more than words can articulate. I’ve seen a few of his movies, and they truly are the bottom of the barrel. On top of it, he won’t leave video games alone… It would be one thing if his movies were inspired by the games, but naming movies after games they have little to nothing to do with is a travesty. His visions are a gamer’s drug induced nightmares. They’re bullshit, and they’re bad for you.
Even outside of the whole movie business, the guy’s a complete ass. What, Don’t like negative feedback? Beating the crap out of people or naming them a coward is a perfectly rational and intellegent way to go about things… (Sarcasm. *cough* )
I’m glad I never gave this movie any time. The non-action parts look slow and stupid, and the actiony parts look terrible with bad camera angles and lighting. But as the first and probably only good note of this particular comment, I must say that seeing you guys review together was a surreal piece of awesome. Keep doing what you do, You guys are some of my favorite reviewers.
You know what the only thing I like is that My favorite band got into the credits. That is it I’m glad that they finally got into a movie…no matter how bad it is.
To be honest, if it weren’t for this review, I never would have found out about Spoony, so I guess I have that to be thankful for, lol
“In order to review to review this though, I need three reviewers.”
All in a Stephen Hawking voice. Comedic gold.
XD I love Spoony, NC, and Linkara crossovers!!!!!~ lol Spoony is so childish here….and it love it!!!!!~XDXD
“I like to wear women’s clothing!”~
i brought science!
did they make the zoll sounds i love them
Spoony. Linkara. NC. Love it. Love it muy mucho :D
Except uwe boll. Fucking fucksucker
my three favorite reviewers all in one video? how beautiful.
That was pure awesome! More crossover reviews with Spoony, Linkara and Nostalgia Critic please.
Someone should challenge him to a boxing match then bring a pair of brass knuckles the left hand would say “YOU” and then the right would say “SUCK” and then they should begin to beat him to tell with the truth
Being a psychology major, seeing this orphanage being used for experiments makes me think, “The International Review Board would never approve these experiments.” I need to stop thinking about school and focusing on the hilarity of the Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and the Spoony One.
the three shmuckheads need to do this again!
oh my god an anime chick for a picture….YOUR A GIRL THAT LIKES THESE GUYS…CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD
HOLY CRAP! Look at the ‘minion recovery group’ in the credits. Mr.T is in it as himself!
This movie made me want to put my head through a wall, but there’s nothing like my three favorite Stoo- CRITICS to put it in its place.
Now… we just need to wait until Uwe starts filming in North America again. I have the money to get you wherever you need to be, all you three have to do is show up in his trailer and beat the bollshit out of him with folding metal chairs. Or whatever weapons you wanna bring with you. The rustier the better. Take lots of pictures!
OH GOD THAT ENDING WAS FUNNY
I could watch this review forever, it by all standards, PURE GOLD! :D
This was the first time I ever saw Spoony, actually lol. Me and my friend were watching this review, and when Spoony came in, we were like, “Who’s that? Oh, well, he’s funny. ^^” I thank this review for introducing me to the Spoony one, lol. :)
great review, terrible movie
I demand a return of the three schmuckheads for more crappy movies
You should make a drinking game out of this. Whenever something stupid, retarded or just plain wrong happen you have to drink a whole bottle of beer……..but wait, there aren’t that much beer bottles existing in the whole galaxy. :)
you need to do something like this again
okay linkara, I’ll get revolution of the mask.
Just realized the Cab driver is the main character in Rampage
why is it that Nostalgia critic’s older episodes lag like shit? and no it’s not lag from my computer, i’ve checked……
It has something to do with Blip.tv changing something in their website
Has it been addressed somewhere why they chose to include the whole voice-synthesising thing for Doug? It mostly makes for pretty lame jokes.
Doug got sick right before this. I think its mentioned in like spoonys commentary
Wow was that Epica? Niiice ((:
Do you mean at the end? That was something in my opinion far inferior; Nightwish’s ‘Wish I Had an Angel’.
This could use some Epica.
OMG they killed Ma-Ti! You bastards!
Idk, Critic reminds me more of Shemp than Moe. They’re like Larry, Curly, and Shemp but it works.
The repetition of “why the hell was I in Star Trek 6?” made me laugh hard.
I HATE Uwe Boll. Seriously, this guy makes me ashamed to be German. He and the fucking HORRENDOUS things that he calls his movies should just go … themselves.
Great commentary, by the way. Never laughed my ass of like this :D
And oh my God the sequence with Dorff stabbing that mad scientist …. My friend and me have actually (tried to) watch this movie before, and this single scene made it almost worth it. That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in any movie. We spent ten fucking minutes on the floor laughing and then replayed that scene for shits like 20 times. Oh gawd, I thought I’d get cardiac arrest from laughing too much. It seriously felt that way.
We loves this review, we loves it so much!!
i like it how they get mad at the long text log but i thought that was the best part of the entire movie
AAAND they insulted Mnemic by putting one of their best songs in this shitload of a movie.
The Jessie Ventura douche is lac-door-s intolerant.
Damn I was hoping Spoony would do the “I like to wear women’s clothing” joke on Critic a third time.
Even though Spoony points out in his commentary that he believes they made a great funny video in spite of all the setbacks they encountered, I actually think those setbacks contributed to how funny this video was. That’s what happens, you know? Some things don’t go quite right and they seem at first like setbacks that have to be dealt with, but in the end they actually end up enhancing the whole experience.
That kind of unpredictability is really what brings out the fun in videos like these.
This video wouldn’t have been NEARLY the same – and perhaps not even quite as funny – as it turned out had everything gone the way they had originally intended.
I love those odd little compromises that come about when you get a project together involving multiple people – nothing ever goes PERFECTLY, but those imperfections only make the end product more special and distinct.
Great commentary, Spoony! Hearing you describe your experiences in doing this job of yours in your commentaries for the last couple of years has inspired me to take a stab at making my own videos and reviews :D
So thanks for the inspiration-kickstart, Spoony!
the taxi driver was in Goosebumps Werewolf at fever swamp :D childhood memories
Are you going to review the “sequal”. The one with a different director and the story that has nothing to do with this movie.
“Why the hell was I in Star Trek 6?!” I love that line.
!i need scissors; 61 of them! – haha i got that one linkara :D
At 11:24 how is it that no one who is from outside of Newfoundland knows how to pronounce the name of the province.
DIE UWE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
They should really do another three schmuckheads.
Hey isn’t the cab driver that dude from rampage and blood rayne three?
This is still one of the best cross overs to date.
those three need to cross over more often
Yyyyeah doesn’t look like that’s happening any time soon. It’s a long story.
i would hope that in time crossovers can happen like the good old days
One of Linkara’s more recent videos has him, and Insano.
But hmmm… the Critics ‘a simple wish’ video had him as a younger man saying ‘I like to wear women’s clothing’ so… by just a random guess…
Spoony KNEW about those videos at this point. He knew. And if he knows…. Insanso knows.
My top two reviewers(Nostalgia Critic and Spoony) in the same room with Linkara?!
So. Much. Win
First NC review I ever watched. Heard about it from TV tropes.
These three were the reason why Channel Awesome succeeded and the primary reason why I watched. Without Spoony on TGWTG anymore, it makes it feel harder to come back (especially with Doug missing two weeks in a row now of Nostalgia Critic) and makes me want to support Noah more.
Think about this:
Spoony has the Critic say “I like to wear women’s clothing.”
So therefore he knew about the tapes the NC did that Mara Wilson revealed.
Is it just me, or is Raiden doing the intro?
Anyway…. PLEEEEASE do more reviews together!!! :D
Ah, better days.
Now Spoony is now longer affiliated with TGWTG and The Nostalgia Critic is over. These are dark times.
There was an alone in the dark movie? I….didn’t…. even know…. and WOW Boll is a total piece of shit! I had no idea anyone could have a roster of shit cluster fucks that massive under one belt!
Funny though this reminds me of horrible film night i had. House of the dead…followed by house of a thousand corpses…. wtf was i thinking? WHY!? Needless to say i no longer associate with my previous drug dealer O_o
Are you fucking serious! nightwish plays at the end of this fucking god awful movie!!!?
“what a cocksucking douchebag”
What’s interesting about this horrible movie is that, allegedly, it has nothing to do with the game series because the developers changed the plot of Alone in the Dark 5 at the last second.
On the other hand, Alone in the Dark 5 would have been extremely terrible if they used this plot, so…
This was fantastic – the review, not the movie. Dear God, please tell me no one has actually watched Seed. I tried, but….the horror…the horror….
“My mommy saws there’s nothing to be a afraid of in the dark” I call bull crap on that! I had a possum under my bed once!
I do not think your home is a wise choice. Too many dangerous