Anime Abandon: Diatron-5

The Spoony One | Jan 18 2012 | more notation(s) | 

Let’s dive into the magic kingdom inside our own bodies! With marshmallow skies!

  • Nico Zeese

    Awesome review bennet and spoony!

  • Damienx247

    God….. diatron 5’s theme makes Yor’s World theme look like a work of a genius.

    • Daniel Thomas Stack

      What are you implying about Yor’s World? Sure it was Repetitive but I always liked that theme.

      • Damienx247

        I just saying the band that made the Yor’s World actually put effort into their theme.

        • Daniel Thomas Stack

          Just checking, Some people make a comment that heavy with sarcasm to emphasize both are painfull or worse.

  • Sandi WhoKnows

    You two are so great together! You have brilliant chemistry.

  • Gregory Bogosian

    17:10 I thought that before they sent the heroes into the Girl Genius’s body the doctors said that she was infected with a bacteria, not a virus.  Maybe the red empire are the bacteria from the bullet, and the Cthulu thing is a completely unrelated viral infection.

  • Natalia Komuniewska

    Oh my … this was … interesting xD
    You two work so awesome together! :D

    Will be seeing the butt kicking little robot in my nightmares 8I

  • Anonymous

    So THAT’S what Bennett was doing in your house.

  • Gregory Bogosian

    I was rooting for the invading force because I wanted to see them go through the immigration office when they conquered the earth. I think that it is the earth but I am not sure.

  • Anton Vykers

    Wait, wasn’t there an entire series about a team of kids who had some kind of spaceship and a robot buddy and they fought illnesses by shrinking and going inside the patient’s body and actuallty torpedoing the germs?..
    Anyway, great review!

  • Evil Otto

    Great review, Spoony! Good to see you back.

    Anyway, if their girl genius has been shot, why don’t they just get another one?

    • Gregory Bogosian

      Judging from the quality of the animation, I think that their budget wasn’t big enough to afford the license.

  • Anonymous

    you and sage have such good comedic chemistry great review guys. I was going to ask if sage ever planned to do Kite weird  

  • April Von Lon

    The random Dr. Insano aside cracked me up. Rocket-powered Segway! All the ladies love a dude on a scooter that can go from 0-60 in less than five seconds. Helmet? He don’t need no stinkin’ helmet!

    What an awful, awful anime. I thought I’d seen some shit in my day, but that… that was just… Bad. Very very bad.

    Also, creepy!Bennett was hilarious. “Spoonyyyyy…!”

  • Anonymous

    Sage terrifies me.

    As does this “movie.”  Good lord, that was horrible!  Excellent review of this piece of shit though.

  • Daniels

    “a drunk mexican worker going through puberty” 

    when i heard the dub…  LOL

  • Darkscar

    omg that movie was horrendous, the inside of the girls body makes about as much sense as that sonic cartoon. great review though……i want a segway with rockets on it too.

  • Anonymous

    I liked when the robot kicked the girls ass the most.


    Um… I don’t even know what just happened lol.

  • Anonymous

    Oh Japan, you never cease to amaze me.

  • George Rosenbaum

    The ping pong match noise in the hospital sounds more like a broken submarine radar.

  • Necro

    Wow.  I’ve never thought a movie could hurt me just by watching it. 

  • sbkMulletMan

    Okay, seeing the robot repeatedly boot the girl in the ass was hilarious.  I was able to enjoy that!  All it was missing was a knife-chop to the throat. 

    I also especially loved the transition between Spoony’s dramatic screaming to his squealing whimpering.  I nearly choked on my food at that point early on (I really need to quit eating while watching these videos).

    And I honestly thought Sage was going to hold Oreo hostage at the opening.  Luckily the dog was safe from everything about this movie. 

    • George Rosenbaum

      You enjoyed that? It felt like I was watching a child sexually assault his own mother.

      I think Black Lantern Burton will be in my nightmares more than the robot though. Am I the only one who notices the shocking new coat of paint on the website?

      By the way, down with SOPA. But you already knew that.

      • sbkMulletMan

        Hey, with a movie this shitty, I’ll take what I can get! 

        Let the Booting commence! 

    • Mike Socarras

      …okay, settle down there, Ted Bundy…

      • sbkMulletMan

        I’m not Ted Bundy, I’m Son of Sam.  Just ask my Dog. 

    • Anonymous

      If you mean hilarious in the sense that, “oh my god, they actually added this scene thinking it would be funny or entertaining!?” then yeah I’m with you.

      If you mean hilarious in the sense that “HAHAHAHA a women is getting kicked in the ass!” then nah, not with you on that.

  • Anonymous

    So… her body has been taken over by the violent Red Empire. Does that mean she is PMSing? If that is the case, it is probably the best allegory for the workings of a human body the movie has. And that is flat-fucking terrifying.
    Also, am I imagining this, or is the robot voiced by the masked bomb-tossing mercenary
    from Garzey’s Wing? I guess his King Lear audition didn’t work out.

    As a final note, I want to confirm that the Girl Genius webcomic is awesome. I’m
    convinced that Dr. Insano is a powerful Spark who got stranded in our dimension when he was playing around with some sort of portal technology. Go check it out. NOW!

  • jake

    wait Wait WAIT!

  • Sai

    I always love Sage’s shit-eating grin XD

    Maybe having an entire universe inside her is what makes the girl genius a genius? I.. I don’t fucking know. Well, at least it wasn’t Garzey’s Wing.

  • likalaruku

    I love Space Thunder Kids. It has the same “so bad it’s hilarious” thing going that Zombie 90 has.

    Lol, Gomer Pyle? He sounded more like Lurkey from Rainbow Brite. & the robot has a Marvin the Martian thing going on.

    Sadly nowhere near the worst dubbing I’ve ever heard, but it is pretty funny, like when that Spock guy went “Whaaaat?”

    Wow that was awful…But I was laughing, so I need to see the whole thing.

  • nmwelsh

    I’ll tell you what came to my mind during the robot on woman ass kicking scene. Implied rape. Yeah I went there. If that is infact the joke, classy.

  • Daniel Thomas Stack

    Spoony you need a bit more work on selling a strangle hold. Its not required but if your thumbs are at least touching it makes it allot easier to look like you are cutting off the other persons air without having to put any real pressure into it.

  • doresh

    I think my brain just turned off XD

    Why do you need a “girl genius” to keep your planet’s AUTOMATED defense system operable Oo ?

    And even if it is not fully automated, what sense does it make to build a defense system operated by a single person?

    19:19 – did this guy’s rifle suddenly transformed?

    I’m really feeling sorry for poor Spoony. How about something more enjoyable next time, like Korean Hentai-knockoff. Although, looking at this weird ass-kicking-scene, I doubt they’re any better…

  • brandon fontenot

    When you guys started doing these reviews, I was PRAYING youd get to this! Years ago I bought a DVD at a Wal Mart for a dollar. It was called, Space Transformers. It appears to be THIS SAME MOVIE, only shortened and REDUBBED! A lot of that “world in her body” crap was removed and I dont remember those last 2 characters being in it at all. I remember the Crimson army commander getting a ROCKET in the ass at the end though!

  • Mateusz K.

    Why don’t you two never review a good or weird anime? There is so much… you could just review a god awful series which you both hate, or just some weird ass anime series… the old and obscure korean knock-off’s are just that… old and obscure…

  • Mateusz Dąbrowski

    I know how you like robots, so I put a robot in your robot robot.

  • Mateusz Dąbrowski

    Yo, dawg I heard you like robots, so we put a robot in your robot robot.

  • Anonymous

    This anime is so laughingly bad, seriously laughed my ass off at the BEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRR part.

  • Magrat Garlic

    Seriously, there is bad anime, and there is THIS. I admire you guys, no one could manage to watch this… THING and not become completely insane.

  • Anonymous

    This reminds me of the anime that used to run on the shitty local channels and/or Sci-Fi back in the mid-90’s at 2 or 3 in the morning. I still remember thinking that if I had the choice between this and Paid Programming, I’d gladly watch some schmuck monologue on the virtues of the newest iteration of the Ginsu knife.

  • Pete Griffiths

    When the Tristan-robot was attacking the commander it sounded like she was being beaten up by Dr Strangelove…

  • Utahraptorz

    Oh my god…I have no idea what I just saw. My mind, it can’t comprehend this…this…whatever this movie was! It was painful just watching the scenes of this movie. D:

    Lol, very funny review guys! I was laughing so hard at the many reactions you guys had towards this movie. XD

  • Anonymous

    Kermit the Frog. Singer. Dancer. Mecha pilot. 

    • George Rosenbaum

      Did you see Paw’s review of the old Muppet Movie? He’s also a giant Terminator.

  • Anonymous

    Woot, another review from you guys! This one was awesome, and it was just in that horrible but funny zone that makes perfect review fodder.

    To be honest, the premise actually intrigues me a little bit. If someone actually did this with some competence, it might be kind of interesting. I guess Gunbuster had the same kind of idea with the aliens being galactic antibodies or something, but Gunbuster is also fucking awesome and this doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence. But maybe for a long-running sci-fi show, finding a huge entity in the middle of nowhere and fighting anthropomorphized viruses and stuff? Yeah, I could see that working.

  • John Done

    Oh my god! This movie! I was looking for this thing! We watched it in our high school’s Godzilla Club, and I had to keep checking to make sure there wasn’t something spiking our drinks or gassing the air in the room because we couldn’t believe the weird-ass mindfuck on screen. I asked the coordinator where the VHS was some days afterward so I could get the title, and he said the thing somehow vanished. Basically what I’m saying is, this movie is a ghost :o

    • Anonymous

      I think the more likely answer is someone swiped it so they could watch it in the privacy of their own home… while smoking something illegal, probably.

  • gewoonlilly

    “…just like I’m sure somewhere in the universe lead spontaneously transforms into gold.”

    Fuck you Bennett, fuck you with a rusty double-sided spiked club.

    • Mike Socarras

      I felt the same way when he said that… misogynist jokes don’t offend me personally (I’m a guy anyway), but they’re almost always not funny and only serve to make the teller look like a lonely jerkoff

  • Anonymous

    this one made me laugh my guts out.

  • Anonymous

    Thought that maybe Lars would show up for some of his patented “persuasion”.

  • Anonymous

    Poor Spoony…. and YAY Insano!!!

    But um… I’m wondering… you know how Insano was the result of crappy videogames splitting Spoony’s psyche? Well… what would crappy anime do?

    • Jayden Reynolds

      That’s merely one of the many members of the Insano family.

  • Anonymous

    Somewhere in the review of this… movie… I could only utter one word. Why? This is the worst Anime… thing I think I’ve seen. Then again, there’s probably something out there that makes this… film look like the gold that was spontaneously converted from lead. And that’s the thought that hurts the most. Well other than that, this was a great review guys! I can’t wait for the next Anime Abandon!

  • Anonymous

    Something so awkward, weird, far out and horrendous… all you have to do is showing a still of The Sage and Spoony is enought!

  • William Tribble

    Hey Spoony! I know this is unrelated to the video, but i wanted to mention something real quick about E3 this year. A LOT of major game reviewing websites and companies are NOT attending or covering E3 this year. The reason is because the Entertainment Software Association has stated that they support SOPA, and thus would be sending the congress the idea that the gaming industry as a whole support SOPA. This is obviously not true. The ESA is the company that runs E3, so in order to protest ESA’s stance on SOPA, many game review websites will not be covering E3, ESA’s biggest revenue source. Here’s a link to a video that could explain it a bit better than i could.

    I would ask that you DON’T attend E3 this year, and instead focus on making more of the extremely high-quality, immensely hilarious videos your known for! ;]
    Welcome back Spoonyone! :D

    • Benjamin Holland

      I support this view. Who else?

      • Anonymous

        I do as well. I’ve told everyone i know about SOPA/pipa and how to look information on it up. I will be telling them about this also. Now, lets just hope that the VGA’s this year are not a laughably stupid pepsi or mountain dew commercial wrapped in a sheet of colorful wrapping paper.

    • George Rosenbaum

      I think I know why the ESA is doing this. They don’t understand their consumer base.

      Just stay with me here: remember when EA made that stupid Dead Space commercial? Remember the stupid Sony commercials with fake CEO ‘Kevin Butler’, when he talked about his games to some teenage black ghetto stereotype?

      Yeah, EA and Sony two companies make these awful commercials that only appeal to children, because they think their consumers ARE children. At least in higher management, there’s still this stereotype that they are ‘just making toys’, and they make violent games ‘because kids like violence’.

      By the way, did you know that both of these companies support SOPA? After all, if we are just kids, then we aren’t going to pay attention to the politics of their company.

      These companies think their consumers are so stupid and removed from politics, that we won’t care if they support a bill like this. Let’s prove them wrong by not watching this years E3 in protest.

      • wiliamsn

        Much like Nintendo, EA and SONY have not thrown their support behind the SOPA bill. They endorsed a letter to the chamber of commerce in favor of tougher anti-piracy legislation before SOPA was introduced. They never endorsed the SOPA bill, and their names were never on the congressional list of SOPA supporters…

        You can find a full list of SOPA supporters here…

        • George Rosenbaum

          Really, that’s strange. Jim Sterling said that Nintendo, EA, and Sony all DID support the bill.

          • Gavin Greene

            Jim Sterling is NOT a journalist in any respectable capacity. He never sources and seeks to troll rather than inform in all he does. Please don’t ever take him seriously

          • George Rosenbaum

            Does the Escapist even have any fucking credibility as a news source?

            Yeah, they occasionally make news articles and release trailers and interviews, but it’s buried under metric tons of crap. Why does The Escapist let webcomic artists and “Loading Ready Run” on their website? What they do is barely video game commentary, let alone game journalism.

            Oh, and the CEO (Alexander Macris) is completely incompetent. He is the reason The Escapist no longer has Extra Credits. Long story short, he played around with their donation money, and they got fed up with it. So they left to join up with Penny Arcade.

    • Anonymous

      I agree, boycott E3.

  • Nick Hartman

    Anyone else shit their pants when you loaded the page and the first thing you saw was
     “The Experiment is Over”

    • George Rosenbaum

      Don’t eat me, Zombie Burton!

  • Maurice Peyton

    Who animated this crap? Studio AKOM?

  • Ray Martinez

    Every thing is so wrong the dub the animation it’s just all so bad.Anyway great review I am so glad to see you up and running Noah :) You guys are better than anything on “comedy” central especially that douche-bag Tosh.

    • George Rosenbaum

      Or Aziz Ansari. Fuck that guy.

      Ansari: “Hey everyone. I’m an annoying club-fly dumbass whose one step above the ‘sassy gay friend’ in terms of doucheyness. I dance like a leprechaun while speaking in ghetto ebonics after almost every one of my jokes. This isn’t irritating or stupid at all.”

    • Jayden Reynolds

      No love for Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert, huh?

  • Mariann R Eriksen

    this was to funny!! Oh my :-D This must be something you guys do every month!

  • Aaron S

    i laghed at the “in mako we trust shirt” first sure sign of a hilarious video! thanks spoony one!

  • Mike Socarras

    Your descriptions of the soundtrack were SPOT-ON hahaha… this movie is seriously much, much worse than Space Thunder Kids, if only because this one doesn’t have the excuse of being made Godfrey Ho-style, and yet makes *less* sense than Space Thunder Kids.

  • Rob Sabol

    Wow, this is so much different from the copy i have which is known as Space Transformers. The voices are different and the story makes less sense than it already did. hope you guys find Solar Adventure, the first of these korean knock offs i found in a dollar store a few years back. 

  • Kevin

     I remeber this being played (or BOTP) On a local tv station in the afternoons on the weekends for 2 hours…this was WAY back in the late 70s. If spoony thinks this is bad, how would he feel if someone was to make a remake of a Clockwork Orange with the vamp from Twilight as Alex? hmmm?

    • Jayden Reynolds

      If you remember Pattinson as Cedric Diggory from the Harry Potter movies, you’d know he isn’t a bad actor. In the Twilight series, he actually deliberately sabotaging the movies because he hates the character and books.

  • Dustin Cochran

    I can’t wait for the commentary for this one.

  • Anonymous

    Oh dear god. That was terrible. Early on I was thinking, well it sucks sure… but it’s JUST really incompetent; it’s not like you can’t follow what’s going on… and then they go inside the ‘Girl Genius’.

    It even manages to get worse with the mean spirited and sudden ending. What; did they not want to animate the other characters anymore? At least mind fuckery or bad dubbing is funny. (What was that? Kermit the Robot?)

  • Anonymous

    Knife chop to the throat is a Bruce Lee #2 specialty actually.

  • Anonymous

    Holy freaking god. I never thought Sage would be able to find something worse than Space Thunder Kids, but Diatron 5 is certainly giving STK a run for its money. Great review guys!

  • Anonymous

    you guys are the perfect duo, please make this into a more frequent thing :D

  • Anonymous

    15:46 through 16:22 is one of the funniest clips I’ve seen in a long time. I was gasping for air and crying a river at how hilarious it was!

  • atlanime

    You forgot to show the scene where the evil female commander literally gets a missle blown straight up her ass! NO KIDDING!

  • Anonymous

    i own this movie under i different tittle. i was going to do a review of it myself but i gess i cant now

  • George Rosenbaum

    1:45 Nothing like counting tanks to go to sleep…*yawn*

  • Anonymous

    I just realized that the captain isn’t speaking poorly or strangely, but merely speaking in the traditional Royal Canterlot Voice. Nothing strange there.

    • Anonymous


    • Anonymous

      Back from the moon for a while, don’t tell sister no one speaks in the royal voice anymore. #Trollestia

  • Anonymous

    ”It used to be a very peaceful place, before the red soldiers started receiving heavy artillery support from the outside.”

    I can’t believe you two didn’t comment on that one. Given the context It was just such a hilariously random thing to say. As if the reds got nuclear cruise missiles or some shit.

  • Kevin Calder

    I was expecting Sage to say something along the lines of, “I haven’t seen an ass pounded like that since . . .”

  • Anonymous

    lal at the booty kicking roboot..

  • Anonymous

    Hmm… I wonder if this is Karmic payback for Spooning with Spoony.

    That said, we need a third one of that.

    • Anonymous

      But if you’ll remember, Sage was all for it.

  • Daniel Barstead

    Always expected a second Anime Abandon that you’d star in, Spoon. On an unrelated note, I don’t think “This is what the site could look like if SOPA passes” is a very apt slogan, because the site looks about 10 times more impressive like this than normal.

  • Anonymous

    Kite?  Seriously…?

    Kite is a TERRIBLE movie, ova, and tv series..

    If you chalk it up to anything but a hentai movie that was trying WAY to hard to be serious you have to laugh at it’s MANY flaws..

    Mezzo Forte illustrates that so “brilliantly”…

  • Anonymous

    “Maybe next time I won’t force you to watch another Korean knockoff show.  Then what’ll you do?”
    “…Be happy?”

    You and Bennett probably have the best chemistry when it comes to CA crossovers.

  • Anonymous


  • The Chuck.

    That’s it. I’m making a nametag, wherein I shall be called Dr. BEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

  • William “BooRat” Blackshire

    Wow this was funny as Hell! I love these Le Cheap-o Korean knockoff animes!
    I’d Love to take this if I could and redubbed it and give it a better story and dialogue! 
    I wonder if this turd movie got any equally cheaply made toyline!?
    1:55-I still need to see that episode of MST3K!

    3:39-So which ripped off which again!?

    A Jimmy Neutron reference!?

    Some parents really hate their children in this universe!

    Well, Chris Rock couldn’t have made it any worse or better!?

    16:23-Most awkward Robot Rape scene ever!!!

    17:14-Judging by their names I’d figure they’re suppose to be red blood cells, but that makes even less since, but since left this movie looooooooooooooong ago!

    19:22-I think that’s the Punisher’s mindset!

    21:12-Kite now that’s an anime for you, man! Mwahahahahaha!!!

    Kite is next?! Which one the American cut or the original Hentai edit from Japan!? It’s a weird one! From the same guy as Mezzo Forte!

    • Sean

      You know I was thinking the same thing at 16:23 if you just listen to
      the audio and tell someone that this is a Robot Attacking a lady then
      I’m pretty sure everyone would see that.

      Also… wow… just wow… how did this not beat out Garzy’s Wing?! It
      must have freaken close… Then again maybe Sage puts cheap Korean anime
      in a different catgory… since their all horrible.

  • Eli

    Awww spoony you missed a perfect chance to throw in a Microcosm joke

    • Joseph

      My first thought too Eli. As soon as I heard the “injected people to fight an infection” line, I was expecting a Microcosm reference.

      Perhaps the combined shock of Diatron-5 and Microcosm would have been too much awful for even Spoony to handle. (>^_^)>

      • The Spoony One

        Actually I did include a Microcosm reference, along with an extended bit regarding the assassination of the Girl Genius.  I think we’ll see a blooper reel and a commentary on this episode soon.

        • George Rosenbaum

          Hey, did you know that in your “Top 11 Moments of 2011″ video, your picks for #11 and #10 actually came from videos made in 2010?

          So it’s really a “Top 9 Moments of 2011″ video. Which makes more sense, considering that 2011 wasn’t a very good year for you. I’m just looking forward to the new-and-improved TSE of the future.

  • Anonymous

    So we have Diatron-3 and Diatron-5…..where the hell is Diatron-4?

    • Mitchell Bandes

      Clearly, they number them by the Fibonacci Sequence.

      And yes, the existence of two Diatron-1’s causes no shortage of confusion.

    • sbkMulletMan

      Probably shoved right up that poor woman’s ass.

      I’m sorry, I can’t get over that, it’s my favorite part of the video! 

    • George Rosenbaum

      This is going to be Spoony’s “Zombi 7″ isn’t it?

  • gravityBomb

    Ah another Bennett and Spoony anime crossover. Good times. Good times.

    And oh sweet baby Jesus in Heaven that looks so so so horrible. Like I can’t believe its on a video/DVD/whatever. Just…. /shudder/

    Loved it guys, and I can’t wait to see another crossover with you two soon. :)


  • Tom van Uijen

    You have a Mitchell poster, awesome.

  • Markus



  • Joel Kaj Uisk

    I know that you do coverage on cons, which I enjoy, but please Spoony. Don’t go to E3! The guys who run the show(ESA) are the biggest supporters on SOPA/PIPA in the gaming industry. By not going to E3, because of their stands on the bill, you can help and support freedom  

  • Anonymous

    That intro :) I love you spoony *hugs*

  • marabackman

    Can we expect to see a review of the shitty live-action “Fist of the North Star” in the future? :)

    • Eli

      Benzaie already did that. 
      At least I think I remember him doing that.
      If he did, I think they try to not do multiple reviews for the same movie on TGWTG, and since Spoony and Benzaie are part of the site chances are we might not see a review.
      Would be awesome though  

      • George Rosenbaum

        I think that doing a second review of “Fist or the North Star” would be okay. I don’t think it’s going to get as repetitive as ‘The Room’, considering how niche it is.

  • Thorsteinn Eiriksson

    >Spoony finds out that Bennett is still planning to force him to review another Animé later.
    >Proceeds to give him a backrub.

  • Max Gutierrez

    any one else notice how Diatron 5 was flying backwards towards space in the direction of it’s feet b4 they added the shitty… I guess theme song to the mix?

  • Anonymous

    Apparently a different dub of this movie, dubbed “Space Transformer”, is free to watch on the Internet Archive. From what I’ve seen, it’s not as terrible, but nowhere near as funny.

  • MaTachi

    Great review! :D

  • Anonymous

    “Why does dracula like to piss and moan?”

    That’s all vampires do these days.  If they’re anti-heroes, they’re emo + blood sucker.  Vampire!  If they’re villains, they do evil stuff because they hunger or they’re assholes (and vampires are evil).

    If they’re heroes, then they’re emo and want to sacrifice themselves for petty reasons.

    • Anonymous

      Unless it’s Mitchell from the UK Being Human. He’s cool.

    • gamewrex

      Miss the days of Legacy of Kain… when vampires straight up didn’t give a fuck and didn’t have daddy issues.  They were badass and knew it. Yup… those days are long gone.

    • Anonymous

      Well, we all know who to blame for this.

      … So anyone know a hitman in the general vicinity of Stephanie Meyer’s residence? Tell them they’ll get double. 

  • Kipli

    OMFG the drunk mexican going through puberty KILLED ME! Love you guys.

  • Anonymous

    I felt a strange feeling when I first saw that space station in the original context.  Is it possible to feel anti-nostalgia?  Also…. I couldn’t help but think of Your Body is a Wonderland.

  • Anonymous

    Um actually no.. Final Fantasy XIII’s combat system was amazing… Autobattle wasn’t implemented to make the combat easier it was made to make the game fast paced numb nuts…

    The entire objective of ffxiii’s battle system was to kill each enemy encounter with the lowest possible battle time.. The strategy came in with switching pardigams (which you should be doing every 2 rounds for atb refresh and maximum results).. Discovering the best pardigams to use and when to use them in every unique encounter was what made the battle system so addicting and exciting for true gamers all over the world…

    you didnt like the battle system fine but dont sit here and act like there was no depth to it because thats complete bullshit.. espically in comparison to earlier ff games where 95% of the random encounter battles you just take things out with a round of melee or strong magic attacks, and then go in your menu screen every couple battles to heal up.. OOH SO STRATEGIC..

    kiss my ass you nostalgic asshole..

    • gamewrex

      “Discovering the best pardigams to use and when to use them in every
      unique encounter was what made the battle system so addicting and
      exciting for true gamers all over the world…” 

      lol… True gamers huh?  Ohhhh noooo we non-FFXIII-fans are not true gamers??!  That hurts man… That really hurts ;(.  And here I thought I was the total shit with my gamin’ skills.  I guess being a “true gamer” means sitting with my dick in one hand jerkin off to some porn while I play and beat a game using nothing but the X button.  Only game I can think of where I’m able to do that though is FFXIII!  There’s like so real strategy in that, amarite brah?

      • Anonymous

        first of all whoops i posted this on the wrong forum by accident.. .Second of all since you decided to respond anyway I will respond back..

        You are full of shit.. thats my response.. If you don’t like the game fine but don’t make up lies for your reasoning.. You can’t beat the game by only using the x button it’s just an over exaggeration haters use to try to be funny and undermine an amazing game but fail miserably…

        and even if you could beat the game by only using the x button (which you cant.. not passed like chapter 4 anyway) that would mean YOU chose to make the game less engaging, less exciting, and a lot more time consuming..  so who is to blame? YOU ARE IDIOT…

        take those damn nostalgia goggles off mutha faka and you and the rest of those “old school ff died at 7″ nerds start recognizing a game for it’s amazing accomplishments..

        ffxiii is the best battle system of all time..

        • TheDudeAbides

          Only a person disturbingly obsessed with the value of the x button would call the FFXIII battle system “the best of all time”. 

        • George Rosenbaum

          I can’t believe I have to say this, but some of you need to stop bitching about the use of the ‘X’ button in FF8. That’s like saying that chess is too easy because ‘all you do is move pieces around’.

          No, there are FAR more valid arguments to level against FF8 than that. Junctioning magic, as much freedom as it gave the player, was a huge pain in the ass. And if you wanted to use magic, you had to either draw it, play Triple-Triad (which had terrible, confusing, unfair, frequently unpredictable rules), or card capture opponents (the best option, but still awful).

          Now I’m off to go enchant weapons Skyrim, which uses a system that is clearly NOTHING like FF8’s system at all. Now I better ‘card capture’, I mean ‘Soul Trap’ more souls to ‘junction’, I mean ‘enchant’ to my stuff. Weird that my ARMOR never runs out of souls, but weapons need to be recharged every half-hour.

          Oh, and fuck Alchemy too. It’s a quick way to make a little money and reduce carry weight, but I don’t think I ever use a ‘Fortify Left-Handed Masturbation” potion. I’ll just keep the Health and Magicka potions. And do we even NEED a lockpick skill if there isn’t a skill barrier to prevent the player from accessing high level locks, like in Fallout 3? And why can’t I make lockpicks from an Iron Ingot? And why do I get as much Smithing experience from forging an Iron Dagger as I would get from forging an Ebony War Axe?

          And, and, and, an-*BANG*

    • Shantal Figueroa


    • Anonymous

      so instead of countering any of my points (which you cant because most are facts) you chose to ramble on and make yourself look like a further idiot..

      People on the internet are so easily brainwashed it’s ridiculous… a couple people say something about a game and everyone else just rolls with it.. Look how many people made themselves look like the dumbest assholes on the planet by copying other people and doing those stupid arrow to the knee jokes? 

      thankgod I can continue to think for myself and can use my own mind to decide what is good and what isnt

    • Anonymous

      Ok, where do I even begin?

      Final Fantasy XIII’s combat system is NOT amazing. It is a cumbersome, broken piece of crap that makes every fight a complete pain in the ass, mostly because of the horrible partner AI.

      You will learn very quickly that the only SMART thing to do is to make sure the party leader is the medic or synergist/saboteur in any paradigm, because all the partner AI is good for is attacking constantly. That’s the only thing they won’t screw up, since it requires no forethought whatsoever.

      Oh, but I hope you like game overs, because some of the best healers in the game are also the frailest members of your team, and if the party leader dies, it’s instant game over, even if there are other members of your team that could revive them. (Just… why? In a game that gives you resurrection spells because they EXPECT you to die at times, this is just retarded…)

      So the game seems to encourage you to set the CPU allies to be medics, and God forbid you actually do, because you will die, a lot. They have almost no concept of priority when it comes to healing, and cannot adapt to situations where multiple party members need to be healed. Rather than dropping just two or three cure spells on someone so they can get heals to the rest of the party faster, they will wait for the ATB to fill out and drop as many heals on that person as possible. While this is happening, the rest of you team is usually dying.

      Set the CPU to be your synergist and they will waste time casting protect when you are fighting enemies that can only use magic attacks, or shell against primarily physical attackers. It’s like playing World of Warcraft with a ten year old who can’t read and has no idea what his spells actually do, and just casts them because they look cool.

      So you really have two choices. Try to formulate the most sensible decisions by choosing your moves carefully (and waste valuable time doing so), or just keep hitting auto attack and hope your teammates don’t do something retarded. None of the other FF games have made it this hard to get your teammates to do what you want them to, and in a game series with an emphasis around combat strategy, this is infuriating and totally unforgivable.

      The notion that “killing each enemy encounter as fast as possible” is the most backwards, counter-intuitive idea I have ever seen put into an RPG. It means that most of the time, the best paradigm strategy is to load out with 3 attackers and just mash attack. Even if two of your party members are dead by the end of the battle, and the leader barely clinging to life, “CONGRATULATIONS! 5 stars, perfect battle strategy, just because you killed them really fast. Here’s full health again with no negative repercussions.”

      Auto-battle may have been introduced to make the game fast paced, but its interesting to note that other FF games had fast paced combat that required you to make combat choices that weren’t just “keep attacking” (FFX-2 even got this right). What they’ve done by including the auto-attack is create a game that plays itself. The only “strategy” in the paradigm system is: Keep your offensive paradigm out until you’re low on health, switch to healing and buffs (while hoping to God the AI makes the right buff choices), then back to offense. Rinse and repeat.

      I’ve nothing against anyone that enjoyed the combat in this game. I’m just utterly baffled as to how anyone could. The combat system in the older games was not perfect and had its share of pointless busy work, but at least I actually got to think about stuff, and DO something. I really do not see how you can call it “the best combat system ever” with a straight face.

  • Cargi Nannerb

    Is it just me or did Spoony seem like he really didn’t want to bother with this crossover? Not just in an in-character sense.

    • sasa asasa

      No, it’s not just you. I kinda think so, too. :/

    • George Rosenbaum

      I see it, now that you say so.

      Aside from the opening skit, he just kinda sat in the background with nothing to do but look around awkwardly as Sage did the review.

  • Cargi Nannerb


  • yamina-chan

    Great Crossover, great Review and it has Dr. Insano in it! I can’t ask for more =D
    So the Doc moved back in off camera aparently. Good to know ^^
    But what on earth was that movie?! o__O

  • Peter Paizs

    I’m.. in that strange part of the Internet again, aren’t I?

    • ORCACommander

      Welcome into the ever embracing arms of its sanctum. Rejoice for Xenu Loves The Children.

    • Anonymous

      We have cookies, t-shirts and Cthulhu’s only child playing out the back in the paddling pool full of blood.

      … I suggest you avoid the paddling pool.

  • Nash Knight

    …I just had a flashback. I ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS CARTOON WHEN I WAS A KID!! I remembered the scene where the boy falls into the ice-cream puddle, must have been 4 or 5 years old when I watched it. I remember the cartoon title being translated to Serbian something like Transformers Svemira (Transformers of the universe (no joke)), my friend’s mom rented it from the video store for our play date. Never actually thought that I’ll see it again. The ways of the Internet are mysterious indeed!

  • George Rosenbaum

    Let’s all sing the Diatron theme song!

    Diatron 5…fighting for we can…Diatron 5 *WHOOSH*
    Diatron 5…for the motherland(?)…Diatron 5 *WHOOSH*

    • Patryk Halaczkiewicz

      oh god….it could be the lack of sleep but someone needs to compare and mix the diatron 5 song with yor’s world song

      • Anonymous



        DIATRON 5
        HE’S THE MAN!

    • Querbio No


  • Elizabeth Hayde

    That opening was the best thing. :)

  • Patryk Halaczkiewicz

    need to make a revenge crossover at some point,  where you show him the worst thing you can find

    • Jayden Reynolds

      …Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead’s Revenge.

      • Patryk Halaczkiewicz

        anime wise I mean

  • Anonymous

    Oh lord two other people besides me have had the horror of seeing both Space Thunder Kids and Diatron-5 yeah one of my friends has an old ass copy of this movie and a cousin got me Space Thunder Kids as a joke.
    I love the intro to this filled with your awesome brand of comedy Spoony keep on being great and may the good lord protect you from anymore shitty anime.

  • Anonymous

    At 5:18, I laughed several times while rolling back the clip. What did Sage actually even said there?

  • Sean Roddy

    Wooooooow…..that whole coming outta the tear drop thing is a complete and blatent rip-off of the Fantastic Voyage from 1966

  • Anonymous

    Sage: so Spoony, wasn’t that fun?
    Spoony: *best rage race ever* FUCK YOU!

  • Heather Rh

    auto tune flys

  • Anonymous

    Why is the sound so damned aweful? It sounds like someone recorded the dialog and music with a cheap Wal Mart tape recorder and an even cheaper microphone that, then, had the headphone jack plugged into the microphone jack on a computer and recorded with fucking Audacity.

    • George Rosenbaum

      I just downloaded Audacity with the hopes of making a video in the future.

      As far as I can tell, the interface is pretty bad. The buttons are way too small, and in weird places. It’s like trying to close windows in Ubuntu, missing the button by a few pixels, and clicking on something else by mistake.

      But there isn’t anything wrong with the sound. I can eventually get used to a weird interface, but as long as it eventually does the job right, I’m happy.

      • Anonymous

        What? You are telling me there is nothing wrong with the sound in every single clip from the anime in this?

        • George Rosenbaum

          No, the sound is terrible, like flushing a cheap Radio Shack recorder down a toilet. It echoes across my mind in a way that makes me feel drunk.

          I was just responding to your criticism of Audacity.

        • Anonymous

          That could be the anime itself. Do you think something of this quality would have quality sound?

  • wiliamsn

     Spoony and Sage have great chemistry together…

  • BigTexATM

    “Uh, Commander! Uh, there’s a strange-lookin’ object on the radar! It looks bad, m’kay!”

  • Christopher Smith

    Oh God, I haven’t laughed like this at a Spoony review in a while! Kudos guys! Especially the weird and kind of arousing battle between the robot and Combat Commander Marie, the Mexican labourer king going through puberty and the autotuned fly score. :D Btw, what’s with the gun changing completely between 19:13 and 19:19?? :O

  • Anonymous

    Hey, my neighbor’s garage band is pretty wicked. If they wrote the ending for this, it would actually sound good.

    Where do you guys FIND these animes?

  • Samantha Temple

    KITE!! REALLY?! The next one with spoony, or the next one on sage’s website!? 8D I can’t wait!!

  • Jeffery Phillips

    “Yeah 911? Ya gotta send help! There’s a fucking maniac outside my room! He’s gonna make me review a shitty knockoff anime!…Stop laughing!!!” ROFL

  • André Norell

    Not very convincing strangulation scene there, guys. Other than that… why do you do this to yourselves?!

    I appreciate all the work that goes into making these videos, I really do, but no amount of laughter you get out of me can be worth the psycological torture you must have endured making this. I really hope the next review either of you guys make is of something you like, otherwise I’m afraid we might lose you both.

    (Serious mode: great review, funny jokes, someone should have asked what the “rain” inside the “Girl Genius” was. And where’s Oreo to save you from this? Great job, you two. Mighty appreciated).

    • Jayden Reynolds

      The next on Spoony’s schedule is Ultima VIII. Woe betide those who play that mess.

      • André Norell

        Ok… that’s Bad… but it’s not Ultima IX BAD.

        Poor Noah…

        • Jayden Reynolds

          The best part? The whole Ultima Retrospective is going to look at *every* Ultima game. That means he’s going to play IX. Yeah. He’s going to be pretty depressed after that.

  • Commander BB Shockwave

    So this was Diaclone/Diatron, the great-great grandfather of Transformers?!? Well… I will not say a bad thing about the silly G1 cartoon series anymore. :D

  • Allaiyah Weyn

    Bitches be floppin like pigeons on spilled popcorn.

  • Allaiyah Weyn
  • Peyton Holderman

    Spoony, i am disappoint that you did not talk about the scopedog from Votoms being used as a projector. 

  • ApatheticOne (the original)


    • Querbio No


  • George Rosenbaum

    Diatron 5: Half the calories, twice the flavor!

  • Anonymous

    Sweet Jesus that was awful.

    Korean animation in the 1980s was like Japanese animation in the 1950s, all choppy and chintzy-looking. The spastic voice acting didn’t help either.

    As for the story, it could be explained that they went into another dimension, but they state that they injected the two derpy heroes and the derp-bot into the girl, so none of that crap made any sense. Bennett needs to get out of the cartoon ghetto.

  • Evan Marriott

     Poor Spoony. Being forced to do this by the Sage. He’s one creepy guy.

  • wfalen-

    There is this danish live-action childrens movie about a kid going inside his own body to save himself from a sickness….yea, it made less sense, looked really stupid and half-assed european critics tought it was a beautiful childrens tale. After that I stopped believing in any movie critics.

    • Tariel Corbeau

       That sounds kinda like a knock off of “the Velatine Rabbit” or what ever it was called.

  • Gareth Williams

    I think the real reason Spoony is upset in this one is because Lars couldn’t come to his home.

  • Shawdawg

    Song right at the beginning is familiar.

    Is that the song used when Vega fought Chun-Li (after her shower scene) in the animated Street Fighter 2 movie?

  • MetalNick

    Fuck yea, KMFDM

  • Daniel Kong

    Oh god… the dubbing. THE DUBBING. IT BURNS!

  • Janae’ Martin

    Yeah, this movie was like Osmosis Jones meets that episode of the Magic School Bus where the class toured the digestive system of the nerdy kid….all operating on the premise of the Fifth Element set to the tune of the worst dubbing I’ve heard since Bruce Lee’s Big Boss. And Spike Lee can’t get funding, good Lord…..

  • zerosd

    These are my favorite crossovers

  • robinhood9961

    Axis and Allies good game spoony. (and yes i did notice that game all the way in the corner eyes of a hawk.)

  • The_Hyphenator

    I always look forward to your crossovers with Sage, Spoony. You two play off of each other very well. This one was particularly hilarious; all the hyperbolic descriptions were incredibly apt, and I loved the intro and outro bits.

    I’d say do more videos together but honestly, I think part of what makes your collaborations fun is that they don’t happen often. They’re occasional treats that would lose their significance if they took place more than once a year. Kind of like Christmas.

    Also, I’m pretty sure you would run out of shitty Korean anime to rip into if you did this all the time. :-)

  • Cory Tucker

     Please co op with him and review Space Black Knight. Korean knockoff at it’s finest.

  • Dylan James Ballard

    ok, we all agree that the robot raped her and it wasnt lost in translation, it was intenional by whatever jackass writer wrote the movie, if you can call it that.

  • godofplague

    you should check out Dokkoida there is a villian that is the epitome of Insano

  • Patrick Sweeney

    does anyone else think spoony is better than nostalgia critic

    • Yang Zhiwen

      I agree to a point. It’s a lot more than just saying that Walker is a better reviewer than Antwiler.
      To me, in terms of overall quality, the Nostalgia Critic series is better than The Spoony Experiment. But that’s just if you look at them as a whole.
      Spoony, in my opinion, is a more memorable and outstanding guy who, whether you love him or hate him, never fails to make an impression on his viewers. The Critic is also awesome in his own way, but at times Spoony outshines him in the reviewer/entertainer department.
      To sum this up, if TGWTG had yearly awards like the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, Doug Walker would be Performer Of The Year while Noah Antwiler would be Most Outstanding Performer.
      As for Best Technical Performer…I think I’ll pick Brad Jones.
      Conclusion, Spoony in some ways is better than the Critic, but that dosen’t mean that his episodes/reviews are always better.

      • sekiwat

        I feel the opposite is true. It seems like Spoony’s reviews have a lot more quality to the jokes than Doug’s, but it takes him 10 times longer to make them. Doug Walker is consistent and professional in that he manages to work within a very short deadline, but because of that he’s had to sacrifice a ton of quality. The critic’s managed to develop a formula that’s allowed him to create reviews very quickly, but as a consequence a lot of his jokes are either reused or just aim for cheap laughs.But to his credit, The Nostalgia Critic is a much more well defined character since The Nostalgia Critic actually is a character, whereas Spoony is just Noah playing himself.

  • jagarcia0705

    If Spoony can sit through Space Thunder Kids & Garzey’s Wing, he can sit through this pile of technicolor vomit

  • Jesse Garza

    This is the video that got me hooked on Spoony! Been a hardcore fan ever since!

  • William Brown

    How did you not tear out your eyes on this one??

  • IHeart28

    Wow. So much crap in this anime. I guess I should say that poor spoony was forced into something REALLY dispicable. Sage, you leave my spoony alone! Ok all fangirlness aside, this was really funny. Loved every part. I gotta say some parts had really good jokes and lines from both Sage and spoony. they really play off each other really well, kinda like Linkara with Spoony and Brad with spoony except Sage is creepier than anyone I’ve seen :P

    • NeroAngelo

      it was either this or they film a full episode of “Bending with Bennett”

  • gewoonlilly

    He can take it, as can I.

  • GunsmithKitten

    When your portrayal of a human inner-space is less realistic than the arcade version of Life Force, it’s time to hang it up.

  • Tony Molock


  • stephanie lamm

    See what happens when you vote for Pedro – do you see?! That creepy ass inner kingdom is the end result people. We brought his on ourselves.

  • fireball3477

    Chol is a korean name, which would make sense knowing the films origin. The only thing that is in this steaming pile probably.

  • Marc Jones

    I made the mistake of watching Diatron 5 after seeing this. Big mistake, my brain then tried to exit my skull via my ears in disgust.

  • likalaruku

    Bitches be flockin’ like pigeons on spilled popcorn.

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