Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time

The Spoony One | Apr 17 2011 | more notation(s) | 

The world of Arok is conquered by a bulging idiot who discovers a portal to our dimension and a weapon of unlimited power! Will the Beastmaster be able to stop the maximum ruler of Arok from conquering Earth as well?

Edit: I will be uploading a new version of this video soon with minor corrections, so if your download fails for some reason, DO NOT PANIC. It will only be temporary. Check back in about 30 minutes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1112764270 Lydia Keller Beam

    Loved the clip of Superman II, haha. So funny. ^^ This movie is really god-awful looking. And it…kinda looked like that really hurt when you hit your head on the door, Spoony, haha

  • Zuni Levin

    hah beautifully done my friend. :)

  • Zuni Levin

    hah beautifully done my friend. :)

  • Anonymous

    The humane society guy on the first movie, may have been distracted by Tanya Roberts delightful loincloth. Or the beastmaster guys loincloth, whatever floats your boat. The fact that Beastmaster 2 was playing at the cinema tells me that there’s an alternate reality where Beastmaster 2 goes all Blazing Saddles during it’s finale. I’d totally watch that movie

  • Anonymous

    Weeeh, only one guy can stop the interdimensional singularity!!! Reb!! we need you!!

  • NeedlerFanPudge

    This movie seems like an Epic Movie type film spoof, only it’s an official sequel. Ridiculous. Makes me wonder if this movie or Alien from LA had the bigger budget, considering the similar themes and horribleness…

  • http://www.facebook.com/ClownietheClown Fraser Gerrie

    Anyone Eles Getting a White Box?

  • http://twitter.com/rafatchowdhury Rafat Chowdhury

    WAIT WAIT WAIT
    That guy in the store was gay? No. NO! No way. Spoony you are clearly lying. How do you even know? He is so masculine and tough with his femininity and his flamboyance.

  • Anonymous

    I declare you maximum reviewer of this movie

  • http://twitter.com/Yadokingu Moritz

    LOVE Insano with his gaydar. How flustered he was. Great acting there spoony.
    We all know gaydars are used to escape when you are trapped in a cave!

    Also breaking down hyper time. Yay! I can’t wait to find out what’s happening there.

    • https://profiles.google.com/103193107849743874207 Doctor. Gently

      It’s true. We gays are natural spelunkers, so in case you are ever trapped in a cave, locate your nearest homosexual and the situation will be defused soon enough.

    • Anonymous

      Indeed, gay people like to hibernate in caves, after all. I heard it from Joey Wheeler.

  • Anonymous

    I’m surprised you didn’t bring up the complete bullshit of the bad guy being Dar’s brother, who was also pulled out of his mother and born through a cow before Dar, because that obviously wasn’t worth mentioning in the first movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1595291635 Mitchell Connor Wiecek

    I have two movies you can review Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection

  • Anonymous

    Oh lord Kari Wuhrer found another thing to help ruin…..how charming.

    Also…FUCK YOU SPOONY I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT BENZAIE CLIP D;

  • http://UnholyFireDragon.com Pierre Robert Groulx

    Finally, I got my Spoony fix; now I can continue my own production. But maybe should wait to release it when Spoony’s fandom dies back down a bit. *waits 40 years* Omg, his fan ratings never stop increasing! DAAAMN YOOOUUU SPOOOONY!
    LOL

    Seriously though, that was a well-done review. I can hardly believe how much that movie blows. I almost felt your pain throughout the review. Hell, what’s the deal with the theaters in this one, anyways? Do you suppose that if he went in there to watch the ending, he’d know how to go straight to the movie’s main enemy and kill him?

    After the Dr. Insano scene, I started to think it would lead to more special productions in the future similar to what you and Linkara have done before (since the Warrior comic book review). Is that really going to happen? …Or… wait a minute… is this actually a clever prequel to the 3rd anniversary movie?!… Omg, either way, that’d be awesome! I’m looking forward to your future reviews.

    Keep up the good work. :-)

  • http://twitter.com/slick_richie Richard cripps

    i loved that what the fuck explosion at the end. always laugh so hard at them.
    although i must say you might of missed a joke at 18.55 about the badges. could of added that scene from blazing saddles with the mexicans going “we dont need no stinking badges”
    still really good vid man

  • http://twitter.com/Eniacc Eniac

    “I’m making a note here, HUGE SUCCESS”
    Funny reference for the “PORTAL of time”!

  • Anonymous

    Those who defy Arklon will be…run away from by Arklon! lol

    Also its wrong to laugh about it but knowing they actually killed the poor tiger spray painting it black is somehow hilarious. Not like cats lick themselves or anything haha. Really clues you in to how low budget these were.

    But man Dar running in place an the Tiger getting bored an walking off. That’s like the perfect ending to this bad movie somehow. Like even an animal just says “Ok that’s enough screw this movie”.

  • http://UnholyFireDragon.com Pierre Robert Groulx

    Oh yeah, I’ve also noticed something else. In once scene, the woman is in front of what appears to be an open portal (for at least a few seconds). Why can’t she just run through, or at least attempt to run through? Children with mental problems could probably figure that out!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jakub-Krawczyński/100001040025907 Jakub Krawczyński

    I can’t believe it – a review of something that I’ve actually seen! I used to watch it as a kid, and I enjoyed it back then, it was aired quite frequently a decade and a half ago…Great review, though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jakub-Krawczyński/100001040025907 Jakub Krawczyński

    I can’t believe it – a review of something that I’ve actually seen! I used to watch it as a kid, and I enjoyed it back then, it was aired quite frequently a decade and a half ago…Great review, though.

  • http://steamcommunity.com/id/Mainman TrueBlue

    Knowing that you’re a fan of Knightmare, and therefore know a little bit about gameshows that aired in the UK, seeing a reference to Takeshi’s Most Extreme Challenge (MXC) was a simultaneously nice and opportune surprise. You see, there’s two different English dubs of that show; one for the US, and one for the UK. You might enjoy comparing the two shows and/or reviewing either of them, so here’s a summary of how they differ from the original version, and each other:

    MXC: None of the original audio (all voices and sound effects are dubbed in), a sprinkling of the ‘plot’ segments that appeared between challenges, events chosen at random (as opposed to the semi-linear structure of the original).

    Takeshi’s Castle (UK): Original audio with English commentary (and occasional extra sound effects), no plot segments, follows the original show’s linear structure (all events in an episode take place across one day), trims as much ‘fluff’ as possible to fit within a half-hour broadcast window.

    Aside from the peripheral aspects of their presentation (audio, overlaid graphics, editing structure), the video footage across all versions is the same. Granted, you’re more likely to prefer the version you’re most familiar with, but at least afterwards you can claim you gave the alternative a fair chance.

    And after that tangent…. Can we be certain that they were trying to ‘tone down’ the mature themes ‘for kids’? An arrow through a head, using magic to direct gusts of wind around a clothing store, a nuclear threat, and the villain dying identically to his predecessor (plummeting into fire) beg to differ. Most likely, one version of the script carried the maturity of the first film, the next revision went as far away from that as possible for the sake of little kids, and the final revision tried to find neutral ground by including elements of both.

  • http://steamcommunity.com/id/Mainman TrueBlue

    Knowing that you’re a fan of Knightmare, and therefore know a little bit about gameshows that aired in the UK, seeing a reference to Takeshi’s Most Extreme Challenge (MXC) was a simultaneously nice and opportune surprise. You see, there’s two different English dubs of that show; one for the US, and one for the UK. You might enjoy comparing the two shows and/or reviewing either of them, so here’s a summary of how they differ from the original version, and each other:

    MXC: None of the original audio (all voices and sound effects are dubbed in), a sprinkling of the ‘plot’ segments that appeared between challenges, events chosen at random (as opposed to the semi-linear structure of the original).

    Takeshi’s Castle (UK): Original audio with English commentary (and occasional extra sound effects), no plot segments, follows the original show’s linear structure (all events in an episode take place across one day), trims as much ‘fluff’ as possible to fit within a half-hour broadcast window.

    Aside from the peripheral aspects of their presentation (audio, overlaid graphics, editing structure), the video footage across all versions is the same. Granted, you’re more likely to prefer the version you’re most familiar with, but at least afterwards you can claim you gave the alternative a fair chance.

    And after that tangent…. Can we be certain that they were trying to ‘tone down’ the mature themes ‘for kids’? An arrow through a head, using magic to direct gusts of wind around a clothing store, a nuclear threat, and the villain dying identically to his predecessor (plummeting into fire) beg to differ. Most likely, one version of the script carried the maturity of the first film, the next revision went as far away from that as possible for the sake of little kids, and the final revision tried to find neutral ground by including elements of both.

  • http://steamcommunity.com/id/Mainman TrueBlue

    Knowing that you’re a fan of Knightmare, and therefore know a little bit about gameshows that aired in the UK, seeing a reference to Takeshi’s Most Extreme Challenge (MXC) was a simultaneously nice and opportune surprise. You see, there’s two different English dubs of that show; one for the US, and one for the UK. You might enjoy comparing the two shows and/or reviewing either of them, so here’s a summary of how they differ from the original version, and each other:

    MXC: None of the original audio (all voices and sound effects are dubbed in), a sprinkling of the ‘plot’ segments that appeared between challenges, events chosen at random (as opposed to the semi-linear structure of the original).

    Takeshi’s Castle (UK): Original audio with English commentary (and occasional extra sound effects), no plot segments, follows the original show’s linear structure (all events in an episode take place across one day), trims as much ‘fluff’ as possible to fit within a half-hour broadcast window.

    Aside from the peripheral aspects of their presentation (audio, overlaid graphics, editing structure), the video footage across all versions is the same. Granted, you’re more likely to prefer the version you’re most familiar with, but at least afterwards you can claim you gave the alternative a fair chance.

    And after that tangent…. Can we be certain that they were trying to ‘tone down’ the mature themes ‘for kids’? An arrow through a head, using magic to direct gusts of wind around a clothing store, a nuclear threat, and the villain dying identically to his predecessor (plummeting into fire) beg to differ. Most likely, one version of the script carried the maturity of the first film, the next revision went as far away from that as possible for the sake of little kids, and the final revision tried to find neutral ground by including elements of both.

  • http://steamcommunity.com/id/Mainman TrueBlue

    Knowing that you’re a fan of Knightmare, and therefore know a little bit about gameshows that aired in the UK, seeing a reference to Takeshi’s Most Extreme Challenge (MXC) was a simultaneously nice and opportune surprise. You see, there’s two different English dubs of that show; one for the US, and one for the UK. You might enjoy comparing the two shows and/or reviewing either of them, so here’s a summary of how they differ from the original version, and each other:

    MXC: None of the original audio (all voices and sound effects are dubbed in), a sprinkling of the ‘plot’ segments that appeared between challenges, events chosen at random (as opposed to the semi-linear structure of the original).

    Takeshi’s Castle (UK): Original audio with English commentary (and occasional extra sound effects), no plot segments, follows the original show’s linear structure (all events in an episode take place across one day), trims as much ‘fluff’ as possible to fit within a half-hour broadcast window.

    Aside from the peripheral aspects of their presentation (audio, overlaid graphics, editing structure), the video footage across all versions is the same. Granted, you’re more likely to prefer the version you’re most familiar with, but at least afterwards you can claim you gave the alternative a fair chance.

    And after that tangent…. Can we be certain that they were trying to ‘tone down’ the mature themes ‘for kids’? An arrow through a head, using magic to direct gusts of wind around a clothing store, a nuclear threat, and the villain dying identically to his predecessor (plummeting into fire) beg to differ. Most likely, one version of the script carried the maturity of the first film, the next revision went as far away from that as possible for the sake of little kids, and the final revision tried to find neutral ground by including elements of both.

  • http://steamcommunity.com/id/Mainman TrueBlue

    Knowing that you’re a fan of Knightmare, and therefore know a little bit about gameshows that aired in the UK, seeing a reference to Takeshi’s Most Extreme Challenge (MXC) was a simultaneously nice and opportune surprise. You see, there’s two different English dubs of that show; one for the US, and one for the UK. You might enjoy comparing the two shows and/or reviewing either of them, so here’s a summary of how they differ from the original version, and each other:

    MXC: None of the original audio (all voices and sound effects are dubbed in), a sprinkling of the ‘plot’ segments that appeared between challenges, events chosen at random (as opposed to the semi-linear structure of the original).

    Takeshi’s Castle (UK): Original audio with English commentary (and occasional extra sound effects), no plot segments, follows the original show’s linear structure (all events in an episode take place across one day), trims as much ‘fluff’ as possible to fit within a half-hour broadcast window.

    Aside from the peripheral aspects of their presentation (audio, overlaid graphics, editing structure), the video footage across all versions is the same. Granted, you’re more likely to prefer the version you’re most familiar with, but at least afterwards you can claim you gave the alternative a fair chance.

    And after that tangent…. Can we be certain that they were trying to ‘tone down’ the mature themes ‘for kids’? An arrow through a head, using magic to direct gusts of wind around a clothing store, a nuclear threat, and the villain dying identically to his predecessor (plummeting into fire) beg to differ. Most likely, one version of the script carried the maturity of the first film, the next revision went as far away from that as possible for the sake of little kids, and the final revision tried to find neutral ground by including elements of both.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=693927141 Jeff Adamson

    Wait, didn’t you just say a couple weeks ago that Portal, specifically STILL ALIVE jokes were fucking dead and buried?

    not that i didn’t find it hilarious, i just thought someone should call you on it :)

    • http://spoonyexperiment.com The Spoony One

      Well…y’see, it’s a thing where– LOOK OVER THERE!

      *throws a smoke bomb*

      • Anonymous

        Damn it, who forgot to turn on the Ninja Alarm? Was it you, Frank?

      • Anonymous

        Damn it, who forgot to turn on the Ninja Alarm? Was it you, Frank?

      • Anonymous

        Damn it, who forgot to turn on the Ninja Alarm? Was it you, Frank?

      • Anonymous

        Damn it, who forgot to turn on the Ninja Alarm? Was it you, Frank?

    • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

      Nope. “The Cake Is a Lie” jokes are dead and buried. The rest is still good.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GWAHZPZHVLYEE3D4NQUTWP5HCU deacon

        Until the awesomeness of JK Simmons revives it along with a hoard of Mantis men

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GWAHZPZHVLYEE3D4NQUTWP5HCU deacon

        Until the awesomeness of JK Simmons revives it along with a hoard of Mantis men

    • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

      Nope. “The Cake Is a Lie” jokes are dead and buried. The rest is still good.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

      Nope. “The Cake Is a Lie” jokes are dead and buried. The rest is still good.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Novak83 Ed Novak

      Nope. “The Cake Is a Lie” jokes are dead and buried. The rest is still good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=693927141 Jeff Adamson

    Wait, didn’t you just say a couple weeks ago that Portal, specifically STILL ALIVE jokes were fucking dead and buried?

    not that i didn’t find it hilarious, i just thought someone should call you on it :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=693927141 Jeff Adamson

    Wait, didn’t you just say a couple weeks ago that Portal, specifically STILL ALIVE jokes were fucking dead and buried?

    not that i didn’t find it hilarious, i just thought someone should call you on it :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jtstacey James Thomas Stacey

    Love the side story man hope its you and Linkara

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s a setup for the next Ultima game (The Black Gate).

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s a setup for the next Ultima game (The Black Gate).

  • http://www.facebook.com/jtstacey James Thomas Stacey

    Love the side story man hope its you and Linkara

  • http://www.facebook.com/jtstacey James Thomas Stacey

    Love the side story man hope its you and Linkara

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2TTCWYOI5FOVQCEXPBUST2P5OU Jessica

    I love it. The time paradox thing was funny. And its also funny cuz some movies do that like NC’s review of Double Dragons.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2TTCWYOI5FOVQCEXPBUST2P5OU Jessica

    I love it. The time paradox thing was funny. And its also funny cuz some movies do that like NC’s review of Double Dragons.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2TTCWYOI5FOVQCEXPBUST2P5OU Jessica

    I love it. The time paradox thing was funny. And its also funny cuz some movies do that like NC’s review of Double Dragons.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Filipe-Isabelinho/100000173498272 Filipe Isabelinho

    I just want to point something out at the remark the girl makes at 9:20. Shes basically asks if he’s a crazed biker, the ones with the crossbows, that would be fine expect for the fact she makes the gesture of pulling the string from a BOW!… Bows don’t function the same way a crossbow does lady!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Filipe-Isabelinho/100000173498272 Filipe Isabelinho

    I just want to point something out at the remark the girl makes at 9:20. Shes basically asks if he’s a crazed biker, the ones with the crossbows, that would be fine expect for the fact she makes the gesture of pulling the string from a BOW!… Bows don’t function the same way a crossbow does lady!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Filipe-Isabelinho/100000173498272 Filipe Isabelinho

    I just want to point something out at the remark the girl makes at 9:20. Shes basically asks if he’s a crazed biker, the ones with the crossbows, that would be fine expect for the fact she makes the gesture of pulling the string from a BOW!… Bows don’t function the same way a crossbow does lady!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Walter-Holleger/100001412132703 Walter Holleger

    Ok, i may be the only person alive thinking this, but is there anywhere i could download that Benzaie song. Its stuck in my head so bad not even a combination of DJ got us fallin in love, Born this way, On the floor, and Magic can knock it out of there.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/F74MD7JZ7TERZCWCHEASWTOIJU rageofkyubii

      I’ve got it as a ringtone. You want?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Walter-Holleger/100001412132703 Walter Holleger

    Ok, i may be the only person alive thinking this, but is there anywhere i could download that Benzaie song. Its stuck in my head so bad not even a combination of DJ got us fallin in love, Born this way, On the floor, and Magic can knock it out of there.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Oliver-Summers/1821603239 Oliver Summers

    Got to love the Sneak Eater reference.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Oliver-Summers/1821603239 Oliver Summers

    Got to love the Sneak Eater reference.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Oliver-Summers/1821603239 Oliver Summers

    Got to love the Sneak Eater reference.

  • http://twitter.com/jorelchavez Jorel Chavez

    Arklon=the phantom of the opera’s brother??? Seriously though I thought the bird went for his eyes. Shouldn’t he be wearing an eye patch?

    Great review. Always awesome to watch you :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/phoelscher1 Patrick Hoelscher

    i was just watching some ooooold stuff of urs, impatiently waiting for a new video wen this popped up after that one was done (dirty dancing pc game!!! hahahaha, how bored am i???) :D

    thanks man!! love it. so sad the tiger from the first movie died, but maaan that chick was hot.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

    For God’s sake somebody shut her up! D:

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000798071024 Atztex Idontthinkso

    i just rewatched the entire ultima retrospective so far and it ends with “hmm… beastmaster” :D what a perfect transition :D

  • Anonymous

    If you ever bring up Birdemic again I will hunt you down and put you through 1,000 Hells.

    • http://twitter.com/Shada67 Shada67

      I think this movie counts as at least 2,500 hells. . .

      • Anonymous

        The Chinese have a lot of hells.

  • Anonymous

    Hahaha, yeah… naturals sweet sweet naturals. why is it always a loin cloth? even assless chaps would be less exposing and seat shifting. you just gotta watch out for what we (the anti-speedo brigade) coin term “the hairy dangler.” 90′s linkara rules, totally radical duuuude! dr.insano fixing the jaguar, that son of a bitch. that was funny. thats not even the worst benzaie dance. he does that far to often…uhhh (quivers). the tiger died i wonder if it made a attractive poisonous rug or maybe a nice throw? or maybe they stuffed its ass and use it as a coat hanger. sounds like a job for a taxadermiographist.

    I’m spade and YOU’VE OPENED THE VORTEX YOU FOOL!!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

    I need a few hours with that door of yours, Spoony. Maybe if you could pound a nail or two into it for me to jam into my brain, that’d be great. I’ll put some plastic down. Thanks.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2OFJUEZPE6J3LAC3GA3D6CKAWA Kaimera -

    So… Finally its time for Warrior #4…? Or as i call it, much to the horror of my friends.. “Spooning atop the 4th warrior”.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      *Laughs* Insano, Warrior, and Santa Claus.

      I just threw up in my mouth a little.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2OFJUEZPE6J3LAC3GA3D6CKAWA Kaimera -

        Yeahhh… Thats a pretty common response. But i think it fits fine! it incorporates Spoonys name (and part of the title of spooning with spoony) Atop the 4th Wall, and Warrior all into one (admittedly horrific) easy to remember title!

        … The down side is that to get it out requires glowing green leeches that turn you into a raging berserker. BUT! it does help erase the memories of the warrior comics and your less of an insane violent freak then after the mental break down from trying to figure out the insane physiology of warrior’s art, and the absolutely insane rambling that tries to pass itself off as philosophical lecturing.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

          Maybe I’ll just hang myself for Maax.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

          Maybe I’ll just hang myself for Maax.

  • ORCACommander

    hmmm hard to tell if a new version has been uploaded or not without timestamps. Still great funny and i want to see what happens to the worlds now. BTW those who can’t get the Benzai thing out of your head try a bashing your head against a brick wall

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

    The villain in this movie inspires about just as much fear and awe as General Katana.

    • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

      or say….semore with his retarded can opener hair.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

        Good point. Just thought that one crappy warlord should be compared to another crappy warlord.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

        Good point. Just thought that one crappy warlord should be compared to another crappy warlord.

  • Renaissance_nerd

    There is a legit reason she said “chill out Lord dude” she went through the portal first and knew how they err.. we talk.

  • http://dragoniangirl.deviantart.com/ DeeGee

    Aw come on Spoony. You make a Portal reference but you miss a perfectly good Blazing Saddles reference!

    “Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!”

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GWAHZPZHVLYEE3D4NQUTWP5HCU deacon

      which in itself is a referance to The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

  • http://twitter.com/Mecahawk Tyler Burnette

    Hooray for MXC reference!

  • Anonymous

    No mention of the bad guy being Dars brother?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Kim/100000476333137 Peter Kim

    “black gate..” ultima 8 review..god help you spoony.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Kim/100000476333137 Peter Kim

    “black gate..” ultima 8 review..god help you spoony.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve never really watched Sliders.

    Is that girl as annoying there as she is here? Because AGH. Just. AGH. Even if she wasn’t shooting off pop culture with every exchange, her acting is completely overblown.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Alden/100000469737019 Christopher Alden

      She was pretty bad on Sliders. All the worse because she was meant to be a replacement for John Rhys-Davies.

      • Anonymous

        –Oh fuck. Ew.

      • Anonymous

        –Oh fuck. Ew.

      • http://twitter.com/Thiefofhearts Thiefofhearts

        Correction – She played Wade Wells, fellow college student and buddy to Quinn from the beginning of the series. She often butted heads with John Rhys Davies’ Prof. Arturo. The replacement was someone else.

        And she wasn’t that annoying last I recall.

        • http://twitter.com/deanmoneycom Dean M

          Yea, thats wrong. Kari Wuhrer did replace John Rhys-Davies at the end of season 3. Wade Wells was played Sabrina Lloyd.

        • http://twitter.com/deanmoneycom Dean M

          Yea, thats wrong. Kari Wuhrer did replace John Rhys-Davies at the end of season 3. Wade Wells was played Sabrina Lloyd.

        • http://twitter.com/deanmoneycom Dean M

          Yea, thats wrong. Kari Wuhrer did replace John Rhys-Davies at the end of season 3. Wade Wells was played Sabrina Lloyd.

        • http://twitter.com/deanmoneycom Dean M

          Yea, thats wrong. Kari Wuhrer did replace John Rhys-Davies at the end of season 3. Wade Wells was played Sabrina Lloyd.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve never really watched Sliders.

    Is that girl as annoying there as she is here? Because AGH. Just. AGH. Even if she wasn’t shooting off pop culture with every exchange, her acting is completely overblown.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515476575 Glen Graves

    What the fuck is with Singer’s hair in this one did they bleach the shit outta it or what ?

  • Anonymous

    I actually like Masters of the Universe, and as a kid absolutely loved it

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

    They ended up killing the tiger from the first movie? That’s actually really friggen sad.

    At the same time, I have to disagree with the Masters of the Universe zing. For all that the movie took place on Earth, the special effects budget was *Far* Higher then Beastmaster II, and features some pretty spectacular visuals. None of them in Eternia, I grant, but come on. You have to give it up to Skeletor’s army marching into Earth. Coincidentally, Skeletor is the only reason that movie is still remotely enjoyable. Best. Villain. Rant. Ever. “I am more then man, more then life, I. Am. A. GOD!”

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      I love Masters of the Universe too. It’s a bad movie, no doubt, but it has its epic moments. Skeletor being one of them – he had some pretty badass moments in that movie.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

        Oh yeah, Masters of the Universe is far from being a Good Movie but it straddles that line between being completely moronic and being campy fun. The two weak points were the Human Companions – Julie and what’s-his-face. Everyone else turned in rather solid performances and MotU is the one franchise you can get away with chewing scenery.

        I’d rank it on the same level as the first Mortal Kombat movie. It’s stupid and there’s flaws you can drive a semi truck through, but dammit…it’s still a fun movie!

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

          I think the effects for Masters of the Universe were a little better than Kombat. Even if they sent He-Man to earth to make up for the production costs it still feels a lot more epic.

          And Skeletor gets to wear a forty pound replica of Castle Grayskull on his… skull… and it’s made from gold. Must have been a private dream of his.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

          I think the effects for Masters of the Universe were a little better than Kombat. Even if they sent He-Man to earth to make up for the production costs it still feels a lot more epic.

          And Skeletor gets to wear a forty pound replica of Castle Grayskull on his… skull… and it’s made from gold. Must have been a private dream of his.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

          I think the effects for Masters of the Universe were a little better than Kombat. Even if they sent He-Man to earth to make up for the production costs it still feels a lot more epic.

          And Skeletor gets to wear a forty pound replica of Castle Grayskull on his… skull… and it’s made from gold. Must have been a private dream of his.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

            Oh I wasn’t ranking the effects as comparable to MK. MotU blows that out of the water all around, especially costuming.

            And yeah, “Super Skeletor” is definitely decked out in the Gold. It’s a shame the fight sequence is extraordinarily lackluster considering its the climax, but I doubt Frank Langella could move very much in that get up and the whole build up to that point is worth the sub-par pay off.

            It’s been *years* since I last saw the film and I can still recite Skeletor’s Rant from Memory. Just so friggen memorable.

            “Ah! Do you hear? Alpha and the Omega. Death and Rebirth. And as you die…so shall I be reborn.”
            “The Moon Rises to the Apex.”
            “YES! I feel it! The power…fills me. I am one with the cosmos, the universe flows…flows through me! Heh. What does it matter now? This planet? These people? They are NOTHING to me! The Universe is POWER! Pure. Unstoppable. POWER! And *I* am that force! *I* am that power! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! Fool! You are no longer my equal! I am more then man! More then Life! I. Am. A. GOD!”
            *Transformation*
            “Now. You. Will. KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”
            *Eyebeam*
            “KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”

            Some people have General Zod. I have Skeletor.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

            Just went back and rewatched the scenes (Thank you YouTube!). Didn’t get the quote 100% right, but after that long it would have been a wonder if I had. Plus the final fight isn’t quite as bad as I thought it was. Would have been better if they hadn’t turned Castle Greyskull into a Discotech and kept pointing the camera directly behind the combatants. But it was slightly better then I remember.

            That glaring edit snafu is still there though. When Skeletor brings his sword down on He-Man over the pit, he’s missing his hood. When He-Man regains his footing and knocks Skeletor in, the hood’s back up.

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

            I liked Lubic! He gets teleported to Eternia and comes out of the corner with that shotgun like the last man standing in Left 4 Dead. It was pure awesome. And he gets a hot Eternian gal! My brothers and friends all wanted to be He-Man, I wanted to be Lubic!

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

            Yeah. Mortal Kombat had cheap first generation CG Reptile, MotU had that one snake bounty hunter (Saurod, I think was his name) who was honestly a little scary when I first saw that movie as a kid.

            I don’t think you can really blame Frank Langella – with all that gear you could have easily replaced him with a stunt swordsman, and even with that giant gold headgear it could have been a convincing fight. The problem is Dolph. Watch any of his fight scenes in that movie and you can see the man has no idea how to hold a sword, let alone swing one. Hell most of the time the thing looks to heavy for the supposed strongest man in the universe. That’s why they cut to those alternate dimensions where He-Man is just twirling the thing in front of the camera for a few seconds.

            But Frank does Skeletor proud. If you watch the old cartoons he’s a bit of a joke, but in the film, he wins. He gets Grayskull, and for a brief moment, he had unlimited power, too. That’s more than most villains of the age got in their feature films. Remember what happened to Cobra Commander and Megatron? Sad.

            And yes. Best. Villain. Speech. Ever.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

            Oh I wasn’t ranking the effects as comparable to MK. MotU blows that out of the water all around, especially costuming.

            And yeah, “Super Skeletor” is definitely decked out in the Gold. It’s a shame the fight sequence is extraordinarily lackluster considering its the climax, but I doubt Frank Langella could move very much in that get up and the whole build up to that point is worth the sub-par pay off.

            It’s been *years* since I last saw the film and I can still recite Skeletor’s Rant from Memory. Just so friggen memorable.

            “Ah! Do you hear? Alpha and the Omega. Death and Rebirth. And as you die…so shall I be reborn.”
            “The Moon Rises to the Apex.”
            “YES! I feel it! The power…fills me. I am one with the cosmos, the universe flows…flows through me! Heh. What does it matter now? This planet? These people? They are NOTHING to me! The Universe is POWER! Pure. Unstoppable. POWER! And *I* am that force! *I* am that power! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! Fool! You are no longer my equal! I am more then man! More then Life! I. Am. A. GOD!”
            *Transformation*
            “Now. You. Will. KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”
            *Eyebeam*
            “KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”

            Some people have General Zod. I have Skeletor.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

            Oh I wasn’t ranking the effects as comparable to MK. MotU blows that out of the water all around, especially costuming.

            And yeah, “Super Skeletor” is definitely decked out in the Gold. It’s a shame the fight sequence is extraordinarily lackluster considering its the climax, but I doubt Frank Langella could move very much in that get up and the whole build up to that point is worth the sub-par pay off.

            It’s been *years* since I last saw the film and I can still recite Skeletor’s Rant from Memory. Just so friggen memorable.

            “Ah! Do you hear? Alpha and the Omega. Death and Rebirth. And as you die…so shall I be reborn.”
            “The Moon Rises to the Apex.”
            “YES! I feel it! The power…fills me. I am one with the cosmos, the universe flows…flows through me! Heh. What does it matter now? This planet? These people? They are NOTHING to me! The Universe is POWER! Pure. Unstoppable. POWER! And *I* am that force! *I* am that power! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! Fool! You are no longer my equal! I am more then man! More then Life! I. Am. A. GOD!”
            *Transformation*
            “Now. You. Will. KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”
            *Eyebeam*
            “KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”

            Some people have General Zod. I have Skeletor.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

            Oh I wasn’t ranking the effects as comparable to MK. MotU blows that out of the water all around, especially costuming.

            And yeah, “Super Skeletor” is definitely decked out in the Gold. It’s a shame the fight sequence is extraordinarily lackluster considering its the climax, but I doubt Frank Langella could move very much in that get up and the whole build up to that point is worth the sub-par pay off.

            It’s been *years* since I last saw the film and I can still recite Skeletor’s Rant from Memory. Just so friggen memorable.

            “Ah! Do you hear? Alpha and the Omega. Death and Rebirth. And as you die…so shall I be reborn.”
            “The Moon Rises to the Apex.”
            “YES! I feel it! The power…fills me. I am one with the cosmos, the universe flows…flows through me! Heh. What does it matter now? This planet? These people? They are NOTHING to me! The Universe is POWER! Pure. Unstoppable. POWER! And *I* am that force! *I* am that power! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! Fool! You are no longer my equal! I am more then man! More then Life! I. Am. A. GOD!”
            *Transformation*
            “Now. You. Will. KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”
            *Eyebeam*
            “KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!”

            Some people have General Zod. I have Skeletor.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

        Oh yeah, Masters of the Universe is far from being a Good Movie but it straddles that line between being completely moronic and being campy fun. The two weak points were the Human Companions – Julie and what’s-his-face. Everyone else turned in rather solid performances and MotU is the one franchise you can get away with chewing scenery.

        I’d rank it on the same level as the first Mortal Kombat movie. It’s stupid and there’s flaws you can drive a semi truck through, but dammit…it’s still a fun movie!

    • http://www.extremelydissatisfied.wordpress.com Adam R. Charpentier

      The dead tiger is kind of a mood killer. The review was still funny, Noah’s expressions when the fay shop employee was introduced being particularly hilarious, but animal abuse is decidedly less funny.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-McClary/504395847 Josh McClary

    They ended up killing the tiger from the first movie? That’s actually really friggen sad.

    At the same time, I have to disagree with the Masters of the Universe zing. For all that the movie took place on Earth, the special effects budget was *Far* Higher then Beastmaster II, and features some pretty spectacular visuals. None of them in Eternia, I grant, but come on. You have to give it up to Skeletor’s army marching into Earth. Coincidentally, Skeletor is the only reason that movie is still remotely enjoyable. Best. Villain. Rant. Ever. “I am more then man, more then life, I. Am. A. GOD!”

  • Anonymous

    Yor and Dar! The ultimate team!!

  • Anonymous

    Certainly a twelve on a scale of ten.

    Amazing that you summoned 90′s Kid yet insulted him so much he didn’t go into his usual speal.

    Yes, never ever show that clip again. Any of you.

    And lastly, Doctor Insano is now good? Really?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

      Doctor Insano is now good? It seems to be so, although I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he’s just feigning goodness until the time is right to unleash his most dastardly plan yet.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1775906561 Zedith Starr

      Wanting to fix something that could completely fuck up the world doesn’t necessarily make a character “good.” If the world gets screwed up, that could ruin his plans for world domination and/or harm him in the process. If the current world is the one he wants to take over, then wanting to protect it from other dangers still stems from ultimately selfish motivations, not pure-hearted motivations. After all, what’s the point in taking over a world that’s screwed up beyond any value to you? Insano isn’t stupid; he realizes that protecting the world is an investment for when he ultimately takes it over.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1775906561 Zedith Starr

      Wanting to fix something that could completely fuck up the world doesn’t necessarily make a character “good.” If the world gets screwed up, that could ruin his plans for world domination and/or harm him in the process. If the current world is the one he wants to take over, then wanting to protect it from other dangers still stems from ultimately selfish motivations, not pure-hearted motivations. After all, what’s the point in taking over a world that’s screwed up beyond any value to you? Insano isn’t stupid; he realizes that protecting the world is an investment for when he ultimately takes it over.

  • Anonymous

    Certainly a twelve on a scale of ten.

    Amazing that you summoned 90′s Kid yet insulted him so much he didn’t go into his usual speal.

    Yes, never ever show that clip again. Any of you.

    And lastly, Doctor Insano is now good? Really?

  • Anonymous

    Certainly a twelve on a scale of ten.

    Amazing that you summoned 90′s Kid yet insulted him so much he didn’t go into his usual speal.

    Yes, never ever show that clip again. Any of you.

    And lastly, Doctor Insano is now good? Really?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Lincoln/503842752 Sean Lincoln

    So… this is I believe the second time you’ve used a Benzai sexy-dance in a video.

    So… yeah.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Lincoln/503842752 Sean Lincoln

    So… this is I believe the second time you’ve used a Benzai sexy-dance in a video.

    So… yeah.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Lincoln/503842752 Sean Lincoln

    So… this is I believe the second time you’ve used a Benzai sexy-dance in a video.

    So… yeah.

  • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

    giga-queer! hahahahahah!!!!
    aaahhhhh gay jokes….

    also that ending was fricking hilarious.

  • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

    giga-queer! hahahahahah!!!!
    aaahhhhh gay jokes….

    also that ending was fricking hilarious.

  • Anonymous

    Oh man, you have the Neko glasses from Big Trouble in Little China. That’s hardcore

  • http://twitter.com/BlueSatoshi Andrew Petersen

    Warrior#4… Does that mean Year Three’s gonna start soon?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gregory-Thomas-Bogosian/100000063000955 Gregory Thomas Bogosian

    SDI didn’t work because Congress didn’t follow through with it. I wonder if the scene were a theater was playing Beast Master 2 has anything to do with Hypertime destabilizing and the dimensional singularity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    There’s really no fixing hyper-time once you fuck it up.

    Sure, you can do a whole bunch of temporary fixes, but once it’s disturbed, it’s kinda like the faulty light fixture that flickers no matter how many electricians you call. Just gotta live with it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    There’s really no fixing hyper-time once you fuck it up.

    Sure, you can do a whole bunch of temporary fixes, but once it’s disturbed, it’s kinda like the faulty light fixture that flickers no matter how many electricians you call. Just gotta live with it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    There’s really no fixing hyper-time once you fuck it up.

    Sure, you can do a whole bunch of temporary fixes, but once it’s disturbed, it’s kinda like the faulty light fixture that flickers no matter how many electricians you call. Just gotta live with it.

  • http://twitter.com/PDestrucity Pete Lopeno

    Another awesome review Spoony! It’s funny, I was thinking of the “Planet Houston” reference right before it showed up on the screen… EPIC

  • Princess Stabbity

    …Hyper-time? What did you people do now?? We’re all doomed aren’t we. Sigh. Figures. Someone go punch time or something.
    …I hate to admit it, but I used to watch the hell out of Beastmaster 2. But in my defense- …Oh hell, I can’t defend it. But I liked it for reasons I have no clue about now.
    Fabulous job though. (Uh.. the review, not the movie. Guilty pleasure aside, I do agree it’s a terrible movie. lol)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones

    Soo Arklon’s goal is to turn a barren rock into a barren rock? Well, my as my mom used to say ‘ just because he’s a planetary ruler doesn’t mean he’s smart’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

    Nice call on banging against the door. I made the mistake of using the wall and cracked my skull on a stud. Way more painful.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Doran/100000584164074 Adam Doran

    masters of the universe was pretty fun to watch i mean it was rediculously painful but funny

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Doran/100000584164074 Adam Doran

    masters of the universe was pretty fun to watch i mean it was rediculously painful but funny

  • Anonymous

    That scene at the end, sir, was the greatest WTFBOOM of all time.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NX27SM67V3KAY7UKAH6YIOOOPQ e

    I think this is one of the best reviews in a while. The jokes are sharp, well-timed, and it’s edited so well that those 23 minutes feels more like 5. Awesome work!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ramon-Cruz/560736565 Ramon Cruz

    once I saw the clips from the first beastmaster review, I knew this review would be awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stuart-Will/606962587 Stuart Will

    Wow…I’ll have to check my Zoom H4N to see if it can open time portals as well. Maybe thay’s just a Dr.Insano custom mod for an H4N. I can see the benefit of opening time portals whilst recording. Awesome video by the way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stuart-Will/606962587 Stuart Will

    Wow…I’ll have to check my Zoom H4N to see if it can open time portals as well. Maybe thay’s just a Dr.Insano custom mod for an H4N. I can see the benefit of opening time portals whilst recording. Awesome video by the way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stuart-Will/606962587 Stuart Will

    Wow…I’ll have to check my Zoom H4N to see if it can open time portals as well. Maybe thay’s just a Dr.Insano custom mod for an H4N. I can see the benefit of opening time portals whilst recording. Awesome video by the way.

  • http://thesharpening.blogspot.com/ Hellfish

    Kari Wuhrer will always be Special Agent Tanya Adams to me.

  • http://thesharpening.blogspot.com/ Hellfish

    Kari Wuhrer will always be Special Agent Tanya Adams to me.

  • http://twitter.com/jankahl Jankahl

    Oh man! This fanboy is always sold when there’s a Metal Gear reference of any kind. Also, GAWD DAMN that guy looks like Jack Bauer. “TELL ME WHERE THE NEUTRON BOMB IS!!!”

  • Anonymous

    Only one thing to say:
    Continued in Warrior #4
    ….OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SRNNAQ4533PMD6MMPUCGCVS2XQ BreezeAir

    Why does a villain need a lousy bomb when he’s got a wand that does everything in the world?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SRNNAQ4533PMD6MMPUCGCVS2XQ BreezeAir

    Why does a villain need a lousy bomb when he’s got a wand that does everything in the world?

  • destro9

    The Villain was Wings Hauser,who always played memorable sleazeball hoods and badguys in B movies and shows like The A Team.Kari Hauer the female sidekick was pretty darned good in the cut scens for R

  • destro9

    The Villain was Wings Hauser,who always played memorable sleazeball hoods and badguys in B movies and shows like The A Team.Kari Hauer the female sidekick was pretty darned good in the cut scens for R

  • Anonymous

    Nice Portal reference, Spoony! x)

  • Anonymous

    Oh lord, I forgot about the “movie is in the movie” part. Stupid Time Paradoxes. Most likely Dar wouldn’t like the movie even if he did watch it.

    Now Arnold Schwarzenegger as King Lear, that’s a movie you need to advertise in your movie! Or Arnold in Hamlet. One of the two.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Alden/100000469737019 Christopher Alden

      To be, or not to be… not to be. *BOOM*

  • http://www.trueachievements.com/albajos.htm albajos

    What is this, I don’t even

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Greif/100002116448083 Brandon Greif

    You know, I never really got into Benzai’s own stuff, but I am always disturbingly entertained whenever he makes a cameo in your videos.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Greif/100002116448083 Brandon Greif

    You know, I never really got into Benzai’s own stuff, but I am always disturbingly entertained whenever he makes a cameo in your videos.

  • doresh

    The painful memories return… -.-

    WTF did those 2 guards do in the cave?! They threw their spears aways?! Dar was JUMPING AT THEM! All they had to do was hold their pointy sticks in his general direction!

    And WHAT? He didn’t want some random animals to get hurt while trying to SAVE THE WORLD, but he’s more than happy with risking the lifes of his animal companions Oo ?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002012310166 Hogas Vlad

    Oh my god tha gayness of this clip is off the charts. Take cover!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002012310166 Hogas Vlad

    Oh my god tha gayness of this clip is off the charts. Take cover!

  • Anonymous

    Ouch… and you’re the one who complained about the cake joke being overused…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1775906561 Zedith Starr

      But he didn’t say anything about cake. ;) It was nice to hear a Portal reference that didn’t involve cake

      • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/GJD6KMPFMNNIHFKRN6FI76P5KA Allison

        Try potatoes instead.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1775906561 Zedith Starr

      But he didn’t say anything about cake. ;) It was nice to hear a Portal reference that didn’t involve cake

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1664587720 George Marchant

    Anyone else think Bronson Pincho (if that’s even how you spell his name)in Beverly Hills Cop looks EXACTLY like David Mitchell?
    If you’ve never heard of David Mitchell look up That Mitchell and Webb Look on Youtube, you won’t be dissapointed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1664587720 George Marchant

    Anyone else think Bronson Pincho (if that’s even how you spell his name)in Beverly Hills Cop looks EXACTLY like David Mitchell?
    If you’ve never heard of David Mitchell look up That Mitchell and Webb Look on Youtube, you won’t be dissapointed.

  • http://profiles.google.com/jada.sikkert.det Helge Mjølhus Sveinsson

    “I’m making a note here, huge success”

    Clever :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KQZM4I3JX6F27LT4EM2Y27IFMU Corey

    this movie sucks but what bugs me is there is a warrior #4 there actually is a fourth issue of the ultimate warrior comic is this the holy grail of bad comics I want to know because those comics make bimbos in time and teenage super foxes that linkara reviewed bearable considering at least you knew what was going on but the warrior comics, they just make my mind stop every time I hear spooney and linkara, read them.

  • http://www.mibreviews.com The Man in Black

    “What theatre would play that?” You know you wanted to say that. Didn’t want to do two takes?

  • Anonymous

    An invention with the powers of convenience..

    ..was it made by Batman?

  • http://profiles.google.com/michaelsternbo Michael Sternbo

    Im sure someone has already mentioned this, or that you already know of it, but have you seen Beastermaster: The Eye of Braxus? or that other show called Beastmaster?

  • http://cassave.deviantart.com/ Anonymous

    I would gladly KNEEL before Queen Taramis…however, her sudden change to a less revealing wardrobe instills terrible Starcrash flashbacks.

    The movie, is featured in itself??? Are you sure this movie wasn’t written by Sutter Kane?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001218463429 Tim House

      No. It Kane did write it, there would have been Lovecraftian horrors on the other side of the portal of time…I mean, the portal of…just the portal.

  • http://vladmesco.99k.org/ Elfu

    I think the screenplay writers were split into three different groups because your American Movie Guild or whatever it’s called dictates that writers must be credited in the format “a&b and c&d and e&f” and can be no more than six. Don’t ask me why such just six, they’re your rules.

  • Anonymous

    The first tiger died? Oh! Oh! Where’s PETA when you need them?

    • http://twitter.com/Thiefofhearts Thiefofhearts

      Currently busy with killing more animals to achieve their wacko anti-life agenda.

      You might be thinking of the Humane Society though.

  • Renaissance_nerd

    Can’t believe you skipped over the half assed attempt to justify Arklon as Dar’s brother.

  • http://www.facebook.com/max.topsholm Max Topsholm

    Hey, Insane-o, what does the gaydar say about its gayness level?

    IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!

  • Anonymous

    Yes, terrible movie, but all fun. Of course ignores continuity (and Beastmaster 3 pretty much ignores this one). However why did he leave that sexy cousin of his from the first movie?

    In the 3rd one (which I consider worse, since it’s boring), the tiger has for some reason become a lion.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, terrible movie, but all fun. Of course ignores continuity (and Beastmaster 3 pretty much ignores this one). However why did he leave that sexy cousin of his from the first movie?

    In the 3rd one (which I consider worse, since it’s boring), the tiger has for some reason become a lion.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, terrible movie, but all fun. Of course ignores continuity (and Beastmaster 3 pretty much ignores this one). However why did he leave that sexy cousin of his from the first movie?

    In the 3rd one (which I consider worse, since it’s boring), the tiger has for some reason become a lion.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001218463429 Tim House

    I’m making a note here: huge success.
    It’s hard to overstate my doomsday device satisfaction.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001218463429 Tim House

    I’m making a note here: huge success.
    It’s hard to overstate my doomsday device satisfaction.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001218463429 Tim House

    I’m making a note here: huge success.
    It’s hard to overstate my doomsday device satisfaction.

  • Anonymous

    jesus that film looks bad. there has to be a common thread between all the 80′s fantasy movies on earth, where they all made by cannon?

    this makes masters of the universe look like citizen kane, and MOTU was crap except for langella’s role and i’m a huge masters fan

  • Ruiner

    Holy Shit Benzai is a fucking freak!!! I can imagine him being one of those dudes that likes to provoke people on LSD or shrooms into thinking they are going bat shit insane.

  • Anonymous

    Holy god. That Sliders chick could easily have been 90s Kid’s girlfriend. I can’t imagine how maddening of an experience that movie must have been in theaters. But on the bright side… Warrior #4 on the rise! Shit’s going down!

  • Anonymous

    Hey!!! I still kinda, sorta, still like, “Masters of the universes.” Yes it is stupid, but I do still enjoy it.
    So they couldn’t just get a black panther? They had to paint a striped tiger black, and also poison it?!
    WOW! Major lawsuit!
    Great review Spoony, as always.
    I want DR.Insano’s gaydar!

  • Anonymous

    Hey!!! I still kinda, sorta, still like, “Masters of the universes.” Yes it is stupid, but I do still enjoy it.
    So they couldn’t just get a black panther? They had to paint a striped tiger black, and also poison it?!
    WOW! Major lawsuit!
    Great review Spoony, as always.
    I want DR.Insano’s gaydar!

  • Anonymous

    Hey!!! I still kinda, sorta, still like, “Masters of the universes.” Yes it is stupid, but I do still enjoy it.
    So they couldn’t just get a black panther? They had to paint a striped tiger black, and also poison it?!
    WOW! Major lawsuit!
    Great review Spoony, as always.
    I want DR.Insano’s gaydar!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Kurokun1293 Roger Smith

    Watching her make all those references was like watching Family Guy.

    And who is more gay, the stereotypical gay Frenchman or the stereotypical gay guy faking an accent TWICE over? The world may never know until Dr. Insano fixes that gaydar for his…gay…research…purposes.

  • http://www.youtube.com/thefaustianman Faust

    Spoony is BACK! With a vengeance.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Dunlop/600725541 Kenneth Dunlop

    I ain’t gay or anything, but is it just me or was Benzai’s dance rather awesome?

    • Renaissance_nerd

      it’s because Benzaie is rather awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Dunlop/600725541 Kenneth Dunlop

    I ain’t gay or anything, but is it just me or was Benzai’s dance rather awesome?

  • Anonymous

    You totally would put in an I’m Still Alive reference just after bitching about it being lame on Video Games Live.

  • Anonymous

    You totally would put in an I’m Still Alive reference just after bitching about it being lame on Video Games Live.

  • Anonymous

    You totally would put in an I’m Still Alive reference just after bitching about it being lame on Video Games Live.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Dear.wHATEver Borislav Elinov

    haha gotta love the weird hair xD it killed me :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Asman/735545929 Ian Asman

    I’m not exactly surprised someone else caught that. But it was pretty subtle.
    Nice job Spoony.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Asman/735545929 Ian Asman

    I’m not exactly surprised someone else caught that. But it was pretty subtle.
    Nice job Spoony.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FFGLB76KKKIFU7IZQWMTSAA2YM Anonymous

    The second m

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FFGLB76KKKIFU7IZQWMTSAA2YM Anonymous

    The second m

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FFGLB76KKKIFU7IZQWMTSAA2YM Anonymous

    The second move sucked but the eye candy that was in it was good…I agree with Spoony, the first Beastmaster was a grate moive, this one was like, ok well, what do we do now? Funny, a book called Beastmaster Myth by Richard A Knaak AND surpisingly the dirctor of BEASTMASTER 2 Sylvio Tabet is actually good! Wonder if he got some writing lessons after making that crap.

  • Renaissance_nerd

    Also the nutron detonator was armed just prior to Arklon showing up , they were running tests on it and Arklon stole it while it was still armed.

    i don’t mean to pick Spoony but you left a lot of holes in this one. no mention of Arklon being Dar’s brother, The chick was in fact a senators daughter that was involved with the detonator project, The witch had gone though the portal before so knew “modern” lingo.

    • http://spoonyexperiment.com The Spoony One

      I didn’t mention Arklon being Dar’s half-brother just because it…doesn’t really add anything to the story except another eye-roll. I don’t know, I was just trying to be concise and bringing it up would have dragged things down a bit.

      • Renaissance_nerd

        Now that you mention it i suppose thats true. it really seemed shoe-horned in. Like Arklon being evil and taking over their world was not enough, he had to have some connection to Zed and Dar.

      • Apex Pinicle

        Don’t worry Noah some of us understood why you didnt mention it.

        And glad you didnt.
        Im sure your tired of hearing this but, Is Beast Master 3 a film youve not seen? OR is it just not bad enough or enough material to make a review?

        Thanks again for all the videos…. your work has really helped me during some dia times.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/GJD6KMPFMNNIHFKRN6FI76P5KA Allison

      Why would you be running tests (that require it to be armed) on something that could destroy all life on a continent*? Under what possible situation would anyone be crazy enough to actually ARM it for a test? If we want to test how well a nuclear warhead would work you can bet we don’t actually launch a nuclear warhead.

      *Or maybe it can destroy a planet. They don’t seem to be too sure.

  • Anonymous

    BY BLUE BEARD’S CUTLASS! BENZAIE STOP THAT DANCING! STOP IT, DAMN YOU!

    That was disturbing as all hell…

    While I won’t argue with your contention about most time travel/fantasy movies sucking, I do have to stick up for the He-Man movie just for Frank Langella’s Skeletor.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Triplett/1028632148 Mike Triplett

    That magic wand can do anything….except make this movie better

  • http://profiles.google.com/sugreev2001 Sugreev Ahuja

    Please Please Please review “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale”

  • http://profiles.google.com/sugreev2001 Sugreev Ahuja

    Please Please Please review “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Triplett/1028632148 Mike Triplett

    You know I’m glad that noting at all could be worse than Beastmaster 2. Except for maybe Beastmaster: Eye of Braxus a sequel movie so horrible that if you were to hold it up against any of the Highlander sequels it makes them look like Avatar. No seriously for those of you who haven’t seen or heard of it Youtube it. Though fair warning your eyes may bleed and your IQ may temporarily drop to that of mayonnaise.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Triplett/1028632148 Mike Triplett

    You know I’m glad that noting at all could be worse than Beastmaster 2. Except for maybe Beastmaster: Eye of Braxus a sequel movie so horrible that if you were to hold it up against any of the Highlander sequels it makes them look like Avatar. No seriously for those of you who haven’t seen or heard of it Youtube it. Though fair warning your eyes may bleed and your IQ may temporarily drop to that of mayonnaise.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Triplett/1028632148 Mike Triplett

    You know I’m glad that noting at all could be worse than Beastmaster 2. Except for maybe Beastmaster: Eye of Braxus a sequel movie so horrible that if you were to hold it up against any of the Highlander sequels it makes them look like Avatar. No seriously for those of you who haven’t seen or heard of it Youtube it. Though fair warning your eyes may bleed and your IQ may temporarily drop to that of mayonnaise.

  • Anonymous

    The thing about using an ultimate weapon which can destroy the world to take over the world – is that you have to use it at least once to prove to the people you want to conquer that it works.

    Of course given the Beastmaster’s world, ignoring that it seems to be made up of a collection of city states and remote villages, is that its people probably are so stupid that you could go walking from one to the other with a metal ice box with a calculator duck-taped to it claiming that it is a world destroying weapon.

    I would suggest they could have probably lifted a few pounds of C4, taken it back to their world and done the same thing, since we all know enough of that shit will take out village thus “destroy a world,” but then its likely more secure than a continent obliterating bomb.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Triplett/1028632148 Mike Triplett

      You know I think it never occurred to Arklon that if we have a weapon so devastating that it could destroy a world that we would have other weapons like guns that are not quite as devastating but more easily acquired and WAY more effective than a bomb. Sure you do run the risk of having to teach your soldiers on how to use it but I’m pretty sure that if he were to walk into a gun shop and wave that magic wand thingy around a bit Akon….er Arklon would come back more heavily armed than anyone in any village form his time or dimension in space.

  • Anonymous

    The thing about using an ultimate weapon which can destroy the world to take over the world – is that you have to use it at least once to prove to the people you want to conquer that it works.

    Of course given the Beastmaster’s world, ignoring that it seems to be made up of a collection of city states and remote villages, is that its people probably are so stupid that you could go walking from one to the other with a metal ice box with a calculator duck-taped to it claiming that it is a world destroying weapon.

    I would suggest they could have probably lifted a few pounds of C4, taken it back to their world and done the same thing, since we all know enough of that shit will take out village thus “destroy a world,” but then its likely more secure than a continent obliterating bomb.

  • Anonymous

    The thing about using an ultimate weapon which can destroy the world to take over the world – is that you have to use it at least once to prove to the people you want to conquer that it works.

    Of course given the Beastmaster’s world, ignoring that it seems to be made up of a collection of city states and remote villages, is that its people probably are so stupid that you could go walking from one to the other with a metal ice box with a calculator duck-taped to it claiming that it is a world destroying weapon.

    I would suggest they could have probably lifted a few pounds of C4, taken it back to their world and done the same thing, since we all know enough of that shit will take out village thus “destroy a world,” but then its likely more secure than a continent obliterating bomb.

  • http://www.facebook.com/LowBrassDude Lee Anderson

    Beast Mast 2 = The Dungeonmaster + Highlander II: The Quickening.

  • http://www.facebook.com/LowBrassDude Lee Anderson

    Beast Mast 2 = The Dungeonmaster + Highlander II: The Quickening.

  • http://www.facebook.com/LowBrassDude Lee Anderson

    Beast Mast 2 = The Dungeonmaster + Highlander II: The Quickening.

  • http://profiles.google.com/whatamitreten2 John What

    The funny part is that there is a “Beastmaster 3: The Eye of Braxus”. yes, “Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time” was beyond bad, but wait until someone hits “Beastmaster 3: The Eye of Braxus”. Yes, Beastmaster 2 is in fact worst then 3, but both are still crap. I mean the villain in Beastmaster 3 look way to much like the dad in Dinasorces the TV show. :P

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Wiegeabo-Kilijabob/100000074745693 Wiegeabo Kilijabob

      I just found out about that looking up the ranks of the first two.

      My god….my god… :O

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Wiegeabo-Kilijabob/100000074745693 Wiegeabo Kilijabob

      I just found out about that looking up the ranks of the first two.

      My god….my god… :O

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Wiegeabo-Kilijabob/100000074745693 Wiegeabo Kilijabob

      I just found out about that looking up the ranks of the first two.

      My god….my god… :O

  • Anonymous

    6:46
    Yes I was. I wasn’t on the page at the time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JulianSanMiguel1 Julian San Miguel

    Oh god. Benzai’s dance at 15:30 was worse than any Bij I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen them all.

    I liked Insano’s Gaydar, though. “It measures gayness… with Science.” LMAO

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Wiegeabo-Kilijabob/100000074745693 Wiegeabo Kilijabob

    I loved these movies when I was a kid. Glad to see you take them on. Brought back a lot of memories.

    The first one was a great, and sometimes scary, action flick.

    The second was a hilarious comedy. At least, I hope they intended it to be a comedy. Singer’s performance really comes across as being comedic while playing it straight. And the Beastmaster II theater, and, once again, Singer’s performance upon seeing it while everyone else is oblivious, is funny as hell. That inclusion alone proves it had to be written as a comedy (in at least one of the later drafts). If not… :O

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Wiegeabo-Kilijabob/100000074745693 Wiegeabo Kilijabob

    I loved these movies when I was a kid. Glad to see you take them on. Brought back a lot of memories.

    The first one was a great, and sometimes scary, action flick.

    The second was a hilarious comedy. At least, I hope they intended it to be a comedy. Singer’s performance really comes across as being comedic while playing it straight. And the Beastmaster II theater, and, once again, Singer’s performance upon seeing it while everyone else is oblivious, is funny as hell. That inclusion alone proves it had to be written as a comedy (in at least one of the later drafts). If not… :O

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KQZM4I3JX6F27LT4EM2Y27IFMU Corey

    I don’t know if anyone has asked yet but spoony do you have plans on reviewing Hercules in New York?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KQZM4I3JX6F27LT4EM2Y27IFMU Corey

    I don’t know if anyone has asked yet but spoony do you have plans on reviewing Hercules in New York?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stanley-Lizzys-Tree-Chan/1204111216 Stanley ‘Lizzy’s Tree’ Chan

    19:40
    Portal reference. So appropriate on so many level. <3 Spoony

  • Laurie Andrade

    Hey ther for some reason this video isn’t working on my computer, it’s a mac, i’m not sure that has anything to do with it

    • http://www.awesomesaucegames.me/ Shaolin Dave

      Videos work the same on Macs and PCs. The video is down, just give it a while to be reuploaded or whatever they need to do to fix.

      • http://profiles.google.com/chriswithers128 Christopher Withers

        Actually the past couple of vids haven’t worked on my Mac either, i just see a blank white slate?

        • http://www.awesomesaucegames.me/ Shaolin Dave

          Well, I’ve viewing on a mac too, and all the videos are showing up except the two ‘beastmaster’ videos and the latest vlog. since i watched the first ‘beastmaster’ when it was first posted, and in the past several videos have gone offline after i’ve watched them then come back later, i’m pretty sure this is just temporary.

  • Laurie Andrade

    Hey ther for some reason this video isn’t working on my computer, it’s a mac, i’m not sure that has anything to do with it

  • http://twitter.com/Dgcakes Dg Leffler

    ……..o.o Dr. Insano’s wearing my sunglasses. The black ones with the bug pattern. I own a pair of those. In the word of 90s kid “DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!”

    Also he’s wearing my favorite color in that scene. O.O

  • Anonymous

    *raises hand* Yes, I heard what she said. I’m pretty sure I’m a straight la- HOLEY MOLEY Benzaie. You just keep popping up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grzegorz-Wojtczyk/100000046280578 Grzegorz Wojtczyk

    Ahh the nineties…you could make a movie about a lump of shit back then and it still would be better than any of Conan the Barbarian rip-off movies made then.

  • http://twitter.com/sdesros Stephane Desrosiers

    Is it only me or is the video constantly stopping a little passed the 11 minute mark?

  • http://www.facebook.com/Philipskiii Filip Aleksandrov Mihaylov

    Great vid again, Spoons, keep up the good work. d(>ω<)b

  • http://www.facebook.com/Philipskiii Filip Aleksandrov Mihaylov

    Great vid again, Spoons, keep up the good work. d(>ω<)b

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rachel-Baker/528171414 Rachel Baker

    This was a very funny and insightful review probably one of your best in my opinion. I was never really interested in the Beastmaster movies but now after watching your reviews of both films, I might take a look at the first movie and maybe the second one depending on whether or not I want to lose my sanity. Your reactions to this movie mirrored that of my reaction to “Dragon Ball Evolution” when I saw it in the theatre and that’s a movie I hate with the intensity of a million bonfires (as I pointed out in the written review I did for the movie). It’s just as horrible in terms of acting, directing and writing as “Beastmaster II”.

    Also, the set, props and the costumes in “Beastmaster II” look like they have been done at the last minute not to mention the mask that the villain wears throughout the movie. I mean, it makes him look like a medieval version of the Phantom of the Opera only more evil.

    BTW, the way you were banging your head on the door; it look like it really did hurt. It also looked something I would have done if I was drunk which is why it’s a good thing I no longer drink.

    Anyway, as a fellow film reviewer, I just wanted to give my opinion on your review and the film itself. Great job!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alycia-Shedd/100000532232854 Alycia Shedd

    A hot chick with lots of cleavage constantly saying “my Lord”–this is actually an Evony advertisement, isn’t it.

  • https://me.yahoo.com/a/NpOigZstqPX3Q4k6IEVODKfU_OECanTV_y3tV7Y-#691b6 Lydia Stroganoff

    I wish the modern technology like cars was explained by the ferrets Podo and Kodo in the movie.

    • http://UnholyFireDragon.com Pierre Robert Groulx

      Now that would actually make sense in the “logic” of this movie! lol

  • notmyday2009

    Should we tell him there were a second sequel know as Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Royce-Dawson/1782390477 James Royce-Dawson

    i don’t know about the rest of you, but this, and the last few videos aren’t playing on my computer. all i get is a small white box. it doesn’t even say whats wrong, and its not happening on any of the older vids from before ultima underworlds. any ideas whats happening?

    • http://twitter.com/KatKaleen KatKaleen

      Sorry,dear. I use firefox and all videos run smoothly except Guru Larrys’. They always take half an hour to load.

  • SignNinja

    So wait, you don’t let them know about the one very glaring issue of….i dunno….ARKLON BEING HIS FUCKING BROTHER! Yeah! That’s another thing they didn’t mention from the first movie. “Oh by the way I’m your brother…..somehow.”

  • SignNinja

    So wait, you don’t let them know about the one very glaring issue of….i dunno….ARKLON BEING HIS FUCKING BROTHER! Yeah! That’s another thing they didn’t mention from the first movie. “Oh by the way I’m your brother…..somehow.”

  • SignNinja

    So wait, you don’t let them know about the one very glaring issue of….i dunno….ARKLON BEING HIS FUCKING BROTHER! Yeah! That’s another thing they didn’t mention from the first movie. “Oh by the way I’m your brother…..somehow.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/StephanieMularz Stephanie Mularz

    Yeah, placing old world heroes within a new world surrouding…
    That doesn’t sound like something new that is coming out~
    *cough cough* Thor *cough cough*

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002012310166 Hogas Vlad

      well … The movie coming out is based on Marvel’s Thor comic. And i have to say it is a preety cool comic, even if it takes an ancient god and puts him in a modern setting. So my hopes are high for this movie, even though all recent comic based movies were peety bad (except the Batman ones).

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Dunlop/600725541 Kenneth Dunlop

        What about ‘Iron Man’? The Thor movie is aparrently made by the same guys, so I have high hopes for it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Dunlop/600725541 Kenneth Dunlop

        What about ‘Iron Man’? The Thor movie is aparrently made by the same guys, so I have high hopes for it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kenneth-Dunlop/600725541 Kenneth Dunlop

        What about ‘Iron Man’? The Thor movie is aparrently made by the same guys, so I have high hopes for it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/StephanieMularz Stephanie Mularz

    Yeah, placing old world heroes within a new world surrouding…
    That doesn’t sound like something new that is coming out~
    *cough cough* Thor *cough cough*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Badre-El-Amir-Bally/728865437 Badre El Amir Bally

    You guys do know there was a TV series, right? Was actually popular enough to run for 3 seasons from 1999 to 2002.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BeastMaster_%28TV_series%29

    I was surprised that the first film was actually loosely based a novel

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beast_Master

  • http://profiles.google.com/csartisticatheart Casey Stuhl

    Woo hoo! i cant believe i actually was able to stay up late enough to see this XD. Great review! Quality work as always Spoony :D Im a bit concerned for Insano; he seems to be losing his crazy and passion…for SCIENCE!

  • http://profiles.google.com/csartisticatheart Casey Stuhl

    Woo hoo! i cant believe i actually was able to stay up late enough to see this XD. Great review! Quality work as always Spoony :D Im a bit concerned for Insano; he seems to be losing his crazy and passion…for SCIENCE!

  • http://profiles.google.com/csartisticatheart Casey Stuhl

    Woo hoo! i cant believe i actually was able to stay up late enough to see this XD. Great review! Quality work as always Spoony :D Im a bit concerned for Insano; he seems to be losing his crazy and passion…for SCIENCE!

  • Anonymous

    Anybody else react to Benzaie’s shirtlessness with absolute envy?

  • Anonymous

    Anybody else react to Benzaie’s shirtlessness with absolute envy?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/GJD6KMPFMNNIHFKRN6FI76P5KA Allison

    Wait a minute. Plot hole here. The neutron detonator (or whatever it is) supposedly could ‘kill all life on a continent’. That’s what the witch with vaguely established powers said. So how did it suddenly shift to ‘half hour and the whole world blows up’?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/GJD6KMPFMNNIHFKRN6FI76P5KA Allison

    Wait a minute. Plot hole here. The neutron detonator (or whatever it is) supposedly could ‘kill all life on a continent’. That’s what the witch with vaguely established powers said. So how did it suddenly shift to ‘half hour and the whole world blows up’?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Alden/100000469737019 Christopher Alden

      To be fair, the entire plot of the movie takes place within 2 miles of the device. For all the characters we see, the functional difference between “continent goes kablooey” and “world goes kablooey” is nil.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Alden/100000469737019 Christopher Alden

      To be fair, the entire plot of the movie takes place within 2 miles of the device. For all the characters we see, the functional difference between “continent goes kablooey” and “world goes kablooey” is nil.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_I5L536FRS3SLR27GROGVCUGX7A Gahtren

    Am I the only one who noticed the unintentional (or intentional?) Portal reference when he said “I’m making a note here, HUGE SUCCESS!” o_o Maybe it’s just me…

    Aaanyway great review either way!

  • http://twitter.com/random_ninja5 Eric Hesselberg

    nice video, Spoony. Love the Portal reference – very apropos, my friend. Terrible movie. I don’t know what prompted the craze of having fantasy characters romping around present day. The only one that comes to mind that actually doesn’t entirely suck is Star Trek IV, it is much much better than BM2. Hah! A fitting title…BM2! Can’t wait to see what happens when Insano and Son attempt to fix the fabric of reality.

  • http://twitter.com/random_ninja5 Eric Hesselberg

    nice video, Spoony. Love the Portal reference – very apropos, my friend. Terrible movie. I don’t know what prompted the craze of having fantasy characters romping around present day. The only one that comes to mind that actually doesn’t entirely suck is Star Trek IV, it is much much better than BM2. Hah! A fitting title…BM2! Can’t wait to see what happens when Insano and Son attempt to fix the fabric of reality.

  • http://profiles.google.com/davidsirritation David bembenek

    … Almost made it through my life without ever knowing this existed.

    • Anonymous

      Suddenly… you make me want to Not press play.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1775906561 Zedith Starr

    Oh darn, I was going to use a broken gaydar joke if I ever review Gundam 0083. Now if I do it, everyone’s going to think I lifted it from you. >.<'

    Still, interesting to see that Insano decided to make one in the first place. I guess with all that poor luck he has with women, he's decided to branch out…. Hey, if he's willing to take it…. ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1775906561 Zedith Starr

    Oh darn, I was going to use a broken gaydar joke if I ever review Gundam 0083. Now if I do it, everyone’s going to think I lifted it from you. >.<'

    Still, interesting to see that Insano decided to make one in the first place. I guess with all that poor luck he has with women, he's decided to branch out…. Hey, if he's willing to take it…. ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zap-Rowsdower/100000068402682 Zap Rowsdower

    ah, the shittastic influences of Jim Wynorski permeates this flick like many of his others – see The Return of Swamp Thing or Death Stalker 2…

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0691061/

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zap-Rowsdower/100000068402682 Zap Rowsdower

    ah, the shittastic influences of Jim Wynorski permeates this flick like many of his others – see The Return of Swamp Thing or Death Stalker 2…

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0691061/

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Park-Boyer/671233120 Park Boyer

    I LOL’d at the end… where is that sound clip from, anyhow? I hear it all over.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Park-Boyer/671233120 Park Boyer

    I LOL’d at the end… where is that sound clip from, anyhow? I hear it all over.

  • http://twitter.com/Citrakite Joseph Perez

    A portal ref at 19:42?

    • http://www.facebook.com/DarkHarvester12 Danny Caracciolo

      yeah it’s hard to overstate my satsification

  • http://twitter.com/Citrakite Joseph Perez

    A portal ref at 19:42?

  • http://twitter.com/Citrakite Joseph Perez

    A portal ref at 19:42?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OU7Z4DKACDRDJNH4E42XNZUJYI Calbeck

    Doc Insano vs. the Guardian and his Black Gate? Oooooh yeah, gonna be here for THAT one!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OU7Z4DKACDRDJNH4E42XNZUJYI Calbeck

    Doc Insano vs. the Guardian and his Black Gate? Oooooh yeah, gonna be here for THAT one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thomas-Diendorf/100002281293645 Thomas Diendorf

    Man Spoony, you missed out on one of the cheesiest things in the whole movie. The beginning of the final fight, the stage is set, both are ready for an epic duel, you think it could bring some element of awesomeness to this lame movie. But then, the circus music starts and plays throughout the fight. I was laughing my ass off for 10 minutes after that. It’s gotta be the cheesiest fight finale ever made thanks to that music. How could you not mention that in this video?

    P.S. You must have seen the 3-Minute Beastmaster video.

  • Anonymous

    Lol. My first thought upon seeing that guy was Kiefer Sutherland! It was so quickly confirmed that I am not the only one.

  • Anonymous

    So O² is run by a satyr. That explains a lot.

  • Anonymous

    I hope everyone caught the portal reference when he said “I’m making a note here, huge success.”

    • http://UnholyFireDragon.com Unholy Fire Dragon

      Only because people in this thread keep reminding me.

  • Anonymous

    Not only was there a Beastmaster series (which I personally loved the 1st and 2nd season of… the 3rd was ok), *entirely* based in the original world, NEVER in modern times.

    And if I’m recognizing the actor for Dar in the movies correctly, they gave him a major role in the 3rd season of the TV series as some sort of spirit guide for Dar of the TV series, probably as a nod to the movies.

    And they did not make the same “toxic paint” mistake as the 1st movie, as Ruh is orange striped lol. And King Zed was absolutely evil, not his mage. And the main female wizards of the show are smokin’ hot if I remember right… now I have to go back and check, because I’m going several years back in nostalgia here without having seen a single episode since the show ended…

  • http://profiles.google.com/coppercrane Copper Crane

    so, uh, spoony. Are you gonna review the third one or is it too painful?
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112469/

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bjorn-Brandewall/1474158876 Björn Brändewall

    …and when did the villain have time to learn how to drive a jeep? We even see him shifting gears into reverse, not bad for someone who grew up on horseback!

    • Anonymous

      There’s a scene that Spoony omitted in which Arklon probes the mind of a military officer (kinda like a Vulcan mind meld) before entering the base, thereby gaining all of his knowledge.

  • Anonymous

    I really hate to admit it, but I absolutely LOVED this movie as a kid. Granted, I was 10 when I first saw it, and it was kinda geared to that age demographic, so I guess that gives me some excuse. But to me, the nostalgia factor pushes this piece of crap deep into “so bad it’s good” territory: just the over-the-top campiness of it and the fact that they obviously weren’t even trying to make a serious, dignified sequel to the original makes it enjoyable to me. It had been almost 10 years since the first, and they were obviously just trying to milk the IP for a little more cash before burying it. But as a kid? This movie was friggin’ badass! Arklon was like the coolest villain ever, and the female lead’s “witty” dialogue made her the very definition of hip and cool to me. Not to mention hot. And I guess it helped that I had never seen the original. When I eventually did like a year later, I actually didn’t like it. I thought it was boring and forgettable, except for the fact that “Holy crap, boobs! In a PG-Rated movie???” Standards must’ve been a lot lower in the 80′s.

    My admittedly embarrassing love for this schlocky disaster of a movie aside, great review! I was initially scared when I saw you were going to do a review of this because I didn’t want you to hurt my precious childhood memories, but I have to admit that pretty much every point you made was valid and some of the reactions were hilarious.

    Oh, and yeah, picking on the title was kind of a cheap shot, but deserved I suppose. But let’s face it, Beastmaster 2: Through The Portal To Another Dimension That Looks Like It’s The Future But Is Actually Just An Alternate Universe Because Dar’s World Exists In A Reality Parallel To Our Own is a lot harder to fit on a poster. I wouldn’t be surprised if this actual discussion took place at the studio and they just figured “Fuck it, the movie explains it and no one wants a lecture on quantum theory in their subtitle”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=739395488 Rafael Peregrino

    Great work, Spoony!

    Please consider reviewing Beastmaster III too!

    Should give you more than enough material for the usual LOLs, because it was even worse than the 2nd one. (As far as I remember.)

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KQZM4I3JX6F27LT4EM2Y27IFMU Corey

      how worse because I don’t see anything more insulting to a film with a promising storyline of a warrior who fights evil by calling on the help of animals by having dar having to join forces with a spoiled teen who did not seem notice she was in another dimension until she went back to that portal, and fight a idiotic villain who would probably fight magneto in a junkyard. this film is kinda like highlander it had a awesome and unique premise but then one of the writers got drunk and presented his fanfic as the basis for a sequel possibly using the paper for his better written storyline as toilet paper.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Look at the boulder. You can see a chunk of paint and Styrofoam come off when it hits the side of the rock face.

    If men stare at tits, why don’t women stare at cocks? I would be fine with that. It’s almost like women don’t want sex.

    • Anonymous

      Talking to a woman about that in the past, I’ll quote: “I love men, I love how a man feels, I love how a man looks, but a penis just looks ugly as hell and I wish I didn’t have to *see* it to feel it later.” Not all feel that way, I’m sure, but you could bet that there are many who do.

      And actually, wouldn’t a man staring at vagina be equivalent to a woman staring at penis? Since when was tits equivalent to genitalia?

    • Anonymous

      Talking to a woman about that in the past, I’ll quote: “I love men, I love how a man feels, I love how a man looks, but a penis just looks ugly as hell and I wish I didn’t have to *see* it to feel it later.” Not all feel that way, I’m sure, but you could bet that there are many who do.

      And actually, wouldn’t a man staring at vagina be equivalent to a woman staring at penis? Since when was tits equivalent to genitalia?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Look at the boulder. You can see a chunk of paint and Styrofoam come off when it hits the side of the rock face.

    If men stare at tits, why don’t women stare at cocks? I would be fine with that. It’s almost like women don’t want sex.

  • http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

    wow…
    I am so glad I didn’t know this existed in the 90s…

    continued in warrior #4… the horror…

  • Anonymous

    Ugh… I re-watched this, forgetting about the Benzaie clip… T.T

  • http://www.facebook.com/hannah.shawwilliams Hannah Shaw-Williams

    Dr Insano’s dimensional device seems to be a Zoom H4n.

  • http://www.facebook.com/hannah.shawwilliams Hannah Shaw-Williams

    Dr Insano’s dimensional device seems to be a Zoom H4n.

  • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

    was that a portal reference? “I’m making a note here, huge success”

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NX27SM67V3KAY7UKAH6YIOOOPQ e

    Curious how Insano’s gaydar didn’t go ABSOLUTELY NUTS when Benzaie showed up.

    • Anonymous

      It was already broke by that point. Otherwise I think it may have imploded in on itself. Some nuclear fallout might have ensued.

  • Anonymous

    I can’t believe how bi-polar I was during this review. One moment I’m all happy and laughing at the jokes, the next I’m literally shouting in furious disgust at how moronic the movie is, then I’m downright depressed at the Tiger story…then I’m laughing my ass off again at Spoony’s jokes about it, then I’m arguing with the movie again over it’s moronic bullshit, then I’m laughing to the point of tears and suffocation over the sudden Benzaie moment, and you know what, that’s not bi-polar, my emotions are all over the map and all taken to the extreme with this review. Good thing I haven’t finished my coffee or I’d probably have to check into a nuthouse.

    This one was just friggin’ hilarious on so many levels. And on a side note, I’ve been playing WAY too much Mortal Kombat lately, because I kept thinking of Shao Kahn jokes for the invasion of modern day earth and I was hoping to see Smoke’s Ultimate MK3 Earth-exploding Fatality at the end when the doomsday device went off.

    Damn, I am a weird, weird man. I’m just gonna go have some more coffee now. One last thing though, I am impressed that Spoony could actually pull out a Portal reference and have it not feel stupid and cliche. Timing and relevance is everything, and stupid people who butcher Portal (or any other) references could learn from this!

    • Apex Pinicle

      Gaydar not switched on? being repaired or calibrated???

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

    FINA FANTASY X-2! FINAL FANTASY X-2!!

  • Anonymous

    I wonder if the hypertime instability thing has something to do with AT4W. Linkara’s got a spaceship now, so something got messed up somewhere. Oh, and Cthulhu’s coming through a gap in the multiverse wall apparently, so that might have something to do with it too.

    There’s something incredibly painful about seeing crappy sequels to worthwhile fantasy epics. Especially when they do the “Modern Day” thing. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks when sci-fi epics do the same thing (I’ll never forgive the star trek franchise for doing an entire movie about it in ST IV: The voyage home), but at least they usually happen in tv shows where the most you have to endure is 40 minutes (and usually you can skip most of the episode without losing anything important to the plot). The “Modern Day” thing always ends up the fucking same, with the same fucking plots, same pitiful jokes, and is possibly the laziest writing trick in the book (and it’s a pretty damn thick book)… In fact, I’m pretty sure it has its very own chapter due to bloody freaking misuse! And why, oh god why, is it ALWAYS set in the late 80s – early 90s where there is ALWAYS some idiot with a bad haircut who teaches whatever interdimension/time-travelling hero a vocabulary which is filled with pop-cultural slang or references that weren’t even funny at the time of filming?!!

    … It’s okay, I’m calm, I’m calm. I just have to put down the matches and remember that there are worst things out there. For example, there’s Stephanie Meyer’s writing…

    Damn, now there’s a burning hole on my desk..

    Great review as always. Looking forward immensely to Warrior #4 (yay! Cross-over!)

  • Anonymous

    I wonder if the hypertime instability thing has something to do with AT4W. Linkara’s got a spaceship now, so something got messed up somewhere. Oh, and Cthulhu’s coming through a gap in the multiverse wall apparently, so that might have something to do with it too.

    There’s something incredibly painful about seeing crappy sequels to worthwhile fantasy epics. Especially when they do the “Modern Day” thing. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks when sci-fi epics do the same thing (I’ll never forgive the star trek franchise for doing an entire movie about it in ST IV: The voyage home), but at least they usually happen in tv shows where the most you have to endure is 40 minutes (and usually you can skip most of the episode without losing anything important to the plot). The “Modern Day” thing always ends up the fucking same, with the same fucking plots, same pitiful jokes, and is possibly the laziest writing trick in the book (and it’s a pretty damn thick book)… In fact, I’m pretty sure it has its very own chapter due to bloody freaking misuse! And why, oh god why, is it ALWAYS set in the late 80s – early 90s where there is ALWAYS some idiot with a bad haircut who teaches whatever interdimension/time-travelling hero a vocabulary which is filled with pop-cultural slang or references that weren’t even funny at the time of filming?!!

    … It’s okay, I’m calm, I’m calm. I just have to put down the matches and remember that there are worst things out there. For example, there’s Stephanie Meyer’s writing…

    Damn, now there’s a burning hole on my desk..

    Great review as always. Looking forward immensely to Warrior #4 (yay! Cross-over!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Joseph-Deibler/31806865 Daniel Joseph Deibler

    Spoony, where are yoouuuuu?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lukasz-Stelmach/1497097137 Łukasz Stelmach

      3rd Year Anniversary perhaps? I hope ;)

      • http://UnholyFireDragon.com Unholy Fire Dragon

        Last time I heard of him, he was tired and sore from the 3rd anniversary thing. I can only assume he’s given us the best performance of his life (as usual). :-)

      • http://UnholyFireDragon.com Unholy Fire Dragon

        Last time I heard of him, he was tired and sore from the 3rd anniversary thing. I can only assume he’s given us the best performance of his life (as usual). :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Joseph-Deibler/31806865 Daniel Joseph Deibler

    Spoony, where are yoouuuuu?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PX2SCHCCNSYFNNK3IGYZMKA4KA Adsf

    I love your videos. they are so well done :D

  • qman311

    The wtf boom at the end made my night.

  • qman311

    The wtf boom at the end made my night.

  • Anonymous

    hey this better than the first one well thats spoony always out doing himself :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/AROAH1337 Andrew McFain

    “I’m making a note, here, ‘huge success.’”

    AAAUUUGGGHHH! SPOONYYYYYY!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1290276521 Colleen A. Houtz

    Oh, my God, Spoony; I loved this review! One week from graduation and I haven’t slept or eaten in three days–but damn if this one didn’t make me literally LOL. XD

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

      And lo, for the Spoony One has brought joy to even the weariest of souls

      -Dave, 9:04 PM

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

      And lo, for the Spoony One has brought joy to even the weariest of souls

      -Dave, 9:04 PM

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Listen everyone: Osama Bin Laden has been killed. We have his body. This is a good thing, because it will be a major morale blow to terrorist groups.

    One problem: what if Obama gets re-elected for something he had no part of?

    Barack Obama will want to take credit for something he didn’t do to get for more years in the White house, and people are dumb enough to believe that he had some part in this.

    Do you want four more years of someone who enacted a bill almost no one read? A bill that the majority is currently against? Four more years of closed door meetings and misdirection?

    Pass this on to anyone you know. Just copy and paste. I don’t care about getting credit.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Colston/631519611 Ryan Colston

    I have to thank you once again Spoony. I saw that movie when I was 9, I had been watching the first one since i was 5 and was expecting something even better(ah, young foolish times). Anyways, this was the first non-Disney movie that actually pissed me off as i watched it, everything about it made me sick to my stomach.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Colston/631519611 Ryan Colston

    I have to thank you once again Spoony. I saw that movie when I was 9, I had been watching the first one since i was 5 and was expecting something even better(ah, young foolish times). Anyways, this was the first non-Disney movie that actually pissed me off as i watched it, everything about it made me sick to my stomach.

  • Anonymous

    Despite the blackeye this movie gave to the Beastmaster series, this movie had one redeming item: the credits song “I will be your hero.” It was popular enough for Youtube to take it down. You got to like Dar’s father. Despite the fact that he had two sons, according to this movie, taken from him, he had another son then went mad.

  • Anonymous

    I apologize for oversite in the previous post. There is a second factor which became pleasant to the eyes: Kari Wuhrer. She certainly can Slide into my Atlantian spaceship and try to Command & Conquer my Anacoda, yeah, screen references.

  • Anonymous

    First, Yay I can see it!
    Second, I’m sorry that you had to deal with the crap of this movie but your review of it, as always, is hilarious!

  • http://twitter.com/savyono savyono

    Please, Spoony, please, for the love of all that is holy, do a review of Beastmaster 3.

  • http://twitter.com/savyono savyono

    Please, Spoony, please, for the love of all that is holy, do a review of Beastmaster 3.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

    I’m surprised that Spoony didn’t bring up Captain America when she mentioned the Neutron Detonator.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

    I’m surprised that Spoony didn’t bring up Captain America when she mentioned the Neutron Detonator.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JLBehrend Jeremy Behrend

    I think both movies were good. But i do see where Noah has valid points in his review. BUT DAMN if it wasn’t fun to watch all the way around! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/JLBehrend Jeremy Behrend

    I think both movies were good. But i do see where Noah has valid points in his review. BUT DAMN if it wasn’t fun to watch all the way around! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/michal.bily Michal Bílý

    Are you going to review Beastmaster 3?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Gelinas/1408034230 Andrew Gelinas

    I was thinking about Serge from Beverly Hills Cop when that guy was immediately introduced!

  • Anonymous

    Wait. Compact enough to carry, but powerful enough to destroy a whole continent? Who the hell does he expect to be carrying it? It’s not like he has a missile delivery system he can use to send it to his enemies across the sea.

    Is he planning to say, “submit or I kill us all?” Who in his world would believe him that a bucket could destroy a continent? I’m surprised *he* believes it.

  • Anonymous

    Wait. Compact enough to carry, but powerful enough to destroy a whole continent? Who the hell does he expect to be carrying it? It’s not like he has a missile delivery system he can use to send it to his enemies across the sea.

    Is he planning to say, “submit or I kill us all?” Who in his world would believe him that a bucket could destroy a continent? I’m surprised *he* believes it.

  • Anonymous

    Wait. Compact enough to carry, but powerful enough to destroy a whole continent? Who the hell does he expect to be carrying it? It’s not like he has a missile delivery system he can use to send it to his enemies across the sea.

    Is he planning to say, “submit or I kill us all?” Who in his world would believe him that a bucket could destroy a continent? I’m surprised *he* believes it.

  • Anonymous

    Wait. Compact enough to carry, but powerful enough to destroy a whole continent? Who the hell does he expect to be carrying it? It’s not like he has a missile delivery system he can use to send it to his enemies across the sea.

    Is he planning to say, “submit or I kill us all?” Who in his world would believe him that a bucket could destroy a continent? I’m surprised *he* believes it.

  • Anonymous

    Wait. Compact enough to carry, but powerful enough to destroy a whole continent? Who the hell does he expect to be carrying it? It’s not like he has a missile delivery system he can use to send it to his enemies across the sea.

    Is he planning to say, “submit or I kill us all?” Who in his world would believe him that a bucket could destroy a continent? I’m surprised *he* believes it.

  • Anonymous

    Wait. Compact enough to carry, but powerful enough to destroy a whole continent? Who the hell does he expect to be carrying it? It’s not like he has a missile delivery system he can use to send it to his enemies across the sea.

    Is he planning to say, “submit or I kill us all?” Who in his world would believe him that a bucket could destroy a continent? I’m surprised *he* believes it.

  • http://twitter.com/startiller StarTiller

    Arklar looks like Nash O_o

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mayra-Dantas-Bueno/716900458 Mayra Dantas Bueno

    Too good to stop! Do Beastmasters 3!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jose-Batista/100000952184779 Jose Batista

    I figured Insano made the gaydar as a precautionary measure for when he makes guest appearances at conventions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Victor-Williams/100000749674567 Victor Williams

    Beastmaster 2 within Beastmaster 2?… 0.o BEASTCEPTION!!! O_O

  • Anonymous

    I think I understand what happened with Beastmaster 2 being played in the movie theater (besides being a lame ass joke).

    Remember Last Action Hero? The scene in the Blockbuster that shows that Stallone was in their version of Terminator 2? Well, in Kari’s alternate world, there’s a completely different Beastmaster 2. Different in that it’s good, and rather than starring Marc Singer, it has REB FREAKIN’ BROWN. At least, that’s the way I look at it.

    Now don’t get me wrong, I like Marc Singer, but he’s no Reb Brown.

    • Apex Pinicle

      No no… they could begrudgingly team up…. YOR & DAR together  fighting the hordes.

      • Shawdawg

        Even more awesome. :D

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

    18:00 They broke the #1 rule, never reference a better movie in your shitty movie. Wait, hold on a second….

    Give me a second….

    Damn it.

  • http://twitter.com/iolitewraith Leet Shark

    Oh, Spoony, how I love thee. This review made me laugh like an insane hyena!

  • Anonymous

    posting on wrong video, crap.

  • Jeremy Lee

    she shouldve said ” dude, i kicked superman’s ass. is that not reason enough?” then the gratuitous cleavage shot…again…

  • http://twitter.com/Shurmon_Aaron Aaron W. Shurmon

    “im making a note here: huge success” OH LOOK spoony made a portal joke. like i havent heard over nine thousand of those already

    • http://twitter.com/kirana44 C. L. Johnson

      Would you rather he made an “arrow in the knee” joke? 

      • http://twitter.com/Shelter121 Evan Himebaugh

        I used to make that joke than i took an arrow to the…………..nope never mind

        • Anonymous

          Good I fucking hate those jokes! lol

          • http://www.facebook.com/rabblesthebinx Brian Frang

            I just never understood them…

          • Nicholas Slowey

            In the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, if you talk to town/castle guards they’ll say random things. One of them is “I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee.” Implying, I guess, that they took injuries that left them lame. This sounds fine, except then you realize that every single guard in the game can say this. So literally every single guard in Skyrim has at one point or another been shot in the knee with an arrow. And the Internet being what it is, the moment people realized this, a meme was born.

          • Apex Pinicle

            I know, you ever seen Game Theory…. he actually analyses & it really inciteful and funny

          • Apex Pinicle

            Its a joke that relies on Tone an timing….(unless you know about the over use of the term in Sky Rim & have investment in that game)

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=531924296 Stuart Campbell

        I used to make arrow to the knee jokes, then I took a vagina to the dick.

  • Anonymous

    “Giga-queer” should be my new favorite word.

    Nothing queer about Sarah Douglas.

    • Arsenal Of Megadeath

      you got that right bub!

  • Anonymous

    Spoony also forgot to mention that Arklon was also Dar’s brother, revealing it when they went to “our” world.

    What, was Arklon the first unborn unknown child of Zed before Dar?

    • Apex Pinicle

      Well biological brother  BUT Dar was Adopted…  not like they Brothers in any way that would effect plot…. but yeah it is a stupid retcon…. kinda an insult to Dar…. yeah imagine if they raised together “now Dar, you look outfor your brother… he will need your Help in many ways”

      • Shawdawg

        Dar wasn’t adopted, though. He was the son of Zed who was taken from him and his wife by Mayax’s witch.

  • Erica Smith

    Of course there’s something the wand doesn’t do: fix the plot.

    • http://twitter.com/Mattew58 Matthew

      Of course not. It’s to hilarious to fix

  • Arsenal Of Megadeath

    ” the gayness its off the charts! its gone into the giga-queer range!”
    “you made a gaydar?”
    “yes, it messures gayness…with SCIENCE!”

  • Soul5

    Why would leatherface, or whatever the villians name is, want a neutron detonator?  Wouldn’t he be happy with I don’t know Firearms? Shit that would tip the scale way over to him in any type of war. meh, just pile it on top of the shit factor.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Ejercito/1192560348 Michael Ejercito

       Arklon is surely not the brightest bulb in the box.

    • Apex Pinicle

      not to mention, no one in his realm has heard of a neutron detonator… so for them it basically a fancy looking bucket…. hed need minimum 2… 1 to prove it works  & 1 for uses as a deterant…. remeber No one was scared of Nuclear bombs untill Japan got blown up by that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Ejercito/1192560348 Michael Ejercito

    Note that the TV series decided to stick with the tiger. 

  • Apex Pinicle

    hate to burst ya bubble… but in this neck of the woods…. girls like the daliancing gays & bi-sexual guys… and actually the oposit of what spoony says (hillarious when the guy then comes out the closet)

  • Ran1976

    hey Spoony,apparently there was a third movie “Beastmaster: The Eye of Braxas” think about it

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.l.whittington Jonathan Luke Whittington

    Well, at least Kari Wuhrer moved up from here….playing Tanya in Red Alert 2, but still.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    Star Trek IV suck?

    • SUPERSOUP

      I think it’s dismal and completely lacking in anything that makes Star Trek interesting. All it really has is stupid liberal apologist BS. Can’t stand it.

      • Alex Stockwell

        Okay, I was with you until the “liberal apologist” crap. Seriously, go back to watching Glen Beck and leave the internet to real human beings.

        • SUPERSOUP

          It’s funny you should say that. I’m actually a Trotskyite Socialist.

          But I still don’t have any patience for the sort of manipulative identity politics and mischaracterization of environmental and other advocacy politics that the media establishment often engages in on screen. It’s reductive and willfully stupid and is intended to do nothing but invite the sympathy and evoke the emotions of the uneducated.

          • Garmrspor
          • SUPERSOUP

            Funny. But I said socialist, not communist. There’s a difference.

          • Brian Frang

            Except that Trotskyism is a bolshevik-Leninist sub-branch of Marxism, which is, of course, named for the guy who founded communism. You can’t be a Trotskyite socialist, because Trotskyism is a branch of communism.

          • SUPERSOUP

            Communism is a socialist philosophy, but not necessarily a political one. Communism is an approach to state organization.

            You should really take this up with the massive Trotskyite parties all over the world fighting the elites of both political affiliations. Trotskyite philosophy has traditionally been treated with great hostility by communists.

            Try and know what you’re talking about next time.

  • Matthew Rotondi

    Maximum ruler, don’t they mean absolute ruler?

  • SUPERSOUP

    YES

  • NeroAngelo

    After seeing Benzaie’s dance, my only thought is that Benzaie was either a male stripper at one point in his life, or he really needs to be in the future

  • Matt Sherry

    Spoony does know that there is a sequel to this right? And a T.V. series?

  • HEYitsnotbraindead

    NO

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