Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2.1

The Spoony One | Nov 17 2012 | more notation(s) | 

Prepare for another astoundingly long (and astonishingly drunk) review of the final film in the Twilight Saga! Brad Jones joins the review via satellite, and we also get a female perspective on the series for the first time from a woman Spoony kidnapped on the way home!

  • itbegins2005

    … Good lord. SIX PARTS?!?

    Guess I’d better clear out my schedule to watch these. Thank God I have no social life.

    • Beardguy

      It being all in the same blog would not take much less time away from your schedule, I’m kinda glad spoony is spreading those out in parts, Makes it easier to keep my attention focused.

    • zenithl

      One question… just being curious… why does he split the videos into 20~25 minutes parts? (He also did this in the Skyfall review) He used to post videos that’s up to 1.5 hrs long with no problem.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1120763133 John Lindgren

        Might be because he gets add revenue for every time a add plays (at the beginning at each video).

        I don’t mind it, a bit more adds and take some more time, but gives him more money so that he can dedicate more time to his videos. :)

      • doresh

        Longer videos tend to be more prone to issues. I am sometimes unable to pause the video during Linkara’s 40+ minutes season finales (which might be why he also offers them as a 2 parter), for example – and that was with the Blip player, with which I have far less issues than with the Springboard player.

      • Azdrerios

        More videos/parts = more ads = more money. It’s as simple as that.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

          Though I didn’t see any adds on any of these videos. It’s better overall though, simpler for Noah to upload, less prone to annoying issues of crashes and then having to find the same place again in a video that’s two hours long PLUS Noah might get some more revenue – so the fuck what?

          • Azdrerios

            Never said it was a bad thing. I just thought I’d point out the truth.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

            Yes, an incomplete truth. You’re point is valid, I just think we need to remember that there are technical advantages for the viewers as well. And, personally, as long as it’s not awfully annoying, I don’t care if he splits the video to a couple of extra parts to get more revenue.

  • http://twitter.com/DillonMeadors Dillon Meadors

    Good to see you with her spoony :D

  • http://twitter.com/nerdcredred Taylor Scheid

    Here we go again!

  • http://funnydndstories.com CaptainZM

    I don’t hate the more parts with smaller lengths, but it’s not my favorite idea you’ve had.

  • http://electricsistahood.com KL

    Can anyone tell me how long these are?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1102800024 Benjamin Nate Zalneraitis

      first is 25, second is 23… so I’m hoping they stay around that.

    • itbegins2005

      First one’s about 25 minutes– the others are about the same (except for part six, which is 33 minutes).

    • zhellas

      About 22 to 25 minutes, but the last is about 33 minutes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pedro.freitas.9421 Pedro Freitas

    6 parts…..i think this will be longer than the actual movie……NICE!!!Spoony is like that cool uncle whom we want hear stories from.

  • Silly_Hats

    “April’s boobies. April’s Boobies. Noah got laaaaaaaaid that night.
    Whips and chains and kinky leather…”

    (sorry)

    • Doleth

      But then all they did was fight giant wasp and T-Rex before April gave Spoony a tutorial on junctionning magic.

      • http://www.facebook.com/saku.suonpaa Saku Suonpää

        Concrats on your victory over the internet

      • Silly_Hats

        I should have totally added this to my comment.

        stupidstupid *bangs head*

    • likalaruku

      Didn’t notice. I never notice when they’re smaller than mine. Now Jillian’s I notice.

  • theshamster

    As I said in the Skyfall review, it’s not over yet; there is apparently going to be films based of the “50 shades of grey” books.
    The nightmare is far from over. I felt so unclean that I litteraly had a bath in disinfectant!

    • doresh

      Anyone else thinking this next movie “saga” will be even more hilarious XD ?!

    • ORCACommander

      mmmmmm Pornography

    • http://twitter.com/CthuluSpy Herbert West

      There’s also a Host adaption in the works.

      Many shitty movies shall be released next year…

  • xris wolff

    mother of god this is long, I literally can’t watch it tonight because I have work in 8 hours, and I just got back from work. aaaarrrgggh.

  • http://twitter.com/LossThief Loss Thief

    Spoony’s actually being VERY conservative with the budget. According to its Wiki page, this film had an estimated budget of 120 million.

    • Kendotuxedo

      wow… that’s… sickening.
      120,000,000 dollars in matte paintings

  • zhellas

    You should REALLY do the Bored Vulturi thing!

    Fucking BRILLIANT idea!

    • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

      I’d donate to a kickstarter for it. Anyone else?

      • Sriseru

        As would I. Let’s make this happen.

      • zhellas

        I would, and hopefully one of the Donation Awards would be that you get to suggest an idea for one of the episodes.

        • http://twitter.com/Frevoli John Teece

          I’m writing a cheque as we speak

      • Turkey OnAStick

        Just to fund the purchase of thrones?
        People who participate in Kickstarter projects throw their money at anything.

        • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

          To fund the entire show you fucking moron, not just thrones

          • Turkey OnAStick

            So he needs funding for a show based on a character that is a clone of Terl, the guy from Battlefield Earth, and the Kickstarter funding goes towards thrones, and maybe a $5 vampire fancy-dress costume.

            And you guys plan to put in money for this project?
            I think I’ll stick to being a moron, cos I’ll be better off than the people who think this is a good investment.

          • http://www.facebook.com/Farshnuke Gordon Jones

            You’re right in that Spoony could do Bored Vulturis really cheaply and you’re right that there are stupid people on Kickstarter. You’re wrong though in thinking we’re stupid for being willing to pay money to get this made. Noah’s videos are really entertaining and his reviews are really professional. These are not youtube skits filmed in front of a webcam. There’s real quality and talent here.

            The other thing to consider is that while for you clearly this is a rip off, for many of us this would be a wise investment because Noah produces such good content and we really haven’t been paying for anything. Yeah we have to sit through some ads but really we get high quality entertainment for nothing so if Noah wants to produce a series and asks for five pounds then of course we’re going to pay, it would be rude not to. Like you’re really going to be the guy saying ‘I only watched it because it was free’?

        • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

          Oh of course, because it’s not like they’d need to spend money on authentic costumes, the rest of the set, props for the various gags, hard drives to store the footage or advertising. Plus, as we all know, travel and accommodation are free so getting everyone in one place for a week or so while they film would be no hassle.

          Yes, Brad and Noah are just selfish bastards who want you to give them money for something that they can obviously do for free.

          • Turkey OnAStick

            Spoony once said on his Thing review that “Necessity is the mother of invention”.
            He should stick by that, should he decide to dish out money on authentic costumes, thrones and … hard drives to store footage or advertising (haha).

          • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

            Ah, methinks someone doesn’t understand that making videos tends to be more than just pointing the camera in the right spot. Since you seem to be mocking my point about hard drives, let me ask you one simple thing: Where do you think the footage is put between shooting and editing?

            As for your second part, Brad and Noah both hate the green screen trick with two people in different places. They’re professionals, this is their job, they’d do it right because otherwise people wouldn’t watch and then they wouldn’t get the ad revenue they rely on as their income.

            But one thing I have to wonder, since you seem to be dismissing the need for the money: How much do you think Brad and Noah make off their videos? Because it almost seems like you’re under the delusion they’re infinitely wealthy.

          • Turkey OnAStick

            I find your hard drive comment funny since you’re attempting to populate the expenses on as many items as possible. Accommodation, travel and costumes, yes they need to be spent on … but hard drives? He’s already got them – where do YOU think the footage is put between shooting and editing for the videos for the previous videos he’s hosted? That’s like suggesting he needs to upgrade his Adobe After Effects from CS4 to CS6 – he doesn’t need it, but it would be nice to have!

            Second part, the green screen trick is part of the joke. They kept talking about the overuse of green screens in this film, so why is it inappropriate here?

            If they were professionals, they’d catch onto ideas which could breathe life into the video. In this Twilight video, a lot of money was pissed away by jet-setting from one location on the world to another, and shit CGI wolves – does that make them professionals? A professional goes for the best option, which does not mean they have to throw as much money at an idea as possible.

            Third part, please keep track of the discussion. I’m arguing that Kickstarter funding is silly, and that stuff they would buy (like thrones) are extravagances. The production costs do not need to be larger than other videos.

            In any case, if I thought they were infinitely wealthy I’d question why they haven’t been using thrones in their videos sooner!

            (“methinks”, good grief. One of those words a person thinks they can get away with using on the internet … barely).

          • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

            Go watch the ‘how to make a web series panel’ video Noah did with Joe Vargas and Doug Walker. In it, they suggest to keep every bit of footage you film since you never know when you’ll need it. They don’t just erase the footage when they’re done.

          • Turkey OnAStick

            Again, why do they need a surplus of hard drives if they clearly already have a means to save it? Spoony owns server space, too.

            I think this discussion has gone as far as it can go on the necessity for Kickstarter funding for a project like this. It’s up to the Spoony fans to decide with their wallets.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Ottoson/100000693361189 Joe Ottoson

          Shut up and take my money!

    • http://www.facebook.com/lucas.allen.96 Lucas Allen

      I would donate all my life savings to see that show happened. 100 episodes of Spoony and Brad trying to out-Sheen Michael Sheen? Count me in!

      • http://www.facebook.com/KoeLeos KOstantinos Piou ELeftheriadis

        me too dude..and i already imagine Spoony or Brad look like the blonde guy from HighLander the Source, the one who was incharge in the Vatican sitting on a Throne saying,,,,heeyyy mmmmm we’ve been sitting here starring at the wall for 3000 years and i never asked you, what’s your name mmm ?? wanna play chess and you know what we can do for before and after chess hmmm ???

        • endplanets

          Now that is a clever idea. Have the Bored Volturi.
          With Guest Stars:
          Turl
          General Zod
          Maveline of the Night
          Bruce Payne from D&D
          etc

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      I would definitely donate, Spoony had me cracking up

    • http://www.facebook.com/KoeLeos KOstantinos Piou ELeftheriadis

      i can already imagine the first episode…noah and brad sitting on rock looking thrones..behind is a TERRIBLE green screen, they could even put a fan to make it flap…either of them should dress like the blonde duchebag from HighLander the Source, the guy in the Vatican incharge of all Immortals .
      Noah=> heyy…mmmm..we are sitting here staring at the walls 2000 years now and i never asked you..what is your name mmm ??? you know we can play chess mmmm and i can also find ”other” things to do before and after chess mmmm ???

    • http://www.facebook.com/veddabredda Védís Rúnarsdóttir

      I’m throwing my money at the screen but NOTHING IS HAPPENING

      • zhellas

        THROW MORE MONEY AT IT!

        MAYBE THAT WILL HELP

  • Vostroya

    120 – 130 Million dollar estimated budget for this piece of shit….Where the fuck did all the money go????

    • doresh

      Sparkle effects? Overblown wages for actors who think they’re far more important than they really are?

      • Doleth

        Michaal Sheen’s cocaine reserve?

      • http://twitter.com/Eliphas8 Sam Pagano

        I’m sorry but if thats what they spent to get Michael Sheen in this movie then it was not overblown, he deserves every penny he got from this damn movie plus extra, the man was the best damn part of that movie and don’t you forget it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=557020557 William Staples

      Between this and the campaign bills for this year’s elections…

      Imagine if that kind of money was put toward feeding and clothing the poor instead of extravagant filth.

    • http://twitter.com/Eliphas8 Sam Pagano

      Okay there is no possible way that this movie was actually made for that much money, I swear this thing is actually a complex money laundering operation for Latin American Drug Cartels and the Mafia, thats really the only possible justification for how much money they wasted on this cheap as fuck movie (seriously, I had assumed they made it on the cheap given how phoned in everything looked).

  • john bird

    well looks like a have a marathon. April and spoony seem to work well together.

  • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

    Don’t know how many other people have this problem, but Springboard loads really slowly for me. I let it buffer for twenty minutes and then a minute into the video it pauses to buffer every two seconds.

    Noah, could you please upload these to Blip tomorrow or something? I’m barely ten minutes into the first video and it has taken an hour just to get that far.

    • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

      Oh, and if anyone’s wondering yes I have read Spoony’s guide on fixing any issues, but it hasn’t helped much.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

        That’s odd. I haven’t had any issues with Springboard…

  • Princess Stabbity

    This. Was. AMAZING. And I would watch the hell out a Bored Volturi series.

  • http://twitter.com/nightmareragu Connor Stewart

    The Spoony classic, the hour long angry rant of bad movies. I love every second of it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1409661489 Alex Dunn

    April is very lovely. Something about those blue-haired girls…Yowza.

  • CalamityCorp

    Are they drinking litre glasses of milk? Hard!

    • http://twitter.com/Das_Bass Das_Bass

      White Russains are made of cream and vodka with coffee. could be one of them?

      • CalamityCorp

        Highly likely, especially with the “astonishingly drunk” part in the description.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

          Also rum and coke…

      • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

        That’s what I thought they were at first (White Russians are my favorite drink…and yes, I have The Big Lebowski to thank for that), but they said they’re pina coladas.

        • http://twitter.com/Das_Bass Das_Bass

          by the time part 3 hit I had forgotten he even said that. And they are very tasty drinks

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Goluboy-Pidor/100003274120685 Goluboy Pidor

    Oh fuck, not another one where he pretends drunk.

  • Doleth

    The Bored Volturi show needs to happen and I can’t wait to see what kind of depravity you have in mind for the human spider 3.

  • http://twitter.com/ReidAllen77 Reid

    Literally rolling on the floor laughing anytime you two do Volturi impressions. This must become a recurring sketch with you two. It’s too fucking funny to never do again.

  • magnusk_98

    Great review. I already suspected by the reviews I had seen before that Spoony might like this one better than the first part. April and Brad were great co-hosts, although Brads telephone connection was so much worse than Linkara and Jewarios conference connection last time around.

    • banned_guy

      that’s how Brad rolls, man – bad lightning, bad audio, bad camera – it’s like his signature

  • http://www.facebook.com/kelly.lockhart.127 Kelly Lockhart

    I was hoping you’d do this review. As usual, you are hilarious. Oreo looks content :)

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/yfnwaffle Waffle

    I laughed so hard during this! OMG! I so want to see this movie now XXD

    And please do Bored Volturi!

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    All day I’ve been checking on Brad’s site wondering if his video on the movie was up, and all day I was uncertain if Spoony was even going to do it. And tonight, I get the pleasant surprise of not only Spoony reviewing the movie, but Brad guest appearing as well!

    And holy hell, this was entertaining! I could listen to Bored Volturi ALL day! That NEEDS to happen! Just the stuff in this review had me laughing to hyperventilation on two occasions. I really have to wonder; did Spoony have his “Sheen Shtick” planned out and rehearsed (I know he at least practices on his own!), or was it really all off the top of his head? Either way, I had the time of my life listening to that sexy Sheen voice. And I was impressed at how far he took that act; just when you think he’s finally going to stop and get back to talking about the movie, he just splurts out another hilarious rant and carries it on further! I think 60% of this review consisted primarily of orgasmic “Sheenisms”.

    I completely lost it at “The Stranger”. Congratulations, Spoony! You can put in a call to the Urban Dictionary on that one. They can put it right next to The Cinema Snob’s entry of “The Squeegee”.

  • http://twitter.com/Das_Bass Das_Bass

    “I’m going to wrap things up here” still has 22 minuets left.

  • Turcano

    This may be almost two hours, but “Icy Hot Carlisle” is worth the price of admission.

  • http://www.facebook.com/malice936 Malcomb Bell

    -looks at the number of parts- o.o …. well…. it looks like I might be here a little while….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

    A 6 part video about fucking Twilight?I would rather watch paint dry.

    • Skolex

      If you don’t like the material, don’t watch it and GTFO. No one’s forcing you.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

        Yeah! It’s the most fun when about something that you hate!

        • Skolex

          The people complaining about Spoony ranting on Twilight obviously don’t understand what The Spoony Experiment is about…

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

            Yes because a shitty internet show that has gotten steadily more boring and aggravating over the last 5 years has such a mystifying and complex ‘meaning’ that its understanding is beyond the ilk of the average person. Only a scholar and insane genius/detective of the abstract could ever comprehend such a modern-day masterpiece, right? Fuck off.. Get off his dick, he hates you.

          • Skolex

            Wow, some of you guys need to get a life. Death threats and a pissy attitude will get you nowhere. I hope you’re not like this to people offline. And again, if you don’t like the videos, then why do you persist in watching and commenting on them? I don’t understand that. Do you just sit at your computer all day and make nasty comments on people’s websites? Grow up. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

            It wasn’t a death threat, it was wishing death upon you, There’s a difference. lol

          • Skolex

            Whatever. All you ever do in commenting is bitch. Have fun being alone.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

        What are you my Dad lol? Why the fuck should I do what some nerd who worships a trainwreck on the internet demands? I hope you have an aneurysm and die watching one of these shit videos. A fitting end to your meaningless existence.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

          Calm down ‘Octo Seven’. If you’re getting this upset over an Internet show and one person’s opinions and attitude then you should simply get over yourself.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

            I woke up on the troll side of the bed this morning :S

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

            Hah we all do sometimes… it’s okay. :)

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

            I guess you did. :)

  • Erebus_Locke

    I like April. She seems calm, yet funny. She plays kind of the same part Miles plays when he joins Spoony in a Video.

    • Senna4ever

      She hardly said anything, just giggles at Spoony a few times.
      Pointless her being there at all.

      • CoHScrapper

        I agree, but I think Noah is partially, if not solely, to blame. I mean, lets be honest (and I know this may sting some of you, but lets be clear about one thing: Spoony is NOT exempt from criticism…) his ability to share the camera leaves much to be desired. Granted, yes, the “Spoony Experiment” is Noah’s show, STARING Noah, but still; it defeats the purpose of having co-stars–Miles, Brad, April, etc.,–present if you’re constantly hogging the camera and or cutting them off.
        The whole point of April’s presence was to offer a “women’s perspective.” She offered NOTHING about the movie that resembled a female’s perspective; she giggled a lot at two boys being entertaining, but nothing aw-inspiring in regards to the film, and mostly ’cause Spoony hogged the camera!
        Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy this site, I enjoy free entertainment–I mean, I like enjoy the fresh perspective Miles offers when he makes an appearance, but, dammit-all-to-hell, it annoys me when Spoony cuts him off! It’s like, Why bother asking folks to join you and offer input, if you’re not even going to allow ‘em a chance to talk? Shut the fuck up and let ‘em talk!

  • Merost

    A new co-reviewer joins Spoony in a video and doesnt get ripped apart in the comments? She must be good.

    • antiquarius

      Spoonys Fans may seem harsh, but truth to be told, the ones they like are the best (The CinemaSnob, Linkara and now April).

      So if you are a reviewer and have the “Spoonys Comment Section Seal of Approval”….You really belong to the top.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=557020557 William Staples

        I think the comment section has also mellowed out considerably over the last year or so.

      • http://www.facebook.com/dr39880736 David Ribeiro

        That is true, but when Spoony first tried to introduce Snob’s videos on this site – if I recall correctly Brad’s domain was down- the fans revolted (the old “you are not in it/ why is it here” drama). So much so that Spoony mentioned somewhere that he felt bad for Brad. =) The people here can indeed be harsh.

        • likalaruku

          Brad’s Snob-Only fans still do that. It’s annoying for people like me who are fans of most of the current & former Channel Awesome staff, being neutral when certain fans feel there needs to be some kind of border war blocking all cameos & crossovers.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

        What an asinine and egotistical statement.

    • http://www.facebook.com/arne.maes Arne Maes

      I think it’s her laugh, it’s non-grating and infectious, she’s Spoony’s own personal organic laugh track and there’s no shame in that.

    • Azdrerios

      …or a woman.

      • Kyle Rybski

        That’s… counter-intuitive.

    • doresh

      You should scroll down more. There’s at least one hater Oo

    • Senna4ever

      She’s not good (she hardly said a word).
      She’s female and displaying some cleavage….that’s all.

  • L1nk1

    WHAT?? Only 6 parts. I’m disappointed.

    • Kendotuxedo

      “I AM THE SON OF A CHIEF,
      AND I DEMAND SEVEN PARTS!”

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Ross/100000510615727 Paul Ross

        Also I demand at least second base!

  • PenisEnvy

    People are aware that Spoony’s splitting the videos up to get more advertisement revenue, right?

    • antiquarius

      Whats the problem? 25min is allright, same length as the small comedy formats (American Dad, Family Guy, HIMYM)

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mads-Bolding-Fenger-Poulsen/1513209391 Mads Bolding Fenger Poulsen

      I am totally down with supporting Spoony by muting a commercial and checking Facebook for 15 seconds now and then :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Rodoy/775323495 David Rodoy

      For sure. Didn’t he say that exact thing when he split up his ‘superheroes’ Counter Monkey?

      To be honest I think it’s for the best. A single hour or longer video is maybe a bit much. Having it split up is actually kind of convenient.

    • Skolex

      So? I like them split up anyway, it’s less taxing on my connection to load a 25 minute video than a hour and fifteen minute-long one. Besides, if you’d rather not support Spoony by having ads show up…just install Ad Block.

    • http://twitter.com/Eliphas8 Sam Pagano

      So? The shorter videos also result in far fewer issues with Springboard popping up (atleast on my computer there’s less problems with the shorter videos). Spoony gets more money and theres less problems with the videos in the long run.

    • Vismutti

      I’m with the others. Especially now that my computer blew up and I had to downgrade to an old, crappy laptop that I got for free from my dad with no power whatsoever because I don’t have the money to buy a new one. It’s just sooo much easier to watch these vlogs in parts.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

        Not to mention that Flash tends to crash sometimes, and it would be a fucking stroke to my brain to find that exact space of ten seconds that I was currently watching.

    • http://twitter.com/JetPacksRule Nick

      People complain that hour long review is too much to watch in one sitting, he splits them up, people complain that he split them up because he’s doing it to get more ad revenue. Some people.

    • http://www.facebook.com/richard.cadman.5 Richard Cadman

      Yes……And your point is what?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

    IRECOGNIZETHATWOMANFROMTWITTEROHMAGAARD

  • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

    Adding up the time of the review parts, it’s about 2 and a half hours long, making it much longer than the movie. Seriously, if this was in theatres I’d pay to watch it.

  • 穂高 松本

    someone should join up all the spoony twilight vlogs on youtube

  • http://www.facebook.com/KoeLeos KOstantinos Piou ELeftheriadis

    April IS HOT

  • http://twitter.com/Okanehira Okanehira

    No way, April is in it too! Shes’ awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/KoeLeos KOstantinos Piou ELeftheriadis

    April is HOT

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    “Bored Volturi”… xD You guys have to make at least one short film of random scenes with this. I just love Spoony doing the Michael Sheen voice :D

  • Sajeh

    “We need a woman’s perspective…”

    Just for fun I skipped in all the videos, and April has no dialogue/monologue at any point.
    *shrug*

    • Spectr

      Indeed. She was pointless.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

        I thought she contributed enough. After all both Noah and Brad work with reviewing movies, they’re gonna have the most of the points about this piece of brainrape.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cassave-Cleynghelt/100001308454801 Cassave Cleynghelt

    I would really love the “Bored Volturi” sketch. I’ll have to watch the movie now, but I’m probably going to laugh so hard they’ll ask me to leave…8)

    …and, if possible, could you kidnap April more oft? There’s something to this female perspective…

  • Spectr

    Uh why is the girl not saying anything at all? She only chuckles once in a while…Even Miles says more.

    • MiniMacker

      Maybe she’s nervous?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Discordius-Erisianus/100000352364153 Discordius Erisianus

    Who is that?

    • LotusPrince

      That’s Spoony. He’s the guy who owns the website.

      (trololol)

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Discordius-Erisianus/100000352364153 Discordius Erisianus

        I mean the other woman.

        • http://twitter.com/ReidAllen77 Reid

          That’s Oreo.

          • Atmos_Duality

            I hear she likes it doggy style.

  • Gath

    Bored Volturi sounds awesome, and I’m definitely on board with parting with some of my cash for more quality Spoony entertainment.

    That said, I can’t wait to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 myself.

  • MiniMacker

    4505.9 Miles (or 7251.6 Kilometers) between Washington D.C and Italy.

    It would take ~21 hours to FLY there in a jet-plane.

    • doresh

      Yeah, since when did this “Saga” turn into a super hero movie Oo ?

  • http://www.facebook.com/vinicius.lss Vinicius Lss

    Oh my!!!! Spoony gotta do the Bored Volturi show, it would be pure gold.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alexandruioan.samson Alexandru Ioan Samson

    Are you fucking kidding me, dude? No offence, Spoonster, but can’t you at least group up all these videos into just 2 clips? I love you and all, but having a review uploaded in 6 different parts is seriously inconvenient.

  • MichaelT

    Bored Volturi MUST happen! :)

  • Charred Newt

    Such a wonderful contrast with the BD1 v-log!

    • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

      Much more happiness :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/malice936 Malcomb Bell

    LOVED this review XD

    I might actually have to grab my ex and go see this JUST to get back at her for all the twilight bullshit she put me through. Also we need more crossover commentaries like this they are fucking funny as hell Noah!

  • 2eq2eqwe ewqewqew

    What a coincidence, Evangelion 3.0 just released today as well.

  • http://twitter.com/jcoffey64 Josh

    Hey, it’s a lady. (The Ladies Man)

  • MichaelT

    This movie had a $120 million budget. They had more than enough money for their effects.

  • http://twitter.com/Yadokingu Moritz

    Am I the only one for whom springboard is creaping along at 10kb/s? That’s not enough speed for 2GB files.

    That’s the second time that happened here. And no it’s not me, since it’s not usual and I have no other slowdowns. Seems like some of spoony’s videos get watched too much for their servers to handle.

    I get why reviewers would switch, given that blip is really bad with sening out pay checks on time and the reviewers have to eat, but man talk about exorcising satan with the devil.

    • LotusPrince

      Springboard works fine for me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mattias.matikainen Mattias Matikainen

    Great review! All thou I wished you would have let April get the chance to say a few more things, giving her a few chances!
    But she could have been nervous of course!

  • http://twitter.com/VisibleNinja Anthony Michel

    This movie was made for about 120 million. It will easily take in 2 to 3 times that thanks to twihards even though it’s not a very good movie.

    Really says something about the current state of cinema.

  • doresh

    Swimming to Italy? I know some Americans have a blind spot when it comes to geography, but this one takes the cake. It’s like Stephenie Meyer believes the Atlantic Ocean is a LAKE Oo.

    • http://twitter.com/Eliphas8 Sam Pagano

      Well they don’t get tired so its technically feasible if she went through the panama canal, around the cape, or through the suez canal, although I would hate to be the poor confused canal worker who has to figure out what the toll should be for her.

      • doresh

        I figured they’d use the canal, and I know those vampires are very fast, but how is she supposed to swim faster than an airplane flies?
        How does she even know if she swims in the right direction? Throughout most of her little journey, she would se NO coast whatsoever, just water as far as the eye can see.

        • http://twitter.com/Yadokingu Moritz

          Vampires have metal in their noses, that makes them able to sense the magnetic field of the earth, just like birds. Don’t you know anything about madeup sience?! :D

          • doresh

            Or maybe they can withstand deep-sea pressure und just run on the bottom of the ocean!

        • http://twitter.com/Eliphas8 Sam Pagano

          I’m only saying its technically possible sense they are basically perpetual motion machines that think, theres no actual logic to it.

          • doresh

            Logic? Never seen that in any of these movies XD

    • Markus Criticus

      You think that’s bad? According to the fourth book, Edward and Bella spent their honeymoon at WEST coast of Brazil.

      • doresh

        Apparently, Twilight takes place in an alternate history setting where Brazil invaded Peru.

  • http://mm-geek.blogspot.com/ Jaebird

    Thanks to Spoony’s squee, my dog won’t stop barking.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Black/100000380573698 Steven Black

    April isn’t nervous, she actually has been in videos before.

    Her YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/AkiZilch

    Part of Nerdvice http://nerdvice.com/

    She comments when she cans, turn the volume up, because Spoony and Brad tend to dominate with their higher volume. She also knows who the stars here are.

    Its Pina Coladas because the Noah isn’t much of a beer drinker (Which we found out in his Let’s Try stuff from Ireland with Miles.)

    April’s blue hair is amazing. Then again I am a fan of dyed hair in unnatural colors.

    • likalaruku

      Oh, that’s what they were. I thought it was a bit early to start drinking eggnog.

      • http://itsumademo.livejournal.com Tri

        HERETIC. IT’S NEVER TOO EARLY FOR EGGNOG.

  • Matsern

    Part 4 asks for budgetinfo, and Noah thinks $10,000,000
    IMDb:

    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (2012)

    Budget
    $131,500,000 (estimated)

    • doresh

      They probably spent a third of this for cocaine, and another one quietly disappeared into someone’s pocket.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Black/100000380573698 Steven Black

        This would make a great Bored Volturi skit. Snowflame shows up and does lines with him and they talk about how much money they stole from the budget to party.

        • doresh

          Or maybe they spent all the money bribing the authorities because of all the tourist groups frequently vanishing inside Volturi HQ.

    • Atmos_Duality

      That budget is just depressing, it’s oppressive.
      Like, going into a homeless shelter, and burning a bag of Benjamins oppressive.

  • http://twitter.com/paburu Juan Pablo Lomeli

    Fuck yeah spoony, I knew you would finish this series with a review (And a drunken one), the Twilight “saga” is finally over, let’s rejoice

  • http://idigcomics.tumblr.com/ Matt

    She has cool hair.

  • corey

    I saw sages review and I still cant help but laugh my ass off thinking about it mainly because I saw the trailers and thought it should be called “breaking dawn bella does something” cause after all in the movies I don’t remember seeing her do well anything productive, well I know she did help mask her scent via carried around by a shirtless guy in the woods but that was so she could hide (and idiotically forget her jacket when going to the mountains so shirtless guy could warm her up) while everyone is going out of there way and risking there lives to help her ass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adam.murray.77398 Adam Murray

    okay, I gotta see this movie. I hate the other movies for being so lame and boring, this sounds so fucking hilarious

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

    Yes. Mmmmm. She shooooouuld. Lovely.

    • http://twitter.com/thecraftyknit thecraftyknitter

      Those blue streaks in her hair are just DAARling. Quite.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

        Lol I applaud that comment.

  • http://www.facebook.com/vinicius.lss Vinicius Lss

    After watching Spoony’s review of BD I got a little relieved, because I gonna date a girl who is crazy to see this shit, and i still can’t believe i accepted to go watch it =_=”

  • http://twitter.com/FraaankSalazar Francisco Salazar

    She is so pretty.

  • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.coyle.581 Patrick Coyle

    I want to see one of the Bored Volturi reading Ender’s Game aloud to his colleagues. I’m sure they’ll want to read carefully over the shower fight between Ender and Bonzo.

    Alternately, the Bored Volturi recording a Let’s Play of Heavy Rain.

    • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

      Bored Volturi charades, Bored Volturi movie-night, Bored Volturi going shopping, Bored Volturi having a staring competition… The possibilities are endless :)

      • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.coyle.581 Patrick Coyle

        Bored Volturi doing a booster draft of Magic’s Innistrad set…

        “Oh my… I do believe one of you is a race traitor, trying to build a werewolf deck. I do love their savage bestiality as much as anyone, but I’m afraid there’s a scandalous bitch here in need of scolding, hmmm, yesss…”

  • http://twitter.com/MammaJambas Yomommmmma

    Whoever likes April is an idiot. April and Spoony don’t go together. All six parts were awkward and un-funny. Get Miles back and send this girl away,Scarlett was atleast funnier then her, and scarlett was trash

    • Jegsimmons

      some forever alone guy is jealous.

    • Atmos_Duality

      The degree of intolerance on display here is almost surreal.
      First world problems are shallow and stupid, but this reminds me that as petty as one can go, there is always pettier.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

        Hah! What’s this shit? Go sit in the corner and stop bothering people over irrelevant fucking things. Most of us enjoyed this video because we’re neither shallow nor idiots.

        • Atmos_Duality

          Uh, I *did* enjoy the video, and am not the one calling people idiots over it.

        • c.conley90

          He’s an idiot for expressing his opinions, wow. How idiotic of you.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

        Welcome to the internet.

        • Atmos_Duality

          I was waiting for such a reply.

          Honestly, I’m usually the one to make it. -_-

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

      LOL

  • Dan Schuett

    Is Twilight CGI Baby more horrifying than Junior Arnold Baby?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Black/100000380573698 Steven Black

      My same exact question. Both are terrifying…but I think Twilight’s one wins because at least Junior is based on an person to begin with. But still a scary choice to make.

  • David

    The Human Torus?

  • http://twitter.com/shadowbird712 Jeremy K.

    My sister’s name is spelled with an “E”! And she is nothing like Ms. Meyer. So if anything, Ms. Meyer should spell her name Stephinie!

  • http://twitter.com/JustinFrodo516 Justin Ascencio

    This movie had an estimated budget of $120-131.5 million

  • Felipe Sarabia

    Spoony, believe it or not, the whole Nessie thing WAS in the book…actually most things you think the movies make up DO happen (both the only stupid and some funny and stupid ones)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002311489229 Johnny Johnson

    Loved spoonys Vulturi impression. I saw the first 3 movies of this god awful franchise. Those movies were stupid but funny then I just watched spoony’s reviews to follow the “plot”.
    I don’t know why I give a fuck but when I heard spoony saying that in the end everything was a fuckin dream I said to myself WHAT!? This is so fuckin cheap so in the end they did literally nothing no fuckin battle! NOTHING! No real impact! So It ends like this stupid movie North with Elijah Wood. The Dream thing was always for me one of the cheapest plottwist it is just fuckin lazy!
    I researched a little and I think the ending from the novel is different. But this means most things in this movie is fuckin pointless. Ok to be fair the whole fuckin “saga” is pointless!

    • theshamster

      I feel that if they actually did have the actual fight and the only survivors were Edward, Bella, Renesmee and Jacob, and all of them were badly wounded, but ‘alive’ meaning that hundreds died pointlessly in a violent battle, this would redeem the entire series, but no, Meyers didn’t want any precious charaters to die, so it failed…BADLY!

      Also,as a author (I’m writing my own novels right now) I learned that you should never, EVER make the main characters unkillable, and if they are, don’t make their friends/allies unkillable as well, because without there being any threat to them, there is no point to the story, since you know they’ll win anyhow.

      If you do have a unkillable main character (like say…Superman, minus the Kryptonite thing), at least have their loved ones be mortal, that way the enemy can say “ok, since I can’t kill you, I’ll just have to murder your beloved friends instead.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/richard.cadman.5 Richard Cadman

      Well…a battle fought with words instead of fists…i thought it made a change.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Petr-Matafonov/100002602177171 Petr Matafonov

    I asume that vampire’s cars do float.

  • PeaTearGryfin

    Spoony, I would totally watch that Bored Volturi thing. Hell, watching you guys do that is more entertaining than anything in the Twilight movies.

  • http://twitter.com/ReginaldBax Reginald Baxter

    For gods sake please upload them in one big part.

    • LotusPrince

      You want to wait for a three-hour video to load?

      Also, you have three hours to kill, all in one shot, just for watching one video?

      • optimismprime

        i don’t know what backwards dialup internet you have, but i can perfectly stream these with no buffering whatsoever instantly. also, having them in 1 file, or in a playlist with “autoload-next-video” WOULD be conveniant. I for instance DO have enough time to watch these or countermonkeys all in 1 go, and even if not, since vlogs or countermonkeys are mainly audio content, you could have them run in the background while working, or even while playing puzzle games.

        • LotusPrince

          My internet’s actually quite good (I have FIOS). Not everyone has a great connection, though, and a three-hour video can absolutely murder some computers. I still see people complaining about even small Springboard videos.

          I do concede that having an autoload for the next video would be nice. I don’t know if Springboard allows that or not, but Blip certainly does.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lauri-Vallin/100002880253890 Lauri Vallin

    I Demand a whole game review as a Bored Vulturi. Or just short (1-4 minutes) retrospectives of old games combined with the Vulturi thing. Hearing a gay vampire point of view would surely give a fresh twist on even such classics as Super Mario, Sonic, Fallout or any vampire games, like Castevania.

    Or Imagine The Vulturi playing Kinect in those robes flabbing around.. Dance games would be great too.. Spoony simply has to go through with that idea!

    • http://www.facebook.com/NewDefect Dru Pearce

      Vulturi playthrough of dawnguard

  • Vismutti

    According to IMBD: Budget: $131,500,000 (estimated)

    Maybe the filmmakers put most of the budget in their pockets and ran away with it? Or maybe they drank it to keep themselves sane?

    After all this talk about Michael Sheen… I seriously feel like I could go see this just for him. I loved him in Underworld too. Can I get just the scenes with him?

    Also, Noah, you need to do the Volturi show.

  • Jegsimmons

    Good to see spoony’s got himself a new girlfriend, and one whose funny as hell (and good looking too!)

    • Spectr

      not his girlfiend. Twitter-Companion.

      • Jegsimmons

        oh, what ever.
        still hopes she comes back for more vlogs. or counter monkey.

  • LotusPrince

    Calling it now: the glorious finale to “The Human Spider” shall involve fractals.

  • http://www.facebook.com/heathermarie.beery Heather Marie Beery

    I really do agree with you on the whole Aro squeeing thing! My friends and I were cracking up! One of them turned to me and said, “I’m pretty sure I’ve heard you make that sound.”

  • Kojika4

    I have read the novels and I have seen this movie and I must say, every
    nitpick you guys have is either the movie forgetting to exposit
    something from the books, the movie adds something stupid that wasn’t in
    the books, or you guys just not paying attention during the movie and
    therefore can’t understand something.
    I will give you this, the effects are Horrible.
    and… it was still fun seeing you guys enjoying this vlog instead of just bitching. (like most vlogers have done)

    …that is all I have to say, your fans can now rape me with hate comments.
    BECAUSE HEAVENS FORBID I WILL WRITE A COMMENT HERE WITHOUT JUMPING ON THE HATRED BANDWAGON.

  • theshamster

    If Spoony makes the “Bored Volturi show” Who do you think he should play as?

    I think he could do the Martin Sheen character, as his voice is so hillarious.

    They could also have special guests who come in with comical things like “A rubber plant! Oh, splendid! It will go so nicely over there by the window!”

    • ORCACommander

      It really does tie the room together doesn’t it?

      • theshamster

        It sure does!

        Plus, another idea for Spoony and his friends is to have the Volturi sitting in their thrones, and after a vampire is leaving, having delivered a mesage, Spoony calls out “Oh, shut the door behind you, love! yes, that’s a good boy/girl” and once the door is closed he turns to his fellow vamps and says “has s/he gone? right!” and they get out of their thrones and one of them turns on a stereo and they start dancing to this music.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2LWH5-IL-k

        Here is the full version of that song.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q5f1-QY5iI&feature=related

        It would be hillarious to see them do this.

        • http://idigcomics.tumblr.com/ Matt

          Dead Rising does have some sick music. Carlito’s theme, the Militiamen theme, Adam the clown, Halfway Dead, Gone Guru…those are my favorite DR tracks.

  • cyfrostan

    While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, she was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-Martin/1596700226 Stephen Martin

    I’d like to see the Volturi sitting there watching some vampire leave to make sure they’re gone. Then when they give the all clear they bring out D&D stuff from behind their thrones.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sebastian.sorbo Sebastian Daniel Sørbø

    MAN…..those two are definatly fuckin´!

    - Black guy from Norway (Who occationatly turns into a pasty white guy)

  • bloodshed113094

    I’m playing DMC4 and listening to this. Get’s to the end of part 3 where they say “Jacobs gonna fuck her when she’s seven!” and I beat level 7 at that exact point. What pops up on my screen is the Snake boss looking back in surprised horror. GOLDEN!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deacon-Hagan/100002190854170 Deacon Hagan

    Wait…..they are remaking My Boyfriend’s Back?

  • Godmars

    You guys are making me think this was a “The Producers” style scam. That they got the cheapest production crew, the worst actors and script trying to con a ton of investors expecting to make a bomb – only it became a success.

  • CaptainDingaling

    Spoony has a new girlfriend with boobies!!!!!! “Insert operatic music here”

    • Kendotuxedo

      Awesome FFVIII throwback joke there, bro!

      • CaptainDingaling

        I know :) too bad no one else seemed to figure it out.

        • Kendotuxedo

          As the Cinema Snob would say, “The right people will get it”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Rodoy/775323495 David Rodoy

      I think they’re just friends :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

      Prime example of a spoony fan, blissfully ignorant and misogynistic.

      • CaptainDingaling

        Primal example of someone with no sense of humor, anal,irritable,and depressing. btw if you didn’t get that reference I made you probably should have kept your stupid comment in your pocket.

    • likalaruku

      Yeah, I don’t recall him saying “we’re dating” or “this is my Girlfriend, April.” They could be new friends, old friends, college friends, neighbors, cousins, siblings, lan party friends, tabletop gaming friends, she could even be his gay or asexual friend.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Ross/100000510615727 Paul Ross

        All I know is she interviewed him at Conbravo, seriously people should check out her Youtube channel.

  • notyoursavior78

    Pretty funny stuff so far with these people in the video. I wasn’t sure how good it’ll be. It works though. April is nice, Brad is good. Spoony is awesome as usual. I had some truly laugh out loud moments. I’m only on Part 2 now, I bet when Spoony gets a buzz going it’ll get real entertaining,

  • Gelatinous_cube

    Oh this April girl is simply marvelous! we must have her over more often. yes.

  • http://twitter.com/imanerd000 Rui Leite

    I just got it: the vulturi dude is Mr. Wonderfull from Mogworld!

  • Sol_Badguy

    Didn’t Hollywood already do the woman falling in love with a zombie movie? I think it was called “My Boyfriend’s Back”

    • http://twitter.com/Eliphas8 Sam Pagano

      German pornographers made a movie called “Otto Or Up With Dead People” which has the glory of being not just a zombie porn but a gay zombie porn that has a massive zombie orgy at the end with a really nonsensical plot.

      • Sol_Badguy

        That sounds so incredibly bad, but potentially very funny.

        • Atmos_Duality

          I’ve seen it. It’s more confusing than anything.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adam.cordelle Adam Cordelle

    Personally I would of named the thing with the hand in the ice “The Iceman Cometh

  • http://www.facebook.com/niklas.bjorkeroth Niklas Björkeroth

    Thank you. I will see this movie just because of this which was thoroughly entertaining from beginning to end.

  • Joseph Rundin

    So I kept expecting spoony to make a move part way through and for this to turn into a porn, which would lead to Brad reviewing it because thats how he rolls.

    • http://twitter.com/ReidAllen77 Reid

      “Wait, what the fuck are you guys doing? Oh goddamnit, I don’t have my suit jacket with me. Hang on, let me go slick my hair back really quick.”

    • likalaruku

      I’d like to Apologize to April on behalf of the boys; If this had been an episode of Neurotically Yours, they’d see Spoony as Foamy & see you as Germane & that’s pretty derogatory for you, even if it does make you feel confident about your appearance.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Bandes/100001750373297 Mitchell Bandes

    Part 5

    I can’t believe you just let Oreo lick her butt on camera like that.

  • IgnorantProxy

    So I looked up a Michael Sheen interview, and he said his favorite part of the movie was when Aro first meets Renesmee (or however you spell it). I almost want to see it just for that part.

  • MikeBester

    April was pointless. Shes way to shy, hardly ever saying anything at all during the 2+ hours.

    And now all the virgins here in the comment section are like “OMG SO PRETTY”!!” “OLOL BOOBS OLOL” -__-

    • http://twitter.com/Eliphas8 Sam Pagano

      As she got drunker she progressively started talking more so there is that.

      • likalaruku

        Spoony’s lucky then. Some women start ranting & throwing punches after a few drinks.

  • peteman

    I probably would have had Moustache Dad be a police sniper and use a sniper rifle, but otherwise agree with you on the big damn heroes moment.

  • http://twitter.com/ravenwoodwitch angela

    I am sad to report that yes, Meyer did come up with the Nessie name. I used to read the books back when I was 16; bad combination of goth and stupid.

    • theshamster

      I’d say get a splice of both of them and show it to Doug Walker, just to hear him scream with fright.

  • likalaruku

    Always wanted to hear a drunk review, or at least a sloshingly drunk review where the reviewer slurs his words & keeps going off on unrelated tangents & starts singing. Oh well, someday, someday…..

    I’ll listen to this tomorrow when I play Minecraft.

  • http://twitter.com/ravenwoodwitch angela

    From the makers of Twilight:
    Matte Painting; the movie!

  • Guilty Light

    For the longest time I thought you were saying -Martin- Sheen was the gay Volturi. Because if that was true I would so have to go see this. Tonight.

    • theshamster

      I think he is. Well, ok, he isn;t gay, but he hams up the character so much that you’d assume he is either stereotyping a gay vampire, or he is just so fruity for the sake of it.

  • http://twitter.com/ravenwoodwitch angela

    I think most of these actors never really cared and just waited to see what shit they could get away with. An we thank them for it..

  • http://twitter.com/ravenwoodwitch angela

    The whole thing with the superpowers reminds me of the shit they pulled in Captain Planet; the whole world under their rings and they NEVER get creative.

  • rageofkyubii

    The Bored Vulturi Show.
    …Fund it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandon.hoffman.161 Brandon Hoffman

    VAMPIRES CANT WALK ON WATER!!!!

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      Unless they’ve got power.

      • theshamster

        (readies ‘Pitbull’ hoverboard)
        Hook on!

    • Sol_Badguy

      Guess they used comic book logic: Super speed = water walking and wall climbing.

      Let’s not even begin to mention the fact about vampires being unable to cross running water, or that some water is actually capable of killing them, because this is Twilight and Twilight doesn’t hold any sort of logic when it comes to vampires, werewolves/lycans, or even humans for that matter.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=557020557 William Staples

      Jesus was a vampire. I mean, obviously.

      • Kendotuxedo

        Then we killed him and the Engineers got super butthurt.
        Oops, I’ve spoiled the plot for Prometheus 2

  • http://www.facebook.com/xMaeRx Ryan Beckmann

    He likes her. I can tell by the pixels.. and the twitter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.coyle.581 Patrick Coyle

    I love the thought of vampires teaching Bella how to act human, as if she wasn’t already a soulless, frigid husk throughout her whole life.

  • theshamster

    One thing that bothers me is how all these vampires have magic powers of some kind, yet it’s never explained exactally where they got them from.
    Was it some ability in their soul from a past life or simpily a connection to the elements that was unlocked when they were turned? Are these vampires demi-gods or something? Why don’t they just wipe out the arrogant human race and take over the world like what most sentient beings do anyhow? Where did the vampires actually come from? Who created them?

    • http://twitter.com/opheliamlet Ω♁

      Apparently some had powers while they were human (Alice, for instance, actually did have visions when she was human — they put her in an asylum for it). Others have strong ‘traits’ highlighted when they become vampires. Edward was good at guessing what people thought, so now he can hear thoughts. Jasper was charismatic and got people to trust him, so now he can control emotions.

      Yes. It’s stupid.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandon.hoffman.161 Brandon Hoffman

    budget was seriously 120-131.5 Million dollars, wtf

    • Sol_Badguy

      They put 50% of the budget into the film, 50% into their own pockets.

      • Atmos_Duality

        Pretty standard fair for corrupt ol’ Hollywood.

        After Last Season had a budget of 5 million, yet the most elaborate ANYTHING it had was an MRI machine made out of cardboard boxes and butcher paper.

        (I remain convinced that it was just a weird tax evasion scheme, or some kind of a hustle. Curiously enough, I noticed that they thanked the Screen Actors Guild in the credits. I’ll let you interpret that as you will.)

    • PeaTearGryfin

      I do believe that at least half of the budget must have gone to getting hookers and blow.

  • Guest

    Spoony has a new girl?!

    YES! “I has girlfirend! WITH BOOBS!” , the internet rejoiced.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=661037953 James Enri

    Spoony with a girl?!

    YES, THE INTERNET REJOICES! We are all very happy for you man.
    You should take her out for some Dalad Jelly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/neoshahal Chris Smith

    Just Twilight BD Part 2 had a budget of over 120 million dollars. That’s disgusting considering the terrible special effects for this movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nova.constantine Nova Constantine

    loved this review, luckly I had no uni and could watch it all in all its beauty)))

    Spoony, do the bored Volturi stuff) is freaking hilarious)) it’s a must do!

    and what’s so hard about killing those? If I was Aro I would have waited in the area for some days having fun with the boys in the fruity robes and came back and rip Bella’s face …that somehow knows how to fight when all that she did before was to get kicked around.. yeah.. but is clear that the shield she has it’s just anti meyer power stuff.. she will die if you pop her head of.. and she is not such of a fighter when vampire actually jump on her and not let her look constipated and alone in the middle of the field… get soem rifles and Voila!

  • MFlorian

    I love how chill Oreo is with April in part 5.

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    I just saw Michael Sheen’s “Squee Scene” on Youtube.

    Holy shit, leave it to Twilight to make a vampire more bat-shit crazy than a coked up Malkavian! I love it!

  • adamfox

    “But your brain does…”

    Spoony quoting Red Letter Media is a beautiful thing!

  • doresh

    So Bella has to relearn breathing as to not uncover the existence of vampires? The Volturi lived like 1500 in the same place eating like a group of tourists/peasants each week. The humans in the Twilight setting wouldn’t recognize a vampire if it was sucking their blood right now.

    • corey

      as for the volturi anyone should see at this point they are pretty crappy at there jobs as guardians of the secret of the existence of vampires mainly because they don’t really do shit, case in point remember in the third twilight where they saw one of the culprits turning people into vampires they decide not to do anything and just let the slaughter happen and let things escalate to the point where that war happened and had to pointlessly kill that girl, and another thing they seem to have a habit of luring droves of tourists to where they live and killing them, um yeah that might make people suspicious considering that they probably have families that might want to look for them or maybe they just killed a grandson of a world leader who would use his military to hunt the fuckers who killed his family like don’t they really think about that? and one more thing how do they help maintain the secrecy of vampires because they don’t seem to make it clear (correct me if I am wrong) like I know they have a shitload of money but do they have government leaders in there pocket either enticing them with vampirism or just bribing them with there seemingly unlimited wealth its just one of the things in the series that bothers me.

      • doresh

        I mentioned it in another comment here, but logic has no place in this “saga”.

        It’s bad enough that neither the media nor the police seem to be interested in lunatics with super-strengh, but the “Volturi Tourist Guide Agency ™” takes the cake.

        I mean seriously: The international media already goes apeshit if a single girl gets kidnapped during vacation. Even a SINGLE tourist group disappearing in Italy would be a HUGE deal. You can’t just cover this up with bribes – especially if you have MUTLIPLE groups all vanishing inside the same building.

        (Okay, it MIGHT work if the group was just a handful of beggars or something like that, but we’re talking here about tourist who probably came from the wealthiest countries on the planet, visiting a country for which tourism is a BIG source of income.)

        Would it really kill the Volturi to just by a blood bank Oo ?

  • mobtank

    Fantastic Vlog, it’s great to see you in such good shape Spoony.

    The Twilight “saga” is a boring, stupid and sometimes very creepy story that sooooooo deserves a 6 parter.

    Btw, am I the only person who has a major problem with everyone running at super speed? Because if you move your legs that fast I kinda dought you would get the necessary traction to actually move forward (unless you put your feet down so hard the floor/ground gets damaged by it). Also, think about the air pressure you would create every time you did it indoors, keeping papers and books (and other small items) in one place must be very hard indeed.

    • doresh

      If you think that is weird, consider that the vampires supposedly have skin that’s hard as rock – and yet fully flexible.

      It’s basically a crappy super hero movie Oo

  • http://mistermunshun.blogspot.com/ Carl Eusebius

    I’ve been waiting for this ever since I heard there would be a fifth Twilight movie, and it did not disappoint. The best of all your Twilight reviews, Spoony, which is saying something. Count me in on pledges for the Kickstart of Bored Volturi.

    I just had to write up this movie for my Twilight blog. My friend (who had never seen and had barely heard of Twilight before) was laughing so loud that the Twihard next to her complained after the movie was over. I was sympathetic–because if you knew my friend, you’d know she can be pretty damn loud–but then the Twihard said my friend’s continuous laughter “made it difficult to concentrate” and that my friend was “laughing at things that weren’t even funny”. Concentrate. On fucking Twilight! And honey, those things were funny. Oh God, were they funny!

    It’s interesting that you focused on the technical aspects of this movie’s utter fail. For me, it was more the story aspect, as I detail extensively in my entirely-too-long review…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Wright/220301062 Joe Wright

    Damn, this is really funny Spoony; April is funny man, hope she makes future appearences!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeanphilippe.theriault.31 Jean-Philippe Thériault

    OMG…Michael Sheen commenting on his part in this film. Gold:

    http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi917939993/

  • Michal Lange

    Ooooooh, now we now how Spoony makes his “Spooning with Spoony” videos….Make the guest watch a shitty movie, hit the booze hard, set up the camera for tommorrow morning.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jere.kujansuu Jere Kujansuu

    Another drunk vlog? OH! Mmmh.. yes. You naughty boy mmh yes.

  • http://twitter.com/SebastianLundh1 Sebastian Lundh

    Dear lord, Spoony, you sure know how to be entertaining; your impression could make any man smile and giggle like an idiot, and your ability to remember and explain the movie in an interesting way is remarkable! How do you do the things you do?

  • http://www.facebook.com/lordbejita Rob Iturriaga

    Really fun, Spoony. Enjoyed watching this a lot. Love you and Brad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Edgars-Sondors/100000490155136 Edgars Sondors

    Finally it’s over and i also fucking hated the twist shit end of the fight. Bullshit!

  • peteman

    I’d love to see “Bored Volturi”, though I’m concerned about the potential lawsuits that could result. If you know how to get it done without that sort of thing happening, you should do it.

    • theshamster

      I thought lawsuits only come into play if you try and make money out of someone elses idea.

      All Spoony is doing is making free to view videos for our entertainment.

      I know there are stupid laws about ‘copyright’ but making a parody video is harmless.

      • peteman

        I know people who know copyright, and I know that if the copyright holder doesn’t protect their stuff they can lose it, which is why some copyright holders ruthlessly crush perceived infringements. That said, this probably would fall under parody, since this is more about the acting job done in the movies rather than the original source material.

    • PeaTearGryfin

      It would probably fall under the same category as his regular reviews. As long as it is a parody, it is covered under Fair Use.

  • http://www.facebook.com/steve.neupert Steve Neupert

    Oh God please. PLEASE make Bored Volturi! I need that to exist in the world.

  • http://twitter.com/ReidAllen77 Reid

    “April, I found this new way of doing it.” *April’s eyes light up*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    I think I know what Spoony’s new Human Centipede idea is. How about the Human Donut?

    And it can’t die of starvation, as long as everyone in it has a good meal first. :D

    • doresh

      The Human Caltrop XD

      • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

        I’m hoping for The Human Shoggoth, but I don’t think they can get the budget and people for that.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/yfnwaffle Waffle

    Ok, so I just went and saw the movie. OMG…everything you said was true XD Well…I didn’t really notice the green screen stuff…I kind of forgot to look for it. ^^;

    There was one issue you raised about vampires not having to breathe. Well, in the scene where The Cullens are teaching Bella how to act human, Carlisle tells her to hold her breath in order to help control her thirst. @_@ So maybe they can breathe, but just…don’t need to? I don’t know. That’s too stupid, even for Twilight.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Soulessdarkangel Erin Stretch

    I would never drag anyone to see this movie. Unless I want to torture that person.

  • zhellas

    That movie with people in love with a Zombie has been done.

    It’s called Zombie Honeymoon and was made in 2004.

    • Kendotuxedo

      It was also done in several ways in a film called “Cemetery Man” (1994)

  • Kyle Rybski

    I could watch Noah do Aro for hours. Really, I just did.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-Holly/100003918343477 Bob Holly

    OOOOOOH!

  • http://www.facebook.com/richelle.zeitler Richelle Zeitler

    You need help with the set to make Bored Volturi? I’m a set designer/builder, I’d be willing to help.

  • http://shadowdancersworldo.blip.tv/ Shadowdancer21b

    I love how Michael Sheen turns into Frank N. Furter for a bit.

  • http://profiles.google.com/jonathandmcgowan Jonathan McGown

    I wonder if they are even dating or if they just hooked up at a con and did a video at spoonies?

  • http://twitter.com/Rhysdux Rhysdux

    Carlisle’s “superpower” is supposed to be his compassion. This is the same guy who turns a woman who attempts suicide in the throes of post-partum depression (because she’d TOTALLY want to live forever) as well as a woman who was just beaten and gang-raped by her fiancé and his buddies because she’s so gorgeous that it would be a shame if she wasn’t available for Edward. And he doesn’t ask either one if they want to be vampires; he just turns them. AND–according to Meyer–sparklepires are always supposed to be in the state of mind that they were in when they died. So, logically, Esme should be suicidal and grieving for her dead baby while Rosalie should react to everything like someone who was raped a couple of minutes ago. And they get to feel like this forever and ever, thanks to Carlisle. Now, obviously, this doesn’t happen in canon because Meyer sucks at continuity and because she doesn’t want anything unpleasant to happen to her vampires, but still…nice job with that compassion there, Carlisle.

    • doresh

      So Carlisle is sparkly vampire Ma-ti?

      And do you honestly expect Meyer to know how a traumatized person is supposed to act? She doesn’t even know how normal people act!

    • http://twitter.com/opheliamlet Ω♁

      holy shit, i missed out on that “same frame of mind when they did” shit. that is just so FUCKED UP. and i know that should be a rinse/repeat phrase about the series already but NO, SERIOUSLY, THAT IS SO FUCKED UP.

  • http://twitter.com/TheNoNameCritic Caleb Buckner

    This movie’s budget was $131,500,000 and shot over 4, count them, FOUR months. So yeah, really no excuse for the effects.

  • SeanMcTiernan

    Actually, You guys missed a serious continuity failure. In New Moon, they go over the fact that Alice can’t “see” the werewolves at all, as they exist purely to hunt Vampires, so basically that whole epic battle scene couldn’t have been shown. Yes, this was also gone over in the movie version of New Moon. That’s how the whole confusion got going where Edward thought Bella was dead.

  • CheshireBat

    Bacardi, better than Kraken? Ow. It isn’t a bad rum, but it’s bar grade at best. Bacardi does make a few good premier rums, but that one isn’t it.
    It is, admittedly, pretty inoffensive and easy to drink. A wise choice for people that don’t actually really like rum.

    I’m tempted to compare it with Twilight, that is obscenely popular with the segment of the population that don’t actually like vampires as such, but Bacardi doesn’t deserve that.

    Ahem. Anyway, this was pretty awesome. I’d love to see that Volteri thing. If they’re that quick to make, perhaps it would even be a good idea to make a solid backlog, and then dole them out to keep content steady. Perhaps two episodes per week or so.
    Whatever works.

  • http://www.facebook.com/admiralen1 Arvid Helghe

    you mean carlisle with an S, carliSSSle

  • http://twitter.com/FreeGlass Federico Iglesias

    god you guys. funny as hell. also, she’s great dude. a keeper…. if she ain’t your sister or something.

  • corey

    I watched sages review before this and I now I am just wondering why are the volturi so feared anyway because if there are vampires that exist that can control fire or some other kind of power beyond imagination then sorry volturi being able to go into peoples minds and control them(which I know is something to watch out for) or whatever isn’t going to strike fear onto me when a bunch of fireballs are being shot at right at you, and as I have said before which I think bears repeating but the vulturi really suck at there jobs as guardians of vampire secrecy mainly because in any realistic kind of situation the ones who are a danger of revealing the existence of vampires to the world is the vulturi themselves lets count the ways um oh yes slaughtering droves of tourists in probably the same building as well as those secretaries in maybe a matter of weeks and not thinking people might notice and have families that are looking for them or could be relatives of important people with strong military power and political influence to hunt there asses down. point 2. in the third movie they see the culprits of those turning people into vampires so they can raise an army to hunt bella and they don’t do a thing to stop it which is idiotic because this is one of those things I think is part of there job stop a vengeful vampire from turning masses of people into vampires, point the third the vulturi really are lame as I have said if there are vampires with abilities to control elements then they are not the guys to be feared unless they can do something like nullify such powers with a touch or a look or can control your blood and make you a puppet or have a vampire super saiyan mode then yeah why should other vamps be afraid of them?

    • doresh

      Vampires are only allowed to use their mutant powers when it’s convenient for the plot XD

      • Atmos_Duality

        ^Yup, and it’s a crystal clear indicator of hack writing.
        How this series got popular, I have no idea. But rational thought obviously wasn’t involved anywhere in the process.

        • doresh

          I’m not even sure if I want to know why it got that popular. I fear I’d lose my hope for humanity otherwise XD

    • http://twitter.com/opheliamlet Ω♁

      Punctuation.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alexandruioan.samson Alexandru Ioan Samson

    If you’re going to go on with the 20-20something minutes videos, could you at least upload a 1-2 hours one a week later? I sometimes like to rewatch some of your vlogs, sitting on my sofa with a cup of tea, so you can imagine how tedious it’d be to get up every 20something minutes to click on the next part. :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Wright/220301062 Joe Wright

    HAHA! just saw part 4; dammit this April girl is legit spoony; you, her and brad are a devestating trifecta of funny

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000005596843 Andreas Andy Persson Fondell

    The budget was $120 million for Breaking Dawn Part 2. The thing is that they know that people will go watch this crap even if they only showed a dog turd wrapped in a toilet roll, so they can give it a lower budget and then make even more money.

  • Trekker4747

    I think in many respects, Spoony, you get way too nitpicky to criticize a movie. The whole argument on Alice showing the future the Aro makes sense in the context of the movie but if you want to start nitpicking giving someone this power and the problems it causes then a lot of movies to fall under the same problem, would you be just as critical on them? The “hatred” you have for the Twilight movies and Stehp(a)nie Meyer shows through when you get that nitpicky. Why don’t the Volturi do something different? Because they simply didn’t. Aro was satisfied there was no threat. I mean we could start nitpicking a LOT of stuff if we’re going to start asking questions like “why didn’t the bad guys do something different.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Lindenmuth/1425236050 Michael Lindenmuth

      I found that all that fight scene did was serve as a desperate attempt of the movie makers to give the guys that got dragged to see this movie something to hang their feet on after an entire movie full of rubbish.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Lindenmuth/1425236050 Michael Lindenmuth

      and, sorry trekker, but there is a lot to hate this movie for. Putting logic into why some things happen is natural since the creator did everything in her power to devoid it from it from start to finish. We get a subconscious need to vindicate ourselves with some sort of closure when we just watched something so open ended and retarded to end a 4 volume story. It’s like she knew in 10 years when her funds were used up she’d add another volume to this crap. She’d have to. Unlike Harry Potter we will see that Twilight won’t have staying power. Girls that age will move on to the next thing that’s popular and leave Twilight in the dust. It’s what they do and the problem with devoting your life to pleasing such a demographic.

    • doresh

      “It was all a dream/vision/whatever” is never a good idea in a movie. It’s a cheap way to add a consequence-free action scene, but in the end, you’re basically telling the audience that you just waisted several minutes of their lifes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Lindenmuth/1425236050 Michael Lindenmuth

    Is this the next generation equivalent of Troll 2? I remember watching Snob review those movies and it just hit me hard that in 10 – 15 years we can see critics doing the same thing to BD Part 2 that Snob did to Troll 2. It’s got the bad film work as Spoony and Snob described, it’s got the combination of horrible and over the top acting, CGI goblin baby, It’s got the “Oh My god!” moment in Bella emotiongasming over Jacob naming the goblin baby “Nessie”. This movie is going to bank hundreds of millions, and going to be forced to be observed by people going through all levels of cinematic school in the future. It will be talked about in the same grouping as movies like Inception, The Dark Knight, Harry Potter DH part 2, Avatar, and Titanic. In 20 – 25 years, long after the Twilight fad has been forgotten, people are going to look back at the early 2K movies and see this movie along side those greats and wonder how in the hell it got there. Am I right or wrong about this? Is this the 2000′s version of “The best worst movie ever made”? Because I’ve seen Sage and Spoony both recommend everyone to see it. It got snob, spoony, and sage’s horri-good seal of approval it seems. I suspect Walker’s review won’t be too far off.

    • doresh

      Not sure if this will be the next Troll 2, but it should be obvious that the future won’t be very kind to this “saga”. The Volturi and the various goofy moments are the only thing preventing this vampire disgrace to fade into obscurity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pete.koivuranta Pete Koivuranta

    Halfway through it just became a video of Spoony trying to make the girl laugh.. Oh Spoony you hound.

  • Guest

    Spoony go to designtoscano.com they sell thrones!!!! and they are only like 100 bucks :)

    • theshamster

      Oooh, I want one!

  • Carteeg_Struve

    We need to lock Michael Sheen and Tim Curry in a room together and start filming.

  • endplanets

    I am not really a big fan of splitting the whole review into six vids. Maybe 2 because its so long, but 6 is annoying. I am fine with having more ads, just put a couple of them in the middle of the vid. Springboard can do that right? I know Blip can.

    Basically I turn on the vid and turn around to do something (cleaning, working, etc). Having to stop what I am doing and click the computer is kinda annoying.

    April is seems really cool. I don’t remember if she was in any other video or anything.

    The Bored Vulturi idea is a damn good idea and should for sure be done.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cassave-Cleynghelt/100001308454801 Cassave Cleynghelt

    Okay, I took the time to sit through the six parts. Todely worth it. You really ought to do the Bored Volturi bit. And kidnap April more oft.

  • likalaruku

    Spoony: “I needed a woman’s perspective.”
    Brad: “That’s why I’m here.”
    Spoony: “Seriously though, I’m not a woman, I just play one on the internet.”
    Brad: “& Gloriously, I might add.”

    Now now boys, you can’t both be the chick.

  • Mateusz K.

    A woman! I’m scared….

  • http://www.facebook.com/DallasPW Dallas W.

    So I ran the numbers, and it’s about 5,600 miles between Washington and Rome. So given the time frame of 6 hours or so, the vampire snitch would have had to have been moving at close to 1000 miles per hour, as the crow flies.

  • damion jackson

    Spooney dude… shes hot! I haz hope for youz but I will attempt not to presume or pry…

  • http://www.facebook.com/elliot.ryan1 Ellie Ryan

    I think you couldn’t see their breath in the movie because vampires are ice cold on the inside as well as the outside. Even when they’re breathing it wouldn’t produce enough heat to make steam when it hits the cold air.

    If it was the werewolves’ breath you couldn’t see, then you’d be able to call bullshit, because werewolves in the book were supposed to have a really high body temperature.

    If it was humans, though, yeah…huge oversight.

    • doresh

      If they really have a high body temperature, wouldn’t their whole body produce steam?

  • illidan4ever

    Dick to dick.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ricardo.wareverson Ricardo Wareverson

    “Sure, this camera pointed at the sofa under a huge poster of Caligula is just to shoot a review, nothing weird about it, do not believe me? I can call my friend, CinemaSnob, CI-NE-MA, see, movies”. And that’s how we won a review on Breaking Down

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ugo-Strange/692486116 Ugo Strange

    BORED VOLTURI!!! DO IT PLEASE!!!

  • darkmage0707077

    You know what I’d want more then anything?

    For Rifftracks to get ahold of the Twilight movies and do an episode on it.

    • likalaruku

      I b’lieve they already have. There’s also a spoof called “Vampires Suck.”

      • doresh

        That’s a Seltzerberg movie, so it doesn’t count.

        • likalaruku

          Touché

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kennan-William-Gilleland/1449030636 Kennan William Gilleland

    I don’t know if anyone else has said this, (I’m to lazy to read all the comments)
    But I can tell you one GOOD thing this movie did, TWILIGHT. IS. OVER.

    • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

      We might not be so lucky. There are rumours of spinoff tv-shows and more movies in the future :S

      • likalaruku

        Like beating a dead horse with it’s own severed head.

        • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

          Pretty much. Supposedly it’s not going to be about Bellward anymore, but about all the wondrous things implied to exist in the magical writing of Meyer’s grand opus… I’m not too familiar with the contents of Twilight, as I’ve not seen any of the movies or read the books, but I doubt there is much extra material on par with Silmarillion. o.O

          • doresh

            Isn’t there this spin-off book about “Female recruit of the evil newborn vampire army from the 3rd book who was the only peaceful one but got dragged along anyways”. In the 3rd movie, they constantly showed here like she’s important or something, but as it turned out, her appearance was even more pointless than usual.

          • Nyaore

            Yeah, Bri essentially was a useless character – especially when you look back at Eclipse and consider all the inconsistencies between the two books. The best thing about that short novel however, is that is actually shows how awesome of a villain Harpo/Jasper could have been if Meyer wasn’t so busy wanking. The chapter where Bri surrenders to the Cullens and they let Jasper do what he wants with her is honestly one of the most terrifying parts of the series, and the best part is that Meyer probably had no idea that she was making her ‘precious’ Cullen look like a sociopathic maniac.
            But since life is an evil bitch, I can guarantee that they won’t focus on the few potentially good ideas Twilight seems to have but never does anything with – and instead will focus on another ‘twu luv’ story. All I can say is that if they even think about touching Leah and giving her an imprint, SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE. She’s the only tolerable character, aside from Mustache Dad, in that entire series. (And she was intended to be a Scary Sue! Meyer, your writing fails if I identify and sympathize more with the Scary Sue than with your protagonists.)

          • doresh

            That killing scene was in the movie as well. And yeah, killing a completely harmless person who never threatened anybody just because she walked around with the rage vampires was a very noble move.

  • fatalrob0t

    Want to make it even funnier? Aro has a wife and she’s the most gorgeous thing in the world.

  • peteman

    Goddamn it, I am sick of the Call of Duty advertisement. I don’t mind advertisements in general, I fully understand they pay for the site, but would it kill them to give us a little variety?

  • http://twitter.com/TactlessC Thomas Atchley

    I just checked the Twilight wiki and apparently Carlisle’s power is he has complete 100% control over his instincts…which basically means they didn’t give him a power.

    • doresh

      “Don’t come any closer! I have full control over my instincts!”

      So teaching Edward to control his bloodlust at the end of the first book shouldn’t have worked, because he never had to learn it himself Oo ?

  • Jumpooleez

    “…a mixture of looking slightly constipated and stoned.” -Pattinson on his portrayal of Edward Cullen.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Dunn/147900507 Patrick Dunn

    I would be in full support for the Bored Vulturi. If you (Noah) need an actor, give me a call. I am in between gigs now so I am free.

  • Wwww9999

    This review kept me laughing like a maniac for 3 days… enough said.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Ross/100000510615727 Paul Ross

    Interesting fact: Micheal Sheen played Caligula in the Theater.(well interesting to me anyway)

  • Brendan Edwards

    Great series of videos, I laughed my as off watching these. It’s good to hear Brad’s input, since he’s suffered through most (if not all of) these movies. April seems like a fun and welcome addition to the “cast”, I wouldn’t mind seeing her again in the future.

    I HATE everything about these awful books and movies, but I can’t help but agree with your views on Michael Sheen’s performance- it’s total comedy gold. Seriously, I’d be hard-pressed to find a better example of an actor who’s SO aware of what sort of movie he’s in and is actively trying to hijack the story with such an entertainingly OTT performance. He’s clearly a good actor, playing dramatic roles in “Frost/Nixon” and “Midnight in Paris”. And he also knows how to make the best out of a bad situation, giving the smart viewers a hysterical performance in a film where lesser actors would end up tanking their credibility with a drab performance.

    The Director, Bill Condon, directed “Gods and Monsters” and “Kensey”. If he was able to get such memorable performances from legends like Ian McKellen and Liam Neeson, then I’d have to think that he gave Sheen cart-blanch to _devastate_ every scene he was in. I guess the problem with BD P1 was that he was stuck with the boring characters…

    On another note, IMDB estimates a $120 mil budget… And that they filmed “on location” in Baton Rouge and Vancouver… Seriously?! The 2004 “Punisher” movie was filmed totally on location (no studios) for a 4th of that!

    Oh, and I think you meant “Caligula’s Grandfather”, because his father- Germanicus- was actually stand-up guy by all accounts. You were probably thinking of Tiberius, who was a total recluse and paranoid as shit! Still, great work!

    • likalaruku

      Someone posted April’s Twitter & Youtube a few days ago. Seems to be pals with or a follower of LordKat, PushingUpRoses, LittleKuriboh, Brad Jones, & Linkara. She does share Noah’s love of D&D though. Maybe she has her own funny tabletop stories. (Can anything top that months old pizza though?)

  • likalaruku

    Hey, I have an idea. Spoony & Brad can make their own spoof of the entire movie, fan funded. Get someone like Jarred or Josh Hadley to play Bella. Or maybe Spoony can do an ultra low budget short spoof & play ALL of the characters.

    • doresh

      Why all the characters? The majority of them are basically blocks of wood. Truly amazing would be a parody film in which every role is played by Michael Sheen (played by Spoony) XD

      • likalaruku

        Best way to spoof a wooden actor is by planking your lines.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Metzger-Powers/728512395 Metzger Powers

    The moment I look at this http://imgur.com/gallery/LdPqA he goes “Unless I mention Michael Sheen.”

    Edit: ( Not word for word :l )

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Filipe-Isabelinho/100000173498272 Filipe Isabelinho

    Kickstart that shit! KICKSTART THE BORED VOLTURI! It deserves to EXIST! XD I will pay to see that!

  • Merost

    Lol Spoony crying on Twitter that he isnt booked for any conventions. Maybe a year of Reviews and Lets Plays without any Twitter-Wars will get him some fans back.

    • Erebus_Locke

      Hes dug himself in a deep hole during the last two years (no more Lets Plays, only sporadic game reviews, generally only sporadic updates, the infamous “war” on twitter).

      BUT: The last months he started to dig himself out. The last Ultima Videos were brilliant. The Ring was still a little bit stiff and “overproduced” but in the right direction. The Twilight Vlog with April was great.

      If he keeps up that way he will be going to conventions again soon enough.

      • doresh

        I can get that conventions would be cautious due to certain events, but the recent weeks have been most promising.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kris.lindenmuth.5 Kris Lindenmuth
  • http://www.facebook.com/shitatsu.kotsuouji Shitatsu Kotsuouji

    Good Gods. Somebody give this man thrones!

  • http://twitter.com/CthuluSpy Herbert West

    Is there a clip of this squee? I have to see this for myself.

  • http://twitter.com/nymphonomicon Doctor Madness

    I think I might need to watch this film now and yell out “Vampire kick!” at the appropriate scene.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Mc-Grath/42810041 Adam Mc Grath

    surprised and slightly disappointed with the lack of blue hair sex jokes, that being said I feel as though they need to do a skit of voulturi phonecalls or however the fuck u spell it

  • carnehan

    You should have called it “Found Footage Reviews”…

    Seriously, I love you all bitching about Twilight, but the whole thing is too long and stretched, it doesn’t even feel like a vlog, more like “oh I just went drinking with friends and left the camera on” kinda thing ;)

  • http://twitter.com/opheliamlet Ω♁

    That “Nessie” line actually IS in the books — but I’m pretty sure SMeyer had help with that one. She flat out stole a line from The Simpsons in that book, so she isn’t exactly sharp.

    Also, Stephenie spells her name as that because it’s probably from that Mormon tradition where you combine the parents names for the kids. Her dad’s name is Stephen, but I have no idea what her mom’s name is to add the -ie to it. Whatever. It’s probably Marie. This also explains Renesmee, btw. Or at least that’s where she got that fucking idea from.

    I wish I were making that up. I might be, but that’s only because this series makes me even more insane.

    • doresh

      Shouldn’t Bella be called “Renarlie” by that logic XD ?

      • Isolder74

        But then her name wouldn’t mean beautiful swan. That would make the character’s perfection more subtle, can’t have that!

        • doresh

          Right XD

    • Atmos_Duality

      Informative. Well, at least that’s one less thing I can call miss Meyers an imbecile over.

    • Isolder74

      It’s not a Mormon Tradition. Stephenie Meyers is just stupid.

  • banedon

    I don’t often say this but I actually stopped watching this review after 1.5 parts because I found it quite boring. Most of the time Noah does a stand up job of making even the most tiresome stuff come across as exciting or at least interesting enough to keep watching. But this? Awful. It might be the material, but I’m not entirely sure. And no, I’m not a Spoony hater/basher – I’m actually an avid fan.

  • peteman

    While unlikely to happen, I would love to see you talk with Doug Walker about these movies. You get different things out of these movies. He says this has the best cinematography, you call the cinematography crap, you were all for the abortion, he was for Bella making her own decision…

    Granted, you both say these movies are crap, so the discussion won’t be that long, but I would be interested.

  • Segatron

    10 minutes in and all I am thinking is how much I want to see a spoony review done as a driving scene. I don’t even care if it’s a review, counter monkey, or even a let’s play. I don’t even care that it would be in context. I can’t get this idea out of my head.

    (insert least appropriate games for a driving scene in 3… 2…)

  • Senna4ever

    Why do they drive when they can run so fast?
    Why teach how to breathe when they are speaking which involves breathing?
    Why teach Bella to control her super speed when they just showed her moving normally anyway?

    This is where the idiots claim “It’s fiction, does not have to follow real rules”. Which I agree with…to a degree. However I detest when a film sets up rules within the universe ..then breaks those rules previously set up…fiction or not.

    A fictional film can break as many “real world” rules as it wants. But when they break rules established within the film you are watching, that’s just lazy writing.

    • Daniel Tilson

      They drive so that people don’t go “How the hell did you get here so fast?”

      They teach her to fake breathing so that she won’t actually breathe, smell the human (who happens to be her dad) and get hungry.

      They teach her to control her super speed, and show her moving normally to them, then they show how it would actually look to a human when she zips across the room and sits down, causing the chair to slide due to momentum.

  • thegodemperor

    Spoony, what were you drinking? :P White Russian mayhaps? :D

  • thegodemperor

    You know what did future sight well? DUNE! :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Amanda-Low/100000931121608 Amanda Low

    Best part of the videos: dat Loki shirt on Spoony

  • A Magnificent Garden Party

    Bored Vulturi sounds fuckin amazing you should totally do it dude.

    btw, the character your thinking of in part 5 from Scooby-Doo is Fred and I believe its called a ascot.

  • IHeart28

    Spoony did it. He watched Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 and LIVED! Not only that, the vlog review of it is equally as hilarious as his breaking dawn part 1 review! Also, the bored volturi thing MUST happen! I need that show funded somehow!

    Oh and april was awesome too, she should come around more in these reviews sometime :)

  • ApatheticOne (the original)

    Never mix clear with brown!

  • http://twitter.com/TS_Cheshire TheCheshireOne

    Dude, Noah’s Volturi act had me in stitches the entire time.
    I’d donate for Bored Volturi.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1416077681 Jeffery B Eppes

    I was let down. Spoony’s Vlog was entertaining but it set my expectations too high for the actual movie. It was still much easier to sit through than part 1 but after Spoony’s review and Movie Bob’s rave review, I was expecting a beautiful train wreck and didn’t quite get it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-Travis/100001864476153 Kevin Travis

    Looked up the budget. It was 120 Million dollars. GOOD LORD.

  • http://twitter.com/kuroitenshi kuroitenshi

    Fantastic! I am not anywhere near the twilight series, so all I ever watch is reviews and personal opinions on it. You guys make me almost want to see it just for Michael Sheen. I think, someone needs to just take all of his scenes and edit them together for everyone’s viewing pleasure. MYES.

  • Alex

    Spoony! You and April should do a porn movie!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/manuel.wolf.94 Manuel Wolf

    i remember going to see this movie with my best friend, who is the only person i know that hates twilight and at the same time loves it because it’s so easy to make fun of, as much as i do.
    we went on the premiere day of the hobbit and let me tell you, if the hobbit comes out and you request two tickets for breaking dawn, looking not at all depressed or unhappy to be there, you get a very weird look from the clerk. i just told him it’s okay if he laughs.
    behind us was a group of people, that was also there to make fun of it apparently, and another group in front of us that kept staring back at us with an expression like “oh ma gosh, you don’t like twalaight? it’s like, the best movie eva *snaps fingers*”
    anyway, whenever jacob was on screen, my best friend kept whispering, ‘take your shirt of” and i kept telling her to wait for it. then came the scene with mustache dad and i told her “now it’s time”. as soon as the shirt was of, she yelled “take your pants of!”. everyone was looking at us, but then he actually took his pants of and everyone started laughing. from there apparently it was on, because whenever something stupid happened, i.e. all the time, people kept whispering to each other.
    and then came the infamous martin sheen squee. i was at the edge of my seat and i told my friend now comes the best part. then he squeed and for the next minute, everyone was laughing. i even had tears in my eyes.
    at the “it was all a dream” ending everyony was confused at first and then started booing. i think we went so late that the majority of people there with us only watched it to make fun of it as well, but damn it, it was the funniest movie i saw all year^^

  • ctck

    why do you have a danish Caligula poster? :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/karen.e.zack Karen Zack

    I love how at the midway point of the video, when Spoony is talking about Christina Hendricks boobs, Oreo’s just looking at him like “Really?”. *lol*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughan-MacDonald/100000473507885 Vaughan MacDonald

    The budget was (According to Wikipedia) 120 million dollars. The fuck?!

  • Sajeh

    Wauw, seems like future Mrs. One is most amused.

  • Brian Cole

    No, they’re not written that way in the book. Only the amazons, but that kinda makes sense since they’re depicted as living in the wild.

  • Zipper Dragon

    I looked it up, Their budget…$120 MILLION!!!

  • Zipper Dragon

    Dont vampires age faster, or is that just with child development?

    • Rakkrakk

      Vampires in the twilight universe don’t age. If at all they de-age on transformation to become more attractive(Yes, that is a biological function).

  • Crensler .

    The reason why the child looked so fake is because they took the actress that played her as an adult at the very end and de-aged her through CGI and it looks fucking terrible as a result.

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