Tekken: The Motion Picture

The Spoony One | Aug 7 2011 | more notation(s) | 

We kick off a month of movies based on tournament fighting games with Tekken: The Motion Picture! Tekken is the key to life!

Special thanks to Short Fat Otaku and his Camera Lady for their hard work and assistance on the script, and my apologies things didn’t work out at ConBravo. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, SFO.

I’d also like to thank Buzz for the eyebrows and OmegaCrusaderRed for helping provide some backstory on Tekken and its characters.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sebastian-Spinczyk/100001312688624 Sebastian Spinczyk

    It can’t be better than “DOA: The Movie”. That one was a masterpiece – it had Eric Roberts as the villain!

  • Anonymous

    I was never a Tekken fan.  Can’t say this video you are showing me makes me want to watch it.  Maybe if it had Reb Brown screaming and shooting machine guns……..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Vaillancourt/507894169 Jesse Vaillancourt

    can’t watch it yet… damn..  I saw the tekken anime movie when i was younger,  I remember it being ok   nothing compared to street fighter 2 the animated movie though.  come on blip.tv  I wanna watch the damned thing! lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonas-Olsson/640792304 Jonas Olsson

    Well come? xD great review spoon, this month is gonna be awesome, btw most epic eyebrows ever xD

  • brandon montgomery

    lol, went back to the main page after just being there, and woot a new video :D

  • Anonymous

    Haha, were those brown hospital socks with the treads on them?

  • Anonymous

    “Oh Hai fanservice…….”  “You are tearing me apart BOOBS!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Vaillancourt/507894169 Jesse Vaillancourt

      ha ha ha..  what a story, TCBLB.  anyway, how’s your sex life?

      • Anonymous

        Ahh, The Room jokes.  They hopefully won’t get old.

        • http://www.youtube.com/egxtra John K. Spencer

          You can say that again.

          • Anonymous

            “Oh Hai Spencer!”  “Ahh ha ha ha, wut a grate story John!”

          • Anonymous

            “Oh Hai Spencer!”  “Ahh ha ha ha, wut a grate story John!”

    • Anonymous

      *apaht

  • Evan Heery

    “Heihachi’s adopted son Maximilian Pegasus.” I lol’d.

    And cmon, I know I’d be fudging my pants if I had to deal with cloaked dinosaurs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lenne-Shuyin/100002432893015 Lenne Shuyin

    Spooney, it just goes to show you that we all have a pair of non skid hospital socks   your thee best

  • Anonymous

    I think Pegasus survived the destruction of the Island to go on and become an Yu-Gi-Oh villain.  If they keep up like this I think this month is going to be awesome!

  • Ralf van Goch

    spoony have you seen the newest deadliest warrior? They go beyond stupid this time :P
    They test hand to hand combat of korean soldiers vs the us rangers and after the test they say, DEAD EVEN
    In the end when you see their stats of the simulator the hand2hand for korea is at 76 or so and the us rangers and 80, THATS NOT DEAD EVEN XD
    Also there is a new host with the most annoying accent ever

  • http://twitter.com/ShortFatOtaku ShortFatOtaku

    Pretty funny spoony.  glad to see everything worked out in the end.  :D

  • http://joshuatheanarchist.blogspot.com/ Joshua the Anarchist

    How did you review a movie involving invisible dinosaurs and NOT reference the last episode of M.A.N.T.I.S.?

    • Anonymous

      THAT’S WHAT I WAS WONDERING. D:

  • http://joshuatheanarchist.blogspot.com/ Joshua the Anarchist

    How did you review a movie involving invisible dinosaurs and NOT reference the last episode of M.A.N.T.I.S.?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001759742791 Tom Neill

    WHY GOD!? AIR JUGGLE ITS ASS!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001759742791 Tom Neill

    WHY GOD!? AIR JUGGLE ITS ASS!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/burntfuzz Connor Wojtowicz

    That song over the bit when they jump out the window was definitely Green Bird from Cowboy Bebop

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Calvin-Monroe/1373736683 Calvin Monroe

    Oh man, I have this damn movie, it is so bad O_O

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Simeon-Ivanov/100000521101770 Simeon Ivanov

    I love how you never say Lee’s real name xD
    I love Tekken and find this movie hilariously terrible :D

  • http://UnholyFireDragon.com Unholy Fire Dragon

    My favorite part of this one is when you do stuff to pass the time while the characters talk endlessly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/imademonindisguise Justin Garcia

    It requires the most skill *insert* thank you very much

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gabriela-Mizerija/100000750048199 Gabriela Mizerija

    Spoony, this is one of the best reviews you made :D especially the cameos, eyebrows that get bigger and bigger, Dr Insano and YGOTAS quotes made my day
    And I guess invisible dinosaurs would make sense if they.. you know, STAYED invisible
    really though, the whole movie doesn’t make sense

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gabriela-Mizerija/100000750048199 Gabriela Mizerija

    Spoony, this is one of the best reviews you made :D especially the cameos, eyebrows that get bigger and bigger, Dr Insano and YGOTAS quotes made my day
    And I guess invisible dinosaurs would make sense if they.. you know, STAYED invisible
    really though, the whole movie doesn’t make sense

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Blake-Schwartz/100001830096833 Blake Schwartz

    I have to say, even knowing they were coming, the Ace Attorney jokes really made my day.  Great job, Spoony. 

  • http://twitter.com/paburu Juan Pablo Lomeli

    So basically, the movie it’s like a bad street fighter animated knockoff? BTW lol at the giant paper eyebrows

  • Anonymous

    Oh jesus, that Green Bird joke was awesome. Had the part with the grenade and everything.

  • http://www.facebook.com/StephenSourour Stephen Sourour

    I remember seeing this in the video store when I was a kid(Before blockbuster swallowed up all of them). Thank god I never rented it tho

  • http://www.facebook.com/StephenSourour Stephen Sourour

    I remember seeing this in the video store when I was a kid(Before blockbuster swallowed up all of them). Thank god I never rented it tho

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

    Aren’t all Japanese anime full of quasi-philosophical bullshit? More specifically quasi-Christian bullshit? It’s even in this film.
    I like how Tekken as a concept is basically the magical maguffin of martial arts films, like the Dark Hadou or DBZ Power Levels or Mitichlorians.
    The tournament is for one billion dollars? What’s that in, deeds to small countries?
    Heihachi reminds me of Nappa from Abridged, only unintentionally moronic.
    This is about the three hundredth anime I’ve seen with women wearing VR goggles working pointless consoles in a control room.
    Even T. Hawk got a fight scene in the Street Fighter anime: it was half a minute long and kind of
    silly, making him look like a street thug ponce you can take out with a
    half-assed shoryuken, but it was still a scene.
    So no Yoshimitsu? Why do I even know who that is?

    Spoony? Linkara? You guys are my heroes. When you guys decide to remake Baywatch Nights, I’m so watching.

    • Anonymous

      Mostly it’s quasi-Buddhist or pseudo-Shinto or some New Age stuff. They seem to only use Judeo-Christian imagery and terms just as window dressing.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

        Window dressing? So Hellsing was window dressing. Have you read the manga?

        • Anonymous

          Yes, it was just window dressing. They took Christian imagery and terms and stuck them into the piece. There wasn’t even a smidgen of Judeo-Christian philosophy there. The “philosophical content” of the manga and the anime was a pseudo-Nietzschean mashup with some random bits from pop psychology (….and even then that’s a stretch).

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

            Hm, can’t argue with those facts.

            So either the Japanese lack the cultural perspective to understand what galloping blasphemers they are in the eyes of tent-pitching fundamentalist evangelicals anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon Line, or they’re thumbing their noses at Christians in the hope that we got all that crazy out of our system after killing everything from roughly the third to the twentieth century, give or take a century/Republican majority here and there.

            Which is more or less true.

            Unless you live south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

            Damnit, now I’m making commentary!

            It’s still quasi and it’s still bullshit, though.

          • Anonymous

            Or it could simply be the facts: that they use foreign imagery and terminology just because it is seen as “exotic” as an aesthetic choice (Anno Hideaki admitted as much in the case of NGE and so did Kouta Hirano in the case of Hellsing, etc).

            Of course, given that silly screed of yours (“wiping out everything from the third to twentieth century” nonsense and the rest of that unfounded ideological saber rattling of yours), maybe facts aren’t your strong suit.

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

            Hey, I admitted you were right. No need to get uppity. Unless recognizing gross exaggeration for bland humour purposes isn’t your strong suit.

            Why so serious?

          • Anonymous

            Mostly because it sounded like you were being dead serious, so I gave the statement a piss
            shower, just to be sure.
             

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

            Serious? THIS! IS! SPOONY! …Experiment.

          • Anonymous

            On this website? You’d be surprised…

          • Anonymous

            Mostly because it sounded like you were being dead serious, so I gave the statement a piss
            shower, just to be sure.
             

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    And… MOON FETUS!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      It’s one of those multi-gene organisms! RUN!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFYSCA32EI53EW5UJGU7XQ675I Daniel

    I can’t be the only one thinking about fooly cooly when I see those eyebrows!

  • http://twitter.com/CecilHoshino Spencer Williams

    I think the “wash his neck” line was a reference to execution in feudal Japan, where the condemned would have their neck washed before the blade cut off their head. So basically when he said that line, it was a more flowery way of saying “He’s a dead man.”

  • http://twitter.com/CecilHoshino Spencer Williams

    I think the “wash his neck” line was a reference to execution in feudal Japan, where the condemned would have their neck washed before the blade cut off their head. So basically when he said that line, it was a more flowery way of saying “He’s a dead man.”

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      You’d think the localization team would have picked up on that. It’s a cool reference but without context… it’s just about washing your neck. Consider America or Canada, which used to be hangin’ countries. We didn’t wash their necks.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Hussey/542248884 Andrew Hussey

        Amazing right? All the other things they allowed condemned men, last cigarettes, final words, a priest to read bibles before they’re brutally slaughtered by the state…and no neck cleaning? I mean, I’m busy being hung by the throat here, I don’t need to be worrying about goddamn lice and ticks in my neck at the same time.

        …Have some fucking sympathy for the condemned here guys… :P

        • Maria White

          I have sympathy, but most of them are there for good reason. Plus, they eat better then our children in school. True story, my aunt works in the prison kitchen for the female ward. If they are allergic to something of course they don’t get that, but they also get to request food and get it. Believe me, my aunt and I believe that they should loose MORE then just freedom to move around.

          At least we aren’t sticking them in sesspool prisons where they are lucky to get fed at all. Like most third world prisons.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones

    I remember the tekken anime, (wow,that’s weird.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones

    I remember the tekken anime, (wow,that’s weird.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Borean/100000041163314 Michael Borean

    What about his suicide squirrels? I could swear doc insano had suicide squirrels. Of course I could be remembering wrong.

  • http://www.facebook.com/RorySlayer Tyler Wildman

    Just found out there is ANOTHER Tekken movie on it’s way. As much as I actually like the Tekken series (not the movies) and the fact that this one does look much better than the previous two…Tekken: BLOOD VENGEANCE? What kind of fucking title is that?!

    • http://twitter.com/FinnishPhenom Mikko Laurinen

      Well, seeing as the whole central Tekken storyline is about how fucked up the Mishima bloodline is, the title kinda makes sense. lol Also, it’s kinda more than ‘on it’s way’ since it already saw the (very) limited theatrical release.

    • Anonymous

      I saw that movie’s limited release. It was actually good, decent story, good action set pieces and to my surprise, the 3D worked.

  • Gregory Bogosian

    Pseudo-philosophical bullshit finds its way into the good anime too. If you don’t believe me, then you haven’t seen Ghost In The Shell.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001604953499 Heimski Hannes

    What happened to Burton!? D:

    • Anonymous

      He got hit with a stray storyline from the post-credit FFX2 reviews! D:

  • http://twitter.com/dreamerhorwitz Noah Howard

    Lookey here! Here I am, watching your commentary for Mazes and Monsters, then I see this! Watching…..
    Wow! I blocked the prologue out of my memory, it was so terrible!
    And… I overlooked some of the bad points I should’ve paid attention to. Besides being a martial arts movie with zilch purpose of BEING a martial arts film, the theme is supposed to be about a son departing from his father’s insane ways. They did it right to an extent, but then we have Haiachi go “Everone’s confused, so I’ll be THE bad guy!” right in the middle of the film! Well, judging from his actions in the film, HE’S IN THE CATEGORY TOO!

  • http://www.facebook.com/iamsoulbrix Mannie Santos

    From which video is that ‘ooooohhhhh nasty’ reference? I’ve seen it before, but I can’t find it xD.

    By the way, I agree with you Spony, Tekken IS the reference and the intellectual choice when it comes to fighting games. There’s just no comparison with that childish ‘Street Fighter’ or ‘Mortal Kombat’ xD.

    (To each his own, of course)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

      I’m pretty sure the “ooohhh nasty” clip was from his review of ‘Knightmare’, a British game show.

      Yeah, I concur with you: the Tekken games are probably as “smart” as fighting games will ever get.

  • Anonymous

    Hey Boobs is always a good reason for Boobs.

    Aside from that though yeah this looks pretty terrible. I guess even the Japanese can screw up their own game to movie stories without foreign help.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000110416061 Danny Stewart

    The eyebrows look like if Yor faced a sudden gust of wind with the dead bat and ended up smashing into a cliff side

  • Anonymous

    You definitely remind me of Egoraptor’s artistic style with those eyebrows.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Original-Outcast/100000496188337 Original Outcast

    The Native American Girl in the Anime is supposed to Michelle Chang. Julia is her adopted daughter who didn’t make her presence known till Tekken 3 which takes place in the future.

  • Anonymous

    Tight pants and a midriff revealing tank top at work.  I see Jun is the height of professionalism there.

  • Anonymous

    Tight pants and a midriff revealing tank top at work.  I see Jun is the height of professionalism there.

  • Anonymous

     How on earth do you fuck up Tekken’s storyline? The whole plot of the games can be summerized thus:

    “The Mishima Family are all a bunch of dicks.”

    That’s it. It’s just Jin, Kazuya, and Heichi trying to kill each other (in increasingly cartoonish ways) and how their selfish quests for patricide/filicide end up affecting the world around them and how fighters react to it all/how the Mashima clan’s plans end up making even more people pissed off and ready to seek vengeance against others.

    How do you mess up  a storyline that reads like a Road Runner/Wily E. Coyote cartoon?

    • http://www.youtube.com/egxtra John K. Spencer

      Why, the same way you screw up the Super Mario Bros. movie, of course!
      Hell, THAT game had an even more simplistic story: “Hero saves princess from turtle-dragon.”
      The only productive thing that was ever carried over from that movie is the apparent pairing of Luigi and Princess Daisy. XD

      • Anonymous

        You have a point. 

  • Anonymous

    Are you going to also review unlicensed Hong Kong video game movies, such as Future Cops (Street Fighter II) and The Avenging Fist (Tekken)?

    http://www.hkfilm.net/avngfist.htm
    http://youtu.be/Ue41NYQaV9U

  • Anonymous

    So basically Heihachi could have summarized his villainous monologue by saying “Life sucks, so I’m going to kill all life,” or in other words, “I’m Seymour Guado without the Freudian Excuse.”

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      Or, “I’m Kefka without an excuse.”
      Or, “I’m Sephiroth without the Freudian Excuse.”
      Or, “I’m Ultimecia without hair-horns.”
      Or, “I’m Kuja without abandonment issues.”

      • Anonymous

        So, “I’m every Final Fantasy villain”

  • http://twitter.com/manicwebb Kevin Webb

    Only death can retire Lee Chaoran!

    Also, those eyebrows have nothing on Sam Waterston or Beau Bridges.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jean-Dickinson/100002641992937 Jean Dickinson

    0-o “What about…eyebrows?” XD – Fooly Cooly reference.

  • http://twitter.com/Luxirilla Ashley St. Juste

    I remember watching this damned movie. It was so….horrible. Even in the sixth Tekken game, it explains the whole plot of the games better than this movie, lol

  • http://twitter.com/Luxirilla Ashley St. Juste

    I remember watching this damned movie. It was so….horrible. Even in the sixth Tekken game, it explains the whole plot of the games better than this movie, lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashik.sorel Eximius Sorel

    I want to say excellent Miles Edgeworth reference. That totally made my day!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Why does Noah have to go to Austria? I know it’s for the fans, but he just got back from ConBravo, and all of these events are getting the way of his posts.

    I don’t care how ‘regular’ Noah’s Posts are, just as long as they are frequent. His previous review was posted over two weeks ago. This is starting to get serious.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Why does Noah have to go to Austria? I know it’s for the fans, but he just got back from ConBravo, and all of these events are getting the way of his posts.

    I don’t care how ‘regular’ Noah’s Posts are, just as long as they are frequent. His previous review was posted over two weeks ago. This is starting to get serious.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ULUK3HNFCHM6ZAJOVACZ3YQDZA Hathor Liderc

    A..the 90s, back when gratuitous shower scenes were popular in anime.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ashik.sorel Eximius Sorel

      They are still popular with me… >_>

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ULUK3HNFCHM6ZAJOVACZ3YQDZA Hathor Liderc

    A..the 90s, back when gratuitous shower scenes were popular in anime.

  • Joseph Dennis

    You actually made movie look way better than it is. Heihachi biting through a hatchet, invisible dinosaurs, giving the boxing kangaroo a backstory, and Fei’s line to Jack, “Hey, you’re not a human being, are you,” in response to seeing his mechanical arm but not earlier when Jack shows his laser vision are all hilarious, but most of the movie is really boring. Also, while the Stabbing Westward music is awful and stupid, I thought it was funny that they didn’t cut it in the right place, so it’s still playing when they show, I think, Anna in the shower. “Ahh, nothing makes me angst harder than tits!”

    I’m looking forward to the live action Tekken movie one, because I haven’t seen that movie. I have heard that it’s supposed to be hilariously awful, but still, good luck.

  • Joseph Dennis

    You actually made movie look way better than it is. Heihachi biting through a hatchet, invisible dinosaurs, giving the boxing kangaroo a backstory, and Fei’s line to Jack, “Hey, you’re not a human being, are you,” in response to seeing his mechanical arm but not earlier when Jack shows his laser vision are all hilarious, but most of the movie is really boring. Also, while the Stabbing Westward music is awful and stupid, I thought it was funny that they didn’t cut it in the right place, so it’s still playing when they show, I think, Anna in the shower. “Ahh, nothing makes me angst harder than tits!”

    I’m looking forward to the live action Tekken movie one, because I haven’t seen that movie. I have heard that it’s supposed to be hilariously awful, but still, good luck.

  • http://twitter.com/DigitalWarriors James Drover

    Oh god i actually remember renting this, and all i remembered is me and my friends laughing our asses off and making fun of it. This thing need to be riffed.

  • Anonymous

    I remember wasting my money on this piece of shit.  It’s quite possibly one of the worst animes I can remember, not including that Chrono Trigger abortion.  Also, I see you have hospital socks.  Those textured socks are fucking horrible.  You can feel whatever the fuck they put on the bottom of the socks to make them into ghetto-ass slippers, and it’s just itchy as hell.  

    The english dub is just abysmal.  I’d like to see how well they did with the subbed version, but I’d have to actually sit down and watch this failure again, which I’m not about to do.  I have to admit, I kind of liked the American music for the Street Fighter Animated Movie.  Ken listening to Alice in Chains in his porch was a nice touch.

    • Anonymous

      Wha…? Chrono Trigger? o_o They tried to make an anime out of Chrono Trigger? You’re not talking about that awesome OVA are you?

      • Anonymous

        That’s right.  The terrible OAV that followed NONE of the Chrono Trigger characters.  I can’t think of a worse, more disappointing anime than that.

        • http://www.youtube.com/egxtra John K. Spencer

          Let me help you with that. Watch Final Fantasy Unlimited. Say what you will about the Chrono Trigger OVA, at least it had the characters from the freakin’ game! Granted, they were unimportant characters, but that’s nothing compared to FFU.
          That thing had, what, several summons an episode and a freakin’ Chocobo!? I’m not asking for much. I just want something familiar in my video game anime/cartoon experience.

          • Anonymous

            While I can understand that, EVERY Final Fantasy has no one from the others.  That’s just how they were.  You never expected characters from an older Final Fantasy to be in a newer one, no matter how much you wished it’d happen.  It’s certainly a crap anime though, I’m not gonna argue with you on that.  I just felt a lot more betrayed with the Chrono Trigger OAV.  There were 2 main characters: One was definitely a Nu and I think the other was a Poyozo Doll.

  • Anonymous

    I remember wasting my money on this piece of shit.  It’s quite possibly one of the worst animes I can remember, not including that Chrono Trigger abortion.  Also, I see you have hospital socks.  Those textured socks are fucking horrible.  You can feel whatever the fuck they put on the bottom of the socks to make them into ghetto-ass slippers, and it’s just itchy as hell.  

    The english dub is just abysmal.  I’d like to see how well they did with the subbed version, but I’d have to actually sit down and watch this failure again, which I’m not about to do.  I have to admit, I kind of liked the American music for the Street Fighter Animated Movie.  Ken listening to Alice in Chains in his porch was a nice touch.

  • http://twitter.com/FinnishPhenom Mikko Laurinen

    I’m so glad you got this up so I had something actually entertaining to watch during TNA’s boring PPV. I was a big fan of Tekken since the first game hit the arcades and when I saw in a gaming magazine that they were making an anime I marked out. When I got it on VHS I couldn’t wait to get home and see it… and I wasn’t quite as upset by it as you. lol I liked Heihachi’s baddie speech, but the bit at the start of the film was DEFINITELY utter BS. Also, needed WAY more action. SF2 anime is still the best fighting game film I’ve ever seen. Kinda wish you’d have access to some of SNK’s anime too, the ones I’ve seen weren’t bad at all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Craig-Hawkins/732141465 Craig Hawkins

    I lol’d at the Phoenix Wright reference.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Craig-Hawkins/732141465 Craig Hawkins

    I lol’d at the Phoenix Wright reference.

  • Anonymous

    I can’t wait to see Spoony’s response to the idiotic Live Action film.
    … what was the point of Jin’s girlfriend?  –_–

  • Anonymous

    I can’t wait to see Spoony’s response to the idiotic Live Action film.
    … what was the point of Jin’s girlfriend?  –_–

  • Icanttellmyname Theworlddoesnt

    God damnit!! Tekken 3 has Gon!! So you do fight dinosaurs!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

    Cowboy Bebop for the win! XD

    As for the cleaning his neck line, it’s a practice they used to do before beheading someone for a crime. They’d clean the area around before hand. Basically he was telling his dad to get ready to die. 

    • http://twitter.com/ShortFatOtaku ShortFatOtaku

      I think it was specifically to remove long hair from around the chopping area because long hair = two or more hits with the axe = extremely long amounts of suffering before death.  When you clean the back of your neck of hair it means to prepare for your execution.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clark-Cradic/533169744 Clark Cradic

        That sounds about right.

  • Anonymous

    That song from Cowboy Bebop makes everything better. Even this sin against art.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

    Wait… Hong Kong has an -international- police force?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Caleb-Laulusa/1126425220 Caleb Laulusa

    Spoonyyyyyyy!

    http://www.fancouch.com/article/view/?article_id=19
    (I apologize in advance for the 300 joke…I’m just too lazy to take it down and replace it with “You’re in the jungle, baby! You gonna DIE!”)

    I’m sure yours is gonna be much better :)
    I love this review too, btw, it’s a nice foreshadow for what’s to come with the live action one. Looking forward to it, big fan of yours man.
    -C

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brett-Engetschwiler/1386578279 Brett Engetschwiler

    Bit of the Spoony Snob came out at the beginning there. Awesome review Spoony! Never got into the fighting games or anime so this one was completely foreign to me, but seriously funny. Keep up the good work.

  • http://twitter.com/Turbo_Puns Zack Ryder Groupie

    Just thought I should inanely point out the Clean your neck line makes sense in the context of Samurai culture. Before fighting Samurai would often gussy themselves up, because they wanted to look their best in case they died. The cleaning the neck thing is because the most common trophy amongst victorious Samurai was the head of your rival.

  • http://twitter.com/Yuoaman Nick Burns

    Selling your soul to the devil – apparently not that big of a deal in the Tekken universe.

    • Anonymous

      what I’ve sold my soul a few times already!
      once, for a Snicker’s Bar and a Coke!

  • Anonymous

    “Why are you so upset?  Is it because your father through you off that cliff?”

    Quote of the Century.  Hands down.

    • jagarcia0705

      Jin: NO!! Its because my good father didn’t order my Large All Meat Pizza from Papa Johns’!
      Jun: Really?
      Jin: *facepalm*

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

     
    No force in any possible universe could compel me to watch five minutes of the live action Tekken movie. Those games were my fucking childhood, and I’ll be damned if I kill it with a viewing of that visual necronomicon.

    Also, I’m somewhat embarrassed to mention that I actually LIKED this one when I was 16 (I had first discovered the wonder of watching entire movies posted on youtube). Say what you want about the voice acting and screenplay, at least it was sort of loyal to the game’s original “plot.” It still sucked, mind you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Love/1784172057 David Love

    Ah Tekken for pussies soul calibur is the game of kings

    • Anonymous

      …kings of zero-skill button-mashing, that is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Love/1784172057 David Love

    Ah Tekken for pussies soul calibur is the game of kings

  • Anonymous

    Invisible Dinosaurs, completely useless, but damn if it isn’t awesome. Also why did Miles…. err… Lee kill his staff?

    • Anonymous

      would you seriously share a staff of cloned hot chicks with cyclops visors?!?

  • Anonymous

    Invisible Dinosaurs, completely useless, but damn if it isn’t awesome. Also why did Miles…. err… Lee kill his staff?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Phillip-Dukes/100000603761962 Phillip Dukes

    too bad a the boxing kangaroo has been a part of tekken since tekken 2 and b that wasnt julia it was michelle julia is about the same age as jin and he wasnt even born during the MAIN events of this movie finally Spoony you FOOL! if you were indeed a lord of tekken youd know that heihachi can do whatever the fuck he wants doesnt matter if he knows he can or not for christs sake the guy survived getting blasted across japan from multiple robots self destructing and “jumped straight into the tournament after a few weeks of being unconscious” tekken 5 for those of you curious

  • Anonymous

    Excuse me, sir! But, you seem to have two squirles fighting on your forehead! Should we be conserned!?

    Wow, I’m surprised you didn’t use a cli from or referince Tank Girl when the subject of genetically engineered “intelogent” fighting kangaroos were brought up!

    Out of all the characters and things from the Tekken games they could’ve used as the top secret exsperoment on that island they didn’t go with the cyborg samurai guy from the games? It’s been years since I played Tekken but that character is pretty hard to forget about!

    So, are you reviewing the live action Tekken movie next!?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      Ice-T in a kangaroo costume isn’t intelligent. Unless you’re talking about Lori Petty’s character? *Chuckle*

      • Anonymous

        My point exsacualy!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colby-Duda/100001591298223 Colby Duda

      you mean yoshimitsu right? lol spelling might be off since i haven’t played a tekken game since tekken 3 was released lol

      • Anonymous

        that could be it I’m not sure never could remember his name and if I did I dought I could’ve spelled it any better.  I think that was the one I played back in the day was Tekken 3!

    • Anonymous

      yoshimitsu was a space pirate

  • Jacen

    Cowboy Bebop reference! LOL

    No quick cut to the Terminator 3 scene where the exact same thing happened to him?

  • zomshot ttynn

    i was expecting the eyebrows to become the huge eyebrows from FLCL in one of the cut a ways 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001359033124 Kalu Shakti Kundalini

     :D Love You Guys

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Duncan/1395490109 Dan Duncan

    Oh, wow.  I never thought I’d ever see a fighting game based movie that made Street Fighter look like friggin’ Casa Blanca.  Lol, and I liked the Cowboy Bebop reference.  That music actually did fit a lot better.  Maybe it was the slow-mo…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-M-Totten/1270078143 Stephen M. Totten

    Why is James from Team rocket the bad guy for a Tekken movie?

  • Anonymous

    NEW SPOONY!!! WOO-HOOO!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/dmuslin Daniel Muslin

    we all know street fighter is better anyway, and I like how the eyebrows keep getting bigger

  • http://twitter.com/UnusualStew Shannon P

    No air juggling? 

    Holy massive eyebrows, this looked bad. Almost like something Bennet would force you to watch in a locked up hotel room, while Ed G. wiped your ass in a belhop costume. Or something. But don’t worry, I’m sure the live action movie is better.

     *Grins* Dude, you were putting away your cozy hospital socks! I have patients who look *aghast* at me when I hand them their cozy no slip socks, and I have to point out that those were the coziest socks in the world, and I want a pair for the winter.

    Great episode, spoony one!

  • Anonymous

    I’m surprised you couldn’t find someway to relate into the review something about Phantasmagoria: a puzzle of the flesh over that whole “Tekken is the key to life!” BS, sounded like some kind of puzzle dealing with flesh, and blood, and muscle.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_CZPJPXHUPPMY3N53P5RSLXYKUU mikec

    haha this was one of the last VHS tapes i bought.

    Virtua Fighter is my favorite fighting game, and this video made me look in to whether a movie or anime has ever been made based on that franchises. the answer is yes. an anime was made, so i am off to find a place to purchase(wink) the show.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Ellis/100002419726549 Nathan Ellis

    “why are you so upset? is it because your father threw you off that cliff?” lmao

    i was always too afraid too pick this one up at the video store because tekken 3 was the fighting game of my childhood. And arguably one of the best fighting games ever, sure the series has tapered off into a bland re-hashing with a random monster as the final boss over the years. But the combat always felt more organic than the others (excluding the air juggling). everyone played mortal kombat because of how outrageous the violence was, and it never took itself that serious. And then you either played tekken, or street fighter. SF was never my thing, i wanted to beat the shit out of my friends as a fucking kangaroo. I find few gamers that give the tekken series a second glance now, but never in the history of fighting has capoeira looked so awesome. I bow to the lord of tekken even though you sound like you were more of a street fighter kind of guy.

    Also, those eyebrows deserve to be framed.

  • Anonymous

    (Also was the music at 10:05 uncredited or did I just miss it in the exit… I wouldn’t have noticed except I keep trying to remember what else they used it in)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Max-Beattie/1587183387 Max Beattie

    Ah, great review Spoony, keep it coming. 
    Gotta say though, I hate fighting games. They just bug me. I guess I’m on Yahtzee’s side any game you can spend years mastering only to be beaten in fine minutes by someone just randomly smashing buttons has got something wrong with it. Also, for me anyway, it just feels like I’m doing the same thing over and over again, and that something feels like one component of a game. Oh well, I’m sure it’s just something I’m missing.  
    No offense intended to fighting game fans. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/JustinChambers1985 Justin Chambers

    The name of the song during the slow motion part is Green Bird from Cowboy Bebop. Just figured I’d post this so people would know.

  • http://twitter.com/86TheJehuty M.A Ajab

    It Begins ! O_O

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-Fumero/100000153843491 Kevin Fumero

    Where does Spoony buy his posters?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-Taylor/523378875 Josh Taylor

      I imagine e-bay, that’s where I get mine.

  • Anonymous

    I’d like to make a statement about Spoony’s comment on 14:20.

    “Most fights are one-sided beatdowns that are resolved in 10 seconds.”

    You know what’s funny about that?  I’ve seen tournament matches that are EXACTLY like that.  Really!  The players are so good, it becomes a contest to see who gets their hit in first.  The rest is the other player getting destroyed by one gigantic juggle!

  • Vlad Hogas

    What is it with fighting games and companies making movies after them? I mean ok I’m not saying the games are bad, hell I played the crap out of the MK franchise and still do when I get some free time. And I even made teswt runs into the other games. Bit in what universe would anyone consider the storyes of those games good? They are downright silly and stupid. In no way can they make up movie material. The story is there just as an excuse to beat shit up in the most exagerated and graphic fashion possible. So when you make a movie you have a) a shity story and b) fights that are almost imposible to pull out with real actors and don’t look as cool if done in anime (ok maybe the anime part is just how I feel about it). In other words you get a movie that is mediocre at best. Not to mention companies when making live-action movies also like to get as many ppl in the theatre as posible, so the rating must be as low as posible. Enter the true bane of fighting game based movies: PG-13. Yeah …

    As for fighting games in general well I’ll speak about those I played: MK is glorious and bad-ass. It’s over the top, graphic as hell and really rewarding to master. It’s fast, it’s fluid, it’s mostly free of air juggling (yeah ok real pro players vs noobs or AI can pull it of, but two ppl of equal skill as far as i’ve played can’t really get juggles) And it has a preety interesting and varied cast. SF to me is the one that takes itself most serious. Weird … but that’s how I feel about it. Competitive, easy to pick up but hard to master, really complex and with some of the best characters in all fighting games. Story wise it’s ok at least … sometimes. I really love how competitive the game is but I usualy play a fighter to relax and let of steam so ripping my oponent in half and throwing him in a giant fan is what I go for. Tekken … Tekken is the weakest fighting game I picked up. Not to say that it is not competitive or that the fighting isn’t good in it. It’s the weakest cause it doesn’t have an identity to me. It’s trying to be over the top but doesn’t go all the way. It’s trying at the same time to be serious and deep with the whole philosophy behind it, but with some of the weird shit in that game it fails miserably. Game wise it’s good. I just have a problem with it’s identity crisis. When Tekken decides if it wants to be over the top or serious I’ll give it a shot again. But as long as it’s trying to do both … I’ll stick to SF and MK.

    I know there are more fighting games out there … but those are the ones I got around to playing  and the best known by the large public. So … yeah I know about Soul Calibur … but i never got a copy to play of any of the games and now … I don’t have the time. Plus it’s not easy beeing good or at least decent at 3 fighting games at once.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Ellis/100002419726549 Nathan Ellis

      Tekken is not weak, you are weak! i will air juggle your ass!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001776876807 Lars Sørensen

    loled hard at the bigger and bigger eyebrows:)

  • Anonymous

    My father threw me off a cliff once, but I never saw any reason to be upset about it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-Taylor/523378875 Josh Taylor

      I was expecting a reference to Mufasa being thrown off a cliff.

  • Tristan Pendergrass

    What happened to Burton???

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZLSYFJYO6LQWVKOLAMDM3QHIRQ Daniel

    Tekken isn’t silly. It’s the best fighting game period.

  • Tom Badguy

    Nice review. I don’t know why movie creators try to make really off the wall plots and escape from most concepts when it comes to fighting games. Though Spoony knocked it a bit, I always liked the soundtrack to this anime. I was the only good thing about it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/August-Rokkanen/1826430019 August Rokkanen

    At least this movie follows the plot of Tekken, and it is hilarious. :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-Taylor/523378875 Josh Taylor

    That was fucking amazing.

  • Anonymous

    I disagree. if it was competently made, a Tekken movie could be really good – anime or live action. 
    aside from the fighting animals, there really isn’t anything stupid going on in tekken. you could easily take the plot about the Devil’s Gene and make a movie out of it – no dinosaurs, or science experiments, just the Machinima trying to use the Devil’s gene to conquer the world *of CAUSE*

    it just comes down to the quality of the action, which is just a matter of budget and actors – have Jacky Chan as the Chinese Cop and it’ll be ****ing awesome!

    • http://www.facebook.com/deadagent91 Erik Julin

      And since Jackie chan the inspiration for the chinese cop (Lei Wulong) it would come full circle.

  • Anonymous

    oh and before I forget:
    and even after aaaaaaaaaall of this, the Tekken Anime is still better than Dragon Ball Evolution – a movie that was shown in theaters

  • Anonymous

    I did lol just as long as Spoony when they guy bit the tomahawk in the pieces.

  • spookydonkey03

    those moments where spoony is slowly getting his hopes up, until the first five seconds of the movie/game makes him get that “abandon all hope ye who enter here” face is priceless!

    wench! a round of lulz for me and my friends!

  • spookydonkey03

    those moments where spoony is slowly getting his hopes up, until the first five seconds of the movie/game makes him get that “abandon all hope ye who enter here” face is priceless!

    wench! a round of lulz for me and my friends!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-Cable/100002588254079 Josh Cable

    a bad anime movie?  unheard of!

  • http://twitter.com/CasWegkamp Cas Wegkamp

    Awesome review! Loved every second of it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughan-MacDonald/100000473507885 Vaughan MacDonald

    I’m sorry, but Tekken sucks. I tried to play it twice and it was clunky and unresponsive as fuck. And no, that’s not because I suck. I used to play Soul Calibure on extreme difficulty and THAT was too easy for me.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

      Soul Caliber is the easiest fucking fighting game ever; all you have to do is button-mash, even on hard difficulties. Button mashing gets you nowhere in Tekken.

  • http://www.facebook.com/deadagent91 Erik Julin

    I have to say this movie seems pretty OK to me. Sure it’s ridiculous as fuck, but its still a fairly faithful adaption of the games up until the cloaking dinosaurs (wtf is up with that seriously). Wich is much more than can be said about the live action one Im sure. 

  • Anonymous

    Sometimes when anime gets dubbed and they translate the sentences directly it sounds really wierd since certain words have different meanings in english then they do in japanese and the sentences are structured differently.

    Not so in this case though, this dialog is just really badly written and so is the story with it’s lame attempts at metaphysical (or whatever) concepts, nonsensical plot and silly villain.

    If you want to whatch an anime that actually succeeds at being deep (and really memorable), go whatch “Kara no Kyoukai – the Garden of Sinners”.

    Anyway, great review Spoony, I’m looking forward to seeing you tear the Dead or Alive movie apart, it’s one of the worst videogame movies ever.

  • http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

    oh there, I am logged in… weird

    glad to see you’re feeling up for a review Spoony
    nice eyebrows

    Will they protect you from robots popping out of your head? ;)

    now I know why they won’t even run this late nights on sci-fi, good grief
    *insert wittier comment here, my brain is sort of fried*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Simon-Wiklund/100000883581852 Simon Wiklund

    I laughed so hard when you made the Yu-gi-oh Abridged reference. Then I laughed even harder at the Edgeworth references. Thank you so much for this awesome review, Spoony :D

  • Anonymous

    Does anyone know what’s the music at the end of the Big-ol-eyebrows rambling monolog? It’s beautiful and I don’t think it comes from the movie. Kinda reminds me of Princess Mononoke.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like what alot of villains in anime say. For example, I distinctly recall Master Asia in G-Gundam saying the same thing.

      • Anonymous

        No, I mean the music, not that he’s saying. I think you misunderstood.

        • Anonymous

          Oh. Oh. Sorry about that.

    • http://twitter.com/steinvidar Stein-Vidar Andersen

      It’s on the original Tekken: TMP soundtrack, composed by Kazuhiko Toyama.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks kindy. Then I’m definetely going to look for it.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks kindy. Then I’m definetely going to look for it.

    • http://twitter.com/steinvidar Stein-Vidar Andersen

      It’s on the original Tekken: TMP soundtrack, composed by Kazuhiko Toyama.

  • Avatar Enkidu

    Cool eyebrows, man :)
     

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000266320606 Filip Lamparski

    So THIS is Edgeworth’s evil twin!

  • http://twitter.com/Jezzy54 Jesse WilliamsFuller

    What the hell does a kangaroo need boxing gloves for? They can rip out a man’s intestines with their hind legs! Anyway, I loved the eyebrow gag.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Vaillancourt/507894169 Jesse Vaillancourt

      I honestly forgot Tekken had a Kangaroo in boxing gloves LOL  I thought Streets of Rage 3 did the whole kangaroo with boxing gloves thing already   but   it was worth doing twice?  I dunno   lol

    • http://twitter.com/Kanta_Mizuno Ryan Alarie

      I love how the baby had gloves too, very necessary.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

    Wait…multi gene biological weap…you sure this isn’t Umbrella Corp?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Schmechel/100002265541308 David Schmechel

    You should wear those Eyebrows more often :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=622528744 Christian LeChuck Ström

    Great review, Spoons! Lol’d my ass off at certain parts, as usual!
    I’m looking forward to the other movies, especially the next Tekken. There MUST be more in-game characters in it… right? Right? Please…?

    • http://twitter.com/FinnishPhenom Mikko Laurinen

      Well, if NOTHING else can be said in that film’s favor, yes, yes there is.

  • Anonymous

    Oh man, I’m looking forward to the live action Tekken review. I actually enjoyed that one, though not as a Tekken movie.

  • http://twitter.com/JagarTharn Artemiy Andreyev

    Oh, come the fuck on, Spoony, it’s invisible dinosaurs! It’s the most awesome thing ever since that flying kick scene from Yor.

  • http://twitter.com/AlexMaTePblu Alex

    Oh my god,multi gene?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Freddy-Duran/100000817426762 Freddy Duran

    BURTON NOOOO!!!! HE WAS THE VOICE OF A GENERATION!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/AlexMaTePblu Alex

    Your eyebrows is sexy btw

  • http://twitter.com/IAmPosthuman S. Broka

    I remember watching this as a young kid (think anywhere from 8-10). I had a white VHS copy that had the tits edited out.

    Granted I haven’t seen this movie in forever, but shit I don’t remember it being quite this bad.

  • http://twitter.com/TheMMOFifty TheMMOFifty

    Ok, about the washing the neck thing, its an old Japanese saying that alludes to your head being cut off, because if you went into battle, you would wash yourself beforehand to go into battle pure and clean, and to wash your neck especially is to prepare being beheaded, in essence, kazeya is telling his father to be ready to have his head cut off

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bruce-Kilkowski/583400802 Bruce Kilkowski

    “This island will self destruct WHEN I AUTHORIZE IT!”

    • http://twitter.com/DieDissonanz Barry

      ….

      “When AYYEEEEE authorize IIIIT!”

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Timothy-Scuderi/515370810 Timothy Scuderi

        Wait no that’s not it. Let me try again. *clears throat* When I AUTHORIZE it!. 

        • Anonymous

          It takes practice to get it right :D

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bruce-Kilkowski/583400802 Bruce Kilkowski

            “Uwe no, let me go again.” “It’s good, we got it!”

  • http://twitter.com/Pudelvaffla Joakim Bergstrom

    I’m sorry but I fucking loved this movie (if you can call it that) when it first came out.
    But watching this video I guess I didn’t have good taste in movies as a child.

  • Akasen

    MY EARS! Why didn’t you switch this to Japanese audio and English subtitles!? WHY DID WE HAVE TO SUFFER WITH YOU!?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/SR554ASYPHW7XFNV3LE5DND3KA Wei JieSoh

    The phrase “Clean your neck” is a figure of speech alike to “you should prepare your coffin”. This figure of speech is used by the Chinese and most probably the Japanese as well.

    You see, cleaning your neck is a reference to beheading. It appears that people clean the necks of those who they are about to execute.

    • Akasen

      Couldn’t have explained it better myself.

    • http://twitter.com/TheMMOFifty TheMMOFifty

      orale, I said that already

  • http://www.facebook.com/sam.owns Sami Etem

    Wasn’t Gon a little boxing dinosaur you unlocked in Tekken 3?

  • karagames

    Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is one of the GOOD beat em up movies? Are you on drugs or something?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Vaillancourt/507894169 Jesse Vaillancourt

      its better than the legend of chun li?  LOL  thats not saying a whole lot though…  I’ll admit  you know your movie is bad  if Christopher Lambert turns down the role..

      • http://twitter.com/ogodhowdoitweet Markus Andersen

        You know your movie is bad if Christopher Lambert is in the role,too. *cough*OVERRATED*cough*

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Vaillancourt/507894169 Jesse Vaillancourt

      its better than the legend of chun li?  LOL  thats not saying a whole lot though…  I’ll admit  you know your movie is bad  if Christopher Lambert turns down the role..

    • http://twitter.com/TheMMOFifty TheMMOFifty

      I think he meant in comparison

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, Lord of Tekken and Overly Large, Comical Eyebrows!

    Well, this was disappointing. I didn’t see a single fight where someone punches a kangaroo into unconsciousness, or roundhouse kick a giant panda. How are humans supposed to prove how superior they are if they don’t go around the world pummeling endangered wildlife?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Schwarz/100002048763078 Michael Schwarz

    Heh, the Cowboy Bebop reference made may day.^^

  • Anonymous

    By “Lord of Tekken,” do you mean a constant button-masher who would always choose Eddie until your friends punched you in the dick?

    …I am also a Lord of Tekken.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1813118664 Reza Stephen Lustig

      Yeah, I knew a guy like that…

  • Anonymous

    Mishima uses the same public relations people as Killface!

    “Well come to you’re DOOM!”

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AW3VX7HGVPJFFLYOQGRTPWDVFQ Joseph

    It’s funny how the SpoonyOne mocks the one-sided battles in this movie, when you consider the fact that this anime didn’t stand a chance against the “Lord of TEKKEN,” even with bad philosophy, replaced, inappropriate soundtrack, horrible dialogue translation, and bushy eyebrows that could double as stabbing knives.

  • Anonymous

    I wonder if Spoony is going to review Kuen Sun (The Avenging Fist) after this month because it sort of is or was suppose to be a Tekken movie but it isn’t quite actually a Tekken movie.

  • Anonymous

    I wonder if Spoony is going to review Kuen Sun (The Avenging Fist) after this month because it sort of is or was suppose to be a Tekken movie but it isn’t quite actually a Tekken movie.

  • Anonymous

    I knew this movie existed, but had never seen it. I can’t believe how awful it is. I must say though, I’m a sucker for some of these martial arts movies. I love Street Fighter 2: The Animated Movie. The Vega v Chun Li and the final battle in particular were extremely well executed.

    I actually like the live action D.O.A for the simple fact that Sarah Carter gets my wood on and the whole thing is basically tits and arse in different outfits and environment. It’s borderline softcore porn and yea as I said, I got a thing for Sarah Carter (God bless Falling Skies).

    The latest Tekken was bad in keeping with the games, but had some decent fight scenes. When I watched it, I said I liked it, but that was because I had just also the Chun-Li movie and yea it made Tekken look good. As for the Chun Li movie it was an insult. I actually felt sick when she did the spinning bird kick, it looked disgusting.

    I am really interested in seeing how you review them, because the Tekken Live Action Movie and D.O.A are miles better than the awful JCVD Street Fighter movie and the second Mortal Kombat film. The first Mortal Kombat movie though, was great when it came out though :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=753345456 Octo Seven

    LOL Hilarious review.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6SUK5SYTBMGEZNYA6DCYZEYGJ4 A A

    I enjoyed this review right until the end credits, I can’t stand sadpandas songs. Always brings me down at the end of a video when theres a sadpanda song over credits, instant killjoy.

  • http://www.saisasylum.com/ Sai

    I was about to say I was so proud of you for the Cowboy Bebop music joke, but that was probably SFO wasn’t it? :P Still, hilarious review as always. The perpetually growing eyebrows had me laughing out loud.

    • http://spoonyexperiment.com The Spoony One

      Nope.  That was me.  

      What, you think I never seen Cowboy Bebop?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000312873482 Amanda Belaire

        Who hasn’t? I love the reference… and yet… it made me sad to see it on something as horrible as Tekken.

        • Anonymous

          I haven’t. You darn kids these days with your Japanese anime and your grunge music and your new-fangled CD players…you should have grown up in the 60s like me. We played outside and we LIKED it! ;)

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Altin-Bujupaj/1157167838 Altin Bujupaj

         Would be a shame, if you didnt see it ! :D

      • http://www.saisasylum.com/ Sai

        Ah well of course, it’s the one anime non-anime fans always say they like XD

  • http://twitter.com/Muffinmobile Krystian

    Yes something new FINALLY

  • Sum Gai

    I think I remember watching the first ten minutes of this movie. Or maybe the rest was so forgettable that I don’t remember watching it. Any plans on doing the Fatal Fury anime?

  • Sum Gai

    I think I remember watching the first ten minutes of this movie. Or maybe the rest was so forgettable that I don’t remember watching it. Any plans on doing the Fatal Fury anime?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000312873482 Amanda Belaire

    Hahaha! The eyebrows! The EYEBROWS! This is going to be a great month. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Duffles-Duffield/1351718417 Adam ‘Duffles’ Duffield

    Small thing: thats actually Pheonix Wrights voice shouting Obejection and such, not Miles Edgeworths :P

  • http://twitter.com/ChrisSpectre Christian Spectre

    Smartest Cowboy Bebop reference ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000110416061 Danny Stewart

    IMO, “He should clean his neck while he’s waiting for me” refers to the primal instinct within Kazuya, its also going back to the lion monologue since animals of the ferocity would aim for neck kills because it was the quickest death and would prove the dominance….I still havent found a life it seems

  • http://profiles.google.com/zfriedcod john henry

    wtf, does Burton like final fantasy x2? … hes probably busy beating his robodick… hmm… i guess thats ALOOT more okay than real dudes beating it to those 3d animated chicks…

  • http://twitter.com/marcusnoble Marcus Noble

    I actually watched this movie when I was younger and more into anime. You reviewing it reminds me that it was just as terrible as I remember it. My cousin got it for me from my 18th birthday because he needed a last minute present and found it in the bargain bin at a Suncoast back when they were still open. I have still never forgiven him.

  • Nick Roman

    Awesome kick-off to BRAWLgust (that’s what I’m calling this thing, anyway).

    Can’t wait for the next couple reviews. I still can’t believe people saw money in these properties as live-action films. Granted, they could have had potential if handled properly, but what fighting game has ever gotten a decent live-action film adaptation?

  • http://twitter.com/TheShadesAM John Tague

    Normally, I’m the first in line to say that Anime Movies based on Video games are 100x better than our Americanized counterparts. In this case, though… yeah, this is the exception. I saw this on TV one time (Showtime i believe), and I was bored of it by the end.

    Btw, thanks for trying to work with my buddy SFO on this. Eventually, we’ll have to work on something again some time in the future.

  • http://www.utahraptorz.deviantart.com Petra Michael

    SPEED LINES!

    Omg, those massive eyebrows were priceless! XD Very funny review! I can’t wait to see what the next Tekken review will be like!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1592860021 Madeline Cline

    ahh goddamnit, Spoony, you are just too adorable.

  • Anonymous

    Nah, as much as Green Bird would elevate just about anything, even it cannot save this monstrosity. Loved the review, though! I can’t wait to see what other abominations you dredge up.

  • Anonymous

    The Eyebrows that Conquered The World. Coming this Fall… on SyFy Channel…

  • Anonymous

    The Eyebrows that Conquered The World. Coming this Fall… on SyFy Channel…

  • http://twitter.com/SwedishBallsack Jonathan Andersson

    You should probably warn people about those flashing backgrounds, because that’s on the same level as the Pokemon episode that gave Japanese people epileptic seizures.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Altin-Bujupaj/1157167838 Altin Bujupaj

      Ah, good ol’ Denno Senshi Porigon ! :D
      But yeah, the speedlines were quite…flashy xD

  • Stefan Kaleta

    The Yu Gi Oh reference was simply fabulous!

    Anyways, looking forward to the rest of the month.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=610651086 Thomas T. Jensen

    Yes! YES!! THIS is the Spoony I love. Subtle and funny without too many swearwords! Awesome

  • Anonymous

    The review was awesome, though I’m a bit disappointed that with all the other look-alike references, you never mentioned the old guy looked like Kung-Fu Dr. Wily.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Altin-Bujupaj/1157167838 Altin Bujupaj

    Long live the Spoony One !!!

    Beside my ecstasic screams of joy and awesomeness, cheer up for this review. I loved you Yu-Gi-Oh reference. Made your review fabulous !

  • http://twitter.com/TommyWishow Adolf Hitler

    I’m rather surprised you didn’t make another Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged joke when you saw the grown up Jun. I mean she looks just like Teá Gardner. The scene with Not-Pegasus in the control room also looks like it was stolen from Yu-Gi-Oh.

    My eyebrows give me super strength!

    Are you sure Julia attacked Heihachi? I would have guessed Michelle from the first two games. Then again it doesn’t really make a difference.

    Well, at least they seem to have gotten Nina and Anna kind right. I think one of their endings had them fight each other with several weapons among them a rocket launcher. Might have been a picture of prologue though.

    Anyway, nice review. I do hope you are going to keep the eyebrows for the next Tekken movie. Might keep them as permanent prop when you talk about Tekken. Love throw back jokes.

  • http://twitter.com/TommyWishow Adolf Hitler

    I’m rather surprised you didn’t make another Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged joke when you saw the grown up Jun. I mean she looks just like Teá Gardner. The scene with Not-Pegasus in the control room also looks like it was stolen from Yu-Gi-Oh.

    My eyebrows give me super strength!

    Are you sure Julia attacked Heihachi? I would have guessed Michelle from the first two games. Then again it doesn’t really make a difference.

    Well, at least they seem to have gotten Nina and Anna kind right. I think one of their endings had them fight each other with several weapons among them a rocket launcher. Might have been a picture of prologue though.

    Anyway, nice review. I do hope you are going to keep the eyebrows for the next Tekken movie. Might keep them as permanent prop when you talk about Tekken. Love throw back jokes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dmitri-Porsche/100001795589159 Dmitri Porsche

    Damn it! Why didn’t Blood Vengeance come out yet? It could be shitty Tekken motion pictures trilogy.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EDH4QYSUPS7XKHWAJEYCGXH5ZU Aleksi

    That “lions throw their young off cliffs”-story comes from Japanese folklore. They kind of had to make shit up, since lions lived pretty far in the Feudal times to investigate more closely.

    I’m also guessing that the “clean his neck”-line is due to translating the Japanese dialogue a bit too word for word; I’m assuming that the intent was to say “prepare to be honourably executed by decapitation”, or something in those lines.

    Yeah, none of this makes the movie actually any better, though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Wenke/1156556418 Matthew Wenke

    when you were putting your socks away…why not put some fresh chili dogs in there?

  • Nick Roman

    Another thing:

    How is it that Spoony always gets the video freeze-frame to be him holding up the box of the movie he’s reviewing? I always thought those things just pick a random point from the video, unless it’s a time-signature thing and he’s figured out when it is so he can hold up the box X number of minutes into the video. 

  • Nick Roman

    Another thing:

    How is it that Spoony always gets the video freeze-frame to be him holding up the box of the movie he’s reviewing? I always thought those things just pick a random point from the video, unless it’s a time-signature thing and he’s figured out when it is so he can hold up the box X number of minutes into the video. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sami-Ryyppö/1444333656 Sami Ryyppö

    I watched this movie on Youtube a few years ago and I remember I liked it alot except for the fact that I expected a FIGHTING movie. I didn’t remember the dinosaurs however. :D

    And I was so waiting for “I’ll be back.” after that scene with Jack getting smashed. You have disappointed me, Spoony!

  • doresh

    I love how adaptations of a fighting game franchise that ALWAYS revolves around “evil organization wants to take over the world by staging a mixed martial arts tournament every year or so” try to be epic and deep. If the source material doesn’t care (besides certain examples like BlazBlue), why should the fans – aka the people watching this crap?

    And you know what’s better than invisible dinosaurs? Invisible SOLDIERS. Who needs big, dumb living fossils if you can take out your foes Predator-style?!

  • Anonymous

    I’m surprised that during a fight nobody has ever reached over, grabbed a speed line, and pierced their opponent with it.

  • http://twitter.com/86TheJehuty M.A Ajab

    The Eye Brows , OMG , The Eye Brows ! XD

    I hope you kept them for the next review. they’re great XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jamie-Sheil/594748387 Jamie Sheil

    I just had to be drinking milk during the multi gene lifeform bit

    godamn you spoony XD

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Efrain-Ibarra/100000965334120 Efrain Ibarra

      It’s a Spoony vid, involving Tekken, why in the hell would you DRINK during it?

  • Anonymous

    :( I thought you where gonna review the live Action Tekkan.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jamie-Sheil/594748387 Jamie Sheil

    Also, the first second I saw Maximillian I was like “Edgeworth???”, glad you noticed too XD

  • Anonymous

    I remember this one! I liked it at the time…but you have to bear in mind, up until the days of inexpensive DVD and Netflix, as an anime fan, my options were to watch shitty OVAs like this one on the Encore Action Channel, or turn to Cartoon Network and watch the edited versions of Dragonball Z and Sailor Moon…and I did both. What can I say, I was in middle school, and anime was as addictive as crack and about as readily available as Unobtanium. Looking back on it now, the flaws are gaping, but it still has a certain nostalgic cheese quality for me.

    Oh, I know you’ve announced your block of movies you’re going to review for this Tournament Fighter series, but here’s a few of real turds in the vein of Tekken: The Motion Picture, if you’re ever short of material to work with.

    Battle Arena Toshinden (the anime)
    Fatal Fury: Legend of the Hungry Wolf
    Fatal Fury 2
    Fatal Fury: the Motion Picture

    Again, all are objectively horrible, but have a nostalgic quality for me, so it’d amuse me greatly to see you rip them several new ones. :-)

    Great review! Looking forward to the next one.

    • http://twitter.com/OnePixelJumpMan Joe Dennis

      Ah! I’ve been trying to remember Battle Arena Toshinden since this video came out. Thanks for bringing it up.

      You think this is bad? Well, it is, but Battle Arena Toshinden takes the shit to an artform of awful. Tekken at least has some funny, “… the fuck?” moments, but Toshinden is stupid, vacuous, poorly drawn, poorly animated, and just boring as hell. It has one funny thing. The main villain uses robots called Man Machines, but that’s it.

      I’ve seen one of the Fatal Fury movies. I don’t remember the title but it’s the one where they have to fight some jerk in power armor, and it was directed by Masami Obari who makes nothing but awful, awful things. Honestly, it’s better than Tekken, but not by very much. Also, there’s a line that implies Joe Higashi is in to young girls, and Mai Shiranui has a shower scene that is disgusting because her breasts are so horribly drawn.

      So those are not movies I would inflict on another human being unless I was Jack Bauer possibly, but if you want to hurt yourself, by all means.

  • Anonymous

    I remember this one! I liked it at the time…but you have to bear in mind, up until the days of inexpensive DVD and Netflix, as an anime fan, my options were to watch shitty OVAs like this one on the Encore Action Channel, or turn to Cartoon Network and watch the edited versions of Dragonball Z and Sailor Moon…and I did both. What can I say, I was in middle school, and anime was as addictive as crack and about as readily available as Unobtanium. Looking back on it now, the flaws are gaping, but it still has a certain nostalgic cheese quality for me.

    Oh, I know you’ve announced your block of movies you’re going to review for this Tournament Fighter series, but here’s a few of real turds in the vein of Tekken: The Motion Picture, if you’re ever short of material to work with.

    Battle Arena Toshinden (the anime)
    Fatal Fury: Legend of the Hungry Wolf
    Fatal Fury 2
    Fatal Fury: the Motion Picture

    Again, all are objectively horrible, but have a nostalgic quality for me, so it’d amuse me greatly to see you rip them several new ones. :-)

    Great review! Looking forward to the next one.

  • Anonymous

    I remember this one! I liked it at the time…but you have to bear in mind, up until the days of inexpensive DVD and Netflix, as an anime fan, my options were to watch shitty OVAs like this one on the Encore Action Channel, or turn to Cartoon Network and watch the edited versions of Dragonball Z and Sailor Moon…and I did both. What can I say, I was in middle school, and anime was as addictive as crack and about as readily available as Unobtanium. Looking back on it now, the flaws are gaping, but it still has a certain nostalgic cheese quality for me.

    Oh, I know you’ve announced your block of movies you’re going to review for this Tournament Fighter series, but here’s a few of real turds in the vein of Tekken: The Motion Picture, if you’re ever short of material to work with.

    Battle Arena Toshinden (the anime)
    Fatal Fury: Legend of the Hungry Wolf
    Fatal Fury 2
    Fatal Fury: the Motion Picture

    Again, all are objectively horrible, but have a nostalgic quality for me, so it’d amuse me greatly to see you rip them several new ones. :-)

    Great review! Looking forward to the next one.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DZ7T4KO6P3DIXFUSXZ3Y7W5FG4 Richter Turpel

    …wasn’t THAT bad.

  • http://twitter.com/CasWegkamp Cas Wegkamp

    About the tourney ticet tho… it wasn’t misspelled but rather a comma was missing:
    Well, come (if you got nothing better to do) to The King of Iron Fist Tournament (or do something else, whatever).

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Triplett/1028632148 Mike Triplett

    I’m sorry Spoony…I couldn’t hear half of your review because your eyebrows were so loud…

  • http://www.facebook.com/sukram.vring Sukram Vring

    As Aleksi pointed out, the thing with the “Lions throw their children off a cliff” is part of a japanese folktale. It’s more like a mistranslation, because the beast in the tale is not a real lion but a shishi, a chinese stone lion.
    In fact the same folktale is referenced in the SNES game Terranigma. Here the player has to help a lion cub climbing up a cliff to show its strenght.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sukram.vring Sukram Vring

    As Aleksi pointed out, the thing with the “Lions throw their children off a cliff” is part of a japanese folktale. It’s more like a mistranslation, because the beast in the tale is not a real lion but a shishi, a chinese stone lion.
    In fact the same folktale is referenced in the SNES game Terranigma. Here the player has to help a lion cub climbing up a cliff to show its strenght.

  • kiki riki

    You should have someone looking at those eyebrows. I think they are turning into antlers 

  • kiki riki

    You should have someone looking at those eyebrows. I think they are turning into antlers 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1343055427 Furchen Iltis

    lol the eyebrows are hilarious

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Loudon/100000983582044 Matt Loudon

    Is it just me, or are the characters looking at the camera when they should be looking at the action and other characters?  I figured anime characters wouldn’t have the same problems as terrible actors. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/timm3r Timmer Ratajczyk

    One of the best yet, I laughed pretty hard quite a few times during this. I hope you cover the SF anime cuz it’s 100 x’s better.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Lindenmuth/1425236050 Michael Lindenmuth

    As a fan of Tekken series I must say, I’m incredibly underwhelmed.  They get some things right and then they just piss in the wind about many others.  For example I main Jack and his many incarnations in the Tekken games and I couldn’t help but to cringe every single time he had a line of dialog.  I should be happy that he is actually considered to be somewhat main character material in this movie, but it just doesn’t work. They even got Prototype Jack in the fray, my favorite Jack incarnation. Lei should have done the talking and Jack should have stayed completely silent.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-M-Fortier/617880602 Nathan M. Fortier

    whats the song at 10:04

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-M-Fortier/617880602 Nathan M. Fortier

    whats the song at 10:04

  • Joseph Catalano

    +10 points for Cowboy Bebop reference, my good sir.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hans-Leventhal/100000741920737 Hans Leventhal

    I almost thought this would be the Live Action Tekken movie where they actually got someone to do the Heihachi hair. That’s later, I take it.

    And I love how even Lei Wulong went “What the hell is that?!” at the kangaroo.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4LM23I53VCE4KUVGC4GI6XYCVU toms

    What the hell is “multi gene”! Sounds like D&D where you can smush two animals together and get a “better” monster. After the invisible dinos I wanted to see a couple of owl-bears pop out.
     

    • Anonymous

      it means it has multiple genes and all living things have multiple genes the mixture of them is wha tmakes every thing unique!

    • Anonymous

      “Multi Gene” is what you get when you play DNA Pinball.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Filipe-Isabelinho/100000173498272 Filipe Isabelinho

    My father got me this back when I was a kid, in a VHS tape, I loved the movie, I’m only 4:15 minutes into the review, but I want to say, I loved it, it was subtitled though, with Japanese voice acting, which was actually way better than this.

    It’s not an AMAZING movie, but I’d watch it again from time to time, this one and the Street Fighter Animated movie too ^^

  • Anonymous

    “Why are you so upset? Is it because your father threw you off that cliff?”

    If you are a writer for *anything*, and you ever put those two sentences next to each other, it’s time to rethink your career path.

    You have *failed*.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-Hutton-Jr/100000021093841 Kevin Hutton Jr.

    Sorry spoony but the song was called 
    ” Green Bird ”
             By
    Gabriela Robin 

    the one from cowboy bebop

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Filipe-Isabelinho/100000173498272 Filipe Isabelinho

    Oh no, the Live Action Movie is SO FUCKING BAD, this is a GEM compared to it…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    I see you emulating the Cinema Snob.

    ‘As the Lord of Tekken…’

  • http://www.facebook.com/rodrigo.ibarra3 Rodrigo Ibarra

    OMG! This movie is full of stooopid!
    Great review Spoony! Best reviewer there is!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DZ7T4KO6P3DIXFUSXZ3Y7W5FG4 Richter Turpel

    …Gotta be honest, i think both Tekken movies are better than any of the games.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Simo-Vainionpää/742118738 Simo Vainionpää

      HERESY!

    • Anonymous

      The Tekken games were the best fighters for the PS1, no competition really. But the series hasn’t aged well. I’d say the same of every other ancient fighter series out there. Retire Tekken, Virtua Fighter, Soul Calibour, Dead or Alive, Street Fighter etc. and create new great fighting titles instead.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hamish-Rundle/100000275802741 Hamish Rundle

    You are talking about dinosaurs in Tekken, and you forget to mention the little bastard that is Gon? Spoony, I am Disappoint

  • Anonymous

    Oh… You haven’t seen the worst of your Video Game movie thing yet. Just wait till the poster on your wall comes around. I know I would rather be dead then alive when watching that.

  • Anonymous

    Oh… You haven’t seen the worst of your Video Game movie thing yet. Just wait till the poster on your wall comes around. I know I would rather be dead then alive when watching that.

  • Anonymous

    Great review. I originally saw this movie years ago when i rented it from blockbuster, and was amazed at how bad it was and had absolutely nothing to do with the game whatsoever. I mean, tekken has a pretty strait forward story, how do you f!ck it up this badly? Anyway, Spoony as you said your planning on doing several reviews about fighting movies based on fighting games, why not do a review on the mortal kombat movies and the street fight movie? Those movies were awesome! Hell did you know there was a street fighter movie with Jackie Chan in it as Chung Li? lol, I’ve only scene a few minutes of it from you tube but its absolutely horrible.

    • Anonymous

      This Jackie Chan flick you mentioned. I own a VHS copy of it. It’s called City Hunter and it’s based on Tsukasa Hojo’s manga of the same name. Not the best of Jackie’s movies (even the man himself disowned it after it was released) but it has it’s moments. That Street Fighter fight scene being one of them…

  • http://twitter.com/cpe380 Christian Ejercito

    I’ve been waiting for that Miles Edgeworth gag for a looooooong time now. Totally worth it.

    • http://twitter.com/86TheJehuty M.A Ajab

      Yeah , the jokes on Lee’s look was gold ! and that “OBJECTION !” was perfect XD

      and for those who’re asking about the Dinosaur Gon from Tekken 3 , you’ll be surprised to know that he’s actually the Tekken series first (and so far the last) licensed character , as he’s originally comes from a Manga with the same name http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gon_%28manga%29

  • http://profiles.google.com/supersqualllee squall lee rhodes

    thanks to this review I finally noticed that Nina Williams just dissapears after her first two murder attempts. I guess she thought she couldn’t outdo her sister’s rocket launcher.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jani-Koivisto/835777169 Jani Koivisto

    what can people expect about movies that are based on shitty plots of mediocre fighting games cannot wait when somebody gets the idea to make soul calibur live action movie when that day comes ill pre-order it just to burn it and piss on the ashes

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jimmy-TheFish/100000139595167 Jimmy TheFish

    Now that was a quality review. 

  • carnut015

    The ever enlarging eyebrows were hilarious.  Well played, sir.  Excellent review.  Can’t wait to see what the live action movie is like – or rather how bad it is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hayley-Gunderson/100002407327074 Hayley Gunderson

    While I haven’t seen this movie since I was 9, I have to say it’s better than Blood Vengeance. Biggest waste of $15 ever. And it wasn’t like I was expecting a masterpiece either. I was hoping for something along the lines of Resident Evil: Degeneration or at the very least Advent Children. And when a movie is worse than Advent Children, it’s bad. At least I could be entertained by Advent Children’s over-the-top action scenes and Kadaj. During Blood Vengeance I was either yawning through the fights or banging my head on the edge of seat below me waiting for the movie to end. And don’t get me started on the 3D…

  • Anonymous

    This movie is bad, and sadly very close to the story of the 2 first Tekken games (except stupid invincible dinosaurs). However the 2010 movie is so much worse. This can still be called a bad adaptation of the Tekken franchise. The 2010 movie is not Tekken at all.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/SR554ASYPHW7XFNV3LE5DND3KA Wei JieSoh

    I apologise for asking the obvious. But anyone tell me what is the Cowboy Bebop reference? Is it the children’s choir?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Hayden/1720262285 Matt Hayden

      Yes, it’s the aria-like symphonic music that comes up when Spoony remarks that it should replace the bad 90s rock. Considering Cowboy Bebop has the best music in any anime series ever, it’s a great reference.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Hill/100002036048516 Nathan Hill

    Hey don’t underestimate Kangaroos they are part of the australian coat of arms because they kick ass. nothing sums up Australia better than an animal that likes to lay about but will tear you to shreds if you piss it off. if Insano had an Army of genetically altered super kangaroos, there would be no stopping him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/phoelscher1 Patrick Hoelscher

    spoony my citys burning down but i m laughing thanks to u :) thank u for a little positive energy

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UEAXVSXD4KGV5FYW4RCT35TG7E Joe Higashi

    “Clean your neck and wait” is, if I recall correctly, an old Japanese saying meaning that I’m going to cut your head off with my sword. The guys who translate this stuff are incredibly lazy. I guess in English we’d say something along the lines of “Tell him to watch his back”. Anyway, good review.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

    Question, the unexpected alien invasion….is Yoshimutsu invovled in that one?
    honestly, why the hell does nobody care Earth just survived a ALIEN INVASION?!
    It’s like we missed a better movie and ended up with stealth raptors!
    …..
    Anyone else thought of Bennet’s ‘Root her’ dramatic reading of bad fanfiction theatre?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dick-Johnson/100002666487423 Dick Johnson

    Spoony you do realize that Anna uses a rocket launcher in cutscenes throughout the whole Tekken series? Its like you never played the game.

  • http://www.google.com/profiles/114319313498601954245?tab=mh Kaltzor

    Saddest thing is… This might just be the best of the 4 movies…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_HHYFDN44YXT3H6LDT2YCO34HCY Brian

    Reason no. 1 for basing your multi-global international evil conglomerate: tax evasion. All the cool companies are doing it. Go to the Bahamas or the Caymans, or if your company is from the right country, Deleware, Dublin or London, you’ll find lots of major corportations based there because they can pretend to be making their money in these countries and be subject to little or nor tax.

    Reason no. 2: because you need a tropical pool to hold your frickin’ sharks with frikin’ lasers on their frickin’ heads.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cassave-Cleynghelt/100001308454801 Cassave Cleynghelt

    Talking about animé adaptations of games. I recently saw the animé adaptation of Ritual’s “SiN”. It was “just as bad” as this one. It’s hilarious to watch XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Gaia-Safa-Lintschinger/1652762167 Matthew Gaia Safa Lintschinger

    Oh Noah, you have seen nothing yet.

    Speaking as both an anime fan and a mindless button masher, the world of Tournament fight animes is an ocean of shit. Fatal Fury, Fatal Fury 2, Fatal Fury the motion picture, samurai showdown, Street Fighter Alpha the movie, Street fighter alpha generations, and Variable Geo (highly recommended for its stupidity) are bizarre action films that are sold to teenagers with writing and characterization that must have been written by tweenagers. They by and large run into a unique and retarded set of tropes that will make you punch yourself in the brain……..probably while on camera.

    The tropes are as follows;
    1) Revenge motivated heros
    2) Hot chick as motivation
    3) non-motives (like the movie you presented here where there is a big psudo philosophical nothing…….watch the streetfighter alpha movie,  fatal fury 2, and variable geo to see the dumbest of these)
    4) the villains evil plan having absolutely nothing to do with the hero (like in this film where kazuya is beating the shit out of Heihachi without knowing or caring about the world domination, terminators, or invisible dinos)
    5) bathing scenes fanservice (watch the relative boob progression in the fatal fury series for how far they push their women into Rob Liefeild style anatomy AND street fighter alpha generation for an underaged girl going from an A-cup to a D-cup in one cut during a bathing scene)
    6) the mandatory “exploding-anime-super-saiyen-hero-screaming-like-a-school-girl-save-the-day” ending. Give credit to the Tekken movie for just having Kazuya beat the shit out of the villain rather than a kamehameha explosion
    7) the sad non-ending. A cute character we don’t care about dies horribly to add force pathos

    I really doubt you would go through all of these, but at least I gave my 2 cents on these movies. Do pass this on to Bennet if you get the chance

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      Don’t forget these ones:

      – A character from the game having their background or personality changed dramatically or trivialized to fit the movie plot.
      – Characters that have nothing to do with each other in the game being shoe-horned into some kind of relationship.

      Anyone else? I know there’s more out there.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Gaia-Safa-Lintschinger/1652762167 Matthew Gaia Safa Lintschinger

        Well, that kind of brings up the problem with writing movies based on tournament fighter characters in the first place; The games are made for simplicity and the characters are boiled down to just colorful backstories. These characters were made with no REAL protagonist viewpoint, central plot, or character arches. Thus; the characters NEED to be changed to make these crappy films….but no one knows how to do that right.
             The other note you make demonstrates the reverse issue; “- Characters that have nothing to do with each other in the game being shoe-horned into some kind of relationship”….that is result of not making necessary changes.

        I apologize for prattling on about this, but I now feel I have to point out the obstacles that need to be overcome for anyone to make a GOOD movie out of a tournament game;

        1) find a protagonist. In street fighter (the anime series distributed by Manga entertainment) they went with Ryu and Ken as duel protagonists; The humble country boy and his rich jackass friend trying to find adventure as street fighters, but their arch is a journey into criminal violence across the globe. Its a two man coming of age story and we learn. Almost the same can be said for Lui Kang in the original Mortal kombat film….but sadly you don’t get much relatability out of a young shaolin monk

        2) You are creating the history in the story you are telling; keeping “true” to the characters as the transfer from game to film is important, but much like any super hero movie if you haven’t told the story on film, its better to say “it does not exist in this universe” until it is told from the beginning. If I made a tekken film, I would leave out the world domination plots, the robots, and the dinosaurs and focus on convincing the audience of Heihachi’s twisted world view as a psycho-social-darwinist. Something to explain thoroughly why he is a billionaire, a martial artist, an abusive father, a man who would spend good money on making that tournament and build up the conflict with his son emotionally before we get to act 2. Sure, in the games this junk is important, so is the demon blood plot and heihachi’s quest for power by taking the demon blood from his son and grandson, but much like Magneto and his junk (asteroid M, Polaris, his twin children that were raised in Wondegor, his clone named Joseph, etc) are not essential for understanding the character or his motives.

        3) inventing new characters may soften the blow of transferring to film. In X-men first class, Ironman, and Batman we had characters invented just to help the plot. The woman in Batman’s life helped illustrate the need for the secret identity,  Agent Coulson hounding Tony Stark served the purpose of introducing the complex idea of SHIELD from the comics (instead of taking an existing character  from the comics and smashing them to fit the need of the story), and everyone at that government facility and the russian general in XMFC proved very useful without being a significant character from the source material to tell the story. Writing such characters for a video game adaptation might prove very helpful when telling stories of larger than life characters. Hell, for a street fighter film it might solve the shoehorn issue entirely by just making some through-away opponents for our heroes to fight. Otherwise friends can be written in to provide narrative, perspective, or levity to avoid melodrama. Who knows? When they did this for super-hero cartoons it created Harley Quinn and X-23

        4) the big fight; this is very genre specific. Only action films with martial arts require an event like this, a TITANIC fight that seems like the biggest fight in the whole film…….most of the time this takes the form of (in a rocky film for example) our hero overcoming an unbeatable opponent by never-backing-down even on the edge of death, something like a family film where the hero simply trips the villain into falling off a building (curtsy of the original TMNT), or the anime way out where the hero finds inner strength and fires it out in an “I’M A FIRING MA LAZAR BLARGH!!11!!!” stupid moment. A big finally for an action packed film, but it is still a matter of emotional significance that wins out over giant explosions. As a personal moment, I was really enjoying the DvD “Batman under the red hood” and felt really revved up at the final fight in the film…………but it took me a second to realize what was literally happening…..in earlier parts of this movie we see batman fight a flying terminator, cyber ninjas, and the climatic fight in the film….at its most intense…..was a closed quarters fist fight in a bathroom. Why did that work? it was like the reverse of most action films. It was so exciting to see Batman smash a guys face into a bathroom sink when an hour earlier he was fighting Amazo with grenades. The only way I can make sense of the excitement was how invested I was in the characters at that point in the film. The feeling I get of a father and son beating the shit out of each-other next to a bath tub was more exciting than (to use an example from fatal fury TMP) seeing Terry Bogart blow up a demonic god and the ancient temple he is standing in with his fist ever could have been. The emotional investment of the characters told believably is a better special effect than anything else. Build the big fight around this fact; Rocky Balboa proves he is not just a schlub and fights to prove his importance, Inigo Montoya gets to express all of his rage and pain to the man who destroyed his childhood, and the panda finally stops being clumsy and becomes a kung-fu master. The fight is in the end an expression for something else happening within the character or between the characters

        5) Show don’t tell (characterization followup); I know in every street fighter film we are introduced as friends, in Tekken there is the reoccurring themes of “father vs son”, and the idea of vengeance is wonderfully  powerful that even the word “vengeance” alone creates a story…..but each of these ideas are easy to “say” in a story, but rarely do these filmmakers and japanese animators take the time to create these powerful emotional feelings convincingly.
                Let me bring up Batman again and his “psudo vengeance” motive. In bothe the Tim Burton and Christopher Nolan stories we see bruce Wayne desiring some way to vent his need for vengeance. We see him train his body and go through the effort of turning himself into a weapon, we see how the memories of his lost loved ones haunts him to this day and we see an emotionally crippled man hiding beneath the skin as a result of the old pain that scarred him and the hated that has solidified into a permanent part of his body over the years. That is how you write a character in a vengeance story. Most of these animes and action movies don’t show anything to give a “revenge” plot depth. Without showing a real tole on the character in a way we can believe, then the plot point of revenge is no more useful than the hero wearing a tattoo spelling “revenge” (thank you Cape Fear for pointing out how stupid that is).
                Going back to my point; find the strongest emotional story to tell from the games and use it to build conflict.
                If I was writing a Street fighter movie, I would focus on Ryu and Ken as the main plot with Ryu and Sagat as a sub-plot. I would lead the movie to a fight between Ryu and Ken as the major fight: it can go anywhere from one friend refusing to fight the other, too one friend seeing the other as someone who has lost their way and needs sense knocked back into him, or simply as a return to the innocent childlike playing that these two characters had once shared long ago; any reason for friends to fight can make a dynamite ending for this movie. What if their friendship ends when the fight ends? What if we see Ryu break Ken’s leg so ken will give up the fighting tournaments and return to being a responsible husband and father? What is Ken beats Ryu to a pulp and forces him to find a life outside the arena forcing Ryu to grow beyond being a martial artist? Like a movie version of a comicbook hero the core of the character can be kept while creating a new set of events for the film universe rather than maintaining the game continuity without depth (like the original Street Fighter movie) or trying to create something else entirly without anything to hold it together (like the Legend of Chun-li).
                 (because I failed to explain; the Sagat subplot will show more of Ryu’s past and give him an externalized antagonist in Sagat. Sagat could be the kind of martial arts obsessed beast that Ryu can fear Ken becoming or visa versa)
                  If I was writing a Tekken film it would need to be in two parts; The first if Kazuya trying to control and overcome his father issues in the ring. Kazuya the broken man has to fight his monstrous controlling father and learns to define himself from Heihachi. This leads (much like this tekken film failed to do) to Kazuya having a child and a supposed happy ending.
               The second film however will be the repercussions. Jin Kazama would grow as trying to find Kazuya who left him and his mother as a child. He searches the tournaments to find his runaway dad. Creating parallel between the two films we had a hero dealing with a controlling obsessive father who in turn became a deadbeat dad under the pretense of “sparing his son his flaws”. Jin’s story is about finding the man who ran away from his family and demanding answers.
           

              However! Everything strongly depends on execution and presentation. I did not see the live action tekken movie and perhaps I accidentally described the existing plot. I don’t know, but trust me when I say it is not a matter of “concept” but how it all works. People don’t go to a movie theater for ideas, they go for a story to be told.  Its the difference between flour and a cake. The ingredient versus actually cooking and serving the thing while using a dozen other ingredients to their fullest potential

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Duncan/1395490109 Dan Duncan

          This is just my opinion, but I’ve always found Tournament Fight Story arcs to be relatively boring.  Take Yu Yu Hakusho for example.  It was a great series until the Dark Tournament.  Again, just my opinion, but man it was boring.  Maybe it was only for the reason that it just stretched out so damn long.  And then the show got good again with Chapter Black, then they had ANOTHER tournament in the demon world.  My point is that perhaps the writers feel they need to have a story rather than just making it a movie about a big tournament which has already been done about a zillion times in other anime, like DBZ.  I definitely agree on the point that a main character should stay true, and introduce new characters to help the story along and for that character to interact with.  If it’s done right, then the new characters can even become likable even if they’re not canon to the series.  I’m not sure about the throw-away characters, though.  I’ll call ‘em “jobbers.”  It’s the same thing back when they used jobbers in wrestling. They’re only there to make the big stars look good which I ultimately find to be a bit masturbatory.  And really, who honestly cares about them?  I’m probably just splitting hairs here.  As long as the throw-aways are built up in such a way that they’re not viewed as throw-aways but as significant characters that I’m actually surprised when they die then I have no real complaints.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Gaia-Safa-Lintschinger/1652762167 Matthew Gaia Safa Lintschinger

            My short answer; it is not a matter of if it has been done before, but if it had been done “great”. The tournament fighter story devise will need allot of love and intelligence to pull off a new good story. Love of the schlocky film cereals about treasure hunters inspired Indianna Jones. Nostalgia for Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers sparked the original Star Wars. Who knows what genius can make a story based around a tournament and make the audience love it the way he loves it. Maybe it will be you? Maybe it will be me? Lets hope

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Gaia-Safa-Lintschinger/1652762167 Matthew Gaia Safa Lintschinger

            My short answer; it is not a matter of if it has been done before, but if it had been done “great”. The tournament fighter story devise will need allot of love and intelligence to pull off a new good story. Love of the schlocky film cereals about treasure hunters inspired Indianna Jones. Nostalgia for Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers sparked the original Star Wars. Who knows what genius can make a story based around a tournament and make the audience love it the way he loves it. Maybe it will be you? Maybe it will be me? Lets hope

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

          Some good, grounded, intelligent points all around. You sir, have my vote.

          I feel that the Street Fighter II anime did a half-way decent job of giving us a narrative around Ryu and Ken’s relationship, even though they didn’t meet until the last twenty minutes of the film. Guile and Chun Li’s relationship worked out okay because they are government agents (albeit from two very different branches) looking to take down Bison’s somewhat silly criminal empire. And I just liked E. Honda.
          Everyone got a chance to fight in that, even if not everyone contributed much to the plot. That’s about as good as you can get with a tournament-fighter movie tie-in. All things considered it followed the plot of each character more or less accurately to how they’re depicted in the game. Some like T. Hawk, Zangief, and Blanka didn’t get much, because their own back-stories are a little weak to begin with. Other characters like Vega got a flaming pile of badass to play with, making for some memorable scenes. Each one got a moment in the spotlight, though.

          I guess you have to approach it from the games themselves, though. There is a plot to Tekken, but its so convoluted and shallow as to be pointless. Yes, there’s the father/son rivalry of Heihachi and Kazuya, but after the first game, it starts getting really tangled up. Kazuya is every bit as screwed up and evil as his dad so there’s no real character development. Jin turns out messed up too, so what can you do with that? On top of all that, Tekken lacks what Street Fighter has more of; a focus on martial arts and the perspective that comes from being a martial artist. Tekken really lacks that sense of discipline and respect: Fei Fong Wong walked into a fight with Ryu with plenty of arrogance, but after the fight, even as beat up as he was, he had nothing but respect for Ryu’s skill. I don’t get the same impression from Tekken, where the characters are more less there to just beat the fudge out of each other with speed lines. It’s interesting to consider that a video game where just about every character has some kind of magical fireball attack has a little more consideration for the practice of martial arts than the game that doesn’t: watching Heihachi and Kazuya fight, I kept expecting Heihachi to fire a Garlic Gun attack.

          But I’m getting way off topic.

          I think the core of the problem with making tournament fighter tie-ins is that the video games are just too simple. Like Spoony said, they’re just colorful characters with their own special move lists (except where the designers got lazy and just went with a palette swap), beating each other up. There’s no real primary antagonist because each one has their own little journey to make, and that screws up the narrative of a film.

          But it is possible to make a good tournament fighter film. I refer you of course to Jean Claude Van Damme’s finest work: Bloodsport.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Gaia-Safa-Lintschinger/1652762167 Matthew Gaia Safa Lintschinger

            Let me just address your third paragraph with respect; I would not make it a necessity to a martial arts movie to dwell on the martial arts. Often a genre film does not need to indulge in the basics of the genre. A Bruce Lee documentary  is all you really need for the analysis of practicing martial arts; let the movie tell either a story about a plot or characters there in. Respect the portrayal of martial artists and give the sensation that throwing a punch is a physical effort and not (ironically) like a video game where a character is still able to fight fully even though he is one hit away from death.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_E7JGVYDWH3K6QYZTMLGNSPWKUY bATZARRO

      Also, there is a Virtua FIghter Anime and a Battle Fucking Arena Toshiden anime.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_E7JGVYDWH3K6QYZTMLGNSPWKUY bATZARRO

      Also, there is a Virtua FIghter Anime and a Battle Fucking Arena Toshiden anime.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tyla-Roxburgh/502326037 Tyla Roxburgh

    hmmm so the multi gene lifeforms are what has cause the rioting in England (I’m from Liverpool so I’m pretty close and preparing for the worst if it comes to my area, anyway cheers for the video I needed the laugh right now

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

      Stay safe! I hope the rioting doesn’t reach you.

    • Anonymous

      Keep your chin up and stay safe. You and the rest of England are in my thoughts and prayers.

    • Anonymous

      I’m lucky in the fact that I live in a village where 90% of the people are either under ten or over sixty so I don’t think it would be quite the same here.

      You do send you my best wishes.

    • Anonymous

      I’m from Liverpool too, I dont think they are actually rioting right now…just gathering in the city centre. Unless you know something I don’t :S

  • Timothy Gulics

    Ugh. Horrible 90’s anime is right. The best part of this review was recognizing a pair of Spoony’s socks as being the type they give you in the hospital. Woot for tready socks!

  • dead dreams

    those eyebrows, haha.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grzegorz-Wojtczyk/100000046280578 Grzegorz Wojtczyk

    They could pretty much put a piece of shit inside that DVD case and it would be no real difference :-/  

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-Taylor/523378875 Josh Taylor

      ..James Rolfe?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thumby-Right/100001141537261 Thumby Right

    to be fair there could be an alien culture that scheduled their invasions and send you the memo via fax.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thumby-Right/100001141537261 Thumby Right

    to be fair there could be an alien culture that scheduled their invasions and send you the memo via fax.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeff-Huet-Jorliden/644084785 Jeff Huet Jörliden

    the eyebrows hade me laughing my ass off

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeff-Huet-Jorliden/644084785 Jeff Huet Jörliden

    the eyebrows hade me laughing my ass off

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Luke-Rees/100000239794052 Luke Rees

    I’m sure the neck thing is to do with execution-style decapitation. Having a clean place for the sword to strike. Now I really want to know if it was The Last Samurai, Shogun or a documentary that told me that. Or anime. This is gonna bug me.

    Fun review again Spoony. I expected an Insano cameo for the ‘HOW LONG HAVE SCIENTISTS KNOWN’ bit, but I suppose that would have been too easy. I don’t know if my brain is ready for the DoA movie review.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Luke-Rees/100000239794052 Luke Rees

    I’m sure the neck thing is to do with execution-style decapitation. Having a clean place for the sword to strike. Now I really want to know if it was The Last Samurai, Shogun or a documentary that told me that. Or anime. This is gonna bug me.

    Fun review again Spoony. I expected an Insano cameo for the ‘HOW LONG HAVE SCIENTISTS KNOWN’ bit, but I suppose that would have been too easy. I don’t know if my brain is ready for the DoA movie review.

  • Wwww9999

    Call me crazy but tekkens story line (the game series I mean) is not that bad and with a bit of work could be quite enjoyable to watch. But this anime was crazy stupid in the worst kind of way. By the way I wonder how will Tekken Blood Vengeance turn out… ^^’

  • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

    well look at the bright side…..boobie scene…..thats nice of them.

  • http://twitter.com/Jegsimmons James Simmons

    well look at the bright side…..boobie scene…..thats nice of them.

  • http://twitter.com/Taco_Dan Taco Dan

    This movie is way too graphic for Tekken. I remember Tekken being one of the only rated T games I could play at 6 years old. Putting blood and tits in a movie about a game that has no blood or tits just seems wrong to me. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001829020469 Chase Harms

    Whats the song from 10:04 to 10:28?

  • http://www.quacksilver.com/ Quacksilver

    …THOSE EYEBROWS

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Loudon/100000983582044 Matt Loudon

    2:00 I AM ACTING!  

    Also tna is not the same when it’s animated.  So yeah, fanservice fail.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Laney/100001480487773 Christopher Laney

    I really enjoyed this episode. Good show SpoonyOne.

  • http://www.silverdire.com Mark Austin

    O_o!!! LOOK!!! A 10-point Spoony!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kaleb-Korger/100000432725708 Kaleb Korger

    Hello Spoony. 
    Do you watch Animation Lookback? It’s a web-series that talks about the history of animation film studios.  http://blip.tv/animation-lookback    
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Animation-Lookback/257130184264

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kaleb-Korger/100000432725708 Kaleb Korger

    Hello Spoony. 
    Do you watch Animation Lookback? It’s a web-series that talks about the history of animation film studios.  http://blip.tv/animation-lookback    
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Animation-Lookback/257130184264

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_E7JGVYDWH3K6QYZTMLGNSPWKUY bATZARRO

    Still not worse than Mortal Kombat: The Journey Begins. Seriously, at one point they mention Scorpion’s “lightening speed” and he’s like walking slowly.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_E7JGVYDWH3K6QYZTMLGNSPWKUY bATZARRO

    Still not worse than Mortal Kombat: The Journey Begins. Seriously, at one point they mention Scorpion’s “lightening speed” and he’s like walking slowly.

  • http://shadowfaxim.mp/ Shadowfax

    Green Bird made me laugh loud enough to wake everybody else in the house. Well played sir!

  • http://shadowfaxim.mp/ Shadowfax

    Green Bird made me laugh loud enough to wake everybody else in the house. Well played sir!

  • Anonymous

    3:48 What the hell does mankind’s genes and fighting truth have to do with a Buddha fractal? What does any of those things have to do with Tekken?

    What is with animated adaptations completely misinterpreting the titles of fighting games? It was bad enough when the Street Fighter Animated series acted like being a street fighter was like being in a superhero team, as opposed to randomly assaulting people. Now Tekken is some kind of philosophy that is poorly explained but somehow important and none of the main characters have any clue about it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=716699901 Muhammad Khairin Noor Saidi

    NO NO!!! WHY SPOONY! Why must you release a new video when I need to study my Microbiology the most!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Natalie-Jones/100001438912549 Natalie Jones

    But,what if we fitted the dinosaurs with tanks,cruise missiles,guns and lightweight body armor (all invisible of course) am i the only one that smells AWESOME SAUCE COOKIN’?

    • http://twitter.com/GamesSaveLives Games Save Lives

      Isn’t that the plot of Zoids?

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-Greif/100002116448083 Brandon Greif

        …which didn’t turn out so bad.  It’s just that it was Canadian.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Louis-Bex/1660170266 Louis Bex

    Ugh… Film Brain, God forbid

  • Anonymous

    Spoony as an avid watcher of your video’s and a HUGE Tekken fan, i am saddend by your lack of knowlage on the Tekken universe. For somone who boasts to be a Lord of Tekken you don’t really know much about the characters or the plot. The addition of the comical (more unusual) characters is for fan service, they hold no real relevence to the plot of the games what so ever, with the exeption of Kuma. Constant mispronunciations of characters names, and no real understanding of their motives. i am not impressed 

    • http://twitter.com/GamesSaveLives Games Save Lives

      I think he was joking about being a Lord of Tekken. He even mentions in the text under the video that he had some guy named OmegaCrusaderRed help him with the Tekken backstory. As for the mispronunciations, that’s a normal thing for Internet reviewers (I’m not exactly sure why. I think it’s just because the fake pronounciations are easier to say or something). For example, Spoony always mispronounced Tidus’ name throughout his FFX review.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mccoybrendan Brendan McCoy

    I think everyone should watch Samurai X: Trust and Betrayal (the last 4th). The Heihachi voice actor voices a guy who gives a similar dramatic “society blah blah blah” monologue…. it’s weird.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=37101365 Fraser Stewart

    In case anyone is interested Tekken means “metal boxing”.

    • Anonymous

      “Metal Boxing”?

      Joey DeMaio of Manowar vs. Dave  Murray of Iron Maiden in a twelve round bout?

      • Anonymous

        I want to see that. Shit’s metal for sure.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Meg-Atronia/100002559655228 Meg Atronia

        Dave would kick Demaios ass! DeMaio is not tr00 metal!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002034593824 Leandro Insua

      Isn’t it “Iron Fist”?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002034593824 Leandro Insua

      Isn’t it “Iron Fist”?

  • Anonymous

    Out of all the fighting video game movies I’ve seen there are only three that I would watch again and that’s the LA Tekken movie, as it wasn’t too bad compared to some others, Mortal Kombat as well the second and the live action tv show made me appreciate the first one for not being them and DOA because come on Holly Valance and Kevin Nash are in it, yeah I got nothing after that.

  • Anonymous

    I am Tekkenlord. I am the lord of Tekken. I will airjuggle your ass! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alex-Quigley/512694477 Alex Quigley

    Female lions are protective of teh babiez… but male lions are assholes who will eat the babies to make the females breed again

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josh-Taylor/523378875 Josh Taylor

      Wait, you mean it isn’t normal for humans to do this too? My God, what have I done..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alex-Quigley/512694477 Alex Quigley

    Female lions are protective of teh babiez… but male lions are assholes who will eat the babies to make the females breed again

  • http://electricsistahood.com KL

    AHA! Spoony Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is not a good movie! Maybe you didn’t mean to include it in the extremely few decent fighting game adaptations. #1 for me is the Street Fighter anime, then the first MK and after that is Street Fighter live action (it’s stupid and horrible, but it’s fun to watch) and then maybe the Fatal Fury movie.

    I don’t know why filmmakers can’t get PEOPLE FIGHTING IN A TOURNAMENT right. The UFC does it all the time! Is it that hard? Even last year the live action adaptations look terrible.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jbhaslach John Barton Haslach

      I think he means in comparison to the rest of the crap like Uwe Bol movies.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Duncan/1395490109 Dan Duncan

        Yeah, I’d say compared to this god-awful anime, MK: Annihilation is better by comparison.

  • Anonymous

    Good review. It was entertaining.

  • Anonymous

    Good review. It was entertaining.

  • Anonymous

    Random Rocket Launchers, Fighting Kangaroos, Boxing Gloves, Stealth Invisibility, Bizarre Hair Stylings, Crazy-ass Scientific Experiments that make little sense….

    There was a time when I would have viewed all of this is really, really goofy shit, but my recent years of playing Team Fortress 2 has given me the ability to laugh and have fun with crap like that.

    So remember folks, you gotta learn to Spy-Check!  Or else a big dinosaur will come out and eat you! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yasin-Bacour/100001293978981 Yasin Bacour

    I’m actually embarrassed that I know what the “Clean your neck” refers to. What can I say I’m a giant history nerd.

    In Old Japan, before the Meiji era, the primary form of execution was decapitation, you could get decapitated for stealing rice (which was basically akin to stealing money). “Dishonored” samurai would commit sepuku and the head would be severed when the abdomen was cut open to make the death less painful and prevent the samurai from screaming out in pain or twitching about with his guts hanging out which would only bring further disgrace.

    Before the ceremony, you would bathe and of course this also involved washing the neck. Heads were also a trophy to take from battles. The severed head of the general would usually be presented to the victor, this was also common in China.

    So pretty much saying he should wash his neck is similar to telling him he is going to come murder him.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Manofmanycoats Robert Cousineau

      Alot of people know about seppuku/ritual suicide but I have got to admit I would of never connected “Clean your neck” to that at all. I guess I was just too american to get that one; but knowing that it does make instant sense. And knowing is half the battle.

    • sanktmikael

      Still, he could have said “Let my father know, he should clean his neck while waiting for me, because I’m going to come and cut his head off with a sword even though I never use swords in the movie.”

      • http://twitter.com/Ishanji Ishanji

        I’m pretty sure Kazuya would cut Heihachi’s head off with his hands, just look at how he tore those friggin’ DINOSAURS apart with his bare fists.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yasin-Bacour/100001293978981 Yasin Bacour

    I’m actually embarrassed that I know what the “Clean your neck” refers to. What can I say I’m a giant history nerd.

    In Old Japan, before the Meiji era, the primary form of execution was decapitation, you could get decapitated for stealing rice (which was basically akin to stealing money). “Dishonored” samurai would commit sepuku and the head would be severed when the abdomen was cut open to make the death less painful and prevent the samurai from screaming out in pain or twitching about with his guts hanging out which would only bring further disgrace.

    Before the ceremony, you would bathe and of course this also involved washing the neck. Heads were also a trophy to take from battles. The severed head of the general would usually be presented to the victor, this was also common in China.

    So pretty much saying he should wash his neck is similar to telling him he is going to come murder him.

  • Anonymous

    Just wanted to say, excellent vid spoony.  Very well paced.

  • Anonymous

    Lol at the eyebrows getting bigger XD

  • http://tasoku.deviantart.com Evon Le

    S-Spoony….your eyebrows…pfffttttttttttt xDDDDDD <3 <3 <3

    Even with the lack of Tekken knowledge (it was kind of disappointing; I expected more backstory from you but not all reviewers can know everything about something they enjoy), I still liked the review. The references were superb, and I was actually quite surprised you did not put a reference of Jun being like Tea from YGO! abridged (you had the Pegasus reference though which was still great).

    I teared up at the Jack scene for some reason, however short it was ): Something about android men caring about young kids sniff sniff (cough cough Android 16 cough cough).

    I don't remember this movie being this bad when I watched it… I guess maybe it's because I was still a kid back then :O Re-seeing it through your review it amazes me of how bad it really was.

  • Anonymous

    Hahaha, I saw that guy as Miles Edgeworth right away! I was surprised you didn’t make the reference. I’m glad it was done eventually.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Juha-Torvinen/100000007129372 Juha Torvinen

    Yap… Like Yasin Bacour already wrote, in modern culture it literally means “Get ready, im coming to butcher you”. Id say those who translated and dubbed the movie didnt have a faintest idea themselves either since otherwise they wouldve used some line between “Get ready, your life is near its end” or anything similiarly cool and corny same time. Prepare to be decapitated!

  • http://theinsaneartist.deviantart.com/ Richelle

    @ 16:32 Am I the only one who realized those girls look exaty like the Kaiba Corp computer ladies? You know, the ones with identical hair styles and the headsets? And I mean they look EXACTLY alike.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

    Spoony’s eyebrows are like a Chia Pet.

  • Anonymous

    jhnjkk

  • Anonymous

    Cha-Cha-Cha- Chie Pet!!

  • http://twitter.com/LikChan Lik Chan

    OMG, a Miles Edgeworth reference! YOU RULE NOAH!

  • Dmitri Sestakov

    Awesome review!
    I hope you will cover Tekken: Blood Vengeance (2011) after live action disappointment of 2010.

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      That would be awesome if he continued with this, or, hell, most of the fighting game adaptations. They’re all “interesting”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carmyn-Davidson/1137271436 Carmyn Davidson

    Tekken is DESTRUCITY!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1100421283 Brady Aulich

    Based on what he’s said about tekken in the past, I honestly thought he was going to be all Tekken nerdy about it…but this video made me realize that he hasn’t played the games before…

    But yeah, I saw this abomination when I was a lad, thinking it was going to be awesome only to be shit…but the live-action one is WAY better than this…if only by a bit.

    Also I’m surprised he didn’t talk about the ending with Jun and Jin, it’s like they left us on a cliffhanger hoping for a sequel that would never come…am I right?

  • http://twitter.com/thisgamesux THiSGaMeSuX

    Needs more eyebrow

  • http://twitter.com/thisgamesux THiSGaMeSuX

    Needs more eyebrow

  • http://danielj.se MaTachi

    It didn’t want to start/load here on your page for me. But on blip.tv it did. http://blip.tv/the-spoony-experiment/tekken-the-motion-picture-5448926

  • Anonymous

    The anime flick of Tekken wasn’t to bad even though the anime movie of Street Fighter and Fatal Fury: TMP (not 1 or 2) were a bit better and didn’t have any extra hub bub which I didn’t like about the Tekken anime movie with the Alex’s starting to eat people and Rodger being Beskoavich’s bodygaurd. Lei Wu Long seemed hammy to me and Jun was suppose to be a eviromentalist not some secret agent person or whatever. However I recently saw the Tekken Live action flick (Btw thanks Spoony for letting me know it came out. :-) ) and I must say at least the anime movie was a heck alot better than the live action flick. Yeah the fighting was great n all but I had a problem with them screwing up everything since minute one. We’re no longer the U.S. but now part of the ‘Tekken’ sector? wth? Tekken was suppose to be a tournement thingy not a global sector blah blah blah whatever. I hate when they screw things up to get people to buy into live action movies. Overall the Tekken anime is ok but ive seen better based off of but at least it was better than the live action flick.

    PS: As I said in the collection section (Spoony saying he will review the Tekken anime/live action/DOA/KOF) I am still shocked that I saw a uncut version on Anime Network on Demand where you see Anna Williams rear in the shower scene uncensored. I saw both VHS and DVD versions and they do a cut away for some reason.

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      The Tekken games story is intentionally goofy, weird and stupid, and still this movie manages to not capture that correctly. How hard is that? The art is terrible and the fights stink.  Would you own this gem on DVD?

      • Anonymous

        Which reminds me why I still only have it on VHS. I got it on VHS since it was $10. I wouldn’t step this anime up to DVD. I agree with you KL. I wouldn’t even buy this on DVD.

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      The Tekken games story is intentionally goofy, weird and stupid, and still this movie manages to not capture that correctly. How hard is that? The art is terrible and the fights stink.  Would you own this gem on DVD?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PQHUX4NC22FLRFSH44PUS4GF4M Ravi Sinha

    Dear Spoony,

    A “review”, even if it’s to trash on something, is supposed to be one man’s opinion (subjective though it may be, but nonetheless an opinion that people can compare their own against before making a decision) – not a random reason to invite TGWTG affiliates who no one cares about to make unfunny jokes.

    Regards,
    We Won’t Watch Knights of Suburbia No Matter How Much You Promote Idiots From it

    P.S. That being said, I did like your review of Final Destination 5 and ideas about what makes a horror movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Holden-Caulfeild/100000624975163 Holden Caulfeild

    You know, it just occurred to me that maybe the reason she said “That’s a multi-gene lifeform” wasn’t along the lines of “HOLY SHIT A MULTI-GENE LIFEFORM RUNNN!!!!” but more like “its man made? holy shit, someone created a multi-gene lifeform? shit! THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE.” 

    • Anonymous

      It’s part of poor script writing, and that was his point.

    • Anonymous

      It’s part of poor script writing, and that was his point.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Holden-Caulfeild/100000624975163 Holden Caulfeild

    You know, it just occurred to me that maybe the reason she said “That’s a multi-gene lifeform” wasn’t along the lines of “HOLY SHIT A MULTI-GENE LIFEFORM RUNNN!!!!” but more like “its man made? holy shit, someone created a multi-gene lifeform? shit! THAT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE.” 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Cowan/100000084310355 Christian Cowan

    You should know Spoonyone that there is a difference between multi-gene and multi-cell. Multi-call is prety much all life (with a few eceptions). Multi-gene is a F)CKING CHIMIRA, which can happen in humans, but is extreamly rare.

    Please, someone, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m fairly curtain I’m not.

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      What about multipass?

    • Anonymous

      You are wrong actually.

      Genes by definition is a strand of DNA that codes for a protein (I don’t remember if it includes RNA or not, but whatever). As such, all living things have *multiple* genes, and thus, we are all multi-gene life forms.

      Secondly, chimeras are actually fairly common (this is one of the few things I still remember from first year biology). What happens is the cell of the mother ends up getting into the blastocyst when she is pregnent, and as such, the child may have cells in his body that have the same DNA as his/her mother. I forget the details, but bottom line: chimeras aren’t rare.

      Thirdly, all multi-celled (and some single celled) organisms have mitochondria in their cells. Mitochondria has its own DNA, and I’d be surprised if there aren’t genes in there that the cell chromosomes don’t have (I need confirmation on this one though). Same goes for chloroplasts in plants.

      Lastly, multi-call is not prety much all life. And I don’t know what curtain has to do with anything.

    • Anonymous

      You are wrong actually.

      Genes by definition is a strand of DNA that codes for a protein (I don’t remember if it includes RNA or not, but whatever). As such, all living things have *multiple* genes, and thus, we are all multi-gene life forms.

      Secondly, chimeras are actually fairly common (this is one of the few things I still remember from first year biology). What happens is the cell of the mother ends up getting into the blastocyst when she is pregnent, and as such, the child may have cells in his body that have the same DNA as his/her mother. I forget the details, but bottom line: chimeras aren’t rare.

      Thirdly, all multi-celled (and some single celled) organisms have mitochondria in their cells. Mitochondria has its own DNA, and I’d be surprised if there aren’t genes in there that the cell chromosomes don’t have (I need confirmation on this one though). Same goes for chloroplasts in plants.

      Lastly, multi-call is not prety much all life. And I don’t know what curtain has to do with anything.

    • Anonymous

      Nope. Multi-gene is all life including protozoa and bacteria which are single-celled. The human genome itself has 20 000 genes. It’s why the Human Genome Project took so long. A gene is a segment of genetic material (in humans and all multi-celled organisms the genetic material is DNA) that encodes for 1 or many proteins that manifest a particular phenotype (even if that phenotype is microscopic). 

    • Anonymous

      Nope. Multi-gene is all life including protozoa and bacteria which are single-celled. The human genome itself has 20 000 genes. It’s why the Human Genome Project took so long. A gene is a segment of genetic material (in humans and all multi-celled organisms the genetic material is DNA) that encodes for 1 or many proteins that manifest a particular phenotype (even if that phenotype is microscopic). 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ULUK3HNFCHM6ZAJOVACZ3YQDZA Hathor Liderc

    You know there ARE Edgeworth versions of “Hold it!” and “Take that!” circulating the interwebs.

    …just sayin’

  • Anonymous

    That was a really weird movie adaptation of Tekken. I have little to no idea what the existentialist gibberish at the beginning was supposed to mean, NO idea what the fuck the childhood flashback was about (he threw his kid off a conveniently placed cliff? …. I have no words), and I’ve never seen an anime with more poorly executed fight scenes. And that’s really saying something considering some of the anime I’ve watched. I mean REALLY saying something. Who the hell put this movie together? I feel I should be blaming someone. 

    Good solid review, though. I thought the cameos were a bit unnecessary, but they did make me smile. A comparison of the live-action movie would be very very interesting hehehe.    

    • Anonymous

      They tried to reinact the start of TEKKEN (the game) storyline where the actual game’s story began with Heihachi throwing Kazuya off a cliff which leads to Tekken 1’s story of how Kazuya wants payback by throwing Heihachi off a cliff (which is the actual ending at leads into 2) however they botch this up with getting Jun involved in the anime and her stopping Kazuya late in the anime when in 2’s story Heihachi throws Kazuya into a volcano but leaving Jun pregnant with Jin (hero of 3 and the live action movie). I had no problem with the whole cliff thing and Kazuya surviveing since that followed the storyline of the game I just didn’t like the whole Jun stopping Kazuya thing. That was cheesy.

      I did find the live action comparrison to the Tekken live action flick preatty cool even though Kazyua didn’t look like Kazuya at all (for the longest time I thought he was Lee). Also Bryan Fury had a mustache, Steven fox’s actor played the main character in DEATH RACE 2 and knew how to use guns, Raven knew ninjitsu but knew how to use guns too, Heihachi was played by the same guy who played Shang Tsung in the MK live action movie and his role blew chunks, and Christy’s style was ‘mixed martial arts’ not ‘caporiea’ but some of the other characters looks were actually preaty good and close to their game character counter part. 

      However who was Carlos? I don’t remember a Carlos in a Tekken game?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=639420590 Peter Kowalzky

    You know you missed the end of the movie, right? Was that intentional?

  • Grim 2.0

    THOSE EYEBROWS

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=538482734 Devin Jones

    anyone find the cameos the worst part of a great video

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Adams/100000590812952 Matt Adams

    Stars for the “Green Bird” Song, Cowboy bebop reference. Gave me goose bumps.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Klaus-Heid/100000547916593 Klaus Heid

    Great work Spoony. Now Tekken is on the “Top Movies” at Movie2k.to. *lol*

  • Timothy Malear

    Kudos for the Cowboy Bebop reference.

    Also: I THINK that scar on Kazuya is some sort of scar from a demon or something (conjecture based upon him somehow gaining demonic powers in one tekken game). So it DOES play an integral part to his story, but that doesn’t mean said story is GOOD.

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      Kazuya’s scar is actually from Dear Ol’ dad dropping him down a chasm. A nice reminder that Heihachi deserves to be thrown into a volcano.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1380189960 David Chase Hawisher

    “wash your neck” means he’s gonna cut his head off. It was actually a traditional saying.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charles-Day/100001896495133 Charles Day

    Nice try Pocahantas, but next time throw a grenade.

  • http://twitter.com/BulletLogic BulletLogic
  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7JEJ3JIT4MPMBXPZ3UESEU2R3E Winsom

    I’m still in shock at how much “Green Bird” from Cowboy Beebop fixed the assassin hotel room fight. Even the explosion was in time! Mind…blown…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1844221904 Kevin Cutrara

    I love your cowboy bebop reference, I thought of that the second I saw her throw the grenade.

  • Nicolae Carpathia

    Did the main character seriously say “Those two must be up to something,” after one of them interrupted their martial arts battle with a rocket launcher, and loudly voiced her intention to kill them later that day?

    I’m trying to think of something he could possibly have said that would have been MORE painfully obvious, but nothing’s coming to mind.

  • Anonymous

    Were those hospital socks> I’ve got like 9 pairs of them they make awesome slippers. Good for running too feet don’t slip in the shoe as much.

  • http://www.facebook.com/WesAHolliday Wes Holliday

    I spent the better part of my years trying to avoid Filmbrain and his stretched out last syllable of every single fucking sentence. So I sarcastically thank you for reminding me that he exists.

  • http://www.facebook.com/juhomattik Juho-matti Kallio

    You do fight dinosaurs in Tekken. Don’t forget Gon. (Who, i guess, also wears boxing cloves. Not that he can do anything with his teeny-tiny hands)

    • http://twitter.com/Authentic_EI Emran Ismail

       Gon would fart on you. I hated that little bastard

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002196971339 Jack Vandenbosch

    lol i love this video just for the clever cowboy bepop reference

  • Elijah White

    holy crap he made a pokemon reference. “he wants to be the best like no one ever was”, is the first line in the original pokemon theme song!!! lol YES!! awesome spoony just awesome!!!

  • Tom Dongolo

    I hate how you finish with regarding the Tekken storyline silly, with nobody paying attention to it.
    Tekken 4 showed just how great a story the series can have if Namco decides to stop fucking around for one moment. I wish the new games would follow in it’s steps, instead of being as fucking lame as they are today.

    If you look at the Tekken 5 and 6 End Movies, they’re absolutely fucking lame, pointless and boring. Complete, utter waste of CGI.

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      I haven’t even played 6. I just feel like Tekken’s not bringing anything significant. I know people say story doesn’t matter in fighting games, but I love to piece together the story through cut scenes.

    • Josh Thompson

      It isn’t Julia it is her adopted mother Michelle!! Michelle was in the first 2 Tekken games and Tekken Tag. Then Julia showed up. Somewhere between Tekken 2 and 3 Michelle adopted Julia and is even in Julia’s Tekken 3 ending!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jbhaslach John Barton Haslach

    I just love June’s completely face-palmingly stupid question: Why are you so upset? Is it because your father threw you off that cliff? No June. He is angry because his pizza didn’t arrive on time. OF COURSE IT’S BECAUSE HIS DAD THREW HIM OFF THAT CLIFF YOU FUCKING BIMBO!!

  • Gregory Bogosian

    2:28 You are channeling Brad Jones. 16:12 The giant eyebrows are fudging hilarious. 22:30 Miles Edgeworth is awesome.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah, lions always throw their cubs off cliffs. You know the title card for The Lion King right after Simba is presented? It cuts to black because there’s a deleted scene wherein Rafiki prompty drops the kid and Mufasa calls down “Work your way back up; you’re not prince until you do! Anyhow, in the meantime, I’m gonna go chide your uncle for not attending.”

  • mbroching

    I really hate anime, i think its stupid, perverted, plot holes everywhere, they just all look the same, and I honestly think the animation is just boring. AND WOW this looks bad even by anime standards.

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      I think you have limited experience with anime, because I have watched anime film and TV that is just as great as any classic fiction from any other country. As for looking the same, anime doesn’t look the same from decade to decade, or from anime to anime. Yes, some anime have the same basic style, but if you are honest with yourself, some American cartoons are the same.

      If you want, tell me what genre you’re into and I will recommend a non-suck anime.

      • sanktmikael

        Yeah, like he’s ever seen any anime other than Naruto and Bleach.

        • OgdruJahad

          One episode of Code Geass would change his opinion almost immediately. It did for me.

          • sanktmikael

             Right on, Code Geass is the shit.

          • Doleth

            Come on, people from two years ago, Code Geass would entirely validate his opinion on anime, and that’s coming from someone who kinda liked it! Monster would prove him wrong though, and it stars Spoony as doctor Tenma!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JZYNQ57TNDX6PL2YIET65HYUMI Remy

    OH MY GOD BEST COWBOY BEBOP REFERENCE OF ALL TIME.

  • Anonymous

    haha fuk, i couldnt hear anything spoony said coz i was laughing so hard over those eyebrows xDD

  • http://twitter.com/Spokavriel Daniel Thomas Stack

    One of the first things I noticed in this was Burton was missing. What I wonder is how you went through this whole review without noticing yourself.

    Also someone else likely already clued you in but I feel I should say it anyway. Wash your neck is a threat more or less saying get ready for your head to be chopped off. It goes back to the days of Feudal Japan when shoguns and their subordinates could and would chop people’s heads off. And also the finishing blow in seppuku when someone’s second puts them out of their misery with a clean decapitating strike. Done to regain honor.

    Allot of history. Heck allot of history to these comments too. Nearly 400 of them and I really don’t want to hit the load more enough times to see for sure if what I wanted to comment on was already said or not.

    Why isn’t it paged so you aren’t having to reload everything currently showing every time you select to see more?

    • gallowsCalibrator413

      A lot of sites I’ve seen that use this comment system seem to have that problem. Even CNN.com, if I’m not mistaken. Also, the main Disqus site itself. Maybe it’s not a standard feature of Disqus?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_45SIYM4H2CTIWNMWSAADCYCAFE E

    Wow. Just wow. “Why are you so upset? Is it because your dad threw you off that cliff?” 

    And I guess that, with the historical background, the threat makes sense. But, it’s one of those things that doesn’t translate over well from Japanese to English. I think that’s where the localization fail that Spoony talks about is coming from. 

  • http://twitter.com/kirana44 C. L. Johnson

    I think “Why are you so upset? Is it because your father threw you off that cliff?” has become a meme amongst my friends. Thanks, Spoony!

    And if you think Kangeroo’s can’t be dangerous, then you’ve clearly not watched The Mighty Boosh (if you have, then you’ll know what I’m talking about).

  • Anonymous

    I saw this movie & its not that bad. I’ve seen worse *cough Christmas with The Kranks cough*, my point is that everybody has a different taste in movies. If there is one thing me & Spoony can agree on & that is Reb Brown is f***ing AWESOME. Besides compare this movie to say either Space Thunder Kids or Garzy’s Wing, Tekken is a masterpiece.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6HMTHYLJKFDPCLYCJDTVEFHNNE Tom

      A movie being bearable doesn’t mean it’s not bad. It’s definitely higher on the spectrum than Space Thunder Kids and Garzey’s Wing though…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Amanda-Low/100000931121608 Amanda Low

    “And she’s wearing heels!”
    Umm, dude? I’ve seen girls do CART WHEELS in 8″ heels. Do NOT underestimate women and our ability to adapt to fashion death traps

    • Brian Frang

      Being physically capable of fighting in heels without breaking one’s ankles does not make it a smart idea to do so. I don’t care how good she is in those heels, she’s a better fighter in flats or barefoot.

  • MrSaxon

    My father threw me off a cliff. I wasn’t upset about it.

  • http://twitter.com/Authentic_EI Emran Ismail

    I like movie but I hate how they kill off Anna because she’s important to the tekken storyline.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Max-Handlen/100003575090620 Max Handlen

    This is dumb even for anime.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Max-Handlen/100003575090620 Max Handlen

    In the game Lei was suppose to be Jackie Chan as much as Law was Bruce Lee. 

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/ZSBLGUINLZBN6JEJQFNQNX5IOA Angelica

    Hey I’d pick a kangaroo. They’re actually quite hostile to people in Australia. 

  • OgdruJahad

    “Why are you so upset? Is it because your father threw you off that cliff?”
    “Oh well done Holmes, I think you’ve solved this mystery!”

    I had to pause it for like 5 minutes while I stopped laughing. My stomach hurts now…

  • JimmyTehFreak

    it finally hit me.. one of the best jokes in this movie is completely out of context. the whole multi-gene lifeform thing isnt supposed to be shocking because it’s a multi-gene creature.. it’s supposed to be shocking because, barring an alien invasion – the creature was manmade.. and man isnt supposed to be able to create multigene lifeforms.. well.. besides babies.  basically it says no to clones.. kinda ruins the joke

  • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

    Film brain really takes me out of your reviews. But its a cool idea you had and I respect that. But he really stops your reviews dead and seems really out of place. Its a nice contrast in the long run. On the plus side, his review style and production make your review style and production look like a multi-million dollar production!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonny.nordstrom Jonny Nordström

    …and cowbells

  • Joe E Dangerously

    At 7:25, there is a criminally missed opportunity to use Insano. I guess the guy was too busy… With SCIENCE!

  • http://twitter.com/IanHaverkamp Ian Haverkamp

    Spoony have you ever though of doing a series where you review specific anime? i dunno, one piece, or bleach, or in my opinion the piece of shit called narruto. or mayber completly shitty anime nobody have ever heard of. Cheers!

    • http://electricsistahood.com KL

      When would he have time for those 300+ episode shows? BTW, One Piece rocks, Bleach is okay, and Naruto: you haven’t even laid eyes on it in years: get over it.

      • Felipe Sarabia

        while I agree on the long-time series, the short stupid ones -and OVAs- might be interesting, after all, his history with this sort of crap has always been pretty funny.

  • Hitokiri Akins

    You know, they did the “nudity fan service” thing in Darksiders too. I know this because when I was stationed overseas, a buddy of mine had a LOT of anime that we went through because we couldn’t understand the local television because of the language barrier.

  • http://twitter.com/Das_Bass Das_Bass

    If Spoony only watched more anime. He had a great chance to use the secret agent with the huge eye brows from FLCL. They even point it out in the show at least 3-5 times. But he did use the church scene end fight song from Cowboy Bebop, so I’m happy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/regina.lord.9655 Natalie Norment

    One of the best reviews, especially with Film Brain. Loved his review of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Anyone who thinks Spoony should not have done crossovers are idiots. As a respectable fan, I like the fact that Spoony continues to do crossovers and it pisses me off that they would attack anyone who had a different view than he did. C’mon, people, aren’t we civilized human beings? Anyway, bigups to both Spoony and Film Brain for tearing this movie a new ass. I will admit that I would have bought this movie regardless, but I rented it instead. Twice. And now that I think about it, the live action movie should have been much more linked to the canon series than it having its own version of Tekken. If someone is going to produce a movie based on the video game franchises, stick to the original story instead of making your own. The same goes for the asswipe of Paul W.S. Anderson who developed his own version of Resident Evil. Other than that, I just can’t stand the idea that Spoony has to deal with his fanbase trying to control his life or what he does on the internet. For fuck sakes, get a life, you morons. Anyway, that’s all I’m saying. This is Natalie Norment signing out!

  • novaargh

    For god sake that idiot is here aswell, i can’t watch the video when that filmbrainidiot is in there aswell

    • gallowsCalibrator413

      Okay, then don’t watch the video. Click the little left arrow button in your browser, or close the tab, or if you really can’t take it there’s always Alt+F4.
      Just saying, this website does not belong to you, nor do any of the videos; I’m pretty sure the RIGHTFUL owner of said site and videos would not exactly be pleased with you saying this about someone HE chose to include in HIS videos.

  • Brent Hyde

    that sentence mean that his Iron fist will kill Kazuya and and he will then procede to tell ogre power (for those who haven’t played tekken 3) ogre is the final boss and the god of fight I believe

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Schmidt/100000349635671 Michael Schmidt

    i remember the first time i was thrown off a cliff

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Schmidt/100000349635671 Michael Schmidt

    haha never caught the cowboy bebop reference before tonight

  • Jesse

    She’s Tea from Yugi-Oh!

  • Metostopholes

    Wait a minute… a nuclear bomb blowing up a volcano?

    Heihachi is Lord Zenu!

  • likalaruku

    The shower scene wasn’t ripped from Street Fighter. It was pretty much mandatory for all Seinen animes to have at least one.

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