The Barbarians – CORRECTION!

The Spoony One | Apr 25 2014 | more notation(s) | 

If I’m going to give the Barbarians the finger, I might as well do it right.

  • Brian Arkle Webber

    Yeah, honestly the crossbow jamming would’ve actually been less stupid.

  • NeedlerFanPudge

    Man, advertising before websites was hard. You just had to say “go to a random store and ask about us!”

  • Michael Houwer

    the director tries to fool you in thinking the blond guy is aware that he has no fingers but can shoot with his stump fingers all the same. But then the blond guy totally forgets that he doesn’t have fingers and can’t. Just weird and stupid, like the rest of the movie.

  • JariKiv

    I find it actually kind of clever, just completely terrible executed.

  • http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A27OW0P38B28OP/ref=cm_aya_bb_pdp Relytia

    I can’t help but feel the awesome foreshadowing of him losing his fingers at the beginning was lost in the woefully executed fight scene. They should have made it so that after a long and arduous fight, he falls to the ground and pulls out the crossbow in a desperate final attempt to kill them and then have it not work because of his lack of fingers. Oh well. Whatever…

    Oh boy, GAME VIDS AGAIN!? That’s gonna’ be awesome. I love your movie reviews Spoony, but I’m definitely looking forward to you getting back to games for a bit.

    Also, may I suggest a new riff theater video or two? Been watching the old Wendy’s and Game Crazy vids and they’re so awesome. Would love a new one one of these days.

    • TheTundraTerror

      If he had a crossbow… why wouldn’t he use it from a distance?

      • Daniel Tilson

        He’s basically an idiot TTT, I’m sure you’ve noticed.

    • Patrick Coyle

      I’d agree that the execution is what really ruins this. I would have bought it if he desperately, instinctively tries to grab something to save himself, but uses the wrong hand and his missing fingers end up dooming him. But bringing a crossbow, carefully drawing it with the wrong hand, carefully aiming it with the wrong hand, and only then realizing that he’s using the wrong hand, and NOT CHANGING HANDS, is beyond stupid.

  • Gerudon

    I’m not even sure, if he would use his left, he probably would have got himself a special trigger. I mean, why would he even care that crossbow otherwise or did it hang from his belt for 15 years without EVER using it? :D

    BTW: You have to love the message of the movie: Show mercy and it will bite you in the ass eventually.

  • Adam Hebert

    Im glad you caught this, I was just about to point it out to you. After watching your review I went to watch the movie. There is a scene at the beginning where the sorceress is holding the bitten off fingers and tells the king that he should kill the two kids or it will haunt him. And then realized that the reason he couldn’t fire the crossbow was because he was missing his fingers. I had to pause the movie because I was laughing my ass off so hard at how dumb it was.

    • doresh

      This certainly has a sort of irony, but being doomed because you’re missing two fingers shouldn’t happen if you’ve lived without those fingers for 10+ years.

      Unless it’s about playing “Typing of the Dead”.

  • Josh

    I don’t think “The Barbarians” merchandise was popular. I couldn’t find a single shirt on ebay.

    • doresh

      That’s because collector’s have stored them safely into their safes.

  • Eric Moreland

    I have a replica 16th century hunting-crossbow. The trigger is long enough for you to pull it with ring and pinky finger only.

    • doresh

      They don’t really have gun triggers. It’s more like a trigger the size of a door handle you just squeeze against the crossbow. I also assume it doesn’t take nearly as much force to pull than say a revolver. You could probably pull that with a stump. Sure, holding it steady is hard with a single hand, but the target is basically right in front of him.

    • Daniel Tilson

      The trigger is long enough to do that, if you’re trying to.

      Typically, the trigger would have been pulled with those two fingers that were missing. So he would have had to adjust to use the ring and pinky fingers.

      Unless you have trained to make it second nature, this adjustment requires thought, which this villain is obviously incapable of, especially in the heat of the moment.

      • Eric Moreland

        I have to admit that the trigger mechanism on the crossbow in that “movie” is kind of weird. 8B Why would a person with missing fingers have such a trigger mechanism. I’ve seen models with a thumb operated trigger. Most triggers on medieval (old time) crossbows are the size of a door handle, you don’t even need a hand to fire them. You can just fire them with a tap of your wrist if must be.

  • http://www.redhotkicks.net/ Mister Cerberus

    “I can’t even think that stupidly” got me.

  • sourt

    I don’t think the writers thought of this stuff, but personally, I think it’s a plausible situation.

    The brain remembers a lot of stuff. Ever seen the Dr. House episode with the war veteran with a missing arm that felt pain because his brain believed it was still there and was trying to contract the muscles that didn’t exist anymore?

    • doresh

      Phantom pain is a subconcsious thing. This villain guy has plain forgotten that he lost two fingers over 10 years ago, a fact with which he is most likely confronted several times each day.

      • ace42

        Exactly. Even assuming he had forgotten he had lost some fingers – why would he take a weapon along that he can’t possibly have used successfully in the last decade? “Oh, killing the twins is a special occasion, I’ll take ol’ Shooty along, I’ve not used him in FOREVER… And no, I’m not going to practice with it to make sure I’m still competent, or test fire it to make sure the sinews are still supple after years and years of neglect! I’ll test it on the battlefield!”

        • Daniel Tilson

          Reflexive action.

          In that moment, even less than in the rest of the movie, he wasn’t thinking. Muscle memory kicked in, and he tried to do something he’d probably done successfully hundreds of times in the past.

          As for why he didn’t train to use the weapon properly without those fingers, that I can’t answer with any form of certainty, but I’d guess it had something to do with that whole “I’ll do anything you want” promise, and coming up with new and inventive ways to torment the foolish queen lady using it. Or possibly with his obsession with the ruby…

          • Zefram Mann

            Umm, no, sorry. Bullshit. Watch the video again.
            He draws the crossbow from his RIGHT side, which means when he was loading up for the fight he hung the crossbow on the side he knew was crippled.
            This movie is like an onion of stupid, and every time someone tries to defend it another layer is revealed.

          • sourt

            You guys are probably right, after reading your perspectives on the subjects I understand that it’s probably impossible to find an explanation for this situation that would make the scene believable. Also I educated myself on phantom pain a bit, because I was working with limited knowledge on the subject, and the only example I could remember was indeed the Dr. House episode. So forgive me if my post sounded really stupid, I would definitely not vote for anything having that little information :)

          • J.G. te Molder

            But that’s the point, isn’t it. After ten years of training/fighting/practising without his fingers (having a queen to torment is irrelevant, seriously, did he also not eat? You’d think he has more enemies that he either wants to conquer or who want to conquer him, than a single band of carnies) his muscle memory should have been rewritten to new muscle memory that has him use his fingerless hand as support and his fingered hand on the trigger.

        • J.G. te Molder

          Well, unless he reversed the hands; the lost fingered hand being the support and the left hand used for the trigger; which begs the question why he didn’t hold it like that.

          But, yeah; even if the dude regularly felt his phantom fingers; in no way excuses that that he just plain forgot (to adapt to) having no fingers over a decade.

    • Garmrspor

      You never heard of phantom pain outside of House, M.D…? I don’t mean to offend. I’m genuinely surprised.

  • Steve-o Anders

    Surely that crap-tacular advert at the end can’t be real?! Dear God. And yes Spoony, take that poster down!

  • Deacon Hagan

    How sad is it that the movie Sniper addresses this issue.

  • http://www.rangergamespublishing.com/ Ranjr

    Clearly the hard-drinkin’ GM waited till after the player rolled the crossbow ranged attack to remind him that he had lost the fingers required to fire the weapon (10 years previous) especially since he had forgotten to retrain for that weapon to be switched to his off-hand but since “he always has his crossbow with him” it was allowed that it be available to draw. Note to self: I may need to take it easy on the role-playing games. I remember this movie from the drive-in when I was a kid and take drunken ironic-joy in the copy I have of it occasionally but a POSTER!?.

  • NeroAngelo

    honestly, this guy does seem like a big enough dumbass to forget he lost his fingers roughly 20 years ago

    we’re talking about the guy that tortured and let these two kids work out for almost all of their lives, only to put them in disguises so flimsy you’d have a better chance of putting paper plates and rubber bands on their heads when he could’ve just stabbed them when that bitch wasn’t looking

  • PeaTearGryfin

    I never noticed this until now, but when the brothers do that silly roar thing, it kinda sounds like they are doing a Wookie impression.

    • Valnar

      Really? I got more of a Tusken Raider vibe out of it…Wookie sounds way different, imo.

      • Daniel Tilson

        Agreed.

        Wookie has more of a trill to it.

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      Oddly, I got more of a “Tom Hanks breaking the bathtub through the floor in The Money Pit” feel more than anything.

      I guess that’s the magic of the moose-call: it means a little something different to everybody.

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    I’m more interested in the fact that even the Beef-Twins spat up in disgust after kissing each other. See, they found the sudden incest icky, too!

    Speaking of icky, my god, that shameless merchandise is tacky! It’s not even proper barb-wear. Find something, skin it, slap over your crotch, boom, now you look like a barbarian and less like goddamn Mr. Clean!

  • The_Hyphenator

    Honestly, I don’t blame you, Spoony. To tell the truth, when I watched the review the first time, I came to the exact conclusion you did, because what actually happened was so stupid, my brain must have gone looking for a more logical explanation. It wasn’t until people in the comments pointed it out that I looked at the clip again and realized that yes, he actually did try to use the crossbow with the fingers he’d been missing for more than a decade.

    Still, props for making the correction video. And thanks for the T-shirt commercials; those were truly special.

  • MrRuse

    Guys, we need to track down that Barbarians merch and send it to Noah.

    Who’s got some hidden in a box they’d rather forget about?

  • Valnar

    Here’s how you can have the loss of his fingers come back and bite him, explained in one sentence:
    He is about to fall to his death, tries to grab a rope to save himself but can’t keep a grip on it because of his missing fingers.
    Took about 2 seconds to think that one up and I’m pretty sure I could come up with a dozen other ways to do this, all of them better than what they did, in maybe an hour if I had to.
    Seriously, what the hell.

    • Casey Williamson

      In the heat of the moment, he challenges them to a bowling tournament…

    • Daniel Tilson

      Draws a bigger sword, attempts to fight barbarians, gets disarmed in a matter of seconds due to foolish one handed grip with missing fingers.

      Holds reins with right hand, falls off due to missing fingers, gets trampled by his own horse.

      Holds reins with right hand, reins get tangled on stumpy glove, falls off. Horse drags through rocks while Barbarians laugh and moose call at him. Later dies of serious septic infection.

      And this last one isn’t about the missing fingers, but rather the sheer stupidity that lead to the entire movie.

      Villain forgets to breathe, dies.

  • CommanderZx2

    We got to get one of those Barbarian shirts for Spoony to wear!

  • TPhoenix

    Is there some kind of subtext to Spoony wearing a “Prisoner” T-shirt in this?

    • Zefram Mann

      Spoony vs a Rover.
      That would be awesome and probably well within his special effects budget.

  • rudy023

    It’s amazing that this movie was even more stupid than you could comprehend. & this may be off topic, but if the Barbarians had gone into wrestling, they might have been an interesting tag team. Of coarse, they would have needed to have a manager to do all the talking for them. I can picture it now, them in a Survivor Series match on a team with the Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan. They would kiss each other and stun their opponents and get a quick pin….then get eliminated so that Hogan and Warrior could get all the glory in the post match celebration….Good Times!

    • Casey Williamson

      *Uses Moose Call to break out of a Sleeper Hold*

  • capthavic

    Yeah that real explanation is just so mind bogglingly stupid. It would be like a paraplegic signing up for the tour de france and not realizing their legs don’t work/missing until they try to move the pedals! How do you even….?

    • Daniel Tilson

      From my understanding, in the heat of the moment, with adrenaline starts pumping, it’s easy to forget that a part is missing. I imagine it would be even easier if only part of the body part was missing, as was the case here.

      Even though consciously, the villain knew that he lacked most of those two fingers, his old training with the crossbow (assuming he had any) would have taken over.

      Not saying it wasn’t stupid, because he should have re-trained to use the other hand, or to pull the trigger with his ring and pinky fingers, but it is plausible that such a thing could happen.

      • Zefram Mann

        So how much adrenaline was pumping when he was gearing up and hung the crossbow on his RIGHT side?

        • Daniel Tilson

          Maybe none, maybe a lot. Maybe I haven’t seen that part since Spoony didn’t show it in the review. From what I could see, he never took it off.

          Either way, he obviously was able to draw the weapon from his right side, so hanging it there wasn’t the problem. The problem was in adjusting his grip on the weapon, which, as I said, can be explained.

          Regardless of whether or not that situation could happen, the most likely explanation for it happening in the movie is that they were stuck for an ending, and decided that the “sorceress’s” (in quotes because she never used any magic that I could see, even when confronted by a giant penis.) prophecy in the early portion would come true, and decided that the crossbow was the easiest way to make it happen.

      • capthavic

        Maybe if he just happened to pick it up in the heat of battle, desperate for any weapon to defend himself with, like at the last moment when the heroes have him on the ropes. But that’s not what happened, he prepared and rode out specifically for this fight. Hell he had plenty of time to switch it to his other hand even after realizing the obvious error. If I ever lost two important fingers on my dominant hand you bet I would always be aware of that and take it into account when preparing to fight. As people have pointed out they could have found a reasonable excuse but this is just the bad guy being a complete moron.

  • Rick S

    Need more Barbarians !

  • orangeluigi

    Wow, this must have been the most horrible film spoony has reviewed. The plot was atrocious, the characters completely and utterly stupid, and the main “villain” of the film totally incompetent in killing the “heroes” or being any sort of threat to anyone.

    • http://filmrunner.wordpress.com/ Film Runner

      You haven’t seen his Highlander: The Source review have you?

      • orangeluigi

        Don’t recall if I have, but this movie was just horrible. At least in other films spoony has reviewed like DOA, they had a least some coherent plot and the characters weren’t completely stupid.

        • Garmrspor

          Shhh. Just go watch the aforementioned review.

    • Daniel Tilson

      He has reviewed far worse movies.

      Including one that even the assholes that made it apologized for. Highlander 2

      • PeaTearGryfin

        To be fair, that movie was more the product of the director getting fucked over for going over budget.

  • Patrick Coyle

    Not nearly as awesome a payoff as Admiral Horatio Nelson putting a spyglass up to his blind eye and saying “I don’t see any retreat signal. Keep firing, assholes!”

  • asnaes

    I actually saw it. Way back in the 90’s. OOOOOOOOOOOOOH snap, no I didn’t!

  • SUPERSOUP

    Did that announcer just say ‘the Barbarian’s sexcess?’

    By the way, nobody cares, Spoony. Although good on you for intellectual honesty. Would have rather known what game you were doing, but whatever.

    • wizzbang

      Spoony cares. He’s a professional.

      Also there were a LOT of people whining about it in the comments of the last video.

  • Brownie_the_3rd

    Something that is getting overlooked is the fact that the villain was going to try and use a SINGLE shot crossbow to kill the TWO heroes, the plan was full of fail before he even tried to fire it with his missing fingers

    • Jonathan Andersson

      Yeah, that’s what I thought. Even if he had managed to kill one of them, he’d be standing there with an empty crossbow and watch as the other brother gets really thirsty for his blood.

      Unless he can reload it in less than three seconds or it’s one of those crossbows with multiple bolts (which I doubt was even invented at that time), his ass is grass in any outcome of that scene.

    • ThomasMink

      Honestly, this is something I was thinking as well during the review.
      I mean.. he pulled out a crossbow on two guys. Ok… charge him! Don’t stand there looking stupid so he can get a clean shot off on one of you.

      Sooo yea, my brain was hung up on that instead of the missing fingers. Oh well. :)

  • babea44713

    Well it is obvious that he psychologically reverted to the old version of himself who actually had the fingers, which is a well researched psychological phenomenon known as barbarianis nofingeratum reversis. Look it up.

    • endplanets

      That actually could have worked.
      Bad guy finds out the bros sent off the crystal, has a flashback to him attacking the village long ago. Confronts the bros, has a flashback where he is back at the village and the bros are kids. The flashback is transposed over the current fight. Bad guy remembers how much the bros have humiliated him and goes full psycho, gains power and beats the bros up in general combat. Bro #1 is down and out. Bad guy says that after he kills the bros he will burn the village and steal back the crystal. This enrages Bro #1, who gains their second wind and he breaks Bad guy’s left arm and then collapses due to the exertion.
      Bad guy is knocked out of his bloodlust and mostly reverts to normal. He whips out his crossbow (which he normally uses with his left arm) and points it at Bro #2 saying that after he shoots him he will kill Bro #1 who is weak. He goes to pull the trigger with his right hand and since he is still mentally in the flashback he thinks he has his fingers. He realizes that he can’t shoot, Bro #2 says “we are no longer children”, kills Bad Guy and heals bro. End.

  • J.G. te Molder

    I missed it. I didn’t notice it was his fingerless hands either.

  • Nick Gaston

    It doesn’t help that the way his costume was designed—with his leather “stump mitten” designed to cover the actors lack of stumps—and shot in the closeup, it just looks like he’s clawing at the trigger with the knuckle of his glove. Which, of course, he is.

    I’d think that the slightly better idea would have been to spend a couple of dollars from the penisdragon budget to give the baddie an obvious “gnarled finger stub” prosthetic, at least for that one shot. So at least it’s CLEAR what kind of stupid he is.

    Maybe even better would have been to show his with an awesome custom crossbow for most of the movie, with an obvious handicap-accessible trigger, and have him lose it before the final fight…maybe he rides up to the twins with a henchman, the twins kill the minion and wreck the crossbow, and the villain thoughtlessly picks the standard-issue crossbow off the minion’s body—only for the “whoops! No fingers!” bit to get him.

    I mean, it’d still be STUPID, but at least it’d be stupid with a decent resume.

  • http://www.edinburghcomputerrepairs.co.uk NoviceTechie

    Why would you teach children to bite off people’s fingers anyways? Clowns are clearly evil

    • doresh

      I’d say it’s clever. Teaching your kids to bite the evil man’s body parts off can be quite useful in these lawless times.

  • Guest

    Maybe he had some phantom limb issues going on. But you would’ve thought he has at least fired it once before this final showdown.

  • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

    They had merchandise for this movie?

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      I find it adorable they assumed they would even get an audience for this movie, especially 5 years after the much-better (though much-less meaty) Conan The Barbarian movie was famous.

      And TWENTY PLUS YEARS later, here we are!

      • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

        I can imagine what type of mentality went into making this movie, that twice as many barbarians would make this movie twice as popular. It’s the same mentality that shows in all Italian mockbusters of the time, when they try to compete with movies like Road Warrior simply by adding more exploitative gore and rape.

        • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

          That’s like making a Predator mockery and just having a bunch of macho-motherfuckers shoot into the jungle a bajillion goddamn times, because *that’s* what made fans love the original so much!

          • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

            Exactly. It also shows a severe lack of confidence in one’s product, if they don’t think their movie will sell without adding lots of extra violence and titties everywhere. Companies like The Asylum and the Siffy-channel’s original movies keep up this proud tradition, but I can’t help but feel that the schlock of yesteryear often had a certain backwards charm to it, like a clumsy basset hound tripping on its own ears.

          • doresh

            I think it’s just like with parodies: contemporary producers just don’t give a shit anymore.

          • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

            Neither did many of the money-grubbers before, but somehow shooting it on film manages to often fake that there has been some type of effort.

          • doresh

            I’d assume it’s because of the actors. Either they actually do put effort, or they take the Jeremy Irons route and overact like crazy.

          • http://mara999.deviantart.com/ MaraBackman

            Most likely.

  • endplanets

    It would be awesome if Spoony actually got one of those barbarian shirts. Shirts made out of BADASS cotton no less. Go pillage (purchase) them at a store. Granted the ads themselves reveal that real barbarians run around in a thong rendering the whole thing pointless.

    Anyway, before you go review games go review Noah. It just never ends.

  • SR

    Apparently you didn’t edit that segment at the end. I realized this half way through. I don’t know how they were able to get away with the kissing scene in the commerical, but they found a way. Also, I want a Barbarians shirt all of a sudden for some odd reason,

  • locoma

    OMG THAT TSHIRT, do a review of The Prisoner!!! it’s so bizarre it’s awesome. It does gets repetitive, but to watch it from time to time is really enjoyable :D

  • http://jesse-dylan.livejournal.com Jesse_Dylan

    Apparently he hasn’t used a crossbow for 15 years but decided to bring it along anyway, and… uh oh!

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      The funny thing is, he even looks at the *crossbow* instead of his missing fingers when it won’t fire and keeps trying to fiddle with the mechanical bits as if THAT will get it to suddenly work (pretty understandable to think it jammed when the actor gives that reaction, because I don’t think he was expecting his fingers to grow back right then and there).

      This “villain” really is the master of “well, I sure didn’t think that through”, which kind of reflects the writer of the movie, what with the, “oh, right, I forgot there was this big, main bad guy, and we’re already at the end of the movie…did not think this through. Oh well, he suddenly appears on horseback, the end!”

      • http://jesse-dylan.livejournal.com Jesse_Dylan

        Yeah, I never would have known it had anything to do with his missing fingers from watching the film. It never occurred to me until the correction.

        • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

          That’s okay, it didn’t occur to the villain, either.

          See, if HE didn’t realize it, it’s okay if we make the same mistake…GOD, what a useless antagonist.

  • Zack_Dolan

    I’m gonna hear that goddamn barbarian….i dunno roar? bleat? whatever…that friggin NOISE in my nightmares for weeks to come….

    • doresh

      This is what the demonic choir must sound when you enter hell.

    • Ictiv

      I’d call it a groar, but that’s probably just me.

      But yes. My dreams will be haunted by the otherworldly lamentations of the buffalo as well.

    • gallowsCalibrator413

      They are like apes! Or just giant howler monkeys!

  • Garmrspor

    I am not a number, I am a free man!

  • Art Salmons

    When guys are in life or death combat, then yes, they could easily forget that they lost their fingers. Look at boxing, sometimes the fighters are so ‘gone’ that they swing at the referee without realizing it. It’s a giant adrenaline haze.

    • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

      Was he in an adrenaline haze when he decided to bring a weapon he couldn’t use in the first place? That’s like a man who had his dick bitten off carry around a condom 15 years later. “I dunno, maybe the adrenaline haze will make it magically grow back. Y’never know!”.

      Or maybe the writer literally had a gun pointed to his head and was in an adrenaline haze when he made all these stupid moments in the movie. “A wizard did it”, there we go.

    • bloodshed113094

      That doesn’t add up. If he has ever used this crossbow over the last decade, he probably have used his ring finger to shoot it. Otherwise, why would he be carrying a weapon he never uses? It’s not a rare weapon and ammunition should be cheap. It’s not a one hit wonder weapon. Adrenaline haze doesn’t account for stupidity.

  • Bpappa4life

    I think you are over thinking this Spoony. It is very simple, he rolled a 1. Plain and simple.

  • Strelnikov

    I’m going to take some flak for this, but how the chief bad guy died perfectly fit this film; it’s a dumb movie with an idiot plot and stupid characters, so having Richard Lynch forget he is fingerless on his shooting hand just clicks.

  • Treason

    Yes, the real reason is much more dumb than the imagined one.

    Honestly, this scene would’ve made much more sense if the villain got a set of prosthetic fingers to replace the ones he lost. I mean, he’s rich and powerful enough for it. Not to mention that it probably also would’ve been more comfortable for the actor than being forced to use his hand while bending forward his index and middle finger to fit the glove. He could even have had them made out of gold with jewels encrusting them as some sort of decoration or status symbol. Then he could go out of his way to show them off whenever he was on screen, maybe even demonstrate that they were combat-capable by using them to claw out some random guy’s throat or pierce his heart like Bruce Lee. Then when fought the barbarian twins it would’ve made more sense for him to try to finish them off with his right hand, giving him closure for his missing fingers by killing them in a way that would prominently feature his new ones. Then when he failed to pull the crossbow trigger with his prosthetic fingers (either because they were damaged in battle or they weren’t flexible enough) it would’ve been the result of hubris rather than outright stupidity.

  • Anders

    I very much doubt they knew about it, but there’s a condition called anosognosia where you are not aware of, e.g., your arm being paralyzed. They will stoutly deny their condition and even hallucinate to the contrary. That is probably not what was going on here, because the movie is far too stupid for this.

  • http://pkht.org Jim Boom

    Is it just me, or is the Boar’s Head voice-over guy is at the end of this.

  • DrForrester

    What amazes me is he brought that crossbow with the express intent of using it to kill these guys, but had he never fired it before? Obviously if he’s used it before he’d have learned to shoot another way instead of trying to use his missing fingers. And if he hadn’t used it before, it makes so little sense for him to be bringing a single shot weapon that he’s never used before against TWO FUCKING GUYS. I think it actually worked better with his bow just malfunctioning.

  • Wojciech Olczyk

    i think is just funny

  • Commander BB Shockwave

    Ohboy! This guy has to get on the list of Top 10 Stupidest Villains. He probably died with the thought in his head that “Oh, silly me, I have no fingers on my right hand! DOH!” :D

  • Frank K

    It’s called phantom limb syndrome….people lose a limb but still feel that it’s there. Perhaps he also has senility being old and all.

  • Markos_1980

    Yes, given how plastic the brain is, in 15 years he would have adapted to using his other hand for just about everything (with even a measurable -via neuroimaging- increase in the designated areas to his hand and fingers on the motor cortex of the contralateral side), to a relatively ‘good’ degree (depending on practice, but given that this is a fantasy world where everyone fights all the time, that would probably imply constant practice). What I’m trying to say is, that somehow forgetting that he’s missing his hand when bringing the weapon, is simply too stupid to comprehend.
    Phantom limb syndrome (as mentioned by someone below), is indeed a possibility, and can cause patients to momentarily forget that the hand is not there (although the symptoms are thought to be alleviated with time). However, this wasn’t a spontaneous action that occurred soon after the hand was lost, here we’re talking about a guy who planned ahead, and brought a device that he’s probably been accustomed to using with his other hand by now. Motor memory, as most implicit memory, takes a long time, but when it’s in place it can be very difficult to ‘unlearn’. Think about it, If you had to pick up a sword, would you mechanically swing it with your weaker hand? No.

  • Brett

    If I ever DM and have a major villain botch an attack with a bow or a crossbow, this is how I’ll describe it.

  • MemphisAlizay

    After 20 years, he still forgets he is missing fingers? My Grandad adjusted after 6 months XD

  • Andrew Milashius

    guys! guys, he botched it! he rolled a one!

  • http://nathanhawks.us/ Nathan Hawks

    “You saw everything there was to see of the giant penis.” As it should be, our good host. As it should be.

  • DerpyDooReviews

    uh spoony?… when you’re trained to use swords you actually do use your ring and pinky finger (thumb included) when swinging, you do not grip the sword with your index and middle finger since after a minute of swinging your fingers would lock up from strain… also you cannot “fire” crossbows or even normal bows, to fire something means using gunpowder, you “shoot” bows and crossbows.

    This has been another pointless fact spew.

    • Louis Deschenes

      Lots of people that hate Spoony can’t seem to stop saying he is always nitpicking. I can say without a doubt that you ARE nitpicking about the “shooting” the crossbow and bow. I am not saying you are wrong, you are right that he should have use shooting instead of firing but you are still nitpicking.

      As for the first part of your comment, I can see that you have absolutely no knowledge yourself about the use of swords. Like one would use his ring and pinky instead of using his stronger finger that are his index and middle finger. As if the smaller fingers wouldn’t lock up from the strain. Actually one uses ALL of his fingers, depending on the maneuver yes the wielder may use or more precisely concentrate on some fingers than others when swinging his sword, eventually a swordsman uses his entire hand, wrist, arm and body to wield effectively a sword. Of course different swords mean different style, different positions, using a broadsword is far different than using a foil for fencing.

      Of course perhaps I have misread you but from your explanation it gives me the
      impression that a swordsman is only using his small fingers to wield a
      sword. If it wasn’t what you meant then my apologies.

      • DerpyDooReviews

        i never said i disliked his nitpicking… also i am a swordsman… i put on shows and teach people how to use swords and other weapons, i also enter full contact tournaments and have rarely lost, i do know what i am talking about when i discuss swordplay.

        You use all the fingers to hold it BUT you do not GRIP the sword with all your fingers, otherwise like many cyclists/motorcyclists; You end up with strained fingers that are numb and difficult to move, you rest the handle into your palm which absorbs the impact and as such you wont need to grip the sword with anything more then a couple of fingers for balance and control, thus why i mentioned the whole not gripping with index and middle finger, also with more room you can make quicker movements by flicking the wrist, if you have all fingers clenched then you have less freedom of movement.

        so yeah you just read it wrong

        • Matrim

          “i never said i disliked his nitpicking… also i am a swordsman… i put
          on shows and teach people how to use swords and other weapons, i also
          enter full contact tournaments and have rarely lost, i do know what i am
          talking about when i discuss swordplay”

          And I slayed the Jabberwocky and saved Narnia.

          “You use all the fingers to hold it BUT you do not GRIP the sword with all your fingers”

          Try and wield a sword effectively in combat without using your index or middle fingers. I’ll wait.

          • jetman123

            Japanese kenjutsu schools teach to grip primarily with the pinky finger, a little less with the ring finger, a little less with the middle finger, and almost nothing with the index. In fact, you should be able to hold your index /completely off/ the sword, straightened completely, and still do everything perfectly fine. As a student of historical European swordfighting from actual historical manuals, I find this technique works very well. I could easily use a sword without my index or middle fingers.

            This is one reason why yakuza lose their pinkies when they fail. Losing your pinky makes you a worse swordsman, forcing you to rely further on the group for protection, and also putting your potential combat livelihood at risk as you start to progressively run out of small fingers.

          • Matrim

            Apparently your study of European swordfighting form didn’t include any rapier, epee, or smallsword techniques…

            “I find this technique works very well. I could easily use a sword without my index or middle fingers.”

            Excuse me, the Jabberwocky may be dead, but now there is a Vermicious Knid is threatening Loompa land. Fortunately I have all my fingers, so I should be able to slay it no problem.

  • jcalveras

    Could you please review the movie called “Darklight”? I think it was made in 2004. It would be amazing to watch you review that jewel. About Barbarians, man… I saw it as a kid a loooong time ago!

  • http://dragonacesg7.tumblr.com/ Dragons_Dusk

    That t-shirt offer at the end… WOW

  • likalaruku

    I thought you were joking about “doughnut hair” being a woman. I’m positive that’s a dude.

  • Rick S

    He could have pulled the trigger with his right hand, using his ring or little finger.

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