New Moon Review (11-22-09)

The Spoony One | Nov 22 2009 | 

For there was never a tale of more woe than New Moon, which surely did blow.

And ANOTHER thing… You know, the more I think about Bella, the more shocked and appalled I am at her behavior. Throughout the movies she displays a neediness and selfishness that verges on sociopathic, almost as if she can’t even begin to comprehend the feelings of others as she leaves misery and broken hearts in her wake– and not just of her potential paramours. Think about her father, Charlie, and all the melodrama he has to put up with. She regularly comes home battered, bruised, and beaten, but answers his honest concerns only with lies. She disappears into the woods, collapses from exhaustion and exposure, causing him to mobilize a town-wide search for her fucking dead body, and returns with absolutely no explanation. Then she drops everything to flee to Italy for an indeterminate amount of time, and even the vampire Alice voices more concern for Charlie’s feelings than Bella does. Her hopeless, helpless, woe-is-fucking-me attitude veers beyond mere misogyny and becomes truly grotesque.

Think about her friends and her mother, whose lives would be devastated if her suicidal thrill-seeking ended her life. Does she care? No, because she can’t see beyond her own needs, acting for months like a petulant child denied her favorite toy. When it becomes clear that becoming a vampire would call off the truce between the Cullens and the werewolves, does Bella care that her incessant demands to become a vampire would therefore put the Cullens (who she claims to care about) in constant, mortal danger? No. Does she care that people are dying, being torn apart by wolves, sucked dry by vengeful vampires, all because she doesn’t have the good sense to get away from undead monsters? No. Does she care that her dad, who dotes on her constantly (only God knows why) has to clean up after these bodies? No. Does she even spare a moment to consider Edward’s feelings against turning her into a monster like him? No.

In fact, her desire to become a vampire is completely selfish as well. She’s worried about getting old, fat, and wrinkly like everyone else, and damn it, that’s not fair! Why should Edward stay young and dreamy for all eternity, and not ME? ME, ME, ME! Even once Edward has gone, I don’t think her pissy mood has as much to do with being alone as hating the thought that Edward could possibly be happy without her.

Anyone who relates to this girl is incredibly disturbed and needs some serious mental help. Anyone who’s ever been in love has perhaps wrestled with the same feelings, the same neediness that Bella experiences in these movies, but good lord, it’s a high school crush. We got over it. We moved on. Sure, that first love and that first loss were hell, but we got a fucking grip on our lives and moved on. You should never have to beg for love, and if you do, it ain’t love.