Wing Commander

The Spoony One | May 3 2010 | more notation(s) | 

Creator’s Commentary

Freddie Prinze Jr and Matthew Lillard pinch-hit for Mark Hamill and Tom Wilson in this cinematic abortion of the once-sublime game series. It’s the worst sci-fi you’ll find without Psychlos: Wing Commander.

  • Aersmith

    Great as always spoony

  • mrpetteri

    spoony YOUR back :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Max-Jochl/100000719748158 Max Jöchl

    Another tiny thing that still annoyed the heck out of me: They renamed the carrier to “Tiger Claw” when in the games it was always called the “Tiger's Claw”

  • Ubersnuber

    He's ze back! ^_^

    It's been so long since my last spoony fix, so maybe I should just see half of it now to avoid a potential OD.

    naaah!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jared.davidson1 Jared Davidson

    HE'S ALIVE!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Georg-Veramme/719603017 Georg Veramme

    Oh hell i remember watching this waaaay back….man it sucked!

    • http://bwmedia.wordpress.com/ ShadowWing Tronix

      I was thinking of the Newtypes (and various AU ripoffs) from the Gundam franchise, which I hadn’t heard of when the movie came out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Max-Jochl/100000719748158 Max Jöchl

    Fun fact: Mark Hamill actually did appear in this abomination – he did the voice of the ship's computer, Merlin.

  • http://twitter.com/mlsterben Ben Littlejohn

    Aww, you remembered my birthday! Thanks, Spoony!

  • blackdeath7070

    Great review

    That was my reaction too when they announce the cast of the film. Really sad for me when i still watch it ,
    I want to puck my eyeballs out after the movie was over .

  • http://www.slowzombies.blogspot.com Slowzombie

    Ah, this is what it's all about, Spoony and some horrible horrible movie or game, in this case a movie game, which could be considered a double whammy as far as rageability (not a word) is considered.

  • dennett316

    Great review, I actually watched this on DVD when it was first released but remembered absolutely ZERO about it…..so yeah, thanks for bringing back such horrible memories.
    Loved the hysterical screaming at the start, Terl is awesome, and why the hell didn't they just use the cast of the game in this?? And am I wrong or is Saffron Burrows just completely devoid of any presence, personality or acting talent in absolutely everything she appears in?? She was out-acted by the fucking rubber sharks in Deep Blue Sea for fuck sake!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/travis.click Travis Click

    So Pilgrams = Newtypes?

  • Salenstormwing

    This is probably the first movie that I honestly wanted my money back for seeing in theaters. I saw Judge Dredd in theaters and this pile of game-related puss was ten times worst. The stupid 'Matrix-Spin' for no good reason, the ship falling DOWN in space, the fighters making noises, Maniac being a complete and utter idiot, the giant hairless Kilrathi looking nothing like tigers or even remotely Kilrathi-like, the most advanced fighters in the whole fleet (the Rapier) looked like they were left overs from 1950's Soviet Russia, GAWD DAMN THIS MOVIE SUCKED ASS!

    *twitch*

    But, on the plus side, Terl came back for the review, and any review that has Terl showing up in it is no bad thing.

    I never liked Maniac in the video game though, since the first time I played the game, the first thing he did when he spotted some Kilrathi fighters in an asteroid field is throw on the afterburners… and plowed right into an asteroid. Two seconds. He lasted all of two seconds. After that, I didn't have a very high opinion of him, even if I did replay the mission so he wouldn't become asteroid-pizza.

  • xain2

    I loved the Terl bit!!!! freakin hilarious! good one spoony!

  • http://bluehighwind.blogspot.com/ BlueHighwind

    I remember seeing this movie as a kid with my Dad. It was one of several really bad Star Wars knock-offs to appear in the 90s (also see Lost in Space, Star Wars Episode 1). Even though I didn't know about the scientific or plot problems, I was just disappointed because of how lame the space battles were: there were none. You just lead the enemy fleet right into David Warner, and that's it? LAME.

    Thought the real problem with this movie was all that Pilgrim-loving propaganda. Those people are scum and the faster we all admit that, the faster our society can move forward.

  • nuinitari

    Saw it on opening day. Only movie that I saw on opening day with a smaller crowd was Phantoms.

  • Overflight

    …my old username was “Psyclone” Thank goodness I changed it recently because you just ruined it forever.

    I have to say: the part where you started screaming your head off at the DVD cover and the three minutes after that made me laugh the hardest I had in the last year. Great job!!

    One more thing I'm amazed you didn't mention: the monitor with the spelling error had the friggin NOKIA logo! What, do they still exist 600 years in the future?

  • coolfirebird

    …oh…oh this hurts. ._. I loved the Wing Commander games and I saw the movie too. I forgot a lot about it. And you know what I first thought? I THOUGHT when they brought up the 'pilgrim' stuff I thought “OH those guys who hate space technology and think it’s against God’s will to use it so they started a mini-like-war and hunt down space ships and stuff to shoot them down?…”

    Wait, I’m thinking Retros from Privateer…But I’m pretty sure that’s who I thought they were when I was younger, watching this. That’s what I remembered until seeing this NOW. ._.

    This sucks. The original movie clips from Wing Commander are FAR better than this crap. Even the not so high tech or make-up was far better than this! EVERYTHING looks better in the Wing Commander Games!

    I completely forgot about this movie. Expect for maybe the end with him using his ‘gift‘ carp and even then I…don‘t really remember it.

    Also, I like Maniac! I mean, I remember him being annoying even in the game, but he was funny annoying. He was even funny when he got stuck at the end of one game, I think it was 2 or 3. XD;
    It was before the FMVs started.

    Oh, and there was one other difference, HE COULD FREAKIN’ FLY. If I remember right, he was one of the best pilots in the game, which is why you put up with his weirdness and annoying shit. While you would never admit it(being that would inflate his ego) if he was with you on as your wingman, you knew you had a good fighter with ya.
    What they did to him in the movie just…*sighs*

    I mean, jeez, remember how mad you’re technician would get(that one blonde girl…can’t remember her name) if you came in with a beat up ship? And man the ships are ugly in this movie.

    And why are the puppets scarier looking!? When they killed someone it was shocking and scary! Also, they towered over humans. Remember then one Kilrathi helping out the humans? He was HUGE!

    *sighs* This just hurts all around…but it does make me wanna play the old games. I wonder if I can find them…

  • TotallyNotBob

    Well to be fair, the fighters would fall coming off the ship if the ship was accelerating upward.

  • memph

    Spoony man….

    That was awesome. Watchin the TGWTG team for the past week was ok, but they dont have your flair. Worth the its time in gold.

    Keep up the good work.

  • furkan1

    sound pretty preeeetttyyy good

  • jewbagel

    Awesome. Definitel worth the wait.
    What a terrifying dvd cover.

    Also, love the new opening scenes.

  • devilfish

    Spoony's back! New intro, the return of Terl, awesome review, … Definitely worth waiting for. Thanks for this, I desperately needed a good laugh.

  • Salenstormwing

    That would be true, but that's not happening in this movie. The logic and physics of this movie take a backseat to the “durr this is how you make a movie like Top Gun” reality imposed on it by the idiots in charge.

    So the movie fails on both the believability factor and the enjoyment factor. This is a crappy movie that tried to cash in on a good video game's name, and I'm still pissed off that my 6 dollars went to pay for this piece of garbage.

  • Nexus_Series

    Screw sound traveling through space and misspelled character names, the biggest flub in this movie was pretending that Freddie Prinze Jr. and Matthew Lillard were tolerable human beings that wouldn't spawn instant homicidal rage toward them.

  • ApatheticOne (the original)

    I thought Joey from FRIENDS was in this… ^_-

  • kylejcrb

    Spoony Plays Wing Commander IV? Oh yes.

  • DemiPatt

    OMG i remember seeing this F*ing Movie! ~Sigh~ so g*d damn embarrassing taking my friends to go see this with me (“>n<”). Let it have it Spoony, Let it have it HARD!!!

  • http://twitter.com/poetsandrebels poetsandrebels

    This was hilarious, and I agree that it was well worth the wait! So happy to see a new video up. Great job, Spoony!

  • thematataunit

    Spoony you have balls having to look at this movie, i love Wing commander too and i can tell you that when i hear of the movie i got it on the internet but the site didnt show any Pic's i thought it was because it was new but when i came in my mail i got the same reaction as you and then i knew that they didnt have Pic's becuase of that!!! P.S i still havnt seen it untill now…… why do you make me suffer Spoony.

  • Juel92

    Finally =D
    Awesome, loved it

  • thatdoucheandrew

    I remember being forced to see this in the theater by my dad when it first came out (for some unholy reason my dad really likes this movie). I didn't know it was based off a game until after seeing the movie and this movie killed any interest I might have had in those games. Great video Spoony!

    • Bondpirate

      I feel your pain. My dad likes this movie too, as well as many other comics or games to movies, like tank girl and Elektra.

  • leukarlung

    yup NOKIA has been around forever and will be around forever and ever untill the end of time.

    • Anonymous

      Indeed. Interesting that Nokia seemed to survive World War III and the resulting Dark Ages in the Trek reboot, too. Obviously Nokia have some sort of secret army & hidden fortress they’re not telling us about.

      • Anonymous

        yup they are hiding them in Finland with all the other strange and scary experiments they are trying to uphold with a straight face to the outside world

      • Anonymous

        yup they are hiding them in Finland with all the other strange and scary experiments they are trying to uphold with a straight face to the outside world

      • Anonymous

        yup they are hiding them in Finland with all the other strange and scary experiments they are trying to uphold with a straight face to the outside world

    • Anonymous

      Indeed. Interesting that Nokia seemed to survive World War III and the resulting Dark Ages in the Trek reboot, too. Obviously Nokia have some sort of secret army & hidden fortress they’re not telling us about.

    • Anonymous

      Indeed. Interesting that Nokia seemed to survive World War III and the resulting Dark Ages in the Trek reboot, too. Obviously Nokia have some sort of secret army & hidden fortress they’re not telling us about.

  • anonns

    seen this movie after the pilot of battlestar galactica because I hadn't seen it before…waste of fucking time…remake should be in order to correct the state of history, mentality, and reputation

  • TP1337

    DAVID FUCKING SUCHET

    He's in this movie?! Poirot! No!

    Poor guy… Everyone must have off days, I suppose…

    And as for the script… Ugh. I want to write scripts, hell, I'm on a screenwriting degree, and a lot of the plot here seems overly superfluous… Is there ANY resolution of the Maniac storyline with the black chick? Do were learn anything else about this universe? And yes, a lot of people seem to be mistaking spacial anomalies of transport these days…

    Oh look, I just noticed my car is a miniature dwarf star! That's why I have no legs!

  • Olivaw

    I wish I had played the Wing Commander games back when I had a joystick and gave a damn about flight sims. Now I just sort of want to watch the cutscenes.

  • Cube-heaD

    Think I'll make a ringtone about our cry of despair there *nods firmly*

  • desertpunk23

    I just fell over laughing during the screaming.

  • angelcarnivore

    Oh thank God, Noah, you're back! Great video!

  • undeadaRTie

    I feel… strangely vindicated on so many levels. XD

    Awesome video, well worth the wait.

  • http://bwmedia.wordpress.com/ ShadowWing Tronix

    One night I treated myself to a double feature in the theaters. The two movies I saw were Baby Geniuses and Wing Commander. This one was the bigger waste of money.

    I never played the games but I did like the Wing Commander Academy cartoon so I was curious to see the movie version. I think they lost me when I saw the vehicle designs were sci-fied versions of something out of World War 2.

  • Cthulhu07

    “Joey” was in another crapfest called Lost in Space.

    • ApatheticOne (the original)

      Ohhh yeah! That’s what poo-platter space movie he was in..thanks man. ( :

  • ETank

    Spoony, you do keep us waiting, but when you do get something done, it's invariably golden =)
    Yeah, the Nokia logo on the monitor freaking slayed me. I can't believe i've never actually seen this movie, but your argument how this thing was the final nail in the coffin of video game movies couldn't be more true.
    I'm just hoping they don't fuck up the new Prince of Persia movie too bad… though that's probably as likely to happen as Uwe Boll retiring from moviemaking.

  • Ustramage

    My god i hated this movie. I saw it in the theaters and I wanted my money back after it was done. WC was one of my favorite games and the reason I played so many Flight Sims back in the day. GOD what shit this movie was!

    BTW u forgot to say the Tiger Claw was really the Tiger's Claw in the game! THEY FUCKED UP THE SHIP NAMES TOO!!

  • Trocadora

    I dig your shirt man, awesome!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Oliver-Meyer/1288596186 Oliver Meyer

    It's sad, really. They couldn't even get the name of the carrier right. And they turned fan-favorites like Hunter or Angel into unlikeable jackasses. Way to please your fan base, Chris Roberts. Incidentally, what HAS Chris Roberts been up to recently?

  • J_Alfred

    Ooh!!! New Spoony Let's Play! Awesome!

    Seriously, what the hell? I've never even PLAYED the Wing Commander series and I can smell the incompetance wafting off this thing. How, you may ask? Simple: if the game series was ANYTHING LIKE THIS MOVIE, there is no way it would have been called one of the greatest game sagas ever!

    Anyways, thank you, Spoony. My only complaint is that I don't like your new theme song montage as much as your old one. That's all.

  • http://cassave.deviantart.com/ Cassavius

    WOaaaahhaah! Devereaux was the only Belgian I ever liked…like Hercule Poirot…you know…a fictional Belgian. And here's she's British? Oh well, I guess that in 2626, Belgistan ceased to exist as a nation.

    Mister Fucq, that's a great name to have!

  • jpcassidy

    He's producing movies now, films like “Lord of War”, “The Jacket”, “Lucky Number Slevin”, and “Who's Your Caddie?” Seriously.

  • invisiblecrane

    Awesome review as always, thought I felt the Terl parts kinda dragged a bit, they didn't drag as much as his appearence in the Nostalgia Critic Battlefield Earth review

    Oh if I may do some shameless promotion, I've started doing reviews on my YouTube channel, you can find them at http://www.youtube.com/user/invisiblecrane

    I plan on doing more soon so please check them out

  • megaverner

    Oh my god, skip the video to 06:00. See something strange, other than the mispelling of “Breach”? Look at the actual monitor. NOKIA!!! How cheap are these people, why didn´t they pry the brand name off with a screwdriver or something? It would have took three damn seconds at max! The prop guy probably had to borrow the tv from his nephew, but only if he promised not to scratch it.

  • sandstar

    To Chris Roberts: Thanks for ruining Origin Systems.

  • Eniliad

    The most appropriate use of Terl since Battlefield Earth itself! The entire review was pure gold, Spoony, I loved it from start to finish.

  • spoonshock

    Poor Origin, they were one of my all-time favorite companies, then EA bought them out and everything quickly went to shit.

    Can't wait to see Ultima IX get torn a new one too.

  • kefkaesque

    My god, I can't get over Freddie Prinze Jr's eyes. He looks as though he's gonna burst into tears in every. single. shot.

  • capthavic

    Big deal I can guess how many turkies it would take to fill up any space, for I am…TURKEY VOLUME GUESSING MAN!!!!! *makes whooshing noises*

  • claybird

    man i'm glad your back. jesh hope all is well. great video

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jens-Erik-Vaaler/683310441 Jens Erik Vaaler

    Great to see you back to form, Spoony. It was a lot of fun seeing Terl back too. I loved this review and I'm holding my fingers crossed for a Wing Commander Let's Play.

  • deserteagle

    “Drag as much?” His bits in the NC crossover are amoung Spoony's best preformances.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ObieWanCoyote Christopher Lash

    Hahaha… Spoony did that screaming part at the beginning of video in 6th period STRUT class (PC Repair & Networking) junior year in the middle of class. All that fanboy screaming over a small change of plot… that killed the movie. He got some crappy looks from the teacher I recall. Ah, the days before google…

  • http://twitter.com/YigSnakeDaddy Paul K

    The question that remains is: WHICH Disneyland?

  • Cthulhu07

    Oh man! I remember the day when this pile of feces came out on DVD. A friend of mine was all excited about it and couldn't wait to see it. So he rented it and we watched it together. While he seemed to enjoy it, I felt extremely nauseous. And cheated too. It wasn't the Wing Commander I knew. Just some cheap imitation, made to cash in on the fans of the game series. Such a huge disappointment it turned out to be…. :(

    Good to have you back, Spoony (and Terl). As always, great job with review. :D

  • Cthulhu07

    So it was David Suchet! I thought I recognized his bald head, but wasn't sure. :D

    • Anonymous

      Yeah… Sadly.

      Unrelated, he’s playin gone of the villains in an up-coming adaptation of “Going Postal” by Terry Prachett.

      • Anonymous

        Gotta remember that. Thanks for the info.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sam-Price/1128549910 Sam Price

    I spat out coke when you said Freddie Prince Jr couldn't command wings from KFC.

    You're right that its a Das Boot rip off, and you're right its a shit movie. Spoony, glad to have you back after such a long silence, matey, and you know what, DO A WING COMMANDER LETS PLAY! Better than the SquareEnix shit you torture yourself with, bro

  • IIWebbII

    You've done it again Spoony, awesome video dude!

  • cloneof

    Quite the good movie Spoony.

    However, I must inform you that Wing Commader is not the best scifi series out there.

    The best is Star Control (with Star Control 2 on it's own actually) series by far!

  • crade

    I can't say HOW MUCH you rock Spoony. I mutate to your fanboi :o

  • Kevin_Holsinger

    Good evening Spoony and fellow Spooners.

    1. I'd hate to think how badly Spoony messed up his throat screaming like that. It was worth it, though.
    2. So Terl was trapped in Fort Knox for the rest of his life, blown up on Psychlo, and then cloned on ANOTHER Psychlo? You're gonna need a Crisis on Infinite Spoonyverses to clean up THAT mess of continuity.
    3. What are those things holding Terl's hair away from Spoony's face? Barrettes?

  • markodell

    I sort of disagree with you on the 'all FMV games except Wing Commander suck' thing.

    Spycraft was good. And sorry, but Gabriel Knight IS the best of all the FMV games. This does include all the Wing Commanders. Sorry.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mathew.presley Mathew Presley

    There was quite a few famous British actors shuffling round in the background of this as well. I spotted the consultant from Holby City and David 'Poirot' Suchet.
    The odd thing is I remember seeing part of this movie! It was the crash scene. I don't remember anymore, which means I must've got bored and switched over. That almost never happens unless it's Field of Dreams.

  • razieldumas

    Hey hey hey.

    Matthew Lillard was awesome in SLC Punk!

  • http://www.facebook.com/chrishominski Chris Hominski

    The return of TERL~! I'd love to see him square off with the WARRYAH

  • Wilbert Gyllenhal

    Is it me or the canon scene in the beginning of SW ep. III looks very much like the one in this movie ?

  • razielstar

    I loved this review. This was such an underwhelming and dull crapfest, I honestly enjoyed Alone in the Dark more than this. The new intro is nice but I sad you took Yuna away. She's become the face I associate your theme song with, I'd really like it if you brought her back. The less I see of Zelda from GameCrazy the better.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah we need more Yuna… and some cowbell!

    • Anonymous

      Yeah we need more Yuna… and some cowbell!

    • Anonymous

      Yeah we need more Yuna… and some cowbell!

    • Anonymous

      Same here. I surprisingly missed dancing Yuna. I always expect her to pop up and your “2 girls 1 cup” reaction when the song starts.

    • Sajeh

      Boo frickety hoo

  • galvajon

    What the sweet crap is Poirot doing in this movie?

  • devilfish

    I love how apologetic you are about it. Don't worry. I love FFVIII. We could form a secret comments club that disagrees with Spoony and subtly undermines his authority as a reviewer through carefully worded, apologetic comments. We could call ourselves Knifey.

  • Anonymous

    Absolutely fucking awesome review, FUCK YES!!!
    The Gate Keepah cameo had me spewing Cheese and Onion crisps all over my computer screen. Ah, I don’t mind, iz deelishus…
    I’m glad to see you and Terl back on track from the Blagole.

    Now, is it just me, or did Maniac look like Curtis from Phantasmagoria 2 in more than a few scenes?

  • invisiblecrane

    I'm not gonna deny that, but I think he overused Terl a bit much in that video…I hope I've not said something wrong, the biggest problem I've noticed with giving constructive criticism to the more popular reviewers like Spoony is that their fans treat it like a personal attack or something, but I digress

    Also it's awesome to see Spoony treats Mark Hamill in the same vein as say Bruce Campbell or Christopher Walken, though personally I'd say he's done much better for himself as a voice actor these days

  • Agrippa911

    Great review. I have fond memories of WC, I remember the perverse pride in landing your fighter in WC1 and seeing how shot-up it was. I also remember getting pissed off by Maniac and blew him up mid-game.

    I think the minute I heard the cast on this movie I pretty much decided I would never see it. Then I saw a pic of the fighters and knew there was no way on god's green earth I'd watch this. Who the fuck designed those? You had all the ships from all the games to pick from and you put together those aborted monstrosities? Find the guy who made them and bring his head!

  • http://twitter.com/V8_Ninja V8 Ninja

    Great review! I also love what comes after the credits.

  • Poipoi

    I liked the movie but I never played the games. So I didn't have any comparisons.

  • shinea_iggy

    Yay! I'm glad your back! Great review…i have to say, as gorgeous as Freddie Prinze Jr is, he is one of the dullest actors out there. He only plays one character! AT least Matthew Lillard, as idiotic as he is, plays some kind of character, where as Freddie {rinze Jr is Annoying McBoring…jeez…and did i detect a hint of Crash Bandicoot soundtrack in the review? :)

  • DrakeAm

    I bet if you tried you could do a really good Lewis Black impression.

  • Bondpirate

    You are my new god! Oh Wee Oh! OHHH-OH. Spins around three times and cracks skull on floor.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Mishstein Mish Stein

    Freaking awesome,, Spoony..

  • KevinSutton

    Looking at Wing Commander I think, how hard can it be to put together a cheap sci-fi action movie? I mean, you can pull off a cheap cult movie for a lot of other genres, and I know some special effects can look good without too much money being spent. Is it not possible?

  • Bondpirate

    1) To everyone who wants a remake done; realize Shia LaBeouf would be cast as the lead. (He's still technically better than Freddie Prinze Jr…. so yeah )
    2) Edward from Twilight is the bastard clone of Mr. Prinze Jr. from this cover.
    3) That scream, while deserving and an accurate portrayal of the inner turmoil I endured as a child seeing this, was hilarious. Epic even. Heavens to Murgatroyd! Exit, Stage right!

  • thedeviot

    Spot on. Spot on.

  • Anonymous

    Dear god… the bane of my childhood… the movie that took my favorite video game franchise into an ally and proceeded to rape and beat it into a bloody pulp while my arms were held and I was forced to watch…

    Thank you for ripping this awful, AWFUL abomination a new one Spoony… I may finally have peace.

  • http://twitter.com/dividebyxero John Wilkes

    Liked the new intro.
    Funny review

  • bastafari

    FMV should come back. They have that retro appeal and also they serve as a good vehicle for all these broke down actors doing reality shows, but may still put on a good performance……… for some crystal meth. I submit to you, Bioshock 3, THE RIMMING, starring: Steven Segall and the cast of celebrity rehab season 3.

  • Strelnikov

    Spoony, Spoony, Spoony….you should have mentioned that Pilgrims' ability to fly starships with their minds is a total ripoff of the Guild Navigatiors in “Dune”! Yeah, Freddie Prinze, Jr. isn't a giant tadpole man in a tank, but the concept is the same….and “Dune” is one of your favorite movies!

  • Anonymous

    I actually enjoy this movie….But not because I have any delusions of it being any good. It sucks shit. I like it for the same reason I like the Street Fighter movie – it has one little sliver of brilliance in it. In Street Fighter, it was Raul Julia’s fucking awesome portrayal of M. Bison(he may have gone out on a shitty movie, but he didn’t go out on a shitty bout of acting, that’s for damn sure. I don’t care if it wasn’t an accurate M. Bison portrayal it was still fucking awesome). In Wing Commander, it’s the stylistic choices.

    No, not the shitty costumes, I mean the stuff like making ship-to-ship combat comparable to underwater naval warfare(though they took it too far with the need to be quiet in fucking outer space). “Sea of the Stars” and all that jazz. The slapped-together fighters that give a feeling of how punishing the war has been. It could have been worked into a really good sci-fi flick, but it was ruined by poor casting, poor scripting, and the fact it was NOT a suitable direction for a WING COMMANDER adaptation. This movie didn’t just kill the videogame adaptation, it destroyed a potentially awesome direction for future sci-fi flicks by showing it in such a crappy manner.

    I do enjoy the movie because of that little sliver of brilliance, but whenever I watch it I feel a twinge of disappointment over what could have been. Both for a Wing Commander adaptation AND the stylistic aspects. It says a lot about how wasted that little bit of goodness was when you consider that I, and a LOT of people I know, own copies of Street Fighter, but none of us own copies of Wing Commander.

  • lucafischer

    I've been lurking here for about 2 months and now I have the chance to comment. Well, there's not much to say, your videos are really awesome and I wish you could keep up uploading this shit. Also, Wing Commander sucked so hard back in the they I really left the theater.

  • lucafischer

    I've been lurking here for about 2 months and now I have the chance to comment. Well, there's not much to say, your videos are really awesome and I wish you could keep up uploading this shit. Also, Wing Commander sucked so hard back in the they I really left the theater.

  • zeropi

    nice review, i laughed a lot

  • RPGaholic

    I have to admit, I've only played Wing Commander for the SNES. I was familiar with the basics of the characters, and I hated this movie with a passion when I watched it once it hit cable. Seriously, it sucked balls.

  • http://bwmedia.wordpress.com/ ShadowWing Tronix

    There's always the Command and Conquer series.

  • TenchiMng

    You should do a Let's Play of Wing Commander 4.

    PS. It's difficult to get the “True” ending by yourself in Persona 4. You basically have to use a walkthrough.

  • Poddington

    When I am reminded of this movie the plot in my head is much much better than the one in the actual review, which makes me wonder if Spoony's Spin has left some parts out or whether I just created an entirely new story because the old one was so awful.

    For example, from what I remember, the Kilrathi needed the Navcom because it contained the coordinates to Earth. That's why the Admiral at the start tries to destroy it. When the humans retrieve it, it's too late the Kilrathi have jumped, but the path the Navcom takes them is around cosmic anomalies and much longer than going straight through. This was touched on, but some key parts left out and/or glossed over.

    The other part about the Pilgrims was that they were able to calculate much faster than current Navcoms that ordinary humans rely on. The Navcom takes the longer route because it's unable to do the calculations that a Pilgrim can do and unable to navigate it's way past the Singularity. So because Fuck Prince Jr. can take the direct using his voodoo magic, he is able to warn the Earth Fleet and prepare for the Kilrathi Fleet.

    While those points aren't enough to save the awful movie, I think they deserved mentioning because those are the plots best elements and on paper sound a lot cooler than on print. You also didn't mention that Mark Hamill does the voice of the computer.

  • http://echo-hotel.pip.verisignlabs.com/ Echo_Hotel

    I can confirm what Spoony said about the best part of the movie being the trailer for Starwars.
    I was working as an usher in a movie theater when this was playing, the movie sold out the opening weekend but after the trailers had run there were something like 20 people left in the theater, and that children is why Phantom Menace was booked for 3 solid months in the largest theater in the Cinema and ran empty for 2 1/2 of them.

  • Necromas

    Biting Terl would be fun.

  • rudy023

    Let's all remember the cardinal rule people: Movies based on video games are always terrible. & why did you have to bring up Gilligan's Planet, Spoony? I had completely suppressed the childhood memories of that shitty cartoon, until now! Oh well, hopefully the two year anniversary TGWTG videos & a bottle of rum will make me forget again.

  • TheCynicalReaper

    Mate, you're funny. You're writing is funny. Why are you resorting to bringing back a one note spoof character from a completely different movie (and different reviewer's video I should add), and continuing to harp on the “they thought they were gods” thing?

    Like William Shakespeare once said, “Brevity is the Soul of wit.” Keep the reviews simple and focused, Spoony. Don't let your excitability get in the way of a funny script/review.
    –Maybe you were sick and couldn't think the way you usually do. Maybe you're going through rough times and can't keep up the level of quality work in your reviews. I don't know what's up, but I know that this review wasn't even average for you.

    Perfect example of an average, yet highly enjoyable Spoony review: “Privateer 2: The Darkening”. It was comical, informative, and straight to the point. There weren't any characters hindering you from explaining the faults of the game. There wasn't a running gag just because you thought it would eventually get funny. I mean seriously, what did… Sh@t, I actually forgot his name… What did [insert spoof character you portrayed here] contribute to the review?

    I'm a big fan, Spoony. I can take the new intro (though I believe it was especially made for movie reviews), and I can appreciate your screaming and the call back to the “Blag 'ole”. I also know you're an adult and won't be offended by a single person's critique rather that take it as constructive criticism. That being said, I honestly don't mean to offend you, and though I doubt you'll even read this, I do want say that the only reason I gave this much of a shit is because I enjoy your work. You're held to a level of quality higher than most other reviewers, Spoony, but it's a level you've proven to be able to achieve time and time again. This review was below that level, and below you.

  • dacis2

    For those of you who don't know, you can get full length fan cuts of WC3 and WC4 here:

    http://www.wcnews.com/holovids/full_length_wing
    http://www.wcnews.com/holovids/full_length_wing

    You might disagree with some of the choices (I prefer the Bioweapons choice in the senate scene for WC4) but overall the quality is pretty good, especially the WC4 one, which uses the FMVs from the DVD release.

  • vaxcine

    grow a mustache = +10 bad ass
    Nice review, got me outta a bad mood, exams are such a drag.

  • MuEpsilonGamma

    I have the ability to identify or recreate a given musical note without the benefit of an external reference. I can… sense the identity of any pitch. BOW DOWN!! I AM A GOD!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/gbeaudette Grant Beaudette

    The only thing I remember from this film is reading article about it being another film to hop on to the time slice/bullet time/ Matrix spinny camera trick bandwagon and how Wing Commander took it one step further by hiring the guy who actually invented the effect in the first place.

    Truly their priorities were in order.

  • DeathsHead419

    Wow, When you said the Wing Commander games seiries is your favorite and that this movie ruined the franchise, all I could think of was: My favorite Videogame Franchise is Civilization, meaning I will never have to suffer the horror of a godawful movie version.

    Um, right, back to the review. I have to agree somewhat, Terl was horribly out of place and the bits with him seemed very forced. Try focusing more on the game at hand, providing minimalizing background info and side bits. Less is definately more, in most cases.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Marcus-Lundgren/642791648 Marcus Lundgren

    And on the 13th day, the Spoony one returned!
    Seriously, it's good to have you back. I'm sure I speak for a lot of your fans when I say that
    your uncharacteristically long absence had us worried!

    I have neither played the Wing Commander games or seen the movie, but the review is enough for me.
    Enough to want to play the games and launch the god-awful film into a black hole (using “science”).
    Although, any film with a character lovingly (and of course wrongly) referred to as “Mr. Fuck” can't be all bad.
    Well, I suppose it can, since this one is!

    Perhaps they should've called it “Wing Disaster”?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=10741618 Steven Gomez

    Haha, is CynicalReaper for real? Lighten up, dude. It was still a pretty funny review. If Spoony wants to roll out Terl for a couple of the slow bits in the review, that's fine. As long as he doesn't overdo it, it's not a big deal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Borean/100000041163314 Michael Borean

    God. The wing commander movie. GOD WHY. I saw that fucker in the THEATRES with my dad and brother and sister when I was like, 10. It was around then anyway. I just can't put into words how bad it was. It was so NOT wing commander. I wish I could kill this movie and bury it in a graveyard, then launch that graveyard into SPACE.

    AW. THE PILGRAM BULLSHIT. GAH.

    Another thing that REALLY bothered me about this movie was the lack of ships. There were like 12 ships the humans had, and 5-6 the Kilrathi had, not counting cruisers.

    Oh. WHERE THE FUCK WAS HOBBES?

    A cloaking torpedo… I'd forgotten about that. In the first and second wing commander, cloaked Kilrathi ships attack you a few times but you couldn't prove that this had happened because your computer log kept getting wrecked. Why did it go from that to a “cloaked torpedo”. Why the FUCK is there a SINGLE cloaked torpedo? I mean if I had some cloaked torpedos I'd launch a large salvo of these to make sure if SOMEHOW the CLOAKED torpedo was found, the others would get through. ALSO WHY COULD SHE DETECT A CLOAKED TORPEDO? GAH.

  • pheathos

    i actually agree with reaper, it felt very much like an avgn review. to much bullshit that was pointless and not funny.

  • http://www.google.com/profiles/100161232339316566658 Scott

    Finally another review!

    Umm are you ever going to finish FFX?

  • Anonymous

    Nice! new opening! yay memories!

  • Anonymous

    Nice! new opening! yay memories!

  • Anonymous

    Nice! new opening! yay memories!

  • Anonymous

    Nice new opening… ohh… the memories

    Awesome review, I haven’t played the game nor have I watched the movie but it was still very entertaining, keep up the good work man!

  • Anonymous

    Nice new opening… ohh… the memories

    Awesome review, I haven’t played the game nor have I watched the movie but it was still very entertaining, keep up the good work man!

  • Anonymous

    Nice new opening… ohh… the memories

    Awesome review, I haven’t played the game nor have I watched the movie but it was still very entertaining, keep up the good work man!

  • JALAPENOWAYNE

    Stop complaining people, it's free entertainment, be grateful. I mean it could be five minutes of Spoony lip syncing to Lady Gaga's Telephone and I'd be just as happy. Then again that would be interesting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=859910045 facebook-859910045

    People bitching about it sounding like AVGN? Didn't people grow out of that 2 years ago?

    OT: You were on top form Spoony, the Terl were especially funny!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mattias-Granlund/100000618693819 Mattias Granlund

    nice review horrible movie, especially the space tigers, come one your have human like tigers IN SPAAACE! and they fail on that.

    Also I spot a hint of a new LP, going to be interesting to see how you pull of a space fighter sim as a LP consider most of those have alot of…well empty space.

  • TheRetroFox

    Whenever I think of this movie I find myself imagining Chris Roberts going like…

    “I just made some of the best sci-fi space shooter games ever. I am the man.”

    *one stroke later*

    “THIS WASN'T MY VISION! Mark Hamill?! What the fuck was I thinking!? Get me Freddie Prinze Jr! Shave the cats! And I'm going to get edgy and introduce some sort of psuedo-religion! YES! It all makes sense now!”

    *yet another stroke later*

    “Well that movie didn't so do so well. We need a new Wing Commander game. We'll put it on the XBOX 360. But it won't be like the old games. No! It will be better! It'll be like Asteroids! And I'll include that Pilgrim thing I made up before because that was awesome. People will buy it because it's Wing Commander. I AM A GENIUS!”

  • Anonymous

    Well worth the wait, once again the spoony one delivers!
    Oh and if I’m here, since you’re still into fmv games, why not review a actually good one? Such as Betrayal at Krondor, a long lasting crpg classic.

  • Anonymous

    Well worth the wait, once again the spoony one delivers!
    Oh and if I’m here, since you’re still into fmv games, why not review a actually good one? Such as Betrayal at Krondor, a long lasting crpg classic.

  • Anonymous

    Well worth the wait, once again the spoony one delivers!
    Oh and if I’m here, since you’re still into fmv games, why not review a actually good one? Such as Betrayal at Krondor, a long lasting crpg classic.

  • MitchellBandes

    OMG Crash Team Racing music!

  • Anonymous

    Oh and also, I do have to agree that the whole screaming part from the beginning and that whatshisname alien were a tad bit lame, but overall i feel like the goods overweight the bad.

  • Anonymous

    Oh and also, I do have to agree that the whole screaming part from the beginning and that whatshisname alien were a tad bit lame, but overall i feel like the goods overweight the bad.

  • Anonymous

    Oh and also, I do have to agree that the whole screaming part from the beginning and that whatshisname alien were a tad bit lame, but overall i feel like the goods overweight the bad.

  • batlashes

    My mom says you swear too much.

  • snake219

    Uh, when will people learn that 99.9% of video game movies suck? This movie was horrible! What happened to the amazing cast from Wing Commander 3 and 4? Anyway this review was great Spoony, one of your best yet.
    BTW your glowing endorsement of the Wing Commander games has prompted me to hunt down some copies of WC 3 and WC 4 for the playstation since I can never get my head around the DOS systems and probably because if I did buy the games for my Vista then they will crash again and again…

  • StealthKnight

    8:35- One would have to wonder how he is qualified to pilot a spacecraft or any vehicle. I bet he doesn't have his driving license.
    10:11- Maybe they were good at math and they were regarded as having super powers. ( yeah that was a crappy explanation)
    13:09- At least that didn't happen. It wouldn't have been god ether.
    13:55- Someone must be secretly backing maniac if he can still be allowed to fly
    19:57- That's a great last name 0_0, I would have it changed after I turned 18.

    Someone must have liked the idea of flying tin cans in space as everything looks like a tin can.

  • robek

    I just now noticed that you have very proffesional ending credits. I like that!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Abbott/100000298506145 Richard Abbott

    Red Alert used FMV quite well.

  • Alars

    I never played Wing Commander, but I knew that Mark Hamill was in it. So when I heard that it was going to be made into a movie, I was really excited- Mark Hamill in space, in a science fiction movie! What geek teenager wouldn't what to see that!? Even if the movie sucked, we would still have fucking Mark Hamill in a space adventure! The movie sucked, but there was no Mark Hamill to distract us from the reality of this garbage movie.

  • http://www.spazoutloud.com/ SpazOutLoud

    I remember seeing this movie when it came out. It killed my early teens.

  • http://www.gamespot.com/users/cornbredx CornBRED-X

    Ya, even though I wasnt a fan of the games (no particular reason, I just never played them) I had no interest in this movie at all. Matthew Lillard and Freddy Prinze Jr do not a good movie make.

    This movie is indicative of whats wrong with all game to movie adaptations. I am actually repeating myself but I dont care. Maybe someday a hollywood production will understand. If they just follow the existing canon and made a new story in the vein of the pre-established franchise (with actors from the game would only be a bonus but actors that fit would be nice) they dont have to copy the game but there is enough people that play games that could still get into a movie if it was following the existing story. With good writing they could even make the stories better or explain things for people who didnt play the game. Of course not all games can be adapted to film, but there is plenty that could, and alot that are similar to film already. I know there is a way to make a good video game to movie adaptation, if only a writer and director that cared for the franchise got ahold of it I am certain we'd see one.

    As it is, I have yet to see this happen and I think that is because they ignore the developers and try to make it their own (this ruins the conversion in my opinoin). I know many dont agree, but I felt Silent Hills movie did this the best and its just a shame other films dont follow in an attempt to do it this way.

    Also, tiny nit pick but his name is Tom F Wilson not Biff =P
    I'm kinda surprised you touched very little on the fact that the guy who created the game was so heavily involved with this disaster. I genuinely want to know if he recieved pressure from the studios and thats why he made so many bad choices… as he was the creator so therefore he shouldve known better.

    Anyway, good video as always.

  • http://www.facebook.com/oscar.g83 Oscar G Garcia

    To be a god you need SCIENCE! not mystical-whammy-aircratft-control.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kurtis-Kyllo/1387402488 Kurtis Kyllo

    Spoony Terl was out of place?! fuck you guys!! but I do have one question (to perfectly complement my lack of proper grammar) WHY WAS SPOONY TERL WEARING BUTTERFLY CLIPS?!?!?!?!!! anyone else a little freaked out by that? is there no end to his INSANITY! he is ac-TING!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gabriel-Szyszka-Haeser/1072786989 Gabriel Szyszka Haeser

    Had the same reaction, awesome game and awesome soundtrack!

  • TheCynicalReaper

    That's just it, Spoony's better than that. During the commentary for the “Pumpkin Head's Revenge” Review (I'm pretty sure that's the name, at least), he showed us how much work he does for his reviews. He's the kind of man who toils over his work until he pulls out his hair. That's extremely rare, especially for an internet reviewer, and it's something that should be noted anytime Spoony comes up. He works hard in order to create good comedy. Hell, he did an entire movie review as Doctor Insano (once again, I think that's how it's spelled. I could be wrong…)! He told us that voice kills him, and yet he spent about a half hour using the voice. Very impressive. Very appreciated.

    Taking a short cut like bringing back a character that was only a one-time deal and misplacing him for some forced comedy is not something that should be easily glanced over by the reviewer. Spoony didn't even mention the character's origin OR the movie it came from. If there's a slow part, Spoony should edit it out. If the review is too short, then he should think of a skit that would at least relate to the movie and would fit seamlessly into the review. Look, this review wasn't THAT bad. Actually it would've been pretty good work without the reoccurring joke and misplaced one-note character. There was no reason to have Spoony Terl (?) in this review whatsoever.

    I don't hate the review or Spoony at all; I just think it was beneath someone who actually works very hard on his videos.

  • sorrst

    Spoony, if you by some random chance read this please acknowledge the fact that Terl's home planet couldn't have blown up because, as the movie claimed, it had an atmosphere made of RADIATION.

    Radiation can't explode, in fact it can't even form an atmosphere, it's not in the periodic table, it is a description of a process in which energy travels trough a medium or space. Why didn't you rage on that?! You complained on a lot of stuff not even half as retarded!

  • taranaich

    I've never gotten round to Wing Commander: there's a long list of classic games I missed out on when they came out. So, when I saw the film (I have a kind of a thing for Saffron Burrows that I can't readily explain, so if there's a film on the telly with her in it, I'll probably switch over) I had no idea of the liberties it took with the game's plot & characters.

    Yet even knowing next to nothing about them, I could almost *sense* the desecration this film wrought on the games. The nonsensical storyline, the gaping plotholes, Matthew Liliard. I still stuck through to the end since I heart Saffy, but it was a hell of a trial. Liliard just has an incredibly punchable face: it probably feels like pounding cake mixture. Rubbery, malleable cake mixture. Easy on the knuckles, you could punch all day.

    I will say, for all the faults of the film, I liked the overture. Duh-duh-duh-duh-DAAA! (Dunnnn) Duh-da-duh-duh-DAAA! (Dunnn) Duh-duh-DAAA! (Dun) Duh-duh-DAAA! (Dun) Duh-duh-Da – DUNNN!

    • Anonymous

      Wing Commander was the first video game I bought with my own money. ^^
      It was also the reason I bought my first Soundblaster card.

    • Anonymous

      Also, I’d have preferred the theme from the first game. So epic…

  • FormulaFox

    Dude… Of all the crap worth bitching about you actually complained about something they bothered to reasonably explain in the movie? The cloaked torpedo was detectable because at certain points it UNCLOAKED to get a radar fix on it's target. It was only detectable during those brief moments. Only firing ONE may have made little sense, but at least the reason they could detect it was reasonably explained.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Borean/100000041163314 Michael Borean

      Yea I’m sorry but that explanation was dumb. Having to drop cloak to find what its being shot at, and using RADAR, which is SOUND based to find a target, in SPACE, is BULLSHIT. Remember that bit about a vacuum? Yea.

      • Anonymous

        You fail science. Radar DOES work in space, and even now it is used to track objects in space that may pass dangerously close to Earth.

        Radar works in space because it is NOT sound based. Radar uses electromagnetic(or RADIO) waves. And, what’s more, radar signals can be TRACED. Which means the skipper missile wouldn’t necessarily have to decloak to do a radar sweep to adjust for possible movement of it’s target(though it being only a missile it’s entirely possible it’s onboard powersource isn’t enough to sustain both cloak and a radar sweep at the same time), but it’s location during each radar sweep could easily be traced. The skipper missile actually makes more sense than literally everything else in the movie.

        The sound-based system you’re thinking of is SONAR, which stands for SOund Navigation And Ranging. RADAR stands for RAdio Detection And Ranging.

        Now, considering the above information, wouldn’t you say the explanation makes PERFECT sense?

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Borean/100000041163314 Michael Borean

          Yea Sonar is what I was thinking of. I’m not sure how I got that mixed up.

          However I still call bullshit on those missles, if only because they are apparently fired at random, and have huge amounts of propulsion to cover gaps between targets. How would it distinguish the radio waves of other targets from say, a sun, another kilrathi, a small ship, a carrier? I mean really, this is asking a lot of a missle without supposedly a brain. It can’t lock onto targets because it would definetly be detected then. How does it navigate around solid object it doesn’t want to hit that radio waves don’t detect? Theres a lot of those in space I’d imagine. In fact, if the Tiger Claw can hide in an asteroid and not be detected by the kilrathi, how can a missle that can’t even lock onto a target find the radio waves of the ship?

          • Anonymous

            Two words: “Radar profile.” It’s the shape of an object that the radar detects, and even basic modern radars(proper ones, at least – obviously a speed detector doesn’t have that capability) are capable of recognizing a target’s profile, thereby allowing the missile to discern between the Tiger Claw and an asteroid. On the subejct of tracking based on the Tiger Claw’s radar signal, though, artifically-generated radio waves are very distinct from naturally-generated waves – it’s not hard to discern between the two. A skipper missile is something that’s obviously meant to be fired when you know where the enemy is but THEY don’t know where YOU are, and you want to keep it that way. Keep in mind, when that missile was fired the Tiger Claw had moved out to distract the Kilrathi ships from the Rapiers heading to the jump point. Not long after the missile is taken out, the Tiger Claw engages two other Kilrathi ships. The skipper missile scene as presented is really not that questionable if you REALLY look at it.

            Yeah, I’ve memorized the entire movie… Not by intent – it’s just something that happens. I see a movie a couple times and it burns itself into my brain. And yes, this is a painful one to recall – except for this scene since it’s the only one that made sense. Well, it made sense up until the missile blew up, at least(the shockwave would probably not have been two-dimensional).

  • Gilmour

    Terl….eh. The review was great, but he was unnecessary.

  • darklord42

    The skipper torpedo was actually introduced in Wing Commander 3, and made for an interesting mission. Many a time I lost that damn transport because I wasn't paying attention for the occasional yellow blip

  • azureink

    In the book they actually explained that Psychlo is in fact located in a different universe, and follows slightly different physical laws, with a slightly different table of elements. As a result, some interactions between the it and Earth are problematic. Their “breathe-gas” explodes on contact with even trace amounts of radioactive metals, such as uranium.

    While in the movie, the nuclear explosion claims the atmosphere and spreads across the planet; in the book the teleporting platform that the suicide bomber appears on actually has a force field/shield for protection. So the explosion is almost negated… However, the planet of Psychlo is inhabited by aggressive mining operations, and as such is almost hollow. The explosion, though contained within the force field/shield builds in intensity with nowhere to go and ends up burning through the bottom of the platform. This death and destruction then burrows all the way through the thin layers of underground mines and explodes the planet from the inside-out as the core of the planet ruptures.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=679507792 Hugh Sullivan

    Oh man, I actually paid money for a movie ticket for this one. That still depresses me. I was young. I didn't know who Freddie Prinze Jr. was, and I think I may have blocked out any memory of Mathew Lillard.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Pannone/100000671220606 Tom Pannone

    I just nostalgia'd, but any reason behind using the Coco Park theme from Crash Team Racing as background music? No harm done, but it seems a bit odd to have Crash Bandicoot music in a Wing Commander review. Well, it did put a smile on my face, so good job there.
    By the way, I must have watched the scream bit at least 4 times already.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Werrett/1808619005 Ben Werrett

    ok, I love the part where two lovers (morons) are involved in death wish race together and when one actually dies it's a massive shock. wow, terrible writing and plot. terrible.

  • nuclearaptor

    Most immersive sci-fi epic in gaming,eh?

    Out of pure curiosity,how would you rate the Mass Effect games next to the Wing Commanders? Graphics and nostalgia goggles aside,just in terms of cohesiveness and originality of the game universe?

    • Anonymous

      Well, can’t speak for Spoony, but for my money they’re on roughly the same level. I like how completely Mass Effect fleshes out the universe, by giving you encyclopedia entries on practically everything you encounter; Wing Commander is more of a straight up space opera, but I love how Claw Marks detailed the various Kilrathi aces and kind of went out of its way to immerse you in the game.

  • http://zelriku.deviantart.com/ Sangii

    Did anyone else try to use chopsticks without their thumb after watching this? …. No?

  • iloveads47

    Spoony, thanks for making this review. I wish you would make more of them since I have gotten used to watching them.

  • godofplague

    I think this was Chris Roberts big screw you to EA Games in an attempt to ruin the series name before he left to start Digital Anvil. It is the only explanation that makes sense. WC3, 4 and Prophecy were so much better than this. My dad and sister wondered what the hell was wrong with my brother and I for playing the games, which we ofcourse defended as soooo much better than the movie.

    My favorite critics review of this movie was summed up in his parting words. Hey even freddie Prinze Jr. has to eat.
    Although personally I vote we starve him.

  • iloveads47

    Mathew Lillard rocked in SLC Punk, but I can see why he didn't work for Mark Hamill's role. I think that Hollywood could have made better use of him.

    That really was some gobledygook on the back cover.

    I am fucking russian and there are lots of russians in israel damit! And vice versa!

    The book Battlefield Earth is actually not bad…

    You crack me up dude.

  • Plaguelord40K

    Lol, I can't believe you cracked and cried out “Scientology is the one true religion!!!” That was hilarious… Also, the end was pretty funny too…

    Oh yeah, I forgot, SPOONY LIVES!!!

  • florus

    Even though I kinda liked this movie (guilty pleasure style) this review was spot on. And I agree that either plot of the 4th or even the 5th Wing commander game would have been better.
    Was eagerly awaiting your next review but didn't saw this one coming.
    Good review Spoony!

  • the_knez

    Zelda in the new opening was priceless. :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1186272136 Brendan Morland

    SONAR in space. That is all.

  • http://twitter.com/NeoSilverThorn Chris O'Brien

    Hm. A few points:

    First, Maniac really was that bad in the first game. He got pulled from active flight duty when his enthusiasm caused him to accidently down a Confederation supply ship.

    Second, the universe bible treats the jump drive with a certain amount of mysticism (At one point even referring to it as the “Voodoo Drive”. I kid you not.) Just more proof that Chris Roberts can't write on his own.

    Third, the entire look for this can easily be blamed on StarLancer, which Roberts was working on around the same time. Hell, StarLancer actually recycles footage from the movie in one of the in-game news reports. I kid you not.

    Otherwise, yeah. I keep a copy of this movie around to MST from time to time. That's about all it's good for.

  • olems

    I can't believe Spoony didn't comment on the absolute horror that is the confed space fighter model in this movie. It just looks so utterly out of place. I guess they were trying to portray the earth fleet as technologically backwards compared to the Kilrathi (unlike in the game series, where they had more or less parity), but it just ends up like a caricature.

    I guess somone decided to base the fighter on the WWII F6F Hellcat instead of the Hellcat V. It's not like they didn't have access to the game models, the Kilrathi fighters look like they did in WC3.

    For a laugh and some nostalgia, Wing Commander 3 bloopers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfQ-mF4mZ8M

  • RaisedBySnakes

    Only posers die you FUCKING IDIOOOOOOOT

  • hwalsh

    DARN YOU SPOONY!

    I had wisdom teeth removed today and then saw this. I laughed. It hurt! *sobs and laughs at the same time thus compounding the conundrum*

    BTW:

    It is a tour de force of fast furious roller coasters among action packed thrill rides.

  • FormulaFox

    The Rapier mock-ups were built from old scrapped English Electric Lightning jet fighters: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Electric_L

    I liked the idea of the old, beat-up fighters showing how harsh a war it's been for humanity, but I have to agree that a Wing Commander movie was definitely not the place to apply this idea. It's one of the few kinda-neat ideas in the movie, it's just not right in the setting. Would have been better to rip designs straight from the games – at least then there'd be some familiarity for the fans.

  • KaitBunny

    Yay Tom Wilson! Make like a tree, and get outta here! LOL

  • peteman

    I can agree with not starring Mark Hamil in it. Maybe if they cut 20 years into the future then he could cameo, but he was too old to play a young Blair.

  • BryanD

    I’d like to know why the Kilrathi look so much better in the game then the movie, or Hell why does everything look better in the game?

  • thor86

    “Starship Troopers meets Top Gun.” Translation; “this is Top Gun if it sucked.”

    Matthew Lillard is Jake Busey as Maverick in Wing Commander

  • AubriGryphon

    No, the Rapiers were based on the COCKPIT SECTION of a Lightning. I mean, look at the thing: the pilot's feet have got to be inside the gun mechanics and his butt leaves about five feet for the entire power section. It's not even big enough to be an ordinary jet fighter, much less a high-tech space fighter, and that obliterates suspension of disbelief. When they eject, it doesn't so much eject the cockpit as shed the gun, wings, and engines. I would have much preferred to see the Lightning cockpit attached to a fifty-foot long matte painting fuselage, or… I don't know, HOW ABOUT THE SHIPS FROM THE GAMES.

  • AubriGryphon

    The whole Pilgrim/navcom plot is so absurd, because it's a giant waste of time: the pilgrims exist solely to replace navcoms when the navcoms malfunction, which they do solely to justify the existance of the pilgrims. Oh, and to make the hero Special and Misunderstood.

    This movie makes me so angry… One of my favorite game franchises of all time, crapped out like this… AAAAUUGH!

    I always thought the Secret Missions addons would make great movies. SM1 is a desperate hunt for an enemy superweapon, and SM2 involves the heroic defense of an alien species involving subterfuge, ground combat, and understanding their enemy's religion.

  • justinstrife

    Thank you so much Spoony, for making this video. It's everything I thought as I watched that POS movie so many years ago. As an old fan of the Wing Commander Games(Wc2 came with my 2x CD-Burner and Soundblaster Soundcard combo back in 1994), the movie forever scarred me. I must have beaten all of the WC games a dozen times over as it was my favorite all-time game series. I wish there was a remake that would forever correct the damage that had been done.

  • somedutchdude

    Wow, I remember how this movie inspired me to put a huge gatling gun in front of an attack craft in stead of a nose.

    It also has 4 thrusters pointing downwards.

    Lego of course.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gene-Claude-Santos/100000464943142 Gene Claude Santos

    Pilgrims: Like Coordinators, only stupid.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kirzan Michael Coulombe

    Yeah I can't believe this shit, I mean… isn't that the point of FMV games? You know if the game just magically turns out to be good, you can use the voice actors because they're the damn characters?!?!? From Mark Hamill to Freddie Prinze… My god.

  • Doomzorus

    Can't… Stop… The… Stupid adaptation… From being created… by…Hollywood! Need… originals… scripts that… respects the… original idea…

    Will somebody finally tell Freddy Prinze Jr. and Matthew Lillard that THEY CANNOT MAKE A GOOD MOVIE WHEN THEY'RE TOGETHER IN ONE!!! GOD! Think I'm going to need to kill someone soon to make people realize that movies base on video games need to be freaking better.

    Great and funny review.

  • KirkHammett

    I'm surprised I recognized the music from Crash Team Racing at 3:30 or so.

  • http://twitter.com/GunarmDyne Dave Paradise

    Aww, Spoony, I was fully expecting a clip from Space Mutiny where Reb Brown shouts “It's gonna blow!” when Maniac was calling for a medic.

  • http://Xaotikdesigns.com Adam

    Of course the pilgrims were gods, they could navigate foldspace without the use of spice.

  • thatkidwithataste

    I enjoy watching you suffer, is that bad?

  • MasterTalon

    I would also like to see his opinions on the old Wing Commander cartoon now as well. I remember watching that and thought it was way better than the movie.

  • guardian91

    Isn't that Crash Team Racing Music in the background ? lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Schroeder/632045130 Chris Schroeder

    **reposted from commentary thread**
    While this movie reeks on most counts, I'd like to take time to point out two very excellent parts of the movie that aren't Tcheky Karyo. The score of this movie remained far more memorable than any performance and still makes me think of a movie that could have been quite epic. Just like Starship Troopers, the music really deserved to support a better movie.

    Second, the opening was freakin' beautiful. Say what you will about the rest of the movie, but the solemn music accompanied by JFK's space speech leading in to the thunderous brass theme while showing the star charts flowing from Earth outward? The intro screams brilliance. The voiceover of news broadcasts subtly informs you everything you really need to know about the universe fast in a way that still builds and contributes to the overall background of the universe. It's not completely original or unique (The Watchmen intro montage took its time in comparison), but this route works far better in fictional universes than the ever-brutal text exposition. The subtle shift of “news highlights” instead of straight up scroll proves the tried and true rule that showing the audience is far better than explaining it to them as if it were just fact.

  • MasterTalon

    I can understand why he has his views about the movie after I've played just a couple missions in Wing Commander 4 when I found it on the Playstation Network.

  • jetman123

    I want Psychlos: Wing Commander. :(

  • Lyrander

    You're probably not going to do a Let's Play of any of the Wing Commander games considering you've already got FFX and Deadly Premonitions going on, but here's hoping you do. I really wanna see Mark Hammil killing Tiger Klingons.

  • http://www.facebook.com/johnny.tong1 Johnny Tong

    what's the song during the credits?

  • http://www.facebook.com/chrishominski Chris Hominski

    I just noticed that Simon MacCorkindale aka the star of the Cinema Snob's favorite TV show: MANIMAL is in this movie. Wow. This movie could've been amazing if it wasn't such a colossal fuck up all around. The supporting cast was a group of well respected actors like Jurgen Prochnow and David Warner… Imagine if we got Hammill as the star with a better script and the same supporting cast? It would've at least been better than what we got.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/L6PLQIPGHBBBK4XCNEJIALKY7U Katie

    Black Hole, Likes its one word and spelled Blagole.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Javier-Andres-Solarte-Torres/533792827 Javier Andres Solarte Torres

    very funny but…what about the resident evil movies? some of them were filmed after this one

  • http://twitter.com/DoctorSubmarine Josh Rosenfield

    I never understood why movie aliens always had such a tough time finding Earth. Is it really that hard to pick up a fucking map?

  • ujo1934

    i just noticed something…under the navcom it says Nokia…like the cellphone company wtf

  • Matrim

    Well, you try picking out an individual planet you've never been to out of the hundreds of billions of solar systems in our galaxy. And them stealing the navcom WAS them picking up a fucking map.

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      OHHH BURN! XD nice comment, dumb ass up there clearly doesn’t realize how big space is.

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      OHHH BURN! XD nice comment, dumb ass up there clearly doesn’t realize how big space is.

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      OHHH BURN! XD nice comment, dumb ass up there clearly doesn’t realize how big space is.

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      OHHH BURN! XD nice comment, dumb ass up there clearly doesn’t realize how big space is.

  • http://maverickmoneymakersreview.ws/ Maverick Money Makers Review

    You've played the game, now see the movie. Right? Wrong-o. I've never played the game aside from a 30-minute tour!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mattias-Granlund/100000618693819 Mattias Granlund

    so? They where no less of a punch to the Resident Evil games then this was to wing commander

  • dennett316

    I would shit can Freddie Prinze and just have an older Blair. Frankly, young people are idiots, and the fact that punks like Prinze and Lillard got the job over that outstanding game cast makes me puke. When did standards slip so low that those two are even considered actors in the first place?

  • rewind83709

    Never watched this movie, and never really played the games either, but hilarious as always sir spoony.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jack-Donald/547723767 Jack Donald

    David Suchet… They got David Suchet in this film, and he has a smaller part than that Lillard fuckstain?! HE'S FUCKING POIROT! THE GREATEST DETECTIVE SINCE SHERLOCK HOLMES!!!

  • Salenstormwing

    Someone pointed out the following quote, and it's quite appropriate to this review.

    “I wanted to make Wing Commander so bad.” – Freddie Prinze Jr., WCM Official Magazine.

    Write your own punchline, folks.

    For me to write my punchline, I'll need a 200 foot long banner for me to write “MISSION F***ING ACCOMPLISHED” on it.

  • 13secondspastmidnight

    This movie is pretty much a bad version of the battlestar galactica.

    … a BAD version.

    … battlestar galactica was not that good (not because the premise was bad, but because the character interactions were nonsensical (they stopped making sense at the end of season 1), and there were literal unexplained walking deus ex machina EVERYWHERE (they're supposed to be… what, angels?)).

    And this is a BAD version of that.

    … Am I the only person who sees a problem with this?

  • Anonymous

    This movie is pretty much a bad version of the battlestar galactica.

    … a BAD version.

    … battlestar galactica was not that good (not because the premise was bad, but because the character interactions were nonsensical (they stopped making sense at the end of season 1), and there were literal unexplained walking deus ex machina EVERYWHERE (they’re supposed to be… what, angels?)).

    And this is a BAD version of that.

    … Am I the only person who sees a problem with this?

  • Anonymous

    The first and second Wing Commanders was what initiated my love affair with PC games. Nothing Nintendo or Sega put out at the time could compete with Kilrathi dogfighting and tense torpedo runs, and my NES gathered a whole lot of dust once I got to feel the joy of games like this. I followed the character’s loyally, wondered and cared who would survive which chapter. I squealed with glee at Paladin’s return in part 2, rolled my eyes at seeing Maniac still stuck in the lower ranks 10 years into the story, and seeing Spirit die in a hopeless run to save her fiance was legitimately heart breaking.

    So what do they do? They do……this.

    A pox upon them. And a pox upon Chris Roberts for being involved in his own creation’s defilement.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rei-Shaw/716125090 Rei Shaw

    Actually a policy of not mentioning dead pilots is not unknown in the real world I believe… at least it’s referenced in the Robotech Novels… or maybe this was just cribbing the Robotech books. But yeah I think said tradition does actually exist, something to look up.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/7UN6FDZUJROKU2JTYZE43WBTUU Leonard

    they didn’t just just beat it with a shovel but they gang raped it and probably had it drink a pint of Blood carrying HIV and gang raped it some more. I am pretty sure it took C.S.I 3 hours to clean up all the jizz that was shot out. I hate this movie so much that I could find those assholes and falcon punch them all and then go after the 2 retards that made Date movie, Epic movie, Disaster Movie, and Vampires suck

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Baker/100001128276115 Tom Baker

    well alright “A no holds-bare, action pack thrill ride! full of…..fuck this! put this movie down and go read a book!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shane-Stephenson/1381510872 Shane Stephenson

    I actually liked this movie when it first came out, and I’ll tell you why:

    1. At the time, I really enjoyed Matthew Lillard. Now, I know a lot of people find him to be incredibly annoying, but I always found him to be very fun to watch. I don’t know why. I can’t really explain it. The movie that really ruined Matthew Lillard for me was In the Name of the King, but there he was incredibly miscast, as was everyone else.
    2. I was completely unaware that this movie was based on a series of video games that were considered to be very good games, much less that the movie departed from them.
    3. Here’s the big one: I was absolutely in love with the concept of fighter pilots in space. I thought it was incredibly novel and I actually had never heard of a movie based on that premise before. I know Star Wars had that, but it was just one part of the story. This movie was based on that concept. It seemed really cool to me, and I was in fact, unaware that games based on that concept had been around for years.

    So, due mostly to the fact that I had limited knowledge of video games at the time, I loved this movie. It doesn’t really stand up to repeated scrutiny, though; I haven’t watched it or had the desire to watch it in years, possibly because I noticed the flaws in it to some degree and eventually I just lost interest. So, that’s my experience with this movie.

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      i never watched this movie but i agree with you about Matthew Lillard, for some weird reason i find him very entertaining

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      i never watched this movie but i agree with you about Matthew Lillard, for some weird reason i find him very entertaining

    • http://twitter.com/JordS68 Jordan Stone

      i never watched this movie but i agree with you about Matthew Lillard, for some weird reason i find him very entertaining

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shane-Stephenson/1381510872 Shane Stephenson

    I actually liked this movie when it first came out, and I’ll tell you why:

    1. At the time, I really enjoyed Matthew Lillard. Now, I know a lot of people find him to be incredibly annoying, but I always found him to be very fun to watch. I don’t know why. I can’t really explain it. The movie that really ruined Matthew Lillard for me was In the Name of the King, but there he was incredibly miscast, as was everyone else.
    2. I was completely unaware that this movie was based on a series of video games that were considered to be very good games, much less that the movie departed from them.
    3. Here’s the big one: I was absolutely in love with the concept of fighter pilots in space. I thought it was incredibly novel and I actually had never heard of a movie based on that premise before. I know Star Wars had that, but it was just one part of the story. This movie was based on that concept. It seemed really cool to me, and I was in fact, unaware that games based on that concept had been around for years.

    So, due mostly to the fact that I had limited knowledge of video games at the time, I loved this movie. It doesn’t really stand up to repeated scrutiny, though; I haven’t watched it or had the desire to watch it in years, possibly because I noticed the flaws in it to some degree and eventually I just lost interest. So, that’s my experience with this movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shane-Stephenson/1381510872 Shane Stephenson

    I actually liked this movie when it first came out, and I’ll tell you why:

    1. At the time, I really enjoyed Matthew Lillard. Now, I know a lot of people find him to be incredibly annoying, but I always found him to be very fun to watch. I don’t know why. I can’t really explain it. The movie that really ruined Matthew Lillard for me was In the Name of the King, but there he was incredibly miscast, as was everyone else.
    2. I was completely unaware that this movie was based on a series of video games that were considered to be very good games, much less that the movie departed from them.
    3. Here’s the big one: I was absolutely in love with the concept of fighter pilots in space. I thought it was incredibly novel and I actually had never heard of a movie based on that premise before. I know Star Wars had that, but it was just one part of the story. This movie was based on that concept. It seemed really cool to me, and I was in fact, unaware that games based on that concept had been around for years.

    So, due mostly to the fact that I had limited knowledge of video games at the time, I loved this movie. It doesn’t really stand up to repeated scrutiny, though; I haven’t watched it or had the desire to watch it in years, possibly because I noticed the flaws in it to some degree and eventually I just lost interest. So, that’s my experience with this movie.

  • http://twitter.com/Simbaka Thomas Punton

    I remember having a tape that showed previews to many computer games, including the first Wing Commander. I never got a chance to play any of them but considering I love Star Fox I might have to see if I can get them to run on Dos Box. This movie on the other hand I agree, its a disappointment of a cast considering all they had for WC4. This is the reason that Nintendo doesn’t let any of their video game franchises become movies after the travesty of Super Mario Bros was like.

    BTW, is it just me or the actress that Bulldog makes out with the same one from Star Trek First Contact?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nate-Conarroe/100000062876218 Nate Conarroe

    LOL I never saw this movie and thank god I never would’ve taken Freddie seriously when he joined 24 on its last season… I gotta say though given a good script and the guys not half bad and working alongside Jack Bauer helped.
    This movie sure makes it hard for me to say Hey guys Freddie Prinze Jr isn’t as bad as you might think lol.

  • Anonymous

    I think we’ve just heard how Spoony sounds during sex.

  • http://twitter.com/PofB Process bel

    Hey! Lay off spoony! Hackers was awesome!

    … IE Matthew Lillard is still an annoying tool, but at least in Hackers he was a likable annoying tool.

  • http://twitter.com/PofB Process bel

    Hey! Lay off spoony! Hackers was awesome!

    … IE Matthew Lillard is still an annoying tool, but at least in Hackers he was a likable annoying tool.

  • http://twitter.com/PofB Process bel

    Hey! Lay off spoony! Hackers was awesome!

    … IE Matthew Lillard is still an annoying tool, but at least in Hackers he was a likable annoying tool.

  • http://twitter.com/PofB Process bel

    Hey! Lay off spoony! Hackers was awesome!

    … IE Matthew Lillard is still an annoying tool, but at least in Hackers he was a likable annoying tool.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PREOTLSBJVZHILGISTEG62BIS4 James

    I got a lamer box quote. Its a Movie!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Phil-Minott/1724831167 Phil Minott

    you know the plot in the movie was stolen Gundam.

    • Anonymous

      Way more than just Gundam. The plot is archetypical, and that’s not neccessarily a bad thing – you’ll find a million and one plots like this – but the way it’s done is completely unneccessary and pointless.

  • http://twitter.com/EmpGonzo Tony M

    Add another to the list…

    “It will change the way you look at 3-D”

  • http://kensanoni.wordpress.com/ Kensan Oni

    There is only one good thing about this film. Only one. I love the soundtrack. It really captured the feel, in my opinion, of the games. It, unfortunately is the only thing that reminded me about the game. While I do like the jet fighting sequences, because, let’s face it, you can’t go wrong with stuff taken straight out of WWII Capture Footage, this movie was just so disappointing in all other ways. I mean, Lord British, couldn’t you have tried to use your trademark just a little? Was the producer that big an asshole?

  • http://kensanoni.wordpress.com/ Kensan Oni

    There is only one good thing about this film. Only one. I love the soundtrack. It really captured the feel, in my opinion, of the games. It, unfortunately is the only thing that reminded me about the game. While I do like the jet fighting sequences, because, let’s face it, you can’t go wrong with stuff taken straight out of WWII Capture Footage, this movie was just so disappointing in all other ways. I mean, Lord British, couldn’t you have tried to use your trademark just a little? Was the producer that big an asshole?

  • http://kensanoni.wordpress.com/ Kensan Oni

    There is only one good thing about this film. Only one. I love the soundtrack. It really captured the feel, in my opinion, of the games. It, unfortunately is the only thing that reminded me about the game. While I do like the jet fighting sequences, because, let’s face it, you can’t go wrong with stuff taken straight out of WWII Capture Footage, this movie was just so disappointing in all other ways. I mean, Lord British, couldn’t you have tried to use your trademark just a little? Was the producer that big an asshole?

  • Anonymous

    somebody shaved their pussies!

  • Anonymous

    somebody shaved their pussies!

  • Anonymous

    Matthew Lillard is going to be in an episode of House this season.
    We are so fucked.

    • http://cybolic.wordpress.com/ Cybolic

      Well, he wasn’t that bad in Law & Order.

  • Anonymous

    was that music from crash team racing at 3mins?

  • Anonymous

    was that music from crash team racing at 3mins?

  • http://www.facebook.com/alexander.draxler Alexander Ryan Draxler

    It sounds like the song during the tiger riding section in crash 3.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alexander.draxler Alexander Ryan Draxler

    It sounds like the song during the tiger riding section in crash 3.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kobyashi.maru Adam Cicigoi

    now Spoony knows how EVERY Avatar fan felt after watching The Last Airbender.
    FUCK YOU M. NIGHT SHALYMAN!!! FUCK YOU!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/CarlosWTFRivas Carlos Rivas

      I saw the film first and the show second and your know what, i like the show much better, the only good thing the movie did was lead me to the show.

  • http://openid-provider.appspot.com/jmckesson Nicol Bolas

    There is one, and *exactly* one good point in this movie. Maniac is an insufferable prick.

    In the first two games, getting Maniac as your wingman is basically the game *punishing* you for screwing up. He ignores orders, charges into combat half-cocked, and will get himself killed and you with him if you try to save his ass. Hell, your CO actually tells you that shooting him down might be a good idea, and he’s RIGHT.

    Making Maniac into a likable character was a regression. Lillard’s Maniac is *exactly* the kind of douchebag I was picturing when playing WC1.

    • Anonymous

      Unfortunately, the scriptwriters, no matter how accurate their portrayal of Maniac, seem to be laboring under the delusion that the audience actually finds his assholish antics likeable, and we’re supposed to sympathize with him learning the “harsh lesson” of NOT GETTING YOUR WINGMATES KILLED IN STUPID WARTIME DICK-WAVING EXERCISES.

      Seriously, why is this jagoff on the screen so often? If you’re going to make him as accurately annoying as he was in the games, SPARE THE AUDIENCE.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_A3QAW2BJEAI732RKGLC5567YEM Daniel

    I thought it was so retarded how they had to be quiet with the enemy ship above them. What were they thinking? This is just plain bad directing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1112764270 Lydia Keller Beam

    Okay,here’s mine:

    “Be afraid. Be very afraid, because in space, no one can hear you scream, and just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…Love means never having to say you’re sorry and to boldly go where no man has gone before, because the truth is out there. Experience it. Enjoy it. Just don’t fall for it.”

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OZYBCNMV5RCWLP4BU7IFA2TZHY Tamas

    FUKKIN LOVED WING COMMANDER GAAAAAAAAAMES!!!!

    Sorry, blew a happy fuse for a sec…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OZYBCNMV5RCWLP4BU7IFA2TZHY Tamas

    Oh yeah, by the way, I think C&C3 was another fun game with nerdgasmic FMV’s and fun as **** cast. Then RA3 had to come along and ruin everything.
    Anyway, try it out, people!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OZYBCNMV5RCWLP4BU7IFA2TZHY Tamas

    Triple post: Just noticed you had Crash Team Racing OST playing in the background at one point.
    Splendid!!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OZYBCNMV5RCWLP4BU7IFA2TZHY Tamas

    Triple post: Just noticed you had Crash Team Racing OST playing in the background at one point.
    Splendid!!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OZYBCNMV5RCWLP4BU7IFA2TZHY Tamas

    Triple post: Just noticed you had Crash Team Racing OST playing in the background at one point.
    Splendid!!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XII7YV5G2JLV7CH2DKSTGRZX4E Rachel

    I am sooo loving the purple butterfly clips in Turl’s hair. Makes him look very warrior-like.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XII7YV5G2JLV7CH2DKSTGRZX4E Rachel

    I am sooo loving the purple butterfly clips in Turl’s hair. Makes him look very warrior-like.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Duquette/659767402 John Duquette

    Tolwyn is played by Mr. Cratchit from from the George C. Scott version of a Christmas Carol. This amuses me for some reason.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dane-Corle/1556299225 Dane Corle

      David Warner? Oh yeah, he’s done a crap load of incredibly nerdy stuff. Stuff like Star Trek, Doctor Who, Disc World, Time Bandits, Privateer, Fallout, and my personal favorite as the voice of the main villain in Baldur’s Gate II =)

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dane-Corle/1556299225 Dane Corle

      David Warner? Oh yeah, he’s done a crap load of incredibly nerdy stuff. Stuff like Star Trek, Doctor Who, Disc World, Time Bandits, Privateer, Fallout, and my personal favorite as the voice of the main villain in Baldur’s Gate II =)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Duquette/659767402 John Duquette

    Tolwyn is played by Mr. Cratchit from from the George C. Scott version of a Christmas Carol. This amuses me for some reason.

  • http://www.facebook.com/TimMalear Tim Malear

    Funny movie, Spoony! I agreed with all but Freddie Prinze. He’s been alright in some rolls (24, for example). But to my main reason of posting

    I’m nit-picking, but at one point you say they keep running into things the size of suns. Well, actually, blaghoes are only 10 meters in diameter and virtually invisible. Though, I guess in this movie blaghoes are huge and are surrounded by what can only be the soul essence of minty freshness. So I guess this isn’t really a count against you, but more of yet another count against the movie.

    Keep up the good work (retroactively)!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508203087 Yannick Caron

      Actually, to have a mass thousands of times bigger than the sun, a black hole must have the size of Earth. What they show is not the black hole itself (at least I hope, I never could pass 10 minutes of this movie) but the cloud surrounding it. It’s pretty much the only thing you can see since a black hole is virtually invisible yes. So, Spoony’s argument still stands, how can they miss this thing? One problem though, I don’t know if it is Spoony’s mistake or it really is in the movie but if a black hole was located in Earth’s solar system, the system wouldn’t exist anymore. No black hole is located near Earth as far as we know either. And even if it was possible to have one in the system, it would have been mapped already. This movie is stupid.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Pyramid-Head/100000744981739 Pyramid Head

        Right on the first bit (size) but wrong on the second (bye bye solar system.) Contrary to popular belief, black holes aren’t space vacuums that fly around sucking in matter. Gravity’s strength drops off very quickly with distance. The “size” you mentioned above usually refers to the hole’s event horizon, which is the space around the hole at which the force of gravity exceeds the ability of light to outrun the rate at which space itself stretches inwards, because of that gravity. Not far (astronomically speaking) beyond this area, the gravity would seem no stronger than it would around an object of similar mass. A black hole could quite comfortably orbit the sun, and, if there were no objects close enough to lose matter to it and form an accretion disk, it would only be detectable by the way it warped the images of stars behind it, and by the way its gravity affected the orbits of the objects in the solar system.

        That being said, it would still be a very dangerous object to anything near enough to be affected by the strength of its gravity. Close black-hole binary stars exist where the star can be close enough to the black hole so that the hole’s gravity is strong enough to pull matter off the star. So, not all black hole solars systems would be fairly safe; just in theory, some can be.

        • John Doser

          Yes, gravity does drop off at an inverse-squared rate, however to think that you could have something with a gravitation pull several thousand times the strength of our Sun and we wouldn’t know is so absurdly stupid.

          Keep in mind that the Sun’s OWN event horizon is right around the Oort Cloud, pass Pluto. That’s why everything orbits the Sun – it has the largest gravitation pull in the Solar system.

          It would be child’s play to detect a gravity well stronger than our own Sun in our own solar system because it would distort all of the orbits of the planets and the Sun itself would orbit around it. You would be able to visually see the effects of a massive blackhole from Earth (assuming it put out some radiation in the visible spectrum), and you could certainly chart its affects on other planets with nothing more than a dark, clear night and time.

          Keep in mind that a blackhole, at least theoretically, has to have enough mass for the most basic elemental forces to break down. Neutron Stars – actually cooling super-massive dead stars – are thought to be about as dense as you can get without turning into a blackhole. Their gravity is so intense that the only thing holding them in space-time is the Neutron Force. A tablespoon’s worth of Neutron Star could outweigh entire continents.

          It’s just an entirely different scale you’re talking about between our yellow star and a blackhole.

          • Boobah

            I realize this is talking at the past, but still. Apparently you’ve no idea what an ‘event horizon’ is. The whole point of it is that you can’t perceive whatever is on the other side of one; it’s ‘over the horizon.’ Yeah, there’s a bubble around the solar system produced by Sol that differentiates it from interstellar space, but the border can’t be described as an ‘event horizon.’

            And black holes don’t actually have much of a mass requirement, just a density requirement. Admittedly, really small black holes tend to evaporate into gamma rays pretty quickly; that’s why some sci-fi settings (including such little-known ones as Star Trek) have groups that use little black holes as power sources. The ability to refuel on, well, anything, is nifty.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1112764270 Lydia Keller Beam

    This is probably my favorite Spoony review. it’s just too fucking funny, lol. xDDD

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OHQVHS2VVOZAD7T2AJUOAUSMHE Agustin Aldo

    On this subject, the tackiest subtitle ever known to man is adding “the final chapter” next to the title of a sequel.

    When do you do that, you KNOW they are fucking with you, because there’s no way this sequel is actually the last in the series, and then they end up proving you right and making another sequel after that one.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OHQVHS2VVOZAD7T2AJUOAUSMHE Agustin Aldo

    On this subject, the tackiest subtitle ever known to man is adding “the final chapter” next to the title of a sequel.

    When do you do that, you KNOW they are fucking with you, because there’s no way this sequel is actually the last in the series, and then they end up proving you right and making another sequel after that one.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ICDHG7TLTN6JVK6JMK3TKQFXKQ Mike Wallace

    The space dogfights in this were just as bad as the ones in Star Wars, but without any of the excitement or memorable characters or plot.

  • http://www.facebook.com/manilchiba Manil Chiba

    Sadly a very spot on review. Those WWII ships pissed me off! I’m surprised they didn’t have propellers on them…. Its like they stitched this from bad movies and added “IN SPACE!!!”

    haha! I’m from Johannesburg, South Africa. Good to know how far I am above sea level :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/manilchiba Manil Chiba

    Sadly a very spot on review. Those WWII ships pissed me off! I’m surprised they didn’t have propellers on them…. Its like they stitched this from bad movies and added “IN SPACE!!!”

    haha! I’m from Johannesburg, South Africa. Good to know how far I am above sea level :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1476136733 Lauri Veijalainen

    I know it’s wrong to laugh at other poor soul’s agony, but this thing is hilarious! It just doesn’t get old to see Spoony doing that “MARK! HAMILL!”-shout. Makes me smile/laugh every time. Thanks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Quentin-Acord/100000079030811 Quentin Acord

    As hard as it is to believe Mathew Lillard is a good actor, he just keeps being put in these really crappy movies. He’s amazing as the lead in “SLC Punk”, but he really hasn’t been in a good movie since than. I really feel bad for him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Quentin-Acord/100000079030811 Quentin Acord

    As hard as it is to believe Mathew Lillard is a good actor, he just keeps being put in these really crappy movies. He’s amazing as the lead in “SLC Punk”, but he really hasn’t been in a good movie since than. I really feel bad for him.

    • jeff95baumer

      I was just about to say this, his performance in that film was fucking amazing, really glued the whole thing together. I wish he would get himself a decent agent and appear in a few more films like that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-King/100000359370277 Ryan King

    In addition to being out of place, the whole Pilgrim thing rips off too many things that are done MUCH better. It rips off Navigators from Rogue Trader, technomancers from Shadowrun, but the biggest one? It rips off EVERY Gundam series! Particularly Coordinators from SEED (my personal favorite despite its flaws). Seriously, you could swap the two and nobody would so much as raise an eyebrow.

    For that I say, “Screw this movie.”

    • Scirocco

      SEED is my least favorite for many reasons, but not a bad series. Mine is Zeta :D

    • Scirocco

      Whoops i forgot to mention, this movie was before SEED. So the Coordinators are Pilgrims. I was just so happy I met a fellow Gundam fan on this site.

      • Boobah

        Eh. Coordinators are just SEED’s version of Universal Century’s NewTypes. Which very much predates this movie.

        • Scirocco

          Not quite. Newtypes are people with extra spacial awareness. Coordinators are people who are just inherently perfect as far as human limitations go. That’s why they can initially pilot mobile suits and the naturals can’t, because it takes amazing “coordination” to use that kind of machinery. There are actual newtypes in CE, such as Mu La Flaga, and Rau. But Coordinator’s aren’t exactly like newtypes.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_S3RX4L4XOIESE3HC7XC4NEGCW4 Noah G

    problem: the tiger-claw leaving in 2 hours and Devereux surviving does make sense, it would take what’s his name an hour to get to Devereux and an hour to get back.

  • Justin Atkinson

    Spot on review other than the I think sonar in space could possibly work with something like a laser microphone but I don’t think the writers were smart enough to think of that.

    • Anonymous

      Sonar stands for “SOund Navigation And Ranging”. It relies on methods of using sound transmission through water to detect objects. There is no atmosphere in space, and thus, there is no air in space, and thus there is no sonar in space. (And there’s also no stealth to be had in space for various reasons, but I won’t go into that.)

      Likewise, RADAR stands for “RAdio Detection And Ranging”, and uses a different medium, but a similar technique (bouncing energy off objects and listening for a return, or just listening for emissions). For lasers, the term you’re probably looking for is LADAR, “LAser Detection and Ranging”, which involves probing things with focused light to see what they are.

      TL;DR: You’re thinking of ladar, sonar has nothing to do with lasers and doesn’t work in space.

  • Anonymous

    “There are over a thousand singularities in that quasar.”
    Uhm. Huh? Is that possible? A singularity is something that we don’t even understand, that can’t be described, so even if there were a thousand singularities, (which I don’t think would be possible,) how would you be able to tell? Do they have a certain color or shape and you just counted?
    I’m 14 and all I know about singularities is from a History Channel show called “The Universe”  so if I’m wrong, tell me why.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/George-Rosenbaum/100001387887487 George Rosenbaum

      Can a singularity even have multiple properties? Can it even have a shape if it’s takes up a single point in space?

      • Anonymous

        Pretty much what I’m asking.

    • Anonymous

      No, I think you’re on the right track there, guy. You’re at least attempting to think about it in scientific terms, which is far more than we can say about whatever retard wrote this steaming pile of a script…
      It makes no sense on a semantic level, either. I mean, doesn’t referring to something as a “singularity” imply (as it does to my linguistically-oriented mind, anyway..) oh, I dunno, being SINGLE?? ALONE?? SOLO?? ETC.??I’d think that just TWO singularities coming into contact with each other would be quite a surrounding-solar-neighborhoods-shattering event. They’re sposed to be uber-dense, energy-packed entities, right?
      Fuck, getting thousands of these together could very well wipe out millions of surrounding solar systems.

  • http://twitter.com/Shurmon_Aaron Aaron W. Shurmon

    most original is arguable…. phantasy star series? theres a good review

    • r3verend

      he said “best original space saga”. Its like the category “best original screenplay” at the oscars :-)
      so, in spooneys opinion, from the original vg space sagas its the best one ^^

    • sardonicmedia

       http://sardonicmedia.wordpress.com/video-game-reviews/phantasy-star-series/

      Not Spoony, but hope this suffices. 

  • http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

    random-rewatching this for the… lost track, lol, noticed the Kilrathy(sp) say hard to Port at the end, pretty sure they turn to starboard
    I know it’s a minor thing compared to the rest of the BS in this but stuck out at me today

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ayla-Hackley/1554473556 Ayla Hackley

    around 15:34 i swear to god i saw Ewan McGregor XD

  • Senna4ever

    Mark Hamill is in this film.
    He provided the voice of Merlin, listed as “?” in the credits.

  • Rachenar

    Ah yes, such fond memories…of my first lobotomy

  • Josh Hahn

    Freddie Prinze Junior has struck again.  Had they also cast Lillard in Mass Effect 3, I’d’ve saved myself the money and just walked away.  I know it’s a bit unfair to blame that disaster on Prinze, but I agree about the actor in general.

    • David Hunziker

       More like I blame EA, DLC ENDING FOR MASS EFFECT 3 YAY OH JOY.  I’m not gonna even bother buying that fucking game. RIP BIOWARE

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002255363856 Leo Meier

      i just never brought him on missions problem solved 

  • Kal El

    Okay. That was entertaining, and we liked the Wing Commander movie. Not that it made sense in many of the scenes you humorously highlighted. But as a straight sci fi romp, if you knew nothing about the game franchise, you might just have a little fun.

    We liked the Pilgrim sub-plot. Yes, Pilgrims are people too.

    Here is our take with lots of pics and
    perhaps a little wit if you are interested:

    http://fortresstakes.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/wing-commander-1999/

  • Erik Kowalsky

    Spoony looks totally awesome with the beard, seriously.

  • Radosław Hołdys

    Kinda fucks with your brain now that Freddie did okay in Mass Effect 3 ._.

  • http://twitter.com/Jesseraygarza Jesse Garza

    Ha hahahaha! XD

  • Patrick Coyle

    Who’s a Paladin?

  • http://www.facebook.com/awelcruiz Adam Welsh

    Wing Commander IV is the only Wing Commander game I’ve ever played, because a copy of it came with our old computer.

  • http://twitter.com/mariner1712 Nick Martinelli

    It’s funny how much Lillard gets shit on for this and the live-action Scooby films, but his voice acting in Mystery Incorporated actually impressed me. Part of that though was the fact that it’s the first Scooby series to actually give their characters things to DO that are character driven.

    And the second season never happened LALALALALAALALAAL…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6EVM3F2U7HDWHYC7LO7TETE2KA MichaelT

    They replaced the greatest Jedi in history with a bleach-haired jackass. Stellar.

  • umster

    This is easily one of my top Spoony reviews, i think its our mutual dislike for Freddie Prinze Jr and Matthew Lillard.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sioraf.killeens Sioraf As Killeens

    Am I the only that doesn’t hate that Avatar movie and is indifferent to the show? Agh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jbhaslach John Barton Haslach

    I just got the first two Wing Commander Games from GOG and I have yet to play them, but I want to play the third and fourth games as well. God this movie eats.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.l.whittington Jonathan Luke Whittington

    I distinctly remember watching my oldest brother play through Wing Commander 1, 2, 3 and Privateer a long time ago. Even at the moment I reached the age of 10, I could tell this film really missed the point (although I admittedly couldn’t tell a good movie from a bad one). Seeing this review reminded me how much so it’s true. Love the scream you made, too. Heh, heh. Commanding wings at KFC. I’m gonna have to use that.

  • peteman

    I could understand if the whole “be quiet” thing was more superstition, since a submarine is probably the closest thing to a space craft.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1442290943 Derek Thomas

    Lol I love this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1442290943 Derek Thomas

    One of spoony’s better ones. :D

  • http://www.facebook.com/daniel.durham.7 Daniel Durham

    oh man i just watched it yesterday for the first time. the screenwriter was the same dunce who wrote mortal kombat. what a travesty. they had a halfway decent premise, budget, actors, designs and they managed to fuck it up on all levels. i am just speechless…

  • http://www.facebook.com/max.clinton Max Clinton

    Here you go Spoony, here’s a forgetable Box Quote for ya: A Tour de Force, No Holds Barred Thrill with Fast and Furious Action that’s a Pure Rollercoaster Ride.

    • PokeyFluffytail

      “This is a movie!”? How about that? :3

  • http://www.facebook.com/byronvisiado09 Byron Espinoza

    Dude great writing on this one man. I’ve seen it a few times over the years and I enjoy it every time,

  • Pixelmancer

    This is my favorite review I’ve ever seen. Good work. I could have done without the Psychlo part though…

  • fireball3477

    Well, I’m glad Chris is back making GAMES. That’s what he can do best.

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