Upcoming Review Schedule

The Spoony One | May 31 2009 | 

I’ve got a ton of great new reviews in the works, so I thought I’d give you a sneak peek of what’s coming up!

Let’s Riff on Ripper – I survived Phantasmagoria 2: A Puzzle of Flesh, but will I be any match for Jack the Ripper…OF THE FUTURE? Christopher Walken, Karen Allen, Burgess Meredith, Ossie Davis, Jimmie Walker, Paul Giamatti, David Patrick Kelly, and John Rhys-Davies are the star-studded ensemble cast of Take 2 Interactive’s full-motion video epic!

Street Fighter 2010 (NES) – In the distant future of…about seven months from now, a deadly cyboplasm plague will sweep through the solar system, infecting innocent people and turning them into deadly cyber-mutants. Only Ken, king of the Street Fighter tournament and brilliant geneticist can defeat the cybo-menace, avenge his partner Troy, and bring order to the galaxy!

FMV Hell: Board Games…With Movies! – If you thought Dragon Strike was something, you ain’t seen nothing yet! There were a ton of games, both during my childhood and today that seem to think what our board games really need are cheesily-produced VHS and DVD accessories. Remember Star Trek: The VCR Board Game? Clue? The Atmosfear series? Isaac Asimov’s Robots? 24: The DVD Board Game? Time to roll them bones.

SWAT 4: A Farewell to Arms Dealers – The SWAT posse busts up the Russian mob making a gun deal in an abandoned tenement. What better way to subdue a group of twenty mobsters with assault rifles than to send in five policemen nervous about being charged with unauthorized use of deadly force?

SWAT 4: Blowing Up the Ritz – The deadliest mission of SWAT 4’s storied history takes place when a group of psychotic, combat-ready militiamen take over the top floors of a hotel and wire it with explosives. Not only are these the most erratic, heavily-armed and armored terrorists yet, the clock is ticking and there’s not much time before the whole place explodes!

Terror T.R.A.X. (PC) – The hotly-requested follow-up review to the Terror T.R.A.X. series brings me to the embarrassingly-bad videogame for the PC. Will there be Agent Snake? Will Dr. Hemos make an appearance? You’ll find out…if I can get the damn game to work…

And of course…

Final Fantasy VIII: Part 11 – Has Selphie managed to reprogram Galbadia’s nuclear missiles so that they’ll harmlessly scatter all over the countryside instead of hitting the defenseless military Garden stronghold? Will Squall ever manage to be able to find out what in the hell is up with his Laguna flashbacks? And who in the hell is NORG?

EDIT: Silly me, I forgot to mention the review I just finished writing!

The Clones of Bruce Lee – Bruce Lee might be dead, but we can rebuild him with SCIENCE! And why stop at one when we can have…three! I confront the obscure martial arts genre known as Brucesploitation with this crazy post-mortem of the greatest martial artist in cinema.