Spoony Riffs – Hallmark Safety Training Video

The Spoony One | Oct 5 2012 | more notation(s) | 

Hallmark is one dangerous place. Will dem Duke Boys manage to make it through a single day without getting themselves killed?

  • Erik Kowalsky

    Is this an old video that you made?

    • http://www.facebook.com/will.keilloh Will Keilloh

      It’s new.

      • http://www.facebook.com/Mewizkuit Anthony Black

        Actually he did this back in august at a convention, which I was there for. I’m assuming he re-did it for this video, though, since there was too much background noise at the convention for him to have recorded it then, but he is using basically the same jokes.
        Glad to see this on the site, though. I had difficulty seeing it properly at the convention because of the projector.

  • GameWarrior2216

    Why, this isn’t To Boldly Flee Commentary Part 6!

    • Doleth

      Wow, thank you dude, I was sure it was!

    • zhellas

      Well that explains why Boss Hogg was in To Boldly Flee!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000909397850 Filip A. Verniers

    GLORIOUS

  • https://twitter.com/#!/Mac11em Edvard M

    There should be a Windows Movie Maker safety training video :)

  • http://twitter.com/wolfdribble wolfy.

    ooo~ transitions.

  • http://twitter.com/marktgledhill dreamofthekai

    Not sure what to say to this Video

  • Steven Prorok

    Oof. Man. Even Spoony couldn’t make this very funny. The concept of a Dukes of Hazard-themed safety video had promise for hilarious badness, and the twist of what the Bad Stuff was picked things up a little, but it’s just… so… dull…

  • ScionVyse

    Who else thinks the guy playing Boss Hogg didn’t actually know dihydrogen monoxide was water until he read the script.

  • http://www.facebook.com/viktor.akesson.777 Viktor Åkesson

    Your immature remark about this being better than The Phantom Menace no matter what made me stop watching it. You act as if anyone who loves that movie deserves to die, Spoony. And I love it, which you probably hate as far as I understand.
    I will get tons of thumbs downs for this, but I will say it either way because I am so sick of people whining about The Phantom Menace being awful – go and fuck yourself, Noah Antwiler. Fuck you.

    • Joshua D’souza

      You took that waaaay too seriously. I don’t know where you got the “anyone who loves that movie deserves to die” vibe from.

      Guess what? Some people don’t like the same things you do. Welcome to life.

    • DJ Johnson

      Dude, chill out. An opinion is an opinion. It’s not to be taken personally.
      “You act as if anyone who loves that movie deserves to die”
      Well, yeah. He acts that way for comedic effect. It’s called exaggeration.
      Does he dislike the movie? Clearly. Noah tends to have very strong opinions. Does that mean he wants you dead? No. So chill.

    • http://twitter.com/TeumansBubulis Edgars Sondors

      Fuck all the people who think Spoony needs fucking body guarding.

    • http://twitter.com/hankslps Victor Asserud

      lugna dig? han har rätt till sin åsikt vice verca. om du då går ner till hans nivå och “hatar” alla som ogillar filmen så lägger du dig på samma nivå.. bara en tanke ^^ men jag förstår inte varför du ens lägger energi på att bli sur på någon som du vid det här laget borde veta har starka åsikter och säger det han tänker (och gör det till överdrift många gånger för att få folk att skratta?). Lite fånigt..

      • http://twitter.com/hankslps Victor Asserud

        av dig att bli så upprörd..

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Little-Lion-Man/100001177530877 Little Lion Man

      That isn’t true at all. He acts as if that movie really sucked, which it did. You’re the one taking your defensive feelings to the extreme and acting like he wants you to kill yourself.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jacob.w.brody Jacob Wilson Brody

      NO sir FUCKA YOU! HA HA =) but for the record, the Phantom Menace sucked so hard. It sucked during the beginning of the movie all the way up to it’s stupid mickey fucking mouse ending and carried all the fucking way over to the “kingdom of the crystal skulls” it sucked so hard. Take your Midichlorians and shove em up your ass you nerf herder!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Black/100000380573698 Steven Black

      It was just a Phantom Menace joke, chill out. Most people don’t like the movie. I don’t. But nobody said anything about wishing you to die for liking the movie. You should watch the video, you missed a Jar Jar joke. lol.

    • IHeart28

      Calm thyself. It’s just a joke. You’re entitled to loving the movie as spoony is entitled to hating the movie. Telling him to “fuck himself” just makes you far too defensive. Spoony bashes on what he hates all the time anyway which included Phantom Menace. Besides, hating phantom menace is nothing new anyway, so why be so defensive?

    • jnywest

      Do you work at Lucasfilm? You’re tired of people whining about TPM, well of course you are, people have been doing it for 10 years now, the movie was bad. “I know I’m going to get tons of thumbs down for this…” sound like Lucas when he was putting Jar Jar Binks into the movies. You are entitled to your opinion, but just know this; someday, after Lucas finally passes on to the next life, there will be a great purge… we will move across this earth and eradicate from existence all the madness that man has produced after he fell into darkness. Finally, after years of suffering we will start over, building upon the foundation first develop in 1976 and rebuild a once great empire. The Prequels, all that they have spawned, will be erased from history and a new era will dawn on this Earth. So… deal.

      • http://twitter.com/MichaelCWells Michael Wells

        You sir are absolutely batshit insane.

    • http://www.facebook.com/viktor.akesson.777 Viktor Åkesson

      Wow, look how many people that feels the need to emphasize how the guy who loves The Phantom Menace is wrong. But those of you bashing me and saying I am WRONG for loving the movie, and that it’s undoubtly a shitty movie no matter my opinions? Now, THAT is appearantly totally okay. Just let those do what they do – I mean, I am clearly the one here who deserves to get bashed on and pushed down, because I DARED to get mad at Noah – the one and true God. And I DARED to say I love The Phantom Menace, which obviously was manufactured by the Devil. :P
      Oh, I am being paranoid, am I? Prove it. Tell those of you that gets too harsh on me that that’s not okay. If not, then I can just simply state you are all full of complete bullshit.

    • http://twitter.com/MichaelCWells Michael Wells

      Man I liked the Prequels ok and I thought it was funny. Was it as bad as everyone said? No but then again it was not aimed for a 30+ year old like Noah I am 25 and I was ok with them. They where aimed for a younger generation and guess what Jar Jar was a huge hit with the kids.

      Stop being the atypical ‘The music these kids listen to day is garbage, now back in my day we had REAL Music!”

      Seriously Spoony made a joke, get over yourself.

  • http://twitter.com/GamesSaveLives silbmaerto

    Kinda dull video, but only because the training video itself is so hard to see and hear.

  • http://danielj.se MaTachi

    This wasn’t very fun. :/ sry

    • Michael Sporzynski

      I kinda agree, but I am still happy Spoony is back to riffing on videos. And honestly, this particular video was not a particularly rich mine of comedy. It was boring rather than hilariously bad.

  • http://twitter.com/DuneBlythe Dune Blythe

    I hurt now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Stuart/100003538853785 Michael Stuart

    The water parts watching this worthwhile

  • Randall Taylor

    This is hilariously bad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=732482984 Nicholas J. Michalak

    This video brings back nightmares of a series of seminars I edited for a friend years ago. Most mind numbing thing I’ve ever endured that I actually got paid for. They were shot about as badly as this, too.

    This got REALLY funny after the hazardous water bit. LOL!

    I work with someone that used to be a Hallmark store manager. I wonder if she had to sit through this ridiculous, horrible crap.

  • fardmuhammad

    Wait- you mean to tell me that this ISN’T “Experience BIJ”?

  • http://www.facebook.com/akumanovar Krzysztof Łuczak

    That’s 20th Century Fox music, not Lucas Film :P

  • Alex Stockwell

    Why do I get the feeling one of these guys is gonna be dubbed by Samuel L. Jackson? Or Clint Howard?

  • http://www.facebook.com/sioraf.killeens Sioraf As Killeens

    We get it Spoony you hate the Star Wars prequels. As does bloody everyone except me it seems.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6EVM3F2U7HDWHYC7LO7TETE2KA MichaelT

    I had already seen a video of Spoony doing a live riff of this video at Anime Revolution, but fortunately he had WAY more jokes this time around.

  • Kyle Rybski

    Furfurturs.

  • http://twitter.com/SW_Tronix BW Media Spotlight

    I thought the bloodborn pathogens video we had to watch at work was boring. Even with Spoony’s riffing (what, no Windows Movie Maker jokes?) I nearly fell asleep.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6EVM3F2U7HDWHYC7LO7TETE2KA MichaelT

    6:35 – Anyone else notice that the most phallic-shaped state is directly on her face?
    ….or am I just really perverted?

  • IHeart28

    Jesus. This video was so boring, but the jokes and riffing Spoony did made me sit through the whole thing. Hallmark is like freaking hardcore! XD Great riff spoony!

  • PeaTearGryfin

    The whole video the only thing I could think was, ” how great would this be if they replaced Boss Hogg with Zelda Scott?” Also, I’m sorry, but does Hallmark have some kind of nuclear power plant that I’m not aware of?

  • Renaissance_nerd

    holy jesus, was this filmed on a budget of 5 bucks? pretty sad when Wendy’s has a much higher production quality. As Brad Jones would say this was filmed on shittio.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andreas-Tornqvist/605088298 Andreas Törnqvist

    Gotta say I like your vlog-stuff a lot Noah. You always come up with something funny to say!

  • MechaVelma

    As soon as I saw the suit, I thought … my god, Spoony is doing a review of Deadly Games (with Christopher Lloyd)

  • marabackman

    I feel kinda sad for the poor people who starred in this thing. Reeally embarrassing…

    But I have to say, you have an incredible range for making voices. You could do them more often in your videos :)

  • smek2

    “That’s the kind of stuff that got me fired from Channel Awesome” — Ziiiiing!

  • http://twitter.com/ravenwoodwitch angela

    This is what happens when you give Colonal Sanders a camera that does more than take pictures.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=817506911 Daniel Kong

    Hmm… Anyone else not seeing the video? All I get is a blank page? Is it just me?

  • Adell

    Where the hell did you find this???

  • http://sbkmulletman.deviantart.com/ sbkMulletMan

    I have got to see what the electric safety segment is like in their “sequel” to this video. Are the greeting cards with audio bits really that dangerous? Is Grandma going to be Palpatine-level Force-Fried just because I got her a card that plays Jingle Bells?
    Speaking of Star Wars, Spoony’s Jar-Jar voice was hilariously frightening. Like a possessed version of his Kermit impression (maybe that’s all Jar-Jar really is. Just Devil-Kermit). Now I’m morbidly curious as to what Spoony would be like during a puppet show.

  • CronoT

    Sorry, but I just had to toss this out there:

    If a chemical has a red (fire) hazard rating of 4, that means it’s an auto igniter, meaning it INSTANTLY combusts when it comes into contact with air over 72 degrees.

    In that case, the video would have ended after about a minute and a half, with a MASSIVE EXPLOSION.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lucas.allen.96 Lucas Allen

      That’s how I like my safety films, bloody violence!

      • http://www.facebook.com/jeremy.owens.5872 Jeremy Owens

        Boy do I have a safety video for you then.
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB86FZnjKTw&feature=related

        Yeah it’s kinda old and you may have seen it already but whatever. Spoony should definitely do a riff of this one though.

        • http://www.facebook.com/lucas.allen.96 Lucas Allen

          I think I saw that in the Cinema Snob forums and I said I like the ‘It Only Takes A Second’ video a lot better.

          • http://www.facebook.com/jeremy.owens.5872 Jeremy Owens

            That’s a good one too. Not as gruesome, but definitely a lot goofier.

          • http://www.facebook.com/leif.harbort Leif Harbort

            When it comes to safety videos, my favourite is “Staplerfahrer Klaus”. There’s a subtitled version on YT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oB6DN5dYWo

          • http://www.facebook.com/lucas.allen.96 Lucas Allen

            Sure got me laughing!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cody-Ward/100001744038901 Cody Ward

      Who knew water was so volatile!? QUICK! EVACUATE THE BEACHES! Damn you Gaia!! *shakes fist at air*

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deacon-Hagan/100002190854170 Deacon Hagan

        Did no one get the message from the happening?
        Nature is trying to Kill us all! We must kill it frist!

      • Sriseru

        Did you know that water makes up a significant fraction of the human body. Do you know what that means? IT’S INSIDE US!

        • http://www.facebook.com/stauken.hausen Stauken Hausen

          ERHMAGAWD! THE WATERS EVARYWHUR! ITS WORSE THAN THE FLOOR! OR EVEN THE GRASS! IT WILL KILL US FROM THE INSIDE!

    • http://twitter.com/Das_Bass Das_Bass

      Kind of Ironic that Bo would shoot fire arrows at things on the show….I was kinda hoping he’d pull that out here and shoot some fire arrows

      • MichaelT

        Problem is, if he did that something interesting would actually happen.

    • David Woodrow

      Not quite. It means a “flash point” of below 72°F (22°C). Difference being it will ignite when a naked flame is applied optimally at that temp or below, whereas auto-ignition point means it will combust at the specified temperature.

  • Gregory Bogosian

    I wonder if the factory in this video doesn’t make greeting cards at all. Maybe they just make DVDs of the safety videos used at the factory that does make greeting cards.

  • http://twitter.com/StacySG Stacy Galler

    Sorry to call you on this oh Great Spoony One, but ya got it wrong. That bit of music at the beginning was not the Lucasfilm intro but the 20th Century Fox Fanfare. It gets played at the beginning of every Fox movie, not just the Star Wars ones. It does seem to really go with the SW theme though; I think it’s in the same key. One theme it doesn’t go with: The Sound of Music. But, that was a Fox movie, and not only does the fanfare play in front of the flick, but it’s on the soundtrack too. Man, is that jarring.

    The base material on this was just crappy. It wasn’t funny crappy, just crappy crappy. You did pretty well with what you had though; I got a few chuckles out of it. Warehouse jousting…now THERE’S a good idea!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brett-Engetschwiler/1386578279 Brett Engetschwiler

    Anybody else from the Kansas City area here notice that the weather girl’s name is a riff on Gary Lezak? Kinda made me miss home.

  • Apocal7964

    Glad to see your back. This Vid was flippin funny.Found your site 2 weeks ago and love your vids. Keep up the awesome work.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Vaughan-MacDonald/100000473507885 Vaughan MacDonald

    There should be a law against rednecks with cameras…..

  • Renaissance_nerd

    is disqus eating my comments or do i just suck?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deacon-Hagan/100002190854170 Deacon Hagan

      Can’t it be both? ( I kid, I kid)

    • PeaTearGryfin

      No, it’s happening to me too. It seems like any comments that were uploaded earlier today are gone.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lennetambi.shuyin Lennetambi Shuyin

      no, were just floped down to the end of the comments were no one looks

  • http://www.facebook.com/lennetambi.shuyin Lennetambi Shuyin

    spoony, you are brilliant, I laughed so hard at this one, damn I love you…….

  • likalaruku

    Shot on shiteo, sound was phoned in. This is some quality trianing video here.

    • Pinup Ghoul

      Do you think Hallmark makes a “Sorry You Were Horribly Injured On The Job Because We Couldn’t Be Assed To Spring For Mics So You Could Hear The Audio In Our Shiteo-Quality Safety Training Video” card?

  • http://www.facebook.com/angel.d.figueroa.9 Angel D. Figueroa

    hey Spoony, I think there’s something wrong with the player, it won’t play more than a second or so at a time and it won’t load while paused. The same thing is happening on the AVGN’s site since he uses the same player. What’s up with that?

  • Richard White

    Funny as always spoony

    Who wouldve thought working in hallmark was such a death trap
    I thought they just sold cards i think i may have to wear a safety helmet and full bio gear the next time i pop in to buy my gf a valentines card

  • Doomglare

    If i here Boss Hog say “MSDS sheet” one more time i may loose what sanity i have left.

  • http://dragonacesg7.livejournal.com/profile Dragons_Dusk

    yikes, and I thought the safety vids when I worked at Toys R Us in the 90′s were bad. At least those had better audio…

  • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.allen.735 Patrick Allen

    That ain’t the Lucasfilm intro, that’s the 21st Century Fox intro. Ya dun goofed, Spoony!

  • jnywest

    did you delete the star wars/phantom menace comments stuff?

    • Pinup Ghoul

      Probably not. Disqus has been eating comments lately, it’s probably nothing.

      • jnywest

        Not that it is really that important… it was just funny, one guy focusing on that one The Phantom Menace joke and then everyone, including myself, just jumping on him about it. Really, who defends TPM?

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Noelle-Myers/682522006 Noelle Myers

          I do because TPM was fucking awesome and The Original Trilogy was so boring I’m pretty sure I fell asleep. Fuck, people. Let people like what they want. It’s a fucking series of movies for God’s sake. They’re called opinions. They fucking differ.

  • http://www.facebook.com/martin.wehrmeyer Martin Wehrmeyer

    Nice to see Spoony getting back to Rifftracks. Although I think that he didn’t do it “live” but cut his audio at some points, it was actually funny – unlike most of what he did in a while. A second coming of the Spoonyone?

  • http://www.facebook.com/mikayla.beyer Mikayla Beyer

    Spoony, get an agent and start voice acting! You’re brilliant :-)

    • http://twitter.com/dmh3000 David Herbert

      I remember him saying something about being involved in a yugioh abridged episode a while back so maybe we’ll see some more work from him there?

      • http://www.facebook.com/mikayla.beyer Mikayla Beyer

        Awesome! I really feel like he is the best actor of most of the popular reviewers/critics making their living online, and seeing him become like a Rosanna Pansino–a pop culture video maker who is also acting as a career–would be wonderful, for him and his fans.

        • http://twitter.com/anceldelambert Aaron Kerr

          His Let’s Play Ripper is some of his best work, and he’s never on-screen.

  • marabackman

    Is it just me, or does it sound like Roscoe is constantly referring to the Dukes as “the dick boys”?

  • http://twitter.com/Das_Bass Das_Bass

    Spoony needs the “Born too Bag” video they showed us at Shop and Shop. Even though I don’t work font end they made us watch a video on bagging stuff. It was kind of like that crap Dane Cook movie about being a cashier, but funny, ZING!
    I’ve missed him doing these riffs. When ever I have a bad day ( as I did a day ago) I put the Game Crazy one on. I thought too myself that Spoony needs to do these again, his timing is just so great with it. After a long night it was great that I saw a new video up AND it was a riff. Good show Noah! Been watching for a few years, nice too see you so into the groove again!

  • sasa asasa

    YES, Spoony has finally got back to riffin’! My day has been saved!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001487516587 Ryan Young

    First four counter monkeys in a row, now an awesome riff. Thank you Spoony

  • Strelnikov

    This video is what happens when a business is too cheap to hire a video company to make their training video, so they make it themselves.

    Never a good idea.

  • Ubersnuber

    This can’t be real, it just can’t! My will to continue breathing depends on it!

  • Nicodimus22

    This is what happens when companies don’t fork out the big bucks for superstars like Zelda Scott to do their training videos.

    • Soul5

      Its time to get Crunk at Hallmark.

  • http://twitter.com/bjornbry Bjørn Thomas Bryn

    You are starting to suck big time Spoony! What happend to you and your reviews? Now you are just being lazy by just giving us counter monkey and commentaries. And now you are probably thinking to yourself: “there, now i have released a few videos this month and filled my quota. Now i can finally run to the store and spend my donation money on antidepressants.” I want my money back.

    We want the golden years back! You where funny like hell in the 2007-2010 period because you gave us reviews. lets plays and vlogs on current events. It really showed you put effort into your work, but now… i never imagined you would turn out this way, Spoony. If you cant recover soon i suggest you close shop just like Doug Walker did with the Nostalgic critic.

    Oh, one more thing, stop having that dog in your videos. It got old after i watched the “skulduggery” review.

    Thats all.

    • Pinup Ghoul

      Not sure if you’re a troll or not, but are you seriously suggesting that people with mental illnesses NOT spend their money on the medication they need to maintain a modicum of normalcy in their daily life? Because if you’re serious, you can go ahead and fuck right off.

      • marabackman

        This is a good example of why Spoony’s fanbase is considered one of the more obnoxious and nasty ones. I remember Spoony commenting that people became hesitant to do crossovers with him, because there is such a visible portion of us who are demanding and incredibly rude. The way people often act on the comment-sections, here and elsewhere, I wouldn’t feel like spending my time on pleasing a bunch of assholes.

        • jnywest

          Spoony’s fan base is obnoxious because Spoony is obnoxious. Spoony wanted too… an so do we… to turn the world upside down and change things, for the better. He failed. So did we. So we will keep on hating him, even though we were the ones that failed, not him.

          • Pinup Ghoul

            Okay, I don’t even know what you’re trying to say with this comment. The man is an entertainer, who is lucky enough to be able to do what he loves. People have got to stop putting this mantle of otherworldly importance on him. He’s a regular person who’s hilarious and talented.

          • marabackman

            That statement does not make any sense. I have no memory of him claiming to want to do anything else than be an entertainer, let alone “turn the world upside down and change things, for the better”. You speak like he’s on a mission like Batman, trying to use fear against those who would prey on the fearful and so on. He’s a regular dude blessed with a good sense of wit and timing, nothing more. With fans as abrasive and mean-spirited such as seen on this site alone, I would not blame Spoony or any other internet critic if they decided to quit entirely.

          • IHeart28

            …. Your statement is just so nonsensical. Spoony’s a entertainer, not a vigilante. You talk as if the reason people trolling on him was brought on by Spoony’s attempt to entertain them. Spoony didn’t make the trolls, they came out as he got more popular. Spoony is a fantastic entertainer and comedian in my eyes but some fans are just REALLY fucking ungrateful and stuff
            I’d say more but marabackman pretty much summed your comment up better than me. Seriously, your comment is just strange(and disagreeable)

          • Atmos_Duality

            ^The result of drug-induced madness, or old fashioned human idiocy.
            YOU DECIDE.

      • http://twitter.com/bjornbry Bjørn Thomas Bryn

        not serious, please give the comment another read. :(

        • Pinup Ghoul

          Fair enough. There are a lot of people who seem to forget that their favorite entertainers are still just regular people. Your criticisms were legitimate (if worded poorly), but I felt you crossed the line with your comment about mental illness, even if you were trolling. I’m really defensive about that topic.

    • IHeart28

      LOL. The self-entitlement you have is most hilarious. Spoony just made a riff for you and you’re honestly going to say spoony is being lazy. By the way, many people actually enjoy Counter Monkey and the commentaries as well as the reviews. Also, have you seen the ultima 9 review part 1-4? Nuff said.
      Oh and what’s with this: “And now you are probably thinking to yourself: “there, now i have released a few videos this month and filled my quota. Now i can finally run to the store and spend my donation money on antidepressants.” I want my money back.” So you’d prefer to have spoony sick and not get better mentally or physically if it means you’ll get entertainment from him non-stop. You sound like a douchebag who prefers Spoony as his own puppet, if that is indeed the case: Go back to your bridge.

      There’s a difference between constructive critism and trolling. You’re being a troll

      • marabackman

        “Go back to your bridge” needs to get a motivational-poster :D

        • IHeart28

          Heh. I guess it does :3

      • http://twitter.com/bjornbry Bjørn Thomas Bryn

        please give my comment another read, i’m sorry, sir

        • IHeart28

          I’m a girl but hey, you don’t know me so it’s fine you mistook me as sir. Anyways, I read your edited comment and it’s much more constructive and such. You’re entitled to your opinion on the matters on counter monkey and Oreo(Which some people still can disagree on you with but I diagress), it’s just that before, you really were taking it a bit too far, especially with that comment on wanting a refund forspoony trying to help himself mentally. Nevertheless, I bid you a nice goodbye

  • http://www.facebook.com/DJArgus Argus Dorn

    “Next we look at air, ‘the invisible killer’!” Welcome back TSE Riff Theater, I missed it so much! Please Spoony, do more of these!

  • IHeart28

    Great riff spoony! I was laughing so much. Gotta say though, from the looks of it, this was hard to riff on because of how boring it is XC

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Henry-Walsh/100001272892039 Henry Walsh

    I was eating soup, when you busted out the Jar Jar voice I nearly spewed vegetable beef soup into my keyboard.

  • BrendanConcannon

    “May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please.” “A tornado warning has been issued in this area.” “Please proceed to the nearest designated shelter location at this time.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwMLzRnsMyY&feature=related Now, we don’t get tornados where I live, but you mean to tell me that hiding in a bathroom is supposed to save you from that?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000065433429 Sam Pagano

      F5 is by far the largest kind of tornado and kind of rare, its a bit like hurricanes actually, most of the time they’re small enough that any sturdy structure or underground room will mean you are perfectly safe but sometimes its worse.

  • http://jaketaylorwritingstudio.com/ Shadowflame

    That… that actually -was- funnier. My god, Jar Jar would actually improve something! I don’t think I can live in this world anymore, guys…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=600860922 Michael Spehar

    I won’t lie. The single group I hate the most are southern redneck bumpkin good-ol-boy hillbilly fucks. In all honestly, I’ve been to the states six times in the last two years, and EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKER from the south has been some inbred crazy christian country bumpkin asshole who I wouldn’t trust to sit the right way on a toilet seat it I bet him $50.00. And they clock in to more than thirty. Honestly, if there are more than 10 people in and around Texas with an IQ of more than their shoe size, please tell me. Because I doubt their existence more than their bullshit nonsense god.

    TLDR; fuck Texas and everyone south of Texas in the USA, all of whom resembles the archetype I’ve compiled from my frequent travels there. Rebuttals hoped for and, (in your own sister-fucking dialect,) “pray” for.

    • anxietysquid

      They’re not all like that… it’s just that the ones who are like that tend to stick out like sore thumbs. XD
      BTW, There are no states south of Texas, but I know what you meant. :P

      • marabackman

        Yeah, wherever you go the assholes are the easiest to notice.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Noelle-Myers/682522006 Noelle Myers

      You’re an asshole and ignorant (states south of Texas… pfffffffahahahahahaha). Texas is awesome and the people there are nothing short of courteous, well meaning human beings while you, good sir, are mean spirited and a total and utter twat.

    • http://www.facebook.com/holly.smith.581 Holly Smith

      Dude, I’m from Texas and while I’ll admit there are people like you describe here, we’re not all like that. I’m not even religious and I in fact CAN sit correctly on a toilet seat. You’ve quite offended me. And I expect my $50.00 soon.

      And on the subject of Texas and IQs, I can name four people that are from Texas that are very intelligent and are in fact good friends with the guy whose videos you’re commenting on; Angry Joe, Marzgurl, Handsome Tom and 8-Bit Mickey. You know what happens when you insult Spoony’s friends and family, don’t you? Oh and I’m sure THEY can also sit on a toilet seat the correct way. So you’ll be owing them money too.

    • Atmos_Duality

      The DERP is strong with this one…

  • Mateusz K.

    Hey, they say his name is Boss Hogg, but the end credits clearly state its Boss Hawg… we’ve been duped.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grzegorz-Wojtczyk/100000046280578 Grzegorz Wojtczyk

    Sorry for being ignoramus but what the hell is a Hallmark ? The only thing that comes to my mind is TV channel called Hallmark. What that has to do with chemicals and safety training ?

    • PeaTearGryfin

      Hallmark is most famous for running a line of greeting cards. Your guess as to what that has to do with deadly chemicals is as good as mine. Honestly, I think that Hallmark has a nuclear power plant they aren’t telling us about too.

      • marabackman

        The greeting cards must be a cover-up for something. Most likely they have a hidden Illuminati base in the basement, where they make their plans for taking over the world.

        • IHeart28

          Of cour—*shot a million times*

          • Pinup Ghoul

            Your comment made my day!

          • IHeart28

            I aim to please ;)

          • marabackman

            Holy shi- *greeting card-shuriken between the eyes*

          • IHeart28

            Game over man! GAME OVER! *runs for shelter despite being dead*

        • Pinup Ghoul

          Nah, they’re too boring for tha— *knocked unconscious by chloroform and thrown in the back of an unmarked white van*

          • Pinup Ghoul

            I left that comment, and it came out as anonymous. Disqus, you so crazy!

  • Visionary70

    Good God…what level of hell did you find this on.

  • SamThePsycicClam

    Good riff but this training video was so bad I actually needed to stop watching it and come back because no matter how well you riffed it you can’t save this training film.

  • http://twitter.com/XedAlpha XedAlpha

    First Red Dwarf, now Spoony riffs. The good things of old are back it seems.

    • SamThePsycicClam

      Yeah but unlike this Red Dwarf hasn’t managed to recapture it’s former glory still good but not as good as it was

  • Jegsimmons

    second joke about sam elliot and i lost it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/awelcruiz Adam Welsh

    Gasoline?! My God! Hallmark is working for Vapora!

  • thatpandabitca

    I’m glad to see you’re finally getting back into things. :D It seems like your hearts more in your videos now and that makes me glad.

    By the way, your fangirls terrify me. I’ve seen some things I cannot unsee.

  • Kendotuxedo

    sweet Zelda Scott, where are you when we need you?

  • doresh

    That was some pretty white and milk-like water there Oo

  • http://twitter.com/jjflash572 JJ Flash

    “Hogg 316 say I just bored your ass!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/mikayla.beyer Mikayla Beyer

    Spoony, please do a vlog of Breaking Dawn Part 2. I love hearing you rant about Twilight.

    • jnywest

      he only went to watch those will Scarlett, his ex, he did part 1 a while back and got drunk on camera with Linkara and a few others. It was sad, so is all this.

  • Misroi

    Just as an aside – Cary Chezak is a riff on a local KC weatherman, Gary Lezak. You can see a bit of him here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB-y5WlKVdg.

    And yes, it’s endlessly entertaining to me that he’s billed as “Kansas City’s Most Accurate Weatherman,” and he forecasts a wet spring and summer. That didn’t exactly happen.

  • http://www.facebook.com/puppetz616 Trent Carlee

    *4

  • http://www.facebook.com/puppetz616 Trent Carlee

    Coming from an environment where I had to learn MSDS, a health rating of for is essentially toxic sludge, a fire rating of for means it can and most likely will spontaneously combust, and a reactivity of 4 means its about as unstable as nitro. WTF does Hallmark make back there!?

  • http://www.facebook.com/carlos.torreblanca1 Carlos Celurian Torreblanca

    You do the Best Jar Jar!!!! more more jar jar!

    • MichaelT

      ….that could be taken as an insult, y’know. ;)

  • FreeQuest

    I have just experanced Bij

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Moritz-Lorey/100001793963464 Moritz Lorey

    “baus haugg!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/neilsandmanbresnahan Neil Bresnahan

    all i think of is Austin 3:16 i just whipped your ass

  • http://twitter.com/ArcticSunburn David Andrew Wiebe

    Finally!

    I speak for myself and perhaps many others when I say that this is the type of stuff I’d like to see more of, Spoony!

  • http://twitter.com/scarvexx paul garratt

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m55txtOBGs1runggso1_1280.jpg

    a more concise diagram of the hazardous material.

  • Corey Abbott

    Hallmark 3:16 says, “NOTIFY A MANAGER IMMEDIATELY AFTER A CHEMICAL SPILL AND BE SURE TO WEAR THE APPROPRIATE PERSONAL PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT!” And that’s the bottom line, because this awkward Boss Hogg impersonator says so!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=530676483 Summer Rose

    What the shit made these ‘filmmakers’ think, “Hey, you know what just SCREAMS Halmark?? COWBOYS! Old, stereotypical Cowboys! Not only that, but…Cowboys driving motorized carts!!! Can’t you just see it??” …….NO!! And just because you used Windows Movie Maker instead of Power Point doesn’t make your movie any better!!!!!!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=530676483 Summer Rose

      Oh Jesus thunder-fucking Christ, they *DID* use Power Point!! This is what I get for commenting when I haven’t finished the video…X_X

      • Guest

        I do have to admit though…this is a HELL of a lot better than “The Red Shoes”.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=530676483 Summer Rose

        Though I have to admit…this is a HELL of a lot better than “The Christmas Shoes”…

  • http://twitter.com/Firestonex Firestonex

    murder. death kill.??? Don’t you mean Crush. Kill. Destroy. SWAG!

    • Akim Vasiliev

      No, because he’s not 12 years old. He means “Murder Death Kill”, from the Stallone movie “Demolition Man”.

  • http://mysterycycle.deviantart.com Devin Parker

    Is there anything more soul-crushingly depressing than having to watch a corporate training video that tries to be “funny”? My common sense tells me that there is, but I’m having trouble thinking of any specific examples while this is playing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/EricS42 Eric Smith

    Sorry Spoony but that intro music isn’t for Lucasfilm, it’s for 20th Century Fox.

  • NymphadoraTonks

    Somebody ought to send Spoony the Macy’s training videos.. I had to sit through a whole slew of them back when I worked there. Only thing that helped me get through them was to silently Riff them in my head.

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