Regarding the delays.

The Spoony One | Nov 11 2011 | more notation(s) | 

No doubt you’ve noticed a pretty steep drop-off in production around here. It’s taking a lot longer to turn around reviews than it used to, and I feel I owe you guys an explanation since you’ve been some of the best and most loyal fans I’ve ever known.

I have to preface this explanation by saying I’m living the dream, being able to entertain you all and bitch about stuff online. This really is a dream job, and I absolutely love doing it. No matter how annoyed I may seem or stressed things get for me, I’ve never “lost my smile” when it comes to making videos. I don’t need a vacation from video production; it’s a little more complicated than that. Well, complicated, and at the same time, very simple.

I sleep too much. Way too much. The past eight months or so, I’ve been dealing with a severe drop-off in my energy and mental faculties. I keep a strange schedule, it’s true, but I do tend to sleep a regular 6-8 hours a day. The problem comes in that several times during the day, I feel a sudden, almost irresistible urge to take naps, and these naps can take anywhere from 1-4 hours. All-told, I’ve been sleeping anywhere from 10-14 hours a day, and it’s been absolutely crippling my ability to produce videos. Even during my waking hours, I’m tired and I find it nearly impossible to concentrate or get motivated to do things. I’m sure many of the snarkier people out there will simply say I’m lazy– and believe me, it really felt that way for a long time. It’s become something of a downward spiral, feeling like you’re lazy, you’re not getting anything done day after day, which only in turn makes me even more stressed out and causes me to push myself too hard. There’s so many demands on my time, so many people I have obligations to, and the urgency to make money (or I don’t eat) that it was enough to send me into panic attacks. I was getting nothing done and spending my few waking hours having anxiety attacks.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that eight months ago, my personal life was thrown into a lot of upheaval. It’s been tough dealing with that. I think it was the catalyst that put me in my current state, but it’s not the underlying problem. I finally saw a doctor about it who diagnosed it as a case of textbook depression, which is a commonly misunderstood problem. It’s not just “being sad,” and it’s not the sort of thing you can just snap yourself out of. It’s not simple sadness or laziness. While counseling can help, depression is also a physical brain chemistry problem, and sometimes that can put a person in a hole it’s impossible to climb out of on his own.

Anyway, I’ve been seeing doctors quite frequently that past few months, since I haven’t had much luck with depression medication up to now. I’ve tried stuff like Cymbalta and Wellbutrin without any measurable success, and I’m currently on Viibryd. But depression meds aren’t “happy pills” and they’re not an instant fix; they take time (near a month or more) before you can see any noticeable changes in a person. It’s partly a matter of experimentation, since everyone’s different and it takes a lot of time to find the right medications that I’ll respond to. For me, it’s a strange ambivalent feeling of urgency to get the problem fixed, get back on track, and make some more videos– I really WANT to do more, and there’s so much work that needs to be done. But it’s also mixed with the need to be patient, since these things take time to show results. So this is the sort of problem that’s taking a long time to resolve itself, since there’s not really a quick-fix to depression.

Anyway, it’s been a long 8 months, seeing doctors, getting tests for sleep apnea, and experimenting with medications. Hopefully soon I’ll find what works best for me, and finally be able to get back to my old self. I hope you understand that I have not abandoned you guys; my drive to finish videos and entertain is greater than ever. I want to get Final Fantasy done too, as well as hundreds of other things. It’s just taking me a little longer than I anticipated. You’ve been very patient through these tough times and I sincerely thank you for sticking with me. I just ask for your understanding. I am working on videos, but right now it’s an uphill climb for me until my mental well-being is more stable.

Thanks for reading this far. Hopefully soon this problem will be behind me, and video production will be back to (or better than) normal.

  • Anonymous

    You’re worth the wait and patience, no complaints here. Here’s to hoping that a fix is in close to incoming for you.  

  • Dave P.

    Hang in there. Delays or not, the end product is worth waiting for.

  • Jordan Roberts

    Feel better; your fans will still be here. I think every person who has watched your videos has been a little happier for it.

  • commando1124

    after reading this I wanted to start singing nearer my god to thee
    but I wont
    hang in there, we understand

  • Duncan Adamson

    Hope you get better soon

  • Nathanael Hood

    Spoony, as somebody who has struggled with depression for over ten years, just know that you are not alone.  Believe it or not, your reviews have actually been a key in helping me combat said depression.  I hope that you have a long and prosperous career and life ahead of you. Just know that whatever happens in the future, I’ll stick beside you as a loyal fan.  Rock on, bro!

  • Garry Webber

    Is this also part of why you got Oreo? Our dogs have helped my wife through some tough times because the little gits are so lovable and loyal they’ve sometimes been the only things that have kept her going before we got married.

    Take the time you need, you’re a great entertainer. Hey if people can wait 4 years for Suede they can wait for you.

  • Anonymous

    Health takes precedent over EVERYTHING Spoony. Anyone who bitches about it should really get a grasp on life. Glad to hear you’re on the road to recovery, and I can’t wait to see what you have in store in the remainer of 2011 and upcoming in 2012.

    As far as video releases go. As long as I have an idea when things will be out, i’m happy.

  • Seamus Patrick Burke

    I completely understand Spoony.  Depression is something that affects us all in different ways, even if we’re not necessarily “sad”.  We just need to take our time and find our own ways to overcome it.  If nothing else, Oreo seems to have had a positive effect on you.  The way you talk about her is the happiest I’ve seen you since the “unpleasantness” earlier this year.

    I anxiously await to see your video updates resume, particularly “Final Fantasy”, which has always been my favorite.  But I also want to see you happy, healthy, and ready to grab the world by the balls.  All the best.

    P.S. Friends and family of mine who have suffered depression have had positive experiences with Lexapro.  I’d look into it.

  • Anonymous

    Hang in there, Spoony! I’m crossing my fingers for your well-being and will patiently wait for your videos, no matter how long they take to complete.

  • Jordan A

    Hey, man, we all have rough patches, and the last thing I’d want to see is you pushing yourself and not being able to give it your all. Focus on getting better. I’m sure all the real fans out there only want the best for you, health-wise.

  • Mack

    Take your time, that is all that can be reasonably asked for. Being a fan is more then liking a video and leaving it be at that. But rather, someone that understands when to be there as well and to be patient and to be there to support.  Especially for free entertainment that is consistently funny which is a pretty difficult thing to do in any aspect of comedy. Best of luck with the medication, as anyone that’s been through that will attest to it being a journey of always looking forward and getting back up when you trip and slide, for after all a person is most admired when they aren’t doing well but rather that they keep getting back up.

  • Super Rich

    To be honest, as much as I’m thirsting for the continuation of the Ultima reviews, I have to say that I’ve been enjoying the heck out of “Counter Monkey” so I don’t really feel like I’m missing out on anything.  I hope you get better soon, Noah, and that you’ll be making more videos before you know it!  :)

  • mummika1

    Don’t worry Noah, were all behind you 100%.
    Hope all goes well, and that you can continue doing what you love to do.
    Good luck.

  • Anonymous

    Like others have said, we understand. I want you to feel better, and do not mind the delays, if it means you are working towards a better future for you. I have dealt with anxiety and depression with myself and with others close to me. It’s not easy and solutions are far from simple. Get better and remember your fans are always thinking of you and caring for your well being.

  • Tyler Brookbank

    I send my best wishes to you spoony, as someone who deals with depression i want you to know you are not alone. Take time, get better, and keep being the awesome person you are. 

  • Ciaran Cruise

    Hey man, I’ve been on your site since just about you started doing video reviews. I can tell you I suffer as well but things always get better man, it just takes time and knowing what it is that takes you tick. Safe to say and I’m sure a lot of people would agree with me is that the number one priority is your health, and not the videos or vlogs etc, its your health man, and your happiness!

    Take care dude, we’re all here for you and its good for everyone that watches as well that you’ve had the strength, courage and compassion to speak about your problems – you are an inspiration.

    Take care bro,

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry about it man. Get better :D

  • James Boggs

    As someone who has suffered from depression and similar associated symptoms in the past I wish you the best with finding an effective treatment.

  • Fatbottomnerd

    Hey man. At first, excuse my bad english, Iam from germany and my english is quite bad. But Iam a huge fan and just want to tell you the same clichés that the most people will tell you, that doesnt make them any more true.
    Take all the freaking time you need.
    And I mean all.
    Were happy for every single bit of entertaimnent you can deliever us and very thankfull. I personally watched every single bit of video on this site (with exception of the Wrestling Videos) and had/have a great time here.
    It doesnt even really matter for me if youre doing Vlogs like Countermonkey or giving your opinion about stuff or far fetched videos and reviews. We just like to share your thoughts.
    We are really happy for everything you gave us and let us be a part of. And for this countless hours I “wasted” here, I owe you more then I would be ever able to pay you back.
    So even if I like that youre saying you owe us an explanation, in fact you dont. We owe you a lot.
    Just take every Day, Week , Month or Year you need. And give us more of your hate and love about stuff as soon as youre ready.
    Wish you a “quick” recovering as far as it possible, and everything good I can imagine.
    Get Well from Germany ;)

  • Doctor Madness

    I used to take Wellbutrin back in high school, but it never really did anything for me (but then, I would argue I’ve never been depressed). I did once give a pill to a classmate, I think because she asked me for it, and she said she fell asleep in class from it.

  • Amichel

    Stay strong! Even the greatest people have struggled with depression. Winston Churchill rather famously fought with the “black dog” of depression all his life. I’m glad to hear you’ve gotten some medical attention, hopefully they can figure out which medications work best for you and help you get back to feeling normal. God bless!

  • Anonymous

    I, for one, appreciate you taking out the time to explain things. It was very considerate of you, so thanks.

    Get well soon, Spoony.

  • Anonymous

    Dude, get better first, entertain us later. We will keep watching older videos to keep the revenue up for you, be sure of that.

    Depression sucks, I’m in the same place as you are right now, except I did not get professional help yet.

    Keep up the spirit man. And remember: The Interwebs love you! Get well.

  • Chris

    Hey Spoony, I have been there before. There really isn’t much anything anyone can say that can help. Can’t even say that you’ll get better and never have to worry about it again. It is a burden, but it can be made bearable.
    It is good that you sought help. I don’t know if you are seeing a mental health professional as well as your general practitioner, but you really should. The meds are shown to be MUCH more effective when combined with therapy.
    Good luck, and I hope you can start to feel better soon. 

  • Tim Kormos

    Your health (both physical and mental) is the important thing. Please don’t feel obligated to push yourself too hard on our account. We’d hate to think we were in any way making you feel worse.

    Depression can be very serious. Get better, man, however long it takes. The internet will still be here when you are ready.

  • Alexander Hösl

    The brain is a nasty thing, so keep all the time you need to get it on the track again. Nonetheless i guess i won’t be the only one to visit your page on a daily basis looking for a new review and therefore your well being ;)
    As said before: Rock on! :D

  • Darkr8zor

    I hope you feel groovier soon, comrade :0)

  • Anonymous

    Dude, get better first, entertain us later. We will keep watching older videos to keep the revenue up for you, be sure of that.

    Depression sucks, I’m in the same place as you are right now, except I did not get professional help yet.

    Keep up the spirit man. And remember: The Interwebs love you! Get well.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony I feel you, all of your followers feel you. You gave us so much. A smile and a laugh which is rare in today’s society. You will get better and when that comes you gonna make us LOL all days long. :) Also cheers from Poland! 

    Abraxus Morus

  • jordan

    I just wanted to say how much the laughs and insight that you and your site provide on a regular basis mean to me (as I’m sure they do to the many others that frequent it,) Thank you Spoony, and get to feeling better soon!

  • Chris

    PS- Thanks for the explanation for the delays

  • Anonymous

    I think it would be a good idea to find a minimum wage job and quit reviewing for a while. You’ve still got the traffic from vlogs and such. You can’t expect to climb out of depression with zero exercise, spending all your dismal time at home, and under arbitrary deadlines.

  • Anonymous

    Get better.

  • Peter Berry

    dude dont worry about it, do like you said you would do, just record all gaming footage and then every so often when nothing getting done you could the do like a compliation of the months gaming with just random funny things that happened, im pretty sure thats easier than wiriting, scripting, and editing a proper review

  • Dillon Becker

    dude fuck the reviews just make more Counter Monkeys videos!!!!!!

  • Gareth Rees

    Having been a fan since day one and never posted a comment I would just like to say get better soon, depression is a bitch of a thing to get over.

  • Josh Corder

    I know what that’s like, I’ve been having the same problems and am to start seeing a therapist soon, so I don’t blame you for not being able to find the motivation to produce videos. I hope things get better and you get to do what you love again

  • Jacob A Bush

    Take as long as you need brother, I have all of your ailments and more.  It’s really hard to do anything with what you are suffering from, let alone working.  Seriously all you really need to do is make videos of you talking into the camera and people will watch it.  Play with Oreo for 2 hours and post it in parts, there’s your income right there.  Happy veterans day.

  • Richard R

    I’m glad you finally put an explanation on your website in regards of slow production. This is better then any video you could put out because I don’t think your a douche anymore. Although you could have told us earlier so that people wouldn’t be as critical in your production rate.
    I hope you get better Spoony and I will continue to stay tuned.

  • Anonymous

    Dude, take your time and get better, we’ll be here for ya.

  • Anonymous

    Get well soon man.

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry about us, buddy. There’s tons of other stuff on the interwebs for the rest of us to keep busy with. We’ll be here when you’re ready to make more stuff.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know why people feel entitled toward someone’s free productions.

  • Kevin Lee

    You have earned the power of “Caring Fans!”

    + 100 Mati Heart!
    + 80 Force Power!

    • Unholy Fire Dragon

      Wait… What’s the will-power level? It’s over 9000?!

  • Anonymous

    What happened eight months ago?

    Hope you get better ASAP though, depression sucks.

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry about it Spoony. Take the time you need.

  • Krzysztof Hasiński

    I hope you’ll get better soon, take care! 

  • assassinoffaith

    Glad you posted this up take your time we can wait now that I know why your taking so long it makes it easier to wait

  • Anonymous

    Been a fan since the beginning, never commented. You take as much time as you need, man. From Counter Monkey to Phantasmagoria, your stuff is always great, and I think I speak for the masses when I say that we’re behind you 100%. 

    Stay spoony, Spoony. 

  • Christopher Lee

    Just focus on getting better.  I know what depressions like.  I’ve been struggling with it for years.

  • Christopher Carbone

    Take as much time as you need Spoony. Don’t worry about us!

  • Wesley Muench

    I really want to give you a hug right now. No homo.

    During the summer I was diagnosed with clinical depression too, and it’s believed that I had been depressed for years before that. Things are gradually turning around now that I have pinpointed my problem, but there is a hell of lot to turn around because it’s already cost me dearly.

    Coming from someone who knows personally what it’s like to deal with what you are going through, I understand and hope that things work out, for the both of us.

  • John Barton Haslach

    Its cool man. There are so many things I want to finish: A book that I haven’t started writing for 2 months, my own review show that you, Doug, and Lewis inspired me to pursue, and my quest to get a job. Hate being a college student. As for the “incident” that occurred 8 months ago, I understand where you are coming from. It hurts to lose something as great as what you had. Im not elaborating for your own privacy, as this is public. Im glad you have someone else now with Oreo. She is a cute little thing and I can guess can be a handful. We are all here for you man. As a fan and supporter, I hope you get better and in the immortal words of Jim Henson: I hope something better comes along. Sending a mental bro-hug your way buddy.

  • kiki riki

    Get well Spoony then worry about videos.
    I love pretty much every thing you’ve done so far and I can’t wait to see what’s next, but your health is way more important. 

  • Anonymous

    hey spoony! i get depressed a lot so i know how you feel man…mine hits me almost every night and its terrible…i just want you to know that your videos are what keeps me up when i get like that…i know everyones diffrent but idk man maybe you need to find someone(preferably a female) to hang out with and talk to…dude always here if u wanna talk :D


  • Pipboyman

    Take your time Spoony! Surely we fans (even italian ones!) can wait a few more months for the return of Almighty Spoony and his CounterMonkey series. 

    Now i go watch the NC.

  • Kevin Hennessy

    Good luck

  • Rachael Hinton

    No worries. I hope you feel better soon.

    I can say from personal experience that depression and anxiety can kick you in the ass, and then keep on kicking while you’re down. 

  • Ben

    dear spoony your fans love you. they also care about your well being. Depression can be very rough so take care of your self. you doing us a favor by entertaining us the least we can do is be understanding that things happen. I hope you can pull your self out of it soon.

    love a loyal fan

  • Anonymous

    Now, in case you’re tuning into the comments here, Spoony, I just have some things to say.  I totally get it.  I’m 26 and I’ve really only had my head on straight for about 3 years now.  Panic attacks, apathy, drastic dips in mood, you name it, I had it.  Now, I’m on mirtazapine (remeron) and it’s done wonders for me.  It’s not a happy pill, it’s a fairly low-grade anti-anxiety / anti-depressant and it did a fantastic job of “normalizing” my mood and doing away with anxiety completely.  At the risk of sounding like a commercial, ask your doctor about it.  It got my ass out of the rut of mediocre grades and community college.  I’m now going for a degree in psychology thanks to my new ability to “get myself out there”.  I highly suggest you look into it.  And as always, I remain a loyal fan, and I wish the best of luck to you.  :)

  • Danny Mezzina

    Dont worry Spoony, i know how that disease is too well from my personal experience. People often misunderstand taht depressions are not the same as being depressed, not at all. Maybe that sounds strange but I kind of had a feeling that this was going on.
    If you can go without, dont take any medication, its far more important for you to understand why you have that and learn to smile about it.
    No matter how dark it seems its never as dark in the outside. Just take your time and if have the song listen to “In the Light” by Led Zeppelin ;)
    Let the sun hine in your heart, your true fans are with you and dont care how long it will take, dont force anything on yourself.
    Best wishes from germany :)

  • Oliver Tucker

    No worries and get better soon! you are a awesome person and i love your vids so much! And don’t worry about us lot..just watching Day9 TV these days along with Doug and AJ and checking your website for vids..Loved the pizza story XD dude you had to do it ^^ once in a life chance!
    Get well soon! take your time

  • Krista

    We will be here when you get back man, you have a grate back catalog to keep us busy. 

  • Mark J.

    I myself have been battleing depression for awhile. I know how it can affect your mind and body. All I can say is hang in there man. Don’t push yourself to hard. We all want you back to 100%. so take all the time you need man and get better. 

  • Evan Annett

    Depression’s a hard beast to tame, Spoony, so take however much time you need to cope. For what it’s worth, your videos have made me smile in some pretty unhappy times, and I’m grateful for as many or as few of them as I can get. Take ‘er easy.

  • Brandi Swenson

    As someone who spent a year locked up in my bed room playing video games, watching Law & Order, and sleeping.  I totally understand.  I wad depressed and had anxiety attacks whenever I went out.  It was like being a zombie.

    In the end what ended up helping more then anything else (seeing therapists, taking meds, etc.) was playing DnD.  It got me out, made me spend time with a group of people, and really made me feel like I could enjoy myself again.

    I had suffered from various degress of depression my whole life but one day I had the realization I just wasn’t depressed anymore and haven’t been in several years.  It wasn’t anyone thing, but working to put my life together in a way I wanted really helped me.  It’s not easy and sometimes, one must call on for help from others but in the end it’s worth getting your life back.

    Just keep at it, digging away, and putting things back in place.  You can be better then ever.

  • Jonathan Castiglia

    Dear Spoony:
    It’s time to face the facts:  your medications will not help, and the doctors will not help.  Your problem is you’re going to a medical system that will never look at what can actually help you:  smoking marijuana.  I’m sorry man if you’re a straightedge, but let’s face it, natural assistance is what you need.  You will get a more restful sleep if you smoke, and it will do wonders on your panic attacks (the weed paranoia is bullcrap anyways, it’s the person who’s paranoid, not the drug makes them paranoid).
    I’m just saying, brother.  You deserve good health considering all the bad crap you put up with for us.  It’s time you try something that works.

  • Bernd Mayer

    Get well! Take your time!

  • Jimmy TheFish

    I dont know try exercising more maybe you are overweight out of shape (though you dont seem to have a double chin so I dont know).

  • Kuume

    I hope you find the right medication for you soon. I finally got diagnosed in the spring and the second set of medications I was given was a hit. Except the doses were so small I got used to the amounts a few months ago and have been on sick leave ever since, since the doctors suddenly changed the medication instead of upping the amount from the already ridiculously small doses. I have pretty much what you have, and I know it’s tough so hang in there! And I hope you won’t have such a bad lapse as I did, because I truly do not wish this on anyone. Just take your time and allow yourself to relax because it’s exactly what you need, even though it seems like the hardest option.

  • Chris Domroese

    All the best, you have my support. I never commented anything on here but this time, I just had to. I seriously wish you all the best mate. I’ve been following your site for a few years now and it never gets old. Thanks for making me laugh so much. Get better and don’t worry bout us.

  • John Rindefjäll

    Hope u’ll feel better soon Spoony, we’ll be right here :)

  • Leomann

    I rarely comment on your videos, not because I’m not a fan of your work, but because I only want to comment when I have something funny or interesting or relevant to say. I don’t feel the need to pester you and demand things from you because I, like many others here, recognize that it is you, Spoony, who is doing something special for us, not the other way around. I know that this is going to sound stupid and sappy, but honestly, your videos have helped me through some pretty lonely times. As others have said, its rather like discussing a hobby with a friend. I’m eternally grateful to you, the other guys over at tgwtg and everyone else who is producing free content for bringing life to the interwebs. At least for my part, I don’t want it to be a burden on you. I’ve lived with someone who suffers from depression, so I do have an inkling of what it might be like. So take care of yourself man, is what I’m trying to say.

  • Anonymous

    Hey, if anyone understands depression, it’s snarky, Generation Z internet people. Take your time, do what you can. I for one am loving the Counter Monkey stories, so keep with those if that’s all you can muster for now. You don’t owe us anything, but you owe it to yourself to keep healthy. Best of luck.

  • Anonymous

    Honestly, I say take as long as you need before you try to go back to your usual videos. We all appreciate the effort you put into your videos and honestly, I think most people will agree, despite being low on production value, your new series Counter Monkey has been extremely funny. As a roleplayer I found that I appreciate these videos more than your previous videos because I enjoy pen and paper RPGs more than video games and movies. Go back to the high production when you’re able, but remember, it’s you we come to see, not your special effects or editing. We find your opinions interesting and your method of conveying it entertaining… so don’t sweat it.

  • Manuel

    All I have to say to this is, fuck therapy, fuck councelling, the only thing that helped me overcome my depression and social anxiety was Cannabis.
    I tried several anti depression medications (which are all more dangerous than the previously mentioned plant I consume) which didn’t do anything except for making me tired all day.
    When I did find a therapist all he told me was that it’d take months or even years to get rid of.
    Well I managed to get through it rather easily without doctors or anyone’s help, no more social anxiety, no more depression.

    I also have to say that it doesn’t interfere with my video production at all, it actually makes it more fun and interesting and you can’t even tell I’m high in every single video I record.

  • thatsamoanguy1

    Dude, don’t even worry about it. Take your time, we’ll be here waiting for you whenever you can :) I think I speak for everybody: Your reviews are worth the wait.

  • Anonymous

    Your health comes first. Just take care of yourself and come back only when you feel you’re ready and able to do so. There’s no rush, man. No rush….

  • Luke Wurzbacher

    Take it easy noah. no need to feel rushed into things :). hope you get a swift recovery from your sleep schedule <3

  • Anonymous

    Yes, focus on feeling better. We can wait for videos. Besides, the Counter Monkey videos have been hilariously entertaining. I will happily sit back and rewatch all of those if it means you can take the time to get your health back.

    I remember bitterly the endless doctor visits, confusing test results, and experiments with various medications to treat my anxiety disorder and its negative effects on my work. I’m a fairly new fan of yours and believe that your videos contributed to my own mind’s improvement. I’ll be praying for you; it’s the least I can do to return the favor.

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony,
    just letting you know you’re not alone. I’ve been climbing out of the “depression pit” for about half a year now. It’s been a journey marred by a lot of anxiety and emotional rollercoasters. It’s a slow process that takes time, so please don’t rush yourself.
    It will get better. It has gotten better for me, but again, it took time.
    The people who are mature will be able to wait for as long as it takes and the people who are impatient and not understanding of the situation don’t matter. Please take care.

  • Anonymous

    Sorry. Double post.

  • adam b

    We all struggle with our demons spoony, take your time and get yourself right again.  It seems like the whole world is in one big funk right now.  Remember too that this year is almost over and a new year brings hope and a fresh slate to work with.  Peace man… 

  • Anonymous

    I completely understand!  Been through the same stuff.  Finally found the right depression medication after years of trying different ones.  And recently got a sleep study done for sleep apnea.  Now that I’m on the right meds and sleep with a cpap machine, my energy has reached a peek and I’m back to normal!  I too make online videos like you, and I know what it was like for viewers to wonder what’s taking so long.  The issues with being tired, working a day job, and raising my son on my own put a toll on things.  But it all got worked out.  I think once they get everything figured out for you, you will be back in action.  Good luck with everything, and can’t wait for new videos!  I show your stuff to people all the time!

    Oh, and a quick plug; :-)

    Thanks for all the entertainment, Spoony!

  • jonas eriksson

    don’t worry Spoony :) I have a great time watching your old videos over and over again so no rush ;) take your time and relax and get well , your life is more important then us watching you suffer 2 get a video done faster ^^

    • tim edgren

      I can occupy myself with other vids…and watching his let’s play of swat 4 again.. are NOT in my spot sir ;)

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry too much about allegedly not putting out enough content, concentrate on getting better. That is, for now at the very least, much more important than any review could possibly be.
    Take your time, we’re not going anyway.

  • Christian Kadelka

    Spoony take your time with your videos because your health has the top priority

    I know this situation you’re going through and it is fuckin tough way At least for me but I’m sure you can handle this and it will take time but thats normal
    I’m really happy that all the fans who commented show so much understanding for you :D
    Even if some days can be really tough I know you can do this 

    We are all with you dood!

  • gravityBomb


    Your health comes before us for sure! I would rather have you feeling good and not rushing yourself or having panic attacks. I’m just happy watching v-logs, the new Counter Monkeys (seriously, as never having done a pen and paper RPG, it’s really interesting!), or watching old videos till you get better. Hell, if you just wanted to write long blocks of text, I’d read them in a heartbeat. So just take your time and work on getting better. It’s all good to me. :)

    And I would totally give you a hug if I ever saw you. Hugs are always good. :)

  • ZaaZ

    You are a warrior Spoony, you can do this.
    Take your time and get better. Your loyal fans will be waiting for you!
    Best wishes from Austria :)

  • mirrorbeing

    I had anxiety attacks and even to this day i’m an anxious person. It’s not the end of the world though. It gets better, just forget you have anxiety and try to have fun. In my case, not drinking any caffeine, made me a little better.

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry about it Spoony, everyone here is willing to wait for you to get better. Like a lot of
    other people have, I’ve gone through depression and anxiety pretty bad
    and it nearly derailed my whole future and plans while at college.

    I know all too well what its like to play medication roulette/musical
    chairs and how much of an emotional disaster and roller coaster it can
    be. I had to go through so much for little if any improvement, and my
    doctor really is pretty good, but nothing seemed to work. I have always
    been a bit of an oddball when it comes to medication, and health
    situations and this was no exception. I always try to do my own homework
    on the drugs I’m given, and scouring the internet for any possible hope
    of recovery. When you’re miserable, you get desperate enough to do nearly anything just to get better.

    All was going nowhere, until one day I had talked with a good friend about it and came across a lead that actually went somewhere: I have ADHD. It seemed silly in hindsight because it was always been thrown around our circle of friends that I had ADHD or something, but ADHD cause anxiety and depression. While ADHD does not always cause these two other conditions to happen, they do pop up from time to time, and for me they were pretty serious when it did happen. I used to get pretty bad panic/anxiety attacks, and the times i had been depressed were bad enough that I couldn’t really function in school or have any energy or motivation to do anything.

    When i told my doctor that I wanted to explore this possibility and I finally started taking medications for ADHD, it really seemed to help! Though the medication roulette was a bit more annoying with the side effects, when I had finally suggested trying Adderall (not the XR version, just regular) because that was what my friend takes and it worked very well for him, I had finally found something that worked.

    While my story was a journey that took a total of almost a full year of trying stuff to find my final diagnosis and medication that worked, and it is a bit tangential, I just wanted to say that sometimes what you find to be the problem and the final conclusion to get things in order may not always be the obvious thing. Many mental issues can have Anxiety AND Depression as symptoms, so I just wanted to put myself out there and help others in any way that I can. If nothing else is to be gained from my story, I guess I’d just say that its worth looking into other conditions with your doctor/doctors.

    Like everyone else, I completely understand the sudden slow down in video production and I’d wait as long as it takes for you to get better! Anyone who gets all pissed off or upset that they don’t have a new video to watch just needs to take a step back and understand that sometimes life and other situations happen and the people who spend their time and effort making the things they enjoy need to handle their personal life before they can provide things for your enjoyment!

    Its better for you to be healthy and able to work to the best of your ability than to work while you’re sick or not at your best. So anything you put out is worth the wait! Everything you’ve put out recently has been great and I CAN wait until the next thing comes out. :) And now you probably deserve an award for finishing my message that is almost as long as your post!

  • Anonymous

    On the small chance that you may read this, I’m the guy that did a double take at you at Magfest last year, and told you that you are a big inspiration to me, you probably don’t remember, so I’ll repeat myself:

    You’re a big inspiration to me! At a time when I was fired from my job it was your videos and love of what you do in spite of a myriad of health issues and personal problems that got me off my ass and started doing my own videos and other projects, I thought to myself “Wow, this guy has all these problems, yet he STILL entertains people and is successful, what the hell is keeping me from trying?”

    I wish there was something I could say or do to help you out, I just hope you can get through this and go back to doing what you love.

  • Anonymous

    That really does not sound very good, Spoony! Please do all your fans the favor and get well first. I know, that you need the videos to get money to eat, but that should be the only other thing to bother you. Get well first…

    I just realize something: Won’t you earn money, when your fans (that includes me ;)) start watching your old videos again? So at least your “money for food” problem would be solved a little bit, wouldn’t it? A donation should also help.

  • SPBreit

    Take your time, Spoony. If you can shove in a little Countermonkey episode for us once in a while, you can keep us happy on a low carb diet. ;)

  • Adam Roca

    Spoony! make sure you’re taking care of yourself, you’re health should be top priority!  Don’t push yourself too hard with the videos, we all want Spoony but accept the fact that you’re not in tip top shape. So get better and come back in full force!

  • James Dodd

    I thought you hadn’t been looking too well in some of your latest videos. I really hope you get through this, Spoony. Your videos are great. You’re easily in my top 3 favorite vloggers/reviewers.

    – Just another fan wishing you well.

  • Techee44

    I’m new to your website, but I’ve been enjoying it so far, and I hope you begin to feel better!

  • Amanda Panda

    I hope you feel better soon Spoony! 
    I have chronic fatigue due to anema and lupus and I have suffered though depression in the past too. So I understand that need to sleep and complete lack of motivation. Right now I’m suffering similar problems as you, but with my schoolwork. 
    Remember, your health should ALWAYS come first.
    So take care of yourself and I look forward to your next video, whenever it comes out. 

  • Otto Rosenlund

    Spoony, I check this site every day, sometimes multiple times a day, just to check if you’ve posted a new video. When you have, I will watch it, and often laugh. Depends of course if it’s supposed to be laughed at or not. Out of all the people on That Guy With the Glasses that I follow, you are, without competition, #1 on my list. I LOVED your SWAT4s and Phantasmagorias and Rippers and whatnot. The quality of your videos? It’s been the same good! I don’t think it’s fallen down. Not at all.

    I just want you to know, that we’ll be waiting for your videos, and when they come, we’ll watch them. Then some people go on the forums. And make a thread about that video. And then people discuss that video. Then new people find out about your videos. Then they fall in love with them. Then they too go and buy a “You’re in my way, sir!”-shirt and it might become their favourite shirt too.

    Just saying.

  • Josh Harris

    I feel like Doug Walker as Complainey McDouchebag should come out with a video and bitch about the whole “Depression is just you being lazy” as a joke.

    Anyway, I feel ya man. Depression sucks, been through it myself and it’s not something that you can just will yourself to pop out of like the ignorant masses might bitch about. It takes time and patience, and I completely understand why you aren’t coming out with the reviews lately.

    BTW: On a side note, I’ve been following spooney’s videos for a few months now but I don’t know what happened 8 months ago that caused this depression (that he’s supposedly referencing). Anyone know about this?

    • Anonymous

      Spoony has a heart condition iirc. I forget what exactly though. If you watch his con vlog videos he’s always pale and sick looking. That’s cause physical exertion gets to his heart and makes him lethargic. I dunno if that’s directly connected to his depression though. 

      If I’m wrong someone please correct me.

  • Nick Darius

    Really, really hope you start feeling better Spoony. A very good friend of mine has been dealing with a similar problem (Bi-polar disorder, recently rediagnosed as borderline Disassociation Disorder) and she’s been working for years to try and find a medication plan that helps, so I have no lack of sympathy for what has to have been hell for you.

    Take the time you need to get yourself straight, and please don’t try to rush your videos. You making me laugh is all well and good, but it should never come before your own well-being. I’m more than willing to wait until you’re back at 100%.

    Well wishes.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony is one of these people who can make reading the phone book funny. So when he posts stuff like playing DC Universe online it is still awesome to watch!

    In between X-2 part 2 and 3, it gives us more time to back raid the classic “Wrestle Wrestle” Vlogs.

    I hope that he overcomes the depression. We all want him in great health, like he deserves to have.

    Take your time dude! You have all of us guys supporting you :D
    Seriously, even your Vlogs when you just ramble about how shitty TNA is, literally makes my day.

    We all wish you the best!

  • Anonymous

    Hey there Spoony. I find that your current sleep issues are similar to my own awhile back. For the longest time, I had been known in my family to take unusually long naps at random times during the day. I would fall asleep riding in the car, while waiting around for someone to pick me up from school, and in the middle of studying for classes. I ate decently and had no real issues apart from the fact that I didn’t exercise my body much at all. I tend to be a home body and spend most of my free time in the room on the computer, with my video game consoles, or napping. Even when I would hang out with my friends and family, I wouldn’t be doing anything that was physical.

    At some point I was getting really frustrated with my mind’s inability to focus, remember things I should, lack of motivation, and the overall cloudy thinking that would permeate sections of my day until I had my nap. I tried taking iron supplements in thinking that I wasn’t getting enough oxygen and also started to eat more frequently. This helped to some degree, but I was still having the same issues with my want of sleeping.

    Then about half a year ago, I had a pretty traumatic end to a long term relationship. One of the ways I tried to get my mind off things and make myself feel better was to finally start working out. I admit I am quite shy showing my skinny body at an actual gym, but luckily my uncle has an old gym set in the garage with a weight bench, dumbbells, and even a treadmill. Keeping myself motivated was pretty tricky, especially seeing how weak I was doing “baby” weights. After a couple of weeks of being consistent, however, I was becoming less dependent on napping and got more rest from sleeping. In general, I had a lot more energy then before.

    Even though I was eating healthy and getting enough sleep, I believe that not being physically active was making my intake of the nutrition and oxygen pretty inefficient. My delivery system and blood flow was probably really weak and unable to sufficiently provide the upkeep on my body even though I had the nutrition.

    I don’t know if you take the time to be physically active, but I think it is an option to look into. I would advise against playing around with medication and try to see if being active naturally corrects your brain’s chemistry. I do remember that you would be a bit nervous to push yourself hard due to your heart condition. Just take things slow at first and do what you can to get your heart pumping at a level that is safe for you and that can still be considered a work out. Perhaps you can go take Oreo for a nice long walk or quick jog.

    I appreciate the videos you put out and that you take the time to make them of good quality instead of quantity. Take the time you need to get things done. I have been personally enjoying the counter monkey vlogs. I hope you end up reading this and consider. This is what has worked for me. Take care of yourself now. ^_^  

  • tim edgren

    I musta missed what happened to cause problems Noah, but you work on getting yourself back together and we’ll all be here waiting for ya. Thanks for leaving the note. Mental problems can be one of the biggest train wrecks in productivity and we all understand.
    if someone else’s pain will help you, my friends and I have started our own riffs of movies. we’re called the Hellbournes Radio Show and we have our shit-o-ween and bargain bin riffs.. idk if it’ll help but it’s a shameless plug I know. Hell I’d go nuts if spoony watched me ranting for once. think of it as thanks for always making me laugh when I’m depressed. XD

  • Anonymous

     If you can believe a total stranger can be concerned with someones health – I’M CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH!  Are you exercising?  It’s a great way to boost positive chemicals (can’t remember which ones) into your chemistry.  Outdoor activities are best – I prefer bike riding – one hour a day; four to five hours a week.  It will help your meds circulate and will improve your overall well being.  I hope this isn’t an affront to your already daunting exercise regiment.    

    • tim edgren

      positive chemicals would be dopamine.. dopamnine is good.

      • Anonymous

        oh really? ‘dope’ is good – eh? Next you’ll tell me that sitting on ‘the pot’ is good for relieving stress…just having fun :)


  • Trish Black (Dzzy)

    Oops, double post >.<

  • Trish Black (Dzzy)

    Thank you for being so open and honest with your fans, Spoony. I’m sure most of us will agree that your health comes before videos and we understand that.

    I’ve personally been in a very similar situation to your own. I had
    developed the textbook depression as well and went through quite a few
    prescriptions before finding what worked. Along my own journey I also
    developed severe insomnia, which was the harder of the two to deal with
    in terms of finding something that worked. I would end up sleeping a
    good 10-15hrs a day because of the side effects, even to the point of
    full on falling asleep in class (really embarrassing).

    Thankfully I am now a few years past all of that and better than ever =)
    It all takes time unfortunately, but you’ll bounce back. There are
    quite a few of us out there who have been where you are right now and
    understand, to an extent, of what you are going through. I truly hope
    you feel better soon and get back to what you love doing!



  • Anders Reymond

    Hope you will get better soon mate!!

  • jake

    Mate you owe us nothing.
    We are the ones who owe you an incalculable debt for producing such consitently fantastic content.

    Take your time and I hope you get better

  • Anonymous

    You can always focus on streaming stuff for now! That way you’ll get out some material for us, if you really want to, and it will nearly be without effort. You could just make it a habit to fire up the appropriate softwares as you play something.

    Oh, and notify people that you’re doing so, of course. I wasn’t even aware of your streaming channel until a few months ago, and I’ve been a fan for far longer than that (around 2 years, I would estimate).

    Of course, I agree with almost every other person here: take it slow and prioritize yourself. I think that is our main wish.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, I have enjoyed your videos from the first time I saw one of your reviews. If I recall the very first review I ever saw from you was the Terror Trax CD Riff. It still is one of my favorites from you. You have an awesome fan base and I am glad to be part of it. Your health should always come first. I do owe you a great deal of thanks as well. Like others your determination has inspired me to do my own video production and reviews. Time will tell how they will do, but I hope there comes a day I do get to meet you in person.

    Also one idea for videos, you can start re-releasing reviews under alternate titles. If movies can get away with it, go for it :D

  • Anonymous

    Take your time getting better, Spoony. We’ll wait for you.

    In fact, let us know if there’s a way we can help. It seems like a lot of the other people who’ve commented are willing to help out. Prayer/good vibes? Watch all your old videos or make a donation to put a boost in the paycheck? I know you’ve done a lot for me through your videos, and I’d like to help out however I can.

  • David Arseneau

    Man, every video you put online is always a gem of entertainment, and well worth the wait. Take your time, and I hope you’ll be feeling better soon.
    (Although I really hope your movie vlogs with your brother are not too hard to make, ’cause I’d really like to know what you thought of recent movies)

  • Nicholas Hornung

    I’ve been struggling with depression for most of my life.  I’ve taken damn near every anti-depressant on the market.  After years of it I got tired of always feeling like a I stopped taking the meds.  I still have bouts with depression but I feel better dealing with it myself then relying on a pill that makes me feel like crap anyway.

  • Anonymous

    spoony we just hope you get better us fans dont mind we still got your old videos and they get better every time i watch them i still laugh like hell at the Final Fantacy vids (i know i cant spell) take as much time as you need :) from one of adoring fans

  • Diggerjohn111

    I personally have dealt with depression and anxiety attacks, you are not alone. You have my utmost respect and admiration for your openness about your condition, and you’ll always have me as a fan. 

  • Anonymous

    you have provided us with SO much awesome entertainment so far, you really dont owe us anything! if anything, we owe it to you to be respectful, supportive and patient now. we are your fans and we are here to cover your back at all times!

    also, i think this calls for a special e-manhug! *hugs* no homo. no… ALL THE HOMO! :D you need love right now and i will deliver!

    get better soon, mr. spoonyman!

    and if you want to entertain us with little effort, just stream every now and then^^ that way we can see you bitch about stuff LIVE !and! we can check on how you are doing.

  • lido giovacchini

    We’ll always stick with you Spoony, you’re totally worth it, feel better soon

  • Ryan Russell

    Man up.

  • Anonymous

    I too got diagnosed with Depression Spoony, and right in the middle of my Game Design course. It put me back. I am currently off my meds and am about to see some councilors to see if i can answer my confidence questions. It sucks that the best of us are diagnosed with depression. If not, i would have been at the top of my game. I’m with you Noah and hope you feel better, although as i personally know, you cant just wish yourself better. Even if good things come along, for some reason it does not mean shit. I lost schooling, girlfriend and job oppertunities due to my stupid “depression”.

    Best of luck:
         Julian Moretti

    • Anonymous

      hi jullian sorry to hear about your depression as well hope you get better 2. x

  • Jonathan Belina

    Skyrim comes first.

  • Oliver Ryder

    Take as much time as you need Spoony! Your vids are always totally worth the wait and your own personal well-being is far more important to any true fan of your work!

  • Austan Skidmore

    Hang in there boss

  • Anonymous

    You do a great job, and a minor setback on your schedule isn’t a big deal. Besides, you were pumping out those Counter Monkey stories like nobody’s business!

    Good luck man!

  • Tyrandon the Watcher

    Textbook depression, eh?  Well I’ve been there and there’s nothing textbook about any of it.  Hell, it’s good for you that you had the foresight to get diagnosed rather than be sent to do so because you tried to attack someone.

    While you may be on a tightrope considering your line of work, it’s best if you don’t rush whatever can help alleviate your ails.  Never ends well.  Anyway, as a guy who did break free of the soul crushing malady, Asclepius be with you.

  • liam mcmahon

    You don’t need to explain this to us.  If you’re ill you’re ill.  We’ve all gone through stuff.  And if it’s stuff that isn’t really your fault, you don’t owe a bunch of, what are effectively RANDOM PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET and form of apology or explanation!  Get yourself better, and just do what you can when you feel up to it.  But yeah, hope you’re all fixed and not BSOD’ing anymore soon! 

  • Kevin Franzen

    As i have always seen it, you Spoony and the rest of the internet critic community are offering free entertainment that in many ways are far more entertaining than any tv show i watch. It’s a real treat when i see a new video up.

    Maybe part of the allure is that it seems doable for myself, like if I tried really hard to put something together I could come out with my own kind of similar product but with my creativity behind it. I don’t want anybody to think that I’m saying it’s easy, on the contrary. But having watched your Vlogs and off the cuff reviews, it makes you feel that much more real of a person, rather than just watching actors in a film or tv show. Since my passion for video hasn’t had an outlet, and seeing you do what you do, it just feels that much more attainable.

    I just wanted to say for myself, thank you for the countless hours of entertainment, and i patiently look forward to what you come up with next.

  • dannyboy2510

    Spoony, you’ve brought me side splitting joy in the darkest moments of my life, so you have no reason to apologize, we all wish you a really speedy recovery but at the same time want to see you take things slow, maybe a few others agree with me but i feel like i owe you somewhat for the constant laughs you bring to us, sadly you are right and depression does take time to leave, i should know, but i and so many other people are willing to wait as long as it takes, hell we still have your old videos to get us crying with laughter, just remember not to force yourself, the true fans will be willing to stick this out until your at your best again. I wish you all the best and hope you begin hating tidus’ guts again soon.

  • Lucas Lobato

    Hey man, hope you get better. You’re awesome and we will wait for you to get better.
    Best wishes from your fans from Brazil.

  • Anonymous

    Ah Spoony, we all love you and love your video’s too but I think we all understand that your health comes first.  As a side note I’d just like to add that I have been really enjoying your Counter Monkey stories and that has been more than enough to keep me going for a while.  Get well dude :)

  • Bob Walsh

    Spoony, you owe me nothing.  Infact, I went through a similar doward spiral 2 years ago, and it lasted until October of last year.  I found myself unemployed for seven months after the economy took a nose dive, and when I finally DID get work, it was working nights and weekends as a security guard making 8 bucks an hour.  I never saw family or friends, and I never got to even talk to co-workers.  Being locked up in a small box for 8.5 hours at night, only to go home to an empty house with nobody to talk to, it’s similar to being thrown into “the hole” in prison.  The solitude and darkness soon took a serious toll on my mental well-being after a month in, and I found myself having fits of anger and bad depression trips, sometimes having to lock myself somewhere where nobody could see me, and cry my eyes out.

    Last October I finally got a decent job working as a gas mechanic, I got the best paycheck I ever had in my life, but even more importantly, I got my days and weekends back.  I was seeing the sun again, and having regular contact with human beings again.  A few months later, they put me back on nights, and during that time I had a bit of a downer feeling again, but not as stong as before since I always worked with someone and could see people on the weekends.  But that darkness just does something to me over long periods of time.  Thankfully, I’m back on days now, and things are looking much better for me.

    Spoony, you, and the other members of Channel Awesome helped me get through that dark lonely period of my life.  When I was locked alone in the dark by myself, I could remember your funny videos and laugh, which REALLY helped me get through the day.  Trust me, I owe you BIG for that.

    I remember you saying you work nocturnally, if you are anything like me, that will fuck with your head if you do it long enough.  Granted, I understand you have to balance this out with your brother’s schedule, but my advice would be to try and see if you have other options regarding when you choose to work.  Is it possible to room with someone else?  I’m just spitballing here.

    Peace, brotha.  I hope you find the peace you seek.

  • Jamie Sheil

    Spoony, I can say without hyperbole that your my favorite source of comedy anywhere. Anytime I’ve just wanted to kick back in my room and have a laugh, I always find myself booting up one of your videos. I hope you get better soon!

  • Anonymous

    you are revered and admired. hope you get better. i love Counter Monkey segments. Your years in front of and behind the camera (mixed with your expressive diction) create a great storyteller. :D

  • Anonymous

    More! Counter Monkey! Counter Monkey! Counter Monkey! Counter Monkey! Counter Monkey!

  • Mike Kinnane

         Noah, I’ve had depression for over 13 years. Almost the entirety of my adult life. I’ve been to counseling, I’ve seen doctors. I’ve seen many MANY people take the drug cocktails for depression. They always work for awhile and then they just seem to stop after your body gets used to them. It doesn’t matter which ones you use, whether it be Abilify or any anti-depressants they will eventually lose their strength.

         I have been depression free for almost a year. My secret wasn’t medicine. You see, I had been dealing with some serious problems in my life: death threats, hacked accounts, and my own illnesses. Eventually everything came to a head and I had to start rebuilding my entire life. I worked a very physical job, where at the end of the day, even if I was underpaid I had the knowledge that I was at least just a little bit stronger than the day before. I also started drinking… alot. More than I ever drank in college. At first I just did it to humor my friends and spend time with them, but I found that while slightly buzzed I gained a slight bit of confidence. Even though I knew that the confidence was artificial it didn’t seem that way to those around me. I eventually started making A LOT of friends (and actually being in demand sexually) and that fake confidence I had gained by drinking and the temporary “I don’t give a fuck” attitude eventually led to real confidence. Once I had that, my depression evaporated. I don’t believe depression can be 100% removed with medicine. The best way to remove depression is to remove the cause. I’m not going to be preachy here and tell you what you should or should not do. But what I will tell you is that I really feel for you. 
         Very few people see beyond the entertainer. I am an actor, and right now my career is picking up (Not surprisingly corresponding with the disappearance of my depression.) A few months ago I had a paid gig for a drunk driving PSA and my first IMDB and SAG credit. Actors have to remain upbeat and able to portray many kinds of moods (whether or not they feel like it.) NOBODY will ask you how you are actually feeling and EVERYONE will criticize you.

    I hate seeing someone suffer in this way, being able to scream, but knowing you can never yell loud enough. If you are ever in Rhode Island, I’ll buy you a round and try and get you laid. Sometimes those simple things are just enough to do it.

    (And for the record, I LOVE the counter-monkey stories… I’ve got a Rifts one about using techno-wizards as projectiles… maybe another time.)

  • Jennifer Fowler

    Hey Spoony, long time fan (going back a good 4 years now!) rarely a commenter.

    I’m really sorry to hear that you’re having these troubles, man. I just want to say that I for one didn’t feel like you’d given up. Even the little V-logs and things that you post show that you’re interested and you love sharing your opinions and sense of humor with all of us.

    My husband Daniel and I started watching your videos before we started dating, and the next Spoony update was always a happy event for us. Our relationship was separated by 3000 miles, but we could always find some time to get on Skype and watch your videos together. Even the lengthiest V-logs. Now that we live together, we still look forward to and enjoy your videos. Your official videos are always top notch and really hilarious, and I know that it takes time to produce something of that quality–something you should never have to feel the need to apologize for.

    I really hope that you can get that spark back. You deserve happiness in return for all the happiness you’ve shared through this website. I know you’ve been through a lot in the last few years health-wise (and that’s not even mentioning the event this past spring), and I hope that those difficult years are going to be soon behind you.

    From a fellow nerd, child of the 80s, and D&D player, I wish you lots of luck.

  • Jeanine Sam

    Dude. I really hope that you get better. I haven’t been the best of fans, in that I would only visit the site maybe once or twice a month but I’ve noticed that your schedule has been a bit messed up and I figured that you had a lot on your plate, but I didn’t know it was this severe.

    If push comes to shove and I’m really sad to bring this up but if things get worse, maybe you should stop with TSE for a bit? Remember that your health is what comes first, period. I’m glad that you have a dog that seems to love you to death (my youngest akita Tenten acts almost exactly like Oreo, lol) and I’m sure that you have the support of your family and I know that if you went on hiatus, we would miss you a lot but in the end, it’s what is best for you.

    Thanks for giving us an update as to what is going on with you. Have you tried changing your diet a bit? My sis had a TON of problems when she was living in the states (coming from the Caribbean, our food isn’t as…for lack of a better word, processed as in the states) and when she came back to live, my mother put her on a kind of diet, wherein she would just detox a little, and not eat so much meat. Unfortunately, I was put on this as well, but it’s not the worst thing in the world lol. Every now and then, try eating more fish (unless, of course, you have been doing this kind of thing before and I’m just being presumptuous, in which case I apologize).

    I really hope all of this works out. Try taking a vacation when you can, if you can. Come to the Caribbean! You have a bunch of fans here as well! Oh! I commend you for getting help btw. I haven’t been feeling myself for at least a year and have been really stubborn in terms of seeing someone about the way I feel.

  • Anonymous

    I went down with a mysterious, disabling medical problem in 2009. Whether you know it or not, your videos have provided me with so much comfort during the last couple of dark years, I can’t even tell you. Do what it takes to get yourself right, and take your time. Your health has to be priority #1.

  • Benjamin Cook

    I wish you the best of luck spoony 

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, you’re one of the most entertaining personalities on the internet and by far my favorite from the channel awesome family. Is it frustrating that you don’t churn out content on a consistent basis or as much as some other people? Sure, but that’s only because we love you so much and want more of you. We’re here to support you, do what you gotta do to get better and come back stronger than ever. Don’t know if you’ve discussed it with any of your doctors but you may want to ask them about low testosterone testing and possible therapy, that may be a cause of some of your problems too. Anyway, you don’t owe us anything. The counter monkey stories have been hilarious and great while waiting for new videos. Take care of yourself. “Spoony will post new content when I authorize it…. when I AUTHORIZE it.”

  • Anonymous

    I have personally been struggling with depression for a few years now and no it really is not easy to live with, but with the right people behind you it is much easier to live with.

    Also don’t worry about owing us anything Spoony we are just hoping that you can get back to your old self and all of us will be here supporting you no matter what. Get well soon Spoonyone and take care of yourself.

  • Benjamin Cook

    I wish you the best of luck spoony

  • VampireNewl

    get well soon spoony!
    p.s (this is not a threat)

  • Jordan

    Best wishes for your good health, Noah!  You have brought so many of us so much joy with all the work that you have done and we owe you great thanks for dedicating the time and effort that you do.  You are under no obligation to provide us free entertainment, but you do it for the fans.  You are in many of our hearts and minds and we thank you for it!


  • Ayla Hackley

    You are a very awesome dude for writing this out to us and being truthful. I had been wondering what had been going on. I loved watching the Counter Monkey videos but I had been waiting for the reviews to come back and was getting a bit concerned as to what may be going on. You provide everyone with something to laugh at or just tune into every week, or so to help get our minds out of the tolls of the everyday. I just recently spent the past two weeks hulled up in my house due to some severe anxiety issues. My poor mother had to listen to me talk about your videos and getting into rpgs those whole two weeks. Your health is important and even if you said you needed a break we would all understand. Take care of yourself as you are now and we will be here supporting you the whole way. Lots of love!

  • epyon1999

    I think everyone who watches your videos will agree that your health is more important then putting out videos, take all the time you need getting better. I for one rather enjoy you videos when you just sit in front of your camera and just tell your stories or doing reviews of the movies that you have just seen. Wish you the best of luck with your health and understand that it will take some time. Thanks for all the work you do. 

  • Anonymous

    Hi Spoony don’t worry about it, take all the time you need, your not the only one with sleep problems  your fans will understand and if they don’t they where never really your fans.

    I myself suffer from the opposite sleep disorder insomnia for two years now and even though its different, I understand your pain of being constantly tired, having low energy and getting mad at yourself because of it.

    So if you ever start feeling down or angry because of your over sleeping or cause of other peoples stupid comments stop and think of it as your sleeping for the both of us. x

  • Jeanine Sam

    I totally agree with you. As I mentioned in my comment, sometimes the food you eat really messes with you.

  • Lacey H.

    I know e-hugs are almost becoming a parody, but I do sincerely mean it. *hugs*

    I can’t speak for everyone, but I think nearly all of us would agree, you and your work are loved, and we’re not going anywhere. Take your time, get better, get your groove back, and we’ll be right here for you when you’re ready.

  • avernumchick

    Hug the pooch. Everything will be okay.

  • HappyGuy

    Take Care~!!
    play more DCUO to relieve stress!!

  • Luke Howard

    Don’t worry about it I was in the same place you are right now last year. Focus on getting yourself sorted, cos we’ll always be there for you.

  • Michael Emerson

    Spoony…No, Noah. I love ya man and you, Doug, Lewis, Lee, Mickey, Tom, and Joe have been a shining beacon in my humdrum life. I know where you are coming from and it can be hard. Your chest feels like it is in a vice, your tired, and sometimes you just don’t feel like doing anything. Just remember that life is to short to be depressed, try to think of positives in your life and seek ispiration rather than medication. Hope these words help and get well soon. 

  • Dani

    I can relate. I’ve suffered from anxiety my whole life, depression for at least half of it and the panic attacks started about eight years ago. I remember one summer when I was really stressed out for various personal reasons and having panic attacks every day in the afternoon, which would last for two or three hours. Those would tire me out enough so that I went to bed at 8 or 9 o’ clock every night. It’s really hard to function when your depressed and panic attacks can make life a living hell.

    Take your time and get better. We can wait.

  • Tony Leitner

    hey dont worry about it i am going though the same thing only i dont have the means to talk to a doctor trust me man it will get better if any thing try efexer it help me who knows it worked for me. Hope you feel better and get the video done when you can dont force your self to get it done just do it at your pace

  • Chris Andrews

    One thing you should definately worry less about is your fans! Your sense of duty is admirable, and one of the many reasons I’d pick you as probably my favourite internet comedy/hate machine, but the fans that are fans worth keeping certainly wont desert you after a mere few months of slow releases games wise, its not like you’ve been completely off radar. After all, this isn’t the first time your reviewings have slowed, but as many people before me have said, your end product is always worth waiting for. You single handedly got me back into wrestling with some of your entertaining commentaries and discussions, after I fell out of love with it many a year ago. Your newest segment is possibly one of my favourite things ever, as I’ve been sorely missing my tabletop action since moving to a new city a year or so ago.

    Sadly when it comes to things like depression its always a hard road out, and having been there myself, experienced what it’s like and suffered through it, I have faith you’ll be fine in the end. I mean its not like your short of support, youve got hundreds (if not thousands) of fans out there sending you good wishes! So here’s mine:
    Best of luck in your future Spoony One! For without you, naught but darkness in our hearts would prevail! Rally your strength and allies, for the fight ahead is one lined with darkness. But on the ‘morrow victory shall be yours, and the minions of dread shall flee back to the shadow, vanquished by your righteous zeal! In to the dawn my friend, the dawning a new and fabulous era!

    Lots of love Noah, your the man!

  • Stefan Wagner

    Thank you for being that honest with us, and i wish you to get well… preferably pretty soon of cause. But i’ve also got to say i had an Familiar case to yours and the result there was.. well it takes its time to get better and the moment you try to “force” ist, it ain’t gonna work. So take your time, better you get wall later, you do, as to make it worse.
    Best regards

  • Joseph Brown

    Hey Noah take as much time as you need we would rather you be happy than miserable.  Just ignore the asshats nagging for content we all love you buddy and your well-being comes first just get better do that for us and we’ll be happy. :) Long Live the Spoonyone!!!

  • Konstantin

    Get well soon, man! ^_^ 

  • Anonymous

    Journey on Noah. We’ll be walking with you.

  • Cameron Carrington

    I too suffer from depression and it does take the wind out of one’s sails.  I completely understand how it can cause these delays. Work on getting yourself straight. Take your time and catch your breath, keep up on both the therapy and the meds. You will get through this. In the meantime we will be waiting for and happily watching each video you do get to us. Best of luck to you man. 

  • Anonymous

    So, watching Highlander 2 and reading the WARRIOR comics, in between sessions of playing FFX2, can lead to depression? We needed a doctor to figure that out?

    Nah, I’m just being silly.  In honesty, though, get well soon! You know we love you.

  • Anonymous

    You have always had my support Spoony, and it will never falter. Hell your Counter Monkey series became a good sidetrack, and it was entertaining, and a lot of fun.
    So don’t so down, just do what you can, and we know it will be good. Thank you again Spoony.

  • Chris S

    Hey Spoony. I’ve been through that myself, pills and all. Three points of advice. 1. Take your time, nobody is judging you or holding you to schedule, so take however long you need to get better. 2. Don’t stop your meds all at once or you’ll get “the zaps” (you can look that up). 3. Don’t get logical about the reason behind depression, there isn’t one, it’s intelligent logic forced on a faulty premise that keeps you in the depression hole. It’s a storm, it will pass, it’s an illness and it’s not your fault. If you fancy a chat I know you have a butt-ton of friends but I’m at kinofrost (at) gmail if you need a fresh ear. Oh, don’t feel a shred of guilt about every single point of supportive advice from everyone in this sea of comments – they are given with no expectation of recompense. We like you.

  • Anonymous

    Hang in there Spoony. I have been battling depression myself for years now and I know exactly what you mean. Everything you mentioned I’ve dealt with. Even with regular counsiling and medication its sometimes a struggle to this day.  Most people dont have the ability to understand how crippling depression really can be and how long the process can be to deal with it. I know I’m just another random person commenting on your site but I just wanted to show some support since I know how tough it is. Your work has brought me lots of joy so I wanted to say thank you for all your hard work over the years. Your videos alone always made me smile now matter how down I was feeling and I’m sure you will come out of this better than ever.

  • Anonymous

    Best wishes and a speedy recovery from a simple Serbian manchild and a huge fan, take as much time as you need to recover, take it easy on the sodas, hug Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All (or Domino if you insist). We will entertain ourselves with the excellent video selection that already brought us many hours of lolz, I myself shall enjoy the FFX2 rant now before goin’ to bed so I can get a nice early Saturday morning start on SHOUTING AT DRAGONS (a fine dose of epicness is truly a great medicine)!

  • Agustin Dedionigi

    OK, I KNOW that I’m gonna sound like the “villain” here. I KNOW that I’m gonna get bombarded with countless replies of “how dare you pick on poor Spoony!”, “lololol, you’re just jealous” and “just another douchebag comment from this asshole”. And you know what? I DON’T CARE. You all know me. You all heard the stories by now. You all hate me already, so why bother playing the nice guy now? The good side of everyone hating me is that I don’t need to hold back. I can now be as brutally honest and controversial as possible. It’s the same reason why TJ is better off now than as a part of TGWTG.

    With that being said:

    Spoony, learn from the other fucking contributors.

    Take a look at Brad, for example. I don’t think Brad ever had health issues stopping him from making new material. No matter how he is feeling, no matter how sick or “depressed” (depression IS being sad) he may be, he always uploads a new Cinema Snob video every week. Even after he plugged the plug on Kung Tai Ted, he never stopping doing the Cinema Snob. And those v-logs just keep coming and coming (Brad once made a v-log with a severe case of the flu, he’s not one to let personal health get in the way).

    Or what about Linkara? I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say, “Sorry, no Atop the Fourth Wall this week, I’m felling really sick”. In fact, this week is the ONLY week I recall him not uploading a new Atop the Fourth Wall, and that has nothing to do wuth personal issues and everything to do with Youmacon and the sheer enormous effort dedicated to the end of the Entity/MissingNo arc (and I have yet to see Spoony out that amount of effort into a video. Hell, he doesn’t even do serious storylines!)

    Or how about Marzgurl? Keeping a constant schedule is one of the many, MANY things that allowed to crawl from the primordial ooze of Other-dom and finally join the Dream Team. She finished the look back at DisneyToon Studios on time, she finished the look back at the “Land Before Time” series on time, and she is right on schedule with her look back at Don Bluth. Hell, when she first started it, she basically said: “No matter what personal shit I may have, I WILL finish this Don Bluth retrospective.”

    Hell, even the Others are better than you in this aspect. As half-assed, boring, unfunny, unoriginal and second banana as the Others are, at least most of them upload a new video every week.

    So, my advice to you: qui being a whiny bitch and get back on track. If you are depressed, just cheer up. Depression IS just feeling blue, so just do whatever you need to do after being happy again.

    As a final note: you are STILL depressed about that bitch Scarlett dumping you? It’s been, what, half a year now? TJ was pretty sad when he was let out of TGWTG, but he moved on. So did LordKat. Even That Aussie Guy more or less moved on. Being depressed because your girlfriend left you after eight months borders on pathetic. Either find someone else, or just move the fuck on with your life.

    There, I said it. Insult me and flame me all you want, I don’t care. At least I have the balls to say something other than praise.

  • JT Cano

    Spoony, dude, Its all good, we will be just as happy with the vlogs and streams until you can feel better. Feel better and I hope you can find the right kind of treatment. I know that counseling really helped me through my depression. 

    feel better dude,

    PS: eat more spinach it gives me energy and makes you not so sleepy after you eat.   

  • glorifindel

    I once was on cymbalta. I remember inappropriate laughter at awkward moments. I was ok at this time, but not myself.

  • Klaus Trier Vest

    Just take your time Spoony, I think your fans understand and will be patient enough.

    In the mean time as I was reading about you having problems with sleeping all day, I was just thinking about a good danish song:

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been suffering from depression on and off for the last 22 years. It’s not an easy problem to deal with. There are a few things I have learned from my experiences with it.
    -Do not too not push yourself too much. It does not alleviate the symptoms and will often times make you feel completely overwhelmed.
    -Do not blame yourself for the depression.
    -Do not think that you are irreparable.
    -Do not think that it means you are crazy, even if ignorant fucks think it does.
    -Talk to a therapist or neutral party about your depression on a regular basis. It helps you make connections and resolve what you could not with your own thoughts.
    -Find a healthy hobby for when you need to escape. Being overwhelmed can break your progress. (Killing things in games is a fun escape!)

    Hang in there! You’ve got a lot of fans wishing you the best. There are a lot of people that have gotten through depression. You can make it, too.

  • fuu-doh Vereen

    I find myself in that kind of spiral as well, so far I only self-diagnosised it as me being a lazy dork but when deadlines comes for videos (I provide content for a analog game shop) I happen to be able to do one overnight mostly because of self-applied pressure. 
    When I start editing I KNOW I can’t allow myself to stop or to take a rest or I’ll never get it done.  Maybe it’s the same for you. 

    I hope you will rather sooner than later find the right balance for you to feel comfortable.

  • Brandon Rice

    Don’t worry about it man. You post plenty of videos, entertaining stories and the like. Sometimes it just takes time, and your health is more important than a humorous sketch with Dr. Insano or bitching about wrestling.

    I do hope that you’re soon able to return to posting videos on a more regular basis and bashing all of the games, movies and wrestling matches in the funniest way possible. But your health is more important.

    You don’t do yourself or your fans any favors by pushing yourself too hard. You need to just focus on being well and taking care of yourself. Your fans will always understand that health takes priority.
    It’s not about being lazy. You work hard. And your real fans will be patient and supportive.

  • Levi Arias

    I’ve been watching all of your videos for a very long time now, and strangely enough I got the same kind of catalyst as you, around the same time this year, that brought me down to my knees and got me diagnosed with a severe depression. But the big difference is, while I was going through the worst of it and feeling like doing nothing at all, I always had your videos to cheer me up and keep my mind away from those self-deprecating thoughts that can spiral out of control and just make things worse.

    Sadly, I can’t do the same thing for you. The least I can do is tell you what has worked for me and hope for the best. I think exercise is a must. Anxiety and panic attacks can do some really ugly things to you heart, so a little cardio everyday was essential to get a daily boost in my mood and keep my heart strong. It wasn’t easy being in an exercising mood everyday tho, so I always had some kickass tunes at the ready to keep me moving.

    The medication can help but, just like you, after a while it just numbed me out and got me sleeping 12 hours a day. I couldn’t really do anything during my day at that point so I had to do without it. I think the most important thing to remember is to stop pummeling yourself inside your head. Always be on guard for when those thoughts appear and crush them when they do, ’cause they don’t do shit in any kind of situation. It’s just trash that gets in the way.

    Keep your friends close and always remember, Spoony, you’ve got a legion of fans here and all around world that care for you and want to see you succeed in any enterprise you may endeavor.

    Stay strong, Spoony One, we’re here for you ;)

  • Anonymous

    Hi man, good to hear you´re seeking help for your problems. It´s worked out fine for me. I´ve had depressions but medications plus better habits really helps. Best of luck! 

  • Bobby Hebert

    Pretty sure most of the people have said the same thing, but taking care of yourself is first and foremost.  People who enjoy your work will understand and be patient and supportive of what you can do when you can do it.

    Get healthy first and foremost.

  • Anonymous

    I have been a fan of your videos for some years now, and I must say I deeply enjoy them. The videos you make are all pure genius. I have watched several of your “Counter Monkey” videos alot of times already, it is really enjoyable to listen to you tell those stories. I myself are more into card games, but here in Norway, where I watch your show, both card games and role playing are more of a underground business. And that’s a real shame, because after hearing you telling about D&D and such, made me interested in trying some of those games you mentioned in one of your “Counter Monkey” videos. Anyway, I’m getting off-track, you deal with your problems in the order you like, don’t let stress get to you, if it feels you are running out of time, just take the time you need. For now, your other videos have alot of replay value.

    You live your life, and remember, even vikings are your fans ;)

  • Nathan Spruth

    Feel better

  • Anonymous

    I don’t really mind the lack of higher production value videos. The Counter monkey stories have been more than sufficient to keep me entertained. I think I’ll go watch the Vampire jyhad video again. take it easy Noah.

  • Nathan Ellis

    First of all, it was really cool of you to put this up on the site. And i know everyone and their brother seems to have the “answer” when it comes to problems like this. But I have sleep problems right now too and I’ve been severely depressed in the past. Of course right now it seems very silly to be depressed. But, Buddhist philosophy involves this little tidbit that has helped me through the years called The Noble Truths. One of them goes a little something like “Life is suffering: The origin of suffering is attachment” Now on the outside this may make buddha sound like a pretentious douche who can’t enjoy life, but deep in hindu and buddhist beliefs is the idea that our natural discontent with impermanence is because of attachment. Basically, waking up in the same house, half-heartedly communicating with the same people, and doing the same things in the same cycle each day can disconnect us from the attachment we had to a comfortable and predictable lifestyle. What did the trick for me was a week of camping, no media (that’s a big one), no artificial stimulation, no predictability, not even your own reflection follows you into nature. I know this is making me sound like some buddhist hippie dumb-ass. But i’ve had friends who have been on zoloft and taken therapy because of depression, and the doctors truly don’t give a shit about you, i’ve been prescribed 20 vicodin for a migraine without the doctor even making eye contact with me. Most people don’t have the time to jump into the trees for a week. So, and i should heed my own advice here, stop drinking caffeine regularly, start running (yes it sucks), and surround yourself with unconditional positive energy, which you could totally get if you just talked to your fans. We love you Spoony. You’re un-fucking believable!

  • John

    poor spoony i get you man
    sometimes i feel the same way that u feel now
    it’s a constant drag on my school work
    but luckily I have friends that can help with my homework
    and study for tests
    hopefully u can get out of it soon

  • elliot.robinson82

    Don’t worry about it Spoon I’ve personally seen how it can affect someone with my mum going through the same you should take as long as you need and don’t rush yourself we will all be here when your ready 

  • Jesse Kirkpatrick

    Spoony, this is the first time I’ve commented on here.

     I understand. I’ve had depressive episodes for years, and I know how frustrating it is when medicine doesn’t work and people think it’s just flipping a switch or something you can decide yourself out of. It’s tough, and it sucks, but I’m glad to hear you’re being proactive. I’m not a religious guy, but I’m keeping you in my thoughts. And Counter Monkey is awesome.

  • Anonymous

    I find listening to Lemon Jelly fixes any problems I’m having, up to and including emotional, economic, usw.

    All the same, our entertainment isn’t as important as your health. We got backlogs of videos to wade through in the mean time. Feel better.

  • Anonymous

    Wow…being someone who has also battled depression…Spoony my good sir, you need to look to your health first.  As I know many have stated and feel, depression is not easy to deal with on any level.  It’s a rough and difficult ride and I know what it feels like.  After a fiasco with my now ex-fiance, I know what you are going through.  One of the first things I had to learn was how to take care of myself, as my depression was causing me to work myself so hard I made myself sick.  You should take care of yourself, Mr. Antwiler (yes I use honorifics, it’s how I was raised *sticks out tongue*)  We can wait patiently for you to get better, as we certainly don’t want you to keel over on us.  Best of lucky, Spoony.  Take care.  *big hugs*

  • Ryan Russell

    I just read a pretty long post about how MarsGurl, Linkara and CinemaSnob all manage to get their videos out on time despite person illness which was really good however when I went to comment on it I couldn’t. I refreshed the page and suddenly the comment is gone. So either the poster deleted it or the comment was deleted by a higher power. Regardless of which I hope it is reposted.

    • Ryan Russell

      Agustin Dedionigi on Regarding the delays. 14 minutes ago

      “OK, I KNOW that I’m gonna sound like the “villain” here. I KNOW that I’m gonna get bombarded with countless replies of “how dare you pick on poor Spoony!”, “lololol, you’re just jealous” and “just another douchebag comment from this asshole”. And you know what? I DON’T CARE. You all know me. You all heard the stories by now. You all hate me already, so why bother playing the nice guy now? The good side of everyone hating me is that I don’t need to hold back. I can now be as brutally honest and controversial as possible. It’s the same reason why TJ is better off now than as a part of TGWTG.

      With that being said:

      Spoony, learn from the other fucking contributors.

      Take a look at Brad, for example. I don’t think Brad ever had health issues stopping him from making new material. No matter how he is feeling, no matter how sick or “depressed” (depression IS being sad) he may be, he always uploads a new Cinema Snob video every week. Even after he plugged the plug on Kung Tai Ted, he never stopping doing the Cinema Snob. And those v-logs just keep coming and coming (Brad once made a v-log with a severe case of the flu, he’s not one to let personal health get in the way).

      Or what about Linkara? I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say, “Sorry, no Atop the Fourth Wall this week, I’m felling really sick”. In fact, this week is the ONLY week I recall him not uploading a new Atop the Fourth Wall, and that has nothing to do wuth personal issues and everything to do with Youmacon and the sheer enormous effort dedicated to the end of the Entity/MissingNo arc (and I have yet to see Spoony out that amount of effort into a video. Hell, he doesn’t even do serious storylines!)

      Or how about Marzgurl? Keeping a constant schedule is one of the many, MANY things that allowed to crawl from the primordial ooze of Other-dom and finally join the Dream Team. She finished the look back at DisneyToon Studios on time, she finished the look back at the “Land Before Time” series on time, and she is right on schedule with her look back at Don Bluth. Hell, when she first started it, she basically said: “No matter what personal shit I may have, I WILL finish this Don Bluth retrospective.”

      Hell, even the Others are better than you in this aspect. As half-assed, boring, unfunny, unoriginal and second banana as the Others are, at least most of them upload a new video every week.

      So, my advice to you: qui being a whiny bitch and get back on track. If you are depressed, just cheer up. Depression IS just feeling blue, so just do whatever you need to do after being happy again.

      As a final note: you are STILL depressed about that bitch Scarlett dumping you? It’s been, what, half a year now? TJ was pretty sad when he was let out of TGWTG, but he moved on. So did LordKat. Even That Aussie Guy more or less moved on. Being depressed because your girlfriend left you after eight months borders on pathetic. Either find someone else, or just move the fuck on with your life.

      There, I said it. Insult me and flame me all you want, I don’t care. At least I have the balls to say something other than praise.

      • Daniel Winters

        Yeah yeah yeah, play the devils advocate because its the cool thing to do, whatever. Thing is though, is that this guy is giving us (essentially) free content, and are you seriously bitching because your free stuff is coming quick enough? Shut the fuck up.

        That, and you clearly haven’t the fucking clue what your talking about. Spoony said it IN THE FUCKING ARTICLE, that depression is not ‘being sad’, and it can’t be beat by ‘moving the fuck on with your life’ and (to quote you) ‘qui being a whiny bitch’. Depression is NOT feeling blue; sure its a common misconception, but its a illness that can plague a person throughout their life, sometimes hitting when somebody in what should be the height of their career / life. There’s a book called Curse of the Strong, I don’t expect to read it, but at least fucking google it.

        To be honest, I am not an expert in anyway shape or form, but I, at the very least, don’t fucking spout of the internet for basically no reason about a subject I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.  

        Every time someone I read / listen / watch on the internet the response I always give is that you are essentially giving me free stuff, and therefore I will never bitch about slow production speed / missed shows / ads on the sites / whatever. Your real life, should always come in front of the audiences enjoyment, which may sound like an elitist or whatever, but when it comes down to it we all have to be realistic here. 

        Depression is a big, big problem for some people, too much of a problem for some, but I’m sure you and your doctor know just as well as I do that coming forward and admitting it is a HUGE step towards recovery. But I guess you probably know more than I do how far you are of beating it. 

        Been watching for a while, never commented but I just wanted to send my well wishes in.

        p.s. There’s a book by Marcus Trescothick called Opening Up that might be worth a read for anyone. It’s mostly a cricket players autobiography, but later on he talks about his own admittance of depression and how he got over it. Skip the cricketing bits if you don’t care, but his life story is worth a read for anyone who doesn’t truly understand depression.

        • fuu-doh Vereen

          Please chill, Ryan just reposted the message. 
          And yea, the original post was misguided.

        • Ryan Russell

          Wow,u mad bro?

          As fuu-doh Vereen said I only reposted the comment so I’m taking it that rant was aimed at the OP and not me. Not that it matters, the post has been quashed again by the internet police. Oh well, life goes on.

          Get better soon Noah.

  • Kat

    To be honest, my wanting a new review from you isn’t nearly as important as your mental and emotional health. I would rather see you at the top of your game than seeing you exhausted and ill. Having been through depression that lasted for years, and watched/helped my fiancée manage to climb out of the theoretical ‘depression hole’, I can seriously say that I know where you’re coming from.

    I really hope you find your mental peace, and I hope Oreo is at least a lovely companion for you! My best suggestion is to still try to work on scripts when you feel up to it. One of the big things that helped my depression was writing, and even though I left a lot of projects unfinished, the ones I managed to complete were group works that spawned a lot of entertainment for the parties involved.

    My biggest hope is that someday, you might return to your Deadly Premonition playthrough. I’ll learn to accept it if you don’t, though. :) Feel better, asap!

  • Rasmus Björk

    Reading through the other comments it seems that I cannot really add that much to the well wishes,  but I think I can speak for everyone when I´m saying that we don´t desire a Spoony that sacrifices everything and just pumps out videos without regard of his own health (fortunately the real one once again show us his wisdom and mastery).  Keep going, we have faith in you! THERE IS NOT A PERSON HERE WHO WOULDN´T OFFER YOU A FOOT MASSAGE. (no more no less I guess =() 

  • ramses ijff

    While I certainly miss the vids, but this is a lot more important. Just relax and take your time. I assume counter monkey and vlogs also earn you a bit of cash to supplement you. Good luck with the everything.

  • Pigmy Wurm

    I hope you find something that works for you. In the meantime I’ve been enjoying the counter monkey vids you’ve been posting so, while I would love to see a proper episode, I haven’t been disappointed about the amount of content.

  • Anonymous

    I think it’s really awesome of you to come clean like this and I really respect your bravery for being able to admit something like that so openly. Even if you can’t make videos as often as you want or even if you have to stop making that altogether I’ll still always be a loyal fan.

  • Anonymous

    I had the same sort of problems for 2-3 years and the only help I had was people telling me to ‘cheer up’ and stop being so miserable and lazy ¬.¬ the anxiety sucked and i still get it sometimes when i try to sleep and im thinking about all the things i need to get done all i can say Spoony is its gunna get better in time dude and until then dont stress yourself out too much by trying to produce ‘high quality content’ your counter monkey videos are very fun to watch i’ve watched them multiple times im satisfied with anything you put out nowadays because its so entertaining to listen to you get well soon :D

  • Anonymous

    Reading this message I realized, you are the first celebrity I really care about.
    Thank you for sharing that with us.Take your time and get well!!!!!!! Not because I want to see more of you’re videos (what I do ^^), but because I really want you to fell better.
    So dont worry about us (at least me) and I look forward to see you again in Austria ;)

  • Miika Aarnio

    Hope u feel better soon! but don’t try to rush things forward. These things can take time and we don’t want u to burnout your self for our sake. Just like you we’l never abandon u.

    I suggest that u try to sleep little longer at night and try to find strength n joy to u through the things u love. It’s important to have balance in your life. Maybe a new hobby (golf works for me) =).
    So just take the time u need to solve things out and try to enjoy even the little things.

    So here’s regards from Finland to you. Hope you get better and find the eye of the tiger again =)
    Time heals wounds n chick’s digs scars. Keep up the great work! 

  • carlos miguel paço

    Stay strong, Spoony One, we’re here for you

  • James

    Dude, I’m so sorry to hear about this. I hope your able to get better soon, not just because I miss your vids, but because you seem like a good guy. Love the new “Counter Monkey” thing, keep up the good work. I (and tons of other people) look forward to you being back to yourself!

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been there. Recently, too. Things have actually turned out very well for me, though, and they can for you too.

    We all want to see you doing well and feeling well, but we’re here for you no matter how things turn out.

  • Jeff Northrop

    Noah, you’re not alone on this one buddy. Depression runs through my family and trust me, I understand how difficult it can be to deal with it sometimes. Don’t worry though, with the right kind of support and some willpower on your part, you’ll be able to change some things around with some time.

  • Anonymous

    Soldier on Spoony…Wolverines!

  • Ayaron Loralion

    I suffer from chronic fatigue, which has a lot of the same symptoms so I empathise hugely.  As someone whose just started a YouTube Let’s Play channel I can understand the amount of time and effort you must put into your videos to make them as great as they are.  I’m not going anywhere and I’m sure neither is most of your audience.  Take the time to recover fully otherwise it might never go away.  In the mean time, I’m actually enjoying your Counter Monkey stories.  Ironically enough when I’m feeling tired and need to lay down for a bit I put on one of those stories and listen with my eyes closed.  2 or 3 later and I find I’m still awake but feeling more rested.  :O)

  • Anonymous

    For what it’s worth, I have some of the same problems, and one thing that helps with the bad sleep schedule is melatonin, which is available over-the-counter.

  • Moritz Lorey

    stay strong man, you’re awesome. Best wishes from germany.
    And we’re sorry for loosing your luggage on your way to vienna^^

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony. Never made a comment here but i’ve watched your videos for a couple years already. Don’t know if you’re going to see this comment, since there are so many, but if you do i just wanted to say i wish you all the best. Health always comes first and you’re right, depression isn’t “being sad”, it’s a disease just like any other, and just like most of them you can (and you will) get past it.
    I’m sure at least 99% of your fans fully understand what you’re going through and it doesn’t matter if it takes, one week, 2 weeks one month whatever, until you get yourself well, you just be strong and know that you have many people fully supporting you.

    All the best to you


  • Anonymous

    Ironic since I was wondering today about the lack of videos lately on your site.

    Takes a strong person to bare his private life like this. I can relate to be honest. I myself am a person who’s very prone to moodswings (understatement) and it’s exhausting. Days of cheerfulness alternate with days of no energy and a mood where even the slightest task feels like climbing a mountain.
    For me I refuse to take drugs for it and I basically push myself through even though at times I feel like quitting.
    But on the other hand my stubbornness and refusal to give in kinda helps my ego hehe. I pride myself for staying strong.

    So I kinda get what you’re going through.

    Anyways. I’ve been following you long enough now to have an idea of the amount of work and energy you put into your videos. You’re probably the person with the highest production values (well you and Joe) in their videos. While I would hate to see you drop out of view completely I know your videos take time to make, even without your health problems. So just take your time.

    I do have a tip for you though. Try to not take naps during the day and keep a regular sleep schedule (even if it means sleeping from 4AM to noon). Irregular sleep schedules wreak havoc on your energy levels. Get enough sleep in one session per day instead of multiple times a day.

  • Steven Skelly

    Wow, it is with deep regret and sadness that I read this, while I often watch your vids and your a true inspiration of mine, I have not known of this depression or of what happened 8 months ago. Though I feel awful about this slightly putting a smile on my face, not for your torment, just to know that I’m not alone on that one. Depression was often something I’d laugh off when I heard of it, only when you get it yourself its not quite as funny or as simply solved by “cheering up”. It’s funny though when you watch internet celebs such as yourself, we sometimes lose track of the fact that your human like the rest of us.

    While I honestly doubt you’ll get around to reading this message as I imagine that it will be lost among the many other comments 7 pages away by the time you get around to it, I will wish you the best of luck with your depression and hope you the best for your vids. I’m sure you don’t need a guttersnipe such as myself to tell you that your vids bring joy and entertainment towards thousands (as well as paying your rent and putting dinner on the table) and it’ll be nice to see you back posting videos on a regular basis.

    Thank you for taking the time to post the update and again, I wish you the best.

    Kind regards.

  • Anonymous

    Take your time, Spoony. Hope you get better soon! :)

  • Brian

    Hey Spoony, it is funny because as a sufferer of bi-polar and epilepsy, I also deal with a great many of the same problems. I am glad that you are aware of what is ailing you, and I hope that all too soon, you begin to feel better than you ever have. This is my first comment, so I feel obliged to state that I have watched your videos for a few years now. There are times I disagree with what you say, but I have sincere respect for your thoughts and opinions, and always enjoy watching you! Wishing you the best!

  • DevilforHire

    I still hope you keep posting vlogs, dude. They are always fun to hear.
    Get better.

  • Ezra K.

    I’m gonna be honest, I’ve never commented on anything of yours up til now, despite enjoying your site for over a year at this point. That said this seemed like a good place to start considering the nature of this post! It must have taken a lot to share this with your fans: thank you for being so honest.

    I’ve been hearing a lot of negative comments/speculation about your inactivity, but what I was seeing/hearing from your posts and other people really made me suspect that something like this – depression – was more to blame than you just being lazy or egotistical. Thanks again for sharing what’s been going on ‘behind the scenes’ with your health (mental and physical) so that it’s cleared up!

    As someone who’s been to therapy and had medication prescribed for depression as well (Cymbalta, actually, though now I’m off-meds), I can tell you that it really can get better, and I hope you feel better sooner rather than later.

    I think I’m not alone in saying your mental health is more important than new videos. :)

  • Larania

    Been there, and feel for you. Depression is not something you can bounce back from quickly, and seeps into your bones and holds on tight.
    People will give you all sorts of good advice, bad advice and just plain “Bzuh?” advice. Some of it might actually help, but you’ll get sick of it. So: this too shall pass. Sometimes the only thing that’s helped me, is to remember you aren’t always going to be stuck this way. You come out the other side. Things get better. Remembering that has helped me, and I hope it might help you too.

  • Anonymous

    Though I doubt I could add anything more than what 200 other commenters have said, I still felt like I needed to register to this newfangled disqus hooha just to tell you that you have my support, too. I’ve lived with clinical depression since I was a preteen and believe me when I say I know what you’re going through, and I know I’m not the only one who understands. Even though you’re just a funny guy on the internet to some, to all of us you’re a wonderful person who we’ve come to care about, and I think I can speak for all of us when I say we’ll wait as long as it takes. As you’ve come to make me laugh and smile in a way no other reviewer can, I’ve come to admire you as a person, too, and that’s why I’ve got your back. I’ll be praying for you, Noah; take care of yourself and everything else will fall into place. <3

  • laurence mccann

    Hey spoony my younger sister suffers from depression so I have some experience of seeing its affect on people. Its something that can take over your life and I wish you luck in learning how to deal with it.  Good luck in dealing with your condition and thanks for informing us all.

  • Anonymous

    Get well soon!

  • Anonymous

    Hey, Spoony. I have been a fan of yours for around a year now, and I just wanted to tell you that you have my support. I know what it is like to struggle with anxiety holding you back, and to feel like you’re being left behind by things that you really should have had done yesterday or a week ago. It’s a hard thing to feel like you are being lazy or even to hear that you are lazy, but to know that there really is something holding you down and that you feel like you can’t get through it without help. I know about all that because I have bad anxiety and thus occasional depression. For me it’s more just agoraphobic anxiety and a fear/feeling of being helpless that often creeps into my mind when I feel like I am in a situation that I can’t get away from or like things are happening that I might be unable to reverse. For you I’m sure that it is different, but I know that anxiety will always be a crippling thing for anyone.

    Anyway, man, I just wanted you to know that my heart really goes out to you. You’re a pretty cool guy, and you don’t deserve to have to feel that cruddy (Even if you do feed your friends month old pizzas sometimes. ;) I kid!). I hope that you feel better. It’s all about getting back into your comfort zone and making yourself feel like things are in order again. You seem to have your mind in the right place about it. It’s probably too much to say, being just a random fan, but I feel compelled to lend you my offer to help, if you need to talk to someone who understands. Hope I’m not too bold!

    Your fan,

  • Roland M J Ziemke

    Frankly, Spoons, I didn’t think you had that much to apologize for, if anything at all (Warrior #4, maybe, but that’s just being unfair as I don’t think anything will compare to #2-3) as I frankly enjoyed the change of pace with Counter Monkey. Sure, they were really just glorified v-logs, but they were honest and simple, and sometimes that’s the best kind of video. When your reviews start reaching levels of production on par with the very thing you’re reviewing, it starts to get a bit tedious, as much to watch as it is most likely for you to do. 

    I’ve never liked planning ahead, especially in creative matters, so I tend to take your upcoming episodes posts with a grain… okay, I’ll just say it, the whole damn salt shaker. 

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but of the Channel Awesome pantheon (Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, Angry Joe, Phelous…) you’ve always struck me as the kind of Harlan Ellison or Thomas Pynchon of the outfit, not producing that many works overall, but rarely if ever bad or forgettable ones. In a way, I see every video you intend on making as a “Last Dangerous Visions” of sorts. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t feel the need to pad out your site with filler just because you feel an obligation; make the videos you want to make and take your time, just try not to get bogged down and remember that your reviews are reviews first and short films/skits second. Your videos always have a level of erudition that is often missing from so many game reviews. It’s like what you said about authenticity, I could disagree with you completely on something you say, but I know it’s coming from a real place, instead of just some contrarian attention-whoring. For example, I love FFVIII, yet I agree with damn near everything you said in that review (especially regarding Triple Triad). 

    So, take your time and get well. Your videos still make ad revenue, even if there’s a drop, and I still watch them every once in a while if I’m bored or had a bad day or… well, anytime I feel like it. (for the record, probably my favorite review of yours, certainly my favorite commentary, was for the Highlander game for Jaguar). 

  • Mr

    Hey I’m sure you’ll have read thousands of comments wishing you well and I would like to share a little piece of information, about 3 months ago I was off work with depression, and similarly tried all kinds of meds, sertraline, mirtazapine, fluoxetine etc. While I was adjusting to my new chemical diet I did nothing but sit at home and watch your back catalog of videos. I have to say you are, without any attempt at flattery, one of the best, and my personal favourite internet reviewers and you’re videos helped me a huge amount and I wish there was some way I could thank you and help you the same as you helped me. I doubt that this one message (if you have the time to read all of these) will do anything to repay the debt I feel I owe you but I just wanted you to know Thank you.

    (also this is the first time I’ve commented on your site despite becoming an avid fan so take heart not just from all the well wishers but all the people who were like me and loving who you are and what you do without comment from the background.)

  • Robyn Hope

    Longtime fan, first time commenting. I’ll be here to watch the next part of FFX-2 no matter what. Like everyone else I’m loving Counter Monkey – even your off-the-cuff rants are filled with very high-quality thought and wit. (And the Vegan Steve story is still funny after the eighth time watching it.) I respect you a lot as an entertainer, writer and critic, and now, knowing what you’ve been going through, your work seems twice as incredible. We’re all with you, we all believe in you. Get well soon, Spoony one!

  • John Doser

    I was depressed for almost 3 years straight a while back, and you have my sympathies.

    Take your time, get better, and keep doing stuff that makes you happy. I eventually wound up self-destructing and eventually had to over-compensate with the stuff that made me happy (comedians, food, games, etc.) before I felt like I could give up some of it to do the hard stuff/re-enter real life. Almost like when you eat too much candy you start craving some broccoli just to balance everything out.

    If it helps, I think I’ve re-watched the FF8 and FF10 clips a hundred times and still laugh, so I doubt I’m going to go anytime soon.

  • Tim Anton

    Gosh Spoony, or Noah if you prefer, I could say a million things about videos right now, but I think that doesn’t count. What does count is: Get well und know that your fans are waiting for you to return to old form as long as it will take. Take care! 

  • Borislav

    get better we will wait for you ^__^ 

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony,

    Just want to say thanks for being such a great entertainer these past years on the internet.  I actually am going through the same exact thing you are going through myself when it comes to depression.  I have been going through this for three years now and completely understand how frustrating it can be to try and  find a medicine that works.  I use to be on Clozapine, it helped a lot but most doctors feel it can be to addictive.  It does help with the stress part of depression though so it might not hurt to look into it.
    I also want you to know one of the few things that have helped me get through my depression and keep me going is your hard work.  If it wasn’t for you, Phelous, and Snob giving me something to look forward to every week I would not have the strength to get through my troubles.  Please take care of yourself and take all the time you need.  Your videos and blogs are always worth the wait!

    Hope the best for you duder,

    • Anonymous

      same here!

  • Kafei

    I can wait Spoony! Take care of yourself first!

  • Mateusz Hemmerling

    I guess it’s a good thing you got yourself a dog, pets really help. Anyway take as much time as you need, we understand that you’re only human and this kind of stuff happens. I want to see more videos, but never at the cost of your health. Take care man, we’ll wait

  • Anonymous

    I feel you man! I’ve been there before!
    If you’re willing to risk a little I’d say try pot t’ll raise your spirits a bit!  My Ulce that lives out in Az too has a prescription for medical stuff for it’s cripling depression!  If you haven’t already!?
    Well, back when I had (well, I still do, but I cope with rage) depression (well, they called it socal depression I don’t know if there was a differince) I was placed on Effexcor (or, however you spell it) and it tore me up made me sick more than anything made me tired, weak, and gave me stomach pains that would make it where I couldn’t eat and now I see commercals on TV where people are suing because it can cause long term effects on people’s bodies and can cause birth deffects in pregnant women.   So, that crap didn’t work and then they put me on some stuff that did work but the thing was the average dosage was about 75-100mgs and I was taking a 270mg dosage.  And it worked perfectly fine till I lost my issurince and had to stop taking it cold turkey!  It was a $130 for a months suply!  Coping with being depressed and that tiredness was a pain and I still go threw it on the ocashion but I normally get threw it with good old fashion turning saddeness into anger and hitting a beanbag, punching bag, pillow, orphan child, or something non-destructive.  Hell, one thing I do which I’m not sure if you personally do is go hunting!  It’s peaceful in the woods an dyou can fall asleep out there and no one gets pissed at you for sleeping and if you’re really lucky you get to kill something and don’t let people fool you that is a great stress releaver!
    You, hopefully also got a more understanding family than I do hopefully!?  Mine’s really old school in that they don’t believe in medication and depression and that it’s real thing they think it’s all something you just get ver like a simple cold or fight!

    Well, GET WELL SOON and I’m perfectly fine with your Counter Monkey stories for now take your time and get better!

  • Robert Quinn

    I’ll keep this short. I love your stuff and I’ll always comeback. Get well soon and take care.

  • Szegedi László

    Get well soon! Love your work and I’m looking forward to new videos but try to get well first:)

  • Anonymous

    This is my first post here…and I just want to say that my life is boring and crappy for the most of the time…but You with Your videos make it a little bit more bearable for me.
    I hope You will get better, people like me really need You.
    Good luck!!!

  • Donald

    Take as long as you need Spoony. I’m on your site everyday and love it bro. Your vid’s rock and can’t wait for more. Get better first though, thats what’s really important.

  • Fredrik Ringholm

    In sweden we have a saying along the lines of “He who waits for something good, never waits too long”, and you fine sir certainly qualify as good. I tend to put your backlog on in the background when I do things cos you have one of those voices I can just listen to no matter what the subject. Take care of yourself :) My thoughts and patience are with you <3

  • Luc Bélanger

    Spoony, this is coming from a guy who was depressed for over a decade after my dad commited suicide, and a lot of shit happened afterwards.

    I’ve only gotten over it recently myself in the last few months after I moved out of home, an environment that was crippling me, fixed a lot of other things, lost some weight and fixed some goals for myself. I’m readying myself to move to Asia and teach English, backed with a degree in Translation and a TESL certificate. I got a lot done in the last six month.

    My point is, depression is hell. Don’t think we, your fans, don’t understand that. Every time I see one of your vids, especially your candid reviews, you strike me as a positive, hard-working, generous guy. If the “toilet pizza” is the worst thing you’ve done to someone, you’re a hell of a nice guy to say the least.

    Take the time you need. Your vids always brighten my day and I’ll take them as they come. And I’m not the only one who thinks that (your recent Counter Monkey vids, as simple as they are, were some of the funniest and most introspective vids you’ve put out). You’ll be fine.

    If you want my advice, or at least how I coped, this is what I learned in the last two years: take it easy. Don’t push yourself too hard and do what you can. I had really bad anxiety attacks looking for work out of college and only sent one or two applications a week. That’s all I could manage, and that’s fine. If you need it, take the night off, play with Oreo, have a drink, smoke a good cigar, watch a good movie, enjoy yourself and do NOT give a shit about anything, not even us.

    Take care of yourself first, ok? It might seem weird from a guy you never met but we really care about you. If your health’s no good you can’t do anything, let alone videos, so your health comes first.

    Don’t worry. We understand.

  • Larry Coetzee

    dont worry about it take your time, i suffer from depression it isnt easy.  hope you feel better

  • Anonymous

    Just take time and care, we understand. Your well-being is more important than some schedule. Get well soon.

  • Drain Blut

    Well Spoony, going to sleep when you aren’t suppose to will only make the issue worse. You have to stay awake during your day hours one way or the other. I’d recommend some 5 hour energy bottles if that is what it takes. It’s healthier than chugging caffeine and would probably be more effective too. Sleeping all the time or randomly isn’t good for your mood either. It will very easily make your brain/body depressed and lazy, sapping out all of your energy. You have to be active and engaged during the day, or at the very least, be awake the whole day. I know all these things because I’ve switched sleeping times millions of times, and it is very disrupting on my mind and body if not handled right. Often times my body wants to sleep when I want to be awake at this time, but yet stay awake when I want to sleep at that time.

  • Brian

    I respect the seriousness of your difficulties.  If you need to drastically slow down your production to help cope with them, by all means do so.  May God help you endure your depression. 

  • Calvin Weese

    Don’t worry about it, bro, get some rest.

  • Ellie

    I hope you feel better soon! You seem like a really awesome person, and you make amazing videos. They’re definitely worth the wait!

  • Brian Cole

    Just looking at you in your recent vids I could see something was up.  I hope you feel better soon, just know that on my end as a fan I’ll be rooting for you.  I’ve been pretty depressed lately myself on account of losing my job and one of the things I’ve been doing to pass to the time has been to watch your old vlogs and videos and such.  So hang in there, take care of yourself.  I hope you feel better soon!

  • Nagneto Lives

    Start taking multi vitamins and or B12 vitamins everyday if you aren’t already. You may have a more serious condition, and I would suggest seeing a doctor right away. Get a full examination from a qualified professional. Avoid homeopathy voodoo bullshit.

    You may also consider seeking therapy of some kind. Those kinds of symptoms sound like clinical depression (which isn’t so much oh woe is me, as much as, a complete apathetic unwillingness to do anything). Talk therapy is a good idea.

  • woodencoyote

    I’d say more than half of us viewers would be hypocrites if we held this against you. You take the time you need to get better and don’t worry about us – we’ll still be here when when you get back.

  • Pandora Orosco

    Get better, Spoony! And don’t feel obligated, we will support you :3

  • Anonymous

    You have become completely out of touch with yourself. This is what i call a “LACK OF FOCUS”, your condition is common nowadays but that doesn’t make it acceptable, stupidity is common, are you gonna accept it, of course not?

    Here’s a REAL remedy, here’s some old school “medication”:

    – fresh air — VERY important, proper breathing, not shallow and irregular.

    – live/ work in a well lit up living quarters with sunlight, contact with the sun is IMPORTANT , you’re pale.

    – exercise (aerobic/simple compound workouts/back muscles especially), it has been proven that people who exercise have improved “mental faculties”, can concentrate longer and with less sleep.

    you lift something , it moves , halleloyah! It empowers the mind; you do , stuff get’s done.

    –  EAT BETTER, yogurts/ Kefir better (regular not fruit flavored, NO milk unless it’s goat’s milk), fruit, vegetables, honey, corn bread, walnuts (nuts in general), oats, eggs, … all “bio” preferably
    – No MORE JUNK FOOD ! I cannot stress this enough.

    more expensive/complicated? tough shit, you are what you eat, be a better man. your mind and body will thank you.

    – socialize, this is a healthy human need, oftentimes in others you can find inspiration to do better

    – tidy up, if you want to get stuff done this is a must, know where your things are

    – make a plan of what you’d like to accomplish today, a week from now, a month from now (but when you write it down dont think about long term all the time, live in the now)…
    scratching things of a list is satisfying, use it to push yourself

    – do things daily in small manageable chunks, don’t overwhelm yourself

    – DO THINGS IN THE MORNING ! let me repeat that DO THINGS IN THE MORNING !  after 12:00 it’s time to take a brake, from 4PM to 7PM finish up if you haven’t something set up for the day, then reward yourself but do NOT go to bed after 11PM (very important).

    – REWARD yourself accordingly for the things you scratch off. Listen to music, dance, sing, drink a few beers, play games, mix it all up, do things with other people


    I know how it feel to be in a rut, i’ve experienced it, feeling sleepy all the time is a combination of heavy avoidance, usually when things build up and seem like too big of an obstacle (10-14 h sleeP) + unhealthy lifestyle.

    This is when you become unable to enjoy the things you used to because you feel guilty, so you somehow don’t end up doing anything and making things even worse.

    I remember sitting at the table even being sleepy after a several hour afternoon nap, not having the willpower to do my tasks. A very disheartening feeling. but it leads only DOWN.


    finally a WARNING !

    Do NOT trust your psychologist, they aren’t here to help you, they’re here to push more medication.

    That’s why they’ll tell you they have to try out a wide assortment of meds for your “illness”.

    They say you’re “texbook case” give me a brake, in the last few decades this psychology business has been booming in the west (and was created after WW 2 for social engineering purposes), telling people
    “it’s not you, it’s your brain chemicals, lukcily we have just the thing for that, ARENT YOU LUCKY”


    “when a psychologist starts agreeing with you it’s time to re-examine what you’re saying”- the awesome guy in a tux

    I URGE YOU TO STOP TAKING WHATEVER THEY GAVE YOU, you have the responsibility to yourself to make the right informed choice. That poison’s not gonna help you, YOU ARE!.

    When you take those pills your shifting the cause of the problem to something you can’t control and thus THE PROBLEM BECOMES UNSOLVABLE . You become a profit making pill-dumpster and that is all.

    being mentally unwell is not a disease that can be diagnosed and linked
    to a biochemical cause. A psychiatrist would tell you that it is though
    based on a “chemical imbalance” theory that has been conceived to sell


    Don’t pity yourself. I sure don’t. In the end we have only ourselves to blame for what we become.

    Attack the root of the problem and move UPWARDS, sometimes you even have to burn it all and start over.

    Sacrifices have to be made. But in the end you do it for yourself, no one else.

    Lack of focus and vision leads to a weak resolve which in turn lead to a whole bunch of nothing.

    Envision what you want to be, then be it.

    Hope i helped, hope you’ll read it.


    • Anonymous

      That second to last bit sounds a little more like rampant conspiracy than verifiable fact (see also: I watched that link you posted and everything. I’m still not completely convinced. For the most part though, I agree with your post.

      • Jesse Melat

        The link is conspiracy theorist bullshit, and anyone who believes it is a fucking moron who should never be allowed to breed. 

         The brain is an organ, just like the stomach.    But ramblings about how “heartburn, diarrhea, constipation, colon blockage, polyps, ulcers, acid reflux, obesity, and Crone’s Disease” are all myths don’t seem to do as well for some reason…

        • Anonymous

          Don’t be fucking rude.


    • Tony

      It would be easier to respect your advice if you didn’t sound like an arrogant, misinformed, and emotional conspiracy theorist.

      • Jesse Melat

        Seconded.  I’ll take it a step further and say that this advice is bullshit– healthy human diet is basically this:  After a certain amount of vitamin intake is achieved (and your body, believe it or not, _does_ have the ability to synthesize 90 percent of these vitamins ON ITS OWN should there be a shortage!), “healthy eating” is a simple matter of calories and sodium intake.  Nothing more.  There is no “magic ingredient” to eat more of, no “magic poison” to avoid…your body is the product of 3.8 billion years of evolution–it knows its business, for the most part.  The digestive tract knows what its doing.

        What’s a different animal is the human brain, which was rapidly evolved, and, at this point in our species’ history, rapt with glitches, imbalances, and deformities.  

        While the digestive tract has had hundreds of millions of years to tweak itself, the new parts of the brain we added to ourselves in the few hundred thousand years from primate to human…ain’t so well tested.  Drugs help.  Not all the time, sometimes you have to hunt for the right one…but this anti-psychology bullshit is…bullshit.   They’re almost as bad as the anti-vaxxers.  

        For those interested in learning more, or for those interested in pissing themselves off more:

        Why Fast Food Isn’t Poison, and why Supersize Me was a load of crap:

        The Myth of Detoxification:

        and for good measure:  Why You’re An Idiot if you Buy Organic Food:  

        Goodnight America!

    • Anonymous

      Oh how I wish the “Clap your hands, think happy thoughts and eat natural” approach worked.
      I’d be much happier than I am now.

  • Anonymous

    Hang in there and thank you for sharing what it is a very personal situation.

    In the meantime, I’ll just watch reruns of the Clones of Bruce Lee… and everything else! =)

  • William “BooRat” Blackshire

    Hey, watch this Spooney hopefully it can cheer you up a little!  It made me feel pretty good the 1st time I saw it and it dooesn’t insult your way of thinking wither like most insperational videos out there!

  • Garrett

    I too have had to deal with a pretty big upheaval in my life this year, under similar circumstances. If you haven’t already, I’d suggest talking to someone like a councilor. It’s really helped me be more aware of myself. And while I still feel like I’m in a hole, I’m at least able to see why I’m down there in the first place, which might help me get back out again.

  • Anonymous

    Im depressed as well so I understand your pain. you’re one of the very few things in my life that makes me happy so thank you for all the hard work. You’re not alone, your fans are legion and will support you no matter what and if they dont… they arent true fans.

    take all the time you need in making new videos, I’d rather you try to be happy again than be stressed and anxious (anxiety is truly a horrible feeling to have to experience).
    I wish you the best on your road to recovery and I’ll always be a huge fan sir.

  • Pete Mackie

    Hope you feel better soon Spoony. As someone who went through the worst of depression I can tell you things do really get better after a while of treatment. Just remember you’ve got a ton of loyal fans (Myself included) who will wait patiently and wish you the best as you recover.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, I understand what’s going on with your chemical imbalance very well. I also suffer from depression and it is not easy at all. I recently had to change my medication because it wasn’t helping enough, and I’m at a therapist office almost weekly. You are not alone in this, and you have my support in this.
    Good luck and keep it up!

  • l_burnham

    Hey man, been there myself, at least the anxiety part. Behaviour Therapy and Cipralex realy worked for me. Take all the time you need, we’ll be here when you get back.

  • Anonymous

    Dear Noah,
    I’ve been a long time fan but still a virgin poster I’m afraid.  But after reading this, I felt a strong urge to speak up.  You are truly an intelligent, funny, talented human being that has brought many a smile to the gloomyer days in my life.  and although this may sound strange, I hold you in the same regard as my friends and thus care a lot about your well beign.  I can relate to the sleep thing as well; about two years ago I had the same thing, where, after a morning/ afternoon of work / study i would have a strong urge to sleep and most of the time when i decided not to give in, I still succumbed and would wake up 3-5 hours later, totally ruining my mood/schedule/appointments.  this was ofcourse shitty beyond belief so I feel your frustration. in my case it subsided after a year or so (maybe due to a large intake of vitamins, I had the feeling i was missing something basic, but who am I to judge it’s effectiveness).   All I want to say is, take it as easy as you feel is neccesary to start building your reserves again, I will still be here, even if it takes you years, don’t rush it. the stuff you make is always of a rare high quality and sincere of character.  I really hope you’ll get better soon, and don’t panic, everything will be ok :)   thanks for all the hard work you’ve put in this site so far, keep living the dream dude!   if you ever need a place to stay in holland, i’d be honored, all the best.

  • Ugo Strange

    We love you Spoony. Take all the time you need and then some.

  • PhiaMoth

    Hey Spoony!

    I was reading the symptoms you described, and even before you said depression, it was pretty clear what you were talking about. I’m sorry you’re dealing with the bio-chemical whoopsies. I have similar problems with erratic sleep cycles and elevated sleep needs, especially exacerbated by anything like freelancing. I know you don’t need medical advice from crazed fans, so I’ll spare the health tips but rest assured a lot of us know first hand you’re anything but lazy for what you’re dealing with. You’re a kick ass funny guy, and I’ve been watching your videos for years. You just do what you need to do to look after yourself and we’ll still think you’re awesome.

  • Michael Carter

    Don’t worry about it sir, love your work just happy it comes out at all fix yourself first we’ll all be here when you’re better.

  • The_Hut

    Depression is a bitch, dude.  I’ve been a fan for at least the last few years and it feels like you are falling apart physically and mentally.  Get well soon Spoony.  If you’re ever in the Seattle area, look me up.

  • ShadowWing Tronix

    Do what you’ve got to do, man. In the meantime there’s archives and the Counter Monkeys/VLog to sustain us.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, been there myself, afrer my heart surgery I fell into depression as well, took me a while to get better but I managed, just like U will, for sure! Take all the time U need, we are all here for U, Spoony One, don’t worry – it will get better, sooner U may think. Best whishes and regards from Wojtek, Poland. Now, I’m going to watch Your review of Highlander (again, it never gets old, for fuck sake!) to cheer myself up ;)

  • D George

    You know, lots of people have suffered from depression. I`ll admit I`m one of them. Probably much worse then you have. However, you know what the difference is? I keep trudging on. Even though every single day is extremely hard to go to work and just exist around other people, I still do it because I have to. Perhaps you should actually get a real job and try that for a while. Where you REALLY have to focus and show up and do you know…stuff. Ever knowtice that a lot of your problems started after you began doing this whole reviewing thing full time? Perhaps it`s the problem.

  • Anonymous

    Never commented before, but thought I ought. About three years ago, my life fell apart. It’s just now starting to get better, but it’s been (and still can be) a rough time. The sleep issues you mentioned I recognized instantly, the lethargy I know all too well. I’m saying this because when everything else was crashing and burning, I discovered your vids, and they were helpful, to say the least. They were a bright spot; something to look forward to when things were being utterly craptacular. Even the recent counter monkey pieces have brought back similar memories I experienced with friends (oh, and thanks for mentioning Open RPG, it looks like a great way to get back into RPGing with my now-distant buds!) I doubt I can pay you back for the help, but I can at least say thank you, and say do whatever you need to get better, and I’ll be here; ready to watch and enjoy. To better days, O Spoony One.

  • Simon Burandt

    Depression is not uncommon! There is a lot of people who suffer from it, propably more than anyone realizes. But many people refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem, or seek medical help. But in the worst cases, it can lead to devastating results!
    It MUST have been hard for Noah to find the courage to share his problem with so many people, and he should be proud of that. Spoony, you bring happyness to lots and lots of people by sharing your hilarious insights on nerd culture, and you are applaudable for helping to bring the problem of depression into public conscience!
    I hope that you will overcome your problem – with the help of your friends and family – and that you will continue to be the funniest guy on the internet!
    Simon, Giessen, Germany

  • Anonymous

    Hang in there Spoony, I know you can get through it. And if you feel like the medications aren’t working, maybe try exercising and being more active with Oreo. And if anything, playing with that manic little puppy of yours will definitely put a smile on your face, I smile every time I see her! Granted I have no idea how active you are with her, or how active your life style is, but when I went through my depression in high school, I had my 3 softball teams to cheer me up through the summer and spring (sometimes fall) seasons. Hope you can find peace soon!

  • Mike Wallace

    You are not alone brother, you are not alone.

  • Shada67

    Heya Noah, you’re a talented entertainer and a gifted writer.  None of your real fans mind waiting until you’re better.  Take your time and recover.  Find what works for you and get your health back.  That what we all want.

  • Ismo Väisänen

    Well, you do what you need to do, you don’t really have to worry about us. You aren’t going to disappear from our bookmarks just because you aren’t pushing out three videos a week and even if there’s a longer hiatus, TGWTG reel pulls people right back.

  • Stacy Galler

    Spoony, I want you to know that you have nothing but my support and patience.  While I squee every time you post something new, you’ll hear no complaints from me if you need to take some time to get better. 

    Your story actually sounds very similar to mine, though I think I’m a little farther along in my recovery.  I’m finally (after yet another med change) starting to feel generally well, though I still have some pretty low moments.  Keep working with your doctor; there is light at the end of the tunnel.

    It’s funny that you posted this today; I was thinking about you on my drive home.  You’ve mentioned that you get migraines; that’s something I’ve dealt with almost daily since my early teens.  Is it possible that your sleepy spells are atypical migraines?  I know sometimes when I have a migraine I can barely keep my eyes open.  Maybe you have a trigger you don’t know about.  You mentioned on Twitter that you noticed that they seem to come shortly after you eat.  Maybe it’s something really common like corn syrup or gluten.  And just because you don’t have any pain doesn’t mean you’re not having a migraine.  Just a thought I had; it might be worth asking your doctor about.

    Regardless, keep your chin up and accept this big hug from me; that usually makes me feel better, at least for a little while.  *HUG*

  • Mike G

    Hey Spoony. I’ve been a huge fan of yours for years now, but I, like several others here, have never posted until now. After reading some of the other comments people have posted, there’s not much more I can add except to say for myself that I wish you the best of luck in this difficult time of yours, and to let you know something you probably already know for youself: you will get through this. Take all the time you need, bro. We’ll all be waiting when you’re ready. Until then, I’ll keep you in my prayers. God bless and stay strong man!

  • CaseyG

    I too have depression and it took a long time to find a medicaton that worked for me which happened to be venlaflaxine. I hope you find something that works for you and get back on track.

  • tote_93_cool

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you get well, i will wait and love the day when you make your glorious return. till then i will sit back and just hope you get better.

  • Ryan Valido

    Thanks for everything Spoony, you’ve been nothing but amazing since I’ve first seen your material.  I went through clinical depression a good while back, and I know it sucks to feel that way.  I wish you the best of luck in your venture, and please take your time, your health is number one priority, ya!

  • Adam

    Never give up! Never Surrender Spoony one! Best of luck too you and take your time we aren’t going anywhere

  • Bernardo Jiménez

    Hi Spoony:

    I have to admit that it is very brave from you to share part of your personal life with us.
    Remember, we stick with you because you give something for us without asking anything in return. In my humble opinion, Our support is the minimum we can give to you right now in grattitude for many hours of entertainment.

    I hope you get better soon, not only because I love your videos, but also to enjoy life as you deserve.

    Greetings from this cold and dry country called Chile,

    Ben Jimenez

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry about us Spoony. We understand. You make sure to take care of yourself first! You’ve freely entertained us for years and brought so much more enjoyment into our lives. We’re proud to be your fans because we’re proud to back your work. And I say you take as much time as you need to get back to normal. I think we’re much more concerned about your well being rather than videos being delayed! Good luck with everything Noah.

  • Anonymous

    I feel for you man. I had clinical depression and it took me about 4 years to get over it. Even now, years later, it will still hit me sometimes but not for very long. Hope you find simething that’s able to fix the problem. Best of luck to ya Spoony.

  • Anonymous

    First rule of the internet. Real life = more important. Take care of yourself, we’ll still be here. I’m not going anywhere at least *twiddles thumbs absently* oh, you thought I meant figuratively? O.o

    • Tony

      That’s not the first rule of the internet at all.

  • Willaim Tribble

    Yo Spoony! I hope you get better soon bro, take your time getting over this, I’d take quality over quantity any day. To be honest though, i think some of your health problems might be directly related to Peter Piper’s Pizza. I’m not sure, but its just a thought. lol. :P

  • George Vosper

    Spoony, take care of yourself buddy. I now understand why it’s taking long for videos to come out and am willing to wait for them since I learned of your problem. Your life and well being are more important than others getting enjoyment off of your bitching and making jokes. Take care of yourself and that energetic dog of yours. I will hope to see you doing better and doing reviews in no time. Seeya buddy!

  • Jon Haugland

    Hey Noah,

    I gotta say you’re pretty bold with letting everyone here know exactly what is going on and the fact that you’ve been looking for a way to help yourself, which is all you can do. Focus on yourself before others, otherwise you can’t function well without that process. I’ve told that to my wife a good few times now, but as stubborn as she is, she doesn’t listen, ha! But I know like many, I too had been diagnosed with CD when I was pretty young (13), and it really does help to take time to find that medication andor counseling to help you be better equipped to build strength and overcome. I stopped after 5 medications, including Welbutrin, Effexor, and Cymbalta (which gave me neurological ticks, or as I call “Brain Zaps”) and had been counseled instead and joined the military in ’08.

    But unfortunately I injured my knee+back moving and had no insurance for 3 months. That happened January and I’m now finally getting somewhere by stopping the use of opiate meds and doing physical therapy to help get those endorphins going to compensate for the chemical imbalance I previously had. I know you’re about 10 years older than me and have a different up-bringing, but whether it’s cold and you’re cooped up with lack of sunlight (JanFeb here in MN) or hot and cooped up with keeping out of harsh UV rays (July/Aug in AZ), it’s horrible and can have adverse effects physically and mentally. Because of my injury I’ve been laid off and without a job since March and just now getting interviewed for a job in Hudson, WI for data entry through a temp.

    Bottom line, with the meds thing, like a lot of docs told me, it’s a meet-half-way aide. The other comes from within yourself. Talk to someone you’re absolutely comfortable with about this freely to have an outlet. Keep your sense of humor too! There’s something that will land in your lap out of nowhere, but it may be a wonderful surprise!

    **Update: My wife and I aren’t going to be there this weekend, but we’ll be there in earlymid Rebruary! Finances and budgeting sucks! x-O

    BTW, my wife thinks you’re hot! She wanted to quick throw that out there! :-D

  • Patrik

    I’m working at a psychiatric facility, and have had/have some depression and anxiety problems my self. I know what your going trough. Keep eating those antidepressants and try to get some routines going and it will get better. Otherwise get yourself some ECT treatment if your hospital do that, it is quite effective for most people.     

  • CureLight

    Your health is the most important thing, so I think it’s safe to say we’re all just glad you’re getting help. Just try not to rush yourself into feeling better, ’cause there’s lots of time to finish all those things you want to finish without completely wearing yourself out. Plus, I don’t know about everyone else, but I can always use some practice at being patient. :)

    And thanks for telling us. You certainly don’t have to share your life with us, but I’m glad you do.

  • Anonymous

    I”m not sure why you feel the need to give highly personal explanations whenever you take a long hiatus (of which you’ve taken many). Frankly, you shouldn’t feel obligated to give it nor should we feel entitled to it. If you make videos, great – if not, there’s plenty else out there than can entertain us. People don’t stick around because of detailed descriptions of your personal problems – we don’t wait months between videos because we sympathize with your condition. We stay because you’re good at what you do, even if it takes longer than we’d like.

    For me, a simple “hey I’m still here and am working on new stuff” every month or so is more than enough. Keep the personal stuff personal – knowing about it does nothing to invigorate my enthusiasm for your material.

  • Leet Shark

    Oh, Spoony… I can sympathize. I also have depression, so I know what a motivation-sapper it can be. It’s horrible when you want or need to do something, but the drive just isn’t there. I wish I could give you a hug right now… since I can’t, here’s some advice: Whenever you feel stressed or disoriented, slowly take a deep breath, hold it for a moment, and gently let it out. It helps.

    Take as much time as you need to recover; these things mustn’t be rushed. We will patiently await your return.

  • Striker Ecleis

    I sorta’ agree with the start of droodle’s post from earlier.  It’s very kind of you to explain why production has been slow, but I hope you don’t feel the -need- to.  This is your site, your show, and the patient fans will win out in the end with more content later on.  More than anything though, I hope that things improve, as it seems as if you’ve had a rather hard lot in the past..better part of a year or so.  If there’s anything the fans can do, doubtful of that as I am, I’m pretty sure we’d be behind you.

    Interestingly, as for repeated naps, that may be going around.  A lot of people I know(though we all live in quite a different climate) have been sorta’ in the doldrums as of late.  Lots of us sleeping long hours or having trouble bothering to get up unless work is to be done.  Maybe there’s a..sleep virus going around…Or maybe we’re all just tired of working minimum-wage jobs, heh.  Sick and tired of being sick and tired, as it were.

    In any case, this is one fan that isn’t going anywhere, and I’ll yet still continue to lurk from medium to medium, hoping for any new updates from herr Doktor.  

    Keep on keeping on.

  • Anonymous

    I take Celexa (Citalopram) myself.  Man, when depression hits, it hits like a load of wet concrete.  You feel sleepy even after sleeping.  You don’t want to be around people, but you don’t want to be alone.  You don’t feel like doing anything, not even fun things; but at the same time sitting still can drive you crazy.

  • William Tansley

    Like a few others, I’ve been a fan of yours for over a year now but I haven’t posted at all. Just wanted to give my sympathy and add that it definitely doesn’t bother me if you take a long time to post new videos. I’d always keep checking back to the site no matter how long the absence; you really do have a great talent! Thanks for all the laughs and hope you recover soon.

  • Faust

    Maybe you’re taking this making internet videos way too seriously…

    I don’t know your financial situation, or how much money you make off this thing – but surely it’s not worth sacrificing your mental health so you can be “internet famous”.

    That being said, I do appreciate your videos and think your talented.

    It’s just not worth it to get addicted to or mess with anti-depression pills where results are murky at best for some, and not good for others. Not for this. Not for us. Not for anyone. Take care of yourself out there.

  • Faust


    nice post Striker.

  • Alex

    Hey, I completely understand! I suffer from depression as well. Just take your time until you feel better. Until then, I’ll be enjoying re-watching reviews and the counter monkey videos!

  • Sam

    Take all the time you need, man. I watched my dad go through something similar a few years ago. You just need to take your time to take care of you <3

  • Joseph

    Alright, normally I come up with some sort of smart-ass comment that usually entertains a few people (and hopefully you, yourself Mr. Antwiler,) but before I do that I think I should say something serious for a moment:

    You don’t owe us ANYthing. In fact, I, as well as your fans, owe YOU, at least a thank you, every once in a while: for all the grueling hours of editing, reediting, writing, directing, and everything else that goes into your projects, just for the chance that someone will laugh, and hopefully, appreciate every bit of work that you do.

    Thank you for giving us, your fans, and personally, me, the best God-Damned funniest, and sometimes thought provoking, free entertainment for the past few years of our lives!

    So, do what you need to do to get your spirits in better condition, whether it be through medication, therapy, hour-long conversations with Oreo, or looking through untold amounts of Elvin BDSM porn. When you are feeling up to making more videos, the fans and I will look forward to laughing and raging at the mainstream media bullshit you find.

      aka meltdown2insanity

  • Piper

    I have no doubt you will have a few hundred people empathizing because they are fellow depression sufferers. Being one as well, I understood so completely what you were saying, the want to be doing things and the lack of motivation to do it, the exhaustion, the anxiety attacks (GOD Do I know those, I have been on meds for my anxiety attacks alone) and the misunderstandings about what it is that is wrong with you it’s a conversation my roomie and I have had several times. Welcome to the fanTASTIC world of mental issues my friend. Do what you need to do to get yourself right Spoony, we’ll be waiting for you.

  • Andrew Arendt

    I suffer from the same problems, and have since i was 10 years old. I’ve tried all the medication, from anxiety meds to anti-depressants. In the 12 years I’ve dealt with this problem, I’ve found one simple solution: The sun. Wake up with it and think about sleep when it dissapears. The extra melatonin helps loads.

  • Shadowdancer21b

    I’m pulling for ya.  We’re all in this together.

  • William “BooRat” Blackshire

    Hey, this article is on a much more serious matter but it is tyed into Depression.  It’s a Cracked article that I think you need to read it’ll make you feel better! 

  • Musteata

    Try jogging spoon, get into a gym and hit the treadmill. Running really helps – trust me – and it’s recommended as therapy for people with clinical depression and people coping with addiction (errrr…). If you can’t find time for that then just get out of the house and take a long walk with your doggie :P.

    One of the major components of depression is inactivity. Sitting inside
    with the curtains closed is only going to keep someone in a depressive
    state. Getting out and hitting the road for a run can be a great first
    step to help deal with a depressive disorder.


  • Robert

    Spooney i want to say that i think you show a lot of courage in bearing you soul to your fans like this, and i applaud you.  You are a great entertainer and have a wonderful sense of humor. I hope that you feel better and find a combination of things that help you out soon. All of the best from a big fan. No matter what happens i will keep visiting and watching videos new and old, no matter how long it takes you to upload something new, because it will be a great and worth while video no matter what. :)

  • Charles Perryman

    Been there before, man.  I had the exact same symptoms and are still just getting over it (with some help from medication).  Anyway, what helped me was getting outside more and concentrating on working on something.  It doesn’t have to be your videos, anything, even a hobby or some personal project, helps.

    Don’t worry about your viewers, just worry about yourself.
    Get well soon.

  • Heroes Season 5

    Depression is a bitch man. Hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself first, we aren’t going anywhere.

  • Joe Mcfly

    I completely understand, Spoony One. And when you talk about the brain chemistry, I know you’re trying to convince yourself more than you’re talking to us. I’ve had the same problem for a very long time now–not sure if it’ll ever really get better. But it’s manageable.

    I get the feeling plenty of your fans know just what’s going on because a lot of us either have suffered or known someone who’s suffered from the same thing. We’re on your side. You are NOT lazy. I know it feels like you can’t justify thinking of yourself as anything but lazy, but it’s not true. You are NOT lazy.

    We care about you, Spoony, and we really hope things can start to get better for you.

  • JanusII

     Well….however i disagree with your alibism (which seems to me more like attention seeker honestly), let me say I kinda know what are you going through since i’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression few years back.

    However, let me add one thing. Since I am typing paper on politeness theory and face threatening situations, I’ve been all up in comparing american a czech cultural differences like mad this week and this is what i came up with.

    Americans (and i know, this is harsch generalization) have almost boundelss faith in doctors, when really, most of your practical medicians wouldn’t be qualified enough to practice medicine in my country. Now i do not comment on quality of your medical system (…which is horrible by the way….), but everything doesn!t have to be solved imediatelly through perscription and bottle of antidepressives.

    For example, my mother (a doctor…of course) recommended me first to try something less invasive then swallowing pills like crazy. So i did a LOT of therapy and I had to get mooving (meaning physically, first just jogging, later graduatelly more and more intense working out in fitness). And you know what? the symptom of sleep apnea went away after two weeks. Also i started to eat reguralry (since my depression was also accompanied by absence of appetite). I still didn’t felt the enthusiasm to do anything so I ended up on medication anyway (at least for a while, when i fell in love with my girlfriend the enthusiasm came back and i didn’t need the pills anymore).

    So all i’m saying is to get your ass movin’. Go jogging with Oreo. Then start to do sit-ups or whatever works for you. Don’t relly just on magick beens to make everything better themselfs. If it doesn’t work for you, you can allways stop can’t you?

    Well…I doub’t that you read comments anyway, so maybe I just wrote completelly meaningless comments. If you don’t serves you right, because this advice is worth to read. It helped me out A LOT. If you do, you are welcomed!

    Anyway keep making videos, I love the Counter Monkey series and i can’t wait for FFXII(wow is that fuicked up title :-D) and get well soon.

    pac a pusu

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, please take care.  You have a lot of talent and make some great videos and reviews.  Get some Vitamin Water and get a good rest.  I had some depression issues last year around this time and one day, it just up and left me and I’ve been fine without any drugs or doctors, it can be done.  Look at it this way, Twilight Breaking Wind is out a week from now and I know you’ll have a blast watching that bullshit and I’ve been looking forward to this for a while.  Not the movie, you ripping on it, course I know that if something is good, you’ll tell us- but with this movie I’m not counting on it.

  • Sanjay Dharawat

    Spoony, I’ve been with you since Yor, I saw you at ConBravo and LOVED all your panels, and all I have to say is: you are one of the most consistently funny reviewers I’ve ever seen. NC, Linkara, AngryJoe, and the rest have some good reviews, some slightly boring reviews. With you, the quality has been consistently high and always, ALWAYS, laugh out loud funny. If you need to take more time with your reviews, you take all the time you need. Get well soon, and know that we are all with you 9999%!!

  • Wolfe

    Being someone who suffers from Depression – as well as a couple other mental disorders as a result of mild brain damage – I can completely identify.  I’m currently in college, and even after years of taking meds for the problem – meds that work for me – I still occasionally skip classes simply because I cannot bring myself to move.  I’ve been wrestling with the problem for over 13 years now, and even though I still haven’t truly beaten it, I will say this; it gets better.  Also, if you ever need to talk about it – something I’ve found to help – don’t be afraid to look me up or something.

  • Adam Anania

    Don’t worry about it, man. You gotta take care of yourself.

    Though honestly, I’m surprised you’d remark on a lack of content. The Counter Monkey series is one of the most entertaining things I’ve seen in a while, and this is coming from someone who has no experience with table top or LARPing or anything like that.

    You have a really good skill as a story teller, and holding people’s interest. A lot of the professionals take decades to hone those skills. I know maybe you regret not putting out more content that’s refined with technical editing and what not, but I hope you don’t look at your more basic commentary videos as simply filler. They’re just as good, in my opinion. You have a natural, Adam Carolla-esque ability to talk about any plain old subject matter in an interesting, attention-holding way. Don’t forget that.

  • DeeGee

    I’m sure everyone can agree: Health, be it physical or mental, comes first. Everything else comes second. ^^

  • the writer

    You’re always worth the wait, Spoony. Just knowing you’re trying hard and that you want to make videos for us even in a less-than-perfect state is beyond awesome. Whatever it takes for you to start feeling better– do that. We’ll wait. And when you’re satisfied that you’re feeling well enough to get back in the saddle, we’ll be here, eyes a-gleaming and hands making those creepy squirrel-like motions as we salivate in anticipation–

    Uh, okay, maybe that part’s just me. *cough* Whaaaaat?

    Anyway, get well, and take as long as you need to do it. Meanwhile I will continue to smile every time you post something smartassed on Twitter or take another video of Oreo doing something cute. You’re an awesome guy, Spoony, and I’m happy I found your site. It’s given ME things to look forward to (and greatness to aspire to in my own noobish videos!), and that always makes even a totally shitty day better.

    ~Zilchtastic, aka April Von Lon

  • Anonymous

    It was wonderful that you are so honest about what’s going on in your life and that you are so open to seeking medical/therapist help.  Depression is an illness and has to do with your brain chemistry, so it is not something you can control by just “changing your thoughts” as many people think.  By sharing this with all of your fans, you are demonstrating that depression happens to normal and talented people and I’m sure many people can relate.  Keep seeking help and you will be able to find something that works for you. I don’t personally know your work, but my boyfriend is a huge fan and will be excited to see any of your future videos whether they are made in two months or a year; you will still have loyal and supportive fans. (PS I’m using his username)

  • Steven Rickey

    Spoony, I fell into a serious depressive cycle some 8 months back. I spent two months going through your archives every day after work, just laying around and trying to find distraction. You made me laugh and gave me strength to keep carrying on until I was level again. So… good luck man. I hope you can pick yourself up again.

  • Traci Vermeesch

    Spoony, I wish you nothing but the best.  I’ve struggled with depression nearly as long as I can remember, so I fully understand just how crippling and painful it can be to deal with.  Take all the time you need to recover.  I and the rest of your loyal fans will be here waiting for you when you do.  Take care of yourself, hon.  You’re worth waiting for.  :)

  • Nicolas

    Spoony, I think I speak for every commentator, viewer and fan when I say take the time you need to get back in the right state of mind and the right place. I doubt anyone’s going to complain if you do.

  • Paul

    Thanks for letting us know, Spoony. Depression’s no easy thing to deal with, nor is not being able to get done what you want to get done. Take as long as you need, we’ll still be here.

  • Samuel Rivera

    Spoony as a person who also suffers from clinical depression i understand what your going through dont be sorry for how your feeling iv been a fan of yours since The Thing review back in 07 and il continue to support you since your vids actually helped me laugh through some of my bad episodes of depression and kept me going. Out of all the other internet people i like wether it be Necroscope86 or AVGN you have risen to the top of my list. You’ll be fine dude just keep calm and have fun with your puppy oreo 

  • Miguel A. Cruz-Díaz

    Spoony, as someone who has battled depression before, I can safely say that I know what it feels like. Hang in there. It’s never easy, in fact it is a very painful, draining part of life, but if anyone out there has the capacity to turn this on its head and kick its ass, it’s you. Give yourself all the space and time that you need, man. We’re all here rooting for you, and we wish you the best. 

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony,

    Like many others, I’ve been a fan since the beginning but this marks my first post.  Don’t you worry about a thing, man.  We’ll all be here when you’re ready.  We’ve all had our bouts dealing with the pain that depression causes and pain is immeasurable.  Suffering is suffering no matter what form it comes in.  I guarantee you we all know what it’s like to sit around, knowing all the great things we’re capable of doing, but just not having the power in that moment to break through the barrier.  You take all the time you need to get through this and not a minute less.  I sincerely hope you take the time to read some of the amazing support you’re getting from your fans because a lot of us are in the same foxhole as you.  If we could destroy this loop of suffering you’re trapped in, we’d all do it in a heartbeat, because we see much of ourselves in you.  You’re worth supporting, you’re worth waiting for and you’re worth fighting for.  Don’t EVER let anything make you think any different, man.

  • JC Pedroza

    I’ve had that sleep problem too.

    Take your time man. You are awesome, thanks for everything. :)

  • Anonymous

    hope you get better spoony, i dont know much about depression, but as a fan i can safely say that any of us help you through this anyway how.

  • Pandorina Blythe

    Sorry to hear about your depression. It isn’t something you just snap out of. I hope you and your doctors are able to find a way for you to start climbing out of it. I hope for you energy will come back into your day to day. My thoughts are with you. You inspire me by doing what you do. I wish you all the best. Take your time. We’ll be here for you when you are ready.

  • John Brumley

    Kudos Sir on being upfront about your problems.  I think that even now there are a lot of people who see disorders like depression and other similar diagnosis as being a sign of personal weakness, or something to be ashamed of which couldn’t be further form the truth.   There’s nothing worse than feeling you have to hide depression.  So congratulations on being strong enough to be honest, it really does make it easier.

  • mik


    I believe I speak for most (or all) of your fans when I say that we wish you the best and want you to get better before stressing out about any videos.  Take care of yourself and get well soon.  We want a healthy, well-rested Spoony, not just your videos (although those are awesome, and already well worth the wait).

    So keep yourself healthy, well-rested, and happy.  The rest will take care of itself.

    God bless,
    One of Yor(see what I did there?) fans

  • Anonymous

    I know everyone is probably saying this, but I know what you’re going through…seriously, I’ve been going through almost the exactly same thing. I just got off Cymbalta this year (it was sorta locking me in depression mode, to the point of suicidal impulses…yeah, TMI, sorry). For the record, my last doctor recommended adopting a pet like you did with Oreo (my landlord won’t allow pets, though).

    Anyway, what I’m saying is that we’re your fans. We’re willing to wait for you, just so you know that. Get yourself better, man, and we’ll still be here.

  • Blake Meads

    I’m sorry to hear that, Noah. I know how that is, trust me. I’ve had many many bouts with depression. I’m currently in the middle of one, now, as a matter of fact. I hope everything gets better, and you beat the depression. I can’t wait to see some new material, as soon as you’re better. You’re website is like my homepage, along with TGWTG and The Cinema haha Your work, along with all the guys at TGWTG’s work, really really inspire me, and provide me with hours upon hours of entertainment. Get better soon, man, and know that I, as well as all of your fans, very much appreciate you and your work! Keep your spirits up! This too shall pass. 

  • Amy Lin

    Hey, man.  I hope you can find a mix of whatever you need that can work for you, but do what you need to take care of yourself.  We’ll all still be here whenever you come out with new stuff.  Try not to worry about it.

    And just so you know, well- I don’t have depression, but I’ve got fibromyalgia and a whole host of other problems that cause me to need a lot more rest than most people.   When I’ve had my bad days, those days when I just couldn’t get up to do anything, your videos have helped keep me cheerful, helped keep me laughing and occupied.  They’ve made my days easier until I could try again.  And I can always come back and watch ‘em again if I’m having another bad day.  There’s not much I can do to thank you for that, but I do appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.  

    Take your time. <3  Hope things get easier for you.

  • Miles Roegels

    Like many others, Spoony, I’ve been a fan for a long, long time (Since around launched) but I’ve never made a comment. I just read this and then all the wonderful comments people were making and well… I just had to add to it.

    I battle with depression all the time, though unlike a lot of people, I actually refused to take antidepressiants. It’s because when I went on them, I completely changed as a person and I freaked out. I personally think (As an educated person and animal lover) you’re stepping in the right direction with Oreo. I’m not sure if you got her for that reason or not, but animals are wonderful creatures for the worst of times. I personally have a rabbit (Whose sitting next to me and watching me type, by the way) and when I just want to curl up and die, he’s right there next to me. When you’re alone, don’t be afraid to just talk to Oreo. Maybe it’ll sound silly to some people, but it really helps. Just let it all out like you did here. Oreo will be happy to listen.

    I also agree that you should take walks with Oreo or do some sit ups or something to change up the routine. I wait very patiently for your health to improve.

    By the way, I’d notice you seemed kinda…off? In recent videos. I’d wondered if you were depressed. When you got Oreo, the first thing I thought was “Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen Spoony so happy in a really long time.” Just remember that we’re all here for you and we care about your health more than anything.

  • Thomas Whulams

    Hi Spoony
    You have personally helped me deal with my own depression and other health issues, purely through your wonderful wit, observations and your connection to your fans. This is a shout-out from Australia! I love your work man, I love your efforts, your confidence and your resilience. I hope things go well in the coming months, you deserve nothing but happiness.
    – All the best

  • Skippy Kay Jay

    I’ve had my battle with antidepressants. I’m not on them anymore though, and although I’m for the most part no longer struggling with depression, I still do have to deal with it from time to time. I was actually put on them when I was super young and not old enough to make an informed decision, so I wasn’t even thinking about the side effects and just thought they were magic pills that would make me feel better. But they’re not, and even if you do find one that works for you it will take a while. But I’m positive that you will be able to pull through. And if that takes a very long time, so be it. We know you’re not just slacking off or getting lazy, and we will wait patiently for as long as it takes. You are super awesome and super hilarious, and we await your triumphant return.

  • Lizzy Hayde

    I just want to say that I appreciate all the hard work you’ve put into entertaining us over the years, and give you my best wishes that you feel better soon. I also suffer from depression (the manic kind) and I really understand what you’re going through. But I thought you might want to know that, while the last two or three years have been really dark ones in terms of my condition and my personal life, one of the things that kept me going was looking forward to your videos. Even if it’s just a short little V-log, I’m always happy to see you. It feels like getting a visit from an old friend. That’s really all I can say, but I hope it helps. Really looking forward to a continuation of the Ultima Retrospective, and FFX-2, of course. I hope you feel better soon. ((big hug!))

  • Dune Blythe

    If you want to get more stuff on the site, you could post videos/pics of you playing with Oreo.

  • Neo

     Take all the time you need. I’ve been watching your videos for a very long time now and I appreciate what you do for your fans. Depression is no small matter and I hope you can get over it and be happy again. Good luck.

  • Philip de Brit

    Your health and well being are more important to me then the rate at which you produce videos. I just hope you feel better soon :) We’re all thinking of you here :)

  • Anonymous

    Take your time.  We love you!

  • Andrew Christianson

    Good luck, Spoony One. From someone with some experience with this sort of this, don’t worry, keep working on it like you are, and it WILL get better. Take care.

  • Anonymous

    Just wanted to say that you’re not alone, man.  Many, many people have gone through and are currently going through the same thing.  My years as a social worker and doing law enforcement exposed me to a lot of depression (mainly children in my case), and you’re right; antidepressants are not a quick fix, and even then the medication that works for one person may not work on another.  It can take quite some time for your body to find equilibrium and for a sense of normality to return.

    I don’t know what you’re referring to with what happened months ago, and I’m not going to pry.  All I can tell you is what helped me get through things after returning from my 2nd tour in Afghanistan.  Break things down into manageable chunks.  On my bad days the end of the day may as well have been into next year.  Break it down.  Get up, force yourself to get into the bathroom and do your ablutions.  Make it to breakfast.  Make it to lunch.  Make it to dinner.  Make it to bed.  Break it down and stay the hell away from the booze.  Force yourself to talk to a trusted person about what’s going on in your head, even if you don’t want to.  Mental fortitude is what will carry you through.  It’s more exhausting than running a damned marathon every day, I know, but you stick with it and give it your 100%.  As my wife told me, “you’re too f–king stubborn, obstinate and thickheaded to let this beat you.”

    Keep pulling.  It gets better.

  • Dylan

    Take as long as you need to get healthy Spoony. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we’d rather have you happy and making a couple of really funny videos then depressed and putting out a bunch of crap. We love you Spoony. No homo.   :)

  • William

    Hey Spoony. I’ve been a fan for a good two years or so now, but I’ve never written anything. I just want to say, hearing this, that you totally have my backing. My sister fell into depression a while back, and I myself have been teetering on the edge for a while. It’s a hard thing to deal with and it’s really difficult to get yourself out of it. That said, you have a lot of support from us and I think we can all agree that you have all the time you need. Keep strong and march on, friend.

  • vazco

    Spoony I see a lot of support from your fans here so I will be brief. As someone who himself has been depressed and even contemplated suicide at one point in his life, I will tell you my turning point was having a deep conversation with someone I’ve known my whole life about everything I hated about my life. I can’t say what that could do for you, but for me it gave a chance to lay it all out for them and for me. Just saying it out loud helped me figure out what I should bury, what I should keep, and what to strive for. You are a very entertaining man and I love all your work, I find your vlogs and counter-monkey stories just as fun as your more elaborate videos so I look forward to more.

  • Vicki Highland

    I am currently in grad school working on my Masters in Social Work degree. People who experience temporary setback like you are having are the heart of my desire to obtain my degree. In an era of scary economic pressures and fears about huge student loan debit, it is nice to reaffirm that social sciences truly do make a difference in people’s lives.

  • vazco

    Double post

  • christopher martins

    Spoony dude take all the time that you need. We want you at your best as we laugh, cry, and cringe at your skits. Anyone that can’t understand the delay because of health issues is a jerk.

  • Anonymous

    dood just keep shooting out counter monkey or other stories, until you can get ready.
    i really hope you better.

  • Anonymous

    Take all the time you need to surmount this formidable challenge. Considering the thousands that you’ve entertained and cheered up, you deserve all the time you need. Take care of yourself.

  • Jimmy Thai

    take all the time you need man.

  • Anonymous

    3 questions you should ask yourself:

    1. How healthy do you eat/drink?

    2. How often are you out in the sun?

    3. Do you exercise or play sports at all?

    This is not me trivialising your condition, I know what I am talking about: I had a major depressive phase after playing poker professionally online for almost 5 years. I can see the paralells to your job, making money from the living room can lead to a unhealthy lifestyle which ultimately affects your hormones.

    I think medicine should only be used if all other options didn’t work as they can have various side effects. And more importantly they don’t really get to the real root of a depression; kinda like an aspirin might cure the headache but doesn’t cure alcoholism.

    wish you all the best!

  • Anonymous

    Take it EZ spoony, there is no magic or “fast food” way to get better but time, consistency, commitment and love. We ( your fans ) love you!!!  You dont have to stress about us, everytime you finish something, vlog, review movie / game etc Its fantastic and funny.

    Take care.

  • Anonymous

    Its ok Spoony better for you to take time off and recover then to push yourself to make videos and material. I really do hope you feel better sooner then later anxiety and depression with the constant tiredness is a sucky thing to go through. I had the same issues then got on some meds and feel more leveled out and able to do more in my life. Though yours is probably more hectic it should help keep you focused and ready. Love ya Spoony and its been great watching your videos these past years <3 Just rest and recover and when your feeling up to it bash some more Final Fantasy! God I hope the thought didn't make you ill…XD <3

  • Anonymous

    Depression is a hard thing to get over and I wish you the best of luck.  I’ve heard that a pet can help so hopefully Oreo will help you get through this.  I’ll keep checking for new videos, and keep watching the old ones, so I hope you feel better.

  • tom derosier

    Don’t worry about it Spoony, as a fellow depressive I know how hard it can be. Do what you gotta do dude. We fans will be waiting,and we real fans will be waiting patiently.

  • Matthew Millar

    Get well Spoony! I have depression too and I know what it’s like.  I’m on Zyprexa which seems to work pretty damn well, the only downside for most people is weight gain.  Wasn’t a downside for me since I was 6’2″ and 120lbs when I started taking it, and am now actually healthy at 6’2″ and  170lbs :D

    Anyways, I’m with ya all the way, looking forward to more videos!

  • Sara Stevens

    both me and my sister have been struggling with depression for years, so I totally understand where you’re coming from. I hope you find the right balance in meds, have good support, and get through the worst of it, and personally I’ll be right here waiting patiently for you. I love your work, but not at the cost of your mental health.

  • Jonny

    Isn’t it odd he posted this the same day Skyrim came out? Spoony you sneaky bastard! No but seriously get well you son of a bitch we love ya.

  • Anonymous

    Take all the time you need Spoony. I have enjoyed all of your game reviews, movie reviews, and counter monkey vlogs for years now. I was clinically depressed for 11 years and eventually defeated it, so I know what you are going through on this. Keep strong and know that you have your fans’ support

  • Matthew Floyd

    Spoony, your videos are awesome and so are you. I too suffer from depression, and judging by the comments section, so do many of your fans. You aren’t alone and every single one of your loving fans will stick through for you I’m sure of it.

  • Anonymous

    Hi Spoony, I know what you are talking about…

    Start to exercise. Maybe Miles could help you with that. Just by walking/jogging 15 min – 30 min every day should help you out. Also btw naps should take only about 15 min – 60 min else they are harmful.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been diagnosed with severe (suicidal-dangerous) depression before. It’s a living Hell, not having any control over your mood at any given time. Even the simplest or most random of things can cause associative reactions, which combined with guilt and anxiety all crescendo into this monstrous sinking feeling that drains you of all motivation and mental stability.

    To say it’s distracting is an understatement.

    Despite how often we like to mock the condition in popular culture, there really is no definitive “cure” or “magic happiness pill” that fixes the core problem.

    However, based on my own struggles, the only advice I can really give is this: Get out in the sun, and exercise more.
    Endorphin imbalance is a result of my lifestyle; little hard exercise, little sun, lots of desk-work.
    Do something; anything to move around when you start feeling that urge to nap.

    Oversleeping creates all manner of imbalances; I fell into such a pattern for a year and a half after graduating with my associates back in 2007 (and failing to find employment outside of my computer job).

    I’m no doctor, but I do know that such a lifestyle alters you in ways you really don’t want.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been following Spoony’s twitter feed, and I figured he would post something like this at some point. 

    But what I noticed is that Spoony isn’t really all that active, or at least doesn’t say anything about it. I know he also has a heart condition (which limits him severely in what he can do workout-wise), but walking or a light jog or (as I do) wearing a weighted vest (among other weighted items, like sleeves) while walking is great. I’m not saying going for a walk will cure depression, but some activity other than walking around convention floors and filming reviews/vlogs would not hurt. Trust me, I’m not a doctor. I’ve experienced severe bouts of laziness, mild depression, and inactivity in the last few months, and I’ve found that simply going outside and doing… well, anything, helps get my energy up and my attitude better. 

    • Jesse Melat

      Given that he lives in Arizona…I don’t think he’s having problems with Vitamin D. : )  


      Largely focused on the debunking of Vitamin C as a deterrent to sickness, but it gets into other vitamins as well, as well as the symptoms of hyper-vitaminosis.  Too much Vitamin D leads to kidney stones, liver problems, and a wealth of other nasties.   Unless you have some kind of genetic disorder, anything close to a “balanced diet”, and seeing the sun at least a few minutes out of your day takes care of you body’s need for D vitamins, and more or less all of its other vitamin needs.  Vegans need to watch their B12 intake, and, depending on your genetic heritage, you might need to watch your vitamin D levels if you move to Northern Canada, Greenland, or Siberia, but that’s about it–the body will synthesize its own vitamins on its own–B12 and, for _some_ people, Vitamin D, are the only real exceptions.  And the latter is eliminating if you live in an even remotely “sunny” place.   Arizona is, if legend is to be believed, quite sunny.  : )  

      The Spoony One had a nasty, nasty, emotionally traumatizing breakup with what he thought was the love of his life, and now that the anger-high is ebbing, is feeling the emotional emptiness left by her absence.  That’s….about it.  

      The only thing I think he’s doing wrong at this point is _not_ getting on OkCupid or whatever and getting a new girlfriend–Oreo’s…sweet, but she’s no replacement for a real female human, which is what Spoony needs.   Or at least what he needs far more than Vitamin D, or any vitamin, for that matter.  : )

  • Anonymous

    Considering my own history with severe depression and your history with heart issues, it is completely understandable Noah. Looking at the avalanche of comments wishing you well and adding their own stories to the mix should show how much people know, understand, care and will BE HERE when you’re ready.

    Take your time, man. Hells, get your brother to help out a bit more. I kinda enjoy him as well, and would be curious what he could add to Counter Monkey or Wrestle-Wrestle (hint hint)

  • Air K.

    I hope things get better for you, soon, and that you can find a medication that works.  I don’t suffer from depression, but I do have friends and family members who do and I know how much it takes out of them :(

    Good luck with the sleeping stuff, too.  I know how much a sleep disorder can take out of you (I have the reverse problem – I have insomnia and it can take a really bad toll on me, too).  So just…keep working on feeling better, and I hope things work out for you.

  • Alex

    As someone who dealt with depression, anxiety, and stress the best way to deal with it is exercising twenty to thirty minutes a day (I recommend walking twenty to thirty minutes a day), sleep exactly seven to eight hours a day (with a few short naps during the day), eating right (fruits, vegetables, less carbs, chicken rather than beef and pork-fry chicken doesn’t count), and drink a lot of water (by the way, I recommend buying Fish Oil pills for depression. It helps with your depression in time). It helps just to be healthy when you’re depress and anxious. Medications are just training wheels, they really don’t cure all your problems and sometimes anti-depression pills-take this from me-it can even increase your depression. 

  • Mike

    Aren’t you on medication for your heart issue? That can easily cause some of the tiredness and mental cloudiness. I’m stuck on some blood pressure meds that do it and half the time I feel like a lethargic moron. Not that to say that’s the only thing going on, but that might be a factor.  

  • Anonymous

    This is very similar to how I’ve been.  In fact, I have no shame in admitting that recently I had to check myself into a psychiatric ward because my anxiety (and other things) got too intense to control anymore.  I literally know the feeling, and I also know what happens when it goes unchecked for too long.

    And they’re right, depression isn’t “just being sad”.  It’s a life-sucking pain in the ass that throws monkey wrenches all over your physical and mental machinery, forcing it to a total halt.  And anxiety throws it so far forward that *too much* moves at once and you can’t focus on anything and need to slow down, and that’s when taking time is essential.  Hell, I’m still in that recovering stage.  I’m normally bit of a wise-cracking joke man myself, mostly on DeviantArt (big Channel Awesome fan community there!), and when I had my “incidents”, I even compared myself to Spoony in the sense that “I’m not just about the next joke.  I’m a real person, and it’s important to know that, even though it is scary when people realize their favorite cartoon character is really a human being underneath just like everyone else”. 

    I guess you could say I predicted this notification.  I have an amazing ability in reading people through observation, and it seems I can read even online entertainers very well.  I dunno, maybe I’m part Betazoid, heh. 

    And I was wondering when I’d get a chance to say this, and now’s clearly the best time: One of my biggest problems was that for a long while, I simply lost my sense of humor.  When I can’t joke about things, even own problems, it means my problems are too serious.  But one thing kept me laughing, and that was Spoony’s videos.  Not even Brad or Doug’s videos could do it, there was something about Spoony’s that just kept me laughing, and I needed that laughter more than ever.  Maybe I just related with Spoony the most, I don’t know, but I do want to thank him for being the ONE thing that managed to break the curse of my lack of humor during the worst phases of my own problems. 

    And I tried to look for anything else to get me to laugh.  Even Red Dwarf backfired and just depressed me further.  And when you can make me laugh when RED DWARF of all things has failed miserably, you know you’re doing a good job with the funny. 

    The day the Ass-Counter exploded was the day I started getting better! 

  • mikec

    have you ever had your testosterone levels checked?

    • Anonymous

      argh, I also suggest having this looked into if it hasn’t been already.

      Let’s just say it’s another thing I understand first hand.  And right now, I need to get…well, “The Mann Co. Offices Downstairs” back in production. 

      But seriously, get that blood checked! 

  • Anonymous

    You know Spoony, I just made this account after reading your latest update, I just wanted to say that I come to this site daily, I’ve watched almost all your videos, and you’re a huge inspiration to me, I hope you get better.
    you have my regards bud

  • Sid Voltaire

    If you feel you need to rest, then do so, don’t guilt yourself with pressure to compose material for us. That’ll only distract you further. Your health is more important than a few weeks of material. I’m a musician and I know how it feels when you have/want to keep working and working, because that’s what you want to do and what makes you happy most of all, and when you can’t do it you feel like you’re wasting everybody’s time, including your own. Just try not to worry about it so much, just do what you feel you must with the mentality that you’ll be back better than ever when this stuff finally passes. You’re damn talented and your drive and the success you’ve had reflect on that. Just chill and everything will be fine man. 

  • papineau

    Noah, just take care of yourself. Please. As much as I like Spoony (and basically any of your reviews, ramblings or else), I value people. Take your time, have fun with Oreo, friends and all. I sure can wait.

  • Andrew Carvin

    I think you should keep in mind that the “drug” you need may not even be a drug in the traditional sense. Depression runs through my family as well, but skipped a few before landing on me.  My treatment “drug” is Stacker 2, mainly the caffeine, and I take it once a day. I’ve measured it, if I don’t have at least 250 mg caffeine a day I go into a downward spiral in about 48 hours. Since I began taking Stacker 2 about 5 or 6 years ago I’ve been on an even keel, and it does not seem to affect my blood pressure (I check that myself).

  • Jonathan McGown

    Great spoony one please feel better. Your videos lead my to tgwtg and all in all get me though many a night working crazy hours. 

  • Asger Egelund Nielsen

    One of my friends had the same problem when he had a depression, it took quite a while before he found the drug that suited him.. anyway good luck with the drug-experimenting and get well soon!

  • Christopher E Laney

    I have always found your videos to be funny and enjoyable Noah. I want to wish you my best and I hope that you get well soon. I want you to know that people like me, who may seem distant and unknown can still say “we’re behind you”.

    Nothing great is achieved without much enduring.

  • Seth

    Spoony the best part of your videos are you. So if you need some extra time to get better i will not be yelling and crying about the delay.

  • Elijah White

    get better spoony :)! untill you do, i and everybody else here are waiting for your return :3

  • Mike Eisener

    been there man.  understand your plight.  take your time, get better on your own terms.  return to full swing if and when you’re ready, and not by anyone else’s dime.

  • Anonymous

    check you heart meds. Beta-blockers are inhibitors wich could theoreticly affect the brain if they are not specific enought.

  • JOSH

    Don’t push yourself too hard, man… maybe you actually need to relax even for a little bit to get back in track.. but then again, I understand that you have to keep going because making videos is your actual work. 

    But if you ask me, just try to set a time for a little break and refresh yourself until you’re ready. I think that’s the best way to remedy your depression or something. I think you’re just burnout in your work or something… but that’s just my suggestion. Hope everything will be fine in your end. Don’t worry about us, follower ;) we will always stay tune, heheh!

  • JOSH

    Don’t push yourself too hard, man… maybe you actually need to relax even for a little bit to get back in track.. but then again, I understand that you have to keep going because making videos is your actual work. 

    But if you ask me, just try to set a time for a little break and refresh yourself until you’re ready. I think that’s the best way to remedy your depression or something. I think you’re just burnout in your work or something… but that’s just my suggestion. Hope everything will be fine in your end. Don’t worry about us, follower ;) we will always stay tune, heheh!

  • Anonymous

    The Counter Monkey stories have been keeping me more than entertained. Keep churning out those bad boys and I can wait as long as you need. Just remember you’ve got it good as far as your job goes and do what you can to get better. Looking forward to the Final Fantasy review.

  • Anonymous

    The Counter Monkey stories have been keeping me more than entertained. Keep churning out those bad boys and I can wait as long as you need. Just remember you’ve got it good as far as your job goes and do what you can to get better. Looking forward to the Final Fantasy review.

  • Spencer Hamm

    Noah, Take as long as you need too. The fans can understand if something personal is going on with you is stopping production, at least, most of the decent people can. 

  • Leonard

    Dear Noah, the first time I saw your show, I was amazed by how you were able to find the great flaws in these games, shows, and many other things I cant remember at this moment. I suffered through depression and had times even now I feel that I can do it but some other days I dont feel like it, seeing your shows, always gave me the chuckle I needed to look at my life and laugh. Even now, your Counter Monkey Stories reminded me of my RPG club I used to attend at my community college and the first time I ever RPG. Those were the best times of my life, even though there were awkward times I was in my RPG club I could tell. Overall, I hope you find a way to cope with your depression man, its hard but you will find a way sure enough. Now one of your many fans….Darkarcheos aka Darkmyster

  • Mate Cziner

    Just one video of yours can put a lot of smile on my face. Now I wish I could return the favour. We are all rooting for you, for the person, not just the entertainment.

  • matt wendt

    When I’m sad I watch your videos and they make me forget about being sad.

  • Noneya

    The reason we love these videos is because of YOU, Spoony. We like to see you get hyped up or enraged, or even just talking about some fun gags in RPGs you’ve been in. You make it personal and fun, and it wouldn’t be the same if any other person tried to do what you do. It’s not the videos that matter, it’s you. So take whatever time you need, focus on your well-being first and foremost. We might be Internet commenters, not exactly known for our patience or tact (and even less so for video-game/RPG nerds), but we can be surprisingly reasonable. Please take care of yourself, we really do care about you.

  • Anonymous

    Oh, that makes a lot of sense, believe me. I’m not really surprised at all, I was actually kind of expecting you might have some level of depression. I can kind of tell, I’ve has so many people I know go through the same thing. And I’ve gone through it myself too. So yeah, I know exactly what you’re talking about.

    Yeah, the meds can be a fucking pain in the ass. I was incredibly lucky in that my doc immediately found the right kind of medication for me. But I know how rare a case I am: I’ve seen lots of friends struggle through trying out different kinds and suffering through the horrible side effects and after effects and all that shit. It can take years to find the right kind of medication and unfortunately, some never find it at all. I don’t want to so negative but I’m being pretty realistic here, unfortunately… On the other hand you CAN get better even without medication, it’s just harder and might require a total change of lifestyle.

    If your doctor hasn’t already done that, by the way, go get checked for anemia and other possible physical problems. It’s really important to fix those if there are any because they can really hinder your healing process.

    And one more advice: Take. It. Easy. Whatever you have to do, you need to get some rest. If there is anything, anybody you can depend on to help you out, you should ask them for help. Hell, we can help. I can try to get my paypal to work again…

    But seriously, don’t try to “get better fast”. It won’t work. Believe me, I made the same mistake. I wanted to get back to my studies ASAP and I ended up falling back into depression after just a couple of months at school. Give yourself time. Like you said, depression takes a lot of it. Of course you might be fine in a couple of months — many are. But you can’t force it. You’ll end up just prolonging it.

  • nathan norton

    hey spoony, your right depression is a complicated beast , when i was going through it i was doing the same thing sleep sleep sleep sleep , i found excersing helps ( Like alot of people says on here ) but thats hard to do with your heart thing obviously , but just getting out helps ALOT , being around people helps too. lovin the counter monkey videos !!! feel better.

  • Christina

    Spoony, I think you are suffering from classic Burnout syndrome. (Which can be mistaken for an episode of depression, but depression is usually a symptom of a Burnout, not the cause).

    I’ve lived with chronic low-level depression all my life, with attacks of acute depression (made worse by a chronic crippling and painful arthritis these past 12 years), so I know how depression sucks. Please, please, if anyone ever tells you to “just lighten up” or “suck it up, you’re just lazy”, tell them to go to Hell.

    But what you describe sounds exactly like what happened to me when I was still a student at university, studying for my final exams. All of sudden, I couldnt sleep at night, I was listless and tired during the day, I alternated between no appetite at all and voracious hunger. But the worst thing were the  sudden attacks of what felt like narcolepsy… seriously, I would be sitting reading, when all of sudden BAM I felt dizzy and knew I would keel off my chair unconscious if I didn’t lay down right there or then. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t muster any interest for my hobbies. And I got into sudden rages at the most banal things that could piss me off. It was a horrible time.

    As others have said, physical activity will help, like swimming, bicycling, walking your dog. Depends on what you’re allowed to do with your heart condition; but then, physical activity is good for the heart too. Don’t withdraw from friends and family, but don’t feel obliged to put on a pretend “happy-face” when you feel like crap. That’s another self-imposed pressure we depressionistas put ourselves under.

    Set yourself a timetable for things you want to accomplish, but make sure it’s not overloaded. Put down sensible goals of things you can accomplish, so you will see you’re making progess.

    And now I guess I better follow my own advice, because there are things I have been putting off for weeks now… *cough* Yeah, I guess I sound like a hypocrit.

    Take care.

  • Christina

    For all it’s worth, I found the Counter Monkey videos hilarious. :-)

  • joyousinsurrectionofcalloohcal

    Honestly, I didn’t really notice that much of a drop-off in production because I’ve been so entertained with your Counter Monkey stories, but getting more on topic, you’ve always seemed like a genuinely cool, nice guy and this is really brave of you to talk about something this personal so publicly. I don’t usually say stuff like this, but I’ve always liked your videos and like I said, you seem like a really good guy: we’re all rooting for you and stuff and we sincerely hope you get better.

  • Anonymous

    Dear Noah, your video’s helpt me deal with my depresion, i can never thank you enough!

    With love from the Netherlands

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry about us Spoony; remember that, when all is said and done, you are providing us with free entertainment, and I think the last thing we want to see is your work becoming a chore. 

    I’ve known people with depression before, and there really isn’t a quick fix. The only advice I can give is to try to have a social life outside of your Internet work. Having places to go and people to see, even if it’s something simple like board game night, can really help to motivate one to get through the day.

    I wish you the very best Spoony, and I hope you’re feeling better soon.

  • david r

    My love for counter Monkey knows no bounds. I lust for more. I hope that these aren’t too stressful for you.

  • Mitch Griffiths

    No explanation needed my friend. You could just do Vlogs, podcasts etc. from now on if you wanted and I’d still watch every one. As someone else said already, we’re loving the Counter Monkey stories. These need to be enscribed and told for generations, they’re AWESOME!

    Take as long as you need to. I personally find the Vlogs are my favourite part of the site now. You may see it as just plain old bitching, just telling a story, or giving a quick overview of a new game you played. But to me, and others, your views, experiences, and complaints are actually quite informative.

    Just keep doing what you’re doing! We’ll keep watching!

  • Alexander Reeder

    I will throw my voice in here too.  I haven’t been worried about the lack of content because the counter monkeys have been more than entertaining.  they have brought back some very good D&D memories I have.  Hopefully you will be able to find the means to put this low point behind you and continue doing what you enjoy.

  • Anonymous

    It’s totally cool man. Like everyone has been saying, the counter monkey stuff is great! I’m sure we all agree that we would rather have a healthy Spoony, than an overworked, stressed out one. :)

    Just do what you can, and know that you’ll always have your fans to support you.Get well soon my friend! :)

  • Elizabeth Metzger

    No worried, Spoony. I’ve gone through the same thing myself. I’ve been through the same rigmarole of seeing doctors, therapists, and being prescribed different medications till I found one that worked. I was taking depression meds for three or more years before I was able to find a proper outlet for it (which happens to be D&D, go figure!), which was about three years ago.

    It’s a long process, depression. Trust me, I know. But me and the rest of your fans here in Maryland will wait patiently for you to get better ^_^

  • Anonymous

    You’re not the only one in the boat, Spoony.  Hope things pick up for you.

  • George Rosenbaum

    First ‘Hyperbole and a Half’ and now ‘The Spoony Experiment’. This is tragic.

    I actually had some serious battles with depression. It didn’t develop over time, it just fell on me when I was reading a book on the floor.

    It’s like being robbed of an inner light you never knew was there. I think my situation is different in that my depression didn’t develop over time, so I didn’t have time to get used to it. My response what immediate, abject fear. Because I didn’t know the cause, I was terrified of everything around me, including myself.

    So I say my doctor, who said it was just an unlucky chemical imbalance. That didn’t stop me from trying to think about it. Trying to find some sort of meaning in that powerful void, so that I could somehow break it. But the more I thought about it, savored it’s feeling to get some inspiration, the more it fed on me.

    There was nothing here, nothing to understand. Just a bad new feeling that hurts when I acknowledge it’s existence. I understood this simple beast, and had no reason to visit it again. So I ignored it, trained myself to stop when my thoughts drifted to the subject of depression. I taught myself that repeating the same thoughts over and over doesn’t lead to new ideas, but only to worry and mental exhaustion. 

    And, eventually, I more or less caged the beast. It’s still there, if I really feel like summoning it to tear me apart (though that’s just self destructive). But I’m satisfied with the situation. It’s not perfect, but what is?

    This is how I beat it. I want to say this for anyone commenting who has depression, and is at a loss to combat it. It worked for me, and it may work for you.

    The answer to beating depression is to FIRST think about it once. Once and for all time, get that subject squared away all at once. It won’t take long, though you will want to spend more time repeating the same thoughts, as if you missed something. Depression isn’t complicated in the same way that happiness or anger isn’t complicated. It’s just new feeling you have to deal with now. Sort it among your own personal beliefs the way you organize the world before you take another step.

    Now, ignore it. Every time you are thinking about depression, stop. DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP, just try to distract yourself with other concerns that you can control right now. Or do something fun, just anything that gets you mind away from that mental sinkhole. Some of you, especially intellectuals, will have a REALLY hard time justifying your choice to deliberately ignore a topic (I know I did). That’s why you got all of your thinking out of the way beforehand; you no longer have any reason to indulge your curiosity because you will learn nothing. It’s a waste of time, mental stamina, and happiness.

    After a few years, you should have built up some pretty strong mental defenses against this thing. You will still notice it, but it won’t HURT. That’s pretty damn good.

    Noah Antwiller, I sincerely apologize for everything complaint I’ve had about you in every comment I’ve posted. I had no idea that this was the source of the lack of energy and effort put into the show. Knowing what this feels like, I would have fallen just as far, if not worse, in your position.

    Just promise me you will fight this bastard. Put this thing away for good.

  • ScottieB

    you don’t really need to apologize. going through crap like that is a perfectly understandable reason to be behind schedule on anything.

    as much as we love being entertained, your health is far more important than our being entertained.

    i think all of us can wait. it’s really no big deal. the counter monkey stuff is beyond awesome, so it’s been quite easy to wait for the reviews.

    and from what ive seen in the comments here everyone seems to agree on that. we all wish you well.

  • Ryan Dadoun

    I went through a very similar phase when I was in my teens.  I was diagnosed with depression and had a lack of energy/sleep problems for a year or two.  It was frustrating because I didn’t know how to fix it and medication at times seemed less than effective (I actually gave up on medication entirely, not that I recommend doing that).  However, I got out the other end and it’s been many years since then.  It doesn’t happen all at once and it’s not like I can point to a specific day and say: ‘that’s when it all magically got better,’ but it did end and I hope everything will eventually work out for you too.

  • Anonymous

    I know the feeling as i show these signs as well. I figured something was up as you seemed to of lost weght and had ready tired looking eyes in your videos Recently. Hope you find the right meds that work for you and that in time you can get back to your old self….Thanks for the update and dont worry we understand and have no problem waiting till things are back on track. Take care and all the best

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, depression cant destroy a handsome stallion(not gay) of awesome like your fine self. I loved your counter monkey stories and hope for more of your delicious production as soon as you are able to get better.

    Just so that you know, I´ve been watching you for quite some time now and I have to say that you are one of the most talented and able people in internet comedy business. *salute*

  • LaBarata Mk

    Oi! Oi, you! Yeah, you! The guy with the website!

    You’re fucking awesome. Every single one of us is behind you 120%.

  • matt wenke

    Spoony,I completly understand.I too suffer from depression,along with hypothyroidism and diabetes..I know jow hard it is to do things with no energy.So from me to you,take as long as you need,your true fans(friends) will understand.

  • turkishproverb

    Hey.  Just wanted to say I really understand.  Heck, I’ve been under suicide watch and in general psychiatric custody before.  Not sure what advice to give, as solutions to these problems tend to vary greatly from individual to individual.  

    Frankly, though, I will say I think your output has been frequent enough of late, given all the wonderful counter monkey videos you’ve been producing.  They’re always funny and enthralling

    Good luck to you with your trouble.  Just do’t think we’re upset about the gaps.  We enjoy anything we get.

  • pretzels

    keep on truckin’

  • Ben McCulloch

    Took a lot of guts to post this Spoony, it will all get better I have been thought depression my self its not easy but it gets better. 

  • Andreas Norman

    Spoony, I love what you do and especially your new Counter Monkey stories, I just want you to know that we’re all behind you (don’t take it the wrong way). I really hope you’ll get better soon. Good luck buddy!

  • Jacob Kilner

    I have personally suffered from depression and it is one of the worst things in the world. I understand your pain Spoony and I really hope you get well soon!

  • Allieorange

    Spoony you are one of my favorite reviewers on TGWTG and just in general. I am sorry to hear you have been struggling with this but I am happy you got yourself help. Take your time man! Your health is more important than anything but I still eagerly await your future reviews :)

  • Anthony Melpolder

    Spoony! We, your loyal fans, will always be here my friend! My girlfriend suffers from Bipolar and I, myself, suffer from Depression as well.  Spoony… I promise you, it’ll all be okay.  Find the right medication and get yourself healthy.  We’ll be here when you get back, I promise.  As long as you don’t abandon us, we won’t abandon you!

    Long live the Spoony One!

  • Anonymous

    Hope you feel better Spoony. Know that we all care about you. It gets tough and I know it might sometimes feel not worth it to even roll out of bed. But you’ll pull through in time.  

  • Tristan Pendergrass

    I haven’t noticed a drop-off in videos…you’re counting the countermonkey vids right? Because those are terrific and LONG too (which is good!). I hope you find a way to beat your depression. Knowing there are thousands of people out there who get joy out of everything you work on has to help right?

  • Anonymous

    It feels odd to “Like” a page where someone talks about his depression, but I guess you’re not the sort to misunderstand what we mean with that, Spoony.

  • Anonymous

    I feel for you man, I had to fight my depression for 10+ years before I made any progress, and it’s only just recently that I’ve been able to enjoy life properly again (partly because I found my way to The Spoony Experiment mind you).

    Depression is easily one of the worst things ever, but it is possible to defeat.
    One thing that helped for me was when I realised that the sad feelings where not logical, there was no reason for them to be there, and that knowledge became a weapon I could use against them.

    It sounds simple, but it took me several years to even realise I was depressed and a few more to come to this conclusion.

    So don’t worry, we are all rooting for you and we are staying right where we are untill you get better, because thats how much we love you and your work.

  • Anonymous

    Seriously Spoony you have been busting your ass for us for years now and know that there are gonna be times where you need a break and have down time. Just take the time you need.

  • Niklas Björkeroth

    Dear Spoony
    Please take as long as you need to get better.
    You are a entertainment genius and we all want you to be healthy. Whenever you produce something new, if it is next month or in two years we will be waiting for you.
    Take care

  • ianwright77

    Depression makes me want to take frequent naps also. Paroxetine kills that urge, but withdrawal from it is hell, so watch out if you try it. Been taking that stuff 15 years.

  • Straker

    I really wouldn’t worry about us there Noah. You get yourself better and we’ll be here.

  • T E

    I don’t know the real Noah Antwiler. But I send my sympathies all the same.

  • Dominik

    Get yourself back on your feet, Noah. We’ll wait, man.

  • Benji Cook

    We’ll still be here when you get back =]

  • Christian Gurtner

    I had (and to an extend, still do) the same problem.

    I found the best way to deal with the sleep attacks to be to keep a strict sleeping shedule. I could sleep for 12 hours and still feel tired when waking up, but sleeping from midnight to 7 AM every day did wonders for me. I still fall asleep easily on trainrides though, which is kinda annoying but I only missed my stop once or twice so far.

    I can’t guarantee that method will help you, but it may be worth a shot.

  • Jean Dickinson

    We would rather see you well then a billion new reviews hun. Get better; then come back. Where not going any where.  We’re gonna keep a light on for ya. ^^

  • Taylor Hall

    If I can speak from personal experience, the problem you seem to have is one of stagnancy. Not that your work is stagnant, but that your life has and you feel powerless to alter it because of the external factors that must come into play to alter its course. I’m using personal experience to diagnose of course because I’m not a doctor, but reading your letter was like one from my own mind a few years back. For me it was having to work a dead-end job with no significant other or satisfying projects being completed. I’m still struggling with finding a compelling personal project, but I must say changing somethings has really helped out. Identifying that you need to overcome a new obstacle or try a new thing for even 30 days (the magic number) will give you either a new hobby, pride or perspective to get back on track. I know it seems tempting to fix the problem with only drugs but doing something new for a little while will really put you back in spirits. 

    For a safe suggestion, might I suggest trying to do something healthy you know you should do but you absolutely hate – workout, become a vegetarian for awhile, don’t eat wheat, start bike riding a few miles a day, etc. You’ll feel worse for a couple days (not the best feeling) but you’ll eventually break through the wall and feel a real sense of self-respect by doing it. It makes you naturally feel better about yourself and will really right your perspective. And I know you work more at night and, as a night-owl as well, I get it but cut that crap out. The mind works better at night, but we’re not meant to be nocturnal forever. Try to change that and you’ll feel better. At first anxious of course, but eventually better. Though it’s going to be weird going out to movies at the end of the day rather than the beginning. 

    Best of luck, I hope I came off as concerned and NOT as a preachy, know-it-all dick. 

    Truly, Best of luck

    • Anonymous

      Listen – I might speak something that you´ll connect to… 

      Get this, unfortunately noone can get you out of that hole, except you (you probably already know this). However, our information may contain instructions on how YOU can do it yourself – trial and error, trial and error, trial and error.

      Speaking from my own personal experience Tayor is certainly on the right track about stagnacy, finding motivation, getting healthly and it´s brillant effects it gains you longterm. Instinctwise, anti-depressants aren´t the way forward, I don´t think they´re substantial – they feel like temperary unatural quick fixes (in life there are not short cuts – how many times have you heard that one…). But back to first hand experience, you gota start doing some POSITIVE GOOD COOL HEALTHLY STUFF – but most importantly stuff which IS fun, and that you´ll enjoy. And being alone all the time is soul/body destorying man – have you seen ´Into the Wild (2007)´!? This film´s worth a watch…


      I admit its bloody difficult climbing out of that hole. But I will say that my depression was so bad that I started getting very bad belly aches, fatique, and extreme lack of energy – I was basically slowly but surely decomposing – I kid you not…

      It sounds like you may of lost something(s) that was/were very dear to you – but was it something you valued dearly, or was it something you relied/depended on… because the harsh fact is that the only thing we can fully depend on is ourselves – Bruce Lee´s main advice is that we each try to become ´self-sufficent´ human beings.

      I heavily relied on my dad for everything – Dave Morris – a man who took on Mc Donalds in the longest courtcase in English history. I depended on him all my life (he was my back-bone – and an exceptionally strong one too), I felt so strong and thus happy knowing that I had such strength looking after me and when I turned 18 he basically said ´right that´s it your a ´man´ now so im done looking after you.´. This was a horrible shock to my whole system and I wasted 3 years or so trying to get that back-bone of confidence he gave to me back. But now I realise that fully relying/feeded off him was a very desirable yet unfair thing to do – he can´t be expected to run his life AND mine forever. So now I´m slowing building my own back-bone – and since doing so (about a year or so – it´s difficult to measure) my worries and pains have significantly decreased – and I now get considerbly less pain – I´m not where I want to be yet, but I´m getting there little by little. Don´t get me wrong, people and friends are so important to me, it´s just that I try not to completly depend on them is all.

      I´m tired now from putting all my concentraion into this post.

      I hope there´s something you can take from it.

      all the best

      Charlie Kervons

  • Amber Collins

    Spoony! Please take as much time as you need:) I have seen the affects of depression first hand and I know what it can do to even the strongest people….please rest up:) We will still all be here when you return:)

  • Walter Joseph Kovacs

    RIP Noah Antwiller 1980 – 2011.

    • Ceherz

      troll or not troll… either way: you’re an asshole.

  • Johan Karlsson

    No need to apologize, Spoony. But it’s touching that you care enough to explain all this, which I’m sure wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Take your time and know that once you feel better, we’ll be all the happier for you. :)

  • Anonymous

    Take care, man. I wish you well.

  • AdrianLeeMorey

    Funny, as I type this right now, I too am experiencing an anxiety attack. I know how it feels to be pinned against a wall of doubt and dark thoughts and it can be a little daunting to handle effectively but I do find solace in the fact that I’m not the only one who suffers from it. It’s weird, it is, but a little slice of communication, even as trivial sounding as it is is just that – communication. When next week rolls around I’m going to schedule an appointment with my doctor to see what she will suggest. All I know is that being alone on an island never solves a thing and I’ve sat on my mine for way too long.

  • squall lee rhodes

    Ya know Spoony; as much as I hate to sound like a dick, being that I understand where you’re coming from, and have been there myself but as a man to another man, stop making excuses. None of us want to hear excuses, we want you doing what you like, and what we like to see.

    As an entertainer, you’re job is to entertain. If you can’t do that, then don’t be surprised when you get bitched at, or anything of the sort.

    But still, I’m not going to sit here and say “suck it up”, or “get over yourself”, or “stop being such a blubbering baby” since I can sympathize with your dilemma but if you aren’t up to the task then just leave. I’d hate to see you go as would a lot of people, but we don’t want to remember a Spoony who made excuses for his lack of output or jerked us around saying he’d get better only to not deliver again.

    You’re a better man then that Spoony, I believe in you.

    • Ben Dunder

      Possibly the most disingenuous comment I’ve ever read. Why should he ‘leave’ his own website? Why is he ‘better’ than something he has only limited control of? This isn’t like Ben Elton trying to remain popular years after he was relevant, this is someone who’s been taken out of what looked to be the prime of his career with little or no warning and is trying to deal with the consequences, and has been completely honest to us about it. You clearly don’t believe in him or sympathise with his ‘dilemma’ (as if it’s a straight-up choice between being depressed and not being depressed) if you can’t see how telling someone they should give up because they’re struggling. If anyone needs to leave this site, it’s you.

  • iwpoe

    I’m going through this right now (and probably for the past few years now that I think about it). Your post has made me decide to try and pursue anti-depressants again. Thanks Noah. Best of luck with your difficulty.

  • dragonball518

    Im sure that the doctors, or atlease some of them have asked you this, but do you take daily walks? :) i know its not a cure for depression, but it is very possible to help lowering the depression. and do you snor when you sleep? because if you do, then your body dosent get all the oxygen it needs, so you become more tired through out the day, since you dident get a full night of sleep. im sure you already knew this, but i just wanted to make sure :) and noah, just take your time ^^ i would be fine if you only posted DND stories for the next cubble of months :P

    • iwpoe

      Yeah. Like he said, the DnD stories are great. You should write that book.

  • Ben Dunder

    I took Citalopram for about eight or nine months, changed the dosage a few times during that period but was never offered a different drug like Prozac, and I swear I ended up just feeling even more helpless because I wasn’t feeling any kind of change. I ended up quitting them cold turkey and haven’t been back since, though thankfully it coincided with a positive and productive change in my lifestyle so I haven’t been as bad as I was when I started taking them.

    Basically, you’re not alone on this, no matter how many trolls (who, fortunately, appear to be absent from this forum) tell you that people with depression are ‘weak’. You may also want to see a sleep doctor as my mother – who also has suffered from depression for most of her life – took about 30 years to finally have her sleep condition diagnosed. It’s not always caused by the depression itself, although it very often runs alongside it.

    Don’t rush it and don’t feel you’re obliged to keep up arbitrary deadlines for us, you’re providing us with a lot of entertainment and we’re not even required to pay for the privilege (though many of us donate). Take as long as you need and most of us will still be here when you’re ready to return.

  • Draiton

    Take your time Spoony, we’re enjoying watching these vids over and over. They’re classic laughs which will keep (me at least) entertained for a long time to come. You’ve inspired me to play DnD again, so I can spend spare hours working out things to do to my players HAHAHA…. get well soon.

  • Pyry Karrimaa

    I’ve had my share of depression too, but I can also tell you that it’ll get better in time. Just hang in there, we support you man!

  • Eugene Lee

    What happened eight months ago?

    • Leena Hölttä

      His personal life really isn’t any of our concert, now is it? He would have told us already if he wanted to.

  • Richard Cresham


    Don't worry about it, dude. We can be patient.

    Personally, I never see delays as a bad thing. We know that you prize quality in your work, and we always appreciate the work you do. If it came down to a choice, I know that I, as an audience member, would much rather see one video that you are proud of, that you know you put as much into as you could rather than several unpolished, rushed pieces of work that you, as a content producer, are not happy with. Even if it's a month behind, as long as you're happy and proud of it, I know I'll enjoy it. Your videos never cease to make me smile, and it really brightens my day to see one.

    Take your time, and I hope you start to feel better soon.

    Plus, your Counter Monkey videos are awesome. My favorite ones so far have been Invisible Jason, closely followed by your Jyhad story. Love 'em.

    So! Good luck with the medication, here's to hoping you feel better soon! Much <3's from Ireland!

  • Who really cares

    I’m afraid I can’t sympathize, personally, I don’t really get depressed. I’m apathetic most of the time myself, so I never get overly excited about anything, bad or good. It’s an easier life, albeit irresponsible ( ´_ゝ`).

    If it’s really just about loneliness because of what happened, then all I can say is “bitches and whores”.
    I’m sure nerdy chicks will flock to you in no time, don’t get so depressed about that, I know I wouldn’t have minded being your girlfriend, Noah <3 /confidenceboost

    Your life is more fulfilling than the rest of us, you really are living the dream with so many fans to support you, from what I read. Please cheer up, you really aren't alone and we're all 100% behind you.
    You don't owe us an explanation for your delays, this is your own damn life, sweetie. Besides, it's not a huge tragedy if I have to wait a couple of months for a review, there are plenty of other things to do, but it's true that if I saw a new review from you I'd be thrilled :)
    I also have Skyrim to swindle my time now. Oblivion 3: New Vegas, amirite?


  • Edward

    Well now I feel like a jerk for complaining about Counter Monkey.

    All of this seems to make a lot of sense to me.  Well, Spoony, I’m sorry your having a rough time right now.  But I’m glad your getting treatment for it and thank you for keeping us in the loop.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: your a very nice, good person with a lot of talent and a lot to offer the world.  Don’t beat yourself up.  By all means take your time and get better.  We care a lot about you.  Speaking for myself whenever I’m having a bad day, I watch one of your videos and it cheers me right up.

    Not to talk any trash about a person who maybe responsible for what your going through right now, I will say this: any woman who does not appreciate a great guy like you isn’t worth your time.  And its her loss for not realizing that. You will definitely find a great woman probably sometime soon that will treat you right and always appreciate you.

    And as for my bitching about Counter Monkey, as much as I complained previously, I still watched every episode and honestly that series is getting a lot better.  I think you are doing a good job with it.  My only real problem with it was the Squirt Gun and the Star Wars story.  And the pizza one was kindof gross.  But the rest of them I really liked.  I especially liked the ones about LARPing because that is pretty much my exacted same experience playing Vampire The Masquerade.  I grew to hate that game for the crap I was put through. The story about how you blew up the prince and all the dick head vampires of Arizona is awesome.  I wish I had done that to the asshole vampires in Tampa.  So I think you really turned me around about that series.  Keep updating it.  It does make me want to roleplay again.

    But most importantly take care of yourself.  Remember man, we love you and we love your work and we will be here to support you.  Take your time and get healthy.

  • Josh Jones

    Hey Spoony, big fan, first time typer. You do what you have to man. Depression isn’t a joke, and even if it was, it would be pretty close to gallow’s humor. Honestly I don’t have any tips or tricks because I’ve never really been through this (as old as I am, my life experience is still fairly lacking). All I can do is quote a lame online trope. “It”ll get better before the end, if it isn’t better, it isn’t the end.” You keep up the good work and power through. I’d like to think I speak for a majority (but that’s hard to tell) when I say you have a whole mess of fans pulling for you Spoony. Well, that’s that.

  • Anonymous

    You know, until I read this, I didn’t realise my problem.
    For months I’ve been struggling to do things, to study for university, to go out and meet friends, to engage into my hobbies. It sounds weird, but although I still love doing these things, I lack energy, motivation and endurance.
    Every little task costs a huge amount of energy and after I finished doing one small thing, I feel exhausted.
    I felt awful, lazy and miserable and still do. I tried to push myself out of it but now, after reading your entry I know it’s not lazyness, it’s depression and lonelyness.

    As a fan, review writer and person who has the same problems I have to say: Take your time, Noah. We won’t run away. We’ll be thinking about you, waiting for your recovery.
    I know it sounds weird and thechnically we don’t know you but on a certain level we DO know you. You shared something very private with us and that must have taken a lot of strength.
    I’m very thankful for your post, because it was like an epiphany for me.

    I hope you find yourself soon and gain your old energy back. Take time for yourself, we’ll be here.

  • Rick van Hoof

    Take it easy and do what you have to do. We don’t get mad, and just take everything you make as an extra. I do check your site weekly or even daily, but how can I complain about free and fun content, even if it is a bit skippy on the uploads.
    Personal life always comes first, so you hang in there and get better.
    Peace and Love

  • Fiachra

    Take as long as you need.

  • Anonymous

    Man, I’ve been there. In fact, I still go there every few years. Lost a lot of friends, relationships, jobs and academic endeavours to being depressed from the fallout of anxiety attacks, and getting anxiety attacks from not being able to stop being depressed.

    It’s a horrible vicious cycle stemming from biological behaviours that made sense 50,000 years ago, and in my experience there aren’t any easy answers. 

    As with everything else it’s a matter of intelligence and discipline. Not discipline in the sense of “Do your work!” but discipline in the sense of sensible prioritizing; taking the time to acknowledge and address the factors that make you panic, identifying destructive behaviour and actively seeking out stabilizing stimuli.

    We’re all basically I/O Machines. What you get out is based on what you put in. You can’t write a function to extrapolate data that wasn’t implied in the input, and you can’t will yourself to feel better by feeding yourself the same destructive behaviour that made you feel like shit in the first place.

    I don’t know. There are never any easy answers, but your biggest asset will always be your intelligence. Rely on critical thinking and eventually it’ll see you through. Never forget that the point is to achieve your goals, not to do it in any specific way.

    Best of luck.

  • erik skold

    Hey Spoony, I kind of know what you’re going through..
    Lost my (shitty) job a while ago, and it kind of hit me hard, I had a hard time paying the bills, and it resulted in them shutting down the power for my apartment. So that “downward-spiral” you were talking about kind of hit home. Now I’ve managed to get most of my business straightened out, and stuff is looking up.
    I just wanted to say that your videos really put a smile on ones face, even when one was served turd-sandwiches.

    I´ve got your back!

  • turbler

    Basically everything I could possibly say has been said by someone on here…  but the point is, take care of yourself. Anyone who’s really a fan of yours will be willing to wait (and that’s almost everyone, so… yeah). And no need to apologize, although it was thoughtful of you to keep us posted.

  • crix.dorius

    No rush. Health before everything. :)

  • Element_21X


    Worry about getting better…the true fans stick around… the true fans understand. I plan to stick around until you decide that you don’t want to do this anymore. I live by the code “Life Happens”, sometimes to a point where one has to take a step back and assess the situation before going forward.

    Take care!

  • Anonymous

    Take it easy for a while Spoony. Don’t worry we won’t abandon you if you stop and have a rest. Your problem sounds pretty serious so take your time. When you feel up to it you can make your big comeback :D. No rush. We will support you anyway we can.

  • adamsr

    Really sorry to hear this, Noah.  I’d started to suspect something like this, from the way you’d end the Counter Monkey videos saying things like “I’m sure you’re all going to say I was a really bad DM.” 

    You might want to try books on self-therapy; they tend to appeal to the geek mindset more than therapy or medication.  Careful, though: there’s a lot of bullshit out there too.  “Overcoming Depression” by Paul Gilbert is one book that helped me a lot.

    Like you say, your top priorities now have to be your health and income.  My advice right now is to back out of as many other commitments as you can. One of the symptoms of depression is to feel that you have huge responsibilities to everyone else that you’re not living up to, and you’re way behind some imaginary schedule that you’re supposed to have been living your life to.  It’s not true.  We pay nothing for your videos (bar voluntary donations); you don’t owe us anything.  Take care of yourself first.

  • Mikael Andersson

    I think your doing very well video wise. To be honest your doing videos often enough and every show takes breaks and just because your on internet dosent mean you cant take one and when you have a valid reason its best to take sick leave. Hope you feel better soon, get healthy (Thats a hint not to play Final Fantasy for a while). /Mike

  • Anders Adrielsson

    We’re in it for you man, not your videos (no homo). Take care of yourself and remember, YOU’RE NOT 78 YRS OLD! You’ve got a long life ahead of you still I’m afraid to say, and bad games and movies will stick around, promise ;) just take your time and feel better, capisce

  • Anonymous

    Oh yeah, I forgot. I do have some actually useful advice too, other than just “use your head”. Whenever I feel like my stress levels are starting to get way too high, when I’m close to a panic attack, I focus on taking slow, deep breaths and repeat one or more of “Remember the big picture”, “Don’t get caught up in the details” and “Do one thing at a time”.

    I’m sure you’ve heard similar advice before, especially the breathing, but it helps oh so much in the short term, which might be enough to get you over a hurdle and lessen your overall anxiety. Breathing is all-important, I catch myself holding my breath when I get too stressed out which only increases the sense of panic.

    Again this is a matter of thinking, of figuring out the small things that affect you personally. Everyone’s different, and you should allow yourself to find out what works for you.

    And again, good luck.

    PS: I’ve been loving the counter monkey videos. If they work for you, don’t feel bad for putting them up.

  • Anonymous

    You work from home or have many days off between work, you probably eat more junk food or similar than you need, you already admit you sleep more than average, you have no energy to do anything, you feel depressed and you get easily physically tired. Been there a few times in my life myself.

    Its called being human and this is what more often than not happens to people that dont use their bodies enough. What you should try is to get a proper exercise routine going because it will improve your mood since the body produces “happy chemicals” when you do. Let me guess, you feel slightly better when you eat, right?

    Like it or not, you are lazy. Its a side effect many people in similar circumstance get to after they have lived a similar life styles downwards spiral of inactivity for a while. Pills wont really help you. XX months before you see a effect from the pills? What BS! The chemicals are mostly instant. Aka, they dont work as intended and -majority of people with your symptoms- do NOT need them. Jog 6km every day for 14 days. I guarantee you that after a rough start you will strangely feel more well with yourself. If not possible because of your heart condition, start with more weights and stuff with some jogging. Its cheaper than medicines as well so what do you have to lose by trying?

    • Anders Adrielsson

      Dude, you’re ruining the mood!!! we were all cheerful and shit

    • Anonymous

      Take it from somebody who has severe depression, he is not being lazy. A big problem with depression is that every day things actually begin to require more of your energy than they used to, until finally you just give up because the effort is too much. Eating became a chore and eventually I just ceased feeling hunger. It isn’t just things you have to do, things you usually enjoy fall by the wayside too. I myself stopped playing video games because I felt tired just thinking about it. The worst stage of this is when simply thinking, simply existing becomes difficult. The whole world is a hazy mess and you can barely make any sense of it.

      So I say again. Spoony isn’t lazy, especially since he’s taking measures to fight back.

      • Anonymous

        “…especially since he’s taking measures to fight back.”

        Aka, taking drugs that only hide symptoms instead of actually trying the natural way for human bodies when its SUPER clear that hes life style checks on all of the common points that increases people chances of becoming depressed.

        In severe cases, which are not that common comparably, I could argue that meds are needed, but meds dont really fix the problem anyway and people in such states usually are depressed or suffer from it on some level for the rest of their lives. So I dont see why he shouldnt try to exercise when its proven it improves peoples quality of life both mentally and physically.

        But maybe I am the bad guy for telling a person to actually try the obvious way first before jumping on the junkie “drugs will fix me” bandwagon most commentors here seem to favor.

        • Anonymous

          Dude, the point isn’t that “Drugs will fix me!!!”

          The point is “The drugs will enable me to function well enough so I can seek help to fix the underlying problem”

    • Jesse Melat

      He can’t really exercise, dude.  He has a heart condition.

      • Anonymous

        He has a heart condition, true. He cant exercise because of it, BS.

        Not asking him to do marathon training or training that puts him at risk (which if needed he should talk to a cardiovascular specialists about), but anyone that HAS a heart condition should actually train to keep their heart in better shape.

        Which I reckon a cardiovascular specialists would say if Spoony asked.

    • Ben Dunder

      Lobos, don’t try to play amateur nutritionist. If his doctor is telling him it’s depression, it’s depression. Nothing to do with laziness. Just accept that you don’t know everything about things you haven’t studied, you weren’t even capable of naming the ‘happy chemicals’ (you’re referring to dopamine), so what credibility do you think you have to tell Spoony what his condition is without ever meeting him? The only information you have is what he’s telling you, which is that he’s spent eight months trying to overcome this. If it was ‘laziness’ it would have been settled in a matter of days.

      • Anonymous

        The so called experts you are insinuating too wants you to think its rocket science, but the fact of the matter is that it is not. Naming the different receptors like dopamine etc was hardly the point of the post. Its produced when you train, eat, wank and so on and its one of the components that make you feel better, but EVERYBODY knows that. Adding more technical terms to that fact wasnt necessary. A laymen terms analogy was enough, but I guess you equal fancy words with credibility….

        A general practitioners doctor dont generally know more about depression than any other person. They usually just prescribe medicine if people complain about it. Which to me isnt the best solution because many that dont really need it still get one. Its even worse if the doctor gets kick backs from some company to prescribe out their drugs.I have followed Spoony for long enough, its not just this article of hes, to think my view of hes current life style is close to reality and anyone living like that over a long time runs the risk of depression. It should be common knowledge, but in this day and age people seems to need some “Doctor Phil” to tell them about “Captain Obvious”.

  • Paolo Bossi

    I’m Really sorry to here this, Noah. Take all the necessary precautions and all the time you need to fix this. Fans who really care about you will stick around no matter what, the others… well… they should fuck their mothers in the bunhole. Take care. :) 

  • Fredrik Rastrilla

    Dude, don’t worry about us! Focus on getting better, we’ll still be here when you get back! :))

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony I’ve got the same problem and I’m right there with you (support wise, it would be a bit creepy if I was suddenly outside your house or something). Try Citalopram, I take about 20 mgs of it every night and I stopped feeling that life killing lethargy pretty quickly.

  • Paolo Bossi

    I take Citalopram too. I had trouble staying home alone. it took one month and a half but now I don’t get pasnic attacks anymore when I’m home on my own.

  • Nathan Anderson

    I’ve had recent progress with depression by doing therapy only.  I had tried medication in Jr. High (I have no idea what it was), but it was also mixed with a horrible therapist then so I have no idea how much it helped if any.  At least for me, exercise (walking outside 20-30 minutes a few days a week) can do wonders.  If you don’t get much fresh air/exercise, that would be a good place to start. 
    On a semi-related note, I also learned how hilarious the futility of life is from depression.  Being put on hold by the suicide hotline can really cause you to evaluate things, as well as laugh at how messed up that is.

  • Rui Leite

    just get well. we can wait!

  • Ben Ruijl

    I would really recommend one-on-one therapy with a licensed psychologist. Medication alone doesn’t help very well, because what you have to do is change the way you are thinking. Medications help make you more receptable for therapy.

    Depression is tough, but it can be overcome. Good luck!

  • radagast.fh

    I’ve got a similar problem and it took me some time to understand, that nothing works if I don’t actively work against it on my own like doing stuff instead of giving in to the sickness. For you that could mean, that you go out with your dog instead of sleeping although it might be an overwhelming urge. And even that method could take quite a while until you actually feel better. But nothing is worse than resting on one’s sickness – it just becomes an excuse to avoid stuff, you don’t want to do or stuff that is exhausting. I did that for far too long and it’s unbelievably hard to fight against that. Don’t let it come that far and if you feel like you’re already there then fight against it anyway. This is the only thing I can suggest. That and get some therapy to help you in the process as people already mentioned.

  • Scott

    Hey Spoony, I’m not sure if you take vitamins or exercise, but they helped me a lot. Just a thought. Anyways, focus on taking care of yourself man. We love your videos but you’re health is way more important.

  • Genevieve Bruneau

    Don’t overwork yourself, your health matters to us.  We’ll still be around to watch your videos no matter what. :)

  • Anonymous

    First off Lost your smile really, and second you know that your fans are here and will be you are by far one of if not the best at what you do.  You have made me as well as other laugh they asses off of numerous occasions so by all mean noah take your time we want you at your best and bringing your A game how ever long that takes we’ll be here.

  • lemartes_7000

    Everyone have already said it but I
    LOVE EVERYTHING YOU DO and I know that the 99% of people who don’t
    leave comments are thinking the same. From Sweden with love! 

  • Testy Testman

    Stop whining and go to work. Lazy bum.

  • Anonymous

    Depression is the worst. I’ve been trying to fight it off for almost 8 years now without medication. It’s good you’re seeing doctors and trying to sort things out. I like the small part you put in about depression not being “just sad” or something you can “snap out of”. A lot of people have a hard time understanding it, so when someone a lot of people look up to is going through it and explains it, they listen and learn more readily. I hope you get some comfort knowing all of your fans are still with you and support you, no matter what’s going on in your life. I know you’ve made my life better by making me laugh and giving me something to look forward to.

  • Anonymous

    I just made a post but unfortuately it doesnt seem to be here :-(

    – Ah it´s down below – silly me :-)

  • Matsern

    Feel better, Noah. I´ll be right here.

  • stephen

    Just making a post to show my support, Spoony. Gotta say, I’ve enjoyed Counter Monkey and actually hope that it will continue as filler off and on once you are through these dark times.

  • Magrat Garlic

    I just wanted to say that you’re a wonderful, wonderful human being and no matter what I’ll support you with my both mind and heart. Take your time dear, Ill be thinking of you.

  • Tovi Almozlino

    Have you considered that maybe this is NOT that much of a dream job? That maybe it would be better as a “dream hobby”?
    Spoony, from what I’ve read, you’re a computer scientist. A real nerd. Not a pretentious hipster-poseur pretending to be geeky on the Internet. Maybe it’s time to go out there and be productive again. Go Forth And Code, Spoony!

  • Jack Donald

    Just take your time Spoony, if anything the slower turnover is a plus as far as I’m concerned; the anticipation builds over a matter of days until there’s finally a new video. Just the feeling I get from being able to watch the next video is nearly as good as the video itself.

    Keep doing what you’re doing man, we’re behind you every step of the way.

  • Anonymous

    Do what you have to do, to get a handle on this. I understand what you are going through, I have seen it in people that I know (and have dated…) and work with, who suffer from depression. It won’t be easy, cause anything worth doing never is. Take your time. It’s not like the internet is going anywhere or us for that matter.

  • Anonymous

    don’t worry about us, Spoony. take as long as you need. we’ll be waiting for you when you’re finally better.

  • Leena Hölttä

    Your health comes first. I have someone in my family that is going through severe depression, I know what it’s like, I know how it works. It’s not easy to live with, and it takes a lot of time to get even a little better. Take your time, I don’t mind waiting for videos at all.
    It’s possible that you’re so tired because of depression. The person I know, who’s going through depression also takes naps throughout the day, because they’re so exhausted.

    Try to find something that you absolutely love doing, whether it’s taking a long walk with Oreo, or playing your favorite game, hanging out with your best friends, or whatever makes you happy. Exercising can also help (taking the dog out for a walk is a great way to get out), and I recommend visiting a dog park with Oreo. Socializing with other dog owners can do good, and the fresh air is great for headaches :D

    Whenever I’m stressed out, I usually hit the gym or the pool and exercise my frustrations away, or then I teach my dog new tricks, sing, or draw. All are things I absolutely love to do, and they instantly make me feel at least a little better. ^.^

    Try to socialize with others as much as possible. The person I know started feeling much better when they got a dog and started going out, meeting other dog owners and talking with them about dogs. Keeping to yourself, and isolating yourself from people important to you can make things worse, so try to remember they’re there to support you, no matter what.

    Also, a healthy, nutritious, versatile diet can apparently make one feel better too (or so I’ve heard), and so can chocolate. Dark chocolate has many health benefits. One small bite a day can make a difference (plus, it’s delicious!)

    Take your time getting better. Do what works for you.

  • Zannuck Leeflang

    Dude no problem please take your time. My ex-girlfriend suffered from the same problem, and it took her almost 9 months now to find the meds that actually help a little. Our relationship ended, and not because we didn’t love each other anymore but we both decided that its best for both of us if we separated.. Its a such a difficult problem to deal with but really in this case time really heals. Be patient and take it step by step, babysteps even, wanting too much gets your right back at the beginning! My ex-gf is feeling better day by day and so will you. It is an illness but thankfully one you can recover from. 
    Good luck man

  • Anonymous

    Just concentrate on getting better, we’re not going anywhere

  • Eve

    Don’t worry about us, Spoony. We all know you work hard, and you’re not being lazy. Fans will all stay with you until you’re better. Just worry about yourself; you don’t have to explain it to us. I, and everyone else here, really support you.

    Take care, and good luck, Noah. :)

  • Karen Shelton

    Don’t feel bad about taking care of yourself.  It takes a while to figure these things out.  I also commend you for BEING open and honest about this kind of thing.  People put a stigma on depression that it doesn’t deserve.  We hide it away in a closet, as if it were a sin, but it’s not.  You obviously don’t choose to be this way.  Who would?  Your bravery is truly inspiring.  Personally, it took two months for my Cymbalta to do anything other than give me insomnia, so I understand how long it takes to see results.  I hope the new meds work out for you, because when you find the right med and the right counselor, it’s like a light clicks on, and you can see your way through–not that there’s not still work to be done, you can just finally see where you’re going.  I’ll be praying for that you find the right combo to make you the old Spoony One we all know and care for.

  • ray

    You need to dunk those nuts and drop a load.

  • Anonymous

    Hey Noah, you’ve already earned a year off for all the fun times you provided. Don’t worry; we’ll keep checking in…forever! Who could forget a character like…. ….Oreo? And Burton?? When it comes to visiting your website, we can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. 

    In all seriousness though, some drugs do indeed take a while because of upregulation and downregulation of receptors. Maybe the tiredness is a result of starting a new medication or going off another. I’m sure you’ll get over this. After all, the Counter Monkey series has got to go on. FOREVER.

  • Tim Tim

    Get better Ive been really digging the counter monkey videos and they made me want to pick up the World of Darkness books just to see really what its all about get better spoony!

  • Carlos Torreblanca

    DOn´t worry SpoonyOne. We all hope you’ll get better soon. The only way I can help rigth now is to rewatch your old stuff, so you can still make a profit out of making video. Good Luck. 

  • Anonymous

    Dude, this is perfectly understandishable and I’m definitely in the same boat.  I’ve been struggling with depression for years now but it definitely hit its peak about a year ago.  I was officially diagnosed with Dysthymic Depression (from what I understand is somewhere between standard and Major Depression) and I too found myself sleeping a lot more than often…and I sleep enough as it is.  I went back on meds and finally settled on Prozac (or the generic equivalent) and even then I didn’t really notice any improvement until months later when I started doing stand-up comedy.  That definitely helped but I’ve noticed myself slipping back into my old habits lately and I’m not proud of it.  So I can definitely understand why you haven’t been pumping out any content.  I like the Counter Monkey stories and actually kinda wish you’d hold back on them so that you don’t run out so quickly.   So take care of yourself.


  • Troy Lang

    Just by scrolling through some of these comments, it’s amazing how many
    of us (including myself) are/were in the same boat you’re in, Spoony.
    For what it’s worth, you’re my favorite online reviewer; you’ve made me
    laugh for countless hours and I’ve probably watched almost all of your
    videos at least twice by now. You’ve helped my depression, when I watch
    one of your videos it’s like hanging out with my friends. If it helps,
    take a little more time to be around your friends and loved ones. Just
    knowing that there are people who care about you and want to be around
    you helps a lot (for me, anyway). Friendship is a wonderful thing, it’s a
    therapy like no other. Take care. 

  • Minna

    Just take it one day at a time. I hope you find meds that works for you soon so you can get some balance. I absolutely love the Counter Monkey-videos and I’m really happy you decided to share your stories with us. I hope to see more of them when you feel you can do them.

    May the force be with you, SpoonyWan. :)

  • amanda

    there, Spoony. Trust me (and the many others I assume have come out to
    support you), everyone hits these roadblocks. Life is a roller coaster
    and sometimes there are a lot more downs than ups. I am glad you are
    seeking help for your troubles and most of us will understand that true
    depression is more than just being “bummed out and lazy.” It’s a vicious
    cycle to get out of. I’ve totally been there. But you can get out of
    that funk, I know you can! Take your time, do what you can to relax and
    enjoy your days. I am sure soon, you will find that combination so you
    can go back to doing what you love. We’ll still be here when you get


  • Anonymous

    When you know that logically you should be happy it makes it more difficult to recover because the people around you can’t understand why you’re not, but you have no reason to feel guilty about it. I know from experience that one of the hardest things about depression is accepting that it isn’t your fault, and people who don’t know much about depression make that harder to do. Just remember that we’re all here to support you and there will always be someone willing to help you live with this problem. If you ever need anything just ask, and like the others said, health is the most important thing a person has.

    Good luck!!
    You aren’t in this alone.

  • Anonymous

    Take your time, oh Spoony One. Your reviews are well worth the wait, be it days, months or even years. You’re one of the few reviewers out there whose reviews I can watch again and again and laugh my ass off every single time. You should see my ass reattachment bills.

    More importantly, get well. We can wait for your reviews if we have to, but what matters is that your health and your sanity remain intact. I mean, you need to be sane before you “lose your god damn mind,” right? :) I hope you feel better soon, for your sake more than anything else.

    And I also hope you start doing Wrestle Wrestle again. That’s still some of my favourite stuff. I’m not sure if TNA Wrestling is good for depression, though. On the one hand, it inspires strong, violent emotions and spurs people into action. On the other hand, those strong emotions take the form of murderous urges and those actions are probably illegal. But damn if I don’t miss you flipping out over wrestling. It’s funny how your unscripted v-logs are more entertaining than many reviewers’ planned stuff.

    I know I don’t comment much, but I’ve gone out of my way to watch most of your stuff, Spoony, and you are by far my favourite reviewer on the ‘net.

  • ArkE

    I noticed the sudden drop off in reviews, and a sudden slowness to your attitude. I won’t lie, I used to hate your videos, I missed the joke I guess, but after a while (I think it was your Highlander 2 review) I realized you are a really funny guy. I have depression issues myself, and like you, I do videos myself. I know how you feel about things like depression just tearing down your focus. Just take all the time you need, let your life turn a bit brighter around you. Once you do though, get your ass in gear lol. I want to see the rest of the X-2 review :P. All joking aside, you kick ass Spoony, so just keep at it, and you will be back to your old self before you know it. Just, for the love of fuck, don’t push yourself to keep going, and make a slew of bad videos like NC did earlier this year.


  • Erik Brandt

    Take care man, I know how it is and that it takes time, but you will find a way to live with it even though it takes time. Just never give up.

  • Anonymous

    Depression is a sickness after all.  I hope you can find a solution, and not just because I want you to put out more videos.  Do what you can, and good luck!

  • Danijel Boskovic

    Hey don’t worry about us man, get yourself healthy and feeling good again! Wish you all the best, good luck!

  • Sofie Liv Pedersen

    Don’t forget to smile, that’s the important thing.

    I hope you’ll get better soon, really. Hope at least christmas will be able to put you in a cheery mood.

  • Syrie Sian

     Good luck Spoony. We love ya.

  • Sarah Dompkowski

    Good luck. You’re going to get through this. It’s going to be just plain awful at times, but you’re going to get through this. You’re getting professional help; you’re on the right track. 
    The minute you talked about sleeping too much I thought “oh no …” because both of my parents have depression and that’s a sign I’ve been warned about since I was a teenager. 

    For what it’s worth, I’ve been enjoying the episodes of Counter Monkey immensely. I do love your reviews, but I can be patient. 

    I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m sending you internet hugs right now. 

  • Mauricio

    hey I think a lot of us know what its like living with depression. keep on trucking spoony you have the spoony legions supporting you! the greatest fanbase in all of the net! We can’t wait for you to get better so we can enjoy your company again! (after all, you share with us so much that it feels as though I personally know you) 

  • Charles Quilter

    This is the first time I have posted on here but I just want to let you know Spoony, I suffered from Bipolar type 2 for 10 years without treatment. I finally got it treated this year and I can not believe the difference.

    For those who are unaware what bipolar type 2 is, it is a condition that is more characterized by severe depression with only hypo-manic (not crazy just feel damn good about life) states. The thing that sucks most about it is when you do go from feeling good back down to depression it is a way worse feeling than just being depressed on a consistent bases. I also know that people who have never had it do not have an understanding of whats happening and that’s is a great thing in my opinion because i would never wish it on anyone

    The real reason I am writing however is to thank you. Your videos (along with some reviewers on that guy but you are my favorite) really gave me something to laugh at and they helped me so much through my hard times.

    I hope all of the best for you and know good things will happen for you.

    If you are wondering my wonder drugs ended up being a mix of Lamictal(used for seziures and bipolar lol) and Lexapro. I still have my hypo-manic states with this mix but the depression has yet to come back. I know you will find something that works for you.

  • Pete D

    Do what you gotta do, Herr Spoony (which sadly, is NOT always what one WANTS to do).  I’ve actually been a fan since… hell, since you started filming your FF8 review.  And yeah, looking at these comments, I’m not the only one who’s stuck with you for years, AND because you are that stand up of a guy, and that damn funny.
    Also thought I should note that the gog com ad at the base of your post is none other Phantasmagoria.  Heh.  Didja know that game cost a cool 14 million to make?  (If memory serves me correct…)

  • Anonymous

    First time commenter here, long-time fan. I’m sure we’re all behind you at this difficult time, I don’t care what video’s you post, be it a review, countermonkey, a vlog on a recent film, anything, it’s all great stuff. Just know that there is no pressure from our end, take as long as you need, do only what you can. Don’t overwork yourself to exaustion on our behalf, your heath is worth more than that. I hope you feel better soon.

  • Anonymous

    Sorry to hear about your troubles. Honestly, keep at it. Your health > silly internet reviews, but if lack of productivity is part of the problem, try to set some small and achievable goals for yourself. Post a Counter Monkey blog every few days, or just pick away at things. Don’t exhaust yourself over it, but it’s pretty textbook of depression to simultaneously make you feel like doing nothing and then to make you feel like shit for doing nothing. Recognizing the small victories is a really crucial part of overcoming it, so take it easy and help yourself out! The internet’s a big place, you need not be our only source of entertainment (in fact, it’s probably healthier for us all that way)!

  • Anonymous

    I hope you start to feel better soon dude. Just take your time, no rush. Us fans are pretty much prepared to wait forever for anything you post so just chill out and take your time to recover. 

  • diagonaldevice

    I’m so glad you’re seeking help for this rather than just blindly trying to push through.

    That’s all I have to say.

  • Kevin Olivier

    No worries Noah.  Your health is far more important than getting videos up.  Take care of yourself and do what you can.  I know you’ll get through this.

  • Tuomo Pekkanen

    Had to throw a quick comment also: take care of yourself! I just wanted to thank you for your videos and hours of entertainment you have produced.

  • Peter Keleher

    Take care of yourself Noah, you’re a really fantastic guy and I hope you give yourself the care you deserve.

  • Samuel Pozaicer

    You do not need to apologize with your fans man, your health should be your primary concern. Plus your “Counter Monkey” videos have been awesome.

  • reddbane

    I sincerely wish you the best Noah, I’ve been dealing with depression and panic attacks for the past five years.  Unfortunately depression is never one of those things that completely goes away, It is just something one learns to live live with.

  • Julien Jauniaux

    Greetings from Brussels! 
    I’ve never commented on your site before… However, I think I owe you this. I’ve been watching your videos for 2 years now and I’m glad I discovered you :-)Thank you for your reviews and your stories. Thank you for sharing this with us and I hope you’ll get better. Think about yourself first, your fans can wait. Get well, Spoony One !!!

    Bon rétablissement, 


  • Fraser Gerrie

    Get well soon man!  I have a friend who also has a similar problem, and I know it’s difficult to live with.  I hope that with the time and dedication of your doctors you will soon be back to your usual self.

  • Ashley Engel

    Don’t Give up Spoony! You’re one of the funniest guys on the internet, I know you find a way to beat this. Stay strong!

  • Deborah

    Take your time, handsome. I can wait.

    It’s a good thing you have Oreo; pets make everything better. I read about a woman who battled her way through depression purely by taking care of her cats, and one guy who got as far as putting a gun in his mouth before his puppy licked his ear. Take care of that dog and she’ll take care of you.

  • Ryan McGrath

    Spoony, I hope you feel better soon. As long you wish upon a star, Hoak Hogan, and believe in the power of Destrucity and your dreams. will. come. truuuuuuuuuueeeee! *SKRONK* For real, we all know your health is your primary concern, do whatever makes you feel better. And the Counter Monkey videos are actually very funny too.

  • Aisha Kegawa

    I’m glad your taking time to get yourself taken care of. I suggest maybe until things start getting better to take more time with your new puppy, animals are well known to help with people’s moods and are often prescribed as therapy.

  • Ceherz

    all the best to you spoony. i hope you’ll be able to solve your problems or learn how to cope with them (i don’t think there’s some kind of 100%-“cure” for this disease).
    just always remember how many countless people you entertain every day all over the world. take your time. stay creative!

  • Amber

    I’m cheering for you as I type, Noah!  And we can always watch your old stuff.  Some of it is long enough to fill a day by itself.  

  • Ubersnuber

    I know what you’re going through. Not easy when it’s all in your head. The feeling of guilt on top multiplies the effect if one doesn’t seek help.
    Take your time,man. All the best!

  • Wuzzums Fuzzums

    Have you consulted any other doctors aside from psychiatrists? The fatigue and decreased cognition can be a consequence of bad circulation (with or without any associated pain), this in turn may lead to mental anguish solely as a psychological consequence.

  • Anonymous

    Hmm: Hypertension, depression, pale skin colour, heart condition.

    One might almost be lead into thinking somebody has a case of hypovitaminosis D!

    Read this.
    I am not a doctor so talk to your doctor.

    Either way.
    Get well soon Spoony. :)

  • Lukas Hägg

    I don’t know what I can say that someone else haven’t said already, so I’ll just wish you well and continue to rewatch phantasmagoria and ripper. =)

  • Kikka wota

    Reading this has really caught me by surprise but dude, I know more than anyone how tough it is to be going through what you are, as I have been the same for about the same length of time.  Like you I have been on a variety of meds, seeing therapists and whole hordes of other stuff.  It isn’t easy mate, the fact that you’ve got help is the biggest thing there is.  If you have to take another 8 months off to get yourself right then you go right ahead and do it dude, all the best from England

  • Tyler

    I know it might not be a popular opinion on the forums and comment boards, but it might be that you’ve got a spiritual deficit and not just depression.

    • Anonymous

      How do you mean?

    • heather

      Considering that he stated it was a chemical imbalance and not only a feeling of dis-ease, I’m going to say no it’s probably not a spiritual deficit. Just because the guy reviews video games and movies doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a rich and fulfilling spiritual life when the cameras are off. Leave the poor guy alone.

  • Henry

    You talking about that this honest and public and reading through the posts here is able to put a tear down my face!

    My message is that I’m very thankful for your videos and you know that you make a lot of people happy just listening to you. 

    I don’t know if I ever experienced something that comes near to your experience but I deeply wish that you will overcome! We all have had or will have our hard times and I wish you can climb out of the hole that this depression.

    So best luck, put a smile on your face, we sure have one when we think of you!

  • Anonymous

    As a man who has spent much of his life dealing with clinical depression (in combination with High-functioning Autism and ADHD no less) I know that it’s a TOUGH thing to deal with.   The best piece of advice I can offer from one depression sufferer to another it to get out for a walk around your neighborhood every day.  I started doing that about two years ago and it did more for me than the pills ever did.  My mood improved tenfold, my energy became better than it had been in years and I’ve even lost weight.

    However you chose to cope with it, I wish you the best of luck.

  • Rosemary CG

    Having been dealing with my own bout of depression related sleep issues, I can totally sympathize, and mine aren’t even serious enough that I need medication. Take as much time as you need in order to feel better.

  • Pawel Archipow

    Have you considered altering your daily routine?

    How about exposing yourself to more natural light by taking regular, long walks. Basically; take a break from all things virtual and see how it’ll make you feel. Live differently for a while. Go to a city you’ve never been in. Do something you’ve never done before. 

    Take care, Noah

    • Anonymous

       Agreed, I did this. It helps so much to get out of the house at least once every day.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, if you know a bit about science, you should know Medicine is the last option, and the worst of them all, as it usely is your lifestyle and thoughts that helps on your brain (funny enought), than pills. People just think taking a pill will work, tsk, that is just chemical and placebo, doesn’t really help on endorfines and happy-thoughts, I guess. And don’t feel stressed about doing something for those 10 bucks I donated, it is alright, it helped me the most by my concious. I would have done the same for my own website.

    • Matthew Allread

      >Yes, if you know a bit about Scientology, you sh…

      Welcome to club Depression, I’ve been a member since 1990.  Fucking sucks, huh?  Now don’t you take any of these bloke seriously who all go on about how terrible your meds will be.  Yes, some have some fucked up side effects but that is a risk you need to balance.  For some people medication is the only way they can have a normal life, others (like myself) don’t respond to it as well.  Part of it is your outlook but that is never something that you will never be in full control.  I’ve had good weeks come crashing down with a single bad day at work.

      While some people use faith to help them get through I found a more unorthodox approach: Nihilism.  Now for all of you religious types I ain’t bashing your shit, if it works for you then I’m happy for you, I really am.  Nihilism works for me because it not only frames the world in a manner that I can relate to (nothing matter, any action is meaning less the grand scheme, etc) but embracing that philosophy has been very freeing for me.  By excepting that nothing really matter on the large scale I can take comfort that now matter what I do with my life, for good or ill, doesn’t really matter so there is no pressure to succeed beyond my personal happiness.  No more guilt for not doing good enough or worrying that you are some how failing at life.  It’s kinda like facing your fears head one, once you do so it’s not as bad anymore.

      And for those BAD days where things are at the worse, I recommended using that new ‘medicine’ that was approve for our state last year.  While our state considers it to treat depression as off-label, various research papers show that it can help depression and other states allow it to be prescribed for it. 

      • Anonymous

        I am on that weird part of spoonyexperiment again aint I? It was written in a witty manner, no pun intended. Scientology? What have Scientology said? I am a bit confused, do the people at Scientology say something about this? No wonder no one will listen then…. so people pop pills even more now, because Scientology have told the opposite? I’m just a Dane, I know jackshit. However I do know that for some people, chemistry (physics as in the world we live in) is the cure, but for some it is deep psychological issues, which you can say is their “soul” that have been hurt.

        And here is where some people misrepresent, and think that pills help on their soul, when it is in reality pursuit of happiness.

        However I’m glad I inspired you to formulate yourself and write that wall of text :)

  • Anonymous

    Yeah man you’re not the only one who knows what that garbage is like… the ever-revolving door of doctors and know-it-alls and even the damn pills handed out like candy on an incomplete science.  I think us fans will be happier to see you taking care of yourself.  We’ll wait.

    Also the Counter Monkey vids have been plenty entertaining in the meantime.

    Yes, I know I don’t comment much either but god knows I’ve been around for ages now, tuning in to the bright spots on a dark world.  You’ve got a tremendous support network, don’t forget :3

  • Anonymous

    The way I see it, you have given me countless hours of entertainment since I started to follow in back in 2006. Sometimes life gets in the way, and given all the BS that has been shoveled your way, it’s awesome that you have done what you accomplished.

    Take all the time you need, man. We’ll still be here.

  • Bryan Clark

    We got a lot of old videos to keep ourselves entertained. We want a healthy Spoony before any videos can be made. Take care of yourself.

  • nl sdan

    As a long-time fan (but first-time commenter), I hope that the depression lessens (or disappears, but that’s a tall order). Good luck!

  • Okanehira

    Don’t worry about it bro, take your time. I’ll just watch the Phantasmagoria Lets Play for the 400th time while i wait :)

    Health first man, keeping yourself healthy is priority one, fuck all us faceless fans we aren’t going anywhere.

    All the best.

  • Alexander Wood

    Good luck on the recovery man. We don’t mind waiting!

  • AJRimmer

    Hey Spoony, not that I’m any kind of medical expert, but I experienced the same problems you are experiencing. And I know the pain of finding the right medicine. If the stuff you’re on now doesn’t help you, Zoloft was the wonder fix for me. I got balanced, found my median, and have been off them for years now. Keeping the median, where I wasn’t to happy or too sad is what I strive for. And it works for me, everyone finds their own way to cope and that was mine. Maybe that will help, I don’t know. But the two things to be proud of, you noticed the problem and you’ve taken steps to deal with it. Most people can’t or won’t admit there’s a problem and continue to worsen. Good luck man. Do what you gotta do and feel better.

  • Nuno Sousa

    Take your time and make a full recovery man!

    We know you’ll be back in action when the time is right :P

  • Kyle

    Thanks for taking the time to give us fans an explaination to your status on your health and vids Spoony. I hope you get better soon, your vids are well worth any wait!

  • Richard Skemp

    Dont worry Spoony, your fans are all behind you 100%, you take your time and get well, we appriciate the many many laughs you have given us over the years. Im sure many of us have been or know someone who has been in the same situation as you, we understand.
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you man.

  • Archibald Caldwell

    Ehh, gives me to to rewatch the spoony archives. I am okay with this. Feel better!

  • Brendan Edwards

    I suffer from depression too, so I know how it can feel when you want to do more but can’t. When it got really bad, and I was falling asleep suddenly and having trouble waking up for work, I had people telling me I was just wasn’t trying hard enough… Which only made me feel worse. I eventually found out that it was depression and I’m taking meds for it now, so it’s a little better. I really understand how bad you must feel and I sympathize with you, so I just want to say that I’m rooting for you and I hope you get better soon.

  • L.

    don’t worry spoony I had the same problem during middle school and then it stopped as soon as I got into highschool, if it is the same thing it will probably just go away on it’s own may just take a year or two

  • L.

    but that’s just for the sleep issue

  • crix.dorius

    You are not alone Spoony. =)

  • Raina Audron

    I hope you will get well soon, Spoony. I could watch your FF videos over and over, they are super funny :D Don´t feel pressured, fans will always wait for new stuff from you.

  • Anonymous

    Love ya Spoony, take good care of yourself.

  • Mateusz K.

    Hi There Spoony. It’s my first time posting a comment here but I sorta had to voice my appreciation for the great work you’ve been doing here and my gratidude for so much joy you brought into my life. I’m 29 years old and I live in Poland. Few years ago I had a similair experience in terrible depression which lasted for 2 years before I gotback on track. In my country, Poland it is uncommon to seek professional help and medication, and most people just deal with stress, depression, fear ans sickenss without any medication or couseling. I just wanted to let you know, that I’ve been there, and thelack of ability to function normally is really bad, but with time and help one can overcome it and get back to life.
    I’m really proud to call myself your fan, and hope that you can also, with our help, overcome this terrible condition.
    I urge everyone to help Spoony and domate to help him through this hard time.
    Thank you for being there for us, You are the first person I donated and I will continue to support you even through this problem. Hope you get better. Remember to think positive… there are people who care for you and people that wish you well!

  • Sangii

    I have the same exact thing going on with me. Depression, lack of sleep, urge to nap, uninspired. Doctor diagnosed Fibromyalgia, which is basically depression and anxiety that manifest physically. So I know what you’re going through, and completely understand. Medication is tricky, and is never an instant fix, and most of the time, for me, makes things wore before they make it better. Keep fighting, Spoony, we all love you.

  • Anonymous

    Get well Spoony. Good things are worth waiting for and your videos are very good things.

  • Anonymous

    Feel better Spoony. Good things are worth waiting for and your videos are VERY good things!

  • Anonymous

    Hello Spoony.
    First of all, thank you very much for the literal years of entertainment you have provided me with and also for opening my eyes to a lot of interesting media (films, games etc.)
    I am also a sufferer of depression and I lost about 2 years just moping and doing nothing because I didn’t know what to do to help me get out of the hole that I dug for myself. Your videos played no small part in lifting my spirits during those days.

    You will get better. It is one of the defining characteristics of depression that it swings down and up again even though the downswings can be lengthy. It is very important to never let go of the knowledge that things will get better. It is similarly important that you get to recognize the start of your swing downwards and take measures to counteract it.

    I’ve been through this a couple of times and I know this can be difficult but as long as you don’t allow yourself to just fall into self-worthlessness you should be able to win through.

    As a last note and just to provoke your thinking if you feel the same way: I found that anti-depression meds really put a dampener on my creative side (musician) so I got help from a psychologist rather than I psychiatrist and found a way that worked for me and didn’t mess up my ability to express myself but of course medicine can and has helped a lot of people in similar situations.

  • Echo_Hotel

    Welcome to the anti-depressant club Spoony! I’ve been a member for over 20 years now!
    Sign up sheet is in the corner for everyone’s favorite game “Did I miss a dose or does my life just actually suck” Later today we will be having a seminar “Generics and You: Why 3.5% adsorption makes a difference.”
    Remember that you are a unique human being and everybody reacts differently to every drug and nobody but you can decide what’s the best you can feel, unless you are schizophrenic then you should just take the drugs.

  • hchano

    Thanks for posting this, I was wondering what was going on with the slower posts lol. Depression is a bitch. You’ll find the right balance, tho, just like you said, it takes a while… my mother in law took a little over a year before she found the right meds, cos sometimes the meds have side effects and either had to deal with them or take something else along with it to balance it out lol. Sucks… but she’s doing amazing now.

    Anyway, take care of yourself. :)

  • João Vicente

    I’m sure you will get better soon and will be back to beat on my beloved FF series. Until then I miss you vids, but I understand and just wish you the best of things.

    Good luck and cheers Spoony! We will be here waiting.

  • kaleb phillpott

    welcome to the club im bi-polar and have to switch meds every few months it blows hope you can get back to making vids soon cos FFX-2 IS GONNA PISS YOU OFF AGAIN YET

  • heather

    As many of the responses state, we are all completely understanding of your situation. Depression runs in my family, and though I’ve been lucky enough to not need medication right now, I know that it can be tough. Depression really is misunderstood outside of the people who have it. We are told to ‘suck it up and deal with it’ as if we’re somehow making it up, or we are at fault for a chemical imbalance. We can’t just deal with it anymore than a person with ADHD can just stop being hyper. There is no /just/ in these situations. 

    Take care of yourself, eat right, and remember that you have people in your life who honestly love you and care about you. Your viewers will still be here, so for now you need to take care of yourself.

  • Benedikt van Recum

    hey spoony. i know your problems very well. and if i can help in any form let me know it! im a media designer too so maybe if you have some editing stuff or so i might help (i know sending material over the net is a pretty nasty issue but it works eventually ;) ) so if you feel like this is all too much for you – i would help you!

  • Katie T.

    We love ya, Noah, don’t forget that.  Get yourself well first, ok?  Don’t worry about us too much ;) *hug*

  • João Monteiro

    Take good care of yourself, Spoony! Don´t let yourself be dragged down, keep your chin up, avoid Twilight movies, because they´re not healthy! Remember, we´re all here for you!

  • MutiPplProductions

    Feel better man

  • Anonymous

    You’re my hero man. And I’m no stranger to depression.

    I look at it this way: You’re the guy in the white shirt, and depression is the guy in the black shirt.

    Now go kick some ass!

    • Anonymous

      That’s a good point. When depression is near, sweep the leg :)

  • Anonymous

    Since we talk about depression, it is one of the reasons I am so alone and have learned to do alot of stuff on my PC, I guess. It is about now I saw all you guys at TGWTG, you don’t know how much it helped getting out of that evil circle. Just watching witty, clever and dignified open-minded people did it all. It was a delight!
    I don’t understand people, they don’t understand me (maybe after years), maybe also the reason I’m terribly alone. Thanks to you Spoony and a bunch of other nerds, I am no longer an lonesome waste of air, now I am a waste of air, streamed on the internet, in a failed attempt to entertain people.
    The funny thing is, that if people are themselves and in the radius of 10 feet of me, they will find out who I really am. And no one can speak for themselves right? So I’m just pathetic.

  • nikola jordan

    Take as much time as you can.
    Mental health is no joking matter.
    Hopefully you’ll do what’s best for you and get well soon.

    PS: At least you’ll have realistic “Happy Pill” props for videos : P

  • Anonymous

    [INSERT Spider-Man ending of train scene here] Insert a shopped head of Noah Antwiler on Peter Parker.

  • Anonymous

    I’m having almost the exact same problem and have been for a while. It’s a horrible feeling. Get well soon, Spoony, and take care of yourself.

  • Anonymous

    “Depression really is misunderstood outside of the people who have it. We
    are told to ‘suck it up and deal with it’ as if we’re somehow making it
    up, or we are at fault for a chemical imbalance.”

    There’s a difference between “sucking it up” and “take up the fight”, that is what defines us. *shrug*

  • korruption

    Man that’s pretty heavy.  Panic attacks are nothing to take lightly–for those who have never experienced them they can be absolutely crushing.

    Best I can say is good luck and don’t go insano =D.  Take it easy man.

  • Tariel Corbeau

    Get better though I know a lot of people have said that!
    You are the guy I watch almost everyday and no matter how many times I do watch your videos I still laugh.
    So get better, people are patient so don’t worry about that either! We understand that you have a life and that you have some problems so don’t worry! We just want you at your snarky best!

  • Sam

    It was hard to read this considering you have a new series of vlogs that are so amazing.

  • Andrew Leubecker

    My mom went through the same issues with depression. Often how you eat can grossly affect it. I don’t know what your financial situation is but I see you eating a lot of junk food during your video logs. This can actually contribute to depression. Stay off the high proccessed crap and eat some better stuff, also find an homiopathalogist (herbal doctor) My mom’s did wonders for her.

  • Anthony Michel

    So…it’s all Scarlet’s fault?

  • BananaBot

    Damn you scarlett!!! making my spoony depressed :'( feel better!! <3

  • tom nesnah

    Absolutely no pressure on you Noah, I know that we all are worried about your well being and hope that you can overcome this, shall we say “emotional set back”. Having dealt with serious depression myself for a number of years, I know what a struggle it can be to find a way through it, from all of us loyal fans, we hope you feel better soon and are able to work through it.

  • Nick

    I’ll stick with you all the way Spoony

  • Anonymous

    Maybe suggested before, exercise. It helps to feel better to go gym. Without going gym, I get bored and hence depressed.

  • Luke Newsworthy

    Noah, man, stay strong buddy!  As a person who suffers numerous neurological disorders, such as OCD, ADHD, and Depression, I can tell you that a lot of the time, yeah, “this shit sucks.”  It really does.  I myself have been through a lot of what you’re describing: the feeling of all your happiness and energy being sapped from you, constantly wanting to sleep, feeling unreasonably sad.  If you want my advice, I’d say keep trying with different pills and dosages (I’ve been back and forth with Prozac, Lexapro, and the such.  I’m currently on Cymbalta, at the moment.)  Eventually, you’ll find a pill and dosage that works best with your current situation.  And most importantly, never lose faith.  Even when you are deep, deep, deep down in that hole, even to the point of contemplating suicide (as I have), always remember, life’s great and horrible.  You always have to be able to have a sense of humor about it and laugh at how comically sucky life is.  Because, life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it.  Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.  You’ll see it’s all a show, keep ‘em laughing as you go; just remember that the last laugh is on you…

  • Taew

    Spoony I understand completely. Things can be rough and they have been for me too. I hope you find the right meds. My mom tried to make me take medicine for me feeling bad. I didn’t do it, I personally don’t feel like I am depressed.

  • MaTachi

    Don’t worry about us! Sure I miss you, but you should think more about yourself.

  • Anonymous

    Well, yeah! 

    If I played a bunch of horrible Final Fantasy games, back to back, watched a dozen B-rated movies and hung-out with Angry Joe for a month…I’d want to kill myself! 

    Take a break from those sewer stages in all these videogames!  Stop counting fuse-boxes!  Stop eating raw peppers!  Stop rolling natural 1’s!  Stop watching those horrible Transformer movies! 

    Get out there and play fetch with Oreo or something!  Join a fight club!  Take a break!  God, it doesn’t take an expert to figure this one out! 

    Get well soon, Spoony! 

  • Anonymous

    I know depression quite well and I can say you’ve managed to keep it under control much better than a lot of people I know, myself included. Focus on your health man, any true fan of yours would want you to be happy first. Actually your videos help me a lot whenever Ifeel really bad, so be proud of what you’ve accomplished and keep on fighting.
    A big ( manly and totally straight :D) hug by your biggest italian fan.

  • Kevin

    I thankfully don’t suffer from any form of serious depression but I know what it’s like to feel Blue (we all get that way once in awhile) your health is far more important then your videos Spoony NEVER feel like you have to make a video or a deadline

  • Steven Mayer

    I think it’s good that you are providing for your needs. As a sufferer of depression myself I know its not a fun thing it is slow and frustrating to deal with. In fact your videos made my bad days end on a good note! I wish you the best, get better. I’m sure that the many loyal fans like myself will be with you all they way

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, I don’t care how long it takes for you to do updates, get well. Priority one, get well. Priority two, feel well. Priority three, more Final Fantasy. (I know that’s slightly hypocritical on my part as Final Fantasy is almost guaranteed to make you feel unwell)

    I think you’re the consistently funniest person on the web and I want to be watching your videos well into my senior-diaper-wearing-dementia years.

  • Terry Raven Rowley

    Hey spoony. I know what your going through. I myself suffer from bipolar two manic depression blah blah blah. Was on meds for almost 7 years and recently decided to get off of them cause my creativity was lacking and well the meds were a bit extreme. Was on 400mgs of seroquel and 300mgs of lamictal. It is an interesting road. But I have found that some of our most creative personalities have things they are dealing with.
    Anyhow I hope you find a mix that works for you. It can be a long road with it not really being an exact science. More or less we are guinea pigs for the pharmy companies.
    Well just thought ya should know youve inspired me to be proud of my nerdy self and let the geek flag fly.
    May you find the help your needing even if ya dont find the help your seeking.


  • Tony

    I’ve dealt with depression my entire life, so I can understand on a personal level your lack of productivity. Although I’m no authoritarian to look at for advice, it can be very simple to give yourself temporary fuel as you look for a permanent solution. For example, eating your favorite food on a daily basis, or listening to your favorite music can do wonders for your mental state. Although, this will only last so long and end up being similar to certain drugs – the more you “do”, the more you need to get that same “high.” But even at that point, I’ve found it still does what nothing else can. In the end, it’s really a choice of preference whether you’d choose that method or not.

    My personal long term solutions are more fragile and delicate, but hopefully they aren’t for you. What do you want? What are your goals in life? Knowing these things alone can help you combat depression, because it gives you a reason to live and wake up in the morning. You really seem to like entertaining, and it shows. Maybe you could use those skills and desires to keep you determined.

    It’s sad to see how every time someone has an emotional problem, people speak out with absolute certainty that they’re the only person who knows what to do and everyone else is the devil. I’ve seen some of that here, and hope it’s easy to ignore as you read comments that offer support.

    Stay strong and epic, Spoony!

  • Bunny Bunny

    Spoony, you are gonna get back on track and im gonna get so exited im gonna SHIT IN MY PANTS. All for you. I’ll send you pictures of it. No need for thanks, you’re a pal.

  • Anonymous

    While I don’t have a real understanding of your problem, I hope for the best. I know it’s not much but at the moment it’s all I can do.

    I don’t care if I don’t see anything from you for months, for a year even. As long as you end up getting better it’s all worth it in the end. Take care of yourself, Noah. We love you!

  • Mathias Schwörer

    Take your time Noah, your wellbeeing comes first!

  • Kyle Harris

    Hey man, Im sorry to hear you’re having a bad time. I know where you’re coming from, having had depression and trouble with panic/anxiety attacks for years myself. Some days it feels like just too much to handle. But we gotta hang in there and do the best we can. I really hope you feel better soon, and find something that works for you. You’ll be in my thoughts, Noah.

  • Mike Buckley

    Take your time, but get well. We all love ya’ man.

  • oskar.sundqvist

    I am very sorry to hear the decline with your mental health. I’ve started to watch your videos recently, you’re a funny guy Spoony and please keep doing what you’re doing, but of course when you’re feeling better. But just do what you’re feeling happy with doing and if that’s not making reviews, I’m ready to accept that and I think many other people on this website can accept that too. I personally know that anxiety and depression can be a fucking hell, it’s this horrible helpless feeling that you cant get away from, it really sucks donkey dong. I would also like to say something else that I personally know. Having a hobby surrounding videogames and movies can be pretty isolating. You should perhaps try another hobby besides the hobby’s you already have to help you cope. Music is my remedy, whenever I feel down I just play something I like on my guitar and also, jamming with other people is so fucking fun, all my problems just flow away whenever I’m jamming.
    Nevertheless, get well and carry on, love is coming to us all.   

  • Rockmonix

    No worries Spoony-Brotha! We’re here for you. You look out for us, and we look out for you :)

  • Anonymous

    I can’t deny that I miss your video games/movies reviews, but hey, you have been giving me years of non-stop enjoyment, so I can wait. The lack of videos is a great opportunity for me to watch your old reviews, plus I have been enjoying your Counter Monkey stories. So for the time being, get well !

  • Sean Tharpe

    You push yourself too hard, and you are way too generous. We appreciate the concern of your fans, but we (the fans) are concerned even more about you and your health. Please, take your time. We hope you feel better, and we support you as much as we can. I personally will be watching your previous videos, not only for the great entertainment that you have provided, but also to help you pay for the site, your food, and especially your health. I truly support you, and so do many others. Please… get well, and take it easy… :)

    -Sean Tharpe

  • Conor Shone

    Conveniently on the same day as Skyrim was released, interesting…
    Just kidding, hope you get it all straightened out man, best of luck to yah! 

  • Brian Daege

    You can do it Spoony!  I have been following you since you began the website all the way back with , ‘The Most Awesome Thing This Week’! Feel better bro!

  • Daniel

    End of last year I hit a major slump myself. It got so bad that I was pretty damn close to checking myself into mental ward. But one of the things that got me through everything was watching your reviews. I wish you all the best, and hope that you find the right combination of things to feel capable of tackling life head long. In the mean time take all the time you need, your fans will be here when you get back to everything. You’ve given them enough entertainment, laughs and positive feelings. And for those who complain and turn their backs on you, fuck them with a rusty spoon. I’m not sure where the rustiness of the utensil factors into all this but just go with it.

  • Jazmyn Perez

    You’re like seriously one of the funniest guys ever :D I’ll always be a fan so get well okay ;3

  • Anonymous

    Don’t let the Foot Clan destroy the dam.  You have my support.

    ie. I hope everything works out for you :(

  • J. Chisim

    Spoony/Noah, i’m not sure if you read these but i honestly think you are one of the funniest and most entertaining people who is posting content on the web. As much as i love watching your reviews (whatever they may be) your health comes first and you shouldn’t feel pressurised by your fanbase to produce videos. I have seen pressure in the comments from the fans and i have seen you address it before in the years i have spent viewing your site but like i said just take care of yourself and we will be here waiting. Whether you don’t make any videos or make counter monkey videos (your own stories and insights are as great as your reviews) we will be waiting. I can’t totally appreciate what you are going through with your health problems but a few years back i was diagnosed with a medical condition which began to severely effect my health and motivation and will continue to effect me for the rest of my life, it’s not easy to live with but i guess this is how you may feel at the moment. All i can say is chin up and i hope you feel better soon. Take care!

  • igorsan

    You probably wont read that, but I wish u the best. I remember that u alredy had health issues last year, so take care man. 

    U have at least one fan here in Brazil. Get better to do the things that u love to do.

  • igorsan

    You probably wont read that, but I wish u the best. I remember that u alredy had health issues last year, so take care man. 

    U have at least one fan here in Brazil. Get better to do the things that u love to do.

  • Matthew Cheng

    Take care of yourself, Noah. I’m praying that you’ll find the solution that works for you, and that you’ll be back soon!

    Good luck with everything, and God Bless.

  • robinhood9961

    Well spoony you do run the spoony experiment so experimenting with medicine shouldnt be that bad. That was a joke by the way with the hope of getting you (or anyone else who reads this) to laugh a bit, so please nobody overreact to it. Honestly i hope you know not one person here isnt hoping that you will be able to find a way to deal with this problem in a healthy manner, and that we as fans are all willing to help in any way we can. Basically saying the same thing as everyone else of hope you feel better, and please take as long as you need your health should by your #1 concern.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve had very similar problems. I tried various drugs, but I believe the biggest improvement came from supplementing vitamin D. After avoiding sunlight for many years I’m sure I was severely deficient. I don’t know how much sunlight exposure you get, but us nerdy types probably get less than average.

  • Candace Reilly

    Holy crap! Noah! That’s some serious stuff! I’m glad I never went through anything like that but my Dad has been battling depression for years. The pills he’s taking started to take effect about a month after he started. He didn’t feel completely normal until almost a year after. I hope you have a quick recovery. I think I speak for everyone here that we would all travel hundreds of miles to give you a hug.

  • Anonymous

    Hay Noah sorry to hear that. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety disorder for years. Trust me I’ve gone through the same shit a million times and then a million times again. Crisis Centers in New Jersey suck. Trust me it’s going to be hard but know that your loyal fans are behind you 110%. And I wanted to let you know that you have honestly saved my life on numerous occasions just by being the funny bastard that you are. Hang tough Spoony One.

  • Faust

    ITT: People tell Noah that it’s no big deal…they’ll wait for more videos and identify with his depression.

  • Anonymous

    We’re all here for ya! Keep being awesome, Spoony.

  • Anonymous

    I know exactly where you’re at with depression and how tired it makes you.  Find the medicine that works best for you, and keep sight on what you find fun.  It’s a real turd of a condition, but you can make it through. :)  Keep it up!

  • Julie S

    I’m a bit of a new-ish fan of yours, and I doubt you’d even read this, but I’m sorry you’re having these problems.  It sucks to hear about these sorta things, especially with everything you’ve been through this year.  I hope you get better because you really are a nice and very funny guy, and I love watching your videos, especially your vlogs and video game reviews.

    Get well soon, Spoony.  We all support and care about you, man.

  • dialhforhero24

    God,I didn’t realize Final Fantasy 10 Actually caused you to have a mental breakdown! But, In all seriousness, I know how tough it is to deal with depression. My Uncle was a manic depressive, and He always felt sluggish, and Not up to do anything. My best recommendation is to spend time with Family, and friends, forget about videos for a while, and Just take some R & R. The stress from you wanting to make videos doesn’t help, So don’t. We’ve waited this long, I’m sure We can wait a little longer. :)

  • Heather Solomon

    Well, from what you describe it sounds like it could be a thyroid problem actually. My mom suffers from a rare thyroid problem so I know more about thyroid than I care to know. Have you had them take a look at your hormone levels?

    Enjoy some walks with your puppy and try to work through it. :)

  • Heather Solomon

    Sounds like it could be a thyroid problem, have you had your hormones checked? My mom has a lot of thyroid problems so I kinda know a few things about them.

    Try to enjoy some walks with your puppy and I hope you can work through it!

  • Sage

    As someone who usually hates to hear “I know what you’re going through” because it sounds like Party B is dismissing Party A’s feelings, I make exceptions in cases of depression. I’ve had clinical depression since I was a teenager and in that situation, it feels good to not feel alone. I know how hard it can be to even get out of bed in the morning and the cycle of frustration, guilt, and more frustration this can cause because at some point you wonder if you really are just lazy.

    Since you’ve helped me through more than one bout of depression in the past by making me laugh and forget how utterly cruddy I felt, you have all of my prayers and support. Quid pro quo, as they say.

    God bless, hon.

  • Anonymous

    I think the CounterMonkey videos are some of the funniest things uve made all year, and u have posted quite a few, so i dunno what u mean by there being a delay.  As for everything else about what uve been going though, we all have slumps in life.  I and everyone else on here has been relating, and hope u feel better. One bit of personal advice ill say is def get checked for sleep apnea.  I found out I had it in the military and once i got treated for it I saw a difference in my energy levels like u couldnt believe.  Anyhow no matter what, your still the best Spoontok!  Thanx for all you do and really hope u feel better soon bro!  Qapla’!!

  • Scott Stark

    As shown by this massive comments section, Spoonster, you’ve got a mass of people here who wish you nothing but the best. Just keep hanging on, bro, okay?

  • Garvin Anders

    I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time Spoony.  Do what you gotta do to get better.  I think the vast majority of us would rather a slower update cycle if that’s what it takes for you to get better and kick this.  

  • Craig

    As someone who has suffered from depression since junior high, I know what you’re going through.  Take all the time you need to feel better, and your fans will still be here when you return.

  • zipperintheback

    Dude, as much as I love seeing new stuff from you, your health comes first. You really shouldn’t feel the need to apologize to anyone for not feeling up to snuff.

  • Anonymous

    I’m sorry you have to go through this Spoony. I’m glad you are seeing a doctor about this(as long as it isn’t Dr. Insano). I don’t mind a longer times between updates if it means you can get well. Stay strong and good luck!

  • Anonymous

    Hey man, I know it sucks, and I’m not exactly what your budget is for extras is, but you might consider starting up a martial arts class, or at least forcing yourself to exercise in addition to the therapy. Exercise raises endorphins, which can very well balance the mental gains through therapy with physical gain. Plus, y’know, gamers tend to get a bit soggy around the mid-section on a good day.

  • Anonymous

    yeah man diet, sunlight, and exercise are really important too. medication helps balance chemicals ruined by poor living, but it wont always chase the blues away. Sunlight isn’t hard to get in phoenix, you can get your vitamin D’s worth just standing outside for 10 minutes. But therapy will help you identify why you feel crummy. Honestly I had my own bought with depression, and the only way I got through it was prayer and realizing I don’t have to compare myself to others, or even the ideal life I want in order to be happy. I hope the best for you man, praying for you.

  • Joanne Webster

    I’m sorry you’ve been having to go through this.  I have a friend that suffers from a mental illness and it’s does take a while to get it under control.  You take as much time as you need to feel better and we shall all will be waiting for your return.  I hope you feel better soon.

  • Princess Vermilion

    Noah, I know you’ll probably never read this, but I just
    wanted to say that I have so much respect for you, you’ve changed my
    perspective about some things. Unfortunately the majority of this post will be glaringly
    TMI, so anyone who wants to abandon ship can do so now.

    Alright then.

    I “lost it” for a time as a teenager, and never really got
    it back in full. I was diagnosed as rapid-cycling bipolar and refused to take
    medication of any kind. I’m 26 now, and since then I’ve had plenty of success as
    an individual, but not really in the ways that count. I’m a student/writer and
    have done well in that regard, but my personal life has been a mess.

    Instead of meds I turned to booze, and have become basically
    a functioning alcoholic. But through the years you have so entertained me, so given
    me something to laugh about when all else seemed desolate, that I am forced to
    take notice now when you talk of medication actually being worthwhile…not being
    the “crutch” I thought was.

    Ultimately, I don’t know how to close out this post—one that
    is so clearly TMI, but I’ve really felt compelled to put it “out there.” You have
    made me laugh in the past; admire your endless wit, and now you inspire me. I just
    wanted to say so.

    Thank you.

  • Joe England

      Just take care of yourself buddy, that’ll make us plenty happy.

  • Aaron Wilson

    I used to have depression and anxiety problems. Then a combination of medication, vigorous exercise and diet change fixed. I had it for a very long time, and it was absolutely crippling in every way… but then I got better! So don’t despair, it can be fixed! I haven’t felt the slightest pang of anxiety, laziness or depression since.

  • Aaron Wilson

    I used to have depression and anxiety problems. Then a combination of medication, vigorous exercise and diet change fixed it. I had it for a very long time, and it was absolutely crippling in every way… but then I got better! So don’t despair, it can be fixed! I haven’t felt the slightest pang of anxiety, laziness or depression since.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been visiting this site for over a year but never felt the need to leave a comment until now — I always figured there were plenty of other people to express approval for your work, and I couldn’t say it much better than they already had. When I’m done here, I’ll likely never post another comment and continue my lurking existence.

    We live in an age when scientists can create new matter particles, interface the human mind with computers and create chess-champion AI, and yet there are still going to be thousands of reasonably well-educated people out there who will hear you say “I have clinical depression” and respond with, “Well, cheer the fuck up, asshole”.

    I’ve been there. It sucks, but hopefully the stigmas associated with mental illness will fade away as more and more people come forward to talk about it. For that, I want to thank you. You could have just said “Sorry about the low production rate, dealing with some personal issues, will get back to work asap” and left it at that, but you told an uncomfortable truth. Judging by your explanation, you knew there were going to be people who would assume that ‘depression’ is code for ‘Lazy asshole’.

    As for the people who still insist that depression isn’t a real illness or a serious problem…well, textbook depression, or any mental illness, is a scary thing. Nobody really wants to believe that a chemical imbalance or genetic flaw, well beyond their control, can simply make them sad, or unmotivated. That’s not a problem with any simple solution; as you pointed out, the drug therapies for it are still very hit-and-miss, and there’s no promise that any medicine will really help. On that cheerful note, after suffering through a few years of depression in high school, I found these things quite helpful:

    — Make sure your diet is covering all the necessary bases. Take a multivitamin if you’re having a hard time getting in enough fruits and veggies. Walnuts are high in energy-boosting B vitamins.
    — It’s harder to get enough sunlight at this time of year (Probably less so in the southwest, but I wouldn’t know), so consider buying a sun lamp, preferably one that emits negative ions. As pseudo-sciencey as it sounds, several psychological studies have shown that negative ions help combat depression (Also, they smell like fresh rain, it’s quite nice). Sunlight, or artificial sunlight, synthesizes vitamin D in the skin. Vitamin D is necessary to regulate melatonin in your body, and irregular melatonin levels can screw up your mood and sleep schedules very quickly.
    — A regular exercise routine will also keep you energetic during the day, and sleepy at night. Even light workouts release endorphines, which elevate mood for a short period of time, so it’s not like you have to hulk and go run the iron man. You say your symptoms aren’t about mood so much as fatigue, but it’s not
    uncommon for ‘I’m sleepy’ to be the male body’s way of saying
    ‘I’m depressed’.

    And be patient with the meds. When I was in school, the general rule of thumb is that it will take several months to determine if a single antidepressant is effective. Perhaps things have picked up the pace since then, but probably not by much (It hasn’t been that long). No single thing is going to be the saving grace that gets you feeling well again; in all likelihood it’s going to take a combination of several changes in your life/lifestyle.

    So, good luck. You’re not the only one who wants you getting back to work; being able to watch your videos without wearing headphones was one of the unexpected perks of moving out of my parents’ house.

    • Princess Vermilion

      Seruoisly, man, youy rovck my word.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony don’t sweat it man. I love coming here, I was disfellowshiped as a Jehovah’s Witness a few years ago, this means I lost contact with my entire community of friends. When I watch your vlogs I feel like I’m just sitting having a chat and geeking out with my lost community. Thanks for that please know I check here everyday and while the reviews are wonderful I just like hear  you shoot the S#!T. =D Thanks again, thoughts and prayers with you.

  • Andrew Lee-Poy

    We know you’re fighting incredibly hard everyday man. We’re all behind you.

  • Winfried Schubert

    Feel better Mr. Spoon

  • Michael Kovach

    All I’ll say is I’m going through similar problems and am finally seeing a therapist for the first time tomorrow by pure coincidence.  It’s something that has to be dealt with, and as others have said it’s time for people to look at therapy as a normal thing that people do when they need it.  It’s also necessary for a lot of people (like me) because sometimes the people around you, even if they really want to help, either get sick of hearing about it or simply have their own lives to deal with and can’t give you the attention you need to sort things out.

    I’m a very logical person and this is the first time I haven’t been able to figure out why I keep feeling a certain way.  That’s when you need to go see someone as Spoony has done it seems.  At the risk of sounding arrogant I think I’m a little more of an inward thinker and a little more aware of myself than some people so it might be harder to deduce for some, but people need to be aware of their feelings and know when to take action.

    As far as keeping yourself busy:  Someone brought up exercise and it really is helpful.  I know a lot of people hate it (I kinda do too) but even just taking a walk will get you going somewhat.  Plus you have no idea how much walking will help you lose weight.  When my “problems” first struck I was taking a walk 3 times a day because I couldn’t stand to sit inside by myself.  I’m a skinny guy but I don’t have washboard abs by any means.  I dropped two belt notches and all my friends noticed.  Now granted the weight loss could also be attributed to the fact that I was a stressed out wreck, but walking supposedly burns more straight calories than jogging and whatnot and I think I’m proof of that.  Just get out and do SOMEthing even if it’s walking.  Also, do the things that make you happy preferably with other people.  In Spoony’s case it might go a long way to tell a few people how important it is to him that they get an RPG night going again or something like that.  It seems like you go to the movies with people a lot, try getting them to do it a little more often.  Heck I’ll even play video games online to at least feel connected with others if I have to be alone that night, even if it’s not with friends and I don’t a headset on.  It’s better than nothing.  

    The thing is the last paragraph won’t sound helpful to someone that’s deep into it.  A lot of that stuff didn’t work for me at all often times.  That’s where time comes in.  It’s a bitch but a lot of it just takes time, however I do think you can speed up the process by keeping yourself active, socializing if possible, and seeing someone about your problem.  I don’t want to waste any more time feeling this way.  I might miss out on something great if I don’t do something.

  • Summer Rose

    Take care of you first, Spoony!  I’ve also been previously diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I know what a bitch it is to live with…but like I said, take care of you first!  Wishing you happiness and good health!

  • Chuck

    You have my understanding.

  • El CHOj

    Spoony you take the time you need for your own health. You may want to finish all of your projects that you’ve set but if your body and mind aren’t at 100% a very serious problem could occur and i don’t think any of us as fans want that to happen. So do what will be the most beneficial to you, exercise, meds, therapy with a doctor, anything that will get you back to health. I’ve enjoyed the videos you’ve made and will continue to do so. I’m even going to check back in here (and perhaps your twitter) for any and all updates.

    To future good health,

  • Anonymous

    been watching you since 2007 man, im not leaving you now :)

    • Kachxy

      These are my thoughts exactly. I’ve been watching your videos evolve and become what they are today, there’s no way i’m leaving you now. Real life takes priority over the internet, and if you have problems we understand that you need to solve them before you can get back to normal. Just try to keep your chin up and i’m sure eventually things will be better for you.

  • Sharon O’Conner

    Noah/Spoony, I understand as much as anyone else can with what you’re going through. I am dealing with PTSD, depression, and anxiety, after dealing with an asshole that didn’t understand “no.” Anyway, everyone that deals with depression has their own reason for the onset and it sounds like you’ve had your share of issues, just don’t ever let anyone put you down for what you are dealing with. As you said, it isn’t anything you can just snap out of and many times you do find yourself in some catch 22, where everything just seems to make everything worse. I truly do hope that you get the treatment and medications you need and that you start to feel like you again soon. As for videos, we can all wait. We just want you to feel better.

  • Bandyman

    Roll D20 for check on supporting fans, Roll D6+2 for rest needed then add +5 (Sword of Spooney) for critical time needed off… Or just use one of your 10 a day Surges for instant Health! 

    Get well soon dude!

  • Darkscar

    aw spoony its ok, health before fun man, get well soon

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony, just remember that we are all here for you. I was diagnosed with depression about 1 year ago.Trust me once you get your meds regulated you will feel so much better.

  • Jesse WilliamsFuller

    I’m sorry to hear about your depression problem. You really haven’t had much luck with your health, have you?. Well take it easy, I know I can wait.

  • Anonymous

    spoony.. is this your excuse to take a couple days off work so you can go play Skyrim and Skyward Sword?…  Your totally playing skyrim right now aren’t you?

  • Matthew Eis

    Regardless of your release schedule. You make damn fine content. Count on my continued viewership.

  • Anonymous

    Spoony! Homie! let me start by saying i’ve been following you, Doug, and Angry joe for years. when you popped up with a friggin’ Shriuuken on the epic brawl, i tittered like a schoolgirl.that might not sound impressive, but i’m a6’3″,  300 pound man, so enjoy that mental image.  I watch everything you post man. good, bad, inbetween… droning monologues about  D&D or hour long movie reviews, i’ve checked ‘em all out. there are those of us who may keep silent, keep our comments to ourselves, but we keep coming back for more, and we will happily wait to see what you come up with next. I belive i’ve subjected your reviews to more people then i can name, and let me tell you, not only do you live the dream, but the key here is that you bring happiness and joy to those around you. 
      Depression sucks. I have a family history with it and it’s not easy, it can be a HUGE pain in the dick… but you have the most loyal fans in the world, even if you didn’t post anything for the next three months, we will be on here every day, checking back for new content, and watching a favorite video or two. you can’t get away from us that easy, bro. We understand. We got your back, we’ll watch your old videos here, or on TGWTG, or wherever else you feel like posting them. we may only be your fans, but i’ll tell you what, we’re also your friends. I, for one, am glad you decided to let us know what’s going on in your life. this? a delay. nothing more. soon, The Spoony One will rise from the ashes of depression and come back with a vengance, a veritable flurry of funny, a storm of snark. so you do what you’ve got to. i realize that, with 666 current comments, you will probably never see this, but fuck that. i support my boys, even if they don’t know who the fuck i am. you’re good people dude. don’t let the bastards get you down, damn the man, save the empire, and other uplifting bullshit that might make ya crack a grin. All you can do is Keep on keepin’ on, but do so knowing we’re with ya in spirit. and if you ever need to talk, you hit me up. i’ll listen. i got the free time.                                                                                                           Sincerely,                                                                                                              Chuck Sparks                                                                                                        from Carteret, NJ.

    PS, fuck that little dark blob from those depression medicine commercials, that guy’s a dick. you ought to let Insano get his robotic grippy things on him. 

  • Hathor Liderc

    Your health, physical or mental, comes first. Take all the time you need. We’ll support you in any way we can.

  • Barret Wallace

    It’s OK, bro! I can wait a whole year for you to finish that FFX-2 review! *shoots dat depression with Gun-Arm*

  • Matt

    of all the places your organs could get Fuck it had to be the brian

  • Jani Karjalainen

    I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been dealing with the same problem for years now, and it isn’t something you can just stop being. It can take a lot of time. Hopefully you’ll recover better than I never did. Keep on truckin’!

  • Bryan Johnson

    I’ve been through this my entire adult life myself, so I can definitely understand, and I wish you well. I found in my case that no antidepressant by itself worked for me in sleep based issues though – THAT lead me to find out I had some thyroid problems, so while that doesnt garantee anything, if this newest anti depressant doesn’t work for you, you may want them to check your thyroid if they have not already done so.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah panic attacks really suck.  Right now I just want to go to sleep because tomorrow my family is coming to visit. But if I lay down, “spikes” of fear will start hitting me just as I’m about to fall asleep.  Then I’ll be on my knees clutching my pounding heart MGS4 Solid Snake style, gasping for air. When it’s over I’ll turn on the ceiling fan, even though it’s November, because it’s easier to breathe that way. I’ll turn on the TV to the History channel;If I can distract myself I might forget that I’m trying to fall asleep. I’ll throw my pillows on the floor and maybe get a few hours of sleep there, but as my brother keeps saying, where will I go when sleeping on the floor doesn’t work anymore?

    I came to this site tonight to try to fill these empty hours when everyone else is asleep. Thought I’d have myself a bit of a Spoonython. I’m fresh off of a Phelousthon and before that a Snobthon. But I read this post and felt I needed to reply with something, even though I rarely post on your site and when I do it’s pretty venomous (FFVIII IS AMAZING YOU BASTARD, etc.). So I spent some time thinking about what I would write and this is what I got.

    I wish that I could trade you some awake for some of your sleep. It’s a shame the minds don’t work that way. The only thing that I can do is have my Spoonython; I’ll trade you some add revenue for some entertainment. I hope that other people will read this and do the same.  It’s really worth watching.  Sure, sometimes you are factually incorrect about games that I love, and sometimes you talk over the plot in some games(SHUT UP WHILE WALKEN IS TALKIN’!), but the jokes are always worth it.

  • Anonymous

    First of all, all respect in the world for just telling the whole internet about your depression. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have done it, that really requires balls.
    And in my opinion it is as simple as this: when you get better, you post nerw videos and when it takes some time, every true fan will understand and the rest, well fuck them.
    Get well soon!

  • Richard Ton

    We understand man, we all have that moment in our life where we need that time for ourselves and it’ll be unproductive if you not do that for yourself. So rest up Noah and the loyal fans that know that you make videos not just for yourself but for us, will be here when you come back.

  • Anonymous

    First all the respect in the world for just telling the whole internet about your depression. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have done it, that really requires balls.
    And in my opinion it’s as simple as this: when you get better you post new videos and when it takes a while every true fan will understand. And the rest, well fuck them.
    Get well soon!

  • lemartes_7000

    Does Spoony earn money when we look at the old videos to?

    • Anonymous

      one would assume he does, else why would they still be taking up room on the site? click away, friends, support the spoony one in his hour of need!

    • George Rosenbaum

      I’m pretty sure, we watch the advertisement and they pay him. I think he also gets paid by the amount of hits on his site, so just visiting also gives him money. Pretty slick that he gets to live this way.

      If only he could enjoy it right now.

  • Anonymous

    spoony now may not be the time but I feel like you were extremly unfair in your very biased ffx critic… I will admit while your review of the game was very comical, it harped far to deeply on minor issues/flaws of the game and almost completly ignored all the amazing aspects of the game..

    FFX was the greatest experience I ever had in gaming.. the characters were all amazing, the world was fresh and clean, the battle system, graphics, and music were all revolutonary for its time and the story was nothing short of spectacular…

    I know you were just kidding around with the review and you actually really are quite fond of final fantasy x but im afraid some people might actually take that review seriously and chose not to purchase the game (or the remake coming up within the next year) because of it..

    If you could please post a 2 minute apology video explaining it was all a joke it would be very much appriciated..

    Final Fantasy Forever,

    • Anonymous

      FinalFantasy13, you are a complete idiot.

      • Gabriel Gohr

        looks like a rather obvious trolling attempt to me…

        • Ryan

          Yeah Obvious troll is obvious. I mean, the characters are anything but terrible? Right. I played FFX until the very end, and every point Spoony went on was accurate. I felt he was too soft on the game. It was a terrible game and made me further hate the Final Fantasy series (which I never actually liked, in any installment).
          Poor voice-acting, poor writing, poor gameplay. Throwing volleyballs at monsters? Lol.

          • Anonymous

            Are you sure you’ve played all of them? Classic FF was the best. 1, 3 and 4 are what the series should have continued to be.

    • Anonymous

       His review isn’t going to do anything to the game’s sales. No reviewer can stop a FF game from being bought, especially not a less well known one like Spoony. People who liked FFX will buy it and people who didn’t will skip it, simple as that.
      And also, it is very possible he actually didn’t like the game, which he did and for valid reasons.

    • Anonymous

      Really?! FFX was great.  The scene with the fake laughter that turned into real laughter was actually good imho despite all it’s detractors.  Tidus and Yuna trying to put a smile on when they’re unhappy is one of the more dramatic points. Spoony completely cut the scene where his only cool character (Auron) actually dies.  Spoony glosses over so much in the Final Fantasy reviews that it makes me sick that I’m defending him now.  His OPINION is valid because it is how he experienced the game. 

      Don’t ask him for an apology for his opinion.  Just tell him your opinion.

      • George Rosenbaum

        It…it didn’t turn into real laughter. It stayed fake. And painful.

        And as with all late FF games, there is entirely too much artificial obstacle, as if the game is deliberately wasting your time because it needs to pad it’s content. The only thing balanced and fun about this game is the combat, and everything else has been sloppily worked around that.

        Think about it: how many times have you sat there, playing the game, doing some sort of grinding runaround, and thought to yourself, ‘get to the point!’

        But I WOULD have liked to see the scene where Auron dies. That would have been pretty awesome, considering how much more competent and likable he is, and it would have made the review fairer.

  • Calvin Jarchow

    Keepafaith Spoony One! Dealing with depression, anxiety, and physical problems is a miserable situation I am familiar with and it sounds like plenty of the other fans deal with also. Personally, while I look forward to your regular reviews, I have really been loving the County Monkey series and it has inspired me to finally play D&D which I have been interested in for a long time but never played in spite of various chances. Few people make me laugh like you do. There have been lots of times I was having a lousy day and then I check your site and say, “Oh Fuck Yes, this is exactly what I want to watch right now!” Hang in Noah

  • The Doctor

    I know what it’s like to have depression Noah; I too suffer depression as well. Mine is more or less bi-polar disorder and it sucks balls. From experience, I know it’s a real bitch to deal with and I wish the best to you to get well soon, and videos can wait because your health should come first. I wish you all the best and a speedy as possible recovery. Take care dude, and remember what a wise man once said…

    “Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make
    lemonade – make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your
    damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s
    manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson
    lemons. Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house
    down! With the lemons. I’m going to to get my engineers to invent a
    combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

    • Anonymous

      Haha! That sounds a little like Spoony’s vampire LARP experience.

  • Dragons_Dusk

    We know you’re going through some serious stuff, Spoony and we’re here for you.  Your health comes first, period.  I know there are ways to argue since this is your lively hood maybe it should factor more, but, the truth is, your health is what and well being trump everything.

    Do whatever you need to do to get through this.  It can be frustrating at the pace it feels with something like this but faster doesn’t work so it’s certainly not better.

    I’m glad you’re trying to stick with the medications more.  I take some similar things and once we figured out a dosage and release style that worked, slowly I was able to  focus more.

    It’s still up to me to get out of bed in the morning, but the medicines can help that decision not be so agonizing.

    Honestly, I’m glad you got Oreo, pets can make a huge difference both emotionally and actually chemically.  She seems like she’s fit into your life well and I’m glad for that.

    Anyway, point is, we’ve got your back.  Don’t listen to the trolls or haters, you matter, Spoony-Wan, a lot so we can help however we can, even if it’s just some friendly words.

  • Felix
  • rad deja

    Spoony man, do more vlogs and less full reviews. The counter monkey project for example – it is pure gold and I don’t think that you have to spend a lot of time getting it to work.

    Best wishesh

  • Anonymous

    To FinalFantasy13: A person is free to their own opinion, Spoony doesn’t have to apologize for that. Like how you like FF10, I won’t tell you to hate it, you’ve already decided for yourself and we respect that. You want people to think like you and not have opinions? Move to North Korea, I am sure you would love it there. You’d have to if you were there, or you’d get shot.

  • Ian Arnold

    Sorry to hear about the depression Noah (If I may call you that), I agree with Rad Deja though, if you want to have videos up while being able to relax and not feel pushed for them do smaller ones, like the counter monkey ones, and try to focus on getting better. We’re pullin’ for ya.

  • Alessandro Russo P.

    see you soon spoony :)

  • Christian Kadelka

    Don’t worry about us man! Your health is much more important and I think all the fans who’d agree with me that we want to assist you as good as possible. You are  not the only one who has this son of a bitch of Depression and as you see we share our experience with you so you can find some 
    solution to get this Depression down I really hope you can do this. 
    I have also Depression and it can be very difficult to deal with this but not impossible. It will take time to cure this or handle with this Depression in a right way. In my case it began with 19 and now I’m 21 it was a hard time not only for me but also for my family but I can say now that I feel better through the medication, the assistance of my parents and my brother and my awesome doctor. My Doc is now like a mentor for me and is one of the people who I really respect and look up to. That man is kind show so much understanding to his patients and also cares about us you just know that this man has a passion for this and maybe because he was also a victim of Depression.But still there are people out there who doesn’t fuckin understand what a fuckin nightmare Depression can be and don’t even try to understand wtf is going on. They are all like ddduuuuh don’t be like this just think more positevely and thats, get a grip all bullshit and they look down on you like you are just some douchebag who is just in an emo phase or something like that.. you know what I mean. I can understand if the cannot completely understand this situation because they had never Depression oder other pychological issues. But the people who are just being ignorant… I could just punch them in the fuckin face with all what I got even if it is still kinda wrong but I swear I know some persons who are so ignorant and  they would fuckin deserve it. I mean Jesus Christ Doc this isn’t just a phase I’ts a freakin ilness by god’s sake and like almost every ilness you can’t just get rid off it so easely like just by thinking optimistic or some shit. I mean I haven’t ever seen curing cancer or HIV with just by thinking a little bit more positive! Depression is so much more than just a little ordinary emotional disorder. You cannot sleep or sleep too much and still feel tired like you spoony. And since 20 i have almost every night fuckin nightmares and I don’t know if it has something to do with the Depression really but if you have almost every day a nightmare it just drives you nuts and you can’t concentrate on your studies at all, but I’m glad I found a way to get a little bit rid of this nightmares. This Depression changed me alot and my perspective in life but not only in a bad way. I experienced a lot and still will experience more good and bad things but it will help to develope my view of people, my soul, my heart and my intellect! Just don’t give up on yourself and don’t be so hard on yourself. I can understand the people so much more now. My Doc inspired me that I want to help people with this Issues because those people are misunderstoof from our society and think this is not a big deal or make even their condition worse that’s one reason why people kill themselves because of the ignorance and I’m even more glad that your army of fans understand you so much and support as much as they can. You have one of the greatest fans ever! And through your post I have also the courage and speak about it on the Internet. To admit that you have Depression and write it down on the internet and to your fans, you must have some big balls of steel and you spoony officially earned them!I enjoyed always your videos especially the Reb Brown movies and the Final fantasy X and VIII.Even if I couldn’t agree with you raging about FF X and VIII which are one of my favorite games of all time, I still enjoyed the Videos so much and I think thats important. I mean everyone has their own oppinion and you show it and you don’t care what the majority says and thats also a reason why I watch your Videos because you are just loyal to yourself and don’t go with the majority because they bitch and freak out about your opinions if they do not agree with you! Stay strong as this Spoony and you will conquer the hardships of life!  And sorry if my english is a little bit fucked up!Oh man just signed up only to comment on this and to say that we will be always with you dood and   you will rise like a phoenix from the ashes and burn this Depression away and start a new stage of your life where you can go on.

  • ap

    I can empathise Noah truely i can and boy do i know your far from lazy. On a side note infact your amazing guy, even if you was completely impervious and I would be impressed by what youve achieved (not just the site). Im glad that you have docs look at your stuff. and I await with baited breathe the news that things have begun to improved. Not because of content, but just for your well being.     I also apologise on behalf of any ignorant people who have bashed you or lack empathy for your plight.    Apologise for bad punctuation and grammar, i am rushed.   feel better soon Noah,  I have 1 small idea that may help but i don’t want to trigger stress by association.Best Wishes
    Aaron Porter

    (aka apex2000/apcomics/apcomics2000)

  • ben coley


    depression can be caused by many things – but is often influenced by your environment… if you find yourself often in the same place all-day every day, it would do you the world of good to get out, have some time to yourself and “change the scenery” for a bit. it’s very easy to distract yourself with games and other diversions, but ultimately they just result in nothing changing. be active, it helps.

    advice from someone who’s grappled with depression over the last few years.

    all the best, Noah.


  • Christian Ström

    Sad to hear you’re not feeling too keen, Spoons, but no worries on the vids! Get better first and the rest will follow. And be so sure, we can wait. Awesome videos are rare and deserves waiting for, and you’re among the best out there!
    Get well soon.
    Your long time fan, Christian.

  • Anonymous

    I know exactly what you’re going through.  I’m truly sorry about the situation you went through and I’m glad you’re acknowledging the severity of your lateness.  Too be blunt, it’s been more than two and a half months since you’ve posted a legitimate review.  The Warrior review was filmed during the Suburban Knights.  I know you won’t accept but if you’d like to talk to someone about these issues, I’m here for you and may be able to help including with med recommendations.  I also know a therapist who’s a good friend of mine that would be willing to talk to you.

  • Antony Cannon

    If I lived in the States, I’d be there in a second; hugs and chicken soup et al.
    Short of that, tell us what you need and it is done.

  • Anonymous

    No worries Spoony, just take your time.  Your health is way more important than anything else.  Besides, you have been entertaining us a lot with your stories alone. I as a Spoony fan don’t expect only reviews on this site.  No Spoony fan should be bitching if their haven’t been reviews for a little while since their has been other content.  Not saying you have to enjoy everything, but give the guy a break, Spoony is not a robot who just pumps out reviews…he does have a life.

    • Anonymous

      We ARE giving him a break.  We also do have the right to express concern over the situation.  I also think that we’re being rather understanding and helpful.  Spoony is a really funny guy and I like his reviews.  I even like  his informative reviews like the ultima retrospective.  Honestly I’d LOVE to see him do some more positive reviews.  I just think it might be helpful for Noah if we let him know that, While we are a little irritated by the delays, We also understand and it’s because we appreciate him and his work.

      • Anonymous

        That’s such b/s half you guys just bitch and moan about the reviews Spoony does put out.  Saying “Why did he pick that guest?! He sucks!!”  Seriously grow up. I understand you have a right to dislike something but you obviously don’t know how much Spoony is putting into these reviews if all you do is bitch.

        We’d all like to see him do more reviews, but acting like it’s something he owes us is completely wrong.

        • Anonymous

          I’m not sure why you responded to my comment with such vehemence and also laying blame for things at my feet that are most assuredly not mine.  I haven’t said a thing about not liking his work.  Quite to the contrary.  I also LIKE his crossovers, I think they’re fun.  As for acting like he owes us something?  I don’t.  I just feel that as his personal revenue is tied to us clicking adds and such there is a mild obligation to but more stuff up.  I’m willing to wait but I also know that when one is seriously depressed a gentle chiding and a reminder of hat’s important CAN help on occasion.  I’m not being rude nor am I being a dick or an ingrate.  I’m just making a reasonable statement or to to a man that I respect immensely and find to be hilarious.  It’s counter productive to act like everything is perfectly fine, that won’t help Spoony get back to doing hat he loves and what we love him for.

  • Marius Anton

    Get well spoony

  • Anonymous

    Just get well and videos will flow after that. No hurry and hopefully we’ll see Ultima IX review one day :D All the best!

  • Evan Marriott

    I completely agree with zerok999’s comment. Take the time you need to get better. We can wait.

  • Anonymous

    How about working out, ever tried that? It’s a great way to relieve stress and offer you some nice and comforting sleep, not the types you seem to be having. Try doing cardio or going to a gym for a while, see what happens then, spoonster.

  • Anonymous

    Hey, Spoony!

    Thank you for being so honest on your website. And don’t worry, it is not important if your new videos take up time. Many of us come here on a daily basis and I for once rewatch your stuff constantly. If you’re not alright at the moment take the time to get better. We can wait, whether it’s a week, a month or half a year. Compared to fighting a depression our waiting for new vidoes takes low priotiy.

    I wish you all the best for the coming months. We’ll await your return and hail you and your stuff once you’re ready.

    Greetings from Germany!

  • Andrew Gregg

    As many people below have already said – don’t worry about us, we can wait, your health is more important.
    But thanks for sharing your situation – I have several friends who suffer with depression, so I understand some of what your saying. I also know that there can still be something of a stigma about depression and a lot of people have gross misconceptions about the condition. So its always good when people can share their situation and hopefully inform those people who don’t really understand how big a problem depression can be for people.
    All the best

  • Edetha3

    Dear Spoony

    You have given me so much to laugh at, even during some very dark times, in which much darker things could have happened. I have experienced something like you are now, not clinical depression itself but it yield a very similar result. you helped me out when I needed it and for that you have my eternal gratitude.I will recommend sun due to the positive physical and chemical results it can have on you. I also recommend apples if your worried about energy. they have a similar affect to coffee without the negative side effects. i can wait months even years for content if that means a happier healthier Noah “Spoony” Antwiler. get better soon and thank for those much needed smiles

  • Anonymous

    Yo, Spoonmeister.

    Just wanted to tell you that you don’t need to worry about not having reviews out yet, because the Counter Monkey series was pure gold. Seriously! I loved it! And it’s a good way for you to produce some content as well. Personally, I’m happy just to see your face and hear your voice now and again.

    What matters is that you take the time to recover. I waited for you to get over the heart problems and I can wait for you to drug depression into an overdose. (…Wow, that’s a bad metaphor.)

    With understanding
    From the middle of Norway

    • Brad Eppes

      Agreed, if your up to doing more Counter Monkey, I love the stories. 

  • Brad Eppes

    Its a shame it has to be Viibryd. That one takes a while because you have to step up the dose slower than other similar meds. On the plus side, it doesn’t have a lot of the usual side effects so if it works you won’t feel as dopey or numb to the world as you would on similar meds, you won’t lose your stage presence. 

    Pace yourself. We’ll be here. You’ve been doing fine with your most recent releases. We’ll watch vlogs and Counter Monkey if you feel like you’re up to that. I love your Counter Monkey stories. The ad revenues are the same either way right? Take a day off, watch a movie and tell us what you think about it. Or whatever you need to do. 

  • Patrick Wells

    A big thing that helps Spoony, from experience, is making a routine for yourself where you write out a schedule for the week and force yourself to follow it, and also EXERCISE and DIET. If you eat fast food, it’s going to mess you up bad. Eat Fruits and Veggies, and take some vitamins. Also, I get low blood sugar and can crash because of it, so I don’t eat big meals. Instead I eat smaller portions all throughout the day. Also, SUNLIGHT makes a big difference. Lack of Sun, lack of good diet, and lack of exercise will make your depression all the more worse off.

  • Anonymous

      I know how you feel, Noah. I have a similar problem, but I think it has more to do with a narcolepsy-type thing. I definitely know the feeling of a weird sleep schedule screwing with your plans. You feel tired, you fall asleep thinking it will help, and then 5 hours later you wake up not at all relieved and with even more stuff piled up on your plate. The immediate response, of course, is to freak out. I also know how annoying it is trying to find a medication that works for you. Once you do, it changes your life. But it can take an awfully long time, and sometimes the side effects make it not worth whatever help its giving.
      I often check your site for updates, like we all do. I’ll be honest, I kinda thought you were just busy. Now that I know what’s really going on, I’m rooting for you. I’ll be checking not for new videos, but for updates about your health. I know how stressful problems with exhaustion and sleep can be, so I hope you get the help you need as quickly as possible.
      In regards to videos, seriously, no pressure. It’s way more important for you to figure that stuff out first. I do enjoy your vlogs and Counter Monkey and such- if those aren’t too stressful, keep them up. Just do whatever is good for you until you get all the medication and stuff figured out. You’re entertaining no matter what you do, so you don’t have to try to do stuff that’s too stressful on you. I think we’d all prefer you see to your health before you try taking on anything too exhausting.
      So, just take your time and know that we’re all wishing you the best. Hope you get it all figured out, and that you can find help as soon as possible. You have all of our support.

    • Anonymous

      “You feel tired, you fall asleep thinking it will help, and then 5 hours
      later you wake up not at all relieved and with even more stuff piled up
      on your plate. The immediate response, of course, is to freak out.”

      Then I freak out so much that even though I am trying to make up for lost time, I end up making mistakes/getting exhausted/finding it hard to focus. Finally, after a few hours I find that all I have really been doing is procrastinating, and now I am like 8 hours behind. So, I decide to take a nap (I am feeling so tired by this point) with a hope that a good sleep will allow me to re-focus. When I wake up, I feel so far behind that I can’t find the energy to even bother trying.

      This is my life at uni, I really hope I’m not the only one.

      • lkraider

        I had the same problem (as an Architecture undergrad). Ended up changing to a night course on Information Systems and getting a dayjob. A 9to5 job actually helps on your self-esteem and keeps your life organized, which is specially useful during college.

      • Anonymous

        You’re not. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with that summation.

  • Jalil Granges

    Hey Spoony !
    Take your time to get better and dont think that you loyal fans will be mad ! we’re not.
    :) hope everything is gonne be fixed ;)

  • Aidan Lavery

    Hey Spoony
    most of us at least kinda know what your going though, just get yourself better, all of us can wait until then. hopeing for a quick recovery man

  • Anonymous

    Spoony, I personally appreciate your honesty and willingness to talk about this problem.  A little over a year ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II and it was very difficult for the first six months or so.  Bipolarity, formerly known as manic depression, causes one to go through phases of depression followed by bouts of mania where one’s thoughts race and one gets delusions of grandeur. 

    Basically, what I am saying is that I can relate to your situation in some respect because my mental illness was a major setback for me as well, causing all sorts of problems in my professional and personal life.  It has gotten better as I’ve developed effective coping mechanisms, one of which is an appropriate mix of medication, some therapeutic techniques, and I wish you the best of luck in finding your way through this dilemma. 

    Since I am a big fan of your show, I will continue to visit your site and watch the old videos so as to keep your advertisers satisfied and hopefully keep the site afloat during these difficult times.  I would encourage all other fans to do this as well so as to maintain Spoony’s revenue stream until he can get to a functionable level again.  Believe me that this sort of illness takes time to deal with but one can overcome and we owe it to him for all of the wonderful entertainment he has given to us.

    • Anonymous

      Trust me, I have been watching his old videos with some regularity. They never really get old. :)

  • Anonymous

    I makes me kind
    a sad that I cant really do much else that say “be safe and get well” to
    someone that has help and entertained me to some of my darker monuments.

    have my best wishes and I hope that you soon can feel good and happy ones more.

    B from Sweden


  • Nicholas Cook

    Spoony, you can take all the time you need to feel better and get back to normal we’ll all still be here, cheering you on, laughing at and with you until we are all old men and women plugged into the virtual internet while we sit in our wheelchairs with blankets over our legs :P lol. 


    Take your time and recharge, we will still be here. You give us all so much entertainment, with out asking much of anything. You owe us nothing, on the contrary. If anything we owe you. Do what you need to do, it’s hard work doing what you do and I’d take quality over quantity or something made to fill a deadline.

     Counter Monkey has been great. For someone who has never played it’s provides a lot of insight.

  • David Forsberg

    I suffer myself from depression. And I know how difficult it can be. Everything you used to like just seems gray and dull. It’s brave of you to be so open and honest about your condition. You’re doing a fantastic work. I hope the medication works for you, and that you get better soon. One thing that helps me is training at the gym or running. It releases natural endorfines, witch i guess you have a low on right now.

    Sorry for my bad english.

    Greatings from Sweden 

  • Morphine SJ

    New zelda game is coming, new twilight movie is coming… of course you’ll be depressed. Even if you enjoy tearing them apart… it takes a toll.
    Take your time Spoony one, you’ll get along and in a couple of months you’ll be better than ever.
    We’re all sure of it.

  • George Rosenbaum

    You know what? Keep posting your support! Make this the most commented page in the history of the ‘The Spoony Experiment’!

  • Anonymous

    Take your time and get better.

    I’m not sure you “get better” when it comes to depression, but… yeah.- Greetings from Sweden

  • Alex McEmrys

    I can definitely relate to your condition right now.  Take it easy if you need to, your fanbase isn’t going anywhere.  Good luck(?) That part sounds kinda lame but it’s all I got right now.  Long live the Spoony One!

  • Michael Lord

    I hear ya man. I was recently deployed with my ship down to South America when my Mom passed away and I had to go all the way back stateside to handle it…and then I was expected to just come right back to deployment and be perfectly okay. Aside from that, I’d already been diagnosed with borderline depression without needing medication(which is the Military’s way of saying “he needs help, but we need him in; so tell him it’s borderline and don’t give meds) so I completely get where you’re comin’ from, Man. Keep on truckin’ and we’ll keep on watching and dishing with the support. ^_^b

  • Anonymous

    I’m sorry Spoony I love you to death but I just can’t get over that ffx
    review of your’s I watched yesterday.. THat game was seriously the
    greatest thing that has happened in my life and your review was so
    unjust it’s unbelievable.. Now I know you are a reviewer and you probably get payed to be funny/interesting as opposed to being honest and if you just
    showered the game with all the deserved praises it should be getting
    your video might be considered “boring”, but that still doesn’t make it

    don’t take this the wrong way but maybe your new depression symptoms are
    gods way of telling you to be honest with yourself.. Thats the most
    important thing in life Noah.. FFX is an amazing game and the measuring
    stick of all jrpgs and westerns everywhere and you know that it is..

    but besides that one review I usually love your videos.. and before I get a bunch of trolls on me I really do HOpe you get better soon!

    • Anonymous

      “God’s way of telling you to be honest with yourself”? Oh my…. Your actually saying that Spoony stating what he thought about a video game is enough to warrent God punishing him with severe depression? Your saying that simply because ONE person dosent feel the same as EVERYONE ELSE is enough to warrent God punishing him? I mean… WOW!
      First off, I hated Final Fantasy X LONG before i saw Spoony’s review. The insipid main characters and plot holes drove me crazy LOOOONG before I even discovered these videos and I sure as bloody hell dont have depression! Second, you honestly think that God is gonna hate someone for mearly saying what he believes? You really dont understand what religon is all about do you? All that understanding and peace stuff? No? Its all about hate? Ugh… Third, after all that you just turn RIGHT AROUND and tell him to “get better soon”? o_O

    • Anonymous

      Hey, FF13, you’re the troll here. 

      From your first comment I thought you were just some oblivious fanboy that didn’t know a thing about timing. But now you upgraded to full on asshole in not only pressing an issue that does not belong on this forum, but also assuming that God hates Spoony for dissing FFX and has sent depression into his life as a karma balance. That has got to be the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard.

      The fact that you try to defuse your comment by saying you love his vids and hope he gets better soon is as genuine as calling someone a selfish prick, and then just putting LOL JK after the fact.From this comment alone, I must repeat that you are a complete idiot, but also an asshole that can’t figure out how to use email or how to put a comment where it is relevant (like putting a disagreeing post of the FFX review ‘on’ the FFX review forum)

      (Also a side note, if FFX was the turning point of your life that totally rocked your world, then you must not get out much. It was a simple game made with little to no thought, poor voice acting, and the only thing going for it was its combat system. Get over having your feelings hurt over a person’s opinion and move on.)

      • Anonymous

        Well like he said, he thinks Spoony will actually read his comments.
        I doubt that Spoony really reads ALL the comments on here.

        But that is just really sad.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, but the worse part is that the guy is gonna keep posting if people respond to him. Given his last post, one of two will comment because he’s just looking for a fight now by his portrayal of old school fans and his opinion that the reasons we have for disliking FFX are not valid.

          I’m not gonna correct him anymore cause it’ll just be throwing oil on fire.Better to ignore the fanboy and have him slink away in silence.

      • Anonymous

        Thank you. Seldom have I seen a verbal bitch-slap so well deserved or so eloquently executed. ^_^

    • Anonymous

      FinalFantasy13’s post: “Wah wah wah Spoony you don’t deserve to say anything bad about FFX becuase it’s my favorite game in the world and my opinion is better than yours and wah wah wah and you’re dishonest and wah wah wah wah wah i hope I don’t get trolled for trolling Spoony and trying to make him feel worse because i’m petty enough to cry and insult his opinion about him not liking a game I that liked wah wah wah becuase everyone loves FFX and you’re a liar spoony wahhhhh”

      Seriously. Shut up, FF13. You’re the only troll I see, here.

    • Anonymous

      “Your new depression symptoms are gods way of telling you to be honest with yourself.”

      Wow, that is just sick, and you actually believe that don’t you?

      Please, do us all a favor, kill yourself.
      No that’s bad……but what other choice do you have now after making an ass out of your self like that.

  • Anonymous

    It is really nice to see all the friendly and supportive comments here.
    Well Spoony, I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said, but I wish you all the best, and I hope you will feel better soon. Maybe it helps you to know that there are a lot of people all over the world who hope that you get well as soon as possible.

  • Matthew Clarke

    I would try Citalopram 20mg if the other meds aren’t working, this has helped me a lot more.
    Also avoid Prozac at all costs, that stuff made me ill.

  • Anonymous

    Take as much time as you need to get your groove back, Spoony!

  • Anonymous

    I completely understand, Spoony! Take as much time as you need to get your groove back!

  • The Amazing Uploader

    It doesn’t matter what problems you have because your health comes first and you really don’t have to feel like there’s a pressure to give us all this entertainment. It’s free and that is enough for us true fans who relate to and understand you. I wanna give you some advice:

    1) If you feel like you need to make 3 videos per week then only make 1. True fans understand because they’re human just like you. Non true fans don’t understand because they’re selfish idiots.

    2) Make easy to produce videos. Make a quick hour long gameplay video with low production value but high entertainment value. the fans won’t vare for shit. Gameplay videos are supposed to be recorded in FRAPS with live commentary. That makes for the most genuine performance.

    3a) Worried about money? Upload EVERYTHING on both and YouTube. It was 1 year ago you last uploaded a video to Youtube and people actually still sub and watch your vids there. This will hopefully generate more revenue.

    3b) More ads on your site. Add your site to Adsense and if you already are signed up for Adsense, then just add more ads or actively make an effort to get companies to pay you for ads. 1 week of ads for $250 is a great deal for a company!

    Well, that’s all I have. Be well, Noah Antweiler.

  • Anonymous

    Take as much time as you need to Spoony, depression is a cruel condition :( But know that were all behind you (well, most of us…) and hoping you get better eventually!

  • Jeroen Engelander

    Hey Spoony,

    Although we don’t know each other I consider myself a friend to you. You are an amazing personality and you’re comments and remarks in you’re video’s are always spot on and funny. You have a gift for doing this so take that energy and use it to you’re advantage. I myself can relate to you because I had some very difficult times myself and am still struggling everyday with something related that you have. Take it from me but a good rest but also good exercise will help. Something as simple as working in the garden can take all the stress away and give you a healthy sleep and good energy. Also I would recommend to really focus on what you want to do and what makes you happy. If you can also consult an NLP praticioner, those guys/gals can really turn you’re I’ve around and get you back on track again. Also a pot of chicken soup can give comfort and don’t stay inside and play or watch movies the whole day! Get out and get some fresh air and try to meditate. Really if you want short term results go to an NLP hypnotherapist! Remember every personal battle and struggle we have can make us a stronger and wiser person!

    Stay focused and happy!

    Kind regards,


  • Olivia Johnson

    Everyone is having problems with depression lately, thanks for being honest. I hope we’ll see lots more videos in the future. For what it’s worth, hearing your stories could cure my depression anyday.

  • Anonymous

     I was in that hole myself a long time ago and it was a tough hole to crawl out of (about three years for me). But it can be done, don’t forget that, even though it feels like forever. Your true fans can wait. :)

  • Josh Hahn

    Get better man.  I look forward to laughing until I cry when you get back into the game!

  • Anonymous

    Yeah, I check the site weekly for updates anticipating a new FF video, or series (like swat).  But I’m never disappointed when I don’t find them.  We all support you Noah, there’s really no need to apologize.  Not only do I know you’re going to get better, I know that your future projects will be some of your best yet.  So take your time, return to your former self mentally, and we’ll be here waiting.

  • James Dyer

    I had wondered why the lack of new videos, but since I know now, I simply hope you get well soon. Goodluck, hope you find the right way to deal with it soon.

  • Anonymous

    willowwaker the reason i dont post on the ffx review page is because I saw that the video review was made many months ago and that spoony would basically never see it.. This is his most recent entry so common knowledge would tell me this is where he would be looking for replys..

    I’m not trolling at all as I said I love a good spoony but he doesn’t need a huge peptalk from me about depression cuz he apparently already has hundreds of people doing that..

    All I want is final fantasy x to get the recognition it deserves period.. If i honestly thought spoony felt that way when he reviewed the game i wouldn’t of said anything.. but you could tell he was struggling (with some inner demons) to say all those unfair harsh words about the game…

    I think that the review of ffx is about where his depression started is all I’m saying.. As i said spoony you are a funny guy, that review made me (the biggest ffx fan ever) even laugh a couple times, but you cannot use humor at the expense of fairness.. it isn’t right..

    anywayz i encourage all of you to buy the final fantasy x HD remake for the ps3 coming out hopefully sometime within the next year…

    • Anonymous

      What your post actually was:

      “Wah wah wah Spoony you don’t deserve to say
      anything bad about FFX becuase it’s my favorite game in the world and my
      opinion is better than yours and wah wah wah and you’re dishonest and
      wah wah wah wah wah i hope I don’t get trolled for trolling Spoony and
      trying to make him feel worse because i’m petty enough to cry and insult
      his opinion about him not liking a game I that liked wah wah wah because everyone loves FFX and you’re a liar spoony wahhhhh”

      You are a troll. A deluded pahetic, crying troll, who actually gets massively butt-hurt and ACTUALLY tries to tell someone that their OWN opinion is wrong and a lie, and actually is so insane that you really believe it. WOW.

      You know what? You need help. Serious psychological help. You’re the only troll in this discussion.

      And, in fact…. just drop the act. Becuase i’m not buying that anyone is possibly as sick and deluded as you are prenting to be here. You know you’re a troll, as much as everyone else here can see it. You’re actually crying because someone doesn’t subscribe to your personal little cult of Final Fantasy X like a blubbering fanboy, who actually sees anyone with an opinion that doesn’t match yours as a “dishonest liar” with a straight face?

      Not buying it. You’re clearly a troll. A very bad, and extremely transparent one. Get off this site. Now.

    • Anonymous

      Oh and Final Fantasy X sucks, by the way. It really does. No, it REALLY does.

      It’s a horrible, linear, stupid, dumb, bad game that sucks.

      The reason i’m saying this is because, you need to learn that not everyone in the world sees every game the way that your childish little fanboy mind does. Consider this your crash course in the reailty of other people not agreeing with you.

      Also, I didn’t get this opinion from Spoony. I played the game myself when it came out. It sucks.

      And you are NOT going to take that away from me or anyone else, by telling me or anyone else that we’re not being “fair”. You know what? I completed this terrible game from beginning to end, and hated every stupid minute of me, so I refuse to allow you to tell either me OR Spoony that we aren’t being “fair” to a terrible game that we think is TERRIBLE. I REJECT you trying to tell ME what to think about a game that I still, strongly think sucks.

      Mind you, I was a fan of Final Fantasy from game one. GAME ONE on NES. And I followed this series faithfully up to the point it started to suck, so don’t you DARE tell me that my opinion is wrong and “unfair” too.

      You know what’s “fair” to say about Final Fantasy? After FF7, every game got worse and worse and worse.  Worse characters, more linear, terrible voice overs introduced in this game you seem to like for whatever reason.

      FFX, in EVERY WAY, is a horrible, handholding, wretchedly silly, stupid, broken, dumb, ugly, badly designed, badly implemented mess of a game with obnoxious characters, a worthless story, completely linear and boring, with a horrible character leveling system, a virtually indecipherable plot with whiny, moronic vapid characters, designed with the stupidest, goofy looking fashions, where nothing makes any logical sense, in an anti-climatic, stupid, boring game with a whiny protagonist, and shoddy gameplay that’s stupidly easy, offers no challenge, aside from facepalming, mind-numbing stupidity and the fortitude that it takes to get all the way through this stupidity without quitting and giving up outright.

      Not everyone loves Final Fantasy. A lot of people hate it. And they have good reasons to hate it. Pretty much everything above. This is something you need to understand. Not everyone likes what you like. And some people think that what you like SUCKS. I think this game SUCKS. Spoony thinks this game SUCKS. A lot of people think this game SUCKS.

      This is something you have to learn to live with and deal with. No one is “wrong” or being “unfair” because they don’t see whatever it is that you see in this terrible game.

      And you have NO PLACE to tell anyone else that they aren’t giving it a chance, either. Especially not me, because I put up with the pain and torture or playing this stupid game, myself, after it came out, because I paid the money for Final Fantasy X and I actually completed the game because I paid full price for it.

      And when it was done, I never played it again. So, you have no right to tell me that my opinion isn’t valid, and you have no right to tell Spoony that his opinion isn’t valid.

      You can like your stupid game. But don’t you, for a minute sit here and tell anyone else that I’m not allowed to HATE it.

      And if you are suggesting this…. by definition… YOU. ARE. THE. TROLL. HERE.

    • Anonymous

      *Sigh* ok, I will try to explain one last time, FinalFantasy13 before giving up.

      One, this is the wrong forum to post this in. I doubt that Spoony will see your post and have an epiphany to go and apologies for a video he did ‘months’ ago. Your pleas are falling on deaf ears where the reviewer is concerned.

      Two, your assessment that Spoony is ‘haunted’ by his review is so nonsensical that is makes my brain hurt trying to logic out such a ridiculous statement.

      Given that he posted the videos a few months ago, I truly doubt he would care to offer an apology. Spoony, given his track record, doesn’t bullshit when it comes to his opinion on games. So we must assume that he didn’t dis FFX because he wanted to be controversial but because he actually didn’t like that game. (A shocking thought to you, but bare with me)
      If he had felt bad about his review, he would of just posted a follow up video issuing an apology instead of going on to review/bash FFX-2. So that is two points that indicate he did not like the game.

      Watching the review, these “inner demons” you reference seem less like “It hurts so much to bash this wonderful game.” and more like “It hurts so much to endure and play this stupid game.” You can get this from the amount of anger and annoyance he portrays during the review. Three points that he hates the game.

      With three examples against your theory, I believe that it’s not Spoony that is suffering from a false video game review, but instead you just getting your feelings hurt that Spoony didn’t agree with your views.

      In the end, I think you personally need to give up on your Fanboy hard on for FFX. Sure, I didn’t like it when he did his short review on FF7 (I happen to be a fan), but I must admit that all his points were valid and not unreasonable. You can’t even man up and accept the completely justified critiques of your precious life changing game. 

      So you has some closure, here’s the recognition FFX deserves:
      It is a game with a stupid plot and bad English voice acting. The character designs are ridiculous, and the big bad was a pathetic boss fight. The game focused on the wrong person for its protagonist and Tidas was so head bashing stupid that I think his father passed the time by throwing dodge balls at his head when he was a child. The only pros are that it has a great combat system and beautiful graphics for its time.

      Finally, as for your recommendation to buy the remake, even if they do fix the game’s flaw, I will not bother to get it. One reason being that remakes seem more like cash-ins then improved games. The only way to distill this jaded view is that they give a discount to all people who bring in a copy of the original game (Which I very much doubt they would do) 

      The other reason is that the only person I see rallying for it at this time, is a guy that can’t use the basic logic of posting a critique of a review on the correct forum.

  • charles

    I figured that something like this was going on. Take what time you need, your fans (myself included) can wait for our free entertainment. Be well and stay strong.

    …See. I even went two lines without mentioning your minority report review! ;)

  • Edit Boman

    I hope you take your time to get better, life isn’t the same without your reviews. There’s no real need to apologize, we’ll all be here patiently waiting for you to recover. I know a lot of people who suffer from depression and it’s a tough way out of it, but you’ll make it! We’re here rooting for you~

    With Love

  • Dr Ivan

    I have frequented your site almost from the very beginning. Your videos, Noah, have helped me through my hard times and still are – since I am still watching them over and over again – the vlogs, the reviews, the ramblings… Having a laugh watching them have brought a smile to my face and made me (if only briefly) forget about the chores and hardships of daily life many a time. I really hope you will get well soon! Wishing you all the best —

  • doresh

    Man, I’m glad you got that dog. Having such an energetic pet around should help, if only a little ;)

  • jimmi ununger

    Sad to hear you being in a rough spot (American is not my main language so when I hear that term it feels like “sad to hear you say it… you kinda shouldn’t have told me, a total bummer it was thanks!” which it seems not to be, if i’m wrong. Sorry :S) hopefully you will find something that puts you out of bed with a moore deeproted smile (Not knowing what has been going on and has not been on your site for a long time, sorry.) and continue doing what you like and feel fulfilled doing it, Whatever that may be or become.

  • Anonymous

    Try to hang in there. They will find you a working medicine which gets you to your feet again. Try playing with animals since watching them do weird things tends to lift mood spontaneously.

  • Steve Conwell

    We love ya, man.  Do what you feel is right for you. 

    [Incidentally, I picked up the Pathfinder Core Rulebook just to see what the game’s like.  The book is obviously play-tested to hell and back, which is nice.  But have you checked out the Combat system??  You’d need to be a mentat to keep track of all that!]

    Be well.

  • Anonymous

    Take your time, we totally understand.  I have mild depression, too, and I know how much it sucks.  You just sit around, feel like you can’t do anything, but you really really want to, so people think you’re lazy, when in fact you’re not.. it’s awful.  I hope you feel better soon!

  • Anonymous

    Don’t fret about it too much Spoony. It’s much more important that you be healthy. We’ll all still be here once you are

  • Ashely Adams

    Hi Spoony,

    Long time video watcher/lurker of your site.  You’ve always kept me entertained when I was feeling down (or just didn’t want to study for an exam-don’t worry I usually do good on them ;) ).   I just wanted to say I hope you find the right medication and treatment that works for you.  I don’t have depression, but from my experience with cold urticaria, I know that feeling of just wanting to get better and how frustrating nothing is working, so it’s great you’re being patient with yourself.  You’re a really great guy and please don’t feel bad, you got to come first, after all!  Your Counter Monkey videos have certainly been more than enough (I always get such a good laugh, even though I’m not a RPGer myself).

  • Nick Kipouros

    Hey dude, as a college student dealing with some similar issues (too much sleep, depression medication, etc) I feel you. Do whatever you have to do to get better, no matter what your health is what’s important. That said I need as much Spoony in my life as humanly possible so I hope things work out for the better sooner rather than later.

  • Anonymous

    I, too, have battled depression, like many others who have commented here. It took me years to both admit I had it AND get it treated. Depression really is one of those conditions that people tend to misunderstand. There’s that desire to treat it like something you should just “get over,” suck it up, man up, etc. I think it’s because people are afraid of it, afraid it’s contagious or something, or they don’t like being reminded about how un-fun life is at times.

    For some people, severe depression might be a flash-in-the-pan brought on by trauma or some life-changing event, but it’s as much about how we think of the world and ourselves as anything. It’s that thinking that’s the tricky part, finding some rays of hope in your life, and that’s an individual quest.

    When you’re back in the video-making business again, I’ll be watching.

  • Franklin Gander

    Hey Spoony,
    I haven’t posted here before but I enjoy your videos.

    I’ve seen
    your posts for awhile now about your poor health.

    Check out
    this video that covers the history of medicine and perhaps it can help you
    figure out what’s best for you.

    Regardless, I
    wish you the best.



    Hey Spoony!
    Long time viewer, first time commenter.
    I’ve been going through almost the exact same thing recently. Be strong! I know it’s tough, or rather, seemingly impossible. As you’ve pointed out, depression is not a matter of will or lack thereof. It just is. I wish you all the best and my prayers are with you. I look forward to seeing some more of your videos, whenever that may be. They’re worth waiting for!

  • Kelli Weiss


    Long time follower, first time poster. Though I’ve never really dealt with depression beyond a few moments of sheer stress, I can understand your drive and desire to want to please and entertain your fans.

    Please don’t over work yourself! Your health is most important. I’d much rather adapt to a slower flow of your videos than expect you to overload yourself in an attempt to please the masses.

    I know you’ll get through this. Stay strong.

  • Anonymous

    lol at the people hating on ffx just because I like it trying to get  a rise out of me.. If you don’t like me fine but dont take it out on the amazing game take it out on me..  Ugh so sick of all these stupid internet posters with their stupid gimmicks now days espically when it comes to final fantasy..

    “FFVI is way better than FFVII”, “FFVII is overrated”, “Every ff after ffx Sucks”….

    see what i just did ^ I just summed up every generic self proclaimed “old school” fan of final fantasy in a nutshell..

    the fact that final fantasy x came out over a decade ago and still holds up amazingly even by todays standards is a testimant to how amazing the game actaully was.. I’m not saying some people cant like it I’m saying the reasons given by spoony and now in turn by you are unjust…

    Anybody can percieve anygame they want in a negative light when all they do is look at the negatives..

    All spoony did in his ffx review was say a couple positives in the first couple minutes of the video to “get them out of the way” I can only presume, and then proceed to bash the hell out of it for what felt like hours… you can hate me for saying that all you want but it isn’t fair to do that and you know its the truth..

    • chris SMART

      to post this here on this post is pathetic. Whatever you’re trying to do or whatever your agenda is you’re either a massive dick or socially retarded. There’s a time and place, this is neither. Get off this site and never post again.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with chris SMART. Please have some tact and dignity and just drop it.

      By the way, life isn’t fair. Something may be “unfair” and yet extremely necessary. The sooner you learn that, the better off you will be in life. 

      The whole “that isn’t fair” argument is what kids use when their parents discipline them for being bratty or when some other kid gets to play with their favorite toy longer than they did.

      Grow up, man.

  • Paul Grade

    Spoony, I’ve been a fan from almost the beginning and I just wanted to say that you don’t need to apologize for that. Your obviously going through some hard times and honestly it would make me much happier to see you get through them then too get updates slightly faster.

    P.S. I tried Pathfinder and it KICKS ASS!

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been suffering from depression for 5 years, so I know how hard it is to fight it. Hopefully you’ll be on stable medication soon and life will start to improve. Hang in there.

  • Robin

    Hey Spoony,

    Another long time viewer, first time poster here. We all
    really appreciate what amounts to quality free entertainment. To emphasise on
    the free part, it’s pretty apparent that you have nothing to worry about with
    regards to letting anyone down. The only obligations you have are to yourself.
    Nothing is more important than your own health and wellbeing, and it is imperative
    that you set that as your first priority. You have built up a loyal fan base
    and we aren’t about to ditch you any time soon.


    All the best from England

  • Anonymous

    Hear me well, Spoon! For to play the game you must be in peak health! Get well and take thy time!

  • John Doe

    Spoony, you are one of the things I look forward to when I log on to the computer. Your reviews are incredible and your recent stories are hilarious. Toilet Pizza? OMG! You really make me want to join an in-person AD&D group. I’ve done it on the computer (Baldur’s Gate, C64 Pool of Radiance, etc…). … but seems nothing in comparison!

    Anyway, your well being is far, far more important than my entertainment. You have created a massive amount of great material – and we will be continued to be entertained by all of it.

    Take care +1 Spoony. May Gond be with you.

  • Anonymous

    An artist’s work must never be rushed if we intend to see the full genius of their work.
    I’ve never posted on your site before, until now. I love what you do, it makes me laugh and smile to see any of your videos. I started with the Phantasmagoria 2 review and have tried to find and watch every video in your gallery afterward.
    The Counter Monkey series has been personal and entertaining at the same time. They are most welcome additions to your other videos.

    That being said, ya know, we can’t have you being all ill and tired on us, we want you to be as rested and as healthy as you can be, so go at it as best you can to get well. It kind of sucks, growing up. With it comes many good things, yet, and at the same time, freedom of youth slowly is taken away and replaced with responsibility. Not that I know much about growing up, I refused to do so, but responsibilities loom over us at all times. I tend to look on the bright side with a happy-go-lucky attitude, because life could be worse, much worse.
     Hm, I wonder if there is a sort of depression therapy group in which you could join. To talk with people who are like-minded with yourself and dealing with similar problems, maybe such a thing could be beneficial to your recovery. Sometimes medicine isn’t the answer that doctors would have us believe, but I do hope that something turns out to be helpful without being harmful at the same time.

    You’re like that friend during high school that I wish I knew and got to hang out with, so be well, don’t over stress or over work yourself, and be true to your needs and wants, man!
    Oh, and, one more thing, about your work. Just wanted to say that your DoA movie review… that was quite possibly the best of your movie reviews on the site, and there are a loooot of good ones that came before it. So awesome!

  • Noah G

    I think my heart just hit my pelvis. Thinking of you in a state of misery and depression makes me feel awful, even without ever seeing you in person (not even at a live show or anything.) hopefully miles, oreo (if I remember correctly,) and friends are helping you through this outside the doctors office.
    I’m having trouble writing the words I actually want to say (as I do so often) so I’ll leave you with this:

    “even with me only really being one of a giant interconnected world of people who adore your work, I wish you good health and wish I could do more, as any close friend, relative, or sibling would do.”

    good luck ;)

  • tyler oakley

    I’ve been following your show for a long time and I rarely comment on alot of things. Since then with all the stuff you’ve dealt with there’s one thing I want to say as my first time commenting on your show. No matter how bad it gets we’re still here rooting for you. Take as long as you need Spoony we understand what your going through. 
    Heres hoping you get better soon.

  • Anonymous

    Depression is really something you sould take your time with. I don’t know all the details of what happened prior to this, but be sure to take it easy for the moment.  You don’t need to rush it for us since it’s a situation you need to handle and take care of before doing anything else or you won’t be able to concentrate on any other project.  Don’t worry about us, we are big kids and we should be able to wait it out.  Do it for you and not for the others.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been through much of the same thing lately. I’m currently unemployed and living with my dad on disability. It takes effort for me to do responsible things and be productive. Right now that productive thing is National Novel Writing Month, which I doubt I’d even try if I had school or a job to balance it with. Even with no other “work” on my plate, I’m consistently behind the daily quota as advertised on the site. I might have to settle for finishing the fifty thousand word goal a week late.

    I just wanted to say that I know what you’re going through and I want to advise you to do what’s right for yourself. I can watch your old reviews (okay, not the really old ones) for a long time.

  • Donny Shears

    Take you time dude. :) We need a healthy, happy Spoony to entertain us so don’t sweat the time it takes. Just focus on chilling out and focusing on you. 
    <3 Once you're better though, THEN we'll rag on you about it. ;P 

  • Alejandro Granata

    Hope you get well soon, Spoony. Depression’s not something to take lightly, so you have my full understanding and support from all they way down at Argentina! 

  • Joe Gray

    We all get it Spoony, just take it easy.

    Quality > Quantity. I feel I speak for everyone on TSE when I say I don’t care how long the videos take, so long as they’re just as awesome as always! :D

  • Anonymous

    I think I speak for most of us fans when I say that you should take care off yourself first and don’t worry so much about the videos.

    Yes, it might be a slight disappointment to some people when it takes a while for videos to be released, but your health is much, much, much more important than any of that other stuff. I can actually kind of relate to some of the problems you mention here. Thankfully, I didn’t get so far as to get depression, but those first few stages of sleeping too much, not having energy to do anything and stressing out over getting stuff done etc. is something I’ve also had some experience with. I know it can be a really tough situation and it does seem like you probably reached a different/worse stage than I did, but I know you will get back on your feet soon enough and when you do, we, the fans will be here waiting for you.

    You just focus on your health for now. You have my full support and understanding.

  • Michelle Miller

    *hugs you*

    I *completely* understand. I was diagnosed with depression over a year ago and it’s still an uphill battle at times. People really do NOT always understand that we’re not just sad and that taking a handful of happy pills don’t make everything magically better. People shun and reject what they don’t understand. And I am sorry for that. 

    But please do realize that even though we love you and your reviews, your mental and emotional health is more important to us. Sometimes, even those who make us smile the most, are the ones that need the most help… and by admitting it, it kind of sucks sometimes. But know that we are here for you and are rooting for you 110%.

    Love you, Spoony! 

  • Anonymous

    Don’t worry Noah, you’ll always have the support of fans like me. Your health is first, we understand it perfectly, just take care of yourself first and when you feel better we’ll be here.

  • Stefan Green

    Hey Noah,

    I understand completely. Don’t worry about us, so long as you check in every so often so we know you’re ok I doubt anyone minds waiting for videos while you deal with stuff.

    Take care of yourself first and *remember to eat*

    • George Rosenbaum

      Oh man, that happened to me. You just stop caring, and forget to take care of yourself. She’s right, EAT regularly. It’s not inconvenient, and you ARE hungry three times a day.

  • Jacob Martin

    You deserve all the time you need, you’ve made me laugh, and taken me out of these mini slumps in life. If I had a terrible day, a Spoony video would always make it 300 times better, I’ve been watching since your early Youtube days, and even if you don’t read these comments, but I’m sure you do, You’ve made a huge impact on who I am today, you’ve made me pick up Magic the Gathering again, Table top Gaming, and reminded me how much FF 8 and 10 suck balls. The point of all this is that Spoony, without your videos, I’d be almost a different person, never able to accept my nerddom, and I wouldn’t have had some of the best experiences of my life (Going to MTG tournaments with friends, some crazy RPG sessions ETC, ETC.) and this is my way of saying thank you, so take all the time you need to get better, I’ll be looking forward to your next video!

  • Patricia Quirk

    First off, of course we’ll be here. I know we are not fairweather fans. Even though most of us do not know you personally in day to day life, you have a knack for making us feel like we do. The reviews, the conventions, seeing your first stand-up set. It feels liek not just watching a stranger but sharing experiences with a friend. I am not trying to sound crazy here, but basically I just want to say I wish you health,happiness and security! I have dealt with depression the majority of my life, so I completely empathize. It really can be a vicious cycle. I am sorry you are going through these things, but in our small way, we will continue to be here for you Noah <3

    p.s. Thanks for everything! I wish I could put into words the joy I get from your videos. I wish you knew the countless laugh out loud moments from the reviews, and your writing is pricelss. You're an internet treasure for us and a personal treasure to those in your life.

  • Jessica Cohen

    I’m sorry to hear about your depression. It’s a really hard thing to deal with. I know you’ve probably heard this from the doctors you’ve been seeing already, but along with the medication, you should probably look at your diet too. If your body isn’t getting the proper nutrition, it can cause depression or make existing depression worse. Also, a little regular exercise might help.

    A regular sleeping schedule is also extremely important. Not just the amount of hours you get, but going to sleep every night at the same time is also important.

    I wish you the best and hope that you can get through your depression. Don’t worry about us. Just take care of yourself and try not to stress too much.

  • Justin Hostetler

    I’m studying to become a dietitian and have to agree wholeheartedly with what others have said about nutrition.  Our diet is linked so closely to our well-being that it continually surprises me.  Exercise is also very, very important.  Try to work in at least 20 minutes of exercise a day and you’ll see improved mood within a few weeks.

    I’ve been there before and know it can get better.  Good luck Spoony.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who’ll still be here when you get back.

    • George Rosenbaum

      Actually, Spoony’s hear condition makes any cardio-intensive workout life threatening. He has a heart condition where if he exerts himself too hard, his heart will beat HARDER instead of faster. This can cause damage to his circulatory system, and can even pop arteries in serious cases. So exercise is out of the question.

      The good news: no caffeine for Noah.

  • Joey Ogg

    hope you get better

  • Saskia Jackson

    Sorry to seem like a bandwagon jumper, but I’m another long time viewer who’s never commented on anything before, but I would just like to say I absolutely love everything you do Spoony, you can make me laugh a million times.

    All that matters at the moment is that you take a rest and try to recover, I myself may not know depression but I’ve seen what it does to people and it’s really tragic. You know that all of us here would be happy to wait years for you to release a new video just so long as it meant you were feeling okay.

    Best of luck, I know that you’ll make it through this.

  • Amanda Crouse

    Spoony, we love you. Plain and simple. That’s why we keep coming back for more! And believe me, there are many people out here in your audience that have gone through the same thing.  And yeah, it does take time, but when you get to the other side of the void things start to improve quickly.  It’s just getting to that point that’s the hardest and most frustrating part.  I’m sure I can speak for most of us by saying that your health and wellbeing takes priority over videos.  If there is no Spoony, there is no videos. And we just can’t have that!!!  Take care of yourself, and hopefully soon you’ll get back to doing what you (and all of us out here on the interwebs) love. <3

  • Anonymous

    wow some of you people are ridiculous.. its not like he has cancer or something. .the poor chaps just depressed.. do you really think these condesending motivational speeches are what he wants to hear? I know I sure wouldn’t..

    no spoony your a funny although sometimes quite unfair reviewer (final fantasy series) who makes everyone laugh.. thats what your good at so snap out of it, stick with it and keep making those damn videos..

    • lkraider

      Depression is not something you “snap out of”, he even mentioned that on his letter.

    • Libby Rachal

      Stop being a tit!  Depression isn’t something you can just snap out of.  if you had any brains in your head, you might know that.  I think you’re still bitter about the blitzball.  If you think he is that unfair, stop watching his videos!!!  Oh but why should YOU do anything intelligent? 

      Don’t worry about it Spoony, I have been medicated for depression for a few years, and I completely understand the feeling.  Don’t mind the stupid little tools, and your REAL fans are all hoping you feel better soon. 

    • George Rosenbaum

      If your trying to troll…this really isn’t the kind of thing you troll on. It’s like crashing a funeral, getting drunk, and hitting on the daughter of the Dearly Departed.

      You have no idea just how much damage something like this can do. I have the misfortune of tangling with depression firsthand, and it took me two years to get back to something resembling ‘normal’. Thank god my case was considered ‘mild’. Who knows how bad he’s got it?

      This is something that people don’t always snap out of, something that occasionally drives people to suicide. If you had something like this, you WOULD need support. Be happy I’m in a good mood, because on any other day I would have force fed your words down your throat. But you don’t look like your trying to hurt anyone TOO bad…

    • jake

       Cool story Troll

    • Anonymous

      Fail troll is fail.

      Utter douche + Final Fantasy 13 username = way too obvious.

      Also, fuck you.

    • Michelle Miller

      I wasn’t going to reply, but I keep seeing this one comment and it’s bugging me.

      Encouraging (or motivational, as you call it) speeches aren’t a bad thing. Sure, it’s not going to make him magically better, but for the love of god… had I had more people there for me when I was at the beginning of my bout with depression, it would have been easier. Instead, I ended up with more trolls (like yourself), telling me that I needed to snap out of it and cheer up. These comments he is receiving are NOT condescending (learn to spell, by the way)–they are proof that Noah is loved and that we care for his fucking well-being.

      Additionally, the comment about it “not being cancer?” No shit, Sherlock. However, if one of the reviewers were to find out they have cancer (which I hope never happens), I wouldn’t put it past you to tell them to “suck it up” and “get a better immune system” or some shit like that.

      So really, you’re the condescending one, and it’s not cute, so cut the shit.

      • Anonymous

        Right on, PREACH sister!

  • Timbo Jay

    Hey Spoony sorry to hear about the situation (you’re not alone if that is any consolation). I know you seem pretty set on taking the medication route but have you looked into CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)? I was suspicious of the ‘talking cure’ as therapy is known but it’s helped a lot and tends to go hand in hand with medication (and no it isn’t some weird new age crap, I’d recommend looking it up online).

    Anyway, all the best and look forward to hearing some more stories about your Roleplay days and will give my right arm for the third part of the FFX-2 review haha.

  • Anonymous

    While some cases of depression are chemical imbalance you shouldn’t just go straight with the drugs. I know this will get deleted or flamed but you and your longtime girlfriend broke up for whatever means. Your sad, your depressed but where you depressed before that event? Everyone is so quick to jam a-fix-it-all pill down their throat sometimes you just gotta ask “Why am I unhappy?”

    Coming from someone whose been through more breakups than I care to remember I honestly can say you have to deal with your problems not just ignore it or medicate it. 

    In closing I hope you get well and I hope you overcome your depression.

    • Anonymous

      Whether he was depressed before has no relevance to if he’s depressed now.  It’s very rare for someone to be constantly depressed throughout their entire life.  Usually it comes and goes, and is often triggered by major events in one’s life, not necessarily just the traumatic ones.  The response to these events are what actually trigger the chemical imbalance.  And once that occurs, it is usually very difficult if not outright impossible to stabilize it without some form of medication.  It is not feeling “unhappy.”  It is feeling nothing. 
      Please, educate yourself on the facts regarding this condition if you intend to offer advice. 

      • Anonymous

        Well I’ve dealt with depression, I’ve been on meds, so before you jump on that chemical imbalance band wagon please educate yourself. Again ive dealt with depression first hand and have had multiple Doctors tell me that not all depression is a true chemical imbalance. Truth is nothings 100%, yes Spoony’s depression or anyone’s could be a chemical imbalance but is all depression such? The short answer is no and had you researched it or looked into as you pretend to have you’d know that.

        It’s not uncommon to go numb from dealing with being sad, your body and mind in a attempt to save yourself the stress can bring you down. Can meds help? yes they can but don’t be naive enough to think it’ll cure it by itself.

        It boils down into something I wager you overlooked, some depression is caused by a defect while other types can be caused by not dealing with or compressing feelings. 

        I suffered from depression from a case not to unlike Spoony’s, and until I came to terms with myself and my ex I stayed in a funk. Suppressing emotions can do horrible things to ones mind and body. So again if you want to live in a fantasy world where meds fix everything feel free but please before you toss out that bile stfu.

  • Anonymous

    Just take your time, feel better and remember these words of wisdom from the Hitchhiker’s Guide: Don’t panic! (they always make me feel better when I’m stressed, anyway).Best wishes from Iceland.

  • Anonymous

    Something a few people here could do well to remember: the only ones who are well enough aquainted with the circumstances surrounding this to evaluate and give advice on it are Spoony and his doctor.  Most people have no idea what real depression is unless they’ve experienced it themselves, and yet everyone seems to think they’re an expert on it. 

    Best of luck Spoony.  I’ve fought my own battle against depression, and your work helped me get through it.  I hope you and your doctor find a solution that works soon.  Until then, I’ve always got the pure bad-assery of Yor hang gliding into a purple caveman with a dead bat thing.

  • Rebecca Christiansen

    I love you, Spoony. Sounds silly, but it’s so true. I have been/am still in that kind of position, as well. It’s hard. Do whatever you need to do to get well. You’re a top-notch entertainer and huge inspiration to all of us. There is so much love coming your way :)

  • deaddreams.

    i hope all goes well.

  • Anonymous

    Shit happens. I’m sticking around.

  • Greg Phillips

    We’re here for you, bro.

  • avery cawley

    We all love you spoony. We can wait till the end of times until you make a video. 

  • Glacies Frost

    Please don’t feel any need to rush on our behalf.

  • George Holmes

    Get well soon Spoony. Hope to see you in action again soon.

  • Liragon

    lol Lazy prick

  • Donny Reynolds

    I Know I can’t top some of the speeches made earlier, I’m going to try, All I have to say is that your a good man and you put me in a good mood many a time and for all its worth don’t run yourself into the ground, most importantly thought Get yourself fixed up before you worry about us, the fans. I think I speak for everyone here when I say Were willing to wait as long as you need to recover from your current state, we wish you all the best. Get Well soon mate.

  • Samantha Temple

    We love you Spoony, don’t forget that we are all here for you :)

    Feel better my friend.

  • Thomas Infante

    i’m really sorry to hear about your situation spoony. There’s not much i can say that hasn’t been said already. But all of us fans understand. I think i speak for all of us when i say we love your videos and you as an entertainer and person. I hope to see you back up to speed soon, but i’ll gladly wait alot longer if that’s what it takes

  • juan

    just take it easy and take your time in getting better.

    i’ll keep you in my prayers bro

  • Anonymous

    Take a breather Spoony. I feel that unless the person has experienced depression it’s unlikely they will understand what you are going through right now. I wish you luck in finding peace.

  • Leslie Wubbel

    never taken for granted.

  • Robert Tracy

    I got your back on this Spoony. I’m on depression meds too, so I’ve been a hole like that too. You can get out.

  • Adam Swinder

    Spoony, you are the man. I know that you will get out of this depression and become a stronger person for it. I’m a fan for life, and I’m here for you.

  • Dante Alberti

    You’ll get through it man, no sweat.

    Too bad it took all of your pills to get Sage through Mad Bull 34 huh?

  • Tri

    I was seriously just wondering about you and what had changed.  Thank you for being so human about this.  Wish I could give you a hug and a kiss.  Good luck you, honey.

  • Courtney Bennett


    thank-you so much for the effort and attention to detail you put into your work!! the many times ive jumped on here got a laugh and giggle, learned something new or just hearing you rant on about something :)

    i’m always down for new content but i would rather you healthy and back to feeling normal!!

    let us know how we can help ;)

    what you have to say is important and we thankyou for what you do 

    your friend from down-under


  • Dave F

    Damn, i hope you can find a way out.

    I’ve had sleep and depression issues. I’ve been taking a daily multi-vitamin for the last month and that’s helped turn things around. Also, regular exercise, even if it’s a 20 min walk. Walks are actually really good cause they give you time to contemplate and think as well.

    Anyways, i wish you the best. You’re a funny funny guy who has entertained me since i discovered your videos at the start of the year. I hope you find that way to keep on keeping on :)

  • thatcurvychick

    I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling, Noah. I’ve been dealing with depression for a while and I  understand just how hard it can be to pull yourself up out of the hole. But it is possible! Don’t give up! Do what you need to do, man. We’ll understand.

  • Anonymous

    Hey Spoony, you are still a cool guy. I watched the Thing review over the weekend again and laughed a lot. You have given us a lot of great videos over the years and that won’t change. Yet the passing time can be the enemy. 

    Finding your videos on youtube was one of the best things I’ve ever found on the internet. As previously stated I go back often to some of your oldest videos and they are still great. You’ve also done some funny movie reviews, but I was more of a gamer so I’ve enjoyed those usually the most. Anyways I wish ya the best.

  • Jamie Lemire

    I hope you’re okay. =< Remember, Your own health and well being comes before your videos! Despite what nazi fans might say, I'm sure the majority of us would rather see you well then stressed out. Good luck and keep happy!

  • Park Boyer

    It’s hard work hating everything. Take care of yourself.

  • Anonymous

    Dear, Noah 

    You have been a wonderful entertainer over the last couple of years and I want to thank you for that. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always ask your loyal fans. Thanks so much for all the amazing videos. Your videos have made me want to get into reviewing as well. Keep up the amazing job man. You’ll pull through because YOU ARE THE LORD OF TEKKEN! 

    Your Friend,

  • Richard Yuen

    Get well Spoony! Don’t worry about us we’ll watch your vids over and over 1000x before we even think about taking updates over your health!

    Get better, show ‘em doctors who’s boss, and keep healthy!

  • Raziel Darkheart


    I hope you get well. Don’t feel pressured to put out material if it’s going to be a danger to your health. It’s more important that you get better, rather than pushing yourself into something that could cause more trouble than it’s worth. I’m sure you’ve got family and friends to help with the financial burdens. Above all, make sure that you put your health first.

    Besides, we’ve got plenty of things to amuse ourselves with. Like SCIENCE!


  • Nick Eligahn

    I just wanted to say real quick to get well soon, Spoony! You’re one of my inspirations for getting my own video game videos online! So don’t worry about us getting angry at you or anything like that. Just focus on getting better and get us more awesome when you can. Take care.

  • Anders Andersson

    No rush Spoony…I just thought that you took so long time because you stuck in Final Fantasy and didn’t come anywhere…like running in endless narrow hallways :)

  • Joseph Rundin

    Feel better Noah your work is worth the wait, Also I have a copy of the Hero’s Quest board game if you would like it. :D

  • Johnny Oldschool

    I’ve been in that very same position Spoony. It isn’t very fun. This much I can say though: modern medicine and a few good friends can and will get you through it.

  • Kurt Broadbelt

    I hope you get better Noah!!!!!! You have been my hero for the last year or so and your well-being matters more than us fans.
    We can just watch some classic Spoony reviews while you get back on track :)

  • Dean

    I feel you sir.  I have similar issues with mind-crushing depression- I refuse to seek treatment though.  I really hope you feel better Noah- We fans love and adore you and hope that if you ever needed us, we could provide support in any way.  Live on brother Spoony.

  • Lady Nomad

    While I do want to see you do reviews again, all I want is for you to get better.  I know how it can be.  So, focus on getting better first.  That’s all I want. 

  • toms

    I figured that taking care of a new dog would be the cause of the delay. Even though we have not received a new official vid in a while the Vlogs, reviews and Counter Monkey vids have been holding us over really well.
    Until then, you will overcome and still have fun.

  • SirusA

    Just take your time and get better Spoony, we love you and your videos and I doubt anyone would hold it against you for this. We’re willing to wait and I will still check your site daily just in case anyway because I love your stuff! We’re all rooting for you man.

    Besides, Counter Monkey, reviews, and Vlogs are usually hilarious and probably don’t take as much work as the others, I think, and they are more than enough to hold us over!

  • Styrkjar Steißbjörn

    Like many others said before, just take your Time and get better ;)

    And if your money really should run dangerously low, we´ll all happily share one or another slice o´Pizza with you :DThe least we can do, to thank and support a guy who did a great Job, entertaining us for the past few years ^^

  • Bright_Raven

    Depression sucks, it really helps to get moving, going for a run will help, but when you are depressed that’s one of the last things you want to do, especially when you are behind in work and fell it would be wasted time. and with your heart condition (Takes gulp of pepsi) i don’t know if you can though

  • Elias Nyström

    You have brought joy to thousands of people, each video funnier than the last. Just hearing you speak of RPG stories is hillarious. 

    Time to focus on yourself. Take all the time you need, we will be here when you are ready.

  • John Krolick

    Get well spoony.  All I really need to say and no matter how long it takes.

  • Private

    I also suffered from depression. Was horrible, my life was in tatters and was angry and worried because I wasn’t doing enough. I didn’t take any medication since I don’t believe the doctors can medicate something they don’t understand.
    When I had my biggest dips and suicide seamed a very viable option I simply drank till those thoughts went away. Now however my life is much better and I am functioning somewhat normally although Skyrim has me not leaving the house for days at a time.
    Things get better and most things work out and the things that don’t work out are FUBAR’d so no point worrying about them.

    Hope you feel better soon. Just be sure to consume lots of Alcohol and Tobacco and stay away from religions.

  • Barry

    Sorry to hear that you’re ill, I hope you get better.

    There are a lot of aerobic excercises that help your body produce endorphins and don’t stress the heart too much. You should really try those out, I promise it will work if you do it right. Physical excercise, as many people have pointed out, is a great way to fight depression.

    Plus, when you work out you’re actually more awake – you just feel better, more active.

    Also, try and adjust your sleep schedule. Being exposed to direct sunlight releases endorphins as well. That’s why people who are nocturnal get depressed easily, their missing their “sunlight happiness”.

  • Anonymous

    I know we don’t know each other, but I’m going to call you Noah this time instead of Spoony.  I hope that’s okay.

    I completely understand your need to take time and sort things through in your life.  I’m dealing with a major crisis myself right now (my mom died on Saturday) and I know what overwhelming feelings can do to a person.

    Whatever you have to do, however long it takes you to do it, getting well is the most important thing right now.

    We may be a bit obnoxious and nagging at times, but all us in your fanbase wish the best for you.  The videos you put up help many of us find peace of mind in an often-times insane world.

    When you’re ready to come back, we’ll be here; comments and all.  Stay strong, man. 

  • pete

    A up duck,

    my partner has suffered from anxiety attacks on and off since we were about 18, it’s been very up and down sometimes (especialy when kid 1 then kid 2 were born) and it a very difficult condition to manage, she’d agree that the fact you can bring yourself to make any videos is a very good thing, your not just giving up on what you want to do and i find that admirable.

  • Luke

    Hell man, almost everyone faces the dreaded sunken dilemma at some point (I myself have dealt with panic attacks and the lack of a date for years). This is something that I’m certain you’ll be able to pull yourself out of and get those energy gears spinning again.

    I’m working on a big project, too. I’m building a computer game using a Clickteam product and looking to sell it once it’s complete. I know what it’s like to have that mental undertow suck at your constructive spirit, and it sucks. However, I still get work done everyday with notions of good intent and traces of willpower.

    You can do it, man. You are the Spoon: if you’ve got shit on your plate, you can dish it back out.

  • Jason Blevins

    Hi Noah, I’ve been a long time fan but have never felt the need to comment. Now I do. You are an amazing talent, and you have a loyal fanbase that (i believe) would never abandon you in your struggles. True Clinical Depression is a sort of illness or disorder, and many people are very misinformed about it. I know you are dedicated to your craft (you watched tna for us), but if you need time to get over through this we will understand. Blip will still pay you if we watch old videos right? 

  • Morte McAdaver

    You’ve got my support all the way, Spoony.  However long you need, I will be looking forward to your videos.  Yours is some of the best content I’ve seen on the internets, so I wish you all the best in these arduous times.

  • Shuyin

    I know and understand what you are going through Noah.  I have the same problem, and it isn’t an easy thing, and it never will be but the most you can do i try to do your best everyday.

  • Ninjamohawk

    Noah, I was diagnosed with depression this past summer and I can completely understand what you’ve been going through. Almost the same thing I did, exactly.

    Take your time. We’re your fans and waiting won’t change that.

  • Eric Anonymous

    Bluh… I went through almost 6 straight years feeling exactly the way you described, where everything stresses you out and you just feel drained almost all the time. I never took any drugs for it either, mostly because I didn’t know I was depressed. I just felt tired and angry at almost everything, and I felt bad because I did lose a few friends who simply got tired of my shit. Of course that left me feeling even worse than before. 

    What happened to pull me out of this slump? This may sound cliche, but I went out with a girl. To provide some context, I had recently come out of a stressful train wreck of a relationship, and the break up was a nasty one, which she continued to harass me and her when she found out we were together. And coincidentally, she’s the one who introduced me to your videos.

    Now it sounds simple, but it wasn’t an instantaneous change. It took a long time, and I had butted heads with almost everyone who was close to me at the time. 

    Wow.. I really wish that all of that was relevant. Whatever.

    Take your take, and take care of yourself first. Don’t mind the fans, we will have your back in your time of need. 

  • Daniel Heath

    I, myself, have bi-polar disorder, undergoing the med thing with narrow success. Keep trying them, though. The more research you do on them, the more you know that there are slews of treatments and medication therapies for clinical depression. You just have to keep moving with treatment. I hope things turn up for you. We could all use good news.

  • James Frizell

    Help yourself first, entertain us later. For goodness sake, this is the internet. We can wait!

  • Anonymous

    Might I make a suggestion, go for walks.  Even do it by yourself.  Exercise is a great remedy for depression and the best part is, is if you walk alone, you’ll get all sorts of thoughts running through your crazy head, which you can use in your videos.

  • Anonymous

    No worries, man! We can wait! Just take care of yourself for the time being!

  • Anonymous

    As long as you don’t dress up in a pink too-too and do an interpretive dance to theme of Battlefield 3… all is well my friend. All is well.

  • Viktor Eriksson

    No worries Spoony. You’ve given me hours of entertainment. Asking only for my patience in return. You’re the best kind of person and I hope you get better soon. Take care!

  • Anonymous

    Ive had a similar problem and Ive found a few things that help,

    – ditch the pills, (they usually increase your depression)
    – lower that caffeine intake
    – Not having enough Vitamin C will also be major cause

    • Carl

      This person is 100% right about caffeine, it can totally destroy your ability to get on a sleep schedule which I found is the big key to beating sleeplessness and depression. High sodium also does the same. Thankfully there’s caffeine-free Coke and Mountain Dew and it tastes the same. Now only your teeth will suffer!

      The pills didn’t work for me either (made things worse actually) though I hear they work for some people. In case its a problem for you too I hope someone’s able to give you day to day feedback Spoony on your progress cuz I couldn’t see the changes medication had on my own mind.

      Best of luck, it might seem impossible but you can beat this too!

  • Gabby B

    We’re not going anywhere spoony! Well….assuming that I am everybody. Which I am entirely capable of doing. Take all the time you need! Us poor sods are spoiled anyway :P Sorry I don’t have any advice for you, but you have my best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery.

  • Ward

    Just wanted to join the other fans who are wishing you well. Take all the time you need to get better. Best wishes, and hope you start feeling better soon :)

  • Anonymous

    I know I don’t comment all that often, but I also just wanted to add my voice to wish you well.  Take your time and get yourself better.  I doubt anybody will be going anywhere.  We all support you 1000%

  • Anonymous

    Good luck to you, Spoony.  I’ve dealt with depression in my family (my brother took his life 06 and my mom attempted to take her own life in 92) and when I was an active member of a youth ministry group I listened to a lot of people who went through what you are going through now.  It takes a lot  of character to admit that you need help and are actively seeking it out.  Again, good luck sir and I know I have really enjoyed the videos that you have been releasing of late (Counter Monkeys, etc.).   

  • Anonymous

    Take the time you need.

  • Anonymous

    I have depression, as well. I really hope for the best for you. The only pills that work for me are ones that are similar to lexapro, which was getting too expensive… Celexa works just as good for me. I have no advice due to me not being the most helpful with this stuff. I just use video games as an escape if I’m too depressed.

  • Jeffrey Gnerre

    Dear Spoony,

    I was going through a very dark patch in my life when I first discovered your site.  I lost a few people who were close to me, I didn’t know where my life was going and I felt extremely alone.  I love all of your videos and, as cheesy as it may sound, your videos are part of what helped me get through my own dark time.  I would watch your videos all the time and they, at the very least, would turn my mind off at some of my weaker moments when I couldn’t seem to stay out of my own head.  I am not like you.  I didn’t have the courage to ask for help at the time and tried to do it on my own.  I am in a much better place now, several years later, but I really have you to thank for helping me.  I really hope you continue to make videos and write reviews as long as you are able  because your fans would follow you to the ends of the earth.  Thank you again for everything you have done and all of yourself that you have given.  You are the best Spoony!


    PS – I, too, heard that, Curtis.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve gone to many therapists. I started going when i was 14-15 and i am still going. I have many problems and depression is one of them. I also have to deal with a lot of stress and i wanted to start my own comedy review site called “Inside the Gimps basement”, but that will happen as soon as i get my shit together. I started a blog, but has not gotten the time to write or do anything. So i understand if you have some problems. Everyone has. Just do what you think is best. 

    I have to say that many of your fans enjoy you’re game reviews. I like ‘em too, but what i love is your movie reviews, especially “Reb Brown” movies and such. I’ve been collecting all kinds of movies over the years and B-movies like that and others has become a collector items in my eyes. 

    The first movie i want to review is a movie called “Octopus” from 2004 that sucks hobo dick or maybe start with some Russ Meyer movies like “Up”. Also there is a Swedish “Evil Dead” rip-off called “Scorched Heat” from 1987 that would be an awesome and funny review i think.

    Anyway, i hope stuff gets better. Remember you’re always welcome inside the gimps basement. :D

    • George Rosenbaum

      Are you like the gimp from ‘Pulp Fiction’? Beware boxers with katanas.

      • Anonymous

        I sure am! I woke up and found my two “friends” dead down in the basement after i got knocked out by that damn boxer! It was scary. I was inside that basement for so long that i can not live anywhere except inside basements. So beware… you might have a gimp inside your basement!

  • Alex Rodway

    Keep up the good fight, Spoony, we’re with ya.

  • fernando garza

    hey just want to say “dont worry be happy” youre doing a job that you love
    why is it alwas when you have a nice job youre personal life  goes to hell
    and wehn you have bad job youre always there  ready to work no mather what

  • Chris Mudd

    I’ve been there Spoony. You can do it! And whatever happened 8 months ago, I’m really sorry for you. You’re my favorite reviewer and I wish you luck through this hard time.

    Maybe it’ll make you feel better to know that you got me back into Shadowrun. Maybe you should look into a nostalgic one-off game?

  • Jezpuhr Pixelboy

    Hang in there Spoon. (I didn’t forget the Y)

  • Randy Figueroa

    Hey Spoony we def appreciate your honesty,you are awesome and we hope you def get better soon man. Do what you gotta do,we are patient,well at least I am lol Have u considered a natural alternative? Mabey that might help..hope you get better man,its always darkest before the dawn,it will get better,believe that.

  • Randy Figueroa

    Oh yeah and you are def my fav reviewer,I have watched your show for years now and I am grateful for the years of awesome entertainment,really one of the only reasons I go online Spoony,keep up the hope my man! Take care

  • Garett Buttram

    Ten to one a good 80% of the people who frequent this site are in the same (or at least fairly similar) boat as you, so don’t worry about it. You should be caring about getting yourself on track first and foremost before worrying about us crazy internet people. We can survive while you get back on track, so take your time!

  • Anonymous

    I have been struggling with depression since 2007 and it wasnt until this febuary where I had a total breakdown, dropped out of my education and got fired from my job, then I finally got the right help. Before I had taken meds on and off throughout the year, but it was really only in the winter, when I was really down. But then, in June,  I finally went to see a psychiatrist that specialized in depression and he found the right medication for me, by the first session. I am taking valdoxan now and also using a Light therapy lamp. These things works for me and I am ready to try get my life started again. I guess what I am trying to say is that even with how bleak and hopeless everything may seem now, it can and will get better. And you have to keep trying until you find the treatment that works for you

    Get better. We will wait.

  • Sam

    Have you considered maybe while you’re not at your best handing off some of your work to other people? Maybe something like having someone like Ed Glaser do a full reenactment of a Counter Monkey story?

  • Anonymous

    I know how you feel I’m right into it right now myself… Been 3 1/2 years now and I’m finally getting a grip on it, and that without medecine or therapy. Focus on all the good things even if it just an hebdomary tv programs that make you continue forward, i know it’s hard and dark and all but believe me as believing all the others telling you the same: IT WILL PASS WITH TIME! 

  • Anonymous

    As someone who’s been battling depression himself for the last six months, I can relate to what you’re going through to an extent. I’ve yet to actively seek professional help about it because I’ve been so stubborn in thinking that I can will myself through it on my own, but I’ve been considering changing my tune about that once I finish with other medical issues I need to have taken care of. I’ve gone through so many things in such a small amount of time and while I’d rather not go into detail about them (lest I write a wall of text), I will say that when I’ve not been relying on being around my friends to cheer me up, I’ve been watching your videos constantly; whether watching the new ones as they get posted or going back and looking at videos of yours that I’d missed. I just wanted to let you know though that I’m grateful for all the entertainment you’ve provided (especially during times like this when I’ve needed it the most) and I can understand how hard this must be for you, but hang in there and don’t get down on yourself. However long you need to make new videos, I’ll still be around to watch them when they get done.

  • Evan Stafford

    I hope you get better soon. I am a very recent fan of yours, and can definetely relate to all your role-playing stories.

  • Evan Stafford

    I hope you get better soon. I am a very recent fan of yours, and can definetely relate to all your role-playing stories.

  • Lee Dawson

    Sounds like a good excuse to rewatch the classic reviews and maybe try some of the other reviewers on Channel Awesome (despite his lack-luster performance on the cross-over Review, I’ve grown to like Film Brain a great deal). 

    Spoony, I may just be speaking for myself on this, but please do whatever you need to and take as much time as you need. All I ask is just update us with a couple of Counter Monkey videos in the mean time. Those videos are gold.

  • Brendan Millet

    I’ve had similar issues in the past and I know it affects absolutely everything.  Take care of yourself and see better days soon.

  • Emmanuel Mac

    I can understand what you’re going through a bit, as I’ve had similar problems throughout the last two years in college, and it’s really driving me up a wall in terms of being able to get my work done on time. I hope you can learn to get through your problems in due time, and I’ll be waiting when you can commit to doing things again to see what you come up with in terms of videos.

  • Makay Murray

    I Don’t Really have any advice but I can say your are the best internet reviewer I’m aware of. (even better then TGWTG and Yahtzee in my opinion) 

  • canrespub

    I have an idea here: what you could do part-time is get a job a background extra. I know it’s part-time and everything, but it does pay. I got a decent share of the money when I was a background extra.

  • canrespub

    I have an idea here: what you could do part-time is get a job a background extra. I know it’s part-time and everything, but it does pay. I got a decent share of the money when I was a background extra.

  • rickstar171

    it takes a lot of courage and determination to post personal details about yourself like this. I cant pretend I know what you are going through but I think your dedication and enthusiasm for what you, do says a lot about you and how you will get through this.

  • Blunderbuss

    Oh man, Spoony, I’m so sorry. Depression has run in my family for years, and I know all too well what you’re going through. I’m glad that you’re seeing a doctor and sorting out your medication; many people don’t have those until they’re almost at a breaking point.

    I’ve had depression for a long time, and no matter what your videos always made me smile, to the point that sometimes they were the highlight of my day. And that really helps. So since you helped me out a bit, I sincerely wish with all my heart that you’ll recover and feel better soon. <3

  • Blunderbuss

    Oh man, Spoony, I’m so sorry. Depression has run in my family for years, and I know all too well what you’re going through. I’m glad that you’re seeing a doctor and sorting out your medication; many people don’t have those until they’re almost at a breaking point.

    I’ve had depression for a long time, and no matter what your videos always made me smile, to the point that sometimes they were the highlight of my day. And that really helps. So since you helped me out a bit, I sincerely wish with all my heart that you’ll recover and feel better soon. <3

  • Anonymous

    As someone who continues to fight depression with out medication, this my own choice and has so far worked for me but I know it doesn’t work for everyone, I can honestly say that you’ll have good days and bad and that sounds like it’s been happening. There were days when I felt I could take on the world and then days when I couldn’t even get out of bed. What has helped me has been having something to occupy my time (my radio show of over 11 years), having steady work and a loving wife, family and great friends.   It hasn’t been easy but know that it does get better.  I will echo what has been stated here…Spoony, take as much time and you need we’ll still be here when you get back.    

  • Mitro Yönsini

    You better just get well and take your time, Spoony. This kind of depression can really destroy a person if he just continues to stress. When you are ready and in the shape to produce new videos and other stuff, we’ll welcome it. Just remember, that you’re one of the best reviewers ever and your fans love you, even if you can’t make videos so often. I hope you will get well soon, not for the videos, but for yourself!

  • Arkhan Black

    It’s allright Spoony, even if you haven’t produced reviews in a while I have really enjoyed the Countermonkey thing you have been doing. Life aint easy but it is not impossible either, so hope you will be feeling better in the near future.

  • Alex Hatzberger

    Knowing people with depression and seeing what they go through to deal with it makes my heart go out to you.  As far as I am concerned, you deserve time to let yourself get better.  It’s a terrible struggle to find the right “prescription cocktail” that helps equalize your brain chemistry and allow you to get back to a more normalized level.  Don’t settle for ‘feeling a bit better.’ Go full bore. 

    You’ve got a lot of support online here, we all love your work and you.  I tip my hat to someone who is willing to bare their soul online in such a way. 

    I hope you get better soon.  Best of luck and godspeed.

    By the way, your videos and review are top notch, the best on the net.  I’m more than happy to wait as long as needed so that you are in top gear once again.

  • KashelGladio

     I understand completely Spoony. Don’t sweat it. I don’t suffer from depression myself, but I do suffer from a form of OCD that can very easily lead to depression if you let it, and sometimes it does and alot of your videos have helped me through those phases. So please, take as much time as you need. We’ll still be here when you get back =)

  • Anonymous

    take ur time spoony and hears to hoping for a complete recovery i wish you the best.

  • Mindo Redd

    Dear Spoony,
    My name is Melinda, I’m a relatively new fan of yours, but my friend sent me this I believe because I have the same problems. Not so much naps, but I just woke up and it was 2 PM, I’ve also been on Prozac for several years. Don’t worry about pleasing us, from what I’ve read from these comments everyone would rather see your health improve than anything else. I’m not going to give a speech about how it’ll be okay, but just take a deep breath and give it time. Don’t do anything drastic. Maybe take up some little hobbies, I’ve been doing knitting, origami and calligraphy to keep my mind at ease.

    One thing, and my friend will truly hate me for suggesting this, is try getting into the new My Little Pony community. That, more than any medication, has brought me up from depression. I know it sounds stupid, but it worked for me. Get well soon, Spoony. We love you.

  • Anonymous

    My wife is a psychologist and stresses out that once you feel better, don’t stop taking your medication. The biological processes need longer to be permanently changed.
    So get well soon.

  • Anonymous

    My wife is a psychologists and stresses out that once you feel better, don’t modify your medication or even stop taking it. The biological processes need longer than the change in the mind.
    So get well soon.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve been watching your videos since “The Thing” age. I think it’s safe to say that you’ve influenced a lot of people and that many appreciates your work as much as I do. Health problems are unfortunate things and many of them come to us unexpectedly. We all wish swift recovery and by all means take care of yourself. 

  • Niccolò Temperanza

    I can show you the world
    Shining, shimmering, splendid
    Tell me, princess, now when did
    you last let your heart decide

    I can open your eyes
    Take you wonder by wonder
    Over, sideways, and under
    On a magic carpet ride

    A whole new world
    A new fantastic point of view
    No one to tell us no
    Or where to go
    Or say we’re only dreaming


  • Anonymous

    hey spoony ive been a viewer for nearly a year and i understand ive been on meds since elemtary school and i stopped this May 8 years later im behind u all the way

  • Earl M

    Man, were here for you.  You take all the time you need, I know I’ll be here whenever you get back on track.  Best of luck to you.

  • Anonymous


    I give you all the credit in the world for explaining your situation. I have dealt with major stress and depression recently and I know it is not hard to overcome. Some people really think that it’s just something that can easily be fixed and that everyone goes through down times. Truth is depression is an illness just like the flu. If only it was as easy getting rid of as the flu. We don’t know your full situation and honestly, it’s really none of our business because it is your personal life but one thing that has been helping me with my depression is a book that explains that you should listen to your depression and treat it in a positive way than negative. I don’t know if that would help you but it is helping me. I know with depression you can sometimes feel like you’re the only one dealing with it and you have no one but you have a huge support system. I see the comments your fans are writing and that’s awesome. Keep your head up and take the time you need to make yourself better. Your health comes first before any of this. Your true friends and fans will stick by you and help you along the way. Get well soon. We love you!


  • Little Killers

    Dude, you need to change your diet it horrible and get some exercise and sunlight. It will help way more than the meds!

  • Amanda Doucette

    Sad to hear you’re going through this. I went through a similar thing a few years ago where I was literally sleeping 15-20 hours a day whether I wanted to or not… one thing that helped me specifically feel less tired, along with regular depression medication, was taking some supplementary melatonin about 1h before I was getting ready to go to bed ‘for real’ as it were + forcing myself to take morning walks as SAD runs in my family and the sunlight was good for me.

    Melatonin is an amino acid which helps regulate your body clock so it’s just like taking any other vitamin supplement (ie not habit forming). Maybe ask your doctors if they think those might help? I know as the season turns darker I really have to watch to keep myself from slipping back as the lack of daylight really exacerbates the underlying issues.

  • Ashley St. Juste

    Oh Noah, darling, I’m sorry. I know the very situation you are talking about. I went through a lot of BS this year that ultimately made me go to the doctor who diagnosed me with depression. I know the feeling of just wanting to sleep most of the day and when you are awake, you just want to sleep. I’ve been there and I hated it deeply because it made me more miserable than I already was. Even then, when I slept, I still felt shitty when I woke up because I didn’t want to wake up from the only thing that seemed to keep me from the horribly depressing world that I was living in then. 

    I’m on Cylexa at the moment and I’ve noticed some changes to my attitude, which is good since I started a new job just last month. 

    I do hope you get better Noah, it’s awesome just watching your videos and listening to you chat it up with Brad once it a while. The recent videos with you and Oreo are just adorable! It made me want to go and get a dog also. <3 

    Stay positive, Hun, we're all here for you!

  • Derek

    i think much like the others commenting,i understand the delays and hope you can overcome the difficulties you are facing. just keep that chin up and know you aren’t alone!

  • Michael


    If you wouldn’t mind taking the time to read this, it would be greatly appreciated.  You have been my favorite of the Internet review group for quite a while now.  You easily have the sharpest wit and most intellectually demolishing vocabulary when you tear into these games/movies.  You are, for all intents and purposes, a wonderfully TALENTED comedian.  You have put a smile on my face during bad times in my life, inadvertently helping me in a way that almost seemed as if you came to me yourself and said, “Don’t worry bro, it’ll all be good”.  Now it is our turn, your fans’ turn to help you now.  Just know that you have hundreds of friends, family, and fans to talk to, to help you, and support you through your struggle with this hell.  This isn’t a case of “being down alot”, its a serious condition that people get themselves into, and its a painstaking and mentally exhaustive process to get out of, even with medication.  I’ve experienced, and in subtle ways still am experiencing it firsthand.  I got your back Spoony, and though I do not know you, or anything about you, I consider you a friend.  I hope you would consider the same of me and all your fans.  I hope you can get back in the game soon and again start doing what you were put on this earth to do, make people laugh, and bring smiles to those who otherwise, maybe wouldn’t have smiled that day. 

    Take care of yourself spoony, we care about you and your work, don’t allow anything, including yourself, to stand between you and your dream.

    I hope my comment helped, even a little.  Sincerely,


    • Anonymous

      Totaly agree

  • Lukas Forman

    Greetz from Czech Rep.
    May be you could smoke more weed;)
    Seriously, I keep my fingers crossed for you and hope you will get well soon!

  • Anonymous

    Pro tip, exercise. Just saying… Hope you get better.

  • Karolis Bielskis

    Try drinking less coca-cola or whatever you’re drinking in all your videos. Food is realy important to your mental health.

    • Michael

      Good advice, one thing that helps is forcing yourself to exercise and getting on a better diet.  You wouldn’t believe the subtle ways in which diet can DRASTICALLY affect your mental state of mind. 

    • Jesse Melat

      He should watch how much of that “water” stuff he drinks, too.  It’s _lethal_ in large enough doses.

      Food is really important to mental health, though, like you said.  I’ve heard that not eating enough of it can cause organ failure, or even, sometimes: Death.  : /

  • Anonymous

    I love your videos! I hope that you get better, and I’m only saying that just because I want you to feel better. I don’t care if you make another video or not. To me the most important thing is to know that you are feeling good. Your videos have given me so much joy and turn many of my bad days to the better. Wish you all the best!

  • Anonymous

    I finally emerged from Skyrim long enough to see what Spoony is up to and I find this update. I can only offer you my encouragement and disclose that I suffer from a similar condition, albeit a mild case I would guess. It ain’t no picnic, so please take all the time you need to get over that obstacle. Depression and ambition is a horrible mix, I know from experience. You want to do all kinds of things, but simply can’t. Get well soon, I am with you 100 % no matter how long it takes.

    Now, back to running from dragons like a little girl. I will have my revenge yet, you over-grown lizards.

  • Nasha Kamalani

    We’re all here for you! I can’t just say ‘hope you get
    better’, depression isn’t that kind of sickness. I’ve been living with it for
    most of my life and I know it can be so hard just to get up and do something as
    simple as brushing your teeth. But I do hope that one day you will be able to
    cope with it enough to find happiness and stability. Don’t worry about us right
    now, we’ll be fine. Take care of yourself.

  • Michelle Cook

    Just remember that nothing can do anything to you.


    Hey Spoony,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a tough time at the moment. I don’t know if you ever read these comments but I’m gonna write one anyway on the off chance.

    I stumbled across your site yesterday evening purely by chance after looking up Phantasmagoria 2 on youtube and found your lets play videos, they cracked me up so much that I decided to visit your site and see what other stuff you’d made; as a result I’ve literally spent the whole day watching your videos. What you’ve got here is genius, absolute comedy gold and kept me entertained for hours (which is no easy feat, I have the attention span of a goldfish most days.) I swear If my reviews/videos/etc ever become even half as good as yours I’d be chuffed to bits.

    Like you I was diagnosed with depression and have been on a real downer over recently so it was nice to find something that made me laugh all day. Listen, I know you’re feeling crappy right now but know that your videos have brightened up the lives of thousands of people including my own, you’re a brilliant entertainer and I look forward to discovering more of your work both old and new, you’ve made a fan for life.

    Stay strong kiddo. :)


  • rebecca raynor

    i can understand wholeheartedly where you are coming from here Noah, i have been suffering with depression and anxiety since with panic attacks since 14. I have been on serveral meds during the years (currently on Mirtazapine for depression and Quetiapine for anxiety/panic attacks) trying to find the right ones can take some time. You are far from alone in what you are going through thoughts/emotion wise, i often refer to depression as being a black hole of emptiness that you just want to climb out of/your mind becoming a prison. Its not the same as being depressed (note the difference in spelling), and the last thing that needs to be said to you is *just snap out of it*. If you could you would in a heartbeat and wish for a magic wand to make it go away and get back to the real you. As you mention its a chemical depletion ( serotonin or 5-HT system. ). Cycological factors such as excessive worry can wear down the amount of serotonin levels in the brain. Meds can put back/top up this chemical back but not instantly, due to the complexity’s of the human brain and individual persons response.

    Panic attacks can vary in feeling from person to person, the same for depression too. I describe them for me as being like someone just shot a blot of electricity direct to my heart (palpitations and sudden irregular heartbeat). Not a very pleasant  feeling at all.

    Just to let you know that its not a crime to take time out and take care of yourself first. Then you can get back to your entertaining self again :). Been a longtime fan since you started, love your vids/humour. I think you getting Oreo (good choice of name given the coat colour/marking) super cute and lovely/fun personality dog was a great positive step in aiding your full recovery.

    take care and all your fans are 100% behind you.

  • Anonymous

    All I can say is thank you.  Thank you for all the amazing and hilarious videos and more importantly for being open about the difficulties you are going through.  I know from experience how difficult this can be and for some reason many people think there is some shame or humiliation that comes from suffering from depression.  There is not and I wish more people had the courage to speak out about how serious a condition depression is.  It is easy for people to just say they feel depressed when all they are is just sad.  Until someone truly experiences depression they cannot understand how terrifying, painful, and dangerous it can be.  I can tell you, as others have said, when I was going through the worst stages of my depression that you did always find a way to put a smile on my face, even if for a moment.  I know I can speak for others when I say that you need to focus on getting better and we will all be here waiting to watch when you are ready.  Until then please feel free to look to myself or your other fans for any support you need in any way.  You have been there for all of us so many times.  Know that we will be here for you.  Good luck 

  • Serenity Frost

    With over 900 comments and counting it’s rather unlikely you’ll actually see this, but just adding to the number might help in itself.

    I could spend a paragraph repeating what everyone else here has said about your talent and how much your videos are enjoyed, but there’s nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said.

    I could also give you the “I totally understand” speech, but in my experience that gets old very fast. It would also be a lie. I do have chronic depression, but I’ve had it since I was four years old, back when any lack of focus was diagnosed as ADD. So really, I’ve never had any major highs or lows and it’s only been recently that I’ve even tried any sort of medication. I can empathize a little with your situation only in that I know how terrible it is not being able to create when that’s one of the few things you have that bring you joy.

    If you’ve continued reading this far I’m going to give you just a little advice about medications that I learned a little too late. If you’re taking something and it makes you feel worse call your doctor. Don’t give it an extra week to kick in because it won’t. Luckily you can find out very fast if something [i]isn’t[/i] working for you, the hard part is being patient enough to find something that does.


  • Jacob Barnes


    Still love you anyway.

  • Lewis Brown

    The ability to make people laugh, to make them happy, is a rare and fantastic thing.

    You are one of those people who have that ability.

    Get well soon, Spoony. And know that there are many, many people who care about you.

    Take care.

  • Zachary Necaise

    I too was diagnosed with depression. I understand and will wait however long you need to make vids. Your a great guy and I’m sure you’ll be back on your feet soon.  Best of wishes.

  • Rodrigo Ibarra

    Chemistry is a total bitch. Specially when the brain gets wrong. Epileptic talking here. If my words give you any sort of relief, you are the guy I always want to see on the net. Great reviews, great comments ant many things I always relate to. Spoony bard, you are an awesome guy. Bro hug…

  • Logan Fine


  • Kelli Corey

    Keep your chin up, Spoony.  I’m dealing with the same disease (and the hardest part has been recognizing that it is a disease, not just something you can “man up” and get over) and totally understand the pain you’re going through. You have a large and loyal fanbase, and I know that myself as well as the rest of them are here if you need to talk.  Go get thyself a tub of Ben & Jerry’s (or whatever your sinful food of choice is) and have thineself (thyself? thou?) a MST3K marathon, starting with Reb Brown.  I can’t guarantee it’ll help, but at least you’ll be laughing :) 

  • Rob S

    On days that I feel depressed, upset, or whatever…. I come here. I watch the Pumpkin Head review and Highlander: The Source videos over and over. Not to mention a ton of others on here that would take to long to list. 
           Basically, your AMAZING at what you do. The abilities you have to make people laugh and smile is beyond anything else. Your a fantastic reviewer, awesomely funny person, and at the same time just as human as any of us. I’m sure you got the douchers who are saying “Suck it up and make some vids!” Believe me, your true fans are going to fire our Satellite Cannons of SCIENCE upon them soon. We all hope you get well and are able to get back to doing what you love to do. 
             Most definitely, your health and well being comes before all else. Even if you push yourself to work, we wouldn’t want you to make things worse. A world without Spoony and Burton is a world in CHAOS!!! Take care of yourself. Play some good games, read a good book, watch some good movies, chat with friends who care. Enjoy some time to yourself and rest up AS LONG AS YOU NEED TOO. We’ll be here waiting for the triumphant return of Spoony, Burton, and Dr. Insano. 
          All of your loyal (And Expendable as Dr. Insano would say) Fans. And me! (lol)

  • Dan Floss

    Hang in there Spoony. I speak as an unrelenting fan and random optimist guy when I say that no problem cannot be solved, even if it takes an unconventional approach. Don’t worry about cynics, trolls or douchebags. The fact that you are addressing this problem and willing to engage with your audiences about what really is delaying production means a) You are already on your way to resolving what you are trying to fix, even if it doesn’t feel that way, and b) you will always have a place back here.

    Feel better, and warm wishes from the Floss Bros who have been hanging around since the days of Yor.

  • Dan Floss

    Hang in there Spoony. I speak as an unrelenting fan and random optimist guy when I say that no problem cannot be solved, even if it takes an unconventional approach. Don’t worry about cynics, trolls or douchebags. The fact that you are addressing this problem and willing to engage with your audiences about what really is delaying production means a) You are already on your way to resolving what you are trying to fix, even if it doesn’t feel that way, and b) you will always have a place back here.
    Feel better, and warm wishes from the Floss Bros who have been hanging around since the days of Yor.

  • Nick Hodgson

    Take your time and feel better, dude, we’ll all still be here when you’re on your feet again.

  • ecwsandman13

    not a big poster but ive been a huge fan since long long ago… You take care of yourself and when you are ready you will come back better than ever of this i am sure! Ive spent more time watching… and rewatching… and re-re-re-watching your videos than i have spent on the internet. Spoony you rock and you can beat this!

    From a loving fan

  • Sam D Lybrand

    My prayers are with you my friend I’m like some-not a big poster-so I enjoy the work you do I just don’t comment as much. Though as someone who also deals with and has clinical depression I know what it means to feel like you are not able to get stuff done. Things like what you are dealing with are better when you are with others who support you and can give you encouragement. I hope that you will be able to get through it, it’s a long road but it can get better.

  • necrophalicon

    Just post another Experience Bij and all will be forgiven. Nah, just kidding, I am rather enjoying the Counter Monkey vids.  Just dont mention Deathknights… Too many bad experiences.

  • Maxime Bruno

    I got the same problem, and it’s quite a hindrance to everyday chores. You try to work hard, and you do for a while, but energy is a limited ressource and you end up using it up when you can’t replenish it. You take it easy and focus on getting better. Don’t do it for your fans, do it for you.

  • Senseless

    Hi Spoony. First of all, i discovered this website in 2009, and i really love your work. Like many who already said this, you’re fantastic at what you do. And let me say that sometimes life really is difficult. I can’t say “it sucks” because there’s always something to get you smiling and be better on your way.
    Your videos was a really great help to let me smile. I’ve got a really stressful and lonely (nerdy) life –  with only a few online friends to enjoy the things i love to do. My father had depression for years, taking medicine every day, and my mother, since his stroke, has to take them too. I really know this kind of problem, because i live with them. I really do, but most of times, i don’t know what *to do* for make everything better.

    So..what can i say? This is my first comment. I’m italian and..i really like your work. You’ve got a whole life, so get better. Fight your problem, one step at time. With patitence, and most important of all, with the will to get in shape, all will be better over time.

    With this message of bad english, i can only say: Get better, stay well soon, we all be waiting for you.


    • Rodrigo Ibarra

      Mexican here. The love for you is all over the world.

  • Craig Coletta

    Spoony, I had a similar situation some years ago — I was ultimately diagnosed as bipolar and put on heavy meds.

    But I wasn’t bipolar. I had a tricky-to-diagnose but easy to treat thyroid disorder. In my case, it was central hypothyroidism, in which my pituitary gland doesn’t tell my thyroid to produce sufficient amounts of T3 and T4 hormone. I had none of the physical symptoms of hypothyroidism — no weight gain, etc — but all of the mental ones (fatigue, anxiety, depression). I too would just conk out mid-day or at random, sometimes from sheer fatigue, sometimes as an escape from depression or fear. Even though I have a family history of thyroid disorder, regular doctors, psychiatrists, etc. all missed it because it requires tests other than the “standard thyroid panel” to pick up. 

    Now I take a simple pair of thyroid replacement pills daily and feel better than I did for the first 34 years of my life (I can only describe my more-or-less constant feeling before treatment as “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” whatever the other shoe might be in a given situation).

    If you haven’t yet done so, please, please see a good endocrinologist, if only to rule thyroid disorder OUT. And if your issue IS thyroid, once you get your hormone levels right, the change is miraculous. If this is useful and you want more info, feel free to message me on facebook (Craig Coletta…the bald one). And get better soon, however you work it!

  • Simon Forget
  • Nathaniel Crain

    Dude, just want you to know that I’ve been there and have come out the other side. I had dropped out of college back in my 20’s and lost all motivation. For about 6 months I did nothing but sleep and worry about money and the future. Thought about ending it almost daily. Just want you to know that it can only get better. You are a funny and talented guy and your fans genuinely like your work and care about you. Get better man.

  • Ben Y.

    Get well soon Spoony  

  • GregoryC

    Thanks, Spoony!

    Have you talked to a minister about this?  God (Jesus, yes, -that- Jesus) helps who earnestly seek Him!

  • Alex Rowland

    I’m working my way out of a depression right now as well. I know how it gets. Take as long as you need! I’m not sure that meds are the best idea for you though, given what we know about your situation and your heart problem. Just be careful!

  • Alex Rowland

    I’m working my way out of a depression right now as well. I know how it gets. Take as long as you need! I’m not sure that meds are the best idea for you though, given what we know about your situation and your heart problem. Just be careful!

  • Chris Bradshaw

    fucking depression man, that sucks
    I hope you beat it dude.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve had several nights where I’ve been bored and drinking and watching your Vlogs and reviews and wondering how I could possibly be content with a person I’ve never met just talking to a camera. There’s something about you that’s just easy to connect with. Instead of talking about my own issues with depression I’ll just say this. You’ve given me countless hours of entertainment and made a lot of my nights less boring, less lonely. Take all the time you need sir. The site is bookmarked and your fans will always be here whenever you’re back on your feet. Good luck Spoonman.  

  • Alfred Vickers

    Take all the time you need, Spoony. I’ll be praying for you.

  • Anonymous

    As someone who has dealt with clinical depression may I suggest exercise.  It is of course very difficult to convince yourself to exercise when you are depressed (as it does tend to make one lethargic) but even a small amount of cardio can really help with the sleepeness and when that gets better its easier to exercise and eventually it starts to improve your mood as well.  Don’t get me wrong, persue the drug option as well but in either case the occasional jog or even long walk can really help.

  • Anonymous

    so um when is your next video..? those vampire LARP stories are still better than nothing..  and If you want to get your mind of your depression how bout making more videos and reviews.. they will keep you busy and motivated and keep your creative juices flowing…. try to do 2 reviews a day..

    • Anonymous

      2 reviews a day?  Do you have any idea how much effort it takes to do a review?

      My first review (granted, it WAS my very first full-feature review) took me over a week to pull off.

  • Josh Lockwood

     if negative situations brought you here – than positive ones can get you out of it.  Don’t ever be afraid to pace yourself.  

    I used to have depression and brutal panic attacks – no fun.  Start digging yourself out by learning more about your fears and all your issues, talk to people alot – make an honest attempt to look at the issues as they are.  Recognize that you’re only one person , and godamn it sometimes we need a vacation.  Don’t punish yourself.  You’re super talented -and that shit takes energy.  Set up a solid schedule and take weekends off-  I know you can pull yourself out of it, just takes time patience and honesty.

    Love you buddy, Josh

    • Anonymous

      he’s not over worked you stupid butt comb he is depressed.. there is a huge difference.. WHen I was depressed and exhausted all the time I litterally did nothing every single day.. Didn’t work, didn’t do any activities, didnt go out, didnt do anything around the house NOTHING…

      infact if anything my advice would be to get maybe a part time job.. thats how i broke my spell and it made me feel better.. something where you can have a little structure in your life to get your mind of things and make you feel a sense of accomplishment..

      trust me i know what i am talking about by experience and i am very wise when it comes to certain things..

  • Tamás Fricz

    Get well, man.

    Unrelated, but probably “warm-and-fuzzy-feeling-fact”: You’ve inspired me and 5 of my friends to play D&D. Neither of us ever played before, the closest experience I have to it is beating Neverwinter Nights 1&2, Baldur’s Gate 1&2. So I’m the DM. First time I ever do anything like this, and thanks to you, me and our friends, after a long fallout period finally have something in common again.

    Thank you, and get well.

  • bilirubinletsplay

    Before I read about this depression thing, it sounded like hypothyroidism to me. A friend of mine was having this disease a while ago and he also slept all the time and wasn’t motivated to do anything. 
    Well, I hope you’ll get better soon. I check your site everyday, I miss your videos and now after reading this, i know there will be videos. So I’ll keep checking your site ;)
    Get well soon Spoony!

    • Anonymous

      That’s a good point about the hypothyroidism.  I also got diagnosed with that and it’s common for hypothyroidism to pop up in tandem with mental illnesses like bipolarity and one of it’s common side effects is depression.  Spoony, I’ll admit I’m not a doctor, but it still might be worth getting your thyroid levels checked when you get a chance.

  • Andrew Collins

    I just figured Oreo ate your computer :)

  • Anonymous

    I too suffer from clinical depression, I recommend Zoloft, it’s been working great for me for years

  • daampostruznik

    Hope you feel better. And that you try to ‘fix’ yourself with the help of a shrink rather then using medication.

    • Jeremy Strang

      The reality of it is, most mental health problems are properly dealt with through a combination of medication and counseling.    You can’t exactly pick and choose one or the other.

  • Gemma Bow

    We miss you Spoony but your health is so much more important! If anyone acts like a complete pleb then they are not worth it. You seem like a lovely guy with a great personality so I hope to see you well and happy soon x

  • Anonymous

    Best wishes to you Spoony. Came back to your site after a while and have been enjoying your latest updates a lot.

    Sounds like you’re being smart about it. I hope you get well soon!

  • Vincent Dupont

    Hang in there Spoony!

    I know what you’re going trough, had the same issues a couple of years ago. For me, it was all about finding myself again. To rekindle myself, that sort of thing.

  • Tim Dugan

    As someone who deals with minors that have a number of mental health issues (Defending them in Juvenile Court) I completely understand what you’re saying.  Issues like that do not just go away.  I hope you find what works best for you soon, Spoony!

  • ubermetalhed

    Been watching your reviews for god knows how long so I wish you well. Although I have to be a bit cruel to be kind. You need to readjust your sleeping patterns, go to a gym and start eating better. A healthy body really does help the mind however cliched it sounds. I fell into the sleep trap, where you feel like its just better to stay in bed or in a dream than face the day. You just need to force yourself to do things and the more you do the easier it’ll get.

    Also whatever it is that is getting you down you need to just negate that with positives about your life. Seriously man, just sit down and force yourself to write a list of all the great things that have happened to you in the last few years, big or small and just think hard about how far you’ve come. Christ look how many people give a shit about you man. Plus just think will this spout of depression mean anything in a years time? It’ll just be a blip on a long and successful life.

    I hope you read this and try what I suggest. Sometimes you’ve just got to take the harder route, the path your on at the moment is the easy one, I’ve been there and trust me you just have to say fuck my situation I’m gonna make things better no matter how hard it is. Good luck anyway man.

  • David

    I’ve been a viewer for a long time now (started watching about the time you did the FF8 review, and I love all your videos. Especially the Phantasmagoria let’s play the Ripper let’s play brought me through some of the most boring crunch times of my life.
    Also the countermonkey videos resonate well with me because the mirror lots of my own RPG (and LARP) expiriences.

    Thank you for everything. I don’t know what happened 8 month ago, but I know you can overcome it, and continue making awesome videos.

    Get well soon.

  • Miguel Garcia

    Get better. That’s the most important thing. I just apreciate it if and when you come back. I’m perfectly happy watching the Highlander 2 video for the 15th time right now… totally ok for me. :-)

    And: Thanks for telling us. I presume it’s not an easy step, so thanks.
    Greetings from Germany.

  • Federico Feroldi

    Get better soon, in these case the first think you have to keep in mind is yourself, your fans should be after your health.

  • Cas Wegkamp

    Hey Spoony,

    I cannot even begin to understand what you are going through right now but when I read your letter it seemed to me that all your problem are (directly or not) workload related. Perhaps it would be a good idea to take a good long look at your to-do list and start prioritizing and scrapping projects so you can have some peace of mind. Surely there are things on there that can either wait or are just plain silly and don’t need to be executed. If neccesary ask your brother to be brutally honest about the projects you want to do. Brothers are good at that!

    Anyway, that has probably already been suggested to you but please just take your time and get well.

    Kind regards,


  • yamina-chan

    We can wait. Take as much time as you need to get better, your health should be top priority.
    I belive everyone here has only best wishes for you and we all hope you will feel fine again soon. Not because we’re greedy bastards that want to see your next video (well…maybe some are) but because we want you to be well.

    Geerings from Germany again, aparently.

  • Oriana132

    I’ve been there before, the first half of this year in fact. Sleeping all the time, feeling unmotivated, then feeling really guilty for not getting anything done…it’s really tough working on projects where you make your own deadlines. Actually your vids kind of helped me though that. I’m an artist so I’ll put on one of your vids in the background and just work and work. It’s not distracting like a tv show or most web shows – a lot of the time it’s like you’re telling a story (so I especially love your vlogs). And since you tend to ramble on I’m not distracted by picking a new video every 5 minutes! ^_^
    So thank you for making so many excellent and entertaining videos, and best of luck getting through this. I wish there was more I could do to help because really – you’ve helped me out a lot.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for taking the time to “talk” to us, Spoony. Believe me, as a fan, the fact that you took the time to let us know what’s going on makes all the difference in the world.

    And believe me, I know where you’re coming from. I’ve done the clinical depression thing, and it is not fun, or easy to get out of. Fortunately, my case was pretty mild, and after 6 months of antidepressant/antianxiety meds (and that was a lucky break; my doctor prescribed the right medication the first time out of the gate) I was back to normal. I’m still working through some of the underlying issues with a therapist, but the apathetic “lay down and let the world end” doldrums are behind me, and thank God for that. Still, I’ve had plenty of friends (and family; it kind of runs in the blood with me) who have had long battles with their depression, some of which are still ongoing. So, while it may not be an easy road to recovery, I can say from experience that it does get better, and I hope that you get to experience that for yourself soon. And when you do, I’ll be here at the site to watch the first video you post, post-depression, and I know just about everyone else will, too.

    Godspeed, man. Godspeed.

  • dark_prot

    Take your time man! We’ll be here when u get back on your feet!

  • NealeR

    Been there and know what you are going through.  Best advice I can give you is start living your life more balanced.  Make sure you are eatting right, exercising, spending time out of the house (make sure you are being social with people also,  skype or anything like that doesn’t count).  Living a more balanced life will in turn make your life more balanced and much more enjoyable.  Being plugged into your computer and TV all the time will start cause mental problems. (been there with MMOs.)  I know its a lot of hard work and it is in no way easy but I promise you if you start eatting right, exercising, and spend less time plugged into whatever electronics you will start to see big changes.  You reap what you sow.

  • Anonymous

    Hi, Spoony.  As someone who was diagnosed with clinical depression during spring this year (along with having OCD and the anxiety that can stem from it for the past five plus years), and who has had to try and find the right medicines for it, you have my condolences.  I’m very sorry to hear that you’re going through this kind of shit, and please, PLEASE take as much time as you need in order to adjust.  You’re a totally awesome dude, and a real trooper for doing what you’ve been doing so far despite what you’ve been going through.  My thoughts go out to you, and while I realize you’re not exactly a religious person, my prayers go out to you as well.  Peace.

  • Noah Leavitt

    Be careful with SSRIs. Zoloft made me sleep 10+ hours a day for a whole year before I stopped taking it.

    You don’t have to do a fancy review to keep me entertained. If anything, I just love hearing you tell stories!

  • Simon

    You’re a hell of a guy, Spoony.  Take as long as you need to get your biochemistry back together, and good luck.

  • nikola jordan

    Best wishes spoony

  • J A M

    You are really one of a kind, I’m glad to see that you would tell your fans what the problem is rather than go it alone. Good luck.

  • Mike Brotzman

    Just FYI your Counter Monkey stories have been absolutely hilarious and at the same time informative and insightful.  In fact every time you have to “substitute” “filler” material instead of your normal reviews that contents turns out to be as good if not better than your “full featured” work.  Of all of the current crop of video reviewers your material is consistently the best, even when it has no right to be so.  Anyway I just wanted you to know that you could entertain me even if you pointed a video camera at your bed while you slept…and for completely non-creepy reasons too!!  You have a real gift Spoony even if your energy meter is in the red zone you can still make the magic work. 

    Good luck with your treatments and be careful you don’t end up on something that actually goes more harm than good.

  • Michael Briel

    All the best wishes for you, dear Sir! Take care of yourself!

  • Anonymous

    We’ve all been there, mate.
    And well done for being so honest. And I mean that in the most unpatronising way possible. I was too proud to admit to people I needed help and it hindered everything. It’s a vicious cycle of exhaustion, fear of not getting on in life and anxiety. But once you get out of it, it feels great.
    I can’t recommend exercise highly enough. Just half an hour jog a day (or two). Did SO much more for me than drugs ever did.

  • Robbie Degri

    i am feeling your pain man i know these things are hard to get through and i will support yo all the way

  • Scott Downie

    100% behind you buddy! Hope you get better soon and dont
    worry about the lack of updates, would rather see you getting better than
    burning yourself out

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for taking the time to at least keep us in the picture with what’s happening, even though you shouldn’t feel like you have to explain yourself. You’re an awesome entertainer with a razor-sharp wit and all your videos are comedy gold, 24-karat gold. Hope you get well soon, Spoon-meister.

    Just t